I completely agree with you about Rey’s response to Vanessa’s advances. The morning after, I saw a piece of myself after an SA. It was incredibly sad to see the after affects play out. If my intuition is right, I hope she has gotten the help and support she needs to process through it.
i agree with most of what you’re saying with the exception of mildred being a good communicator. when she tried to talk to aussie, it felt like she was subduing the fact that she wanted to scream/yell. i’ve been spoken to in that exact tone before in front of others (by my mom who would then yell at me once we were alone). we also saw mildred interrupt tiff many times throughout the show and even go as far as to say things like “are you finished talking?” and “you won’t let me talk”. to me that signalled that she doesn’t respect what tiff has to think/say/etc. i also got that sense reinforced when tiff was talking at the finale and mildred complained, yet again, about tiff’s voice causing a “pain” in her ear and irritating her. mildred has zero respect for tiff and quite frankly i think she’s a raging narcissist who cannot handle anyone else having an opinion or voice. edit: ok maybe not a narcissist, but mildred has a *lot* of issues and i don’t think they’re both good communicators at all. i think tiff is and mildred just needs a lot of therapy.
Exactly. She wants to talk about herself as if she is some sort of psychic that knows people so well but she got aussie but especially mildred so very wrong. I think she got everyone wrong tbh. But mildred is the worst, it was so obvious that mildred was constantly hostile towards aussie. There's no "talking" to people like mildred and I completely understand why aussie felt so unsafe around her.
I could never do this. I am not a jealous person at all. But- if my partner couldn’t decide if they want to marry me or not, after years of dating and then need a trial marriage with a stranger to be more clear about it after??? That would be a big problem for me actually 😂
Exactly, like it took them experiencing a new person and realizing that the grass isn't greener for them to appreciate me? It'd feel like they were just choosing me bc they couldn't find better
Right this girl knows nothing and is egotistically trying to make herself out to be some kind of psychic that knows people and can diagnose them with serious disorders while simping for a literal abuser.
It’s interesting what different people take out of things. As someone with a covert narc mom, Mildred really triggered me. I didn’t agree with how Ozzy handled things but it seemed very “abused autistic” to me. Differences in prosody and posture, easily overwhelmed and shut down, often eloping when a situation didn’t feel safe to them, gender queer, slow and methodical routines with their laundry, giving a rock at the engagement… Van just seemed like she has ADHD and emotionally absent parents that made her feel like she had to be the exciting and fun one all the time to get the attention anyone deserves. Hence her saying she’s bored in the relationship and can’t see herself tied down. But yeah maybe Ozzy is so manipulative that they are pretending to be autistic, and Vanessa is so bad at pretending to be a real person because she’s autistic. But that’s not really Occam’s Razor.
Interesting take! The only thing I don’t super agree with is your stance with Aussie. As someone who had an extreme case of avoidant attachment/trauma, I saw myself a lot in them. I found myself in constant full body panic/shut down in even the smallest “confrontation”. I guess I can see how it would come across as “I am perfect, and refuse to have this conversation”, but for me it was more of an involuntary panic & thoughts of “sudden conflict. I have been ambushed. I am unsafe. I have to leave.” I however think it was unfair treatment to Sam- but happy their relationship was able to be assisted by professionals!
I agree too, I didn't think Aussie was narcissistic. I saw the deep panic and trauma too, and I feel like a narcissist would probably stay and fight and manipulate rather than leave--because that seems like just a total panic I need to escape type of thing
maybe they have some traits of it just because of the abuse from their family, but I was actually super surprised Paige thought this--but I'm also not a professional so who knows haha.
Yeah she clearly knows nothing and hates aussie just because she's a reserved older person and not an obnoxious and abusive younger person like mildred.
I also want to point out that I think it’s wrong too assume that old people should be a certain way or know certain things just because they are older. It can take time. Also life was so different 20-40 years ago. Older people didn’t have the same access too information that we do now. It makes sense that they might only now be coming to conclusions about their childhood or their actions or them as people that they have never thought of before. I think we as the younger generation take for granted our privilege too be able to self reflect so young. Better late than never, truly.
It’s crazy. I started the show loving Lexi and hating Vanessa, and ended deeply empathizing with and loving Vanessa whilst thinking that Lexi was making a bad decision. Vanessa was tone deaf, impulsive, and terrible with managing her body language, facial cues, and tone. But when she was called out, she listened, and she apologized, and she kept apologizing and not minimizing others feelings. At first it was clumsy but her last apology at the reunion felt very honest and sincere. She was trying to take down the mask of making light of every situation. Was she still a bit impulsive in the reunion bringing up Yolly and Xander meeting up? Sure. But I also think she had a right to bring it up, she just made a mistake blurting it out.
Glad you changed your mind about Vanessa. For me I didn't get the hate bc it seemed obvious that Vanessa was the only one doing what the show expected of them and that she used humor to deflect whenever something serious was going on or if there was any tension in the air.
When Aussie said "no attachment to the outcome" I personally took that to mean that if her girlfriend (I'm blanking on her name) did stuff with other people or didn't want to marry her anymore, that They would accept that.
This was the only breakdown of the show I fully agreed woth, especially the part about Ray being pressured by Vanessa. I FELT that while watching the show and I haven't seen another person mention it
I do partially agree with you about Aussie and Mildred in that Aussie did not know how to communicate WHATSOEVER- BUT at the same time I did sympathise with her (him?) because I know how it feels to be overwhelmed if someone is starting a fight for no reason. And Mildred definitely DID start fights for no reason. At first she was reasonable, but as the show went on she consistently used this passive-aggressive tone, which Aussie was clearly hypersensitive to. Not saying that Aussie is innocent, because she definitely isn’t, but Mildred definitely had issues too. She was argumentative and sarcastic and her version of “communication” felt very fake, and I think Aussie felt that and felt threatened by that (because of her intense issues).
The Lexi/Mal dynamic turned friendship was and is everything! I love that they’re still seemingly close after the show. Seriously obsessed with both of them and want them to have the most amazing lives 😭 Sam also like my heart I want to see more from her I feel like Vanessa is wildly vilified by the show and cast (A lot of which is valid and justified) and while she did some very VERY questionable things is relatable in some aspects and I did feel for her and also picked up on her being neurodivergent and related to some of her confusion and not completely picking up on a lot of the social cues that got her in trouble I feel like I’ve been close to someone with similar patterns to Aussie. While I do agree with your takes on Aussie to an extent, Mildred was very much speaking very passive aggressively and fairly hostile towards Aussie and also Tiff. Like there would’ve have been zero opening for healthy communication within that dynamic imo. I guess I couldn’t help but feel for Aussie but also you make some very real points with their actions and patterns. They have a lot to work through for sure Even though this season was chaos and so SO messy I can’t help but love all of them and want them all to be happy and succeed and get what they need and I want to see more
Lexi gaslit Rae a ton... and was putting on a performance for the cameras. After the show ended Lexi turned into everything she was the opposite of what she represented in the show. To me she was probably very controlling of Rae in an abusive way behind the scenes and we were all duped.
Hi, I felt excited to find your video about neurodivergence in the Queer Ultimatum on RUclips! As an autistic person with ADHD and childhood trauma, the show was emotional to watch. It seems you had a similar experience from this video, your emotional responses are pretty strong. I stopped watching about 30min in as I noticed myself shutting down in response to your tone escalation and the rapid fire opinions/judgements rather than facts/observations. From my lived experience and informal education and reading of published information on attachment theory, neurobiology, trauma/PTSD, psychology, etc., I think Aussie's behaviors and traits seem in line with potentially both autism and cPTSD. I had a hunch the first episode or two and the thoughts where only further affirmed as I made it to the end of the show. As a person with autism, ADHD, and childhood trauma, here's what I noticed from Aussie: Autism: - preferring quiet one-on-one conversations in less stimulating environments, like outside, to loud indoor group settings - her friends also being "quirky" and not very "normative" - needing more space and time to process - emotional sensitivity (and meltdowns) - strong sense of justice - very formal style of dress and a need to iron her clothes - strict routines - needs lots of sleep/rest - monotone speaking style - the rock as an engagement!! (so obscure and "weird" to people but so meaningful and thoughtful to her) - feeling of needing to be perfect and not good enough at work/friends/everything and always letting people down despite trying so hard - "poor communication skills" (especially with other neurotypical people and being frequently misunderstood) - her expressions often not matching what she's feeling inside (ie smiling when she is mad or sad) - over- and under-exaggerated facial and body expressions - difficulty with transitions (new people, place, etc) Trauma: - emotional triggers and flashbacks - emotional sensitivity - fear of abandonment - feeling of needing to be perfect and not good enough at work/friends/everything and always letting people down despite trying so hard needed it. Addition notes to consider: - It is very hard to grow up in the individualistic and capitalistic culture of American without trauma - It is extreeeemely rare to be neurodivergent and not have trauma (you are frequently misunderstood and left out, perhaps even taken advantage of for naivety) - There is a high co-occurrence of neurodiversity and being queer - I can't recall if I noticed her having any repetitive behaviors or stims. It also seems like a lot of scenes were cut or pieced together. My understanding of narcissism is that it is more of an inflated sense of self. Aussie seemed to genuinely care about others and not want to be the center of attention or to come first, she was trying to get her basic needs met, including a regulated nervous system. Autistic people are often misperceived as narcissists. From what I saw, Aussie communicated, however somewhat poorly, when she needed space (to process/transition). People retaliated against this, interpreting her nervous system overwhelm as avoidance. She tried to clarify that she was not running away and that she was in fact, not in a healthy space to have a specific conversation. I strongly empathize with this. It was surprising when Mildred immediately sprung the desire to have a sensitive conversation onto Aussie when she first walked in the door. Aussie expressed a need to talk about it at another time (when she was prepared and in the appropriate mental state). Instead of hearing and validating this need and responding with her need to resolve concerns sooner because it was frustrating for her to sit with things unresolved and find a healthy time for them to sit and discussed, she raised her voice and pushed harder. People misinterpret autistic people as selfish, bad people with problems all the time. Autistic (especially undiagnosed) people with deep trauma learn that they aren't safe around others, are often victim to gaslighting and abuse, and may not have enough overall safety of their Maslow needs in order to achieve baseline nervous system regulation very often.
You were spot on about everything but narcississm it’s so much more than that if it’s the personality disorder or someone who’s just more narcissistic.
