BIPOLAR DISORDER: Understanding "Manic Standards"
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- Опубликовано: 24 ноя 2019
- CONTACT ME HERE: Patreon: / polarwarriors
I’d like to offer a explanation as to why so many of us struggle to find stability with our bipolar disorder...
FROM THE VIDEO:
("When I was first misdiagnosed as having just unipolar depression, they put me on a common antidepressant. I’ve mentioned so many times how antidepressant medications can exacerbate the mania. It did just that… I remember calling my family and telling them how amazing I felt! I finally felt alive, motivated, and enthusiastic about my future for the first time in a while. I kept telling people that I “finally feel like myself again” and assumed that the medications were doing their job. Everyone was so excited for me.
Realistically, I was just experiencing hypomania - and loving every minute of it. What happened next set a dangerous precedent that I like to call “my manic standards."
Take a second and ask yourself “when do you truly feel like yourself?” Most of us are probably going to say “I feel like myself when I’m finally having a really good day and in a good mood.” Of course that’s how we want to see ourselves or experience life. Once we’ve tasted “how good life CAN feel when we are manic for a while,” it creates this subconscious standard of how we should feel ALL THE TIME. This literally becomes an identity for many of us. Without realizing it, we start to believe that the only time we quote “feel like ourselves” is when we feel great. It takes some very deep self-reflection and self-honesty to see this. I've only recently realized this myself.)
My channel is completely dedicated to helping individuals, families, and friends who struggle with, or know someone living with Bipolar Disorder. My goal is to provide actual tools, tips, and discuss topics that can potentially help “Polar Warriors” grow to live a more balanced, peaceful, and fulfilling life.
-Rob Whittaker, Polar Warriors: Bipolar Support
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-Check out my Partner, The International Bipolar Foundation for some amazing FREE Bipolar resources: www.ibpf.org/
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Manic is the only time I feel like me even though I know its wrong.
Bill Jones Me too brother! Believe me, most of the stuff I talk about on this channel are things that I’m still working on myself 😁😁
Bruh, same. Feels like good side/bad side. Always chasing mania and avoiding depression. Jekyll and Hyde syndrome. Mental illness and mental skillness. The duality of humanity manifested in a single being.
As I look back not only do I want to chase the hypomania but because we can be so productive during those periods, and being even more unaware of bipolar, external pressures and our society at large urges to accomplish are really hard to resist. With a story like heard, I now realize my hypomania fueled many on call nights during medical residency and the roll of the hot crazy chic when off call. When you’re receiving positive reinforcement for the accomplishment regardless of the behavior it is required to achieve it I suggest be wary!
Right there with you. Been a long time since a hypomanic episode and it just makes me feel less than 100% of what I can be. :(
I totally agree with you Bill Jonas, I had a manic episod last spring & I was so productive and moved across more than half the country and still could fix anything that needed fixing. I never wanted it to end.... until it got bad & I had to take Abilify to snap out of it and sleep better again. And aftersun that I have been down 8 mounths and everything goes so slow & the energy is all gone, now Im starting to feel a little better though.
Thanks for Polar Warriors 🙏❤️🍀
"There's a big different between feeling great and feeling stable". Thank you for the good advice. It is very helpful.
Cecilia W but I struggle with knowing the difference.
Laura Uzan same. I’m really struggling
True
I track my spending as a measure of feeling great vs feeling stable. The app is Truebill and it shows me all of my month over month spending. When it gets to be excessive I know I'm feeling "great" and need to curtail my behavior as much as possible.
This is really making me think. Sometimes others have inadvertently encouraged my hypomania by showing approval for bursts of productivity or creativity. That approval is intoxicating and reinforces the idea that hypomania is a desirable state. I'm now questioning a lot of what I thought was true, and I think that's a good thing.
Working in a creative field and being unaware of being bipolar can be really shield a person from the possibility. People label you "moody artist" and applaud your manic brilliant periods and more willingly tolerate the loss as just lacking that creative spark for awhile.
I can look back on the most award-winning year at work as likely an extended hypomanic phase. Hypomanic periods were a great "diet plan" too. I'd lose a whole dress size or more during a manic phase, only to regain during a down cycle.
@@jawjagrrl wow describing hypomania as a "diet plan" is so accurate. weight fluctuation is such an issue for me and as a woman it is so hard not to cave to society's encouragement for weight loss. Family and friends tell me I look healthy when I am really not eating enough, and I go down a few pants sizes, which makes keeping clothes that fit difficult. Does anyone else practically have two wardrobes to cover both states? Yet I still struggle not to feel proud of visual progress and excited by being a smaller size. Maybe it is an association with feeling physically better during hypomania than depression as well. How can I learn to love my body when it changes all the time?
People have done that to me too :( its heart breaking
@@abigailciasullo4476 me too ❤❤
I had that at my last job….
It's really hard not to enyoy being maniac. The worst came later. When I'm depressed and I justicia want yo die. Please forgive my writing, I'am not a english speaker. Thank you for your videos. They help me a lot.
Yes, it is enjoyable but I think of it like this. It's not the real you, it's not sustainable and you're not in control.
*manic
LemonZeppelin Excellent explanation! I used to enjoy being manic. Now I am afraid of it because things got horribly out of control, eventually.
I’ve been living with my partner for 3 years now. He told me at the start that he was bi-polar. But it really didn’t mean much to me- I figured he maybe got depressed often. Well, three years later-and I feel like I’ve aged 20 years.... There are SO many things I just never connected to the bi-polar. I just assumed the medication took care of that. Your videos have been a godsend. FINALLY, some of the behavior and emotional chaos make sense. Thank you so much. I wish I had seen these earlier- would have explained so many things. We’ve started talking about it. Thank you. ❤️
omg...I lived a week with my dad who just realized is bipolar and I feel like I've aged 3 years...
I say this as a bipolar person myself: you're better off being with somebody who isn't. We make people's lives miserable, as you stated with the "aging 20 years" comment. If you're not one of us, you can never understand.
A lot of ppl say they're okay with being with a person who has bipolar disorder but fail to educate themselves about us until that mania hits.
I'm so glad you've decided to take the time to become educated about the illness 🙂
People love me when I'm hypomanic but then when I'm depressed it's very severe.
