I remember in middle school when a girl laughed and said that her dog had more emotions than I did. I will never forget that, I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that I'm autistic
I realize looking back now that I had a ton of emotions, but I didn’t always know how to express them. So, I’d live in my head and come off like “Data” from Star Trek, apparently. I still get called out on that from time to time, but I’m better at recognizing my own emotions
Middle school was brutal for me as well. One time in gym these girls laughed at me because I couldn’t give eye contact and when i tried I gave too much. Then they called me a freak. It was really humiliating. I’m really sorry that happened to you. People can be very cruel, especially when it’s something they don’t understand.
“I won’t allow myself to feel until I know that I’m feeling the right/correct emotion.” I have ADHD and a few other things and THE WAY THIS HIT OH MY GOD MEEEEEEE. It’s like I need to know how someone else feels before I can allow myself to feel. And when it’s ambiguous it’s just like 404 error does not compute.
Check into Limerence and Demi-sexuality. Alexithymia is not knowing what emotions are and/or which one you’re feeling. Interoception is where it is in your body.
I felt it so much when you said "I love so hard. I've never met someone who loves as hard as I do." I feel the same way and I cannot live with the fact that I'll always be the one who loves more, invests more and is the one hurt the most. I sacrifice things that others never do and I feel like I will never find anyone who could do the same for me, but I can't settle for less either because it hurts me.
I hope you find that deepest love inside yourself, and direct towards you, now the recipient of the deepest love. I’m older now, and l see now, how it helped me refill my « love battery »,all these years. Love and light to you all. Please don’t give up, there is beauty out there, that’s love, in a different yet universal language, free for all who need it.
This makes me feel some type of way. I honestly love so hard I have always said it I love hard and no one will ever love me as hard. I wish I could find a me. I get it I do
@@user-ur8wq7gp9u sweet. Sort of random: I recommend the book Boundaries How to Say Yes and When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life because it helped me so much to feel a sense of wellbeing in setting boundaries where I want to without caring TOO MUCH how others will respond to them and upholding my boundaries regardless. We should also have boundaries with ourselves by refusing to accept only bad thoughts about ourself with no love. I often have to put myself in check for that.
literally. holy shit. i’ve literally never heard anyone else experience relationships/crushes in this way. i’ve always felt so weird and almost bad? about experiencing it this way, being able to turn it off when i know someone else doesn’t like me anymore or turn it on when they do like me, like it’s inauthentic somehow even though it’s? mostly not? it’s just how i experience it. also the obsessiveness and the loving soooo hard. i almost try to hide how much i love ppl a lot bc i don’t wanna make them uncomfortable lol. but wow. yeah. i was constantly wanting to ask my ex after we broke up where we were relationship wise, like if we were still friends, if he wanted me to be in his life at all, if he didn’t like me at all anymore, so i’d know how to be and feel too. god,, i thought no one else experienced relationships this way
From another autistic young woman: I have also never met anyone who loves as hard as I do and it has made the process of currently going through a divorce SO confusing and painful and I totally relate to everything you said about that ❤️ You're not alone!
I recently had professional validation that I'm autistic and the last section of this video is something I relate too. Throughout my life I will look at my appearance and be upset, thinking "I can't believe this is what I look like". My body and my brain are two separate things: my brain will tell my body to do something and my body is just like "fuck you, I'm not going to do the thing you asked." I'm 28, life is hard but it's a hell of a lot better than before social media was a thing and autistic women weren't sharing their stories and I was in a constant state of confusion because there was ZERO information to help me figure out what why I was experiencing things in a certain way. I still can't believe that all of a sudden that the information seemingly has arrived. I'm lonely af, but I live for my animals and hope that one day I can feel connected to another human being and also that society will progress in making life better for autistic people.
I feel this 100%. I think the first thing you need to realise, is emotions are just social constructs, and technically no two humans would feel the same emotion in the same way. Basically there is a graph, and on the x axis you have pleasure and pain, and on the y you have excitement and calm. So emotions are different point or regions on that graph. As a little child we might get pushed off a swing, and we stand up with clenched fists and feel pain/excitement, and a parent will say, don’t get angry, and suddenly our parents have just created the emotion anger in our minds. This can get messy when abusive parents or partners say they love us when they are hurting us, which is why many people choose toxic ppl to “love.” Anyway, for many autistic people, I feel since our “emotions” are to the extreme, our emotions aren’t points or certain regions on the graph, but sort of the end point, which is why emotions can be really confusing for us, plus for someone so disconnected from your body, I couldn’t even imagine how extra difficult that would make it.
I just came across your channel. It is so comforting knowing another person's brain is wired like mine. When you said that, you allow yourself to feel an emotion only until you know what feeling the other person is feeling; it just liberated my headspace. I have described myself as a chameleon. It is so easy for me to become whatever the other person is, and I was always told it was a confidence thing. Thank you for being a beacon of light for those who find the spoken word difficult. Peace 🖤⭐
i discussed my fears and emotions surrounding this topic with one of my close friends last night (both of us are on the spectrum and have adhd). know that you're not alone in experiencing emotion in this manner---very isolating experience for me at times, but each day is a new opportunity to express how you feel with those who deserve your trust and time (F men who made you feel this way/worse). but anyways just wanted to say that your videos have helped me feel a sense of community and, most importantly, more at peace/not alone💙
One thing I can tell you, people aren't always that smart. Hard truth. If you're smart, I mean actually bright, in terms of your perception and emotional intelligence, you will feel alienated from the majority of people in terms of communication, you just think and reflect a lot more. I was shocked when I realised most of the populace doesn't do it on the level that I do. I'm 33, and it hasn't changed. Teens, young adults, older adults. Society doesn't reward introspection and emotional intelligence, in fact often it often punishes it. I think you're doing a great job. Your videos are amazing thanks for making them X (I literally used to make videos like this but for no one lol just talking to myself😄) keep doin it. I hope you're better. Crown up
11:24 I get that ADHD hyper- focus on an emotion - it can be so incredibly intense, but since I learned that (for me) it’s down to hyper focussing, I can find ways to distract myself and see things from a different perspective, which helps me to get out of its clutches! Just wish I’d known about it years and years ago!
Hello! I really like your tactic of finding a bit of a distraction! When I start having compulsive thoughts, they feel like I can not shake them, and they make me feel like if I don't act or address it now then I am "wrong" or doing something "bad". But in reality, I actually end up doing something compulsive. I need to allow myself to take a moment and find a good distraction! Thank you! And may you have an abundance peace and understanding, God bless!
This is exactly how I feel but it's so hard to explain to my therapist. I can never get the right words out for him to understand what I am saying. Do you find when you body starts crying or reacting in a way that you don't understand in your mind, you start freaking out because it disconnects your body and mind even more. To me it's embarrassing, not because I'm crying but I don't know why and have no control over it. I rarely cry but if I do in front of someone, total full on breakdown for me.
"My thoughts are my feelings". That is what I think! It would probably be very useful for me to start learning what feelings feel like in my body! I just mostly live in my head!
I hear you girl, same. SAME. I’ve been diagnosed for 12 years and all my kids are spectrum and I see it in them too. My emotions are just blank or stress. When I’m happy I’m busting out weird singing loud and over excited. When I’m angry I’m homicidal and I’m in love with anyone who’s in love with me. I feel like im not a real person, just a mirror for others I should also add, I’m BPD as well and have a hard time knowing if my lack of and over emotional state is a autism thing or a BPD thing
I’m diagnosed BPD, but I think it was a misdiagnosis. I think it is actually just autism but undiagnosed. To me the autism diagnosis (which I have yet to formally receive because NHS waiting lists are so long) replaces the BPD diagnosis.
@@charlottewood2102 I most likely will never get a diagnosis. In the US insurance doesn't cover adult diagnosis so I would have to pay $3,000 to $5,000 out of pocket.
@@faeriesmak I live in the US as well and will likely never get a diagnosis either. I may be able to save up money but it would take a long time and my fear is saving thousands of dollars just to go get an assessment and have the assessor not believe me. I don't make enough money to blow 2-4 grand to maybe get a diagnosis.
Consistently your videos are one of the few reminders that there are other people out there like me, in a world that has spent over two decades pummeling me with the insistence that there's something wrong with me and it needs to be fixed.
I'm not autistic, but, oh, those emotion problems, I used to have them so bad. My therapist had me name my emotions in the beginning and start of every session, and it really helped learn it. Also ... just taking time now and then to listen inside :)
I just hated it when my therapist asked "How does this emotion feel in your body". On the inside I was screaming in frustration "How the Frick would I know?!"
Your videos are really helpful. I recently realized that I can’t tell how I am feeling and that my main goal in life is to feel neutral. If I don’t feel neutral then I feel anxious, overwhelmed, or depressed. Those are my 4 main feelings. Once in a great while I feel an uncomfortable burst of excitement, but those don’t last very long. I also can’t really tell if I am sick. If I am sick I mostly feel anxious. So I really don’t trust my own feelings because I can’t tell if I am emotionally feeling something or physically feeling something. Am I sick or anxious? I don’t know.
I’ve never realized that the way you describe your two main emotions- stressed and neutral- is SO me. Unless a change happens in my life, I don’t feel like my emotions change very much other than being heavily anxious and neutral/nothing. I think I’m going to start logging my daily emotions after this vid!
yeah i think this is why i ended up in an abusive relationship- it seemed like i couldnt find anyone who loved as hard as i do, and absuive narcissists are soooo good at making you feel like it's some whirlwind fairytale storybook sweep you off your feet romance. it was literally to a point where i was telling people to be reassured that if he ever took my life i wouldve been happy to see him in my final moments. that's how fudged up my brain was finally feeling like someone felt as deeply as i did but really it just made me an easier target having all these intense emotions. i finally left the relationship after having to be witness against him in two court cases lol it was rough.