I did like the response to the host being cis/het, which was "welcome!" Which perfectly encapsulates how queer people are different than cis/het people. Because a lot of the time, in a group of cis/het people, if they find out someone is queer, they act standoffish or treat them differently.
I think a lot of this is very astute, but I'm also going to disagree on Mildred and Aussie. As soon as you explained the situation with your narcissistic ex, I understood how you came to that conclusion... but the narrative you were explaining was not the one I saw at all. There's this tendency to see anyone who is very outspoken as a "good communicator," but that's not always the case. Mildred interrupts constantly. She's very passive-aggressive when she's not being outright aggressive-aggressive--watch the "so how long are you gonna be in the bathroom" scene again. Grain of salt for TV editing, but I feel like sometimes you can see in her eyes that she is zoned out, not listening to what anyone else is saying, just formulating the next aggressive, fight-or-flight diatribe that SHE WILL NOT EVEN AGREE WITH HERSELF in a few minutes when she's calmed down. That... is not good communication. That's aggression that she's subjecting everyone to instead of allowing herself to be vulnerable enough to admit how she actually feels. She hides this behind the whole "I just wanted to have a NORMAL CONVERSATION" thing, but... straight up, Aussie was right to leave, because Mildred was not looking for a normal conversation. She was looking to argue and steamroll and get her way. People don't throw shit and get charged with domestic violence if they are good communicators who are safe to have a normal, productive adult conversation with. Aussie felt unsafe around Mildred because Mildred is an unsafe person. That said, not EVERYONE is unsafe to be around, which I think Aussie needs to do some work internalising. I'm fairly certain that Sam presents no risk of physical violence. It sucks for her that Aussie is so damn scared all the time, and has full-on flashbacks any time there's conflict that Sam has to bring up. It's wild to me that you thought that scene in the restaurant was Aussie being narcissistic and manipulative, because from my perspective, Aussie was clearly having a full-blown panic attack there. Aussie was not even in the room (or on the curb) at that point. Aussie was elsewhere, deep in a C-PTSD flashback. Probably back in her childhood home, experiencing the fear and anguish of being punished for not being perfect. You see it as Aussie not being able to deal with being told she's not perfect because she's narcissistic, but I see is as Aussie not being able to deal with not being perfect because of a history of something really, really bad happening when she was caught not being perfect. I don't know what that was exactly, but.... clearly something happened that will require lots more therapy to overcome. This "I need to leave now because this is bad for my mental health" thing is a defense mechanism that kicks in when someone with this kind of background feels unsafe. Often the situation is not ACTUALLY unsafe, so it can come off as manipulative or gaslight-y, but the FEELING of fear is real even if the danger isn't. Still, I want to emphasise that with Mildred, the danger WAS real. She thoroughly proved that and showed her true colours by the end. I'm sure we weren't shown even half of the way she lashed out at Aussie, tore her down, and steamrolled her feeble attempts to stand up for herself. If they had, we wouldn't have had time for anything else! I shudder to think of what she might be like off camera, and I hope she figures her shit out before she really hurts someone.
I agree with everything you said except the first half of the first sentence. She is not astute at all. At this point I don't even believe her ex is narcissistic. She's just calling them that and is a terrible judge of character as well as terrible at any self reflection. She also doesn't seem to have improved from when she's 12 yo. Still loud and obnoxious. She's literally simping for an abusive person and blaming someone who was clearly not coping well with her trauma and was being triggered by mildred. And using the most flimsy excuses for her reasons. She was also clearly being ageist against aussie, like trauma and people's reactions to it doesn't go away just because they got older, but this yter sure was gonna hold that against aussie.
@@FS-qk5uq Bruh… you know basically nothing about this person who made a youtube video that you happen to disagree with it. I disagree with parts of it, too! But I think that having a misguided take on something that happened on a reality show doesn’t invalidate every other thing someone said. It DEFINITELY doesn’t make them obnoxious as a person overall, or suggest that they were lying about a past relationship. Seriously? As an example, I think Paige was 100% on point about Vanessa mirroring people, and having trouble figuring out Rae because Rae is too hurt and traumatised to even know who she is and what she wants right now. To me, that’s insightful and astute. It doesn’t make her take on Mildred any less off to me, but neither is the opposite true. Sometimes a person can be wrong about one situation, and still not be a bad judge of character overall. Especially when that judgement is, as Paige mentioned in the video, likely affected by a negative past experience. It’s also rubbing me the wrong way for you to say that an autistic person is a terrible judge of character, since that (intentionally or not) lines up with negative stereotypes. I do agree that implying Aussie should have known how to handle these things came off as ageist, and kind of triviliaising how difficult it can be to identify your trauma and get effective treatment for it. There are other factors at play here, too-generational, cultural, and possibly location-based, too-access to effective trauma-focused therapies aren’t easily accessible everywhere. That was a major oversight, I think. Still, though, in the end this is a video about a reality show. None of us knows which narratives were shaped in which ways by producers and editors, and our perceptions of those narratives are always going to be shaped by personal history and bias. Do I think Paige was way off on what was going on with Aussie? Yes. Do I think attacks on her overall character are called for because of that? No. I generally like to believe the best of people. Maybe Paige was just too affected by the memories it brought up for her to see everything that we did. I mean, hell, I could be just as affected by my history as an abuse survivor here! Maybe Paige, as a person with ADHD, was watching parts of the show while doing or thinking about something else, and missed some details here and there. Maybe, as an autistic person, she interpreted some things differently from how they were intended. These things happen to me all the time! Certainly, regardless of any of those possible factors, she has more things to learn and consider. Which is normal! We all do! And she’s a young person. I think some patience and benefit of the doubt would be good and generous here.
damn Paige I’m a fan of yours, but would really appreciate if you didn’t demonise “narcissism” and referred to it as a mental illness - NPD. I’m not saying it’s okay to hurt other people but the way we talk about “narcissists” as a society is NOT helpful :( people with narcissistic traits are part of the neurodivergent community too and I’m so sick of people within the community talking about us like we are all villains
I don’t think Auzie was or is narcissistic. I think she probably has some type of trauma in her past when it comes to confrontation. I don’t think she handeld the situation well but I also think Mildred was a little too pushy. She reminded me of my parents and how I would constantly be berated for every little thing, like leaving a fork out, and I never got to just live in peace and be a human and take a moment to breath. Also as a PDA autistic I relate too being very triggered by demands and Mildred’s tone came off that way. Again Auzie was also in the wrong for not communicating but it didn’t come off as narcissistic, it came off as being scared of conflict and unsure how to handle it. So she fled. That’s something she needs to work on. Also: I also think it’s worth pointing out that Aussie is Asian too and I think her cultural background and upbringing could play a role as well.
I pretty much agree with everything else you said about the show except for Aussie and Mildred!! And I think you would to based on the following. According to a video I watched from Tiff, Mildred is a narcissist and toxic, and her being outspoken and calm in front of the cameras is part of her mask. I’ve been with a narcissist and raised by one and they are really good I prentending to be great, especially when the camera are rolling. I think there was way more happening that was edited out for the drama and off camera as well. I believe that Aussie is neurodivergent, was triggered by Mildred who is a narcissist!!
Yeah she clearly knows nothing, I had mildred pegged for being rude and hostile person from the start and wasn't at all surprised when it was revealed she had dv charges. I would have been running from her too, there's no "talking" with people like her just pointless screaming matches like what tiff was doing.
Yeah, I agreed with this review until she started talking about the interactions between Mildred and Aussie. Mildred was so clearly an unkind and difficult person from the beginning, and gave me abusive vibes VERY early on. Yes, Aussie was avoidant, but acting like they were more in the wrong in their interactions with Mildred is baffling to me. Communication is great, but you can't force it on people, and it's NOT OKAY to not let someone calm down when they're clearly communicating that they need a moment to themselves. And now that we know about Mildred being a violent abuser, it makes even more sense to me that Aussie was triggered by her, given the fact that Aussie obviously had an abusive childhood. Aussie was the one who got screwed getting Mildred as a partner, not the other way around.
The best thing about this whole concept of this video is seeing Paige being so happy talking about her thoughts about something. It warms my heart so much. Paige should have a voddcast, also talk about true crime plz. I would be a constant listener. Paige just makes so much sense it’s insane. Satisfying to listen to
also I have to add to you Paige, I think using the things you are interested in, in your content is so smart. I never get why I can’t post regularly but I think that could be a reason I don’t myself. Just a good tip. Thank u
I love you but I think you might have it reversed with Vanessa and Aussie. As someone who has been in relationships with narcissists, there is no way that Vanessa isn’t a narcissist - literally everything she says is about herself and it’s clear she thinks she’s like the best person ever. And the narcissistic gaslighting and manipulation is so present and clear. Aussie on the other hand has very low self esteem, they come off self-centered but I think it’s from a place of being traumatized and triggered and not really being able to consider other people emotions. Aussie is definitely a victim of narcissistic abuse but I don’t know if I’d go as far as to say they are a narcissist themself.
What about her apologies? I thought they seemed progressively more and more genuine. She didn’t even expect people to like her afterwards, she just felt bad she had hurt them. I think her self centered-ness came from a lack of understanding which made her un empathetic, but when it was finally clear the harm she did she really did try to be empathetic without expecting anything in return. That takes guts. So many others on the show only apologized if they thought they could get something or someone as a reward.
@@thecolorjuneagreed but I have to agree with op about aussie. This yter doesn't understand shit about the people on the show or about mental health, autism, and nd at all. She also simping for an abuser even after it was revealed she's abusive. This yter is a big yikes. Honestly if anyone seems narcissistic it's this yter and mildred.
God I love this I’m autistic too but I thought it was the other way around I thought Vanessa was the narc and Aussie was autistic, I definitely wish more people would talk about Aussie, I saw a therapist do it and the PTSD is sooo present in them and I think they get so easily triggered in conflict that the project their past abuse on to the current sitch when it’s not really that bad (trauma brain) I’d love to know about their therapy experiences
Vanessa had trouble seeing other people’s emotions and matching them, but she DID apologize very early on in the show and state her flaws. She didn’t even get upset when people immediately and consistently dismissed her apologies, and she listened and by the reunion she had actively been working to change her behavior. She knew and accepted people wouldn’t like her and she didn’t have control over that and had to make peace with “being forgotten”. She dealt with so much hostility and yet she still listened to the genuine parts of their criticism of her behavior. I don’t think a narcissist’s ego would let them do any of that. She was self centered, but more so because of a clumsiness, impulsiveness, and blindness to social cues. At least that’s how I feel. I can’t know her personally but I feel for her.