Sorry to hear ..yeah the meds are a small part of stability. Good luck getting him to think about your needs and even try it
Great info! I am learning so much over last 2 years. Mania is where I live and I'm exhausted from my life choices. 54 now and struggling with every aspect of my day to day life. I was fearless and now I am scared to make any decision knowing what drives me. Signed still learning and praying for stability.
This was very well said! I just recently acknowledged that my "awesome" self isn't really my best self. This was a hard thing to accept, but a necessary one. When doctors would ask if I ever have too much energy, I would always say no, because I thought hypomania was normal, ideal energy. Now as I work to grow more self-aware, I know that's not really true. Thank you so much for your time and honesty.
Well said. Like people who are looking at me from outside see my productivity and my dominant persona as the "good/awesome self" but it was the mania and that instability was so exhausting behind the scenes.
Diet,exercise,clean and healthy living accompanied by a structure and discipline are the greatest tool for my chemical imbalance/bipolar disorder.
At this time one year ago I was in a manic state that which almost ruined my life. It was the most the most exhilarating, dangerous, euphoric, and confusing part of my life... I miss it, yet I’m terrified of it at the same time. I’m still chasing the mania because I miss feeling THAT good about myself but I forget about the sleepless nights and the flawed sense of reality.
The flawed reality is the worst. I think I’m in control of my BD. And then mania comes. And I still think I’m in control which I’m not. The worst part is that people around are getting used to have an eccentric person around, so, they do not even say that something might be wrong.
Your line about starting a new job while manic or hypomanic just hit me like a punch to the gut. This is literally the exact pattern that has repeated itself every single time I get a new job..... and I do mean every single time. I can't believe I never noticed that pattern before.
Same. 2 weeks in to a new job now
Yep I literally start a new job and then end up "falling in love" with someone there. It really affects my own relationships.
Started crying during your video. I was just diagnosed a couple months ago. I never knew about mania, triggers until after. And everything you described hit on point. I grew up struggling with these super highs and then deepest depressions. Effecting school, work , friendships and relationships. And I didn’t know what was happening to me. I used to have a path, and now I can’t even hold a job. Ive had 6 jobs in less than a year. I feel like I lost everything I was working for 🥺😥 I worked so hard and now it’s gone 🥺 And I’m only left with broken pieces of my old life.
And mania feels so wonderful for me for a short time 💜 this introvert becomes a little social butterfly and I’m brave and creative and funny and I’m active like 14 hrs of the day but it’s also the time I’m more likely to become violent. I can get triggered into rage because I react too quickly. It’s like it’s not even me. Now that I’m aware how dangerous mania is. I try to only workout of and stay home during that time to keep me safe. I also have PTSD from something that happened to me during a manic phase. I know it wasn’t my fault....but mania did have a role in how people viewed me & me not assessing risk factors. And that’s something I have to carry with me for the rest of my life. It probably wouldn’t have happend if I wasn’t bipolar 🥺🥺🥺🥺
Sounds like you got a lot on your plate! Well, let me be the first to say... Welcome Polar Warrior!!!! You've been diagnosed only a couple months? You have come to the next online resource I have found, and I've spent many, many hours searching over the years. Robert, the man in the video, had the same problem. No good info and resources, so he made this channel, and it has been a blessing for so many of us. You can come here to chat, share stories, ask questions, receive encouragement or advice..... And since you're an introvert, I'm also proud of you for sharing your story here. Just because we don't see each other and may never meet in real life doesn't mean it's any easier to socialize. You're sharing with real people! (And probably some stupid bots, but they're far and few between.) I've had well over 100 jobs in my lifetime, and I'm 37 years old. If I worked from the womb, that's 2.7 jobs per year of my life! Basically 5 jobs every two years. I've had years with far more than that. It sucks. I wish you the very best and I hope you get all your meds and coping skills on point. Peace to you, my fellow Warrior!!!! 🤗💪
Bub Zilla Thank you so much 🙏🏽 I’m really grateful to find this channel with great videos and a great people . It’s one hell of a journey but it’s comforting to know I’m not doing it alone. Have a lovely day fellow polar warrior, and thank you for welcoming me.
Thank u for ur comments. I relate and identify like folks r tellin my shit storm stories. U guys are badasses. Im still a confused closet case trying to break free of my own shit storm. Always in my head and tryin to make the wrld around me look like i got it together. I dnt and it shows. So im trying.
NOTHING that happens to you is your fault. Bad people are everywhere looking for targets and opportunity. It’s THEIR fault, never yours. Congratulations on survival ❤
This video is gold. I always figured i’d done something wrong when people said i wasn’t as interesting or fun to be around. People say i’m “me” when i’m manic. Thank you for posting this.
I hate my meds, but it they really help. I wish I can tell my loved ones but I can't. Not right now. It just goes with some situations. Pretending to be normal is my normal. Especially in this country where I live. Peace.
I'm a friend of someone with bipolar and found this video to be really helpful for me. What I got from your video is that it's just as important for people close to folks learning to manage their bipolar to recognize when they are holding their friends and loved ones to a manic standard. This is certainly something I'll keep in mind moving forward. Thank you!
I'm so glad you found this video to be helpful. It's great that you want to be aware of when you may be holding your friend to a manic standard. I love that you want to learn more to be a good friend to them. -Rachel (Polar Warriors Team Member)
I truly appreciate how he states when we are depressed that we are “suffering” that is exactly how it feels
This specks so many levels of my husband. He had break back in March when he was drinking heavy and has shut me and kids
Out last 8 months. He’s staying with his mom while doing treatment.. I struggle bc I would love talk to him but he don’t I guess yet. It takes time. I just hope our marriage will be able to
Recover. It’s in God’s hands! 🙏🏻
You are a very good person to sit back and continue to support him through it all. Bless your heart 💓💓💓
Hi I'm Bipolar Bob
Your funny, i like the material you putting out.
Thank you
The fact that your name is Robert makes this so much funnier! Lol!! 🤗🤣
You're*
Thank you for this video, Rob. I definitely have high expectations of myself because I judge my abilities based on what I am capable of while manic. Therefore, I feel like I am failing at life because I am not able to do as much, as fast, or as well as I could when I was manic. My doctor once told me that people who experience mania may feel dull when they are actually stable because they experienced such a rush. I feel like that's where I am at now. For the most part stable, but wishing I had my manic super powers.
