5 Signs You're Dating a Toxic Person (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)
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- Опубликовано: 30 сен 2024
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There are many dangerous qualities of a toxic person, but the worst one of all may be their deceptiveness.
They can be so subtle in their manipulation, you may not even realize what they’re doing to you, until you’re in too deep and they’ve completely eroded your confidence.
I’m not going to let that happen to you.
In today’s video, I take you through the 5 signs you’re dating a toxic person so you know exactly what to watch out for…
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I told my ex let's talk and he said "here you go trying to argue" I was like wtf...
Me too. I could never say ANYTHING without him saying I was arguing and causing drama.
That's what the guy I'm dating now does and I'm afraid to leave... Because he's brought my confidence and self esteem down so much...
I'm a guy and some guys are such jerks. I'm sorry that we are interpreted like this and just know we are not all like that. You need to be the controlling person in the relationship and let him know who's boss. Bullies like him don't know how to respond when the victim stands up for themselves. Get out of the relationship before it gets more serious and tell him its over! I hope you get through this and I hope this helps. Good luck!
my situation as well!!!
Frank Slade haha :D I'm anything but a white night but I don't like people being childish and respectful either.
The most scary ones pretends to be the best/nicest only to reveal his true colors later, when u r most vulnerable around him.
Yes! He always says "but we like each other to death". Don't answer for me dude...🙄 he tried to get to me through my mom saying he respects her even though they never met...I hate all this false goodness! I think he is trying to break me and then do whatever he wants with me. He said he needs a little break. I said ok but I moved on 😀
Yes!!!
How to figure it out such people 😢? Please send advice
LEGIT
If you feel like you're in a toxic relationship, please get out of it. I stayed in one for a long time because I hoped things would change and I wanted this person and all their good qualities to shine through so we could have a healthy relationship. That person was sometimes there, but I'd have to endure all the pain, manipulation and anxiety of everything you've mentioned in this video. It really took a tole on my mental health and after the relationship ended it took me a while to feel like myself again and feel strong. Please don't let anyone break you. I started to see the world from his perspective and not my own.
Lily Beth haha. I feel like we are friends. Took me a long time too, to leave. So glad I did
I think like this. When we are in a relation we cant imagine we will be able to Love someone like we love this person. Big mistake. Your love you carry with you wherever you go. If you took your love to a place " a person" that at start accept it completly and you was enoght for him or her and later on just reject you and started to be toxic is a mistake think you never will be able to share the same or even bigger connection with someone else. If you are full of love is a quality on you and is a mistake put good things in a toxic thing. Ask for a good winemaker to put his best wines in a glass with acid. He never would do such a stupid decision. If you value the love you are you will respect yourself enoght to share with someone qualified to apreciate it.
Lily Beth it's so hard to get out of that situation though 😞 I find my self saying why am I with this person but I still stay with her .
I know it's so hard. This hardest part I found was actually admitting it to myself. Deep down I knew something wasn't right but I CHOSE to ignore my intuition. The world is so big. It might not seem like it right now but a relationship really isn't that important, at least in comparison to what people make it out to be. Focusing on yourself and growing in your life and owning it is often hard to do if the relationship isn't right. I promise things will get better. Just listen to your intuition even if everything is telling you to hang on. It's the familiarity of the relationship that keeps us with that person. We're afraid of the unknown so we stay with what we know. I hope things work out for you.
Lily Beth Read the book : The Chimp Paradox and another book that is made for man but can be a ligth for woman too the name is The Way of Superior man. There are some bs in the bok but for real some stuff he says is real deal.
From time to time I come back to this video to evaluate my relationships. Notes for myself...
5 indicators of toxic people
1. In an argument they look to inflict damage (try to protect themselves), not solve problems. Matt gave an example of how they behave revengefully like in a scorpion mode.
2. They treat everything like it's an attack. When you come to them about something you are not happy with in a civil and rational way and choose your words carefully, you'll find they will meet you with aggression.
3. They make you the root of all evil whenever there's a problem. They become very good manipulators. They can make you believe and convince you things are your fault that have nothing to do with you. Proximity is power. Those accusations, their belief system will eventually get through you. You will begin believe that and it will erode your confidence overtime.
4. They'll show you the most love when you are hurt. When you are at your lowest ebb and they realise they have broken you completely, then they'll give you love because at that point they feel they are safe to do so. Because in the moments when you're feeling strong, they're feeling weak.
5. They get uncomfortable with your success. They will belittle your ambitions. They make you feel unworthy even when you are doing well. They will try and denigrate what you have achieved because they prefer you when you are weak. They get either aggressive and viscous by making you feel guilty or they get detached as if they don't care and get distant from you.
Love you Matt ❤❤
The 4th omg i had that so many Times that's why i say hé is always there when im on my darkst
I can relate this in my previous relationship. Really it's really distract my mind and make me stress.
Now I am staying single and happy
Thank you
My bf doesn’t make effort anymore..he stopped saying “i love you” from the blue, less emojies, he doesn’t trying Like he has to “win me over” again, he never Text me long meaningful texts even when I tell him and he also doesn’t Compliment me Like he used to…even when I told him,he only Thinks about work its his first priority and not me..and also he doesn’t Like when I have male friends…should I give him na ultimatum because I’ve been waiting for him to change and there is no change seen whatsoever…he spends time with me until 10 pm and then he says he is tired and Wants to sleep,he gets Mad when I want him to Stay a little longer even on special days..what do I do?
@@Ivonah @IvonA ❤ Detach as soon as possible!! You need to stop texting or caring or telling him what you are up to. I had the same problem and i ended up fighting n breaking up n now im hurt. You can detach before things go bad so it doesnt hurt as much as it hurt me. He is clearly devaluing you and lost his love for you. Ignore him and move on . Let him deal with a life without a caring beautiful girlfriend I assure you he will regret losing you!
@@imperfectcircle7313 aww thank you so so much 💗💗
We worked things together he is trying to be better 😊 if he suddenly changes again I will use your advice
Thank you anyways 🤍
A toxic narcissist, run as far as you can, they will damage your mental and emotional health. X
Dee Irish Exactly. What he’s describing is a narcissist. They are more than just toxic ppl. They inflict serious damage.
Dee Irish amen!!!
Agreed! Started dating a narcissist 6 years ago, got out of the relationship 3 years ago and I'm still recovering from that.
For instance I often take things as being hurtful when my boyfriend tells me something when in fact they aren't at all, just because I got so used to being gaslighted and belittled... I still assume the worst because my ex used to bring everything bad in me all the time. Everything I did was bad, from my clothing style to my hair, my face, my weight, my cooking, my work, everything! So now I'm always in "defense mode" because I automatically assume that my partner is not meaning well... I am working on this and it's getting better but it's just to say that a person like this can fuck you up in no time, and it'll take years to recover fully.
yes, my ex. totally damage you and suck you of everything good or productive. btw, my mother is a narc as well..so it makes it way harder.
NoContact
The sad part of this video is that realizing that you are the toxic one. :(
Whoa! Thank you for all the support guys, still struggling but we'll get there! :)
Joya Teves honestly if that's the case .. it's amazing! Because now you know and now you might be able to change small habits and your partner will see that. Literally the only thing I wish for is that my partner might some day realize his abusive behavior...
So great first step! Please don't give up on yourself
Joya Teves no if you think about it that's actually the best part, because now you're aware of your behavior and just being aware of it will make you a bit less toxic.
Joya Teves people improve just start working on yourself and you will have succes i went trough it all and i know you can change if you want to.
Thank you for all your support. 💕
i found out too late that Im the toxic one
the problem is that I feel soooooo tired due to my toxic relationship Idont even wont to get into another relationship because iam feeling exhausted
same :[[[[[[ wtf
Then break up and learn to be alone :). Being alone can be really relaxing and amazing if you learn to love yourself. I’m in that process rn and it is definitely so much better than being in a toxic relationship
I feel the same way. Don't get into a new just take care of you and enjoy
narimane amour
Same here! I'm no contact and taking care of myself!
Hope you're doing well!
I completely understand. Just left my dude after 6 years after yet another violent tirade. If you haven't heard Halseys "Nightmare " You should. That line "I don't owe you a God da## thing!" Priceless. Take one day at a time, it takes time to heal after this kind of a situation. So many of us stand with you. 2020 is the year empaths get rid of narcissistic people in our lives. We got this!
Toxic people don’t always show love when they have broken you. Mine just walks away.
"Mine" ?? You're still with them??
