The surprising truth about rejection | Cam Adair | TEDxFargo
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 1 июн 2024
- This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences. Cam Adair tells a story of our society's collective nightmare: rejection. It's a story we've all lived through before but this one ends with a plot twist. He speaks to the universal experience and paralyzing fear of rejection while exposing his own inner turmoil he trudged through as a teenager. After years of intense bullying starting at age 13 where the fun game was "Who can stuff Cam into a trashcan?" he dropped out of high school. Twice. Next he found himself recoiling from the world, playing video games up to 16 hours a day.
But something surprising happened that changed the way he saw his rejection forever. This turning point allowed him to shift gears to become a successful entrepreneur. Now as a public speaker he travels around the country sharing his message about overcoming the heartbreaking pain of rejection and using it as fuel for growth, connection and purpose. Learn more about Cam at camerondare.com. Connect with him on twitter, @camerondare.
Cam's mission is helping others live life with intention. Feeling trapped in a career he wasn't passionate about at the age of 20, Cam founded Kingpin Social, a company with a mission to empower young men to live life on their own terms by understanding the social side of their lives. Cam believes in the power of creating your own path, contributing to your community and the magic of youth. Currently you can find Cam travelling full-time speaking around the US & Canada on topics of Building Stronger Relationships, Bullying and Gaming Addiction.
About TEDx, x = independently organized event In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)
Who came here after they got rejected by someone they like ?
Hang in there you've got this -Cam
im here what do you see
lol I did 😢
Me I got rejected twice
im here what do you see and cyber bullied
If you know what you’re worth then go out and get what you’re worth But you got to be willing to take the hits.
"Don't let someone's opinion of you become your reality", Les Brown
Great quote! -Cam
Not if that person thinks highly of you.
I like the flag fellow Iranian
If lots of people have the same negative opinion of you then that's basically your reality.
Antony Silverstone what if it is becoming
Rejection is great ... It's the easiest and quickest way to find out who to stop spending your time on 🤣
That... makes me feel better actually, 🙄
The bright side!
Love this and will be using it as a quote. Thank you
Lol true
I prefer matter-of-fact rejection over mixed signals and polite bullsh%t anyday
Social rejection is especially hard for members of a generation that has been conditioned to put such an intense emphasis on social proof.
yes for sure. -Cam
It's not "a generation", it's natural and human to need social validation. We are not made to be alone or relu on ourselves, we are made to seek and belong to a group.
our generation focuses on social validation more that any other generation nonetheless, mainly because of social media being born around the same time we were.
yep, which means we have to be that much more diligent to ensure we are growing up healthy and productive :)
This really hit home for me.
Only brave people take the initiative to approach their crush. Also, I think the pain of staying silent is worse than getting rejected.
Yup
Nope it isnt
@@pricemutikisha4888 For me, being silent is worse.
@@mesopotamialover905 ok then speak for yourself.
Yea, but the problem is, whenever that person gets in my 2 mile radius, my knees shutdown
You know whats even worse than friendzone or rejection? Actualy getting them but not being their first choice or being like the bridge to their next relationship.
What zone is this?
There isn't any problem with rejection. The real problem comes with accepting that bs that other human's thoughts about us is more valuable then our self talk about ourselves. Those are only opinions but our self talk can change everything. Praise yourself for anything you can and do know you are unique it will help you to get over it.
Absolutely agree :)
A social worker recently told me that You have to like yourself better than other people's judgments!
+Greg White _ Many Thanks for those words
But our desires are important. If my desire is to attract a women I'm in love with and the love isn't returned to me because I'm not good enough for her, then it means there's something wrong with either me or my desires. I can't change my desires but I can change myself. But sometimes whatever we do to fix ourselves and make ourselves more attractive isn't enough. And thus depression sets in
thanks man! :D
I have experienced rejection so much that I can just rub it off and move on.
Rejection pro
I know the feeling ...
ong bruh
Ong bruh.
girls come and go
Hi guys! Thanks for checking out the talk, I really appreciate you taking the time to watch it and hope you take something away. If anyone has any questions, just leave a comment. I will be responding to each one!
Many of us we feel the same, but this rejection hits really hard when someone is very young. Like 11 or 13 or even before 20, it's hard. I am 29 and sometimes I feel the same.. rejection...but what i have noticed that those were very wrong choices!
