The Sexless Marriage - Why it Happens & The Solutions.
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- Опубликовано: 30 авг 2023
- The question about intimacy, and sexless marriages is often asked by men, and rarely dealt with properly, in this 15 min video, I break down the problem, and exactly what to do to solve it.
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“Women get into a relationship hoping a man will change, and he never does; men get into a relationship hoping the woman doesn’t change, but she always does. Both parties are always wrong”…………🤷🏽♂️
You are absolutely wrong about the guy not being who he was 10 years ago, that’s not what we are as men! 😒
Stop making excuses!!
it ONLY happens to beta males🤡
Dump her while you still can .
It ain't ROCKET SCIENCE
basically don't be a LOSER or a DOUCHEBAG
If you're in a sexless marriage and have no kids, don't walk away...RUN.
Yes, she's probably getting it elsewhere.
What about a sexless marriage when you have kids? I can't take it anymore.
Don't get married if you like sex
@@cryptoroseazgo to a gym and workout, mention the number of young women that go and hardly wear anything. Maybe she'll get competition anxiety
SAVE YOURSELF
There are worse things than being alone and enjoying your solitude. Being with someone and feeling alone is at the top of that list.
I've never been lonelier than being married
@@jakesmithsonian388 I hear you.
A lonely heart is not as bad a broken heart, cuz a broken heart means you'll be lonely well.
Your sanity is pinnacle
Nothing harder than the bosom of a woman than no longer loves you.
Nothing ruins burning desire like moving in with a girlfriend.
Never move in with a girlfriend
Unless you're getting married in the next 6-12 months.
Its the delema I'm currently in. Been dating a girl for 8 months and everything is still hot and heavy because we live apart and I focus on my life and not hers. I don't want to ruin the passion by moving in or proposing etc...
@@alexleggett6270 not to worry it only gets worse
@@alexleggett6270 do not move in at any cost or ask her to move in with you
If your wife isn't giving you any - there is no way in hell she can complain if you find it outside the marriage.
That requires logic to reach that conclusion.. and we know what women think of logic 😂
her attorney sure can.
FACTS
She's banging someone else
Yeah she can certainly complain
This happened to me too. I felt like I was forcing myself on my wife to get any sex. It felt disgusting. I am divorced now and don't worry about sex now. I seriously doubt that I will ever get married again. Not worth it.
Don't, it's a trap.
Im on my way
To divorce 😂
@@diegodesouza9697It may not feel like it, but you got a get out of jail free card.
19 years married and we still have sex, not as often as it once was (mainly because I work 80 hours a week and I'm always exhausted, this economy is terrible). We have sex atleast 1-2 times a week.
Maybe it's a reason it's lasted 2 decades and im not interested in throwing in the towel. We still have fun together
"Men are in love. Women are in business."
That's deep.
Shout out to the coach gang
@@hugofigueredo7981 Yes!
Yeah
No I think the guy just let himself go plain and simple. She doesn't have the urge that's on you.
If she's not having sex with you, she is your roommate.
A very expensive one.
She's not even a friend with benefits at that point. You want an asset, not a liability.
Thats deep
Women are always a liability. That's why they are supposed to convince you to marry them, and not the other way around.
@@slartibartfast2452 lol, you said it
@slartibartfast2452 In many ways, true. Some women do enhance your life. The good women. The right women. You just have to be more demanding, but at the end of the day, women, even the classically feminine ones, will demand a lot of you, too. Men need to come to terms with the conditional nature of relationships.
@villaespesa1 by nature they have been, since the dawn of humanity, a liability. You were looking out for one, now you're looking out for two.
Intimacy is the only thing that separates a relationship from a friendship.
Rich called it out perfectly. Right from the jump, when a man uses female terminology like the word "partner" we all instantly knew exactly why he wasn't getting any. Stop speaking their language! It turns them off competely. You clueless guys do this to yourself by playing their game instead of always calling the shots no matter what. Stop being so spineless.
This.
The little things are damn important. Rich pointing out terms like “partner”, saying things like “i feel”, and the guy asserting himself in ways like driving, will be huge in reframing yourself and your relationship.
Dude is lost. Hypergamy doesn't care for "partnership"
I've noticed many young married men like this guy Rich is talking about, majority of the time were raised by a single mother or a spineless father like themselves. That apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Generation Spineless
I’m 25 and have never been married but I notice it even in my LTR’s the cupcake phase in the beginning is filled with sex which I thought was passionate and her desire for me which it partially is but I now see women do that to get you to commit to them. And eventually after a few months or years the amount of intimacy always slowly declines. I can only imagine how bad it declines in a marriage. Fellas just be a lifetime bachelor western women are NOT worth it.
"western women are NOT worth it" dude all women are like that.
Keep yourself attractive. If other women are attracted to you, your Wife/LTR certainly will be. You need Dread to keep the spark alive.
@@caseypayne5138Not always. Some girls can both be jallous and sexless. So for example, when she sees that other girls pay attention to U and even trying to pick you up. U will still have no/starfish pity sex, and she'll be angry wheerver U hit the gym without her. It's more complex problem.
@@Olgierddd So here's what you do -
Be good in bed.
If she doesn't respond, find yourself a better girl. Start living for you and being with people who make you happy.
@@caseypayne5138 what does it mean to be good? I think I'm not bad at all I got bigger (especially way more wider) than average dick. Can fuck for hours with multiple orgasms, but in LTR betaisation goes on and on even if you try hard to delay it. Today girls about 20 years younger than me (which is my target no matter if ONS FWB or LTR) have so hudge body count (800+ 20 yo girl is the biggest I've met since I turned 40) that there ALWAYS was somebody that had been better in something than you which leads to starfish in LTR what soever mate.