I love when Paige gets passionate about stuff like this because I always have similar opinions but if I share them with the nt’s around me they think I’m reading into it or projecting But Paige always gets it 👀
Ashley Gavin had Rae and Mal on her podcast (separate episodes) you should totally watch them. Rae especially talks about how so many things are edited to make everything look way different then it was.
i am so happy to hear your analysis on this season. as a fellow human enthusiast, i loved this season so much for the emotional maturity and the autism radar i was picking up on. i’m pretty sure i agree with everything you said and we picked up on the saaaaame stuff.
13:15 not quite sure what you mean by lust but as an ace person i can tell you that it's possible to feel strong romantic attraction at first sight. it's not love love but it's not necessary sexual either. is there even a word for this in english? limerence or something?
Oh my gosh I almost immediately also thought Vanessa was on the spectrum! She just seemed so confused by other people's reactions to her that I was like...I relate lol. I do have to say that I think Mildred is narcissistic, or if not narcissistic then definitely has some other personality disorder that causes her to interact with the world in a different way. She also seems super abusive to me, and I'm glad Tiff has been speaking out about the abuse. She seems like an amazing mom though, so I was confused. But I 100% believe Tiff on that.
Hey as a person with at least one personality disorder I don't appreciate the notion that PDs make you be abusive. People can be abusive without having a PD, and pwPDs are more often victims of abuse than perpetrators.
@@Link-dx1lx yes for sure. People are so quick to label any abuser as having a PD, which is not true. You can do selfish, hurtful, abusive things and be a completely normal bad person. And someone with a PD can avoid causing any harm to anyone else and can be a good person.
@@Link-dx1lx Hey, I'm so sorry, I definitely messed up the wording on that. I totally understand and agree with you. What I meant to say was that if she's not narcissistic her pattern of how she interacts with the world is disordered, AND she's acting abusive. I shouldn't have written the word "caused". So sorry about that, I'll edit my post.
I really did not like Mildred. I got the feeling that she is too proud of being "spicy" bc both her and Tiff say that about her and that's just such red flag and you can see that at some points in their relationship that what she does is actually not communicating well but getting angry and yelly when she doesn't get her way. You can see that in Tiffs reaction with Sam and the dog too bc Tiff learned to be overprotective bc they were constantly attacked. Idk if Mildred has NPD, or whatever, abusive behaviour is abusive behaviour
Exactly mildred being hostile, condescending, and passive aggressive was obvious to me from the start. It was clear that aussie is traumatized and is extremely sensitive to how mildred was talking to her and being badly triggered too. The callousness that this yter was talking about aussie and simping for someone that had already been revealed as an abuser is really messed up. She is egotistically talking about her self like she is practically some kind of psychic and can read people well when she's being hateful and cruel to someone that is obviously traumatized and having panic attacks and simping for an abuser, is like a big yikes. She calls her ex a narcissist but she comes off as one instead, seems like her ex dodged a bullet.
I completely agree with the finger type situation it was incredibly uncomfortable and so sad and I just had a really hard time believing Rae wanted to :(
Yeah. It reminds me of an experience where I consented, but I was in a strange state of mind, and under pressure I didn’t realize. I felt violated for so long but I didn’t feel like I had the right to be. It was so confusing. It’s still hard to let myself sit with these feelings.
@@thecolorjune I had a very similar experience as well. Felt very pressured and consented after he kept asking multiple times. No sex, so I kept telling myself it wasn’t that big of a deal, but it did feel like SA afterwards
Re Vanessa: People just have different levels of self-awareness. I can be self-aware in some ways, but miss other things completely. All throughout your life, you should be peeling away emotional layers of yourself, but if you're abusing substances, that will stunt your growth.
This is perfect timing Paige, I also didn’t have the same opinions as others and was surprised. I could never do an ultimatum, that whole thing is scary but I’ve seen both Ultimatums bc I watch reality tv 😅
SO glad you said this. I’ve been feeling like I was crazy seeing everyone else’s different opinions and I’m so glad you said everything I’ve been thinking.
Loved this show, I found it so much more mature than the straight one. However, I really did not like Lexie, everyone hates Vanessa, and I think it was bordering on bullying in the end. She was mad with Ray but was talking about marrying Mal 😅. I genuinely think Lexie was up for marrying anyone, she didnt love Ray, she just wanted her own way. If not with Ray....with Vanessa ir Mal or whoever. Seems to me the people not wanting married were the people who take marriage more seriously. From what I could see
I’m I BIG porponant of polyamory. This is the worst possible way to do it. 100% toxic, and I’ve seen less than 2min of your summary of the show. I’m not going to watch the rest, and I’m not going to watch the show. Though, props that they did a queer season at all. I feel like this was 100% so they could show girl-girl kissing, and get all the PornHub straight guys to watch. But whatever… representation is representation. Maybe the straights will accidentally agree with a queer person and start thinking it’s not so bad. I will just assume that bi-erasure and ace erasure are rampant, ant not discuss them.
I LOVE THAT PAIGE IS REVIEWING THIS omg when I thought I couldn't love you anymore I'm happy that queer tv is becoming more popular And btw you are hilarious
I’m extremely stressed about Lexi and I don’t know why we aren’t talking about her behaviour? She’s upset yeah but she’s attacking Vanessa for the same reasons that Vanessa was stressed about Xander getting with someone? Like my god it’s none of ur business anymore? It’s a trial. You’re supposed to lean into it. Yoly and Xander had sex too?! Calm tf down?!
God no she needs to change a lot she made herself out to be some kind of savant that can "read" people but idolized someone that was obviously emotionally abusive and proceeded to talk shit about someone that was traumatized and clearly not coping well being stuck with someone who's always hostile towards others. Makes me why she would like an abusive person and have so much hatred towards a traumatized person. She needs to change a lot.
Whatever she is, she seemed to struggle a lot with social cues, impulsiveness, mirroring other people, and giving off the situationally correct body language, expressions, and tone. Very relatable. Both her and Rea struggled to form a sense of independent identity, since Rea had been told by Lexi who she was, and Vanessa had been mirroring others. I’m glad they were paired together, and I hope that now that they are single they can cultivate a sense of self.
FULLY agreed. It made me so angry hearing what others had to say, especially excusing Aussie and acting like Lexi was the most problematic??? I love this show but big yikes all around. Everytime Aussie was on screen I got so mad with how they treated people
31:11 😅 had to re- listen, my first thought was shutdown behavior/trauma response, so when you said narcissism I did a double take. XD think you're right tho, I didn't get what was actually said and the level of intensity in the first listen. I'd defend leaving if it was a tirade, or not a discussion they were allowed to give input on, or if it was aggressive/loud. Seems a lot more like they panicked for being questioned even. The "conflict" sounds... conflict resolution oriented tho, she didn't say you must do X or Y, she said hey I got a problem, let's talk about it. Inviting their imput to collaborate for a better solution calmly, literally what you should do if you have a problem in a relationship. Even then, if it was just a trauma response she could have apologized and explained later that night or the next day. I don't think she was interested in collaborating, it was her way or the highway with even a question about where they're going being a detour.
I definitely clocked Vanessa as autistic and another recap podcast I listened to focused a lot on her unhealthy behaviour but AND she is autistic and hasn't got a stable sense of who she is cause she is trying to be who she thinks she should be >>
Ok so I just did some quick reading on how a person can become a narcissist and there is a term called malignant narcissism and it seems to fit> even the revenge part where Aussie gives Sam a rock before proposing which was so fucked >>
@@leaf2309 is that revenge though? Perhaps I give people too much benefit of the doubt, but the penguin thing could have just been that Aussie loves penguins. I would find that cute. But clearly Sam wanted a ring so Aussie’s move was not received well. I don’t know intentions though. I thought it perhaps could have been cheap, as if Aussie would have returned the ring if it wasn’t needed. But I didn’t think revenge.
How about we don't diagnosed strangers with disorders especially when we aren't psychiatrists and that stranger is a known abuser which makes people with that disorder seem like bad people even if they've never abused anyone.
Omggg 2:32 i wasn’t paying attention and then all the sudden you said my name and I was like “wait what?” Lol it’s like you knew my ADHD ass was watching 😂😂😂
omfg, what you said about the fragile narcissist is so true. I was best friends with a narcissist for like a decade and it is the worst relationship I've ever had with anyone ever. Every problem i had ended with them crying, me having to apologise, being told I'm "shitting on their feelings". I told this person she's manipulative and she responded with "It makes ME so sad that you would ASSUME I'm trying to manipulate you. I just feel like you never give me the benefit of doubt. Why wouldn't you think it was a mistake or a misunderstanding". Ummm because the intention behind manipulative behaviour doesn't effing matter or make it less manipulative!!! WTF??
I'm a 33yr Autistic+ADHD woman and I watched the show. I've been through a lot of narcissistic abuse in my life. And I have studied and learned everything about it, to it's core. Vanessa shows all the signs on narcissism. The way she uses her words, her lack of feelings/empathy, her body language, emotional manipulation, love bombing, the need for control, the panic when she looses that control and switches everything around to get the control back, everything. I didn't see Autism anywhere in Vanessa, only narcissism. Autism I saw more in Xander and Aussie. But Aussie seems like a very traumatized autistic who is not self aware at all and has gotten caught in "reactive abuse" (even tho I don't like that term I couldn't find any other word for it right now). Aussies body language doesn't add upp to the body language a narcissist uses. Mildred doesn't seem narcissistic to me, but not very self aware and with a lot of toxic behaviors she can't seem to understand she has. Maybe due to abusive relationships but she also seems abusive herself. Sam seemed SO wonderful 💕 So much knowledge, very self aware and great healthy communication. A very loving and understanding human being. And Mal, she was so mature and loving.
Lastly I wanna add that it's really hard for anyone of us to really know exactly what's going on inside of everyone that was in this show, cause we see so little of them and only see the programs chosen view on the people in it. BUT it's hard not to pick humans apart trying to understand all their behaviors when you're autistic that has human psychology as a forced special interest.. 🙈
No one I know watches this show so I have to keep all my thoughts to myself save for explaining the whole dang show and each characters personalities. The whole time you are talking about this I am absolutely GIDDY with excitement!
This is kind of similar to the vibe of *some* bachelor and bachelorette parties too where they get other partners as a last chance at being with others for a night before they're committed for life to a monogamous relationship.
