I love what FKA Twigs said to Gayle King when she rudely and apathetically asked her why she didn’t leave her abusive relationship. It’s such a succinct and perfect response: ‘“I’m just gonna make a stance and say that I’m not gonna answer that question anymore, because the question should really be to the abuser: Why are you holding someone hostage with abuse?” she educated. “And people say, ‘Oh, it can’t have been that bad or else you would’ve left.’ No, it’s because it was that bad I couldn’t leave.”’
Guys referring to their ex as "crazy" is one of the biggest red flags to me...and honestly, when I met my fiance, one of the "green flags" was that when I asked about he and his ex's break-up, he was straight up and fair about his mistakes. Someone who takes accountability?! Edited to add: You look so cute! I love how you did your hair and styled your outfit today. I know that was NOT the point of the video, you just nailed it.
i have to agree with you...i was genuinely weirded out when i met my boyfriend and he had nothing but good things to say about his ex (despite the fact that their relationship ended because she was unfaithful). i had just been with so many men who spoke horribly about their past partners that it became the norm to me. i felt insecure for a long time trying to figure out why he had nothing negative to say about her. i couldn’t kick the idea (and i will admit that this came from a place of deep insecurity within myself) that he spoke of her positively because he was still in love with her. after a lot of work and discussion together, i began to realize that the way he spoke about his ex was a NORMAL way to discuss someone that you’d previously loved and cared for, and spent a good amount of time with. he spoke of her the way that i would like him to speak of me if god forbid, our relationship were to end. he was kind and respectful. THAT is normal...not carelessly bashing on someone that you spent years of your life with.
I agree with this, I ended the most toxic relationship I've been in since three years ago.. And I remember how he was talking about his ex, he was calling her crazy, obsessed with him, a whore..? All of this because she broke up with him. And I'm pretty sure he did the same after we broke up, he was that kind if guys when some woman refuses them they talk shit about her and call her bad names
I just realized my ex “love bombed” in the beginning of our relationship and at the time I just thought he was so amazing for that. Looking back it was the start of the most toxic relationship I’ve ever been In. Thanks for sharing your story.
Straight up: be that woman at the bar. Even if the person you are trying to help does not appreciate it in the moment, it can help them understand that something unhealthy is happening. I’ve intervened in similar situations where I’ve felt like something was off, and maybe half the time the person is grateful the other half they are defensive. Either way, I’ve never regretted it for an instant. It’s so easy to step aside especially in a crowded room where no one is doing anything, but you gotta be the change! So glad you have been able to grow and reflect in this Carrie, and so sorry you had to go through that relationship.
When you're wearing rose coloured glasses, the red flags just look like flags. I work in a domestic violence shelter and the average woman will leave her partner 7 times before she leaves for one last time. Even then, her chances of being killed by her partner is very high. I'm glad you got out of that relationship.
I’d also like to add if you are dating someone who whenever you set a boundary they freak out and call them self bad and say they should un alive themselves because of it, you should run!!! You will stop setting boundaries out of fear and you cannot save them from themself
I remember listening to a speaker on intimate partner violence and she said "I did not realize that I was in a toxic abusive relationship because I was a strong woman, I thought, strong women would never let themselves be treated badly. But after the relationship i realized that ANYONE can be in an abusive relationship. It does not make you "less strong." If anything, thinking of myself as strong and independent made me stay in the trap longer." And honestly that stuck with me since then...
As someone who was in an abusive FRIENDSHIP (not even romantic relationship!) It takes a lot to see what’s going on in the relationship until you hit your breaking point or it ends.
this hit me SO hard. I’m like 4 minutes in, and I’m relating so damn hard. I just got out of the relationship I settled for and the new man I am recently with, seems like a D R E A M. Thus far, keeping my heart guarded yes, but I am so proud of you queen!
I went through a very verbally abusive relationship and it wasn’t until YEARS later that I realized how bad it was. I am now married to a wonderful man and sometimes I still get overly upset with things that happen due to that past relationship. I am so happy my husband is a patient man who is always willing to talk through my feelings without down playing them and being hurtful.
When you defined "Love Bombing" I swear I had a lightbulb moment. My ex was a pro at this, and I Had the same thought at the beginning "He's nice, but I don't want to date him" but caved because he was sooo attentive. Like texting constantly, with long thought-out deep conversations from like, day 2 of knowing him. I ended up dating him for 2 years and it became abusive in the last year-ish. I never knew love bombing was a thing, and I wish I did before I got into that relationship. Out of that now and married to my best friend, thank goodness
For everyone who is watching this video and this resonated with you, I hope you get the help you need. Being single is far better than being in a toxic relationship ♥️
Thank you for talking about that. I was in a similar situation in my early 20s. Another important point: if you're constantly belittled and screamed at and you scream back begging them to just stop and leave you alone or because your subconscious knows that the accusations against you are wrong and you defend your self image against the abuse: that does not make you the abuser yourself, you're not "as bad as them". Traumatising situations take a toll on you and you behave in ways you wouldn't normally do. Don't let your abuser tell you that you are abusing them, you can get through this, I believe in you
thank you for posting this. as a person who’s been through that kind of shit, it’s so helpful. i just had to break up with a toxic, manipulative, and gaslighting ‘friend’ yesterday and it hurts so bad. this came at the perfect time. thanks carrie.
@@IntentionalObserver ❤️ wishing peace for you. it is hard and we all go through it, it’s just shocking how much it hurts, and for so long. feels good to move on and start healing
@@m.2325 thank you! And I you well and I hope you're able to heal. I don't frequently end friendships. For me, the word "friend" is such an important step up in a relationship so I choose very carefully. This friendship had such potential but we reached a disagreement that could not be surpassed with comprising. It still is sad for me even if I feel that it was toxic.
I was also in a huge toxic relationship for over a year but ended up breaking up with him at the start of quarantine, and my therapist now ended up saying that that's what I feel comfortable in (weirdly) because I grew up with toxic parents. She said it was scientifically proven for me to be attracted to people with addiction because my mom is an alcoholic. It's crazy!
This is me fulfilling my promise, he’s my favorite after so many heartbreaks. I thought it was time to give myself a break and focus on my job while trying to heal from my previous toxic relationship. After about a year and half I met a man who turned out to be my daughter’s boss , I was reluctant at first but his persistence and high spiritedness got me submissive. We started getting along so well , no day passes without constant communication, I fell in love and didn’t want to be hurt ever again; told him my weaknesses and he told me his, along the line he came across his ex and his attitude towards me started getting cold. Seemed like deja vu all over and so I couldn’t let the anxiety tear me apart. I met a colleague who introduced me to the best set of Private investigators ultimate hack , I contacted and hired them almost immediately and they requested a down payment to commence the job after targets cell number was provided. After few hrs they responded with all the deleted and recent messages , WhatsApp Facebook Instagram Snapchat gps and archives of pictures he has been sending out; I practically had access to his phone without his knowledge. Turns out he connived with his young sibling to test my patience and tolerance, all the info was carted to me , thanks to the hackers I now pass his test with ease, lol . For assistance on how to track or monitor your spouse email ultimatehack003@ gmail com or WhatsApp/call/text +17202954268 I wish you well as You find out the truth about your partner just like I did.
