Mama with late diagnosis ASD with 2 kids 12 and 15- OMG YES… our schedules are sacred! Regulation before Expectations. You really have been encouraging and inspiring me. Keep it up lady, but remember to REST!!!
I relate to this so much. Needing constant data for the simplest things. Having a mental breakdown if I could be possibly wrong. It took too much energy to do something new and having others be so impatient with your process can be difficult as they put their overwhelm on your overwhelm. It's complicated, but this is very validating to hear.
OMG that is so me! Today I spent the morning researching idioms. I mean I know the six theories on how the brain processes them. Now everything I was supposed to do this morning is off and now I am staring at the wall.
I totally get this. My morning routine is so inefficient, but no matter how hard I try, I cannot break it, and when something messes it up it sends me.
I would probably react exactly the same way, including the amount of cheerios and feeling so off for hours afterwards. Thanks for sharing. You help me accept myself, I am not alone and not crazy or overreacting.
Thanks for your honesty. Sometimes I think i am crazy, because such things send me over the edge and use up all my energy. Most nt can not understand and just say things like " this not a big deal". I feel you.
I’m just starting to realize this and wonder if I’ve always been this way or something in me got more messed up the past few years. Almost like I lose my mind and thinking skills… go into freeze, coma or internal hysteria when all these “things”/ choices, alternatives collide and I can’t process,see or interpret and decide.
YES! Your channel makes me feel seen....it's so hard to explain to people how little things can throw off your whole day! Thank you for being so open and honest. I'm happy there are people like me who can understand our struggle :)
Routine changes are killer! Experiencing that now, after another prolonged semi-lockdown. Going back to teach in person, rather than online as I've been doing the past several weeks. So difficult!!!
Edit: I always forget how verbose and serious I am. Hope this is at all helpful... Have you considered the possibility that this is not just a routine change, but also having to do with already feeling overwhelmed? Meltdowns make the logical side of the brain shut off, and I feel like there isn't enough attention paid to how there is a lower-level "meltdown" type feeling in our lives a lot of the time, which would just be categorized as emotional dysregulation, I guess? Masking at all when overwhelmed requires all this energy I do not have, (like spending too many spoons and going into spoon debt?) and doing something like calculating how many cheerios are in a box when I'm already doing other stuff would be enough to put me into a "shutdown", and I was always so hard on myself while I never realized what was going on from never giving myself a break. I'm male, but I feel like being a mother would make that responsibility piece feel even more intense, and I feel for you! Going through life undiagnosed for so long, I think we put all these expectations on ourselves we need to reconsider; we beat ourselves up for these things that are only "small" when there isn't an explanation for it, and people are expecting things they should not, which doesn't mean we are lesser individuals. I tend to just feel guilt when I can't explain, and I'm like "I'm so useless!", when really I'm doing SO. MUCH. that no one else has to deal with, it's just invisible, and I can and do so much nobody else does! ...cheerios are a big deal, okay? 😂 Have some mercy for yourself like you would another autistic mother 🤍 - I think as you learn to accommodate your autistic self more consistently, you will be able to do more instead of less!
Love this sharing of how the little things can totally spiral. So hard to explain to people, yet you make it sound so normal. You are pretty awesome. F x
I keep trying to explain this phenomenon to my husband and he just doesn't believe it. If he asks to change up the day's schedule then it's total paralysis unless he just leaves the room because now I have to process the idea, consider all the adjustments, decide if I'm ok with the change, re-plan my day, and then let him know. But when I ask for a change he's all "yeah" or "that won't work because reasons" all instantaneously and stuff. I wish I could do that.
something similar happened to me a few mornings ago. it was past midnight and i had to shower but i realized i had left my hair towel at my grandparents but my mom said i should was my hair. i can’t wash my hair without so i was just sulking on the bathroom floor. it took me very long to process and then put the words together for the conclusion that i could just not wash my hair.