Okay I found all of this very relevant and as an older person that loves too much and yet occasionally feels nothing I had to figure out the "Do I like this person? Does this person like me?" dilemma on my own all thru my 20s. I just want to say that when you find the correct person they will also love you just as hard as you love them. One ended attachment does hurt. The correct person will think and feel the same way that you do. That is your partner. Hold onto that person. If you are questioning someone's attachment then ask point blank and if they don't give you the answer you want/need then move on and keep looking. For example last night my partner and I discussed our relationship and he said, "I want you to love you more than you love me." I asked if he loves himself more than he loves me and he said no. I said "Pot, kettle, black. Love you too!" You really do have your whole life. * hugs *
For harmonies, I used to use a free program called Audacity (no time limits, and it’s been around a long time so plenty of tutorials available), and I would record the separate tracks by doing the first track, then playing it over headphones while I recorded the next track and so on (so I could hear it but it wouldn’t get picked up by the mic). And then I’d put the tracks together on audacity and just nudge the tracks back and forth till they lined up properly, maybe add some subtle vocal effects or w/e and then save it as an mp3. Lol my set up was probably really rudimentary but it worked ok! And for the feelings loooool I feel you, was 27 in counselling and having to be like “so that stomach ache with the warm face means I’m… mad? Wait actually?” And waiting for the other person to say how they feel and then being like “me too!” hahaha trauma and growing up in a conservative religion I’m sure contributed as well but like, I was married to a guy for 4 years bc of that. He was like “I love you let’s get married” after a couple months of dating and so I was like “saaame”. Turns out I’m not even into guys 🥲
I am a person with Borderline Personality disorder, and this all sounds very familiar! I also love very very hard, but that's a part of my disorder in the way that I feel everything 100000X more than the average person, so I have just had to accept over the years that no one will ever love me as much as I love them...
I have ADHD and ASD (originally asperger diag). After years of this I realized.. my emotions don't register conciously until they reach a sudden treshold (like love hard/grieve hard) but they're still there subconciously (body controlled by/reacting to subconcious.) Unfortunatly the deep emptiness of depression is the easiest to recognize. I didn't use to feel my anxiousness! It was super annoying! (I've been practicing noticing it and I'm finally picking up on it.. to some extent. I realized I probably cut it out the way one doesn't notice what is always present.) It runs as hard as in any other ASD person, but since I don't feel it I easily overextend myself into burnouts. Even so, my body does carry out the stress that absolutily still exists! Shakes, trembeling, panic attacks, and bloodpressure so high the nurse wondered how it was that I was alive and conscious. (I'm on normal hypertension treatments now. My heart had began to fail ever so slightly, but with treatment it will now stay stable. Just 5 extra pills every morning *sigh*) 5mg of Diazepam will bring it down to normal.. but that medication can't be used more than intermittently; being both highly addictive and losing its effect in regular use. It does however showcase how my hypertension is run chiefly by stress/anxiety. Anyway... ASD anxiety can kill us if it evolves into serious hypertension.. so keep an eye out for that closer to middle age people.
19:12 I get exactly what you mean! The brain and body disconnect is awful. I really don't understand what I'm feeling most times until I'm talking about it to myself, writing it down, and putting pieces together with what I have or my actions (stims) like you said. I'll be trying to talk about something with someone else and then just start crying, and my mind is like WHY? Like someone will ask me why I'm so anxious? Why I have anxiety? and I can't tell them because I don't know but I'll start crying. I really hate when people ask me how I'm feeling because I might start crying and I don't even know why which makes it THE most frustrating thing ever AND it's embarrassing because I DON'T like crying in front of other people. I'm planning on starting a stress journal after talking to my therapist because my anxiety is so bad but it's hard to figure out why exactly it is unless I put in a lot of conscious effort to figure it out... Like recently I started skin picking again (☹unfortunately) and there are things stressing me out, but what are all of the reasons😕? There was some trigger that caused me to start skin picking again (maybe multiple ones) but what are they?! Hopefully I can figure it out after a few entries... As for loving too hard but also being able to flip a switch, omg YES!! I have a hard enough time reading mixed signals let alone direct ones, so I'm definitely NOT a fan of mind games and keep things direct as well! I'm usually the one to confess to the guy I like first actually... I've confessed several times and only been confessed to first once. I don't know if it's because of the Autistic rule following thing but I COULD completely be into a guy; ex.) talking about him to my close friends and family every time we meet/everyday, thinking about him and spending time with him ALL of the time (and I also get PRETTY obsessive when I like a guy, it's like he's my special interest). But, let's say I find out he has a girlfriend already or doesn't like me. The flip switches and I don't like that person, won't dare to even look their way, and don't want to talk about that person to anyone anymore. I'll even walk past the person and pretend I don't know them because I really don't know how to act in front of them (I've done this several times before). I want to be the person that can just express myself when I feel whatever, but I don't even know what I'm feeling until a lot of THOUGHT most of the time! Ironic isn't it? From all this writing and self reflection I think I have this notion in my head that my negative feelings or even positive ones are a burden on others, and I don't want to be a burden to others in any way possible... I'm trying to shake that off, because humans have emotions so they're going to be sad or upset (or whatever emotion) even if it's in an inconvenient moment and it's normal for them to express it because it's apart of the human experience.
The last relationship I had (let's be honest here, the only relationship I've had) was characterized by the other person telling me I was a total fake who was self-centered, empty and cold. It was a while ago now but the only thing I can really remember is trying my absolute hardest to be a kind and considerate person for them. The fact I had to try and be the person they wanted me to be is where it all fell down, because they demanded change and all I had was camouflage.
trying to find out what my emotions are from looking at my actions is me. Also not knowing what your emotions are till the other person says theirs, is so me. I always want people to not say their emotions as soon because I'll just adopt what they say (and it will feel real to me). this is so relatable. Almost every person I've dated I feel like I am just on the ride they choose until they choose to be done with it. I don't know how to tell if I want to break up, but looking back I've had so many people point out to me that my behavior is showing I don't like them and they think I am lying by saying I do. Sometimes I'll think I want to break up but then be shocked by how depressed and horrible I feel without that person, and retroactively realize maybe I didn't want to break up and really like them. I also do this for things that aren't relationships. For example if I want to go to an event or not I don't really know until I find myself procrastinating at the last minute and finding tasks to do at home- I've taught myself that means I don't want to go. Or I do a future think where I wonder how I would feel if the event was canceled, would I feel relief or disappointment. It's like every person who I encounter in life I go with their life until it becomes incompatible with mine, until I have a huge breakdown. I don't really know what my likes and dislikes are if someone else is around me also having likes and dislikes, it's like I adopt theirs. Or my own just become quieter. And so I've always been convinced I need to be alone to figure it out. Sometimes I don't like revealing things I really like or care about because if the other person feels differently it changes how I feel too and it devastates me. I often feel like I am lying to people on accident, because I am mirroring them without trying to. I walk away from social interactions that look really positive or went "well," but I feel like I wasn't myself but also don't know how to have been more myself (especially in the moment it takes a lot of effort). I have ASD diagnosed but didn't really realize this is part of it. This is helpful to know. I always thought I was a monster that just didn't have emotions, but then sometimes I am so emotional so much more than others. I've always described this as having no internal compass, I don't know how to run towards the things I like and away from the things I don't. It's more like I drift and sometimes its good and sometimes its bad, but I don't really know why or how to change it. Having an emotion guidebook for autistic girls might be really helpful, like heres a list of actions, this is what they mean.
Oh my god I relate to the dating and relationship issue so much. Other people always interpret weird things into what I say or do when I'm just being upfront with them and then behave in the most confusing way because they think I'm feeling something that I'm not because of their interpretation.
Yeah I've wanted to end it all too before for that same reason. However, I'm developing boundaries with myself and refuse to put myself through extra hell. I can't find anyone who loves as hard as me, but I'm feeling I'm balancing out more. Healthy skepticism and love... and a better understanding of life and humans helps... and has only come with almost nonstop focus on questions I need to find answers to to help me better understand others and how this world works in many ways.
you said you were thinking more of singing on here. - I LOVE your voice, and the little snippets of hearing you sing in your previous videos, I could listen all day! - so stimmy.
I was searching for a video talking about this and was lucky Paige had some things to say on it. I have ADHD diagnosis as of last year (no ASD dx) and that was my first door opening to being ND in the sense of now I have words and similar experiences I can use to help explain my 'quirks'. And what's bothering me now is how I either feel neutral when other people are having extreme emotions or I'm overwhelmed by other's emotions. And MENTALLY I know when people are sad or happy I should feel the same because I care about them and I want good things for them, but when it's something that doesn't effect me or I haven't experienced I just don't know how to respond because I don't feel anything. But I also feel like I'm a really impressionable person based on other people's emotions which is why sometimes I hide things from people because I don't want their feelings or desires to conflict with what I've decided I wanted. Like I'm now aware when other people are emotional I'm definitely masking when I try to reciprocate their energy, but I guess I just thought everyone did that. If anyone else can relate or has insight it's much appreciated :')
Something I’ve found helpful to identify my own emotions is to listen to the tone of the thought, which can take effort, but is quite a great meditative experience.
Omg this is exactly how I feel all the time. I never thought everyone else thinks like this. This video is my internal conversation with myself all day everyday
you have no idea how much these videos help/comfort me. I've never openly related to someone so much, with the racing thoughts, saying things out loud that you need to do, over and over. i thought somethings seriously wrong with me and its embarrassing, but knowing someone else goes thru this too is so nice to hear. thank you for making these candid videos paige. they really do make me feel less alone.