Same here
Mine says “yeah go cry like a baby and act like I did something wrong and cause drama you childish baby” 😀
@@jasminevankessel8912 Same
So true, so true. When I was 63, my husband of 23 years left me. He never got mad. He just got increasingly cold, deaf and dumb to my entreaties for talking/counseling, and said, as he walked out the door, “I never meant to hurt you.” … Yeh - right. He never told me why he left other than, “I don’t want to do this anymore.” Of course, I took on all the blame, because I was programmed to do that as a child. I’m finding it increasingly difficult to trust people & find that isolation feels more friendly, even tho I know that’s a trap, too.
They also pick fights & get triggered easily
Nina They push you, you retaliate, and they wanna cry and portray you to be the monster to your friends and fam.
I'm currently facing such situations...my partner calls me liar an pick a fight over every little thing I do . If I don't do things the way he wants
@@hlomphotilotsane4199 hes crazy but youre insane for sticking around.
Yessssssssss
Oops that me lol
Toxic people also hate confrontation, they don't like to hear what they did wrong.They’ll make you feel guilty for bringing it up and end with lines to make you be quiet or act like that they don't care to weaken your arguement. Id always call out on his bs but was made to feel like I was the one doing and bringing the 'drama' when actually he was deliberately hurting me! Made me feel pathetic for feeling upset, and was more focused on ending conversations acting like he doesn’t care! Toxic people avoid being told off ,than to actually make things right. They’ll use this twisting tactic to make YOU feel like you're the crazy one. Remember that your feelings are valid no matter what! Never let anyone devalue you in any kind of way. I learnt this the hard way, even after everything he simply just never gave a shit. This video is so important, the affects of a toxic person really is unhealthy and can fuck you in the head. I promise that someone that truly loves you will always try with you listen to you and try to make things right so that ends meet. They would never put you in a situation of doubt or where you have to question your self worth!
everything you said matches my situation
If you complain to people about the toxic people you hang with, you become toxic yourself.
true
I was in almost gonna be in toxic relationship then and I met someone who was okay first person who was married too and he was cheating on me when he had his wife and basically destroy trying to ripped the happiness from me and the guy I like telling him he can't come over were never gonna work out or telling me what to do basically he got what he wanted me and him never spoke again but his head somewhere else Idk he's an ass he wasn't good person for me anyways and the other person was he wanted to be in relationship with me but I didn't want too because I was dealing with my dad death still am i think people from work trigger more dapression why can't they understand what I'm going through why can't they leave me alone for my grieving mourning instead pushing me away pushing my buttons and his family in it I thought I would be dating brother son not his whole family who wanted know our business telling them I'm no good I'm damage goods I'm petty im breaking someone heart when he knows were not official I haven't even Said anything making me feel the bad guy I don't like it its in my head constantly since I quit that job that job wasn't good either seeing everyone true colors like I'm dealing with my dad passing away you guys are giving me shit negativity it isn't healthy I'm hurt by everyone who I work with and hurt from the one who like me I saw him as a friend he started to be like them he was one of them his family making rumors about me saying I was wrapping him on my finger when he was coming to me telling me he has feelings for me like whatever trying to convince him that it was true when it wasn't I'm pretty hurt by everyone in that job field
+Natasha Dichpan bunch of fuck up shit that happen to me in the past
When you feel strong they feel weak..
Vice Versa
Last girl I dated on Jan for the month and the first one in a while exhibited most of these signs.
You're supposed to feel strong together.
Exactly! That's why they are trying to knock you down and prevent success in your life. If your family is toxic you are going to have a hard time dealing with them. It takes so much energy from you and you might get physically and emotionally ill. Don't be ashamed to asked for help from professionals and some one you might trust well.
Words from the wise.
I didn't even realize that I was loving a man like that, but when Matthew said walking on egg shells, that was an eye opener for me.
It was the same for me, but it was when he spoke about the "Revenge" to hurt you
I just broke up with my boyfriend over some of these reasons. I was sad on the night that I did it but honestly after that I have felt such a huge sense of relief. I know that I made the right decision and I am so much happier without him. I'm grateful for the relationship because I learned so many things from it. I should never have to ask someone to show me he loves me. I should never have to feel like I'm walking on egg shells when I talk to him about an issue. I should not have to be afraid of bringing up an issue because he will blow it out of proportion and make it about something totally different. I did everything I could to keep our communication open and to bring up issues just like you said, not as an attack, but "Hey, this is an issue, how can we fix it so that we're both happy?" I even said flat out "I am not attacking you" but he just always took it as an attack. I'll stop ranting but I am so relieved because that relationship was a dark cloud over my life and I am excited to move on
Good or you Haley! I did the same thing. I was sad at first also but after a short while RELIEF and FREEDOM!
I dated a toxic gyu for two years. Almost everything that Matthew said sound like him. Ecxept the last part. But yea, for two weeks i felt sad but i always knew it was right desision to make and now, after a year, im dating the sweetest man in world. :) hope it will last
I've just had the same thing. My boyfriend actually broke up with me, but I think I'm happier without him. :)
Exact same situation I'm in. I am finally out of it and am so much happier. Being with him destroyed my health on so many levels. I won't get into it but this might be the end of me seriously. Had I listened to everyone else and not my own stubborn heart I wouldn't be in the situation I am now. He used to beat me, almsot killed me a few times, cheated on me more times then I can count. He begs me to stay with him still to this day texts me non stop hes on drugs now. In the begining it seemed perfect. He is so handsome, a professional volley ball player, went to college, looks the part. But is so insanely psychotic. Not to mention my health part is now destroyed... so hearing your comment is making me stay strong. Knowing other people are going through the same thing. I feel such a relief being away from him. I have been read the Bible and God has pulled me close to him during this time. I suggest getting in touch with your spirituality. It helps soooo much. It keeps me sane.
Jenna Ice My heart goes to you. But this is not the end of you girl! The more you start taking care of you, the better you will feel all around. Don't ever settle again and take care of you first! Hugs to you girl!
If he tells you that you just want to argue when your trying to resolve an issue, dump him.
Learned this the hard way
Naw y’all females b crazy
@@blackhole4 stfu..troll.
🥺
it's true. also learned this the hard way
My ex and I never argued, we discussed and negotiated. It was absolutely amazing and wonderful. We didn't work out for other reasons, but I learned a great relationship skill
A TOXIC PERSON:
1. Inflicts damage rather than resolves issues. It’s the toxic person’s protective mode.
2. Treats everything like an attack by you. Toxic person is defensive. It feels like you are walking on eggshells.
3. Blames it all on you. You are the root of all evil. Never admits his/ her fault and never brings positive changes in him/ her. Good manipulators.
4. Shows you love only when you are broken down by him/ her. Toxic person feels safe to show you love once he/ she has won.
5. Uncomfortable with your achievements. Berates you (not the same as constructive criticism), aggressive, or becomes distant from you and gives you less love!
I believe there is also a number 6 and 7:
6: That person puts his own needs first at all time. He does not value or respect your boundaries, he has little understanding for your needs and gets you to tend his, even though he gives little. He gives just enough for you not to walk away and invest even more. (He might even blame you for not taking good care of him, being selfish or needy.)
7: He pulls away: he is emotionally unavailable. This leaves you in the cold. It's like giving a silent treatment. It is very damaging. Withholding someone from love, attention or affection is one of the most toxic things to do. It is at the root of self loathing, self doubt and emotional instability. Again, a person may give you just enough to stay in the relationship but punishes you when things don't go his way using this 'tool'.
Both these signs give you a feeling of being schizophrenic. It leaves you so flabbergasted that you don't know what hit you. It happens so skillfully and sneaky that it's even hard to put a finger on: if you were to try and tell another person it would seem ridiculous. That's how deep this toxic goes: it is not visible for the naked eye.
Yes you're right adding those. That's exactly the way it was for me. He pulled away emotionally but gave me just enough to keep me. I felt mad and it broke my heart. I couldn't understand what was happening. Now I do.
Don't forget the silent treatments.. I has a relationship with all of these mentioned in the video. As well as what you mentioned. Then add to it all, he would be "busy", or we would have our conversation me trying to find a solution for both of us, and thinking we got somewhere and then Boom silent treatment. It got into a pattern that when you don't address it right away gets worse. Anyone giving you the silent treatment is wrong. It's a manipulative decision to hurt you and exert pain.
I don't think those are actually toxic things, per se. I mean, it's not that those are good qualities in a relationship, but toxic means, it makes you feel bad about yourself, and destroys your sense of self, your esteem, your life, your morals, etc. Those are just shitty behaviors you listed, but they don't necessarily undermine you as a person.
