This is exactly where I am as the betrayed spouse. I can't continue to want someone who doesn't want me. I do love him ... I'm just in a space of taking ownership of my own healing and protection.
I am so thankful to have found your videos. They are helping me through my recovery (betrayed spouse). I made this move before I see this video today and in a way it's not only to get a reaction out of the unfaithful spouse. I actually felt empowered. It makes one feel more like there's light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you!
Jezz I passed on this video 3 times already. My dad always told me, “the opportunity you are pushing a way from your life could be your way to success” I’m in this very stage right now:
How do I handle ambivalence when she came home after separating, but is still unsure of what she wants? Couple counseling sessions and we figured out that she is lost n having a midlife crisis and doesn't know who she is anymore. And thank you for the videos, they have really helped these last 11 months
so glad they helped. you'll need expert help my friend. while i do believe in midlife crises.....it's not the only thing that needs to be addressed. sometimes, calling an affair part of a mid life crisis is a gross oversimplification. i would push for expert help like our ems weekend or an expert who has a proven expert process.
I have been there. When my husband was having the affair he didn't know what he wanted. I even wrote him a letter and pleaded with him that it was all a lie and the affair partner was a stranger. But he told me he didn't know and the magnitude of connection they had was greater lol okay. So I packed up and I left. I said my peace. But he kept trying to have me and the kids move back in but I wouldn't until he knew what he wanted. He broke the affair off but I can say that I didn't feel welcome for about a year and a half. It is going on year 2 since D-day. I still wonder why I am here. Because I feel like I am the only one doing the recovery work. I believe he thinks that if he just continues to work and provide and display some affection then he is making it work. But there's more to it than that. He even told me he doesn't have issues just made a mistake. But I don't buy it. So I am working on my recovery because I can't carry the both of us. And if this marriage doesn't work at least I know I tried my very best.
Bullseye..Yes, this my situation Samuel right now..it seems like im the only one who is interested to save the marriage. She told me that she feels guilty everytime she talks to me but i never saw that remorse from her or that willingness to comeback to me. I never saw or feel that willingness from her. I remember those times that she just seldom communicate to me, twice in a month or so..
Hi Samuel I still stuck with this same scenario for last 8 years or so since infidelity 20yrs married and I believe I want marriage more, concern about kids whom are too old now19 and 22 I have been going to therapy solo for a year and I cannot get spouse to since she thinks it won’t help since we went prior I’m considering throwing the towel since I tried so many ways to make marriage better! Books, therapy, you tube, talking to spouse etc I’m stuck or paralyzed in my decision
hi michael, perhaps it's time to consider an ultimatum? maybe these two resources can guide you a bit in your decision and implementation of it: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/how-get-mate-cooperate www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/they-get-say-no-life-going-change before you throw in the towel, you may want to try implementing that type of approach in order to see if there is any hope at all.
My husband agreed to go to marriage counseling and did try once to stop seeing his AP but quickly relapsed and he won't stop he says her doesn't want to leave his family for this person but seem to be addicted to this situation he does have bipolar disorder and he is manic right now. I want to try this method you said you have seen it work, but honestly I'm scared to death but I know we can't continue this merry go round either. I want so bad for us to go to EMS weekend but due to his health issues I'm the only one working and the financial situation will be difficult, any advice you can give would be appreciated I find myself watching these videos just to make it through the day 😢
sorry for the delay. was on vacation. maybe the online version will help which you can find here: www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-online you can also apply for financial assistance to the course here: www.affairrecovery.com/scholarship-application-request i'm so glad the videos help you and support you. is he open to reading books or doing any kind of work at all? maybe focusing on you and your own healing is the best way to go right now.
This is my situation, except that I don't want the relationship more than she does unless I can be again confident in her sincerity. Which at the moment I''m not.