Nope. You simply bore them. You're not good at sex=truth. You can't satisfy her and she finally runs out of imagination to get herself excited in your boring, nonsensual routine. You only satisfy yourself. That's the fact.
What you can do in a sexless marriage:
1) Cheat, which will lead to divorce and she takes half your stuff and you wont get to see your kids
2) Leave, which will lead to divorce and she takes half your stuff and you wont get to see your kids
3) Try to talk to her and do what you can to make her happy. Which means a lot of work and conditional sex, which makes you feel like a loser.
4) Accept the situation. Understand that sex is a thing of the past. Focus on self improvement, your hobbies, and your career. Which means SHE will start pursuing YOU.... OR.... The lack of sex truly wont bother you anymore.
I did option four. It worked really well. I lost weight, trained a lot, got a promotion, had some great times with my kids, and got really good at construction and woodworking. After a few months, she started to pursue me. I denied her though. Then she finally saw it as an issue and wanted to work on it.
I would do 4 while doing 1 if 2 weeks have past without s3x
5) She cheats, you stay for the kids, or divorce and don’t see your kids every day.
Why wouldn't you be able to see your kids? You either make time for them or you don't.
@@TGP109 it’s court ordered.
@@TGP109 A woman scorned can manipulate the court system to keep any man from his kids.
Even if you can convince your sexless wife / girlfriend to have sex with you, it's never good sex. Starfish sex isn't worth the trouble. You'll never convince someone to like something (sex or anything else) they don't like. I'm 64 and have been married to the same woman for 32 years. I don't know anyone in a long term relationship that still have passion for each other. Young guys take note. Don't get married!
Marriage has only one benefit, not getting a disease from a town bicycle, and not getting into lawsuits for child support or sexual claims.
Agreed, but I wouldn't swear off marriage. The bottom line is that after they have kids, a house and their SUV they lose interest. The hormones change after kids and they have what they wanted. The hunt is over and their desires are largely satisfied. It's the way the game has always been played
You're lucky if you have a woman who will play along to satisfy you occasionally but it will never be as passionate.
You either kick her to the curb and take your chances with all the pycho bitches out there and traumatize your kids and wreck your finances or you wean yourself off plentiful sex and focus on other things in life. There is a lot of satisfaction building a family and the companionship of a long term partner.
It's what our fathers and grandfather's did.
@@Steelhorsecowboy lol Found the 1st and rare, sensible view on the dilemma. Sorry things are seemingly so bad in some marriages guys.
The good news is there are many marriages that are full of sexual intimacy and passion so it’s good and ok to get married it’s just best that a man takes his time to marry the right woman. But for those who are suffering in marriages with no sexual intimacy it’s honestly best that they take a hard look at the situation and ask themselves when to draw the line as sometimes God is giving all the signs in the world that the marriage is over….time to move on and people force themselves to keep making it work, maybe God never intended for certain couples to get married in the first place as most people don’t pray or seek God before jumping into marriage.
@@Steelhorsecowboy yep this is it
After the kids, the desire just fades away, and often it can only be reawakened by another bull in the ring.
Dont get married, problem solved 😂
💯
So True
Same bro. Why commit to one woman when you can date multiple women for short term relationship.
dont get married and get that having a family bullshit out of your mind.
Don't have sex more than once a week if you get married
Was married for 17 years and sex pretty much stopped so I sat her down and said I'll find it elsewhere unless it improves. It didn't so got it elsewhere. Best thing I ever did for my own mental health.
Why not separate and divorce? Am I missing something?
@@Applecompuser first of all my ex wife was a high end lawyer but don't forget that in the west you lose a lot. I had a lot to lose. Plus I don't believe in divorce.
@@maniac1367you dont believe in divorce? What if she cheated on u ?
@@affluentcommunity2097he now believes in divorce 😂
So are you still married then if you don't believe in divorce?
“You can’t negotiate desire with a women” SO TRUE
F ain't that the truth
or a man. Women are victims too.
Facts. You can't force sexual desire.@@Bettencourt_
or desire with any gender
A sexless marriage/relationships isn’t something I wish upon my worst enemy.
😂😂😂
@@honor9lite1337 I thought marriage is unlimited sex, to the point the guy drops from a heart attack.
@alb12345672 Men get married thinking they get to do it all the time. Women get married knowing they no longer have to do it all the time. Don't ask me how I know.
😂😂😂
🤣🤣🤣😂🤡👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I'm currently reading Ester Perel's "Mating in Captivity" and it seems that this situation is almost inevitable. Most men are "romantic" so desire (lust) and intimacy (closeness) are intertwined. Most women are labeled as "realists" (Perel's term) and for them desire and intimacy are distinct and often opposed. Women use sex to get closeness/commitment. The longer a man and woman are together and the closer (more intimately) they live together, it increases a woman's intimacy and security in the relationship at the expense of her desire. Perel says the solution is to work to maintain a "separateness" and sense of mystery, etc. but as a guy who's been married for 25 yrs, I'm like "F- that". The juice ain't worth the squeeze. I'm too old for mind games.
I like Ester Perel.
I agree with you 100% and I think this perspective is not talked about enough. Why spend your life "working" to maintain separateness or anything? A marriage or partnership (ugg) should be a place you can relax, but it's not and Perel is probably right as to what HAS to be done, and like you, I say, is it worth it??
@@cbxxb4841 Treating your marriage as a place to "relax" is what ends up being the thing that most guys run into -- marriage is an "end" state rather than a "next" state. Treating it as a place to "relax" means you stop doing the things that made the girl attracted to you in the first place.
Basically you've gotta keep treating it like you're still dating.