Biene van Huizen you are absolutely right...
deathlightdb. I have to disagree with the "bad behavior" assessment. The silent treatment is pure manipulation and showing passive-aggressive dominance in the relationship. It's giving the manipulator power over the other person. They are refusing to talk it out and only want things their way. It's toxic because it is demeaning and destroys.
It’s called “ Being in a relationship with a narcissist.”
Some people do this without even being a narcissistic, just manipulative
JCisKING I’m with one right now and guess what he 23 yrs older than me
10000000%
5 and half years with one 3 months narc free
She just made contact 5 days ago telling me she love me still so confused 😕
1)In a disgreement they try to inflict damage/sweep things under the rug.
2) they treat everything like an attack no matter how logical and calm you are-now you're walking on eggshells
3) they make you the root of all evil-in denial and blame you instead.
4) they will show you the most love when you're hurt-cause they cannot stand when you're happy, confident, strong and secure
5) they hate your success
Wow well my lifemate just happens to be the 1st 3. 😕😞
5)
First Lady Queen my partner also does the first 3 out of the 5
@@afshah.7972 sad! I had to kick mine to the curb.
First Lady Queen well done! I must do this as soon as I feel a bit stronger in my heart
@@afshah.7972 thanks it was Not easy though aka I did Not do it cause I hated him. I did it for self-preservation. P.s. take your time or not it is up to you. 😊
Oh my God I know exactly what you're talkin about my wife no matter how logical it is when you try to talk to her she makes a big deal out of it and goes off the deep end and wants to fight you come in from work you're happy but yet you're walking on eggshells because the slightest little thing you do will trip them out I never thought men could be abused emotionally but they can my wife has abused me and I can tell you some Tales ofwhat she's done and you wouldn't believe it
3 things to remember:
- A toxic person doesn’t necessarily mean a bad person
- This applies to every relationship, not just romantic ones
- This also applies to yourself. You can be the toxic one and you may not realise.
Thanks for this video Matt!
Toxic person = bad person
@@olgaz4927 nope, toxic is relative
@@vishwajeetnandyaduraj4804 how can a toxic person be a good person lmao?
@@vishwajeetnandyaduraj4804 how can a toxic person be a good person lmao?
@@olgaz4927 Toxic traits can be due to trauma that the other person has not resolved. it doesn't make it alright but it doesn't mean they are a bad person. that is a very black and white way of looking at things.
This advice is helpful not just in a boyfriend-girlfriend context. This applies to family relationships too. I often argue with my Dad after i call him out on his bad behaviour. I am always kind, calm and constructive in my words with him but he maintains an aggressive response by saying something nasty. Eg he'll bring up a completely unrelated issue that we dealt with and moved on from years ago coz he thinks it's a "one-up" game. He is toxic
Landie Marie I have a similar problem with some of my family members. They exhibit toxic behavior
Ye I found that this doesn't relate to my bf but more to my mum and dad
Sometimes parents are toxic and don't love you :( I know and can relate.
Tell me about it! Families are the worst and the police and the medical system take their side! How many times will I get arrested and investigated? I am so happy to make others happy but today I am there only for myself now! My family members did everything but they did not succeed! They are kicking themselves right now!
The moment when you realise the relationship you have is exactly this.
Vivien Wang This. Aaaaand that you have no idea how to "create the environment to heal your partner" so that they can feel strong and like they can become great
Nooooo clue whatsoever because his default method of feeling strong and great is..... Making you feel less than strong, and weak
Need more advice on exactly how to try to help them heal
Same for me, I love him and never want to loose him but it’s just like this
#ThatMomentofPower
Me too. I ended it tonight and I got no response.
RUN. Seriously. I wish you the best.
This evening I went on a date with a guy who started displaying toxic behaviour, sort of gaslighting me or trying to. I was having none of that so I told him I wanted to go home. He then said that he would not take me back because I'd insulted him!? Apparently telling him I how I felt about how he spoke to me counts as an insult! 🤷🏻♀️
So there I was, on the other side of town, didn't know the neighbourhood, didn't have a mask to wear on public transport and I was wearing heels! I managed to get home around 11pm after 1h40 of public transport, using a tissue as a mask and with a broken shoe, bloody foot and knee.
Then I look at my phone and the the guy had texted me "You're disrespectful. Goodbye"
Bright side is, I dodged a bullet!
I still feel pretty shook up and sore though, so much that I can't sleep. Somehow this video helped me feel better, it helped me to understand my "ordeal".
I wish I knew the signs. I would have done what you did... you’re so lucky.
@@ashleyz4888 How was she lucky? She had a bloody foot and knee by the end...
Iam sorry you went through that but happy it didn't progress to anyway
@@Valoelify lucky as in the relationship ended before getting to marriage. That's lucky right there most people in relationships are stuck with this
Life did you a favor right away 👌🏻
My bf is such a toxic person
......being in a relationship with him had made me toxic too
..
Love Live I was just thinking the same. Idk who was first in mine. I would relate it to her and then be like, well I did this and that too. If I’m toxic then I wanna work on that. If it was her or a combination that made it that way. I want to deal with it accordingly, too. Oh well.
THIS !!! they make you toxic as a defense.
@@melissaverdoni845 yes.. exactly
Love Live lol
Stay Away!.... Satan! 👿
Every time I say in my Heart of Hearts & Mind the NPD goes 🤬👎🏽
“I don’t care how strong your frame of reference is. I don’t care how strong your confidence is. Those comments, those accusations, their belief systems will eventually get through.”
This. So much this.
Agreed ....it erodes your sensible nature gradually
true
True
My current ex is like this. She is beautiful and I love her. But every single day since day 1, she was toxic. She came from an awful family and the things she did she thought was okay..but it wasn't.now I'm not here to make her sound like the only bad person. I was too. And it kills me that we ended up as strangers, she was my best friend. I hate that we hate each other now
thats p sad.. reminds me of my first gf who was also my best friends for years, i knew her since i was 4. she dumped me in a shitty way for shitty reasons and started avoiding me like hell while she was trying to get a dude to break up to date her. I hated and loved her and i became manipulative just to keep her attention but she broke contact for a long while. Much later we talked again but she never seemed to be really interested in talking to me even as just friends.. It was a great friendship and if I never dated her, we might have still be friends...
They cannot communicate about relationship problems. They literally shut down.
Or attack u
@@Ohkeh640 yeah that's way worse.
Omg I'm a toxic person... :/
Haha me too
now that you have realized it, try to change too, because it's hard being on the receiving end.That being said it's okay being toxic, because that's how everybody is in one way or another, it's not okay not trying to change that or control one's insecurities :)
Well you're a bitch ✊
I watched the video several times just to make sure. But yep... I fit every single description. Then straight after I RUclipsd 'how to stop being a toxic person' lol I need therapy :/
elky360 better late than never
You are SPOT ON. Everything you said perfectly described my ex. I’m soooo glad I got out of the relationship. Now I feel free and much happier!!
Yes it also applies to other kinds of relationships. Thank you for your guide!
True. I started watching this video, just curious to learn what I should watch out for in dating and suddenly realised: he described my mother to the tee 😔
Just realized my former “best friend” scored a 5/5
This is already 5.5 years old, and it's still my go-to resource when a friend is ina toxic relationship but can't find words to define it. Thank you for making this, it is clear & kind & empowering.
Truly toxic person doesn’t show love even when you’re hurt. They take pleasure from it. They have no empathy.
And all people who have empathy show love when someone is hurt and that doesn’t make them toxic. However they also show love when you don’t hurt.
You're describing a psychopath or covert narcissist. That's a run for your life, change phone number, cut out entirely from your life type of person.
That's a sadist, not a toxic person. Don't mix up the labels, it's bad enough we have them.
@@manjulanilsson6011 A psychopath not always take pleasure from the pain of others, they just don't feel any empathy at all (and usually don't care about what other people think).
Omg...he did that...knew I was hurt...didn’t consult me...just hurt me more
Yes. When I am hurt and beg to him, he never console me. He will only come back when I am almost move on and forget him.
well damn ....... he meets ALL FIVE.... perfectly.. thank you for this video . makes this break up easier.. i dont feel as crazy
Good luck!!
Are you over it yet now?
Same here✌
This type of men..and women toxic ones play with the visión of your reality...you are not. crazy...they are...waking Up from this reality was the hardest ...for me..I am soo happy now he went away for good
Is "Toxic Person" the New Reference for a Narcissist"....this is Nacsissm
Toxic people, narcissistic people, egocentric people, all those are horns of the same elk.
elene comino exactly, is a narcissist. Toxic is a more common, less stereotypical term.