I think I may be on the spectrum, and your videos are helping me cope with the fear of a new diagnosis at 43yo... just wanted you to know how important your support has been to me.
i really appreciate you sharing these parts of your life as an adult with kids who is autistic, i feel like a lot of content about being neurodivergent comes from younger people so it’s nice to know that you can do things like be an adult with children and also be shaken by routines being messed with i’m currently struggling with a lot of anxiety as a high school student and sometimes i wonder if i will be able to “make it” as an adult because of it so seeing your content and an example of someone who is shaken by things that seem inconsequential and is still able to have kids and exist as an adult i feel a lot less pressure to fix the anxiety before i get older
Yes! And it feels like it shouldn't matter, but the derailing is real. Thanks for explaining so well. ❤ I agree completely. Basicaøly if I can schedule something tomorrow I can adjust, but any sudden thing, even small, can derail me completely. Good to know I am now alone.
Thank you for sharing! It seems like such a small thing, I didn’t realize it was related to autism. I thought I was just lazy or sensitive. My mom would always ask me to go out to pickup her meds but then later text me saying, “while you’re out…” and ask me to do a bunch of other unanticipated errands. It’s exhausting and stressful.
Thank you so much for sharing this.. I'm crying now listening to your vid on loop while reading a few comments, & feeling so boggled by how that happens, & soo grateful to hear you describe it as I've ended up sitting on the floor staring into space /zoning out, maaaany times, & it perplexes me & doesn't feel good to be behaving like that but can't seem to help it.. & feels hard to explain too, or even tell anyone, but I want to understand, and be acknowledged, & somehow reassured that it's ok.. & it's turning out that I'm in such excellent company 🔯💕✨🤗
This is me today and every day. I ask people why we don’t plan things together because I do better when it’s planned. Then they invite me to something of theirs and I worry that it is at the same time when I plan something I need (my run, my x, my y, etc). And kind of just blow it off… sad because I DO want to plan with people but terrible because there are certain things I MUSt do and often they don’t get done like clockwork, so….. anyway.
That happens to me at work if I take leave and come in to work late. My planning time is in the morning and I teach in the afternoon. If I come to work more than 30 minutes later than usual, I spend most of my planning time trying to figure out what I should work on first because I won't have time for my typical planning schedule. Sometimes I can't decide on what to do first until 11:45 and then I have to work through my lunch break to be ready for class. 😑
I know what you mean! Yesterday was my daughter's 2nd day of school and the bus schedule is totally different this year! Her driver was a half hour earlier than last year and she even honked! My daughter didny have time to go to the bathroom or brush her teeth. The shock and rush threw me off so bad that I had to sit and stare in paralysis because I had no idea how to reestablish my own routine. This is going to take some getting used to and I feel guilty I can't deal with changes. 😢
I really feel this. This is probably a dumb question, but is it possible to be in a state of shutdown for months on end? I have (alongside autism) EDS, and for several reasons have been in a state of pain and fatigue for several years where I was unable to care for myself and had to move in with my folks. The pain we now have a solution to, and they say the fatigue is probably just from the pain, but... What you're describing is how I feel every day about every little thing. I try to cook for myself and I get stuck on every tiny question and consideration like the "how many Cheerios" loop. Before I know it, I've used up my energy envelope and need to lie down. I don't know if I'm constantly on the edge of shutdown because of being in so much pain/so tired, or if I'm tired because I'm constantly on the edge of a shutdown (from mismanaging and trying to push through for YEARS after being told I wasn't autistic and needed to just deal).