Sadly this is true for many people- sometimes its a try to „solve“ the past relationship dynamic in the present (e.g. „fixing“ your alcohol abusive partner because you couldnt „fix“ your alcoholic parent when you were 8y/o)
Carrie, I'm an only child and I genuinely wish I had had someone like you to look up to in my late teens early twenties. You're an absolute star, thank you for making meaningful content like this
Thank you for making this video. I was in an incredibly unhealthy, toxic relationship years ago and for a long time I was embarrassed to talk about because everyone has always thought I was "so strong" and could never "fall for that".
In my last relationship, just like you said, we brought out the worst in eachother. Even putting aside all of the obvious blatantly toxic things he would do, I look back at the way *I* was as a result of being with him and I’m disgusted at the way *I* would act because that’s not me. I think no matter what the other person is doing if YOU are angry and stressed and upset all the time because of them that’s a clear sign. It’s still hard to get out of that situation when you think they’re your person though. It’s not always black and white
4 minutes in and this is already adding vocabulary and terms to things I never understood about a previous relationship I was in. Thank you for sharing this Carrie!
Right?! I was relating what she was saying to high school relationships that ended like 7 years ago. I wish that this stuff was somehow more common knowledge.
You literally described my past relationships and now I’m happily married to the sweetest, most loving human who would never treat me like that and I can’t even believe I let someone treat me that way
Emotional and mental abuse are very often so difficult to recognize when you are in the situation, because it’s nuanced and builds over time. Someone doesn’t just come out of the gate like that, or else you wouldn’t be together. I’m a very intelligent and strong woman, but I was with an emotional abuser for nearly 8 years. Getting out is HARD. I will help anyone and everyone who comes to me in this situation, because I recognize how much it consumes you and masks itself as “normal.” Proud of you and anyone else who gets out of a situation like this. To anyone in the process, you can do it and your life will change so incredibly. Good things are coming your way, you will make it through. I’m engaged to the love of my life, have a great career, bought a home and have a great support system now. It’s possible. 💜
@@jocelynsanchez7018 you can do it! You are setting such a good example for your children of strength and knowing your worth and setting boundaries. Undoubtedly that makes it infinitely more complicated, but you’re doing great!
I was in a toxic relationship for four years and didn't realize it at all! After we broke up, I felt so much shame about not having realized it earlier. Seeing this really helped heal some of that shame. Thank you for having the courage to be open about it
It's not your fault if you didn't Realise at that point of time. It's absolutely not your fault. When you're in a relationship you expect best of things to happen and we always hope good things. There are so many reasons as to why someone understands better about what had happened after they come out of the he relationship. So please don't expect yourself to know or realise it was toxic. I'm glad you're out of it!:)
I went through something similar. Even his Mom told me that I should get out of the relationship but I didn’t want to see how toxic it was and it took me a long time to leave. I truly believed that there was something wrong with me and that I needed to change and “fix” myself. Sending you love ❤️
tw // mentions of suicide and sexual coercion (this is gonna be long, i’m sorry 😅) i was in a relationship pretty similar to this minus the fighting. we met when we were freshmen in high school and started dating sophomore year. he was very suicidal at this point. he clung to me like a lifeline and constantly told me i was the only reason he was alive. literally every day i saw him, i would be feeling like shit because i could tell he was upset, and we would talk and he’d end up telling me the usual “you’re perfect, you’re amazing, you’re the best person in the world, you’re my savior” etc. he told me all of these things *way* early in the relationship and, like carrie’s ex, told me we were soulmates and that he wanted to marry me. (yes, he also wanted me to use his name all the time 🤢). i was in a very vulnerable position when i got into this relationship because i had just cut ties with my best friend of years and had nobody. he told me everything you think you ever wanna hear, and even though i didn’t feel the same way about him, i went with it because at least someone cared about me. skip forward a while, he runs away from home the night before my bday. he calls me and says he was going to walk into the street and... i don’t think i have to say the rest. i had to ask my mom to drive me to where he was so he wouldn’t go through with it. it was one of the worst days of my life. that night really set up the dynamic for the rest of our relationship. he would be upset, i would take care of him. i would be forced into doing sexual things i did not want to do because he “needed” it to be happy. (he literally begged me). i carried the weight of his depression, anxiety, toxic parental relationships, and everything else in his life for two years. i didn’t realize how close i was to my breaking point until quarantine last year and i felt free for the first time in a long time. something switched in my brain and i started to realize how much i hated being with him. i eventually reached a point where i knew i had to end things, and i can honestly tell you i have never felt better in my life. (though it took a while to be able to do that). i am very much emotionally scarred from being with him, and i know a part of me always will be, but i have never been more proud of myself than when i let him go. and guess what, he didn’t kill himself like he told me he would if i ever left him! i was genuinely terrified of that, but i realized that his suicidal thoughts had absolutely nothing to do with me. sorry this was so long, i hope this helps anyone who’s in a similar situation i was. all my love to carrie and anyone who’s been/is going through something like this ❤️❤️
I just wanted to send you some love and support and tell you it gets better. I was with my ex for 12 years, totally brainwashed and manipulated, gas lit. I stayed with him bc of the love bombing in the beginning, I thought that good man was in there still somewhere and I just needed to help him find that again despite the drinking and regular violent outbursts that turned horribly physical. It took him finally hospitalising me and me almost dying to figure out that this WAS him and the love bombing guy was the lie. I sold my only possession, my car, to be able to move out and get away from him. It's been 10 years now and I'm now married to a WONDERFUL man for 6 years. It gets better, give yourself the time to heal a bit before you date again and take trusting someone slowly but you will be ok. I wont say it goes away easily, I still struggle, but I'm light years from where I was a decade ago. And if it's any consolation, people that go through what we did are REALLY good at recognizing gas lighting and manipulation from others afterwards lol 🤷♀️ so at least theres that!
Oh my god why is this my story. I stayed with mine far longer though, I wasted a decade. The s***ide threats were absolutely horrific and I'm traumatised to this day, I will never ever forgive him for what he put me through. He made me older beyond my years and gave me crippling anxiety. While my friends were enjoying university and travelling and finding themselves, I was trapped and isolated with a loose cannon who would control me and manipulate me and lie to me, and call it "love". I'm so proud of you for getting out and for being happy
i just broke up two weeks ago and i basically am friends with him. behind closed doors we are more than that. but even tonight im going out with his friends but he told me clearly not to kiss whatsoever. but behind closed doors we do. even today i accidentally called him babe. i just know i love this guy but he ain't the right man for me. i lost myself in the process and as you can see i have trouble setting boundaries even though i know i am an independent and strong woman. i think that made me stay longer even though i quitted 4 months ago in my mind. when i was finally getting ready to break up his mom died so i felt guilty and stayed and didn't tell him. anyway im moving this end of August so i hope someone can help me. he said we will both move on he won't have any intimacy with other girls yet but he doesn't want any commitment any time soon. so i don't know what to do. should i stay friends from a distance or should i break all contact ?
Really glad you’re speaking out about this! It’s so important for people, esp young people, to hear stories like these and recognize red flags! However, i would like to point out that this relationship was more than toxic, it was verbally and emotionally abusive. I got the impression you didn’t want to identify it as such but it is important to call it what it was! Just because “others may have it worse” doesn’t invalidate your experiences or make your relationship any less abusive
I know so many people that have been in abusive relationships. You're never alone, it's nothing to be ashamed of and there is always a way to get out when you are ready. 🖤 thank you for sharing your story, Carrie!