My situation is so similar to Brandon's down below in the comments. I am the one that committed infidelity my partner has it shown no real dedicated interest in doing counseling. I started seeking it out 2 days after it was revealed. I have had 3 sessions on my own with a gottman trained counselor. My partner sat in on one additional counseling session without saying anything and then participated in another 1 where it just turned into a disaster. I am signed up to do the class through affair recovery for the people that have committed infidelity. My problem is is that my partner is on a roller coaster of emotions which I understand I do and I know that this is my fault. One day hes intensely angry and the next day he loves me wants to hug me be intimate with me. He thinks I am lying about everything and even when I tell him the truth about things and it can even prove it to him he won't believe me. Yes told me that if he thinks I'm lying to him hes going to walk out every single time. And that he is not going to do counseling until I won't lie to him. This is incredibly frustrating because tonight even when I told him the truth he still walked out and reiterated that there will be no counseling for him until I can tell the truth. I have also done individual counseling and have watched many many many of the videos here on Your RUclips channel. They're like a comfort to me. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate all of the videos. And that's another thing I have tried to get him to watch them and I think hes may be watched 3. Hes the love of my life and I don't want to lose him
I am experiencing ambivalence from my wife, whom I betrayed. I am the betrayer and cut off ALL contact with my AP before the affair was revealed. The AP is the one who revealed the affair as punishment for me not leaving my family for her. My wife is exhibiting all these things you describe, Samuel. I feel like I am chasing my wife to give me another chance to be the husband she wants. These things are very complicated, obviously...I want to restore my marriage but my wife won't even consider therapy or any repair work with me or even by herself at this point. I feel really hopeless
it's pretty normal brandon. what are you doing for you in spite of her refusal to get help? if she sees you getting help even when she refuses to, it speaks to the willingness to get help and healthy regardless. she will admire that most likely, but if she only sees you get help, IF she gives you a glimmer of hope, then she won't respect that you're really serious. she will think you will only want to save the marriage, not save yourself from the destruction you created. there is a sense of honor when they see you get help, even though they give you no shot at recovery and a future together. there is a sense of valor when you get help, even though it appears over. i would do all you can do to get help and continue to be safe for her. who knows, maybe that will appeal to her and she will the open up to getting help? it worked for me. i'll tell you that.
Overcoming Infidelity Thank you Samuel. I started individual therapy about two weeks after D-day. She was not even close to starting....Her response was along the lines of me being the one who messed up so I'm the one that needs therapy. She didn't mess up, she doesn't feel like she needs therapy....skewed logic from a very emotionally unstable person. Trauma can do that to anyone. I also started attending a 12-step program for Co-dependence. It's been very helpful. She definitely recognizes my efforts but her head is interrupting her heart from trusting my efforts so far. I suppose she just needs time. I have never been good with being patient so I am throwing patience into the pile of lessons that God has for me.
How did things end up Brandon? Curious! I'm in your spot and its been 4 months and we live separately and still not divorced and hang out and do things together but she still says at this point she doesnt want any romantic relationship with me. A hug goodnight is the most contact I get. I guess I should be grateful she is even wanting to be friendly and spend time together but I will be devastated if she decides to not want to be with me in the end. I too am forced to be patient, and be calm and be a friend and work on myself and see therapist and all that and am not good at waiting or not being physical yet here I am. Some Hope would be great
I'm about to completely break down. My husband, has had an affair off and on for over a year. The last time he left was July 21st, and he is still living with her now. But for the past 7 months, he says he wants to come back, loves me, feels awful, etc. The woman he is with, has made threats to me, to him and is doing all she can to keep him from leaving, fake pregnancy, slit her wrist, threatens suicide, hides his keys and shoes so he can't leave... This has been a constant yo yo effect, and has literally hurt and cut me to my core. I met my husband in high school, we have been together for 16 years, we have 3 kids together. I still love him, and I want to work things out, but I feel like this just will never end. I don't know what to believe. I have gone to file for seperation four seperate times, and each time he has begged me not too, and showed up to stop me. I'm hurting, and it just never ends. I can't sleep, eat, I'm extremely depressed, and I have lost every ounce of self esteem I had. Please, no harsh judgements, just honest help. Am I a fool for having hope that we could get through This?
nothing foolish about wanting to save your relationship my friend. but, you're not going to be able to do this alone. he needs expert help, you need expert help. i would tell him that you need him to come with you to the ems weekend which is what do do for couples in crisis, here is the link: www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-weekend you've got to get off the mary go round and stop the continuing back and forth. if he won't do the weekend, or something like that, then i'd be very concerned about any commitment at all from him as he won't be able to follow through with it.