My mania scares me. I am past "determined" wen im up and my "manic powers" make me invincible. I complete any task good bad or indifferent wit so much as a lift of a finger, leap tall buildings in single bounds. Faster, "smarter" and meaner shit looks good and goes terribly bad for me all the time. Then wen i crash im wrthless. I wnt even drink water wen my kidneys hurt. Life speeds up past me during these days and im left wit overwhelming catch up and remorse.
This clip should be a part of every bipolar treatment plan! Thank you.
Wow, thank you Elizabeth! 🙏
That was profound, of course I love mania and people seem to enjoy me more too. Thanks for being solution based...keep up the great work
I once told my doctor to take me off the Prozac cause I was going too fast.He stated "Thank you for knowing your illness." He was a great doctor. Thank you for this channel, your advice is so helpful.
You're an amazingly wonderful and articulate communicator and educator. Thank you for everything you do and for sharing your journey with the world. Your contribution to helping everyone living with and impacted by BP is immeasurable. All the best to you!
This is spoken at a perfect time. I until very recently was over-medicating to drive the mania as long as possible once I found out my treatment was a fast trip to mania land. Your point is well taken. I myself told/e-mailed people telling how wonderful life was normal for me now on the new medication! Many times after in fact had to idea I was "there" and felt embarrassed by things I said and had done, etc. I would tend to be very condescending and smart-ass as well in e-mails. So yes, I thought being in some stage of mania was my "best me" and I had finally been "cured". I now have adjusted mg's down in order to stop playing games once I researched out that these meds can actually cause mania in a huge way even. Thanks for your work. I thought I was the only one. Mania uncontrolled is very dangerous and selfish and should not be thought of as an asset in life. The day may come that mania levels could be controlled in individuals at safe "fun" levels but for now, no thank you. Fantastic stuff.
I think you might be noticing that widely recognized "grandiosity element" of manic states.
I realised lately that I self medicate to chase the mania. A colleague (that smokes) asked why I take so much caffeine. I compared chasing the mania to chasing head rushes from taking up smoking.
Just been diagnosed as a Bipolar type 1.
Although in my heart I knew it, it was still a shock.
Loved your videos,
Many thanks
Every aspect of this rings so true for me! I never considered thinking about it this way and now that I'm reflecting, it's spot on. I'm 39 years old and still trying to find my baseline, never attaining what I think it is because I've set my baseline at mania. Thank you so much for this new way to view myself.
I admire the fact that you are working hard to find that baseline!
Wow. This sums up my experience pre diagnosis to a T. I am capable of SO MUCH when I’m hypomanic, and I always wanted to live up to that standard. I always thought that was me “finally getting it together” and how “real adults” are supposed to live. I always thought that was my baseline so when I slipped from it, even slightly, I felt like such a loser. This makes so much sense and I am still hardcore struggling. I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 earlier this year and to say my life has changed would be a massive understatement.
I've been depressed and bipolar, all my life. I don't know what it feels like to actually feel like myself. I've never tried recreational drugs but I love my personality when I drank alcohol. Now I have medically induced (Abilify) diabetes and can't even have a glass of wine. I have to take antidepressants and a mood stabilizer just to act halfway normal.
@Mike X Thank you for answering Mike. I also have untreatable leukemia. It'sslowly attacking my mind and body. I have to eat nothing but veggies and fruits. Can't do keto although I have looked into it. It is against my cancer diet. I was a sugar junkie and I ate a lot of sugar but now only about 2 T a day in my coffee. Because I didn't know anything was wrong with me. I found out only a few years ago. I'm still trying to cope with all that life has thrown at me. Including being on Social Security and living on very little. Stretching it and falling deeper and deeper. Not being able to buy food have the gas to see a Dr or even to drive to a craft fair or art gallery. I live in a apt practically, 24/7. Holidays are tough for me but that's ok. I'll be fine as long as I realize I am cycling. During those weeks, I eat very little and cleanse. I don't need to lose weight, I've lost 60+ pounds on my own. I will be ok for Christmas. Its just another day.
@A Gh Yes, it works for some, but not for others. I'm an other. Been there, tried that. Thank you for confirming to me that I am ok just eating fresh veggies and some fruits.
Oh yes antidepressants really cause mania. I fear going into another mania. I was manic for 6 whole weeks. I loved the feeling but trying to get by was hard without sleep and food. Yes I totally understand everything you said. Thanks for the video. I am just now accepting that I’m bipolar and everything you said rings so true in my life.
I don’t know what “myself” feels like. Depression is prevalent in my bipolar, and when I’m there I can’t remember mania or “normal”. When I’m hypo or manic I’m so busy and constantly moving to be self aware. I worry that my baseline is dysthymia.
(Before anyone says “you’ll feel better once medicated”: I’m medicated now and only the mania is controlled- except for occasional mixed episodes. I’ve tried many meds/alternate therapies/have been in therapy for a long time. Have been dysthymic or worse 80% of the time for most of my adult life, with random bursts of mania or hypomania.)
Same. This explained what I couldn’t put my finger on
I'm sooooo guilty of this! I always want to be manic and feel like "myself". Must re-think this...
Your videos are so simple and informative! My gf struggles with bipolar and I think also "manic standards". Just I few days ago she told me she was finally getting out of her depression and feeling great again. I told her I was worried she might be getting hypomanic. She told me her personality was upbeat and adventurous, something that can easily be misstaken for hypomania. I have trouble believing her tbh, I will show her this video. Bipolar is a very difficult but also interesting condition to navigate, also for the partner. Thank you again for your video's, you have already made ny life a little easier and better :).
I was on different antidepressants and lithium and antipsychotics for years. Then after my psychiatrist retired i didnt want to have to try to get my meds from a GP so i gradually reduced my dosages until i was completely off them. I felt great. Over maybe a year i lost 50kgs and was at my healthiest after years of psych meds weight gain. I was happy and productive and things were great. My guess is I had triggered mania with not being on meds. But then my happy mania became ultra rapid cycling bipolar and i was furiously angry and deeply depressed and hit heights of anxiety and i was as mentally unstable as a barrel full of fireworks. After my first ever violent outburst in my life that had me slam someone I loved up against a wall with my hand around his throat. I absolutely realized i was out of control and i got myself an appointment with my GP and it took about 4 months for him to organize me a one of consult with a psychiatrist and get advice on what to do to get me onto new medication since he didnt like the ones i had been on. 10 years later im more stable but have gained back all the weight and lost my productivity and some of my cognitive ability and i now really battle with the things i used to find fairly simple to do. But i dont have a support network to help me or the finances to get myself the medical assistance to get me a better treatment plan in the hopes it can keep me mentally stable and return my ability to function better.
