It's like being on a boat and your wife jumps off the boat then in the water yelling help help so you jump overboard in your clothes to save her and get back on the boat then she jumps right back off the other side and starts yelling for help again. You just keep saving the bpd person over and over again while they make fun of you in the most cruel and hurtlful way just for wearing wet clothes in between. It's as cycle that seems neverending.
@@DesireeZeidel I hate the fact that I even experience something to describe it that way but that's what life is like in that relationship after the love bombing ends
Vampire Slayer how did you get out of it? My friend is in this type of relationship where he just wants to be the hero and she depends on him to be that but it’s very toxic for both of them
@@SedonaCreates, I started to draw boundaries; and she started to look for new supply. After that, the silent treatment and devaluations stage started along with the triangulation and gas-lighting. She called me obsessive and delusional (NPD Projection). I still did not know about Cluster B Disorders, but I knew that I was being treated like shit. Anyway, I broke it off abruptly with a strongly worded Goodbye. I felt badly at the time, but now that I know about BPD/NPD, the break up was perfect. It narcissistically wounded her.
Savior complex? I can relate to that and it was really hard to get out. Watching 3rd season of 13 reasons why kinda of made me feel bad for "giving up", but it was affecting me so much even when I tried to cope with (i.e. cutting people from my life to avoid jealousness problems), it was a cycle and nothing that I did helped. (so people really need professional help).
@@SedonaCreates Having been in one of these relationships myself, my advice is have your friend get professional help, hopefully its not to late and he can cut the ties clean before any more pain is involved, I have two boys with my X girlfriend, so it made it extreamly difficult to completely get away from her, my youngest is now 17 and I look forward to the day I never have to deal with her again. On the plus side I have been married in a happy relationship for over 10yrs and my boys have been exposed to a "Normal/funtional " relationship growing up and was blessed with a 7yr old daughter that they get to be big brothers too.
I've been with my BPD boyfriend for a year and a half. I have to find a way to leave. He threatens me constantly, threatens to kill me among other things. He blackmails me and I'm not just talking emotional blackmail though there is plenty of that too. He now controls pretty much every aspect of my life. I'm scared that the police can't protect me from him. I'm planning how to disappear. For those of you that are here to complain about how you are a different kind of BPD just realize this type of a video is not for you and just move along. This video is for me and people like me that are trapped in a scary relationship.
Threatening murder can definitely be BPD. It's all about emotions and control. My cousin lived with one for 7 years and she ended up stabbing him when he tried to leave finally. Serious abandonment issues. She wasn't constantly violent throughout those 7 years like maybe a psychopath would be, but pwBPD can definitely get enraged enough to lash out physically. In fact, I think psychiatrists are starting to group cluster B personalities together as there is so much overlap.
Get away and go no contact as soon as you can. Thankfully you realized you need to leave in a year and a half. The longer you stay, the deeper you sink into their quicksand and it feels impossible to leave. My BPD husband of 12 years will never let me leave without ruining mine and our children's lives first. I know he will never change and he doesn't deserve us. Everytime I try to leave he sabotages my way out. He won't let even his parents help me and since everyone else I have he pushed right out of my life. It feels so impossible and I tell him what he wants to hear to keep tge peace. I hope you get away from him and live the life you deserve. Sending you love.
My wife threatens to kill herself. She cuts herself.... I can make it stop any time. I just have to obey. I have to do what she wants... or not do what she doesn't want. Over and over and over. Her therapists diagnosed her with BPD , and my therapist, which she knows nothing about, has also stated she may have BPD... from reading the texts from the last few weeks. Tho my therapist says its not an actual diagnosis because its second hand. Still , all this rings tru to me.
See! They are psychopaths, bpd is bs, it's a made up illness for psychopathic snowflakes who should be locked up for life. Hope you are away from him honey, ditch the moron, your not his mother or a doormat. 💖
When the weirdness starts happening first time when you are dating a 'BPD' person it is the scariest most confusing place to be in the whole world :((?
Wow, I remember the day I first saw this from my wife. I was in complete shock, very scary. We've been married over 7 years now and things have gone better but she still has her "episodes" every now and then, and that is when I have to leave her presence immediately.
Being with a borderline is like being a pin cushion. Every now and then they stick a pin in you then another , then another then by the time you know it your filled with their pins . Their pins represent a multitude of emotions from sadness, rage , anger , silent treatment, guilt tripping you , insults, violence, rudeness, passive aggressiveness , blaming whew I’m exhausted.
Everything she says here is spot on, and in her other videos. Surprised by the number of thumbs downs. If you've lived through it you know she is speaking the truth.
They create chaos and drama ups and downs they're explosive and reactionary but of course it's all your fault. Which they tell you by screeching at you with an anger and hatred I've yet to feel for anyone in my life much less for someone I supposedly love.
Mr S Sadly, this is one of the truest statements I have read about having a BPD partner. The characteristics seek to repeat, a bit like the way heroin addicts are all more or less the same personality. This seems true of BPD people from what I am reading in forums and in the psych books I study for my schooling.
Same... I have been called the most horrible names I have ever been in my life, told I am hated which I have yet not said because it cruel ...then called a 'goddess ' when they want something from me again, it's a nightmare rollercoaster for anyone that is sane... so done
I am a narcisst and have Borderline, I see my partner everyday if I look in the mirror. Can only walk away with breaking da mirror with my Baseballstick Black Duty
nun ya We’re not all the same. There is a HUGE spectrum. I can be a handful at times, but you’ll never find a more loving, empathetic, always want you happy, and loyal girlfriend ever. I’m in BPD groups, and I’ve seen the types you’re referring to but don’t put us all in the same blanket statement PLEASE!
My boyfriend has BPD and as much as people are offended by what she us saying, I have experienced all of these things with my partner. Every single one.
Really? I hope she was there to try and help and support him. BPD is even more painful for those suffering from it believe it or not. Stop contributing to the stigma. You need to do your research.
@MsYogaGrrrl I am a licensed professional that specializes in personality disorders. More specifically, cluster B which includes BPD and reading your comment clearly puts you in that category of mental health professionals clouded by stigma to an extent. Not all patients with this diagnosis are aware of their actions (more commonly those that are untreated) and they are ABSOLUTELY responsible for their actions and any harm they cause but that is any person, not just one with borderline personality. But saying that a borderline patient is incapable of a “give and take” relationship or putting anyone above themselves is absolutely false. In fact it is more often the opposite. No they should not be given special treatment when it comes to toxic relationships and what they did to cause it. However, they are absolutely capable of being caring and giving to their partners. Support does require boundaries just like ignorance requires education. I really hope that future professionals are not suffocated by disgusting stigma as you seem to have exhibited here.
Grace Tyson As a mental health nurse and as someone diagnosed with BPD your comment is very refreshing. I am an overly caring, giving, and compassionate person and do over and above for people. And you are absolutely correct in saying not everyone knows what they are doing. I found personally it was my partner that made me aware of my behaviours then through therapy I realised what thoughts were causing these behaviours. I became trauma bonded in my last relationship which has basically destroyed me in all areas of my life. I don’t work at the moment but through personal and professional experience everyone’s diagnosis carries different symptoms and different behaviours. Xx
@@charlesbrown555 she's not contributing to stigma, you're just excusing abuse. Borderlines will get more help and empathy when they are trying to better themselves, but no-one owes you a relationship.
You are giving me strength. I’m leaving my wife for the same reason. I allowed it. My kids see it. Her family sees it. Hell her own friends see it. Checking my location constantly. Going through my phone when nothing has happened.
I strongly suspect my ex has BPD. I knew she had depression issues before we got together, but when we went official she showed her true colours and that's when then problems began: gaslighting, guilt-tripping, constantly bringing up small issues from the past and blowing things out of proportion, threatening to kill herself, and generally having me run around after her to stop her from going overboard. Nothing I could do was ever enough, and it took me a long time to figure out that nothing I could do was ever going to make her better. She would frequently put me down by telling me I didn't help her enough, or that I was never there for her (despite the time and money I spent trying to help her), until one night I told her I'd had enough. It hit her then that I wasn't going to put up with her crap and she went into panic mode, begging me not to leave her because she would have no one else left to use as her emotional crutch. I had put off breaking up because I was scared she'd kill herself. But I was being held to emotional ransom. If you are ever in the same situation, don't stay with someone out of fear or guilt: you deserve better than that. Initially I felt guilty about it, until I realised I'd been a victim of emotional abuse and emotional blackmail. I'm still recovering from the experience, but with the help of my friends I've gotten back on my feet. I made make the same mistake of dating a psycho. But I made it out. I'll never make that mistake again. And I am so glad I got out before I drowned.
I did the exact thing you did. Tortured me for months and I slapped her not knowing I was even gonna do that. I have to leave this situation. I have a son with her and and afraid to leave him with her.
Glad you made it out. I married mine after only 1 year of meeting her. She took me to the jewelry store after 6 months of us together. Me in initial love phase, I wanted to make her happy. I bought the ring and proposed to her about a week later. This of course wasnt good enough for her,, she wanted to get married early.. so i throw caution to the wind and Ignored all the red flags and thought she'd slow down demands and calm once she saw i was serious. It wasn't even 2 months in, I was already seeing divorce in our future and wondering what I had done. She'd blow up, Threaten divorce, start drama over the smallest things i said,then a say later, she'd do something nice to reel me back in. Same cycle almost every week. One day while riding in my car, we got in a heated argument. she demanded i let her out of the car in the middle of a field. I didn't let her out, so she throws my gearshift in park with the car still driving. I should've been done that day. After about 10 months, she blew up and after that last threat of giving my ring and key back. The door stayed closed. I ran and didn't think twice about filing for divorce. I felt guilty but I was exhausted from trying to fill that bottomless bucket up every day.
Sorry but its really harmful to diagnose people if you are not a doctor. She could just be a shitty person, they do exist and should not have an excuse for their behavior handed to them
@Chloe Poppies that not true. I have BPD, been in therapy for 3 years but Ive been living with my partner for 7 years… just cuz things didn’t work out with the person you dated doesn’t mean it all because of BPD, it’s a personality disorder BUT THAT DOESNT CONTROL YOUR ACTIONS! If someone does something shitty to you its cuz they are shitty. After 7 years Ive NEVER cheated or left my partner, I’m always here for him and I’d only start pulling away ads you said if i got treated like shit. Stop generalizing and handing people an excuse for their behavior. We are all responsible for the things we do and sometime mental illness makes it harder BUT NOT IMPOSSIBLE! Dont discredit the ones that work hard on themselves to be better and not hurt the people we love. If you are not a doctor then talk about your experience but DO NOT make statement about a community you don’t know about.
I read many negative comments of people disagreeing with this, but honestly, I think this described my BPD ex boyfriend quite well. He is a nice guy regardless, but it is what it is.
I have a friend with bpd. I realized she is like this the last week. She us the main source of anxiety in my life and the life of everyone around her. I get away for months. She promises to behave in a healthy way, only to fail short. I am tired of being tired around her. She twists everything with everyone to be self righteous. I am turnning our relationship more and more superficial everyday. She is a drama queen. I can't take it any more. My adrenals are screaming: that's enough. How to get rid of this relationship with the least damage? Bpd patients tend to ruin the lives of those who leave them , as they destroy their reputation.
I wish you mentioned at some point: Borderlines are indeed capable of recovery if they put their minds to it. I commented on this a few months back, and since then I’ve been in therapy and have made a significant amount of change. I don’t fight with anyone anymore, I learned how to handle rejection in a calmer fashion, heck I’m even learning to forgive myself. So to any borderlines watching this and seeing this comment: Recovery is sooo possible. When I watched this, I felt awful about myself, even though I know I wasn’t the type of person she was describing. She made me hate myself even more, but in therapy I’ve turned my whole self around and finally got some control of my emotions. I know a lot of you neurotypicals are gonna give me shit anyways even if I finally got help and have reached recovery, and honestly, that’s fine. It won’t stop me from continuing my journey on a healthier state of mind.
@Katherine Terberg First step: YOUR DISORDER DOES NOT DEFINE YOU. My therapist confirmed I am in recovery just recently. Don't care what the strangers behind a screen say. They got the negative experiences. That can't be helped. What can be helped is yourself. I've been in DBT since August and it has worked WONDERS. I PROMISE. Be patient with yourself. It has helped me a lot. I'm just some stranger, but as a fell borderline in recovery: I promise you it works and it's worth the effort. Show less REPLY
unsend ☝️ um ok... first off. No need what so ever to get offended by this video and I will tell you why. There are two types of BPD's. The ones who know and acknowledge the diagnoses, And the ones that refuse to accept the diagnoses. The lady in this video is talking about the ones that do NOT acknowledge the diagnoses !!!!! Isn't it obvious??????
Audrey Ouellet Audrey Ouellet I’m not offended so much bc I understand. Yes, there are two types, I get that. I was angry AT THE TIME because I was closeminded about it. I know borderlines can be stubborn (coming from experience) but in the end, it’s up to them to get help. No one else’s job. And yes. There are manipulative and toxic borderlines, and even I stay away because I don’t want it to rub off on me and my recovery (I’m not calling them bad people, I just have a more positive life now and I don’t want ANYONE getting in the way of that). No need to yell at me. I apologize if I worded anything unclearly.
Interesting how this video set off so many people with BPD. This video is not for them tho. It is for victims who suffer from having an intimate relationship with a person who has BPD.
I don't have BPD but as a psychiatric RN I completely object to her sweeping characterization of BPD sufferers. I can't speak to what she has experienced with ONE individual but BPD, like any other disorder, has symptoms that are displayed across a wide spectrum. Over-simplifying any mental health disorder is not very helpful. There are characteristic feelings and traits, but they present in a wide variety of ways. If you are involved with a person like she describes you may come to think that ALL BPD sufferers behave that way but it's not true. The real diagnosis is in how they feel as much as how they behave. Many people can control their behaviors but not their feelings. Some cannot control anything. It just isn't fair to make such sweeping statements.
Ofc you are entitled to your own opinion, but BPD ranges on a spectrum. And we are not insane, I can think and see just as good as a healthy person and we can learn to recognize whether a relationship is abusive or not. Just because I suffer from it, doesn't mean I am necessarily abusive or a monster. You and your partner can learn skills, you can take medication, learn about self awareness and seek professional help. I felt like adding that, since, to me, it seemed otherwise in the video.
paul c Your experience sounds horrible and I don’t doubt it a bit. But please know that not “everyone” in my profession Is the problem. There are many people who should not be in relationships until they are stable. But as many psychiatric illness cannot be cured, it Is unfair to say no nobody who is mentally ill should be in a relationship. One thing I hope we can agree on, nobody deserves to be abused under any circumstances. Whether by a mentally ill partner, parent or a psychiatric professional whose actions are unprofessional. I’m truly sorry that your experience further traumatized you rather than help you.
paul c Paul, first of all CPTSD is a *relatively* new differentiation. Before this differentiation sufferers were sometimes diagnosed with BPD or Bipolar or simply PTSD which, I’m sure you know, is different. Many people believe that BPD sufferes are incurable and cannot progress to healthy behaviors. This is not true. Some progress completely into healthy behaviors. They come to understand that while they still “feel” the same feelings that they should not trust those feelings and therefore, through extensive and intensive therapy, learn new ways of coping with the screwed up feelings they have. They still have the feelings, they simply don’t act on them and they learn to turn the feelings around into healthy coping. It takes years of hard work and insight. Far too many never do the work or perhaps cannot afford the treatment. It’s very expensive. I agree with you that BPD people typically find other unhealthy people. Some find vulnerable people such s yourself. Most find narcissists and sociopaths and become victims themselves. The big picture is that it’s a really painful world out there and we need to start caring about people who are mostly unlovable. Not because superficially deserve it but because are a society where people are valued. Curing people protects everyone else from falling victim. I’m not going to defend my profession to someone who has been failed by this profession. I would never invalidate your experience. I believe we still know very little about the causes of and therefore the treatments for mental illness. I can only do the best I can with the knowledge currently available and be open to new learning. Part of that learning is listening to people exactly like you who tell your experience. I am truly sad that you’ve been failed by my profession and by life in whatever caused your trauma in the first place. That’s a whole lot to carry but it sounds like despite what you’ve been through you are fighting hard with all you’ve got. That’s a great example to everyone.
paul c I’m sorry you feel attacked. That was not my intent. People with BPD develop this disorder for many reasons. Complex Childhood Trauma being one big main reason. They are difficult and sometimes dangerous. They are also human. You have every right to feel the way you feel as it’s not your job to help the helpless or the unlovable. It’s my job. It’s a tough job. But I don’t view people as disposable. I don’t expect you to give BPDs a pass. I don’t give them a pass. I simply want them to get the help they need and deserve. They did not break themselves. They were broken. They deserve help. They do NOT deserve the right to hurt others. Which is why therapy and sometimes confinement in hospital is often necessary. I’ve seen many improve. I’ve seen some who never do. BPD comes with a very high rate of suicide. They hate themselves. They know they are broken and often give up. Each person is different. Each person with CPTSD is different. Each BPD is different. I view my role, first and foremost, as a patient advocate. I do my best to offer compassion and empathy to those who suffer, regardless of what they suffer form and I never give up. Stay strong man. You’re doing it.
I have bpd and have gotten some therapy and with it a bit more self awareness. I left a very healthy relationship and got into a very unhealthy one with someone who is (in my opinion) very obviously a borderline and got all of my own medicine shoved back down my own throat and it was so eye opening. I have grown so much from this relationship because it has shown me how selfish I have been to people who were actually good and decent. The borderline I am in a current relationship with showed me red flags from the start, he calls me names whenever he gets mad, he gas lights, he twists my words back on me, it's pushed me to the point that the sound of his voice aggravates me. He will constantly make loud obnoxious noises simply because he knows it bothers me, and honestly I feel in some way this is justified karma. I had no idea that I was so self consumed that I didn't realize the stress and pain I caused to people who were invested in me and cared for me. The sad part is that with my current relationship he has very good sides to him, but he is so jaded that it's starting to undo all the work I did for myself in therapy. I do not believe most borderlines are truly aware of the pain they cause others, when you are in so much pain and stuck so deep within yourself it is easy to ignore the signs of suffering from others. That doesn't mean borderlines are not responsible for their behavior or action, in fact until they take responsibility for everything good and bad there really isn't much room for growing. Self awareness comes first.
Wow I have the same experience as u, I dated a narcissist and a person who was really nice but had depression in the past when I didnt get diagnosed as BPD, after my relative healthy relationship ended (because my ex didnt know how to deal with my BPD and I was in the cloud of what I was doing and the impact I had on the relationship and people around me until I did a lot of inner work later) I got in n out of therapy and now I have been dating a very likely BPD or Narcissistic traits, Im glad actually to have been in thiz toxic relationship tho it really drained me and my life it gave me a taste of my own medicine on how horrific is to be with someone who constantly get triggered over egg shells, like u said as well I dis not have a capacity before to see how my behaviours bothered people as I was so drowned in my own pain and survival I couldnt barely care about others...I've grown a lot and a lot out of my BPD traits too, Im quite proud of myself.
Pixel and Aisling, thank you both for doing your work. I'm just starting in earnest and boy does it seem like a steep mountain. Thanks for shining a light.
I have BPD. But I also have a parent who has BPD, and has a more extreme case of it. I often wonder if I'd be worse, or less self aware, if I hadn't experienced what it's like to be on the other end too.
As someone who is being manipulated and controlled by a person with bpd, this helps me realize that I'm not crazy and that my struggle is not all in my head. I understand that having bpd doesn't make someone a bad person. I have mental illnesses myself. But thank you so much for this video. It's helping me figure out how to escape this situation.
NekoOfDarknesss agree I was on the same boat. But I was brave enough to leave the relationship and focus on myself. I was getting into a dark whole full of manipulation, domestic violence, mental abuse, verbal abuse, putting up with his rage and the ugly part he told me it was my fault, I was the one who trigger all of that. One day I said: this has to STOP! I'm healing now but is a long process taking day by day. I'm happy now days I can talk to who ever I want, no one checks my cell phone, no one stalk me, I can go out with friends and day by day I'm finding and loving myself more and more. Unfortunately I couldn't help this person with BPD but I was able to help my self.
Wait... Actually if they are manipulating you then they do know what that are doing, and yes, they ARE a bad person. You've just been conditioned to believe they're not evil people, but they are.
People who are in a relationship with BPD people, it's a living hell and just try leaving them, because it's really hard to get rid of them once they latch on to you. They are the most insecure people on the planet.
I have BPD but my partner and I have been living together for 7 years… your experience doesn’t represent the whole community so people don’t generalize like that. It’s very harmful and it perpetuate a stigma
Yup and she keeps trying to trap me. Saying she will kill herself or she can't take care of her child from a previous relationship by herself. It's BS .
This is so so true. It's very hard when you love the person and they love you but there's something that can never click. Yes it feels as though you're going crazy. Very difficult when the person is also quite intelligent.
That's what's killing me. This is the one part where I felt this video didn't apply to me, is that I know my BPD ex-wife loved me, and I loved her. She is empathetic, beautiful, and so much more intelligent then I'll ever hope to be. Yet I broke it off because of the explosiveness of her emotions in our arguments and fights. Four years into it, I couldn't handle it anymore and I took the decision to divorce, that was 6 months ago and its still killing me, because she has all these qualities I mentioned and more.
Farouk Shafie oh man that’s tough. The thing that helped me conclude I made the right decision, and this is my situation only, that it’s 99% probability that things won’t change. I am aware that when someone puts in a lot of consistent effort that treatment can be effective, dbt I believe, and it can help the person with bpd. I had to leave for my own mental health.
@@faroukshafie4782 I keep dating these... Codependent, I know. Anyway, they really just think about themselves ultimately. They love you like you would love a new car. Its their world and you are just a character on the stage :-/ Sorry. Its just true.
Just feeling 💯 the same... „..but there is something that can never click.“... just so well explained! And as a „normal“ person you can’t understand...