At what point in early recovery may this have to be used. My WS right now seems to be very ambivalent. It's only been 4 weeks since D day(she came clean) and her agreeing to try make this work.
I've signed up for harbouring hope. It's not open yet, I've also been doing counselling and completed the online course through marriage helper. I'm giving her the space she wants, however space isn't going to help us work on this. She's going through her own guilt and feelings etc, and knows what's right to do etc, but is very hesitant to do any recovery work together
@@stolenguitar1988 here are some pieces on possibly getting them to take action that I would highly suggest you consider utilizing in your situation: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/how-get-mate-cooperate www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/they-get-say-no-life-going-change at the end of the day, you/she can be ambivalent yet still get help to visit options and see what you think you want to do, down the road. you don't have to stay stuck and paralyzed. to not do work is a huge red flag, even if you don't know which way you want to go. have you seen these videos that may help: www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/why-not-commit-marriage-part-1 www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/why-not-commit-marriage-part-2 www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/why-not-commit-marriage-part-3
What can one do? Once the bp accepts facts and actions of partner it’s pretty much all said and done. As hard as it is to accept that you can not force them to feel the same it gives you a peace and understanding it had nothing to do with you or the choice they made. It was all them and a decision and theirs alone. They have to live with it, they also had a choice not to jeopardize the vow they made. Why should the bp not feel ambivalent. It is their right what choice was given to them? Just putting it out their, stating my opinion. If the betrayer was in a ambivalent position, why put yourself there? You decided to be in that position. What choice do you have? None really, I would rather you stick with the first because If it was a vow you took with me and you disrespected me and family, then no there is no consultation stay with the choice you made and be a man about it. Idk just saying..
If you're ambivalent Patrick, i would get expert help to help you walk down a proper road that will help you decide where you want to be and why. this course on our site is extremely helpful in these cases: www.affairrecovery.com/product/hope-for-healing as unfaithful spouses we get in our head often and we get confused. i know what it feels like for sure. I would highly suggest expert help, then committing to a process and a set time as well.
@@samshealingpodcast no, no... She is the ambivalent one. Atleast it appears that way. I am absolutely sure I love her and want to make it work. I don't think I could ever put into words how extremely bad I feel for hurting her and for making the poor decisions that I did. I also believe that without a doubt, she loves me. But she is struggling with it all. And I am trying to do everything I can to be there for her, help her, whatever. I have suggested us seeing someone... She doesn't think WE should, but I think she is starting to realize that she can't do it on her own... And since she doesn't thino she can trust me, she distances herself at times, from me. Other times she is really trying hard. And I know it can't be easy for her.
Patrick Meyer This is my EXACT scenario....I hate what I've done and the guilt is eating me up. My wife is really really struggling with the vision of my behaviors and whether she wants to even try to reconcile. Meanwhile, I am doing everything I possibly can to show her I am working my recovery....some days it feels like it's just not enough.
this is so my wife. she is unsure if she wants me or the OM (*who is her best friend of 20 years) all she says is that she does not want to pick for she will lose one of us. I so want to try this, i figured that our from talking to a few friends that have gone through this, but now can i still interact with her due to living in the same house and having a 3 year old to take care of. i have stop reaching for her and let her come to me for any hugs ect, but i still need to talk to her. kinda confused where to go im done fighting for her this way
i think you have to make the adjustments you can make and only communicate about kids as necessary. maybe a text, or simply being right to the point, but staying away from this business as usual approach and from this 'everything is fine' approach. maybe you don't talk at all unless absolutely necessary about the kids and it's a very matter of fact conversation.
This is exactly where I am as the betrayed spouse. I can't continue to want someone who doesn't want me. I do love him ... I'm just in a space of taking ownership of my own healing and protection.
Same
Sooo sorry. My wife and I love her.
Ditto!
I am so thankful to have found your videos. They are helping me through my recovery (betrayed spouse). I made this move before I see this video today and in a way it's not only to get a reaction out of the unfaithful spouse. I actually felt empowered. It makes one feel more like there's light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you!
you're very welcome my friend. so glad you found us and the videos. there is life on the other side for sure. take care of you.
Today is really difficult, but thank you for the work you do, for the help you give.
