How to deal with rejection and lack of self-worth | Ajahn Brahm | 30-01-2015
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 30 янв 2015
- Ajahn Brahm responds to a request online about rejection and denigration from others leading to low self-esteem and lack of self-worth.
If you've enjoyed this talk and would like to support the Buddhist Society of Western Australia to make these talks available to a wider audience, please consider making a donation - bswa.org/support/index.html
The dharma talks recorded by the Buddhist Society of Western Australia at Dhammaloka Buddhist Centre in Perth, Western Australia. More resources are available at www.dhammaloka.org.au
I came home feeling rejected, desperate and worthless, searched "self worth" on RUclips, and found this and was calm after 10 minutes. Thank you for this.
:D
Great!
keep on listing to Ajahn Brahm , Ajahn Sumedhu, Ajahn Chan, S.N Goenka..... hope you will become stronger!
I can relate. I did exactly the same. :)
Theses talk are so amazing especially this one 🙏
I have no clue how I found this channel...so grateful I did. There are no coincidences. Blessings to all.
My favorite monk ever
I am not a Buddhist but I watch Ajan Brahm videos everyday ! What an inspiration!
I know I am talented, beautiful, funny and intelligent. Yet all my 26 years I have never deeply felt it. I am on the journey. I need to feel the pain deep within like ajahn brahmavamso said... stop running.
Wish me luck my family.
When he describes exactly your whole life in the first minute... this was best thing ive ever seen. Thank you for posting! :)
E ewwww is is wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwweeww and
Mmmm m
OkkonI k
"Only when we are content, we grow" :)
So true. Joy is the foundation of growth.
Such a paradox. I tend to feel like I have to be uncomfortable in order to make a change or move different. Yet, I find that I grow the most when I stop stressing about it. The issue for a while was I was trying to stop stressing by pushing it away, pretending it's not an issue, so it still gnaws at the back of my mind. And what is this issue? Discontentment with my life, discontentment which I hesitate to purge because I think I need the push of discomfort to move. I fear if I stop worrying about my life, I will be complacent, living a neutered existence. Yet, I already do by wasting so much mental energy worrying about it. If i stop worrying about my life, all that weight drops, many knots loosen. It becomes clear that the demon is self-created and self-sustaining. An illusion of conflict. A sickness prescribed to me by the church.
Lots of healing done, much more to go.
What I love most is the time he is taking.
Honestly though, I needed to hear this talk again ( for the tenth time). Ajahn Brahm has a way of settling me down from my turmoil. That's why I watch a video of his daily. Is his talks conditioning me! You bet it is! Conditioning me to be the human being I was meant to be.
Yup. For me approx. tenth time as well. This talk helped me recover parts of myself that I've almost forgotten about. I went through a very very deep valley the past 3 years but Buddhism shows me that healing is possible no matter how bad things seem. Without Buddhism I don't think I'd be around.
He really is the best, so much compassion for us little ones out there 🙏. I hope you feel better soon :)
I've been on a Brahm binge today 😊Grateful more than I can even express.
Ive listened to your talks for 5 yrs now.
Ajahn Brahm, you helped me stay away from a cult that my whole blood family is committed too. Im left alone but for the internet.
My family are devout Jehovah Witness.
Thank you for showing me a way of thinking that makes sense and heals.
I know this comment is really late, but researching cults is a hobby of mine (I fell into new age beliefs when I was young but got lucky). I think it was the first episode of the third season of leah reminis show on scientology where she did an episode on jehovahs witnesses. It was very moving and I highly recommend it. There are also two youtube channels by ex-witnesses that you may enjoy, one is "Tell Tale" and the other is "John Cedars". Tell Tale in particular you may relate to as his mother is still with them. Wish you the best
Being nice doesn´t kill you (no matter, what the ego says), being bitter does...
Ad Hd thank you for this comment. my mum used to say it costs nothing to be nice.xxx
@@janeyd5280 Actually, it can cost you , when others take advantage of you...It destroyed my life...my Mom was so nice to everybody all the time, no matter what, and it destroyed our lives...We should be nice, but not always...
