What's Life Like in a Private British Boarding School? | Leaving Home at 8 Years Old
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- Опубликовано: 6 фев 2020
- British Documentary exploring the emotional effects of boarding school on young kids and their heart-torn parents.
There is a cliché of boarding schools existing just so that rich distant parents can unburden themselves of their kids in search of less responsibility and a life of luxuries. Although this might be the true for some, like most clichés the reality for most cases is vastly different.
At Highfield Prep School in Hampshire, four new 8 year olds are about to find a new home that could shape the course of their whole lives. All coming from military families that are constantly on the move, every one of these girls parents decided that being in a stable environment as well as getting a top class education was the best way for them to grow up. But what kind of emotional strain does this put on both the homesick kids and their yearning parents.
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They all HAVE to do after school activities everyday. “No chance to disappear off on your own too much” this is an introverts nightmare omg 😭
Kimberly Simmons at my school it’s a choice and yes it’s private
My private school has a choice in Juniors but no choice in Senior school for Mon-Fri
Me at 7
I agree and the worst part is that the guy looks like a real creep!!
I'm introverted to an extreme. I look back and wonder how I survived with no skills to fit in. This situation encourages and if need be forces these skills on these young girls so they will survive without so much pain.. this is a good thing that will insure success for these girls.
any one else’s parents when they were younger go “stop misbehaving or i’ll send you to boarding school”😂😭
I say that to mine 🤣🤣
Kelsey Yeoman mines said they would send me to the jaggy blanket home hahaha!
Mine 😭😭 and I was actually sent to boarding school it was a nice school but I hated it
Nope
Mine said they’d put me up for adoption as a joke 😂
Keep them busy 16 hours a day so that they don't have time to deal with their emotions. That's outstanding childcare!! These children are taught to normalise the trauma of being sent away by their parents.
You're cruel..
@@normacarson7138very cruel so sad
@@normacarson7138 he is just making a point. He does not agree with it.
Overprotective parents can be quite traumatizing as well. Also, there was several visits throughout so it's not like going away for massive amounts of time
Agreed. You can tell the mum knew it was wrong and was trying to justify it to her child.
My goodness, children are little for such a short period of time. How could a parent not want to be with their child each and every day? You will never get those precious years back. Those days when my kids were little, were the happiest days of my life, and ones I will always cherish.
👏so true!
My thoughts too
Couldn't say it better myself. Heartbreaking.
Exactly!
Aw the camera man trying to comfort the twins when they were left behind. I am glad he made an effort.
I like to think, if it were me, that I would take all the girls out. They are all roommates.
Absolutely but no surprise as she barely even took April out and she ignores April. April is the one who pushes herself in. Sarah only cares about her daughter and has no interest in her daughter's friends.
the camera man was so cute! he is the kindest adult in the video I think. I completely relate to the homesickness and feeling left out so it upset me to see the twins so upset!
The mother isnt mean. She just isnt allowed to take out other people's kids. I know. We have a similar policy here.
@@TheBacolodFoodHunters she took her daughters friend out too so it wont be that
personally i would not want some random middle aged guy to be checking in on my daughter at night...
Me, too. It is about intimicy.
Gwyneth Theobald that’s exactly what I was thinking! It doesn’t seem right that they don’t have a female looking after the girls.
Right!?! I have a 6 year old daughter, and I would never leave her period, but especially with some guy as her caretaker.
He wouldn’t be random, the parent would have meet him and stuff
My thought exactly
April's mom puts her husband before her children . It was heartbreaking to watch how April clung to Lotties mom when she visited and was pushed away so many times before the woman grudgingly gave her a quick hug.
It broke my heart to see that. She kept ignoring the love that April want to give her. I guess that is why she sent her kid to boarding school.
And her dad to…
@lynnOG I think Lotties mom was hoping to spend one on one time with Lottie.