Medication can be tricky.
I came to the realization that my meds were working.. not because of any great changes. but because there weren't any great changes
Still a work in progress..
Thanks Rob
Lisa💝💝💝
I love how you so eloquently put this. Yes, people just seem to "love" me more when I'm manic. Everything does change when you come back down. Even a normal baseline. Its hard not to put pressure on yourself... especially when others put that pressure on you in your life.
Also you're so right on family not understanding being bipolar. My mom gets super uncomfortable when I try to explain what my mania feels like. Telling me not to share that with other people.
The relatability of this comment 🫂💚
Fantastic insight into Bipolar and identifying your true self as the happy go lucky manic person we become. I really related to this. Thanks for all your hard work that you put into making your videos. Well done bipolar brother!
Most my working ‘career’ life I functioned in hypomeniac mode. I could not understand why my coworkers where inching along like snails. I was cruising at 150%. For real. My coworkers probably find it impossible to understand these manic episodes. But as the hypomania started sliding down I could feel it very well. My worst nightmare of loosing my job and not providing for my family became to haunt me as I was going way way way down. Then I was in a depression state. Now my family could not understand what was happening. The very very late diagnosis (ie at 46 years old ) has meant that I suffered many deep ups and down. I had a superb career since I was able to stay in a manic stade for good periods. But now after 5 serious boughts of depression I have been on medical retirement. Quite the battle to prove to insurance company ‘s. I still am working on defining was is normal for me. I have now some cognitive ‘ challenges ‘ that make everything so much harder. I can clearly see in circle the reflection of what I should be able to do. It seems they know more that me. I think basically I can be productive for halfday periods and have to crank my engine up into mania to handle emergencies (elderly parents). I can do it and hardheadedly stat up there but the crash is more and more severe. I will be 61 in month. Pfew
I was diagnosed over twenty years ago, in my mid 30s. I've tried several different meds over the years and have even stopped taking them altogether at a few points(close friends and co workers always noticed at about 6 months out and would tell me to start taking them again). One of the most valuable lessons learned while off meds and people in my life giving me very direct feedback, is I'm able to realize when an episode is coming on. I'll catch myself engaging in subtle behaviors or notice people responding to me oddly and when it's depressive... they'll ask :"are you ok?" I haven't gone off my meds or changed them in almost ten years now; I still struggle with BP II-rapid cycle: but accept that if I'm struggling while I'm on them, I can't begin to image how I'd be without them.
Hey there ! Rob is available on patreon. You can message him, text or even have a call with him there. For a very limited time he is offering free support phone calls for all patrons right now in which he can lend an ear, give advice or answer questions. Take gentle care.
Sometimes we all need someone to talk to:
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teenlineonline.org/talk-now/
Dianna Polar Warriors Team Member
(H)old (O)n (P)ain (E)nds
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I once had a serious one on one conversation with someone about my bipolar disorder. I was telling him that I was manic and that I felt like I could jump off the roof of a three story building and not get hurt. The person I was talking to was tuning into my emotional vibe and when I was all done he was smiling broadly and said "I'm so glad you're feeling better!" He shook my hand and sent me on my way.
I feel like that's not the end of the story.... I'm so confused! So he just up and left, ignoring the fact that you were in a dangerous manic state? I wonder what he did after he left, because you said he was tuning into your emotional vibe...
Oh wow. Once in an extreme depressive episode (staying w the inlaws, 4 small children) i crawled under the kitchen table and just lay there. MIL walked in, laughed uncomfortably and said "im going to assume you're looking for something you dropped" and walked out. I was suicidal almost catatonic.
People simply didnt get it and didn't know what to do. This was before my diagnosis so i didn't either
Really needed this video. It's true. I've spent so much of my life in dysthymia that it's really hard for me to tell what my baseline is. I start to feel hypomanic, and my first instinct is that I'm finally "normal." So I start making choices that push me further and further until I reach full mania. That's how I lost my job last summer, and why I'm currently having to deal with the vindictive old boss launching ethics complaints against me for things I said at the time. And I can't do anything about it except take the slap on the wrist, because if I explain all this stuff to the licensing board, they could just decide I'm too unstable and yoink my license anyway. I can't try to make amends with the boss, because she's petty enough to use my excuse against me. Really sucks that all us diagnosees have to live in a world that punishes us for crap we can't help.
50 years ago all I had was a book by Joshua Logan about his personal experience with bipolar disorder. Your candid videos and frank nature are a gift to all of us AND our families. Still learning at age 71.
Hi Garry, thank you so much for your comment. I'm glad to hear Rob's channel has helped you and your family so much. If you'd like to be able to contact Rob directly as well as access exclusive content I'd encourage you to consider joining Rob's private community on Patreon (if you haven't already). You can also join live support groups through discord, for current patrons only. I'll include the link below so you can check it out! :) Take good care.
-Rachel (Polar Warriors Team Member)
www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors
I can truly say there is a hell I have found it
Me too and it’s BEYOND horrible!!
Hashtag me to lololol
Me to I feel ya
Same dude. Sorry man.
This video was SO meaningful for me. I 100% have standards that I've set for myself and that others expect of me that come from mania. Thank you for saying things so well here!!
I once had a manic episode at Gettysburg National Park. The weather was on the verge or raining and I was reassuring everyone in our tour group that it wouldn't rain because I was controlling the weather. They probably thought I was crazy as hell but at the time I was truly convinced I could hold back the rain with my thoughts.
Another time I spontaneously put my condo up for sale without even consulting my ex-wife (wife at the time). She found the ad on Facebook and was completely taken aback by it. I thought I was brilliant for selling the condo to purchase a house in the backwoods.
One of the first manic episodes I can remember was when I was about 16 returning from court for a possession of marijuana charge. I got put on probation and completely withdrew into myself and literally didn't make a single facial expressions during the entire tribunal. That is until my mom was driving me home and I opened the passenger window, grabbed onto the cargo racks, and jumped onto the roof of the car moving 50mph. I then fled the scene until I was apprehended by police and admitted to a psychiatric hospital.