Find S*xy Singlеs => twitter.com/ca748b14b2bf10012/status/801992405775826944 5 Signs Yоu re Daating a Тoxic Person Мatthew Hussеeeеу Gеt Thе Guy
yes all dammm day
Wow! EVERY SINGLE THING you said describes my ex. I’m going through the no contact phase right now. He has accused me of everything under the sun and it’s crap he made up in his own head and the scary thing is.. he honestly believes it!
I know this is a really old video. but OMG same thing I'm going though.. made up all kinds of crazyness in his head. it was so off I don't know how he even believes it... was married to this man for 2 and a half years
with him 5 he begged me to marry him. then made up all kinds of lies that he believes and kicked me to the curb.. it's nuts feel so much better being away from him.. but still find myself going over it in my head... because I can't make sense of any of it. he will not even talk about. just sick...
Going through this same thing. He is insistent I did these very specific things when I know I never did anything of the sort
I am a guy and almost everything he said was my partner. It's so sad. I am scared to get into another relationship because I am scared it will happen again.
Ditto.
It's frightening.. the woman I spent 5 years with was textbook.. I'm ticking these off one at a time as he says them.
My ex girlfriend wouldn't event take responsibility for our break up. She just waited for me to live, and then told me "you don't leave like that!"
What you need to do is figure out why you’re attracted to partners like that in the first place. Beyond and beneath the initial attraction, what is it about YOU that draws you to them? Figure that out, get right with that, then the right, appropriate partners will come along.
Thats my ex. He would always INSULT during the argument. I will try to talk about how can we practically solve the issue, and he would insult, insult and call me ugly names. Finally, you just blow up. And they get happy because nothing got solved and they can continue their insane, ugly behavior. If only I knew about toxic behavior before.
Yes I've just been there !
so disgusting how some men can be I’m glad I’ve never gotten into those relationships but at least you left him some woman still stay stuck and it’s sad some men go through it with woman as well but I wish more people would leave those relationships
Dina Strange Mine insults me, blames me for all the issues of the relationship and throws things at me.
That's immaturity not toxicity, do a better job of picking and courting your mates.
Divine Lion STFU I’m sure you have no foundation to speak on such matters.
I have immediate family EXACTLY like this. Being raised in this kind of environment & dealing with these people can be a heart breaking, soul destroying experience; one that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Thanks for touching such on an important issue, your insight is a valued gift to us all. :)
how did you get rid of it? Did you just grow up, how did you deal with it?
I had to separate myself from them.
Tammy stewart well I really can't do that now considering that they're my parents, and I'm too young to move out...
Oh man. School counselor, find one to talk to. My heart goes out to you.
Mish. Michelle this is extremely common to feel like this when you are living with your parents. You are in thier house with thier rules. In my experience, once I got out on my own, and they realized they didn't have that power over me and thier method of parenting was no longer working then the relationship began to change. My parents and I are now closer than ever now. They stopped the things they used to do and now are supportive and great friends. But this takes time. It wasn't until I met my husband at 19 that the change happened. Hang in there, things do get better.
This helps a lot. I see all these signs in my 12 year long relationship. I see that I have to go through with separation, but it is so hard. I think I am going to watch this video multiple times a day now to let the truth really sink in into my heart.
OmG! Same.... that is why I am watching vids like this for confirmation.
How are you doing now?
I was in this kind of marriage for 11 years. We destroyed each other and it ended badly. BUT -- I am a better woman for it. I don't regret it, not even for a minute. Have hope, if you're in this kind of relationship, you can grow from it. I'm living proof. Being in a toxic relationship made me realize the kind of woman I didn't want to be, which made me realize the kind of woman I DID want to be. He was a master manipulator and I didn't know how to do anything else other than fight back. 3 years later (and many hours with a psychologist - no shame!) I can safely say that I am a better woman, just for another man. I love me now, and I wouldn't be at this point if it weren't for what I went through being in that marriage.
very refreshing post.
+EssenceRose3 I learned the same thing. I feel confident that I will not behave badly in the future if in a relationship again. To this day, the bad marriage haunts me because I figured I could shout my way into being treated better which didn't work, of course. If anything I played right into her hands and am forever the jerk in many people's minds (even people I care about very much). I now know that I was being manipulated all along and not really loved at all. It is great to know that I cannot be manipulated like that again. Accepting the losses were difficult at first. Some of it broke my heart. But, I learned and am living a good life now with healthy friendships. I am taking my time, but I hope one of those friendships will one day lead to marriage. I am ready now and confident that I won't fall into the same pattern again. Thanks for your post, Essence. It is too easy to just blame the toxic manipulator and not learn how our own reactions to them contributed to the problem. I am better off without them, but I may not have learned had I not known them. Thanks again, EssenceRose3.
You are describing narcissistic behavior my friend🤗
Rita Tomei and borderline
@@2legit2Kwit Borderline personality disorder has nothing to do with being toxic, just because you have a mental illness doesn't make you a manipulative ass 😛
Yes
True
This is sooo true...
I've been with a toxic person for 2 years. He used to manipulate me in so many ways. Whenever he did a mistake and i'd bring it up so we can discuss the issue, he would get aggressive and blame me. I found myself apologizing so many times even when it wasn't my fault. He lied to me all the time and when i showed that i don't believe he would make me feel bad because i don't trust him. He would never show enough love unless i was crying and standing on the edge of a breakdown. It's like he was happy to see me like that. I loved him too much and i always hoped he would change and we can be happy together. But guess what, he never did. He probably won't ever change. That's just the way some people are and what's worse is that they feel happy that way. I left him many times but he manipulated me into getting back saying he will change. This time, i left for real. I deserve so much better and no idiot is going to destroy me. So please, if you are with this kind of a person, RUN. And if you are this kind of a person, please try to change. There's a good side of you which you have to let shine.
This is so damn relatable. Never again! :)
Hitting home...i got tired of him always saying I was always the victim when I'd bring up his behavior or my feelings. NEVER NEVER EVER AGAIN.
I'm glad you wrote this because I'm in a similar situation except I live in Las Vegas and he lives in Canada and I've been coming down to Canada for two years for this guy that's angry and every time he says he's sorry for the things he does I just take him back.. then it will be good until there's another argument the communication is horrible and I started to feel like I was doing something wrong because I changed in the relationship for him and he never did for me he is such an angry person and started to make me feel depressed because it's so much negativity around so now I left him for good but I'm really sad because I really thought that this person was going to be my husband and I wanted his baby but I was thinking do I want to live a life like that for every time something happens he goes off on people who talks about fighting people he's mean to me when we have a disagreement
Viktorija Hadzismileva hey. I’m going through this now. He is so nice and lovely and I see how nice it can be but he got bad temper so I’m scared. I don’t think they change. They got comfortable again and they play the same game again x
exactly my story...in ur words..
i cnt move on...
he manipulates me..to make me blv..that i am wrong evrywhr.
he hangs out with lady friends.
and wen i ask him not to. he give all sorts of excuses as to i shud trust him..and they r just friends..and they insisted him to come..he didnt go by choice...
etc.
all crap.
we break up.
n get bck.
i cnt imagine how shd i move away frm him.
wht explaination shud i give him
The toxic person will leave you if they fail to break you, of course at the end you will hear what a bad person you were 🙈 Thank you for your video xx
Exactly !
Holy sh*t... This describes my mother! lol
+Mocha Gypsy OMG!!!! I was thinking the exact same thing. My family and mother especially acts just like this, so glad I live very far from them. I'm learning to spread my wings without the constant hit of negativity coming from them. Thank you Matt!!!!
Tiffani Sanders I don't live near my family either. What they do is called narcissistic abuse. Check out Ollie Mathews channel on the subject... It's a real eye opener to how and why family members (and spouses) act that way.
+Mocha Gypsy LOL OMG !!!!
+Mocha Gypsy LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
+Tiffani Sanders if you keep doing that I'm afraid I must tell you that...
You will be a very happy person, I believe in you :)
This is a narcissistic relationship. From gaslighting, love bombing, devaluation and discard. If you find yourself in this kind of a shit of relationship, please do yourself a favor, RUN!!! It is a mental illness. Sad to say, no cure. I hope we could spread awareness on this, so no one will fall victim to these soul vampires!
You reminded me of my EX, which of course I Ghosted on.
Apicha Kanokthadarat lol
Currently seeking away out of my toxic relationship with an narcissist. It’s deeply affecting my health. There definitely should be more awareness on this x x
Totally!!!! Yes! I agree. I RAN, and I ran far far away.