You are such a strong brave young woman. And you did a world of good to people who are watching this. I was in a same type relationship that accelerated to very violent endings. But I stayed before all the wrong reasons for 11years, 7 months and 14 days and one day I woke up and said, “ not another minute “. From that day on, I was a new person. Again thank you for your story. ❤️
Thank you for being so incredibly real about this. I have been there and too many men and women feel like it’s normal while they are in it. It’s heartbreaking to think about how my life would’ve been had I stayed with my ex. I’m so thankful for my husband, he is the polar opposite and the most caring, loving man I’ve ever met. I hope everyone can find a partner like that ♥️
I needed to hear this. I had a very toxic relationship for years that I didn’t even know until recently that it was. Thank you for always remaining transparent and sharing your experiences to others who can relate or need to hear it.
Recognising some of this and other toxicity, from of my own personal history, it was sad to watch. It's so scary that we don't realise this dangerous parts of our own lives when we're in them. Hindsight is 20/20 but most people definitely can't see that way while they're In the situation. Glad that we're both in a better place now and hopeful for other people in these dangerous situations, happiness can truly come afterwards.
I’m honestly in tears because this is literally exactly how my current partner is (minus the drugs) and then some. We have kids together so it’s hard to leave, but I’m wondering if my sign from the universe to leave is coming in the form of RUclips videos haha because I’ve gotten so many videos recommended about this and now my fave youtuber posted it 😅
I know its hard with kids, SO much harder. You can do this though your stronger than you know. Theres good men out there and you dont want to be 55 and with an abuser it happend to my aunt. Theres so much financial assistance you can get plus child support !!! If you work thats great if not you could get a job and grow and be happy. That's why I'm going to school, I am financially dependent on my fiance who is an absolutely lovely gentleman who I adore but you just never know. His mom left an abuser had two little boys worked full-time eventually went to school and met a lovely man now they travel around the world and are in love. As for his dad? He's in rehab and with his 5th girlfriend
@@sherrylynn6899 Thank you so much 😭 Your words mean so much to me. 💕 I KNOW I need to get out... just the other day he screamed at me and called me a dumb bitch for the stupidest thing I can’t even remember. This happens all the time and I don’t want my kids to think their mom has that little self worth to stay with someone like that. I’m in my last semester of school and I’ve been saving a little bit of money here and there, but it’s so scary for me because he is the only man I ever loved (we met at 18) and he’s my first everything. I love him so much but I’m so tired of the daily abuse. Every single day I’m afraid if I say the wrong thing he will kick us out or scream at me and I hate living like that. 😫
It’s actually scary how similar this sounds to things I’ve been through so it must have happened to al lot of us!! Thank you for sharing! I’m sure this will help a lot of folks to prevent the experiences we’ve been through 🤝♥️
This reminds me of my high school relationship. It was so bad. Friends, teachers, random people in our small town would tell me to leave but I couldn’t see the fire for the smoke. I remember at one point we were fighting over text, I was with my dad at my grandparents house. I had a black flip phone part of where it connected was broke but it still worked, during the argument I slammed the phone down on the counter and it finally broke in half. I was freaking out and crying, dad was telling me it was okay. I remember telling him I didn’t want mom to be mad that I broke the phone, but in reality I was scared because my boyfriend was going to be mad that it was broken. And he was. It was a rough few weeks until I got a new phone, but I also felt less pressure to be in constant contact with him and that was freeing.
I’m so sorry that you had to go through this experience. It’s sickening how toxic people just never realize how horrible they are towards other people. I think I remember you mentioning the lady trying to step in when you were fighting in another video.
Oh my god, where you said you didn’t even like him at the start and was very quickly almost worn down and changed your mind was EXACTLY how it happened with my and my toxic ex. I haven’t heard anyone else relate to that before
Girllll, this hit too close to home. Literally step by step this is exactly what happened to me. It's almost scary how close our stories are.. But hearing that somebody else almost has the exact same story as me helps me to remember that it wasn't me.. and that these patterns of behavior and manipulation tactics are used by multiple people, and having other people to relate to helps us to identify what truly happened and jump out of the illusion of a reality that our abusers caused for us.
I am older than most of your viewers. I have had my share of the toxic relationships. I thought I was so in love. My last one we were together off and on 4 years. He would cheat... come back say the things a girl wanted to hear and we would get back together. The last time we broke up he called me and said we can get back together if you want. I said no. That was the first time I had ever said that to him. You know it felt good. My anniversary is next month in March have been married 29 years. My husband is a good guy. Glad you found your good guy Carrie. Take care of each other.
I really appreciate you taking the time to share your story. 🤍 I am so happy that you are with a person that values you and cares for you, as it should be. ✨
This video hit SO hard for me! I also “settled” for a guy who I really didn’t think I was interested in, and every time I’d bring up something he did that I didn’t like he’d claim “oh you just don’t understand my personality yet” 🙄 like you I ended up settling for the only male attention I was getting at the time and that relationship was so deeply mentally and sexually abusive. I’m still dealing with the effects of it today. I’m so grateful my mom “stumbled” upon my journal and got confirmation of the red flags she was seeing and essentially forced me to stop seeing him. I probably would have gotten talked into marrying the guy (oh yeah, he proposed in my living room at like 1AM after I caught him cheating). I agree that you can’t leave until you want to leave, but a lot of the time you WANT to leave but don’t know how. Especially if this person has been taking every choice away from you for X amount of months and years. Such a tricky situation and my heart goes out to everyone who is currently dealing with it or has dealt with it in the past ❤️ great video Carrie!
It is so crazy to hear you speak about this because I just recently got out of a toxic relationship and I experienced like everything you mentioned. From the extreme kindness and thoughtful gifts that would come after the heated argument and gaslighting to like him being the drunkest of the group and wanting to fight everyone. I am so glad I left that relationship and watching this video is so validating.
Carrie. I have chills. So much of your story was exactly like mine. It's been almost 6 years and I'm still processing the trauma it inevitably caused me. You sharing your story just helped me process a bit more of mine. Thank you.
CARRIE! I have such a similar experience of emotional abuse and intimate partner violence. Thank you so much for making this video. Immediately share. Sending so much love.
You telling your story literally made me wonder if we dated the same person. It took me a couple years post break up to realize how verbally abusive he was.. but I have and will continue to heal from that. Thanks for sharing your story
You are describing my situation with a horrible narcissist down to a T. They seek codependents. I’m so sorry you had to experience that - that kind of emotional abuse takes years of healing 💔
I've left my ex a little over two years ago. I've heard and read a lot of stories that vary with details that are uncomfortably similar to mine. Last night, I was JUST thinking about how I didn't even like him when we first met. He was way more interested than I was and I wondered how I got to actually liking him. Watching this video was incredibly reassuring. Thank you so much for sharing! You have no idea but you just helped me find a piece to my puzzle that I didn't know was missing.
This guy sounds so similar to my first boyfriend from when I was 18. I'm almost 31 now. I'm just now realizing how messed up it was: the love bombing at the beginning, the lying, fighting, intentionally embarrassing me in front of my friends. I can't believe I didn't see it for so long.
Thank you for sharing your story. I think this is such a powerful message that I have shared the link to this video on my own personal page in hopes of reaching more people and I will certainly get my grandkids to watch it as they are at the age to start entering the dating world and I am sure they have no idea what a toxic relationship or love bombing is. I want them to be able to realize the signs for themselves.
I've never been in a relationship like this, BUT it is so true how we can be in situations that are bad or dangerous and not realize the extent of it until later. totally get that. i'm so glad you are able to share this so that anyone who is in a similar situation can maybe get some help getting out.
