To be honest, if this was just established as only a hook up and nothing else from the very beginning, I’d say this is actually pretty thoughtful. Very straight to the point but takes her into consideration, making sure she doesn’t really have to do work to get home
I honestly thought he was saying "your quiche is waiting for you downstairs in the uber" and thought "do rich people always have quiche after a one night stand?"
I've worked with them...in real life, they are waking up with "why are you still here get out and here's some money for plan B" or they are kicking them out before they fall asleep 😂
@@get.sassyxd They have a pretty notorious reputation in the Bay Area, CA. Many women warn against trying to date them, I've heard some unhinged and frankly mean behavior about them.
Oh damn I definitely thought she had a Quiche waiting for her in the car lmaooo.... id be looking everywhere for that quiche thinking the driver ate it lol
you just summed up corporate america. it’s all fake, and feels that way. they simply go to pain staking lengths to make the falsery sound as rea as possible.
FACTS he has his assistant prep them early and restocks sends him a excel sheet with any updates so he's constantly aware of what each gift bag contains
I worked in a few buildings with Finance bros and this is just not true lol. Women almost always when they would leave their places were taking pictures of the place because they were attracted to the lifestyle. Finance bro's basically pumped and dumped them. You know how many involuntary videos I've been shown of finance bros bragging to me of nasty things they did with random women? I even befriended a few of them (thankfully now I know better) and we would go to certain high end bars where alot of finance bros go, the women are literally the ones approaching the men not the other way around. And no they were not prostitutes or callgirls. Makes you very cynical in what kind of shit women will take just for a lifestyle.
Omg girl me too haha I was like they really do be like that. Idk whats so off putting maybe its how professional they are after a hook up. Talking like they're giving a presentation in a conference room.
Porter’s Excel pack sounds more organized than my life. It’s got everything from vitamins to Plan B, while I’m still trying to figure out what I want for breakfast.
Oh sh!t!! I didn’t see that! Good catch! He’s also going to be watching from his phone to make sure she takes that Plan B that he left her! That’s for damn sure!!😂😂
@@Gert169Yes, Tylenol with codine in it. It's uhmAaazzzzingggg. Took away my cramps and brought me from PMS dysphoria to feeling genuinely good! (Don't use too much though, or you'll build a tolerance and it won't work anymore. Only use it if you really need it for a pain killer.)
ngl this is the level of tending to i love in a relationship. prioritize making my ability for me to prioritize myself easy so that u can enjoy me fully, the bestttt
@@lindsaymiller1406 In “American Psycho” there’s a scene where Patrick Bateman talks about Huey Luis right before he ends🪓😵 another dude. Look up “it’s hip to be squared” or “Huey Lewis and the news American Psycho” it’ll come up.
So thoughtful yet so vaguely sociopathic at the same time. I love it.
To be honest, if this was just established as only a hook up and nothing else from the very beginning, I’d say this is actually pretty thoughtful. Very straight to the point but takes her into consideration, making sure she doesn’t really have to do work to get home
How can I cover all the bases so I don't have to talk to you again.
@@kaydenl6836 Yeah less sociopathic and more "The dude who sends you a calendar invite to everything"
@@Sonic-gy7kq WHY DO PEOPLE SAY THAT LIKE ITS A BAD THING???
American Psycho but wholesome
Bro hooked her up with that severance package 💀
😂😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂😂
LOL
Which is actually veeery generous being such a short term employee / temp at a start up!
Patrick Bateman
He’s very careful not to say “see you later.” Lol
😂 you noticed that eh
This guy fucks
Bro had to catch himself 😂
At least he didn't say "Cheers." lmao
What’s worse is you’d want to see him again lol
Got lucky with this guy. There was a 50% chance at birth he was a serial killer and instead he went finance.
Lmfao
You obviously never heard of Patrick Bateman
@@chicoktc💀💀💀
Not mutually exclusive
As long as he doesn't say he has to return some videotapes
“One individually wrapped cigarette” 😭😭
Honestly it’s so thoughtful 😂
Like his pee pee wrapped on a johnny last night lmao
Gotta watch out nypd will choke you out for that lol
one :(
We call that a loosey
"A plan B, a vitamin C"...😂
Kinda bars
He was missing a Sunny D 😅
@@diyhabits5168he took that with him
@@diyhabits5168he seems to have given her the Sunny D lmao
That line 💀💀
I honestly thought he was saying "your quiche is waiting for you downstairs in the uber" and thought "do rich people always have quiche after a one night stand?"
