Heyy Francky my bro, aren't you getting too serious in this video? Where's Heather Locklear and where are the F***ing EST* and ESF* to fool around ? . . . Ok ok , I'm gonna chill myself and get focus on your video to the full. Ok, let's run !
Your podcast had made me miss these old style just chatting videos..and *Gasp!* you pull through and make a video just like the old school style. 😎 Like a boss. Good job and thanks, I hope you are enjoying this RUclips journey and it is bringing you joy! Because it sure does for us!
I find your channel the closest to the reality of being an introvert, without actually making it over- dramatic or sympathy-gaining type. It's also light-hearted and fun, very entertaining 🙃
That's crazy. I just wanted to say the same, that I liked seeing Frank speaking about himself and found this comment. And I wondered who is this person who thinks like me, and it turns out... you're the lady whose videos I've seen before! And now it turns out you also watch the same youtuber as I do! The world is so small!
A lot of people confuse "shy" with "introvert" but they're not the same thing... very different reasons for not socializing! I've always been an extrovert, but have been shy in the past. However, my ex was introverted but not shy at all.
True! I'm shy and introvert/ambivert. Often I don't want to talk/socialize, but some times shyness stops me from speaking/socializing even though I want to.
Yes, I'm an introvert and am not shy. But I've been accused of being shy because I don't like parties, crowds, and can be quiet. FJ touched on the fact that quiet ppl are often negatively viewed.
It's so sweet of you to share bits of your life experiences with us. They're really inspiring for struggling and anxious introverts/ambiverts like us. The realness in your talks hit differently.
I was painfully shy as a kid; not only was I introverted but I also have dyslexia which made school awful. My mom knew I was creative, argumentive, and needed confidence; so she put me in public speaking/debate competitions and got me involved in theatre. Turned out I loved it. I grew confident as I would win debates and enjoyed the opportunity to tell stories. I haven't set foot on stage in years but at my current job, I do most of the public speaking. I still consider myself an introvert because I have to have alone time to recharge (I'm also still not super great at keeping up small talk). I appreciate how you said not to put yourself in a box and think that you can't. Every personality type brings its own flavor to the table. Life would be boring if only extroverts spoke in public and only introverts shuffled papers all day in a backroom cubicle. Appreciate your thoughts. Keep putting yourself out there.
unless you have stage fright and freeze until someone else comes to your aid and gently escorts you off the stage until you can breathe again. (this was at a rehearsal and all the chairs for the audience were set up , but nobody was sitting there. Just the idea of that many people ... uh yeah. Too much for me)
ENFJ here, I love love love infjs, you guys are so genuine and caring, even with your introverted side you are usually great with people, you just need to realize it.
It can be really hard to accept that people like you. I struggle with that and am genuinely kinda surprised when I discover people actually _do_ like me (at least some of the time). But we all love you, Frank. Maybe a little too much... Nope, not possible. ❤️
I remember having this reaction a lot in college. They're talking to me? They want to know me? What madness is this? It'd never happened before. It's eye-opening when you realize that you're not quite as unlikeable as you think you are.
I relate to the whole “I want to come out of my shell, so I’ll dress differently” thing. I’ve noticed that most people with alternative aesthetics are introverts, which is so interesting. I know that for me, when I feel lonely or too quiet in my life, I’ll get a drastic haircut or a bright colored shirt or something. I don’t have too outlandish of an aesthetic, but change just to look a little more presentable like you said.
@@zelighahn1125 firstly, thanks for responding. Secondly, the examples you gave, are they examples of the alternative aesthetics or examples of mainstream fashion?
You see those aesthetics on TikTok a lot, but few people dress like that in real life. It might be trendy, but it’s still unusual if you take a random sample of the population rlly. I agree that fashion is a form of self-expression for introverts especially. Maybe also to attract attention, since they naturally blend in
Haven't listened to it yet, but I must admit that nobody else can portray an introvert life as so cool and attractive. I'm so glad to discover your channel.
As a 50 something intro, I can say from experience that we grow into ourselves . We are who we are, but be the best version of that self. I am still a nerdy, book reading, quiet time liking person but there is so much to gain from interacting with other people. I have had lots of amazing conversations when I use my abilities and listen and draw out people's stories. They can add nuance and expand our thinking. Just because we are introverts and deep thinkers doesn't mean that we know everything because we read it in a book. Go out there and "Be"
Yes, as we get older we settle into ourselves. I used to think there was something wrong with me before I learned about MBTI, and more in psychology - I'm an intj, and happy to know that some of my characteristics are just due to that - makes it normal. I love to read intense books, they feed my mind and emotions.
@@kauffrau6764 That’s exactly why I love studying personality systems. They help me fit comfortably into my own skin when I’m so different from most people. It’s fun to be the big picture thinking woman when I know I have a place in the group
I have a transformation story. I was extremely shy and quiet throughout my entire childhood. But, come college, I was determined to not be alone. So, I pushed myself to step out of my comfort zone and learned that I could actually become very social. Years later, I found that, whenever I entered a social circle that was foreign to me, I went right back to being the shy child. I was frustrated because I thought I had overcome my childhood shyness as an adult. But once I started learning about introversion and extroversion, I began to understand myself and my needs more. People are often shocked to hear me say I'm an introvert. They call me an extroverted introvert. But that's because, I'm in a comfortable environment. Take me out of that and I clam up real fast! It's also the same with work vs home. I expend so much energy with people at work without even knowing it. By the time I get home, I just want to be alone and quiet. Now that I know these things, I am much more well-adjusted and likely to set healthy boundaries for myself.
"Trying so hard to not get involved" That was me in college, also. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. It's great that you shared your story with us. Very encouraging. I think I’m only halfway through this process, but I feel it’s worth the money and energy invested. I really liked your phrase that even if you don’t like yourself, others may still like you. I love these honest videos.
I would really have liked to be homeschooled as a kid. I lost so much energy on just interacting with the other students and pretending to be normal. That energy could have been used so much better on subjects I was interested in. But I’m doing all the studying stuff now and enjoy it a lot!
As a former homeschooler, I can say that while it would've been nice for you to not use all that energy on people, it comes with it's difficulties too since you still need to do specific subjects :( but I'm glad to hear you're doing good now!
This is so personal and I really like this!! Dont get me wrong, love all your skits and love identifying myself in your various characters but this feels really raw and honest
INFP AND asperger's syndrome, Fun flipping ride. I finally found your channel a few weeks ago and immediately subscribed. It has helped, enormously! I MAKE myself go and do.
INFJ and ADHD here. Fun flipping ride, indeed - no matter where I go or what I do, I always on some level feel like an alien lol. I’m learning to embrace it 👽🖖🏻 ND solidarity ✊🏻
At least lifting bales of hay you would actually be accomplishing something instead of wasting time. If you're going to expend energy, it's nice to have something to show for it.
Man, these are my favorite FJ videos. I'm a senior in highschool and I've just started to open up. Unfortunately, you have to come to these conclusions on your own, that you are worthy of being socially fulfilled. I still have a lot to learn and work on. But it is possible and it's a relief to finally realize that.
That's why look up to introvert celebrities a lot. They are comfortable with themselves,they are introvert and true to themselves,but still confident. Like Keanu Reeves, Zayn Malik and Emma Watson.
So courageous to share your story. Listened to every word in this video and love videos like this they feels so intimate. Thank you for sharing your journey Frank!
I am in my 50s and spent several decades working against my introversion. It wears a person out. I have a much healthier approach now that I can just let myself be me. I have watched you for years and I love the growth!
You’ve changed in many ways through the years. You seem much more confident and positive than a few years ago. I love seeing the development in your videos 🥳
Truth is, ever since I was 12 I couldn’t stand being around people my own age - I just always feel cruddy around my peers, I feel like such a weirdo and like I don’t measure up at all. I decided to not let this stop me from having a meaningful life, and I work at a nursing home now. :) I spend a lot of time with people I don’t compare myself with, and my oddness is not part of the social equation around the residents. Around my coworkers is another story. :/
This and your recent podcast have reminded me I am more capable than I believe I am. Introversion has been a major focus in my life because I was basically told from a young age something was wrong with me. I have been fighting being an introvert my whole life. Now, in my late 40's I'm finally accepting some facets of my introversion aren’t going to change, but neither being extremely extroverted or introverted is helpful for me. Balance is what's important. Thank you for sharing.
Extrovert with the opposite problem. I really admire introverts for their ability to be alone and happy like that. I've kind of shunned my extroversion for a while, admiring IQ over EQ for some stupid reason. Now I value them pretty equally and value a good balance of both. My Dad put it in a good way. "You have your mom's ambition but you're more of a free spirit like me." That comment really helped me see and accept myself.