@@caseypayne5138 Yes, that is what many advisors say, but I agree with @drtox06 above, today's women are basically not worth the effort and btw, if you find the unicorn that is worth it, to me doing all those little "date" things would not be work at all, I do them anyway.
@@cbxxb4841 I came from a big, close-knit family and I wanted kids and wanted them to have the security that comes from a stable family with two married parents, so I don't regret getting married (or who I married). However for guys thinking they are solving a sex problem by marrying their beloved, I would only caution that you are likely creating a different and less tractable sex problem for yourself. Buyer beware.
You can't cheat on someone you don't have a sexual relationship with. Act accordingly.
Wranglestar vibes and logic, love this comment 😂.
Epic take
W comment. If there’s no intimacy, you’re just friends.
Wow, oversimplifying things definitely makes things easier in one’s mind I guess…lol
And don't wear a shoe
I told my soon to be wife, "If you ever decide to stop having sex with me I will consider it you telling me to get it somewhere else." Five years later when she began to not make time for me I reminded her. She once again was happy to be available and enjoy.
How often can you do it at your age? And do you need to pop pills? How long does it last. Just curious as to what it's like at your age. Thanks
Usually 1-4 times a week. It depends a lot upon if I eat right and get regular exercise and avoid being toxic. No pills needed. 10-20 minutes, sometimes more. There are times when I just run out of steam and don't reach orgasm. There are times when I go soft, pet and snuggle gently for a while and then regain firmness.
@@colmpullen4702 Thank you for sharing. I didn't realize all that talk of eating right, getting regular exercise and treating our body right is the truth and not just propaganda.
@@JDoe-hb7pc You didn't ask me but I'll answer anyway. I'm 65 and my husband is 55. We've been married for 30 years. We have NOT slowed down. It's been said that the main sex organ is your brain. I believe it. How you think matters A LOT! Also women who are on HRT should ask for some testosterone. Works wonders for me! If my husband ever slows down I'll try and get him to get on it but so far he hasn't shown any sign of needing it.
Loser 😂
If you’re married and not having sex, whether you want to end the marriage or not, it won’t last anyway.
Yep, she’ll find a way to blame you for cheating on you.
I experienced this in my marriage. After a very long period of counseling/discussions, I pulled the ripcord and filed for divorce. Since the ending of the marriage, I have experienced what Rich calls "genuine burning desire". Once you experience that, you will never be confused whether a w*man is into you or not. I wish I knew this material when I was in my youth. Young men, if the w*man you are with does not drag you into the bedroom regularly to get some for herself, she is not into you.
Tell me about it. And I am 29.
Yes sir, you can't negotiate desire.
Regularly? Why do you expect women to act like men sexually? For all the RP content constantly pushing the meme that the sexes are different, why do you expect her to be like you?
@@TGP109They are different. Polar opposites in many ways. Venus and Mars as the book says. But the common area is that women like sex every bit as much as men do. In their younger years they'll do all sorts of shit with men who are, shall we say not marriage material. That goes for the majority of them. Then in LTR's it dwindles to bugger all. Let's get it straight. They like sex, just not with their husbands.
@@TGP109Because we’re one species, a woman that’s actually attracted to you will want it and often too!
I told my ex, you dont have to have sex with me and I dont have to be married to you. After the hardships... life is 10x better.
@gregesp9, So she's playacting then at sex, like a prostitute does to have you believe she's into it. This would be transparent to me and I wouldn't like it.
No wife, happy life.
Been divorced 10 years now (was married 20 years), and I can attest these 10 years ARE my happiest!
@@gc4644can you elaborate? Do you have kids? I'm really afraid ruining their lives
@@zivjaronYou ruin their lives by staying in a bad relationship. Staying together for the kids sake is a terrible idea for everyone.
@@KNByam it's Avery naive position
😂😂😂
You have to imagine how many men are in marriages where the sex only happened to procreate
that is exactly what happened to me, I was used to give my soon-to-be-ex-wife a baby, that was her goal, other than that the intimacy left completely because she wanted another one and all the nagging and complaining really destroyed me sexually, good thing I got out
Man thats gotta hurt 😞
* raises hand *
Isn't that the point of sex anyway?
@@shanialee7361quit coping
What's the best medication to reduce a womans libido? Wedding 🎂
*Monogamy
😂
Haha that one is good and precise
Have no preselection and competition anxiety *
Commitment
"My partner is the opposite of me in sex drive, she has none while I do"
My man has been gaslit into thinking she does not have sex drive. A man once claimed his wife did not have sex drive until he came home and caught his wife riding another man. Where did all that sex drive come from?
I find it interesting that it's just a given that husbands will work EVERY DAY for the wife and kids, but intimacy shouldn't be expected? How completely one-sided. I'm amazed at the lack of gratitude.
Men love women, women love children, children love puppies
@@bob995puppies become dogs and dogs are man's best friend
Such a gross thing to say. A woman shouldn't have to open their legs to pay you to provide for your family.
So basically...getting married is a bad idea. I have yet to see any videos on RUclips that are a billboard for marriage 😂. Ty Rich 👍
Marriage is the worst thing you can do to your relationship.
Its absolutely a bad idea. Men literally have nothing, NOTHING, to gain from marriage...
why get into a contract where it benefits only one party....
The legal system in US only benefits attorney & females ✍🏻Live together have a legal contract drawn up . Have private ceremony ..Be Goldie Hawn Kurt Russell
You’ll get the old farts every once in a while who talk about how “marriage is great”
Wife had apparently arbitrarily decided we will no longer have any sex. Over the past 10 years only I have initiated or actually participated. She literally just lies there. The other day I tried to initiate and was told “I am flattered but have no desire for sex anymore.” I turned and left and she told me not to be mad. I wasn’t mad. Just done. I will now rake care of myself after 30 years of putting others first.