Interesting video. I'm still trying to figure out the sweet spot with my meds. Right now, I'm feeling too neutral and wishing for a bit of hypomania to pick me up. Everything is "meh" and I have little motivation to do anything productive. My psychiatrist is going to let me have a small dose of SSRI
i never would have thought of this myself, thank you so much for sharing. this put a lot into perspective and i think it’ll really help me moving forward ❤️
May God bless you Robert Whittaker for all of your useful videos you upload on your channel.I live in Athens-Greece and a friend of mine lives in upstate New York.He was diagnosed of bipolar disorder 1 many years ago. I've know him almost 7 years. We've been talking to each other every day since then on skype. All these years till the last December 2018 he was taking Lithium and except from mild depressive episodes[blaming himself for everything and calling himself unable to manage anything] his behavior was almost normal.He told me some day on November 2018 that he's had somehow kidneys malfunction due to Lithium he was taking so many years so he stopped taking it. His doctor prescribed Topiramate or something.It was the last December 2018 that his behavior started changing gradually.Because of knowing his behavior in normal conditions as a spotter I distinguished lots of important changes. As I consider him as not only a friend but as a ''brother''I started reading articles and bipolar disorder symptoms,treatment and everything about this mental illness.I watched any useful videos,including your great ones on youtube. I learned a lot ,I mean the types of bipolar,depression,mania,mixed episodes and manic episodes with psychosis. All about his behavior till the present are similar to mixed episode with psychosis. During all these months,especially since last April,he believes that he's God, he wants to save the world fro poverty and he asks me all the time the same question.Don't you believe me do you?I don't know what is the right answer to tell him because he's very aggressive and hostile at the same time.He lives alone in his apartment and he isolated from almost all of his siblings.His sister, who is married and lives with her family visits him sometimes but as I realize she doesn't take him to his psychiatrist or even to hospital. I've read a lot about this mental illness and knowing him so much time before I distinguished a lot of significant changes.The symtoms are similar to mixed mania with psychosis the last 7 months and his daily life[as he lives alone] has been at risk.He spent money to help others and they took advantage on him.He speaks so quickly on the phone and tells me paranoid connected stories about politics,religion and that the world is going to be destroyed. He doesn't let me spell even a word and whenever I'm trying to say something he's getting angry and says that I don't respect him.I feel dead myself because I live in Athens and I don't how to help him. I've cried many times when he tells me that it's not the bipolar.I'm not delusional. He moved twice within two years because had had problems with his neighbors.He's been very hostile and isolated lately.I don't know the appropriate way to treat him. He's delusional and tries to convince me that he's right and I have to believe him.I don't know if I have to say yes or no.I've read that it's not appropriate to tell him that he's mentally ill and needs to be hospitalized or something.I'm a spotter but I can't no longer recognize him because of his behavior. I think my friend and brother I had doesn't ''exist'' anymore. I've been so worried and depressed about him because I don't know what to do.I tried to talk to his previous psychiatrist[he switched his doctor recently] but he no longer works to that hospital.Please I'd like to have your significant advice and how to manage to this situation.Keep up with your great work you are doing.My best regards. Harris.
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REPLY
I was just diagnosed this week. I honestly have not been stable for 25 years. So glad to finally be figuring all this out. Really fills in the blanks in my life.
Thanks for your support and content.
I can't keep gentle care of myself because I blame myself for everything. My family doesn't understand me and, yes, I am guilty of blaming what I say and do on bipolar. I have a very hard time keeping my mouth shut. I say things that cause problems. I really don't like myself. I wish I could afford to be a patreon and then I could have a conversation with you but I'm on a fixed income. Your blogs are very informative. Thank you.
Donna your reply struck a response in me. It's really hard not to just dislike for a lack of censoring. - this is part and parcel of our illness and I just wanted to say that after much therapy my advice is this -
Be kind to yourself and learn to begin to love yourself. Xxx
What an excellent video Rob! I've just been discharged from hospital after a little under a month section and didn't see that sneaky Bastard psychotic episode. I knew I was a 'little' high but thought I had it under control - silly me. I am VERY sensitive to meds and the anti-psychotic prescribed had an antigenic response as well as horrid side effects. I wasn't taken seriously or listened to by hospital consultants although my regular community psychiatrist recognised it after discharge. Can you recommend or do a video/point me to a link that would help for ways of being listened to and opinions found credible by medical professionals who may not know you? The intrusive thoughts began after a change in pain meds by a Dr who didn t know me. Continuity of care seems so critical?!
Keep up the good work Rob. Jo
It's shocking , you have the same problems I have had since I was 18 all my life. Keep up the good work it help me when I listen to you , you really makes me feel like I'm not totally insane.
Thanks
While I don't have Bipolar Disorder, i have friends who have it. the honesty, realizations, and your experience is such an eye opener for those with the condition and for us friends to understand and help them in their situation.
Thanks a lot.
He explains everything I didn't know how to express.
This Video is exactly what I needed. It’s such a relief to know that I’m not alone in trying to balance what my goals are and WHO I am, what are MY Standards and what is OKAY? What is “NORMAL”?. Thank you so much for this; to be able to see and know that I’m not alone in trying to navigate through life. I love this channel so much; it gives me so much hope to better understand myself, and help those who care about me understand what they can do to help too.
Hey Trey, thanks so much for what you have done here. You were the first source I turned to 3 years ago when I first realized that something was wrong and that my medical professionals had mis-diagnosed me. Your videos are so relatable and instantly made sense, which helped me communicate and get the right diagnosis. After a year of testing medications, lithium gave me my foundation. It has been the hardest transition of my life, changing from a high performing 90 hr a week worker, who was chasing the adrenaline but who was repeatedly collapsing. To changing my values and lifestyle to prioritize my wife, child, sleep, nutrition and health as well as being content with my new normal and changing my views on "success". My life is not perfect but boy is it a hell of lot better. I have one vice now though.......ultra running! Thanks again mate 👍
Thank you so much for the kind words and for sharing some of your experience with the community. I’m so glad you found the channel! Stop by anytime 😊😊☀️☀️
-Rob (Trey)
thank you for a great video, i know early in my diagnosis i thought that my manic stage was me going back to my old self, but now everything is evening out and im doing my work routine and looking after myself better i know now that my normal is being level too. its great having someone to explain these things as i was so lost when i was diagnosed almost 2 years ago now
I used to have that exact trouble with relationships. I'd get into dysphoric mania and decide it was all wrong and I needed out (luckily the ones I messed up weren't THE one). Now I understand that feeling and I've got my person, so I'm never going to let myself feel that way again.