Miriam, I am an introvert, INTJ. I was taught that it was wrong to be so introverted. My mom taught me how to fake extroversion to the point that most people don't believe me to be an introvert. I think some of that helped me to learn to be closer to a balance, but in the end I am an introvert. My best friend wanted us to move in together back in 2011. She thought it was a great idea. She had only ever seen me when I was being extroverted. She would be in the same room as me, which to me as an introvert was like spending time together, and both of us were doing our own thing. Not understanding why I was so quiet and why I wasn't engaging with her, she got to the point that she honestly thought something was wrong and I just didn't discuss it. BIG FIGHT. I still don't fully understand what the fight was about. I was a great roommate. I cooked, I did all the cleaning, I never complained, I was quiet and respectful. BUT I failed to meet her needs and was so into my own world that she felt there was a conflict. Eventually she decided to just forgive me. I moved out when the year was up. A few months ago, she actually moved out to be with me and now we share an apartment again, two women in their 40s. Having grown as a person in that time and learning to appreciate her own introspection, she, an ENFP, is a calmer and more accepting roommate. As for me, I pause what I am doing and focus on her when she tries to engage in a conversation. She has no idea how much it bothers me when she interrupts my private time, but she has needs that I am willing to attend to. I learned about love languages and took the time to learn about ENFP needs. We don't fight, we communicate clearly, and she knows to go to other people if she wants a long conversation that is about other people instead of important topics I feel passionately enough to engage about. We all have to grow, see the needs of others , and become more balanced.
@@MindfullyMindy yes, I know the misunderstandings that can come when people have only seen you behave in a certain way. I am glad to hear you were able to work things out.
ive had pretty bad social anxiety for like 7 years and i recently realized that all the reasons i thought people would hate or judge me were unrealistic. and that everything i was assuming in my head wasnt them it was just me thinking the worst, cuz when people meet you they usually assume the best and since I realized that ive been getting better with socializing slowly but surely.
I tell myself that most people don't even notice me. I myself have such a poor memory for people, especially faces, that it's easy for me to imagine that.
Hi Frank! I'm an INFJ who has learned a lot about my personality type and about overcoming mental obstacles through your channel. Thank you for helping me be more confident and feel less weird/alone in the world. I spent most of my life thinking there was something off about me. I was even a monk in my 20s! Typical INFJ! Thank you for what you do!
I think we introverts have a lot of potential to do a lot of good and help a lot of people... as long as we don’t let our own self doubts get in the way and hold us back. It’s not a bad thing to stretch ourselves and be uncomfortable sometimes.
I have to admit that I got emotional watching this because I’ve had especially tough couple of weeks/months dealing with these issues and other things. Thank you so much for this video. I feel like I really needed this. And thank you for sharing your personal story.
I am currently in college and I can relate to this so much I am just about crying. I refuse to try most of the time and end up hurt that I have no friends at school. I want to get out of my shell, but it is so stinking hard! (I have even been going back and forth on wether or not to start a RUclips channel) I love theater, but less because of the fun/different people and more because I can break out of my head and away from my feelings of inadequacy without having to leave my imagination. FJ, thank you for another wonderful video! -Fellow Introvert Theater Nerd
It's human nature to gravitate to easy and comfortable. And then the mind can be over imaginative... One thing that helped me was a counselor who said, "If you met yourself, what would you do or say?" I realize I was so judgmental about what I should and should not do - i never gave myself a break. People are not as hyper-critical as we are, and they do not see as much as we feel... You have my permission to inhale, exhale and just spend time on this planet. You don't have to Wow me with dialogue, or watch where you walk. Just live and let live. and you will find people who like spending time with you, who will laugh along with you not at you. Just inhale and exhale and LIVE and let your mind go to more important things like "World Peace" or "homelessness" instead of self analyzing all the things you could have or should or would have. When the thoughts turned inward and make you super self-conscious whisper out loud, "I'm human. that's good enough." and move on. Refuse to let the thoughts paralyze you or freeze you inside yourself. Instead, focus on the real now... what your hands are doing, what your heart is feeling... and take the next breath. that wonderful song, "Let it Go" is not some trite meme - it really is helpful. let the negative thoughts go... they aren't helping us anyway. HUGS>
@UCiBM2xT8SOW8GBSPGPuhLSw Thank you! I feel like FJ fans are such amazing people!! P.S. Believe it or not I was not trying to throw a pity party, just expressing how I related with the video. I am very appreciative of the support, though!
About a year ago I was in the same position. I didn't have any friends at school, not even acquaintances. Than my sister encouraged me to actively try and make friends. On the first two tries, it didn't go well and I felt like no one would want to befriend me. After that I had a group project with two other people and I tried to have conversations with them outside of the ones strictly about our project. Fast forward to now, where I now know a lot more people and consider some of them to be friends. We have a groupchat with our class that I made and I don't just passively watch them talk but I actually engage in the conversation with them. We send science memes to each other and now even have a shared spotify playlist with science songs. TL;DR: I also didn't have friends, then I put myself out there more and now I do have friends :D Moral of the story, putting yourself out there is scary but totally worth it!
I always feel like my energy seems so low on camera as an introvert. I used to try to push myself to be really high energy, but it was burning me out. But I figure your vibe attracts your tribe right, so better to be real.
I'm an introvert have no confidence, and low self-esteem for various reasons. The funny thing is, 2020 was supposed to be the year where I came out of my shell and started doing things with my life. I wanted to volunteer for different cons, meet new people, get my degree, get a job and then finally move to Canada. But well, it's 2020... Instead my depression resurfaced, I still haven't finished my studies and I feel more useless than ever. At least I started talking more with other people online, which is progress. In any case, your videos really brighten up my days and I just wanted to thank you for that. So really thank you for all that you do
Fellow INFJ who grew up sheltered. I relate so much to all of this. Now at 30 I’m finally making an effort to make friendships and improve my social confidence.
I guess all I wanted to say was that you have helped me so much to understand the way my mind works. It is very helpful for me, and I think for others too, to see that someone has thought these things trough and want's to share them with other people. It's like walking in fog and then all of a sudden it's clear as day! Or at least the fog is gone. So thanks Frank!
Yes, shyness imo is describing a problem, whereas introverted is more of a statement of comfort, genuinely, where are you happiest? Most people want some friends etc, but everyone has a slightly different comfort zone, the point where the feel the party has peaked and after which they start to head off. Shyness is more of a negative, I would like to be friends with these people, but I don't feel confident.
@@TheSouthIsHot yes I hate people telling me that, telling someone not to be shy doesn’t help at all. I’d say that it’s a problem though if shyness stops someone from doing what they want.
@Joona Ahonen yes indeed. I've always known the difference between introversion and shyness since I am both but for a long time didn't see social anxiety for what it was-it is that which prevents you from doing things that you want or need to do. In light of that shyness is not a bad thing (as I have thought for so long) but S.A definitely is ! I'm glad to have finally established the difference since I think more often people speak of social anxiety and shyness as one and the same as opposed to introversion and shyness (from my experiences).
@@69raisinswhy I am a pretty shy introvert and ppl always making us belive that being introvert is "wrong" or "trying to make us extroverts". Yes it's true that we can be more sociable by improving ourselves and that's a choise not all introvrerts have to do this and they are doing nothing wrong. But i will always stay introvert. And they don' even try to give us time to improve. I'm trying to improve but none of them realize that i need time. Even making this comment is a big thing for me but they won't even realize those small changes. But I will always be shy and it kinda good for me.
I’ve been dealing with this not from a personality type angle but instead related to mental illness. I am bipolar and working on not letting that define what I can and can’t do... that’s still something I struggle with. This video was a good reminder not to limit myself simply based on my diagnosis, so thanks for sharing ☺️
I’ve been an introvert my whole life. I’ve been on stage since I was about 5. (Piano, poetry recitation, church solos... did it ‘cause I had to, still don’t enjoy public speaking) I don’t have social anxiety, but it takes me a while to warm up to people. You can absolutely be a social introvert. I’d pick a meaningful conversation in a coffee shop over a crowded party any day, though. Can I be in a crowded party and make a good first impression? If I have to. Do I enjoy being the center of attention? Not in the least! 🙃
I think sometimes it’s easier to interact with people outside your peer group, because you aren’t really expected to fit in. My nieces don’t think it’s weird that I don’t know the current music.
I agree because there are things that I still struggle to talk about with the people in my life that I can find the courage to talk about with strangers on the Internet.
Really good to hear more about your life story Frank. I identified with several aspects of it. Have realised that I have become more introverted since my 30s and now in my 40s. I felt I had to wear the mask and keep up socially through the younger decades possibly for similar reasons that the pain of embarrassment of not joining in seemed worse than feeling very not-right/safe by just going with the flow. I’m much better at preserving my energy now. And I have a tight circle of amazing friends who mostly see the sociable side of me when I do join in because I feel so safe with them. I wonder how my infj and introversion will evolve in my next decade!