Leave her and find someone else that has desire for you.
Get out dude, you are now a walking paycheck for her and she isn't showing up for work.
Start carefully stashing money away. There are ways. Courts in the US are NOT in a man’s favor so fight it the unfair rules without anyone knowing. Otherwise, get crushed financially n a divorce. Sounds mean but all is fair in love and war.
@@Spurrific13 if they have been together 30 years it's better to be amiable financially and emotionally. I doubt she planned this, and likely can't help it. Financially, be fair and split it down the middle. Sneaking around, blaming, cheating, it all just prolongs a stressful situation.
The "relationship" is already over, perhaps you just don't or do not want to realize this at this point ?, eventual you will become frustrated and extremely unhappy and then you will realize that you deserve better, someone that will truly love you...because when you truly care and love someone you want to make love ( have sex ) with them and bring joy and pleasure to them, mentally and physically. She may be a good person and she probably loves you, but she is not in love with you in my opinion from what you have posted here. It will be difficult in the beginning....but you have to move on and eventually you will find a woman that will truly love you and bring joy and pleasure to you, if you continue in this current relationship it will break you down and start to effect you in a negative way, Brian I'm sure you already know and realize what I am saying, I hope you find someone that you can live a good, happy and fulfilled life with.
As a female I can definitely say that once we have no desire for a man. That will NEVER return. It’s gone.
That doesn't mean he can't have desire from other woman. Especially if he's fit and you're old
Women's weakness is they can not get back right, take no or be called a Lil gurl.
True....
@@obaid653
Have you seen a man in his 40s that is fit , not bald, and without a beer belly? Not a lot. But you've seen women in their 40s and up still looking hot.
Thats why Im in my 40s and my bf is 32.
And we sex like rabbits. He doesn't mind, he says I remind him of Sophia Vergara. Im not latin but we have a resemblance, most people think Im Filipino.
We both are childless so we can do it whenever and wherever.
@lucid5411 thank you so much for your honest post.
A teen goes to a pharmacy to buy a condom for the first time. He sees a college kid buying 7 and asks him why. "Oh, it's one for Monday, one for Tuesday, one for Wednesday..." replies the college kid. Then, he sees a man in his thirties buying 12. Shocked, he tells him: "Wow, I wanna be like you when I grow up". But then the man replies: "No, you won't. You see, it's one for January, one for February, one for March..."
😂😂😂😂😂
Kevin Samuels had it right by asking about height and dress size at the very beginning of the conversation. Goes both ways with men. Not caring about staying attrative after marriage is the number one killer imo.
This is a masterpiece video, I went through it because she was mad that I was not cutting the grass.
I was leg disabled and her 'love' showed cracks in it's show as she also hated caring for me when I got sick. No kidding. It was minimal help and she often would leave me for hours and never check on me. So be it. I lost weight and look good and when I got more attention for good singing and 5k followers? She got meaner and meaner and then wanted a divorce. Figures.
my wife is an actual “carer” and nothing turns her off harder than me getting properly sick. Women can’t stand men who can’t do shit for themselves, it’s a fact.
Congratulations .. Your health is your wealth literally… You don’t know a person until you get sick 😷 or broke Or both literally…. Good luck on next chapter
There is no solution to a sexless marriage. Just leave. The sooner, the better.
or in other words, men are trapped in those marriages until then
Sooner the better, especially when you get divorced, she will take less from you and be entitled to less alimony. if the guy has been for more than 5years with her wife, I would cheat at that point and try to not get caught. If you divorce, she will destroy you in court. She'll take basically every asset you own.
@@net2dev thats why its cheaper to keep her
Yep, once it gets to that point there's no fixing. I was brutally honest after getting denied the first couple times and said "if you won't I'll find someone who will" then she acted surprised when I did, then I played the recording of her saying "yeah well then go find someone then" 😂
@@net2devyep. It’s cheaper to keep her. (Like the song in the blues brothers 2000)
If couples counselling is NOT covered by your insurance plan, one thing you'll notice ALMOST immediately is less money in your bank account. Thanks, Rich, another great production.
The scariest thing is, I have a friend who was married to a girl who was the 'been around town' kinda girl with a high body count in her 20s. Then in her 30s she got married to him and it was sexless...we all couldnt believe it!!
Really? You were surprised? That was the most predictable thing I heard all week. Marrying someone who has been around town because you think that means she will be highly sexual in a long term relationship is 5th grade level. High number of sexual partners is a sign of dysfunction. Dysfunctional girl doesn't turn into functional high performing, and highly sexual monogamous wife later as an adult without an intervention of some kind. It just leads to a dysfunctional adult and dysfunctional relationships
Isn’t it amazing that they can just turn it off like a switch? I’m glad I never married mine.
Women do not have an endless number of sex sessions before they dry up like men do. Men can have sex 10,000 times with 10,000 women or with just one and they will still want more. Women have a limit. Even if your friend was the best man she ever laid her hands upon, which is highly doubtful (as women get their "best ones" early in life in the age span of 18-22 when they are at their peak), she had already spent her numbers and as such her sex drive was naturally low... zero if we count the fact that he was probably not the best man she had ever laid her hands on.
She’s an alpha widow
@@gsquared2394
Exactly, she was put on the side chick roster by Chad and Tyrone and ended up settling for a Beta when she finally realized that she couldn’t lock down Chad and Tyrone
A man works his ass off for eight hours a day, comes home exhausted, flops on the couch for some rest, and his wife loses respect for him and won't give him any nookie. Yes, times have changed. So don't get married and don't reproduce. The world already has more than eight billion people and doesn't need any more. The insanity grows by the day and shows no sign of abating.