Thanks for this. 💜
I just started watching your vids a few days ago. I was diagnosed bi polar in 2012 and nobody has ever been able to give me advice or insight that comes anywhere near close to the things you are saying. I'm finding your videos very helpful and informative. This is helping me a lot. Thanks.
I am at my stable baseline and have been getting here for awhile! Everything is calm, i’m getting along with my parents on standby waiting for my BF who’s taking care of himself ❤️. Actually going on a vacation with my parents in January....AND I’M EXCITED! I have no idea what’s happening, but i really like it! HAPPY THANKSGIVING AMERICAN WARRIORS!
I hate medication but I struggle with daily things. I know exactly what to do but the lows are so bad that I won't leave my room for days at a time. The highs are when I'm crazy productive.
I’m a bit different from some people. After 14 years, now I feel I’m more like myself when I was depressed, because I still can’t figure out what a “stable state” is like. Only during my first manic episode (which was probably hypomania) I felt good of myself. After that, all my manic episode were disasters. This year I got into hospital for depression for a month and a half, during the last two weeks I got seriously manic to the point of having delusions. When I was finally stable, it only lasted for 3 months before I became severely manic again, haha. I rather be depressed than manic, at least I can still think clearly:(
My significant other sent me your link. She has been aware for a few years that I have been showing all the signs of being bipolar, but I wouldn't listen. Everything you've said has hit home big time and honestly, it's a little scary to think about, let alone hear how on the mark all of this is. We both thank you for posting this video and I look forward to seeing more. Little stpes, right?
Sometimes,when I'm in a depression after being so happy about my future,proyects and how wonderful and powerful I felt. I hear some people saying that I'm always lying to myself and that I'm a hypocrite because I can't somehow complete all those amazing goals I talk about many times when I'm manic.
And I feel so irritated all the time,everything is so boring and grey,people doesn't seem to understand me. ;(((
That sounds frustrating and discouraging. People without bipolar disorder often have a hard time understanding what we go through and that we may say or do things differently when manic that we wouldn't otherwise. And also we may be able to do certain things when manic that we can't when depressed. I think people don't always understand that either. Just know you're not alone. People in this community understand your situation. -Rachel (Polar Warriors Team Member)
Thank you for putting together this video! I realise that there have been several times where I get hypomanic and my partner will say "oh I finally have the old Sam back" because we met while, in hindsight, I was really unwell with rapid cycling and erratic behaviours. I think with the standards that you suggest, we set ourselves a level of functioning which we expect throughout our lives. If we cannot function as we expect, we are 'sick' and we are lacking. It's especially hard in the depths of depression because not even being able to get out of bed or shower, we're so much further from our function level. (Personally though, I feel most myself when I am depressed because for the most of my life as well as my bipolar life, I've lived in depression and it feels like my norm. Any hypo/mania and I feel like I am out of control)
Thank you for creating your channel and sharing information. The only way to break the stigma and feel like we belong is to educate the non-bipolar world
I’m so glad I found you!! I’m currently on medical leave from work seeking treatment in Guatemala (where my family & I are from) because even thoe I was diagnosed at 21, (now 27) I’ve continued to run away from it and couldn’t accept it. I never tell people about it and it has been biting me in the butt left and right. I’m so grateful to have found your videos because for once I feel understood, like I’m not making up the sh*t I really go thru, that this is as real as it gets. I’ve also recently become sober after 10yrs of drug use and was hoping you could do a video on how that (if you haven’t already) or on how to make the inner peace with yourself to accept that you are bipolar instead of hiding in the shadows or running away from it. If you have, lmk thanks again 🙏🏼
Medication only helps me 5% of the time when I go into a mood low.....I recently suffered a breakdown and relapsed on my one bad habit......been at least 6-8 years MAYBE since I last did the bad habit......but yet now I feel just calm.....I want more friendships in my life....yet I fear of rejection....and knowing when that happens I IMMEDIATELY go down a dark path in my mind.
Thank you for this content. I have been stable for almost 10 years now. But from time to time I get close to a manic or depressive episode. Perhaps I might miss one night of sleep. When this happens talking about it honestly with my loved ones helps me come back down and I avoid disaster. And of course keep taking my meds. Your channel is very helpful and informative. Thanks for helping people with bipolar disorder
The aftermath of an initial episode can be the absolute worst. It is often the most difficult and complicated part to navigate. Because, often, people accept they ARE their bipolar diagnosis-that “this is the new me.” This means you might believe the old you, or “the real” you is dead-doesn’t exist anymore. When you lose your baseline reference of “self,” you get lost in every sense of the word. Feeling like the real you is gone, can lead to severely profound and dangerous symptoms.
This video is UNBELIEVABLY important to those who were shook to their core from an initial BP 1 episode. This is where the deepest, long-term, and most meaningful healing occurs. This is arguably the most important aspect of “managing” BP. Otherwise, you can never reach an unidentified goal.
Brilliant brilliant video-thank you!!
Great comment Leo, thank you!!!
Sometimes we all need someone to talk to:
www.crisistextline.org/
teenlineonline.org/talk-now/
Dianna Polar Warriors Team Member
(H)old (O)n (P)ain (E)nds
For ten dollars a month, you can message Rob directly, watch videos that are more personal in nature, and access a great community.
www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors
missed you Rob the bp Slayer😘😘😘
E. Black Ha! Thank you so much for that comment. Totally made me smile. I’ve been really struggling lately, but still going strong with the channel!
We love u rob *insert fangirl screams*
Hi Robert. Thanks once again for an uplifting video. Once again an important subject.
Trying to find our mental balance is definitely a slippery feat to accomplish. I too have recently been able know what's my even keel when it comes to my balance of normalcy. My therapist has been the greatest source in helping me realize what my normalcy is. He certainly knows the differences of my manic highs compared to my normal. I too am getting better at identifying the differences. My mania aren't very high very often. And when they are, it's as if I'm in another world and I usually come down hard. What I regularly experience are more subtle and I come down slowly. So, that's made it difficult for me to sense the difference. I see my therapist bi-weekly and he's gotten good at discerning what's mania and what's not. He's helped me a lot to note the different signs in my behavior in order for me to see the differences. Just this weekend I experienced a mild mania and today I know what happened due to how I'm feeling emotionally and physically. My libido is high and that's a major indicator I'm going to start coming down from mania. Once it passes then I usually stabilize sexually. In the meantime I have to be alert to anything that can overstimulate me to act on satisfying my urges. If I'm not careful I can easily fall back into my sex addiction as well as all the dark places therein. That's an area in which I have to avoid like the plague. Especially for my mental and emotional health.
