Am I His Wife or His Caregiver?
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- Опубликовано: 6 сен 2024
- This is an Official Cole & Charisma Video Of: Am I His Wife or His Caregiver?
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About Cole & Charisma:
Welcome to the official Roll with Cole & Charisma RUclips channel! Since the start of our relationship we've gotten a lot of questions about our experiences as not only an interracial couple, but an interabled one as well. On this channel you can catch us doing travel and adventure vlogs, challenges, our inclusion series, couple first times, music, and so much more! We started this vlog to bring people into our lives, to answer some questions about how we navigate the world, and hopefully raise awareness surrounding accessibility and dating in a wheelchair. You'll quickly see in our episodes that we're all about inclusion and keeping a great attitude no matter your circumstances, so if that's what you're into, you're in the right place!
I respect both of you so much. I was my wife's caregiver after she got cancer on her brain that slowed her motor functions. Bathing and other bodily functions she needed help with. I took my position as being her husband very seriously, stood by my vows all the way. Love was ( and still is ) deeper than the deepest ocean. She wanted to take me " Wife " shopping because she felt that she had failed at being a wife and lover. I told her that was not going to happen, that I had married her and when I said my vows I meant every word. She passed away 12 years ago while in my arms. Before she crossed that rainbow bridge she told me that if I screwed up she would come back as a pebble in my boot and if I really screwed up there would be two pebbles in my boot. There was humor and positive energy until the end. Her spirit may be in Heaven but she lives in my heart and soul forever more... Be well. .. Keep being who you are because you are both awesome.
Art Hyland - How refreshing and beautiful your journey. Coming to the realization of it all is enlightning. Love wins though after all. Jesus is Love
This is so beautiful thank you for sharing 😊
Wow true love at its finest ❤
Awwwww love this❤
❤️
Charisma may be a physical caretaker to Cole, but Cole is a caretaker to her too. He takes care of her heart and her emotions and her spirit. Such beautiful loving people.
Yep I totally agreed
And Cole is charming that's why Charishma loves to watch him. If it's me I will continue to kiss him when talking☺️
What? Being a full time caregiver is a lot of work. Her heart???
Amen! 🥰
Cringe 😬
Well said!
Before I even watch this, I’m going to offer up that you are a caring wife to a caring husband. ❤️
I Concur 👏🏾The vows say through Sickness and in Heaith. 🙌🏾Who will intimately take of Your Husband while You are there. 🤔Chernobyl is correct You Care for Your better half, Period. 💞 Love You Guys. From South Africa with Love. 🇿🇦
Period
🤗
Exactly what I thought!!
Best couple ever; puts to shame other couples who have a different narrative regarding marriage. Love you lots Charisma and Cole ❤❤
You guys truly have a special relationship. You really described how marriage works, disability or not. Keep loving each other. Thank you for this dialogue. ❤️❤️
Thank you for watching!
I just love Cole and Charisma. What a blessed beautiful marriage.❤
My husband is my caregiver and I worry about him all the time. You two are a beautiful couple and such an inspiration.
It would be good to share how you two as two separate people have personal time out alone with friends and having individual space since yall are basically together as should
It really would be nice to see that dynamic because we all need me time away from a partner ( well I do not have one of those but I have a son) and more than anything it's healthy and it makes you miss the other person even for a couple of hours and good for one's mental health being.
Agreed!!💯😁❤️ #davesandersstepdaughter
Great idea!
Of course you're going to take care of your husband and he will take care of you because you're his wife . And Cole does something for himself i think people are just being very nosey like always . You guys just keep being the beautiful couple you guys are .
👍👍
I agree that they both do things for each other, that's how marriages work. But when you post your life online you have to expect people to be curious and have questions.
I remember Shane Burcaw and Hannah saying something along the lines of there's more than just physical stuff that needs doing to keep a family running- Shane does the taxes for Hannah, Hannah does Shane's shower.
I'm disabled and I find with my partner just being an emotional support and sounding board can sometimes be the most important thing I could do all week, and I can do that no matter how my health is. That's not something that many people are able to rely on their partner for, and I know that for me a little extra physical work would be more than worth it if the tables were turned.