I'm sorry you've suffered a bad relationship with someone who has bpd, however labelling all of us as abusive is stigmatising. Yes, a percentage of bpd's are abusive but a hell of a lot of us are not anything of the sort. Nobody deserves to be abused and bpd is not an excuse, i hope love and healing is available for the victims of the abusive bpd types. If your bpd other half is abusing you, do find a way to get out x
Susie that maybe true and just the wildest stories are talked about most, but my x really is a bad person on all levels once her bpd is known about.. I consider myself a very strong person and she rocked me. I just hope she can work things out and be happy we someone else.
Susie Mhm. Despite my BPD, I know for a fact that I do not do absolutely any of these things, yet this woman is trying to convince me that I do and that I'm an awful girlfriend to have. Honestly, this video hurt me and deeply affected me making me reconsider my boyfriends feelings for/of me. I'm already worried about that kind of thing, so this video only makes that paranoia and fear of abandonment much, MUCH worse.
Hannah Smith dont you think your comments are over dramatic?....if you claim you dont behave the way thats described in this video then what are you actually worried about.....just keep it moving.
My ex was a BPD. She had trouble separating herself from external situations. She would act out things she saw on television or try to live stories that she heard or read about in the newspapers. She felt like everything that was happening, was about her. On this level i can see where Hannah is coming from. And you'll see this repeated over and over in comments in videos like these. BPDs will chime in and say, "This video doesn't describe me at all. Why are you saying mean things about me?" In the Paul Elam videos, he says up front, if I'm not describing you, then I'm not talking about you. But they'll chime in anyway.
Susie ☝️ um ok... first off. No need what so ever to get offended by this video and I will tell you why. There are two types of BPD's. The ones who know and acknowledge the diagnoses, And the ones that refuse to accept the diagnoses. The lady in this video is talking about the ones that do NOT acknowledge the diagnoses !!!!! Isn't it obvious??????
I can relate to this pretty hard. I was in a relationship with someone with BPD for a year and it was a nightmare. She did pretty much all of the things mentioned above and never tried to actually get better. By the end I really did feel like I had been in an emotional blender. I was always being told I was the problem by her. I didn't even know which way was up. Finally I was able to escape, though not without some serious depression and PTSD that I'm still working on a year and a half later.
This scares me, it’s only been 3 or 4 days after our breakup but I think I definitely have ptsd from the end of the relationship, I wanted to make closure and oh boy that was a terrible idea
Everyone who disliked either has Borderline Personality Disorder or hasn't lived with a truly abusive one. I'm trying to get a restraining order against my brother who is tearing everything in my life apart and I'm sick to death of it. It ends now.
Thank you for acting consistent with a strong sense of self. Here's to you all having just the shred of luck needed for this consequence to get through to him.
Okay so I am non BPD, just left a two year relationship with someone with BPD, I was emotionally abused and a lot of the things in this video are accurate to my experience and it actually makes me feel better knowing other people have gone through this. I DO HOWEVER see how people with BPD are upset by this video. I disagree with her about the sex part- my ex and I had an extremely special bond, we were very close and if he had been getting help and improving his behavior- i.e. not yelling every single day, isolating me, making me feel like I had to make excuses, lie just to see a girlfriend or my family or do schoolwork not at his house, things could have been so different. And yes he made me feel like everything was my fault. I tried to help because I loved him and wanted it to work- I was in therapy and trying to learn about coping mechanisms for him and for me and for us. After a long time I realized he wasn’t ready to get help. I think that’s the difference- this video is for victims of abuse who feel trapped in relationships with people who have unchecked mental illness. I know he loved me but besides himself, I was the only other person he took his anger out on- I felt like a punching bag. If you have BPD and you are getting help and working on being in a healthy relationship with professional guidance- I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU. That’s all I ever wanted from my ex. As someone who is still dealing with trauma from abuse that was caused by BPD (I really believe that’s what caused it because aside from his problems- he was my angel and my best friend) I feel uneasy reading these comments about this video being unfair. Aside from a couple things, this lady is just stating facts about what it’s like to be abused by someone who has unchecked BPD. Of course it doesn’t make you a bad person- but saying that she is making shit up and being unfair just reminds me of how my ex used to treat me when I told him I wasn’t ok with his behavior. It has been so difficult to move on from this break up. I feel like my brains are scrambled eggs. I think that relationships involving BPD are INCREDIBLY COMPLEX. It’s so complicated and I felt for so long that it wasn’t his fault because he can’t control it. But continuing that relationship meant giving up on having a life of my own - a career, friends. You can only take so much abuse. Part of me everyday still feels like it wasn’t his fault. And it kind of wasn’t. He wanted someone who could accept him for everything he was and all he was going through- and that meant being around for tantrums multiple times a day sometimes, watching him throw stuff, walking on eggshells during the most normal conversations. I was ready to accept him if he could get help and work on not being hurtful and controlling. But it just didn’t work out that way. I miss him everyday. I think we should all work on ourselves and make sure we have solid foundations before intertwining our lives with another person so closely. I know that after being through that I am in such a vulnerable place- I am not fit to be anybody’s girlfriend till I sort myself out. Ok that’s all for now. Lol
I relate to this 100% and I just want to say that you probably have the biggest heart because it takes the biggest toll on you. But yeah I definitely am going to start therapy and until I fully love myself and am okay with being alone. I will not be in another relationship.
I’m sorry you had to go though this. But he was abusive to you please dont allow his actions to hide behind a diagnosis. I’ve been in a relationship for 7 years, in treatment for 3 and expect for being overly emotionally when we have arguments even my partner says he never felt anything more then annoyed by my BPD because as he puts it it’s a bit much 😂. But even before getting a doctor, I never hit him or tried to manipulate him. My impulse might have been harder to managed but i did. At the end of the day BPD is a personality disorder but it doesn’t control your actions. That’s still your responsibility and it’s unfortunate that your ex wasn’t capable of a healthy relationship. But that may be on him more then the BPD. Unfortunately toxic relationship doesn’t only happen with mental illness, but it definitely doesn’t help if you were already inclined that way I guess.
I’m glad you said this because I also have been in a relationship with someone with BPD and complex is the best way to put it. They are never trying to hurt you they’re trying to hurt themselves is really what it is and yes it is abusive and I won’t say that it isn’t but I feel like people never seem to understand that they can recover but they have to put the work in and they need a solid support system and schedule to be able to do that. I am sorry you had to go thru that I know all too well what it’s like but I also applaud you for being one of the few people to shine light on such a complex disorder as well
Nicely done and some very good points. I've also found that people who become involved with BPD individuals and stay, also tend to hold a naive perspective about the motives of others. More specifically, we tend to apply a "positive spin" to the labels that we use internally/mentally to describe the negative actions of others. As in, "...oh, she's just having a bad day..." or "...she baked my favorite cookies last night, so she MUST really love me...". This leads to totally blinding yourself to the fact that you are probably being *maliciously* manipulated to a degree, and at a level, that would impress a psychopath.
This is spot on... I had to cut ties in this marriage. I would go to work in order to relax from all the demands, invalidations, self-centerless. I became an emotional slave that was drained, hopelessness and helplessness. I did not want to go on, gained weight and had some minor health issues. I finally had enough and divorced. Although I still have some PTSD issues but they're getting less in intensity., I lost 27 pounds, blood pressure normalized, I joined a cross-training class. I relearning to feel good about myself from the outside lookin in which improved my self-confidence and self-esteem. The irony is that I ran into my ex-wbpd at a restaurant/bar, no contact was in place about a year. The EXACT first thing she said was "NOW YOU LOSE THE WEIGHT SO YOU CAN IMPRESS OTHER WOMEN. WHY COULD'NT YOU DO THAT FOR ME? YOU'LL GAIN IT BACK!!! WTF!!!! The invalidations and put-downs keep coming after 1-year no contact. Can you say insecurity? Can you say entitlement? Can you say bullying & drama making? I replied "HELLO, I'M DOING FINE, THANKS FOR ASKING...HEY, GOOD TALK" and walked away laughing.
Run away from them , at all cost. No one deserves to be abused, not even the ones who have mental illness. They need a psychiatrist not an intimate partner
THIS. They can't have or sustain a relationship until they accept that they have this problem and get help for it. Otherwise, they will DESTROY every single partner they have. Over and over and over again.
Angela Louise , your posts are the exact antagonistic behavior that BPDs are known for. Constant antagonism. Constant. And it gets exhausting for non BPDs to deal with. Good bye.
@@luanntexascitizen4345 ... is this how you deal with constructive disagreements? I believe you have more issues that you care to acknowledged. Mind you part of BPD therapy is to deal with our deep issues which are usually traumatic and painful and that is why for those in therapy we are extremely open to discussions about our disorders.
Ereri ☝️ um ok... first off. No need what so ever to get offended by this video and I will tell you why. There are two types of BPD's. The ones who know and acknowledge the diagnoses, And the ones that refuse to accept the diagnoses. The lady in this video is talking about the ones that do NOT acknowledge the diagnoses !!!!! Isn't it obvious??????
It takes 7 years for a fully comitted borderline to get better...so 33v33 stop talking shit that just because you are seeking help,doesn't necessarily mean you don't abuse anybody....that's just not true.
I broke up with my bpd gf 5 days ago. She was systematically closing the walls in on me. It got to the point where I wasn’t allowed to text anyone or even check the weather app on my phone if we were watching a show or a movie, I had to ask if it was ok ahead of time or she would flip out on me "if im wasting your time wanting you to watch a movie with me why dont we just turn it off?!" - "who is blowing up your phone that cant wait til after?!". my cat has special needs due to chronic health issues and my ex would say i need to shift my priority from the cat to her. now she has her family members texting me all sorts of nasty stuff, telling me to get my act together. little do they know that they are pushing me even further away. the whole thing has been a nightmare.
Wow...as someone with bpd, I'm so different from this. My husband has the hero complex, and he was damaged by me trying to save me. But that was because I kept going back to/believing my abusers and doubting how much I was loved. Been getting help for months, and am fixing everything. Let me tell the rest of you bpd sufferers; your feelings are your responsibility. Take the reins and quit hurting the people you live, cause believe me, you're doing it. You'll do it even when you're trying your damnedest not to. Own up and love yourselves.
She is clearly not a really therapist who has worked with Borderlines before. Not a mention of the different types of BPD, or the method used for recovery. Just that we are crazy and people should run from us. I’ve been in a relationship for 7 years so it really makes me mad when i hear people talk about us like we HAVE to cheat and leave our partners on a whim… I hate all these assumptions people have about us, it doesnt apply to us all yet a few bad examples always has to be associated with us.
@@Alonepistachio a few bad examples .... you sound like the exception because the bad examples comprise almost all bpds also this video was directed to the victims from those mentally ill BPDs
@@antonyka-pra-ra yes a few bad example because suffering from an illness doesn't make you the same. We dont react the same way. You have SOME overlapping symptoms but rarely do you see them all at once so you end up with a very large veraity of different cocktails of symptoms. Ive been in group therapy for BDP for years and none of us act the same way. Its very reductive to think that because we share an illness we must all be the same and behave the same way.
@@antonyka-pra-ra i know a lot of people have suffered from being in a relationship with someone with BPD and i do empathise with that. However if you look at then comment sections, people are calling us evil for the actions of others. Those that seem fair? Shouldn't we get a chance to prove ourselves as individuals? Im still living with my parnter of 8 years and over the years we dont even yell during arguments anymore cuz we have both learn to communicate better with eachother. People deserve a chance and just cuz youve had a bad experience with someone with depression or anxiety doesn't mean eveyone who has it will be the same
If you experienced a relationship with a BPD as a "normal" person, you'd realize that this video may not go far enough in expressing the warning. I spent 4 years with a BPD after she trapped me through pregnancy and a child. She lied about her name, her age, her drug use, her criminal history, her family history and social status, her education, her assets, our child's medical and school expenses, her love for me... and I now have sole custody and she hasn't seen or contacted her child in nearly a year (and of course, not a penny in child support). A true POS, with a formal BPD diagnosis.
Michi.....where's the comments from non borderlines saying this video is largely stigmatizing and demonizes those that suffer from BPD......please show me......because i can do a headcount on all the people that clearly relate to this video and what is being said.......would you like to compare? just for research purposes ofcourse.
Ashley I’m in a relationship with a Borderline and it’s going on 10 years I just recently discovered she was a BPD through videos and talking to a therapist friend I cannot believe it took me this long to discover this, everything you describe here in this video is our relationship to a t more like an addiction because she used intermediate reinforcement with sex, attention and affection. I’m In the process of cutting off the relationship by setting new boundaries with her we are moving from California back to Florida where I hope to separate for good, I went to college for phycology but didn’t finish, wow I wish I finished I might have known about BPD and not acquired co dependency. I would love to actually acquire your services as a therapist, as you know ten years I will need a lot of education on how to deal with this and cope with the withdrawal, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR CREATING THIS VIDEO, it saved my life 🙏🏻
It also took me 10 years to discover from my ex (1 year after breaking up a 9 years relationship). The diagnostic is really hard, even therapists find it hard to discover in short time.
Not for everyone. She generalized BPD a lot! No real doctors would have done that. Not a mention of the different types of BPD or the all the méthodes used for recovery like DBT or regresstion therapy. I know tones of people who doesn’t fit the description she had because and thats important to say YOU ONLY NEED 5 OUT OF THE 9 MAIN TRAITS TO BE BPD. So your combination of symptoms may vary a LOT. And as someone who has been living with their partner for the last 7 years I find it insulting that she would say run when some of us are perfectly capable of having a healthy relationship. This woman is no doctor and she definitely not a specialist like the people who have helped me grow and understand BPD.
After quite some time with being with someone with BPD, you (or better I) are not able to love yourself anymore, because your self esteem is so low at some point where you even question yourself. Because at that point, the person with BPD will tell you, you are the narcisst and you have a wrong view and place on this earth. As far as for me - I knew, I can not help her, but I was raised with a strong supportive and reliable mindset. That was the catch on this "relationship" - she, the BPD - I the reliable one. I ran away two years ago, because it really broke me in every aspect. Now I am the bad one, because I left, her and even put her in hospital, because she cut herself (in front of her child btw). It was the worst time of my life and I have been at a point, where I thought, I never get out of this relationship alive. Luckily I did... but it's a long healing process now.
Ok, so the number of dislikes is unbelievable. I've been in a relationship with someone with bpd. This is word for word how it was. And not trying to sound insensitive, but if some of the dislikes are from people with bpd, I don't blame you cause nothing is ever your fault, right? We're the problem...you tell us everyday, the one's that tried to love you.
Thank you for reaching out @SaintZombie1 I appreciate your perspective and would like to know if you think any other factors should have been added to the video.
Ashley Berges Your video is great and every word is what I experienced while in my relationship. So I think you covered it all. I'm upset about how the relationship ended up, but I'm not mad or hateful towards her. I would rather her seek help for herself and the kids. Thanks for the video.
Thank you @SaintZombie1 I appreciate your perspective and agree, it's not about being mad it's about praying the person finds help. We all need help with something and when we decide we are ready and accept it, we can create miracles in our life. Keep being awesome!
This was so helpful! I was in a toxic relationship with someone who has BPD, and she just refused to get help. She would just want to argue nonstop for hours or even days. And she would intentionally sabotage things. I called her out on sabotaging things and she even admitted it. Everything was always my fault, and she wouldn't consider getting help for even a minute. I kind of think they might actually like the drama and the misery. I took her to this expensive steakhouse Joe Rogan goes to in order to try and repair things. It helped for one night, then the next day she wanted to start fighting and be miserable again. Going to go find someone who isnt miserable this time. Wish me luck!
I'm now sitting on my own away from my home because my girlfriend suffers from BPD.. I have to respond to BPD sufferers who are saying this video is untrue.. You actually confirm how true this video is because you are never wrong are you..? You haven't got a problem and it is ALWAYS someone else's problem.. I empathise with you as you really think it is everyone else's fault.. It's so sad...
This is rude. This is very split. Black and white. To use BPD terms of course.... Feels like make she's confusing abusive relationships with a sociopath, NOT someone with BPD. What she is describing applies to codependent personality types. The wishy washy pushovers that BPDs are NOT attracted to in the first place. People with BPD need someone they can look up to and ultimately end up getting controlled and manipulated in relationships. Not vice versa.
ShiPolar's Life Bloopers ☝️ um ok... first off. No need what so ever to get offended by this video and I will tell you why. There are two types of BPD's. The ones who know and acknowledge the diagnoses, And the ones that refuse to accept the diagnoses. The lady in this video is talking about the ones that do NOT acknowledge the diagnoses !!!!! Isn't it obvious??????
This is not personal. Don’t care what others think & get on with living your best life... that is your testament. There are many BPD’s that are very far down or severe on the spectrum & they can be very abusive & manipulative & gaslight. So what, you’re not one & you do not need to waste your precious energy defending & explaining. Just get on with you being the best you that you can be. Codependents are irritating know it alls...Lol, but most of them are harmonious & mean well.
@@audrey-vz2oy It's even more obvious that the person you're responding to is a BPD cluster b, because they take this totally spot on video personally!!
Hey, I'm human, too, though. I seek help and I don't abuse. I didn't do anything to anyone, I just live my life, I work, I study, I feed my cats and I feel. I'm no sociopath nor am I teenie, tiny steps away from being it. In fact, I am not so different from everybody else. I am very sorry you suffered in that toxic relationship and I hope, everybody, who is in an abusive relationship, gets the help they need! You can do this and there is no shame in seeking help, whatever your problem may be. Just felt like adding this. ☺
Amyazing Things exactly!! thank you. i tried sticking up for people with bpd in a comment on here and had a bunch or ignorant assholes attack me. this video just breeds contempt
Thank you reaching out @Michi! I appreciate your perspective. On line threads are interesting because people choose to say anything with no repercussions. I've realized even when you stick up for folks, it's admirable but sometimes lost in translation. Let me know of other subject matters you'd like me to cover.
@michi it's insane.. people with BPD are also people too. Not just a fucking list of symptoms or list of sneaky behaviours to watch out for. Mental health will never ever get the correct support it needs when people like this are still being able to spread absolute shite like this.
Ashley Berges + until a person understands how BPD can happen to a a young child who has gone through trama, abuse or abandonment, or later extreme hurt they can not get over, most do not see others for having SOUL WOUNDS! JUST as a body has to heal, so does our mind and emotions, Or we try to relive an event to get a better outcome! After going through mental/emotional abuse, l was healed by JESUS who helped me forgive and learn to LOVE, even myself! Asking for forgiveness for hurting others, and coming to HIM to be healed daily of soul wounds restored me! I look at your videos to learn how others have been hurt, so l can pray for their healing! Your videos are not meant to hurt only inform! When we examine ourselves we learn who we are and what bothers us! Acknowledging that we have been hurt starts the healing process! Forgiveness and loving others helps us heal! We can't heal by taking it out on others because that makes the wound raw again! Seeking Healing for you and that other person heals the situation! Blessings to Everyone!
Id say she does know exactly what shes talking about... most of the BPD help videos are produced from the perspective of the person who has BPD... being the partner is extremely difficult as we are often thrown into the same suffering without cause. Can be very embarrassing, frustrating, energy draining. My partner has caused many scenes in restaurants, bars, in traffic, even while at a vacation resort.. Even after studying BPD and trying to deal with it I often think...."I shouldn't have to put up with this crap" If the person who has BPD doesn't care then how do they expect their partners to care ????
If you're in a relationship with a BPD or are a parent and are looking for support, here it is: Brutal honesty: There is no reason on earth to be in a relationship with a BPD person unless you're raising a child. But when that kid becomes an adult, you might have to end the relationship. You have a right to love your life and yourself. Face the fact that you'll never succeed in a relationship with BPD. If you're ok with a crappy miserable life, let them stay. I'm not. These people are not worth it, they cannot change, you'll be happier without them. Don't feel bad, they don't.
That's what i'm currently going through with my BPD wife right now. She got diagnosed by her pcp as bpd. She screams every day and we can't go anywhere, I leave the house to work and come back and get accused of cheating. Very mentally draining. I'm drowning like you said and don't know what to do.
I'm sad you are going through this, it is extremely painful. Are you working with anyone right now? It will be helpful for you to seek help as well. I work with clients who are on the receiving end of this to understand, gain clarity, and to work to see if they situation can get better.
I have BPD and I get it. No one deserves to be crapped on when emotions cannot be regulated. However, this video comes of as venting from an individual who has obviously been wronged in such a relationship rather than a healthy tool to use for those who actually want to have a healthy relationship with someone with BPD. I mean, believe it or not, many of us ARE good people and DO deserve to love and be loved.
Venting.....wtf? Really? You honestly gonna get on RUclips and accuse someone of venting....im laughing my ass off. ...do i see Ashley foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog? Or do I see someone sharing their thoughts and experiences about a very difficult situation,its amazing how different you borderlines see things.....its either your way or the highway....maybe we should all keep our mouths shut and pretend like nothings going on but the rent.
Allie + This video seems harsh, but it is about soul wounds: souls that have been hurt, abused, or abandoned. Each person is precious to GOD! Everyone is VERY Valuable. - EVERY LIFE matters! But anything that causes suffering, emotional/mental pain is NOT Good! When we acknowledge our hurt, pain, we begin to heal ( so we don't repeat the atmosphere). GOD LOVES YOU and wants you to love who you are and what great things HE has put in you! Never hate yourself or others! Anger, hatred stop LOVE. FATHER GOD wants you to be HIS child: ask JESUS to forgive and save you! Then HE can help you! HOW do we heal? Tell FATHER GOD about your hurt, emotional wounds and ask HIM to HEAL ALL SOUL WOUNDS! Forgive others (with HIS help) AND FORGIVE YOURSELF for any mistakes or failure. We forget to Forgive ourselves! We are too hard on ourselves in difficult situations. DO not listen to condemnation! Do not do self condemn! FATHER GOD is a sweet DADDY who looks at you though MERCY and GRACE, forgiveness and LOVE! He does not look down on you, only reaches down to pick you up! Condemnation is any word or phase that causes shame, blame, bullying, redicule, fear, criticism, guilt, rejection, loss of self worth; self condemnation is rejecting your hurt/ emotions and instead belittling yourself or living in terrible guilt over a situation, to the point you feel worthless. Condemnation and self condemnation has been introduced into our world by the occult/demonic realm to kill our self worth/self esteem. Just like cuss words don't come from Heaven! Someone who is upset or frustrated, angry or bitter can use condemnation to lash out! It's not OK! IT is not fair, but it happens. GOD heals condemnation/ self condemnation!!! FREE YOUR SELF. GOD heals losses, hurt, pain and does emotional/mental restoration! Get saved, forgive others and Forgive yourself and release soul wounds daily to JESUS! GOD gives peace, new joy, ability to cope! Blessings to you!