I just got out of a four year relationship. This talk really helped me. Thank you!
was it frustrating to hear the laughter? it was quite insensitive of them
Hi Cam, l know it´s been 3 years but hope you still could answer a question, how did you manage to make longer lasting friendships?
I've been rejected whole my life. I'm still trying to get rid of that
He was too nice to people. That's the reason. People don't give respect to givers. I know by experience
Yep, I'm a pleaser too and I hate it.
My whole life is being a giver and result is i am a loner now, i am living with my parents feels like i am safe and protected.
Being nice is fine, not having self respect is not. At least that's my perspective.
@@shalukashyap272 I can totally relate to that. But being alone is an opportunity to reboot yourself. Do things for yourself and your parents. Hobbies have always helped.
What's the solution then?
I've never gotten a single yes. I gave up and am happier now.
wishing you a wonderful day -Cam
Feel you bro
Me too🤟🤟
Urbanscape667 same :(
💯
Im currently 26. I never got my feelings recipocrated by the women I fell for. However on the other hand I never went through a break up or divorce yet so I got that going for me.
Glad you're looking at this on a positive note. 😊
It helps to look at the bright side of things. "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" as they say.
You will.
Women that dont respond back are not for you. You probably better off anyway.
MGTOW get better and be the best version of yourself!
100,000!!! We did it!! Thank you everyone for your support, it truly means the world to me.
+Cam Adair wow our paths are so unbelievably similar, except for me instead of hockey it was the guitar. I was studying to be an engineer and now I'm 30 and feel like I have to start over. I feel like I'm just now waking up :/
+Ex EddieB Hey! Thanks for sharing. It's all good, you can bounce back. Shoot me an email: cam@kingpinlifestyle.com, I'd love to help out.
+Alessandra Cappiello Thanks for your message! Means a lot to me. :)
+Cam Adair wow everything you said is exactly me. even to the point of similar likes. I have a passion for DJ, traveling, and want to be an entrepreneur. Right now i'm going through a tough time but want to follow my passions just like you did. Your such an amazing inspiration and the speech gave me a lot of motivation. hope to hear/see more of you! hope to find my happiness like you did yours someday :/
+mitchel voloshin You will! Keep going, you've got this. :)
One of your favorite quotes of all time is "You are not judged by your failures; you're judged by the way you react and respond to your failures". The same can be applied for rejection. You can be whoever you want to be, and your rejection should not change the way you are, but your rejection should teach you to think critically about your self worth and your beliefs and ideals. Thank you for coming to my TedxTalk.
I'm 29 and only just acknowledging the impact that a lifetime of rejection has had on me. Thanks for this
Wish I was your age and fight for change.
Quality of friends is better than being superficially liked by many. That’s my route.
Well from my experience, it's a battle of perception when it comes to approval or rejection, if a person perceives you as "right" they will accept you, if they perceive you as "wrong" they won't. It is really just a projection of their inner values outlook and not yours. Because universally speaking there is no right and wrong just different.
Edit: Thanks for the like count guys.
yes I agree :)
+Cam Adair Thanks you so much for your speech. It was super inspiring and I connected with it to on such a fundamental level. I am struggling with who I am right now and what I want to do with my life at 18 and your video reminded me of where my priorities should be set. I subscribed to your channel!
Thanks for the message!
I've been rejected my whole life. I'm 26 years old and I've never had a girlfriend, sex or even kissed for that matter. This is the main reason for my depression. No matter what I do, women just don't like me.
Thanks for sharing. Read Models by Mark Manson, it will help a lot.
Cam, you know what really impresses me?? You respond to people's comments. You care. Thank you for your example. You. Are. Inspiring.
Tracy Robbins Thanks Tracy! Made my day. :)
Cam Adair very comforting and informative.
Im 3 years late, but I also took notice of this. Great speech cam!
nothing is more painful than rejection :(
+vampirekabir Hi! Thanks for watching! It's painful but it can get better and it seems counterintuitive but it can also be an advantage! Keep going.