The thing I value most about my partner obviously isn't that she's able-bodied- that would be weird, wouldn't it? It's that she's a kind and decent person. Caring for her physically would be absolutely worth it just to be able to spend my life with her.
What I wonder about people who don't get this is- how do they imagine things would work out if they or their partner _became_ disabled? Would they expect the relationship to end, or their lives to be totally ruined? Would they not expect that the love they feel would continue as it was, or even deeper? People getting in to inter-abled relationships knowing up-front that one of them is disabled are no different than someone getting in to a relationship where you're both currently able, but with the promise of "in sickness and in health". Imagine starting a relationship with someone where your love was contingent on them never having an accident!
Same thing with the normal aging process in able relationships- _everybody_ is going to experience one or both partners become disabled to some extent, on a longer or shorter timeframe. Younger inter-abled relationships are just skipping to the end a little.
Not to diminish the work that carers do- it is a lot, it can be overwhelming, and there should be more support available for carers everywhere, for the benefit of caregivers and the people they care for.
Don't mind them,Mr and Mrs Cole Sydnor. You are both my favourite couple
This comment is everything!
Don’t think Cole would like to have a caregiver other than Charisma his beautiful wife that he loves so dearly. And I don’t think Charisma would let anyone touch her husband that she loves so deeply. Unless there is an emergency and this would be temporary. Cole and Charisma are soulmates and a wonderful couple! ❤
I'm a caregiver to my mom and brother. My brother had a stroke and is paralyzed on one side. My mom is 92 and has some dementia. Everyone needs to self care and I realized that I didn't. You two have a different dynamic and I can see yhe love you have for each other. I love my mom and brother but it is wearing on me. I have other siblings but don't get any help. I'm glad you have friends and relatives that will drop everything and help you. That's truly a blessing.
I pray that God blesses you with the strength you need. You are doing His work and are a blessing. Don’t worry about what anyone else isn’t doing. I understand it’s exhausting and you need help and I pray that help comes to you in some way but one thing is for sure, you won’t regret caring for your Mom and brother. You are doing what you’re supposed to do.
Sending you light and love. Hoping that things get figured out in your world and that your siblings get their act together.
God bless you, because you could have declined, but you stepped up. I believe your family is grateful and better for having you.
Don’t feel bad saying “it’s wearing on you”. I know the feeling. I cared for both my parents, along with my brother and my daughter. We would say the same thing. Both had Alzheimer’s. My dad passed in 2011 at 81, my mother this year at 90. My father was still walking, but my mother was bedridden. It’s a lot of work, but you do it out of love. My niece was her mothers caregiver. She would call me in tears saying “I can’t do this”. I felt so bad for her, because she was on her own. Hopefully, some of your siblings will give you a weekend off, every now and then. They should volunteer to do more.
You are his wife that loves her husband and your husband loves you just as much.
Once again, your Dallas grannie is sooooo proud of what you two are putting out into the world. You owe this kind of frank, honest information to NOBODY, but, oh my, the goodness you are modeling for others!
Love the title of this vlog! I'd say Charisma plays both roles as Wife and caregiver!
You Charisma are the best caregiver & wife that Cole has wanted all his life. Your love & dedication to each other is so amazing. My family sends you love & prayers🙏🙏
I just hope that if/when you all have babies, you all will get some help. It will be overwhelming for Charisma to do so much on her own. Because although Cole can do some things on his own, she will need help because a baby will come first.
I don't know if you will ever read this but I wanted to let you both know how I admire and appreciate you both. The way you welcomed us in your lives. You were both meant for each other. What I find helpful is to take a day, if I can't then a few hours to do something I like. It always rejuvenates me. God bless you both.
You're so kind, thank you!
I must admit that this issue really gives me anxiety as a disabled person who who needs caregiving and wants to be married someday! I appreciate you being candid and sharing your perspective. I've learned a great deal from you guys.💛
May God locate her for you.
Much love from Kenya 🇰🇪
@@mariowanjohi7132 oh wow, hi.
@@doreenwanjiku1034 hello
@ Mario. 🇰🇪 Massive
🙏🏾❤️
This is what marriage is about. My husband and are aren’t disabled but we help each other soooo much. We are partners in life and love. Don’t listen to the haters!!!!!