It’s not her fault that the other moms didn’t show up
Adults take responsibility, children don't yet know how to fully cope with such heartbreak. Lotties mom had no empathy for this child's situation.@@angiebirdwell7069
Indeed! The parents keep saying that boarding school gives stability to children in "military families", but I just don't understand why the parents can't give them the stability instead. It's the parents' choices that seem to me to be creating the instability - they could choose not to uproot the family every time. Maybe that would be hard if both parents had active military careers - but this doesn't seem to be the case in most of these families. It's usually just one parent who's in the military - usually the dad. So if the military job requires the parent to relocate, there's absolutely no need for the rest of the family to move. The military parent could just go and rent a room closer to their work for a while, and then visit home at the weekends /when they have time off - instead of forcing this on a child and basically breaking up the family.
In April's family's case they said the dad was gonna be going to Iraq (etc) anyway, so I don't understand why the Mum was moving to Suffolk? It just makes no sense. The Mum could just stay in their lovely family home with the kids and pets and the dad can be the one to go to wherever he needs to work and sleep in not his own bedroom and only come home for time off. - it's his career choice and he's the adult, so he should be taking the burden of having to stay away from home, NOT the kids!!!
I remember as a child asking my dad if I could go to boarding school and his response was "no" I asked why? He said "why would we have children and pay someone else to raise them for us?" Now as a parent I can totally agree with him. Sending a child to boarding school for years on end seems very unnatural, what exactly is you're role as a parent if your kids are only with you a few weeks of the year? You have "elite" schools that kids can attend during the day and come home like normal school. I don't get it
I went to a British style boys boarding school from age 11/12.
I wasn’t given a choice. The experience of the unanswered question “ Why would we… pay someone else….?” has left me with mental health damage and trauma that persists over 50 years later.
The only long term benefit that could not have been achieved elsewhere is that I can eat almost anything; it is almost impossible for food elsewhere to be worse than school meals.
With the benefit of long term hindsight, I can see many ways that the PTSD type consequences have also damaged my social and romantic relationships. Although I have learned to recognize the patterns, in the past I have passed the harm I experienced to others. I still have to try hard to not extend my childhood traumas to others.
I currently go to a British boarding school. I go because the quality of education in my home country would not give me a good life. My parents sent me so I could get the best education they could possibly give me since they want me to have the best chance of a good life. They did it out of love. I think it is very closed-minded of you to think that parents simply send their children away for the sake of it. The truth is much deeper than that.
@@teaganpoppy never once did I say parents sent their kids to boarding school for the sake of it don't put words in my mouth. I was questioning why parents would send their young children from the age of 8 (as it displays in this video) to board rather than a school within their area. Obviously there are several reasons why parents send their kids to board and your circumstance if a stark difference to what I saw in this documentary. I am questioning why someone in the UK would send their kid within only an hour distance to board when there are so many other options for "elite" education within their school zone. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and everyone has their own beliefs about education and parenting, I personally could not think of anything worse than not having my kids around me and being active in their lives each day so I can't understand the boarding school mentality. In my country any child will do well at school with the right mindset, parental and educator guidance whether you access free education or pay $100,000 per year on fees.
@@officerdoofy9804 You didn't understand the boarding school mentality - so I gave you an example. I have been in boarding school since I was extremely young (like the girls in this video). I am aware everyone's circumstances are different. However, not only is it for good education, but it helps shape and teach young people how to live and think independently. I won't say how old I am since I'm not a complete idiot, but I am not yet an adult and able to do things that people in their 30s still cannot do. Although there may be other 'elite' options for education, I can confidently say that if I had stayed with my parents, I would be far less independent and free thinking. I have ADHD, the free education I was previously in, I was at the bottom of almost every set. When I joined boarding school, my educators were able to see that something wasn't quite normal with me - therefore they tested and discovered that I had ADHD. I am now thriving academically because my school knows how to best help me learn. As someone who has been in a situation extremely similar to the girls in this video and experienced boarding school first hand, I know what I'm on about. I'm not a parent, so I don't know how it feels to love children, but boarding school is a sacrifice many parents choose to make. But like you said, everyone has their own opinion.
