A big event, in this case a milestone anniversary, is not a good place for a reconciliation. If he was suffering from depression and is remorseful for things he said and did, meeting up in a different location and with someone you trust might be preferable. Trying to reconnect at a party is a disaster waiting to happen and a happy event can go bad rather quickly.
Last story: I swear people barely listen to the stories when a man is mentioned. They just want to be mad at him. 1. He did used to cook as well. She insisted she do the cooking. 2. He offered to help her cook, she refused 3. It’s not “asking for permission” he just wanted to do the thing he needed to do to avoid a power outage which is why he wanted her to let her know. 4. How can she be so angry at him for playing the game, when she insulted his cooking, and forced him out of his own kitchen? Ridiculous
THANKYOU!!! That last post ticked me off. I’d break up with her if that’s how she acts when in the wrong. “ Get over it” not “ oh shoot, you’re right! I forgot again I’m so sorry!”. Then she sent her flying monkey friend at him instead of apologizing once she’s cool down. That’s a red flag. I’d break up All the redditors saw was women cooking for a deadbeat gamer man, smh
@@bribri2925 right? I could see the back of my brain with how much I rolled mt eyes at those people. She was so in the wrong. Honestly I think she wanted to cause problems because he already was a good guy and she was bored 😂
Last story - OP tried many times to be involved with making dinner and gf shut him out. If she’s resenting him gaming while she makes dinner, that’s completely on her. Yes, OP needs to fix the oven, and yeah, he probably should have done it by now. But that doesn’t give his gf the right to bitch about it - she’s the one who forgot to mention the oven, so she doesn’t get to be the one to yell about it. OP is NTA.
Totally agree. Especially, since he asked her to just give him a heads-up when she used the big oven. But, for dating such a short time and then moving in, she’s been acting like it’s her house and trying to take over everything and giving him attitude and not wanting to compromise on anything. He’s been overlooking a lot of red flags. IMO
I think it's hilarious when reddit says communication when he did communicate with her calmly. If she lives there she can fix the oven. He can play all the games he wants if she won't let him cook.
He is the one who didn’t save his game. It’s ridiculous he wants her to warn him every time she is cooking when he could just remember to save as he goes regardless.
@@Sassy_Kat Right. The main problem isn't her forgetting telling him, but how she reacted when he asked her again to tell him next time and all the rest you mentioned.
@@tracim3080 Did you even listen to the story ? I swear, some people tend to project their own problems.... THE F***ING OVEN DOESN'T NEED TO BE USED AT ALL !!!. They have another oven. And people don't use the oven every time they're cooking. So. giving a heads up every RARE time that you use a certain appliance isn't ridiculous. Especially since the girlfriend is new, living rent free in OP's house and stopped him from cooking. What would she do if he decided he doesn't want the large oven to be used at all (since it's HIS house, HIS oven). Throw a temper tantrum like a toddler? What is ridiculous is that stupid GF who thinks she's entitled to scream at OP over her own mistakes.
Last story: NTA. It's clear the girlfriend was being a jerk. She doesn't want OP to help her with cooking and didn't apologize after repeating the same crap behavior. She is doing this on purpose.
@@JaneDoe1812 The problem is it's his house and he's allowed a major electrical issue go unchecked long term. The house hasn't burned down after all this time so it's probably (emphasis on probably) OK but last time I had a built in appliance (fridge) tripping the power like that the electrician showed me where the wire had charred the wall
@@JaneDoe1812 well, the thing is, the stove isnt the problem, the main breaker is. I used to have an issue like that a few years back and the problem is, often, the main breaker that is defect or cracked. When that happens, the main breaker isnt able to take in the same amount of amperage he was made for. So instead of shutting down at, lets say, 100amp. It would shut down at 40amp. It can be dangerous because the more it shuts down, the less it would be able to take, the more it overheats quickly at anything that requires electricity (stove, washing/drying machine, vaccuum, ect.) and that can cause a fire.
@@sfsin3380 Yeah, loud that and he communicated to his girlfriend that this is the issue. Just give me a heads up I don’t know his money situation. Yeah he should’ve took care of it sooner we all should take care of a lot of things sooner that we put off.
@@MoMo09809 Thank you this is a breaker issue an electrical issue that cost a lot of money we don’t know his living situation fixing shit like that is expensive and I doubt she’s bringing any money and she’s disrespectful but I love how everybody glosses over how she disrespects him talk shit about his cooking tells him to leave his kitchen and his house
Story 1 - NTA. His loss and grief will never even remotely excuse what he did to his second wife and only child. Dude is out of his mind and I would never want to have anything to do with him either.
Last Story: Final comments forgets that Helen is the one who CHOSE to cook. She can easily tell him that. Moreso, this issue just really needs to be fixed. But Helen brushing it off when she is clearly in the wrong is something else. "Damn babe I forgot" is fine.
@@tracim3080 imagine being respectful to your partner and being repeatedly told the big oven doesn't work at times to just give a friendly reminder that you're going to use it. The audacity of him
@@serna710 it occasionally flips the breaker. Forget the oven issue if his only issue is the potential for unsaved game play and he has no intention for fixing his oven anyway then how is he not in the habit of saving his game? Most gamers do that regardless of know electronic problems.
@@tracim3080 likeweize, how a grown woman be responsible to remember to say "hey, I have to use the big oven to night". Wouldn't that be a equal request?. Especially because she wont allow him to Cook for her.
@@hellefur7861 she lives there now. She shouldn’t have to tell him she cooking. He should just saving his game anyway. This man has a very lazy mentally and going to end up living alone in the house until he learns to follow though. He needs his girlfriend to remind him to save his video game? He just “forgets” to save money for his stove. He needs to grow up and adult.
1st story: NTA “Found a way to love you” ? That’s one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard. I bet his first wife would be ashamed of him. 2nd story: YTA Op needs to hear this “it’s NOT about you”. Todd and his FIANCÉ will be distancing themselves once they get a chance. And op and her family will never understand why
Final Story: NTA. You didn’t make that big of a fuss when she insisted on cooking alone. Your not asking for much, just some F’ing respect and a heads up! And how is her baking cookies more important then the thing that helps you relax after a long stressful day? In your own home none the less!
Am I among the first 1,000 homeowners to advise you to get an electrician out there ASAP? Breakers trip so your house doesn't burn down. It almost always works. Also, while you grew up with this issue, and don't care when you're cooking, to her it's brand new. Put a sign on the big stove. But get your wiring checked first.
Yeah I agree with NTA, after all, he wants to help with cooking, but she refuses and wants to cook alone. So the people saying "you are just playing games while she does the chores" can go get bent. I do agree with the comments saying "fix your electric problem", but I don't think that's enough of an issue to call him an AH in this story.
I agree NTA for wanting a warning but also, DON'T USE AN APPLIANCE WHICH IS TRIPPING THE WHOLE HOUSE CIRCUIT YOU IDIOT! The ammout of fault current required to trip the mains is incredible, you are lucky to have a house at all after that long.
St. 1 - The Father is nuts. Obsession isn't love. I get that losing someone is traumatic, but this is insane. "I can only love children from her body." Wtf? OP is his child. I wouldn't want to be around that lunatic either. I imagine his first wife would be disgusted by his behavior. OP"s mom was 21? So young. 🤦♀️
Story 1: he went behind your mother's back to name you after his first wife, and didn't even like you then left. It is not your responsibility to mend this relationship one because you're the child he's the parent and two because you weren't the one the break it he was. Your Uncle really need to stay out of it, he's clearly terrible at giving advice. Sure you could do this for your grandma and grandpa but I get the feeling if so much as one wrong word it said and heard then a huge fight will break out, making them upset at both of you for fighting. By how you described your father he doesn't really know how that act so I wouldn't risk it, your grandparents should understand why you don't want to be around him and maybe you guys can do something more intimate later.
And this is what happens when family pushes and pushes widowers to "get over it" and get married again. The whole family, uncle included, is now reaping what they've sown. The reasons why they're pushing now for OP to reconcile are : 1. They feel guilty for what they did, because the father is still suffering, too 2. They haven't learned anything from past experience.
I honestly didn´t think the grandparents and uncle will likely understand and respected OP´s wish. Because while the dad´s action is his own responsibility, we can´t forget who actually pressure him to find another woman when he was clearly not over his first wife. OP´s dad never want anoter wife or child, it was his family who want OP and her mom and the dad was just a tool for them to achieve that, so it´s unlikely that they will stop pushing both of them to 'reconcile'. Dad also clearly doesn´t feel anything beyond being OP´s donor and OP doesn´t want him. As far as I know, there´s no need for her to even attempt to mend the relationship because the two parties who are actually involved are perfectly happy with their relationship (or lack thereof).
OP has changed her name. Her sperm donor will a) use the name change to pretend that OP isn't his daughter or b) go absolutely apeshit that she erased the sainted first wife's name. Either way, unneeded drama at a major family event.
Third story. Have heard this on another channel. Someone in the comments speculated that OP's MIL had told the younger three children that OP's wife really is their mom. With how the three of them are clinging to the idea, I feel they are right. And with what a charmer MIL seems to be, I can see her doing it.
How sick is that? She's 9 years older than her oldest sibling. They are REALLY convinced that she had them at 9, 11, and 12??? They need to be cut off, just for being criminally stupid and in serious denial of the truth.
That's what I was thinking when I was listening. There's a 12 and 15 year age difference between me and my youngest siblings and I wound up co-parenting then with my mom. This has messed with their perception of me and vice versa, as well. My sister used to ask me all the time if I was actually their mom and our mom was trying to help me by keeping it a secret. The difference here is that my mom didn't tell her that, some stupid neighbor did, and my mom was very sad that my sister thought she might not be her real mom. OP's wife needs to set down hard boundaries and, even when it hurts, keep some emotional distance between herself and her siblings or they will never be able to see her as anything but a mother.