My brother and I both tested positive near the end of 2021. Totally sucked. Had a burning in my nose and woke up with a bad sore throat for four days straight. Hope you’re feeling better.
@@shelbysmith7725 Thanks! Much better now. Honestly the sore throat would kinda subside a bit after I woke up and Tylenol did help a bit, but you aren’t wrong either :/
Actually, I´m autistic to and it´s really a struggle to tell what I´m feeling. It´s like you first don´t know that your feeling something until you can see it physicly. And then you are like ok I´m crying this is how sadness feels. That´s how I learned my emitions. Also I get angerd easily. Good luck with your emotions I guess.
I relate to you way too hard. I just stopped talking to someone because everyone around me had to tell me they were treating me badly because it was emotional abuse so I didn't know 🙃
Dude I relate to the feeling thing so hard. I’ve never been able to put my finger on it until you just expressed it. It makes so much sense and I could never explain it before. Thank you for that. My life makes a little more sense.
I think the "loving hard" thing is a normal part of "some" youth growing up with Asperger's. I experienced the same in my younger years and have also confirmed the trait in others. You're not alone.
Wow. We have very similar experiences. Crazy how you feel so different until you find the autistic community. Life is hard always and so are all relationships.
Hey Paige I just wanted to say that you are such a huge inspirational too me i am in the process of being diagnosed with autism and it is a tough process but watching your videos helps me stay positive and i want to thank you paige
Paige, I felt this video on so many levels. you're not crazy or broken, and you're also not alone. thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts. I hope you feel less ill very soon!
I feel like you just saw into my soul. What an INCREDIBLE feeling it is to finally feel like someone else genuinely understands me. They GET me. I could cry, girl. Just, wow. I'm gonna try to reach out to you, I feel like we could really get into some deep, meaningful, healing convos 💜💜💜
Interesting about the “not having emotions”, except stress. That sounds like alexithymia. You’re probably having emotions, but you’re not able to pinpoint them yet. So you just feel…blank. That could also be mild depression and anhedonia (inability to feel pleasure). Finally, the mirroring other people’s emotions sounds a bit like what narcissists do at first, but autistic people do it too for different reasons. Actually seems like a kind of empathy. Have you tried meditating? Or an app called Mood Meter? Also, yeah, the hot-and-cold, non-committal guy does sound like a manipulative situation.
It’s interesting you mentioned watching Bones. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about autistically coded characters, and I’m really developing a love/hate relationship with them. On one hand, it’s good to have someone to relate to on screen; at the same time, it’s a slap in the face when a character isn’t made explicitly autistic or otherwise neurodivergent. In fact, after Bones went off the air, the showrunner confirmed Dr. Brennan was meant to be explicitly autistic, but the studio wouldn’t allow it, because they thought the show wouldn’t have had broad enough appeal. Personally, I think we’re starving for representation and autistically coded doesn’t cut it. I’d love to hear your thoughts (and the thoughts of anyone else who wants to weigh in).
As a neurotypical person writing an autistic character I was hesitant to have them be autistic because I was scared of representing them badly. There are so many harmful stereotypes about autism that I was terrified to accidentally enforce. I’m still worried that some of the scenes with that character portray them badly and I’m trying to fix that. So I get that maybe people are afraid to put in autism rep because it could turn out really offensive and harmful by accident (cough cough Sia’s movie cough cough) But as a queer person I agree with you and understand how important representation is. It’s just so easy to mess up, so people like to play it safe.
Paige, take care of yourself as you recover from COVID. The best reason for doing something like breast augmentation is that you want to do it. I suggest before you do it do your research so that you understand all that is involved in the surgery. You are truly beautiful and special person. Don’t ever think otherwise. Strong emotions are part of Autism. My son is Autistic and he to loves very strongly and he processes things so quickly it causes him difficulty in many things he tries to do. You are not alone in this. Be safe and be happy.
This is so relatable. The part where you said you don’t like to know what someone else feels before you tell them how you feel is so relatable. I feel the same way I think that how someone else feels towards something is the way I feel too.
When you spoke about how difficult it is to deal with your emotions and feeling like your brain and body is disconnected resonates with me SOOOO much. You’re not alone with that and I thank you so much for talking about it. It really meant so much to hear that you struggle with that, too.
The door to the pantry is the same kind of door that my sister has for her pantry, except it is made of the barn-wood which came from the farm in rural Saskatchewan. They also have that dog toy at the beginning of the video.
I feel like these types of vlog videos give the most insight to your mind we’ve seen - it’s very different from when you’re talking about a specific topic - bc you’re just being and existing and we’re along for the ride, instead of hearing you speak on something. Both are great, but I don’t know how to explain it with this video I can see from how you’re speaking and moving so rapidly between thoughts that there is so much going on in your inner world and you’re trying to just do the things but there is so much mental movement.
Thank you for your videos. You were the first RUclipsr and pretty much the only RUclipsr that I have watched/found when first exploring the possibility of having Autism a few months ago. As of now after going through the necessary appointments I have completed my evaluation and have been officially diagnosed with ASD. I feel ever so grateful to you for being able to help me understand myself and want to finally get a diagnosis. Thank you!
You aren’t alone 💖. I’ve struggled with so many of the same issues, but journaling your thoughts/body feelings over time really helps!!! I’ve only recently learned that I don’t HAVE to do or feel anything: I can imagine all the love, acceptance, and happiness that I want and just let myself enjoy it. Those feelings don’t have to depend on another person, or society, or rules, or meeting goals and expectations. We have so much love and joy to give, feel, and experience, and we are allowed to spend that enormous energy on ourselves. Note: if you cannot imagine giving yourself those warm feelings and self love, imagine some silly fantasy person reflecting those feelings to you. It helps SO much when you can’t remember self compassion or emotional freedom to imagine being freely given it by someone else Thanks for everything you do. I didn’t realize I was autistic and had ADHD until I found you. We aren’t broken, we aren’t problems, we aren’t overly emotional-we are beautifully imperfect people, and we deserve love and happiness as much as anyone else.
I am in love with this video. The honesty related with the messiness of emotions and empathy is absolutely striking. Sometimes I have no idea how to describe my own emotions just like that and it is not easy for me to find out what they truly are. Thank you forever for this video, Paige 😊.
I have overwhelmingly strong emotions all the time. I'm very cautious with love because I'm the same way in that sense, its overwhelmingly powerful and Im not good at letting go even when they hurt me inside really bad to the point I break up with them. The anger towards them always turns to extreme sadness every time no matter how sure I am that it was the right thing to do. Its like letting go hurts even worse. I think my having strong emotions so often, is because I'm always imagining things that trigger them, let alone when things actually happen. I imagine things often that most people probably wouldnt wanna think about, especially with the direction the world is going now. I simply let the feelings flow. I used to not understand my emotions, so I would try to control them by either restricting them or forcing them when I though it would be correct, but that actually led to me being super awkward lol. Now I only control my external responses to them so I can avoid the "why are you laughing" and the "what's wrong are you okays" I've come to accept that it's highly unlikely that someone is gonna understand how I think or feel so its probably not worth even making it obvious, but it makes sense to me, dispite it not making sense to them. It didnt always make sense to me though. My current problem now, is letting someone know how I feel when I probably should. Probably cuz I do things like this 😄 oversharing and overexplaining.
Love that u put out words for me so I can understand my brain, everytime. Never gets disappointed. Tbh being an Autistic ADHD person with a Leo sun and Cancer rising, being a dancer, singer and actress looking at u and be like, “That’s not me but like is it the same species?” We from tha same planet👽? but I am very thankful that u make time to put out videos, cuz they really help me. Thank u
Everyone's brains and bodies are two different things. Most people however have a brain and body that share a common language; they intrinsically know how to communicate. Your brain and body are a bit less fluent; they don't know how to talk to each other. Your brain is speaking Spanish while your body is speaking Mandarin, both are confused. But there is hope! They can each learn a new language! The Paige language. Great news: you already speak it! You just have to teach it to your brain and body. Listen to them both, and start figuring out the translations. For example, when my body says it doesn't want to move but my brain says there are THINGS to do I feel paralyzed and don't know which one to listen to. So I put those two statements into my Jessica Translator and realize that I, Jessica, want to accomplish things but also my body needs rest. The Jessica Translator says to set a rest timer, rest for the duration of the timer, and then do the things. This works for me personally because it makes my body happy via rest and my brain is assured and happy because there is a SPECIFIC time it will get to accomplish the THINGS. I discovered this specific translation via lots of trial and error when I was experiencing a severe lack of motivation. Also, remember that you, Paige, are in control of both your brain and your body. Not directly, but you get to provide the inputs, your brain/body does the processing, and then produces outputs. Body outputs are things like physical feelings, movements, and biological processes. Brain outputs are things like emotions, thought patterns, and urges. If you don't like the outputs you are getting, there are ALWAYS different inputs to try. Don't ever stop searching for them!