+sargon lagash thanks mate :)
+Cam Adair your talk was really amazing,specially the last 3 minutes.........its about 2 years,i cant even smile like i used to,it destroyed me in every way possible internally :/
+vampirekabir "the truth is there wasnt a reason why me,it was just me " that was really inspiring
+vampirekabir Happy it helped! :)
Scars are souvenirs we never lose... The scars on my psyche remind me of my long history of rejection. Never the less, I maintain my ambition & self worth. What more people should realize, is that often times the people who reject us, didn't deserve us in the first place... #themoreyouknow
yep! and everything we've been through has helped us get to where we are today. -Cam
So you're saying that we a better than the people who rejected us? In experience, that's not true.
Penile 1 In my personal experiences, it's the truth.
Amazing words - moonwalked 9705
I can totally relate.
Much love ❤️
moonwalker 9705 that's very beautiful
It's Cam! We just crossed 250,000 views!!! That's amazing. Thank you to everyone for your support. It means so much to me that my story has resonated with you and I still appreciate every comment I get. Onward to 500,000!
great speech Cam. . I've added it to my 'inspiration' list 😀 hope all good for you x
Thanks Andrea!
so happy for you and how much you have overcome. even your ability to stand on a stage and share your story is truly incredible. "sometimes the hardest challenges in life put us directly on the path toward the best things that can ever happen to us." :)
Thank you Rachel! Really means a lot. -Cam
Game Quitters this was awesome thank you 🙄 you seem so sweet i dont see why you went through so much rejection i wish i could find more friends or a guy like you
The cure to rejection is to be sure of yourself, while recognizing that everyone is a puzzle piece, just like you.
Constantly analyze everything that you believe, say, and do. Discard everything that doesn't hold to your values, and above all, the truth. The more you do this, the less your confidence in yourself will falter.
Thanks
This is surprisingly good. I just hate it when nice kids get bullied; I wish I could've given him a hug. Suffering as a kid does give the adult some type of deepness and sensitivity though.
Thanks for watching. -Cam
The world needs more sensitive , empathetic people.
@@saynabs KL, seems like waters run deep within you, you deserve a hug too
In Sweden nowdays schools can be sued if they let persons bullie others. Because of that, schools now stops this cruelty. Reson you were bullied was that grown ups did not do their job. It can happen to anybody, it is random, but it is the obligation of grown ups to stop and prevent. Being bullied in school makes life long damage to a person. It should not happen to anybody.
Thanks for sharing -Cam
Its my belief (and experience) that bullying in school often *starts* with a teacher, either bullying the student in class, or subtly giving permission for other students to bully their classmate.
@@paulwary Usually no, teacher doesn't start it, but often teachers LET IT HAPPEN. Sometimes NOT doing something has as much impact as getting up and doing the thing
It makes me happy to hear because my school life in Sweden was horrendous.
Sweden is lost. You can't even slap your kid a little without going to prison.
I’m watching this because I got rejected so hard I cried
Poor thing. I hope you are feeling better now. Rejection hurts.
Sorry mate i hope you are doing great and keep improving yourself in all areas.
Please don’t let this unravel you and affect you,
especially if you’re sensitive. Ain’t nothing but a thing.
My turning point is now, on the 28th of December 2022, I am a lonely, often rejected and shy 24 year old. My life is a mess, after listening to this message I’m gonna be better, y’all help me accountable. I check back after 3 months, then 6, then 1 yr with my progress report. Thank you Cam and anyone who wants to join me you are welcome to come along. May God bless us all🙏🏿
You’ll crush it mark!
I’m 47, and I still feel kinda like a shy loner. Never really dated anyone, don’t have children, no significant other, I’ve grown to really enjoy solitude. It’s a contrary dynamic in my perspective, and I take several antidepressants. But I’m still alive, and maybe all of this has a deeper meaning. Maybe all of these things were MEANT to be just as they are.
@@aaronheryford3507 Don’t worry Aaron come along with me on this journey and we gon be alright
Good luck homeboi
Update?
I really identified with this video. I'm 32 years old and have never opened up to anyone about the rejection that I've felt since middle school. Tonight was a hard night but I'm glad I saw this vid
+ryguyiskindofaflyguy Thanks for sharing, glad it helped :)
I hope you're doing okay my friend.
I hear you man...Im 36 and all the trauma from rejection in our teens and 20's just adds up and leads to more pain and in my case depression.. But its never too late to realize that your value is not measured by what other people think. Only you can place a value on yourself. all the best.