@Luna Lu if your life was destroyed how are you on here commenting? Do you understand the Buddharupa and Kilesas?
I also listen every night to all of the talks, I have found each one has honest guidance, please keep continuing to do them. New ones if possible thank you
I listen to all of the talks on a nightly basis I'm so grateful for the wisdom and the guidance thank you
I m glad your Dharma talks are helping people who have faced difficulties in their lives and all other mental related issues . Whoever watched this video, may all be happy and see all the good things that you do in life and recognizes things that you do for others and yourself. Love your self!
Thank you Ajahn Brahm for helping people
29:00
I would like to point out that I failed grade one in public school in Canada. Years later my educational experience makes a lot more sense in light of Asperger's Syndrome. Now I run an academic facility. Cheers.
Thanks for posting this. My son is in the spectrum. I’d ensure that he doesn’t feel rejected
@@ondamo my brother had severe autism as a young boy. While he still struggles today, he is now a graduate of quantum mechanics, physics and works for an aeronautic base, designing airplanes and software. He is successful and your son can be too.
with all the religions in the world right now, one man speaks the truth of love, amazing!!
The weight of someone rejecting me from their life affected me so much. I almost listen to this as I sleep everyday. Thanks BSWA
A lot of what Ajahn Brahm says is very beautiful and poignant, especially the part about the trees for example. We all have imperfections, however these imperfections are what makes us, unites us as humans, communities and societies. Once we learn to embrace our imperfections we can truly move on and enjoy life. Embracing out imperfections is one of the most difficult things to do though, one that I'm dealing with daily and struggling with in the most part.
2 mins in and I'm already much calmer than I was before clicking on this vid. Even more calming than reading his book. One of the many amazing things youtube brings to my life daily
This talk changed my life. I keep revisiting it every time I feel worthless. Thank you so very much for sharing your love and wisdom
His best talk , loved it 👍🏽🙏🏽
Such a beautiful talk. This meant so much to me. Thankyou so much
I do not believe in the concept of reincarnation or rebirth, but I respect Buddhism very much and feel it has a lot to offer, Even to those of different faiths.
Frank Talk i was just wondering the reason of your disbelief in reincarnation
@@prijabhoendie
Reincarnation renders the sacrifice of Christs crucifixion null and void, unless that too is allegory.
@@prijabhoendie know what I mean jelly bean?
An amazingly beautiful talk. I shall definitely be listening to this every bad day I have and then some. Metta to all. Love you Brahm.
very profound in lightness. thank you Ajahn Brahm for sharing your wisdom
Many years ago I my kids went through a difficult divorce I found them a little puppy and with her unconditional love she helped them to grow into fantasticl adults who fillme with pride thank u AB for yr compassion
At first i thought.. "oh no.. he claims that rebirth is provable. If he lies about this, how can he say ANYTHING of value".
But then he came up with a few very beautiful metaphors that really made me feel better. And in the spirit of his talk (less critizism, more praise) i'll just put my scepticism away and say: Thank you very much for the beautiful talk.
Rebirth is provable, but only really to those who have practiced rightfully, in line with the teachings of the buddha. It is only verified, based on the experience of the practitioner and their literal memories. Seeking verification and proof of this phenomenon though, will typically hinder your progress. If you've experienced something for yourself, and claim it, it really does nothing for those who haven't experienced it for themselves. That's part of the reason the Buddha taught, I think, that it is perfectly fine to not believe something having not experienced it for yourself.
Cody Stein
"It is only verified, based on the experience of the practitioner and their literal memories."
Unfortunately personal experience and memories are the lowest form of proof for reality.
If you stimulate peoples brains you can make them experience pretty much whatever you want. And meditiation is basically nothing but constantly stimulating your brain to work in a different way and therefore change your experience of reality. But it's still all in your head. I doesn't change the world outside. For that reason i personally don't trust the things i experience.
But in the end.. does it really matter? If someone believes in rebirth it will probably make them value life a bit less, but therefore reduce the fear of death. I see no real harm in it. There's a lot of religious beliefs that are really harmful, but this isn't one of them.