Jezz I passed on this video 3 times already. My dad always told me, “the opportunity you are pushing a way from your life could be your way to success” I’m in this very stage right now:
How do I handle ambivalence when she came home after separating, but is still unsure of what she wants? Couple counseling sessions and we figured out that she is lost n having a midlife crisis and doesn't know who she is anymore. And thank you for the videos, they have really helped these last 11 months
so glad they helped. you'll need expert help my friend. while i do believe in midlife crises.....it's not the only thing that needs to be addressed. sometimes, calling an affair part of a mid life crisis is a gross oversimplification. i would push for expert help like our ems weekend or an expert who has a proven expert process.
Hope it all worked out.
I have been there. When my husband was having the affair he didn't know what he wanted. I even wrote him a letter and pleaded with him that it was all a lie and the affair partner was a stranger. But he told me he didn't know and the magnitude of connection they had was greater lol okay. So I packed up and I left. I said my peace. But he kept trying to have me and the kids move back in but I wouldn't until he knew what he wanted. He broke the affair off but I can say that I didn't feel welcome for about a year and a half. It is going on year 2 since D-day. I still wonder why I am here. Because I feel like I am the only one doing the recovery work. I believe he thinks that if he just continues to work and provide and display some affection then he is making it work. But there's more to it than that. He even told me he doesn't have issues just made a mistake. But I don't buy it. So I am working on my recovery because I can't carry the both of us. And if this marriage doesn't work at least I know I tried my very best.
Bullseye..Yes, this my situation Samuel right now..it seems like im the only one who is interested to save the marriage. She told me that she feels guilty everytime she talks to me but i never saw that remorse from her or that willingness to comeback to me. I never saw or feel that willingness from her. I remember those times that she just seldom communicate to me, twice in a month or so..
Hi Samuel
I still stuck with this same scenario for last 8 years or so since infidelity
20yrs married and I believe I want marriage more, concern about kids whom are too old now19 and 22
I have been going to therapy solo for a year and I cannot get spouse to since she thinks it won’t help since we went prior
I’m considering throwing the towel since I tried so many ways to make marriage better! Books, therapy, you tube, talking to spouse etc
I’m stuck or paralyzed in my decision
hi michael, perhaps it's time to consider an ultimatum? maybe these two resources can guide you a bit in your decision and implementation of it: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/how-get-mate-cooperate www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/they-get-say-no-life-going-change before you throw in the towel, you may want to try implementing that type of approach in order to see if there is any hope at all.
I'm doing this to my now (ex)/wife. I'm not so confuse as I were back when I finally caught her cheating. Thank you,
Today, I will want it less. I've been nothing but good to her. Trying to show her who I am and could be. It stops.
Its like my wife created this negative image of me to help her with her shame. I'm about to do the same.
Thank you. This was huge for me, I'm still chasing and chasing but i've stopped and we'll see if this works.
Spot on. I needed this.
My husband agreed to go to marriage counseling and did try once to stop seeing his AP but quickly relapsed and he won't stop he says her doesn't want to leave his family for this person but seem to be addicted to this situation he does have bipolar disorder and he is manic right now. I want to try this method you said you have seen it work, but honestly I'm scared to death but I know we can't continue this merry go round either. I want so bad for us to go to EMS weekend but due to his health issues I'm the only one working and the financial situation will be difficult, any advice you can give would be appreciated I find myself watching these videos just to make it through the day 😢
sorry for the delay. was on vacation. maybe the online version will help which you can find here: www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-online you can also apply for financial assistance to the course here: www.affairrecovery.com/scholarship-application-request i'm so glad the videos help you and support you. is he open to reading books or doing any kind of work at all? maybe focusing on you and your own healing is the best way to go right now.
I totally understand the merry go around scenarios. Frustrating.
This is my situation, except that I don't want the relationship more than she does unless I can be again confident in her sincerity. Which at the moment I''m not.
Samuel is always right,no doubt
My situation is so similar to Brandon's down below in the comments. I am the one that committed infidelity my partner has it shown no real dedicated interest in doing counseling. I started seeking it out 2 days after it was revealed. I have had 3 sessions on my own with a gottman trained counselor. My partner sat in on one additional counseling session without saying anything and then participated in another 1 where it just turned into a disaster. I am signed up to do the class through affair recovery
for the people that have committed infidelity.