On episode 8. Now I agree with your POV. Aussie has some serious shit to work through and isn’t willing to admit that maybe they’re wrong. Abused, traumatized, and probably narcissistic. Doesn’t erase how I feel for them though. Heartbreaking.
Yes for the Rae van dynamic, but how do you see and verbalise that so well and do a full flip on Aussie ??? (Who doesn’t use pronouns btw, just uses the name as a pronoun) Made me sad, Mildred ‘up to that point’ is nott just talking, and communicating well, she asks rapid fire questions, a new one ready to go before the other person has any time to react or respond, and then they get confused by all the different answers they’re supposed to give. And she keeps going, it’s so clear that the goal isn’t to have a two way conversation, most of the time it feels like she’s just trying to bring the other person down so that she can feel better about herself, to have a leg up or something to point at if she then gets criticism. That really bothered me, it’s so triggering especially when it’s framed in a guilt trippy way and then with the domestic themes around chores and stuff, I can only imagine how related that would feel to childhood family dynamics and the sense of being made to feel bad when you did nothing wrong. Anyways, I do like your videos, but these thoughts hmm just can’t follow you there.
I agree with you about a lot, but I disagree with the points about Mildred and Aussie. There was some heavy editing. It was confirmed that Aussie only left the last week. Meaning there was a LOT of footage not shown. I fully believe a lot of the behaviors Aussie were talking about in regards to. Mildred were either not filmed or edited out. Not saying Aussie doesn’t have issues to work through cause Sam deserved way better. The entire show seemed even more like it was manipulating things than other reality shows because the editing choices were really strange.
I feel the opposite way that you feel. If anything, all my childhood trauma has actually made me more childish and immature. I'm currently 32 but mentally I feel more like I'm 10-12 and I still like very "childish" things like plushies and stuff. That being said, that's how I FEEL internally but it's not how I PRESENT externally to the world. It's like she never learned how to mask properly to present as more neurotypical. ^^'' As someone who still lives with an abuser with narcissistic traits to this day, that level of manipulation makes me want to gag.
I do want to add though about the whole Aussie thing because Aussie and Mildred did have a convo about Aussie doing more in the house, and Aussie responded a bit meek but it didn't turn into an argument. While Mildred and Aussie were getting ready to hang out with the rest of the cast for a night out, Mildred asked about using the bathroom or asked when Aussie would be ready. Aussie was ironing and said something like "I'll be done soon." Mildred then stated "I like this, why can't we communicate like this?" I think Aussie took that as passive aggressive or it triggered them and meekly said "I feel like you say stuff on camera to make me look bad, mate." That really upset Mildred and she went off. While Aussie was shutting down and not really responding to her which I believe made her angrier. They both got back from hanging out with their separate groups and Aussie seemed initially willing to talk, however it got quickly escalated, I personally believe by Mildred, and that's when Aussie left, then came back the next to grab their stuff. I think Aussie has something else than narcissism, while Mildred has something which I don't know, not a medical professional but she needs therapy to help her with her anger issues.
@@ana.pistachio4121aussie seems deeply traumatized and wasn't coping well, mildred was especially triggering her. Aussie probably has ptsd and panic disorder. Mildred is just a straight up an abuser, she was clearly hostile to pretty much everyone from the very start and using her being a Latina as an excuse for her behavior. With people like her there's no talking, there's only useless screaming matches like what tiff was doing or walking away like aussie. Aussie might be quick to walk away at the slightest indication of a confrontation but she was definitely right to do it with mildred. People like mildred also know how to put themselves in the best light too. This yter needs to check her ego cause she is terrible at reading and understanding people despite what she says and is literally simping an abuser.
@@FS-qk5uq hey I agree with you mostly, that's how I read Mildred and Aussie but don't tear down Paige. I think she had many good points. Considering she is on the spectrum, and her background, I thought some of the points she brought up about Aussie that I initially disagreed with, I started to see her perspective. That's what it is, perspective. You clearly disagree with it but don't be mean to Paige because of that.
I liked this video, but I didn't like how you brought up narcissism, I& have vulnerable narcissism, and we think narcissism shouldn't be demonized as much as it is. (Not that you demonized it, I just got bad vibes).
Lots of people (including myself, until recently) have an ableist blind spot with narcissism. I think it's because narcissistic traits are most often mentioned in the context of someone discussing their abuse, when it isn't seen as appropriate to say "but not all narcissists do that." That can happen with BPD too. People online are getting weird about "spotting narcs," including "dark eyes" as if they're literally demons! It shows an ironic lack of empathy.
I refuse to watch this, but I will watch you take it apart!!! I'd never be on a show xD ,but I don't wanna get married, cos personal space and the tism, grrr.
The reason I don't think Vanessa is on the spectrum is because of her reaction to Xander leaving. One day she's sitting at a table with her dad and Rae saying she never ever wants to get married. She then does a 180 and begs Xander to marry her when she realizes Xander isn't gonna put up with her bs anymore. That is classic narcissistic behavior, especially with how she love-bombs Xander and tries to make her feel guilty for having feelings for Yoly. Vanessa also uses the "I've grown so much" as a weapon against Xander, but where oh where is Vanessa's growth?? Like, how did she grow AT ALL? No proof lol. She's very manipulative and purposeful with her manipulation. Also, she absolutely knows Lexi is upset with her, but she likes the attention. Actually, I'd say Histrionic personality disorder for Vanessa because she enjoys ANY kind of attention, even if it's negative, whereas narcs typically only enjoy positive attention. I could be totally wrong, but I do think Aussie is on the spectrum but also has SEVERE PTSD, trauma, and they truly never grew up. To be 40+ in a relationship, after many years together, and not be able to handle a single confrontation (if you can even call it that- Sam is the calmest, kindest person ever) points to something being ingrained in Aussie's brain, almost like... a rule. It also seems Aussie struggles to gauge how Sam or anyone else is feeling. I think it's possible Aussie is both on the spectrum and a narcissist based on their reactions though, because it's not just that they can't see anyone else's perspective, they don't WANT to and never really try.
Interesting points and thoughts! I'm not sure pointing out their ages adds to anything, though. Because previous generations were very hush hush about personality and neurological disorders and mental health in general, we're ALL learning about generational trauma at the same time, regardless of how old we each are.
I think the ages part helps with explaining why people are so ready to get married with a deadline. I like more older people being featured in romance too. It’s a demographic that isn’t often shown. It doesn’t ensure maturity, but it is definitely a different life stage that changes the dynamics a lot.
@@thecolorjuneyes but this yter is clearly ageist against aussie and was using that as an excuse to be incredibly callous and dismissive towards aussie being sensitive towards someone who was also obviously hostile and rude to her from the very start. It was clear that mildred was emotionally abusive and not "a great communicator" and yet here she is simping for an abuser.
Sidebar: can you review I'm A Virgo? A friend is pushing me to watch it but I'm v uncomfortable because they're like "oh that's autism coded and sounds like [redacted]" (my name). I HATE external comparison but I also don't have time to watch a lot of stuff. I don't wanna waste my time before the next season of Severance.
Me when Paige said Vanessa is autistic: That Paige Layle thinks everyone is autistic. Me afterwards when I watched the show: Yes. Edit: I found her youtube channel and she has a playlist of songs about being 17 years old. Such a specific thing. ruclips.net/video/aB1r9JDPRxE/видео.html
It never fails to amaze me how neurotypicals almost always judge a person by their outward physical appearance. Ozzy doesn't look like a narc, so she couldn't possibly be one. On the other hand, we- as in autistic people- inadvertently pull the best 'strange' faces so we must be weirdos 😂
And yet here you and this girl judging people on the most flimsy reasons and couldn't tell that mildred was obviously rude and hostile towards aussie couldn't tell she was an obvious abuser she even likes the abuser. Maybe y'all should check your egos.
All respect for Mildred went out the window when I found out she was an abuser. Mildred hides behind it by saying she’s just a “spicy Latina”
I completely agree with you about Rey’s response to Vanessa’s advances. The morning after, I saw a piece of myself after an SA. It was incredibly sad to see the after affects play out. If my intuition is right, I hope she has gotten the help and support she needs to process through it.
i agree with most of what you’re saying with the exception of mildred being a good communicator. when she tried to talk to aussie, it felt like she was subduing the fact that she wanted to scream/yell. i’ve been spoken to in that exact tone before in front of others (by my mom who would then yell at me once we were alone). we also saw mildred interrupt tiff many times throughout the show and even go as far as to say things like “are you finished talking?” and “you won’t let me talk”. to me that signalled that she doesn’t respect what tiff has to think/say/etc. i also got that sense reinforced when tiff was talking at the finale and mildred complained, yet again, about tiff’s voice causing a “pain” in her ear and irritating her. mildred has zero respect for tiff and quite frankly i think she’s a raging narcissist who cannot handle anyone else having an opinion or voice.
edit: ok maybe not a narcissist, but mildred has a *lot* of issues and i don’t think they’re both good communicators at all. i think tiff is and mildred just needs a lot of therapy.
A thousand percent- yes
YUP!
Exactly. She wants to talk about herself as if she is some sort of psychic that knows people so well but she got aussie but especially mildred so very wrong. I think she got everyone wrong tbh. But mildred is the worst, it was so obvious that mildred was constantly hostile towards aussie. There's no "talking" to people like mildred and I completely understand why aussie felt so unsafe around her.
Agreed
nah id say narcissist lol, please keep in mind she’s a violent domestic abuser who laid their hands on tiff
I could never do this. I am not a jealous person at all. But- if my partner couldn’t decide if they want to marry me or not, after years of dating and then need a trial marriage with a stranger to be more clear about it after??? That would be a big problem for me actually 😂
Paints a very clear picture of where you stand in their life really. Thank you, byyyyee!😅
Exactly, like it took them experiencing a new person and realizing that the grass isn't greener for them to appreciate me? It'd feel like they were just choosing me bc they couldn't find better
Mildred was not normal or fine 😅 she was abusive and confrontational
Right this girl knows nothing and is egotistically trying to make herself out to be some kind of psychic that knows people and can diagnose them with serious disorders while simping for a literal abuser.