This is so true for friendship for me too like I can go days hanging out with someone and just think they’re a human present in my life and that’s that. It’s only when someone says that they like hanging out with me or they appreciate the things I do for them or simply say we’re friends that I start seeing them that way and really let myself enjoy their company. I also feel neutral the majority of the time until I get a random wave of emotions in the form of meltdowns or burnout and stress. It’s annoying because when it comes I’m relieved to know that I have emotions but it causes so much pain because of how long the tears have been building up and unable to escape
Something that helped me connect my mind and body has been yoga. But not like la di dah gym yoga, but much more gentle, spiritual yoga. The word yoga means yolk as in to yolk the mind and body. Connect them. And so it does. Even if only for the time during the practice, or beyond that. It's very helpful and relieving to feel it 💖
I was diagnosed with adhd at 29 years old and self diagnosed autism just recently at 31 and this whole video is a vibe. Have a subscribe, like, and a good day! Thanks for the great content 🍄🍋
You're not broken. ♡😥 It's not that, at all. I relate to a lot of what you're saying, and I'm older than you, and life is so much better now. I wouldn't have believed it back then, but things have sure worked out. I imagine it will be the same for you. Sometimes all you can do is wait it out. ♡
I can relate what you go through. This channel called Surviving Narcissism opened my eyes to people. A lot of interactions are actually power grab games, very depressing. The true challenge is discovering how to maintain your own world and not be used and what that actually looks like. Live long and prosper.
I have a similar issue as well. My feelings are neutral or missing actually. I lost a friend who was with me for most of my life and I was just like: You're fine this actually doesn't matter and then I beat myself up because I thought I was supposed to feel heartbroken but I just didn't. And I don't love people romantically and I don't feel joy and I talked to my therapist and she asked me why I thought I was supposed to feel a certain way. And I said: Because everybody does. But the truth is, your way of feeling emotions is not wrong just because it's different.
I remember thinking this in the depths of mental illness. Where there were none. Little if any love could be felt, and joy was only occasional, and very dim at that. Today, life is inexpressibly new, full of the wonder of discovery, always something right inside, with a built in feeling that something good, something beyond what I can describe, is inside. I felt a kinship with you watching this..
i had a similar feeling of disconnect from my physical appearance for a while, and during that time i was, for lack of a better term, “forcibly feminizing” myself because it was a way to protect myself from the backlash from one of my family members to me coming out as part of the lgbtq+ community. but now that i’m focusing on the people who actually support me and not looking for validation in places where it never was, i’ve changed several things about my gender presentation (like cutting my hair off was a big one) to be more gender non-conforming and alternative (like getting a septum piercing), and i’ve found it’s really helped my mind-body connection because (i’m probably neurodivergent) my appearance is alternative to the norm just like my brain is. it’s almost like a way of nonvocally communicating that i’m different so that people don’t have as much of an expectation for me to be “normal” and i don’t have to spend as much energy trying to meet those expectations. might not be the answer for everyone, and not everyone might be in a safe enough place to do that, but it’s something that’s really helped me a lot
Hey Paige! I think what you’re describing about changing the way you feel depending on the way someone else feels is a normal thing. If you’ve been away from someone and you feel like you’re neutral but then it turns out they are still hung up on you, I think it’s normal for your feelings to flip flop. If someone likes us it’s a big factor on whether we are interested or not and vice versa You really sound scattered, I really enjoy listening to you and your thoughts but I wish for you to be calm and content. There definitely seems to be a mind and body disconnect for you, have you tried mindfulness activities? (Respectfully) I know they don’t work all the time. You could try and figure out some mindfulness activities that you would be happy with This is just what I was thinking as I was listening to you, I hope it could help in someway but if not, it’ll boost your video anyway! Best wishes xx
Hi Paige. I'm your mom's age, and I will tell you that what you experience with emotions and relationships is pretty normal, either that or I have been Autistic my whole life and haven't realized it. I think that is why relationships can be very confusing and messy. We feed off of each other in life. The fact that you are aware of it is wonderful. You are navigating life very well, even though sometimes you don't feel like it.
12:52-13:12 it's 100% the same for me. I just got a thought that maybe this is what my camouflaging has adapted into/become? like maybe I'm just so tired all the time from living as a neurotypical-presenting person that I don't have the energy to constantly actively 'read' the people around me, so when they say "I feel this emotion!" I go "me too!" because then, in that instant, we have a connection (that I don't have to work for or actively etch out) and at the same time it's like a free bypass into 'deep-conversation-land' - which is a space in which I like being because there I learn a lot about how people think and expect others to act in complex situations - so I keep doing it. But at the same time it happens so passively that it feels unconscious, so then when I tune my active analyzing onto that, it translates in my head into my brain thinking that those are my actual feelings? And then I'm just confused all the time because "I'm Big Bulky Autism Brain Who Is Always Right" but at the same time, I'm so tired that I constantly misread, and therefore is wrong. And adopting those emotions aren't practical at all because in the long run they might just divert my energy from things I'd rather do if my head was clear... sigh
i have never related to anything more than the bit you talked about being confused in dating. i’m going through a very similar thing right now, where there’s lots of “signs” this person really likes me, but there’s also a few that don’t make sense. it feels great to know i’m not alone in this. please please please make another video about dating with autism & adhd!! i loved it
So - I'm about a decade on from you and watching this was like getting a video from my past self. I'm just now even considering that I might be on the spectrum, so thank you for helping me parse that. But I want to at least tell you that I can relate heavily to everything you're talking about, and that I am still here. I can feel my own emotions and body separate from someone else's and without just feeling like I have no emotions now (most of the time. It's still a practice) - and my brain is no longer trying to kill me. I literally put it that way to myself - it was spooky to hear you say it. And it made it really hard to trust my own thoughts for the longest time - but there *is* a possibility to re-build the trust and work your way out of that space. I still have a hard time a lot of the time, but compared with where I was at twenty it's like a completely different life. So hopefully you (or anyone else who's in this space right now) can take that as a note of hope from the future. And I think just listening to your body, taking note of how it responds to things and identifying what was going on just before in your head and in the situation - like you said- is one of the most powerful ways you can start to bridge that split. It's still one of my main tools.
I don't know if you will see this, but Paige, you ARE NOT broken. You are beautiful inside and out. And I have no way to be able to feel how you feel, but I think you are strong, amazing, fun, and so much more. Be patient with yourself 💕
Thanks for the video Paige, Sorry to hear you have covid, hope you feel better soon physically and mentally, take care of yourself. Ps I know the anguish about after break ups, I took 4 years to get over someone I dated back in 2009 for 3 weeks but couldn't let go until 2013, and a couple years to get over newer relationships throughout my 20s, it was like a rejection after rejection that led to myself giving up. I didn't know back then that I was on the spectrum, that would definitely help me now because I can explain it to others.
I’m 36 in March and have been single for nearly 10 years come April. I wish people were more upfront and honest rather then playing mind games. Mind games are for toxic people who are simply insecure about themselves, so the crave for attention and validation to feel good about themselves and careless about wasting the other person’s time. Personally, I either feel strongly about someone or I am cold and distant. Like you say, I ain’t asking someone out just to be my girlfriend. I just want to spent time to see if they are right for me and if it is meant to be we will naturally fall in love overtime at the unexpected moment. I just don’t understand this modern society and how they can go around hurting people. It’s all or nothing with me and I find it easy to just move on if they start playing toxic mind games. Maybe it’s a test to see if I break or not but either way, I always win because they will either comeback or not. We shouldn’t have to force ourselves or someone else to fall in love and old school is still the way. I can’t stand this hookup culture, that I can understand why genuine men and women give up on dating.
I’m so glad you posted about this, this describes exactly how I experience things. I find dating really hard because I find it really difficult to know what my actual feelings are towards that person. And if they are clear that they like me, I’m then unsure if I really like them or I’m just trying to make myself like them because I know their feelings. It’s so confusing, so many people seem to experience really strong feelings towards others and there’s no question whether they want to date them. It makes me feel bad because I don’t want to confuse other people!
Aw, I'm glad you're feeling better! Being sick sucks! There's a lot more I want to say, but I can't put them together in my head right now. I really hope you keep feeling better and better until the sick is completely gone. I feel you when you say everything is hard. Everything is hard.
Oh boy,I totally get 'adopting other's emotions as my own'! Whenever in the past someone said they liked me,I instantly would start liking them back. But the moment they tried to get serious w/me I just recoiled and stepped away from them *sigh* Also,I too deal with self-image and feeling disconnected from yourself, do u think that's an autistic trait?
Hope the sickness is over and done for you soon! I look forward to hearing you sing. I struggle with identifying emotions as what they are in the moment and letting them go thanks to trauma. So I appreciate this video, and you. Happy New Year! Blessings!
I remember in middle school when a girl laughed and said that her dog had more emotions than I did. I will never forget that, I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that I'm autistic
I'm sorry. It's lovely to know now though. But knowing could have been amazing
Just because you don’t show emotion doesn’t mean you don’t have them. You just keep doing you. :)
I realize looking back now that I had a ton of emotions, but I didn’t always know how to express them. So, I’d live in my head and come off like “Data” from Star Trek, apparently. I still get called out on that from time to time, but I’m better at recognizing my own emotions
Middle school was brutal for me as well. One time in gym these girls laughed at me because I couldn’t give eye contact and when i tried I gave too much. Then they called me a freak. It was really humiliating. I’m really sorry that happened to you. People can be very cruel, especially when it’s something they don’t understand.
Ouch I’m sorry that happen to you :(
“I won’t allow myself to feel until I know that I’m feeling the right/correct emotion.” I have ADHD and a few other things and THE WAY THIS HIT OH MY GOD MEEEEEEE. It’s like I need to know how someone else feels before I can allow myself to feel. And when it’s ambiguous it’s just like 404 error does not compute.
I weirdly relate to this too. time to think about things!
Yes!!
Check into Limerence and Demi-sexuality. Alexithymia is not knowing what emotions are and/or which one you’re feeling. Interoception is where it is in your body.
Me too!!
Omg yes!!!
I felt it so much when you said "I love so hard. I've never met someone who loves as hard as I do." I feel the same way and I cannot live with the fact that I'll always be the one who loves more, invests more and is the one hurt the most. I sacrifice things that others never do and I feel like I will never find anyone who could do the same for me, but I can't settle for less either because it hurts me.
