We need to change the conversation about fathers | Anna Machin | TEDxClapham

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  • Опубликовано: 13 янв 2025

Комментарии • 205

  • @fastede52
    @fastede52 4 года назад +237

    I have raised my son since his birth, 15 years ago. I am a solo father and my son excels in everyway. He is my life

    • @GabsareSarg
      @GabsareSarg 4 года назад +9

      We need more good fathers to speak up to fight against the idea that fathers are bad and terrible. Thank you for your comment!

    • @BigBri550
      @BigBri550 4 года назад +2

      @@GabsareSarg There are a lot of bad & terrible fathers out there, so what do you expect? There are truly good ones, too, but they are more rare.

    • @mikebrandenburg9922
      @mikebrandenburg9922 4 года назад +2

      @@BigBri550 There are more bad & terrible mothers out there, hence the fatherless children who grow up without a dad, or with a dad they can only see every other weekend, of course, if mom allows it. Just look at the arguments mothers bring into court to make the dads look as bad as possible, with no base just to make sure the dad pays a much as possible without as little right as possible to see their children.

    • @BigBri550
      @BigBri550 4 года назад +1

      @@mikebrandenburg9922 Do you know how many custody cases are actually decided in court? About 4% ... That's it. So I don't know where you are getting all these terrible mothers slandering their saintly exes in court: after binge-watching _Kramer vs Kramer_ perhaps?

    • @nickthepostpunk5766
      @nickthepostpunk5766 3 года назад +3

      @@BigBri550 Do you have access to some clear evidence that provides a basis for your seeming hostility towards fathers?

  • @ThomasSmith-z5q
    @ThomasSmith-z5q 2 месяца назад +372

    Honestly, this book ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’ gave me the encouragement I needed to stay strong in raising my kids with Christian values, it’s comforting to know Im not alone on this journey

  • @aaronersoy3888
    @aaronersoy3888 3 года назад +94

    This is validation. This is important, I cried during her presentation because regularly no one praises dad for his multiple roles, the difficulties we face. The trial and error and isolation at times when you are trying so hard but are viewed as failing. This is validation. That we are important, that I am important and crucial.

    • @anuragtyagi9764
      @anuragtyagi9764 3 года назад +4

      I love u man, proud of u for your hard work.

    • @aphort1
      @aphort1 Год назад +4

      Keep it up, brother. Just watched this, also cried for the same reasons you expressed.

    • @smokexsmoke99
      @smokexsmoke99 Год назад

      I don't see the importance of fatherhood. I always wondered what's the importance of fathers in a child's life. I can see why mothers are important. Women are socially and biologically programmed to be parents much more strongly than men are. Mothers are the ones that produce milk to feed to their babies. Also, mothers are the ones that are usually in charge of their babies, and they assume that role early on. Also, women have "maternal instinct", while men don't have anything like that. And also, children usually spend a lot more time with their mothers than they do with their fathers, and during that time, the mothers are usually taking care of the children.

      Also, most animals in this world are only taken care by their mothers and they don't have their fathers around at all. So why are human fathers important? It seems that a child can grow up without a father, and still turn out ok.

    • @jraybay
      @jraybay Год назад +5

      ​@@smokexsmoke99 Were you playing this video on mute? Chatting sh-t for no reason 🤡

    • @TheKiddOnDrums
      @TheKiddOnDrums Год назад +1

      @@smokexsmoke99 the video literally answers your question😂 tf

  • @NeilRaouf
    @NeilRaouf 2 месяца назад +6

    being a dad of my two boys is the most wholesome thing there is ❤❤.

  • @eyeswideopen67
    @eyeswideopen67 4 года назад +175

    Fathers need to be treated equally in family court and not be pushed out of the children's lives if the Mothers chose to do so.

    • @carlgraham6507
      @carlgraham6507 3 года назад +1

      Preach brother preach!!!

    • @traviscollura2440
      @traviscollura2440 3 года назад +4

      Exactly. This reminds me of a quote that was something along the lines of, “Some of y’all are living in single parent households for no other reason than to get back at someone.”

    • @ShonTolliverMusic
      @ShonTolliverMusic 3 года назад +1

      Peach preacher!

    • @ShonTolliverMusic
      @ShonTolliverMusic 3 года назад

      @@traviscollura2440 to your point, 70% of all divorce fillings are initiated by women and 100% of child births are at the decision of women. Therefore, the architect of single parent moms is OVERWHELMINGLY at the behest of women.
      Yet men, societally, shoulder all the blame.

