all those glitters aren't gold, and i learned it the hard way.
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- Опубликовано: 13 апр 2023
- i couldnt be grateful about studying at cambridge, and i felt very bad about it. my time at cambridge, though it looked fun, magical, and amazing - was very painful for me. it revealed to me parts of myself i didnt know i had, new heights i didnt know i could fall from, and pain so… intangible, so weird, so deep, so… unnecessary that still dug its way into my heart.
i didnt know this was going to be my battle. THIS. the very thing i actually thought i could handle - it was not it for me. but in hindsight, only in hindsight, i could take a thing or two to be grateful about. the way it taught me self acceptance, self forgiveness, and self love.
it took me some time to realise why i have been hating myself so much. at first i thought it was my look (i gained a lot of weight back then), but it was just a red herring. it was that i hated me for not being able to prove myself that i “could” - that i could be a “cambridge material” of some sort. when i didnt, it was very hard to face myself and to face my parents, and to face everyone else. i lost. i lost the battle i thought i could have won. and it was painful. especially for someone growing up putting academic validation above everything else.
but hey.
i’m here. i’m still here. and i’m at a much better place now regardless. perhaps it means i had won the real battle. i didn’t succumb to the result. i marched on. and i’m proud of myself for that.
hugging myself for holding on. thank you, thank you, thank you.
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🌱 A bit about me
Hellu peeps, I’m Viancqa - an Indonesian working in Singapore, who previously studied in the UK for 5 years at Cambridge and Coventry. Here, I share my slice-of-life takes, talking openly about my mistakes, learnings and growth, finding ways to navigate my early 20s, and just how to be a slightly better person each day. If I find something interesting in my life, I also like to vlog it!
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╰ oh, the joy. - 12am in berlin - thmatc.co/?l=17A87A7F
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Развлечения
Hi Viancqa! One thing I’ve realised doing an MPhil at Cambridge is that the academic context that you come from has a huge role to play. I’m from South Asia, studied there all my life and I wasn’t taught in the way most of my classmates have been. They’re all educated at elite universities in the West and therefore when results for our first essays came back, they easily got a distinction whereas a few of us who’re from South Asia didn’t. I can totally relate with how you felt because I struggled with this during Michaelmas and I hope going forward you know that a lot us can relate with exactly what you dealt with and I hope you keep showing yourself grace ✨
I’ve been following you since December 2021 when I started my application and I’m currently at Cambridge so I appreciate you always being open and honest about your experiences at Cambridge and wish the best for you!
Hi Viancqa, this is the first time I made a comment here. Thank you so much for this video! ❤Your story took me back to a flashback of my own too. I still remember the sadness, frustration, confusion, and desperation when I first had to go through my final year project at my uni. With so little knowledge to begin with, I also thought that through hard work, everything will come to place when the time comes (that hard work never betrays). It did finish though but not in a way that I could never imagine. The struggle to wake up every morning to face judgment/uncertainties/failure, keep trying on and on until getting results, and yet with so little assurance on when or how things could turn out well. It was all in the past now, but it will always be in my core memories and become one of the experiences that shape me today.
One thing I learned is that regardless of the result, things will always come to an end. Despite having lots of things that we cannot control, we always have the power to choose our own path and the choice to get ourselves out of certain situations. You are strong Viancqa, to finish what you have started in Cambridge. Your story touches souls in the deepest way possible. I am also not perfect myself and still learning. Wishing you nothing but the best in life! Fightingg~ 💪
It felt like you were pouring water (hard work)into a basket didn’t it? The first place I worked felt like this. That was when I understood what people mean when they say it’s a “fast paced environment ”. Benchmarks kept changing and I’d ask and ask questions but no one even knew how to help me or had the time to explain what they thought were grass-root concepts. I gave up really quickly on that sadly so I’m glad you found a way to pull through and graduate. I kept wondering why they all knew what they knew. I’m sure if you had studied in such an institution for your undergrad it wouldn’t have been so bad. So don’t beat yourself up about it.
So proud of you for being so honest about this journey💝!!! And like you said, self-acceptance is often the hardest lesson we need to learn
I don't know what to say cuz I'm undergraduate student in my own country(don't have diverse experience as you do) but when I was in my low period before joining university, I used to watch your videos. It motivated me alot. You're someone whom I looked up to when I was down. Thanks for sharing your vlogs and stories.
I'm new to your channel, but definitely, from the very beginning of this video, I felt it. It spoke to me in every single way!!! I'm happy and sad that someone here captured all my thoughts, experiences, and moments. I once decided to be lost on purpose and wander into the unknown. I believe everything is figureoutable even If it doesn't come in the clearest way. I appreciate your braveness and sincereness to be that open.
Totally relatable bc i’m currently pursuing my masters at LSE and it’s really really hard for me! there’s little room for error and that scares me to death. i’d totally recommend anyone to work for at least a year after undergrad and then pursue masters.
Hi Viancqa! Thank you so much for revealing your deep feelings and thoughts to us, and for being so honest and outspoken. Your sharings and experiences always give me a chance to reflect on myself and keep me company so that I don't feel lonely along the journey. Wish you all the best!
Thank you for being so honest. Always love your vlogs!
Tq for being your authentic self in this video. A major positive outcome of this is that you are now a more compassionate and empathetic person. This trait will hold you in good stead in the working world. Too often, graduates of top tier universities can hold a blinkered, tunnel-vision, entitled world view. You will not be of that number. Cambridge MPhil here btw. Hello from Homerton to Churchill.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us Viancqa & of course it's totally okay to be vulnerable.. by the way you dropped this queen👑
Watching your video makes me want to prepare more before I join the university abroad this year, many thanks for your honest opinion, good luck on your career.
agreed... great and honest video :))
Hi! Thanks for sharing with so much honesty! I’m starting MPhil in Dev Studies this year and am wondering, whether the colleges offer psychological support or other forms of help, like a writing center, etc.
Thank you for sharing Kak Viancqa
Seblm nya saya ucapkan slam kenal dari saya ditangerang.banyak tokoh ilmuan dari cambrige universiti.yg kabarnya universiti itu berdiri pada thn 1209.artinya seblm munculnya kerajaan majapahit di nuswantara.bila berkenan .saya minta izin untuk bisa ngobrol dengan saudari.mungkin ada beberapa hal yg saya ingin bertanya tentang teori big bang .steven howking dan ingin bertanya juga tentang pandangan seorang mohamad iqbal.dimana keduanya adalah ilmuan dari cambrige universiti.untuk itu seblm nya saya ucapkan banyak trimakasih.ohya kalau boleh izizn minta no wa nya ya kak.🙏