Sounds like he was always an ahole and this is his true colours. The only reason he wasn't before. Is that mil was alive and kept his shitty behavior in check. Now that she's tragically gone, noone there to keep his entitled shit attitude in check. It's now running loose. Now he knows where his ex gets her shitty behavior from.
@oozmando5961 Idk, In my opinion. No matter how troubled or how complex your childhood/life is, being an asshole is still being an asshole. I understand it is difficult to get past their past but if you make absolutely no effort to not be an asshole then you really are a dipshit.
"Everything you ever said about my family was true but I didnt listen and then it happend to someone else I realized how right you were and NOW I'm sorry."
To be fair, it seems like it was a frog in a pot situation. Dad was always a bit of a dick, but Mom kept him in check. Then once Mom was gone, he just ramped up. OP tolerated it, but eventually got to his breaking point. Add in that Dad was like that towards all the son in-laws, it was "just how he is" and Wife likely didn't understand how rough it was, especially since OP was treated the best of the lot, even though they were much more involved. It was only once the new BF came around and he wasn't willing to put up with Dad that it became apparent how much of an issue Dad was to her
The ex's former boyfriend, despite his flaws, showed the perfect example of how one should have self-respect: toxic FIL disrespected him once, he removed the FIL from his life. Honestly, OP is being a total doormat here. The ex disrespected him once, she'll do it again once she's comfortable enough. Bottom line: NEVER ACCEPT DISRESPECT.
Almost every one of these stories has an OP who let's people walk all over them. It's crazy they never see it and blame the people telling them to run.
there's one comment in this comment section that is like "he just needs to stop being so sensitive!" And it's just so stupid because that father-in-law was a awful person and made it so difficult and the fact that this woman required another boyfriend to have it finally click for her that her family was an issue is so monumentally crazy.
Yeah you work and do everything for the family while being treated like shit disrespected you constantly. Your wife never treated you with respect you're not her husband you were her her servant.
I definitely wouldn't ever get back together if I was in that situation. Didn't care enough about him when they were together, and only started reflecting on it when she realized how much better he was versus others. She can use that reflection to better herself for her next relationship, but it wouldn't be with me at that point as the ship sailed already.
The only reason he was better is because he chose to be a doormat. If he dumped her right there and then, there would hardly be any room for self-reflection.
Op needs to leave her behind and accept it's over. Their whole talk was about her not caring about op or his feelings at all, shifting the blame on op and everyone else around her. And help treat op like fil doormat like she is too him. Pretty much showed when she only came back to op after her dad dropped dead. she knows damn well it's her and fil fault. Fill only cared about himself and op respect he felt entitled to wich he never earned. The ex is her father's doormat that allowed her partner be verbally abused by him and didn't care. All she wants is to blame op and gaslight him to avoid to do any reflection to avoid taking accountability/responsibility for her actions. Op deserves so much better and needs to loose the doormat mentality.
Definitely gf is Indian, my Indian bff shares all kind of Indian teas and drama that often unfolds in her family/extended family/her other Indian friends families. She escaped India for better life but her parents are also pressurizing her for arrange marriage and she can't even cut them off, again Indian values ad morals. They paid for everything so they did a Favour on her. She's at very high paying job at Google.
OP needs to lighten up and realize that when you air your laundry that you're going to get positive and negative responses. FL sounds like a complete ass for sure but the family dynamic reminds me of my own. When my grandma passed away it became harder for us to gather, she was the life blood of every operation, and her cooking was amazing.
This kind of reads like "Well now that my dad has died, and I had to try to move on and couldn't, would you want to work it out?" Which seems very disingenuous.
@@Specs718 yep. The ex didn't fix anything nor did she self reflect. The dad now is dead hence the "problem" is gone. Op deserve someone who has his back.
@legiontepes3474 Did we listen to the same story? The ex was working on herself and the couple in therapy, they had a discussion about what went wrong the first time, and she seems genuinely remorseful about how she acted. She’s 100% trying here
@@legiontepes3474 i think you are wrong because in the start of their relationship they were good and the she (the wife/gf/ex) was very conflicted because of the love for her father ,the grief of her mother and stuff,and also, they were together 9 or so years . I think the father in law was also in the bad and did a lot of hurtuf things that OP didnt told us and he got into a brwaking point. Also please read the story and think for some time to put a good response to the video becuase it seems that it wasnt very well put
@@ezequieldidjurgis9430 dude, the wife always ignored op feelings. She didn't have his back against the FIL. she ruined their marriage and considered the feelings of the next boyfriend more. She waited for her father to die to contact op. She didn't grow a spine. She's a bad person.
I think she realized it was wrong bc the ex had PRIDE, SELF-RESPECT AND DIGNITY, so he stood up for himself. OP's ex treated badly because he allowed others to walk all over him.
Well, if it was the family issues with the in-laws and not from cheating, then it should be up to him how they could still have potential. (Personally, they both should have just left her family alone till they treated him with respect.) ... Hopefully he was able to open to asking her questions of her lovelife after the divorce since he didn't really date much would tell him more about her time away from him and see if her family still caused problems.