I HEARD QUICHE! I thought “what a weird, but nutritionally balanced if indulgent breakfast!”
If only…
I’d be a slut for good quiche.
😂
I heard that too and thought similar! That's wild
Im so glad I was not the only one who thought this
You lowkey have to love this one. Somehow actually making finance bros look better than they are.
Na, shits creepy, be a human being; do not act like this.
Exactly. Real life finance bros are NOTHING like this.
I've worked with them...in real life, they are waking up with "why are you still here get out and here's some money for plan B" or they are kicking them out before they fall asleep 😂
Lol right, i want This™ brand of finance bro, if only to counter my adhd.
@@get.sassyxd They have a pretty notorious reputation in the Bay Area, CA. Many women warn against trying to date them, I've heard some unhinged and frankly mean behavior about them.
“Rakeesh is waiting for you downstairs in the Uber black” I can’t! 🤣🤣
Thanks, I thought he said “your quiche” like he ordered her breakfast. Idk how Uber works 🙃
I also thought he ordered him Uber AND a quiche 😂😂 damn I would be disappointed 😂
Thank you, i also thought he'd got her a quiche in a cab
also assumed Quiche … also would be disappointed
Oh damn I definitely thought she had a Quiche waiting for her in the car lmaooo.... id be looking everywhere for that quiche thinking the driver ate it lol
i'm scared yet feel accommodated, nice job dude
The amount of thoughtfulness and slight craziness is really doing something for me
So detatched, yet caring- red flag, though
Finance bro must have also been into music because he doesn’t miss a single beat 😂✨
🫱🏼🫲🏽😎
I hear he's a Huey Lewis man
he is, but only later Genesis (their early stuff is too intellectual, too artsy for his tastes), Whitney Houston, and huey lewis and the News
Fincance
I’m so confused how he can sound so very disconnected and professional but his actions be so thoughtful. The starbucks giftcard would be lit tho
you just summed up corporate america. it’s all fake, and feels that way. they simply go to pain staking lengths to make the falsery sound as rea as possible.
Best part is he has a guy that puts the goodie bags together for him because there’s no way he would ever waste his own time doing something like that
I feel like he has a personal assistant who has a crush on him and he makes her do it as a power play.
@@dangerszewski9816this is every fucking wattpad story
@@dangerszewski9816 😂
@@dangerszewski9816lore building.
FACTS he has his assistant prep them early and restocks sends him a excel sheet with any updates so he's constantly aware of what each gift bag contains
Ok but if I was not looking for anything serious, I’d love this. He took care of everything AND we don’t have to see each other again, WIN.
and a bunch of goodies for free???? i’m in.
I'm only slightly feeling the "I guess he decided not to make me his 46th kill."
This!!! 🎉
imagine sleeping with strangers
It'd almost make up for the std
He can't hold on to a relationship and he doesn't expect to. But he doesn't want to be an AH so he gives parting gifts
I worked in a few buildings with Finance bros and this is just not true lol. Women almost always when they would leave their places were taking pictures of the place because they were attracted to the lifestyle. Finance bro's basically pumped and dumped them. You know how many involuntary videos I've been shown of finance bros bragging to me of nasty things they did with random women? I even befriended a few of them (thankfully now I know better) and we would go to certain high end bars where alot of finance bros go, the women are literally the ones approaching the men not the other way around. And no they were not prostitutes or callgirls. Makes you very cynical in what kind of shit women will take just for a lifestyle.
*chef's kiss* wonderfully said
@@alb0zfinestmoney and power, nothings is more seductive to women… and men.
@@ShrekFan5670Dudes are not choosing a rich 90 year old woman over an attractive woman their own age lol, be real. This is a woman's preference.
@zBorderPatrol there at cougars, milfs, and sugar mamas. Do you live under a rock?
He’s built on this routine over the years; this was devised through trial and error! 😂
Haha,he does focus group on all his hookups!