  • @simonmorrison8570
    @simonmorrison8570 3 года назад +106

    I'm sitting her watching this video to make notes for a court statement on why its important for my daughter that I be allowed to play an active role in her life, to be regularly present in her life. I'm having to do this because of a toxic Mother more interested in punishing me than the well being of her child. The fact that I have to go to court to beg and plead for regular access is infuriating. I'm literally vibrating with anxiety and anger.

    • @Helios_114
      @Helios_114 3 года назад +6

      I wish you the best of luck

    • @RicardoCray
      @RicardoCray 3 года назад +11

      I’m dealing with the same thing it’s a shame you have to explain why being an active father is important smh you got this bro blessings 💯 keep fighting

    • @Mustaches4017
      @Mustaches4017 3 года назад +17

      As a daughter of a mother like that.. I am almost in tears. I am so sorry you and your daughter are going through that. If you don't get the rights you deserve, just know your daughter will always love you. If she is manipulated (temporarily) by her mother that you chose this, she (your daughter) willI always see right through the games. We know when we are loved. I still love my mom and have no resentment towards her for what she did to my dad but there is a special type of love towards my father who never gave up. Keep fighting, you are already a great father for doing this.

    • @robertcasey9688
      @robertcasey9688 3 года назад +6

      I'm going through an extremely similar thing. Mother alleged child abuse & domestic abuse after I attempted suicide largely because of her and the way she made me feel useless and alone. Courts stopped direct access to a 12 month daughter & 3 year old son who have been in my life since birth removed. I have been made out to be some sort of risk just because I have suffered. I work on a college with young & vunerable children/teens.. yet not aloud to see my own children. Good job I survived. I'll rescue my children from an uncaring mother.

    • @anthonyschwartz6114
      @anthonyschwartz6114 3 года назад +3

      How did it go?
      If you “won”, congratulations!
      If you didn’t, don’t give up. I lost initially. My ex-wife alienated me from my son, off and on for almost 6 years. I finally won 50/50 custody. Never give up on your children.

  • @bobsmockus
    @bobsmockus 4 года назад +45

    This was excellent. As a soon-to-be father of a son, I'm very happy knowing somebody believes in these ideas.

  • @hel-9456
    @hel-9456 2 года назад +16

    I am one of the very rare number fathers who can say that my personal experience during my wife's pregnancy was truly a wonderful one. From the first appointment with the midwife, to being visited by our health visitor after the birth of our daughter. I was always made to feel included, I was always asked if I was OK, I felt like I mattered. One thing I would do when my wife was pregnant was sing at her belly every night because I wanted to do something to let my little girl know that I was here too. It sounds silly I know. When she was born and I held her for the first time, one of the midwives gave her a vitamin K jab which set her off crying, so I started to sing to her and immediately she stopped crying and fell asleep in my arms. In that moment I felt that bond and I believe wholeheartedly that my role as a father being treated with the same respect as my wife's role as a mother from the very beginning, was a huge contribution to building that immediate bond between me and my daughter.

  • @dasshorts7800
    @dasshorts7800 3 года назад +124

    It’s a travesty that this topic can only be broached by a woman. Imagine a father up there talking about this? He’d be dismissed immediately.

    • @dasshorts7800
      @dasshorts7800 3 года назад +13

      As a follow up, I agree with her analysis about different functions for maternal and paternal love, at least anecdotally. A mother will approve of you for just being you, but you have to earn your fathers approval. That’s developmentally significant for how a child interacts with the world.

    • @Aman-qr6wi
      @Aman-qr6wi 3 года назад +1

      I remember how its men only who call other men simps when they chose parenting.

    • @Seissmo
      @Seissmo 3 года назад +1

      @@Aman-qr6wi Symptom of the media.

    • @kre8unity
      @kre8unity 2 года назад +1

      Agree 💯 with ALL above comments:)

    • @jamesn7305
      @jamesn7305 2 года назад

      A man would be asked to pay for the privilege to speak on stage but not be allowed to actually speak

  • @kdsuibhne
    @kdsuibhne 3 года назад +70

    Some mothers have no business being parents.
    Some children suffer due to courts forcing them to live with their bad mothers.
    Some fathers make better parents than mothers.