29 on the same boat, I was kinda hiding in my house since about 10 years now to try ignore the reality I experienced, from weekly violance with my father to bullying in school and getting nothing done in life since then. This video was great for me and it *will* be my turning point NOW. thank you guys
iv opened up before about it to the very group of people who rejected me in the first place. you will never guess what they did and still do to this day. ignore me
But how is this possible? All media told me that all canadians would be nice at any time. My whole life is a lie...
haha we are pretty friendly though! just maybe not this time :(
If you preface a beating with "I'm sorry but we got no choice but to be doin' this EH?" it makes everything A-OK.
@@CamAdair you're cute boy bravo
Seriously! Can you imagine mean people in a country with universal healthcare?! I'm crushed!
hahahhahah
Thanks for telling your story. Rejection sucks & is painful. I still experience it quite a bit even after a lifetime of dealing with it. People generally don't want to be a friend unless they get something from you. When you don't have anything to give, the people who still call you are true friends.
Hi Shelly, Cam here. Thanks for watching. have you read the book Give & Take by Adam Grant? I think you'll find it interesting.
+Game Quitters No, thanks for the referral. I'll check it out. ☺️
true
*>Rejection sucks & is painful. I still experience it quite a bit even after a lifetime of dealing with it*
You're a friggen genetic aristocrat. You've never been rejected in your life.
Everyone has to deal with rejection. Everyone. Even Princess Diana, arguably a beautiful and charming woman, was rejected by her own husband.
And what does genetic aristocrat even mean?!
I am 18, yesterday I got rejected by a girl I like! It was painful for sometime but actually I'm happy .. I do not know why some people confuse rejection with depression end up being sad! I'm actually feeling great that I had balls to go to her straight and approach her which does not ever happen in my country, India.
I want to get rejected more actually and be an entrepreneur ! A top entrepreneur.
See you at the top Mr. Cam.
stundown Hey! Thanks for watching and sharing your story. So cool that you are 18 and you had the courage to approach a girl you like. Have a great day :D
+stundown That is very brave and going for things is the way to do it. All entrepreneurs in the world have had rejections and failed at certain things. You just keep working on things. Tony Robbins helped me a lot in my life.
+Cam Adair Hello Cam. How are you doing today? Do you have your own bar now? I have been wishing for a bar where they play ambient music like CBL and project my art work on to the walls and ceiling. I wished someone could make my art work move and stretch in a video.
Nicki LovesDogs Thank you my friend.Good luck to you too.!
+Nicki LovesDogs Hey! :)
Everyone is different. Someone you may be attracted to may not be attracted to u. It happens, that’s life. But someone along the way is gonna say yes, that’s just inevitable
I just got indirectly rejected, but I feel much better now.
I feel stronger!
There are plenty of girls in the world, if they don't want you they don't deserve you.
"'Rejection gave me a chance to start again." Awesome. I will tell myself this positivity next time when I feel rejected. Thank you. ^^
I've been rejected romantically so many times, I've never been in a relationship. At 18, my heart just shut down and I haven't felt romantic attraction or love since. I'm 26. I don't believe there's someone out there for everyone. Some of us are doomed to die alone. That realization first filled me with hate, then sorrow. Now I'm numb.
I feel you
Caleb Jesus Christ loves you and if you seek him he'll bring you the right person, those people that rejected you were not for you , even though it hurts
Bro just be the best version of yourself. Don't think too much about it. Focus on becoming a better person. Work out, get a hobby, meet people with similar interests etc. eventually you'll meet that right person.
@@LW1Tok No just Lie, Cheat and Steal, ruin them before they ruin you .......I treat all people with disgust and contempt apart from my parents ......now do one!
NGL same I been rejected like 5 times but imma keep trying
It's so true, these types of things can leave lasting scars, I was rejected by all of my school friends in my final year, pretty much spent the last five months talking to nobody it turned me from one of the most sociable friendly people into a closed off, guarded and closed off for fear of rejection, I am 24 now and finally realise that that simple event has been shaping my life and interactions for so long, I'm leaving that behind from now on, I will no longer fear rejection
yussy yascaleinen Hi! Thanks for watching and commenting. It's powerful when we realize the we've been giving past events more power than they deserve. Proud of you. :)
“Rejection is not you”
I love that.
This still happens and now the bullied are throwing their lives away to fight back. I really wish these videos talked about the worst parts of existing.