These signs can also be categorized as emotional abuse. I've experienced this
I had all these indications, I was patient, tried to understand everything, tried talking, tried loving more without any reciprocation . No doubt he ended it miserably but more than that it has damaged my self worth my self respect n confidence in terms of love. It does a lot of damage to us. I am such s confident woman everywhere but when it comes to him I don't know why I feel powerless. Our relationship was great initially I miss all that, I wish my life gets better n I get what I deserve.
Oh my, really seems so familiar with our situation. We just broken up also few weeks ago.
I hope you're feeling and doing better now ❤️ I'm going through the exact same thing as you described at the moment 😔
I unsubscribed just so I can subscribe to you again.
Why? That doesn't make sense
51 retards likes op comment.
Silvia S it's a compliment.
It was a joke ha
i have dated someone for 1.5 years with all of these qualities, my advice to people in these types of relationships: GET OUT
sounds like my ex husband..the narcissist! !
+Gianna Gi Toxic person, narcissist. I’m realising that the labels are interchangeable.
+Gianna Gi Same for me! A narcissist 100%
I feel the same way....
I feel like you know my spouse. Thank you. It’s refreshing to hear this from someone else. Makes me feel like I’m not going crazy.
I had a friend that was toxic. all the qualities you named she has and well needless to say that friendship didn't last.
my last boyfriend also had these qualities.
People come and go. It's sad but life
Gaga4Real more like females like yourself fuck bad guys and cry when they fuck you over.
eyes Oblivion and you guys fuck bad girls and cry when they fuck you over. It happens to all, what matters is learning from it and moving on to better things.
Almost all the ladies have met a toxic guy at least once in life for sure!
you both are toxic too writing this "blog" :D
People like this never get anything resolved. I went in circles with my ex on so many situations. Its mind boggling how someone can be so oblivious to their own wrong doings. It was like talking to the wall sometimes with her. It makes me so sad to know that people like this will most likely never change.
They never change
I'm so with you. The great pretenders...
I remember a quote that says something along the lines, "its amazing how difficult it is for someone to understand something, when they are paid to not understand it".
These ppl thrive of bringing others down. Why would they ever stop
"When they realise they've been able to break you, thats when they show love" i felt that
The day I got a master's degree was the day I knew it was over. Divorce was final 4 months later.
Rhonda Strode why was that? Were they jealous of your accomplishments? 😢
@@RealLifefunny81 perhaps it made him feel insecure. Jealous. Narcs don't want you happy. I graduated with honors!
Rhonda Strode happy you got out of it...
@@RealLifefunny81 absolutely, instead of applauding them. He was nasty in the car in front of my family on the way to graduation...mine, with honors!
queen!
This video made me realize I was the toxic source in my last relationship... I need to apologize to my ex
+Emma Willaume omg same.
Toxicity and abuse ripple and cycle in generations unaware of what is truly occuring and passing down. A spark of realization could mean greater prosperity for generations to come. I've realized some of my toxic qualities in past relationships as well. It is shocking and certainly influenced from upbringing, I am incredibly humbled for such realizations.
This is so sad, it's my ex husband completely.
This is my ex-wife exactly!
100% agree. I lost all my confidence when dating my ex. I felt incredibly anxious and feeling that I was doing everything wrong. It took me a few years to figure out what was toxic behavior from myself and from him. I wanted to become a stronger person and heal myself. Know the areas where I needed to work on and areas that my ex was just manipulating the situation. The longer you stay in that dynamic, the harder it is on your psyche.
Just like me, I totally agree with you. And in the end he said I was the toxic person , because I was asking for attention and care because im Pregnant... he didnt cared and when I found out he was going to a festival 3 days after the breakup with the car I gave him I got really upset at him . And still he mistreated me and said terrible stuffs
@@mihb9116 sorry Love. Some people are so rotten
I was married to a toxic guy in my very early 20s and got rid of him when I had my first child and found out I was pregnant with my second, because I wanted my children to grow up in a peaceful household.
Big Cat Shukri amazing to hear my situation isn’t the same but my biological father was an addict and was very toxic lucky after a while my mum got rid of him had custody of us but didn’t want to full cut him out because she believed in a second chance anyway I’d go over to his house and he would scream at my Nanna who stilled lived with him she’d have to get him drugs because he was abusive in that aspect anyway the older my siblings and I got we cut our father out I only visited my Nanna but turns out we couldn’t because my father could lock the house and go to the pub all day so it was a battle to get her in a nursing home we finally did.
Interesting.
Wish my mom loved us like you love your kids.
This is love.
@Jessica Hicking Thank you
I have had several toxic people in my life. Being young and naive, it took me a while to figure it out. However, the wisdom I gained from those experiences....is priceless. Recently I dated a toxic person, it took me five dates to figure him out. I literally ran for my life. All I can say is... I am getting better and better. Ladies don't settle ..and when you meet someone that treats you unkindly....RUN!
chavala righti oh.
Bill Focker This is very important! They also use pseudo-science to justify their hatred of women.
Bill Focker You are a wise man. So many(of these men) just don't get it and sadly never will. I'd love a Brother like you.
I couldn't have said this better myself. I got out of a toxic relationship after three months. During this time period I learned some signs and symptoms while with this toxic guy. This helps me register red flags earlier than later. Couldn't feel better, I'm healing loving me first and foremost over all.
Good advice and taken to heart!
My boyfriend says I'm over acting or I'm too sensitive whenever I bring up an issue. Then I get upset crying he baby's me
Same here
F him.
@Mr. Thanos the predators hunter 😂😀😃
If I cry during an argument, he tells me to "quit acting like a child" and to "stop making a big deal over nothing".
@@Em_Elizabeth Same here!
Is this some kind of trick of narcissists to belittle us and get away with doing stuff that is not ok?
My bf keeps contacts of sex friends in fb and his phone.
Says I focus to much on phone activities. Says also there's no need to delete.
Honestly watching this video, I began to think about the things in the relationship with my boyfriend. He continuously tells me when we get into arguments that it feels like a loop, and that it diminishes the good times we have together. There are a number of toxic traits in this video I noticed he had, but more importantly I've noticed that I have. I need to work on it, and I think I'll bring it up today non-confrontational like because it's something we both need to work on. After all, even when we fight and things get tough, I couldn't think of anybody else I'd want to be with.
everything thing you said, you described my boyfriend.
Leave!
Same😔
He described some of my exes.
Young&curious Lovee same😔
This was 11 months ago...I hope he's ex by now??
my mom is like this..... :'(
i feel your pain sister :(
Same :(
yes, my mother is like this too. I don't know how much you've girls tried, but I tried and tried for years, but anything that is coming from my mom is toxic. I always had this fairy tale mother-daughter relationship where we all happy and best friends, so I worked hard. She is great when I'm sick any kind of sick, she takes great care of me. But when everything is good, she is insane. Now forever later I can only hope that other children don't go through that and just understand that if a person doesn't change in a quiet a while even when you ask them and try different ways to explain things to them. We have to give it up!!! This is very very important. Now I'm visiting her, but don't live close. I visit enough to have a good time. But when she starts up again on "how much I remind her of my asshole father" I go back home. It's not easy, she is supposed to be the closest person in the world to me. But since I was 18 till 22 I tried and tried to change things between us, It doesn't work. If anything it gotten worse. Me, my perception, and our relationship. I wish I could have my 4 years back. For more important things. Still I'm sometimes wonder if I did something wrong, if I'm to blame. But no, it is not true. If she ever changes, it is going to be because she wants too, not because I try hard enough. PS: We're still have great birthday parties and other hollydays, I pay her short visits, help her as much as I can, buy her presents. It has been best of our relationship. I actually love it this way much better than when I try to have meaningful conversations with her and stuff like that. It is so much better to know that we haven't argued in forever, to know that I can complement her, have fun and not worry about much anymore, because at any time I can always go home.
Ada Musina well, i recently finished a 2 year therapy to free myself from that toxic relationship with my mum. I used to think the same as you, if i tried hard enough i would make a change in the ways we used to treat each other and help her change too. It never changed. It destroyed my self esteem, i wouldn't eat, wich lead me to a horrible anemia and being underweight, i wouldn't want to go out, and i spent all time locked in my room, beggin for her not to go in and start yelling at me. Now i'm living away from her and everything is much much better, i guess that is the only real solution: leaving (and therapy! very important, otherwise it's rather escaping). I suggest looking for and reasarching pathological relationships and borderline personality, at least that is what my mom has. Oh and it's very important to understand that she is not capable of seeing the way she is, so the first step is killing the expectations (that things can change). Hope everything gets better!