This is a classic example of a man with no self love and respect. Her family and her treated him like 💩💩💩💩💩💩💩 and he wants to get back with her because he needs her to be happy, talking about codependency. The ex bf had self respect and ended his relationship because of this, she clearly is settling for him.
You can boil this down to "a people pleaser who was trying to let his wife know the bad things but she didn't want to see it" because that father-in-law was awful and he was trying to let her know how bad that was she was an awful lover he was trying to let her know so many awful comments and she was just A-Okay with it because she didn't want to be confronted with the idea of it, And man the fact that she only realized how bad she was and her father was because of another boyfriend is always going to be something in their relationship.
Respect is earned that you work for. Not a right that you thinks you're entitled too. A ahole like him doesn't deserve respect especially after everything op did for him and the lengths he went to be nice and respectful to.
That’s what I always say. I come from a culture of respect to elders even if they’re bad people and I have never accepted it which has gotten me in trouble many times. My grand father is an awful person and like that man thinks he is right all the time. Even when he does I would never feel real respect for him because of the shitty person he is being his whole life I just don’t disrespect him because of my parents but I don’t even consider him family just because I know all the things he has done to his children one of which is my parent.
I'm sorry, but it sounds like he's trying to find excuses for everyone. I know that cuz I was like that and am trying to get better. When you've been bullied and isolated from healthy friendships, you start to make excuses for "friends" and "loved ones" because you want to feel less alone and less pathetic.
I do believe people can change, but OP needs to go forward with this as a -very- slow pace, and even then I wouldn't marry again without something like a prenup and keeping finances separate just to protect myself since it has fallen apart once. It's not saying it will for certain go back to the way it used to, but it is a increased possibility to have her bail out since it's already happened once. Which as well adds that this dynamic is at an increased risk of divorce because you've already had the dynamic of parting introduced to it, during a future possible bad argument its much more likely to crumble. It's possible to work out, even probable, but it is a future completely filled with needs for communication and a ton of work on both sides and even then it may unfortunately, not work.
I disagree with you, people rarely change and when they do they have to had a very hard and/or traumatic event for them to do it. She hasn't she is only settling for her doormat of an ex husband, she is putting her beat behavior, for now, wait until she knows she has him and see how are reverts to be the same pos she was in the past
@@ianmoritzplatapino3684 To be fair I said can, but can implies that it requires work from the individual in need of the change, It's not a default state that's de-facto achieved. In this case it comes down to some core values of the woman and core values are incredibly difficult to change and require acceptance and a desire to change. So I still say it sits in the "people can change" , it's just extremely hard to change in this case. It's why I spent the rest of the post suggesting he takes precautions in the off chance the most likely outcome occurs where she does not.
There is a weird plague of men that are obsessed with their daughters. They spoil them rotten and don't allow them to be happy with other men. Why don't we talk about this more? We talk about mommy's boys but not daddy's girls.
The FIL was abusive and toxic. Saying "but he was a good father and husband" doesn't negate the fact that he treats others like shit. Your wife and the eldest SIL admitted it. But then only your eldest SIL defended you consistently. Your ex owes you an apology and to tell the family they treated their husband's and you unfairly. Heck, address it in a fun way. Invite the spouses over for a suprise BBQ for the rest of the family.
I personally think he's making a mistake. She only came to the realisation of what she had when she saw what bad actually was, she showed no respect to him and I personally think he's giving her too much room. Her not standing up to her fathers behaviour is the reason he never changed, she allowed it. He might've been a great dad and had a rough upbringing but that does not excuse anything. It's a choice he will make and hopefully it does work out for them, but I would never be able to trust her ever again for making me feel like that and putting me in that situation as she can always do it again.
I don’t get people that are pushed around by their in-laws. I use a policy of terror with mine and they keep in their place if they want to have any contact with my kids. This started after a couple of serious disagreements with them, after which I made the food chain clear with them and told my wife that I expected her to be on my side without discussion. It has been working, as I am the only of their 4 son/daughter-in-law that they actually respect.
Op should have had a consent fucking with his ex on the kitchen table in front of fil. If he wanted a reason to hate op so much that would've been a good reason. 🤷 But that's just my opinion
Out of all the Reddit stories I've seen on yt, this one is one of the only ones that addresses the comments like this... and people continue to do/say what he requested not to do lol
I was forced to go to counseling as a kid and went to a couple after my divorce. Have 3 friends that went to counseling and it always goes bad. Its manipulative and tells people the exact wrong thing to make things worse. Usually planting seeds of malcontent that will get worse until problems occour
I can't get any sympathy with FIL, anyone can have a rough childhood (Or whenever period you're interested) but it doesn't excuse to be an a-hole and threat anyone like shit.