It’s weird. I am seriously an INFJ and as a kid I was shy. I am now a teacher so I have to talk and put myself out there. It took a lot to overcome in the beginning but now it’s part of daily life and how I make my living. It’s still weird for me to deal with most of my fellow teachers. I don’t fit in and I kind of kick it quietly in most meetings. It’s trippy...I never thought I would be doing this as a kid or in high school.
I'm so glad I found your channel. Thank you very much for sharing your personal stories with us. You make us feel that we are not alone. Many of us relate to your stories about shyness, lack of confidence, social anxiety, etc. Seeing you through your channel and how you've been improving over time shows us that we can overcome these problems. You've done a great job here and I'm happy to see your channel is growing very fast, you're helping a lot of people. Thanks for all the teachings and laughs, Frank. We really appreciate you. 🤗
I came across your channel when I was trying to figure out my husband's personality type. I actually thought that I was an extrovert, but then people would be too intrested in getting to know me and I would hide away or avoid them. I felt like a fraud. I wasn't able to keep up the energy needed to interact with them. My husband which I have since discovered is a classic INFP is the person that I can completely be myself around. But he still doesn't fully understand me. Making a long story short, I discovered that I am an INFJ. I had no idea it was rare or now desirable to be. I have to pause your videos sometimes because I am laughing so hard. It's like you are able to articulate in words the complicated whirlwind of thoughts/doubts/self reflecting that takes place constantly. Thank you for stepping out. I feel understood in a way that I've never experienced or even thought was possible, by someone that I may never meet. Be blessed Frank. Shalom
I like how you're sharing your story on social media, facing and telling all your embarrassing situations and your experiences, we're so proud of how you become now 💗
I was an outcast in elementary school and I didn't even try to fit in because I thought the others didn't like me. I gained more confidence when I started high school and stopped caring too much about my social circles. I made friends who were really compatible with me that I didn't have to force myself to fit in. I also started learning martial arts because I wanted to. In uni, my friends were really surprised when I said I am an introvert because they see me as outgoing. But even then, I didn't really go to many social events and I do just go out alone sometimes.
I also want to add that an introvert can be better at socializing then extroverts. Skill and inclination are not synonymous. I'm an extrovert, but I put people off with my intensity; my husband is an introvert, but he makes friends easily. Having been punished for my behavior so long made me scared that I will offend people so I started limiting my exposure.
I think being intense and passionate is a very good thing! 👍 Just make sure to leave enough "space" and silence for the other person to react to what you are saying or doing. Give them a chance to show they like you by giving that space for them to blossom and be intense in return. Get curious about others and instead of trying to get them to like or accept you - get curious about them and ask lots of questions. Then when they answer and get onto a topic they are really enjoying you can jump in with that enthusiasm and then they'll be enjoying it. 😃 Hope that helps.
I've been watching this channel since pretty much the beginning, and it's been cool to see how you went from just talking honestly and frankly to becoming more joyful and doing funny videos, skits and finding success.
Wow... I related so much to this especially when you were talking about the chaos and being a “goody two shoe”... I struggled with that as well as I was always the “downer” when my friends got too crazy
your videos like this have helped me so much lately. i'm at college in a different state (i'm a freshman) and i don't know anyone here cuz my classes are all online, so i've been alone for months. i like to watch your more serious commentary videos and then write in my journal afterward. it helps a lot. thank you, Frank
"Because I didn't like myself and I didn't think other people would like me" I know this feeling cuz I've been through it. However, I assume you got over it by now? There's definitely a huge difference in your videos from the past till now. You're more confident and I assume you love/like yourself now! That's amazing 💜💜
I also diagnosed with social anxiety but same time i feel im not suffering of this Psychological disorders because there is times i feel good and have fun with some ppl and i can talk with strangers and smile to them, sometimes i feel less confident or hesitant to make decisions even with simplest things like what i should eat for lunch but with all these stuff i feel in peace most of the time, and im grateful for u now i know myself better than before thx alot Frank from bottom of my heart
After starting typing and erasing it three times... hahah. it is hopeful to know, in time, we can gain confidence and have less negative self talk, less "edits". At age 49 there is still the invisible pressure to be greater than... to present better, to have a handle on this ever changing elusive world... but I am grateful you have courage and share the journey with the rest of us. I tune in because your voice is easy to listen to... and i find myself agreeing with most of the information and arguments you give us. We are not stuck in the patterns, no matter what our "natural" and "go-to" coping strategies are...we can all reach out, practice and learn new ways to interact and get connected. So thank full that you keep challenging yourself (and us) to get out of the comfy place and take a look at what is not working well... Hugz.
Thank you for sharing your story. :) This has helped me since I am a introvert and I HATE when I have to get together with people. Now I will try to open up and try to socialize more. Again thank you.
I almost never comment on anything but this really hit home. Starting to the fact that I am also born in December and had issues fitting in school, and co :D . I've been keeping people out for most of my life. During my BA, i've made no effort making friends, suffered because of it but I was terrified (I was a international student, everything was intimidating). That reflected in my MA, when I was exactly the opposite, social butterfly I don't think anyone would classify me as an introvert. After that the job situation hit hard, I've had some personal issues too and I closed in almost complelty. The COVID-19 situation certanly didn't help. Time alone, that I love, people do drain me, but lack of confidence... that is a different story, I realize now I've got stuff to sort out. Thank you!
I'm an actor host, stand-up comedy, and make content on RUclips, and yes, I'm still an introvert. And like you, Frank, I also have people tell me I can't be an introvert, because I do all of that. It was looong journey to be able to get to the point where I COULD, and funny enough, a video I made about that journey will be up on my channel tomorrow. And anyone who thinks that someone who can be on camera is automatically an extrovert, I suggestion doing a Google search on introvert celebrities. - INFP
Hey FJ, thank you so much for sharing your “journey” :) I resonated so much with what you’ve experienced in learning how not to associate yourself with a personality type (I’m still learning how to do this lol). I just moved to a new city for my job and I’ve always been the quiet type when meeting new people but at the same time when I get to know someone I feel more comfortable. It feels like living a double life haha. But again, thanks for sharing your story! You have no idea how encouraging and helpful it was! Stay cool and attractive! 🎶✊🏾
We have the wonderful opportunity in this era to have the choice of talking to who we would like to talk to, being where we would like to be, and doing what we would like to do. Use this opportunity to find answers, help others, and explore this world. You never know how much longer you'll be here.
You are the best and I’m so glad your here and on yt; I watch all your videos and love you. ❤️ It was so good to hear you be vulnerable and more personal. It was very relatable and compelling. - INFP ☺️
You telling that introversion / extroversion is more of a spectrum is actually very reassuring. I'm a 23 years old girl and I've been "introverted" for most of my life and I was dealing with loneliness very well till like last year. Living on my own has taken its toll on me and I realize I actually need social interaction to survive lol. Lockdowns have been very hard on me when I think 17 yo or 18 yo me would have been just fine. It's called growth I guess.
This resonates. And it's comforting. I'd love to hear your thoughts (or even a collaboration with a mental health professional) showcasing how ADHD, autism, low self-confidence, and such may manifest in different personality types.
I would like you to make more videos like this. Strangely, the ones where you really talk about yourself are my favorites. However, in terms of the number of views, most of your subscribers seem to prefer funny videos (at the same time, it's understandable because you are very funny). In fact, it's true that your evolution compared to the beginning of your channel is impressive but I would never see you as someone extrovert. I'm glad that you managed to have confidence in yourself. Me, I always struggle with my shyness but I now manage to force myself to speak but I still prefer to listen (I'm always afraid of phone calls on the other hand) I'm also often very afraid that people (those whom I mostly appreciate) will hate myself because I'm a little annoying sometimes (and when I'm so stubborn that I refuse to give up on something I care about). I have tried therapy several times but each time I spend three quarters of each session crying and then I get depressed and my body can't take antidepressants. Well, actually, it's pretty easy to make me cry but I prefer to do it in my bed when no one sees me. So now I prefer to work on my self-confidence by throwing myself challenges close to the impossible or by helping those who need my advices because at least, I feel useful as I achieve miraculous transformations in some of them (and it forces me to talk to strangers)
The fact that people like you can work on themselves at that age is heartwarming and makes my 19yo self feel better. I wish you good luck on your journey! ❤
I used to be painfully awkward in my teen years. I didn't start opening up, to people outside my family, till I started working. I think it was being around different ppl everyday, having to talk to them ( I worked in retail and then Hospitality), that I actually became more comfortable. Life will change for you if you allow it to happen. Peace and Love :)
I worked a few years as a barista, too, starting when I was 18. It’ll break you out of your shell for sure. I still don’t *like* small talk, but I’m far more confident in my ability to engage with it, and each small instance of it bears less significance, which makes it safer for me to fail sometimes. Plus, I’ve learned to laugh at my own mistakes. What else can you do??