Thank you for sharing. My first relationship was a lot like this and lasted 4 years, I finally left him almost a year ago and looking back I have no idea how I thought it was okay. I think especially because I was young and naive and my parents have a very volatile relationship I just thought that's how it's supposed to be. My life has completely changed for the better since leaving, even though when we were together I thought I'd be nothing without him.
Woow. Love bombing, gaslighting and belittling me (I was almost always wrong)... those are all things my husband did to me regularly. Thing is he brought out wonderful sides of me and supported me throughout my deepest darkest depression. Now that I‘m doing so much better he left me. He says I‘ll deal with depression for my whole life and blames me for not working harder on myself... I would add another sign of toxic relationships: separation from friends and other people. My husband didn’t want to hang out with other people/friends. We withdrew ourselves from so many people. I‘m glad I kept in touch with some faithful friends.
😨😨people that get super angry while drunk are my absolute deal breaker, that sounds so terrifying to deal with! major props to that good samaritan (and you for speaking about it!)💙
If this ain’t me...it’s awful that we can relate but I’m glad someone else is talking about it. All the love in the world for you and this corner of RUclips 🌻💜
God, I relate to so much of this (thankfully I’m also in a much healthier calmer relationship now). Thank you so much for sharing and I’m so glad you’re in a better place now!
THANK YOU for your Big Sis talks! First the grooming one, now this one. Carrie Dayton, you are amazing! This is the kind of content that can LITERALLY change peoples lives! Don't get me wrong, I love your fashion content, I love your vlogs, but this stuff is on another level!
Now I know the word for when my first boyfriend told me he loved me within the first two hours of meeting me. Don’t worry, we only stayed together for 2 weeks
Oh girl! I felt like you were talking about my past relationship (ex-husband - I MARRIED my toxic ex 🤦🏽♀️) From the love bombing, to the yelling, he made me feel like I was so stupid all the time. This was verbal abuse Carrie, and it would’ve turned into physical abuse eventually. At least it did it my experience. I’m so happy you got out of this relationship and didn’t marry the guy. All my friends and family begged me not to marry him but I didn’t listen. Thankfully, our marriage ended over 10 years ago and I’m in the most amazing relationship now (similar to yours now) Thank you for sharing your experience. I swear, just when I think I couldn’t love you more 🥰
This reminds me so much of a guy I dated in college. Down to the lying, cheating with exes, and DUI. I’m sorry you went through this, but I know for me at least that relationship taught me so much about what I didn’t want in a partner, and how to value myself a bit more. 💕
Never knew the term love bombing but I’ve definitely experienced that before. Also him thinking you are always the one in the wrong during an argument hits home for me too. It’s sad that so many people have these stories 😢 Thanks for bringing awareness to these kinds of relationships. It’s important for all women to be able to see these red flags!
Thank you so much for sharing your story ❤️ I went through a very similar situation and felt extremely isolated after. You’ve truly explained a lot of similar feelings I’ve had too about it in this video and I appreciate you sharing☺️
Carrie you are such an inspiration. I look back at the past and realize how much stronger I was than I thought at the time. At times I didn’t know how I would make it through weak points in my life :(
I did like this video but I couldn’t watch it just because of my own personal past history of abuse. Thank you for sharing your story. I will definitely try to come back and watch when I’m in a better place during this whole pandemic keep doing what you do girl!❤️
I was in a toxic relationship and did not know it back then, there were reds flags but I thought I somehow deserved it because he gave me love and support other times. He cheated on me a couples times including in our house, in our bed. He locked me out and made me sleep outside like a dog 🐶, and accused me of cheating when I wasn’t. It took me a suicide attempt and 6 years to move on.. but it still hurts me to this very day and it’s been 8 years now. I’m sorry you’ve also been in toxic relationships! I’ve been supporting you since your very first story time 💕
I was in an extremely similar relationship. Thank you for speaking out about this, it can be so hard to talk about and I totally relate to the embarrassment aspect looking back
This sound soooo much like my ex....4 years later and I’m still traumatized. Not that I’m glad you went through that, but it is nice validation that I wasn’t stupid in the situation and that it could have happened to anyone. Thanks big sis
Sounds like a narcissist. Triangulation, love bombing, gas lighting, overcompensating, crazy making... thank you for talking about this. I’ve been through this. One time I had the cops called on me because I was yelling so loud. I quit drinking and realized that it made me fight more. Now I just walk away. I do not miss those days. 🥺
hi carrie you look beautiful in that sweater!! thank you so much for this video.. i have been in some toxic relationships too. it's good to remember things we have survived.
For anyone here that wants to learn more about toxic relationships, recently I've been getting into a RUclipsr named Dr. Kirk Honda that also runs a podcast called "Psychology in Seattle". He's been a family/couples therapist for decades and he talks a lot about why people might act the way they do in relationships, schemas, and relationship dynamics. One of his popular series is reviewing 90 day fiance episodes and commenting on the relationship dynamics. He's talked quite a bit about why someone might compulsively lie (spoiler - it's actually due to deep fear of rejection and potentially trauma, often with their needs not being met as a child according to some popular psychological theories). In his videos I've learned how to avoid arguments with my partner and to lower my own reactivity. So thankful to Carrie for sharing her story and bringing attention to such a sensitive topic!!
Thank you so much for telling this story. I love you so much! You are amazing. Thank your big sister advice videos. I am sorry that this happened to you.
![Kodak Black - Catch Fire [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/A4ch-olIuZo/mqdefault.jpg)
I love what FKA Twigs said to Gayle King when she rudely and apathetically asked her why she didn’t leave her abusive relationship. It’s such a succinct and perfect response:
‘“I’m just gonna make a stance and say that I’m not gonna answer that question anymore, because the question should really be to the abuser: Why are you holding someone hostage with abuse?” she educated.
“And people say, ‘Oh, it can’t have been that bad or else you would’ve left.’ No, it’s because it was that bad I couldn’t leave.”’
Guys referring to their ex as "crazy" is one of the biggest red flags to me...and honestly, when I met my fiance, one of the "green flags" was that when I asked about he and his ex's break-up, he was straight up and fair about his mistakes. Someone who takes accountability?!
Edited to add: You look so cute! I love how you did your hair and styled your outfit today. I know that was NOT the point of the video, you just nailed it.
i have to agree with you...i was genuinely weirded out when i met my boyfriend and he had nothing but good things to say about his ex (despite the fact that their relationship ended because she was unfaithful).
i had just been with so many men who spoke horribly about their past partners that it became the norm to me. i felt insecure for a long time trying to figure out why he had nothing negative to say about her. i couldn’t kick the idea (and i will admit that this came from a place of deep insecurity within myself) that he spoke of her positively because he was still in love with her.
after a lot of work and discussion together, i began to realize that the way he spoke about his ex was a NORMAL way to discuss someone that you’d previously loved and cared for, and spent a good amount of time with. he spoke of her the way that i would like him to speak of me if god forbid, our relationship were to end. he was kind and respectful. THAT is normal...not carelessly bashing on someone that you spent years of your life with.
I agree with this, I ended the most toxic relationship I've been in since three years ago.. And I remember how he was talking about his ex, he was calling her crazy, obsessed with him, a whore..? All of this because she broke up with him. And I'm pretty sure he did the same after we broke up, he was that kind if guys when some woman refuses them they talk shit about her and call her bad names
I just realized my ex “love bombed” in the beginning of our relationship and at the time I just thought he was so amazing for that. Looking back it was the start of the most toxic relationship I’ve ever been In. Thanks for sharing your story.