Well, Musk did already warn mankind of DE-population. Numbers of newborn children decreasing in the west and Japan in an alarming rate👐
Hi Rich, I've been watching your videos for a couple of years now, and wanted to say how much I apprecaite your content, and its measured approach. I'm now 21, but lost my Dad when I was 12. Content like yours and others on the internet have helped fill the hole that was left when my Dad passed, guiding me through those moments all young men go through when they need some masculine advice. Anyway, I won't go on for too long, but thank you. There's a lot of lads out there like me that need this sort of masculine influence, especially in todays world.
Why marry at all? 🤷♂️
Married women have free will to the same extent that the unmarried ones do. The only difference is that married women have legal leverage and usually underage hostages over their husbands. So what is the upside?
@tag4789 trust me it's pretty much the same everywhere. It may feel different for a short while when you first enter the market as a rich foreigner. After a short honeymoon period it's same old everywhere
@@thegreensuitcase212 I have watched channels on RUclips where guys in the Philippines seem to have found a good alternative. But even then it is still some form of transactional level.
Bingo ! ... best argument on staying single. The game is F**KING rigged.
Most women have their own jobs and money, so what's this ''leverage'' you're talking about?
@@TGP109 it's called NO Fault divorce dumb-ass.
I blame him for allowing it to happen. As soon as he sensed things changed he should have confronted her and let her know if intimacy stops or drops below what we agreed upon (2 or 3 per week is considered healthy) then the relationship is over. In these cases she either loses respect for him or gets bored. Once that happens it is a matter of time before she cheats or leaves. When a man ignores his intuition or just doesn’t want to rock the boat, and it reaches this point it is over.
Most married couples have sex on average once a week. It also doesn't follow that she's cheating-she may just not get as much pleasure out of sex as her husband.
He’s only 30 He’s probably in shock?!
I'm a strong believer now that co-habitation creates hatred from the womens side after a prolong time. Scamflu times proved this with so many break ups of couples and I was in that group of people who split with their gf after covid times. the relationship needs time apart to survive, she needs to have the feeling of missing you in order for the spark to continue
When my wife went into menopause, she lost her libido and sex stopped. After a while, I started to lose patience, and so I went out and started to spin some plates with women. I didn't cheat, but I worked on getting the ladies interested. Then I confronted my wife, and said that I need sex. I said: How about I step out, get the exercise, and that sorts out the problem. She said if I did that, it was divorce. OK, I said. Choose. She went to the doctor and got hormone therapy, and the after a few weeks the sex was awesome. Moral: Show her you have options, and she will get competition anxiety. Things will change.
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
Crazy
He was probably always cheating, hence the red flag on your honeymoon. If a man can get it up, he usually wants sex with his wife - at least in the early years of marriage.
Lies. Fake profile lol 😂
read all of this just for it to be a fucking scam bot 😂
Interesting. I love your channel. So I am 33 year old Hispanic male. Fit with a six pack and good muscle on me. I work full time for a utility company good pay good benefits. I have been married 13 years now. And it's been a ride. But yes connections do fade especially if you got fat and lazy and that happened when I was 27. I got very little to no sex and she once had admitted she can't get pleasure anymore cause of the sight and weight of me. 5'7" 235lbs at the time. Fat and unhealthy. So I went on a weight loss journey and hired a nutritionist and trainer and got my body right. My mind followed suit. So now I do get it daily. .sometimes she throws it at me. Sometimes she give it to me cause she don't want me to go looking elsewhere. I find it good. But I had taken responsibility for the lack of the sex before due to my health. I understand your video. It is true. You have to be the best possible version of yourself then see if she changes. Then it's on her. 👍💯
props
Wow that’s so amazing. So you worked on yourself and she found you super attractive again.
Why are men still getting married again?
Still stuck in the matrix and don’t seek this information until shit has already gone sideways. We need more men to help out the younger generation. More men’s groups and rights of passage. Gotta get away from the gynocentric society that has sucked us all in.
Don't make the mistake of being a "good man". Set your boundaries. Keep yourself in shape.
Thanks Rich for addressing staying in shape as a major contributor on both sides. You have to the “balls” to tell your partner you don’t like that they gained weight. It has to stop being taboo to talk about.
Since we're being honest, stop with the Partner lingo..Just sayin
@@d.l4055i think in this case he meant it as a contraction of “wife or husband…”. ie, it needs to work both ways.
Agreed on the Partner thing, but youtube supresses all of my comments so i was trying to get this one to stay up.
Agreed …as an older female If you truly love your BF or husband You want him healthy.. Letting him get sick & overweight shows She is a Taker. Bye 👋🏻
Every guy that I know thats married is in this situation. The on going joke is : how do you get a woman to stop having sex with you ? punchline: you marry her !
I know it is the case but my marriage was different. Sex was always on the table but towards the end, it seemed I wanted it less than her because I lost some attraction to her. I guess I was one of the lucky ones... but my marriage still failed... so what gives
@@rambomoore381 Well its always on the table in the beginning especially if she is trying to get a kid out of you. Usually after kids you are toast. Hope that clarifies things for ya .
@@rambomoore381 yeah, I've been seeing some cases of women being in dead bedrooms recently. It's confounding. Did you use to jerk off a lot to pr0n ?? Or did she get fat??
It only takes a ring to ruin a good thing
That's why most married men will joke about getting lucky on Valentine's Day or your birthday. Hormonal changes or having kids can sometimes be the reason but most men including myself were never told how to handle this. Great topic Rich.