I think the point of the knowledge and belief in life experienced before this life is to provide knowledge and conviction in them (those practicing in line with the teaching of the Buddha) so that they do have the consideration, here and now, to make an effort towards the goal of this spirituality. To grasp at spiritual answers to spiritual attainments without the efforts to experience it directly is floundering in this life. Simply accepting it, does not save you, from the lesson of this very common religious superstition. The lesson, even if you are a very non-superstitious or religious individual, is to use this time (here and now) wisely for your happiness. That happiness, in turn, will be a "proof of reality" that transcends the mundane. I think that's the philosophy, at least.
Actually if you believe in karma and rebirth then you believe that what happens to people has to do with their past lives and is in some sense their own fault / karma that happens to them becaue of things they did in the past. That is actually quite a harmful way to look at things and can lead to people looking down on less furtunate persons. (this happens quite often in buddhist countries.) I think Buddhism would be better without the believe of reincarnation and karma that they have now.
@@elisenieuwe4649 Buddha said many times that nothing in Buddhism is to be merely believed. If a teaching goes against your personal understanding and experience then reject it. But bear in mind that just because you are yet to understand a particular teaching (such as Karma or reincarnation for example), that doesn't mean it's a false teaching.
P. S. Karma is not only a law of cause and effect for unpleasant experiences in your life, but also the pleasant experiences. So when you say, "why me!?" when bad things happen, don't forget to say to yourself "why me!?" when things are going well for you, too! (hint, your past virtues cause your current happiness)
at the end, kindness only goes so far. I was the kid that got his daily punches at school. if they were sick and missed a day, they made up for it. I tried to be nice to these ppl. one day i couldnt take it anymore and snapped throwing a side kick at the biggest kid's face then EVERYONE stopped bullying me. I agree that violence isn't the answer but every time I look back on it I don't see how anything else would have made it stop. i had to show them i wasnt a punching bag. adults just make it worse. when u rat u just get smacked around more.
p.s. I missed my kick, waited for his response (he stood there) then walked away from the situation. I've studied various martial arts most of my life.
your self love grew enough that u could stand up for your self.
That person is responsible for their behavior. You held them accountable. That was the most loving thing to do for yourself and them in that moment. Nothing else was going to show themselves to them. Sorry, but I would like to see any monk love the bully out of a person who can’t see it and won’t stop.
Always remember you have come a very long way to be the person you are today. The journey is not easy. Celebrate your life and with like minded friends who wish you well and who have been part of this journey. This is the worth of the journey called LIFE.
As for those who judge or criticise you unfairly, thar is mostly because of his or her own foolishness, inner insecurities and negativities. Nothing to do with you actually. And the persom returns home to face himself or herself 24/7. And you celebrate your life....the fact that you have come a long way...
Congratulations.....
Thankyou Ajahn Brahm.
I adore this talk deeply - there is so much love and a wise heart to feel. Only one thing. If a "psychopath" kills the puppy, that he or she is given - I don't think he or she should be given another puppy. The puppies are innocent and can't defend themselves at all. All love given to the person with psychopathic tendencies from another human being that can protect the own person - yes - given from the heart. May all beings be happy and healthy!
I just had some argue with a person yesterday. I have been so angry the last whole day, but when I watched this and allowed the emotion to stay and be observed, I found that I did not hate that person anymore...
It's interesting to see dear Ajahn Brahm speaking positively of the Mahayana concept of "Buddha Nature."
extreme positivism is not the middle path. give unconditional love to your son and find out how fast he becomes a monster. everything is balance, to praise when praise is due, to reprimand when reprimand is due, that is the path.
indeed self improvement is a flawed context but with society, some norms must be maintained. is less about self improvement and more about synchronization with society.
although his words are pleasing, he is still mired by duality. there is a time to care for the crops just like there is a time to reap the crop. is caring good? is reaping wrong? Caring is wrong when it is a time to reap just like reaping is wrong when it is a time for care.