I think it could be that he is jealous of the relationship between op and the Mil. Op says he doesnt think he could be jealous but some people really get jealous by that. My own father has been jealous from time to time of his own kids because his wife (our mother) spends so much time with us. My parents are both good people and love their children to bits but my father loves my mother so much and wants her for himself most of the time. He gets really frustrated if my mother is out all day which to be fair is quite often sometimes all week. My father stopped working after he made a fortune and bought lots of poroerties to rent out and my mother is still working because she wants to and she takes care of her inlaws and parents a lot. My father does that too but my mother really spends a lot of time there and visits all her three children at least once a week and now especially her grandchild gets a lot of her attention. She loves my dad and isnt staying away because she doesnt want to spend time with him. She does want to spend time with him but she is a very loving and caring person and loves so many people and wants to see them regularly. My father is a huge homebody. It makes sense that he wants more time from his wife. Some people are jealous of their own children because of that and in some cases its understandable. In Op's case it's probably not that reasonable from what we know.
The ex-boyfriend and Op aren't that different they both voiced their concerns. What the ex-boyfriend did that was different was he took action. As they say, actions speak louder than words. It looks like he has problems standing up for himself with his ex-wife and father-in-law. It looks like he is a people pleaser which further helped his wife keep her head in the sand. Now, as bad as it seems, it looks like she has reflected and is remorseful. How? She went to therapy about her dad's death, and Op was the first to know about that. She apologised for how she acted in the past. As for how her eyes were opened It is a bit sad. The ex-boyfriend put his foot down and SHOWED he would not tolerate disrespect rather than tell the ex-wife and get blown off. He showed how big of a deal it was. I hope that is the reason and not that she saw it as a problem because couldn't take the ex-boyfriend being disrespected. If OP acted the same way earlier on I'm sure things would not have gotten so better and the marriage could have been saved. Or the marriage would have dissolved much quicker. Either way, it would bode well for him. In basic terms, this prolonged because OP can't communicate or stand up for himself. It doesn't justify what the ex-wife and father-in-law did though. Just like it isn't a person's fault if they get robbed showing off a diamond watch, but they shouldn't have been flaunting it in a run-down neighborhood.
Why post on Reddit knowing you may get crazy replies then come back to defend the person or the situation YOU put out there 😂😂 🤦🏾♀️ you guys were so hostile or hateful
In our culture, there is an unwritten practice that the youngest daughter is destined to inherit the family house. This ofcourse comes with the obligation that that the youngest daughter must take care of the aging parents. She can only marry once both parents have passed. I asked my very old great granmother about this ( she was 90+ years old already back then). Her explanation was people ( or parents?) deserve only 1 death, and losing all your kids because of marriage is already equivalent of death, because they’ve akready completed their life’s work.
This guy would be a loser if he takes her back I have the motto if I wasn't good enough for you back then don't come to me later especially if I pick myself up even higher I hate that s*** that women do you wasn't good enough for me then but you're good enough for me now I'm like it doesn't even make sense women these days don't contribute anything to the relationship except feelings and sex it's not like they offer money or help in any type of way it's not like you can actually talk to them about your feelings and what's going on it's not like if you got into a big fight or something they can actually do anything to help you women I don't understand why they have such a huge ego because you're pretty much useless you only become important when a man decides you're important it's not like any one of you can actually do anything that benefits the world I don't see women making buildings I don't see women creating sewer systems and maintaining them I don't see women creating any actual technological Marvels that we use to this day even though they have the ability to resources and everything we have right now to do so but because there's actual work involved in it they're not doing it
I've just been in this place before! (Higher on the street!) And I know it's my time to come home! Calling you! And the subject's a mystery! (Standing on my feet!) It's so hard when I try to believe! Whooooaaa!!
A lot of people have had harsh childhoods and a tough time growing up. The FIL isn't special in that regard. If he hated everyone outside his family what did he expect his daughter to do? Marry one of the siblings? That family was going to fall apart after the mother died because she held everything together. But seriously the ex couldn't see her family was toxic until after she broke up with OP and was in another relationship. That doesn't make sense
New Update of a previous posted story. Standing by my feeling of how the FiL was just a bitter old man who's only buffer was his wife and after her death he spread his misery to everybody else except for the oldest daughter. Kinda glad OP and his ex is getting back together since FiL's death, but also regret how it took his death and an abusive relationship for her to realize what she lost.
OP is a grade A simp. "Hey guys stop saying mean things about my ex father-in-law. He wasn't a bad guy, because he did not just hate me. At least he did not hate me the most".