Most of these kids their parents just wanted them to have stability because they moved a lot with the military.
There's something messed up about young kids having to comfort each other because mummy isn't there.
Not really, it teaches other kids sympathy and how to be empathetic
KitKatGaming345 Original at the cost of not having their parents to comfort them
KitKatGaming345 Original
lol no that's not how that works, it's nonetheless sounds pretty messed up
Kerry H they do that all the time at summer camps. Having the time away from your parents helps you with independence. And I’m damn proud of it.
@@blindpeopledostuff3587 summer camp is a bit different from most of the year.
Personally, i wasn't bubble wrapped, trust me. I'd have been the last to ask for my mother if I was away somewhere 😂
They should do a follow-up this year as its been 10 years since this came out where the kids and parents reflect on their experience.
Agreed
agree!
Corrine Work yes!
Exactly!!!
This account belongs to one of the girls now, and features video of all of them! They're still at the school. ruclips.net/channel/UC1l8iKL2Uilk6f25AA36wIw
I actually love the idea of boarding schools for teens but I don’t think pre teens and toddlers should live away from their mothers. This seems evil
I agree it feels a little too young for them
My school used to have boarding facilities which closed to new entrants in 2021 due to dwindling numbers, with complete closure expected by 2025. Even in the 1960s it never accepted children this young and was only available for secondary school pupils aged 12+.
I was a day pupil anyway.
My thoughts exactly- when they’re teens maybe? But only if they decide they really _want_ to!
That's what i was thinking... 8 is way too young. Maybe 13 -15? At the minimum
So you’re not gonna raise your kid
I love how the little girl comforting the homesick one in the beginning gave her a hug and pulled her away from the camera so it wouldn’t see her crying❤ that’s a true friend right there
Aw yer
It’s a private pain, such empathy she showed.
April's Dad has the emotional range of a teaspoon.
Harry Potter reference:)
Harry Potter yay ;)
Harry pottter reference woohoo ! :)
So...her dad is Ronald Weasly ?
Don’t you mean Rupert Grint the actor who played him
I went to a boarding school in the UK, and all I can say it's that sending them there from 8 is just not right. 16 is the minimum age I would suggest. Children need their parents more than they need anyone else.
I went at 11 and even that was horrible
I didnt have my parents growing up. I think my life would have been different if they were w me.
When I kept hearing the words that the children felt homesick, I was thinking it might feel more like 'abandonment'.
@It’s free Real estate You are thinking of it from the Mom's point of view; I was visualizing how the child might 'feel'.
I went away two days after I clocked 10. And not in the UK of course but in Nigeria.😝
They'll be fine!
did anyone else find it super upsetting to see that when april’s mum couldn’t make it and lottie insisted she hang with her and her mum, that april kept trying to hug lottie’s mum and join in on group hugs, but lottie’s mum would either not extend her arm around april too or one time she even unwrapped aprils arms around her so she could only hug lottie. I understand she misses her daughter and wants to hug her, but if she’s so maternal surely she’d feel some duty to bring april in to and give her some sense of affection
Yup, stuck out at me for sure. She even looked like she pushed April away. Brutal treatment of a child.
i was thinking the same.... :/
@@uppity1 saw that as well.. she was pushing the kid away. So disappointed
can I get a timestamp for this please??
oh i got it - 18:30
Seeing the hurt expression on Miss King's face as she recalls feeling homesick everyday broke my heart. The pain she felt as a child is something that still affects her as an adult. And when she said her Mother never came, the feeling of abandonment for a child must have been soul crushing.
I am sure some children adapt or learn coping methods, like Alex. Alex physically separates from his family to avoid being emotionally hurt. I don't see how that is healthy for children.
Some children will thrive but there should be therapy and a psych evaluation for every child to check on their emotional health and decide if that environment is appropriate for each child.