“They’re not even out yet” pushed this monologue over the top. A psychotically precise script; well done! 😂💀
Tbh this is gold star service for a one night stand. No one could ever expect this from anyone let alone a one night stands 😂
Made me feel both loved and hated 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Sounds like effective communication if you ask me.
Sounds like a miserable single person who binges on sigma contents
@@aeoligarlic4024I’m a woman and don’t watch sigma content and I still think this is really good haha
@@aeoligarlic4024clearly you just aren’t on the grindset
@@aeoligarlic4024sounds like a skill issue
@@aeoligarlic4024 Honestly all of it is pretty thoughtful for a ons? Well apart from the vague methodical sociopath-y feeling
Porter is like a personal assistant. Everything is taken care of prior.
His personal assistant had that taken care of prior 😅
@@AustenAlexanderTV did she find a place that would sell him a tanning bed for his apartment?
Sir sign me up for this after care wow! 🤣 So detached yet refined and thoughtful..... We might be able to fix him 🤣😅
Girl, nooooooo 😂🤣
Good luck. You’ve got 20 min.
Or you could ruin your life and mental health doing so lmao
@@carasomebody6477😂😂😂
@@Ninikyu95 fix him?
Me realizing that the bar is in hell bc I would not mind this treatment 😂
Same! 😂
yall really aint that special
"so you have 20 minutes" 😂
That's not going to be enough time
@@danielprieto3563AND I have to make the bed in that 20 min? Eff that
That’s actually really sweet of him
*for him
When they say the bar is in hell, this is what they mean
Ngmi
@@djjanz bro gave a gift basket for a one stand stand, wdym lol
@@jackieAZone night stand, this is why hooores aren’t worth it
Okay, I’m definitely the problem; because this is an actual dream. Lmao
It's like not even a problem it rules, now just to find someone who actually does this
yeah, i’d rate him 5 stars.
I'm so triggered how accurate this is 😂😂😂 they're sweet and sick
😂😂😂😂
not you admitting to this
HAHAHAHAHHA WHATTTTTT this comment is sending me into orbit 😂😂
Omg girl me too haha I was like they really do be like that. Idk whats so off putting maybe its how professional they are after a hook up. Talking like they're giving a presentation in a conference room.
Oh my gosh the dream is real, that makes me so happy
I would actually fucking love this and become mildly obsessed with this man
God so true, like Plan B? Sir, not anymore I'm not lmao
@@abigailhager1233and that's how you wind up like some of the people on American Psycho.
@@abigailhager1233😂😂😂 girllllllll
...I came back to watch this again, so, same 😂😂😂
@@abigailhager1233 what?
“A Tide To Go stick”
Damn, what did you do to her bro? 😂
That's a lot of aftercare there sir, she's not going anywhere 😂
Yes she is- down to the Uber, within 20 minutes. Chop chop.
I like the small detail of “again, thank you for last night” even tho he never thanked her in the first place 😂
Finance bro is a man of culture. In the US, this is the derek jeter special. Always had the goodie bags for his ladies.
Yessir.
Plus heroes and an NDA! This coming from a Jeter fan 😂😂
I mean a goody bag after a hook up with a coffee card and plan b was pretty cool.
“And a tide to go stick”
💀
The definition of transactional intersctions lmao
I think the vit C is just there cuz it sounds good after plan B. Lol
Helps hangovers a little. Everything in this bag is about recovering...from something...
So... Plan b... No condoms...
Porter’s Excel pack sounds more organized than my life. It’s got everything from vitamins to Plan B, while I’m still trying to figure out what I want for breakfast.
He’s a man of integrity
Have some Starbucks 😊 It's on the house.
In reality he’ll finish in 5 minutes and the next day buy you a bagel and tell you he has a yacht.
I just realized the camera on the ceiling, he's got that taped😂
Oh sh!t!! I didn’t see that! Good catch! He’s also going to be watching from his phone to make sure she takes that Plan B that he left her! That’s for damn sure!!😂😂
that is a light sir
Yeah, those are spot lights
Tylenol #3? This guy really knows the way to a womans heart.
Maybe for if the plan b causes cramps ?? But yeah I’d have to see this guy every weekend if he handing those out 🥴
Lololol
drugs?
@@Gert169Yes, Tylenol with codine in it. It's uhmAaazzzzingggg. Took away my cramps and brought me from PMS dysphoria to feeling genuinely good! (Don't use too much though, or you'll build a tolerance and it won't work anymore. Only use it if you really need it for a pain killer.)