I feel like her dad was racist and that's why he hated OP. I love how the ex BF didn't tolerate ish and that why that relationship didn't work out. I don't think I could forgive someone who forced us into a divorce because they kept prioritizing her father/family over her husband. It might work but I feel like she came back to him because she can control him, she just has to be a little nicer
imagine ruining ur childs relationship when they have their whole life ahead of them. FIL already lived his life, he doesnt get to ruin other bk hes salty that his wife is gone. Its extra fucked too since NOW that her dads gone shes realizing ops worth now that there isnt an obstacle in the way, and imo if she couldn't fight for her relationship then how tf do u expect to trust her now
I am sorry life dealt you such a cantankerous FIL. You dealt with it the best you could. So many errors made by everyone. Having a chance at a new beginning is something half the world wish they could do. Go with love, laughter, and happiness to your future! Maybe with you guys being older this time around, you can toss out the stupid stuff, continue the couples therapy till you're both sure you no longer need it, and if you are able, have beautiful children and most of all be happy...
what's wrong is that a true marriage is u two against the world. Either your parents can accept it even if they don't like your partner and be respectful to them. But once you get married as long as there is no physical abuse or infidelity. Your spouse is always your first priority. And this wasn't one or two times this was for years. With lots of effort in his Part. Instead each spouse dhoulf confront their parents especially for disrespecting your spouse. That's a one-time thing, you say you love them this is your husband or wife and you don't stand for anybody disrespecting them. You don't have to like them but you have be cordial at least to them. If not you're done with them.
This guy is a bit of a doormat. Father in law was a social cripple who used his dead wife as his emotional support animal. He was never going to fix himself, the problem is the rest of the world! 8-P Good luck, OP, you are fighting an uphill battle. She wants things, like kids, maybe if she does the work you can have a good life
I honestly hope the best for OP but constantly republishing his story across multiple platforms seems distasteful given how he apparently keeps getting people swarming him every time it happens. Counseling was a great move and I hope it's going well
It feels a little messed up you chose to do this story when the ending half is just him venting about how people who put his story on RUclips and other sites brought a wave of hurtful comments his way. Guys doesn't want the attention.
Y r we punishing someone for not realizing their mistakes sooner. Like they broke up amicably, shes not a cheater and theyre seeing a consoler to help deal with their problems. Do we just not give second chances
As soon as FIL refused my gifts and humiliated me in front of everyone, i wouldve stopped trying. Nobody is worth the abuse, the guy is an asshole.
So is his daughter
Sounds like he was always an ahole and this is his true colours. The only reason he wasn't before. Is that mil was alive and kept his shitty behavior in check.
Now that she's tragically gone, noone there to keep his entitled shit attitude in check. It's now running loose.
Now he knows where his ex gets her shitty behavior from.
"You are only reading a short post on the complex life I had"
Whole family stupid except for the mom smh
@oozmando5961 Idk, In my opinion. No matter how troubled or how complex your childhood/life is, being an asshole is still being an asshole. I understand it is difficult to get past their past but if you make absolutely no effort to not be an asshole then you really are a dipshit.
"Everything you ever said about my family was true but I didnt listen and then it happend to someone else I realized how right you were and NOW I'm sorry."
To be fair, it seems like it was a frog in a pot situation. Dad was always a bit of a dick, but Mom kept him in check. Then once Mom was gone, he just ramped up. OP tolerated it, but eventually got to his breaking point.
Add in that Dad was like that towards all the son in-laws, it was "just how he is" and Wife likely didn't understand how rough it was, especially since OP was treated the best of the lot, even though they were much more involved.
It was only once the new BF came around and he wasn't willing to put up with Dad that it became apparent how much of an issue Dad was to her
'Former boyfriend didn't want to go to her family gatherings'.
The only smart person in this story.
Agreed
Hum…. He is an abuser sooooo… yeah not so great thing to say
@@lk66kiflebon Considering the source of that information I kinda doubt that's true.
@@NJ-kp3wu she literally go to trial man, and she have a restraining order which mean… He tried to arm her! Wow sometimes life is easy to understand
@@lk66kiflebon Yeah because giving a false testimony to get an RO is totally outside the realm of reason.
The ex's former boyfriend, despite his flaws, showed the perfect example of how one should have self-respect: toxic FIL disrespected him once, he removed the FIL from his life.
Honestly, OP is being a total doormat here. The ex disrespected him once, she'll do it again once she's comfortable enough.
Bottom line: NEVER ACCEPT DISRESPECT.
Almost every one of these stories has an OP who let's people walk all over them. It's crazy they never see it and blame the people telling them to run.
I agree 100% on both of the comments here. And he also likes to antagonize people who pointed out the toxicity on their relationship.
there's one comment in this comment section that is like "he just needs to stop being so sensitive!" And it's just so stupid because that father-in-law was a awful person and made it so difficult and the fact that this woman required another boyfriend to have it finally click for her that her family was an issue is so monumentally crazy.
Exactly! I would say "good riddance" instead of "sorry for your loss" to her😂😂
@@blue3532Simp behaviour
Yeah you work and do everything for the family while being treated like shit disrespected you constantly. Your wife never treated you with respect you're not her husband you were her her servant.
I definitely wouldn't ever get back together if I was in that situation. Didn't care enough about him when they were together, and only started reflecting on it when she realized how much better he was versus others. She can use that reflection to better herself for her next relationship, but it wouldn't be with me at that point as the ship sailed already.
But if you're a spineless simp charming white knight doormat like op you would
The only reason he was better is because he chose to be a doormat. If he dumped her right there and then, there would hardly be any room for self-reflection.