Exactly. The "adapted" children have developed more avoidant attachment styles whereas the more sensitive children who are anxious will grow up to have fearful attachment patterns. Without serious therapy they all may struggle with relationships as adults. It's emotional neglect and it's a form of child abuse
Children raised in abusive situations lived with wounds. Boarding schools are prehistoric snobbery nonsense. Such a British thing as is no feelings . I get the cause and effect . Dump your kids and expect them to turn out okay. These parents should have been born sterile. That is a just word. No ability to have kids for those with no ability to raise them. Unfortunately life doesn’t work that way and millions of kids pay the price for parents who wanted kids but should never have had any. This needs addressed and these schools closed down. This is just outrageous
It’s not healthy. I’m American and my mum and her three sisters were sent their entire lives to boarding school from age 5. And even when they were home they had Nannie’s. It made them all bitter and incapable of love and affection. I never used to understand why my mother was incapable of playing with me. That’s because she didn’t know how. It’s dreadful and it’s selfish of the parents. Horrible horrible horrible.
It’s child abuse. Not sure why the English can’t see that.
absolutely. Children like Lottie can absolutely thrive and enjoy boarding, but ones like April really aren’t ready for it.
I think 8-years-old is a bit young for boarding school. I didn't become a full time boarder until I was 15, and I absolutely loved it. But children that young really need their parents.
I went to boarding school at 8 years old. lets just say it wasnt that bad
i used to got to a boarding school kids as young as 5 would go there
Which of you guys wore uniforms and how comfortable were they? I’m writing a book so I’m asking for reference.
I went to boarding by the age of 11 and even then I still need my mum to help me like she would do my hair (obviously I knew how to do it) but like I wanted her to brush my hair the parts where I coudn,t (I had long blonde hair that was curly) and they made me cut it to a Bob so I could mange it better (with the consent of my parents) and I missed her cooking if I didn,t like dinner (which was rarely at home) I could have ceral at 11pm or somthing like that or even having some crisp in the night if I was still hungry 😂
I saw a five year old at boarding school
It broke my heart when April’s mum couldn’t come so she hugged lottys instead. 🥺🥺
Liv _lovesanimals ; did you think Lotties mum was quite cruel to April.. she never acknowledged her cuddles (need for her mum) and even pushed her away
@@clarerutherford4219 I noticed that too and that it was awful. If a child needs motherly affection then goodness hug the child.
I know right? And Lottie's mother was so focused on Lottie that she didn't even put an arm around poor April.
same here... noticed that and feel so bad for that poor liitle girl..
Unpopular opinion here but I think I'd probably have done the same. Little pat and then unhooked her vice-like grip from my waist. She only had an hour to spend with her daughter after being parted with her for the first time since she'd given birth to her. She was nice enough to let her go with them but she was trying to get in a few precious moments with her daughter before she had to say goodbye
The mothers beating themselves up for being sad to be separated from their children is killing me. You are supposed to be sad when you are doing something so unnatural.
Yes I agree. It's as if we are supposed to be feeling sorry for her and not the real victims who as always have no choice: the children. My mother behaved like that. Oh how it broke her heart. She did the crying act etc etc. I think it is all hypocrisy. But she could not admit that t she was doing the wrong thing and she still won't admit it now. I feel it is the same with this person. Of course she does not have to do this. In this day and age it is even less necessary than ever. For my own mum it was for very bad reasons. She was having an affair and he wanted the freedom to travel the world, and she wanted to do that with him. My divorced father was a workaholic who loved his work. Sort of suited him as well.
Sometimes it seems like it's the fathers who are insistent that the children go to board. Is it the fathers' resentment of the time their wives spend with their children or is it that the fathers are so indoctrinated into boarding schools that they can't be flexible and adapt?
@@simonsmatthew why can't we feel sorry for mothers who have to be separated from their children as a result of their husband's employment? Their children's education and friendship circle is important, they choose their child's wellbeing over their own sadness.
@@apebass2215They chose to have someone else raise their children because they don't feel like it. At 8, a child needs their parents.
just don't do it. the world has enough trauma that we have no control of.