Mine too.
This just blew my mind, I'm happy I understand where he was coming from , and why everything was always an argument, even if I was doing something nice for him he would find a reason to blame me for something. I was in this kind of relationship where I lost myself, its very strange but I just remember cringing if I wanted to discuss something with him , and it really hit home when Matthew said he would only truely love when he knew he had torn me down to my lowest. I almost feel sick right now just thinking about the 4 years of my life with him and he tore me away from my family and friends and most of all myself I know I was definitely not perfect in it all but in the end all I felt was relief , I was sad but relieved and its been 3 years since , it took me a long time to find myself and I haven't wanted a relationship since but I'm ready and I know I'm happy with who I am and I have grown as a person. For a long time I just felt stupid. Sorry about the rant , I just had to get that out.
+alida hughes Yes, this video describes abusers very well. I wonder if Matthew has been in an abusive relationship himself, or if he just heard so many complaints from clients that a picture eventually emerged! We do meet such people at work an in other places as well, but it is the worst when we are romantically involved with them.
Been there, done that!
Such people are incredibly insecure, and abuse is just one of the many tactics they use to hide their insecurities and prentend they are the strong ones. They are not. I too felt stupid for staying, but the fact is that when you love someone, you are under the halo effect, you try to find a solution, and among other things, you figure that your love will eventually heal that person's insecurities, and they'll get over it. I think that rarely happens. My ex would should some signs of improvements, but he was basically on his best behavior in the sweet and mean cycle. I was just kidding myself. :-/ But that is an honest mistake made by a person is actually much better adjusted than this individual (male or female).
+alida hughes hahahah , welcome to our club))))), I see I date the toxic person , too!!!!! All the 5 signs are by my side! So refreshing! So cool video!
+alida hughes yes been there done that! Exactly in similar way…but the most important thing, in my view, is that we're becoming aware and we've learned and we're learning, don't worry it wasn't a rant! we're all a work in progress!
+alida hughes I was in the same boat for 8 years, he was a master at playing mind games and destroying self esteem. It took years of therapy to regain myself. I didn't know any better, however as the saying goes "the past is where we learned the lesson and the future is where we apply it". Recently I had two incidents that didn't go too far (thank God). In one instance I was emailing the guy and we finally spoke on the phone. After I hung up, I had a nagging feeling something was off - I did a bit of meditation and realized: he was a dominant control freak. He wasn't interest in what I did, but more concerned about his needs and expected me to drop work and meet him for coffee (because I work from home so it's no big deal - his words) even though I told him my working hours from home is no different than if I'm in an office. So I deleted him. In the other instance I was talking to this man on the phone and brought up a topic of conversation that I know quite well and he dismissed it. Once again, he wasn't interested in anything about me, despite that I still met him for coffee. While we were having coffee I kept thinking "he should just have a mirror in place of me and I'm sure he'd be quite happy". I deleted him also. In both cased I recognized something was off, so I left them alone, there are some great men out there and I don't want the broken one.
***** Yes your right to learn from our mistakes , but also we are all broken in some ways and you just have to find the kind of person that works for you, and if it doesn't feel right to you , just walk the other way.
I'm done with him.
To add more to the insidious part of a toxic relationship is when one partner knows your weaknesses and uses it against you…to control you & keep you in your place. Not only do they blame or shame you, they know how to guilt you unapologetically. The codependent partner becomes disempowered, submissive and a doormat to the superior one, because they know that you can't stand on your own two feet.
I am the toxic person...that's not good. :(
Maru kye same..
Maru kye wow that's big to admit
I agree with @michelle McGhee, that's so brave of you to admit. But actually, it's more, because you now have the power to change that! Not many people have the chivalry to accept that they might have been hurting someone, but they are the best kind of people, because they have the ability to become the kindest, most awesome people there are!
Hope Cullen: thank you, it's been a real awakening. I really didn't expect to watch this video to realize Matt was talking about someone like me. I always thought I was the victim in my relationship but I was so wrong. How did I not know what I was doing to my ex? That's terrible. I am now being conscious with my words and actions but mostly stop telling myself that I was the perfect one in my relationship. :)
Maru kye admitting it is a start. my partner will never admit to anything
I just want to encourage and support anyone that is with a toxic person and reassure you that there is someone better for you that will make you happier than you could ever imagine. Happened to me. Have the courage to leave. It will be fine. He or She will eventually be fine. And they honestly need to be alone and learn how toxic they were and are and resolve those issues without you. It'll be good for both of you. Leave.
I KNOW ITS A LONG MESSAGE BUT SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!! I don't know if I'll regret writing this here but I feel I have no one to talk to and I genuinely believe I might be going crazy. My s/o as of a year and 3 months has had periods of just being reactive on a weekly basis but every time they've become more and more frequent. We're just talking and he gets frustrated at me if i repeat something twice he gets frustrated and says "yeah yeah eryka you already said this, we've been through this" or if I don't understand what he said he gets frustrated and tells me "why are you so difficult to talk to?" "why dont you understand?" "nvm". and he just shuts down and decides not to tell me anything. He lashes out not just in frustration but he raises his voice at me. Whenever this happens, even if it hurts/angers me, I try to stay calm and tell him "baby, there's no reason to get like that, please clam down, we're just talking" or "baby, why are you getting so frustrated at me?" or "there's a better way to say things, please don't get like thsi with me, im calm, i just want things to not get out of hand". But if i ask him to calm down that's a "trigger" and he gets worse, if i ask him not to scream at me its also a trigger, if i tell him he could have spoken in a better manner to me and i dont see it necessary to bite down each other's necks he gets triggered as well. In the moment everything is a trigger, everything is frustrating and he just becomes so reactive. The worst part is phase 2: denial. He denies EVERY SINGLE TIME having done anything wrong and accuses me of being too sensitive, too receptive to how im being spoken to, tells me it's not the end of the world, etc. etc. to then later say he sees where im coming from and he's sorry and it wont happen again, but it always happens again. And every time it does he blames me, he says its me being too "x or y thing" then he says he sees where im coming from and apologises and promises it wont happen again and it all becomes a cycle. The worst part is that he hears me out and says he's sorry but then the next second he tells me "you're just giving me shit about how bad you feel", "you don't care about how it makes me feel that you're saying these things that im doing wrong" "all you care about is yourself". Even though all i want is for both of us to communicate. I tell him what I'm feeling, I ask him to speak to me as well. he says he has nothing to say but sorry, he doesn''t know why he got like that and that he cares about me and doesn't mean it in any way. But the thing is that even when he's hearing me out and apologisng, it's still about him and im the one doing something wrong by telling him im literally feeling like he's emotionally neglecting me and he responds by saying im just giving him shit about how i feel. He acts to selfishly but then says he cares about me and all that behaviour means nothing and this is when he finally sees his behaviour but before even getting ot that point he ALWAYS denies it and blames me and then accuses me of guilt tripping hima nd not caring, and all these things that he's the one who's doing them. IDK WHAT TO DO ANYMORE!!! He says he loves me and cares and this means nothing but THINGS MEAN SOMETHING!! Actions speak much louder than words and he doesn't see it!!! Even when he does and apolgises he is BAFFLED at the thought of having to do something about it. For this past week he was treating me that way and ignoring me afterwards so i tried calling, texting, i waited until1 am when he was finally calm so that we could speak and we agreed that he had done these things and then he asked me if he could see me the next day so i told him "honestly i feel like it's been me trying to reach u and get us to talk so it'd be nice if you came to me for a change" and he went off and got reactive because i was suggesting that it'd be nice if he came to me for a change and maybe try and make up for what he did wrong. He does things wrong and expects me to just deal with it, he overlooks everything he does but is always so critical of me and even when he apologises it's all about him and the fact that he apolgoised so it means he;'s trying his hardest even if he wont even be willing to come and see me, he apologises but then says im jsut giving him shit about what i feel, he apologises but then makes it about him feeling guilty and how bad he feels and needing space and me not caring and, i really don't know what tod o anymore. I wish i could just leave but I love him. He is not always like this, he is the sweetest partner I've ever had, but when he isn't he is the complete opposite, he gets like this and i really cant take it anymore :''( and i really cant help someone who doesnt want to put in any effort whatsoever :''( then im the crazy one for feeling like he doesn't love me the same, like he isnt patient with me anymore, like he doesn't care the same but he TREATS me that way and then just expects me to believe it all means nothing and simply cope with it and accept his apology until the next day when the whole cycle begins all over again. Even when he does hear me out, his kindness comes at a price and then makes me feel like shit for even going to him. I don't know what to do anymore ;'''( is he toxic or am i just ahving too high expectations? I don;'t feel okay being treated this way, i never treat him like this, and i dont think i deserve this but his ego is too big to listen to me instead of simply be offended that I'm saying these things :'''( please help!!! :''( Am i just going crazy ???