1:01:44 "self caring, not self improvement"
This was me until I found Buddhism. It gave me a whole new perspective and inner strength.
Honorable monk you are truly enlightened.
What a beautiful wonderful person... I feel so much warmer and kinder towards myself right now. I want to share this with others and spread it around like an infectious disease haha
Thank you Ajahn Brahm from California via Tokyo.
Ajahn makes me feel like I'm something. X
Love this talk! Thank you! :)
We’re having a youth crime epidemic in Queensland Australia (according to the news). After listening to this amazing talk from Ajan Brahm, I reckon we should send monks out to the detention centres. Imagine the change!
Love your talks, and the Sangha ❤ Namo Buddhaya! 😊
Change ur behavior change ur life... The rewards will be endless
Thank you for all you do, I am free be playing your video for the last 2 weeks. For a long time I was lost but I have found myself because for you, and even tho I'm free my mind is free I will always keep playing your new video becasue I love to learn more
love you Ajahn Brahm.
Jolly enlightening indeed !!! Thanks
simple things like praise and kindness are good.. so sad people take advantage of this and put you down in return..
this is priceless ! thank you so much
Thanks for the awesome Dhamma talk. Helping me to leave a bad friend in my life. He always want to improve me
Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu 🙏
Our lives are now dictated by profit, money, power and selfishness! It is very very hard to walk this talk, because most of your peers would tell you are crazy.....
The toughest challange is to live according to our deepest values and still live among others in this crazy world. Is it not?.
+raffaella paci The challenges in life are our greatest lessons. What you value in life should be limitless, and if you should find that the world values are petty and finite, realize what power your perspective has in that environment. You become a source of wisdom in culture consumed in its intellect. Relish in your mindfulness and its willingness to engage with all the world has to offer while remaining altruistic on where your stance is in the life as well as the lives of others.
Thank you ajahn brahm
Love Ajahn ❣️ thank u for this
thank's for helping me see thing's in a different way
best talk iv'e listen too
I told my nephew to go away the other day and to stop bothering me. I can't be a "dog" (wag my tail) every time a human crosses my path. Secretly, I perceive them as pests...LOL. Now don't judge me. I'm just happy to make this admission about myself.
Lord Byron Did you mean "...every time a FELLOW human crosses my path."? And did you mean "Secretly, I percieve US as pests..."?
2Ajax,
Yes, right on both counts. But those feelings are becoming less and less. I think it's because I'm much more kinder and compassionate with myself ... you know, liking me more for who and what I am and not judging myself for every mistake I make. For so many many years, I didn't really like myself. But after listening to this great teacher Ajahn Brahm, all the crap that has conditioned me throughout life are, layer by layer, pealing away.
This was a real nice talk... it felt more raw than usual.
Ajahn Brahm is often in my daily thoughts... telling me to do this, or to not do that... doesn't work tho :-p
Even Ajahn Brahmali & Bhante Sujato are floatin around up there!
Technically speaking I believe they have become a part of my "inner dialogue" such as any persons' peers do.
Although often I wonder what (or who's): affirmations & wisdom do *they* hear in their inner dialogue?
SADHU SADHU SADHU!!!
+1
Unconditional LOVE allows an individual to care, support, uplift, encourage & sincerely take care of another human being even if they believe that they are not worthy to be LOVED because our Universal Creator does not make mistakes! Everything and everyone has been created for a specific Purpose and is recognized by THE CREATOR as "GOOD!" OUR FATHER GOD will always LOVE us as HIS CHILDREN ... no matter what this evil, deceitful World has to say!!! LOVE yourself because YOUR CREATOR truly & completely LOVES you & desires the BEST in life for you!!! "Enlightenment: WAKE UP & RISE UP!!!" LOVE * LIGHT * TRUTH
Thank you Venerable 💖💜
Beautiful. Thank you
44:00 That tree. Thank you.
People on the thread criticize too much. You'll never catch me criti... oh damn it!
+2Jax the meta critic
it is a new thing to instil confidence in our children. in our grannies time children were seen and not heard.!
