Unexpected Ways Addiction Affects Relationships

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  • Опубликовано: 21 авг 2024
  • If you're caught in the grip of alcohol, or someone you care about is drowning in the struggles of drinking, this video is for you. Join us as we explore the unexpected ways addiction can affect your relationships, because Put The Shovel Down cares and believes that when you know better, you can fight alcoholism together.
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Комментарии • 41

  • @pjstrong
    @pjstrong 2 месяца назад +23

    I had to file for a divorce. If I hadn’t left I would be dead. The first year in the marriage I had a heart attack despite my healthy lifestyle. It’s not always easy to walk away. But I knew the stress and other unhealthy things would have taken me out. I have so much peace now.

    • @kaylam5559
      @kaylam5559 2 месяца назад +2

      Good for you to have the strength to walk away. I would but I’m too scared for him to be alone with son and eventually get unsupervised custody.

  • @nataliefromnormandya1135
    @nataliefromnormandya1135 2 месяца назад +9

    After 10 years and so many set backs, I think I’d rather just have a divorce. Every time he falls back to the alcohol it takes its toll on me emotionally, physically and financially.

  • @shellytallent2548
    @shellytallent2548 2 месяца назад +9

    I have been in a relationship for 5 years with an alcoholic. He has cirrhosis of the liver now, and has just been put on hospice.:-( I have learned a lot about myself and my codependency style which is a fixer. After he passes I will be on my own and never get involved with anybody that has any kind of an addiction ever again. This ride has exhausted me mentally and physically I will stay by his side until he passes. ❤

    • @i.am.navkaur
      @i.am.navkaur 2 месяца назад +3

      Best wishes to you. Blessings

  • @healthsecretsofthebible.7004
    @healthsecretsofthebible.7004 2 месяца назад +9

    It turned out that my husband had a hidden porn addiction. He just destroyed me and our marriage. It gave me betrayal trauma. But, Jesus has healed me. I thank Jesus. ❤

  • @davidcasson5602
    @davidcasson5602 2 месяца назад +7

    Subconsciously,, I avoided the mental pain,, bad guy role and all. It was the back of my mind that pulled me away eventually.

    • @sortasurvival5482
      @sortasurvival5482 2 месяца назад

      This. I kinda hate when ppl say im a badass. Like no, im tough, but all that attitude was just coping bs...

  • @amethystthescientist7716
    @amethystthescientist7716 2 месяца назад +3

    Amber thanks so much for always addressing both sides dealing with addiction.
    That’s why I learn more with all your videos.
    💗🙏

  • @D6EH
    @D6EH 2 месяца назад +7

    If the addict is upset by others not trusting them….too bad! They caused the lack of trust through their actions.
    While substance abuse is often blamed for bad behavior, the fact remains that the user made choices to engage in that behavior.

    • @AMM3.
      @AMM3. 2 месяца назад +3

      I think most addicts understand why they can't be trusted, the frustration comes in when they are never allowed to earn any trust back

    • @sharonscott1776
      @sharonscott1776 2 месяца назад

      I agree, they chose to start using drugs so they can choose to get help. I’m sick of hearing we are the bad guy and we have to tip toe around them. The lying manipulating cheating abuse they put us through. We are going through more trauma than they are. If they had trauma as a child, get help not turn to drugs, and my addict is 56 now like stop using that as any excuse. I was molested at age 12 over 20 times and never touched drugs or alcohol. He wasn’t molested as a child. He chose to hang around dickheads so turned into one by using drugs.

    • @BlueSkySanctuaryBaja
      @BlueSkySanctuaryBaja 2 месяца назад

      @@AMM3. I think it's safe to say that anyone would rather have & give trust than not.. but when trust is broken repeatedly, it's next to impossible to truly trust that person again. It's not like the loved one is choosing not to trust, you either can, or you can't. That's part of why it's so exhausting trying to have a relationship with a person who has lied to you.

    • @Quartzone6145
      @Quartzone6145 2 месяца назад

      It's so exhausting! So badly want to have the conversation with him but it has to be when he's sober as you all know we can't talk to them while they are intoxicated and the sober moments are very far and few between.thankyoi god we have each other on here,its so lovely loving an addict.