  • @Freighttrain27
    @Freighttrain27 2 года назад +14

    Just found out we’re pregnant. As a future first time father this was the motivation I needed!

    • @Zeitgeist0
      @Zeitgeist0 2 года назад +1

      Whatever happens. Stick around as she called it. And simply be emotionally connected. I am sure the rest of it will work out fine. The biggest mistake parents these days make is...they are physically there, but emotionally far, far away. And if there is something that little humans need the most, actually what every human needs even in the older ages, actually isn't love itself, but the things connected to love. Secureness (or whatever the right word is), trust etc. Love is a curious thing, but trust and safe environment is the bigger pert of the needs. From both parents. Maybe you should take a look at the so called implicit and explicit mind thingy^^ sorry my lack of English is hitting again. Babies already get their first important informationd about the world outside the mother. It can actually decide a bit already about the child's life. But I am sure you're a good job anyway. You seem to be interested and end up on the best material for parenthood as it looks.
      Cheers man and have a good life with your family. Gratulations!

    • @Zeitgeist0
      @Zeitgeist0 2 года назад

      *doing a good job
      Sorry, but there a many failed auto-correctings

    • @jonahtwhale1779
      @jonahtwhale1779 Год назад

      Hope you got his prior, informed consent to parenthood. One of those reproductive rights that men have no legal right to.

  • @bayardovalle2999
    @bayardovalle2999 6 лет назад +88

    She represented us beautifully

    • @Kal-El207
      @Kal-El207 5 лет назад +6

      Yes she did brotha. Yes she did.

  • @michaeljenks6259
    @michaeljenks6259 5 лет назад +62

    Taking up to "6 months" for dad's to fully bond with the child resonated with me. My wife was pushing for me to be a stay at home dad once we married, but I didn't really want to - until my son was 4 months old. When he was 6 months old, I went an quit my day job. It took 2 months to work my mind around the issue. Now I'm a stay-at-home dad and realtor. Still able to make some money for my ego AND take care of my son.
    I'll disagree with other commenters about "end of the West" - it may take a generation, but we'll be fine in the long run.

    • @peters.9371
      @peters.9371 3 года назад +7

      even if this problem gets solved (which it never will), the west has many other problems, it's doomed....

    • @NeilRaouf
      @NeilRaouf 2 месяца назад

      bravo. hats off!

  • @fiyahriddims
    @fiyahriddims 2 года назад +5

    As a Father of 6, I've known from the start that I had to become a better man,so that I could be here for my children. Now I'm the grateful granddad to their children. It's good to stand as a man,to have little one's look up to you.

  • @noeespinoza7977
    @noeespinoza7977 Год назад +2

    In CA as a recent father i was granted 2 months of paid work leave it truly is helpful in creating that bond and seeing how much work it is to take care of a baby

  • @AlexMerryEsq
    @AlexMerryEsq 6 лет назад +25

    I’d never thought about fatherhood in this way before. Thanks dad (and Anna)! Great talk

  • @oscaka0073
    @oscaka0073 5 лет назад +106

    Why everything related to fathers always get the looowest views in TedTalks videos ? Are fathers really not worth a damn ? If so , then I'l probably stay single for the rest of my life to avoid being " used " and dispensable .

    • @JS-nd1po
      @JS-nd1po 4 года назад +23

      Because men are looked upon as idiots and fools. It’s sad that this talk even has to be talked about. It’s not rocket science that men are very important in parenting and don’t have to be taught to be dads anymore than moms have to.

    • @eman_ggs
      @eman_ggs 4 года назад +10

      By staying single you are giving into your fear and becoming part of the problem. It is the weight of society that rests firmly on your shoulders to confront that which you think is wrong. Do not let your fears rule you. If you give in then you will never find the responsibility you crave.

    • @VicMALa
      @VicMALa 4 года назад +7

      Ethan Webber Sometimes to win a game, you shouldn’t play. If the rules of the game are unfair then play a different game. Unplaced games rewrite themselves, because otherwise they don’t get made. Hold strong.