Fr find new women OP
@@arhael3594i mean i like the idea of "be nice to them but screw them over at the end" but the OP is just meh
@@friendlyneighborhoodshinigamiFirst OP has to find some dignity
Op needs to leave her behind and accept it's over. Their whole talk was about her not caring about op or his feelings at all, shifting the blame on op and everyone else around her. And help treat op like fil doormat like she is too him.
Pretty much showed when she only came back to op after her dad dropped dead.
she knows damn well it's her and fil fault. Fill only cared about himself and op respect he felt entitled to wich he never earned.
The ex is her father's doormat that allowed her partner be verbally abused by him and didn't care.
All she wants is to blame op and gaslight him to avoid to do any reflection to avoid taking accountability/responsibility for her actions.
Op deserves so much better and needs to loose the doormat mentality.
Op is lonely, lost and desperate. Aint a good thing.
Definitely gf is Indian, my Indian bff shares all kind of Indian teas and drama that often unfolds in her family/extended family/her other Indian friends families. She escaped India for better life but her parents are also pressurizing her for arrange marriage and she can't even cut them off, again Indian values ad morals. They paid for everything so they did a Favour on her. She's at very high paying job at Google.
I have had bad relationships with girlfriend and I made a vow to never fall in love again I'd rather die alone then betrayed by my partner
OP needs to lighten up and realize that when you air your laundry that you're going to get positive and negative responses.
FL sounds like a complete ass for sure but the family dynamic reminds me of my own. When my grandma passed away it became harder for us to gather, she was the life blood of every operation, and her cooking was amazing.
Ngl, I think op is making a big mistake. The ex wife is toxic and overall a bad person.
This kind of reads like "Well now that my dad has died, and I had to try to move on and couldn't, would you want to work it out?"
Which seems very disingenuous.
@@Specs718 yep. The ex didn't fix anything nor did she self reflect. The dad now is dead hence the "problem" is gone. Op deserve someone who has his back.
@legiontepes3474 Did we listen to the same story? The ex was working on herself and the couple in therapy, they had a discussion about what went wrong the first time, and she seems genuinely remorseful about how she acted. She’s 100% trying here
@@legiontepes3474 i think you are wrong because in the start of their relationship they were good and the she (the wife/gf/ex) was very conflicted because of the love for her father ,the grief of her mother and stuff,and also, they were together 9 or so years . I think the father in law was also in the bad and did a lot of hurtuf things that OP didnt told us and he got into a brwaking point.
Also please read the story and think for some time to put a good response to the video becuase it seems that it wasnt very well put
@@ezequieldidjurgis9430 dude, the wife always ignored op feelings. She didn't have his back against the FIL. she ruined their marriage and considered the feelings of the next boyfriend more. She waited for her father to die to contact op. She didn't grow a spine. She's a bad person.
So treating OP like crap wasn't worth the effort for the ex, but when the boyfriend gets the same treatment, then it's wrong?
I think she realized it was wrong bc the ex had PRIDE, SELF-RESPECT AND DIGNITY, so he stood up for himself. OP's ex treated badly because he allowed others to walk all over him.
💀💀 Her dad had to die for her to go back to him. Like, he's one situation but she's another
Well, if it was the family issues with the in-laws and not from cheating, then it should be up to him how they could still have potential.
(Personally, they both should have just left her family alone till they treated him with respect.)
...
Hopefully he was able to open to asking her questions of her lovelife after the divorce since he didn't really date much would tell him more about her time away from him and see if her family still caused problems.
This is a classic example of a man with no self love and respect. Her family and her treated him like 💩💩💩💩💩💩💩 and he wants to get back with her because he needs her to be happy, talking about codependency. The ex bf had self respect and ended his relationship because of this, she clearly is settling for him.
He's a pathetic doormat
You can boil this down to "a people pleaser who was trying to let his wife know the bad things but she didn't want to see it" because that father-in-law was awful and he was trying to let her know how bad that was she was an awful lover he was trying to let her know so many awful comments and she was just A-Okay with it because she didn't want to be confronted with the idea of it,
And man the fact that she only realized how bad she was and her father was because of another boyfriend is always going to be something in their relationship.
Respect is earned that you work for. Not a right that you thinks you're entitled too. A ahole like him doesn't deserve respect especially after everything op did for him and the lengths he went to be nice and respectful to.
That’s what I always say. I come from a culture of respect to elders even if they’re bad people and I have never accepted it which has gotten me in trouble many times. My grand father is an awful person and like that man thinks he is right all the time. Even when he does I would never feel real respect for him because of the shitty person he is being his whole life I just don’t disrespect him because of my parents but I don’t even consider him family just because I know all the things he has done to his children one of which is my parent.