Thanks again for your fine presentation in this video.
This is so spot on for me! I’ve been misdiagnosed for over 35+ years and just received my diagnosis in late March/early April. All of these years I’ve been told and was thinking that I was losing or lost my mind. I am beyond grateful finding you and your channel. Every video of yours that I watch, I’m like “that’s me”, “that’s me”, “that’s me”. I’m learning a lot about myself through your videos. I’m forever grateful that you were put in my insane path of life. Thank you so much, Rob!! You are appreciated so very much! You are truly making a difference! It’s like you’re speaking my language that teaches/reaches me as no one else has ever been able to do! With extreme gratitude-J
Thank you for your honest approach. You describe my battle very close to what I experience. You are helping my husband and I save our 26 year old marriage. Please continue what you are doing. It is very important!
You are so welcome!
One of the best explanations on bipolar symptoms that I’ve heard. Thank you so much for explaining it!
I used to have the thought “dang why can’t I just have mania all the time, that’d be more fun”.
This put a lot into perspective
Everything you say makes sense. Most helpful video for me yet. Thank you so much.
Thank You. I have had a rough life. I'm still in denial, somewhat. I'm a survivor. I did not want to listen to this. The ring of truth is painful. I have been diagnosed. You're delivery of this information is amazing. I am embarrassed that I promised financial support and did not deliver. I apologize. Breaking a promise is unacceptable to me. You are helping me and a lot of other people, and you need and deserve to be supported. I have sent something and will do so on a regular basis. Thank you.
Wow... WHO DISLIKED THIS VIDEO THIS TIME? Must be someone who is SICK as f*** RN! I hope they feel special by being in the minority of two people who are too sick to appreciate such amazing content. Man this illness can really prevent us from enjoying a good thing sometimes. Pisses me off when people crap all over others when they aren’t well.
Happens every time Rob uploads a video. There's some really miserable COWARDS out there. Denial is a b**** isn't it?
Me too. I see behind the scenes and how difficult it is for rob to make these videos when he has to manage this illness on top of day to day struggles. This really is a labour of love. ❤ I think hurt people hurt people. It's sad but we sometimes lash out when we are hurting.
- Dianna
Polar Warrior Team Member
For additional content consider joining us on Patreon!
www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors
I only had depressions until after my divorce when I was 38 and then I did not feel mania for long before I was depressed again. I just laid in a damp bed in a big storage cupboard at my late Mams house and I was 'dying'. I had a psychiatrist who asked if I would try some new medication for depression out, but would not know if it was the real medication or a placebo. I stupidly agreed, stupidly because I needed help badly and suddenly it was all about 'tack boxes' and the trial. I was going further down and yet a car would pick me up once a week and take me to a private hospital to fill in boxes of how I was feeling.
I had been talking with my ex husband about trying again and I knew it was desperation to get out of the depression, after a messy divorce and my two sons living with him. He then told me he had met someone else and it switched something in me to say 'Fine, but I own half the house and I am moving back in' which I did. I was only going to get back with him to try an find my stable point for my sons.
It got in a mess when I committed to a new r/ship and it was fine to start (now realise I was manic) I moved in with him but it ended with me being severely depressed again and the guy beating the hell our of me for not being able to stop being able to be depressed. I got away and my youngest son 14 was with me.
It was a terrible time and I went from severe depression to mania and straight into psychosis. I was sectioned and diagnosed with bipolar and prescribed Lithium. Within a year I was back at university and living in a rented property with my son. My older son stayed weekends and returned to live with us when he was 17.
I completed university. My then psychiatrist suggested, due to a research paper he had read, that Lithium could be making my arthritis worse and suggested a change. I changed and thought how do I know this is working? How do I even know if my therapeutic levels are OK? I decided that maybe I did not need these meds and so stopped taking them. I felt just fine.
Life was 'normal' although I had some severed depressions. My sons were 22 and 23, when all hell broke loose and I'd been off the meds for sometime.then.
I went psychotic I did not even feel the mania and I just wrecked the house. I was sectioned once more and when I was discharged I had yet another psychiatrist and he decided on several meetings and a 2/3 week inpatient stay monitored by workers, that I had emotionally unstable personality disorder ( he blamed my sons for much of this) and not bipolar. so I was discharged on to the streets for the MH service here in the UK, did not deal with personality disorders in 2005, they do now..
My family on being told it was my 'personality' when my Mam rang to find why I had been discharged, thought I could do something about that. I could not. I ended up living rough for 7 months and in homeless hostels for 2 years. I am back on Lithium, but do not know what the hell I am suppose to feel like or who I am. I have had my new normal life for 12 years now. I have just been discharged from MH services because I am 'stable' and I am, I think.
I saw a psychiatrist on discharge so around August and he told me he had read through my notes of when my diagnosis was changed and at no point did he consider I had EUPD or have ever had and it was always Bipolar 1. So I was denied Lithium and lived rough and went through all that because a practitioner of an imprecise science had 'changed my diagnosis'.I guess I am lucky I have heard of others having numerous changes.
I guess this is my new normal and its been that way for 12 years, but I am 63 and the old me is gone.
I decided no more relationships and no more close friendships, that way no-one would get hurt and the pressure would be off me to be a certain way...consistently.
I have a good r/ship with my eldest son, but I an estranged from my youngest son. I feel my eldest son forgives me for all that happened and my youngest son, does not and it matters not who says 'You could not help it, you were ill#. I feel had I made different choices it may have been different.
I like living alone with my two dogs. I can just be and can stay in my PJs all day and not go out if I do not want to. Only my dogs depend om me and I depend on no-one, now the MH services have discharged me. I can go back if needed..
I cannot work now for physical reasons and I was a workaholic once and would work if I could.
I have low days, but maybe I always did, maybe just not so many pr perhaps I have just adjusted, the 'new me'..
I have only had two manic/psychotic episodes and wonder did I have times of mania when I was not aware? When I worked perhaps. I don't know anymore but I had seen so many psychiatrists and only one changed my diagnosis and that really screwed up my life..