Why the heck do so many people seem to think that texting/calling/emailing someone to chew them out on behalf of someone else is appropriate? You see it all the time in these stories, geez. Especially when they didn't have your number before!
Lol. I have just been wondering this very same thing. I am baffled by this as well. And to be so quick to jump without getting the other side of the story.
Story 2: YTA. Hun, if they are going to get married… THEN THEY’RE FIANCÉS! The fact that they didn’t do it in accordance to your tradition is a moot point.
But that's the thing. It's different cultures clashing. By our standards they are engaged. By OP's cultural standards they are not. OP should have just kept her mouth closed, because she knows they don't agree on what signifies an engagement.
@Sean Veazie Americans think they can dictate every other culture. Tbh their culture sounds more equal, both get a ring. Op still should be quiet but dang the west bleeds into everything.
@@veezopolis That was my point. Future SIL can't tell OP what an engagement is, and OP can't tell future SIL what an engagement is. Hence why I said OP should have kept it to herself. They had already established that they do not agree, so there was no point in rehashing it. Especially because neither party will change their mind.
It still is a mystery to me why these non western people come running to a Western oriented Reddit for opinions where there is clear Western/Non Western clashes. The opinions expressed by most Reddit readers and sites like this are clearly American, Canadian, British or Aussie. If your culture is Indian, Pakistani, Arab, Asian or something else, why ask an American for their opinion or validation of your insistence on forcing or defying your own culture?
Last story: If using the big oven causes power outages, I don’t think I’d be using it much at all. Mostly for fear of ruining whatever I’m cooking lol. If she won’t let you in the kitchen then she needs to learn the idiosyncrasies of the utilities herself. Forgetting about the unique issue isn’t unforgivable, especially if it’s used infrequently, but yelling at someone bc YOU forgot isn’t ok.
FIX THE ELECTRICAL PROBLEM!! They are fully grown adults, and he is a homeowner. Just fix the damn oven by calling in a certified service person for this type of appliance, not a handyman.
Your advice is about as helpful as "I'm getting kicked out of my apartment because I can't pay the rent" and say "just buy your own house". He already mentioned that he tried to fix it himself and that he has not been able to pay the technician for a professional repair.
How is cookies dinner? Excuse u? Gonna have to go with NTA... Also she refuses to use the one oven not causing problems so new idea... Get a new oven with the lowest power draw ever and see how she likes it... 3 hours for a store bought pie? YES MA'AM! 17 HOURS FOR A ROAST? ON THE DOUBLE... Kick her out if she's cutting the power with her decision to keep using that stupid oven for whatever reason She demanded to make dinner... She chose to use that oven and she refuses to tell OP when she's gonna use it around the same time each and every day... OP wouldn't even be on the game if he was the one cooking...
Second story. They intent to be married. That’s the end of it. “But culture!” And? They decided not to follow that tradition, have done another, and intend to be legally wed. They’re engaged. Would OP be complaining about a couple not from their culture, not doing their culture’s tradition,not being really engaged? No. Them being from a particular culture doesn’t mean much if they don’t want to follow the traditions of it
And they have been together for six years already. They aren't skipping anything. They are engaged and planning a wedding. If they had eloped then they could complain. But if they do elope who would blame them?
Story 1: NTA. What kind of BS is this? “Give him a chance”? “Maybe he’s found a way to love you”? You are his freaking child! If existing isn’t enough for him to love you then nothing else is worth trying! And how many chances did you give him growing up? Too many I’m guessing. If people want to keep trash in their lives they need to understand people are going to be repelled by the smell.
Story #1: NTA!! If I were your grandparents, I would have knocked him into the middle of the next week. Don't worry! He'll think about it when he's old, lonely and feeble. He'll need you then and that's when you tell your uncle to "Maybe He's found a way to love you"!!
Last story, op didn't over react until the Gf escalated the situation. Also, people taunting op for his gf cooking must have glossed over where it's said she doesn't want his help. Op probably does other chores she doesn't do, so who cares if he games while she cooks?
Story 4: NTA. As long as he’s respectful his Autism means nothing. Heck a blunt person who doesn’t really play games might be a refreshing change of pace for her! She’s just being a self righteous brat.
She’s one of those bubble headed blowhards who can’t tolerate being called out on bs so she plays victim/ activist to try and win an argument. She must be on Reddit with that mindset 😂 hope she sees it.
Agreed. There is no harm is asking someone out. What happens after the answer is what matters. But it seems to me Rob is high functioning autistic (like me) and is respectful. He is asking for advice probably to make it more comfortable for the one he wanted to ask out. Leah is a spiteful person. I don't know of she is being asked out by weirdos or if they are just people asking her out (betting on the last one because of how she reacted) or if she is just ableist.
Yeah, the fact she brought up his autism was gross. Sure, tell him it's inappropriate to ask out someone in the same building because the fact he knows where she lives might be considered a risk factor, but she's basically said all people with learning difficulties must never initiate a relationship. That's ableist AF. There's no reason why an autistic man cannot ask out a woman. That's not a feminist issue. The feminist issue is that, disabled or not, he must accept no as an answer if it is given. No hounding, no pestering, no stalking, no "challenge accepted". He must not use his knowledge of or proximity to this neighbour's home to harass her. That's only really a feminist issue because so many men fail to respect a woman's right to say no. That shouldn't be a feminist issue either, but here we are.
Maybe I'm childish or just easily entertained, but I couldn't keep from laughing about how the first commenter said the uncle needed to "take a seat and shut his hole" (although they're absolutely right).
Final Story: NTA. If she’s not getting yelled or cussed at, there is no appropriate response after an honest mistake other than an apology and a push to get the oven fixed/replaced. Anyone giving him crap for playing games while she cooks is a little dense given she is cooking their meals alone by her own choice. Obviously this is a tiny portion of their lives and personalities, but she sounds snobby for rejecting a request to cook together because he’s “too messy”. Teach him to cook more efficiently and neatly and have him do the clean up until eventually he meets your standards.
Computer game/oven power story: For about $100 an uninterruptable power supply (UPS) can be used to prevent data loss. Also, an oven shutting off the power isn't normal, having an electrician look at things will fix it permanently.
Last story. The commenters are sll assholes. First its his house, he can fix the stove when he can afford to or his gf can pay for it if she wants to use it. Second, its not asking much for gf to tell OP when she is using the oven. Third, hez offered to make or help dinner do its on her that she does it all.
Right? Seriously, he's not asking her to ask permission to use the oven, he just wants a heads up so he can take measures to deal with a possible power outage. It's like living in an old house and letting someone showering know before you flush the toilet or run the washer so they don't get hit by a stream of boiling/freezing water.
Oven story: NTA, gf insists on making dinner and not having OP help. As long as he is pulling his weight in other areas of house work, there is nothing wrong with him playing games during that time. I do agree that OP should get the problem fixed though.
Last: NTA. The comments are acting like Op is a tyrant. He's allowed to get angry and leave when his gf is being a rude brat. He didn't demand that she gets his explicit permission, he just asked for a freaking heads up. She's the one who created the situation so why should Op "be grateful" when she's being a twat over it. She's an adult too, she can talk to people without snapping unprovoked.
First story - Never go into situations like that. When it blows up, not if, when, either the parent, child or both get blamed for ruining the celebration and then everybody's miserable and it feels awkward. What a lovely way to spend a day celebrating a milestone.😅😅😅
3rd story nta even if op's wife took parental role continuesly if she wanted considered a sister that's what she is. Doesn't matter whatever siblings thought.
_"I will go to the party just for you, but be forewarned, if Evil Dad so much as says _*_one word_*_ to me, I will spit right in his face and make a scene for everyone to hear. Is that acceptable to you?"_
The last story, confused me everyone focused on her, making his meals when he said, originally they took turns, but she insisted on being the only one to cook
I will NEVER understand people who chase others out of the kitchen because they don’t cook to their standards and then get upset when they are cooking alone. Get out of here with that BS! You can’t have it both ways!
Last story. Again the misogyny run rampant on Reddit. OP had every right to be angry at his girlfriend. She was dismissive even after being ASKED to tell him before using that oven. He just wanted to save his game. Also, her doing chores at that time was the deal.
Good grief! OP in the last story hasn't fixed the oven because he has no savings? He's living in a house _given_ to him by his parents, so no rent or mortgage. A brand-new oven would cost less than a month's rent would be. And probably less than he spent on his gaming system.
People blatantly ignoring the fact that OP can make his own dinners and was effectively kicked out of his own kitchen. He never asked her to make him dinner she's doing that by herself.
Everyone is holding the fact that the last story the girlfriend Cooks when she expressively forbade him from cooking ever you can't get offended that you're cooking when you don't let the other person cook
NTA. Girlfriend kicked OP out of his own kitchen OP warned the girlfriend repeatedly to let him know if she uses the faulty oven. OP’s girlfriend did that on purpose. She has become irritated that OP is gaming while she cooks and is being passive aggressive to punish OP after she refuses to let him cook. Girlfriend is the AH
The last one is a bit infuriating and shows the blatant double standards of that shit subreddit. Op didn't tell his gf to ask for permission, and to just give him a heads up. If the genders were reversed, everyone would be yelling "red flags" because man wrong women always victim :/
And the GF cold have just used the small oven that is still large enough for most meals. I think she's turning on the big oven on purpose to sabotage his gaming!
Story 1: Instead of urging this man to find a new love, he should have been encouraged to get a therapist. The uncle trying to get OP to reconcile with her father at the party is nuts! Stay away from your father who will only damage your mental health 😢 Story 2: OMG, is the label of fiancée really the hill that OP wants to die on? Don’t be surprised if your brother decides to go NC with you for your hurtful behavior 🙁 Story 3: OP, your wife may have to go NC with her siblings permanently. I don’t think that they will ever understand that OP’s wife wasn’t ever suppose to fulfill the parent role. That’s what their actual parents were supposed to do 😢 Story 4: I’m going against the grain here, but I don’t think that’s it’s a good idea to seek out romantic partners at work, or at an apartment building where you live. If problems develop between the two of you, living in the same building can become awkward 🙁 Story 5: Well we have two idiots here. Why would the girlfriend use the big oven if she knows it will cause the power in the house to go out? Why is the boyfriend putting off getting the electrical problem in the house taken care of? Both of these people need to grow up!😒
She didn't want him cooking. She could use the smaller oven. What is she snapping for if he did what she wanted, which was to stay out of her way? The least she could have done is what he wanted: warn him when using the bigger oven.