Noooo I hate that!!! Finding out this is part of Autism explained SO much to me about why I stuck to routines so much when my kids were little (we still have routines, but my kids are older and don’t need my help as much). Probably a good thing, though- I’m guessing all three of my kids are neurodivergent.
not just changes in routine but also having to adjust plans I made… we‘ve got 4 weeks left to finish our house reno before we have to move and I have walls to plaster - so of course my dog chooses this week for her next round of puberty sillyness, driving me into meltdown on the monday morning walk by just being a lil b*tch… I‘m better today but yesterday was not fun… (also my dog is super sweet usually but she has playdoo for brains rn and in a 40kg dog with a loud freaking bark that is hard work even for an nt person I‘d say…)
Oh I feel you!! Trying to buy a generator for my van. I have to seem to know everything about every one of them to make her intelligent decision and Google one thing just to Google another thing to be sure of this other thing is the brand okay is it going to be enough power is this one too heavy.. then I melt down cuz I have too much going on.. sometimes I think I can't win! Arrgg
Is this autism? Or one aspect. This is the part of me that has made me want to give up on anything intentional. The uncontrollable research and googling and inability to narrow down, decide, choose- and I think cell phones have made it worse- basically too much for me and I just want to avoid anything and everything
Completely get it. Should be easy, but… I’ve learned to guesstimate if tired then double or triple in case wrong. Have done this tripling a number of times to avoids stressing with precise calculations and been admonished,p. Maybe wasteful but I’d have rough-calculated by looking at the box and visualising bowls then tripled it. How do most people do this? Why can other people do it without getting stressed and needing a recoup; I don’t understand or know. However, it is what it is. Totally get it. So you started out well intentioned and confident and then already from the first got overloaded. That’s how it is sometimes, or often. 😂
I need help crafting a routine 😩 I'm spiraling every second of every day or so it feels like and nobody is helping me yet but I know I'm gonna do something bad soon lol
Not diagnosed but... Today I'm supposed to go out with my friend for a bible study and I'm freaking out! I love her and trust her entirely but it's just the fact that I don't get to enjoy the time until then because my mind is saying today you must do something and it's eating away at me like crazy! T-T How do you deal with this?
Any suggestions for an older female on the Spectrum-- to test and help you? I’m 48 and slipped through so many cracks, really need to find someone who understands the unique ways in which this can be happening.
But 3000 Cheetos doesn’t necessarily equal the weight of a recommended single serving. Cheerios are pretty light, there’s only like 6 servings in a box.
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Mama with late diagnosis ASD with 2 kids 12 and 15- OMG YES… our schedules are sacred! Regulation before Expectations.
You really have been encouraging and inspiring me. Keep it up lady, but remember to REST!!!
I completely get it!! We did our routines out of order and I ended up having a meltdown.
The struggle is real!
I relate to this so much. Needing constant data for the simplest things. Having a mental breakdown if I could be possibly wrong. It took too much energy to do something new and having others be so impatient with your process can be difficult as they put their overwhelm on your overwhelm. It's complicated, but this is very validating to hear.
You’re a sweetheart to be posting such truthful vlogs, which helps us feel we’re not alone. We’re in this together. Thank you. 🥰
OMG that is so me! Today I spent the morning researching idioms. I mean I know the six theories on how the brain processes them. Now everything I was supposed to do this morning is off and now I am staring at the wall.
RESEARCH! That’s another thing that throws me off. The other day I decided I must know how the water/sewage system works. Fascinating detour!!
I totally get this. My morning routine is so inefficient, but no matter how hard I try, I cannot break it, and when something messes it up it sends me.
I would probably react exactly the same way, including the amount of cheerios and feeling so off for hours afterwards. Thanks for sharing. You help me accept myself, I am not alone and not crazy or overreacting.
💓
My husband asked me to drive half an hour to bring his tool bag too him. I literally starting getting upset. I hate driving being austsic is hard.
Yes others have also shared that driving is particularly triggering. I definitely prefer staying in my own bubble at home.
Thanks for your honesty. Sometimes I think i am crazy, because such things send me over the edge and use up all my energy. Most nt can not understand and just say things like " this not a big deal". I feel you.