I feel this
I hope you find that deepest love inside yourself, and direct towards you, now the recipient of the deepest love. I’m older now, and l see now, how it helped me refill my « love battery »,all these years. Love and light to you all. Please don’t give up, there is beauty out there, that’s love, in a different yet universal language, free for all who need it.
This makes me feel some type of way. I honestly love so hard I have always said it I love hard and no one will ever love me as hard. I wish I could find a me. I get it I do
Update I found that person, I think
@@user-ur8wq7gp9u sweet. Sort of random: I recommend the book Boundaries How to Say Yes and When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life because it helped me so much to feel a sense of wellbeing in setting boundaries where I want to without caring TOO MUCH how others will respond to them and upholding my boundaries regardless. We should also have boundaries with ourselves by refusing to accept only bad thoughts about ourself with no love. I often have to put myself in check for that.
literally. holy shit. i’ve literally never heard anyone else experience relationships/crushes in this way. i’ve always felt so weird and almost bad? about experiencing it this way, being able to turn it off when i know someone else doesn’t like me anymore or turn it on when they do like me, like it’s inauthentic somehow even though it’s? mostly not? it’s just how i experience it. also the obsessiveness and the loving soooo hard. i almost try to hide how much i love ppl a lot bc i don’t wanna make them uncomfortable lol. but wow. yeah. i was constantly wanting to ask my ex after we broke up where we were relationship wise, like if we were still friends, if he wanted me to be in his life at all, if he didn’t like me at all anymore, so i’d know how to be and feel too. god,, i thought no one else experienced relationships this way
same fr
Holy fuck this is me
“It only takes twenty minutes!”
“No, I don’t have two hours, I can’t.”
Relatable.
me when doing discussion questions for any online college course lol
"'the workout only takes 20 minutes, Paige!' NO! I don't have two hours!" HAHAHAHA meeee
From another autistic young woman: I have also never met anyone who loves as hard as I do and it has made the process of currently going through a divorce SO confusing and painful and I totally relate to everything you said about that ❤️ You're not alone!
It's comforting to know that someone else gets how i feel and also has the whole "what are emotions" dilemma that I have
I recently had professional validation that I'm autistic and the last section of this video is something I relate too. Throughout my life I will look at my appearance and be upset, thinking "I can't believe this is what I look like". My body and my brain are two separate things: my brain will tell my body to do something and my body is just like "fuck you, I'm not going to do the thing you asked." I'm 28, life is hard but it's a hell of a lot better than before social media was a thing and autistic women weren't sharing their stories and I was in a constant state of confusion because there was ZERO information to help me figure out what why I was experiencing things in a certain way. I still can't believe that all of a sudden that the information seemingly has arrived. I'm lonely af, but I live for my animals and hope that one day I can feel connected to another human being and also that society will progress in making life better for autistic people.
I feel this 100%. I think the first thing you need to realise, is emotions are just social constructs, and technically no two humans would feel the same emotion in the same way. Basically there is a graph, and on the x axis you have pleasure and pain, and on the y you have excitement and calm. So emotions are different point or regions on that graph. As a little child we might get pushed off a swing, and we stand up with clenched fists and feel pain/excitement, and a parent will say, don’t get angry, and suddenly our parents have just created the emotion anger in our minds.
This can get messy when abusive parents or partners say they love us when they are hurting us, which is why many people choose toxic ppl to “love.”
Anyway, for many autistic people, I feel since our “emotions” are to the extreme, our emotions aren’t points or certain regions on the graph, but sort of the end point, which is why emotions can be really confusing for us, plus for someone so disconnected from your body, I couldn’t even imagine how extra difficult that would make it.
This rant format is actually incredibly relatable and it is so so so affirming to listen to you talk abt ur experience.
I just came across your channel. It is so comforting knowing another person's brain is wired like mine. When you said that, you allow yourself to feel an emotion only until you know what feeling the other person is feeling; it just liberated my headspace. I have described myself as a chameleon. It is so easy for me to become whatever the other person is, and I was always told it was a confidence thing. Thank you for being a beacon of light for those who find the spoken word difficult. Peace 🖤⭐
i discussed my fears and emotions surrounding this topic with one of my close friends last night (both of us are on the spectrum and have adhd). know that you're not alone in experiencing emotion in this manner---very isolating experience for me at times, but each day is a new opportunity to express how you feel with those who deserve your trust and time (F men who made you feel this way/worse). but anyways just wanted to say that your videos have helped me feel a sense of community and, most importantly, more at peace/not alone💙
This ☝👌
One thing I can tell you, people aren't always that smart. Hard truth. If you're smart, I mean actually bright, in terms of your perception and emotional intelligence, you will feel alienated from the majority of people in terms of communication, you just think and reflect a lot more. I was shocked when I realised most of the populace doesn't do it on the level that I do. I'm 33, and it hasn't changed. Teens, young adults, older adults. Society doesn't reward introspection and emotional intelligence, in fact often it often punishes it. I think you're doing a great job. Your videos are amazing thanks for making them X (I literally used to make videos like this but for no one lol just talking to myself😄) keep doin it. I hope you're better. Crown up
I'm the same way either neutral or hyper aware. So true 😄
"My body picks a feeling and then takes that feeling to the fucking extreme" I couldn't have said it better (believe me, I've tried)
11:24 I get that ADHD hyper- focus on an emotion - it can be so incredibly intense, but since I learned that (for me) it’s down to hyper focussing, I can find ways to distract myself and see things from a different perspective, which helps me to get out of its clutches! Just wish I’d known about it years and years ago!
Hello! I really like your tactic of finding a bit of a distraction! When I start having compulsive thoughts, they feel like I can not shake them, and they make me feel like if I don't act or address it now then I am "wrong" or doing something "bad". But in reality, I actually end up doing something compulsive. I need to allow myself to take a moment and find a good distraction! Thank you! And may you have an abundance peace and understanding, God bless!
“dis is Macado” “You smell like Macie’s food, DICKWAD” I bursted out laughing
This is exactly how I feel but it's so hard to explain to my therapist. I can never get the right words out for him to understand what I am saying. Do you find when you body starts crying or reacting in a way that you don't understand in your mind, you start freaking out because it disconnects your body and mind even more. To me it's embarrassing, not because I'm crying but I don't know why and have no control over it. I rarely cry but if I do in front of someone, total full on breakdown for me.
"My thoughts are my feelings". That is what I think! It would probably be very useful for me to start learning what feelings feel like in my body! I just mostly live in my head!
I hear you girl, same. SAME. I’ve been diagnosed for 12 years and all my kids are spectrum and I see it in them too.
My emotions are just blank or stress. When I’m happy I’m busting out weird singing loud and over excited. When I’m angry I’m homicidal and I’m in love with anyone who’s in love with me. I feel like im not a real person, just a mirror for others
I should also add, I’m BPD as well and have a hard time knowing if my lack of and over emotional state is a autism thing or a BPD thing
I hear you on the emotions. I am the same way. Neutral or overwhelmed and stressed.
I’m diagnosed BPD, but I think it was a misdiagnosis. I think it is actually just autism but undiagnosed. To me the autism diagnosis (which I have yet to formally receive because NHS waiting lists are so long) replaces the BPD diagnosis.
Therapy may help with that
@@charlottewood2102 I most likely will never get a diagnosis. In the US insurance doesn't cover adult diagnosis so I would have to pay $3,000 to $5,000 out of pocket.
@@faeriesmak I live in the US as well and will likely never get a diagnosis either. I may be able to save up money but it would take a long time and my fear is saving thousands of dollars just to go get an assessment and have the assessor not believe me. I don't make enough money to blow 2-4 grand to maybe get a diagnosis.
Rebranding patriarchy as feminism COULDNT HAVE SAID IT BETTERRRRR yasss gurl
Consistently your videos are one of the few reminders that there are other people out there like me, in a world that has spent over two decades pummeling me with the insistence that there's something wrong with me and it needs to be fixed.
I'm not autistic, but, oh, those emotion problems, I used to have them so bad.
My therapist had me name my emotions in the beginning and start of every session, and it really helped learn it. Also ... just taking time now and then to listen inside :)
I just hated it when my therapist asked "How does this emotion feel in your body". On the inside I was screaming in frustration "How the Frick would I know?!"
‘knowing that i have to fix it, and its just so much work that i don’t wanna do’ OMG I FEEL U 100%
This feels like we're Facetiming. Love it 😁
Your videos are really helpful. I recently realized that I can’t tell how I am feeling and that my main goal in life is to feel neutral. If I don’t feel neutral then I feel anxious, overwhelmed, or depressed. Those are my 4 main feelings. Once in a great while I feel an uncomfortable burst of excitement, but those don’t last very long. I also can’t really tell if I am sick. If I am sick I mostly feel anxious. So I really don’t trust my own feelings because I can’t tell if I am emotionally feeling something or physically feeling something. Am I sick or anxious? I don’t know.
I’ve never realized that the way you describe your two main emotions- stressed and neutral- is SO me. Unless a change happens in my life, I don’t feel like my emotions change very much other than being heavily anxious and neutral/nothing.
I think I’m going to start logging my daily emotions after this vid!
yeah i think this is why i ended up in an abusive relationship- it seemed like i couldnt find anyone who loved as hard as i do, and absuive narcissists are soooo good at making you feel like it's some whirlwind fairytale storybook sweep you off your feet romance. it was literally to a point where i was telling people to be reassured that if he ever took my life i wouldve been happy to see him in my final moments. that's how fudged up my brain was finally feeling like someone felt as deeply as i did but really it just made me an easier target having all these intense emotions. i finally left the relationship after having to be witness against him in two court cases lol it was rough.
