Amy hit the nail on the head. Avoidants or as I label them Toxics either knowingly or not knowingly go into connecting with someone because they are equipped and always ready to end it. That has to make you take a pause and realize you are playing in an unwinnable game of commitment with these people.
Ken and Amy, This letter and , more specifically, your comments and insights have filled in many of the blanks as to the “why” of the blindsiding break up with my DA boyfriend. We had a 3.5 year relationship . Like Julie in this letter, I knew nothing about attachment theory, but now know I’m somewhat anxiously attached and am in therapy for healing in this area. I appreciate everything I’ve gleaned so far and I realize I have much work to do to gain a secure stance in attachment. I like what you said about self awareness being only step one in a process of change. I visualized someone treading water if they are stuck with only self awareness. They’re getting nowhere, will eventually be exhausted and go under.
really really good discussion. I've been watching and following Ken's channel for a while since my avoidant discard 2 years ago after a blazing 3 month relationship. It's been the most painful experience and seems like it will affect me for a very long time. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I just wish I could shake this somehow. I know it will subside in time. Thanks Ken and Amy for helping.
Same homie, I'm only at 6 months but the progress happens slowly. Biggest step is not feeling the weight of their judgement or perceived 'devaluation' of you that doesn't really exist. They are not superior / you lesser because they shut down or ran away, even though that's the hardest thing to let go; ingrained feelings of inferiority in the aftermath due to how worthless and confused the treatment makes you feel. That's where the inner work is I suppose - once you see what pain points got exposed so badly by the experience!
This was such great episode! Thank you to the writer for sharing your experience as it was very relatable, and thank you, Ken and Amy, for your insights. Absolutely love Ken and Amy as a duo. This was one of my favorites.
Amy makes a really great point about entering relationships with a sense of 'this will end'. This is why an awful lot of people on the receiving end of avoidants wonder if they actually meant anything to the avoidant.
Ken and Amy, This letter and , more specifically, your comments and insights have filled in many of the blanks as to the “why” of the blindsiding break up with my DA boyfriend. We had a 3.5 year relationship . Like Julie in this letter, I knew nothing about attachment theory, but now know I’m somewhat anxiously attached and am in therapy for healing in this area. I appreciate everything I’ve gleaned so far and I realize I have much work to do to gain a secure stance in attachment. I like what you said about self awareness being only step one in a process of change. I visualized someone treading water if they are stuck with only self awareness. They’re getting nowhere, will eventually be exhausted and go under.
With every letter reading I’m gaining more and more insights into my own experiences with avoidants, thanks Ken and Amy!
Amy hit the nail on the head. Avoidants or as I label them Toxics either knowingly or not knowingly go into connecting with someone because they are equipped and always ready to end it. That has to make you take a pause and realize you are playing in an unwinnable game of commitment with these people.
Ken and Amy,
This letter and , more specifically, your comments and insights have filled in many of the blanks as to the “why” of the blindsiding break up with my DA boyfriend. We had a 3.5 year relationship .
Like Julie in this letter, I knew nothing about attachment theory, but now know I’m somewhat anxiously attached and am in therapy for healing in this area.
I appreciate everything I’ve gleaned so far and I realize I have much work to do to gain a secure stance in attachment.
I like what you said about self awareness being only step one in a process of change. I visualized someone treading water if they are stuck with only self awareness. They’re getting nowhere, will eventually be exhausted and go under.
really really good discussion. I've been watching and following Ken's channel for a while since my avoidant discard 2 years ago after a blazing 3 month relationship. It's been the most painful experience and seems like it will affect me for a very long time. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I just wish I could shake this somehow. I know it will subside in time. Thanks Ken and Amy for helping.
Same. It's been horrible and it has changed me.
Same homie, I'm only at 6 months but the progress happens slowly. Biggest step is not feeling the weight of their judgement or perceived 'devaluation' of you that doesn't really exist. They are not superior / you lesser because they shut down or ran away, even though that's the hardest thing to let go; ingrained feelings of inferiority in the aftermath due to how worthless and confused the treatment makes you feel. That's where the inner work is I suppose - once you see what pain points got exposed so badly by the experience!
This was such great episode! Thank you to the writer for sharing your experience as it was very relatable, and thank you, Ken and Amy, for your insights. Absolutely love Ken and Amy as a duo. This was one of my favorites.
Amy makes a really great point about entering relationships with a sense of 'this will end'.
This is why an awful lot of people on the receiving end of avoidants wonder if they actually meant anything to the avoidant.
Amazing,thank you guys ❤ brilliant content.
❤
Ken and Amy,
This letter and , more specifically, your comments and insights have filled in many of the blanks as to the “why” of the blindsiding break up with my DA boyfriend. We had a 3.5 year relationship .
Like Julie in this letter, I knew nothing about attachment theory, but now know I’m somewhat anxiously attached and am in therapy for healing in this area.
I appreciate everything I’ve gleaned so far and I realize I have much work to do to gain a secure stance in attachment.
I like what you said about self awareness being only step one in a process of change. I visualized someone treading water if they are stuck with only self awareness. They’re getting nowhere, will eventually be exhausted and go under.