@@savannahstoehr9198 I still get frustrated with my mistakes and I am still hard on myself. But, I don't cry unless something sad happens. I was in therapy a long time ago and every session I cried. It wasn't till after a year I seemed to have run out of tears. What about yourself?
@@tandokunogirl I 1000% get frustrated with myself, and have a bad habit of beating myself up for my mistakes. I’ve had more than one therapist tell me I’m way harder on myself than on anyone else in my life (other people are perfectly welcome to have emotions, it’s only a sin when it’s me 🙃). Ironically, I cry at a LOT of things, but almost never in therapy. I’ve been in therapy for a few years now and I think I’ve cried maybe four times total. It probably has to do with my reluctance to give space to my own emotions. When I do cry, more often than not it’s actually happy tears, and the vast majority of the time it’s in response to a movie or a book or a TV show. There’s just something about narrative that makes it safe to feel things, I guess. And there’s a certain catharsis in seeing my greatest wishes realized, even if it’s just on a screen. (People seeing and hearing each other, knowing each other fully, treating each other gently, accepting each other and all their jagged edges.... I may or may not be crying rn.)
Not boring at all :) You are loved and accepted :) I love hearing you speak. I am an INFJ too and your story resonates with my journey so much. I especially appreciated you naming "hiding" self-preservation because it does so often get confused for apathy or if your a woman, bitchyness, when it's just what we sometimes do until we feel safe to know you. #ThankYou.
My transformation happened when I realized that people needs my love and smile like everybody else's and that makes the world a brighter place. It was a very brave video! Bravo :)
Relatable. I can see how using "I'm an introvert" as a cover for self-confidence issues is a comforting lie to avoid the truth. Another one I sometimes tell myself is "I don't need people" because it's a lot of work to approach people and start new relationships. You gotta push through the discomfort or you're not going to grow or experience life.
I started watching your channel years ago (When your first skit came about) when I was still in high school. I actually found you because I was doing last minute studying for AP Psychology. It has been very interesting watching you grow. - A INTJ
Thank you for being vulnerable. I think that by sharing your raw experience in this way you will be empowering many people to give it a try: to be yourself, unapologetically. And hopefully they will find, as you and I did, that they are decent and likable, just as they are. And, also, that it is natural for one's confidence to fluctuate in different circumstances. This ISFP approves 👍.
Great video! Shyness is not introversion! It always makes me sad when people think it’s synonymous. I was always shy & depressed because of bullies and being made fun of most of my life. I still have those moments, but I just push through and the it makes my life more fun & happy. FJ, It makes me so happy that you addressed this. It’s hard work to build new skills, but shyness doesn’t have to be permanent. I believe your tough journey was meant to help others struggling. You’re doing a great job! P.S. Stereotypes are funny! And I look forward to Friday’s!
As an introvert, I was so shy and less confident in myself. But when I got outside the world, I learnt to be more confident and read books on charisma and being funny. Now, whenever I socialize, people think I'm an extrovert, but after any social interaction, I become stressed out like I just lifted a 100kg barbell :D
Being called out by Kakashi is another level fo being called out lolol He actually had a transformation as an introvert like Frank, so that makes it even more valid...
@@nikolaiquack8548 lol😂. At first, I felt a bit weird tho. Then I thought I'll just comment and forget what happened. I didn't knew this many people would care
I love being around people and I love planning and hosting events and gatherings. I really hate being alone, and when I am, I imagine someone next to me to share what I’m going through and commenting on whatever is happening. But sometimes, being around some people drain my energy so badly that all I can I think off is how I can leave or escape the situation and just be alone. Also,I used to think that it’s wrong for wanting to be alone and escaping social situations before Ive learnt the concept of introversion. Watching this video made me so happy. Frank accurately described his situation exactly like mine. It was so nice and inspiring thank you Frank. As an ENFJ, I truly respect introverts and respect their social battery and would like to have many many many introverted friends 😊 even if it’s not about socialising… just friends without socialising im fine with that 😅
thanks for sharing, i could perfectly relate to this and really enjoyed listening to you! you've been a great inspiration to me throughout the past months! i've been in awe of how much you've achieved for yourself! i root for you, Frankie! Always.
I'm an ISFJ female and I've never related to a man as much as FJ in his candid videos. It's eye opening to me that there are men who can have such similar experiences. Thank you for all of your videos Frank!
Dude, so many of us (introverts) feel a different type of energy expenditure from RUclips than we do in a social situation in which we may have to recover afterwards. For me, it feels less exhausting to make a video for YT. Your videos make me feel less weird... that’s a compliment, I promise. So yeah, thanks man! 💚🐝
Haven’t watched this yet but I’m excited to! I’m always glad for your RUclips journey. Just writing with/for you has changed my own perception of myself and what I’m capable of as an introvert 😎 I’m always grateful I found your channel ✌🏻
So true about the narratives we feed ourselves. I've mistyped as an INTP for years because I related to their struggle with Fe. Always told myself I was bad at social situations and that I had social anxiety. Turns out, not so much. I just find it draining. Negative self talk can be sooooo paralyzing.
Thanks for watching, players 🙌
Join my Motivational Email List and Get a Word of the Week every Monday 🎉 infj.me/fun
Heyy Francky my bro, aren't you getting too serious in this video? Where's Heather Locklear and where are the F***ing EST* and ESF* to fool around ? . . .
Ok ok , I'm gonna chill myself and get focus on your video to the full. Ok, let's run !
@ghostwarrior9 he makes videos earlier, but releases later. Also people who buy him coffee in Ko-Fi get early access.
You're so smart it's lush.
I'm am nearer to extrovert but not really.
I love that email, thanks Frank!
Your podcast had made me miss these old style just chatting videos..and *Gasp!* you pull through and make a video just like the old school style. 😎 Like a boss. Good job and thanks, I hope you are enjoying this RUclips journey and it is bringing you joy! Because it sure does for us!
I find your channel the closest to the reality of being an introvert, without actually making it over- dramatic or sympathy-gaining type. It's also light-hearted and fun, very entertaining 🙃
trueee!!!
Yes! I agree completely
Agreed sis
Way better than those introvert video animations
Agreed!
I related to every single word of this. Thank you.
I love listening to you talk.
Thanks, Myra!!
That's crazy. I just wanted to say the same, that I liked seeing Frank speaking about himself and found this comment. And I wondered who is this person who thinks like me, and it turns out... you're the lady whose videos I've seen before! And now it turns out you also watch the same youtuber as I do! The world is so small!
@@AnnaIsHere hahaha yes! I've found the RUclips world is actually quite small!
@@FrankJames same here. Loved listening to you in this video. You really have a gift, really like your comedy stuff.
Ur channel just changed my views about my personality in a positive manner... Thanks!!
Same man. I love this channel . Its really helpful to understand yourself better. Also he is super funny.
This is so true!! Same with me!!
A lot of people confuse "shy" with "introvert" but they're not the same thing... very different reasons for not socializing! I've always been an extrovert, but have been shy in the past. However, my ex was introverted but not shy at all.
Yes, this!
True! I'm shy and introvert/ambivert. Often I don't want to talk/socialize, but some times shyness stops me from speaking/socializing even though I want to.
Yes, I'm an introvert and am not shy. But I've been accused of being shy because I don't like parties, crowds, and can be quiet. FJ touched on the fact that quiet ppl are often negatively viewed.
I'm sorry that I don't understand.
Shy isn't introverted....
@@jamesacolatse7447 there are an article on introvert spring explain that
It's so sweet of you to share bits of your life experiences with us. They're really inspiring for struggling and anxious introverts/ambiverts like us. The realness in your talks hit differently.
Yes! 1000 times yes. Could not have said it better.
100% agreed! I really needed to see this video.
I was painfully shy as a kid; not only was I introverted but I also have dyslexia which made school awful. My mom knew I was creative, argumentive, and needed confidence; so she put me in public speaking/debate competitions and got me involved in theatre. Turned out I loved it. I grew confident as I would win debates and enjoyed the opportunity to tell stories. I haven't set foot on stage in years but at my current job, I do most of the public speaking. I still consider myself an introvert because I have to have alone time to recharge (I'm also still not super great at keeping up small talk). I appreciate how you said not to put yourself in a box and think that you can't. Every personality type brings its own flavor to the table. Life would be boring if only extroverts spoke in public and only introverts shuffled papers all day in a backroom cubicle. Appreciate your thoughts. Keep putting yourself out there.