    • @sharonscott1776
      @sharonscott1776 2 месяца назад

      @@Quartzone6145 it nearly killed me staying with the addict., I still suffer bad fatigue from years of his addiction

  • @dawnspence1234
    @dawnspence1234 2 месяца назад +8

    I will never trust him because he has lied over and over and he has cheated and still does so how do you move on

    • @kaylam5559
      @kaylam5559 2 месяца назад +2

      If you don’t have kids run. I’m dealing with my weirdo because I don’t want him hurting my son and want to be able to make sure he stays sober. Never knew him as an addict clean for over 10years. I don’t want to risk him ever being alone with my son. So I am staying and watching like a hawk. I used her videos to figure out how to convince him to get to rehab. Put yourself first

    • @EdimentalGardens
      @EdimentalGardens 2 месяца назад +2

      If you know you will truly never trust him again, you need to leave the relationship. Trust is the bedrock of relationships

    • @kaylam5559
      @kaylam5559 2 месяца назад

      @@EdimentalGardens yeah still new and raw to ever see forgiveness with mine. My life was turned upside down since April. Mine was ok for 11 years I knew him and sober since a teen but hired his old friend from school and relapsed. He was abusive towards our 9 year old and verbally abusive and controlling with me out of nowhere. Never abusive or controlling in the years I have known him. All the horrible things he has said and done I would be gone if it wasn’t for my son. Keep friends close and enemies closer it’s strategically better now for me to stay and play nice but I am so disgusted and I know it’s partially the addiction but I have no respect for him at all right now. I urge anyone who doesn’t have kids involved to just run and cut ties forever. If you have kids think what will be strategically better

    • @i.am.navkaur
      @i.am.navkaur 2 месяца назад

      Run!

  • @adamshockley1562
    @adamshockley1562 2 месяца назад +1

    Your video's about this topic are the only thing that makes me feel ok

  • @angelaped
    @angelaped 2 месяца назад +1

    Thank you for giving words to this!!!!!!

  • @agoodgurl2k
    @agoodgurl2k 2 месяца назад +3

    He didn't even try, Amber. 😢

  • @rosalbaramirez7265
    @rosalbaramirez7265 2 месяца назад +3

    My husband is a heroin addict he left me after 10yrs he cheated on me 2 times this second time he left with the woman he met a couple of months ago. I'm so confused I've done all I can now he acts like I'm responsible for his addiction. He was addicted before I met him and he didnt tell me till I started seeing the changes I took him so many times to get help now he says he uses because of me so he went with the other woman I'm so confused from one day to the other discarded me.

    • @Fiery154
      @Fiery154 2 месяца назад +4

      He doesn’t use because of you. Addicts ALWAYS say that. Addicts BLAME, it is like a clinical symptom. You will hear Amber say it over and over in her videos. They try to deflect the shame they have by putting it on you. Like you said, he was using before he ever met you. It isn’t your fault. They will always intentionally confuse you. He is trying to run away from his pain, but his problem is that he is with himself everywhere he goes. Listen to more of Amber’s videos. For me, it has been the only thing that has helped.

    • @Quartzone6145
      @Quartzone6145 2 месяца назад +1

      He's deflecting it onto you he knows your not the reason but in his mind by making you think its because of you it makes him feel better .it's all so f***ed up isn't it but we must remember we haven't caused it and we can't cure it
      .Best of luck to you go love your life x

  • @Fiery154
    @Fiery154 2 месяца назад +1

    RUclips deleting my comments again. And this one was so benign! WTF YT?

  • @YellowRose08
    @YellowRose08 2 месяца назад

    14 yrs together, 7 yrs married. He hid alcohol 2 years ago, got sober but was abusing Kratom for FIVE years. I had no clue. 2 betrayals. Shame on me. I feel so foolish and stupid

  • @hyperion4482
    @hyperion4482 2 месяца назад +1

    You have the most beautiful eyes.

  • @Quartzone6145
    @Quartzone6145 2 месяца назад +2

    we are like a community on here Ambers channel all support each other.your amazing what you do amber just on your channel alone it helps so many people.

  • @jasonbachelor604
    @jasonbachelor604 2 месяца назад +1

    What's really tragic would be a relationship with a "Addiction Specialist" To a hamner everything looks like a nail
    Get a life

    • @D6EH
      @D6EH 2 месяца назад +7

      ^ troll

    • @Fiery154
      @Fiery154 2 месяца назад +3

      Says the addict

    • @jasonbachelor604
      @jasonbachelor604 2 месяца назад

      @@Fiery154 Just proved my point. Everyone is an "Addict" to the Recovery zealot.

    • @TheLisaGate
      @TheLisaGate Месяц назад +2

      You sound so angry for a topic that doesn’t involve you…

    • @jasonbachelor604
      @jasonbachelor604 Месяц назад

      @@TheLisaGate So called "Addiction Specialists" ruin lives. They are the modern day equivalent of Gay Conversion Therapy. Nearly every negative impact of drug use would end with Drug Legalisation. So Fuck Yeah, it involves me. This woman is a trying to fix people that are perfectly normal