It's exhausting. I'm sorry you went through that. ❤
Hi Taylor, I hope you're better now. You're right, routine changes can really make me unfunctional for either a short or long period of time.
I am feeling better today and get to go to DANCE CLASS!! :)
I’m just starting to realize this and wonder if I’ve always been this way or something in me got more messed up the past few years. Almost like I lose my mind and thinking skills… go into freeze, coma or internal hysteria when all these “things”/ choices, alternatives collide and I can’t process,see or interpret and decide.
@@MomontheSpectrum😊
YES! Your channel makes me feel seen....it's so hard to explain to people how little things can throw off your whole day! Thank you for being so open and honest. I'm happy there are people like me who can understand our struggle :)
Routine changes are killer! Experiencing that now, after another prolonged semi-lockdown. Going back to teach in person, rather than online as I've been doing the past several weeks. So difficult!!!
Good luck!!
I haven’t gone back to work since COVID. Not sure what I’m gonna do now.
Edit: I always forget how verbose and serious I am. Hope this is at all helpful...
Have you considered the possibility that this is not just a routine change, but also having to do with already feeling overwhelmed?
Meltdowns make the logical side of the brain shut off, and I feel like there isn't enough attention paid to how there is a lower-level "meltdown" type feeling in our lives a lot of the time, which would just be categorized as emotional dysregulation, I guess? Masking at all when overwhelmed requires all this energy I do not have, (like spending too many spoons and going into spoon debt?) and doing something like calculating how many cheerios are in a box when I'm already doing other stuff would be enough to put me into a "shutdown", and I was always so hard on myself while I never realized what was going on from never giving myself a break. I'm male, but I feel like being a mother would make that responsibility piece feel even more intense, and I feel for you! Going through life undiagnosed for so long, I think we put all these expectations on ourselves we need to reconsider; we beat ourselves up for these things that are only "small" when there isn't an explanation for it, and people are expecting things they should not, which doesn't mean we are lesser individuals. I tend to just feel guilt when I can't explain, and I'm like "I'm so useless!", when really I'm doing SO. MUCH. that no one else has to deal with, it's just invisible, and I can and do so much nobody else does!
...cheerios are a big deal, okay? 😂
Have some mercy for yourself like you would another autistic mother 🤍 - I think as you learn to accommodate your autistic self more consistently, you will be able to do more instead of less!
Haha I love this so much! Thanks for taking the time to share this. You make a lot of great points.
Love this sharing of how the little things can totally spiral. So hard to explain to people, yet you make it sound so normal. You are pretty awesome. F x
On the positive side I feel so completely understood with your video thank you so much for sharing
I keep trying to explain this phenomenon to my husband and he just doesn't believe it. If he asks to change up the day's schedule then it's total paralysis unless he just leaves the room because now I have to process the idea, consider all the adjustments, decide if I'm ok with the change, re-plan my day, and then let him know. But when I ask for a change he's all "yeah" or "that won't work because reasons" all instantaneously and stuff. I wish I could do that.
Thanks for the Cheerio count! Sending good vibes your way Taylor and I hope the rest of your week is smooth sailing! ❤️
There are 4,158 cheerios in a family size box!
😎
@@MomontheSpectrum 😆
ANd almost 3,000 ina small box, I am grateful to know this, haha! Actually. @@MomontheSpectrum
yes. that is how it works for me too. That routine matters! Good shirt: Routines MATTER!
Ughhhh....I like to spiral with cleaner and a towel 😂❤
something similar happened to me a few mornings ago. it was past midnight and i had to shower but i realized i had left my hair towel at my grandparents but my mom said i should was my hair. i can’t wash my hair without so i was just sulking on the bathroom floor. it took me very long to process and then put the words together for the conclusion that i could just not wash my hair.