Allie hey me and my mom think my brother has BPD and she's almost 100% sure our father had it. Do you know any sites that are legit I can look up?? I love my brother he's the only sibling I have but he can be so cruel and I've been struggling with anxiety, a little depression and this one which I forget the name of but basically means I freak over change. Anything that can help is greatly appreciated 🙂
Ryan Watt + Your brother needs counseling : first a psychological evaluation! check with a family Dr. for a referral for psychiatrist who handles BPD! This is an emotional rollercoaster for you and your family! Get some counseling for yourself and your Mom too if possible! Know this is NOT your fault, but a learning process he had to adapt to to mentally emotionally survive -- due to not being able to cope (feelings of rejection or abandonment or Condemnation, lack, loss in some part of his mind, unmet expectations, anger at mistreatment) Condemnation is Shame blame criticism guilt slander /gossip, low self-esteem/self- worth. It's as if his emotions/ mental thoughts are stuck in the past (past hurt). keep him LAUGHING, looking on the bright side by encouraging him, and LOVE Him! But don't stay around anger, emotional outbursts: this will drain you physically and emotionally! Let him know you "hear him, be agreeable, and when ever change the subject by agreeing to do something else, hopefully something fun! Make up a reason to go, if the situation gets too argumentative! Give Him a reminder if he discusses a bad situation, to try to Forgive that person, and seek peace about it! Talk to him CALMLY and in a quiet tone, show no opinion, no reactions if he gets upset. This way you are in control; he might just be looking for a reaction! Any reaction is better than not being heard, cared about in his mind! Stay neutral NO reaction, no opinion, just be in agreement: " l hear what you are saying, it's a good point"! You may not agree, but don't argue you or his point of view-- never settled! Be kind to him, but take care of yourself and your Mom! You can't fix him! Tell him JESUS can help him and heal any past! This PRAYER is for salvation ( eternal life in Heaven) +++ update: do not get the RFiD chip (is not good for the body, against GOD)! PRAYER for salvation for you and your family:. Dear JESUS: please forgive me of all of my sins, l repent and turn away from them! Please JESUS give me your salvation! Come live in my heart and be the LORD and SAVIOR of my life! Write my name in your BOOK of LIFE and baptise me in your HOLY SPIRIT and guide my life in your TRUTH JESUS! Forgive everyone! Forgive me for hurting others and You LORD! Help me Forgive myself for my mistakes and any failures (Everyone has these). Forgive me for accepting the LIES of the Enemy of Condemnation/ self condemnation (blame, shame criticism guilt rejection loss etc, believing any word or phrases that cut you down). Please JESUS heal all my past soul wounds and any present soul wounds (ask daily for forgiveness of any sins, soul wounds). Place on me the full armour of GOD and l plead the blood of Jesus over me as my spiritual protection! I now confess JESUS is my LORD and SAVIOR -- now and forever! Thank you JESUS for saving me, in JESUS name Amen! Welcome to the family of GOD! Once you get SAVED you belong to FATHER GOD and JESUS and the HOLY SPIRIT! FATHER GOD LOVES YOU SO MUCH! He will NEVER leave you nor forsake you! You can pray now and ask JESUS for help, healing and any daily needs! HE answers PRAYER and is listening always, but salvation comes first! Read the new Testament (Bible) and find a good church! Remember no work, no good attitude behavior or lifestyle will save you only JESUS who paid for all of our sins at the cross! JESUS reunites us with FATHER GOD! The HOLY SPIRIT makes us ready for salvation and helps on earth! Give up any cussing/cursing -- not of GOD! Crime, evil acts, cussing, curses, rape, murder, sexual perversion idolotry, lies, addictions, occult demonic come from satan's kindom demonic realm. Stay away from sin and ask for forgiveness for any wrong thoughts words or imaginations! ask for forgiveness for any daily sins ( your protection and to keep you close to GOD). Ask for the mind of CHRIST! Ask God to show you how to love, GOD looks at us his children though MERCY and Grace forgiveness and LOVE! Take no offense, but Forgive others, bless and release them, and pray for healing of any emotional mental hurts! Be blessed, take care-- hope this helps you and your MOM ! Check out FATHER'S HEART MINISTRY.net for daily prophetic word from FATHER GOD! NEVER get the RFID chip in your hand or forehead, will hurt the body, and separate you from GOD! could lose your salvation and with out salvation (eternity is hell).Just a reminder and warning! Be blessed!
Allie Right. I have BPD and I hoped this video would be helpful and give advice for me and my boyfriend, but all it did was tell my boyfriend horrible things about me and my intentions and feelings. She couldn't be more wrong, I'm actually deeply hurt by this.
Me and my first girlfriend (we're still together and have been for 3 months now) both have bpd and loads of other narcissistic features. Our relationship from the start seemed like it was doomed before it even began. My girlfriend doesn't have the official diagnosis but our relationship dynamic runs exactly how you'd expect. We both have a strong need for power and control, something we both lacked as kids growing up. There's arguments at the touch of a button, we cry a lot and it's heavy and emotional. But we're both making so much progress, if only people knew what type of circumstances it takes to form a narcissist, bpd or any personality disordered individual you'd cry yourself to sleep every night. Both our childhoods were HELL, in the literal sense almost. Most average people that stand clear to judge our behaviour will never have the full scope of where it all began. We're not demons, me and my girlfriend are actively trying to better ourselves and getting there. I literally pray every single day just so I don't say something to mess up my relationship or for my girlfriend to not leave because of how I can get. She's got her fair share of traits and little tactics she pulls, but both of us have come to a point now where we can both admit when we're in the wrong. Something psychiatrists and other so called ' mental health professionals ' will tell you a personality disordered individual cannot do. That's why people with these heavy personality defects don't get better a lot of the times. Because the same people that are supposed to help such people are the ones telling family and friends to just give up and let them suffer more. I can tell anyone here, yes I was diagnosed with bpd as a 21 yr old male, and yes I did many of the classic demonic bpd or sociopathic things like hurting animals, hurting kids, verbally abusing people, manipulating people for the fun of it, getting sad or overly emotional over small things that nobody else cared about etc. That list goes on. But now at 26? Haven't hurt a single animal no matter how angry I get, in fact I love animals and people more than I ever have. I view life as precious and want my own kids one day. If everyone gave up on me, I would have been dead today. I tried killing myself too, multiple times btw (like you'd expect from a classic bpd person). To the people that judge so harshly, if you grew up with a quarter of the emotional, physical, sexual and mental abuse I did... You probably wouldn't have made it out alive. So I can proudly say, as a diagnosed full blown bpd, yes things do get better and yes we can change! So to those of you who suffer any personality disorder, NEVER let anyone make you feel you can't win. Don't give in to that inner darkness we all carry because of our grim childhoods. Fight it and you can win!
" We're not demons " Bullshit You are Demons and it is deemed necessary to avoided ALL Borderlines at all cost for all what you Borderlines do is to leave a carnage of destruction in your wake while screaming "I am the victim".
@Nein Nopes BPD's are just as bad as Narcs, the only difference is BPD suffers tend to not know the amount of pain they are in flicking onto their victims. Where Narc's know exactly what their doing.
@ Nein Nopes Yes but regardless they still inflict the same amount of pain and damage. Also they lack empathy in the sense that they fail to see how their words & actions hurt others. My BPD girlfriend use to threaten me she would leave me if I didn't dress and cut my hair the way she wanted. She criticized every single thing about me making me feel like shiit and worthless and never wanted me for who I was. The first 2 months were amazing, but after that the demon emerged and I never saw the person I fell in love with ever again. After 9 months she broke up with me because of the whole hair and dress thing. She put all the blame on me for everything and making herself to be perfect. I am still hurting so badly but she could care less about me now.
@Nein Nopes She is not a Narcissist, because she use to cut herself and tried to kill herself too emotionally blackmail me at times. Narc's do not self harm. She just clinged onto this hair and dress thing and would not let go. It was like a life and death thing to her. She dismissed how much love and care I gave to her and left me like a piece of trash. Why? because she lacks any kind of empathy at all. I know I will get over her some day and I can't wait. Despite her being such a horrible person I still miss her because I'm codependent. I can't wait till the day I'll look back and say why I ever stayed with this Psycho for so long. I strongly believe that if BPD's refuse to get professional help then they should be put into a mental home, because they are damaging to themselves and others around them.
Very hard to find anything on people who deal with someone on a daily basis with BPD. I’m not in a relationship with one but my twin sister has it. It’s increasingly gotten worse over the years. It’s emotionally draining, physically and mentally. Because we’re twins I’m always guilted or beholden to her. I have been going back and forth on living with her in the new year. I’ve officially decided not to. It’s not fair to me. I need to have a life too. She does nothing to get help (various avenues to no avail). The dog doesn’t even want to be around her because she so erratic. I feel invalidated by my family. They don’t even know the mental disorder she has. They think it’s bipolar disorder. Tsk tsk. When I try to tell them what I deal with on a daily basis it’s met with radio silence or it’s bookmarked under “too hard to deal with”. I can’t vent or talk to anyone because I get shutdown all the time when I talk about my experiences with her. When I call my dad, when my sister is about/ or is trying to do something reckless he says I’m just trying to relax or I had a long day at work. WTF do you think I had? I deal with this shit everyday. No day is a good day. There’s always something that sends her over the edge. I can’t be the sister mom anymore. I can’t save her. She needs to save herself. As hard as that is. She will never do what she has to do if people keep saving her. Lately her reckless actions have been affecting me financially. Im anxious and stressed all the time. I need to cut ties. And heal.
I was abused by an ex who was diagnosed with both BDP and dissociative identity disorder. I stayed bc I wanted to be a good partner but I got hurt in the end due to their abusive nature. No amount of counseling helped him and I walked out of the relationship. It was the best feeling ever. He, on the other hand, is still the same abusive person till this day. So, ppl, please do not forget to take care of your wellbeing bc it matters in relationships, too.
Anyone who has any interaction of any kind with someone who has BPD is suffering. Best advice if you meet someone who might have BPD run run run run fast.
I have had 1 experience with BPD and it was with my boyfriend of 4 years. He did me worse than every person in my entire life combined. He violated every boundary i had sexually, physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, psychologically i even almost lost my life in a literally sense got my skull cracked like an egg shell and was hospitalized. He literally almost totally shattered me as a person......ive never been in so much pain before due to another and i have been through some incredibly traumatic shit before only for this dude to discard me and jump into a relationship with the person i caught him in bed with.. I acknowledge that all ppl with BPD probably arent like this but i have yet to experience or see otherwise so there is def a truamatized side of me that leans towards a bias (cptsd is a bitch). I fear being in another relationship with someone with BPD. Yeah you say they arent all the same but do i even want to take the risk??? Should i?....i dont like discriminating against others but no degree of mental illness gives anyone the right to hurt and destroy others than get some sort of pass card cause you are sick. I used to think he was a bad person.......and its honestly hard not to but i dont i just say that he is a sick person thats all. Everyone is hurting and dealing with something.
All the people complaining about not enough nuance and not everyone is like that..enough of us who have been in relationships with pwBPD HAVE had horrible, traumatizing, scary experiences that WE SIMPLY DO NOT CARE ABOUT THE EXCEPTIONS. If it doesn't apply to you, then good. You know yourself and so you have nothing to be offended about. But enough people have had the worst experiences of their lives through dealing with pwBPD that channels like this exist, entire forums exist, entire help industries exist for trying to undo all the damage even years later. And no, it's not "just like racism". Someone's race or ethnicity does not affect their ability to be in a relationship, or put others in danger, or traumatize people. Society needs to be protected from potentially dangerous people. Again, for those that this does not apply to, good for you and just disregard it then. Stop trying to control what we think or feel, because that only reinforces what we've already experienced with pwBPD: they try to control what we do, say, think, feel, in an attempt to keep us stuck in misery with them.
The word “trapped” is a BIG RED FLAG pertaining to the perspective of the video . Seems like she has some repressed emotions that’s she not fully dealing with. “Trapped” wow.
Addiction to something you know is very unhealthy is like being trapped. It's a good description. Trauma bonding traps a lot of people in toxic situations that they have to fight to leave.
I have Bpd. And a lot of this doesn't apply to me. For example I love my partner's family and encourage them to spend time and come over quite frequently for dinner I love have people around. but do have a hear of losing ppl I love.
You've had a really bad experience with someone with either NPD or BPD, I don't know, and I'm sorry. But you are SEVERELY misguided about what Borderline Personality Disorder is. Please go do some research on the diagnostic criteria and speak to a mental health professional before you go sprouting dangerous misinformation that taints us all as monsters who don't feel... I assure you, those with BPD feel.
I understand you feel that way. However, often from a perspective of someone suffering from BPD, they are often unaware of how the other person feels or how the other person is dealing with the actions and attitudes. Sadly, I know someone suffering from BPD is in their own hell however, the person with them, is in hell too.
Aurora Sin this video and woman are largely stigmatizing and breed ignorance its really sad that its being eaten up by fellow uneducated people and now make our lives with BPD even harder. what we need is help, not hate.
Thanks for the video Ashley, you know whats ironic i7 s a bpd demands that you know how they feel about them and everything surrounding them, but your feelings are considered insignificant. I've lived with a bpd for 25 yrs. , looking for my ticket out now.too much wasted emotion and time , Blessings to ya
Aurora Sin She actually is not. First of all, generalising is always _wrong_, but you do generalise yourself already, or are being generalised by the term BPD which consists out of many different traits, especially emotional disorder, yet in fact, you are still a unique person, everyone with a Personality disorder is, they share common traits, stronger and weaker, but every borderliner I've got to know (a lot) is still unique in a way, also many of those with that disorder get better with age. Now to the relationship point: Every relationship is abusive, that's the main thesis I argue for! Why? Because emotions, missunderstandings, et cetera, gets everyone sometimes and have such a stressing factor to it that you sometimes can't be all rational and fair to a partner. You can't always be that way and me neither. Now as we look at that and compare it to a person with an emotional disorder (which all "BDP's" have) it's only natural that in result more venting points result, more black and white moments will happen within a relationship. When you feel extremly hurt you simply have a hard time not being selfcentered and forget what you vent out to the person you make responsible for it, because in that moment your hurt is more important, again, that happens to "normal" peoples too, but on another balance. "Borderliners" are harder peoples to have relationships with and with untrained (not learned selfcontrol by age or therapy) it is close to impossible to have a "healthy" relationship. "Borderliners" often stick to peoples, and whenever they are alone, they will search for someone to get emotionally bound with, because "they" can't without and more often than not (personal experience) with aswell. Most "normal" humans (if there even is such a thing) can't manage aswell.
I understand that dealing with emotion like this is very complicated and difficult but this video is very aggressive towards people with bpd they are not all aggressive narasstic people
I agree, I recently got out of an abusive relationship (not on my own accord, she randomly dumped me) with my ex girlfriend who has bpd. It just sucks because I tried to help her so much and she just pushed me away and said that my feelings towards her were "petty." She's mostly a nice, sweet young woman but she has severe problems with a relationship. I just hope she somehow finds happiness.
Madison Diaz yeah you’re right, I felt rather triggered due to my sitch at the time but I can understand this may be useful for someone else :) best wishes
My ex bpd....told her she needed help. She went twice for councilling. Then she didn't go back. Told me she was doing it for me. Wrong answer luv!!! You should be doing it for yourself. By that time I'd had enough n fucked off. Never again. A blessing in disguise as now I see red flags in any new dates etc....I know not to waste my time. If you are with s bpd run away from them. Save your sanity and health.
Okay I feel like I was in a relationship with someone who has BPD or some type of other personality disorder. I broke up with her a month and a half ago and I have gotten better but still have trouble getting over it completely. We've broken up before but she always crawls her way back into my life. Here are the signs (Be prepared it's a lot) Beginning of the relationship: - First 2 months were almost perfect. Good communication no problems typical honeymoon phase. She was extremely clingy. - After 2 months: Shit goes downhill. She starts making up ridiculous stories about how her ex's would abuse her (which at first I believed her but then some of her stories weren't adding up). - She's a pathological liar it almost seemed like second nature to her. She would lie about things she didn't have to lie about or exaggerate her achievements. - She complimented me a lot in the beginning and would often bring herself down. She would say things like "you're more popular than me youre smarter you look too good for me I don't know why you're dating me I have so many issues". (Things should have ended here -_-). - She would often try to make me feel as if I were in competition with other guys but at the same time would often say no guys want her. - She could not take criticism AT ALL. Whenever I would try to point something out she would go cold for a few days or even weeks. - She loved playing the victim. Sometimes she would say she was the problem other times she would say I'm the problem. - She cried often (I'm not sure as a manipulation tactic or generally upset) after arguments or even small things I would say. - She had 3 close friends and she hated them one day but then the other day she loves them and back n forth. - She takes medication for her anger (she is a very angry person). - She used "sex as a currency" like you said in the video. She would withdraw as a form of manipulation and control. - She had the "Crazy eyes" if you know what I mean. - She would bring up things I said a long time ago and use it against me. - Was constantly bored (needed to be stimulated at all times), really jumpy and spastic. Very impulsive, she owned A LOT of pets she loves animals (probably more than people) - She would say some off the wall shit here and there like she had a tendency to harm people or herself. She was into some pretty dark things too, - She also didn't like when I achieved things because I might "become too successful for her". I've tried multiple times to break up with her but every time she would start crying and say "you're giving up on me". After 10 months I realized my sanity is on the line here. This relationship was destroying my social life and my schoolwork (we go to different colleges) so I finally decided to end it (I think she knew it was coming to an end and when I ended she seemed to "not care"). 2 days later she jumps into a rebound relationship and posts it all over social media to get a reaction out of me (I pray for her new man I honestly do). I haven't contacted her for over a month. But this whole thing is just interesting to me because she fits the description of a lot of different personality disorders and I can't stop thinking about it. I would say she fits the description of a psychopath or sociopath but she seemed to love animals, her family and would often say "I love you" a lot. But it confuses me how she showed a lack of empathy at times. I just now realized how insane it was to have stayed for so long. I honestly pity these types of people. Hopefully she could find some sort of help but god I pray for her and whoever crosses her path.
Thank you for reaching out AJ, I like your perspective and indepth communication about the situation. More often than not, when you leave a relationship like this it is hard, it weighs on you, and it's easy to go back to it. I work with clients to not go back, to power themselves up after this, and to realize why they made the choice to put this person in their life in the first place.
The part about how they would take something you told them long ago and use it against you ? THAT is the thing! That is it right there !! This bpd guy I was 'dating'used to take ALL the stuff I ever told him, he would then re-weave it into information he now had to threaten me and use against me. Including any pictures and text he had from me he turned around and threatened countless times to post on the net. (!!) Talk about living in unneccessary fear! If I had a medical issue he would refabricate it into another medical condition that was more serious or threatening and threaten to tell everyone I had it....that if I was living in different countries that I was actually a spy and in (sudden) rage he was threatening to tell the government etc etc etc on and on it went. So then it becomes obvious you better not tell these people ANYTHING ! Not a damn thing. They will use it agsinst you ! This, and consttant lying (I went on this trip etc etc just got back they would say when actually they had gone nowhere) etc etc etc etc. Ok enough. You break up with and block these people who breach your trust like this !!! They becomes completely untrustworthy, blackmailing, threatening, lying mess. Get. Rid. And thats what I did. Had to.
Wow man "you are too good for me" she told me that 100 time this is unbelievable is your ex is my ex? WTF she loves animals a lot cats and dogs! today i'm her angel and tomorrow i'm her devil. My ex and your ex they have a lot in common.
Sorry to those who suffer with this...but after having dealt wit 2 individuals with this disorder in the past intimately who really damaged my life...if I met another person with this I would run for the hills and not look back. Good luck to you.
Wow. That's EXACTLY what I went through with my ex. I spent over a year dealing with her bullshit and I felt like such a fool. I didn't want to break up in case she would kill herself, but I had fallen into the trap she'd set up. She had put her afflictions down to a series of abusive ex-boyfriends (no idea if they were even real or not now looking back), and kept me on edge by telling me that I might turn out like one of them. I was constantly walking on egg-shells, which only angered her more because she accused me of not being genuine with her, but when I was she'd also begin to get angry. When I finally broke up it felt like such a relief. I had been planning on it for a while but I was still gripped by fear she might do something. Afterwards she phoned me and messaged, threatening to kill herself, and making up stuff like she'd been in a car crash/was dying, but I had wised up to act by then. But I began feeling sad that I'd wasted so much time trying to help someone who was clearly not willing to help themself. I learned a valuable lesson from the whole experience, though. And I will be careful to watch for the signs of an emotional abuser in the future.
@@BirdNerd52, no excuse for his behavior but I believe he has a comorbidity with narcissistic personality disorder and that seems a more dominant trait. Remember that narcissist are very good at hiding what they actually are. I'm BPD and have dated a narcissist before and if I hadn't kept my wits about, he would have destroyed me. Also it is common to misdiagnosed BPD too.