    • @eyeswideopen67
      @eyeswideopen67 4 года назад +18

      Fathers aren't treated in family court as if they are worth a damn trust me....I haven't been allowed to see my children in over 8 years and this is a non criminal man who is speaking. I was pushed out and I fought tooth and nail to stay in my children's lives through 9 years of fighting in family court and every cent I ever earned well over 200k. Also lost my health in the battle. So be afraid. Be very afraid. I would not wish the pain my children and I have endured being separated on anyone. Grieving a living child is the worst abuse anybody can be put through. I would never recommend that men become fathers in a feminized society where fathers are not given a chance in family court and women initiate divorce roughly 86% of the time. Until things change for equality in the family court don't do it.

    • @lindagonzalez435
      @lindagonzalez435 4 года назад +11

      Wow, this is sad. It’s feminism that was pushed onto women. As a Christian Woman, I understand the need of a father in the life of children. I was married for twenty years to an awesome husband and father. I was so blessed to see my kids have both parents since I did not have father myself. He went home too soon and I had to raise four teens on my own, I saw a huge change in my children. I tried my best, but it has been very difficult because my kids had such a good relationship with their dad. We all missed him so much.
      With God as a center of a relationship, it will be successful.
      I pray that you would find a good woman and can enjoy a family. It’s work, but oh so rewarding . God bless you.

  • @toker6664
    @toker6664 4 года назад +51

    What always annoys me is women saying to dads "your babysitting" no just being a father

    • @BigBri550
      @BigBri550 4 года назад +7

      What is more annoying are "fathers" who are little more than unreliable babysitters.

    • @toker6664
      @toker6664 4 года назад +16

      @@BigBri550 same with mothers that use their kids as a payday

    • @BigBri550
      @BigBri550 4 года назад +2

      @@toker6664 That is immaterial to your initial comment.

    • @toker6664
      @toker6664 4 года назад +13

      @@BigBri550 now weve both pointed out both sexes can be awful parents, are you happy?

    • @BigBri550
      @BigBri550 4 года назад +2

      @@toker6664 Why, yes- i am fine. How are you?

  • @spiritualclarity
    @spiritualclarity Год назад

    This heals my heart on many levels. As a dad I feel so much of this. I have been very fortunate to be mostly included at all the stages of the journey of my Daughter coming into the world. And yet, it is still all about Mom. I never want to take away from that, but it can feel like i'm a third wheel. Especially when I come to pick my daughter up from a playdate and she yells in my face "No Daddy, where's mommy!!"
    Dad's are needed. Thank you for this talk!

  • @DrStephenTee
    @DrStephenTee 3 года назад +2

    19 Jul 2018 - Nov 2021, nothing has changed but I wholeheartedly I agree with you.

  • @S30raiden
    @S30raiden 4 года назад +39

    I was watching the Simpson's the other day the 1st episode being the Christmas episode, their was a scene where Lisa schools her Aunt about the importance of fathers with notes of feminism which supports men too. Very progressive on day one.

    • @Abandex369
      @Abandex369 3 года назад

      These days Lisa sucks

    • @marchuta326
      @marchuta326 3 года назад

      Feminism which supports men too. Lol. Talk with the National Organisation of Women in USA : blocking shared custody bills, funds and policies to help single/divorced fathers, etc.

    • @ernestosanchez5891
      @ernestosanchez5891 2 года назад

      @@marchuta326 That's what they're missing. It's always been about equality, not flipping the order.

  • @Iceburg814
    @Iceburg814 3 года назад +8

    Thank you for bringing this to attention.

  • @Faridbuza
    @Faridbuza 6 лет назад +19

    This is the best TedTalk I have ever listened to.

  • @paul_devos
    @paul_devos Год назад +1

    😭😭😭😭
    Needed to hear that. I hope more of society can hear this too.

  • @limolnar
    @limolnar Месяц назад

    This message had its time, and that time is now.

  • @paulfish5074
    @paulfish5074 3 месяца назад

    Amazing presentation. Loved listening to it. Makes alot of sense and alot resonates with me as a father.

  • @heldenvaeter
    @heldenvaeter 4 года назад +12

    What a deeply emotional and scientifcly sound prasentation at a time!
    I have had the opportunity of rainsing my two kids more or less to an even account like my wife. And many of my personal experinces came imediatly to live listenig to this wounderful female presenter. I found especially enlightning the part about the "hormone feedback loop" of the couple during pregnancy. This is teaching us how important this phase in the live of a human is.

  • @KoiWeird
    @KoiWeird 4 месяца назад

    I sadly don't have a father but I can completely understand the need to treat them equally my mom and I have the exact same stance a parent is a parent regardless of gender and its important to a childs life no matter what. Mine just so happened to not be fit to be a parent

  • @HalHamza
    @HalHamza 3 года назад +5

    That accent makes everything sound so brilliant. God!