That’s why it’s absolutely crucial to find a girl with whom there is GENUINE, MUTUAL sexual attraction and a comparable libido. A really bitter reality pill for a lot of guys in the “redpill” community is, that, having a 6-figure income and driving a Porsche 911 won’t make a girl sexually attracted to you, it’ll just make her PRETEND to be sexually attracted to you. If you have to rely on “hustling” and “grinding” to get it, you might as well just hire an escort because what you’re doing is just beta-buxxing dressed up as alpha male behavior.
After 20 years of this treatment and her refusal or half hearted attempts to communicate, I had decided to just work on myself physically, mentally, and immerse in family and hobbies. I frankly stopped caring about sex and or desire intimacy with her.
I simply go do something else productive and avoid or ignore sexual tension with her.
Why? After years of being let down and blatantly being of lowest priority to her, she had finally killed desire,excitement, for intimacy and bonding.
THANK YOU.
exactly and my wife still doesnt get why I do my thing after dinner and she watches TV in the other room
The thing is : it is 10 times easier to please a man than it is to please a woman, and yet men are not the ones initiating 75 % of divorces because
" Women are not meeting our needs " .
Craziness all around.
@@nativeamerican1167 sad but it's becoming A-typical after the honeymoon phase. Women are truly insatiable in their competitive group think which by default keeps them raising the bar. You could have fire works in the bedroom, but when the rain comes for any reason the thrill is gone. Women are all about the thunder in the distance....
And it takes so little to please a guy. Women just don’t get it.
This is why I’m afraid to commit. I do want to have a family at one point, but I also don’t want to be in a sexless marriage.
This is a tough one and i hear it all the time.Woman are usually sexually charged early in a relationship and some remain interested and some lose interest over time.I guess that's why hookers and massage parlours are so busy
I ended up in a sexless marriage. Never going to let that happen again. The agreement will be something like, “If the sex stops, we open up the relationship."
Open up the relationship? I’d end it before u have kids.
Open up the relationship then she’ll get all the men she wants and you’ll still be fighting to get sex. They don’t normally work out well for the husband.
@@adamantlyadam5201 open relationships are not for the long term keepers. Kinda like renting. U want a devoted woman….but easy to say but difficult to find.
@@adamantlyadam5201It's not guaranteed but at least there is a possibility of it working out. Staying trapped in a sexless marriage is not an option for me.
Better yet, just date other women as if it was open relationship, but without her knowing... they do it us ALL THE TIME...lol.
Therapy doesn’t work. It’s a biz not a solution
I can tell you my problem…. My wife changed as soon as we finished the wedding cake.
I got myself in a right fucking mess. Ive been with her 17 yrs. never lived together but i got very batasised. I started paying her to do little jobs, cleaning, ironing. Over the years it added up to 24k pounds a year through my firm. It basically paid for her life and she didnt work. No sex for a few years either and moaning all the time. Ive finally had the sense to end it. Wtf was i thinking all those years!
You arent doing it now. That's progress. Keep making that progress. Be grateful you've grown as a man
I commend you on paying her-most guys would just expect her to work for nothing.
@@TGP109
You weren't thinking you were hoping and dreaming for something that was never going to happen.
Were you getting sex elsewhere? If you didn't get sex from somewhere else, it is because your moral inhibited you. The long and short of it is that if she withholds sex, just go get it from somewhere else. Are you broke? If no, you can exercise that option...
Thank you Rich! You are my favorite voice on these issues and always to the point
My wife and I started watching Rich’s videos near the beginning of our relationship. She knows all the terms - betatization, maintaining frame, genuine burning desire. Let’s just say the marriage and sex is as great as it’s ever been. Thanks Rich!
Because she knows you're aware
Her nature is similar to other women. Its just that ur aware and she knows that if she don’t do it, it will disappoint u and relationship won’t last.
Having a full time man and not bonking him is like having a dog and not taking it walkies. It is not fair and it is mean.
Stay fit. She has to also, it’s the basis of attraction for both sexes.
I have a buddy who is in the opposite situation. He has been married for close to 20 years and doesn’t want to have sex with his wife. She asks him regularly and he gives her excuses. He still has a sex drive. When I asked him why he says no to her he said when they got married she weighed 125 lbs now she is over 200lbs and he is still in shape. He said it’s literally like humping a beached whale. Lol I told him I understand now.
Situational changes help as well. Introduce some chaos to master. I recently changed jobs and now we are moving to a house twice the size of our previous place. There's give and take but when there is a lull in the chaos she comes to me for validation. I hadn't planned this but just noticing the change in her made me understand that it's not just me. It was complacency that was killing us. Continue pushing forward and chasing excellence!
that is exactly what happened to me, a sexless marriage, I was used to give my soon-to-be-ex-wife a baby, that was her goal, other than that the intimacy left completely because she wanted another baby and all the nagging and complaining really destroyed me sexually, good thing I got out before I ended up taking my life from been psychologically crazy and tired from all the emotional, verbal and psychological abuse. I say soon to be..because we are in the divorce stage, where I already separated and safe at my father's house.
11:17 this. Man ainy lying. Had a girl i was seeing, that lived 45 minutes from me. She would drive all the way to my house on my lunch, get hit, then drive all the way back home. If she's really into you, they will do this
Facts. Had a similar experience in college.
My bitch ex took a 5 hour road trip to fuck her affair, on Christmas holidays. They will lol. A thousand miles is a pretty realistic song for women ;D
Staying single in 2023 still seems to be the best option.
the only option.
Wrong. Don't be a beta
She's got another man. My ex-wife was doing the same. I'm not in the mood.. I'm not into sex . I'm tired. Then she was pregnant. From her Ex boyfriend
That's a real possibility. A man not getting it from his wife needs to check her out thoroughly for cheating.