Tylenol 3 contains codeine
Unfortunately I need him
It’s giving “compensation for my bad sex” vibes
Spoken like a true starfish
Psycho, but like… thoughtful? 😅 I don’t know what’s good/bad anymore 🤷🏻♀️ good acting 🎭
"I don't know what's good/bad anymore" is soooo true lol
He knows what he's about. If you're into it, good, if you're not, then you know to get out.
Girl... it's bad...
*face palm
@@erccdang 💯
@@user-ee1fn4vt8b best way to put it lol
Why is this guy so much nicer than the last one
I want one of these "fuck off" packages
Okay but ...this is unbelievably thoughtful in a f'd up way...
ngl this is the level of tending to i love in a relationship. prioritize making my ability for me to prioritize myself easy so that u can enjoy me fully, the bestttt
Relationship? Oh honey. Who's gonna tell her?
At that point I wouldn’t even be mad, I get a goody bag 🎉
I’m in love with him
DEXTER after a one night stand
This isn't the usual aftercare one would expect, but it certainly is aftercare of some kind.
You’re going to places in life sir, bravo!
Wow, thank you!
“I took the liberty” lol
This person is real and he doesn’t even know how stunted his life is
He makes makes love to the best of Huey Lewis and the news soundtrack😂😂
This is probably a stupid question, but I keep seeing comment after comment about Huey Lewis and the News! What’s the connection here??
@@lindsaymiller1406 In “American Psycho” there’s a scene where Patrick Bateman talks about Huey Luis right before he ends🪓😵 another dude. Look up “it’s hip to be squared” or “Huey Lewis and the news American Psycho” it’ll come up.
“Pleasure doin’ bidness witcha, sir.”
That salute at the end was gold.
dude has an incredible amount of rizz
"berk-shire" like he a hobbit 😂
Damn! Nothing is missed! 🙌
This is the AI assistant we all need
He wants you to have the most successful day!
needs more vests
Agreed
I honestly wouldn’t mind this at all. I’m really liking the Starbucks gift card
This is much nicer than the majority of my experiences 😂
I’d like to think you get more in the goodie bag the better your performance 😂
Who’s going on a date with this guy?
Take my daughter man
I would... a psycho with a goodie bag, perfect
I'm not even gay and I wanna date him....
Unironically yes. This is my favorite shade of red flag.
@@laurenfox1899😂😂😂😂
everything is transactional to these guys.
The salute at the end is so accurate
This guy does not miss 😂
This guy is a comic genius
🫱🏼🫲🏽😎 my man
The vape in the goody bag is such a great touch😂
Damn, I should take to my therapist again, because I'm in to this.
A plan B. 😆 These need to come out daily. A right hand salute and out the door.
I love the hand salute
It’s an easy out
goodie bag 😂
You guys do understand that this is not a romantic situation, it is a financial transaction.
“Those aren’t even out yet”
Sounds like Silicon Valley to me
Rakeeesh
Solid driver
Is this how it’s like to date a Capricorn business man 😂
Ah Christ, Capricorn has nothing to do with it
“omg did I blackout and hire a personal assistant last night?”
No finance bro is 1% this considerate.
hey pretty good deal
Right!??
A Plan B!!??? Cold but that is pretty convenient.
Precautions
Zero chance she takes that if she wants that $
At least he’s thoughtful
"Oh and what was your name again" as youre walking out the door
Am I the only thinking he should have put some time travel body wash, wash cloth makeup wipes deodorant and shampoo .
Girl, don't take that plan B. Bro needs to learn his lesson.
Dude did that all in one take
You couldn’t even be offended you’d just have to be impressed
This is what i picture a serial killer sounds like
Would have been better if after vitamin c he said you already got plenty of vitamin D 😂
Thanks, Mr Bateman!
I actually like this. He is thoughtful and considerate.
are you my ex boyfriend
I hope not
One night stand with Chad eh?
@@AustenAlexanderTV Hahaha
Love it. Clean, easy, polite.
not the tylenol-3's 🤣🤣😭
Honestly that spread sounds pretty nice..
At least it's very clear 😂 hopefully the night started that way
Plan B vitamin C got me 😂