Straight up: be that woman at the bar. Even if the person you are trying to help does not appreciate it in the moment, it can help them understand that something unhealthy is happening. I’ve intervened in similar situations where I’ve felt like something was off, and maybe half the time the person is grateful the other half they are defensive. Either way, I’ve never regretted it for an instant. It’s so easy to step aside especially in a crowded room where no one is doing anything, but you gotta be the change! So glad you have been able to grow and reflect in this Carrie, and so sorry you had to go through that relationship.
When you're wearing rose coloured glasses, the red flags just look like flags. I work in a domestic violence shelter and the average woman will leave her partner 7 times before she leaves for one last time. Even then, her chances of being killed by her partner is very high. I'm glad you got out of that relationship.
wow! thank you for that information
I’d also like to add if you are dating someone who whenever you set a boundary they freak out and call them self bad and say they should un alive themselves because of it, you should run!!! You will stop setting boundaries out of fear and you cannot save them from themself
I don't have a big sis so this content really helps me in terms of my own life & experiences❤ Thank you Carrie for everything you do and share.
Yes, we do!
I remember listening to a speaker on intimate partner violence and she said "I did not realize that I was in a toxic abusive relationship because I was a strong woman, I thought, strong women would never let themselves be treated badly. But after the relationship i realized that ANYONE can be in an abusive relationship. It does not make you "less strong." If anything, thinking of myself as strong and independent made me stay in the trap longer."
And honestly that stuck with me since then...
As someone who was in an abusive FRIENDSHIP (not even romantic relationship!) It takes a lot to see what’s going on in the relationship until you hit your breaking point or it ends.
this hit me SO hard. I’m like 4 minutes in, and I’m relating so damn hard. I just got out of the relationship I settled for and the new man I am recently with, seems like a D R E A M. Thus far, keeping my heart guarded yes, but I am so proud of you queen!
I went through a very verbally abusive relationship and it wasn’t until YEARS later that I realized how bad it was.
I am now married to a wonderful man and sometimes I still get overly upset with things that happen due to that past relationship. I am so happy my husband is a patient man who is always willing to talk through my feelings without down playing them and being hurtful.
When you defined "Love Bombing" I swear I had a lightbulb moment. My ex was a pro at this, and I Had the same thought at the beginning "He's nice, but I don't want to date him" but caved because he was sooo attentive. Like texting constantly, with long thought-out deep conversations from like, day 2 of knowing him. I ended up dating him for 2 years and it became abusive in the last year-ish. I never knew love bombing was a thing, and I wish I did before I got into that relationship. Out of that now and married to my best friend, thank goodness
For everyone who is watching this video and this resonated with you, I hope you get the help you need. Being single is far better than being in a toxic relationship ♥️
Thank you for talking about that. I was in a similar situation in my early 20s. Another important point: if you're constantly belittled and screamed at and you scream back begging them to just stop and leave you alone or because your subconscious knows that the accusations against you are wrong and you defend your self image against the abuse: that does not make you the abuser yourself, you're not "as bad as them". Traumatising situations take a toll on you and you behave in ways you wouldn't normally do. Don't let your abuser tell you that you are abusing them, you can get through this, I believe in you
thank you for posting this. as a person who’s been through that kind of shit, it’s so helpful. i just had to break up with a toxic, manipulative, and gaslighting ‘friend’ yesterday and it hurts so bad. this came at the perfect time. thanks carrie.
Oof, those are so hard. I went through that almost five years ago and it's still hard at times.
Some of the things she said shed new light over one of my past relationships and I was like UHHHH.
@@lauren.13 hindsight is 20/20 !
@@IntentionalObserver ❤️ wishing peace for you. it is hard and we all go through it, it’s just shocking how much it hurts, and for so long. feels good to move on and start healing
@@m.2325 thank you! And I you well and I hope you're able to heal. I don't frequently end friendships. For me, the word "friend" is such an important step up in a relationship so I choose very carefully. This friendship had such potential but we reached a disagreement that could not be surpassed with comprising. It still is sad for me even if I feel that it was toxic.
I was also in a huge toxic relationship for over a year but ended up breaking up with him at the start of quarantine, and my therapist now ended up saying that that's what I feel comfortable in (weirdly) because I grew up with toxic parents. She said it was scientifically proven for me to be attracted to people with addiction because my mom is an alcoholic. It's crazy!
This is me fulfilling my promise, he’s my favorite after so many heartbreaks. I thought it was time to give myself a break and focus on my job while trying to heal from my previous toxic relationship. After about a year and half I met a man who turned out to be my daughter’s boss , I was reluctant at first but his persistence and high spiritedness got me submissive. We started getting along so well , no day passes without constant communication, I fell in love and didn’t want to be hurt ever again; told him my weaknesses and he told me his, along the line he came across his ex and his attitude towards me started getting cold. Seemed like deja vu all over and so I couldn’t let the anxiety tear me apart. I met a colleague who introduced me to the best set of Private investigators ultimate hack , I contacted and hired them almost immediately and they requested a down payment to commence the job after targets cell number was provided. After few hrs they responded with all the deleted and recent messages , WhatsApp Facebook Instagram Snapchat gps and archives of pictures he has been sending out; I practically had access to his phone without his knowledge. Turns out he connived with his young sibling to test my patience and tolerance, all the info was carted to me , thanks to the hackers I now pass his test with ease, lol . For assistance on how to track or monitor your spouse email ultimatehack003@ gmail com or WhatsApp/call/text +17202954268 I wish you well as You find out the truth about your partner just like I did.
I’m glad you were only in it for a year. I was in it for 6!
Sadly this is true for many people- sometimes its a try to „solve“ the past relationship dynamic in the present (e.g. „fixing“ your alcohol abusive partner because you couldnt „fix“ your alcoholic parent when you were 8y/o)
@@klaramathilda9929 interesting!!!
Carrie, I'm an only child and I genuinely wish I had had someone like you to look up to in my late teens early twenties. You're an absolute star, thank you for making meaningful content like this
I'm so sad you went through this but extremely happy you're with such an amazing guy now!!! ♥️
Hands up for Drew and Carrie ❤️🙌🙌🙌
I’m the luckiest person!!! 💗
You deserve this, Carrie
It's not just luck ❤️
I just ended it with my toxic boyfriend last night. This video couldn’t have come at a better time, thank you so much for sharing your story❤️
Thank you for making this video. I was in an incredibly unhealthy, toxic relationship years ago and for a long time I was embarrassed to talk about because everyone has always thought I was "so strong" and could never "fall for that".
In my last relationship, just like you said, we brought out the worst in eachother. Even putting aside all of the obvious blatantly toxic things he would do, I look back at the way *I* was as a result of being with him and I’m disgusted at the way *I* would act because that’s not me. I think no matter what the other person is doing if YOU are angry and stressed and upset all the time because of them that’s a clear sign. It’s still hard to get out of that situation when you think they’re your person though. It’s not always black and white
I have rarely seen such an honest youtuber huge respect and thanks for the advice
4 minutes in and this is already adding vocabulary and terms to things I never understood about a previous relationship I was in. Thank you for sharing this Carrie!
Right?! I was relating what she was saying to high school relationships that ended like 7 years ago. I wish that this stuff was somehow more common knowledge.