Yep- it’s the processing part!!!! Why does no one in my family get it. Makes me so so so sad. I want out of these weird processes
I think I may be on the spectrum, and your videos are helping me cope with the fear of a new diagnosis at 43yo... just wanted you to know how important your support has been to me.
i really appreciate you sharing these parts of your life as an adult with kids who is autistic, i feel like a lot of content about being neurodivergent comes from younger people so it’s nice to know that you can do things like be an adult with children and also be shaken by routines being messed with i’m currently struggling with a lot of anxiety as a high school student and sometimes i wonder if i will be able to “make it” as an adult because of it so seeing your content and an example of someone who is shaken by things that seem inconsequential and is still able to have kids and exist as an adult i feel a lot less pressure to fix the anxiety before i get older
A box of cheerios is made for the classrooms' 100th day party hahaha
Thank you for sharing this, I experience the same things and it's wonderful to see it normalized
Yes! And it feels like it shouldn't matter, but the derailing is real. Thanks for explaining so well. ❤ I agree completely. Basicaøly if I can schedule something tomorrow I can adjust, but any sudden thing, even small, can derail me completely. Good to know I am now alone.
Thank you for sharing! It seems like such a small thing, I didn’t realize it was related to autism. I thought I was just lazy or sensitive. My mom would always ask me to go out to pickup her meds but then later text me saying, “while you’re out…” and ask me to do a bunch of other unanticipated errands. It’s exhausting and stressful.
This is totally me! And my fiancee is finally starting to see how his spontaneity causes me to shut down!!
Thank you so much for sharing this.. I'm crying now listening to your vid on loop while reading a few comments, & feeling so boggled by how that happens, & soo grateful to hear you describe it as I've ended up sitting on the floor staring into space /zoning out, maaaany times, & it perplexes me & doesn't feel good to be behaving like that but can't seem to help it.. & feels hard to explain too, or even tell anyone, but I want to understand, and be acknowledged, & somehow reassured that it's ok.. & it's turning out that I'm in such excellent company 🔯💕✨🤗
Brilliant.
Thanks for the suggestion! 🥂
@@MomontheSpectrum all you.
Great short video!
This is me today and every day. I ask people why we don’t plan things together because I do better when it’s planned. Then they invite me to something of theirs and I worry that it is at the same time when I plan something I need (my run, my x, my y, etc). And kind of just blow it off… sad because I DO want to plan with people but terrible because there are certain things I MUSt do and often they don’t get done like clockwork, so….. anyway.
i understand what you're saying!! plans are so important for me too
That happens to me at work if I take leave and come in to work late. My planning time is in the morning and I teach in the afternoon. If I come to work more than 30 minutes later than usual, I spend most of my planning time trying to figure out what I should work on first because I won't have time for my typical planning schedule. Sometimes I can't decide on what to do first until 11:45 and then I have to work through my lunch break to be ready for class. 😑
This is insanely relitable and it remeinded me to be more mindefull of the fact that my brain works like that too 😅
I know what you mean! Yesterday was my daughter's 2nd day of school and the bus schedule is totally different this year! Her driver was a half hour earlier than last year and she even honked! My daughter didny have time to go to the bathroom or brush her teeth. The shock and rush threw me off so bad that I had to sit and stare in paralysis because I had no idea how to reestablish my own routine. This is going to take some getting used to and I feel guilty I can't deal with changes. 😢
Yo I'd've stressed about the cheerio count too for suuuure lmao
Lol ok glad to know I’m not alone
This!! Just so much this 🙌
I might need to go see my neurologist 😅
I feel that so much too
Painfully relatable oh gurl
I really feel this. This is probably a dumb question, but is it possible to be in a state of shutdown for months on end? I have (alongside autism) EDS, and for several reasons have been in a state of pain and fatigue for several years where I was unable to care for myself and had to move in with my folks. The pain we now have a solution to, and they say the fatigue is probably just from the pain, but... What you're describing is how I feel every day about every little thing. I try to cook for myself and I get stuck on every tiny question and consideration like the "how many Cheerios" loop. Before I know it, I've used up my energy envelope and need to lie down. I don't know if I'm constantly on the edge of shutdown because of being in so much pain/so tired, or if I'm tired because I'm constantly on the edge of a shutdown (from mismanaging and trying to push through for YEARS after being told I wasn't autistic and needed to just deal).