It’s interesting what different people take out of things. As someone with a covert narc mom, Mildred really triggered me. I didn’t agree with how Ozzy handled things but it seemed very “abused autistic” to me. Differences in prosody and posture, easily overwhelmed and shut down, often eloping when a situation didn’t feel safe to them, gender queer, slow and methodical routines with their laundry, giving a rock at the engagement… Van just seemed like she has ADHD and emotionally absent parents that made her feel like she had to be the exciting and fun one all the time to get the attention anyone deserves. Hence her saying she’s bored in the relationship and can’t see herself tied down. But yeah maybe Ozzy is so manipulative that they are pretending to be autistic, and Vanessa is so bad at pretending to be a real person because she’s autistic. But that’s not really Occam’s Razor.
Interesting take! The only thing I don’t super agree with is your stance with Aussie. As someone who had an extreme case of avoidant attachment/trauma, I saw myself a lot in them. I found myself in constant full body panic/shut down in even the smallest “confrontation”. I guess I can see how it would come across as “I am perfect, and refuse to have this conversation”, but for me it was more of an involuntary panic & thoughts of “sudden conflict. I have been ambushed. I am unsafe. I have to leave.” I however think it was unfair treatment to Sam- but happy their relationship was able to be assisted by professionals!
I agree too, I didn't think Aussie was narcissistic. I saw the deep panic and trauma too, and I feel like a narcissist would probably stay and fight and manipulate rather than leave--because that seems like just a total panic I need to escape type of thing
maybe they have some traits of it just because of the abuse from their family, but I was actually super surprised Paige thought this--but I'm also not a professional so who knows haha.
@@chronicallyplanty4259 very much agree. Can only speculate! Regardless, I’m happy they’re getting support!
I think so too
Yeah she clearly knows nothing and hates aussie just because she's a reserved older person and not an obnoxious and abusive younger person like mildred.
I also want to point out that I think it’s wrong too assume that old people should be a certain way or know certain things just because they are older. It can take time. Also life was so different 20-40 years ago. Older people didn’t have the same access too information that we do now. It makes sense that they might only now be coming to conclusions about their childhood or their actions or them as people that they have never thought of before. I think we as the younger generation take for granted our privilege too be able to self reflect so young. Better late than never, truly.
It’s crazy. I started the show loving Lexi and hating Vanessa, and ended deeply empathizing with and loving Vanessa whilst thinking that Lexi was making a bad decision. Vanessa was tone deaf, impulsive, and terrible with managing her body language, facial cues, and tone. But when she was called out, she listened, and she apologized, and she kept apologizing and not minimizing others feelings. At first it was clumsy but her last apology at the reunion felt very honest and sincere. She was trying to take down the mask of making light of every situation. Was she still a bit impulsive in the reunion bringing up Yolly and Xander meeting up? Sure. But I also think she had a right to bring it up, she just made a mistake blurting it out.
Glad you changed your mind about Vanessa. For me I didn't get the hate bc it seemed obvious that Vanessa was the only one doing what the show expected of them and that she used humor to deflect whenever something serious was going on or if there was any tension in the air.
When Aussie said "no attachment to the outcome" I personally took that to mean that if her girlfriend (I'm blanking on her name) did stuff with other people or didn't want to marry her anymore, that They would accept that.
This was the only breakdown of the show I fully agreed woth, especially the part about Ray being pressured by Vanessa. I FELT that while watching the show and I haven't seen another person mention it
I do partially agree with you about Aussie and Mildred in that Aussie did not know how to communicate WHATSOEVER- BUT at the same time I did sympathise with her (him?) because I know how it feels to be overwhelmed if someone is starting a fight for no reason. And Mildred definitely DID start fights for no reason. At first she was reasonable, but as the show went on she consistently used this passive-aggressive tone, which Aussie was clearly hypersensitive to. Not saying that Aussie is innocent, because she definitely isn’t, but Mildred definitely had issues too. She was argumentative and sarcastic and her version of “communication” felt very fake, and I think Aussie felt that and felt threatened by that (because of her intense issues).
The Lexi/Mal dynamic turned friendship was and is everything! I love that they’re still seemingly close after the show. Seriously obsessed with both of them and want them to have the most amazing lives 😭 Sam also like my heart I want to see more from her
I feel like Vanessa is wildly vilified by the show and cast (A lot of which is valid and justified) and while she did some very VERY questionable things is relatable in some aspects and I did feel for her and also picked up on her being neurodivergent and related to some of her confusion and not completely picking up on a lot of the social cues that got her in trouble
I feel like I’ve been close to someone with similar patterns to Aussie. While I do agree with your takes on Aussie to an extent, Mildred was very much speaking very passive aggressively and fairly hostile towards Aussie and also Tiff. Like there would’ve have been zero opening for healthy communication within that dynamic imo. I guess I couldn’t help but feel for Aussie but also you make some very real points with their actions and patterns. They have a lot to work through for sure
Even though this season was chaos and so SO messy I can’t help but love all of them and want them all to be happy and succeed and get what they need and I want to see more
Lexi gaslit Rae a ton... and was putting on a performance for the cameras. After the show ended Lexi turned into everything she was the opposite of what she represented in the show. To me she was probably very controlling of Rae in an abusive way behind the scenes and we were all duped.
Hi, I felt excited to find your video about neurodivergence in the Queer Ultimatum on RUclips! As an autistic person with ADHD and childhood trauma, the show was emotional to watch.
It seems you had a similar experience from this video, your emotional responses are pretty strong. I stopped watching about 30min in as I noticed myself shutting down in response to your tone escalation and the rapid fire opinions/judgements rather than facts/observations.
From my lived experience and informal education and reading of published information on attachment theory, neurobiology, trauma/PTSD, psychology, etc., I think Aussie's behaviors and traits seem in line with potentially both autism and cPTSD. I had a hunch the first episode or two and the thoughts where only further affirmed as I made it to the end of the show.
As a person with autism, ADHD, and childhood trauma, here's what I noticed from Aussie:
Autism:
- preferring quiet one-on-one conversations in less stimulating environments, like outside, to loud indoor group settings
- her friends also being "quirky" and not very "normative"
- needing more space and time to process
- emotional sensitivity (and meltdowns)
- strong sense of justice
- very formal style of dress and a need to iron her clothes
- strict routines
- needs lots of sleep/rest
- monotone speaking style
- the rock as an engagement!! (so obscure and "weird" to people but so meaningful and thoughtful to her)
- feeling of needing to be perfect and not good enough at work/friends/everything and always letting people down despite trying so hard
- "poor communication skills" (especially with other neurotypical people and being frequently misunderstood)
- her expressions often not matching what she's feeling inside (ie smiling when she is mad or sad)
- over- and under-exaggerated facial and body expressions
- difficulty with transitions (new people, place, etc)
Trauma:
- emotional triggers and flashbacks
- emotional sensitivity
- fear of abandonment
- feeling of needing to be perfect and not good enough at work/friends/everything and always letting people down despite trying so hard
needed it.
Addition notes to consider:
- It is very hard to grow up in the individualistic and capitalistic culture of American without trauma
- It is extreeeemely rare to be neurodivergent and not have trauma (you are frequently misunderstood and left out, perhaps even taken advantage of for naivety)
- There is a high co-occurrence of neurodiversity and being queer
- I can't recall if I noticed her having any repetitive behaviors or stims. It also seems like a lot of scenes were cut or pieced together.
My understanding of narcissism is that it is more of an inflated sense of self. Aussie seemed to genuinely care about others and not want to be the center of attention or to come first, she was trying to get her basic needs met, including a regulated nervous system. Autistic people are often misperceived as narcissists.
From what I saw, Aussie communicated, however somewhat poorly, when she needed space (to process/transition). People retaliated against this, interpreting her nervous system overwhelm as avoidance. She tried to clarify that she was not running away and that she was in fact, not in a healthy space to have a specific conversation.
I strongly empathize with this. It was surprising when Mildred immediately sprung the desire to have a sensitive conversation onto Aussie when she first walked in the door. Aussie expressed a need to talk about it at another time (when she was prepared and in the appropriate mental state). Instead of hearing and validating this need and responding with her need to resolve concerns sooner because it was frustrating for her to sit with things unresolved and find a healthy time for them to sit and discussed, she raised her voice and pushed harder.
People misinterpret autistic people as selfish, bad people with problems all the time. Autistic (especially undiagnosed) people with deep trauma learn that they aren't safe around others, are often victim to gaslighting and abuse, and may not have enough overall safety of their Maslow needs in order to achieve baseline nervous system regulation very often.
You were spot on about everything but narcississm it’s so much more than that if it’s the personality disorder or someone who’s just more narcissistic.
I did like the response to the host being cis/het, which was "welcome!" Which perfectly encapsulates how queer people are different than cis/het people. Because a lot of the time, in a group of cis/het people, if they find out someone is queer, they act standoffish or treat them differently.
I think a lot of this is very astute, but I'm also going to disagree on Mildred and Aussie. As soon as you explained the situation with your narcissistic ex, I understood how you came to that conclusion... but the narrative you were explaining was not the one I saw at all. There's this tendency to see anyone who is very outspoken as a "good communicator," but that's not always the case. Mildred interrupts constantly. She's very passive-aggressive when she's not being outright aggressive-aggressive--watch the "so how long are you gonna be in the bathroom" scene again. Grain of salt for TV editing, but I feel like sometimes you can see in her eyes that she is zoned out, not listening to what anyone else is saying, just formulating the next aggressive, fight-or-flight diatribe that SHE WILL NOT EVEN AGREE WITH HERSELF in a few minutes when she's calmed down. That... is not good communication. That's aggression that she's subjecting everyone to instead of allowing herself to be vulnerable enough to admit how she actually feels. She hides this behind the whole "I just wanted to have a NORMAL CONVERSATION" thing, but... straight up, Aussie was right to leave, because Mildred was not looking for a normal conversation. She was looking to argue and steamroll and get her way. People don't throw shit and get charged with domestic violence if they are good communicators who are safe to have a normal, productive adult conversation with. Aussie felt unsafe around Mildred because Mildred is an unsafe person.
That said, not EVERYONE is unsafe to be around, which I think Aussie needs to do some work internalising. I'm fairly certain that Sam presents no risk of physical violence. It sucks for her that Aussie is so damn scared all the time, and has full-on flashbacks any time there's conflict that Sam has to bring up. It's wild to me that you thought that scene in the restaurant was Aussie being narcissistic and manipulative, because from my perspective, Aussie was clearly having a full-blown panic attack there. Aussie was not even in the room (or on the curb) at that point. Aussie was elsewhere, deep in a C-PTSD flashback. Probably back in her childhood home, experiencing the fear and anguish of being punished for not being perfect. You see it as Aussie not being able to deal with being told she's not perfect because she's narcissistic, but I see is as Aussie not being able to deal with not being perfect because of a history of something really, really bad happening when she was caught not being perfect. I don't know what that was exactly, but.... clearly something happened that will require lots more therapy to overcome.