10:50 finding comfort in pain thru persistence and kindness.
I strongly disagree with the statement about giving a psychotic person "another puppy." While, on the one hand, I want to say that it's relativistic, in other words, yes, it may be good for the psychotic person, I think that sacrificing a life in that way is abhorrent and ignores the fact that the animal *ALSO* has a life that it is entitled to. We could get into a long discussion I am sure about the relativeness of this, we kill millions of chickens a day for food, similarly for cattle and, no, I don't think that when it comes down to it there is much of a difference in these practices, but there is one very important one. In the case of livestock, these animals are killed for the purpose of feeding people, the puppy would simply be senselessly murdered. Now, for those of you who might want to criticize my comment or to criticize Ajahn Brahm, one point that I would like to make is that Ajahn Brahm is a vegetarian and has probably participated in far fewer animal deaths than most people reading this, and myself, and Ajahn Brahm gives these talks freely on youtube and teaches and has a lifetime of service to others. I would find it hard to condemn such a man in his entirety for one, offhand, relativistically horrible comment, horrible though I think it was. He has far to many hits to be judged for one miss. As he might say, it's one bad brick out of thousands of good ones.
That was a very naive comment from him and painted a disturbing picture of endless puppy sacrifices
Thank you ❤🎉
I am so sorry, my mum is 88 years old, her eyesight has gone, she has a hearing impairment, she can hardly walk. she wasn't like this, she used to be cheerful and enjoy playing, now she mostly sits in front of the TV. it makes me sad.
Thank you.
Thank you! In the future, could you please keep the sound on while Ajahn Brahm does the Buddha, Dharma and sangha praise? I love to hear that.
49:18 "I don't like babies"
Some nice display of unconditional love right there. He's talking about how every human being has a great beautiful nature inside of them, babies being the purest form of human expression and unconditional love, and then he says this. How 'mindful' of this enlightened guru.
Wen need more about the topic plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Thank you
Very soothing.. very compassionate. Thank you!
Namo tasa bagawato arahato samma sambuddha sa.
Tnqq so much.
Some people never learn to love themselves. Even after they put everything into it. Buddhism. Twelve steps. Therapy. Books. Just letting you know. There isn’t hope for EVERYONE.
just wanted to say you don't necessarily have to "get old" as you age. i suggest you don't assume the conditioning that aging makes us degrade and we need to "accept" that. Aging is a degenerative disease and we don't necessarily need to degrade as we get older. The buddha was still in the best shape when he died. at 80-something, he did not die from old age. he died from ptomaine. let's not assume the stereotype and let's do something different by taking care of our miraculous, self-reliant temple. eating high-quality fruits and vegetables is a great start.
'even if he kills it, give that psychopath SO MANY PUPPIES, until he breaks down". uhm ajahn, plz no. why should these hypothetical puppies suffer, because of some other random creature's horrid tendencies??is the psychopath worth more than one puppy? two? three hundred? what if he's just intrinsically a puppy murderer?
19:40 I burst into tears
-VictIM-
VictOR
I was hoping Ajahn Brahmavamso could do a talk on loneliness. I have not been able to find one on that subject.
I found these if you are still interested:
/watch?v=N2BAth7mQkw
/watch?v=INvv1NJYCKI
Aiman Shahpurwala there is a talk called loneliness I believe, and also the singles dhamma video is helpful.
謝謝和尚
❤❤❤
I don't agree with one point. A dog might don't care about your criminal record bit if you kick, abuse or torture a dog they will for sure not shower you with unconditional love. Humans are no different, we are also social creatures and I don't think it's advisable to show someone unconditional love who is constantly abusing you
When one realizes that they are the Buddha. Is when you get it. You are not seperate from but part of. :)
i know some people who got dogs/puppies to feel better and ended up abusing those as well. ugh.
: ) so funny and so real
Well. What about the expirences that stay in the body? "Now I have enough. Get out!" Said my father. This is like caught up in my chest and for example now when neibours cat cried it all flashbacked and I wanted to scream exactly the same. It's all in me. Tension in the body - in the chest..