Story 1: OP owes her sperm donor nothing. May his suffering last a lifetime. OP doesn’t need to fix her sperm donor nor show him any compassion or consideration. He was being honest with her when he told her she was basically a hollow monument to his dead first wife and couldn’t love her. That is unforgivable.
Story 3: obviously you're not wrong for correcting them, one because these are adults comparing themselves an actual child, and two because your wife is not their mother and never was. I do feel bad for her siblings at the same time though, the only reason any of this is happening is because their parents were terrible people that for all the responsibility on your wife who was also a child. But even so they're wrong for making your wife feel terrible about not treating them the same way at her child when they are not her children, and what's worse how couldn't she treat them the same way, she was a child like them, she didn't know how to be a mom when she was raising them. You're a good husband and father because your daughter could end up feeling like she did something wrong since her Aunt and uncle are jealous of her. Keeping your wife's voice until she can find the strength to speak up for herself.
The siblings refused to understand that their big sister was parentified and to too her a long time to recover. That they are jealous of their siblings is sad and troubling.
I hate when people force others to move on and get into another relationship! People suffer because of it. Mother can change the name of her child and change your last name to your mom's last name! They need two signatures so don't know how he got away with that.
The last story is bizarre, the women literally said "no I don't want you in here, you can't cook so I'll do it" and "no I don't want to teach you" he listens to her why can't she accept something as easy as "tell me before you use the oven" isn't telling her she needs permission, those people's comments have many issues.
The girlfriend vs fiancé story: This is a case of someone trying to start drama. Of all the things to worry about OP is making a big deal out of whether they are girl/boyfriend or fiance/fiancee. This is BS. OP needs to shut up.
First story you're not in the wrong here but let's be real here your relationship with your grandparents on your dance side and the rest of his family will never be the same after this. If you decide to not go to the anniversary dinner. And he may not want to see you but I think you should at least try to stay at you're with people that you're cool with. In addition I think it's safe to say that the family members and your father's friends did him a huge disservice by telling him to move on knowing that he would never accept anyone outside of his first marriage. Including children that were produced outside or after the first marriage. This is a situation where they should have just let your father been single and moved on with his life without having to force him to be in a relationship with people that he knew he was never going to accept. You're not in the wrong here but you do need to prepare yourself because your grandparents as much as they have been on your side for years they will see that as we sacrificed a lot and she can't sacrifice one thing for our day. You're not in the wrong here but get ready you're about to lose your father's family big-time for this
It’s his house, this woman insists on cooking ( very bossy and rude) then she can’t even tell him so he is ready for a possible outage? He should be grateful she is cooking, nope she demands to cook. Then she yells at him in his house? I’d dump this person, she is incredibly controlling. Nasty.
Study group story: Speaking as a woman with autism, what OP called Leah is spot-on accurate, and Leah trying to use "sticking up for women" as an excuse for her ablism is horrible.
Story 1 - family pushed the father to get remarried when he wasn't ready. Now they they are pushing OP to meet him and try to be a family. OP needs to tell them that unless her father contacts her with the most heart filled apologies for her and her mother he is dead to her and wants nothing to do with him. Ask them to not push it or she will have no grandparents and uncle but she would have to mean it.
last one, I ended up having the linesman on a cherrypicker repairing the short in the powerline after living for years like that with appliances cutting my power
Last story NTA it's not like he's forcing her to cook for him, he offered to help and learn she turned him down. And was kindly told and reminded about telling him before using the big stove. As far as I can tell he did everything he should have done ( other than saving up to get it fixed 😅) she had no reason to be so rude if she had an issue with it she could have helped save up to fix it or help him save the money. She is his girlfriend and I don't see a problem with her helping him save it up ( could just be me though? ) and he left, yes storming out over this was a bit immature but her getting her friend to message him?? He left before he could say something truly hurtful and stayed out of HIS HOUSE to calm down. I just can't see how he's TA??
Electrical/game: OP can complain all he wants. That ESH comment was acting like OP was just being lazy and should be grateful she cooks for him despite a ton of context where she wont let him cook and won't cook with him. He WANTS to help and she wont let him. Be grateful, sure, but domt act like hes just being lazy. Then he tries to warn her of an issue and asks for a *basic* courtesy...and HE'S the butthole for complainjng when she gets mad at him for it. Yeah...no.
No, the lazy element is telling OP to fix the power situation. He has refused to through laziness and ineptitude. Him dealing with the electrics means he don't have an oven situation or save game situation.
Possessed Oven: Or just pull the fuse/breaker to The Big Oven. _"Gee, it doesn't turn on at all? Yeah, we'll have to get that fixed once I eventually scrounge up the bux, I guess."_
Ovens: $800 for an electrician for 2! hours in my area. $150 for an UPS (uninterruptable power system) . Gf can forget all she wants, OP can play his game , and she can deal with the annoying beep while he saves his work.
Are the YTAs commenters on the final story drunk? How is OP the AH when girlfriend is the one who wanted to cook and didn't want his help either AND is using the big oven for no reason whatsoever. It's really not that hard to remember to not use a faulty machine and even if she did forget a simple apology was needed
Story 1: While I can kinda sorta empathize with the father (being almost forced to move on when he clearly was not ready and when he was clearly unable to love another, which is valid and how some people feel about love), what he did was unacceptable and OP should not be guilted into being around him. He was not a good father and if, by some miracle, he has suddenly changed it is on him to put the effort in. Not OP.
Agree but he hasn't changed. If he had they'd be telling OP that he'd been/going through grief therapy and has been working on his issues and desperately wants to try and rebuild a relationship with her and NOT asking her now that she's an adult to "show some compassion" cause fingers crossed "maybe he's found a way to love me"?? Like wtf?? It's an abush to get them into a room together and have OP be HIS "emotional support animal" and finally face up to his issues..... OP's 20 now so like you said he's had years to make an effort so I wouldn't listen to the flying monkeys. Honestly I get grief after losing someone but some things you can't take back and have to live with
He was a grown man with a capability of saying "no". I'm being very stingy with my compassion here. He could have worked out his grief, told his family to get bent, and not have ruined the life of that woman and his daughter.
For the wife whose brothers and sisters like if her as mother. Chances are some kid from foster care told her that a lot of times the older sister is actually the mother. You need to sit down with them and show them which was born win and where you were born
on that last story, part of me was just thinking "Why not just get rid of the oven? Cover the electric wires with the proper equipment and put like a bookshelf in it's place?" If it's causing that much of an issue and you can't get yourself to save for a proper electrician to fix it, just get rid of it.
1 story, OP’s father takes the cake, he’s crazy. Naming his newborn after his first wife that has died . If I was OP’s mother I would have never called my child that name.
But wait you're forgetting. Under article 15, inacted under amendment 5, clause 4 of the "girl code"; Leah can assume the rights to speaking for all women to ensure her "safety" and protect her from having to turn down a disabled person. And how dare OP be a "traitor" to all women?? Kick her out of the study group and tell anyone who asks the reason why; cause those "weirdos" she keeps attracting are probably just normal guys she sees as "beneath her". Show them what she's really like and don't worry they'll stop.... Hope the dude goes for it
The last one wasn’t his fault, he asked to cook with her and she acted like a child and told him no then he told her not to use the other oven and she wanted to be a princess and use the big one even though the small oven was perfectly fine. He’s not the ass she is
I always hated when my aunt asked me about my dead beat and asked why I never reached out to him, like tf it shouldn't be an 8 year Olds job to call their sperm donor on my own birthday in hopes he remembered my birthday I shouldn't have to call on Christmas and see what he's up to
Well, tragedy can do crazy things to a person's mind, but it is up to him to get himself some help, not a child who has been traumatized by that person. You are not the idiot, and if he ever does get himself fixed, it is up to him to take the steps needed to mend your relationship. Until then, it isn't on you to be hurt over and over by this person. The rest of his family isn't treated like you are, so they get no say in what you 'should' do. Last Story: Yes, he has a right to complain, she kicked him out of the kitchen and won't let him learn because she thinks he is too messy. So when she cooks, yes, he gets to complain if she cuts the power off. Also, yes he is an idiot for not upgrading his circuit breaker so his power needs are met.
Story 1 - "maybe he's found a way to love you" naming your first born after your dead wife is the farthest from moving on that I've ever seen. That's pitiful denial and wishful thinking. I'm also betting it's guilt because the uncle encouraged this and the chain of events that followed were tragic instead of healing. The uncle still wants to pretend he did the right thing encouraging his brother to marry another woman. Story 3 - That's really sad but op didn't do anything wrong. Her siblings were never her children, and at their current ages, being grounded on that mindset is delusional and unhealthy. I don't think they'll understand until after they have kids of their own. Story 4 - It sounds like Leah should have kept her mouth shut. That was rude and spiteful and she sounds like a snob. Op was right to stand up for the guy and tell Leah off. Sometimes rude language is appropriate. Story 5 - no AHs here. Let's put the main issue being that op should have just fixed the issue before they moved the girlfriend into the house aside for a moment. These guys moved in together too fast and I'm not really seeing this relationship lasting if they can't create harmony or compromise over little things like how they use the kitchen and they're fighting over it. I don't think op shouldn't consider an opinion from one of her friends as it's bias as much as getting input from one of his friends.