Felt..
Okay I found all of this very relevant and as an older person that loves too much and yet occasionally feels nothing I had to figure out the "Do I like this person? Does this person like me?" dilemma on my own all thru my 20s. I just want to say that when you find the correct person they will also love you just as hard as you love them. One ended attachment does hurt. The correct person will think and feel the same way that you do. That is your partner. Hold onto that person. If you are questioning someone's attachment then ask point blank and if they don't give you the answer you want/need then move on and keep looking. For example last night my partner and I discussed our relationship and he said, "I want you to love you more than you love me." I asked if he loves himself more than he loves me and he said no. I said "Pot, kettle, black. Love you too!" You really do have your whole life. * hugs *
For harmonies, I used to use a free program called Audacity (no time limits, and it’s been around a long time so plenty of tutorials available), and I would record the separate tracks by doing the first track, then playing it over headphones while I recorded the next track and so on (so I could hear it but it wouldn’t get picked up by the mic). And then I’d put the tracks together on audacity and just nudge the tracks back and forth till they lined up properly, maybe add some subtle vocal effects or w/e and then save it as an mp3. Lol my set up was probably really rudimentary but it worked ok!
And for the feelings loooool I feel you, was 27 in counselling and having to be like “so that stomach ache with the warm face means I’m… mad? Wait actually?” And waiting for the other person to say how they feel and then being like “me too!” hahaha trauma and growing up in a conservative religion I’m sure contributed as well but like, I was married to a guy for 4 years bc of that. He was like “I love you let’s get married” after a couple months of dating and so I was like “saaame”. Turns out I’m not even into guys 🥲
I am a person with Borderline Personality disorder, and this all sounds very familiar! I also love very very hard, but that's a part of my disorder in the way that I feel everything 100000X more than the average person, so I have just had to accept over the years that no one will ever love me as much as I love them...
I have ADHD and ASD (originally asperger diag). After years of this I realized.. my emotions don't register conciously until they reach a sudden treshold (like love hard/grieve hard) but they're still there subconciously (body controlled by/reacting to subconcious.)
Unfortunatly the deep emptiness of depression is the easiest to recognize. I didn't use to feel my anxiousness! It was super annoying! (I've been practicing noticing it and I'm finally picking up on it.. to some extent. I realized I probably cut it out the way one doesn't notice what is always present.) It runs as hard as in any other ASD person, but since I don't feel it I easily overextend myself into burnouts. Even so, my body does carry out the stress that absolutily still exists! Shakes, trembeling, panic attacks, and bloodpressure so high the nurse wondered how it was that I was alive and conscious. (I'm on normal hypertension treatments now. My heart had began to fail ever so slightly, but with treatment it will now stay stable. Just 5 extra pills every morning *sigh*) 5mg of Diazepam will bring it down to normal.. but that medication can't be used more than intermittently; being both highly addictive and losing its effect in regular use. It does however showcase how my hypertension is run chiefly by stress/anxiety.
Anyway... ASD anxiety can kill us if it evolves into serious hypertension.. so keep an eye out for that closer to middle age people.
19:12 I get exactly what you mean! The brain and body disconnect is awful. I really don't understand what I'm feeling most times until I'm talking about it to myself, writing it down, and putting pieces together with what I have or my actions (stims) like you said. I'll be trying to talk about something with someone else and then just start crying, and my mind is like WHY? Like someone will ask me why I'm so anxious? Why I have anxiety? and I can't tell them because I don't know but I'll start crying. I really hate when people ask me how I'm feeling because I might start crying and I don't even know why which makes it THE most frustrating thing ever AND it's embarrassing because I DON'T like crying in front of other people. I'm planning on starting a stress journal after talking to my therapist because my anxiety is so bad but it's hard to figure out why exactly it is unless I put in a lot of conscious effort to figure it out... Like recently I started skin picking again (☹unfortunately) and there are things stressing me out, but what are all of the reasons😕? There was some trigger that caused me to start skin picking again (maybe multiple ones) but what are they?! Hopefully I can figure it out after a few entries...
As for loving too hard but also being able to flip a switch, omg YES!! I have a hard enough time reading mixed signals let alone direct ones, so I'm definitely NOT a fan of mind games and keep things direct as well! I'm usually the one to confess to the guy I like first actually... I've confessed several times and only been confessed to first once. I don't know if it's because of the Autistic rule following thing but I COULD completely be into a guy; ex.) talking about him to my close friends and family every time we meet/everyday, thinking about him and spending time with him ALL of the time (and I also get PRETTY obsessive when I like a guy, it's like he's my special interest). But, let's say I find out he has a girlfriend already or doesn't like me. The flip switches and I don't like that person, won't dare to even look their way, and don't want to talk about that person to anyone anymore. I'll even walk past the person and pretend I don't know them because I really don't know how to act in front of them (I've done this several times before). I want to be the person that can just express myself when I feel whatever, but I don't even know what I'm feeling until a lot of THOUGHT most of the time! Ironic isn't it?
From all this writing and self reflection I think I have this notion in my head that my negative feelings or even positive ones are a burden on others, and I don't want to be a burden to others in any way possible... I'm trying to shake that off, because humans have emotions so they're going to be sad or upset (or whatever emotion) even if it's in an inconvenient moment and it's normal for them to express it because it's apart of the human experience.
The last relationship I had (let's be honest here, the only relationship I've had) was characterized by the other person telling me I was a total fake who was self-centered, empty and cold. It was a while ago now but the only thing I can really remember is trying my absolute hardest to be a kind and considerate person for them. The fact I had to try and be the person they wanted me to be is where it all fell down, because they demanded change and all I had was camouflage.
trying to find out what my emotions are from looking at my actions is me. Also not knowing what your emotions are till the other person says theirs, is so me. I always want people to not say their emotions as soon because I'll just adopt what they say (and it will feel real to me). this is so relatable. Almost every person I've dated I feel like I am just on the ride they choose until they choose to be done with it. I don't know how to tell if I want to break up, but looking back I've had so many people point out to me that my behavior is showing I don't like them and they think I am lying by saying I do. Sometimes I'll think I want to break up but then be shocked by how depressed and horrible I feel without that person, and retroactively realize maybe I didn't want to break up and really like them. I also do this for things that aren't relationships. For example if I want to go to an event or not I don't really know until I find myself procrastinating at the last minute and finding tasks to do at home- I've taught myself that means I don't want to go. Or I do a future think where I wonder how I would feel if the event was canceled, would I feel relief or disappointment. It's like every person who I encounter in life I go with their life until it becomes incompatible with mine, until I have a huge breakdown. I don't really know what my likes and dislikes are if someone else is around me also having likes and dislikes, it's like I adopt theirs. Or my own just become quieter. And so I've always been convinced I need to be alone to figure it out. Sometimes I don't like revealing things I really like or care about because if the other person feels differently it changes how I feel too and it devastates me. I often feel like I am lying to people on accident, because I am mirroring them without trying to. I walk away from social interactions that look really positive or went "well," but I feel like I wasn't myself but also don't know how to have been more myself (especially in the moment it takes a lot of effort). I have ASD diagnosed but didn't really realize this is part of it. This is helpful to know. I always thought I was a monster that just didn't have emotions, but then sometimes I am so emotional so much more than others. I've always described this as having no internal compass, I don't know how to run towards the things I like and away from the things I don't. It's more like I drift and sometimes its good and sometimes its bad, but I don't really know why or how to change it. Having an emotion guidebook for autistic girls might be really helpful, like heres a list of actions, this is what they mean.
Oh my god I relate to the dating and relationship issue so much. Other people always interpret weird things into what I say or do when I'm just being upfront with them and then behave in the most confusing way because they think I'm feeling something that I'm not because of their interpretation.
Yeah I've wanted to end it all too before for that same reason. However, I'm developing boundaries with myself and refuse to put myself through extra hell. I can't find anyone who loves as hard as me, but I'm feeling I'm balancing out more. Healthy skepticism and love... and a better understanding of life and humans helps... and has only come with almost nonstop focus on questions I need to find answers to to help me better understand others and how this world works in many ways.
I've never felt so understood in my life- you're so strong paige, we love you!!
you said you were thinking more of singing on here. - I LOVE your voice, and the little snippets of hearing you sing in your previous videos, I could listen all day! - so stimmy.
Once again, Paige describes my own life and emotions to me.
I was searching for a video talking about this and was lucky Paige had some things to say on it. I have ADHD diagnosis as of last year (no ASD dx) and that was my first door opening to being ND in the sense of now I have words and similar experiences I can use to help explain my 'quirks'. And what's bothering me now is how I either feel neutral when other people are having extreme emotions or I'm overwhelmed by other's emotions. And MENTALLY I know when people are sad or happy I should feel the same because I care about them and I want good things for them, but when it's something that doesn't effect me or I haven't experienced I just don't know how to respond because I don't feel anything. But I also feel like I'm a really impressionable person based on other people's emotions which is why sometimes I hide things from people because I don't want their feelings or desires to conflict with what I've decided I wanted. Like I'm now aware when other people are emotional I'm definitely masking when I try to reciprocate their energy, but I guess I just thought everyone did that. If anyone else can relate or has insight it's much appreciated :')
Something I’ve found helpful to identify my own emotions is to listen to the tone of the thought, which can take effort, but is quite a great meditative experience.