Because your wife knows you have no options. Are you out of shape, do you check her when she is out of line? I get it everyday, but im 44, 10 percent bodyfat and pretty great shape. I check her and i run the house. She knows i have options, women hit on me in front of her. She knows i will walk out that door if she stops putting out or cross any of my boundaries.
Commitment to women actually kills the attraction women have for men they are in relationships with.
No marriage no cohabitation no log term relationship. Free agent for life, shout out to coach gang
That man is a legend.
True!
Married for over 20 year. I have no issue getting sex from my wife. My problem is that she gained ove 50 pounds being 4’11. I completely lost the lust I had for her years ago.
I straight up told my girlfriend that if she ever gets fat I would break up with her. I told my last girlfriend that as well and she used to giggle because she knew its was true and that I could replace her. If women think you are truly the prize....you can actually say what is on your mind and have standards and they won't get mad or offended. Especially since I'm running two miles a day and doing a shit load of push up etc.
I told my girlfriends that its a breach of contract for them to get fat and if I wanted to date a fat girl I would have done that already. 🤷♂️
@@alexleggett6270Dude u are no one to talk with your recessed chin. 🥴
Phantomvox951, u need to be 100% honest with your wife about how u feel. Come across as trying to get the “desire” back and u r willing to help her lose weight by eating healthy and exercising also. If she still wants to have sex then u r way ahead of most marriages.
It's too late now. She will never lose those 50 pounds
maaan she must look like a meatball
I was in Spain on holiday with my girlfriend on a tour. At the beginning of the tour we're asked to introduce ourselves to everyone. I introduce myself and my girlfriend and after the introductions are done this older guy rolls up to me and says I shouldn't describer her as "my girlfriend" that she's "my partner". I thought that was the most bizarre thing ever. Not exactly sure what triggered this guy and more over to roll up to a complete stranger and attempt to make the world fit his personal tastes. I never forgot that.
He said to say partner because men hear gf and attempt to fuck her. Vs partner can mean married and less men will get between marriages
Some people think girlfriend is only for teenagers maybe. I dont know.
Ignore that weirdo
Counseling: Anger counseling helped me immensely. Everyone should experience it in order to "win" arguments/disagreements. It helps especially when she is aggressive.
Nothing is more worse than being married to someone who abdicates from their romantic duties,but rather acts as your roommate . Talk about bait and switch.
You mean marital duties. No such thing as romantic duty. That's the beauty of romanticism: things doesn't happen out of duty. The two seek each other over and over again, married or not.
Withholding the marital debt for no reason is disrespect. From a Christian point-of-view, sex is what makes marriage marriage. It's the only relationship in which sex is to play a part.
My wife thought I was trying to get transactional sex once because I spent a weekend cleaning the house and mowing and many other things. Truthfully, I was doing all of this because I was going to be busy at my day job and my side hustle for the next 6 weeks without a day off and wouldn't have time for it (and she was busy at work and wouldn't have time either). She immediately said I feel like you did all that just to get laid. I spun around and said I didn't do it for you. I did it for me and left it at that.
My wife and I have a very healthy sex life, I just put this comment to make a point wemon don't like transactions. If they even remotely feel like that's what's happening, they will shut any advance down. They often feel this is the same as being a lady of the red light district, which is obviously a massive turn-off.
Guys, don't fall into that trap.
You are incorrect in your conclusion. One of the top female fantasies is to be a high end prostitute.
They don't like transactions, but they'll pester men with "what have you done for me lately". Makes sense.
That situation happened to me so I left the relationship
As a woman who had a lovely marriage for 15 years before cancer took my love, what Rich is saying is true. My late husband kept up with his fitness, his career, his activities. Now, he was A VERY KIND MAN who was always loving towards me. Now, 13 years later, I’m seeing a wonderful man who gets me so excited and not just in the bedroom. He is super competent in so many aspects of life that I respect him. And that’s the key - RESPECT. If she doesn’t respect you and want to retain her mate, then move on or take action.
Also… LUST is about taking whereas LOVE is about GIVING. If all she does is take then she only ever lusted after you. True LOVE is not her demanding or playing victim whenever he’s standing up for himself or the marriage.
I’m 60, been married three times, intimacy part always fades, whether married, or in a long-term relationship, just human nature. My current wife had some severe mental issues induced by menopause, she lost all desire, so I have met someone else that I adore outside the marriage, a behavior way outside of anything I’ve ever done or considered, just the way it is to keep myself happy. Divorce really isn’t an option, she needs full-time care, and I can’t afford to split everything, so it is what it is.
Well that’s just your story
Take her on a long arduous trip in South America or Asia. You know lots of hiking.
Dump her. She'd dump you if things were the other way around
@@OrwellsHousecatfact
@sdmfp333 listen to the man, he has experience. He's not lying. It's just human nature, naturally desire will leave from a woman, but she'll still give it up to you
My divorce was finalized today. Together for 10 years. Although I was sad, I had to reflect on the moment I knew it was coming to an end when she rendered me to one or two sex positions after I asked for intimacy and excitement in our sex life again, and said to me, "You should be grateful for what you get. There are many men out there not having any sex at all." What else was there for me to say? Either stay and pretend to happy with my dwindling sex life and lack of intimacy while pretending that my marriage was great, or try to find a woman who wants to enjoy sex with her man. I'd say husband... but I've yet to hear about too many women actually enjoying sex with their husbands.
Sorry to hear that. I hope you never repeat the same mistake of getting married ever again.
There's a joke out there that says: A college kid buys 7 condoms. One for Monday, one for Tuesday, one for Wednesday, and so on. A married man buys 12 condoms. One for January, one for Febuary, one for March, and so on"
305 of sexless marriages are caused by the man not wanting to have sex.