Op is desperate and settling.
onggg
Relationships with in-laws that start off rocky usually don't improve
All those mean, disrespect and hateful comment about your fil and ex? Are the truth you refuse to see
Nah. Reddit is just full of incels
@@rotocoach5397no it's full of simps so the "mean" comments ARE the truth
@@rotocoach5397you yourself sound like you have a humiliation fetish
@@friendlyneighborhoodshinigami Nah. Reddit is literally the place where if any couple has a minor disagreement, they recommend divorce lol.
@@rotocoach5397 you think this is a minor disagreement? Nah sorry toxic family is a BIG deal breaker for me
I'm sorry, but it sounds like he's trying to find excuses for everyone. I know that cuz I was like that and am trying to get better. When you've been bullied and isolated from healthy friendships, you start to make excuses for "friends" and "loved ones" because you want to feel less alone and less pathetic.
The more you treat others like your superiors, the more they will treat you like their inferior
I do believe people can change, but OP needs to go forward with this as a -very- slow pace, and even then I wouldn't marry again without something like a prenup and keeping finances separate just to protect myself since it has fallen apart once. It's not saying it will for certain go back to the way it used to, but it is a increased possibility to have her bail out since it's already happened once.
Which as well adds that this dynamic is at an increased risk of divorce because you've already had the dynamic of parting introduced to it, during a future possible bad argument its much more likely to crumble. It's possible to work out, even probable, but it is a future completely filled with needs for communication and a ton of work on both sides and even then it may unfortunately, not work.
I disagree with you, people rarely change and when they do they have to had a very hard and/or traumatic event for them to do it. She hasn't she is only settling for her doormat of an ex husband, she is putting her beat behavior, for now, wait until she knows she has him and see how are reverts to be the same pos she was in the past
@@ianmoritzplatapino3684 To be fair I said can, but can implies that it requires work from the individual in need of the change, It's not a default state that's de-facto achieved. In this case it comes down to some core values of the woman and core values are incredibly difficult to change and require acceptance and a desire to change. So I still say it sits in the "people can change" , it's just extremely hard to change in this case. It's why I spent the rest of the post suggesting he takes precautions in the off chance the most likely outcome occurs where she does not.
people cannot change. if you believe that they can, you are being a fool.
@ianmoritzplatapino3684 Ah yes, abuse is not traumatic
@@matthewbarabas3052Agree to disagree.
There is a weird plague of men that are obsessed with their daughters. They spoil them rotten and don't allow them to be happy with other men. Why don't we talk about this more? We talk about mommy's boys but not daddy's girls.
The FIL was abusive and toxic. Saying "but he was a good father and husband" doesn't negate the fact that he treats others like shit.
Your wife and the eldest SIL admitted it. But then only your eldest SIL defended you consistently. Your ex owes you an apology and to tell the family they treated their husband's and you unfairly.
Heck, address it in a fun way. Invite the spouses over for a suprise BBQ for the rest of the family.
I personally think he's making a mistake. She only came to the realisation of what she had when she saw what bad actually was, she showed no respect to him and I personally think he's giving her too much room. Her not standing up to her fathers behaviour is the reason he never changed, she allowed it. He might've been a great dad and had a rough upbringing but that does not excuse anything. It's a choice he will make and hopefully it does work out for them, but I would never be able to trust her ever again for making me feel like that and putting me in that situation as she can always do it again.
OP is a simp. Getting back with his Ex is a mistake.
If my father treated my partner like this, I'd 100% threaten to go no contact until he can man the fuck up and respect the woman I love.
I don’t get people that are pushed around by their in-laws. I use a policy of terror with mine and they keep in their place if they want to have any contact with my kids. This started after a couple of serious disagreements with them, after which I made the food chain clear with them and told my wife that I expected her to be on my side without discussion.
It has been working, as I am the only of their 4 son/daughter-in-law that they actually respect.
Ehhhh OP sounds like a doormat
Op should have had a consent fucking with his ex on the kitchen table in front of fil. If he wanted a reason to hate op so much that would've been a good reason. 🤷
But that's just my opinion
He sounds whinny
Remember everyone, respect is earned not given, no matter who they are or the circumstances.
I feel bad for the OP here, i hooe things get better for him
Out of all the Reddit stories I've seen on yt, this one is one of the only ones that addresses the comments like this... and people continue to do/say what he requested not to do lol
I was forced to go to counseling as a kid and went to a couple after my divorce. Have 3 friends that went to counseling and it always goes bad. Its manipulative and tells people the exact wrong thing to make things worse. Usually planting seeds of malcontent that will get worse until problems occour
Why is he still defending her
I can't get any sympathy with FIL, anyone can have a rough childhood (Or whenever period you're interested) but it doesn't excuse to be an a-hole and threat anyone like shit.