Lots of judgement in the comments below, many from the BPD community it seems. Allow my perspective. First allow me to be clear- BPD will destroy any connection in EVERY relationship- That's part of the illness (duh). From my experiences, this lass has hit the nail exactly on the head. Maybe not all, but many of her points are highly valid. I had a bipoloar manic depressive mother whom I care for till she died. I learned a lot about diseased minds. Now I have a BPD lady in my life and kick myself in the ass for ever not seeing the signs. She hid her illness for 10 months of dating. I didn't think it was possible or possibly I was not watching carefully. I am going into survival mode by arranging my life on a need to know basis, keeping everything private that may be used as a weapon against me, constantly telling my young adult children that they are a VERY important part of my life and always will be, changing my passwords and locking my identification in the safe every night. I am wary of leaving my partner in the house when I go to work. I have changed my Will to warn my executors about what they have to be aware of with a BPD person in the household. I cherish and will honor the underage child who came with the BPD personality. I learn (thankful for the internet) , I strengthen the walls, (both emotional and household, and stay totally focused on my needs and those close to me. BDP'ers try to be the victim and always will. Do not play that game with a broken mind. Leave if you can or become the emotional warrior that is impervious to the mantra of poor me that the BDPer craves. Peace be with those having to deal with these crazy as bat shit personalities. (Hmmm.. crazy as batshit? I'm going to have to look that one up). And lastly a message to all those who have the disorder- Don't blame those around you- get help, get well or get lost in the wilderness. UDATE: Just found out that she is leaving in a month. I waver between feeling like I have dodged a bullet matrix style and missing the lady who, when functioning; is a joy to be with. She is packing boxes as I type this. Since she has initiated the move I am hopeful this won't turn into a war. At the moment she is a sentient being but that could change in a day. Life continues....my kids will be content so I suppose thats a small victory. But I will be losing the king-size bed that came with her which will be a tragedy. (kidding honest)
To those saying this demonizes BPD sufferers, please consider us on the other end of the spectrum. Granted, not everyone experiences it and acts the same way, so it's not fair to say that everyone that has BPD is "evil". But as a person living with and being victimised by someone with BPD, I can understand why a stigma could be falsely formed against ALL people with BPD. I live with a person with BPD, and it's made my life a living hell; I truly believe this person in my life is evil, messed up to the point that their only pleasure is making other people miserable. I've been condemned for things I haven't done, told I'm a complete waste of space, and "that they're sick of my face, my voice, and my very existence". Being told that by someone you care about eats you up inside. I'm tired, and what's more, I want my life to end. The only happy ending in my life is when either they're gone or I'm gone. Simple as that. All I can hope for is that if you have BPD, PLEASE get help. Don't let it destroy your lives and the lives of you're loved ones.
@@bioniclefuzzymelon8611 Get out of the relationship! I just got out of an abusive relationship with someone who has BPD (which this video described to a T) And to make matters worse, I have bipolar disorder, which makes it very hard to see whether I'm being used/abused or not.. If my thoughts are normally cloudy or if I'm in fact being manipulated/gaslighted..
@@Stigmatix666 Oh, I have bipolar, too! (And sorry, I didn't understand when you said get out...^^` I thought you were angry at me) It does make things even harder to cope... I am in the process of getting away from this person in my life; the problem is that it's my mother, and I still live at home.(I have a lot of health issues that make it impossible for me to move out right now) I hope things turn out the best for both of us, though! ^w^
@@bioniclefuzzymelon8611 No, not angry at all. I just got out of this type of relationship, and since I'm bipolar I'm in a deep depression atm. And also somewhat relieved actually.. Bit strange. But my ex *literally* lives around the corner, and I do mean literally.. this isn't gonna end well..
The things she's saying are right for the type of borderline that is really extroverted. I have bpd but I'm the introverted type. There are so many different types of this condition that not everything she's saying fits for everybody. She just scratched the surface. But this condition is more than just on the surface. It goes so deep and is so complex that you couldn't explain everything about it in just a few minutes.
My college son who is living 14 1/2 hours away from us, met a girl, his freshman year right after a bad break up. They’ve been together now for over a year and I have become the target of blame. I had always had a very close relationship with my son. Recently he has begun to accuse me of moods that I was not in, post that I did not make, all kinds of blame towards me. The other day he sent me a very horrible text that I could tell she helped him write. Placing, ultimatums, demands, etc. we are talking with a therapist, but she does not specialize in BPD, we are in great need of help as we fear that we are losing our son. He has stopped communicating with all of his friends from home, he is never without her, we cannot talk to him on the phone alone ever, he barely calls home, his sister, etc. and it is breaking all of our hearts. We are very very worried about him.
Krista, I can help. There are some things you can begin to do that may help to offset some of this immediately. Also, the way we communicate in these moments are important. You can book sessions directly through my website at this link: www.ashleyberges.com/coaching-sessions/
What she says is so true. My BPD wife turned one of my sons by my first wife into a rival for my affection. It was so bad that she would yell out snide and even vulgar comments when I would just talk to him on the phone. She also would tell me that a man that really loves his wife would give up his family for her if family members upset her. Then she would give me examples of other men who had done this for their wives. One such man was her step father. He sees his son and granddaughter about once a year. And they live in the same town. I refused to do this and now we are separated and headed for divorce.
Well, okay. I have severe BPD and I watch these kinds of videos in an attempt to gain perspective so that maybe I can improve myself and understand how my partner is feeling, but all this video did was hurt me and make me feel even worse about myself. I know for a fact that I don't do any of these things, but this woman is trying to convince me that I do and make me even more paranoid of what my partner is/might be thinking. Thanks for telling me how awful I am and that I can't make anyone happy.
Hannah Smith Same here. This video really makes me feel like there's nothing good in me and for someone who over-thinks everything it just adds so much stress.
Half the time people with bpd don’t realize they do these things but they actually do. When there’s videos like this they feel attacked because you don’t think that’s how you treat people. You probably do but you don’t realize it. That’s what makes bpd so horrible. It’s kind loving people battling something that’s just bigger than them.
I've been with my partner for 2 years , she has bpd. It's been very difficult and now impossible, I need out but feel stuck . that video was spot on ! It was like u described my partner and me. Thank you
If she isn't going to take responsibility for her emotions, give you back your freedom, and work on herself, LEAVE. If you aren't willing or are emotionally stretched too thin to stick through recovery, LEAVE. I say this and am a BPD sufferer myself. Nothing is worth destroying your mental health. Nothing is worth staying in a loveless relationship. Best of luck.
Wow i just watched this and got the chills. U may as well have been telling my story. This video suggests that i m not alone in my struggle of being with someone with bpd. It has been a very trying and difficult year and a half for me and i ve sought many answers to the countless questions i m left with on a daily basis. U have answered the most important question of them all and i feel resolve in moving forward. Self love is key!! Thank u. Ur a gem!
you're completely wright !! i had to stop the relationship , but she gave me a trip to hell . 5 months and not yet recovered from that experience . the worst i ever had in my life.
Thank you for this. I have BPD, I was diagnosed a little less than a year ago, but I believe I have been dealing with this for many years. I needed to hear a real perspective of what it’s like from the other side. I’m doing all the things. I have a psychiatrist, I have a counselor, and recently I started myself in an outpatient day program at the behavioral hospital near me. But I’m so terrified that I’m never going to get better, because I truly feel like I’m getting worse. I just don’t understand why my husband stays. I try to leave, because when I’m not with him, we are both happier, but somehow we always end up back together.
Good to hear from you Staci, why do you feel like you're getting "worse?" Do you feel like you are being able to process your emotions better? How is the day programming progressing? How long have you been married?
@@LifecoachAshleyBerges my husband had an affair a year and a half ago, and at first I was so crushed that I couldn’t feel, and then I felt everything all at once, and then it was INSANE insecurity, and now it’s calmed down, but comes out as anger when I feel like he doesn’t care about me. I’m scared of being abandoned again, I think. I wasn’t a stable person before that, but that really threw me into overdrive. I’m only on my third day of the outpatient program, but it’s helping. I haven’t disclosed my illness or any details of my life really, but I’m surrounded by people who get it, and I love that. Im hopeful that I’ll be able to open up more soon so that I can get the skills I need. My husband and I have been married for 7 years, but we’re dating 10 years before we said our vows. We have 2 children, ages 13 and 9.
Hi Ashley. Thanks so much for this. It really hit home on many levels. Been in a relationship cycle with a woman for 16 years including marriage and divorce and then dating. This really helped me and I especially like the focus on self. That is something I completely overlooked and yet just hit me so hard when you got there in this and the previous video. Thanks again and will be watching more of your stuff. You are awesome.
Ashley, please don't generalize everyone with BPD as demanding, abusive, and hard to love. We're humans just like you, and we deserve respect. These issues aren't exclusive to people with Borderline Personality Disorder. Everyone is capable of being abusive and demanding.
"We're humans just like you" Yes, no one said anything else. And the statements are still true nonetheless, aren't they? Don't get the ego so attached to it, and see it for the objective overall truth that it is, in context.
@@JonasAnandaKristiansson This isn't about ego. This stigma and assumption that we're shitty people by default affects us in very real ways in every day life. Objectively, this woman has a warped and anecdotal view of us. That's just the truth.
@@JonasAnandaKristiansson it's not that "we're humans too", it's "we're not unlike yourselves". The implication has been made that we are not like other people therefore shouldn't be seen as such, so yes. It was said.
@@JonasAnandaKristiansson "sex is a currency where they can get whatever they want... You aren't connected in a love type relationship, it's other types of emotions so you feel like you're connecting on some level but you're not" She literally stated in absolute terms that we are incapable of love and that we are disingenuous in our affection. She is describing NPD. People with BPD can love fiercely, sometimes too fiercely. They can be unselfish and giving and compassionate by nature because I always was that person. Taking in strays and letting them stay on my couch until they can get back on their feet, going out of my way to help people at a massive cost to myself.. and you would not believe how neurotypicals have taken advantage of me and wrecked me compared to people with mental illness who I helped. They were so grateful, not entitled fucks. It's other issues related to our trauma that are often what get in the way. My partner would disagree with this video. We've been together for 3 years, we are still happy and madly in love with each other and plan to spend our foreseeable future together. We've had problems but we've worked through them and keep getting better and stronger and healthier. I go to therapy once a week, I take my meds religiously, I have a DBT program that I'm doing (already finished another group therapy program), I read materials, I actively struggle to overcome my challenges every day and I do everything I can to protect those around me. I didn't ask for this, but I sure as shit am not going to let it steal my life or hurt the people I love any more. It's pretty shitty to be met with this narrative over and over again after working so hard and proving the stigma wrong only to be told repeatedly by people who don't even know me that I'm a toxic piece of shit who will never find happiness. I've had neurotypicals who I didn't even know find out I had BPD and tell me to kill myself. Yeah because that's not toxic and abusive at all. People with BPD are just as susceptible to abuse as we are susceptible to being abusers, and yet you never hear anything about that. It's always the other way around (regardless of the fact that the reason we're fucked up is because we were abused in the first place). I'm pretty fuckin sick of it.
They hurt everyone they come across. No real emotions. Spoiled children with no emotional control who act psycho, control and threaten when you want a normal relationship. Worst abuse I've ever suffered. You can't save these people without them engaging in some serious therapy but they take NO responsibility for their abusive behaviour(including physical assaults with some) I'm done. Video spot on. Thank you for preserving my sanity.
its because of people like you there is a massive stigma attached to these personality disorders. Deeply worried about the advice you are giving out. Not all BPD sufferers manipulate. BPD sufferers need love and support. Congratulations on your choice to warn partners of BPD sufferers and enjoy your wages
". Congratulations on your choice to warn partners of BPD sufferers " Wrong!!!For every decent,kind,loving and caring person should just run...And I do mean run for your very dear life away from a Demonic Borderline monster...
Kate Bright what is a non abusive bps person like then?my ex sister in law I am sure did not mean to be abusive. I am aware of her trauma growing up, but the false allegations and accusations that she would hit the family with were completely mindfucking and there was never any convincing her that we meant no Ill will. She abused with tears, always accusing us of hurting her and would never accept reasonable explanations. If one of her kids needed correcting and someone did it, she would accuse them of being abusive. I watched one day her child breaking another child's toy and one of the uncles said..."don't do that" and she went off about him yelling at her kid. He hadn't raised his voice at all. This person may not have been abusive (though actually, I kind of think she was) but her neediness and constant hurt feelings over nothing and her new demands and unreasonable standards and withholding of the children did scar some of my family members for life. She has caused a lot of pain in her pain. It's hard to keep empathy for her pain after a decade of being accused of being a terrible person.
why are you defending "all" BPD sufferers yet you admit there are "some" who are abusive? OP was talking about and describing the BPD people who REFUSE TO GET HELP, and keep their spouses and children in a state of stress and anxiety.
I can hear that you have personally had a very bad relationship with someone who has had BPD. I can also hear that you don't really understand the machanisms of BPD at all.
I have BPD and I HATE it! It's not something that I asked for, just like nobody asks for cancer. It's painful to read the comments, but I am one that REALLY wants help. It it torture on the person who has it too. Think about that. I am 54 and was diagnosed 2015. Finally! I knew something was wrong since I was young. I went through a LOT of bad things, saw a lot of bad things and was abused. All I ever wanted to do was make everyone else happy. "I" have put myself in the hospital 5 times begging for help. It's like being in an adult daycare/jail. I did TMS and it didn't work. I am sorry most of you have had horrible times with a BPD person, but please understand that we are all NOT like that. I see a Psychiatrist, Therapist and going to start DBT this week. I have been on pages where people say that anyone with BPD should be killed! Do you know how terrifying that is for me to see?! I subscribed to this channel after watching the gas lighting video. My daughter is doing that to me and it's killing me. I asked my family what I had done to deserve this, and all of them said I didn't do anything to the point of this happening. (me and some of my family aren't that close either) I love my daughter more than anything in the world. I am starting to wonder if SHE has BPD. I saw the BPD videos and thought I would check them out. Like one person said"this video is not for BPD but their victims". She said something about us having a pity party too. The video does not say "Not for BPD sufferers". There is no "party", just trying to explain what some BPD people are like. We are not all monsters.Not every BPD is the same.
And I think what people with borderline don’t understand is your intentions you’re suffering doesn’t really matter if you’re also making other people suffer you guys say oh you know we’re suffering too. You don’t know how bad it is we don’t care when you are actively hurting the people you love it’s hard to have sympathy when you’re now the abuser, your life sucking doesn’t mean you guys get to hurt and abuse those around you. And as far as borderline having empathy, I think you guys do have empathy I just think you guys don’t extend that empathy out to anyone else that isn’t you stop looking at your borderline is something that only is unique to you and start looking at the things that you do in your actions and behaviors have on the people that you claim to love have empathy for others that are not you
why is everyone of these videos about leaving the person with bpd. and not how a person with bpd can fix this.... i believe i have bpd and im tryign to save my relationship but fixing myself because i dont see the problem everyone else sees but since i lost everyone i think thats proof enough that im the problem. so if you can foward me to a video that can take me through the steps or at lest teach me not to be a piece of hit like i am then that would be great
If the person with BPD refuses to get help, and continues to subject her spouse and child to her ups and downs (which are abusive) then leaving is the only option for the victims so they can keep their sanity!
These people with BPD in the comments being defensive are probably typing the same thing they would say to their partners when confronted. "Do not demonize me", "This is ridiculous", and the best one "just fucking have a conversation". Nothing would please you more than "having a conversation" where you can try to manipulate other people with sex, or emotional blackmail them etc, right? This is a video about and for some people that suffer the consequences of involving themselves with people with BPD. I, and a lot of people on the comments can relate. And I think if I saw this before it would have helped me leave an abusive relationhip early, and it could help someone else... But those people don't matter. Fuck them. All you care is that you are being "stigmatized".
"trapped in a relationship with someone suffering from bpd" the title has just grinded me !! and then I started to listen to some of the stuff... You need to educate more on mental health!!
I was trapped though , she’s cheated and then threatened suicide if I moved on, I was assaulted, gaslit, manipulated with false attempts to get therapy which only lasted weeks, made to feel like I was the problem also. It was hell and it turned my reality upside down and made me not want to have compassion anymore as it was insulting to her. Using childhood abuse as an excuse to treat another person like dirt is not nice to be on the receiving end of. It messed with my trust and destroyed my faith in true love. Like most personality disorders there are different levels and this video really rang true with me
Exactly! Well said! No one traps anyone because of BPD. People are free to walk away if they’re unhappy but people with BPD tend to stay in relationships where the partner make them unhappy.
I dated a BPD women and it ruined me, such am emotional roller coaster zi tried to do so much for her but nothing seemed tk be good enough, yet she would tell me I gaslit her, I was a narcisist etc she never took accountability for her actions or thought they were ok even knowing my stance on it from the very beginning im still wrote off over this no idea how to bounce back she made mw feel like im the problem.
Hold all the Cards! resonated with me. I have been in a marriage for 20 years. My wife has never worked nor taken care of the monies that I provide. Yet, she makes me feel like a lodger in "her" house; no compromise, prevents me re-modeling etc and I cave in! Been trying for a loooong time to turn this around but think now I just had better get gone :-(
I'm guessing all those thumbs down are from people with BPD who are feeling hurt and upset and whatnot from watching this video. And while I do wish the best for all of us, BPD's included, I can only speak from the perspective of someone who's been in a relationship with a BPD for 3,5 years: It doesn't change. You can't fix them. They're always the victim. Their problem is a fundamental lack of love and sense of security, and those things have to come from within. The best thing you can do for everyone is to let your partner know this and to move on. If you choose to stay, you'll end up feeding your love, patience, acceptance, and forgiveness to a bottomless pit of anger and self-hatred while letting yourself drag along on an emotional roller coaster that'll end up destroying your self-respect and ability to trust in future partners. Sorry to say it, but get away while you can. It hurts, and it sucks, but it's better for everyone in the long run.
@@thephilosopher1663 No, you're absolutely right; it's supposed to be read in the, admittedly, narrow context of trying to "fix" them. Because you can't help someone who's unwilling to be helped, and who is blinded and pacified by their own sorrow and anger. It HAS to come from within; otherwise, it's impossible. Hope that clears things up a bit. :)
I notice alot of bpds on this comment section are also narcissists. They have this look at me, feel sorry for me, I need help not criticism. They don't have any empathy what so ever. I have seen alot of videos of bpd victims. The bpds try to high Jack the comment section to attack the person making the video and the victims. I want to stay as far away from these people as possible. My brother has this and he is very hard to deal with. I have to keep arms length and can't trust him. After watching these videos and seeing bpd attack victims then I don't see any hope for me and my brother. Because these people are selfish and self absorbed.
A BPD is one of cluster b personality disorders. NPD can be it's own thing when severe or addition to other cluster b disorder. All cluster b's have narcissism in them.
Yes. They are at least as trapped as you are, except they can't leave the relationship. Thank you for not being one of those people who thinks they're lying or doing it willfully.
It's like being on a boat and your wife jumps off the boat then in the water yelling help help so you jump overboard in your clothes to save her and get back on the boat then she jumps right back off the other side and starts yelling for help again. You just keep saving the bpd person over and over again while they make fun of you in the most cruel and hurtlful way just for wearing wet clothes in between. It's as cycle that seems neverending.
You save them while they make fun of you for wearing wet clothes. Damn. Perfect metaphor.
as a person with borderline this comment hurts but i can see how it’s true
@@DesireeZeidel I hate the fact that I even experience something to describe it that way but that's what life is like in that relationship after the love bombing ends
this is such a great example!!
I wonder if this is on porpuse
I'm a fixer, so tried to help her. Codependency is definitely a problem. Never again.
Vampire Slayer how did you get out of it? My friend is in this type of relationship where he just wants to be the hero and she depends on him to be that but it’s very toxic for both of them
@@SedonaCreates, I started to draw boundaries; and she started to look for new supply. After that, the silent treatment and devaluations stage started along with the triangulation and gas-lighting. She called me obsessive and delusional (NPD Projection). I still did not know about Cluster B Disorders, but I knew that I was being treated like shit.
Anyway, I broke it off abruptly with a strongly worded Goodbye. I felt badly at the time, but now that I know about BPD/NPD, the break up was perfect. It narcissistically wounded her.
Codependency isnt real ..obviously you staying was a red flag that childhood was the issue. Most likely raised by a narrarssisct
Savior complex? I can relate to that and it was really hard to get out. Watching 3rd season of 13 reasons why kinda of made me feel bad for "giving up", but it was affecting me so much even when I tried to cope with (i.e. cutting people from my life to avoid jealousness problems), it was a cycle and nothing that I did helped. (so people really need professional help).
@@SedonaCreates Having been in one of these relationships myself, my advice is have your friend get professional help, hopefully its not to late and he can cut the ties clean before any more pain is involved, I have two boys with my X girlfriend, so it made it extreamly difficult to completely get away from her, my youngest is now 17 and I look forward to the day I never have to deal with her again. On the plus side I have been married in a happy relationship for over 10yrs and my boys have been exposed to a "Normal/funtional " relationship growing up and was blessed with a 7yr old daughter that they get to be big brothers too.
I've been with my BPD boyfriend for a year and a half. I have to find a way to leave. He threatens me constantly, threatens to kill me among other things. He blackmails me and I'm not just talking emotional blackmail though there is plenty of that too. He now controls pretty much every aspect of my life. I'm scared that the police can't protect me from him. I'm planning how to disappear. For those of you that are here to complain about how you are a different kind of BPD just realize this type of a video is not for you and just move along. This video is for me and people like me that are trapped in a scary relationship.
Dolly Estrada Are you sure he’s not a psychopath?
Threatening murder can definitely be BPD. It's all about emotions and control. My cousin lived with one for 7 years and she ended up stabbing him when he tried to leave finally. Serious abandonment issues. She wasn't constantly violent throughout those 7 years like maybe a psychopath would be, but pwBPD can definitely get enraged enough to lash out physically. In fact, I think psychiatrists are starting to group cluster B personalities together as there is so much overlap.
Get away and go no contact as soon as you can. Thankfully you realized you need to leave in a year and a half. The longer you stay, the deeper you sink into their quicksand and it feels impossible to leave. My BPD husband of 12 years will never let me leave without ruining mine and our children's lives first. I know he will never change and he doesn't deserve us. Everytime I try to leave he sabotages my way out. He won't let even his parents help me and since everyone else I have he pushed right out of my life. It feels so impossible and I tell him what he wants to hear to keep tge peace. I hope you get away from him and live the life you deserve. Sending you love.
My wife threatens to kill herself.
She cuts herself.... I can make it stop any time. I just have to obey. I have to do what she wants... or not do what she doesn't want.
Over and over and over. Her therapists diagnosed her with BPD , and my therapist, which she knows nothing about, has also stated she may have BPD... from reading the texts from the last few weeks. Tho my therapist says its not an actual diagnosis because its second hand.
Still , all this rings tru to me.
