It's gone: Letting something deeply sentimental go
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- Опубликовано: 4 ноя 2021
- I found this a very challenging goodbye. Yet, it was time to let it go. Here is my story and how I managed to let go of something so meaningful and sentimental to me.
Please share with me some things you have found hard to let go too!
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I got rid of all of my wedding cards I’d been given. They were all very generic and I had no attachment to them at all. Until I realised there had been one from my late grandmother in there, and my wedding day was the last time I ever saw her. I was really quite upset. For about 10 minutes. And then I realised that the card being gone didn’t change a single solitary thing about how much I loved or remembered her. I have a photo of us together on that day. I can remember her voice, her handwriting, the smell of her house, how she was the kindest most gentle person I have EVER met. If I’d realised, I probably would have kept the card, but in hindsight it brought no value to my life. I have nothing from my other 3 grandparents who died before her, but again, that doesn’t mean I’ve suddenly forgotten them. I do have some sentimental items that I’d be sad to lose but as someone who used to attach meaning to EVERYTHING, I’ve now come to realise the object represents the meaning, it isn’t the actual meaning itself. That’s the love and memories I hold dear in my heart for my family, babies, friends and special events.
Thanks for sharing Sharon. Yes, it's the memories that matter. You can remember you grandmother and that is what matters most.
My husband and I have to leave our home next year because it is an old cottage and needs too much repair that we can’t afford. It’s gut wrenching as we are 66 years old and have lived here for 38 years and brought our kids up. We have been very happy and now very sad that we won’t be able to invite them over to their happy childhood home. They think it is best for us. I have always been more Minimalish and green in my ways. Started the Swedish Death Clean last year as I do not want our kids to sort through loads of stuff. Have given them stuff that they could use now and they want as don’t use them very often. Am doing another 30 day declutter this month. I need to treat this as another season in life and an adventure or I will get overwhelmed with sadness.
At least we will be able to afford a few weeks each year to visit my Sister in Sarasota Florida. Love your videos and respect and admire you and other nurses especially through this Covid. Thanks and keep safe
Thank you Pam. Yes, you are doing your family a HUGE favour by tackling these things early. And yourself. Good for you!
My Mom passed away in 2020 from cancer. She did okay in sorting through my Dad’s things after he passed away several years prior, or so we thought. I brought home more than I really wanted & sorted though the things that I wanted. It ended up not really being that much. Since then, my husband & I have started seriously decluttering around our house simply because I don’t want to put my kids through having to deal with basically my clutter.
We went through the same exact thing, my grandparents huge Euro-chalet house, Fall of 2022. So many Christmases and birthdays and Thanksgiving’s since 1954. All summer in the woods, fishing in the lake, collecting eggs from the chickens. There were also bad times there. I don’t want to go into it, but I have PTSD from several incidents of confronting trespassers and would be burglars. So when we decided to sell, I had mixed feelings. Sad for the great memories had, but totally ready to get over the bad stuff. I have a couple of things from the farm, but that is all. My sister kept everything- everything from 70 years of accumulation in a 6,000 sq ft house. She put it all in storage and is going through it bit by bit. No one has the anxiety over this place like I did. No one had their first kiss there either. I chose to remember the awesome times and let the rest go. Thanks Robyn for doing this video. It has helped me tremendously ❤
Maybe I'm a weirdo (and maybe it's just pregnancy hormones) but this made me cry!!! I have so many warm memories of my grandparents house. Also my grandma (no longer in her house) thinks she can preserve those memories better by manipulating us into keeping all her stuff. It's so true that you can never get those moments back and you just have to cherish them in your heart.
Yes! No one wanted to get rid of anything because it was all so precious. I was like, we can't keep it all people! I Love my grandparents, but sadly things change. I hope I didn't make you cry again...
Yeah, this made me think of my Grandparents house and I got teary eyes. I miss them and Christmas with them.
I loved this! I understand exactly what you went through. My parents were both in their 90s when Dad died in April 2019. They had built their house and lived in it for 65 years. I couldn’t imagine not “going home” anymore but Mom needed to sell and move into a senior independent living complex. Once we emptied the house, we realized that it was the people that were the soul of the home. We have wonderful memories but the shell of the house was easier to let go of than I ever imagined it would be. Mom offered us to take anything In the house that we wanted. Honestly, there was a Christmas ornament and an art piece that were sentimental to me. The art hangs on my wall. The ornament hangs on the tree. That’s all I need to keep a piece of that time in my life. I have scanned many of moms photos and am making digital photo books with some of those.