50,000 views! Thank you to everyone for watching and leaving your story in the comments. They really mean a lot.
Mine is the 1 millionth view. Hoorayy😉👍🎯
I am 62 yrs old and still feeling the rejection that started in my home and elementary school. I find myself isolating myself a lot. Thanks for the video
Hi.. Having issues about your love life? I'm giving you a c h a n c e now to clear out those issues and get whosoever you want.
I recommend you to (Dr Steve). He can make your ex come back to you begging you for a second chance, ever since he helped me, I have b e e n enjoying a perfect Relationship with my ex. I will advice you seek his help thanks.🙏
Send him a message on Whatsapp
+2347030894892.
Rejection gives you direction. Well said. Simply don't focus on those who don't like you. Never look at them ever again and move forward and if they come back to your life then don't accept them. Just move forward and never ask/nor manifest them to life about seeing them again. If the person has looks or no looks and if he or she rejected you then leave them behind. You just time travel forward without them. Don't accept their apologies nor agree to drink coffee with them. Never look back. Move forward. Find people that do like you, and stay with those people. USA. 2022.
99% of people in this world hate genuinely happy people- Do you know why? BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT FAKING IT.
Most people are. Sad sad sad!
I like making happy people unhappy. Makes me happy.
@@thereisnosanctuary6184 Nice bait
"Don't follow your bliss. Be your bliss." Wow, Cam. Thank you for being vulnerable. This is raw and authentic. I can't thank you enough for sharing.
Thanks for sharing your feedback Jennifer! Really appreciate your comment. :)
If you’re an outsider I feel like the universe is trying to tell you you’re made for bigger and better things
Excellent talk! I came here after watching Jia Jiang's talk about his 100 days of rejection. I absolutely love the message of "Be brave and take the leap. If you fall, that's okay. Get up and try again, building upon your mistakes." Never give up, never allow doubt to take control of your life. "The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is today." - Chinese Proverb
Rejection is God's protection, I can testify that's true.
Amen
My mother said, when i was rejected by a girl i really liked, "This happened because God loves you son." I was confused, now i understand. Thank you lord for your protection against jesabel spirit! In your plan i trust! 🙏
@@earthlingavian1132 Amen. There were women I loved in high school, and I had been told rumors that girls love me but I couldn't because their spirits were ungodly. So I prayed and waited, and God found me a partner. And I pray He'll do the same for you
Whatever helps you sleep at night
Mariela D. So their was this guy that came up to me last year while me and my friends were eating lunch he said some girl thought I was cute, I thought it was a joke, but in reality they said she liked me. Seeing as the school year was going to end cause summer break was two days away I didn’t get a chance to talk to her. The next school year I have seen this same girl time to time in the hallway going from class to class. But today while going to track practice after driving school I saw her we made a good 2-3 second eye contact. I suddenly had the urge to approach and talk to her. But then something told me what if I get rejected, and that might be weird to talk to her about something last summer. Should I approach this girl and what would I say?
So final Conclusion: Just face the problems and move on.
Well, the only reason why those kids in his hockey team bullied him was because they feared him and they feared what he represented and they feared and knew that at the end of the day, he was the better hockey player.
Marcus Freithofnig Hey Marcus! Thanks for commenting. It was a really weird experience but life is weird sometimes. Hope you're having a great day :)
You don’t always need to know why the rejection happens too, overthinking gets you nowhere
it's lonely on the growing edge...lonely is not caused by lack of intimate connections but not 'self connected'...
This was really nice to watch! It's just so ridiculously stupid how kids love to choose someone to pick on, or even older people who sometimes seem to try and bring others down just so they can feel good about themselves. All that related to low self-esteem or fear I would say, but the one who suffers rejection can never see it that way and the damage can sometimes be permanent. I myself have felt rejected many times by people I never expected it from and unfortunately it has shaped the person I am today. Can't seem to get attached to anyone anymore but on the other hand I can never treat anyone badly. Being rejected made me become more sensitive to other people's feelings and that might be a positive point about it all - trying to make up for all the selfishness people deal with daily. This whole experience made me fall into Psychology where I'm extremely happy now to finally help and understand others. I guess everything truly happens for a reason. Thank you for sharing your story with us, Cam! Thank you for your courage and good will! You're awesome and don't let anyone make you believe otherwise. Keep shining your light to many others who need this kind of support you're giving! A big hug all the way from Brazil. God bless you!