Cute how you both were blushin. Cole - when I catch a mood 🙂...too cutie ❤️
I have cerebral palsy I am with my wife going on nine years we are married six and people ask all the time “ if she is babysitting me or is she is my caretaker “. I have been dating since I’m 19 every body has been asked the same thing is she babysitting me or Is she my sister people can be so cruel
You're right.They love minding other people's business so much that they can't take care of their own. When they see two people happy in a marriage they just can't believe it because they're not happy.
God bless you my brother 🙏🏽💯you're an inspiration no doubt
I have cerebral Palcy and People very rude ... i wanna married but People not helpful and trust
The best thing about the two of you is how articulate you are. I think you both are doing so much for the the disabled community, and for caregivers too, plus you are so much fun to watch.
Caregiving is a mutual part of every marriage, or it should be. We all differ in the ways we need care, support, and assistance. "Intimately intertwined", great term! ❤️
I think a lot of people don't realize how intimate caregiving really is. I have CP, so I know exactly what you're saying. My fiancé is my caregiver. People don't realize how intertwined the 2 really are. It brings a whole different level of closeness or togetherness.
Charisma if you don’t take care of yourself you won’t be able to help Cole. You guys are a great couple together.
But she just said she takes care of her self🤷♂️
That’s a great point about the disabled person being responsible for there care/supplies. That’s something that gets me feeling burnt out is because he doesn’t take his share of responsibilities.
Ditto ditto ditto
Hi Cole and Charisma. I am a caregiver for the third time. First my dad for one year with cancer. My mother for 8-1/2 years with heart disease and diabetes, and now my younger brother who is mentally disabled. Your vblog was right on time for me and very encouraging. I've gotten pretty good at recognizing the onset of burnout. Meditating, taking long walks, therapy all helps. Burnout can lead to major stress which can lead to health issues. Your tips are right on target. Thanks for sharing so much with us. My favorite sayings when things get rough are: "This too shall pass", and "Tomorrow is a brand new day with no mistakes in it". Have a happy Thanksgiving!!🦃
Love this! And love that you're prioritizing your mental health. We wish you all the best ❤
I have been waiting a week to comment on this question, but it seems like everyone has already said what I was thinking. Coming up to a 40 year marriage next year, I can tell you this as long as both of you continue to be each other's caregiver you have found the keys to a beautiful marriage. Both of you are so cute.
@@deborahfelicien1977
You guys look like you're living a better live then most people. Not everyone shows that kind of love for each other
My observation also… hubby & I together 43 yrs and we haven’t had ‘This’ in decades. What an admirable marriage.
I agree totally. When my husband was battling diabetes, and eye problems, and depression.His mother broke her ankle, and needed me four times a day. We had a personnel problem at work. Believe me, that's not all. I began to feel depression symptoms, which taught me that burnout is a thing. Fortunately I was put on a medication, which began to work within hours. You MUST take care of yourself.
I am a caregiver to a quad and I find your thoughts on your space and routine so interesting and helpful to me. I truly hope my client and his wife feel comfortable with me around . I want to always be mindful and respectful of there space, schedule and home 😊
„We’re both caregivers in this relationship” - such a beautiful and simple definition of a good relationship…All the best for you Carisma and Cole ❤ Stay positive!
That should never be a question. Caregiving and love goes hand in hand. Being a RN that is part of my makeup.
Wives and husbands can both be caregivers
If you take your wedding vowels seriously
Yessss!!
vows bcz vowels are A E I O U and sometimes Y lol
I agree. Both husbands and wives in a healthy marriage are caregivers, more so at one time or another, for one reason or another.
Exactly!
True ...there have been times when I was sick and my husband took care of me and on those occasions when he's sick and even when he had a few medical procedures I took care of him. The other person didn't have to ask "can you take care of me when I'm not in good health " we just do it... Of course their dynamic is different but with Charisma being a former OT college student she is definitely more prepared to provide that extra assistance.
Y’all are such a special couple. I’m glad you found each other. I love how you cherish one another. There are so many ways to provide care for one another. Obviously there’s physical care, but emotional support is also such an important way to care for another person. Sending caring & positive vibes your way from Myrtle Beach!