  • @harveyjones8434
    @harveyjones8434 2 года назад +1

    Wow this is so so true I really miss my children but unfortunately the are of age to get those years back I just got to get the years we have left

  • @marcusflatt9084
    @marcusflatt9084 3 года назад +19

    Has anyone else considered how insulting it is to be told that "biological dad" can be easily replaced with "Step-Dad", "Adoptive Dad", or "Dad Figure"?

    • @Abandex369
      @Abandex369 3 года назад +4

      We're built to be disposable
      It's how we're raised

    • @josephmortonsmith
      @josephmortonsmith 2 года назад +1

      nope

    • @trofuyu
      @trofuyu Год назад +1

      No, it's not.
      "biological dad" For me, it's just the man that put the gamete.
      "Dad" is the one that create a bond with the kid; wich can be the biological dad, a grandad, a dad figure.
      They are not the same.

    • @hughiemg2
      @hughiemg2 Год назад +1

      ​​@@trofuyudo we think or tall about mothers in the same way?

    • @trofuyu
      @trofuyu Год назад

      @@hughiemg2 yes

  • @Redorc1
    @Redorc1 4 года назад +6

    Loved this.

  • @matimumarcusmanganyi0523
    @matimumarcusmanganyi0523 3 года назад +4

    🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I was also ignored at the hospital. Like, I was there but also not there.

  • @SpringerA1984
    @SpringerA1984 3 года назад +3

    Powerful!!

  • @soarer209
    @soarer209 2 года назад +2

    i get my daughter every saturday night after work until tuesday morning before i go to work so its really 2 full days only i get with her i really wish it was more but i work and she lives an hour away with her mom i wish everyday i could be with her..

  • @pgrahamcpa
    @pgrahamcpa 4 года назад +15

    She sounds like Denzel Washington, Her words are so powerful.

  • @da1bearsfan
    @da1bearsfan 3 года назад +1

    Good stuff almost in tears!!

  • @TheNavaneethkrishnan
    @TheNavaneethkrishnan 7 месяцев назад

    Key point - It takes a whole village to grow a child. Thanks

  • @da1bearsfan
    @da1bearsfan 3 года назад +8

    Imagine if all men had 9 weeks maternal leave. All fathers would be encouraged to and have a chance to be involved even the so called absent ones.

  • @edwardsmall8865
    @edwardsmall8865 2 года назад +2

    I experienced something bad happening to my babyboy while i was at work. When i called home my wife told me somebody through a brick through the window where my son was lying.

  • @vegainfamily8213
    @vegainfamily8213 2 месяца назад

    I wish this is the world we could live in. I would love for the men to be this in every scenario and for every woman to be equally as good. Our society has created this system let’s try looking at that rather than blaming each other maybe 🤷🏻‍♀️ just a thought

  • @MercedesE63S-AMG
    @MercedesE63S-AMG 3 года назад +1

    Well said! 👍

  • @jimbarrofficial
    @jimbarrofficial 3 года назад +14

    Jordan Peterson talks about the positive effects of rough and tumble play in both of this latest books.

  • @mrstarnation4171
    @mrstarnation4171 4 года назад +15

    Why isnt this more famous

    • @nickthepostpunk5766
      @nickthepostpunk5766 3 года назад +2

      There is of course an obvious cynical response to your question :-)

  • @ceegee3514
    @ceegee3514 4 года назад +17

    Why have people actually downvoted this???

  • @philliphickox4023
    @philliphickox4023 Год назад +2

    "Fathers build the bond through interaction" the only problem is "Maternal Gatekeeping" can and does interfere with this bonding process. Have you ever heard a mother say "He has never shown any interest in the children!" or a father say "She doesn't need me any more!" He has been excluded from the bonding process.