Ariel Grushka Hey Ariel! Thanks for watching and leaving your comment, it really means a lot to me! Hope to come visit Brazil some time! Have a fantastic day! :D
Ariel Grushka Yes, Ariel, for some reason people that has experienced bad things from other people develop a non-offensive attitude and an empathic sense that don't let them hurt anyone because they understand and respect people and their feelings... Good video, Cam...
+J Aurelio Puente Thanks for watching! Definitely agree. Hope you're having a great day. :)
Eamon Cao Haha oh yeah! Gotta love TED talk! They're always good and it's amazing how some of your points of view can change in like 10 minutes with these videos lol
+Ariel Grushka Im rejected by a fascist system that forces me with its armed bullies to support it while it hurts me for not fitting the mold it expects of me, but I suppose Ill just think me responsible for doing what it is that must be done to change my situation, because of course, if I could, I would. Yup, Ted is the epitome of reverse psychobabble, brainwashing at its finest.
thank you so much! I was bullied a lot at school just like that!!! and also at work just last year. I know what this feels like.
Thanks for sharing! -Cam
Minimalism & Nonduality who would bully you?
Minimalism & Nonduality bullied for what? Being pretty?
At 42 years old, I’m still traumatized by rejection in my youth. I marvel at those who have overcome it.
Thank you for sharing your story!
❤️🙏
Rejection makes you feel worthless, took the time away from smoking to watch this. Glad I did.
this moved me to tears because it felt like you were talking directly to me and it's motivational!
+TheCruzanqueen So happy to hear that! :)
+Cam Adair you gots girlfrand?
+xoxXOXO l single ;)
Rejection makes me stronger and a monster.
when life seems like it's falling apart it's just falling into place...rejection = gift ...
Rejection in this day and age is a funny one.
In tribal times, rejection from the group meant almost certain death, at least after several months. That's why we react so strongly to 'rejection'. These days, we can be rejected superficially, but as long as we can do impersonal office jobs and get money, we can be almost completely separate from the tribe, whilst still contributing to and benefiting from it. It's dangerous, how it leads to undetected depression.
absolutely. well said. -Cam
@Keep Moving Forward As human beings, we are still social animals. We crave meaningful friendships, relationships etc. - even introverts/loners want some human contact once in a while. Think about how much we innately learn about reading social cues etc.
Source?
Yea it hurts getting rejected by coworkers especially since you really dont know the reason why. But life goes on and theres billions of people in this world to connect to, dont let one insignificant circle determine your worth. Atleast that's what i try to tell myself.
I know exactly what you are talking about
Started in 3rd grade and I'm suffering from it until now
I'm having at least one panic attack a day
I lost weight and now everyone calls me beautiful and they tell me what a wonderful person I am....but I just can't believe them
I spend every day crying and anxious, making myself an outcast
What really hurts when you want to be friends with other people who were rejected thinking because they were hurt they wouldnt hurt you back but they end up destroying you emotionally more than that the other people who hurt them
“Rejection is a compass”… I love that
I've tried being rejected many times whether it's about love or career. I had a fair share of being so down but I didn't let the negativity stuck in my head because I know everything in this world is just permanent, and so as my heartaches.
wishing you the best! -Cam
I’ve been rejected all of my life started in school was bullied and then rejected and used by different men and friends. Every time I thought I had a friend would be one sided friendship. I’ve learnt rejection isn’t bad it’s God’s protection. It hurts but now I accept what it is and try and move on
I would reject others before they could reject me because I felt like I was not worthy and didn’t want to face their eventual rejection. Just now overcame this
I used to be broken by rejection. I didn't fit in. I was the misfit. I was the one who was made sport of. I asked the questions of why my kindness wasn't appreciated. Why I couldn't gain the relationships I desired? Why the inter-relationships I wanted to reach were good as stars in outer space. I still endure loneliness. I started to take rejection as a gift. It allowed me to look inside of myself and appreciate where I came from and where I'm going. It deepened my relationship with Christ to make me know that I belonged to him. Even when people close to me fell apart, he was still there for me.
I got rejected by my crush that I’be been in love with for the past 3 years and I’m depressed rn.
get used to it ! your a man its going to happen A LOT !
same here.
she took 1 day and aftermath she said "NO".
but i really love her so much!!
should i approach again??