See! They are psychopaths, bpd is bs, it's a made up illness for psychopathic snowflakes who should be locked up for life. Hope you are away from him honey, ditch the moron, your not his mother or a doormat. 💖
When the weirdness starts happening first time when you are dating a 'BPD' person it is the scariest most confusing place to be in the whole world :((?
Wow, I remember the day I first saw this from my wife. I was in complete shock, very scary. We've been married over 7 years now and things have gone better but she still has her "episodes" every now and then, and that is when I have to leave her presence immediately.
No question. Scared the hell out of me and still does.
What do you mean by the”weirdness”?
@@cloudripper82what do you mean what happened?
Being with a borderline is like being a pin cushion. Every now and then they stick a pin in you then another , then another then by the time you know it your filled with their pins . Their pins represent a multitude of emotions from sadness, rage , anger , silent treatment, guilt tripping you , insults, violence, rudeness, passive aggressiveness , blaming whew I’m exhausted.
Everything she says here is spot on, and in her other videos. Surprised by the number of thumbs downs. If you've lived through it you know she is speaking the truth.
They create chaos and drama ups and downs they're explosive and reactionary but of course it's all your fault. Which they tell you by screeching at you with an anger and hatred I've yet to feel for anyone in my life much less for someone I supposedly love.
Mr S Sadly, this is one of the truest statements I have read about having a BPD partner. The characteristics seek to repeat, a bit like the way heroin addicts are all more or less the same personality. This seems true of BPD people from what I am reading in forums and in the psych books I study for my schooling.
We are not all the same. And you can’t use someone’s diagnosis as a way to put all the responsibility on them.
Same... I have been called the most horrible names I have ever been in my life, told I am hated which I have yet not said because it cruel ...then called a 'goddess ' when they want something from me again, it's a nightmare rollercoaster for anyone that is sane... so done
Yes totally
+1
Being in a relationSHIT with a borderline or “quiet” Narcissist is absolute HELL. Takes years and years of healing/therapy!!!
CUT AND RUN 🏃♀️
Amen
I am a narcisst and have Borderline, I see my partner everyday if I look in the mirror. Can only walk away with breaking da mirror with my Baseballstick Black Duty
I agree. Unfortunately the BPD person in my life was my own mother. My life was hell.
@@johannesmohner8695 are you diagnoses with NPD and BPD?
nun ya We’re not all the same. There is a HUGE spectrum. I can be a handful at times, but you’ll never find a more loving, empathetic, always want you happy, and loyal girlfriend ever. I’m in BPD groups, and I’ve seen the types you’re referring to but don’t put us all in the same blanket statement PLEASE!
My boyfriend has BPD and as much as people are offended by what she us saying, I have experienced all of these things with my partner. Every single one.
I hope you got out dear.
Really? I hope she was there to try and help and support him. BPD is even more painful for those suffering from it believe it or not. Stop contributing to the stigma. You need to do your research.
@MsYogaGrrrl I am a licensed professional that specializes in personality disorders. More specifically, cluster B which includes BPD and reading your comment clearly puts you in that category of mental health professionals clouded by stigma to an extent. Not all patients with this diagnosis are aware of their actions (more commonly those that are untreated) and they are ABSOLUTELY responsible for their actions and any harm they cause but that is any person, not just one with borderline personality. But saying that a borderline patient is incapable of a “give and take” relationship or putting anyone above themselves is absolutely false. In fact it is more often the opposite. No they should not be given special treatment when it comes to toxic relationships and what they did to cause it. However, they are absolutely capable of being caring and giving to their partners. Support does require boundaries just like ignorance requires education. I really hope that future professionals are not suffocated by disgusting stigma as you seem to have exhibited here.
Grace Tyson As a mental health nurse and as someone diagnosed with BPD your comment is very refreshing. I am an overly caring, giving, and compassionate person and do over and above for people. And you are absolutely correct in saying not everyone knows what they are doing. I found personally it was my partner that made me aware of my behaviours then through therapy I realised what thoughts were causing these behaviours. I became trauma bonded in my last relationship which has basically destroyed me in all areas of my life. I don’t work at the moment but through personal and professional experience everyone’s diagnosis carries different symptoms and different behaviours. Xx
@@charlesbrown555 she's not contributing to stigma, you're just excusing abuse. Borderlines will get more help and empathy when they are trying to better themselves, but no-one owes you a relationship.
I left and filed for divorce. It was a painful marriage indeed. 2 years later life is good. Why did this all happen I ask? I allowed it to happen.
Proud of you for leaving. I just left 2 weeks ago
You are giving me strength. I’m leaving my wife for the same reason. I allowed it. My kids see it. Her family sees it. Hell her own friends see it. Checking my location constantly. Going through my phone when nothing has happened.
I strongly suspect my ex has BPD. I knew she had depression issues before we got together, but when we went official she showed her true colours and that's when then problems began: gaslighting, guilt-tripping, constantly bringing up small issues from the past and blowing things out of proportion, threatening to kill herself, and generally having me run around after her to stop her from going overboard.
Nothing I could do was ever enough, and it took me a long time to figure out that nothing I could do was ever going to make her better. She would frequently put me down by telling me I didn't help her enough, or that I was never there for her (despite the time and money I spent trying to help her), until one night I told her I'd had enough. It hit her then that I wasn't going to put up with her crap and she went into panic mode, begging me not to leave her because she would have no one else left to use as her emotional crutch. I had put off breaking up because I was scared she'd kill herself. But I was being held to emotional ransom. If you are ever in the same situation, don't stay with someone out of fear or guilt: you deserve better than that.
Initially I felt guilty about it, until I realised I'd been a victim of emotional abuse and emotional blackmail. I'm still recovering from the experience, but with the help of my friends I've gotten back on my feet. I made make the same mistake of dating a psycho. But I made it out. I'll never make that mistake again. And I am so glad I got out before I drowned.
Was going through the same bro, happy for you
I did the exact thing you did. Tortured me for months and I slapped her not knowing I was even gonna do that. I have to leave this situation. I have a son with her and and afraid to leave him with her.
Glad you made it out. I married mine after only 1 year of meeting her. She took me to the jewelry store after 6 months of us together. Me in initial love phase, I wanted to make her happy. I bought the ring and proposed to her about a week later. This of course wasnt good enough for her,, she wanted to get married early.. so i throw caution to the wind and Ignored all the red flags and thought she'd slow down demands and calm once she saw i was serious. It wasn't even 2 months in, I was already seeing divorce in our future and wondering what I had done. She'd blow up, Threaten divorce, start drama over the smallest things i said,then a say later, she'd do something nice to reel me back in. Same cycle almost every week. One day while riding in my car, we got in a heated argument. she demanded i let her out of the car in the middle of a field. I didn't let her out, so she throws my gearshift in park with the car still driving. I should've been done that day. After about 10 months, she blew up and after that last threat of giving my ring and key back. The door stayed closed. I ran and didn't think twice about filing for divorce. I felt guilty but I was exhausted from trying to fill that bottomless bucket up every day.
Sorry but its really harmful to diagnose people if you are not a doctor. She could just be a shitty person, they do exist and should not have an excuse for their behavior handed to them
@Chloe Poppies that not true. I have BPD, been in therapy for 3 years but Ive been living with my partner for 7 years… just cuz things didn’t work out with the person you dated doesn’t mean it all because of BPD, it’s a personality disorder BUT THAT DOESNT CONTROL YOUR ACTIONS! If someone does something shitty to you its cuz they are shitty. After 7 years Ive NEVER cheated or left my partner, I’m always here for him and I’d only start pulling away ads you said if i got treated like shit. Stop generalizing and handing people an excuse for their behavior. We are all responsible for the things we do and sometime mental illness makes it harder BUT NOT IMPOSSIBLE! Dont discredit the ones that work hard on themselves to be better and not hurt the people we love. If you are not a doctor then talk about your experience but DO NOT make statement about a community you don’t know about.
i dated someone with bpd and all i can say is i'll never do that again...that's the silver lining. thank you for this video
Thank you for reaching out Claudia, I'm glad this video helped!
I agree it's a living hell
I read many negative comments of people disagreeing with this, but honestly, I think this described my BPD ex boyfriend quite well. He is a nice guy regardless, but it is what it is.
I have a friend with bpd. I realized she is like this the last week. She us the main source of anxiety in my life and the life of everyone around her. I get away for months. She promises to behave in a healthy way, only to fail short. I am tired of being tired around her. She twists everything with everyone to be self righteous. I am turnning our relationship more and more superficial everyday. She is a drama queen. I can't take it any more. My adrenals are screaming: that's enough.
How to get rid of this relationship with the least damage? Bpd patients tend to ruin the lives of those who leave them , as they destroy their reputation.
I wish you mentioned at some point: Borderlines are indeed capable of recovery if they put their minds to it. I commented on this a few months back, and since then I’ve been in therapy and have made a significant amount of change. I don’t fight with anyone anymore, I learned how to handle rejection in a calmer fashion, heck I’m even learning to forgive myself. So to any borderlines watching this and seeing this comment: Recovery is sooo possible. When I watched this, I felt awful about myself, even though I know I wasn’t the type of person she was describing. She made me hate myself even more, but in therapy I’ve turned my whole self around and finally got some control of my emotions. I know a lot of you neurotypicals are gonna give me shit anyways even if I finally got help and have reached recovery, and honestly, that’s fine. It won’t stop me from continuing my journey on a healthier state of mind.
I respect and commend you for your self work. Very impressed, keep being a beacon of light for others. And thank you for reaching out @unsend
@Katherine Terberg First step: YOUR DISORDER DOES NOT DEFINE YOU. My therapist confirmed I am in recovery just recently. Don't care what the strangers behind a screen say. They got the negative experiences. That can't be helped. What can be helped is yourself. I've been in DBT since August and it has worked WONDERS. I PROMISE. Be patient with yourself. It has helped me a lot. I'm just some stranger, but as a fell borderline in recovery: I promise you it works and it's worth the effort.
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unsend ☝️ um ok...
first off. No need what so ever to get offended by this video and I will tell you why. There are two types of BPD's.
The ones who know and acknowledge the diagnoses,
And the ones that refuse to accept the diagnoses.
The lady in this video is talking about the ones that do NOT acknowledge the diagnoses !!!!!
Isn't it obvious??????
Audrey Ouellet Audrey Ouellet I’m not offended so much bc I understand. Yes, there are two types, I get that. I was angry AT THE TIME because I was closeminded about it. I know borderlines can be stubborn (coming from experience) but in the end, it’s up to them to get help. No one else’s job.
And yes. There are manipulative and toxic borderlines, and even I stay away because I don’t want it to rub off on me and my recovery (I’m not calling them bad people, I just have a more positive life now and I don’t want ANYONE getting in the way of that).
No need to yell at me. I apologize if I worded anything unclearly.
unsend no yelling sweety ❤️️
Interesting how this video set off so many people with BPD. This video is not for them tho. It is for victims who suffer from having an intimate relationship with a person who has BPD.
I don't have BPD but as a psychiatric RN I completely object to her sweeping characterization of BPD sufferers. I can't speak to what she has experienced with ONE individual but BPD, like any other disorder, has symptoms that are displayed across a wide spectrum. Over-simplifying any mental health disorder is not very helpful. There are characteristic feelings and traits, but they present in a wide variety of ways. If you are involved with a person like she describes you may come to think that ALL BPD sufferers behave that way but it's not true. The real diagnosis is in how they feel as much as how they behave. Many people can control their behaviors but not their feelings. Some cannot control anything. It just isn't fair to make such sweeping statements.
Ofc you are entitled to your own opinion, but BPD ranges on a spectrum. And we are not insane, I can think and see just as good as a healthy person and we can learn to recognize whether a relationship is abusive or not. Just because I suffer from it, doesn't mean I am necessarily abusive or a monster. You and your partner can learn skills, you can take medication, learn about self awareness and seek professional help. I felt like adding that, since, to me, it seemed otherwise in the video.
paul c Your experience sounds horrible and I don’t doubt it a bit. But please know that not “everyone” in my profession Is the problem. There are many people who should not be in relationships until they are stable. But as many psychiatric illness cannot be cured, it Is unfair to say no nobody who is mentally ill should be in a relationship. One thing I hope we can agree on, nobody deserves to be abused under any circumstances. Whether by a mentally ill partner, parent or a psychiatric professional whose actions are unprofessional. I’m truly sorry that your experience further traumatized you rather than help you.
paul c Paul, first of all CPTSD is a *relatively* new differentiation. Before this differentiation sufferers were sometimes diagnosed with BPD or Bipolar or simply PTSD which, I’m sure you know, is different. Many people believe that BPD sufferes are incurable and cannot progress to healthy behaviors. This is not true. Some progress completely into healthy behaviors. They come to understand that while they still “feel” the same feelings that they should not trust those feelings and therefore, through extensive and intensive therapy, learn new ways of coping with the screwed up feelings they have. They still have the feelings, they simply don’t act on them and they learn to turn the feelings around into healthy coping. It takes years of hard work and insight. Far too many never do the work or perhaps cannot afford the treatment. It’s very expensive. I agree with you that BPD people typically find other unhealthy people. Some find vulnerable people such s yourself. Most find narcissists and sociopaths and become victims themselves. The big picture is that it’s a really painful world out there and we need to start caring about people who are mostly unlovable. Not because superficially deserve it but because are a society where people are valued. Curing people protects everyone else from falling victim. I’m not going to defend my profession to someone who has been failed by this profession. I would never invalidate your experience. I believe we still know very little about the causes of and therefore the treatments for mental illness. I can only do the best I can with the knowledge currently available and be open to new learning. Part of that learning is listening to people exactly like you who tell your experience. I am truly sad that you’ve been failed by my profession and by life in whatever caused your trauma in the first place. That’s a whole lot to carry but it sounds like despite what you’ve been through you are fighting hard with all you’ve got. That’s a great example to everyone.
paul c I’m sorry you feel attacked. That was not my intent. People with BPD develop this disorder for many reasons. Complex Childhood Trauma being one big main reason. They are difficult and sometimes dangerous. They are also human. You have every right to feel the way you feel as it’s not your job to help the helpless or the unlovable. It’s my job. It’s a tough job. But I don’t view people as disposable. I don’t expect you to give BPDs a pass. I don’t give them a pass. I simply want them to get the help they need and deserve. They did not break themselves. They were broken. They deserve help. They do NOT deserve the right to hurt others. Which is why therapy and sometimes confinement in hospital is often necessary. I’ve seen many improve. I’ve seen some who never do. BPD comes with a very high rate of suicide. They hate themselves. They know they are broken and often give up. Each person is different. Each person with CPTSD is different. Each BPD is different. I view my role, first and foremost, as a patient advocate. I do my best to offer compassion and empathy to those who suffer, regardless of what they suffer form and I never give up. Stay strong man. You’re doing it.
Sadly, I dated someone with all these negative behaviors and I couldn’t stay any longer. Too demanding with my time and emotionally draining.
I have bpd and have gotten some therapy and with it a bit more self awareness. I left a very healthy relationship and got into a very unhealthy one with someone who is (in my opinion) very obviously a borderline and got all of my own medicine shoved back down my own throat and it was so eye opening. I have grown so much from this relationship because it has shown me how selfish I have been to people who were actually good and decent. The borderline I am in a current relationship with showed me red flags from the start, he calls me names whenever he gets mad, he gas lights, he twists my words back on me, it's pushed me to the point that the sound of his voice aggravates me. He will constantly make loud obnoxious noises simply because he knows it bothers me, and honestly I feel in some way this is justified karma. I had no idea that I was so self consumed that I didn't realize the stress and pain I caused to people who were invested in me and cared for me. The sad part is that with my current relationship he has very good sides to him, but he is so jaded that it's starting to undo all the work I did for myself in therapy. I do not believe most borderlines are truly aware of the pain they cause others, when you are in so much pain and stuck so deep within yourself it is easy to ignore the signs of suffering from others. That doesn't mean borderlines are not responsible for their behavior or action, in fact until they take responsibility for everything good and bad there really isn't much room for growing. Self awareness comes first.
Wow I have the same experience as u, I dated a narcissist and a person who was really nice but had depression in the past when I didnt get diagnosed as BPD, after my relative healthy relationship ended (because my ex didnt know how to deal with my BPD and I was in the cloud of what I was doing and the impact I had on the relationship and people around me until I did a lot of inner work later) I got in n out of therapy and now I have been dating a very likely BPD or Narcissistic traits, Im glad actually to have been in thiz toxic relationship tho it really drained me and my life it gave me a taste of my own medicine on how horrific is to be with someone who constantly get triggered over egg shells, like u said as well I dis not have a capacity before to see how my behaviours bothered people as I was so drowned in my own pain and survival I couldnt barely care about others...I've grown a lot and a lot out of my BPD traits too, Im quite proud of myself.
Pixel and Aisling, thank you both for doing your work. I'm just starting in earnest and boy does it seem like a steep mountain. Thanks for shining a light.
I have BPD. But I also have a parent who has BPD, and has a more extreme case of it. I often wonder if I'd be worse, or less self aware, if I hadn't experienced what it's like to be on the other end too.
As someone who is being manipulated and controlled by a person with bpd, this helps me realize that I'm not crazy and that my struggle is not all in my head.
I understand that having bpd doesn't make someone a bad person. I have mental illnesses myself. But thank you so much for this video. It's helping me figure out how to escape this situation.
NekoOfDarknesss agree I was on the same boat. But I was brave enough to leave the relationship and focus on myself. I was getting into a dark whole full of manipulation, domestic violence, mental abuse, verbal abuse, putting up with his rage and the ugly part he told me it was my fault, I was the one who trigger all of that. One day I said: this has to STOP! I'm healing now but is a long process taking day by day. I'm happy now days I can talk to who ever I want, no one checks my cell phone, no one stalk me, I can go out with friends and day by day I'm finding and loving myself more and more. Unfortunately I couldn't help this person with BPD but I was able to help my self.
Wait... Actually if they are manipulating you then they do know what that are doing, and yes, they ARE a bad person. You've just been conditioned to believe they're not evil people, but they are.
People who are in a relationship with BPD people, it's a living hell and just try leaving them, because it's really hard to get rid of them once they latch on to you. They are the most insecure people on the planet.
You also know why they are insecure?
@@wakeup6778 why's that?
And you know that how? Are you a doctor? Clearly not or you wouldn’t generalize like that.
I have BPD but my partner and I have been living together for 7 years… your experience doesn’t represent the whole community so people don’t generalize like that. It’s very harmful and it perpetuate a stigma
Yup and she keeps trying to trap me. Saying she will kill herself or she can't take care of her child from a previous relationship by herself. It's BS .
This is so so true. It's very hard when you love the person and they love you but there's something that can never click. Yes it feels as though you're going crazy. Very difficult when the person is also quite intelligent.
Ugh this struck me.
That's what's killing me. This is the one part where I felt this video didn't apply to me, is that I know my BPD ex-wife loved me, and I loved her. She is empathetic, beautiful, and so much more intelligent then I'll ever hope to be. Yet I broke it off because of the explosiveness of her emotions in our arguments and fights. Four years into it, I couldn't handle it anymore and I took the decision to divorce, that was 6 months ago and its still killing me, because she has all these qualities I mentioned and more.
Farouk Shafie oh man that’s tough. The thing that helped me conclude I made the right decision, and this is my situation only, that it’s 99% probability that things won’t change. I am aware that when someone puts in a lot of consistent effort that treatment can be effective, dbt I believe, and it can help the person with bpd. I had to leave for my own mental health.
@@faroukshafie4782 I keep dating these... Codependent, I know. Anyway, they really just think about themselves ultimately. They love you like you would love a new car. Its their world and you are just a character on the stage :-/ Sorry. Its just true.
Just feeling 💯 the same... „..but there is something that can never click.“... just so well explained! And as a „normal“ person you can’t understand...
I'm sorry you've suffered a bad relationship with someone who has bpd, however labelling all of us as abusive is stigmatising. Yes, a percentage of bpd's are abusive but a hell of a lot of us are not anything of the sort. Nobody deserves to be abused and bpd is not an excuse, i hope love and healing is available for the victims of the abusive bpd types. If your bpd other half is abusing you, do find a way to get out x
Susie that maybe true and just the wildest stories are talked about most, but my x really is a bad person on all levels once her bpd is known about.. I consider myself a very strong person and she rocked me. I just hope she can work things out and be happy we someone else.
Susie Mhm.
Despite my BPD, I know for a fact that I do not do absolutely any of these things, yet this woman is trying to convince me that I do and that I'm an awful girlfriend to have.
Honestly, this video hurt me and deeply affected me making me reconsider my boyfriends feelings for/of me. I'm already worried about that kind of thing, so this video only makes that paranoia and fear of abandonment much, MUCH worse.
Hannah Smith dont you think your comments are over dramatic?....if you claim you dont behave the way thats described in this video then what are you actually worried about.....just keep it moving.
My ex was a BPD. She had trouble separating herself from external situations. She would act out things she saw on television or try to live stories that she heard or read about in the newspapers. She felt like everything that was happening, was about her.
On this level i can see where Hannah is coming from. And you'll see this repeated over and over in comments in videos like these. BPDs will chime in and say, "This video doesn't describe me at all. Why are you saying mean things about me?"
In the Paul Elam videos, he says up front, if I'm not describing you, then I'm not talking about you. But they'll chime in anyway.
Susie ☝️ um ok...
first off. No need what so ever to get offended by this video and I will tell you why. There are two types of BPD's.
The ones who know and acknowledge the diagnoses,
And the ones that refuse to accept the diagnoses.
The lady in this video is talking about the ones that do NOT acknowledge the diagnoses !!!!!
Isn't it obvious??????
I can relate to this pretty hard. I was in a relationship with someone with BPD for a year and it was a nightmare. She did pretty much all of the things mentioned above and never tried to actually get better. By the end I really did feel like I had been in an emotional blender. I was always being told I was the problem by her. I didn't even know which way was up. Finally I was able to escape, though not without some serious depression and PTSD that I'm still working on a year and a half later.
This scares me, it’s only been 3 or 4 days after our breakup but I think I definitely have ptsd from the end of the relationship, I wanted to make closure and oh boy that was a terrible idea
Me too buddy, me too!
Lol she literally says if they’re not willing to get help, not run for the hills. You have to love yourself first.