That was very helpful information you shared. I was caregiver for my husband after he had a massive stroke. I did not take care of myself. What you just shared I would tell any caregiver. Very important to know that it’s ok to take care of yourself! Thank you for sharing your journey together. Love you both!
Thank you for sharing your experience… I’ve been my hubby’s caregiver for 10 yrs- and his parents w/Alzheimer’s for years before they passed. Hubby’s been in hospital (again) past 8 wks, possibly discharging today to rehab. He is a non-compliant and non-cooperative patient, and I’m so beyond burned out. Insurance & local resources only go so far in supporting the Caregiver. My (adult) kids are very helpful, mostly in backing me up this go ‘round with boundaries & self-care. The multiple hospitalizations ( totaling 6mths in 1 1/2yrs) have included Anticipatory Grieving. Thanks for listening, grateful for a place to hear others experiences.
I love you guys. Such amazing connection. I really hope to find my person and have a love like you guys share. It's so obvious y'all are soulmates
Your intimacy is private and no one's business. I'm surprised strangers pose these very intimate questions. You should not answer them. And, life is So precious, it's So short...don't be mad at each other. It's a total Blessing that Cole even Survived his accident. And, it's yet Another Blessing that he is so independent.
Being a parent caregiver myself, I totally agree with everything you said ❤
This was such a fulfilling video to watch. Thanks for taking the time to talk about so many different aspects of the caregiving dynamic.
And it really spoke to me when you said Cole’s my husband, not my child!
Before I watch latest video, I know your a wife first and foremost. You just cannot hide the love between you two 💞
Such amazing people! Was talking to my husband yesterday and told him when our babies are done grown I want to be a caregiver. It really is all I know
Wow- that’s so impressive and admirable… I’m so burned out that I can’t imagine a time that I could channel all my experiences, knowledge, tears and years into doing this for another person in need. Of course I’ve seen God perform miracles so the future remains to be seen ! Thank you for commenting ✌️
You guys are awesome!!! I like everything that was said. The comment that I loved the most was from Charisma. "Cole is my caregiver too." Anyone with open minds and eyes can see it. You don't have to prove it to anyone. You all are BLESSED!!!!
God Bless you both. You're only human, so naturally you're going to experience burnout at some point and time.
Hi guys, I watch u from Africa, Kenya.True love is the first thing that comes to mind when I look at u both. How can I forget to mention how handsome Cole is? Man u distract us!
Nothing to explain charisma 💕 from South Africa love u guys
I agree with my hommie🇿🇦🇿🇦🇿🇦. No need to explain
My beautiful couple 💑 I love them so much hey 👋 south Africa 🇿🇦 ❤ ♥
I have chronic inflammatory demyelinating polyneuropathy. It causes me to lose my ability to walk and other functions. I still have motor nerve function but my sensory nerves have been destroyed from my immune system.... which is what caused this to begin with. I was in the hospital for a long period of time being treated with IVIG and other drugs. Following treatment, I went through PT and OT.
All the great things I can say about our care givers.. physical therapists.. occupational therapists and beyond.. will never amount to the effort that they put into helping us!! Thank you to all of the amazing people out there that help and take care of those who need it!! Much Love!
I respect you two so much. I've been with you two since the beginning . I'll always root for your love, your honesty. Thank you for showing us out here , very important. God bless.
Nothing wrong about caring for ure hubby same as nothing wrong when the hubby caring for wife,,,
Awesome stuff. I had experienced an episode recently and honestly I would not know what would have came of me without my husband and son. They were my advocate, sounding board and really kept things in perspective. Caregivers ROCK!!
I want to put this out here for everyone. All relationships require caregiving whether it's for the physical needs of each other or just the emotional needs of each other. Whether it's the physical heart you were born with or the emotional heart you have, caregiving is a part of loving another person. On 12/31, I'll be married for 32 years and I can tell you that not a day goes by that you don't have to balance things to keep your lives healthy, happy and moving forward. Peace and blessings to Cole and Charisma. We see the love you have for each other.