She didn’t realize that the way her father treated her spouses was wrong until OP brought it up…
This man here in denial
The ex younger BF is the smartest one
I think it could be that he is jealous of the relationship between op and the Mil. Op says he doesnt think he could be jealous but some people really get jealous by that. My own father has been jealous from time to time of his own kids because his wife (our mother) spends so much time with us. My parents are both good people and love their children to bits but my father loves my mother so much and wants her for himself most of the time. He gets really frustrated if my mother is out all day which to be fair is quite often sometimes all week. My father stopped working after he made a fortune and bought lots of poroerties to rent out and my mother is still working because she wants to and she takes care of her inlaws and parents a lot. My father does that too but my mother really spends a lot of time there and visits all her three children at least once a week and now especially her grandchild gets a lot of her attention. She loves my dad and isnt staying away because she doesnt want to spend time with him. She does want to spend time with him but she is a very loving and caring person and loves so many people and wants to see them regularly. My father is a huge homebody. It makes sense that he wants more time from his wife. Some people are jealous of their own children because of that and in some cases its understandable. In Op's case it's probably not that reasonable from what we know.
If your mom wanted to spend more time with her husband she would. Be honest. He’s not a priority. This makes me sad. Of course he’s jealous.
Op is delusional if he thinks fil liked him but didnt except him
Don't mind me jsut stopping 5 year old saying "first,,
Here too
@@Random-h5kNow stopping kids from replying second
I really appreciate you doing it.
imo saying that is as annoying as saying first, just don't say first at all
that what they said
Younger or not, respect is both way road. When someone doesn't respect me, I don't respect them.
How do you mention your wife is the youngest twice and proceed to say she has a younger sister?
If they are happy, that's all that matters, but who is the next person she prioritize over him?
Doesn't OP have his own family or is he a "discard your own for the inlaws" type?
The ex-boyfriend and Op aren't that different they both voiced their concerns. What the ex-boyfriend did that was different was he took action. As they say, actions speak louder than words. It looks like he has problems standing up for himself with his ex-wife and father-in-law. It looks like he is a people pleaser which further helped his wife keep her head in the sand. Now, as bad as it seems, it looks like she has reflected and is remorseful. How? She went to therapy about her dad's death, and Op was the first to know about that. She apologised for how she acted in the past. As for how her eyes were opened It is a bit sad. The ex-boyfriend put his foot down and SHOWED he would not tolerate disrespect rather than tell the ex-wife and get blown off. He showed how big of a deal it was. I hope that is the reason and not that she saw it as a problem because couldn't take the ex-boyfriend being disrespected. If OP acted the same way earlier on I'm sure things would not have gotten so better and the marriage could have been saved. Or the marriage would have dissolved much quicker. Either way, it would bode well for him. In basic terms, this prolonged because OP can't communicate or stand up for himself. It doesn't justify what the ex-wife and father-in-law did though. Just like it isn't a person's fault if they get robbed showing off a diamond watch, but they shouldn't have been flaunting it in a run-down neighborhood.
No wonder the fil acted that way, the op is a pushover with no self respect to stand up for himself.
Why post on Reddit knowing you may get crazy replies then come back to defend the person or the situation YOU put out there 😂😂 🤦🏾♀️ you guys were so hostile or hateful
That's what Reddit simps do best
In our culture, there is an unwritten practice that the youngest daughter is destined to inherit the family house. This ofcourse comes with the obligation that that the youngest daughter must take care of the aging parents. She can only marry once both parents have passed. I asked my very old great granmother about this ( she was 90+ years old already back then). Her explanation was people ( or parents?) deserve only 1 death, and losing all your kids because of marriage is already equivalent of death, because they’ve akready completed their life’s work.
This guy would be a loser if he takes her back I have the motto if I wasn't good enough for you back then don't come to me later especially if I pick myself up even higher I hate that s*** that women do you wasn't good enough for me then but you're good enough for me now I'm like it doesn't even make sense women these days don't contribute anything to the relationship except feelings and sex it's not like they offer money or help in any type of way it's not like you can actually talk to them about your feelings and what's going on it's not like if you got into a big fight or something they can actually do anything to help you women I don't understand why they have such a huge ego because you're pretty much useless you only become important when a man decides you're important it's not like any one of you can actually do anything that benefits the world I don't see women making buildings I don't see women creating sewer systems and maintaining them I don't see women creating any actual technological Marvels that we use to this day even though they have the ability to resources and everything we have right now to do so but because there's actual work involved in it they're not doing it
I hope OP leaves her. He deserves so much better
DEJAVU?
I've just been in this place before!
(Higher on the street!)
And I know it's my time to come home!
Calling you!
And the subject's a mystery!
(Standing on my feet!)
It's so hard when I try to believe!
Whooooaaa!!
@wig I see you comment on all of these, and I inevitably look forward to reading your posts. Normally cogent analysis, but this one made me laugh.
@@smallpseudonym2844 thank you
RUclips gave me an option to translate this, which came out to "MOAN?"
@@kingdionysus1867same☠️☠️
A lot of people have had harsh childhoods and a tough time growing up. The FIL isn't special in that regard. If he hated everyone outside his family what did he expect his daughter to do? Marry one of the siblings? That family was going to fall apart after the mother died because she held everything together. But seriously the ex couldn't see her family was toxic until after she broke up with OP and was in another relationship. That doesn't make sense
The father ruined the tradition not OP
Don't tell your SO you have them on reddit, that'd stupid
The father wanted a harem with his daughters 100%
Ew. WTF ???