You literally described my past relationships and now I’m happily married to the sweetest, most loving human who would never treat me like that and I can’t even believe I let someone treat me that way
Omg, this happened to me, I didn’t like the guy and he really liked me, and slowly I caught feelings, it ended up being a super toxic relationship 🥺
Emotional and mental abuse are very often so difficult to recognize when you are in the situation, because it’s nuanced and builds over time. Someone doesn’t just come out of the gate like that, or else you wouldn’t be together. I’m a very intelligent and strong woman, but I was with an emotional abuser for nearly 8 years. Getting out is HARD. I will help anyone and everyone who comes to me in this situation, because I recognize how much it consumes you and masks itself as “normal.” Proud of you and anyone else who gets out of a situation like this. To anyone in the process, you can do it and your life will change so incredibly. Good things are coming your way, you will make it through. I’m engaged to the love of my life, have a great career, bought a home and have a great support system now. It’s possible. 💜
I currently In the process. Sad thing is I have 3 small children. I been dependent on him for all these years and I'm only 31.
@@jocelynsanchez7018 you can do it! You are setting such a good example for your children of strength and knowing your worth and setting boundaries. Undoubtedly that makes it infinitely more complicated, but you’re doing great!
I was in a toxic relationship for four years and didn't realize it at all! After we broke up, I felt so much shame about not having realized it earlier. Seeing this really helped heal some of that shame. Thank you for having the courage to be open about it
It's not your fault if you didn't Realise at that point of time. It's absolutely not your fault. When you're in a relationship you expect best of things to happen and we always hope good things. There are so many reasons as to why someone understands better about what had happened after they come out of the he relationship. So please don't expect yourself to know or realise it was toxic. I'm glad you're out of it!:)
I went through something similar. Even his Mom told me that I should get out of the relationship but I didn’t want to see how toxic it was and it took me a long time to leave. I truly believed that there was something wrong with me and that I needed to change and “fix” myself. Sending you love ❤️
tw // mentions of suicide and sexual coercion (this is gonna be long, i’m sorry 😅)
i was in a relationship pretty similar to this minus the fighting. we met when we were freshmen in high school and started dating sophomore year. he was very suicidal at this point. he clung to me like a lifeline and constantly told me i was the only reason he was alive. literally every day i saw him, i would be feeling like shit because i could tell he was upset, and we would talk and he’d end up telling me the usual “you’re perfect, you’re amazing, you’re the best person in the world, you’re my savior” etc. he told me all of these things *way* early in the relationship and, like carrie’s ex, told me we were soulmates and that he wanted to marry me. (yes, he also wanted me to use his name all the time 🤢). i was in a very vulnerable position when i got into this relationship because i had just cut ties with my best friend of years and had nobody. he told me everything you think you ever wanna hear, and even though i didn’t feel the same way about him, i went with it because at least someone cared about me. skip forward a while, he runs away from home the night before my bday. he calls me and says he was going to walk into the street and... i don’t think i have to say the rest. i had to ask my mom to drive me to where he was so he wouldn’t go through with it. it was one of the worst days of my life. that night really set up the dynamic for the rest of our relationship. he would be upset, i would take care of him. i would be forced into doing sexual things i did not want to do because he “needed” it to be happy. (he literally begged me). i carried the weight of his depression, anxiety, toxic parental relationships, and everything else in his life for two years. i didn’t realize how close i was to my breaking point until quarantine last year and i felt free for the first time in a long time. something switched in my brain and i started to realize how much i hated being with him. i eventually reached a point where i knew i had to end things, and i can honestly tell you i have never felt better in my life. (though it took a while to be able to do that). i am very much emotionally scarred from being with him, and i know a part of me always will be, but i have never been more proud of myself than when i let him go. and guess what, he didn’t kill himself like he told me he would if i ever left him! i was genuinely terrified of that, but i realized that his suicidal thoughts had absolutely nothing to do with me.
sorry this was so long, i hope this helps anyone who’s in a similar situation i was. all my love to carrie and anyone who’s been/is going through something like this ❤️❤️
I just wanted to send you some love and support and tell you it gets better. I was with my ex for 12 years, totally brainwashed and manipulated, gas lit. I stayed with him bc of the love bombing in the beginning, I thought that good man was in there still somewhere and I just needed to help him find that again despite the drinking and regular violent outbursts that turned horribly physical. It took him finally hospitalising me and me almost dying to figure out that this WAS him and the love bombing guy was the lie. I sold my only possession, my car, to be able to move out and get away from him. It's been 10 years now and I'm now married to a WONDERFUL man for 6 years. It gets better, give yourself the time to heal a bit before you date again and take trusting someone slowly but you will be ok. I wont say it goes away easily, I still struggle, but I'm light years from where I was a decade ago. And if it's any consolation, people that go through what we did are REALLY good at recognizing gas lighting and manipulation from others afterwards lol 🤷♀️ so at least theres that!
@@scandisnowgirl3696 i appreciate that, thank you. glad to hear you’re in a better place now!
Oh my god why is this my story. I stayed with mine far longer though, I wasted a decade. The s***ide threats were absolutely horrific and I'm traumatised to this day, I will never ever forgive him for what he put me through. He made me older beyond my years and gave me crippling anxiety. While my friends were enjoying university and travelling and finding themselves, I was trapped and isolated with a loose cannon who would control me and manipulate me and lie to me, and call it "love".
I'm so proud of you for getting out and for being happy
i just broke up two weeks ago and i basically am friends with him. behind closed doors we are more than that. but even tonight im going out with his friends but he told me clearly not to kiss whatsoever. but behind closed doors we do. even today i accidentally called him babe. i just know i love this guy but he ain't the right man for me. i lost myself in the process and as you can see i have trouble setting boundaries even though i know i am an independent and strong woman. i think that made me stay longer even though i quitted 4 months ago in my mind. when i was finally getting ready to break up his mom died so i felt guilty and stayed and didn't tell him. anyway im moving this end of August so i hope someone can help me. he said we will both move on he won't have any intimacy with other girls yet but he doesn't want any commitment any time soon. so i don't know what to do. should i stay friends from a distance or should i break all contact ?
Really glad you’re speaking out about this! It’s so important for people, esp young people, to hear stories like these and recognize red flags! However, i would like to point out that this relationship was more than toxic, it was verbally and emotionally abusive. I got the impression you didn’t want to identify it as such but it is important to call it what it was! Just because “others may have it worse” doesn’t invalidate your experiences or make your relationship any less abusive
I know so many people that have been in abusive relationships. You're never alone, it's nothing to be ashamed of and there is always a way to get out when you are ready. 🖤 thank you for sharing your story, Carrie!
You are such a strong brave young woman. And you did a world of good to people who are watching this. I was in a same type relationship that accelerated to very violent endings. But I stayed before all the wrong reasons for 11years, 7 months and 14 days and one day I woke up and said, “ not another minute “. From that day on, I was a new person. Again thank you for your story. ❤️
I literally just started watching and I’m like “is this the same relationship I was in?” Love you Carrie ❤️ thank you for sharing this story!
Thank you for being so incredibly real about this. I have been there and too many men and women feel like it’s normal while they are in it. It’s heartbreaking to think about how my life would’ve been had I stayed with my ex. I’m so thankful for my husband, he is the polar opposite and the most caring, loving man I’ve ever met. I hope everyone can find a partner like that ♥️
I needed to hear this. I had a very toxic relationship for years that I didn’t even know until recently that it was. Thank you for always remaining transparent and sharing your experiences to others who can relate or need to hear it.
Recognising some of this and other toxicity, from of my own personal history, it was sad to watch. It's so scary that we don't realise this dangerous parts of our own lives when we're in them. Hindsight is 20/20 but most people definitely can't see that way while they're In the situation.