Omg this is exactly how I feel all the time. I never thought everyone else thinks like this. This video is my internal conversation with myself all day everyday
I’m the same way, I have a switch when it comes to people, if they don’t like me- I don’t like them anymore
you have no idea how much these videos help/comfort me. I've never openly related to someone so much, with the racing thoughts, saying things out loud that you need to do, over and over. i thought somethings seriously wrong with me and its embarrassing, but knowing someone else goes thru this too is so nice to hear. thank you for making these candid videos paige. they really do make me feel less alone.
My brother and I both tested positive near the end of 2021. Totally sucked. Had a burning in my nose and woke up with a bad sore throat for four days straight. Hope you’re feeling better.
Same 8 people in my family got covid the day before New Year’s Eve including me
I'm sorry, I hope you are better now, I know sore throats feel inescapable and awful!!!
@@bluunicorn1187 Hi! I'll be praying for you and your family! Thats alot of sickness, I'm sorry! I hope you all recover quickly!😁
@@shelbysmith7725
Thanks! Much better now. Honestly the sore throat would kinda subside a bit after I woke up and Tylenol did help a bit, but you aren’t wrong either :/
@@shelbysmith7725 thanks we are better I hope you and your brother are well also
Actually, I´m autistic to and it´s really a struggle to tell what I´m feeling. It´s like you first don´t know that your feeling something until you can see it physicly. And then you are like ok I´m crying this is how sadness feels. That´s how I learned my emitions. Also I get angerd easily. Good luck with your emotions I guess.
I relate to you way too hard. I just stopped talking to someone because everyone around me had to tell me they were treating me badly because it was emotional abuse so I didn't know 🙃
Dude I relate to the feeling thing so hard. I’ve never been able to put my finger on it until you just expressed it. It makes so much sense and I could never explain it before. Thank you for that. My life makes a little more sense.
I think the "loving hard" thing is a normal part of "some" youth growing up with Asperger's. I experienced the same in my younger years and have also confirmed the trait in others. You're not alone.
Wow. We have very similar experiences. Crazy how you feel so different until you find the autistic community. Life is hard always and so are all relationships.
Hey Paige I just wanted to say that you are such a huge inspirational too me i am in the process of being diagnosed with autism and it is a tough process but watching your videos helps me stay positive and i want to thank you paige
Paige, I felt this video on so many levels. you're not crazy or broken, and you're also not alone. thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts. I hope you feel less ill very soon!
I feel like you just saw into my soul. What an INCREDIBLE feeling it is to finally feel like someone else genuinely understands me. They GET me. I could cry, girl. Just, wow. I'm gonna try to reach out to you, I feel like we could really get into some deep, meaningful, healing convos 💜💜💜
3:31 ‘… what your ‘mane’ issues are …’. Good pun!
Good to see you back, Paige- really sorry you’re unwell, hope you’re better soon!
Interesting about the “not having emotions”, except stress. That sounds like alexithymia. You’re probably having emotions, but you’re not able to pinpoint them yet. So you just feel…blank. That could also be mild depression and anhedonia (inability to feel pleasure). Finally, the mirroring other people’s emotions sounds a bit like what narcissists do at first, but autistic people do it too for different reasons. Actually seems like a kind of empathy. Have you tried meditating? Or an app called Mood Meter? Also, yeah, the hot-and-cold, non-committal guy does sound like a manipulative situation.
It’s interesting you mentioned watching Bones. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about autistically coded characters, and I’m really developing a love/hate relationship with them. On one hand, it’s good to have someone to relate to on screen; at the same time, it’s a slap in the face when a character isn’t made explicitly autistic or otherwise neurodivergent. In fact, after Bones went off the air, the showrunner confirmed Dr. Brennan was meant to be explicitly autistic, but the studio wouldn’t allow it, because they thought the show wouldn’t have had broad enough appeal. Personally, I think we’re starving for representation and autistically coded doesn’t cut it. I’d love to hear your thoughts (and the thoughts of anyone else who wants to weigh in).
As a neurotypical person writing an autistic character I was hesitant to have them be autistic because I was scared of representing them badly. There are so many harmful stereotypes about autism that I was terrified to accidentally enforce. I’m still worried that some of the scenes with that character portray them badly and I’m trying to fix that. So I get that maybe people are afraid to put in autism rep because it could turn out really offensive and harmful by accident (cough cough Sia’s movie cough cough)
But as a queer person I agree with you and understand how important representation is. It’s just so easy to mess up, so people like to play it safe.
You can ask an autistic person to read it before publishing to make sure the respresentation is correct
“It’s a hard time most of the time” - so relatable x.x
Paige, take care of yourself as you recover from COVID. The best reason for doing something like breast augmentation is that you want to do it. I suggest before you do it do your research so that you understand all that is involved in the surgery. You are truly beautiful and special person. Don’t ever think otherwise. Strong emotions are part of Autism. My son is Autistic and he to loves very strongly and he processes things so quickly it causes him difficulty in many things he tries to do. You are not alone in this. Be safe and be happy.
This is so relatable. The part where you said you don’t like to know what someone else feels before you tell them how you feel is so relatable. I feel the same way I think that how someone else feels towards something is the way I feel too.
When you spoke about how difficult it is to deal with your emotions and feeling like your brain and body is disconnected resonates with me SOOOO much. You’re not alone with that and I thank you so much for talking about it. It really meant so much to hear that you struggle with that, too.
The door to the pantry is the same kind of door that my sister has for her pantry, except it is made of the barn-wood which came from the farm in rural Saskatchewan. They also have that dog toy at the beginning of the video.
I feel like these types of vlog videos give the most insight to your mind we’ve seen - it’s very different from when you’re talking about a specific topic - bc you’re just being and existing and we’re along for the ride, instead of hearing you speak on something. Both are great, but I don’t know how to explain it with this video I can see from how you’re speaking and moving so rapidly between thoughts that there is so much going on in your inner world and you’re trying to just do the things but there is so much mental movement.
Thank you for your videos. You were the first RUclipsr and pretty much the only RUclipsr that I have watched/found when first exploring the possibility of having Autism a few months ago. As of now after going through the necessary appointments I have completed my evaluation and have been officially diagnosed with ASD. I feel ever so grateful to you for being able to help me understand myself and want to finally get a diagnosis. Thank you!
You aren’t alone 💖. I’ve struggled with so many of the same issues, but journaling your thoughts/body feelings over time really helps!!! I’ve only recently learned that I don’t HAVE to do or feel anything: I can imagine all the love, acceptance, and happiness that I want and just let myself enjoy it. Those feelings don’t have to depend on another person, or society, or rules, or meeting goals and expectations. We have so much love and joy to give, feel, and experience, and we are allowed to spend that enormous energy on ourselves.
Note: if you cannot imagine giving yourself those warm feelings and self love, imagine some silly fantasy person reflecting those feelings to you. It helps SO much when you can’t remember self compassion or emotional freedom to imagine being freely given it by someone else
Thanks for everything you do. I didn’t realize I was autistic and had ADHD until I found you. We aren’t broken, we aren’t problems, we aren’t overly emotional-we are beautifully imperfect people, and we deserve love and happiness as much as anyone else.
once you recover from being sick, i'd love to hear your singing! you still look fire despite the sickness 💙
Make a Smule account, awesome accepting community of voices, and we can all sing together
I am in love with this video. The honesty related with the messiness of emotions and empathy is absolutely striking. Sometimes I have no idea how to describe my own emotions just like that and it is not easy for me to find out what they truly are. Thank you forever for this video, Paige 😊.
I can definitely relate to most of what you’ve said & I had my diagnosis for Autism and ADHD late 2022, still adjusting to it
I have overwhelmingly strong emotions all the time. I'm very cautious with love because I'm the same way in that sense, its overwhelmingly powerful and Im not good at letting go even when they hurt me inside really bad to the point I break up with them. The anger towards them always turns to extreme sadness every time no matter how sure I am that it was the right thing to do. Its like letting go hurts even worse. I think my having strong emotions so often, is because I'm always imagining things that trigger them, let alone when things actually happen. I imagine things often that most people probably wouldnt wanna think about, especially with the direction the world is going now. I simply let the feelings flow. I used to not understand my emotions, so I would try to control them by either restricting them or forcing them when I though it would be correct, but that actually led to me being super awkward lol. Now I only control my external responses to them so I can avoid the "why are you laughing" and the "what's wrong are you okays" I've come to accept that it's highly unlikely that someone is gonna understand how I think or feel so its probably not worth even making it obvious, but it makes sense to me, dispite it not making sense to them. It didnt always make sense to me though. My current problem now, is letting someone know how I feel when I probably should. Probably cuz I do things like this 😄 oversharing and overexplaining.
Love that u put out words for me so I can understand my brain, everytime. Never gets disappointed. Tbh being an Autistic ADHD person with a Leo sun and Cancer rising, being a dancer, singer and actress looking at u and be like, “That’s not me but like is it the same species?” We from tha same planet👽?
but I am very thankful that u make time to put out videos, cuz they really help me. Thank u
Everyone's brains and bodies are two different things. Most people however have a brain and body that share a common language; they intrinsically know how to communicate. Your brain and body are a bit less fluent; they don't know how to talk to each other. Your brain is speaking Spanish while your body is speaking Mandarin, both are confused. But there is hope! They can each learn a new language! The Paige language. Great news: you already speak it! You just have to teach it to your brain and body. Listen to them both, and start figuring out the translations. For example, when my body says it doesn't want to move but my brain says there are THINGS to do I feel paralyzed and don't know which one to listen to. So I put those two statements into my Jessica Translator and realize that I, Jessica, want to accomplish things but also my body needs rest. The Jessica Translator says to set a rest timer, rest for the duration of the timer, and then do the things. This works for me personally because it makes my body happy via rest and my brain is assured and happy because there is a SPECIFIC time it will get to accomplish the THINGS. I discovered this specific translation via lots of trial and error when I was experiencing a severe lack of motivation.