Theater isn't something that terrifies the socially awkward. That's where the socially awkward thrive :)
Ummmm...
unless you have stage fright and freeze until someone else comes to your aid and gently escorts you off the stage until you can breathe again.
(this was at a rehearsal and all the chairs for the audience were set up , but nobody was sitting there. Just the idea of that many people ... uh yeah. Too much for me)
Agreed. Because the rules are clear and predictable, unlike real life situations and interactions 😋
A certain kind of socially awkward, let’s say
Maybe I should join theater then...
ENFJ here, I love love love infjs, you guys are so genuine and caring, even with your introverted side you are usually great with people, you just need to realize it.
It can be really hard to accept that people like you. I struggle with that and am genuinely kinda surprised when I discover people actually _do_ like me (at least some of the time). But we all love you, Frank. Maybe a little too much...
Nope, not possible. ❤️
Yes. My whole life I’ve had that, “I don’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member”.
Yup. I have been shocked when I realized that people actually want to be with me
Yeah I still think friends that I have had for years hate me 🤣
I remember having this reaction a lot in college. They're talking to me? They want to know me? What madness is this? It'd never happened before.
It's eye-opening when you realize that you're not quite as unlikeable as you think you are.
@@katieglamer OMG, me too. Why is that? I hate feeling this way, but I can't seem to help it.
I relate to the whole “I want to come out of my shell, so I’ll dress differently” thing. I’ve noticed that most people with alternative aesthetics are introverts, which is so interesting. I know that for me, when I feel lonely or too quiet in my life, I’ll get a drastic haircut or a bright colored shirt or something. I don’t have too outlandish of an aesthetic, but change just to look a little more presentable like you said.
What's an alternative aesthetic?
@@princess_lookbook Fashion that isn’t mainstream: emo, punk, etc
@@zelighahn1125 firstly, thanks for responding. Secondly, the examples you gave, are they examples of the alternative aesthetics or examples of mainstream fashion?
You see those aesthetics on TikTok a lot, but few people dress like that in real life. It might be trendy, but it’s still unusual if you take a random sample of the population rlly. I agree that fashion is a form of self-expression for introverts especially. Maybe also to attract attention, since they naturally blend in
Haven't listened to it yet, but I must admit that nobody else can portray an introvert life as so cool and attractive. I'm so glad to discover your channel.
Aye aye
who said introverts weren't cool and attractive?
@@dreamon8274we definitely are a cool bunch
As a 50 something intro, I can say from experience that we grow into ourselves . We are who we are, but be the best version of that self. I am still a nerdy, book reading, quiet time liking person but there is so much to gain from interacting with other people. I have had lots of amazing conversations when I use my abilities and listen and draw out people's stories. They can add nuance and expand our thinking. Just because we are introverts and deep thinkers doesn't mean that we know everything because we read it in a book. Go out there and "Be"
Amen! Here's another 50 something who agrees!
Yes, as we get older we settle into ourselves. I used to think there was something wrong with me before I learned about MBTI, and more in psychology - I'm an intj, and happy to know that some of my characteristics are just due to that - makes it normal. I love to read intense books, they feed my mind and emotions.
@@kauffrau6764 That’s exactly why I love studying personality systems. They help me fit comfortably into my own skin when I’m so different from most people. It’s fun to be the big picture thinking woman when I know I have a place in the group
I have a transformation story. I was extremely shy and quiet throughout my entire childhood. But, come college, I was determined to not be alone. So, I pushed myself to step out of my comfort zone and learned that I could actually become very social. Years later, I found that, whenever I entered a social circle that was foreign to me, I went right back to being the shy child. I was frustrated because I thought I had overcome my childhood shyness as an adult. But once I started learning about introversion and extroversion, I began to understand myself and my needs more. People are often shocked to hear me say I'm an introvert. They call me an extroverted introvert. But that's because, I'm in a comfortable environment. Take me out of that and I clam up real fast! It's also the same with work vs home. I expend so much energy with people at work without even knowing it. By the time I get home, I just want to be alone and quiet. Now that I know these things, I am much more well-adjusted and likely to set healthy boundaries for myself.
Exactly. All of this. ❤️
Omg...i had similar experience
I also had a bout with anxiety and... i had to learn to calm. Myself down. And focus what was in front of me
I relate a lot to this. In comfortable situations, I act pretty extroverted, but I burn out quickly in less comfortable groups and situations.
@@nazrarain1452 I’m the same way!
Fellow INFJ here that really really appreciates the honesty. This was so relatable and strangely comforting
"You don't have to live a life you don't want to live"
"Trying so hard to not get involved" That was me in college, also. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's great that you shared your story with us. Very encouraging. I think I’m only halfway through this process, but I feel it’s worth the money and energy invested.
I really liked your phrase that even if you don’t like yourself, others may still like you.
I love these honest videos.
I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.
🦅🦅🔥
Ooh! That's GOOD! 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
I would really have liked to be homeschooled as a kid. I lost so much energy on just interacting with the other students and pretending to be normal. That energy could have been used so much better on subjects I was interested in. But I’m doing all the studying stuff now and enjoy it a lot!
As a former homeschooler, I can say that while it would've been nice for you to not use all that energy on people, it comes with it's difficulties too since you still need to do specific subjects :( but I'm glad to hear you're doing good now!
I was home schooled and I loved it!
This is so personal and I really like this!! Dont get me wrong, love all your skits and love identifying myself in your various characters but this feels really raw and honest
INFP AND asperger's syndrome, Fun flipping ride.
I finally found your channel a few weeks ago and immediately subscribed. It has helped, enormously!
I MAKE myself go and do.
INFJ and ADHD here. Fun flipping ride, indeed - no matter where I go or what I do, I always on some level feel like an alien lol. I’m learning to embrace it 👽🖖🏻
ND solidarity ✊🏻
@@savannahstoehr9198 haha same. Although I'm super social with whom I'm comfortable with and accept me. If not, I wanna hid somewhere 😂
Same
I'm INFP autistic and ADHD. Pretty tired of this ride.
P.S. I would honestly rather lift bales of hay than go to most parties. That's just the introvert lyf 🤘
Which type, eh?
At least lifting bales of hay you would actually be accomplishing something instead of wasting time. If you're going to expend energy, it's nice to have something to show for it.
I love lifting bales of hay! Some of the most fun I had growing up was building hay forts in our neighbor Farmer Brown’s barn. 😬
@@sunnysal3889 One year the corn maze place had hay bale maze instead. It was far superior because you couldn't really see through it.
@@recoveringsoul755 Where did you grow up that had hay bales? I’m from rural Kentucky originally.
Man, these are my favorite FJ videos. I'm a senior in highschool and I've just started to open up. Unfortunately, you have to come to these conclusions on your own, that you are worthy of being socially fulfilled. I still have a lot to learn and work on. But it is possible and it's a relief to finally realize that.
Being an Introvert with a lot of confidence is the best in life!
That's why look up to introvert celebrities a lot. They are comfortable with themselves,they are introvert and true to themselves,but still confident.
Like Keanu Reeves, Zayn Malik and Emma Watson.
Confident introverts are the most attractive.
Working on that. It's hard.
well said my friend...
@@AnaLu07 Kurt Cobain but with drugs and depression
So courageous to share your story. Listened to every word in this video and love videos like this they feels so intimate.
Thank you for sharing your journey Frank!
I liked the new "let me just sit here and talk honestly about my life" kind of concept
I am in my 50s and spent several decades working against my introversion. It wears a person out. I have a much healthier approach now that I can just let myself be me. I have watched you for years and I love the growth!
You’ve changed in many ways through the years. You seem much more confident and positive than a few years ago. I love seeing the development in your videos 🥳
Truth is, ever since I was 12 I couldn’t stand being around people my own age - I just always feel cruddy around my peers, I feel like such a weirdo and like I don’t measure up at all. I decided to not let this stop me from having a meaningful life, and I work at a nursing home now. :) I spend a lot of time with people I don’t compare myself with, and my oddness is not part of the social equation around the residents. Around my coworkers is another story. :/
This and your recent podcast have reminded me I am more capable than I believe I am. Introversion has been a major focus in my life because I was basically told from a young age something was wrong with me. I have been fighting being an introvert my whole life. Now, in my late 40's I'm finally accepting some facets of my introversion aren’t going to change, but neither being extremely extroverted or introverted is helpful for me. Balance is what's important. Thank you for sharing.
Extrovert with the opposite problem. I really admire introverts for their ability to be alone and happy like that. I've kind of shunned my extroversion for a while, admiring IQ over EQ for some stupid reason. Now I value them pretty equally and value a good balance of both.
My Dad put it in a good way. "You have your mom's ambition but you're more of a free spirit like me."