The little girl at the end said it perfectly “it is not normal” to send your child away like that.
I think the school needs an on-site psychologist to help the kids cope with homesickness and separation. Saying things like "keeping them busy and getting them tired" seems like really unhealthy coping mechanisms. It's not dealing with the issue but repressing them. Also, frankly, I think 8 years old is a tad too young to be sent away to boarding school. I don't think they're able to fully comprehend what's happening and why they're being sent away. They should probably wait until the kids are at least 12 years old; sit them down and have a talk; and then involve them in the process of transitioning to life in a boarding school.
Yeah at mine there was an onsite therapist who helped out with a lot at the san, also Housemasters were trained on how to deal with mental illness, mine certainly helped me!
@@flankingtheenemy good to hear that you had help and felt supported. That makes me feel a bit better about the process. I'd be curious if you'd say you'd prefer to go to boarding school after knowing what the process is like or you'd rather be a day school child.
like the movie said, they have to develop those coping mechanisms themselves, otherwise they will be screwed in the future, not being able to sort through their own, more complex, emotions than homesickness.
@@fragilefleur Thanks for replying. The issue with boarding school is that it is an incredibly quick transition from a normal life to a strict Machiavellian lifestyle. My parents we divorced and travelled, and to top it all off started new families with their new partners which meant that boarding school, for me, was a way of keeping me in one place. Sort of like a dumping ground unfortunately. Fortunately the support I had at school from the teachers and housing staff made me feel like they were my real family. I honestly didn't want to leave when I went to university. Furthermore , they were the ones who identified my deteriorating mental state. I was so loved at the school. Best bit of advice which I still use today (given to me by my housemaster) is that depression is like a game of snakes and ladders, you role the dice and move a few places forward and may hit a ladder and move up the board and feel incredibly good and in a better situation in life. However you may hit a snake and role down the board many places and feel terrible and ...suicidal, depressed etc. The way to beat the game is to keep moving forward. Best advice ever.
If I were a kid with parents trying to send me to boarding school I would have made the final decision my parents wouldn’t have forced me
I find it sweet how the camera men tried to make the parents and students feel better.
A Unverhaun Yeah it was very nice of them to step in when they were alone crying or something. They probably knew that it was wrong to be honest that their parents sent them away.
I expect they couldn’t help it if they were fathers too.
I liked it when April told the cameraman off for giving her hiding place away, when they were playing in the lovely woodland in autumn.
Sophia and Teagan Do you think it was wrong? I imagine if you spoke to them now at 18 they will be amazing young ladies with an excellent education behind them and they may be taking a gap year before university.
My children are grown up now but I wished for a boarding school as my late mother should have been infertile and childless. I used to read books by Enid Blyton about posh girls in English boarding schools and I would dream of their lives whereas my own was crap. Two of my cousins were in boarding schools from being young boys. Their Dad worked for Cadbury (the chocolate company) and was sent out to Africa and wherever where the cocoa beans were grown. They decided it was safer and better all round if the boys thrived in a boarding school which they did. They’ve both done really well for themselves and they’ve lived in New Zealand for donkeys years.
Джина I think it’s different for every family. In your situation where their dad was sent wherever the coco beans were I think it was good for them to be at boarding school. So they have one place where they can call home and know that they won’t have to suddenly move somewhere new and start all over. However I think some of these parents in the video are sending there kids to boarding school for the wrong reason. Like lotties mom. I think that even though they are a military family and everything it would have been better for lottie to stay at home with her family. Because at this young age she probably didn’t understand fully why she was being sent away. Even April said that she didn’t know why parents send their kids to boarding school. So they may think that their parents don’t like them or they are too much to handle so they sent them away. So I don’t think it’s a total black and white situation. It depends on the circumstances and what was going on at the time. And of course I don’t know the whole story and I can guarantee that the parents know their kids better than I do. So it’s not my place to judge. And I’m sure the girls are all lovely people now and understand that their parents sent them to boarding school for their own good.