They WILL NEVER LEARN HOW TOXIC THEY ARE! They’re always fault finding within someone else. They don’t take responsibility for anything, therefore; they will REMAIN TOXIC
I was in a relationship like this when I was 23-25. Now I'm 37,5 and haven't been in a relationship since 25, bc I'm too scared getting involved with anyone and I believe I'm going to spend the rest of my life alone. I have built a self confidence since that relationship, loving myself, but I'm still too afraid to let anyone in to my life, so I just don't date at all.
I feel your pain but you shouldn’t allow one experience to possibly destroy 100 beautiful ones. I’ll tell you exactly what I tell my 31 and 30 year old daughters. Do you research. If you like someone or feel like you could like them, go on social media and look them up. If they don’t have any social media unless he has a great excuse might be the first red flag. As cop friends about the person, background checks are awesome. Go out on a date with them. See how they behave. Engage in conversation while interjecting questions you may have without making it sound like you’re interrogating him. Men don’t come with a warning label 🏷 but men who are no good always come with warning signs. But most women ignore them.
Same...
my dad is a toxic lol
Same
my mother, in my case. And this is serious.
My dad and my sister are toxic people. What I did was just to escape from both of them and start fresh. I start working and living with my friends. Now I am a totally different person - Free one
same :(
Break up
I'm with a toxic person he never tries to resolve anything he just ignores every issue that I go to him with. I try to express my feelings but he always snaps at me and I have to be very careful of every thing I say and he definitely does a good job of making me feel like whatever is wrong is all my fault. I have social anxiety disorder he knows this and yet he accuses me of being anti-social instead of understanding my issue. He only shows me love when I am completely broken down. For every success I experience he treats it as nothing he detaches from me. I have issues and insecurities all of which I try to talk about with him but its gotten to the point where It' pointless. I tell him that I feel like he doesn't really love or care for me I don't feel as if he has my best interest in mind or his heart. He also does things that he knows will trigger me and if I get upset he turns it all around and makes me look like the bad one.
Get out before he destroys all your self worth. Toxics have to put you down to make themselves feel good. Walk away never look back. you are worth more...
"They can make you believe that things are your fault that have nothing to do with you."
Boy do I remember this one. The person I was married to would not rest until I showed anger. That smirk of satisfaction when I raised my voice haunts me sometimes to this very day even though it's been many years. Toxic people are in the relationship to win. They are not in the relationship to build a family or share life with you.
Make no mistake about it.
Every person should watch this. ❤ We're all guilty of a tad of this sometimes, but sometimes we come across people who are so broken that they can't feel good unless we feel bad. Such a great clip for recognizing these patterns both in ourselves and in others.
I guess timing is everything because this vid was recommended when Im in my darkest moments. Im literally sitting here shaking with tears running down my cheeks. I've just been in denial... about this guy. Heh.
Lil. M sending you love and hugs, stay strong
I'm glad you found it when needed
Laura Manoo 🤗
Lil. M get the hell away away from it before it destroys you
I feel the same way rn Ive always been in denial about my boyfriend we've been together for 4yrs and i'm still having a hard time believing that he's actually manipulative idk what to do idk how to cut him off
#6 They weaponize their issues and/or use mental health as an excuse for shitty behavior, rather than owning their shit like an adult.
#7 Control issues. 'Nuff said.
For anyone struggling to end such a relationship, I suggest reading up on trauma bonds.
Little Red Hen Trauma Bonds?!! There is such a thing? 😳
Dawg those 2 exact things happened to me. My ex kicked my mom out of our hotel room when we were visiting and blamed it on her anxiety. She was also very controlling at times. She got pissed the night before our trip because I hadn't packed and she kept telling me to pack even though she was 30 min away lmao
I feel this so much right now 😕
Bam! You hit the nail on the head.
@@yinyin00 yes.
Oh my God, i was with someone with all these !!! It almost drove me suicidal...such people have the most depressing auras that are concealed in sunny dispositions !
Just got out this kind of relationship. I’d get stonewalled every time I’d bring an issue up and then he would bitch about me behind my back to his friends
This sounds like what the narcissists do - exactly that .
Exactly! It's how a narc conditions you to never set boundaries with them. You do as they say. They must always be in control. If you threaten that control, they punish you.
yes I agree
you're awesome I love your videos. It really hurts sometimes, because after being in a toxic relationship you realized you really loved that person with all your heart and tried to give them the best of you and help them heal, but it didn't work. It's not always the person's fault entirely, it has to do with their own traumas and experiences, which is why it's so difficult to get away from those kinds of relationships. Cause that person you love is not the bad guy for you, as many outside of your situation seem to think. Most toxic people are broken things. They inspire love because you can see their brokenness. That, however, doesn't justify the way they damage you, and for your own sake, you have to get away from them.
Agree Moby Dick..the only thing is that WE a tracked toxic people mostly people with a strong personalty a tracks toxic people and WE also have our traumas and mostly like to "help" and or we have lots of empathy. Which toxic people mostly don't have.
"They inspire love because you can see their brokenness." Concise and beautiful. That's it exactly.
beautifully worded
love this
You just said it all so beautifully
I've tried dating a toxic person, and I'll tell you it's very hard because I can't make my own decisions and it hinders me to become a better person. I was choked in the relationship because he's a jealous and controlling person. He never own up to his mistakes but put all the blame on me. I'm so glad he broke up with me.
A New Love Official this was me two months ago! at first i was really sad, but then i realized he just made it easier for me- i didn’t have to break up with him with the fear of what he could do to me...he instead took the initiative.
I know you lose yourself in their journey and just blend in with little input.....I'm finally getting my centre again
Same this is me 1month ago
Same here:-)
You are lucky then..
I end crying, I've been in a very very toxic relationship for about 7 years, it's still hard for me to heal completely. I leaved him and never allow him to reach me again
Walking on egg shells, discouraging speech or act when go well is one thing I experienced and also receiving love when I'm at my worst. I was in a toxic relationship for 4 years and thought out the time he made me question myself if I was good enough for him. I blamed myself and my insecurities for everytime things went south. I could never even go to him for emotional support at my worst times worrying about he saying something more hurtful. Like this one time when my uncle passed unexpectedly and I had to cancel on him. He accused me of lying and chucked the call saying *enjoy urself*. This wrecked my confidence and made me shut my self off emotionally. I felt worthless for months. I didn't even realise how damaged I was untill my family started to notice how I was distancing my self from everyone. It was Mathew Hussey's videos that I understood and realised the concept of toxic relationships. In the begining I thought I was the toxic one . It took a good while for me to understand it wasn't my fault. There was just no way to please and make him happy. It has taken for me over 7 months to get back in track and open up to people again. I'm still healing and slowing gaining my confidence back but still haven't gotten strong enough to try dating anyone.
People!!! , toxic people play the victim in all the situation and this will slowly drain u out. Stay alert and notice early signs. We don't even realise how deeply things like this affect us. I really appreciate ur work Hussey. Thank u
I'm crying rn. This is me.
If you notice you are in a toxic relationship you may very well be toxic yourself. It takes two to tango. BUT if you notice toxic behavior in yourself you have to figure out WHY you are behaving that way. Awareness is STEP ONE. Being aware of our behavior can help us change. Most toxic begavior is due to being insecure. Not feeling worthy enough, like you have to manipulate other people because you don't think you beautiful enough/perfect enough.
Well I am here to tell you that YOU ARE ENOUGH! You are beautiful enough, perfect enough, smart enough. YOU deserve the best and don't need to chase love You don't need to play games. Until you come back to your true self you will continue to engage in this type of behavior. Be confident, be brave, be honest... be YOURSELF.
Anne G if you are in a toxic relationship , you get toxic cause you think that is the only way things work ... completely agreed !
This video should be titled "signs you're dating a narcissist "
Lucie Loo yeeeeeesssssss!!! Spot on
Lucie Loo I disagree. People already act like they have a Ph.D and throw that label around too excessively as it is. People can have narcissistic traits (actually, we all do to an extent. It's the drive that makes you care about your clothes, hair, make-up, etc) yet not be a narcissist. However, toxic is toxic, so the title is perfectly accurate.
Kee Kee exactly.