Glad that we're both in a better place now and hopeful for other people in these dangerous situations, happiness can truly come afterwards.
I’m honestly in tears because this is literally exactly how my current partner is (minus the drugs) and then some. We have kids together so it’s hard to leave, but I’m wondering if my sign from the universe to leave is coming in the form of RUclips videos haha because I’ve gotten so many videos recommended about this and now my fave youtuber posted it 😅
SAME?!?!? It’s like God is screaming at me.
This is your sign to leave for the kids and yourself. Please stay safe and things will get better 🧡
I know its hard with kids, SO much harder. You can do this though your stronger than you know. Theres good men out there and you dont want to be 55 and with an abuser it happend to my aunt. Theres so much financial assistance you can get plus child support !!! If you work thats great if not you could get a job and grow and be happy. That's why I'm going to school, I am financially dependent on my fiance who is an absolutely lovely gentleman who I adore but you just never know. His mom left an abuser had two little boys worked full-time eventually went to school and met a lovely man now they travel around the world and are in love. As for his dad? He's in rehab and with his 5th girlfriend
@@sherrylynn6899 Thank you so much 😭 Your words mean so much to me. 💕 I KNOW I need to get out... just the other day he screamed at me and called me a dumb bitch for the stupidest thing I can’t even remember. This happens all the time and I don’t want my kids to think their mom has that little self worth to stay with someone like that. I’m in my last semester of school and I’ve been saving a little bit of money here and there, but it’s so scary for me because he is the only man I ever loved (we met at 18) and he’s my first everything. I love him so much but I’m so tired of the daily abuse. Every single day I’m afraid if I say the wrong thing he will kick us out or scream at me and I hate living like that. 😫
@@HeatherLynseyMusic Same girl. Hugs. 💕 I hope we can both get out one day and be happy. 🥺
It’s actually scary how similar this sounds to things I’ve been through so it must have happened to al lot of us!! Thank you for sharing! I’m sure this will help a lot of folks to prevent the experiences we’ve been through 🤝♥️
This reminds me of my high school relationship. It was so bad. Friends, teachers, random people in our small town would tell me to leave but I couldn’t see the fire for the smoke. I remember at one point we were fighting over text, I was with my dad at my grandparents house. I had a black flip phone part of where it connected was broke but it still worked, during the argument I slammed the phone down on the counter and it finally broke in half. I was freaking out and crying, dad was telling me it was okay. I remember telling him I didn’t want mom to be mad that I broke the phone, but in reality I was scared because my boyfriend was going to be mad that it was broken. And he was. It was a rough few weeks until I got a new phone, but I also felt less pressure to be in constant contact with him and that was freeing.
I’m so sorry that you had to go through this experience. It’s sickening how toxic people just never realize how horrible they are towards other people. I think I remember you mentioning the lady trying to step in when you were fighting in another video.
Oh my god, where you said you didn’t even like him at the start and was very quickly almost worn down and changed your mind was EXACTLY how it happened with my and my toxic ex. I haven’t heard anyone else relate to that before
This is the kind of person the word toxic was made for! So glad you're safe away from him.
Girllll, this hit too close to home. Literally step by step this is exactly what happened to me. It's almost scary how close our stories are.. But hearing that somebody else almost has the exact same story as me helps me to remember that it wasn't me.. and that these patterns of behavior and manipulation tactics are used by multiple people, and having other people to relate to helps us to identify what truly happened and jump out of the illusion of a reality that our abusers caused for us.
Especially when you're young, it's so easy to confuse drama/anger for passion.
I love you carrie! I'm so glad you're in a better situation now ❤
I am older than most of your viewers.
I have had my share of the toxic relationships. I thought I was so in love. My last one we were together off and on 4 years. He would cheat... come back say the things a girl wanted to hear and we would get back together. The last time we broke up he called me and said we can get back together if you want. I said no. That was the first time I had ever said that to him. You know it felt good.
My anniversary is next month in March have been married 29 years. My husband is a good guy.
Glad you found your good guy Carrie. Take care of each other.
I really appreciate you taking the time to share your story. 🤍
I am so happy that you are with a person that values you and cares for you, as it should be. ✨
This video hit SO hard for me! I also “settled” for a guy who I really didn’t think I was interested in, and every time I’d bring up something he did that I didn’t like he’d claim “oh you just don’t understand my personality yet” 🙄 like you I ended up settling for the only male attention I was getting at the time and that relationship was so deeply mentally and sexually abusive. I’m still dealing with the effects of it today. I’m so grateful my mom “stumbled” upon my journal and got confirmation of the red flags she was seeing and essentially forced me to stop seeing him. I probably would have gotten talked into marrying the guy (oh yeah, he proposed in my living room at like 1AM after I caught him cheating). I agree that you can’t leave until you want to leave, but a lot of the time you WANT to leave but don’t know how. Especially if this person has been taking every choice away from you for X amount of months and years. Such a tricky situation and my heart goes out to everyone who is currently dealing with it or has dealt with it in the past ❤️ great video Carrie!
Omg Carrie... I think you just described my daughter's last relationship.... It was all this, and more. Thank you for this❤️
It is so crazy to hear you speak about this because I just recently got out of a toxic relationship and I experienced like everything you mentioned. From the extreme kindness and thoughtful gifts that would come after the heated argument and gaslighting to like him being the drunkest of the group and wanting to fight everyone. I am so glad I left that relationship and watching this video is so validating.
Carrie. I have chills. So much of your story was exactly like mine. It's been almost 6 years and I'm still processing the trauma it inevitably caused me. You sharing your story just helped me process a bit more of mine. Thank you.
I been there not long ago, but I figured out why later
CARRIE! I have such a similar experience of emotional abuse and intimate partner violence. Thank you so much for making this video. Immediately share. Sending so much love.
Thank you for sharing your story💕 I went through something similar and it's good to hear another persons perspective. It makes me feel less alone💛
thanks for talking about this again!!! i think this is so so important for ppl to learn about as someone that has had toxic relationships in my past
You telling your story literally made me wonder if we dated the same person. It took me a couple years post break up to realize how verbally abusive he was.. but I have and will continue to heal from that. Thanks for sharing your story
You are describing my situation with a horrible narcissist down to a T. They seek codependents. I’m so sorry you had to experience that - that kind of emotional abuse takes years of healing 💔
Omg that woman was so sweet to be there for you. It’s so crazy how in the moment you feel like it’s normal. ☹️I’m sorry you had to go through that!
I've left my ex a little over two years ago. I've heard and read a lot of stories that vary with details that are uncomfortably similar to mine. Last night, I was JUST thinking about how I didn't even like him when we first met. He was way more interested than I was and I wondered how I got to actually liking him. Watching this video was incredibly reassuring. Thank you so much for sharing! You have no idea but you just helped me find a piece to my puzzle that I didn't know was missing.
This guy sounds so similar to my first boyfriend from when I was 18. I'm almost 31 now. I'm just now realizing how messed up it was: the love bombing at the beginning, the lying, fighting, intentionally embarrassing me in front of my friends. I can't believe I didn't see it for so long.
He even lied about being adopted. WHAT.
Thank you for sharing your story, Carrie. I know it’s going to help others. Sending so much love 💕
Thank you for sharing your story. I think this is such a powerful message that I have shared the link to this video on my own personal page in hopes of reaching more people and I will certainly get my grandkids to watch it as they are at the age to start entering the dating world and I am sure they have no idea what a toxic relationship or love bombing is. I want them to be able to realize the signs for themselves.