Yes Wendy, it's hard until you realize that it's just a house. Good for you scanning all the photos!
Sorry for the sad changes for you. Childhood memories are so tied to places. I helped with my grandma's farmhouse after she passed away, and then my parent's house after my mom died (Dad moved into the same house that Grandma had lived in until two years prior). Grandma's house was sooooo much harder.
Absolutely!
I went through this yesterday. I remembered that today was Big Trash day and decided to get stuff out of the basement. I have this chair that my grandparents gave my parents as a wedding gift 63 years ago. It was in baaaaad shape and I knew it would never be fixed (it was in my basement for 24 years.) It was so emotional. I had to call my mom and talk with her about it before I brought it up and put it to the curb. It is the only item that made me cry as I decluttered it; but, I knew it was time.
Yes, that's just it! You can't (or shouldn't) keep things forever! What will your life be like if you do! Good job!
This was so beautiful. I'm so beyond happy that you made this video, that you included those pictures and videos. I can probably count the times I visited that house on my hands...nothing compared to a lifetime of memories - but it felt so comfortable. I remember the first time I met your family and we stayed at your grandparents house. I felt immediately like I belonged there. Thank you again for making this video.
I love you too sister!! This was a hard one, but I am definitely glad it's over!
I cannot even explain how crazy good the timing of this video is. I got out of a bad marriage 17 years ago and my kids, my mom and myself moved into a house that I bought. My mom was diagnosed with dementia 3.5 years ago and after being in a home out of necessity she passed 7 months ago. My kids are grown and the house is too big for my youngest and I. On top of that it needs repairs that have been stressful for me. I signed a sales agreement this week to close next month. I’m excited and crazy nervous about it. It’s still a source of comfort for me but I need the peace of being able to call the maintenance people instead of dealing with repairs every 2-3 months. I needed this it’s definitely my most emotional decluttering item.
Yes! You can do this! You will be SO glad when it is over!
@@MinimalistHome I definitely agree but it’s stressful right now in limbo. Not taking most of our stuff I want a super simple to clean place.
thank you for the sincere heart experience you share, to help others, thank you 🙏🌟😘
Thank you very much Luna
it's tough to let a house go when it holds so many memories. I felt the same way about my grandmother's house. She had to sell her house 25 years ago and I still have strong memories of it - just like I was there yesterday. You'll always remember your grandparent's house. Those memories will stay with you forever. I really love your channel - lots of great tips and inspiration!
Thank you so much. Yes, I will always have the memories. Things weren't the same at the end
Totally understand, Robyn!! I have a similar situation with my grandparents' farm. Letting go is a process!
It sure is!!
Such a good reminder...you can't keep holding onto things that aren't serving you anymore. I am slowly taking this advice about sentimental items. Thanks!!
I'm so glad Amanda! You can do it!
Such good food for thought. Thanks! I'm so sorry about your grandpa's illness.
Thank you BabyTexan
Letting go of my grandparents furniture that no one wanted but they didn't want to let it go far. I live in a 1950's size and style home. I can't store everything and I am weighted down by dead peoples stuff. That are useable for a page family in a larger home. Space and cleanliness is important. My mental health is paying for other peoples happiness. At the cost of my wellbeing and joy.
Time to make some serious decisions and start decluttering.
I got rid of my wedding dress recently, we have boys and I will never wear it again. It was probably the hardest thing I have decluttered up until this point and we uave been doing this for a year. But the relief I felt not having to store and manage it anymore(it was huge) was amazing!
You know what is so funny is I still have MY dress and why? I have boys too!!