Charisma and Coke! You guys are truly amazing! You both teach me soooo much about compassion and selflessness. May God bless your marriage.❤
Every time I watch you both, you just encourage me to continue this good fight called life. I have sickle cell disease and I get depressed whenever I start having pains or other issues from my illness, but when I watch episodes of your show it just give me the boost to continue and never give up.
❤
Sending you so much love!
Rooting for you warrior. Much love
@@mamudurashidat1227 thank you
@@coleandcharisma thank you
Charishma u r gift for Cole from god,I always says I wish my disable brother can found someone like u.u r so beautiful ,from south Africa
You are made for each other.
Blessings
Love always.
I could Watch Charisma Smile All day😁😍❤️
I could too. She really does have a beautiful smile.
Hello my darlings what i have to say is that both of you will take care of each other just keep sharing the the love for one another blessings
Hello Pearl, I hope my comment wasn't taken as a form of invasion of your comments privacy. I'm here to make friends, how are you? Where are you from?
You guys are such an inspiration for everyone who needs the reassurance that a disability is not an inability and together you can make things happen that might have seemed impossible before. I love you guys ❤
I’m so proud of chrisma for her love to cole
What about his love to her? Proud of what a great man he is to respect her as a person. (She is amazing, as well but let's not act like the disabled person isn't doing the same)
I’m happy to hear that you are discussing the different dynamics in relationships; married vs parent child. I’m sure he has had to regroup and become more involved in his own care. Good for both of you. It sounds like you are growing together. I’m happy for you.
GREAT Video. I LOVE how Charisma always gives Cole a shot out to say her Man takes care of her too. Nice how the love amongst y'all is reciprocated. Salute! 🥂
Cute couple.
From observation via this channel, Charisma is her husband's caregiver, as well.
So true about how intimate caregiving for a partner is. I took care of my partner after a shattered leg and multiple surgeries. We said that during that time we got closer and more involved than many couples that have been together 30+ years. That level of vulnerability creates such a close and loving space.
I been paralyzed for 3 years now. And wife is my caregiver. I wouldn’t want it no other way. She understand me and care for me like no other. Even though ion’t put my whole situation on her shoulder.
I completely understand the caregiving aspect. I am the primary caregiver for both my parents. My Dad was in a wheelchair or on a walker and then bedridden before he passed. My mother had a stroke and is on a walker. Because I have to work full-time, I hired wonderful caregivers and you are so correct about being on their schedule. Also, if the caregiver gets sick or has family issues, you have to change your schedule quickly so the care has to still be done . So it is great that Charisma is Cole Caregiver but Cole has learned so much more independence since meeting Charisma (after watching all videos from all Cole related channels :) ) the caregiving is your Normal...and you really don't think about it. Yall have worked it out amazingly. Continue to do what is best for you!
I love this video and how you clarify that although you get mad at him as his wife, the caregiver side of you has to still take care of him. I know that Cole's parents feel so blessed that he found not only a beautiful, intelligent and educated wife but you learned his routine and how to transfer him. He has a full life.
“I choose what goes down my face hole” 💯 🙌😂
I am so appreciative to hear these words about caregiving. My husband and I have 8 children. We adopted 4 children with medical complexities. One is a boy who is unable to walk as he has Spina Bifida. We are so blessed. But it is so good to hear about being ok to say when you are about to burnout. I have a hard time saying that or admitting to that. Thank you for sharing and being honest.
Happy Sunday Cole and Charisma, You're an amazing wife and caregiver Charisma and Cole is one lucky man. Today's video was so great, Sending love ❤❤ and Happy Thanksgiving 😊😊
I really enjoyed this very candid and meaningful conversation. I especially appreciate your fidelity to the marital vows you took, your commitment to each other, unwavering faith in each other and the care you give to each other day in and day out. This says much about the contents of both of your character and the blessings of a good and happy marriage.
Finally, I want to thank you Cole for your inspiring words as always. I struggle with advanced MS and appreciate your being there for both the disabled and able-bodied community.
When you say "your dynamic"...we...myself and my daughters father...may he RIP...would always say this is our "normal"...he was a quad...C 7...from the chest down...🖤🖤🖤
So sorry for your loss🙏🏾💜
Glad you can have an argument when you want. Cole is lucky to have the choice. A lot of it is about not accepting every aspect of his disability and putting all the burden on Charisma and his parents
That was a really in-depth,
well-articulated, mature discussion of your roles, responsibilities, and joys.