People saying OP in the last story is an asshole are insane. Even if the think the game is childish, that is something OP worked hard on. He was polite x patient. Imagine if the girlfriend was working on a thesis and that shit happened? What's so hard about giving OP a heads up so he can save the game?
Last story: I feel like a bunch of the commenters didn't read the story, just saw guy gaming complaining about woman cooking and made their judgements about that. NTA.
Story 1 Op should go on the condition that if Op dad calls her the wrong name she leaves because then she can have it both ways showing support and doesn’t need to be there for long
Story 1: Your uncle said your dad may have changed. Well, then it is on your Dad to demonstrate this to you, NOT in front of a group of people so he can get sympathy points.
17:33 everything else doesn’t matter, it’s a petty argument- would you want to be with someone who couldn’t save up enough to fix a simple issue over five years? fuck that
I’m surprised the mother in the first story didn’t try to change the name. She didn’t agree to the name so there might have been some legal recourse for the change. Either way, as an adult they should change it
Story 2: YTA (along with the rest of your family), if he asked her to marry him, and she said yes....THEY ARE ENGAGED...... Your family/cultural tradition does not change that.
Last story: The comments on Reddit and here are just bonkers! Do any of you have any idea of how expensive hiring an electrician is? Depending on where the power outage is, the electrician may need to rewire the entire house which can cost thousand or thousands of dollars! His girlfriend was the one that kicked him out of his own kitchen. His girlfriend is the one who won't let him cook with her because he is messy. Guess what chef? Cooking is messy! His girlfriend is the one that told him not to cook anymore because his food is crap. What a fucking princess. All he asked was a simple heads-up! Why is everyone acting like he's the one making her do everything?! OP shouldn't have left HIS OWN DAMN HOUSE, his girlfriend should have been the one to leave.
Last story "not proper way of dealing with conflict" Hum actually, the best way to deal with conflict it's to remove yourself from the stress environment, let's heads to cool down and talk about it rationally later. Instead of acting angrily and saying things in the heat of the moment that you will regret later. At best op could have communicated that better before getting out, but he is not wrong in that. He is also not wrong about his complaints. Sure he should have fixed the thing (but also he lived alone and never used it) but fixing it's definitely a bigger effort that her giving him a heads up. And what he told her about diminishing his hobbies is right. It's a hobby, it doesn't need to be deep, it can be just a distraction. This reeks of the start of the abusive woman behavior that once locked down a man, start her project to change him, cutting out every single thing she doesn't like about him (that generally means things that signify that his attention or efforts aren't directed at her) to make her perfect Frankenstein little husband.
Story 2: she wasn't even talking to you so I don't see why you got mad. Also how do you act like you're engaged, should they duct tape their heads together and scream that they're about to get married? And I love how you keep saying it's fine when you and your family clearly think they need to have a big ceremony to announce their engagement in order for you to address her properly. By the way you people not acknowledging their engagement because they didn't do it the way you want makes you far more Petty and annoying than her correcting all of you. You don't like it addressed her the right way. I even laughed a little when you actually got upset that other people respect her as the fiance, then acknowledged that you can control over people as if it was ever an option.
So I'm gonna say something that no one else mentioned in story 1. This would have never happened had Op's dad sorry ass family let him properly grieve. No, instead, they were trying to rush him into moving on, and now two innocent people got hurt, and he never was able to truly grieve because his own family couldn't be there for him. They want to call him a deadbeat. The only reason he's a deadbeat is because rather than let him grieve they decides to rush him into a relationship he clearly didn't want.
Oven which cuts out the power story : OP, DO NOT USE AN ELECTRICAL COMPONENT WHICH HAS A FAULT WHICH CUTS OUT THE POWER. Ask a qualified electrician to come and test it before even considering using it again. The girlfriend is less important. YTA
S1 Judgement: NTA Reason: Your father is a broken man and is incredibly selfish. "How can I have compassion for a man who never held any for me? How can I love a man who so readily followed YOUR advice and father's a child with a woman he didn't want with a woman he didn't love? Instead of getting the help that he so desperately needed, YOU pushed him to do something when he wasn't ready to and look! He's made two innocent people suffer because he cannot find it in him to let the past go." _______________________ S2 Judgement: YTA. Reason: If they don't want to follow tradition, they don't have to. "I'm his fiancée now, we're engaged." You know what's annoying about that? Having to constantly correct people when they mislabel you time and time again because they're salty that my fiancé and I didn't "follow tradition" and have an engagement ceremony. If I were Emily, I would be freaking devastated that my husband's family refused to accept me because we didn't follow tradition and chose to be passive aggressive about it rather than just telling me outright. Yes, Emily constantly reminding people that she and Todd are engaged, OP, but keep in mind that she has to keep reminding others because YOU refuse to acknowledge the engagement. ____________________ S3 Judgement: NTA Reason: Your wife did the right thing that she, at the time, could do for not only herself but those kids. 1): OP, you deserve a slap on the back for being not only a supportive husband but being that pillar of support, something that your wife lacked in her adolescence, in her time of need. That being said, I think that your wife needs to lay some firm boundaries and set some rules. They're guilt-tripping her and playing off of the fact that she KNOWS they had a shitty childhood. It seems though, they're too wrapped up in their own issues to realize that DW suffered just as much as they did. I would suggest to your wife the possibility of screening the conversations that she has because it sounds like every time she speaks to them, she's sucked deep into something that they're not letting heal. I would even suggest that she change her phone number if things get to be too much. That being said, some lines need to be established. A) First and foremost, your wife needs therapy. If she's already taking advantage of that, great, if she isn't, then I highly recommend that she should. OP, if I were your wife, would let also suggest family therapy and let my siblings know that if they don't agree to this, to attending therapy with me so we can get to the bottom of this very obviously toxic enmeshment, then I don't think that it would be feasible to have them in my life. B) If I was DW, I would firmly tell them that I am not their mother, that I am their sister, and nothing about that is going to change. I would inform them that expressing jealousy over the way I treat MY CHILD is a very obvious sign that they need help, and this is the type of help that I cannot give them. I would tell them that if they cannot treat their nibling well, then they have no place in my life. C) IF they refuse to do any of this, then for peace of mind and the safety of her happiness, she needs to cut them off. ETA: Based on the tidbit OP just gave, DW is better to just cut her losses and changing her number than trying to reason with them. They're so ate up with their own hurts and looking for someone else to blame, and it sounds like someone is pointing the finger at DW. Are they still in contact with their biological mother, I wonder? _______________________ S4 Judgement: NTA. Reason: Leah IS self-righteous bitch. I mean, Nelly said it first: "F*ck it, leave 'em pissed." Disappointment at losing your composure aside, OP you weren't wrong -- Leah IS being a self-righteous bitch. You were standing up for your friend and that should be applauded. Saying that she's looking out for the entirety of women who get asked out by "weirdos like Rob" is a stretch and I can say that Leah does not speak for me when it comes to accepting or denying offers to grab coffee sometime. That being said, my guess is that Leah had a bit of a crush on Rob and chose to lash out when he brought up asking out the neighbor, her feelings had been hurt that he didn't feel the same way. I could be wrong though. Rob should know that he is free to shoot his shot and if she accepts and they exchange numbers, then great. If she doesn't and Rob is gently let down, well it's a bust but that happens. The only thing that matters to me is how Rob handles the situation after. _____________________ S5 Judgement: YTA Reason: You knew from the very beginning that the house had electric problems. Why didn't you address them before Helen moved in? What seals the YTA vote for me, is OP KNEW that he had electrical issues, but he didn't address them and continued to IGNORE THEM after Helen moved in. Sure, I would be mad if my man didn't tell me that they were using the big oven and I lost some progress on a game. Bro, you lose all right to get mad when you know that the bigger oven blows a breaker but refuse to do anything about it.
Last story, OP is the idiot, the big oven doesnt have a problem... The main breaker in the power pannel is the problem. I hope OP got it fix by now because I had the same issue a few years back and it could've been dangerous.
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Naming your child after your wife who isn’t the mother gives me gross implications even if that wasn’t the intention.
You are not alone.
That's what happens when you're not fully over your dead wife and your sorry ass family forces you to move on too fast
A big event, in this case a milestone anniversary, is not a good place for a reconciliation. If he was suffering from depression and is remorseful for things he said and did, meeting up in a different location and with someone you trust might be preferable. Trying to reconnect at a party is a disaster waiting to happen and a happy event can go bad rather quickly.
Last story: I swear people barely listen to the stories when a man is mentioned. They just want to be mad at him.
1. He did used to cook as well. She insisted she do the cooking.
2. He offered to help her cook, she refused
3. It’s not “asking for permission” he just wanted to do the thing he needed to do to avoid a power outage which is why he wanted her to let her know.
4. How can she be so angry at him for playing the game, when she insulted his cooking, and forced him out of his own kitchen? Ridiculous
THANKYOU!!!
That last post ticked me off. I’d break up with her if that’s how she acts when in the wrong. “ Get over it” not “ oh shoot, you’re right! I forgot again I’m so sorry!”. Then she sent her flying monkey friend at him instead of apologizing once she’s cool down.
That’s a red flag. I’d break up
All the redditors saw was women cooking for a deadbeat gamer man, smh
@@bribri2925 right? I could see the back of my brain with how much I rolled mt eyes at those people. She was so in the wrong. Honestly I think she wanted to cause problems because he already was a good guy and she was bored 😂
Agree.
All of this! I'm glad I wasn't the only one who thinks she's wrong. He wanted to help and she said no.
ESH commenters are usually those 'keep the peace idiots' who want assign blame to everybody...even the cat and dog are to blame.
Last story - OP tried many times to be involved with making dinner and gf shut him out. If she’s resenting him gaming while she makes dinner, that’s completely on her. Yes, OP needs to fix the oven, and yeah, he probably should have done it by now. But that doesn’t give his gf the right to bitch about it - she’s the one who forgot to mention the oven, so she doesn’t get to be the one to yell about it. OP is NTA.