That comment really helped me see and accept myself.
Miriam, I am an introvert, INTJ. I was taught that it was wrong to be so introverted. My mom taught me how to fake extroversion to the point that most people don't believe me to be an introvert. I think some of that helped me to learn to be closer to a balance, but in the end I am an introvert.
My best friend wanted us to move in together back in 2011. She thought it was a great idea. She had only ever seen me when I was being extroverted. She would be in the same room as me, which to me as an introvert was like spending time together, and both of us were doing our own thing. Not understanding why I was so quiet and why I wasn't engaging with her, she got to the point that she honestly thought something was wrong and I just didn't discuss it. BIG FIGHT. I still don't fully understand what the fight was about. I was a great roommate. I cooked, I did all the cleaning, I never complained, I was quiet and respectful. BUT I failed to meet her needs and was so into my own world that she felt there was a conflict. Eventually she decided to just forgive me. I moved out when the year was up. A few months ago, she actually moved out to be with me and now we share an apartment again, two women in their 40s. Having grown as a person in that time and learning to appreciate her own introspection, she, an ENFP, is a calmer and more accepting roommate. As for me, I pause what I am doing and focus on her when she tries to engage in a conversation. She has no idea how much it bothers me when she interrupts my private time, but she has needs that I am willing to attend to. I learned about love languages and took the time to learn about ENFP needs. We don't fight, we communicate clearly, and she knows to go to other people if she wants a long conversation that is about other people instead of important topics I feel passionately enough to engage about. We all have to grow, see the needs of others , and become more balanced.
@@MindfullyMindy yes, I know the misunderstandings that can come when people have only seen you behave in a certain way. I am glad to hear you were able to work things out.
As a fellow introvert, I so appreciated watching this. Thanks so much for sharing!
ive had pretty bad social anxiety for like 7 years and i recently realized that all the reasons i thought people would hate or judge me were unrealistic. and that everything i was assuming in my head wasnt them it was just me thinking the worst, cuz when people meet you they usually assume the best and since I realized that ive been getting better with socializing slowly but surely.
I had assumed that people were judging me all the time for a while so I kept my distance
I tell myself that most people don't even notice me. I myself have such a poor memory for people, especially faces, that it's easy for me to imagine that.
Hi Frank! I'm an INFJ who has learned a lot about my personality type and about overcoming mental obstacles through your channel. Thank you for helping me be more confident and feel less weird/alone in the world. I spent most of my life thinking there was something off about me. I was even a monk in my 20s! Typical INFJ! Thank you for what you do!
I think we introverts have a lot of potential to do a lot of good and help a lot of people... as long as we don’t let our own self doubts get in the way and hold us back. It’s not a bad thing to stretch ourselves and be uncomfortable sometimes.
I have to admit that I got emotional watching this because I’ve had especially tough couple of weeks/months dealing with these issues and other things. Thank you so much for this video. I feel like I really needed this. And thank you for sharing your personal story.
As an old fan and infj, I've been waiting for this video
A breath of fresh air, an excellent informer & entertainer-- FJ. Always intellectually stimulating, relevant, we are GRATEFUL for your presence on YT!
I am currently in college and I can relate to this so much I am just about crying.
I refuse to try most of the time and end up hurt that I have no friends at school.
I want to get out of my shell, but it is so stinking hard! (I have even been going back and forth on wether or not to start a RUclips channel)
I love theater, but less because of the fun/different people and more because I can break out of my head and away from my feelings of inadequacy without having to leave my imagination.
FJ, thank you for another wonderful video!
-Fellow Introvert Theater Nerd
why is it so me?? 😭😭
It's human nature to gravitate to easy and comfortable. And then the mind can be over imaginative... One thing that helped me was a counselor who said, "If you met yourself, what would you do or say?" I realize I was so judgmental about what I should and should not do - i never gave myself a break. People are not as hyper-critical as we are, and they do not see as much as we feel... You have my permission to inhale, exhale and just spend time on this planet. You don't have to Wow me with dialogue, or watch where you walk. Just live and let live. and you will find people who like spending time with you, who will laugh along with you not at you. Just inhale and exhale and LIVE and let your mind go to more important things like "World Peace" or "homelessness" instead of self analyzing all the things you could have or should or would have. When the thoughts turned inward and make you super self-conscious whisper out loud, "I'm human. that's good enough." and move on. Refuse to let the thoughts paralyze you or freeze you inside yourself. Instead, focus on the real now... what your hands are doing, what your heart is feeling... and take the next breath. that wonderful song, "Let it Go" is not some trite meme - it really is helpful. let the negative thoughts go... they aren't helping us anyway. HUGS>
@@dancenshout2002 Thank you so much! I really need this in my life. I will try to remember this the next time I want to put my head through a wall.
@UCiBM2xT8SOW8GBSPGPuhLSw Thank you! I feel like FJ fans are such amazing people!!
P.S. Believe it or not I was not trying to throw a pity party, just expressing how I related with the video. I am very appreciative of the support, though!
About a year ago I was in the same position. I didn't have any friends at school, not even acquaintances. Than my sister encouraged me to actively try and make friends. On the first two tries, it didn't go well and I felt like no one would want to befriend me. After that I had a group project with two other people and I tried to have conversations with them outside of the ones strictly about our project. Fast forward to now, where I now know a lot more people and consider some of them to be friends. We have a groupchat with our class that I made and I don't just passively watch them talk but I actually engage in the conversation with them. We send science memes to each other and now even have a shared spotify playlist with science songs.
TL;DR: I also didn't have friends, then I put myself out there more and now I do have friends :D Moral of the story, putting yourself out there is scary but totally worth it!
I always feel like my energy seems so low on camera as an introvert. I used to try to push myself to be really high energy, but it was burning me out. But I figure your vibe attracts your tribe right, so better to be real.
I'm an introvert have no confidence, and low self-esteem for various reasons. The funny thing is, 2020 was supposed to be the year where I came out of my shell and started doing things with my life. I wanted to volunteer for different cons, meet new people, get my degree, get a job and then finally move to Canada. But well, it's 2020... Instead my depression resurfaced, I still haven't finished my studies and I feel more useless than ever. At least I started talking more with other people online, which is progress.
In any case, your videos really brighten up my days and I just wanted to thank you for that. So really thank you for all that you do
Alex C good luck for 2021 … or whenever it becomes okay to do all those things.
@@tealrose3248 Thank you very much! I wish you the same; and hopefully 2021 is better for everyone.
Keep pursuing your goals! They will happen in time!
@@smk9320 It's tough, but so far I'm trying. Thank you for the supportive words, hope you have a lovely day kind stranger!
Fellow INFJ who grew up sheltered. I relate so much to all of this. Now at 30 I’m finally making an effort to make friendships and improve my social confidence.
FJ: now let's see if youtube wants to show a commercial
youtube: *doesn't*
FJ: thanks for sitting thr-
youtube: if yOU WANT tO-
I got two commercials
Oh, and then I got MORe ads later in the video without any warning by FJ, and of course the ads at the end
Not getting ads anymore here either.
I guess all I wanted to say was that you have helped me so much to understand the way my mind works. It is very helpful for me, and I think for others too, to see that someone has thought these things trough and want's to share them with other people. It's like walking in fog and then all of a sudden it's clear as day! Or at least the fog is gone. So thanks Frank!
I think a lot of ppl confuse introvertness with shyness.
Yes, shyness imo is describing a problem, whereas introverted is more of a statement of comfort, genuinely, where are you happiest? Most people want some friends etc, but everyone has a slightly different comfort zone, the point where the feel the party has peaked and after which they start to head off. Shyness is more of a negative, I would like to be friends with these people, but I don't feel confident.
@@TheSouthIsHot yes I hate people telling me that, telling someone not to be shy doesn’t help at all. I’d say that it’s a problem though if shyness stops someone from doing what they want.
@Joona Ahonen yes indeed. I've always known the difference between introversion and shyness since I am both but for a long time didn't see social anxiety for what it was-it is that which prevents you from doing things that you want or need to do. In light of that shyness is not a bad thing (as I have thought for so long) but S.A definitely is ! I'm glad to have finally established the difference since I think more often people speak of social anxiety and shyness as one and the same as opposed to introversion and shyness (from my experiences).
@@69raisinswhy I am a pretty shy introvert and ppl always making us belive that being introvert is "wrong" or "trying to make us extroverts". Yes it's true that we can be more sociable by improving ourselves and that's a choise not all introvrerts have to do this and they are doing nothing wrong. But i will always stay introvert. And they don' even try to give us time to improve. I'm trying to improve but none of them realize that i need time. Even making this comment is a big thing for me but they won't even realize those small changes. But I will always be shy and it kinda good for me.