I always just overbuy, or i will designate one small box per person.
Noooo I hate that!!! Finding out this is part of Autism explained SO much to me about why I stuck to routines so much when my kids were little (we still have routines, but my kids are older and don’t need my help as much). Probably a good thing, though- I’m guessing all three of my kids are neurodivergent.
I always have another cuppa and hope transition happens
Is that a form of self sabotage? I feel like it would/could/should be. My genuine intent is so pure. The only enemy I have is me.
not just changes in routine but also having to adjust plans I made… we‘ve got 4 weeks left to finish our house reno before we have to move and I have walls to plaster - so of course my dog chooses this week for her next round of puberty sillyness, driving me into meltdown on the monday morning walk by just being a lil b*tch… I‘m better today but yesterday was not fun… (also my dog is super sweet usually but she has playdoo for brains rn and in a 40kg dog with a loud freaking bark that is hard work even for an nt person I‘d say…)
Oh I feel you!! Trying to buy a generator for my van. I have to seem to know everything about every one of them to make her intelligent decision and Google one thing just to Google another thing to be sure of this other thing is the brand okay is it going to be enough power is this one too heavy.. then I melt down cuz I have too much going on.. sometimes I think I can't win! Arrgg
Is this autism? Or one aspect. This is the part of me that has made me want to give up on anything intentional. The uncontrollable research and googling and inability to narrow down, decide, choose- and I think cell phones have made it worse- basically too much for me and I just want to avoid anything and everything
Completely get it. Should be easy, but… I’ve learned to guesstimate if tired then double or triple in case wrong. Have done this tripling a number of times to avoids stressing with precise calculations and been admonished,p. Maybe wasteful but I’d have rough-calculated by looking at the box and visualising bowls then tripled it. How do most people do this? Why can other people do it without getting stressed and needing a recoup; I don’t understand or know. However, it is what it is. Totally get it. So you started out well intentioned and confident and then already from the first got overloaded. That’s how it is sometimes, or often. 😂
I need help crafting a routine 😩 I'm spiraling every second of every day or so it feels like and nobody is helping me yet but I know I'm gonna do something bad soon lol
Just not having it where I think it should be in the store for me
Not diagnosed but... Today I'm supposed to go out with my friend for a bible study and I'm freaking out! I love her and trust her entirely but it's just the fact that I don't get to enjoy the time until then because my mind is saying today you must do something and it's eating away at me like crazy! T-T How do you deal with this?
yes, i know that feeling! it drains you so much because everything is then out of kilter!!!! 😉🤪🤪🤷
Yep
I think in need to be screened for this. I just thought I was quirky and awkward
My son cannot STAND to be late. The whole day is shot. 💔
Any suggestions for an older female on the Spectrum-- to test and help you? I’m 48 and slipped through so many cracks, really need to find someone who understands the unique ways in which this can be happening.
check out the online tests at embrace-autism.com for starters! You're not alone - there are many adults in this community well into their 60s and 70s.
But 3000 Cheetos doesn’t necessarily equal the weight of a recommended single serving. Cheerios are pretty light, there’s only like 6 servings in a box.
Lol.
I would have bought 6000 cheerios an still been thrown off. Sending 🥰
💞😁
Exactly
THIS!
This!!!
Omg I do the same shit! Hahahahha
You are a goddess!!
i am stressed just listening to this.
❤
Hey, there. There are so many autistic people commenting. Do autistic people get langauge?
I comprehend. I the other hand, 30gr of Cheerios for each kid is enough.
You should not have gotten that box of cherios Taylor. That teacher was a bad example in leadership.