Thats too funny, I had to think on it for months before I was ready but what a relief. Im pretty sure its one of the only things I have struggled with from a sentimental standpoint. I look forward to hearing about if/when you get rid of yours lol (no pressure)
Wow, I’m blown away seeing this video because when my Mom passed away & my Dad decided to sell the family home of 50 + years it was heartbreaking, hear wrenching & more. There was so much stuff, beautiful things that I had no place to be able to keep & yet I wanted to hold on tight with both hands every item that was my Moms. I have a very small house & she had a 3 story large home. It as one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through & to top it all off my Dad gave my Sister & 2 weekends to get what we wanted from the house. Like you said you just have to make peace & let it go!😘
So true Yvonne, I'm sorry you had to go through that hard time, but yes letting go is best
What wonderful memories!
Yes, so many!
I loved this!!! My grandparent's home was also my very favorite place to spend time. Sadly, both my grandparents and their home are gone. Like it was torn down. And the house that I grew up in, too. But I have all of the memories and some great photos from my childhood. Thank you for all you do!
It was very hard to let go of my double stroller. My two youngest children were back to back babies and I needed it. Everywhere we went, they were there in the stroller. I realize it also marked an overwhelmed time in my life also. So when I changed my thinking to letting go of the baby phase and welcoming the preschool/kindergarten phase of life, it helped alot. I am also letting go of the overwhelmed feelings and "complaints" I had during that time. I don't have to complain any more or be overwhelmed about diaper changes, baby food, nursing blankets being yanked off in public. And while I will miss my children being that small, I still have them to love in their next phase. ❤
I totally get this. I had a great double stroller as well and was sad to let it go, but I sold it to a nice lady who needed it. I walked by her in the mall with it once, so it was nice to see it, haha
Thanks for sharing, I think that most of us can relate, in one way or another. I started Swedish death cleaning a few years back, when we realized that our children didn’t want most of our “stuff”. I didn’t know that it was called Swedish death cleaning, at that time. All our memories are in us. Thanks again 🙏🏼❤️
Absolutely! Yes, Charmaine!!
Such a thoughtful video. Thanks much
You're welcome, thanks Susan!
I needed this. Thank you. ♥️
You're welcome Carolyn!! Glad you liked it, thanks for watching!
Great video, Robyn!
I have pictures of the house I grew up in. My mother moved when I was in my late 30s. So lots of memories there.
We toured an independent living place yesterday. Oh my gosh-if you think that you have decluttered, go to a senior living place and see how tiny they are. People need to Declutter after they move in , so much!
Thanks Judy! Yes, they definitely can't take much with them!
Thank you so much for this video! My dad has Alzheimer’s and he is in a home now. I like your idea of letting things go naturally! Beautiful!😊💕
Thank you so much Shannon. Alzheimers is just terrible
Thank you so much for sharing this. Exactly what I needed to see ❤
I’m glad you found it helpful Celeste
Every time i try to purge these things, i feel the intense pain of their loss all over again. Can't get past the pain. Been carrying most of it decades because i miss my grandma still every day.
I wonder if you can choose a few items that mean a lot. Perhaps sit with the idea of decluttering certain items, put them in a box, and see if the feelings subside a bit so you can declutter
Dementia is also another family issue that I have been dealing with for years. My hubs had strokes many years ago and unable to work then in 2017 diagnosed with brain cancer but to amazement of his Dr.s it went dormant and he is still putzing along but along came Vacular Dementia and it has been a realy struggle for me these past 2 years as trying to take care of him and declutter don't go together very well. Your channel is very encouraging and to me it helps to listen to others share there journeys as well. I don't feel alone when I check in with you and your channel, Thanks Much
Oh Pamee, I am so sorry to read about your husband and your's tough journey. My goodness, that's a hard hand to be dealt. I'm glad my channel can help you
I'm really struggling with my inner self in my purge. Been purging for years. Now I'm down to all the tough stuff! Others make me feel guilty about even thinking about downsizing these things. Struggling! They don't need to hoard this stuff and neither do I!
Oh I know. People really do have their opinions. I often tell myself that if they have strong feels about what I am doing with MY life, then they might be feeling bad about something in their own life.
Oh man this spoke to me. I grew up in a very rural cabin on 8 acres in Minnesota. Beautiful Creek in the back. Blackberry bushes lined our ditches. So utterly beautiful. However, my childhood was really difficult and lonely. I now live 10 hrs away in another state. My dad passed in June of 2018 and my mom moved in with me and my family. She has dementia. To make things a tad more complicated she was a hoarder and the house is in really rough shape. It's too far away for us to fix up and enjoy so we're going to empty it out and sell it. It's sad because my mom loved living there, but it's line saying goodbye to their collective dreams. I can never go back there again. My 5 year old will have no warm memories of that place. There's no going back. In fact it's a burden now and the mental energy it takes me isn't worth it anymore.