Everyone who disliked either has Borderline Personality Disorder or hasn't lived with a truly abusive one. I'm trying to get a restraining order against my brother who is tearing everything in my life apart and I'm sick to death of it. It ends now.
Thank you for acting consistent with a strong sense of self. Here's to you all having just the shred of luck needed for this consequence to get through to him.
Finally I can hear from someone that I am NOT the monster
Okay so I am non BPD, just left a two year relationship with someone with BPD, I was emotionally abused and a lot of the things in this video are accurate to my experience and it actually makes me feel better knowing other people have gone through this. I DO HOWEVER see how people with BPD are upset by this video.
I disagree with her about the sex part- my ex and I had an extremely special bond, we were very close and if he had been getting help and improving his behavior- i.e. not yelling every single day, isolating me, making me feel like I had to make excuses, lie just to see a girlfriend or my family or do schoolwork not at his house, things could have been so different. And yes he made me feel like everything was my fault. I tried to help because I loved him and wanted it to work- I was in therapy and trying to learn about coping mechanisms for him and for me and for us. After a long time I realized he wasn’t ready to get help. I think that’s the difference- this video is for victims of abuse who feel trapped in relationships with people who have unchecked mental illness. I know he loved me but besides himself, I was the only other person he took his anger out on- I felt like a punching bag. If you have BPD and you are getting help and working on being in a healthy relationship with professional guidance- I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU. That’s all I ever wanted from my ex. As someone who is still dealing with trauma from abuse that was caused by BPD (I really believe that’s what caused it because aside from his problems- he was my angel and my best friend) I feel uneasy reading these comments about this video being unfair. Aside from a couple things, this lady is just stating facts about what it’s like to be abused by someone who has unchecked BPD. Of course it doesn’t make you a bad person- but saying that she is making shit up and being unfair just reminds me of how my ex used to treat me when I told him I wasn’t ok with his behavior.
It has been so difficult to move on from this break up. I feel like my brains are scrambled eggs. I think that relationships involving BPD are INCREDIBLY COMPLEX. It’s so complicated and I felt for so long that it wasn’t his fault because he can’t control it. But continuing that relationship meant giving up on having a life of my own - a career, friends. You can only take so much abuse. Part of me everyday still feels like it wasn’t his fault. And it kind of wasn’t. He wanted someone who could accept him for everything he was and all he was going through- and that meant being around for tantrums multiple times a day sometimes, watching him throw stuff, walking on eggshells during the most normal conversations.
I was ready to accept him if he could get help and work on not being hurtful and controlling. But it just didn’t work out that way. I miss him everyday.
I think we should all work on ourselves and make sure we have solid foundations before intertwining our lives with another person so closely. I know that after being through that I am in such a vulnerable place- I am not fit to be anybody’s girlfriend till I sort myself out.
Ok that’s all for now. Lol
I relate to this 100% and I just want to say that you probably have the biggest heart because it takes the biggest toll on you. But yeah I definitely am going to start therapy and until I fully love myself and am okay with being alone. I will not be in another relationship.
Thank you so much for being fair and for being willing to do your work.
I’m sorry you had to go though this. But he was abusive to you please dont allow his actions to hide behind a diagnosis. I’ve been in a relationship for 7 years, in treatment for 3 and expect for being overly emotionally when we have arguments even my partner says he never felt anything more then annoyed by my BPD because as he puts it it’s a bit much 😂. But even before getting a doctor, I never hit him or tried to manipulate him. My impulse might have been harder to managed but i did. At the end of the day BPD is a personality disorder but it doesn’t control your actions. That’s still your responsibility and it’s unfortunate that your ex wasn’t capable of a healthy relationship. But that may be on him more then the BPD. Unfortunately toxic relationship doesn’t only happen with mental illness, but it definitely doesn’t help if you were already inclined that way I guess.
I’m glad you said this because I also have been in a relationship with someone with BPD and complex is the best way to put it. They are never trying to hurt you they’re trying to hurt themselves is really what it is and yes it is abusive and I won’t say that it isn’t but I feel like people never seem to understand that they can recover but they have to put the work in and they need a solid support system and schedule to be able to do that. I am sorry you had to go thru that I know all too well what it’s like but I also applaud you for being one of the few people to shine light on such a complex disorder as well
Nicely done and some very good points. I've also found that people who become involved with BPD individuals and stay, also tend to hold a naive perspective about the motives of others. More specifically, we tend to apply a "positive spin" to the labels that we use internally/mentally to describe the negative actions of others. As in, "...oh, she's just having a bad day..." or "...she baked my favorite cookies last night, so she MUST really love me...". This leads to totally blinding yourself to the fact that you are probably being *maliciously* manipulated to a degree, and at a level, that would impress a psychopath.
Don't forget that the term Borderline Personality Disorder *is* the modern day (PC) term for Psychopath..
The truth is so ugly you don't want to believe it. That's why we stay. I remember defending her until the very end.
This is spot on... I had to cut ties in this marriage. I would go to work in order to relax from all the demands, invalidations, self-centerless. I became an emotional slave that was drained, hopelessness and helplessness. I did not want to go on, gained weight and had some minor health issues. I finally had enough and divorced. Although I still have some PTSD issues but they're getting less in intensity., I lost 27 pounds, blood pressure normalized, I joined a cross-training class. I relearning to feel good about myself from the outside lookin in which improved my self-confidence and self-esteem.
The irony is that I ran into my ex-wbpd at a restaurant/bar, no contact was in place about a year. The EXACT first thing she said was "NOW YOU LOSE THE WEIGHT SO YOU CAN IMPRESS OTHER WOMEN. WHY COULD'NT YOU DO THAT FOR ME? YOU'LL GAIN IT BACK!!!
WTF!!!!
The invalidations and put-downs keep coming after 1-year no contact. Can you say insecurity? Can you say entitlement? Can you say bullying & drama making?
I replied "HELLO, I'M DOING FINE, THANKS FOR ASKING...HEY, GOOD TALK" and walked away laughing.
Run away from them , at all cost. No one deserves to be abused, not even the ones who have mental illness. They need a psychiatrist not an intimate partner
So true
Not even psychiatrists can help, everyone has such a negative view on it that doctors and therapists will not serve you if have bpd.
THIS. They can't have or sustain a relationship until they accept that they have this problem and get help for it. Otherwise, they will DESTROY every single partner they have. Over and over and over again.
@@jeanlucdiscard borderlines are just female narcs
@@corbin9762 bullshit.
its impossible to argue with a bpd they turn everything around and throw it back in your face. they cannot b wrong
Yes, often because of arrested development Tim! Thank you for your comment.
Angela Louise , your posts are the exact antagonistic behavior that BPDs are known for. Constant antagonism. Constant. And it gets exhausting for non BPDs to deal with. Good bye.
@@luanntexascitizen4345 ... is this how you deal with constructive disagreements? I believe you have more issues that you care to acknowledged. Mind you part of BPD therapy is to deal with our deep issues which are usually traumatic and painful and that is why for those in therapy we are extremely open to discussions about our disorders.
Tim Moran spot on!!
@@angelalouise1972 Narcissism is a freaking *trait* of BPD!
She should've clarified that not all people with bpd are like this... so stigmatizing and toxic to those who have bpd and get help and don't abuse...
Ereri ☝️ um ok...
first off. No need what so ever to get offended by this video and I will tell you why. There are two types of BPD's.
The ones who know and acknowledge the diagnoses,
And the ones that refuse to accept the diagnoses.
The lady in this video is talking about the ones that do NOT acknowledge the diagnoses !!!!!
Isn't it obvious??????
Ereri
Bpd are like this ... all of them treatment resistant!
Audrey Ouellet Are you just copying and pasting that message to anyone who disagrees with this video? Lol
@@beyondbeauty6921 ... no they are not! Geez!
It takes 7 years for a fully comitted borderline to get better...so 33v33 stop talking shit that just because you are seeking help,doesn't necessarily mean you don't abuse anybody....that's just not true.
I broke up with my bpd gf 5 days ago. She was systematically closing the walls in on me. It got to the point where I wasn’t allowed to text anyone or even check the weather app on my phone if we were watching a show or a movie, I had to ask if it was ok ahead of time or she would flip out on me "if im wasting your time wanting you to watch a movie with me why dont we just turn it off?!" - "who is blowing up your phone that cant wait til after?!". my cat has special needs due to chronic health issues and my ex would say i need to shift my priority from the cat to her. now she has her family members texting me all sorts of nasty stuff, telling me to get my act together. little do they know that they are pushing me even further away. the whole thing has been a nightmare.
Wow...as someone with bpd, I'm so different from this. My husband has the hero complex, and he was damaged by me trying to save me. But that was because I kept going back to/believing my abusers and doubting how much I was loved. Been getting help for months, and am fixing everything. Let me tell the rest of you bpd sufferers; your feelings are your responsibility. Take the reins and quit hurting the people you live, cause believe me, you're doing it. You'll do it even when you're trying your damnedest not to. Own up and love yourselves.
💯
She is clearly not a really therapist who has worked with Borderlines before. Not a mention of the different types of BPD, or the method used for recovery. Just that we are crazy and people should run from us. I’ve been in a relationship for 7 years so it really makes me mad when i hear people talk about us like we HAVE to cheat and leave our partners on a whim… I hate all these assumptions people have about us, it doesnt apply to us all yet a few bad examples always has to be associated with us.
@@Alonepistachio a few bad examples ....
you sound like the exception
because the bad examples comprise almost all bpds
also this video was directed to the victims from those mentally ill BPDs
@@antonyka-pra-ra yes a few bad example because suffering from an illness doesn't make you the same. We dont react the same way. You have SOME overlapping symptoms but rarely do you see them all at once so you end up with a very large veraity of different cocktails of symptoms. Ive been in group therapy for BDP for years and none of us act the same way. Its very reductive to think that because we share an illness we must all be the same and behave the same way.
@@antonyka-pra-ra i know a lot of people have suffered from being in a relationship with someone with BPD and i do empathise with that. However if you look at then comment sections, people are calling us evil for the actions of others. Those that seem fair? Shouldn't we get a chance to prove ourselves as individuals? Im still living with my parnter of 8 years and over the years we dont even yell during arguments anymore cuz we have both learn to communicate better with eachother. People deserve a chance and just cuz youve had a bad experience with someone with depression or anxiety doesn't mean eveyone who has it will be the same
this is largerly stigmatizing and demonizes those of us that suffer from BPD.
Michi Mavros exactly ... totally agrre
If you experienced a relationship with a BPD as a "normal" person, you'd realize that this video may not go far enough in expressing the warning. I spent 4 years with a BPD after she trapped me through pregnancy and a child. She lied about her name, her age, her drug use, her criminal history, her family history and social status, her education, her assets, our child's medical and school expenses, her love for me... and I now have sole custody and she hasn't seen or contacted her child in nearly a year (and of course, not a penny in child support). A true POS, with a formal BPD diagnosis.
Michi.....where's the comments from non borderlines saying this video is largely stigmatizing and demonizes those that suffer from BPD......please show me......because i can do a headcount on all the people that clearly relate to this video and what is being said.......would you like to compare? just for research purposes ofcourse.
jason rodgers your point? or do you not have one
If you cant read i guess its pointless telling you.
Ashley I’m in a relationship with a Borderline and it’s going on 10 years I just recently discovered she was a BPD through videos and talking to a therapist friend I cannot believe it took me this long to discover this, everything you describe here in this video is our relationship to a t more like an addiction because she used intermediate reinforcement with sex, attention and affection. I’m
In the process of cutting off the relationship by setting new boundaries with her we are moving from California back to Florida where I hope to separate for good, I went to college for phycology but didn’t finish, wow I wish I finished I might have known about BPD and not acquired co dependency. I would love to actually acquire your services as a therapist, as you know ten years I will need a lot of education on how to deal with this and cope with the withdrawal, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR CREATING THIS VIDEO, it saved my life 🙏🏻
It also took me 10 years to discover from my ex (1 year after breaking up a 9 years relationship). The diagnostic is really hard, even therapists find it hard to discover in short time.
This made me burst in tears because everything she's saying is so true.
Same
Yep!😔
Yes :(
Not for everyone. She generalized BPD a lot! No real doctors would have done that. Not a mention of the different types of BPD or the all the méthodes used for recovery like DBT or regresstion therapy. I know tones of people who doesn’t fit the description she had because and thats important to say YOU ONLY NEED 5 OUT OF THE 9 MAIN TRAITS TO BE BPD. So your combination of symptoms may vary a LOT. And as someone who has been living with their partner for the last 7 years I find it insulting that she would say run when some of us are perfectly capable of having a healthy relationship. This woman is no doctor and she definitely not a specialist like the people who have helped me grow and understand BPD.
@@Alonepistachio does your partner has BPD?
After quite some time with being with someone with BPD, you (or better I) are not able to love yourself anymore, because your self esteem is so low at some point where you even question yourself. Because at that point, the person with BPD will tell you, you are the narcisst and you have a wrong view and place on this earth. As far as for me - I knew, I can not help her, but I was raised with a strong supportive and reliable mindset. That was the catch on this "relationship" - she, the BPD - I the reliable one. I ran away two years ago, because it really broke me in every aspect. Now I am the bad one, because I left, her and even put her in hospital, because she cut herself (in front of her child btw). It was the worst time of my life and I have been at a point, where I thought, I never get out of this relationship alive. Luckily I did... but it's a long healing process now.
Ok, so the number of dislikes is unbelievable. I've been in a relationship with someone with bpd. This is word for word how it was. And not trying to sound insensitive, but if some of the dislikes are from people with bpd, I don't blame you cause nothing is ever your fault, right? We're the problem...you tell us everyday, the one's that tried to love you.
Thank you for reaching out @SaintZombie1 I appreciate your perspective and would like to know if you think any other factors should have been added to the video.
Ashley Berges Your video is great and every word is what I experienced while in my relationship. So I think you covered it all.
I'm upset about how the relationship ended up, but I'm not mad or hateful towards her. I would rather her seek help for herself and the kids. Thanks for the video.
Thank you @SaintZombie1 I appreciate your perspective and agree, it's not about being mad it's about praying the person finds help. We all need help with something and when we decide we are ready and accept it, we can create miracles in our life. Keep being awesome!
Agree 100% well said SaintZombie,
SaintZombie1 no i have BPD and accept responsibility for my own actions you ignorant ass
This video has helped me more than you’ll ever know.
-Someone who fell in love with someone who has BPD and is grateful to have gotten out alive
I think this is the best video about this I've found so far. Thanks for the good advice
Great to hear from you, thank you for reaching out! Hope you're doing well!
This was so helpful! I was in a toxic relationship with someone who has BPD, and she just refused to get help. She would just want to argue nonstop for hours or even days. And she would intentionally sabotage things. I called her out on sabotaging things and she even admitted it. Everything was always my fault, and she wouldn't consider getting help for even a minute. I kind of think they might actually like the drama and the misery. I took her to this expensive steakhouse Joe Rogan goes to in order to try and repair things. It helped for one night, then the next day she wanted to start fighting and be miserable again. Going to go find someone who isnt miserable this time. Wish me luck!
I'm now sitting on my own away from my home because my girlfriend suffers from BPD.. I have to respond to BPD sufferers who are saying this video is untrue.. You actually confirm how true this video is because you are never wrong are you..? You haven't got a problem and it is ALWAYS someone else's problem.. I empathise with you as you really think it is everyone else's fault.. It's so sad...
♥♥♥♥
That is not true, it is my fault that i react to other peoples bullshit. There ;)
@@TheAwfullygood yes keep the “stigma” alive and well because literally proving this video point
This is rude. This is very split. Black and white. To use BPD terms of course.... Feels like make she's confusing abusive relationships with a sociopath, NOT someone with BPD. What she is describing applies to codependent personality types. The wishy washy pushovers that BPDs are NOT attracted to in the first place. People with BPD need someone they can look up to and ultimately end up getting controlled and manipulated in relationships. Not vice versa.
ShiPolar's Life Bloopers ☝️ um ok...
first off. No need what so ever to get offended by this video and I will tell you why. There are two types of BPD's.
The ones who know and acknowledge the diagnoses,
And the ones that refuse to accept the diagnoses.
The lady in this video is talking about the ones that do NOT acknowledge the diagnoses !!!!!
Isn't it obvious??????
This is not personal. Don’t care what others think & get on with living your best life... that is your testament. There are many BPD’s that are very far down or severe on the spectrum & they can be very abusive & manipulative & gaslight. So what, you’re not one & you do not need to waste your precious energy defending & explaining. Just get on with you being the best you that you can be. Codependents are irritating know it alls...Lol, but most of them are harmonious & mean well.
@@audrey-vz2oy It's even more obvious that the person you're responding to is a BPD cluster b, because they take this totally spot on video personally!!
@Nein Nopes Narcissism is a freaking trait of BPD!
@Nein Nopes Lol BPD is a *cluster* disorder. Do you know what cluster means? A clusterfuck of different things
Hey, I'm human, too, though. I seek help and I don't abuse. I didn't do anything to anyone, I just live my life, I work, I study, I feed my cats and I feel. I'm no sociopath nor am I teenie, tiny steps away from being it. In fact, I am not so different from everybody else.
I am very sorry you suffered in that toxic relationship and I hope, everybody, who is in an abusive relationship, gets the help they need!
You can do this and there is no shame in seeking help, whatever your problem may be.
Just felt like adding this. ☺
I don't understand how this video is getting so many great reviews? This is just adding to the incorrect stereotypes that surround BPD!
Amyazing Things exactly!! thank you. i tried sticking up for people with bpd in a comment on here and had a bunch or ignorant assholes attack me. this video just breeds contempt
Thank you reaching out @Michi! I appreciate your perspective. On line threads are interesting because people choose to say anything with no repercussions. I've realized even when you stick up for folks, it's admirable but sometimes lost in translation. Let me know of other subject matters you'd like me to cover.
@michi it's insane.. people with BPD are also people too. Not just a fucking list of symptoms or list of sneaky behaviours to watch out for. Mental health will never ever get the correct support it needs when people like this are still being able to spread absolute shite like this.
Ashley Berges + until a person understands how BPD can happen to a a young child who has gone through trama, abuse or abandonment, or later extreme hurt they can not get over, most do not see others for having SOUL WOUNDS! JUST as a body has to heal, so does our mind and emotions, Or we try to relive an event to get a better outcome! After going through mental/emotional abuse, l was healed by JESUS who helped me forgive and learn to LOVE, even myself! Asking for forgiveness for hurting others, and coming to HIM to be healed daily of soul wounds restored me!
I look at your videos to learn how others have been hurt, so l can pray for their healing! Your videos are not meant to hurt only inform!
When we examine ourselves we learn who we are and what bothers us! Acknowledging that we have been hurt starts the healing process! Forgiveness and loving others helps us heal! We can't heal by taking it out on others because that makes the wound raw again! Seeking Healing
for you and that other person heals the situation! Blessings to Everyone!
Ram Azi is that so ahaha? Someone's still sour about a broken heart in high school lolololol
i. think u just saved me frim going completely insane
I'm happy to help Tim!!!!
I feel like I became bpd by being around my wife who definitely has this
@@cmfunk7665 me too bro. I have become someone else.
@@Nitheesh366 it can be contagious. Narcissism also. Or at least the defence meganism
Hard to do, but you got to give them the gate!
Id say she does know exactly what shes talking about... most of the BPD help videos are produced from the perspective of the person who has BPD... being the partner is extremely difficult as we are often thrown into the same suffering without cause. Can be very embarrassing, frustrating, energy draining. My partner has caused many scenes in restaurants, bars, in traffic, even while at a vacation resort.. Even after studying BPD and trying to deal with it I often think...."I shouldn't have to put up with this crap" If the person who has BPD doesn't care then how do they expect their partners to care ????
Ummmm im a quiet borderline and all the harm is against myself. Stereotyping bpd! Wtf
UUUUUhm, depression?
Aster The Disaster, you look stunning 🌹 🌹🌷 🌷🌺 🌹 🌹🌷 🌷🌺
If you're in a relationship with a BPD or are a parent and are looking for support, here it is: Brutal honesty: There is no reason on earth to be in a relationship with a BPD person unless you're raising a child. But when that kid becomes an adult, you might have to end the relationship. You have a right to love your life and yourself. Face the fact that you'll never succeed in a relationship with BPD. If you're ok with a crappy miserable life, let them stay. I'm not. These people are not worth it, they cannot change, you'll be happier without them. Don't feel bad, they don't.
That's what i'm currently going through with my BPD wife right now. She got diagnosed by her pcp as bpd. She screams every day and we can't go anywhere, I leave the house to work and come back and get accused of cheating. Very mentally draining. I'm drowning like you said and don't know what to do.
I'm sad you are going through this, it is extremely painful. Are you working with anyone right now? It will be helpful for you to seek help as well. I work with clients who are on the receiving end of this to understand, gain clarity, and to work to see if they situation can get better.
awesome advice to the BPD's victims. so true. gave me chills
I have BPD and I get it. No one deserves to be crapped on when emotions cannot be regulated. However, this video comes of as venting from an individual who has obviously been wronged in such a relationship rather than a healthy tool to use for those who actually want to have a healthy relationship with someone with BPD. I mean, believe it or not, many of us ARE good people and DO deserve to love and be loved.
Venting.....wtf? Really? You honestly gonna get on RUclips and accuse someone of venting....im laughing my ass off. ...do i see Ashley foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog? Or do I see someone sharing their thoughts and experiences about a very difficult situation,its amazing how different you borderlines see things.....its either your way or the highway....maybe we should all keep our mouths shut and pretend like nothings going on but the rent.
Allie + This video seems harsh, but it is about soul wounds: souls that have been hurt, abused, or abandoned. Each person is precious to GOD! Everyone is VERY Valuable. - EVERY LIFE matters!
But anything that causes suffering, emotional/mental pain is NOT Good! When we acknowledge our hurt, pain, we begin to heal ( so we don't repeat the atmosphere). GOD LOVES YOU and wants you to love who you are and what great things HE has put in you! Never hate yourself or others! Anger, hatred stop LOVE. FATHER GOD wants you to be HIS child: ask JESUS to forgive and save you! Then HE can help you! HOW do we heal? Tell FATHER GOD about your hurt, emotional wounds and ask HIM to HEAL ALL SOUL WOUNDS! Forgive others (with HIS help) AND FORGIVE YOURSELF for any mistakes or failure. We forget to Forgive ourselves! We are too hard on ourselves in difficult situations.