I never will let go of Lithium again, for thats where I went so wrong in 2001/2002. Lithium, does dull my emotions, I hardly cry anymore, but I am stable in the way of not being in bed 24/7 or thinking I am Mary, Queen of Scots and I guess thats good. but prior to being diagnosed with bipolar I never judged my stability on those two states of being. I just accepted I had depression of varying degrees and most I worked through. All the best everyone, Again I thank you Polar Warriors for a thought provoking video. I once did not know my name when psychotic and now I am not psychotic and realise I know my name but no longer know who I now am! x
I'm so scared to go back I to a manic episode and the depressed stage my manic kept me up for a week I even laughed at the er dr because I knew I would lose my up but I almost lost my kids thank god for the meds I'm on now
I would like first of all to say to you that I appreciate everything your are presenting. I'm Dragoș ,from Romania. I'm 51 years old and diagnosed bipolar at 23. Thank You for your site and efforts
Hi Dragos 😊😊. I’m so glad the videos have been helpful.
-Rob
enlighted is the word I'm looking for but that didn't last a long time . 1 time 1 year then severely depressed and psychotic for a number of years , and then an episode off 2 days enlighted ones again , still struggling to become stabilized thanks for your words they help a lot
This hits home wow. It’s the spot of mania right before I start making really bad decisions that I feel so good like I’m finally living life happy and motivated. And I tell everyone how much I love them and want to be involved in everything. Then I crash or go baseline and everyone is so let down. The standard I just love this video. Thinking of sending it to my family. Thank you!
Thank you so so much... I’m 48 and have never heard better information from any counselor or shrink. You are helping me a lot🙏
I can relate to your point. I am still trying to figure out if my problem has to do with BPD or not.
One humorous (gallows humor kind) situation from my childhood had me probably in a manic completing some task. My parents would then ridicule me for all the times I had not accomplished the task, accuse me of being "avoidant" in not doing the task before, and then threatening me to do the task just as good in the future. I soon learned not to use my manic to accomplish something, at least at home, though I never did in school.
In my last years of working life I learned to use my manic during emergencies. I could accomplish a lot in short periods of time and then collapse (we're talking no sleep for 20 - 30 hours). My bosses appreciated me overworking during a time of need and my honest collapsing showed them that this was a huge effort that had a cost to me.
You have a kind voice.
Thank you Rob. Another great video that puts it all into perspective for me. Thinking your alone in this makes the struggle even harder but finding these videos has definitely eased some of the pain
Another fantastic video, thank you so much, Rob! I've had an inkling of this going on with me but I have never heard others address this. It is wonderful to have term for it and feeling like I'm not alone in this.
You are awesome. Please keep up the great work - if and when it is conducive to your own health. First things first.
Thanks for the video. Whenever I am either way up or down, these videos are very grounding.
Another great video. The first time I commented I Recommended you shorten your videos Two about five minutes . Ignore that. That was my A D D And bipolar talking. I'm sixty two years old i've fought this SOB 60 years. Had no idea what was wrong with me but always knew that something was. A young doctor diagnose me When I was 37. He apologized for his profession not picking this up much sooner in my life. I've been through almost everything you've described in your videos To the tenth degree. Your videos have blessed me and helped me In the last six months more than you could ever know! More has always been better in my thinking. So wrong. Cutting back on my current meds has helped me immensely. I'm actually afraid to change meds. I'm so glad your advice has worked for me. I've had two major seizures on meds once I was taken to the hospital in an ambulance. I'm gradually watching every video you've made. Thank you so much bro. God bless
Hi, Rob offers one on one support on Patreon if you are interested. He also posts more personal information about his day to day struggles like his recent hospital stay. Take gentle care! 🙏
Sometimes we all need someone to talk to:
www.crisistextline.org/
teenlineonline.org/talk-now/
Dianna Polar Warriors Team Member
(H)old (O)n (P)ain (E)nds
www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors
I'm so happy with this video, I feel so alone in my illness and the words being stabil' in stead of 'being great' will help me in the next weeks thank you
As always the content of the video is great. Thank you so much. 👏👏👏
I really appreciate the amount of work you put into this. 💜
Every video ive ended on of yours ..you have personally given a story or part of u that is so insanly 100% on cue of part of me that wasnt pointed out in my head or known to be part of bipolar let alone if i even admitted it was off or odd or.. Anyways ive done my time in learning my shit. But your angle and your who u are is solid. thank you. Good timing
Great video. A lot of good points for consideration.
Another great supportive and informative video. How lovely that your family is so supportive and that your video is dedicated to 'Mum'. Thank you.
My twin brother (23yo) was diagnosed with bipolar disorder type 1, 2 years ago when he went in a manic state or psychotic state. He was hospitalized and of course was medicated and with psychological help. The problem is that he says he is not sick and refuses to take his medication or go with his psychiatrist since he was discharged from the hospital 2 years ago. He thinks that we want to hurt him but all my mother and i want is to help him because it hurts seeing him suffer and we want him to live happy. His state has gotten worse but se don't know what to do anymore. My dad also had bipolar disorder type1 but commited suicide because he didn't receive the help he needed. Ir was a big shock for my brother and me when were told how our father really died. Well seeing your videos has helped me a lot understanding my brother and thank you so much for them, they sure save lifes!!!!! I Wish for the day my bro accept that having a mental illness is not the end of the world if You have help!!!
Thank you for the best video I have seen about BP - You are a big proof that there is always a light in the end of the tunnel.
I’ve been talking about this same thing with my therapist lately after just recently being diagnosed and it was very comforting to see a video outside the office of it too, it’s so relieving to hear how normal it is to be struggling with this. Gonna share it around with the people close to me, thank you so much for making these videos I love your channel so much ❤️
Thank you so much for your videos and your channel. I am coming to terms with my reality that I may be bipolar and all of your videos are helping me make sense of my life up to now and helping me feel less alone. Thank you.
Helpful information I had not thought of, and some much needed relief about that standard. It's helpful to be able to put labels on the different aspects of all of this, makes it seem a whole lot more manageable! Thank you!
I know I'm myself when I feel super calm inside and out. When I'm like that, i feel so good in my skin and comfortable.
I just went through 6 crazy manic months. I thought it was hypomania but looking back I was manic AF. Spending money, hypersexual, irritability. Whenever I feel like that I get scared.