There you go. That's just it. You really have to know how much things are impacting you and decide if it's worth it.
My 97 year old mother was a hoarder ( got her into an excellent nursing home this past June)and so hubby and I drove an hour a day for 6 weeks to just clean out the first floor. When I walked upstairs I could have cried - it was filled too, along with two outside sheds, a basement and a garage ! So we hired a clean out team . 9 moving truck loads later it was cleaned out. It sold in one weekend - take advantage of this selling bubble if you can ! This was the house where I grew up, but it had not felt the same for years with Mom’s dementia . Her stuff was so in excess and a great deal of it was never used by Mom , so none of it felt sentimental.
The cost of in home care for Mom and the repairs to the 1955 built house were depleting Mom’s finances, so with her declining health, I had to get her out of there !
The new owners have gutted the house, painted the red brick white, and cleared out the overgrown yard, so the house did not feel the same . I’m glad that it got a new lease on life and I felt that the changes there finalized my cutting the cord there . I am at peace with it, though Mom is not , but her finances and her declining health left me no choice.
3:57 it sounds like he also had Seasonal affective disorder (S.A.D.) a.k.a. winter blues. Verilux happy light therapy lamp and some vitamin D can help for that.
I need to get one of those! Thank you
So very hard. Maybe easier because they were still alive. I think when you are getting rid of people’s stuff when you are mourning is terrible.
I can only imagine! Yes, good to do it early. I am a huge Swedish death cleaning fan
I am taking a photo of sentimental items , but releasing the actual item for someone else’s use. After seeing my hoarding mother turning her house into a warehouse of stuff that she never used, and that deteriorated over time was so wasteful ! Other people could have benefitted from using these things, but a lot had to be thrown away because of deterioration from long storage . Especially clothes with elastic waists that had rotted . So I am continuing to reduce my own items so that my kids don’t have to face what I did ! But the memories are triggered with the kept digital photos . The four criteria that I go by are 1. Do I love it ?
2. Is it serving me in this season of my life ?
3. Do I use it ?
4. Do I have space for it ?
My childhood has been ending as my mother’s brain has been dying . So the mother that I had and the childhood home are now both gone , even though my mother’s body is still alive , but that is life and as long as I can continue to remember, I’ll have the memories. Yes, my mother’s nutrition was suffering, even with hired in home help .
What does feel strange is that I can never go back to that house again, though I used to think of it as a place of refuge in case I ever had a problem . Plan B is needed ! I did save the marketing photos that my realtor took .
Every Winter I had great angst about who was I going to get to remove the snow from her driveway and in the Summer, who could I find to take care of her yard ? And then she started falling - often ! I lived with 24 hour expectations of calls in the middle of the night from her Lifeline pendant company that she had fallen again. Fortunately, with no injuries. It was such a stressful time period and her dementia made her incapable of understanding her situation or what it was also doing to me ,
Such a struggle when people's houses are filled. I can only imagine the struggle of yard care on top of everything else. Did you say your mom has moved now?
Mom is in a one bedroom with private bath lovely accommodation in the nursing home that is a part of the senior community where hubby and I both reside, so she is only a 3 mile drive away now instead of an hour each way !
Not depressing. Reality.dementia is the toughest thing to see a loved one go through!
Dementia is just terrible!!
Trouble letting go?
Watch helplessly as your house burns down to the foundation.
But, one question. Will you refill your new house with replacement pets and clutter with the big insurance check?
I bet you will!
Yikes, I would sure hope now! Good luck and best wishes
@@MinimalistHome Thank you, Robin. It was especially hard because I was a firefighter in the Navy.
Also, nurse, I refer you to Dr Mary Newport, MD in Tampa, Florida. She has a you tube channel and long experience with diabetes type 3 and successful treatment with MCT oil. Best wishes.
Why do you obsess with getting rid of everything? Honestly it's like a damn disease these days.
Oh this wasn't my choice