DO not listen to condemnation! Do not do self condemn! FATHER GOD is a sweet DADDY who looks at you though MERCY and GRACE, forgiveness and LOVE! He does not look down on you, only reaches down to pick you up!
Condemnation is any word or phase that causes shame, blame, bullying, redicule, fear, criticism, guilt, rejection, loss of self worth; self condemnation is rejecting your hurt/ emotions and instead belittling yourself or living in terrible guilt over a situation, to the point you feel worthless. Condemnation and self condemnation has been introduced into our world by the occult/demonic realm to kill our self worth/self esteem. Just like cuss words don't come from Heaven! Someone who is upset or frustrated, angry or bitter can use condemnation to lash out! It's not OK! IT is not fair, but it happens. GOD heals condemnation/ self condemnation!!! FREE YOUR SELF.
GOD heals losses, hurt, pain and does emotional/mental restoration! Get saved, forgive others and Forgive yourself and release soul wounds daily to JESUS! GOD gives peace, new joy, ability to cope! Blessings to you!
Allie hey me and my mom think my brother has BPD and she's almost 100% sure our father had it. Do you know any sites that are legit I can look up?? I love my brother he's the only sibling I have but he can be so cruel and I've been struggling with anxiety, a little depression and this one which I forget the name of but basically means I freak over change.
Anything that can help is greatly appreciated 🙂
Ryan Watt + Your brother needs counseling : first a psychological evaluation! check with a family Dr.
for a referral for psychiatrist who handles BPD! This is an emotional rollercoaster for you and your family! Get some counseling for yourself and your Mom too if possible! Know this is NOT your fault, but a learning process he had to adapt to to mentally emotionally survive -- due to not being able to cope (feelings of rejection or abandonment or Condemnation, lack, loss in some part of his mind, unmet expectations, anger at mistreatment) Condemnation is Shame blame criticism guilt slander /gossip, low self-esteem/self- worth. It's as if his emotions/ mental thoughts are stuck in the past (past hurt). keep him LAUGHING, looking on the bright side by encouraging him, and LOVE Him! But don't stay around anger, emotional outbursts: this will drain you physically and emotionally! Let him know you "hear him, be agreeable, and when ever change the subject by agreeing to do something else, hopefully something fun! Make up a reason to go, if the situation gets too argumentative! Give Him a reminder if he discusses a bad situation, to try to Forgive that person, and seek peace about it! Talk to him CALMLY and in a quiet tone, show no opinion, no reactions if he gets upset. This way you are in control; he might just be looking for a reaction! Any reaction is better than not being heard, cared about in his mind!
Stay neutral NO reaction, no opinion, just be in agreement: " l hear what you are saying, it's a good point"! You may not agree, but don't argue you or his point of view-- never settled! Be kind to him, but take care of yourself and your Mom! You can't fix him!
Tell him JESUS can help him and heal any past! This PRAYER is for salvation ( eternal life in Heaven)
+++ update: do not get the RFiD chip (is not good for the body, against GOD)!
PRAYER for salvation for you and your family:. Dear JESUS: please forgive me of all of my sins, l repent and turn away from them! Please JESUS give me your salvation! Come live in my heart and be the LORD and SAVIOR of my life! Write my name in your BOOK of LIFE and baptise me in your HOLY SPIRIT and guide my life in your TRUTH JESUS! Forgive everyone! Forgive me for hurting others and You LORD! Help me Forgive myself for my mistakes and any failures (Everyone has these). Forgive me for accepting the LIES of the Enemy of Condemnation/ self condemnation (blame, shame criticism guilt rejection loss etc, believing any word or phrases that cut you down). Please JESUS heal all my past soul wounds and any present soul wounds (ask daily for forgiveness of any sins, soul wounds). Place on me the full armour of GOD and l plead the blood of Jesus over me as my spiritual protection! I now confess JESUS is my LORD and SAVIOR -- now and forever! Thank you JESUS for saving me, in JESUS name Amen! Welcome to the family of GOD! Once you get SAVED you belong to FATHER GOD and JESUS and the HOLY SPIRIT!
FATHER GOD LOVES YOU SO MUCH! He will NEVER leave you nor forsake you! You can pray now and ask JESUS for help, healing and any daily needs! HE answers PRAYER and is listening always, but salvation comes first! Read the new Testament (Bible) and find a good church! Remember no work, no good attitude behavior or lifestyle will save you only JESUS who paid for all of our sins at the cross! JESUS reunites us with FATHER GOD! The HOLY SPIRIT makes us ready for salvation and helps on earth! Give up any cussing/cursing -- not of GOD!
Crime, evil acts, cussing, curses, rape, murder, sexual perversion idolotry, lies, addictions, occult demonic come from satan's kindom demonic realm. Stay away from sin and ask for forgiveness for any wrong thoughts words or imaginations! ask for forgiveness for any daily sins ( your protection and to keep you close to GOD).
Ask for the mind of CHRIST! Ask God to show you how to love, GOD looks at us his children though MERCY and Grace forgiveness and LOVE! Take no offense, but Forgive others, bless and release them, and pray for healing of any emotional mental hurts! Be blessed, take care-- hope this helps you and your MOM !
Check out FATHER'S HEART MINISTRY.net for daily prophetic word from FATHER GOD!
NEVER get the RFID chip in your hand or forehead, will hurt the body, and separate you from GOD!
could lose your salvation and with out salvation (eternity is hell).Just a reminder and warning! Be blessed!
Allie Right.
I have BPD and I hoped this video would be helpful and give advice for me and my boyfriend, but all it did was tell my boyfriend horrible things about me and my intentions and feelings.
She couldn't be more wrong, I'm actually deeply hurt by this.
Me and my first girlfriend (we're still together and have been for 3 months now) both have bpd and loads of other narcissistic features. Our relationship from the start seemed like it was doomed before it even began. My girlfriend doesn't have the official diagnosis but our relationship dynamic runs exactly how you'd expect. We both have a strong need for power and control, something we both lacked as kids growing up. There's arguments at the touch of a button, we cry a lot and it's heavy and emotional. But we're both making so much progress, if only people knew what type of circumstances it takes to form a narcissist, bpd or any personality disordered individual you'd cry yourself to sleep every night.
Both our childhoods were HELL, in the literal sense almost. Most average people that stand clear to judge our behaviour will never have the full scope of where it all began. We're not demons, me and my girlfriend are actively trying to better ourselves and getting there. I literally pray every single day just so I don't say something to mess up my relationship or for my girlfriend to not leave because of how I can get. She's got her fair share of traits and little tactics she pulls, but both of us have come to a point now where we can both admit when we're in the wrong. Something psychiatrists and other so called ' mental health professionals ' will tell you a personality disordered individual cannot do. That's why people with these heavy personality defects don't get better a lot of the times. Because the same people that are supposed to help such people are the ones telling family and friends to just give up and let them suffer more.
I can tell anyone here, yes I was diagnosed with bpd as a 21 yr old male, and yes I did many of the classic demonic bpd or sociopathic things like hurting animals, hurting kids, verbally abusing people, manipulating people for the fun of it, getting sad or overly emotional over small things that nobody else cared about etc. That list goes on. But now at 26? Haven't hurt a single animal no matter how angry I get, in fact I love animals and people more than I ever have. I view life as precious and want my own kids one day. If everyone gave up on me, I would have been dead today. I tried killing myself too, multiple times btw (like you'd expect from a classic bpd person). To the people that judge so harshly, if you grew up with a quarter of the emotional, physical, sexual and mental abuse I did... You probably wouldn't have made it out alive. So I can proudly say, as a diagnosed full blown bpd, yes things do get better and yes we can change! So to those of you who suffer any personality disorder, NEVER let anyone make you feel you can't win. Don't give in to that inner darkness we all carry because of our grim childhoods. Fight it and you can win!
" We're not demons " Bullshit You are Demons and it is deemed necessary to avoided ALL Borderlines at all cost for all what you Borderlines do is to leave a carnage of destruction in your wake while screaming "I am the victim".
Silencewithinme
Gosh u so r BPD
U have loads of irrelevant info to say couldnt finish ur novel lol
All bpd relationships r doomed
Wait and see.
@Nein Nopes
BPD's are just as bad as Narcs, the only difference is BPD suffers tend to not know the amount of pain they are in flicking onto their victims. Where Narc's know exactly what their doing.
@ Nein Nopes
Yes but regardless they still inflict the same amount of pain and damage. Also they lack empathy in the sense that they fail to see how their words & actions hurt others. My BPD girlfriend use to threaten me she would leave me if I didn't dress and cut my hair the way she wanted. She criticized every single thing about me making me feel like shiit and worthless and never wanted me for who I was. The first 2 months were amazing, but after that the demon emerged and I never saw the person I fell in love with ever again. After 9 months she broke up with me because of the whole hair and dress thing. She put all the blame on me for everything and making herself to be perfect. I am still hurting so badly but she could care less about me now.
@Nein Nopes
She is not a Narcissist, because she use to cut herself and tried to kill herself too emotionally blackmail me at times. Narc's do not self harm. She just clinged onto this hair and dress thing and would not let go. It was like a life and death thing to her. She dismissed how much love and care I gave to her and left me like a piece of trash. Why? because she lacks any kind of empathy at all. I know I will get over her some day and I can't wait. Despite her being such a horrible person I still miss her because I'm codependent. I can't wait till the day I'll look back and say why I ever stayed with this Psycho for so long. I strongly believe that if BPD's refuse to get professional help then they should be put into a mental home, because they are damaging to themselves and others around them.
Very hard to find anything on people who deal with someone on a daily basis with BPD. I’m not in a relationship with one but my twin sister has it.
It’s increasingly gotten worse over the years. It’s emotionally draining, physically and mentally. Because we’re twins I’m always guilted or beholden to her.
I have been going back and forth on living with her in the new year. I’ve officially decided not to. It’s not fair to me. I need to have a life too. She does nothing to get help (various avenues to no avail). The dog doesn’t even want to be around her because she so erratic.
I feel invalidated by my family. They don’t even know the mental disorder she has. They think it’s bipolar disorder. Tsk tsk. When I try to tell them what I deal with on a daily basis it’s met with radio silence or it’s bookmarked under “too hard to deal with”. I can’t vent or talk to anyone because I get shutdown all the time when I talk about my experiences with her.
When I call my dad, when my sister is about/ or is trying to do something reckless he says I’m just trying to relax or I had a long day at work.
WTF do you think I had? I deal with this shit everyday. No day is a good day. There’s always something that sends her over the edge.
I can’t be the sister mom anymore. I can’t save her. She needs to save herself. As hard as that is. She will never do what she has to do if people keep saving her.
Lately her reckless actions have been affecting me financially. Im anxious and stressed all the time.
I need to cut ties. And heal.
I was abused by an ex who was diagnosed with both BDP and dissociative identity disorder. I stayed bc I wanted to be a good partner but I got hurt in the end due to their abusive nature. No amount of counseling helped him and I walked out of the relationship. It was the best feeling ever. He, on the other hand, is still the same abusive person till this day. So, ppl, please do not forget to take care of your wellbeing bc it matters in relationships, too.
Mind blown. Every example in this piece is quite accurately my life with my beloved.
We are no longer together.
Anyone who has any interaction of any kind with someone who has BPD is suffering. Best advice if you meet someone who might have BPD run run run run fast.
I have had 1 experience with BPD and it was with my boyfriend of 4 years. He did me worse than every person in my entire life combined. He violated every boundary i had sexually, physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, psychologically i even almost lost my life in a literally sense got my skull cracked like an egg shell and was hospitalized. He literally almost totally shattered me as a person......ive never been in so much pain before due to another and i have been through some incredibly traumatic shit before only for this dude to discard me and jump into a relationship with the person i caught him in bed with..
I acknowledge that all ppl with BPD probably arent like this but i have yet to experience or see otherwise so there is def a truamatized side of me that leans towards a bias (cptsd is a bitch). I fear being in another relationship with someone with BPD. Yeah you say they arent all the same but do i even want to take the risk??? Should i?....i dont like discriminating against others but no degree of mental illness gives anyone the right to hurt and destroy others than get some sort of pass card cause you are sick.
I used to think he was a bad person.......and its honestly hard not to but i dont i just say that he is a sick person thats all. Everyone is hurting and dealing with something.
If they don't want help, that's when you file for divorce and run away
All the people complaining about not enough nuance and not everyone is like that..enough of us who have been in relationships with pwBPD HAVE had horrible, traumatizing, scary experiences that WE SIMPLY DO NOT CARE ABOUT THE EXCEPTIONS. If it doesn't apply to you, then good. You know yourself and so you have nothing to be offended about. But enough people have had the worst experiences of their lives through dealing with pwBPD that channels like this exist, entire forums exist, entire help industries exist for trying to undo all the damage even years later.
And no, it's not "just like racism". Someone's race or ethnicity does not affect their ability to be in a relationship, or put others in danger, or traumatize people. Society needs to be protected from potentially dangerous people. Again, for those that this does not apply to, good for you and just disregard it then. Stop trying to control what we think or feel, because that only reinforces what we've already experienced with pwBPD: they try to control what we do, say, think, feel, in an attempt to keep us stuck in misery with them.
perfectly said
The word “trapped” is a BIG RED FLAG pertaining to the perspective of the video . Seems like she has some repressed emotions that’s she not fully dealing with. “Trapped” wow.
A wild pwBPD has appeared.It play the victim card.
Addiction to something you know is very unhealthy is like being trapped. It's a good description. Trauma bonding traps a lot of people in toxic situations that they have to fight to leave.
I have Bpd. And a lot of this doesn't apply to me. For example I love my partner's family and encourage them to spend time and come over quite frequently for dinner I love have people around. but do have a hear of losing ppl I love.
I think she may be referring to especially severe cases, and cases who refuse help.
@What i want Thank you some of the Videos make me feel so bad. But I m getting better Through God and therapy.
You've had a really bad experience with someone with either NPD or BPD, I don't know, and I'm sorry. But you are SEVERELY misguided about what Borderline Personality Disorder is. Please go do some research on the diagnostic criteria and speak to a mental health professional before you go sprouting dangerous misinformation that taints us all as monsters who don't feel... I assure you, those with BPD feel.
I understand you feel that way. However, often from a perspective of someone suffering from BPD, they are often unaware of how the other person feels or how the other person is dealing with the actions and attitudes. Sadly, I know someone suffering from BPD is in their own hell however, the person with them, is in hell too.
Aurora Sin this video and woman are largely stigmatizing and breed ignorance its really sad that its being eaten up by fellow uneducated people and now make our lives with BPD even harder. what we need is help, not hate.
Thanks for the video Ashley, you know whats ironic i7 s a bpd demands that you know how they feel about them and everything surrounding them, but your feelings are considered insignificant. I've lived with a bpd for 25 yrs. , looking for my ticket out now.too much wasted emotion and time , Blessings to ya
Aurora Sin
She actually is not.
First of all, generalising is always _wrong_, but you do generalise yourself already, or are being generalised by the term BPD which consists out of many different traits, especially emotional disorder, yet in fact, you are still a unique person, everyone with a Personality disorder is, they share common traits, stronger and weaker, but every borderliner I've got to know (a lot) is still unique in a way, also many of those with that disorder get better with age.
Now to the relationship point:
Every relationship is abusive, that's the main thesis I argue for! Why? Because emotions, missunderstandings, et cetera, gets everyone sometimes and have such a stressing factor to it that you sometimes can't be all rational and fair to a partner. You can't always be that way and me neither. Now as we look at that and compare it to a person with an emotional disorder (which all "BDP's" have) it's only natural that in result more venting points result, more black and white moments will happen within a relationship. When you feel extremly hurt you simply have a hard time not being selfcentered and forget what you vent out to the person you make responsible for it, because in that moment your hurt is more important, again, that happens to "normal" peoples too, but on another balance. "Borderliners" are harder peoples to have relationships with and with untrained (not learned selfcontrol by age or therapy) it is close to impossible to have a "healthy" relationship. "Borderliners" often stick to peoples, and whenever they are alone, they will search for someone to get emotionally bound with, because "they" can't without and more often than not (personal experience) with aswell. Most "normal" humans (if there even is such a thing) can't manage aswell.
I honestly wouldn't even bother trying to convince anyone they either get it right away or they don't
I understand that dealing with emotion like this is very complicated and difficult but this video is very aggressive towards people with bpd they are not all aggressive narasstic people
kay bricknell genuinely shocked at this, I’m a good person and have never felt so assassinated lol
I agree, I recently got out of an abusive relationship (not on my own accord, she randomly dumped me) with my ex girlfriend who has bpd. It just sucks because I tried to help her so much and she just pushed me away and said that my feelings towards her were "petty." She's mostly a nice, sweet young woman but she has severe problems with a relationship. I just hope she somehow finds happiness.
Gary Gooseflesh you sound like a nice person
I think she's saying this is someone with BPD who doesn't want help or to acknowledge the problem.
Madison Diaz yeah you’re right, I felt rather triggered due to my sitch at the time but I can understand this may be useful for someone else :) best wishes
My ex bpd....told her she needed help. She went twice for councilling. Then she didn't go back. Told me she was doing it for me. Wrong answer luv!!! You should be doing it for yourself. By that time I'd had enough n fucked off. Never again. A blessing in disguise as now I see red flags in any new dates etc....I know not to waste my time. If you are with s bpd run away from them. Save your sanity and health.
Okay I feel like I was in a relationship with someone who has BPD or some type of other personality disorder. I broke up with her a month and a half ago and I have gotten better but still have trouble getting over it completely. We've broken up before but she always crawls her way back into my life. Here are the signs (Be prepared it's a lot)
Beginning of the relationship: - First 2 months were almost perfect. Good communication no problems typical honeymoon phase. She was extremely clingy.
- After 2 months: Shit goes downhill. She starts making up ridiculous stories about how her ex's would abuse her (which at first I believed her but then some of her stories weren't adding up).
- She's a pathological liar it almost seemed like second nature to her. She would lie about things she didn't have to lie about or exaggerate her achievements.
- She complimented me a lot in the beginning and would often bring herself down. She would say things like "you're more popular than me youre smarter you look too good for me I don't know why you're dating me I have so many issues". (Things should have ended here -_-).
- She would often try to make me feel as if I were in competition with other guys but at the same time would often say no guys want her.
- She could not take criticism AT ALL. Whenever I would try to point something out she would go cold for a few days or even weeks.
- She loved playing the victim. Sometimes she would say she was the problem other times she would say I'm the problem.
- She cried often (I'm not sure as a manipulation tactic or generally upset) after arguments or even small things I would say.
- She had 3 close friends and she hated them one day but then the other day she loves them and back n forth.
- She takes medication for her anger (she is a very angry person).
- She used "sex as a currency" like you said in the video. She would withdraw as a form of manipulation and control.
- She had the "Crazy eyes" if you know what I mean.
- She would bring up things I said a long time ago and use it against me.
- Was constantly bored (needed to be stimulated at all times), really jumpy and spastic. Very impulsive, she owned A LOT of pets she loves animals (probably more than people)
- She would say some off the wall shit here and there like she had a tendency to harm people or herself. She was into some pretty dark things too,
- She also didn't like when I achieved things because I might "become too successful for her".
I've tried multiple times to break up with her but every time she would start crying and say "you're giving up on me". After 10 months I realized my sanity is on the line here. This relationship was destroying my social life and my schoolwork (we go to different colleges) so I finally decided to end it (I think she knew it was coming to an end and when I ended she seemed to "not care"). 2 days later she jumps into a rebound relationship and posts it all over social media to get a reaction out of me (I pray for her new man I honestly do). I haven't contacted her for over a month. But this whole thing is just interesting to me because she fits the description of a lot of different personality disorders and I can't stop thinking about it. I would say she fits the description of a psychopath or sociopath but she seemed to love animals, her family and would often say "I love you" a lot. But it confuses me how she showed a lack of empathy at times. I just now realized how insane it was to have stayed for so long. I honestly pity these types of people. Hopefully she could find some sort of help but god I pray for her and whoever crosses her path.
Thank you for reaching out AJ, I like your perspective and indepth communication about the situation. More often than not, when you leave a relationship like this it is hard, it weighs on you, and it's easy to go back to it. I work with clients to not go back, to power themselves up after this, and to realize why they made the choice to put this person in their life in the first place.
Don't forget they have outbursts of violence as well. And it's always your fault..
The part about how they would take something you told them long ago and use it against you ? THAT is the thing! That is it right there !! This bpd guy I was 'dating'used to take ALL the stuff I ever told him, he would then re-weave it into information he now had to threaten me and use against me. Including any pictures and text he had from me he turned around and threatened countless times to post on the net. (!!) Talk about living in unneccessary fear! If I had a medical issue he would refabricate it into another medical condition that was more serious or threatening and threaten to tell everyone I had it....that if I was living in different countries that I was actually a spy and in (sudden) rage he was threatening to tell the government etc etc etc on and on it went. So then it becomes obvious you better not tell these people ANYTHING ! Not a damn thing. They will use it agsinst you ! This, and consttant lying (I went on this trip etc etc just got back they would say when actually they had gone nowhere) etc etc etc etc. Ok enough. You break up with and block these people who breach your trust like this !!! They becomes completely untrustworthy, blackmailing, threatening, lying mess. Get. Rid. And thats what I did. Had to.
Wow man "you are too good for me" she told me that 100 time this is unbelievable is your ex is my ex? WTF she loves animals a lot cats and dogs! today i'm her angel and tomorrow i'm her devil. My ex and your ex they have a lot in common.
Sorry to those who suffer with this...but after having dealt wit 2 individuals with this disorder in the past intimately who really damaged my life...if I met another person with this I would run for the hills and not look back. Good luck to you.
Thank you for your perspective @TheMabes69!
i think this is disgusting. we live with this everyday maybe we would run from her
Wow. That's EXACTLY what I went through with my ex. I spent over a year dealing with her bullshit and I felt like such a fool. I didn't want to break up in case she would kill herself, but I had fallen into the trap she'd set up. She had put her afflictions down to a series of abusive ex-boyfriends (no idea if they were even real or not now looking back), and kept me on edge by telling me that I might turn out like one of them. I was constantly walking on egg-shells, which only angered her more because she accused me of not being genuine with her, but when I was she'd also begin to get angry.