    • @georgaburns7537
      @georgaburns7537 Месяц назад +1

      Material gatekeeping is a great term and we should use it more often. I know far too many mothers who won’t allow fathers to do a thing with their younger children because they claim the father is doing it or will do it wrong. Mothers don’t give fathers the same room for trial and error as they themselves are allowed. Fathers are just expected to be rule enforcement and financial providers. It’s sad.
      I raised my son alone as his father was very abusive and it wasn’t safe for us to stay with him. I didn’t grow up with a father either. Today, I absolutely adore getting to teach my fiancé how to bond with his 1 year old son during visitation. He had no idea what baby’s want or need but he greatly appreciates when I give examples and then step back and allow him to figure things out on his own. Sometimes I really want to step in (like when he’s dressing his son lol it’s an interesting technique he chooses for sure) but I refrain because I remember back when I was just figuring things out with my son and how I built confidence as his mother from doing all the things and felt a stronger connection to my son from all the love and care I got to provide him. I want my fiancé to have those same moments too. I want him to have the same trial and error stories I do and to cultivate the same bonding connection.
      Just because I’d do something more efficiently doesn’t mean it’s the only way. It’s about bonding with your children and creating that trust with them and also yourself. It’s knowing that you can calm their fears, stop the tears and bring out those smiles and giggles that strengthen bonds and grows confidence that will make all the difference for the rest of our children’s lives.

    • @philliphickox4023
      @philliphickox4023 Месяц назад

      @@georgaburns7537 "Don't become an expert in that baby" is the advice I recently read about an older woman giving to new mothers.

  • @madler1966
    @madler1966 5 месяцев назад

    Adopted children, raised in the same home from birth show no similarity in measurable life outcomes. 😮 Build positive relationships!

  • @nayastill151
    @nayastill151 5 лет назад +9

    Go, dads!

  • @Sergio021977
    @Sergio021977 3 года назад +4

    My son is my life

  • @1luv4j
    @1luv4j 2 года назад

    We have instinct when pollution chemicals dont cut us from our hearts. I feel ny son with heart. Never will I be with anyone who dont love me or how she love our children.

  • @williamsummers6438
    @williamsummers6438 3 года назад +1

    There is a better way. Parental custody of children is actually a very simple matter to solve given the true desire of “What is best for the child”. We first need to separate and discard marriage from family law as they no longer seem to be connected. We must develop protocols that confer (over time) equal parental rights and responsibilities,…..once parentage is proven.
    Children’s natural maturation process has 3 essential stages of need.
    A.The unconditional love of the mother from birth until about 7 years of age. The mother to have “thefinalsay” and to receive child allowance.
    B.The conditional love of the father, who takes his children out into the world, gives security and teaches social boundaries from 7 until about 13 years of age. The father to have “thefinalsay” and to receive child allowance.
    C.The friendship and respect of peers from 13 until 18 years of age. The child to have “thefinalsay”.
    If these 3 stages are not are not gone through in order, maturation is unlikely to be satisfactorily achieved and mental resilience reduced. This has now become generational.
    Such a regime of equal parenting rights (over time) would bind parents into a co-operative relationship, because (over time) each will hold the power of “thefinalsay” sequentially when they are best favoured to use it.
    Such family protocols would be the default position, but could in exceptional cases be varied by the court.
    Buckminster Fuller said:-
    “You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete”.
    To alleviate suffering is worthy. To prevent it is divine, but thankless.

  • @stevebowman2556
    @stevebowman2556 2 года назад

    Thank you for the recognition. I think there is some biological part of us humans that does not value a father's role in raising children. Men value mothers who are close and engaged with their children, but I don't think women hold men in high esteem when they take an active, engaging role in raising the children. They say they most certainly do, but in practice, they feel a little usurped or guilty or even that the man is somehow weak. And in general everyone always assumes the mother is the more consistent presence in the child's life, yet that is not necessarily always the case.

  • @hasensaurus
    @hasensaurus 5 месяцев назад

    I am a father. And divorced. My daughter is 7yo, goes to a private school which costs the same amount as my ex-wife`s entire salary, I pay for it. I pay her a monthly contribution for our child that exceeds my ex-wife`s salary. For my child`s needs, I have to live in another country. All because my ex-wife thought her mother would help her more raising the child than me. And my ex needs her selfcare time.

  • @Dd94949
    @Dd94949 4 месяца назад +1

    I love this talk - but the assertion that father is meant to be secure base only, and not also safe haven goes against what it means to "parent". Children raised by people who push them to be successful and drop them when they fail develop narcissistic traits. Children need to have permission to freely move out and in, and sadly most men are happy to push for out and oblivious to needs for closeness and comfort ie anything not performance based. Therefore men lose out on 50% of parenting. A great # of fathers are physically present and emotionally absent. And a great # of mothers turn to their kids for the relationships needs they can't meet from their husbands.