You’re messed up
New Update of a previous posted story. Standing by my feeling of how the FiL was just a bitter old man who's only buffer was his wife and after her death he spread his misery to everybody else except for the oldest daughter. Kinda glad OP and his ex is getting back together since FiL's death, but also regret how it took his death and an abusive relationship for her to realize what she lost.
And they missed out on years of relationship to boot.
Agreed
"Im an immigration" you really going to skip the most important detail ?
Right? That might be the reason why the dad didn’t like him
Does the story change in the beginning or is it just me? At 4:00 and on
OP is a grade A simp. "Hey guys stop saying mean things about my ex father-in-law. He wasn't a bad guy, because he did not just hate me. At least he did not hate me the most".
I feel like her dad was racist and that's why he hated OP. I love how the ex BF didn't tolerate ish and that why that relationship didn't work out. I don't think I could forgive someone who forced us into a divorce because they kept prioritizing her father/family over her husband. It might work but I feel like she came back to him because she can control him, she just has to be a little nicer
Lmfao, is the father intimidated by him??😂😂
You folded 😂
so uh. we gonna talk about how OP was complaining about yt videos like this one we're all watching?
Yea, the loneliness could AND would cause you to make rash decisions.
gotta face a guy man to man instead of running away lol, only way to earn his respect
Am i confused here
imagine ruining ur childs relationship when they have their whole life ahead of them. FIL already lived his life, he doesnt get to ruin other bk hes salty that his wife is gone. Its extra fucked too since NOW that her dads gone shes realizing ops worth now that there isnt an obstacle in the way, and imo if she couldn't fight for her relationship then how tf do u expect to trust her now
Maybe its best to be with people who have dead parents.
Wow, simp till the end.
"None of you knew him...", did op even knew who his FIL was?
I am sorry life dealt you such a cantankerous FIL. You dealt with it the best you could. So many errors made by everyone. Having a chance at a new beginning is something half the world wish they could do. Go with love, laughter, and happiness to your future! Maybe with you guys being older this time around, you can toss out the stupid stuff, continue the couples therapy till you're both sure you no longer need it, and if you are able, have beautiful children and most of all be happy...
Story has an update, GF cheated on OP and left him more broken than ever, he’s contemplating going back to his home country
Cap
@@azeemawais8831 the newest update was a week ago, op hasn't answered comments since then, that's 100 percent Cap.
U pulled that out of your ass
Give em another chance and they'll break you more😂
Where did you find that? I couldn’t find it
The first part of this story is 100% useless.
Huh. 14 minutes in and we find out OP is an immigrant. Suddenly, I think we have the reason his FIL was an asshole to him.
I can only shake my head 🙂↕️
Nah Op is justifying his FIL's shitty behaviour, he has been manipulated.
her pops reminds me of midland king from berserk
OP is such a pushover
Repeat.
Keep a spreadsheet of the OP's, and whenever you come across a story, cross reference the spreadsheet to see if it's an update or repeat.
what's wrong is that a true marriage is u two against the world.
Either your parents can accept it even if they don't like your partner and be respectful to them.
But once you get married as long as there is no physical abuse or infidelity. Your spouse is always your first priority.
And this wasn't one or two times this was for years. With lots of effort in his Part. Instead each spouse dhoulf confront their parents especially for disrespecting your spouse.
That's a one-time thing, you say you love them this is your husband or wife and you don't stand for anybody disrespecting them. You don't have to like them but you have be cordial at least to them. If not you're done with them.
This guy is a bit of a doormat. Father in law was a social cripple who used his dead wife as his emotional support animal. He was never going to fix himself, the problem is the rest of the world! 8-P
Good luck, OP, you are fighting an uphill battle. She wants things, like kids, maybe if she does the work you can have a good life
I honestly hope the best for OP but constantly republishing his story across multiple platforms seems distasteful given how he apparently keeps getting people swarming him every time it happens. Counseling was a great move and I hope it's going well
Maybe she's your girl-wife now?
Nope, that doesn't sound right...
Gife?
Nahhhhh
Updates don’t match the original post
Doormat man
It feels a little messed up you chose to do this story when the ending half is just him venting about how people who put his story on RUclips and other sites brought a wave of hurtful comments his way. Guys doesn't want the attention.
Dude this post i couldnt even listen to it sounds so whiny
No sel respect through the whole post
covid 19 W
I see why not... if you wish to get back together go for it. Nobody is perfect and pot chose its lid
used goods ew
What a weakling, especially with his rant at the end about the comments lmao
Ima just put this here, HI PERSON WHO ORIGINALLY POSTED THEIR STORY ON REDDIT AND FOUND THEIR STORY HERE AGAIN
Y r we punishing someone for not realizing their mistakes sooner. Like they broke up amicably, shes not a cheater and theyre seeing a consoler to help deal with their problems. Do we just not give second chances