Totally agree. Especially, since he asked her to just give him a heads-up when she used the big oven. But, for dating such a short time and then moving in, she’s been acting like it’s her house and trying to take over everything and giving him attitude and not wanting to compromise on anything. He’s been overlooking a lot of red flags. IMO
I think it's hilarious when reddit says communication when he did communicate with her calmly. If she lives there she can fix the oven. He can play all the games he wants if she won't let him cook.
He is the one who didn’t save his game. It’s ridiculous he wants her to warn him every time she is cooking when he could just remember to save as he goes regardless.
@@Sassy_Kat Right. The main problem isn't her forgetting telling him, but how she reacted when he asked her again to tell him next time and all the rest you mentioned.
@@tracim3080 Did you even listen to the story ? I swear, some people tend to project their own problems....
THE F***ING OVEN DOESN'T NEED TO BE USED AT ALL !!!. They have another oven. And people don't use the oven every time they're cooking. So. giving a heads up every RARE time that you use a certain appliance isn't ridiculous. Especially since the girlfriend is new, living rent free in OP's house and stopped him from cooking. What would she do if he decided he doesn't want the large oven to be used at all (since it's HIS house, HIS oven). Throw a temper tantrum like a toddler?
What is ridiculous is that stupid GF who thinks she's entitled to scream at OP over her own mistakes.
Last story: NTA. It's clear the girlfriend was being a jerk. She doesn't want OP to help her with cooking and didn't apologize after repeating the same crap behavior. She is doing this on purpose.
@@JaneDoe1812 The problem is it's his house and he's allowed a major electrical issue go unchecked long term. The house hasn't burned down after all this time so it's probably (emphasis on probably) OK but last time I had a built in appliance (fridge) tripping the power like that the electrician showed me where the wire had charred the wall
@@JaneDoe1812 well, the thing is, the stove isnt the problem, the main breaker is. I used to have an issue like that a few years back and the problem is, often, the main breaker that is defect or cracked. When that happens, the main breaker isnt able to take in the same amount of amperage he was made for. So instead of shutting down at, lets say, 100amp. It would shut down at 40amp. It can be dangerous because the more it shuts down, the less it would be able to take, the more it overheats quickly at anything that requires electricity (stove, washing/drying machine, vaccuum, ect.) and that can cause a fire.
@@JaneDoe1812 She has a vagina, so she has to be like night, for even though she’s living in his house, disrespecting him
@@sfsin3380 Yeah, loud that and he communicated to his girlfriend that this is the issue. Just give me a heads up I don’t know his money situation. Yeah he should’ve took care of it sooner we all should take care of a lot of things sooner that we put off.
@@MoMo09809 Thank you this is a breaker issue an electrical issue that cost a lot of money we don’t know his living situation fixing shit like that is expensive and I doubt she’s bringing any money and she’s disrespectful but I love how everybody glosses over how she disrespects him talk shit about his cooking tells him to leave his kitchen and his house
Story 1 - NTA. His loss and grief will never even remotely excuse what he did to his second wife and only child. Dude is out of his mind and I would never want to have anything to do with him either.
Last Story: Final comments forgets that Helen is the one who CHOSE to cook. She can easily tell him that. Moreso, this issue just really needs to be fixed. But Helen brushing it off when she is clearly in the wrong is something else. "Damn babe I forgot" is fine.
Or how about the grown man be responsible for remembering to save his own video game.
@@tracim3080 imagine being respectful to your partner and being repeatedly told the big oven doesn't work at times to just give a friendly reminder that you're going to use it. The audacity of him
@@serna710 it occasionally flips the breaker.
Forget the oven issue if his only issue is the potential for unsaved game play and he has no intention for fixing his oven anyway then how is he not in the habit of saving his game? Most gamers do that regardless of know electronic problems.
@@tracim3080 likeweize, how a grown woman be responsible to remember to say "hey, I have to use the big oven to night".
Wouldn't that be a equal request?.
Especially because she wont allow him to Cook for her.
@@hellefur7861 she lives there now. She shouldn’t have to tell him she cooking. He should just saving his game anyway. This man has a very lazy mentally and going to end up living alone in the house until he learns to follow though. He needs his girlfriend to remind him to save his video game? He just “forgets” to save money for his stove. He needs to grow up and adult.
1st story: NTA
“Found a way to love you” ?
That’s one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard.
I bet his first wife would be ashamed of him.
2nd story: YTA
Op needs to hear this “it’s NOT about you”. Todd and his FIANCÉ will be distancing themselves once they get a chance. And op and her family will never understand why
Final Story: NTA. You didn’t make that big of a fuss when she insisted on cooking alone. Your not asking for much, just some F’ing respect and a heads up! And how is her baking cookies more important then the thing that helps you relax after a long stressful day? In your own home none the less!
Am I among the first 1,000 homeowners to advise you to get an electrician out there ASAP? Breakers trip so your house doesn't burn down. It almost always works. Also, while you grew up with this issue, and don't care when you're cooking, to her it's brand new. Put a sign on the big stove. But get your wiring checked first.
Yeah I agree with NTA, after all, he wants to help with cooking, but she refuses and wants to cook alone.
So the people saying "you are just playing games while she does the chores" can go get bent.
I do agree with the comments saying "fix your electric problem", but I don't think that's enough of an issue to call him an AH in this story.
@@Khaisz. Agree!
@@lamwen03 I was thinking the same thing. OP has a very dangerous electrical problem which needs a professional to fix.
I agree NTA for wanting a warning but also, DON'T USE AN APPLIANCE WHICH IS TRIPPING THE WHOLE HOUSE CIRCUIT YOU IDIOT! The ammout of fault current required to trip the mains is incredible, you are lucky to have a house at all after that long.
St. 1 - The Father is nuts. Obsession isn't love. I get that losing someone is traumatic, but this is insane. "I can only love children from her body." Wtf? OP is his child. I wouldn't want to be around that lunatic either. I imagine his first wife would be disgusted by his behavior. OP"s mom was 21? So young. 🤦♀️
Story 1: he went behind your mother's back to name you after his first wife, and didn't even like you then left. It is not your responsibility to mend this relationship one because you're the child he's the parent and two because you weren't the one the break it he was. Your Uncle really need to stay out of it, he's clearly terrible at giving advice. Sure you could do this for your grandma and grandpa but I get the feeling if so much as one wrong word it said and heard then a huge fight will break out, making them upset at both of you for fighting. By how you described your father he doesn't really know how that act so I wouldn't risk it, your grandparents should understand why you don't want to be around him and maybe you guys can do something more intimate later.
Maybe uncle is worried he'll have to take care of his brother when he's older, & is hoping to palm off the responsibility to OP.
And this is what happens when family pushes and pushes widowers to "get over it" and get married again. The whole family, uncle included, is now reaping what they've sown. The reasons why they're pushing now for OP to reconcile are :
1. They feel guilty for what they did, because the father is still suffering, too
2. They haven't learned anything from past experience.
I honestly didn´t think the grandparents and uncle will likely understand and respected OP´s wish. Because while the dad´s action is his own responsibility, we can´t forget who actually pressure him to find another woman when he was clearly not over his first wife. OP´s dad never want anoter wife or child, it was his family who want OP and her mom and the dad was just a tool for them to achieve that, so it´s unlikely that they will stop pushing both of them to 'reconcile'.
Dad also clearly doesn´t feel anything beyond being OP´s donor and OP doesn´t want him. As far as I know, there´s no need for her to even attempt to mend the relationship because the two parties who are actually involved are perfectly happy with their relationship (or lack thereof).
OP has changed her name. Her sperm donor will a) use the name change to pretend that OP isn't his daughter or b) go absolutely apeshit that she erased the sainted first wife's name. Either way, unneeded drama at a major family event.
Third story. Have heard this on another channel. Someone in the comments speculated that OP's MIL had told the younger three children that OP's wife really is their mom. With how the three of them are clinging to the idea, I feel they are right. And with what a charmer MIL seems to be, I can see her doing it.
How sick is that? She's 9 years older than her oldest sibling. They are REALLY convinced that she had them at 9, 11, and 12??? They need to be cut off, just for being criminally stupid and in serious denial of the truth.
That's what I was thinking when I was listening. There's a 12 and 15 year age difference between me and my youngest siblings and I wound up co-parenting then with my mom. This has messed with their perception of me and vice versa, as well. My sister used to ask me all the time if I was actually their mom and our mom was trying to help me by keeping it a secret. The difference here is that my mom didn't tell her that, some stupid neighbor did, and my mom was very sad that my sister thought she might not be her real mom. OP's wife needs to set down hard boundaries and, even when it hurts, keep some emotional distance between herself and her siblings or they will never be able to see her as anything but a mother.
OP is foolish for asking if he's the AH, because the siblings he is complaining about said so.
Why the heck do so many people seem to think that texting/calling/emailing someone to chew them out on behalf of someone else is appropriate?
You see it all the time in these stories, geez. Especially when they didn't have your number before!
Lol. I have just been wondering this very same thing. I am baffled by this as well. And to be so quick to jump without getting the other side of the story.
Story 2: YTA. Hun, if they are going to get married… THEN THEY’RE FIANCÉS! The fact that they didn’t do it in accordance to your tradition is a moot point.
But that's the thing. It's different cultures clashing. By our standards they are engaged. By OP's cultural standards they are not. OP should have just kept her mouth closed, because she knows they don't agree on what signifies an engagement.
@Sean Veazie Americans think they can dictate every other culture. Tbh their culture sounds more equal, both get a ring. Op still should be quiet but dang the west bleeds into everything.
@@veezopolis That was my point. Future SIL can't tell OP what an engagement is, and OP can't tell future SIL what an engagement is. Hence why I said OP should have kept it to herself. They had already established that they do not agree, so there was no point in rehashing it. Especially because neither party will change their mind.