Agree.
I’ve been dealing with this not from a personality type angle but instead related to mental illness. I am bipolar and working on not letting that define what I can and can’t do... that’s still something I struggle with. This video was a good reminder not to limit myself simply based on my diagnosis, so thanks for sharing ☺️
I’ve been an introvert my whole life. I’ve been on stage since I was about 5. (Piano, poetry recitation, church solos... did it ‘cause I had to, still don’t enjoy public speaking)
I don’t have social anxiety, but it takes me a while to warm up to people.
You can absolutely be a social introvert. I’d pick a meaningful conversation in a coffee shop over a crowded party any day, though. Can I be in a crowded party and make a good first impression? If I have to. Do I enjoy being the center of attention? Not in the least! 🙃
Your story of high school of intentionally not talking. And wanting to get out but unable to.. is so relatable to me.
I think sometimes it’s easier to interact with people outside your peer group, because you aren’t really expected to fit in. My nieces don’t think it’s weird that I don’t know the current music.
I agree because there are things that I still struggle to talk about with the people in my life that I can find the courage to talk about with strangers on the Internet.
@@loveme1641 Same.
Indeed!
Really good to hear more about your life story Frank. I identified with several aspects of it. Have realised that I have become more introverted since my 30s and now in my 40s. I felt I had to wear the mask and keep up socially through the younger decades possibly for similar reasons that the pain of embarrassment of not joining in seemed worse than feeling very not-right/safe by just going with the flow. I’m much better at preserving my energy now. And I have a tight circle of amazing friends who mostly see the sociable side of me when I do join in because I feel so safe with them.
I wonder how my infj and introversion will evolve in my next decade!
It’s weird. I am seriously an INFJ and as a kid I was shy. I am now a teacher so I have to talk and put myself out there. It took a lot to overcome in the beginning but now it’s part of daily life and how I make my living. It’s still weird for me to deal with most of my fellow teachers. I don’t fit in and I kind of kick it quietly in most meetings. It’s trippy...I never thought I would be doing this as a kid or in high school.
Same here!
Im late, but: Imissed serious vids like this one where it's kind of a deep insightful monologue. I love it! Please upload these more
I'm so glad I found your channel. Thank you very much for sharing your personal stories with us. You make us feel that we are not alone. Many of us relate to your stories about shyness, lack of confidence, social anxiety, etc. Seeing you through your channel and how you've been improving over time shows us that we can overcome these problems. You've done a great job here and I'm happy to see your channel is growing very fast, you're helping a lot of people. Thanks for all the teachings and laughs, Frank. We really appreciate you. 🤗
I came across your channel when I was trying to figure out my husband's personality type. I actually thought that I was an extrovert, but then people would be too intrested in getting to know me and I would hide away or avoid them. I felt like a fraud. I wasn't able to keep up the energy needed to interact with them. My husband which I have since discovered is a classic INFP is the person that I can completely be myself around. But he still doesn't fully understand me. Making a long story short, I discovered that I am an INFJ. I had no idea it was rare or now desirable to be. I have to pause your videos sometimes because I am laughing so hard. It's like you are able to articulate in words the complicated whirlwind of thoughts/doubts/self reflecting that takes place constantly. Thank you for stepping out. I feel understood in a way that I've never experienced or even thought was possible, by someone that I may never meet. Be blessed Frank. Shalom
I like how you're sharing your story on social media, facing and telling all your embarrassing situations and your experiences, we're so proud of how you become now 💗
I was an outcast in elementary school and I didn't even try to fit in because I thought the others didn't like me. I gained more confidence when I started high school and stopped caring too much about my social circles. I made friends who were really compatible with me that I didn't have to force myself to fit in. I also started learning martial arts because I wanted to.
In uni, my friends were really surprised when I said I am an introvert because they see me as outgoing. But even then, I didn't really go to many social events and I do just go out alone sometimes.
I also want to add that an introvert can be better at socializing then extroverts. Skill and inclination are not synonymous. I'm an extrovert, but I put people off with my intensity; my husband is an introvert, but he makes friends easily. Having been punished for my behavior so long made me scared that I will offend people so I started limiting my exposure.
Apparently introverts can be better listeners
I think being intense and passionate is a very good thing! 👍
Just make sure to leave enough "space" and silence for the other person to react to what you are saying or doing. Give them a chance to show they like you by giving that space for them to blossom and be intense in return.
Get curious about others and instead of trying to get them to like or accept you - get curious about them and ask lots of questions.
Then when they answer and get onto a topic they are really enjoying you can jump in with that enthusiasm and then they'll be enjoying it. 😃
Hope that helps.
I like how you took the time to reflect on your journey here. It's feels like a nice breath after a run.
I've been watching this channel since pretty much the beginning, and it's been cool to see how you went from just talking honestly and frankly to becoming more joyful and doing funny videos, skits and finding success.
Frankly 😂
Wow... I related so much to this especially when you were talking about the chaos and being a “goody two shoe”... I struggled with that as well as I was always the “downer” when my friends got too crazy
your videos like this have helped me so much lately. i'm at college in a different state (i'm a freshman) and i don't know anyone here cuz my classes are all online, so i've been alone for months. i like to watch your more serious commentary videos and then write in my journal afterward. it helps a lot. thank you, Frank
"Because I didn't like myself and I didn't think other people would like me" I know this feeling cuz I've been through it. However, I assume you got over it by now? There's definitely a huge difference in your videos from the past till now. You're more confident and I assume you love/like yourself now! That's amazing 💜💜
I love that this is so much like you're older videos, missing the longer hair tho❤️ that was amazing❤️
I also diagnosed with social anxiety but same time i feel im not suffering of this Psychological disorders because there is times i feel good and have fun with some ppl and i can talk with strangers and smile to them, sometimes i feel less confident or hesitant to make decisions even with simplest things like what i should eat for lunch but with all these stuff i feel in peace most of the time, and im grateful for u now i know myself better than before thx alot Frank from bottom of my heart
After starting typing and erasing it three times... hahah. it is hopeful to know, in time, we can gain confidence and have less negative self talk, less "edits". At age 49 there is still the invisible pressure to be greater than... to present better, to have a handle on this ever changing elusive world... but I am grateful you have courage and share the journey with the rest of us. I tune in because your voice is easy to listen to... and i find myself agreeing with most of the information and arguments you give us. We are not stuck in the patterns, no matter what our "natural" and "go-to" coping strategies are...we can all reach out, practice and learn new ways to interact and get connected. So thank full that you keep challenging yourself (and us) to get out of the comfy place and take a look at what is not working well... Hugz.
Thank you for sharing your story. :) This has helped me since I am a introvert and I HATE when I have to get together with people. Now I will try to open up and try to socialize more. Again thank you.
I almost never comment on anything but this really hit home. Starting to the fact that I am also born in December and had issues fitting in school, and co :D . I've been keeping people out for most of my life. During my BA, i've made no effort making friends, suffered because of it but I was terrified (I was a international student, everything was intimidating). That reflected in my MA, when I was exactly the opposite, social butterfly I don't think anyone would classify me as an introvert. After that the job situation hit hard, I've had some personal issues too and I closed in almost complelty. The COVID-19 situation certanly didn't help. Time alone, that I love, people do drain me, but lack of confidence... that is a different story, I realize now I've got stuff to sort out. Thank you!
As an ENFJ, I really appreciate hearing your story. 💗💗💗 Thanks for being so transparent and authentic.😊
I'm an actor host, stand-up comedy, and make content on RUclips, and yes, I'm still an introvert. And like you, Frank, I also have people tell me I can't be an introvert, because I do all of that. It was looong journey to be able to get to the point where I COULD, and funny enough, a video I made about that journey will be up on my channel tomorrow. And anyone who thinks that someone who can be on camera is automatically an extrovert, I suggestion doing a Google search on introvert celebrities. - INFP
Hey FJ, thank you so much for sharing your “journey” :) I resonated so much with what you’ve experienced in learning how not to associate yourself with a personality type (I’m still learning how to do this lol). I just moved to a new city for my job and I’ve always been the quiet type when meeting new people but at the same time when I get to know someone I feel more comfortable. It feels like living a double life haha. But again, thanks for sharing your story! You have no idea how encouraging and helpful it was! Stay cool and attractive! 🎶✊🏾
We have the wonderful opportunity in this era to have the choice of talking to who we would like to talk to, being where we would like to be, and doing what we would like to do. Use this opportunity to find answers, help others, and explore this world. You never know how much longer you'll be here.
You are the best and I’m so glad your here and on yt; I watch all your videos and love you. ❤️ It was so good to hear you be vulnerable and more personal. It was very relatable and compelling.
