"The Principal Effect of Boarding School Is A Problem With Emotions" | Piers Cross
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
- "The Principal Effect of Boarding School Is A Problem With Emotions" | Piers Cross
Today I talk about our relationships to emotions at boarding school.
I talk about how we repress them. And the cost of this on our psyches.
I quote from the interview I did a couple of days ago with a clinical psychologist and Nick Duffell.
I also quote from Daniel Kupfermann's book Don't Be So Senstive.
The Emotion Feeling Wheel: www.davidhodde...
Podcast #97 with Dr Nathan Baumann goes live on Friday 21st June: • Clinical Psychologist:...
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✅ About Piers Cross:
Piers is a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, complex PTSD, boarding school syndrome, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups and runs a podcast called An Evolving Man.
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Shame and the fear of public humiliation has kept it all locked down for decades! The way in is the mind. The way through is feeling and connecting the body.
I need to keep this one close and on repeat! Great episode Piers! Thank you.
Thank you Kat. Yes, that fear of public humiliation was so strong. I reflected recently that I felt fear most of the time at school. We didn't have our own space so we could never let the guard down for fear of that humiliation. Take care, Piers
Thanks for this Piers, I found it very helpful. The subject of shaming I find particularly pertinent. I have also feared public humiliation to an obsessive degree. I think my parental upbringing also didn't help. When I remember boarding school there were a lot of mixed up people. For sure boarding school messes you up, but I have a feeling that pretty much everyone there was messed up before they arrived. I think that is because it is a particular type of parent that is likely to send their children to such places - and then not listen to them when they are there.
Hi Simon, thank you for your words. Yes, it is so true. Many of the children in my boarding school had some reason for being there and many had some form of baggage. The securely attached and loving parent would be less likely to send them away and then not listen. Take care, Piers
It's the most important message I have ever heard.
Thank you Henk, I am glad that you found this video helpful. Take care, Piers
I think a clear case of a lack of emotional intelligence in a leader was Rishi Sunak deciding to leave the D-Day anniversary events early. His heart did not or was not allowed to tell the rest of him that he needed very much to be there. And to be in solidarity with Europe, The USA and many other places in the world. That it was one of the very most important dates of modern history that was being emphasized with the important victory but also the huge amount of blood and suffering. He made a very cold and intellectual calculation that for himself the best use of the time was to leave early in order to work out how to still cling to power after the election. I think the whole business with National Service was not an empathetic decision based on what was best for young people. It is important to realise that mandatory volunteering makes no logical sense at all. I think he was coldly calculating that he needed to keep the tory far right both in parliament and out of it happy. Sunak thought they would approve of giving the "idle" "disrespectful" and "snowflake" young something proper and decent to do instead of causing trouble. In short he was pandering to a Tory stereotype and also negatively and misleadingly stereotyping young people. It really had nothing to do with helping the country. It would have been far better to have an information campaign so that those young people who do wish to volunteer, and there are many of them, could know how to do it. They hopefully would then tell their friends what a good experience they were having.
Sunak was a day boy though influenced by the boarders in his school.
Thanks Richard for sharing. Although Rishi was not a boarder (I always thought that he was until last week!) he was at a boarding school where many of the same practices of emotionally repressing were going on. Take care, Piers
Plus, the day boys are often bullied by the boarders. The same values are taught in the classroom to both day pupils and boarders.
Sunak is ex-Goldman Sachs. Can you imagine a better training ground for Goldman Sachs than an English boarding school?
@simonsmatthew Or being a day boy in a top private school that takes boarders. Winchester School is huge and ranks only just below Eton and Harrow.