It still is a mystery to me why these non western people come running to a Western oriented Reddit for opinions where there is clear Western/Non Western clashes. The opinions expressed by most Reddit readers and sites like this are clearly American, Canadian, British or Aussie. If your culture is Indian, Pakistani, Arab, Asian or something else, why ask an American for their opinion or validation of your insistence on forcing or defying your own culture?
Last story: If using the big oven causes power outages, I don’t think I’d be using it much at all. Mostly for fear of ruining whatever I’m cooking lol. If she won’t let you in the kitchen then she needs to learn the idiosyncrasies of the utilities herself. Forgetting about the unique issue isn’t unforgivable, especially if it’s used infrequently, but yelling at someone bc YOU forgot isn’t ok.
FIX THE ELECTRICAL PROBLEM!! They are fully grown adults, and he is a homeowner. Just fix the damn oven by calling in a certified service person for this type of appliance, not a handyman.
Or op just save his game like he should be doing anyway. Why does he need her to warn him? He sounds very childish and irresponsible for himself.
@@shells500tutubo exactly? What kind of f-ing idiot goes years without fixing serious issue that is huge fire hazard?
Your advice is about as helpful as "I'm getting kicked out of my apartment because I can't pay the rent" and say "just buy your own house".
He already mentioned that he tried to fix it himself and that he has not been able to pay the technician for a professional repair.
OP is an idiot for staying with her. She does not respect him. Even worse, she got her friend to call him. She is showing OP who she is.
How is cookies dinner? Excuse u? Gonna have to go with NTA... Also she refuses to use the one oven not causing problems so new idea... Get a new oven with the lowest power draw ever and see how she likes it... 3 hours for a store bought pie? YES MA'AM! 17 HOURS FOR A ROAST? ON THE DOUBLE... Kick her out if she's cutting the power with her decision to keep using that stupid oven for whatever reason
She demanded to make dinner... She chose to use that oven and she refuses to tell OP when she's gonna use it around the same time each and every day... OP wouldn't even be on the game if he was the one cooking...
Second story. They intent to be married. That’s the end of it. “But culture!” And? They decided not to follow that tradition, have done another, and intend to be legally wed. They’re engaged. Would OP be complaining about a couple not from their culture, not doing their culture’s tradition,not being really engaged? No. Them being from a particular culture doesn’t mean much if they don’t want to follow the traditions of it
And they have been together for six years already. They aren't skipping anything. They are engaged and planning a wedding. If they had eloped then they could complain. But if they do elope who would blame them?
Story 1: NTA. What kind of BS is this? “Give him a chance”? “Maybe he’s found a way to love you”? You are his freaking child! If existing isn’t enough for him to love you then nothing else is worth trying! And how many chances did you give him growing up? Too many I’m guessing. If people want to keep trash in their lives they need to understand people are going to be repelled by the smell.
Nope, and nope more. Just, f*** that guy.
Story #1: NTA!! If I were your grandparents, I would have knocked him into the middle of the next week. Don't worry! He'll think about it when he's old, lonely and feeble. He'll need you then and that's when you tell your uncle to "Maybe He's found a way to love you"!!
He’ll still be thinking about his first wife
@@brokenmask333but he'd also have the scars to remind him what he said and did was never okay.
Last story, op didn't over react until the Gf escalated the situation. Also, people taunting op for his gf cooking must have glossed over where it's said she doesn't want his help. Op probably does other chores she doesn't do, so who cares if he games while she cooks?
Story 3: NTA. I wouldn’t trust 20 year old me with a child, but 16!?! They need a reality adjustment.
Imagine thinking going to your grandparents' anniversary party is somehow giving your father a second chance....
Story 4: NTA. As long as he’s respectful his Autism means nothing. Heck a blunt person who doesn’t really play games might be a refreshing change of pace for her! She’s just being a self righteous brat.
She’s one of those bubble headed blowhards who can’t tolerate being called out on bs so she plays victim/ activist to try and win an argument. She must be on Reddit with that mindset 😂 hope she sees it.
Agreed. There is no harm is asking someone out. What happens after the answer is what matters. But it seems to me Rob is high functioning autistic (like me) and is respectful. He is asking for advice probably to make it more comfortable for the one he wanted to ask out. Leah is a spiteful person. I don't know of she is being asked out by weirdos or if they are just people asking her out (betting on the last one because of how she reacted) or if she is just ableist.
Yeah, the fact she brought up his autism was gross. Sure, tell him it's inappropriate to ask out someone in the same building because the fact he knows where she lives might be considered a risk factor, but she's basically said all people with learning difficulties must never initiate a relationship. That's ableist AF. There's no reason why an autistic man cannot ask out a woman. That's not a feminist issue. The feminist issue is that, disabled or not, he must accept no as an answer if it is given. No hounding, no pestering, no stalking, no "challenge accepted". He must not use his knowledge of or proximity to this neighbour's home to harass her. That's only really a feminist issue because so many men fail to respect a woman's right to say no. That shouldn't be a feminist issue either, but here we are.
Maybe I'm childish or just easily entertained, but I couldn't keep from laughing about how the first commenter said the uncle needed to "take a seat and shut his hole" (although they're absolutely right).
absolutely same ahahah
Final Story: NTA. If she’s not getting yelled or cussed at, there is no appropriate response after an honest mistake other than an apology and a push to get the oven fixed/replaced. Anyone giving him crap for playing games while she cooks is a little dense given she is cooking their meals alone by her own choice. Obviously this is a tiny portion of their lives and personalities, but she sounds snobby for rejecting a request to cook together because he’s “too messy”. Teach him to cook more efficiently and neatly and have him do the clean up until eventually he meets your standards.
Computer game/oven power story: For about $100 an uninterruptable power supply (UPS) can be used to prevent data loss. Also, an oven shutting off the power isn't normal, having an electrician look at things will fix it permanently.
Last story. The commenters are sll assholes. First its his house, he can fix the stove when he can afford to or his gf can pay for it if she wants to use it. Second, its not asking much for gf to tell OP when she is using the oven. Third, hez offered to make or help dinner do its on her that she does it all.
Right? Seriously, he's not asking her to ask permission to use the oven, he just wants a heads up so he can take measures to deal with a possible power outage. It's like living in an old house and letting someone showering know before you flush the toilet or run the washer so they don't get hit by a stream of boiling/freezing water.
Oven story: NTA, gf insists on making dinner and not having OP help. As long as he is pulling his weight in other areas of house work, there is nothing wrong with him playing games during that time. I do agree that OP should get the problem fixed though.
Last: NTA. The comments are acting like Op is a tyrant. He's allowed to get angry and leave when his gf is being a rude brat. He didn't demand that she gets his explicit permission, he just asked for a freaking heads up. She's the one who created the situation so why should Op "be grateful" when she's being a twat over it. She's an adult too, she can talk to people without snapping unprovoked.
First story - Never go into situations like that. When it blows up, not if, when, either the parent, child or both get blamed for ruining the celebration and then everybody's miserable and it feels awkward. What a lovely way to spend a day celebrating a milestone.😅😅😅
3rd story nta even if op's wife took parental role continuesly if she wanted considered a sister that's what she is. Doesn't matter whatever siblings thought.
_"I will go to the party just for you, but be forewarned, if Evil Dad so much as says _*_one word_*_ to me, I will spit right in his face and make a scene for everyone to hear. Is that acceptable to you?"_
That oven story sounds like a serious safety hazard
The last story, confused me everyone focused on her, making his meals when he said, originally they took turns, but she insisted on being the only one to cook
I will NEVER understand people who chase others out of the kitchen because they don’t cook to their standards and then get upset when they are cooking alone. Get out of here with that BS! You can’t have it both ways!
Last story. Again the misogyny run rampant on Reddit. OP had every right to be angry at his girlfriend. She was dismissive even after being ASKED to tell him before using that oven. He just wanted to save his game. Also, her doing chores at that time was the deal.
Good grief! OP in the last story hasn't fixed the oven because he has no savings? He's living in a house _given_ to him by his parents, so no rent or mortgage. A brand-new oven would cost less than a month's rent would be. And probably less than he spent on his gaming system.
Add to that he has a gf/ lodger. YTA just because his save game anyway. But yes, lazy as hell
Story 1: That is some heinous shite. NTA, but her uncle is, but even he is dwarfed by her sperm donor.
The audacity of the comments on the last story. Way to ignore like 90% of what OP said.
People blatantly ignoring the fact that OP can make his own dinners and was effectively kicked out of his own kitchen. He never asked her to make him dinner she's doing that by herself.
Everyone is holding the fact that the last story the girlfriend Cooks when she expressively forbade him from cooking ever you can't get offended that you're cooking when you don't let the other person cook
NTA. Girlfriend kicked OP out of his own kitchen OP warned the girlfriend repeatedly to let him know if she uses the faulty oven. OP’s girlfriend did that on purpose. She has become irritated that OP is gaming while she cooks and is being passive aggressive to punish OP after she refuses to let him cook. Girlfriend is the AH
The last one is a bit infuriating and shows the blatant double standards of that shit subreddit. Op didn't tell his gf to ask for permission, and to just give him a heads up. If the genders were reversed, everyone would be yelling "red flags" because man wrong women always victim :/
And the GF cold have just used the small oven that is still large enough for most meals. I think she's turning on the big oven on purpose to sabotage his gaming!
Weren’t the vast majority of comment in OP’s favour anyway?
Not really. A lot of the comments were tearing into op for not getting the stove issue fixed.