Narcissistic people are quite toxic anyways so
THANK YOU ... for validating what I have long felt. My success should be something a partner celebrates and enjoys with me, not something he views as a threat. Thank you!
No offense but you seem too old to believe in such a silly propaganda video..."Toxic" is an excuse to demonize & blame your partner for everything going bad in your life or just to demonize your partner if he behaves in a way you don't like in a certain situation.
"Toxic" is an excuse to paint people in your life as Stalin Hitler or Ivan the Terrible...
wake up & stop using people as Scapegoats...how could people be so Gullible...
Nice opinion .. based on little fact, but you are welcome to have it. Thanks for sharing!
+Sandi Boucher My point wasn't to try & offend you its just i hate propaganda videos like this.
I call it the Nostradamus effect:
Basically its using terminology that is so BROAD & Vague that it could LITERALLY apply to any & EVERY situation & person just like
Michel de Nostredame's predictions.
The sad part is women of ALL ages...whether they are in their 50s
40s 30s 20s or even teens are watching this nonsense video & saying "Oh my God my Husband or
Boyfriend is Toxic" lol.
I just want you & everyone to realize how cruel & offensive it is to call those who are closest to us
"Toxic"...its basically Dehumanizing someone & declaring them nothing more than a "poison".
What a sad world we live in when we have to denounce the people that are the closest to us that we claim to love & declare them as less than human beings that are nothing more than toxic poisonous cancers on our lives due to rough times or misunderstandings lol
If you read my comment I made reference to men who can't handle successful women and that is a valid and common complaint. The men are not toxic but relationships with them if you are a successful woman definitely are. I am not speaking to general opinion, but real life experience, mine and the many successful women I know. We can all say that in that way this is bang on!
I'm not here to see if my wife is toxic, but instead to make sure I'm not being toxic 😂
I'm here for the same reason.
I told my ex I'm walking in my purpose that God gave me and I know I'm about to get my dream job he told me to be careful because some things come from the devil and not God mind you I got the job three days after he said this thank God I broke up with him and I'm so happy I'm single now because I felt dead inside
now the only thing left for you is to learn what COMMA is
Connie Howard inspirational story hope your well:)
Connie Howard Good for you. I had a friend. Well ex. Friend. He said I will not become successful. I wasn't shit. No one would ever want me. No real man would ever take me seriously. I'll never find a real job. He just criticized the hell out of me. But always made me feel bad. I felt like I was never good enough for him. I tried. But I couldn't continue feeling this way. It hurt.
I apologized when I was wrong but it was never good enough for him. When I let stuff go, he kept bringing it up.
i couldnt watch this without crying OMG im in a toxic relationship
what did you end up doing?
shumirayi mushayi me too and i dont know what to do 😢 i feel so stuck and sick and tired of the arguements
shumirayi mushayi I been in that same state unroll I just walked away. It hurt like hell because she was and still is the love of my life...
shumirayi mushayi same ...
I’m in a toxic relationship too. But it’s up to us to get out of it! Let’s be strong and do what’s best for us!
You just described my ex. A bipolar narcissist!
You're always apologizing to them, it's called dating a narcissist....wow I've been dating toxic people all my life. Thank you toxic parents for the childhood training. 🙏🙏🙄🙄
I think i have a toxic relationship with my parents! great to know :D
me too. toxic relationship with my parents, they are always doing stupid things which can make their life worse, and i have to take care of them and pay for the damage, so stressful. make me feel like i do nor love them enough, make me feel like i am a bad person. i have my dreams in life, seems like they do not care:(
+Alex Look up Narcissistic parents.
spottable thank you, i will look it up
+Alex same 😤😭
Oh yes...toxic people are everywhere, no matter how long you've had these people in your orbit, once you recognize their toxicity you must minimize your time with them. It will be hard, because those are some of the most neediest people and needy people can trick you into thinking their cause gives value to your life. Wrong. Treat yourself to a long vacation away from them.
"Needy people can trick you into thinking there cause gives value to your life" -Wowzer! Realest thing I ever read! Please speak more on this.
SParkApCider: spoken better than Mattew Hessy. I've recognized toxic friendships since I was 12, and dropped these people entirely.
Do not be around a person who is jealous of you & does not wish you well.
This is description of sociopathic traits. Emotional Abuse. Very dangerous relationship. You must leave that person immediately!
They are unable to connect emotionally. They are emotionally undeveloped, therefore you will be dealing with emotional distraction, pain and even fraud. This type of people stand very close with criminal activities, manipulation and abuse.
Just walk away while you can.
Katherine VVE I just did!!!
Im leaving too.
I try every time and then he always do something to not let me go... But at that moment and I still know that he's not going to change.... I can't leave him....
@@kawai1919 yes, you can. I just left a toxic friendship with a guy. Stay away for at least 30 days. You will get a clear head and then you won't want to go back to him. You deserve better.
@@sunshineray387 I must try this... Thnx
It took me a month to realize why my relationship end.I thought it was my fault. Verbal abuse is never okay! After treating a person as a KING. Treat them well. Do act of service. Yet when they get upset all of a sudden they will just be little you. No one is perfect and I keep wondering am I that bad? What else I need to show to this person why I don’t felt respected when he doesn’t like what he hears. Break up is so painful but RESPECT should always be there. Thank you for letting me go! I’m getting myself out into a deep sh*t. To all the people who experience the same. Seek help and RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN! Or else you will suffer for the rest of your life!
OMG. Spot on. Which reinforces my feelings about things. I try to talk with him, and he comes back aggressively, until I give in or give up or pretend I’m fine, all is well, and I have stopped bringing things up again, and feel like I live alone now. I don’t say anything because I don’t want to fight or be attacked. I’ve gotten to a point where I question myself so much and get so hopeless I want to kill myself. And that’s when he steps in to “rescue” me. I’m broken down, and he picks up my pieces. And then I start to think there’s NO WAY I can do it without him! I used to be highly independent. Spoke my mind. Confident. Now I am a shell of a woman. Afraid to say anything. Now I don’t blame him for all of this. I stopped being ME. That was my choice. But I don’t know what to do at this point. Questioning everything. But thank you for this. It FEELS toxic. It’s good to know that I’m not crazy to think that.
sounds like hell :P Have you dumped him yet?
We just separated...probably would have been sooner, but my mother died unexpectedly, and my life was in upheaval for weeks. Strangely, I feel like the last gift my mother gave me was the strength to do this. It became VERY clear to me VERY quickly what I want and don't want in my life...and what's important and what's not. I'm not sure what will happen here, but I will no longer accept that kind of treatment anymore!!! (Thanks mom
I like your approach. At least you gave him a chance by talking to him first, instead of breaking up right away.
No chances. There’s are no chances. You have to look after you. People are either wired good or bad. It’ll be the biggest struggle of your life to leave (like curing drug addiction) but if you fight each day and persist it will be so worth it. Age doesn’t matter, time doesn’t matter. Even if you’re 80 and break free it’s amazing. Just think, imagine waking up everyday with the feeling that you don’t have to worry about what he thinks. Do you. It doesn’t make you wrong.
Hi all,
I am in this kind of relationship too. And he left me into pieces blaming it all on me. But I realize he is toxic and I am trying my very best to move on. I am happy that the trash took out itself. But this feels like a second death to me. 😪 What to do next?
i'm on this long-distance relationship, and he doesn't have time to even text me or talk to me on a regular basis, i'm leaving this toxic guy, i m gonna date a decent one who has time for me and i can at least see him
He doesn't take up any of the topics I bring up because he's not interested enough in them to at least tell me so but when I'm talking to a mutual friend, he'll guilt trip me that I'm ignoring him.
Long distance players...
texting or calling not regularly is not always a bad thing my ex texted and called me everyday and he was terrible
Maya Sirine this doesn't make him toxic, but just you have a need he does not have, so yes he prolly isn't for you
Cristina Diamant that's exactly how it works for me too. He expects me to participate in everything he says but when i tell even a minor story he isn't paying any attention.
My father is EXACTLY like this.. I understand many things now ...
:(
having a toxic father predisposes a child to tolerating toxic personalities in their own life. Why? because we want to believe that the toxic person is basically good, that's the toxic person is not really toxic. We want to believe that the toxic person really loves us "deep down inside". but the reality is that sometimes deep down inside is so deep in there ( if at all ) that it would take a hard rock miner to bring it to the surface. One has to ask oneself the question "do I want to be a hard rock Miner in a hard-hearted environment my whole life?"
What if we always fight like no week can not pass by that he is mad about something. It could be my friends usally , me , something I did that they do not like and I swear it is not somethinf even bad. He make scene of it....