- INFP ☺️
You telling that introversion / extroversion is more of a spectrum is actually very reassuring. I'm a 23 years old girl and I've been "introverted" for most of my life and I was dealing with loneliness very well till like last year. Living on my own has taken its toll on me and I realize I actually need social interaction to survive lol. Lockdowns have been very hard on me when I think 17 yo or 18 yo me would have been just fine. It's called growth I guess.
This resonates. And it's comforting.
I'd love to hear your thoughts (or even a collaboration with a mental health professional) showcasing how ADHD, autism, low self-confidence, and such may manifest in different personality types.
ALSO, what styles and methods of mentorship and coaching strategies typically work for different personality styles.
Real as Fudge Frank... You definitely deserve that 500k that's coming.. Top work.
To quote Daniel Goldman “ temperament is not destiny”
I would like you to make more videos like this. Strangely, the ones where you really talk about yourself are my favorites. However, in terms of the number of views, most of your subscribers seem to prefer funny videos (at the same time, it's understandable because you are very funny). In fact, it's true that your evolution compared to the beginning of your channel is impressive but I would never see you as someone extrovert. I'm glad that you managed to have confidence in yourself. Me, I always struggle with my shyness but I now manage to force myself to speak but I still prefer to listen (I'm always afraid of phone calls on the other hand) I'm also often very afraid that people (those whom I mostly appreciate) will hate myself because I'm a little annoying sometimes (and when I'm so stubborn that I refuse to give up on something I care about). I have tried therapy several times but each time I spend three quarters of each session crying and then I get depressed and my body can't take antidepressants. Well, actually, it's pretty easy to make me cry but I prefer to do it in my bed when no one sees me. So now I prefer to work on my self-confidence by throwing myself challenges close to the impossible or by helping those who need my advices because at least, I feel useful as I achieve miraculous transformations in some of them (and it forces me to talk to strangers)
I like how open you are I'm 79. Had to struggle all these years. Made progress, but on my own.
The fact that people like you can work on themselves at that age is heartwarming and makes my 19yo self feel better. I wish you good luck on your journey! ❤
@@YehudiNimol Thanks. Good luck to you. If you need help, you are more likely to find it today.
I used to be painfully awkward in my teen years. I didn't start opening up, to people outside my family, till I started working. I think it was being around different ppl everyday, having to talk to them ( I worked in retail and then Hospitality), that I actually became more comfortable. Life will change for you if you allow it to happen.
Peace and Love :)
I worked a few years as a barista, too, starting when I was 18. It’ll break you out of your shell for sure. I still don’t *like* small talk, but I’m far more confident in my ability to engage with it, and each small instance of it bears less significance, which makes it safer for me to fail sometimes. Plus, I’ve learned to laugh at my own mistakes. What else can you do??
@@savannahstoehr9198 I still get frustrated with my mistakes and I am still hard on myself. But, I don't cry unless something sad happens. I was in therapy a long time ago and every session I cried. It wasn't till after a year I seemed to have run out of
tears. What about yourself?
@@tandokunogirl I 1000% get frustrated with myself, and have a bad habit of beating myself up for my mistakes. I’ve had more than one therapist tell me I’m way harder on myself than on anyone else in my life (other people are perfectly welcome to have emotions, it’s only a sin when it’s me 🙃). Ironically, I cry at a LOT of things, but almost never in therapy. I’ve been in therapy for a few years now and I think I’ve cried maybe four times total. It probably has to do with my reluctance to give space to my own emotions. When I do cry, more often than not it’s actually happy tears, and the vast majority of the time it’s in response to a movie or a book or a TV show. There’s just something about narrative that makes it safe to feel things, I guess. And there’s a certain catharsis in seeing my greatest wishes realized, even if it’s just on a screen. (People seeing and hearing each other, knowing each other fully, treating each other gently, accepting each other and all their jagged edges.... I may or may not be crying rn.)
Not boring at all :) You are loved and accepted :) I love hearing you speak. I am an INFJ too and your story resonates with my journey so much. I especially appreciated you naming "hiding" self-preservation because it does so often get confused for apathy or if your a woman, bitchyness, when it's just what we sometimes do until we feel safe to know you. #ThankYou.
My transformation happened when I realized that people needs my love and smile like everybody else's and that makes the world a brighter place. It was a very brave video! Bravo :)
We all love you Frank!
Thanks for just being you!
The RUclips commercial introduction was my favourite part 😅
Thanks for sitting through that. 😉
Relatable. I can see how using "I'm an introvert" as a cover for self-confidence issues is a comforting lie to avoid the truth. Another one I sometimes tell myself is "I don't need people" because it's a lot of work to approach people and start new relationships. You gotta push through the discomfort or you're not going to grow or experience life.
I started watching your channel years ago (When your first skit came about) when I was still in high school. I actually found you because I was doing last minute studying for AP Psychology. It has been very interesting watching you grow.
- A INTJ
Thank you for being vulnerable. I think that by sharing your raw experience in this way you will be empowering many people to give it a try: to be yourself, unapologetically. And hopefully they will find, as you and I did, that they are decent and likable, just as they are. And, also, that it is natural for one's confidence to fluctuate in different circumstances. This ISFP approves 👍.
Great video! Shyness is not introversion! It always makes me sad when people think it’s synonymous. I was always shy & depressed because of bullies and being made fun of most of my life. I still have those moments, but I just push through and the it makes my life more fun & happy. FJ, It makes me so happy that you addressed this. It’s hard work to build new skills, but shyness doesn’t have to be permanent. I believe your tough journey was meant to help others struggling. You’re doing a great job! P.S. Stereotypes are funny! And I look forward to Friday’s!
As an introvert, I was so shy and less confident in myself. But when I got outside the world, I learnt to be more confident and read books on charisma and being funny. Now, whenever I socialize, people think I'm an extrovert, but after any social interaction, I become stressed out like I just lifted a 100kg barbell :D
"To Know What Is Right And Chose To Ignore It, Is The Act Of A Coward"
- Hatake Kakashi (Naruto)
'Naruto, help me'
-Sakura, probably
You're right, I'm about to blow up my friend with a Chidori.
Did you really just Kakashi us under a video about Introversion?
Being called out by Kakashi is another level fo being called out lolol
He actually had a transformation as an introvert like Frank, so that makes it even more valid...
@@nikolaiquack8548 lol😂.
At first, I felt a bit weird tho. Then I thought I'll just comment and forget what happened. I didn't knew this many people would care
I love being around people and I love planning and hosting events and gatherings. I really hate being alone, and when I am, I imagine someone next to me to share what I’m going through and commenting on whatever is happening. But sometimes, being around some people drain my energy so badly that all I can I think off is how I can leave or escape the situation and just be alone. Also,I used to think that it’s wrong for wanting to be alone and escaping social situations before Ive learnt the concept of introversion. Watching this video made me so happy. Frank accurately described his situation exactly like mine. It was so nice and inspiring thank you Frank.
As an ENFJ, I truly respect introverts and respect their social battery and would like to have many many many introverted friends 😊 even if it’s not about socialising… just friends without socialising im fine with that 😅
thanks for sharing, i could perfectly relate to this and really enjoyed listening to you!
you've been a great inspiration to me throughout the past months!
i've been in awe of how much you've achieved for yourself! i root for you, Frankie! Always.
this wasn't boring at all - as always, you say things that i've often thought to myself in the past and wondered if i was the only one.
About being more opened when with younger or older people with you - i can totally relate!
-infj
I was comfortable with older people
Thanks for the wonderful honesty, Frank!
Your channel got me more into MBTI. It's been a useful tool to understand myself.
Same. I needed something to do during lockdown so FJ's channel got me interested in learning about MBTI
I'm an ISFJ female and I've never related to a man as much as FJ in his candid videos. It's eye opening to me that there are men who can have such similar experiences. Thank you for all of your videos Frank!
As an infj I can only be my true self when I am alone or with 1 or2 trusted person/s
Dude, so many of us (introverts) feel a different type of energy expenditure from RUclips than we do in a social situation in which we may have to recover afterwards. For me, it feels less exhausting to make a video for YT. Your videos make me feel less weird... that’s a compliment, I promise. So yeah, thanks man! 💚🐝
Haven’t watched this yet but I’m excited to! I’m always glad for your RUclips journey. Just writing with/for you has changed my own perception of myself and what I’m capable of as an introvert 😎 I’m always grateful I found your channel ✌🏻
So true about the narratives we feed ourselves. I've mistyped as an INTP for years because I related to their struggle with Fe. Always told myself I was bad at social situations and that I had social anxiety. Turns out, not so much. I just find it draining. Negative self talk can be sooooo paralyzing.
I've always felt more comfortable with people younger than me too-very interesting! And I'm an INFJ who loves making videos. Proud of your growth, FJ!