When I finally broke up it felt like such a relief. I had been planning on it for a while but I was still gripped by fear she might do something. Afterwards she phoned me and messaged, threatening to kill herself, and making up stuff like she'd been in a car crash/was dying, but I had wised up to act by then. But I began feeling sad that I'd wasted so much time trying to help someone who was clearly not willing to help themself. I learned a valuable lesson from the whole experience, though. And I will be careful to watch for the signs of an emotional abuser in the future.
Yeah, we know. You're sure to tell us all the time
@@BirdNerd52, no excuse for his behavior but I believe he has a comorbidity with narcissistic personality disorder and that seems a more dominant trait. Remember that narcissist are very good at hiding what they actually are. I'm BPD and have dated a narcissist before and if I hadn't kept my wits about, he would have destroyed me. Also it is common to misdiagnosed BPD too.
Lots of judgement in the comments below, many from the BPD community it seems. Allow my perspective. First allow me to be clear- BPD will destroy any connection in EVERY relationship- That's part of the illness (duh). From my experiences, this lass has hit the nail exactly on the head. Maybe not all, but many of her points are highly valid. I had a bipoloar manic depressive mother whom I care for till she died. I learned a lot about diseased minds. Now I have a BPD lady in my life and kick myself in the ass for ever not seeing the signs. She hid her illness for 10 months of dating. I didn't think it was possible or possibly I was not watching carefully. I am going into survival mode by arranging my life on a need to know basis, keeping everything private that may be used as a weapon against me, constantly telling my young adult children that they are a VERY important part of my life and always will be, changing my passwords and locking my identification in the safe every night. I am wary of leaving my partner in the house when I go to work. I have changed my Will to warn my executors about what they have to be aware of with a BPD person in the household. I cherish and will honor the underage child who came with the BPD personality. I learn (thankful for the internet) , I strengthen the walls, (both emotional and household, and stay totally focused on my needs and those close to me. BDP'ers try to be the victim and always will. Do not play that game with a broken mind. Leave if you can or become the emotional warrior that is impervious to the mantra of poor me that the BDPer craves. Peace be with those having to deal with these crazy as bat shit personalities. (Hmmm.. crazy as batshit? I'm going to have to look that one up). And lastly a message to all those who have the disorder- Don't blame those around you- get help, get well or get lost in the wilderness.
UDATE: Just found out that she is leaving in a month. I waver between feeling like I have dodged a bullet matrix style and missing the lady who, when functioning; is a joy to be with.
She is packing boxes as I type this. Since she has initiated the move I am hopeful this won't turn into a war. At the moment she is a sentient being but that could change in a day.
Life continues....my kids will be content so I suppose thats a small victory. But I will be losing the king-size bed that came with her which will be a tragedy. (kidding honest)
Did you ever get free from her or are you still in that heartache cycle?
To those saying this demonizes BPD sufferers, please consider us on the other end of the spectrum. Granted, not everyone experiences it and acts the same way, so it's not fair to say that everyone that has BPD is "evil". But as a person living with and being victimised by someone with BPD, I can understand why a stigma could be falsely formed against ALL people with BPD. I live with a person with BPD, and it's made my life a living hell; I truly believe this person in my life is evil, messed up to the point that their only pleasure is making other people miserable. I've been condemned for things I haven't done, told I'm a complete waste of space, and "that they're sick of my face, my voice, and my very existence". Being told that by someone you care about eats you up inside. I'm tired, and what's more, I want my life to end. The only happy ending in my life is when either they're gone or I'm gone. Simple as that. All I can hope for is that if you have BPD, PLEASE get help. Don't let it destroy your lives and the lives of you're loved ones.
get out!
Claudia Colodro Get out??? What do you mean?
@@bioniclefuzzymelon8611 Get out of the relationship! I just got out of an abusive relationship with someone who has BPD (which this video described to a T) And to make matters worse, I have bipolar disorder, which makes it very hard to see whether I'm being used/abused or not.. If my thoughts are normally cloudy or if I'm in fact being manipulated/gaslighted..
@@Stigmatix666 Oh, I have bipolar, too! (And sorry, I didn't understand when you said get out...^^` I thought you were angry at me) It does make things even harder to cope... I am in the process of getting away from this person in my life; the problem is that it's my mother, and I still live at home.(I have a lot of health issues that make it impossible for me to move out right now) I hope things turn out the best for both of us, though! ^w^
@@bioniclefuzzymelon8611 No, not angry at all. I just got out of this type of relationship, and since I'm bipolar I'm in a deep depression atm. And also somewhat relieved actually.. Bit strange. But my ex *literally* lives around the corner, and I do mean literally.. this isn't gonna end well..
The things she's saying are right for the type of borderline that is really extroverted. I have bpd but I'm the introverted type. There are so many different types of this condition that not everything she's saying fits for everybody. She just scratched the surface. But this condition is more than just on the surface. It goes so deep and is so complex that you couldn't explain everything about it in just a few minutes.
My college son who is living 14 1/2 hours away from us, met a girl, his freshman year right after a bad break up. They’ve been together now for over a year and I have become the target of blame. I had always had a very close relationship with my son. Recently he has begun to accuse me of moods that I was not in, post that I did not make, all kinds of blame towards me. The other day he sent me a very horrible text that I could tell she helped him write. Placing, ultimatums, demands, etc. we are talking with a therapist, but she does not specialize in BPD, we are in great need of help as we fear that we are losing our son. He has stopped communicating with all of his friends from home, he is never without her, we cannot talk to him on the phone alone ever, he barely calls home, his sister, etc. and it is breaking all of our hearts. We are very very worried about him.
Krista, I can help. There are some things you can begin to do that may help to offset some of this immediately. Also, the way we communicate in these moments are important. You can book sessions directly through my website at this link: www.ashleyberges.com/coaching-sessions/
What she says is so true. My BPD wife turned one of my sons by my first wife into a rival for my affection. It was so bad that she would yell out snide and even vulgar comments when I would just talk to him on the phone. She also would tell me that a man that really loves his wife would give up his family for her if family members upset her. Then she would give me examples of other men who had done this for their wives. One such man was her step father. He sees his son and granddaughter about once a year. And they live in the same town. I refused to do this and now we are separated and headed for divorce.
Well, okay.
I have severe BPD and I watch these kinds of videos in an attempt to gain perspective so that maybe I can improve myself and understand how my partner is feeling, but all this video did was hurt me and make me feel even worse about myself.
I know for a fact that I don't do any of these things, but this woman is trying to convince me that I do and make me even more paranoid of what my partner is/might be thinking.
Thanks for telling me how awful I am and that I can't make anyone happy.
Hannah Smith Same here. This video really makes me feel like there's nothing good in me and for someone who over-thinks everything it just adds so much stress.
I totally feel the same right now ....
Hannah Smith I have it too
@Social-Nationalist Meme Network lol fascist twat.
Half the time people with bpd don’t realize they do these things but they actually do. When there’s videos like this they feel attacked because you don’t think that’s how you treat people. You probably do but you don’t realize it. That’s what makes bpd so horrible. It’s kind loving people battling something that’s just bigger than them.
I've been with my partner for 2 years , she has bpd. It's been very difficult and now impossible, I need out but feel stuck . that video was spot on ! It was like u described my partner and me. Thank you
@Nein Nopes And Narcisism is *still* a small part of BPD! Just like their manipulation, gaslighting, depression etc..
If she isn't going to take responsibility for her emotions, give you back your freedom, and work on herself, LEAVE. If you aren't willing or are emotionally stretched too thin to stick through recovery, LEAVE. I say this and am a BPD sufferer myself. Nothing is worth destroying your mental health. Nothing is worth staying in a loveless relationship. Best of luck.
Yeah run dude. Trust me. On four years with mine and I have had enough
My life exactly. Thank you. I finally gave up on meeting his demands.
You hit the nail right on the head ..... this video may not fit for some with BPD but in my situation this is spot on! Thank you!
Tom Manf's best comment on the video 🙏🙏
Elle dit n importe quoi
Wow i just watched this and got the chills. U may as well have been telling my story. This video suggests that i m not alone in my struggle of being with someone with bpd. It has been a very trying and difficult year and a half for me and i ve sought many answers to the countless questions i m left with on a daily basis. U have answered the most important question of them all and i feel resolve in moving forward. Self love is key!! Thank u. Ur a gem!
The key sentence is" Do you love yourself"?
M Ch Spot on!!!!! A person who likes themself would NEVER tolerate this insidious CRAP!!!!
Thank you! I left after living with my BPD husband of 18 years. I appreciate you encouraging me to love myself.
Stuck with a BPD person during Covid ... ughh nightmare
you're completely wright !! i had to stop the relationship , but she gave me a trip to hell . 5 months and not yet recovered from that experience . the worst i ever had in my life.
OMG! The best thing I´ve ever heard of! You surely helped me lift the weight of GUILT I suffered of for long time! Than You so much!
SnowFlakeVl, you look Charming 🌷 🌹🌷 🌷🌺🌹 🌹🌺🌺🌺
@@oscarwilliamson1264 oh dear! Thank you :)
@@moorlilly which country are you from?
Thank you for this. I have BPD, I was diagnosed a little less than a year ago, but I believe I have been dealing with this for many years. I needed to hear a real perspective of what it’s like from the other side. I’m doing all the things. I have a psychiatrist, I have a counselor, and recently I started myself in an outpatient day program at the behavioral hospital near me. But I’m so terrified that I’m never going to get better, because I truly feel like I’m getting worse. I just don’t understand why my husband stays. I try to leave, because when I’m not with him, we are both happier, but somehow we always end up back together.
Good to hear from you Staci, why do you feel like you're getting "worse?" Do you feel like you are being able to process your emotions better? How is the day programming progressing? How long have you been married?
@@LifecoachAshleyBerges my husband had an affair a year and a half ago, and at first I was so crushed that I couldn’t feel, and then I felt everything all at once, and then it was INSANE insecurity, and now it’s calmed down, but comes out as anger when I feel like he doesn’t care about me. I’m scared of being abandoned again, I think. I wasn’t a stable person before that, but that really threw me into overdrive. I’m only on my third day of the outpatient program, but it’s helping. I haven’t disclosed my illness or any details of my life really, but I’m surrounded by people who get it, and I love that. Im hopeful that I’ll be able to open up more soon so that I can get the skills I need. My husband and I have been married for 7 years, but we’re dating 10 years before we said our vows. We have 2 children, ages 13 and 9.
your husband loves you, stop hurting him and give love in return, or do you wanna hurt people till you die ?
Hi Ashley. Thanks so much for this. It really hit home on many levels. Been in a relationship cycle with a woman for 16 years including marriage and divorce and then dating. This really helped me and I especially like the focus on self. That is something I completely overlooked and yet just hit me so hard when you got there in this and the previous video. Thanks again and will be watching more of your stuff. You are awesome.
I'm glad you found my content John. You are awesome! I will be creating new content on BPD in the next few weeks.
Thank you for this. You don't know how many of us just needed to hear someone say this to us.
Ashley, please don't generalize everyone with BPD as demanding, abusive, and hard to love. We're humans just like you, and we deserve respect. These issues aren't exclusive to people with Borderline Personality Disorder. Everyone is capable of being abusive and demanding.
"We're humans just like you"
Yes, no one said anything else. And the statements are still true nonetheless, aren't they?
Don't get the ego so attached to it, and see it for the objective overall truth that it is, in context.
@@JonasAnandaKristiansson This isn't about ego. This stigma and assumption that we're shitty people by default affects us in very real ways in every day life. Objectively, this woman has a warped and anecdotal view of us. That's just the truth.
@@JonasAnandaKristiansson it's not that "we're humans too", it's "we're not unlike yourselves". The implication has been made that we are not like other people therefore shouldn't be seen as such, so yes. It was said.
@@JonasAnandaKristiansson "sex is a currency where they can get whatever they want... You aren't connected in a love type relationship, it's other types of emotions so you feel like you're connecting on some level but you're not"
She literally stated in absolute terms that we are incapable of love and that we are disingenuous in our affection. She is describing NPD. People with BPD can love fiercely, sometimes too fiercely. They can be unselfish and giving and compassionate by nature because I always was that person. Taking in strays and letting them stay on my couch until they can get back on their feet, going out of my way to help people at a massive cost to myself.. and you would not believe how neurotypicals have taken advantage of me and wrecked me compared to people with mental illness who I helped. They were so grateful, not entitled fucks. It's other issues related to our trauma that are often what get in the way.
My partner would disagree with this video. We've been together for 3 years, we are still happy and madly in love with each other and plan to spend our foreseeable future together. We've had problems but we've worked through them and keep getting better and stronger and healthier. I go to therapy once a week, I take my meds religiously, I have a DBT program that I'm doing (already finished another group therapy program), I read materials, I actively struggle to overcome my challenges every day and I do everything I can to protect those around me. I didn't ask for this, but I sure as shit am not going to let it steal my life or hurt the people I love any more.
It's pretty shitty to be met with this narrative over and over again after working so hard and proving the stigma wrong only to be told repeatedly by people who don't even know me that I'm a toxic piece of shit who will never find happiness. I've had neurotypicals who I didn't even know find out I had BPD and tell me to kill myself. Yeah because that's not toxic and abusive at all. People with BPD are just as susceptible to abuse as we are susceptible to being abusers, and yet you never hear anything about that. It's always the other way around (regardless of the fact that the reason we're fucked up is because we were abused in the first place). I'm pretty fuckin sick of it.
You do know that the former term (which is now obsolete) for "Borderline Personality Disorder" was in fact "Psychopath", right?
They hurt everyone they come across. No real emotions. Spoiled children with no emotional control who act psycho, control and threaten when you want a normal relationship. Worst abuse I've ever suffered. You can't save these people without them engaging in some serious therapy but they take NO responsibility for their abusive behaviour(including physical assaults with some) I'm done. Video spot on. Thank you for preserving my sanity.
its because of people like you there is a massive stigma attached to these personality disorders. Deeply worried about the advice you are giving out. Not all BPD sufferers manipulate. BPD sufferers need love and support. Congratulations on your choice to warn partners of BPD sufferers and enjoy your wages
". Congratulations on your choice to warn partners of BPD sufferers " Wrong!!!For every decent,kind,loving and caring person should just run...And I do mean run for your very dear life away from a Demonic Borderline monster...
Kate Bright what is a non abusive bps person like then?my ex sister in law I am sure did not mean to be abusive. I am aware of her trauma growing up, but the false allegations and accusations that she would hit the family with were completely mindfucking and there was never any convincing her that we meant no Ill will. She abused with tears, always accusing us of hurting her and would never accept reasonable explanations. If one of her kids needed correcting and someone did it, she would accuse them of being abusive. I watched one day her child breaking another child's toy and one of the uncles said..."don't do that" and she went off about him yelling at her kid. He hadn't raised his voice at all. This person may not have been abusive (though actually, I kind of think she was) but her neediness and constant hurt feelings over nothing and her new demands and unreasonable standards and withholding of the children did scar some of my family members for life. She has caused a lot of pain in her pain. It's hard to keep empathy for her pain after a decade of being accused of being a terrible person.
john feenstra .... It's impossible for a Christian to have a demon inside them since the Holy Spirit is already inside them!
@@Winterbaby1977 , I am BPD and before treatment I explode like that. She needs therapy indefinitely.
why are you defending "all" BPD sufferers yet you admit there are "some" who are abusive? OP was talking about and describing the BPD people who REFUSE TO GET HELP, and keep their spouses and children in a state of stress and anxiety.
After 4 months I had to let her go. Everything in this video speaks volumes to me.
I can hear that you have personally had a very bad relationship with someone who has had BPD. I can also hear that you don't really understand the machanisms of BPD at all.
I have BPD and I HATE it! It's not something that I asked for, just like nobody asks for cancer. It's painful to read the comments, but I am one that REALLY wants help. It it torture on the person who has it too. Think about that. I am 54 and was diagnosed 2015. Finally! I knew something was wrong since I was young. I went through a LOT of bad things, saw a lot of bad things and was abused. All I ever wanted to do was make everyone else happy. "I" have put myself in the hospital 5 times begging for help. It's like being in an adult daycare/jail. I did TMS and it didn't work. I am sorry most of you have had horrible times with a BPD person, but please understand that we are all NOT like that. I see a Psychiatrist, Therapist and going to start DBT this week. I have been on pages where people say that anyone with BPD should be killed! Do you know how terrifying that is for me to see?! I subscribed to this channel after watching the gas lighting video. My daughter is doing that to me and it's killing me. I asked my family what I had done to deserve this, and all of them said I didn't do anything to the point of this happening. (me and some of my family aren't that close either) I love my daughter more than anything in the world. I am starting to wonder if SHE has BPD. I saw the BPD videos and thought I would check them out. Like one person said"this video is not for BPD but their victims". She said something about us having a pity party too. The video does not say "Not for BPD sufferers". There is no "party", just trying to explain what some BPD people are like. We are not all monsters.Not every BPD is the same.
And I think what people with borderline don’t understand is your intentions you’re suffering doesn’t really matter if you’re also making other people suffer you guys say oh you know we’re suffering too. You don’t know how bad it is we don’t care when you are actively hurting the people you love it’s hard to have sympathy when you’re now the abuser, your life sucking doesn’t mean you guys get to hurt and abuse those around you. And as far as borderline having empathy, I think you guys do have empathy I just think you guys don’t extend that empathy out to anyone else that isn’t you stop looking at your borderline is something that only is unique to you and start looking at the things that you do in your actions and behaviors have on the people that you claim to love have empathy for others that are not you
why is everyone of these videos about leaving the person with bpd. and not how a person with bpd can fix this.... i believe i have bpd and im tryign to save my relationship but fixing myself because i dont see the problem everyone else sees but since i lost everyone i think thats proof enough that im the problem. so if you can foward me to a video that can take me through the steps or at lest teach me not to be a piece of hit like i am then that would be great
Therapy and u gotta stay committed
If the person with BPD refuses to get help, and continues to subject her spouse and child to her ups and downs (which are abusive) then leaving is the only option for the victims so they can keep their sanity!
These people with BPD in the comments being defensive are probably typing the same thing they would say to their partners when confronted. "Do not demonize me", "This is ridiculous", and the best one "just fucking have a conversation". Nothing would please you more than "having a conversation" where you can try to manipulate other people with sex, or emotional blackmail them etc, right?
This is a video about and for some people that suffer the consequences of involving themselves with people with BPD. I, and a lot of people on the comments can relate. And I think if I saw this before it would have helped me leave an abusive relationhip early, and it could help someone else... But those people don't matter. Fuck them. All you care is that you are being "stigmatized".
"trapped in a relationship with someone suffering from bpd" the title has just grinded me !! and then I started to listen to some of the stuff... You need to educate more on mental health!!
I was trapped though , she’s cheated and then threatened suicide if I moved on, I was assaulted, gaslit, manipulated with false attempts to get therapy which only lasted weeks, made to feel like I was the problem also. It was hell and it turned my reality upside down and made me not want to have compassion anymore as it was insulting to her. Using childhood abuse as an excuse to treat another person like dirt is not nice to be on the receiving end of. It messed with my trust and destroyed my faith in true love. Like most personality disorders there are different levels and this video really rang true with me
Exactly! Well said! No one traps anyone because of BPD. People are free to walk away if they’re unhappy but people with BPD tend to stay in relationships where the partner make them unhappy.
I dated a BPD women and it ruined me, such am emotional roller coaster zi tried to do so much for her but nothing seemed tk be good enough, yet she would tell me I gaslit her, I was a narcisist etc she never took accountability for her actions or thought they were ok even knowing my stance on it from the very beginning im still wrote off over this no idea how to bounce back she made mw feel like im the problem.
Hold all the Cards! resonated with me. I have been in a marriage for 20 years. My wife has never worked nor taken care of the monies that I provide. Yet, she makes me feel like a lodger in "her" house; no compromise, prevents me re-modeling etc and I cave in! Been trying for a loooong time to turn this around but think now I just had better get gone :-(
you don't treat a borderline. you ignore them
Leon Wynne 🙄🙄🙄
I'm guessing all those thumbs down are from people with BPD who are feeling hurt and upset and whatnot from watching this video. And while I do wish the best for all of us, BPD's included, I can only speak from the perspective of someone who's been in a relationship with a BPD for 3,5 years:
It doesn't change. You can't fix them. They're always the victim. Their problem is a fundamental lack of love and sense of security, and those things have to come from within. The best thing you can do for everyone is to let your partner know this and to move on.
If you choose to stay, you'll end up feeding your love, patience, acceptance, and forgiveness to a bottomless pit of anger and self-hatred while letting yourself drag along on an emotional roller coaster that'll end up destroying your self-respect and ability to trust in future partners.
Sorry to say it, but get away while you can. It hurts, and it sucks, but it's better for everyone in the long run.
saying it doesn't change is highly incorrect and ignorant not everyone with bpd is the same
@@thephilosopher1663 No, you're absolutely right; it's supposed to be read in the, admittedly, narrow context of trying to "fix" them. Because you can't help someone who's unwilling to be helped, and who is blinded and pacified by their own sorrow and anger. It HAS to come from within; otherwise, it's impossible.
Hope that clears things up a bit. :)
I notice alot of bpds on this comment section are also narcissists. They have this look at me, feel sorry for me, I need help not criticism. They don't have any empathy what so ever. I have seen alot of videos of bpd victims. The bpds try to high Jack the comment section to attack the person making the video and the victims. I want to stay as far away from these people as possible. My brother has this and he is very hard to deal with. I have to keep arms length and can't trust him. After watching these videos and seeing bpd attack victims then I don't see any hope for me and my brother. Because these people are selfish and self absorbed.
A BPD is one of cluster b personality disorders. NPD can be it's own thing when severe or addition to other cluster b disorder. All cluster b's have narcissism in them.
Yes. They are at least as trapped as you are, except they can't leave the relationship. Thank you for not being one of those people who thinks they're lying or doing it willfully.