I learned a lot.
Thank-you for being so patient & open about your lives. ❤
You two work great together, it’s really good that Cole can participate in his care, I’m sure it gives him a feeling of being independent. Charisma is an awesome wife and caregiver, I pray for you two to stay strong and to always enjoy being together ❤
Thank you! This VLOG was extremely informative and helpful to others. I love how you two love, care and respect each other.
Charisma has such a beautiful spirit ❤️ Cole seem to have such a pure heart.
Deep love and caring for each other! Your story is deep rooted in the loving friends you are. A beautiful life you both choose to share with all of us! 💕💕
Hi C&C🤗. Glad to see you again. What I notice is , you are growing togather , bonding more and more, glowing and blessed. Love you guyz keep it up.
I never understand ppl asking that question. It’s like a parent taking care of there injured child, you wouldn’t ask them are they caregiver or parent. 🤷🏾♀️
People are just nosy.
In sickness and in health, it's easy to love when all is well the challenge is when things go south, a wife takes care of a husband and vice versa, that shows the strength of your love and may God continue to strengthen and bless you
What works for you is special and I am glad to know you!
Aww, you two are such an inspiration to all married couples!!! It is so beautiful, the love that you have for each other! I pray that God will always bless your love, and that the magic you share will always remain🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
I so glad I found your channel the best part for me is watching both of you grow and maturing as individuals and also as a married couple.
I love how candid you two are. Preach babies preach. Love you guys!
I recently discovered your channel and I love your story and your journey. Wishing you continued success and the very best in all of your endeavors. Also, saluting your parents for the outstanding job they did raising both of you to be such wonderful people filled with love and joy. God bless you. 🙏😘
The hardest part I think about being on RUclips would be all the judgements you get from people that don't know you at all or not in your life to even past judgements. That would be the toughest spot I think
I agree.👍
Such a beautiful relationship you have! So balanced. And such a wonderful reminder that caregivers needed care and support too.❤❤❤
This is wonderful, and rings SO true in my own experience. A longtime partner had an invasive surgery years ago, while we were together, and she was bashful about asking me to help her through it. Of course, I said yes. And it was this very unusual mixture of intimacy (before) and caregiving (after) that made us grow closer as friends. Eventually the romance faded, but that time gave us new eyes toward each other. My best wishes to you both. 💜
You're still at the top of my list as an
awesome couple, you guys are absolutely beautiful together and
I pray that God will continue to shower you with blessings.
Hello from RVA.. I to wondered about your health Charisma and burnout. Thx for easing my mind. love yall.
There are lots of relationships where one member takes care of the other that is sick for whatever reason. Your situation@tion is no different.. some people leave their partner or ignore them. That is not love at all you and Cole are blessed to have each other's unconditional love.
I love you both, just love and positivity being each other's caregiver. This is really a great and honest conversation. Thanks for your experience and enlightenment 💯♥️.
You are both so realistic about your situation and great to see!
Don't care what people think or speak out.. for me that is true love! God will bless you for that 🙏🏿 don't stop caring for your husband 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
I say to you and Cole before no matter what people say just put God first and he will lead the way.
You guys make a beautiful couple.
Ohhh ! My babies! Missed you guys! Love you so so much! Take care and God bless you BOTH! 🙏🙏🙏♥️💚👍😍🤩😘🎀💝🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
I just adore you guys! The work you do is so important I hope your able to take your trip soon. Bless you both for staying so positive.
Wow. I never noticed how blue Cole's eyes are.
Your both still looking so beautiful. Your giving each other so much positive vibes.
You're his wife and caregiver.....Most people that get married don't understand "to have and to hold until death do us part, " means exactly what you're doing. I hope he is taking care of you just as lovingly in other ways.
Hey Cole and Charisma, my fiancé and I just came across your channel last week. We are in a similar situation and dynamic where my fiancé is my primary caregiver and trying to find a balance between our relationship and my care. Thank you for this video, you really inspire us to stay strong, keep the relationship alive, and take life day by day. Looking forward to more videos!