How can you be in Love with someone who you never dated? You gents were just infatuated like i was, you just need to stay strong as you already are and strive on improving your lives.
@@gamalsankara1388 I need to improve to get love ? dont people say you shouldn't have to do anything for love and if you do its not love ? how much do I need to improve tomeet youtr aproval of love ?
mcpartridgeboy when i say improve your life i mean take the focus away from women and focus on yourself. Your journey in life is the most important thing women should just be a bonus.
Your story is similar to mine only at 51 I am only starting to find myself now. Great talk, helped me realise I am not alone. Cheers. Sean
seant126 Hey Sean! Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback. Really happy to hear you enjoyed it. You aren't alone. :)
He has more confidence than most people
I too was bullied, made a pariah and reviled. I felt unaccepted, disliked, and all I wanted was acceptance. After I began to love and accept myself, all that negativity disappeared.
I can relate to rejection by own mother, friends at school, prospective employers etc.
The greatest love of all to you. I understand💕
That was hella good
thanks :) -Cam
A life time of rejection, depression, anxiety and bullying has mostly shown me that I don't have to live for another five to ten years. Going to do the most courageous thing in the world. Just rope. First trying to cope and if it really doesn't work anymore, just end it.
That was really a beautiful sweet talk. I am up in the middle of the night not able to sleep thinking about this subject. My heart broke for you in your early days, however what you learned from it really help me tonight in the middle of the night. Thank you for your brave testimony.
Thank you for a very real talk. I have also spent a lot of time trying to find purpose, but the more I think the more it seems nothing has any purpose.
All we can do is pick something to aim for and let that be the purpose for any action that will take us in that direction. Then it all comes down to persistence. As long as your aim is on target, keep marching.
"It's easier to act your way into a new way of thinking, than think your way into a new way of acting." Jerry Sternin
Hey! Cam here. Thanks for commenting. I have a video on my channel about finding purpose that I think you'll resonate a lot with. It's less about us having a "purpose" and more about us defining purpose for ourselves. Viktor Frankl's book A Man's Search For Meaning is great if you haven't read it.
Humans bully others to make themselves look good for social validation--- this happens in every school and any workplace you go to
But learning a skill by yourself, and gaining knowledge is priceless, and that is something to be proud of...this guy is good and i enjoyed this video.
This made me cry.. I was rejected by my parents who neglected me, middle schoolers and high schoolers where I sat by myself throughout 9 grades, was always picked last... every time I made an attempt to sit by someone. I "stole" someone's seat or continued to sit there with my heart and head low while the kids around me would make comments towards each other or me until they moved and I pretended to ignore them. I dropped out of everything even sports, band, etc because everytime someone in class would see me or heard me doing something I wanted to do, countless of kids... ( 2 grades worth ) would just bully me constantly until I just got hardened and thought it was easier to drop out because of my lack of emotions and interest... it still affects me today. I tried to go for Nursing and thought college would be different. Gave several kids my phone number for their study group but I never got a phone call and the next day I would hear how fun and helpful it was.. I dropped out. It's an neverending cycle.. honestly.
Most people that get rejected and dont fit anywhere, is because they are destined for greater things than partying, and hanging out with all this people that are just distractions. How do I know? Because growing up Even though Im a very good looking man I was rejected too often by “friends “ some girls and so on... and always felt like I didn’t fit anywhere till I realized my destiny was far greater than all that I went through. Now I own several businesses and im able to provide jobs, and help to others, and after im gone, I want my legacy to continue and reach way more people ( that I probably wont meet) and that they can benefit from Im building now. If you feel like you dont fit anywhere or with anyone, its ok! You are probably a born leader and you’re time is yet to come.
Others rejecting you isn't the problem. The real problem is you rejecting yourself.
Yes it is. How people treat us is a mirror of how we treat ourselves.