Story 1: Instead of urging this man to find a new love, he should have been encouraged to get a therapist. The uncle trying to get OP to reconcile with her father at the party is nuts! Stay away from your father who will only damage your mental health 😢
Story 2: OMG, is the label of fiancée really the hill that OP wants to die on? Don’t be surprised if your brother decides to go NC with you for your hurtful behavior 🙁
Story 3: OP, your wife may have to go NC with her siblings permanently. I don’t think that they will ever understand that OP’s wife wasn’t ever suppose to fulfill the parent role. That’s what their actual parents were supposed to do 😢
Story 4: I’m going against the grain here, but I don’t think that’s it’s a good idea to seek out romantic partners at work, or at an apartment building where you live. If problems develop between the two of you, living in the same building can become awkward 🙁
Story 5: Well we have two idiots here. Why would the girlfriend use the big oven if she knows it will cause the power in the house to go out? Why is the boyfriend putting off getting the electrical problem in the house taken care of? Both of these people need to grow up!😒
She didn't want him cooking. She could use the smaller oven. What is she snapping for if he did what she wanted, which was to stay out of her way? The least she could have done is what he wanted: warn him when using the bigger oven.
Story 2 his family isn’t getting invited to that wedding
Make them agree to family therapy or they can't keep coming to bother their sister.
Story 1: OP owes her sperm donor nothing. May his suffering last a lifetime. OP doesn’t need to fix her sperm donor nor show him any compassion or consideration. He was being honest with her when he told her she was basically a hollow monument to his dead first wife and couldn’t love her. That is unforgivable.
Story 3: obviously you're not wrong for correcting them, one because these are adults comparing themselves an actual child, and two because your wife is not their mother and never was. I do feel bad for her siblings at the same time though, the only reason any of this is happening is because their parents were terrible people that for all the responsibility on your wife who was also a child. But even so they're wrong for making your wife feel terrible about not treating them the same way at her child when they are not her children, and what's worse how couldn't she treat them the same way, she was a child like them, she didn't know how to be a mom when she was raising them. You're a good husband and father because your daughter could end up feeling like she did something wrong since her Aunt and uncle are jealous of her. Keeping your wife's voice until she can find the strength to speak up for herself.
I would ban the siblings until they get some serious therapy.
@@stephaniewilson3955 amen, they do need therapy. They are so hurt, but they are blaming the wrong person
The siblings refused to understand that their big sister was parentified and to too her a long time to recover. That they are jealous of their siblings is sad and troubling.
I hate when people force others to move on and get into another relationship! People suffer because of it. Mother can change the name of her child and change your last name to your mom's last name! They need two signatures so don't know how he got away with that.
Is this the same uncle that told him to just find someone new to love to fix him? To hell with this uncle.
Last story nta. She gets a free place to live and can get the hell over it. Throw her out
What? Because he's to lazy to get an electrician to deal with in his free house?
Story 1: the uncle needs to butt out becos his “advice” caused all this trauma to begin with.
The last story is bizarre, the women literally said "no I don't want you in here, you can't cook so I'll do it" and "no I don't want to teach you" he listens to her why can't she accept something as easy as "tell me before you use the oven" isn't telling her she needs permission, those people's comments have many issues.
The girlfriend vs fiancé story: This is a case of someone trying to start drama. Of all the things to worry about OP is making a big deal out of whether they are girl/boyfriend or fiance/fiancee. This is BS. OP needs to shut up.
If she's their "mom," then she should just TELL them to go to therapy. Those siblings are absolutely delusional, so they might fall for it.
First story you're not in the wrong here but let's be real here your relationship with your grandparents on your dance side and the rest of his family will never be the same after this. If you decide to not go to the anniversary dinner. And he may not want to see you but I think you should at least try to stay at you're with people that you're cool with. In addition I think it's safe to say that the family members and your father's friends did him a huge disservice by telling him to move on knowing that he would never accept anyone outside of his first marriage. Including children that were produced outside or after the first marriage. This is a situation where they should have just let your father been single and moved on with his life without having to force him to be in a relationship with people that he knew he was never going to accept. You're not in the wrong here but you do need to prepare yourself because your grandparents as much as they have been on your side for years they will see that as we sacrificed a lot and she can't sacrifice one thing for our day. You're not in the wrong here but get ready you're about to lose your father's family big-time for this
cooking story: NTA, get rid of the big oven so she can't "forget" again. or just get rid of her before she traps you with a kid
It’s his house, this woman insists on cooking ( very bossy and rude) then she can’t even tell him so he is ready for a possible outage? He should be grateful she is cooking, nope she demands to cook. Then she yells at him in his house? I’d dump this person, she is incredibly controlling. Nasty.
Study group story: Speaking as a woman with autism, what OP called Leah is spot-on accurate, and Leah trying to use "sticking up for women" as an excuse for her ablism is horrible.
Story 1 - family pushed the father to get remarried when he wasn't ready. Now they they are pushing OP to meet him and try to be a family. OP needs to tell them that unless her father contacts her with the most heart filled apologies for her and her mother he is dead to her and wants nothing to do with him. Ask them to not push it or she will have no grandparents and uncle but she would have to mean it.
last one, I ended up having the linesman on a cherrypicker repairing the short in the powerline after living for years like that with appliances cutting my power
Last story NTA it's not like he's forcing her to cook for him, he offered to help and learn she turned him down. And was kindly told and reminded about telling him before using the big stove. As far as I can tell he did everything he should have done ( other than saving up to get it fixed 😅) she had no reason to be so rude if she had an issue with it she could have helped save up to fix it or help him save the money. She is his girlfriend and I don't see a problem with her helping him save it up ( could just be me though? ) and he left, yes storming out over this was a bit immature but her getting her friend to message him?? He left before he could say something truly hurtful and stayed out of HIS HOUSE to calm down. I just can't see how he's TA??
OP's father is a compete nutcase, like, should've been locked up messed up
S3
The Mom of All, Sister of None dynamic is... disconcerting.
You never did that for us!
I didn't have money. I was only 16.
😮
Electrical/game: OP can complain all he wants. That ESH comment was acting like OP was just being lazy and should be grateful she cooks for him despite a ton of context where she wont let him cook and won't cook with him. He WANTS to help and she wont let him. Be grateful, sure, but domt act like hes just being lazy.
Then he tries to warn her of an issue and asks for a *basic* courtesy...and HE'S the butthole for complainjng when she gets mad at him for it. Yeah...no.
No, the lazy element is telling OP to fix the power situation. He has refused to through laziness and ineptitude. Him dealing with the electrics means he don't have an oven situation or save game situation.
Possessed Oven: Or just pull the fuse/breaker to The Big Oven.
_"Gee, it doesn't turn on at all? Yeah, we'll have to get that fixed once I eventually scrounge up the bux, I guess."_
Ovens: $800 for an electrician for 2! hours in my area. $150 for an UPS (uninterruptable power system) . Gf can forget all she wants, OP can play his game , and she can deal with the annoying beep while he saves his work.
Are the YTAs commenters on the final story drunk? How is OP the AH when girlfriend is the one who wanted to cook and didn't want his help either AND is using the big oven for no reason whatsoever. It's really not that hard to remember to not use a faulty machine and even if she did forget a simple apology was needed
Thanks again XOS
Story 1: While I can kinda sorta empathize with the father (being almost forced to move on when he clearly was not ready and when he was clearly unable to love another, which is valid and how some people feel about love), what he did was unacceptable and OP should not be guilted into being around him. He was not a good father and if, by some miracle, he has suddenly changed it is on him to put the effort in. Not OP.
Yeah. He tried , and failed. It happens. He told her the truth. But, OP shouldn't go.
Agree but he hasn't changed. If he had they'd be telling OP that he'd been/going through grief therapy and has been working on his issues and desperately wants to try and rebuild a relationship with her and NOT asking her now that she's an adult to "show some compassion" cause fingers crossed "maybe he's found a way to love me"?? Like wtf??
It's an abush to get them into a room together and have OP be HIS "emotional support animal" and finally face up to his issues..... OP's 20 now so like you said he's had years to make an effort so I wouldn't listen to the flying monkeys. Honestly I get grief after losing someone but some things you can't take back and have to live with
@@Miltz69 I don't think he's changed, either. But people can be emotionally crippled as well as physically.
He was a grown man with a capability of saying "no". I'm being very stingy with my compassion here.
He could have worked out his grief, told his family to get bent, and not have ruined the life of that woman and his daughter.
For the wife whose brothers and sisters like if her as mother. Chances are some kid from foster care told her that a lot of times the older sister is actually the mother. You need to sit down with them and show them which was born win and where you were born
on that last story, part of me was just thinking "Why not just get rid of the oven? Cover the electric wires with the proper equipment and put like a bookshelf in it's place?" If it's causing that much of an issue and you can't get yourself to save for a proper electrician to fix it, just get rid of it.
1 story, OP’s father takes the cake, he’s crazy. Naming his newborn after his first wife that has died . If I was OP’s mother I would have never called my child that name.
Story 4: Lea is ableist. Good riddance
But wait you're forgetting. Under article 15, inacted under amendment 5, clause 4 of the "girl code"; Leah can assume the rights to speaking for all women to ensure her "safety" and protect her from having to turn down a disabled person. And how dare OP be a "traitor" to all women??
Kick her out of the study group and tell anyone who asks the reason why; cause those "weirdos" she keeps attracting are probably just normal guys she sees as "beneath her". Show them what she's really like and don't worry they'll stop....
Hope the dude goes for it
The last one wasn’t his fault, he asked to cook with her and she acted like a child and told him no then he told her not to use the other oven and she wanted to be a princess and use the big one even though the small oven was perfectly fine. He’s not the ass she is
I always hated when my aunt asked me about my dead beat and asked why I never reached out to him, like tf it shouldn't be an 8 year Olds job to call their sperm donor on my own birthday in hopes he remembered my birthday I shouldn't have to call on Christmas and see what he's up to
I would still go to my grandparents party, but make it clear for that fool not to say anything to me and I damn sure won't say anything to him.
Well, tragedy can do crazy things to a person's mind, but it is up to him to get himself some help, not a child who has been traumatized by that person. You are not the idiot, and if he ever does get himself fixed, it is up to him to take the steps needed to mend your relationship. Until then, it isn't on you to be hurt over and over by this person. The rest of his family isn't treated like you are, so they get no say in what you 'should' do.