However on the down side, some dogs resisted human rape and bit their offenders.. Choose wisely...
I had to repeat year 1 as well. was because on day one of school everyone else already new how to count and abc's plus they got food to eat. never went to pre school. lol I remember sitting there and i just had no idea why i was in this horrible place bein told i was stupid over and over and over. they sat me in the end infront of a clock in corner of the room for days on end in my first year of year 1 . sure remember that owl clock. that was suposed to help me. because i didnt understand they made me stair at nothing by myself lol. bravo!
Jesse Lawton Your story just proves how stupid some people who see themselves as educated are really nothing more than educated morons. Your experience is a good example of why A.B. exhorts us to let go of the past. I'm sure that long ago experience in year one was extremely painful for you, but it no longer exists except in your mind. Please do open your mind and let it drop out. Best wishes.
Jesse Lawton this is what happens when there is no kindness or compassion in the world. Overworked teachers but maybe without insight. Same with parents, all human. Let it go and rise to the best you can be. That long ago experience doesn't define you any longer....it actually more defines the teacher back then.
Im touched by the replys to this. Thank you :-)
Jesse, you need to remember that we are all not ready for certain steps in life at the same time. I was rushed into 1st grade and everyone was older than I was and it was a struggle for me and not a good one. You can do this. Remember that some of the smartest people in our world were thought to be un-teachable in some way, shape or form. Some of us have different learning styles....that doesn't make us any less intelligent than anyone else. Good luck in your searches in this life and many blessings to you!!
yoyomi Yes, absolutely! It does define Jesse's teacher in year 1. Somehow this teacher received a teaching certificate but she or he was not what defines a true teacher. True teachers seek out those who need help most and they are more gratified in seeing a struggling student excel than in seeing a gifted student remain status quo.
How can I submit Questions?
Please, could someone point me to the source of information about proof of rebirth mentioned by A. B.? Thanks.
+Gianfranco Zecchino i think the root of it is if there is no rebirth (one life only), there is no reason to live the holy life. if there is rebirth, there is a reason.
many religions work this way. living the holy life creates happiness now and in the future; whether there is life after death or not. people get caught up in the intellectual view of religion but forget what we all want but never get: happiness.
+anon kamehameha I was referring to A.B.'s mention of a video, but thank you anyway for pointing out that the value of the path lies in the path itself and not in what comes next.
+Gianfranco Zecchino as for the proof, I've heard a scientist did a study on young children's memories but pretty anecdotal. personally I practice without needing this belief but I have searched as you do.
+anon kamehameha Sure. What really matters is NOW, and practicing to really be in the present. After all, whatever the future (even future life) will be like, it's a continuously unfolding present.
It is like "where is tomorrow , where is yesterday".We do good for our lives then we receive good result and hope if we have rebirth ,we will receive good result continuously.
So even when your friends had tried to take advantage of you and you have tried to be kind to them ...you just "give " them a "smile" and still be "nice"? Even if they bullied you "just be nice! (¿?)
+mayita606 Resepct your friends with the respect you have for yourself. If your only smiling and being nice for the sake of your friends, then the smiling and being nice isn't genuinely resting within yourself. Before you can effectively engage with others, you have to be honest with your intentions and expectations for yourself and then others, not the other way around. If you find what you receive in return is not what you expected, try handling the situation with a new percpective and be open to adopting new techniques in achieving the type of results you wish to see in your relationships.
Very Rough Summary: Be Kind to yourself and others.
Treat yourself and others like a dog treats its human companion - with unconditional love and kindness (even if they’re kinda dicks. Especially if they’re dicks, actually.)
When you see yourself and others as beings inherently deserving of kindness - despite their shortcomings, despite illusory societal standards of worth - you can defeat the illusion of low self-worth.
38:00
💕💕💕🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏☀️☀️☀️☀️🇸🇪
50:20
Plus a *smile back* can activate epic instant karma!
Although one is not to be expected!
+1
I repeated grade 1 3 times too :D