This "I need to leave now because this is bad for my mental health" thing is a defense mechanism that kicks in when someone with this kind of background feels unsafe. Often the situation is not ACTUALLY unsafe, so it can come off as manipulative or gaslight-y, but the FEELING of fear is real even if the danger isn't. Still, I want to emphasise that with Mildred, the danger WAS real. She thoroughly proved that and showed her true colours by the end. I'm sure we weren't shown even half of the way she lashed out at Aussie, tore her down, and steamrolled her feeble attempts to stand up for herself. If they had, we wouldn't have had time for anything else! I shudder to think of what she might be like off camera, and I hope she figures her shit out before she really hurts someone.
I agree with everything you said except the first half of the first sentence. She is not astute at all. At this point I don't even believe her ex is narcissistic. She's just calling them that and is a terrible judge of character as well as terrible at any self reflection. She also doesn't seem to have improved from when she's 12 yo. Still loud and obnoxious. She's literally simping for an abusive person and blaming someone who was clearly not coping well with her trauma and was being triggered by mildred. And using the most flimsy excuses for her reasons. She was also clearly being ageist against aussie, like trauma and people's reactions to it doesn't go away just because they got older, but this yter sure was gonna hold that against aussie.
@@FS-qk5uq Bruh… you know basically nothing about this person who made a youtube video that you happen to disagree with it. I disagree with parts of it, too! But I think that having a misguided take on something that happened on a reality show doesn’t invalidate every other thing someone said. It DEFINITELY doesn’t make them obnoxious as a person overall, or suggest that they were lying about a past relationship. Seriously?
As an example, I think Paige was 100% on point about Vanessa mirroring people, and having trouble figuring out Rae because Rae is too hurt and traumatised to even know who she is and what she wants right now. To me, that’s insightful and astute. It doesn’t make her take on Mildred any less off to me, but neither is the opposite true. Sometimes a person can be wrong about one situation, and still not be a bad judge of character overall. Especially when that judgement is, as Paige mentioned in the video, likely affected by a negative past experience. It’s also rubbing me the wrong way for you to say that an autistic person is a terrible judge of character, since that (intentionally or not) lines up with negative stereotypes.
I do agree that implying Aussie should have known how to handle these things came off as ageist, and kind of triviliaising how difficult it can be to identify your trauma and get effective treatment for it. There are other factors at play here, too-generational, cultural, and possibly location-based, too-access to effective trauma-focused therapies aren’t easily accessible everywhere. That was a major oversight, I think.
Still, though, in the end this is a video about a reality show. None of us knows which narratives were shaped in which ways by producers and editors, and our perceptions of those narratives are always going to be shaped by personal history and bias. Do I think Paige was way off on what was going on with Aussie? Yes. Do I think attacks on her overall character are called for because of that? No. I generally like to believe the best of people. Maybe Paige was just too affected by the memories it brought up for her to see everything that we did. I mean, hell, I could be just as affected by my history as an abuse survivor here! Maybe Paige, as a person with ADHD, was watching parts of the show while doing or thinking about something else, and missed some details here and there. Maybe, as an autistic person, she interpreted some things differently from how they were intended. These things happen to me all the time! Certainly, regardless of any of those possible factors, she has more things to learn and consider. Which is normal! We all do! And she’s a young person. I think some patience and benefit of the doubt would be good and generous here.
damn Paige I’m a fan of yours, but would really appreciate if you didn’t demonise “narcissism” and referred to it as a mental illness - NPD. I’m not saying it’s okay to hurt other people but the way we talk about “narcissists” as a society is NOT helpful :(
people with narcissistic traits are part of the neurodivergent community too and I’m so sick of people within the community talking about us like we are all villains
100% agree, this is exactly why i unsubscribed from Paige
I don’t think Auzie was or is narcissistic. I think she probably has some type of trauma in her past when it comes to confrontation. I don’t think she handeld the situation well but I also think Mildred was a little too pushy. She reminded me of my parents and how I would constantly be berated for every little thing, like leaving a fork out, and I never got to just live in peace and be a human and take a moment to breath. Also as a PDA autistic I relate too being very triggered by demands and Mildred’s tone came off that way. Again Auzie was also in the wrong for not communicating but it didn’t come off as narcissistic, it came off as being scared of conflict and unsure how to handle it. So she fled. That’s something she needs to work on. Also: I also think it’s worth pointing out that Aussie is Asian too and I think her cultural background and upbringing could play a role as well.
I pretty much agree with everything else you said about the show except for Aussie and Mildred!! And I think you would to based on the following. According to a video I watched from Tiff, Mildred is a narcissist and toxic, and her being outspoken and calm in front of the cameras is part of her mask. I’ve been with a narcissist and raised by one and they are really good I prentending to be great, especially when the camera are rolling. I think there was way more happening that was edited out for the drama and off camera as well. I believe that Aussie is neurodivergent, was triggered by Mildred who is a narcissist!!
Agree!
Yeah she clearly knows nothing, I had mildred pegged for being rude and hostile person from the start and wasn't at all surprised when it was revealed she had dv charges. I would have been running from her too, there's no "talking" with people like her just pointless screaming matches like what tiff was doing.
Yeah, I agreed with this review until she started talking about the interactions between Mildred and Aussie. Mildred was so clearly an unkind and difficult person from the beginning, and gave me abusive vibes VERY early on. Yes, Aussie was avoidant, but acting like they were more in the wrong in their interactions with Mildred is baffling to me. Communication is great, but you can't force it on people, and it's NOT OKAY to not let someone calm down when they're clearly communicating that they need a moment to themselves.
And now that we know about Mildred being a violent abuser, it makes even more sense to me that Aussie was triggered by her, given the fact that Aussie obviously had an abusive childhood. Aussie was the one who got screwed getting Mildred as a partner, not the other way around.
The best thing about this whole concept of this video is seeing Paige being so happy talking about her thoughts about something. It warms my heart so much. Paige should have a voddcast, also talk about true crime plz. I would be a constant listener. Paige just makes so much sense it’s insane. Satisfying to listen to
also I have to add to you Paige,
I think using the things you are interested in, in your content is so smart. I never get why I can’t post regularly but I think that could be a reason I don’t myself. Just a good tip. Thank u
I love you but I think you might have it reversed with Vanessa and Aussie. As someone who has been in relationships with narcissists, there is no way that Vanessa isn’t a narcissist - literally everything she says is about herself and it’s clear she thinks she’s like the best person ever. And the narcissistic gaslighting and manipulation is so present and clear. Aussie on the other hand has very low self esteem, they come off self-centered but I think it’s from a place of being traumatized and triggered and not really being able to consider other people emotions. Aussie is definitely a victim of narcissistic abuse but I don’t know if I’d go as far as to say they are a narcissist themself.
What about her apologies? I thought they seemed progressively more and more genuine. She didn’t even expect people to like her afterwards, she just felt bad she had hurt them. I think her self centered-ness came from a lack of understanding which made her un empathetic, but when it was finally clear the harm she did she really did try to be empathetic without expecting anything in return. That takes guts. So many others on the show only apologized if they thought they could get something or someone as a reward.
@@thecolorjuneagreed but I have to agree with op about aussie. This yter doesn't understand shit about the people on the show or about mental health, autism, and nd at all. She also simping for an abuser even after it was revealed she's abusive. This yter is a big yikes. Honestly if anyone seems narcissistic it's this yter and mildred.
God I love this I’m autistic too but I thought it was the other way around
I thought Vanessa was the narc and Aussie was autistic, I definitely wish more people would talk about Aussie, I saw a therapist do it and the PTSD is sooo present in them and I think they get so easily triggered in conflict that the project their past abuse on to the current sitch when it’s not really that bad (trauma brain) I’d love to know about their therapy experiences
Agreed! I think Aussie is autistic and has PTSD
Vanessa had trouble seeing other people’s emotions and matching them, but she DID apologize very early on in the show and state her flaws. She didn’t even get upset when people immediately and consistently dismissed her apologies, and she listened and by the reunion she had actively been working to change her behavior. She knew and accepted people wouldn’t like her and she didn’t have control over that and had to make peace with “being forgotten”. She dealt with so much hostility and yet she still listened to the genuine parts of their criticism of her behavior. I don’t think a narcissist’s ego would let them do any of that. She was self centered, but more so because of a clumsiness, impulsiveness, and blindness to social cues. At least that’s how I feel. I can’t know her personally but I feel for her.
@@thecolorjunethat doesn't make her autistic too though
I feel like Vanessa might have BPD, but I'm not sure she's autistic either.
She might be autistic and have bpd or just autism. I see either autism or bpd with Vanessa maybe both
I love when Paige gets passionate about stuff like this because I always have similar opinions but if I share them with the nt’s around me they think I’m reading into it or projecting
But Paige always gets it 👀
Ashley Gavin had Rae and Mal on her podcast (separate episodes) you should totally watch them. Rae especially talks about how so many things are edited to make everything look way different then it was.
i am so happy to hear your analysis on this season. as a fellow human enthusiast, i loved this season so much for the emotional maturity and the autism radar i was picking up on. i’m pretty sure i agree with everything you said and we picked up on the saaaaame stuff.
13:15 not quite sure what you mean by lust but as an ace person i can tell you that it's possible to feel strong romantic attraction at first sight. it's not love love but it's not necessary sexual either. is there even a word for this in english? limerence or something?
Love your quick-witted, brisk, hilarious, and real take! Didn’t need to speed this up!
Oh my gosh I almost immediately also thought Vanessa was on the spectrum! She just seemed so confused by other people's reactions to her that I was like...I relate lol. I do have to say that I think Mildred is narcissistic, or if not narcissistic then definitely has some other personality disorder that causes her to interact with the world in a different way. She also seems super abusive to me, and I'm glad Tiff has been speaking out about the abuse. She seems like an amazing mom though, so I was confused. But I 100% believe Tiff on that.
I definitely agree on Mildred.
Narcissistic or not, she was abusive. I’m so glad they are separated.
Hey as a person with at least one personality disorder I don't appreciate the notion that PDs make you be abusive. People can be abusive without having a PD, and pwPDs are more often victims of abuse than perpetrators.