Gym is the only escape from rejection....gym and books are the only loyal friends that make us powerful both mentally and physically
It sucks even more, when the girl u get rejected by is actually a decent person who is kind and has a wholesome personality, just that she was never into you, its actually extremely hard to remain sane after that, it affects ur job, relationship with family, ur whole vibe becomes worse. One thing you can do is: First of all have some alone time, cry alot if u can, and throw that misery away from ur system
2nd thing : Go to the nearest restaurant and order some nice food, and eat to ur hearts delight, and give left over to a dog on the street,
Third thing : Make sure u dont text family and friends, as much as u can, try to deal with it on ur own, cus they will give the wrong ideas even if they want to help
Four : Do some exercise, and make a healthy approach to life, word hard at ur job, and watch some comedy at break times
Five : Talk to friends about stuff u can do with them, like sports, bond more, get more connections through them
Other steps: Go to a star bucks, order a water, do something creative besides work, so u can work towards a goal(ALWAYS HAVE GOALS, rejection shud never destroy that part of u)
I have the coolest psych teacher in college. On the last day of class he told us to remember this the one thing people want more than anything else is to be accepted or part of a group.
Thank you for this Video Cam, it has really helped me in my own time of darkness.
And some parts of it, I plan to write in my journal, and review them for inspiration.
Thank you!
+CoDLover7771 Hey! Happy to hear that. Wish you the best in the new year :)
This popped up in my recommended videos. I always feel lonely even when I’m with a group of people. I believe that’s when it’s at its worst. I started going out more to social outings that interest me like poetry/music events and have been struggling to open up to people because they don’t really open up to me either and it feels like a waste. I also have a fear of rejection because I always expect the worst. I’m still trying and to be more positive I keep a journal which I share weekly about the good things that have happened to me on a daily basis. I plan to do this for the rest of my life.
I hope you’re ok now
When he said 'I was going to be happy again. To smile again.' I smiled.
Rejection means.... ‘not a good fit’ nothing more, nothing less, nothing personal.
love the video and shared it. Its all true and you reach people in a way where it help and will keep helping them, thank you Cam!!!
I can't believe someone at TED simply allowed all these truisms to be said... in public. To an audience.
THE OUTRAGE!
Plasma D'Lite nice pic
I'm a single 30 yr old male with no kids. Came to this video immediately after I got a rejected by a female I've been interested in for a while. I've been rejected all my life. I've learned to keep pushing forward, keep working toward self improvement, and never be afraid to take risks for what you want. That being said, people like us just wish we could catch a break once in a while. Guess it's time to see my therapist 😃
How are you now?
This talk is so great. Thank you so much for speaking, sharing and the courage of speaking your life
Really a fantastic motivational speech! It actually helps when trying to cope with different kinds of rejection 🥺. It doesn’t always have to be the guy who’s not into you or the job you wanted but didn’t get. Sometimes it just feels as if life rejects you as everything you’re trying to improve your situation actually seems to make it worse. But then again, call me naive or not, I still believe Cam is right after all. Maybe rejection just shows you that what you’re doing is not the right thing after all, so you gotta keep on moving on, not giving up, and just keep on trying.
12:45 Out of our biggest rejection comes our biggest sense of direction 🤯
You know what’s worse ? When your own family rejects you.
Why be ordinary when you can be extraordinary! Fitting in with the sheep seems so important when your young. I’m sorry you struggled, but glad you pulled yourself yourself above the mediocracy.
My crush was my only motivation
I really tried my best but sometimes your best isn’t good enough
Your best was too much for your crush. Basically they couldn’t handle you
dont change urself to be with someone love urself and if ur not enough for someone there loss
Okay, this is the best TED Talk I have ever witnessed in my life. I came here because I was asking "why me". I choose myself.
What an inspiration he is, brilliant talk, love it! It’s so hard to accept rejection but it’s an important part of life which touches everyone at some point, we just need to look at it the way he does!
Your message really resonated with me. Wise stuff.
I'm glad! -Cam
Thanks so much for this encouraging, inspiring and personal message! It has made a BIG impact on me, opened my eyes and lifted me up at very difficult time in my life.
Hey! Thanks for commenting, really appreciate your message. Hang in there!
You’re so brave. Chuck it. Step to heaven.
You had a powerful message! Love it! “You define you!!!”
For 18 years of my life I was thinking “Why me?”. Like 15 guys rejected me, one every year. And I didn’t understand the lessons, but now I get it.
I expected, when I shouldn’t. My life went me through it to now moment - not to expect when it’s not showing up. It could longing for that a lot of lifetime but it must be that way. I hope, I’ll be happy and hope, you too :)
By the way, I love your speech. So honest and inspiring. Thank you
Thanks for the message Jelena!