  • @brandiwalker6191
    @brandiwalker6191 3 года назад

    I watched it.

  • @georger6624
    @georger6624 5 лет назад +9

    I feel it is too late in the day, for the West in general. but .fathers the best

  • @SatansSimgma
    @SatansSimgma 2 года назад +3

    The laws are written to protect women not to be fair.

  • @UKMonkey
    @UKMonkey Год назад

    After watching what looked like a zombie film at my partners c section... I realised there was no after care for men.
    She was asked how she was.
    She was asked how she was feeling.
    No one ever asked me. Except the one lady who saw me break down as I got changed post op... And she asked only because I broke down...
    Midwifes means "with woman"... But where's the "midman"? We could surely do with one now that we have to witness so much.

    • @AmorDia-GOAT
      @AmorDia-GOAT 3 месяца назад

      Thank you for sharing I truly didn’t realize my husband might go through
      Unpleasant intense emotions.
      I’ll try to remember to keep an eye out for that

  • @ad2989-j3k
    @ad2989-j3k 7 месяцев назад

    All things good but just one question.
    How does paid paternity leave allow mother to join back workforce earlier? If a child needs 9 months' round the clock physical proximity of a mother, it cannot be replaced by proximity of a father and vice versa, if the child needs both.
    This doesn't seem like partnering in parenting but delegating parenting job to men so that women can grow up in their career.

  • @chrispoole3185
    @chrispoole3185 6 лет назад +24

    I feel it is too late in the day, for the West in general. Goodbye society, hello chaos.

  • @hughiemg2
    @hughiemg2 Год назад

    The easist most cost effective eay to increase paternity leave woild be to treat maternity and paternity as a shared allocation of time off. Some women may be happy to go back to work earlier but i suspect many would not

  • @jamesn7305
    @jamesn7305 2 года назад +1

    Carrying a child doesn't create a special bond, fathers have the same parental bond and father's intuition. Yes the bonding wasn't immediate but it's unbreakable. I experienced the same morning sickness and cravings as the mother and although given limited access can't wait to spend time with my son.

  • @AdamAintWright
    @AdamAintWright 3 года назад

    Where was this video 12 years ago?

  • @youtubeaccount57721
    @youtubeaccount57721 7 месяцев назад

    🤗🤗🤗

  • @nathanmciver6496
    @nathanmciver6496 Год назад

    What is hollywood changing, you know the one with different names places yet the problem's not resolved are the same! Old grudge's and framing people not working? I guess change!!! Father's are important and real life is tough enough without the phishing! 2023 here Full time Dad! We live in peace by other people quiting the habits of old!

  • @radhiadeedou8286
    @radhiadeedou8286 Год назад

    Just came here to say that in the thumbnail this lady looks like she just woke up

  • @sabaidris6930
    @sabaidris6930 6 лет назад +4

    👍👍👍

  • @gilgabro420
    @gilgabro420 4 года назад +5

    I'm dying to become a father! My really unenthusiastic about it and I'll get down 😏
    to it as soon as I earn enough money.

  • @Andrew-hd2yk
    @Andrew-hd2yk 10 месяцев назад

    My son just turned 8 in January. My ex-wife uses him as a weapon against me and the only thing I want is to spend time with him.

  • @catsaresocute650
    @catsaresocute650 3 года назад +1

    Yeah, but is the fact that they only develop a bond later, or when living with the mother, indicative of the nature of thire optional (but highly benefical) involvement as optionl or is there any reason that would say spot on this is why there's a connection?

  • @ordinaryextraordinary9484
    @ordinaryextraordinary9484 3 года назад +1

    Can we just all agree that your gender *should* be like your blood type - which is to say, irrelevant to the situation and how the world should view you unless it’s a medical one (or you have dysphoria)

  • @C-mereSSBU
    @C-mereSSBU 4 года назад +3

    You're not really having the conversation about what makes fathers absent and the laws that create them. You just keep acknowledging absent fathers as an outlier to the topic at hand.

  • @etiennedelaunois1737
    @etiennedelaunois1737 Месяц назад

    I don't know for you guys but I didn't need 6 months... day 1, first second.