YASSS!! Love an old school big sis story time with Carrie!
Omg, I actually listen to ur story times, feeling like ur telling you story. I can FULLY relate to them
I adore your storytime videos! Especially the "big sis advice" ones. Your video is really changing my mood after a bad day💕
I've never been in a relationship like this, BUT it is so true how we can be in situations that are bad or dangerous and not realize the extent of it until later. totally get that. i'm so glad you are able to share this so that anyone who is in a similar situation can maybe get some help getting out.
Thank you so much for sharing this Carrie. It’s so so important for people to be aware of these warning signs.
Thank you for sharing. My first relationship was a lot like this and lasted 4 years, I finally left him almost a year ago and looking back I have no idea how I thought it was okay. I think especially because I was young and naive and my parents have a very volatile relationship I just thought that's how it's supposed to be. My life has completely changed for the better since leaving, even though when we were together I thought I'd be nothing without him.
Woow. Love bombing, gaslighting and belittling me (I was almost always wrong)... those are all things my husband did to me regularly. Thing is he brought out wonderful sides of me and supported me throughout my deepest darkest depression. Now that I‘m doing so much better he left me. He says I‘ll deal with depression for my whole life and blames me for not working harder on myself...
I would add another sign of toxic relationships: separation from friends and other people. My husband didn’t want to hang out with other people/friends. We withdrew ourselves from so many people. I‘m glad I kept in touch with some faithful friends.
Love how insightful and compassionate you are Carrie 💜
Thank you for filming this!!!! I really love these kind of videos! 💖💖💖💖
This sounds EXACTLY like what I went through with one of my exs!! Glad we made it out and Thank you for being strong enough to share ❤
😨😨people that get super angry while drunk are my absolute deal breaker, that sounds so terrifying to deal with! major props to that good samaritan (and you for speaking about it!)💙
Every time you post a story time it just makes me realize how much we have in common. Much love girl! ❤
If this ain’t me...it’s awful that we can relate but I’m glad someone else is talking about it. All the love in the world for you and this corner of RUclips 🌻💜
Thank you for sharing your testimony. It happens to so many of us. Thank God some of us are able to walk away.
God, I relate to so much of this (thankfully I’m also in a much healthier calmer relationship now). Thank you so much for sharing and I’m so glad you’re in a better place now!
THANK YOU for your Big Sis talks! First the grooming one, now this one. Carrie Dayton, you are amazing! This is the kind of content that can LITERALLY change peoples lives! Don't get me wrong, I love your fashion content, I love your vlogs, but this stuff is on another level!
Now I know the word for when my first boyfriend told me he loved me within the first two hours of meeting me. Don’t worry, we only stayed together for 2 weeks
Oh girl! I felt like you were talking about my past relationship (ex-husband - I MARRIED my toxic ex 🤦🏽♀️) From the love bombing, to the yelling, he made me feel like I was so stupid all the time. This was verbal abuse Carrie, and it would’ve turned into physical abuse eventually. At least it did it my experience. I’m so happy you got out of this relationship and didn’t marry the guy. All my friends and family begged me not to marry him but I didn’t listen. Thankfully, our marriage ended over 10 years ago and I’m in the most amazing relationship now (similar to yours now) Thank you for sharing your experience. I swear, just when I think I couldn’t love you more 🥰
This reminds me so much of a guy I dated in college. Down to the lying, cheating with exes, and DUI. I’m sorry you went through this, but I know for me at least that relationship taught me so much about what I didn’t want in a partner, and how to value myself a bit more. 💕
Hearing your Ex stories makes me love yours & Drew's relationship even more! 🤍 so happy you're happy now!
Never knew the term love bombing but I’ve definitely experienced that before. Also him thinking you are always the one in the wrong during an argument hits home for me too. It’s sad that so many people have these stories 😢 Thanks for bringing awareness to these kinds of relationships. It’s important for all women to be able to see these red flags!
Thank you so much for sharing your story ❤️
I went through a very similar situation and felt extremely isolated after.
You’ve truly explained a lot of similar feelings I’ve had too about it in this video and I appreciate you sharing☺️
Me too, then I realized why later. Or she did at first
I am so glad you and Drew are together now ❤️
thank u for posting this big sis 🥺💜
ILYSM! 💗
Carrie you are such an inspiration. I look back at the past and realize how much stronger I was than I thought at the time. At times I didn’t know how I would make it through weak points in my life :(
I'm so sorry you had to go though that. Hope someone can avoid a dangerous situation thanks to this.
I did like this video but I couldn’t watch it just because of my own personal past history of abuse. Thank you for sharing your story. I will definitely try to come back and watch when I’m in a better place during this whole pandemic keep doing what you do girl!❤️
I was in a toxic relationship and did not know it back then, there were reds flags but I thought I somehow deserved it because he gave me love and support other times. He cheated on me a couples times including in our house, in our bed. He locked me out and made me sleep outside like a dog 🐶, and accused me of cheating when I wasn’t. It took me a suicide attempt and 6 years to move on.. but it still hurts me to this very day and it’s been 8 years now.
I’m sorry you’ve also been in toxic relationships!
I’ve been supporting you since your very first story time 💕
Thank you so, so much for spreading awareness on this ❤️
I was in an extremely similar relationship. Thank you for speaking out about this, it can be so hard to talk about and I totally relate to the embarrassment aspect looking back
This sound soooo much like my ex....4 years later and I’m still traumatized. Not that I’m glad you went through that, but it is nice validation that I wasn’t stupid in the situation and that it could have happened to anyone. Thanks big sis
Toxic positivity 🤦🏻♀️ I was in a toxic relationship and am healing. So sorry you went through that. But these things do teach us.
Sounds like a narcissist. Triangulation, love bombing, gas lighting, overcompensating, crazy making... thank you for talking about this. I’ve been through this. One time I had the cops called on me because I was yelling so loud. I quit drinking and realized that it made me fight more. Now I just walk away. I do not miss those days. 🥺
Thank you for sharing something so personal 🥰 I am sure it will help many people. -Kati
I have never related to anything more. You’re so very lucky that he was never physically abusive... I’ve been there and it’s terrible
hi carrie you look beautiful in that sweater!! thank you so much for this video.. i have been in some toxic relationships too. it's good to remember things we have survived.
I can relate to this. Especially the “caving” part because it was convenient/you were lonely. Happens to the best of us
Hello how are you doing,text him for relationship issues.,,🎰he help me get ex of seven years within two day🚩🐥🌾💨☔
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Mssg him on Whatspp for help.....
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For anyone here that wants to learn more about toxic relationships, recently I've been getting into a RUclipsr named Dr. Kirk Honda that also runs a podcast called "Psychology in Seattle". He's been a family/couples therapist for decades and he talks a lot about why people might act the way they do in relationships, schemas, and relationship dynamics. One of his popular series is reviewing 90 day fiance episodes and commenting on the relationship dynamics. He's talked quite a bit about why someone might compulsively lie (spoiler - it's actually due to deep fear of rejection and potentially trauma, often with their needs not being met as a child according to some popular psychological theories). In his videos I've learned how to avoid arguments with my partner and to lower my own reactivity. So thankful to Carrie for sharing her story and bringing attention to such a sensitive topic!!
Thank you so much for telling this story. I love you so much! You are amazing. Thank your big sister advice videos.
I am sorry that this happened to you.
Thank you for sharing so much of your personal life with us, particularly recently! Sending all of the love your way