@@Link-dx1lx yes for sure. People are so quick to label any abuser as having a PD, which is not true. You can do selfish, hurtful, abusive things and be a completely normal bad person. And someone with a PD can avoid causing any harm to anyone else and can be a good person.
@@Link-dx1lx Hey, I'm so sorry, I definitely messed up the wording on that. I totally understand and agree with you. What I meant to say was that if she's not narcissistic her pattern of how she interacts with the world is disordered, AND she's acting abusive. I shouldn't have written the word "caused". So sorry about that, I'll edit my post.
"They need to break up because they both need to date me" had me 😂💀
I really did not like Mildred. I got the feeling that she is too proud of being "spicy" bc both her and Tiff say that about her and that's just such red flag and you can see that at some points in their relationship that what she does is actually not communicating well but getting angry and yelly when she doesn't get her way. You can see that in Tiffs reaction with Sam and the dog too bc Tiff learned to be overprotective bc they were constantly attacked. Idk if Mildred has NPD, or whatever, abusive behaviour is abusive behaviour
Not to mention the fact that in the reunion it fully came out that she attacked Tiff and threw things at her
Exactly mildred being hostile, condescending, and passive aggressive was obvious to me from the start. It was clear that aussie is traumatized and is extremely sensitive to how mildred was talking to her and being badly triggered too. The callousness that this yter was talking about aussie and simping for someone that had already been revealed as an abuser is really messed up. She is egotistically talking about her self like she is practically some kind of psychic and can read people well when she's being hateful and cruel to someone that is obviously traumatized and having panic attacks and simping for an abuser, is like a big yikes. She calls her ex a narcissist but she comes off as one instead, seems like her ex dodged a bullet.
I completely agree with the finger type situation it was incredibly uncomfortable and so sad and I just had a really hard time believing Rae wanted to :(
Yeah. It reminds me of an experience where I consented, but I was in a strange state of mind, and under pressure I didn’t realize. I felt violated for so long but I didn’t feel like I had the right to be. It was so confusing. It’s still hard to let myself sit with these feelings.
@@thecolorjune I had a very similar experience as well. Felt very pressured and consented after he kept asking multiple times. No sex, so I kept telling myself it wasn’t that big of a deal, but it did feel like SA afterwards
Re Vanessa: People just have different levels of self-awareness. I can be self-aware in some ways, but miss other things completely. All throughout your life, you should be peeling away emotional layers of yourself, but if you're abusing substances, that will stunt your growth.
This is perfect timing Paige, I also didn’t have the same opinions as others and was surprised. I could never do an ultimatum, that whole thing is scary but I’ve seen both Ultimatums bc I watch reality tv 😅
Thank you Paige this was thoroughly entertaining
SO glad you said this. I’ve been feeling like I was crazy seeing everyone else’s different opinions and I’m so glad you said everything I’ve been thinking.
It’s like you can’t tell when people are rude and confrontational
I just binged the show so I could come back and watch this 🎉
I hope they make an amab version just to see how they differ or if they have similarities to this season.
That show is sick in multiple areas. As a queer, I'm embarrassed 😳
Thank you for speaking up Paige. 💕
Healthy people & relationships don't make "good" TV.
I was SO hoping you would make a video on this. Thank you Paige!!!
Mildred is completely unhinged and toxic.
I've never watched the show, and now I don't need to. You made it so interesting to listen to.
the internet's only accurate take on Vanessa so far, love to see it
Loved this show, I found it so much more mature than the straight one. However, I really did not like Lexie, everyone hates Vanessa, and I think it was bordering on bullying in the end. She was mad with Ray but was talking about marrying Mal 😅. I genuinely think Lexie was up for marrying anyone, she didnt love Ray, she just wanted her own way. If not with Ray....with Vanessa ir Mal or whoever. Seems to me the people not wanting married were the people who take marriage more seriously. From what I could see
Thanyou for making a video on this! This was so entertaining 😂
I’m I BIG porponant of polyamory. This is the worst possible way to do it. 100% toxic, and I’ve seen less than 2min of your summary of the show. I’m not going to watch the rest, and I’m not going to watch the show. Though, props that they did a queer season at all. I feel like this was 100% so they could show girl-girl kissing, and get all the PornHub straight guys to watch. But whatever… representation is representation. Maybe the straights will accidentally agree with a queer person and start thinking it’s not so bad.
I will just assume that bi-erasure and ace erasure are rampant, ant not discuss them.
I LOVE THAT PAIGE IS REVIEWING THIS omg when I thought I couldn't love you anymore
I'm happy that queer tv is becoming more popular
And btw you are hilarious
I relate to you so omg and love your content. Omg this show I’ve been needing to talk to somebody about this so glad you’re covering itttt
I’m extremely stressed about Lexi and I don’t know why we aren’t talking about her behaviour? She’s upset yeah but she’s attacking Vanessa for the same reasons that Vanessa was stressed about Xander getting with someone? Like my god it’s none of ur business anymore? It’s a trial. You’re supposed to lean into it. Yoly and Xander had sex too?! Calm tf down?!
Paige please please NEVER EVER EVER change. You are a rock star! 🎸🔥💜
God no she needs to change a lot she made herself out to be some kind of savant that can "read" people but idolized someone that was obviously emotionally abusive and proceeded to talk shit about someone that was traumatized and clearly not coping well being stuck with someone who's always hostile towards others. Makes me why she would like an abusive person and have so much hatred towards a traumatized person.
She needs to change a lot.
TBH I don't even watch TV so I'm fascinated by this from a distance😂
Describing Vanessa she sounds more BPD to me than Autism? IDK
Whatever she is, she seemed to struggle a lot with social cues, impulsiveness, mirroring other people, and giving off the situationally correct body language, expressions, and tone. Very relatable. Both her and Rea struggled to form a sense of independent identity, since Rea had been told by Lexi who she was, and Vanessa had been mirroring others. I’m glad they were paired together, and I hope that now that they are single they can cultivate a sense of self.
FULLY agreed. It made me so angry hearing what others had to say, especially excusing Aussie and acting like Lexi was the most problematic??? I love this show but big yikes all around. Everytime Aussie was on screen I got so mad with how they treated people
I totally agree with you about Vanessa. I realised immediately that she was faking it.
Yeah, and faking it not in a malicious way imo, but a “I don’t know how to be a person without clumsily mirroring others”
I literally have to write to know what I'm thinking & feeling. My head is just so full of noise.
31:11 😅 had to re- listen, my first thought was shutdown behavior/trauma response, so when you said narcissism I did a double take. XD think you're right tho, I didn't get what was actually said and the level of intensity in the first listen. I'd defend leaving if it was a tirade, or not a discussion they were allowed to give input on, or if it was aggressive/loud. Seems a lot more like they panicked for being questioned even. The "conflict" sounds... conflict resolution oriented tho, she didn't say you must do X or Y, she said hey I got a problem, let's talk about it. Inviting their imput to collaborate for a better solution calmly, literally what you should do if you have a problem in a relationship. Even then, if it was just a trauma response she could have apologized and explained later that night or the next day. I don't think she was interested in collaborating, it was her way or the highway with even a question about where they're going being a detour.
Got told at a drag show that Im reminding everyone of Lexi! And at 35yo, I'm here for it!!! Imma be needing to watch this showwwww
God I enjoyed this so fucking much. The rate at which you speak stimulates my brain at the perfect rate. 10/10
I definitely clocked Vanessa as autistic and another recap podcast I listened to focused a lot on her unhealthy behaviour but AND she is autistic and hasn't got a stable sense of who she is cause she is trying to be who she thinks she should be >>
Ok so I just did some quick reading on how a person can become a narcissist and there is a term called malignant narcissism and it seems to fit> even the revenge part where Aussie gives Sam a rock before proposing which was so fucked >>
@@leaf2309wait, how was the rock revenge?
@@thecolorjune put Sam in such an awkward position with her thinking she was getting a ring, such a blimdside and so unnecessary
@@leaf2309 is that revenge though? Perhaps I give people too much benefit of the doubt, but the penguin thing could have just been that Aussie loves penguins. I would find that cute. But clearly Sam wanted a ring so Aussie’s move was not received well. I don’t know intentions though. I thought it perhaps could have been cheap, as if Aussie would have returned the ring if it wasn’t needed. But I didn’t think revenge.
@@thecolorjune yeah can't know for sure just an alternate reading of it
I think Mildred is borderline. I might get hate for that.
Mildred has some issues for sure.
I think so too
How about we don't diagnosed strangers with disorders especially when we aren't psychiatrists and that stranger is a known abuser which makes people with that disorder seem like bad people even if they've never abused anyone.
@thegaytay4327 Who should get hate for what?
As someone w BPD I completely agree. She’s almost textbook imo
Only point I don‘t agree with you on would be Mildred. She might not be narcissistic but shes got a shit tone of issues to work through
I really want you narrate and do this to my life 😂
Omggg 2:32 i wasn’t paying attention and then all the sudden you said my name and I was like “wait what?” Lol it’s like you knew my ADHD ass was watching 😂😂😂
Hahaha they're all "last chance, final sale!, marry me now!" 🤣 I love your observations Paige 🙌✨
omfg, what you said about the fragile narcissist is so true. I was best friends with a narcissist for like a decade and it is the worst relationship I've ever had with anyone ever. Every problem i had ended with them crying, me having to apologise, being told I'm "shitting on their feelings". I told this person she's manipulative and she responded with "It makes ME so sad that you would ASSUME I'm trying to manipulate you. I just feel like you never give me the benefit of doubt. Why wouldn't you think it was a mistake or a misunderstanding". Ummm because the intention behind manipulative behaviour doesn't effing matter or make it less manipulative!!! WTF??
I'm a 33yr Autistic+ADHD woman and I watched the show. I've been through a lot of narcissistic abuse in my life. And I have studied and learned everything about it, to it's core. Vanessa shows all the signs on narcissism. The way she uses her words, her lack of feelings/empathy, her body language, emotional manipulation, love bombing, the need for control, the panic when she looses that control and switches everything around to get the control back, everything. I didn't see Autism anywhere in Vanessa, only narcissism. Autism I saw more in Xander and Aussie. But Aussie seems like a very traumatized autistic who is not self aware at all and has gotten caught in "reactive abuse" (even tho I don't like that term I couldn't find any other word for it right now). Aussies body language doesn't add upp to the body language a narcissist uses. Mildred doesn't seem narcissistic to me, but not very self aware and with a lot of toxic behaviors she can't seem to understand she has. Maybe due to abusive relationships but she also seems abusive herself.