  • @shobey26
    @shobey26 3 года назад +2

    I’m in Canada and this is not true. Men have equal opportunity for paternity leave and for all parental and postnatal care

  • @shaarminakhter1538
    @shaarminakhter1538 3 года назад +1

    (From India) This is how we uplifted women to take advantage of a man's life and property! We have changed the laws of patriarchy.. But 500 matriarchal families still exist in the world.. No effect on them.. I became to protest for men after facing my own brother's miserable situation for the dividing half of his property to his wife after divorce.. In India ,men don't even have that right to report domestic violence!

  • @14griffinj
    @14griffinj 3 года назад +1

    If the world wants me to have a baby so bad then they’re gonna have to reinvent and fund the idea of being a Dad. Currently, everything synonymous with being a Dad means cringey (Dad jokes, Dad bod, Dad Rock). Why should I strive to be a lame, out of shape, and arrogant family man?

  • @doughartley3513
    @doughartley3513 2 года назад +2

    When dad can’t get a job, then he’s useless? That is what your saying?

    • @user-gk3lu1gg9t
      @user-gk3lu1gg9t Месяц назад

      Anyone who can't get a job is useless in some capacity

  • @sethchandler4170
    @sethchandler4170 3 года назад +3

    "Evolution holds nothing to chance"
    Lol. Evolution is nothing but chance supposedly. Lol. You see what I mean? Nonsense.

  • @hyderflayer
    @hyderflayer 6 лет назад +3

    i hate "first" comments, but this is a TED talk so *first*

  • @aka6153
    @aka6153 4 года назад +1

    First minutes: „80% ...are rare“??? Min.7: There is no point evolving two to do exactly the same thing“ - eyes, ears and hands do exactly the same thing from a different perspective. Min.9: Which advertisement etc labels fathers as „either absent or inapt“??

    • @aka6153
      @aka6153 4 года назад

      Thanks for your unhelpful reply

  • @vardanhovakimyan7633
    @vardanhovakimyan7633 2 месяца назад

    BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

  • @seds94
    @seds94 5 лет назад +8

    why do you think we call god the father

    • @mrstarnation4171
      @mrstarnation4171 4 года назад

      Huh....HUH...HUUUUH?! That is a kean eye right there. Good thinking

  • @Abandex369
    @Abandex369 3 года назад

    Damn testosterone drop

  • @HowToSaveMoneyOnCarRepairs
    @HowToSaveMoneyOnCarRepairs Год назад

    She better be Human otherwise i would be disappointed..! Another thing that puzzles me, is i can't differentiate weather she is talking about Humans here or her Pets...!🤔👎👎😇😇⚡⚡

  • @RicardoCray
    @RicardoCray 3 года назад +5

    This will never reach the views it deserves there’s no such thing as a step dad it’s just a title to normalize a failed relationship. Nothing beats the biological

  • @braxeld4551
    @braxeld4551 3 года назад

    Hmmm maybe only in the Anglo world that fathers are ignore.

  • @marcooos9874
    @marcooos9874 3 года назад

    Being a supportive partner is the last thing I will ever do. Don't want to ever deal with this gender again.

  • @j.clayton7672
    @j.clayton7672 Год назад

    Surprised she's not been cancelled yet.

  • @ActionHeinz
    @ActionHeinz 3 года назад +4

    17 feminists disagree

  • @sethchandler4170
    @sethchandler4170 3 года назад +1

    "Evolution hates redundancy"
    I find it mind blowing how often qualified people refer to Evolution as making clear decisions with reason. They literally describe design when talking about Evolution. Everything that can be studied in life screams design. Not just design but thorough, thoughtful and unmatched in complexity design. Listening to Evolutionists always comes out as a comedy to me. Look at all these perfectly fitting, interwoven patterns of design that thoughtless, reasonless random chance has made without knowing. Lol. It's insane.

  • @natashabridgeman9568
    @natashabridgeman9568 Год назад

    Men are helping with babies? My man took six weeks off to party, called me lazy, and told me I was faking my pain.

  • @jonahtwhale1779
    @jonahtwhale1779 Год назад

    Notice how an equality measure for men is not allowed to cause deficit to women?
    If women are to be given high prestige jobs, we are quite happy for men to suffer and have fewer opportunities available to them.
    However, if we are to give men access to paternity leave, we are not allowed for women to suffer any deficit.
    Which 50% of women are going to surrender their maternity leave so that their male partner can take it? Quite happy for 50% of male CEOs to have no job but 50% of mothers are not to lose out on their maternity leave!