Also, remember that you, Paige, are in control of both your brain and your body. Not directly, but you get to provide the inputs, your brain/body does the processing, and then produces outputs. Body outputs are things like physical feelings, movements, and biological processes. Brain outputs are things like emotions, thought patterns, and urges. If you don't like the outputs you are getting, there are ALWAYS different inputs to try. Don't ever stop searching for them!
This is so true for friendship for me too like I can go days hanging out with someone and just think they’re a human present in my life and that’s that. It’s only when someone says that they like hanging out with me or they appreciate the things I do for them or simply say we’re friends that I start seeing them that way and really let myself enjoy their company. I also feel neutral the majority of the time until I get a random wave of emotions in the form of meltdowns or burnout and stress. It’s annoying because when it comes I’m relieved to know that I have emotions but it causes so much pain because of how long the tears have been building up and unable to escape
Something that helped me connect my mind and body has been yoga. But not like la di dah gym yoga, but much more gentle, spiritual yoga. The word yoga means yolk as in to yolk the mind and body. Connect them. And so it does. Even if only for the time during the practice, or beyond that. It's very helpful and relieving to feel it 💖
I was diagnosed with adhd at 29 years old and self diagnosed autism just recently at 31 and this whole video is a vibe. Have a subscribe, like, and a good day! Thanks for the great content 🍄🍋
You're not broken. ♡😥 It's not that, at all. I relate to a lot of what you're saying, and I'm older than you, and life is so much better now. I wouldn't have believed it back then, but things have sure worked out. I imagine it will be the same for you. Sometimes all you can do is wait it out. ♡
I can relate what you go through. This channel called Surviving Narcissism opened my eyes to people. A lot of interactions are actually power grab games, very depressing. The true challenge is discovering how to maintain your own world and not be used and what that actually looks like. Live long and prosper.
I'm a third of the way through this video and I just want to say this is one of the most relatable videos I've ever seen.
I have a similar issue as well. My feelings are neutral or missing actually. I lost a friend who was with me for most of my life and I was just like: You're fine this actually doesn't matter and then I beat myself up because I thought I was supposed to feel heartbroken but I just didn't. And I don't love people romantically and I don't feel joy and I talked to my therapist and she asked me why I thought I was supposed to feel a certain way. And I said: Because everybody does. But the truth is, your way of feeling emotions is not wrong just because it's different.
I remember thinking this in the depths of mental illness. Where there were none. Little if any love could be felt, and joy was only occasional, and very dim at that. Today, life is inexpressibly new, full of the wonder of discovery, always something right inside, with a built in feeling that something good, something beyond what I can describe, is inside. I felt a kinship with you watching this..
You just put into words the struggle I feel with my own emotions and am unable to be so articulate about.
i had a similar feeling of disconnect from my physical appearance for a while, and during that time i was, for lack of a better term, “forcibly feminizing” myself because it was a way to protect myself from the backlash from one of my family members to me coming out as part of the lgbtq+ community. but now that i’m focusing on the people who actually support me and not looking for validation in places where it never was, i’ve changed several things about my gender presentation (like cutting my hair off was a big one) to be more gender non-conforming and alternative (like getting a septum piercing), and i’ve found it’s really helped my mind-body connection because (i’m probably neurodivergent) my appearance is alternative to the norm just like my brain is. it’s almost like a way of nonvocally communicating that i’m different so that people don’t have as much of an expectation for me to be “normal” and i don’t have to spend as much energy trying to meet those expectations. might not be the answer for everyone, and not everyone might be in a safe enough place to do that, but it’s something that’s really helped me a lot
Hey Paige! I think what you’re describing about changing the way you feel depending on the way someone else feels is a normal thing. If you’ve been away from someone and you feel like you’re neutral but then it turns out they are still hung up on you, I think it’s normal for your feelings to flip flop. If someone likes us it’s a big factor on whether we are interested or not and vice versa
You really sound scattered, I really enjoy listening to you and your thoughts but I wish for you to be calm and content. There definitely seems to be a mind and body disconnect for you, have you tried mindfulness activities? (Respectfully) I know they don’t work all the time. You could try and figure out some mindfulness activities that you would be happy with
This is just what I was thinking as I was listening to you, I hope it could help in someway but if not, it’ll boost your video anyway! Best wishes xx
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Hi Paige. I'm your mom's age, and I will tell you that what you experience with emotions and relationships is pretty normal, either that or I have been Autistic my whole life and haven't realized it. I think that is why relationships can be very confusing and messy. We feed off of each other in life. The fact that you are aware of it is wonderful. You are navigating life very well, even though sometimes you don't feel like it.
12:52-13:12 it's 100% the same for me. I just got a thought that maybe this is what my camouflaging has adapted into/become? like maybe I'm just so tired all the time from living as a neurotypical-presenting person that I don't have the energy to constantly actively 'read' the people around me, so when they say "I feel this emotion!" I go "me too!" because then, in that instant, we have a connection (that I don't have to work for or actively etch out) and at the same time it's like a free bypass into 'deep-conversation-land' - which is a space in which I like being because there I learn a lot about how people think and expect others to act in complex situations - so I keep doing it. But at the same time it happens so passively that it feels unconscious, so then when I tune my active analyzing onto that, it translates in my head into my brain thinking that those are my actual feelings? And then I'm just confused all the time because "I'm Big Bulky Autism Brain Who Is Always Right" but at the same time, I'm so tired that I constantly misread, and therefore is wrong. And adopting those emotions aren't practical at all because in the long run they might just divert my energy from things I'd rather do if my head was clear... sigh
I can’t even explain how much I relate to this
Everyday is like a emotional rollercoaster for me on so many levels
i have never related to anything more than the bit you talked about being confused in dating. i’m going through a very similar thing right now, where there’s lots of “signs” this person really likes me, but there’s also a few that don’t make sense. it feels great to know i’m not alone in this. please please please make another video about dating with autism & adhd!! i loved it
So - I'm about a decade on from you and watching this was like getting a video from my past self. I'm just now even considering that I might be on the spectrum, so thank you for helping me parse that. But I want to at least tell you that I can relate heavily to everything you're talking about, and that I am still here. I can feel my own emotions and body separate from someone else's and without just feeling like I have no emotions now (most of the time. It's still a practice) - and my brain is no longer trying to kill me. I literally put it that way to myself - it was spooky to hear you say it. And it made it really hard to trust my own thoughts for the longest time - but there *is* a possibility to re-build the trust and work your way out of that space. I still have a hard time a lot of the time, but compared with where I was at twenty it's like a completely different life. So hopefully you (or anyone else who's in this space right now) can take that as a note of hope from the future. And I think just listening to your body, taking note of how it responds to things and identifying what was going on just before in your head and in the situation - like you said- is one of the most powerful ways you can start to bridge that split. It's still one of my main tools.
I don't know if you will see this, but Paige, you ARE NOT broken. You are beautiful inside and out. And I have no way to be able to feel how you feel, but I think you are strong, amazing, fun, and so much more. Be patient with yourself 💕
Thanks for the video Paige, Sorry to hear you have covid, hope you feel better soon physically and mentally, take care of yourself. Ps I know the anguish about after break ups, I took 4 years to get over someone I dated back in 2009 for 3 weeks but couldn't let go until 2013, and a couple years to get over newer relationships throughout my 20s, it was like a rejection after rejection that led to myself giving up. I didn't know back then that I was on the spectrum, that would definitely help me now because I can explain it to others.
I’m 36 in March and have been single for nearly 10 years come April. I wish people were more upfront and honest rather then playing mind games. Mind games are for toxic people who are simply insecure about themselves, so the crave for attention and validation to feel good about themselves and careless about wasting the other person’s time.
Personally, I either feel strongly about someone or I am cold and distant. Like you say, I ain’t asking someone out just to be my girlfriend. I just want to spent time to see if they are right for me and if it is meant to be we will naturally fall in love overtime at the unexpected moment. I just don’t understand this modern society and how they can go around hurting people.
It’s all or nothing with me and I find it easy to just move on if they start playing toxic mind games. Maybe it’s a test to see if I break or not but either way, I always win because they will either comeback or not. We shouldn’t have to force ourselves or someone else to fall in love and old school is still the way. I can’t stand this hookup culture, that I can understand why genuine men and women give up on dating.
You're not broken, you're lonely. Companionship will set you free.
I’m so glad you posted about this, this describes exactly how I experience things. I find dating really hard because I find it really difficult to know what my actual feelings are towards that person. And if they are clear that they like me, I’m then unsure if I really like them or I’m just trying to make myself like them because I know their feelings. It’s so confusing, so many people seem to experience really strong feelings towards others and there’s no question whether they want to date them. It makes me feel bad because I don’t want to confuse other people!
Aw, I'm glad you're feeling better! Being sick sucks!
There's a lot more I want to say, but I can't put them together in my head right now. I really hope you keep feeling better and better until the sick is completely gone.
I feel you when you say everything is hard.
Everything is hard.
Oh boy,I totally get 'adopting other's emotions as my own'! Whenever in the past someone said they liked me,I instantly would start liking them back. But the moment they tried to get serious w/me I just recoiled and stepped away from them *sigh*
Also,I too deal with self-image and feeling disconnected from yourself, do u think that's an autistic trait?
Hope the sickness is over and done for you soon! I look forward to hearing you sing. I struggle with identifying emotions as what they are in the moment and letting them go thanks to trauma. So I appreciate this video, and you. Happy New Year! Blessings!
Goodness I totally repeat my to do list over and over. Hope you feel better soon.
Listening to you makes me feel way less alone