Women don’t stop wanting to have sex, they stop wanting to have sex with you. That’s a big difference. When she’s telling you that she’s no longer into sex it’s code for she’s no longer into sex with you and looking for alternatives. Act accordingly.
Did it once ever cross your mind that you could get sex from somewhere else if you have money? That sort of attitude and moral inhibition makes men like you needlessly suffer.
I was in a 10 year marriage that ended up sexless for years. I fell into the "betatisation through 1000 concessions" trap and paid the price. He's absolutely right on all fronts but the only place I differ is, once you clear your backlog, you'll realise that no woman is special enough for you to commit again. I'm currently spinning plates and focussing on myself and everything is ticking over nicely until I meet that 1% girl but so far, it's all a huge disappointment and most women are a huge disappointment if you've got your life together.
She thinks she settled. Ditch her.
I dated a girl who did this once after a year when she knew I was Invested and it would be tough to leave. Welp I left her. I’ve been with my current lady for 6 years and I can’t keep her hands off of me. She initiates like probably over 50% of the time and we have sex literally every single day.
Helps that I popped her cherry. The other girl that did that had already been run through and didn’t want try anything new and said sex was borning now once the butterfly period ended or her lust actually was over.
These damaged girls can’t have normally relationships anymore. They fried their receptors
Marriage ruins desire. (Im 41, never married, own a business, and work out) Women want a man that can walk away at any minute. That power of being able to walk away from a woman is what gets them wet. Especially if they know you would just end up with a prettier girl who is more submissive, feminine etc. I would never tolerate a decrease in my sex life. Especially since i work out everyday, run a business, and wear decent clothes, etc.
Its funny because there are men out there who think that this lifestyle isnt possible because they themselves cant achieve it. Im no gigga chad, but I have always had a steady stream of 7s, 8s and sometimes 9s (although the 9s end up being more trouble then they are worth) coming to me eager to rip my clothes off. Im starting to think that us as humans are semi-monogamous like Rich says. So relationship go for 2 to 7 years then drop off. Which would make sense because children become self sufficient at around 7 or 8 and in the cave man days you would no longer be needed to protect them. So im guessing evolution plays a role.
Just my two cents
It’s seems like 7-9 years is about the length of hotness in a relationship. Been in a couple like that.
The old phrase was the '7 year itch'.
That’s delusional
@@Xx0GsaburzxX actually its more true than you think.
@@Xx0GsaburzxXPlease elaborate. Im always interested in learning other people's perspectives. Especially if they might disagree because I might learn something.
yikes, i know of a couple where they are only doing it once a year and the wife keeps saying that she doesn't enjoy it. the reality is that this couple has unresolved issues and the wife doesn't find the man exciting anymore.
Brother you NAILED it!
My wife and I are 24 years into marriage…with three college age kids now. The last decade has been a sexless marriage….as in 2 to 3 times per year. She knows she is holding back and always says she will do better. She never does. If it doesn’t get better this year I will divorce her….kids are old enough and I am done begging. I give her love, support, kindness, I hug her, I’m playful with her, I tell her how beautiful and hot she is and express my extreme desire for her. I work hard to meet her love language buts it’s one way. She has abandoned the marriage bed. I am left thinking that maybe she’s been cheating off and on this whole time. I see no signs of it though other than no sex and lots of promises to fix it. I am lost and done
I divorced after 20 years married
Was Married for 6 years and we fell in to a sexless marriage for the las 2 years. Her explanation was that the way I did it was NOW BORING! So I told her let’s try different things and EVERY single time I suggest such thing she said there was something wrong with ME😮😮
She always complained that according to her I didn’t know how to get her Exited!! But she was a freaking PIECE OF ICE always and she wanted me to ALWAYS get her going so I told her you need to put some freaking EFFORT in to It NOT JUST ME!!
After that the divorce came she cried and Nagged for a few months until we finalized the divorce!!
Now I’m just Content with being alone and NOT STRESSING every single day about SEX!!
In my humble OPINION marriage is NOT WORTH IT that simple!!
Rich just laying down hard Red Pill Truths... Such an awesome guy
Spot on, Rich! Again!! 💪😎 warm greetings from wonderful Scandinavia 🤗
Thank you Rich! No more saying "partner"!!!
Who says you can't have sex? Ex tried pulling that on me right after marriage. I calmly told her it was her, or another women, she can decide. 20+ years of marriage, and that was the last time this card was played.
Simple... But some sort of morality prevents people who whine about being in a sexless marriage and not having sex from doing that...
Such great advice - Rich, the wise older brother out here
If she refuses intimacy, she's no longer your wife or girl friend. If she won't work with you to sort the issue out just leave!
Keep away from marriage. Don’t suffer there is someone out there that has a burning 🔥 desire for you. They are replaceable.
P0rn is the biggest factor of complaciency in relationships. Cutting out this one vice will rewire your brain
This is a video that I am sure is relevant to many of Rich's viewers and men all over the world in general. The terrible dilemma that women behaving in this way places on men is a rarely spoken of heartache for many men. It places us in a terrible bind. Many of us go in with good intentions wanting to be able to express and fulfill our sexual side with our partner only to find it to become a pipe dream. But then in attempting to find a healthy outlet for our sexual side, particularly if the marriage has become loveless, are on a hiding to nothing. Stepping outside the marriage is difficult, time consuming, expensive, and risks getting caught and then thrown under the bus by the spouse, friends and the legal system when she ultimately blames you. It's a truly evil predicament to find yourself in.
Not to mention, it normally happens after one or two kids appear on the scene, and you are locked into bringing them up in a “happy home” or potentially destroying it as they’re the kind that would rather kill than divorce you…
Yep, it's brutal
You’re always on point my man !!! Love ur advices ..