My problem is is that my partner is on a roller coaster of emotions which I understand I do and I know that this is my fault.
One day hes intensely angry and the next day he loves me wants to hug me be intimate with me.
He thinks I am lying about everything and even when I tell him the truth about things and it can even prove it to him he won't believe me. Yes told me that if he thinks I'm lying to him hes going to walk out every single time. And that he is not going to do counseling until I won't lie to him.
This is incredibly frustrating because tonight even when I told him the truth he still walked out and reiterated that there will be no counseling for him until I can tell the truth.
I have also done individual counseling and have watched many many many of the videos here on Your RUclips channel.
They're like a comfort to me.
I cannot tell you how much I appreciate all of the videos.
And that's another thing I have tried to get him to watch them and I think hes may be watched 3.
Hes the love of my life and I don't want to lose him
what if they spring this on you FOUR MONTHS IN???? I am dying here.....
I am experiencing ambivalence from my wife, whom I betrayed. I am the betrayer and cut off ALL contact with my AP before the affair was revealed. The AP is the one who revealed the affair as punishment for me not leaving my family for her. My wife is exhibiting all these things you describe, Samuel. I feel like I am chasing my wife to give me another chance to be the husband she wants. These things are very complicated, obviously...I want to restore my marriage but my wife won't even consider therapy or any repair work with me or even by herself at this point. I feel really hopeless
it's pretty normal brandon. what are you doing for you in spite of her refusal to get help? if she sees you getting help even when she refuses to, it speaks to the willingness to get help and healthy regardless. she will admire that most likely, but if she only sees you get help, IF she gives you a glimmer of hope, then she won't respect that you're really serious. she will think you will only want to save the marriage, not save yourself from the destruction you created. there is a sense of honor when they see you get help, even though they give you no shot at recovery and a future together. there is a sense of valor when you get help, even though it appears over. i would do all you can do to get help and continue to be safe for her. who knows, maybe that will appeal to her and she will the open up to getting help? it worked for me. i'll tell you that.
Overcoming Infidelity Thank you Samuel. I started individual therapy about two weeks after D-day. She was not even close to starting....Her response was along the lines of me being the one who messed up so I'm the one that needs therapy. She didn't mess up, she doesn't feel like she needs therapy....skewed logic from a very emotionally unstable person. Trauma can do that to anyone.
I also started attending a 12-step program for Co-dependence. It's been very helpful. She definitely recognizes my efforts but her head is interrupting her heart from trusting my efforts so far. I suppose she just needs time. I have never been good with being patient so I am throwing patience into the pile of lessons that God has for me.
How did things end up Brandon? Curious! I'm in your spot and its been 4 months and we live separately and still not divorced and hang out and do things together but she still says at this point she doesnt want any romantic relationship with me. A hug goodnight is the most contact I get. I guess I should be grateful she is even wanting to be friendly and spend time together but I will be devastated if she decides to not want to be with me in the end. I too am forced to be patient, and be calm and be a friend and work on myself and see therapist and all that and am not good at waiting or not being physical yet here I am. Some Hope would be great
Would love to hear if either of you to have an update as I am in the same boat. Going on 4 months. Need some hope.
We both don't really know.
The Church he is in does not believe in expert help. With that, I am sure it is over.
Thank you.
I'm about to completely break down. My husband, has had an affair off and on for over a year. The last time he left was July 21st, and he is still living with her now. But for the past 7 months, he says he wants to come back, loves me, feels awful, etc. The woman he is with, has made threats to me, to him and is doing all she can to keep him from leaving, fake pregnancy, slit her wrist, threatens suicide, hides his keys and shoes so he can't leave... This has been a constant yo yo effect, and has literally hurt and cut me to my core. I met my husband in high school, we have been together for 16 years, we have 3 kids together. I still love him, and I want to work things out, but I feel like this just will never end. I don't know what to believe. I have gone to file for seperation four seperate times, and each time he has begged me not too, and showed up to stop me. I'm hurting, and it just never ends. I can't sleep, eat, I'm extremely depressed, and I have lost every ounce of self esteem I had. Please, no harsh judgements, just honest help. Am I a fool for having hope that we could get through This?
nothing foolish about wanting to save your relationship my friend. but, you're not going to be able to do this alone. he needs expert help, you need expert help. i would tell him that you need him to come with you to the ems weekend which is what do do for couples in crisis, here is the link: www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-weekend you've got to get off the mary go round and stop the continuing back and forth. if he won't do the weekend, or something like that, then i'd be very concerned about any commitment at all from him as he won't be able to follow through with it.