Sam seemed SO wonderful 💕 So much knowledge, very self aware and great healthy communication. A very loving and understanding human being.
And Mal, she was so mature and loving.
Lastly I wanna add that it's really hard for anyone of us to really know exactly what's going on inside of everyone that was in this show, cause we see so little of them and only see the programs chosen view on the people in it. BUT it's hard not to pick humans apart trying to understand all their behaviors when you're autistic that has human psychology as a forced special interest.. 🙈
completely agree
Imma watch the show myself to see what Vanessa might be. She might be a narcissist and also has autism
YES THANK YOU
No one I know watches this show so I have to keep all my thoughts to myself save for explaining the whole dang show and each characters personalities. The whole time you are talking about this I am absolutely GIDDY with excitement!
This is kind of similar to the vibe of *some* bachelor and bachelorette parties too where they get other partners as a last chance at being with others for a night before they're committed for life to a monogamous relationship.
I lost it at...."Finger Gate." 🤣💀 Amazing! hahaha 😂
I get the lying thing!! I feel like I can tell when people are faking but I’m not sure what it really means 😢
This TV show was so bizarre. Idek how it works
Literally agree with everything you’re saying
On episode 8. Now I agree with your POV. Aussie has some serious shit to work through and isn’t willing to admit that maybe they’re wrong. Abused, traumatized, and probably narcissistic. Doesn’t erase how I feel for them though. Heartbreaking.
Yes for the Rae van dynamic, but how do you see and verbalise that so well and do a full flip on Aussie ??? (Who doesn’t use pronouns btw, just uses the name as a pronoun) Made me sad, Mildred ‘up to that point’ is nott just talking, and communicating well, she asks rapid fire questions, a new one ready to go before the other person has any time to react or respond, and then they get confused by all the different answers they’re supposed to give. And she keeps going, it’s so clear that the goal isn’t to have a two way conversation, most of the time it feels like she’s just trying to bring the other person down so that she can feel better about herself, to have a leg up or something to point at if she then gets criticism. That really bothered me, it’s so triggering especially when it’s framed in a guilt trippy way and then with the domestic themes around chores and stuff, I can only imagine how related that would feel to childhood family dynamics and the sense of being made to feel bad when you did nothing wrong. Anyways, I do like your videos, but these thoughts hmm just can’t follow you there.
I agree with you about a lot, but I disagree with the points about Mildred and Aussie. There was some heavy editing. It was confirmed that Aussie only left the last week. Meaning there was a LOT of footage not shown. I fully believe a lot of the behaviors Aussie were talking about in regards to. Mildred were either not filmed or edited out. Not saying Aussie doesn’t have issues to work through cause Sam deserved way better. The entire show seemed even more like it was manipulating things than other reality shows because the editing choices were really strange.
11:22 so much love for Lexi that it causes brain freeze
i don't think i practically agree with you on aussie but i still enjoyed the video!
I have never watched this show but I think I need to be tested for autism. And thank you for everything you do
I feel the opposite way that you feel. If anything, all my childhood trauma has actually made me more childish and immature. I'm currently 32 but mentally I feel more like I'm 10-12 and I still like very "childish" things like plushies and stuff. That being said, that's how I FEEL internally but it's not how I PRESENT externally to the world. It's like she never learned how to mask properly to present as more neurotypical. ^^''
As someone who still lives with an abuser with narcissistic traits to this day, that level of manipulation makes me want to gag.
I need you to do a whole commentary series for all of these trash Netflix shows.
I do want to add though about the whole Aussie thing because Aussie and Mildred did have a convo about Aussie doing more in the house, and Aussie responded a bit meek but it didn't turn into an argument. While Mildred and Aussie were getting ready to hang out with the rest of the cast for a night out, Mildred asked about using the bathroom or asked when Aussie would be ready. Aussie was ironing and said something like "I'll be done soon." Mildred then stated "I like this, why can't we communicate like this?" I think Aussie took that as passive aggressive or it triggered them and meekly said "I feel like you say stuff on camera to make me look bad, mate." That really upset Mildred and she went off. While Aussie was shutting down and not really responding to her which I believe made her angrier.
They both got back from hanging out with their separate groups and Aussie seemed initially willing to talk, however it got quickly escalated, I personally believe by Mildred, and that's when Aussie left, then came back the next to grab their stuff.
I think Aussie has something else than narcissism, while Mildred has something which I don't know, not a medical professional but she needs therapy to help her with her anger issues.
@@ana.pistachio4121aussie seems deeply traumatized and wasn't coping well, mildred was especially triggering her. Aussie probably has ptsd and panic disorder. Mildred is just a straight up an abuser, she was clearly hostile to pretty much everyone from the very start and using her being a Latina as an excuse for her behavior. With people like her there's no talking, there's only useless screaming matches like what tiff was doing or walking away like aussie. Aussie might be quick to walk away at the slightest indication of a confrontation but she was definitely right to do it with mildred. People like mildred also know how to put themselves in the best light too. This yter needs to check her ego cause she is terrible at reading and understanding people despite what she says and is literally simping an abuser.
@@FS-qk5uq hey I agree with you mostly, that's how I read Mildred and Aussie but don't tear down Paige. I think she had many good points. Considering she is on the spectrum, and her background, I thought some of the points she brought up about Aussie that I initially disagreed with, I started to see her perspective.
That's what it is, perspective. You clearly disagree with it but don't be mean to Paige because of that.
I liked this video, but I didn't like how you brought up narcissism, I& have vulnerable narcissism, and we think narcissism shouldn't be demonized as much as it is. (Not that you demonized it, I just got bad vibes).
Lots of people (including myself, until recently) have an ableist blind spot with narcissism. I think it's because narcissistic traits are most often mentioned in the context of someone discussing their abuse, when it isn't seen as appropriate to say "but not all narcissists do that." That can happen with BPD too.
People online are getting weird about "spotting narcs," including "dark eyes" as if they're literally demons! It shows an ironic lack of empathy.
💯
Great video. Take care and be safe.
hun I couldn't even get to the end of the trailer, love yah, ha
I refuse to watch this, but I will watch you take it apart!!! I'd never be on a show xD ,but I don't wanna get married, cos personal space and the tism, grrr.
Lexi was red flags for me
The point about Vanessa being autistic makes sooo much sense. I could see it for sure
I was thinking her behaviors are more likely from ADHD.
damn, now i want to watch this for the drama
The reason I don't think Vanessa is on the spectrum is because of her reaction to Xander leaving. One day she's sitting at a table with her dad and Rae saying she never ever wants to get married. She then does a 180 and begs Xander to marry her when she realizes Xander isn't gonna put up with her bs anymore. That is classic narcissistic behavior, especially with how she love-bombs Xander and tries to make her feel guilty for having feelings for Yoly. Vanessa also uses the "I've grown so much" as a weapon against Xander, but where oh where is Vanessa's growth?? Like, how did she grow AT ALL? No proof lol. She's very manipulative and purposeful with her manipulation. Also, she absolutely knows Lexi is upset with her, but she likes the attention. Actually, I'd say Histrionic personality disorder for Vanessa because she enjoys ANY kind of attention, even if it's negative, whereas narcs typically only enjoy positive attention. I could be totally wrong, but I do think Aussie is on the spectrum but also has SEVERE PTSD, trauma, and they truly never grew up. To be 40+ in a relationship, after many years together, and not be able to handle a single confrontation (if you can even call it that- Sam is the calmest, kindest person ever) points to something being ingrained in Aussie's brain, almost like... a rule. It also seems Aussie struggles to gauge how Sam or anyone else is feeling. I think it's possible Aussie is both on the spectrum and a narcissist based on their reactions though, because it's not just that they can't see anyone else's perspective, they don't WANT to and never really try.
I think Vanessa could be autistic and also a narcissist maybe? Aussie be an narcissist?
@@codyseelye8352 I think Aussie is both, but I highly doubt Vanessa is on the spectrum. I think Vanessa is just an immature narcissist.
Re Aussie: Denial is very powerful!
Xander being ND! I called this the second I saw them.
Woo! Being the 100th like on this video feels really cool 😊.
Interesting points and thoughts! I'm not sure pointing out their ages adds to anything, though. Because previous generations were very hush hush about personality and neurological disorders and mental health in general, we're ALL learning about generational trauma at the same time, regardless of how old we each are.
I think the ages part helps with explaining why people are so ready to get married with a deadline. I like more older people being featured in romance too. It’s a demographic that isn’t often shown. It doesn’t ensure maturity, but it is definitely a different life stage that changes the dynamics a lot.
@@thecolorjuneyes but this yter is clearly ageist against aussie and was using that as an excuse to be incredibly callous and dismissive towards aussie being sensitive towards someone who was also obviously hostile and rude to her from the very start. It was clear that mildred was emotionally abusive and not "a great communicator" and yet here she is simping for an abuser.
Agree with your opinions on Aussie completely!
I don’t think the wage system will be totally eliminated, so I think advocating for fairer wages is more realistic. There, I said it.
What is your formal attack on capitalism and defense of socialism, or syndicalism or cooperatism?
Sidebar: can you review I'm A Virgo? A friend is pushing me to watch it but I'm v uncomfortable because they're like "oh that's autism coded and sounds like [redacted]" (my name). I HATE external comparison but I also don't have time to watch a lot of stuff. I don't wanna waste my time before the next season of Severance.
FINALLY I’ve been waiting for someone with a similar opinion to mine. The way you talked about them was hilarious😂
Me when Paige said Vanessa is autistic: That Paige Layle thinks everyone is autistic.
Me afterwards when I watched the show: Yes.
Edit: I found her youtube channel and she has a playlist of songs about being 17 years old. Such a specific thing. ruclips.net/video/aB1r9JDPRxE/видео.html
It never fails to amaze me how neurotypicals almost always judge a person by their outward physical appearance. Ozzy doesn't look like a narc, so she couldn't possibly be one. On the other hand, we- as in autistic people- inadvertently pull the best 'strange' faces so we must be weirdos 😂
And yet here you and this girl judging people on the most flimsy reasons and couldn't tell that mildred was obviously rude and hostile towards aussie couldn't tell she was an obvious abuser she even likes the abuser. Maybe y'all should check your egos.
@@FS-qk5uq 😂you have a point