Last Story: Yes, he has a right to complain, she kicked him out of the kitchen and won't let him learn because she thinks he is too messy. So when she cooks, yes, he gets to complain if she cuts the power off. Also, yes he is an idiot for not upgrading his circuit breaker so his power needs are met.
Story 1 - "maybe he's found a way to love you" naming your first born after your dead wife is the farthest from moving on that I've ever seen. That's pitiful denial and wishful thinking. I'm also betting it's guilt because the uncle encouraged this and the chain of events that followed were tragic instead of healing. The uncle still wants to pretend he did the right thing encouraging his brother to marry another woman.
Story 3 - That's really sad but op didn't do anything wrong. Her siblings were never her children, and at their current ages, being grounded on that mindset is delusional and unhealthy. I don't think they'll understand until after they have kids of their own.
Story 4 - It sounds like Leah should have kept her mouth shut. That was rude and spiteful and she sounds like a snob. Op was right to stand up for the guy and tell Leah off. Sometimes rude language is appropriate.
Story 5 - no AHs here. Let's put the main issue being that op should have just fixed the issue before they moved the girlfriend into the house aside for a moment. These guys moved in together too fast and I'm not really seeing this relationship lasting if they can't create harmony or compromise over little things like how they use the kitchen and they're fighting over it. I don't think op shouldn't consider an opinion from one of her friends as it's bias as much as getting input from one of his friends.
So why can’t the guy use all the money he saves with his gifted house to get the electricity fixed?
A better question is why didn’t the parents fix it prior to giving him the house
People saying OP in the last story is an asshole are insane. Even if the think the game is childish, that is something OP worked hard on. He was polite x patient. Imagine if the girlfriend was working on a thesis and that shit happened? What's so hard about giving OP a heads up so he can save the game?
Last story: I feel like a bunch of the commenters didn't read the story, just saw guy gaming complaining about woman cooking and made their judgements about that. NTA.
Story 1 Op should go on the condition that if Op dad calls her the wrong name she leaves because then she can have it both ways showing support and doesn’t need to be there for long
Story 1: Your uncle said your dad may have changed. Well, then it is on your Dad to demonstrate this to you, NOT in front of a group of people so he can get sympathy points.
17:33 everything else doesn’t matter, it’s a petty argument- would you want to be with someone who couldn’t save up enough to fix a simple issue over five years? fuck that
I’m surprised the mother in the first story didn’t try to change the name. She didn’t agree to the name so there might have been some legal recourse for the change. Either way, as an adult they should change it
Story 2: YTA (along with the rest of your family), if he asked her to marry him, and she said yes....THEY ARE ENGAGED...... Your family/cultural tradition does not change that.
Last story: The comments on Reddit and here are just bonkers! Do any of you have any idea of how expensive hiring an electrician is? Depending on where the power outage is, the electrician may need to rewire the entire house which can cost thousand or thousands of dollars! His girlfriend was the one that kicked him out of his own kitchen. His girlfriend is the one who won't let him cook with her because he is messy. Guess what chef? Cooking is messy! His girlfriend is the one that told him not to cook anymore because his food is crap. What a fucking princess. All he asked was a simple heads-up! Why is everyone acting like he's the one making her do everything?! OP shouldn't have left HIS OWN DAMN HOUSE, his girlfriend should have been the one to leave.
Story 1: tell your uncle to shut the hell up. Stop listening to that dude.
Story 2 that whole family bar Todd sound dreadful. Imagine being that nasty and unhappy.
Last story "not proper way of dealing with conflict" Hum actually, the best way to deal with conflict it's to remove yourself from the stress environment, let's heads to cool down and talk about it rationally later. Instead of acting angrily and saying things in the heat of the moment that you will regret later. At best op could have communicated that better before getting out, but he is not wrong in that. He is also not wrong about his complaints. Sure he should have fixed the thing (but also he lived alone and never used it) but fixing it's definitely a bigger effort that her giving him a heads up. And what he told her about diminishing his hobbies is right. It's a hobby, it doesn't need to be deep, it can be just a distraction. This reeks of the start of the abusive woman behavior that once locked down a man, start her project to change him, cutting out every single thing she doesn't like about him (that generally means things that signify that his attention or efforts aren't directed at her) to make her perfect Frankenstein little husband.
Story 2: she wasn't even talking to you so I don't see why you got mad. Also how do you act like you're engaged, should they duct tape their heads together and scream that they're about to get married? And I love how you keep saying it's fine when you and your family clearly think they need to have a big ceremony to announce their engagement in order for you to address her properly. By the way you people not acknowledging their engagement because they didn't do it the way you want makes you far more Petty and annoying than her correcting all of you. You don't like it addressed her the right way. I even laughed a little when you actually got upset that other people respect her as the fiance, then acknowledged that you can control over people as if it was ever an option.
Why should she have to warn you every time she uses the oven? Why aren’t you just saving your game anyway?
So I'm gonna say something that no one else mentioned in story 1. This would have never happened had Op's dad sorry ass family let him properly grieve. No, instead, they were trying to rush him into moving on, and now two innocent people got hurt, and he never was able to truly grieve because his own family couldn't be there for him. They want to call him a deadbeat. The only reason he's a deadbeat is because rather than let him grieve they decides to rush him into a relationship he clearly didn't want.
EVERYBODY is saying this. LOL.
Oven which cuts out the power story : OP, DO NOT USE AN ELECTRICAL COMPONENT WHICH HAS A FAULT WHICH CUTS OUT THE POWER. Ask a qualified electrician to come and test it before even considering using it again. The girlfriend is less important. YTA
The gf used the oven, not op
At least the lunatic did not try to make the daughter his wife in the literal sense
OP’s dad is a sick person. If you go, go early and leave when he walks in the door. He most likely will not even recognize you OP.
S1 Judgement: NTA
Reason: Your father is a broken man and is incredibly selfish.
"How can I have compassion for a man who never held any for me? How can I love a man who so readily followed YOUR advice and father's a child with a woman he didn't want with a woman he didn't love? Instead of getting the help that he so desperately needed, YOU pushed him to do something when he wasn't ready to and look! He's made two innocent people suffer because he cannot find it in him to let the past go."
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S2 Judgement: YTA.
Reason: If they don't want to follow tradition, they don't have to.
"I'm his fiancée now, we're engaged."
You know what's annoying about that? Having to constantly correct people when they mislabel you time and time again because they're salty that my fiancé and I didn't "follow tradition" and have an engagement ceremony. If I were Emily, I would be freaking devastated that my husband's family refused to accept me because we didn't follow tradition and chose to be passive aggressive about it rather than just telling me outright. Yes, Emily constantly reminding people that she and Todd are engaged, OP, but keep in mind that she has to keep reminding others because YOU refuse to acknowledge the engagement.
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S3 Judgement: NTA
Reason: Your wife did the right thing that she, at the time, could do for not only herself but those kids.
1): OP, you deserve a slap on the back for being not only a supportive husband but being that pillar of support, something that your wife lacked in her adolescence, in her time of need. That being said, I think that your wife needs to lay some firm boundaries and set some rules. They're guilt-tripping her and playing off of the fact that she KNOWS they had a shitty childhood. It seems though, they're too wrapped up in their own issues to realize that DW suffered just as much as they did. I would suggest to your wife the possibility of screening the conversations that she has because it sounds like every time she speaks to them, she's sucked deep into something that they're not letting heal. I would even suggest that she change her phone number if things get to be too much. That being said, some lines need to be established.
A) First and foremost, your wife needs therapy. If she's already taking advantage of that, great, if she isn't, then I highly recommend that she should. OP, if I were your wife, would let also suggest family therapy and let my siblings know that if they don't agree to this, to attending therapy with me so we can get to the bottom of this very obviously toxic enmeshment, then I don't think that it would be feasible to have them in my life.
B) If I was DW, I would firmly tell them that I am not their mother, that I am their sister, and nothing about that is going to change. I would inform them that expressing jealousy over the way I treat MY CHILD is a very obvious sign that they need help, and this is the type of help that I cannot give them. I would tell them that if they cannot treat their nibling well, then they have no place in my life.
C) IF they refuse to do any of this, then for peace of mind and the safety of her happiness, she needs to cut them off.
ETA: Based on the tidbit OP just gave, DW is better to just cut her losses and changing her number than trying to reason with them. They're so ate up with their own hurts and looking for someone else to blame, and it sounds like someone is pointing the finger at DW. Are they still in contact with their biological mother, I wonder?
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S4 Judgement: NTA.
Reason: Leah IS self-righteous bitch.
I mean, Nelly said it first: "F*ck it, leave 'em pissed."
Disappointment at losing your composure aside, OP you weren't wrong -- Leah IS being a self-righteous bitch. You were standing up for your friend and that should be applauded. Saying that she's looking out for the entirety of women who get asked out by "weirdos like Rob" is a stretch and I can say that Leah does not speak for me when it comes to accepting or denying offers to grab coffee sometime. That being said, my guess is that Leah had a bit of a crush on Rob and chose to lash out when he brought up asking out the neighbor, her feelings had been hurt that he didn't feel the same way. I could be wrong though. Rob should know that he is free to shoot his shot and if she accepts and they exchange numbers, then great. If she doesn't and Rob is gently let down, well it's a bust but that happens. The only thing that matters to me is how Rob handles the situation after.
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S5 Judgement: YTA
Reason: You knew from the very beginning that the house had electric problems. Why didn't you address them before Helen moved in?
What seals the YTA vote for me, is OP KNEW that he had electrical issues, but he didn't address them and continued to IGNORE THEM after Helen moved in. Sure, I would be mad if my man didn't tell me that they were using the big oven and I lost some progress on a game. Bro, you lose all right to get mad when you know that the bigger oven blows a breaker but refuse to do anything about it.
Last story, OP is the idiot, the big oven doesnt have a problem... The main breaker in the power pannel is the problem. I hope OP got it fix by now because I had the same issue a few years back and it could've been dangerous.