At what point in early recovery may this have to be used.
My WS right now seems to be very ambivalent.
It's only been 4 weeks since D day(she came clean) and her agreeing to try make this work.
what help are you utilizing right now is the better question Simon? what work are you doing?
I've signed up for harbouring hope. It's not open yet, I've also been doing counselling and completed the online course through marriage helper.
I'm giving her the space she wants, however space isn't going to help us work on this.
She's going through her own guilt and feelings etc, and knows what's right to do etc, but is very hesitant to do any recovery work together
@@stolenguitar1988 here are some pieces on possibly getting them to take action that I would highly suggest you consider utilizing in your situation: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/how-get-mate-cooperate www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/they-get-say-no-life-going-change at the end of the day, you/she can be ambivalent yet still get help to visit options and see what you think you want to do, down the road. you don't have to stay stuck and paralyzed. to not do work is a huge red flag, even if you don't know which way you want to go. have you seen these videos that may help: www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/why-not-commit-marriage-part-1 www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/why-not-commit-marriage-part-2 www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/why-not-commit-marriage-part-3
What can one do? Once the bp accepts facts and actions of partner it’s pretty much all said and done. As hard as it is to accept that you can not force them to feel the same it gives you a peace and understanding it had nothing to do with you or the choice they made. It was all them and a decision and theirs alone. They have to live with it, they also had a choice not to jeopardize the vow they made. Why should the bp not feel ambivalent. It is their right what choice was given to them? Just putting it out their, stating my opinion. If the betrayer was in a ambivalent position, why put yourself there? You decided to be in that position. What choice do you have? None really, I would rather you stick with the first because If it was a vow you took with me and you disrespected me and family, then no there is no consultation stay with the choice you made and be a man about it. Idk just saying..
What about when it's the other way around?
hi Patrick....so do you feel as though you're the ambivalent one? were you the unfaithful spouse?
I am the unfaithful... Unfortunately. I can't say she isn't trying, but she seems to be in her head more than present.
If you're ambivalent Patrick, i would get expert help to help you walk down a proper road that will help you decide where you want to be and why. this course on our site is extremely helpful in these cases: www.affairrecovery.com/product/hope-for-healing as unfaithful spouses we get in our head often and we get confused. i know what it feels like for sure. I would highly suggest expert help, then committing to a process and a set time as well.
@@samshealingpodcast no, no... She is the ambivalent one. Atleast it appears that way. I am absolutely sure I love her and want to make it work. I don't think I could ever put into words how extremely bad I feel for hurting her and for making the poor decisions that I did. I also believe that without a doubt, she loves me. But she is struggling with it all. And I am trying to do everything I can to be there for her, help her, whatever. I have suggested us seeing someone... She doesn't think WE should, but I think she is starting to realize that she can't do it on her own... And since she doesn't thino she can trust me, she distances herself at times, from me. Other times she is really trying hard. And I know it can't be easy for her.
Patrick Meyer This is my EXACT scenario....I hate what I've done and the guilt is eating me up. My wife is really really struggling with the vision of my behaviors and whether she wants to even try to reconcile. Meanwhile, I am doing everything I possibly can to show her I am working my recovery....some days it feels like it's just not enough.
this is so my wife. she is unsure if she wants me or the OM (*who is her best friend of 20 years) all she says is that she does not want to pick for she will lose one of us. I so want to try this, i figured that our from talking to a few friends that have gone through this, but now can i still interact with her due to living in the same house and having a 3 year old to take care of. i have stop reaching for her and let her come to me for any hugs ect, but i still need to talk to her. kinda confused where to go im done fighting for her this way
i think you have to make the adjustments you can make and only communicate about kids as necessary. maybe a text, or simply being right to the point, but staying away from this business as usual approach and from this 'everything is fine' approach. maybe you don't talk at all unless absolutely necessary about the kids and it's a very matter of fact conversation.
He is too needy often.