Yes but do you not think irresponsible of the teachers/carers to leave the children ALONE with the camera crew? They could be groomers or anything! Obviously WE know they arent, because we can see what's going on, but the school staff dont.
But yes I agree, they were very comforting people, it was nice of them to do that.
I was sent to boarding school aged 8 after already attending seven schools all over the world as my father was in the British army. It was brutal, nothing like the care and consideration given to the girls in this documentary. Huge, cold dormitories and no pastoral care whatsoever. My father was Special Forces and therefore always operational and in danger, yet there was no gentle approach or help. It was run by Irish catholic nuns in Wales. I wasn't catholic, Irish, or Welsh and my father was serving in Northern Ireland so I was 'Persona non grata' and deliberately picked on by the most malevolent and vicious people I have ever met - Nuns. In addition, the education they dished out was appalling as most of the nuns were not trained teachers. I begged my parents to take me out, but had to stay for eight horrible years. I have never recovered from this experience and can't forgive my mother when she knew how I felt. Anything I have achieved in my adult life is in spite of boarding school and never because of it. On choosing schools for my own daughters, their pastoral care was more important than anything else - happy children will learn and thrive whereas miserable children just implode. There are some excellent boarding schools out there and parents must look at the end product - the older children in the school.
Just wanted to take a moment and tell you how sorry I am that you had to endure that as a child I've known a couple other women with similar experiences the nuns specially horrible I agree about the age they just seem so young and vulnerable thanks for sharing about something that a lot of people endured yet is really spoken of
What’s pastoral care ?
@@nerdgeekcosplay909 Hello, Pastoral care is making sure the child is happy and thriving within the school community. Watching them with their peers and their academic performance to see how they interact with others and giving support and help when necessary. Just noticing if they seem low or quiet and sad and asking them how they are. It seems obvious, but even just a simple kind word of support praise can make a huge difference to anyone. This school treated the outsiders like lepers and ignored them.
@@roryambrey5679 so kind of like a mentor or a home away parent ?
@@nerdgeekcosplay909 Yes, Exactly that. It's vitally important. Apologies for the delay in replying.
I think it’s so cruel that the children, whose parents can’t make it to see them, have to see the other kids getting to see their parents and be taken out by them while they are left behind. So very heartless, I couldn’t leave any of those children behind, I’d take them all out for ice cream.
You're right, @Moon Dance
I feel the same but would the school allow it? Plus, who needs guilt ridden parents yelling about stealing their kids affection?
Been there.
@@h.huffen-puff4105ugh I worked at a daycare and that happened to me so selfish of the parents
Even public education do the same things they really grind it in and do things in front of you that they say you can't do or you can't do at all and do it in front of you, they're meant to be cold and really have zero empathy about doing at all, and then that creates giant trust issues and effects your ability to form any relationships because you've totally been betrayed by your own kind.
They rationalize it by saying "but does it matter that they get to do it and you don't?" as if to try and say you're just comparing yourself to others and being jealous like it's somehow sibling rivalry. Yes it does matter! everyone should get the same but alas there's constant segregation, inequality, and then they use alienation and make it such a hard time just to get you to shut down about it and not voice your own needs and feelings anymore, even when we know what we're saying is right.
Your just supposed to accept the inequality and segregation happening to you and you do for decades while in the system because you don't understand, until later on in life for the life of you your trust issues are so bad you can't even begin to form relationships and it starts to effect you. That seems to be the intention too but then you've got a lot of mentally sick people unable to easily adapt outside of the education system.
The look on April's face i know that look it's just a total look of defeat, disappointment, knowing her parents have abandoned her and she knew it from the start and the fact the school is encouraging the abandonment and getting her to try and rationalize it too even when she was clearly feeling extremely depressed where i was concerned, she's going to end up with huge mental health issues when she hits 14. How can a society possibly run on such hugely messed up people? god knows how.
I totally agree
The right answer is that you never get back those precious years. Your child is only a child once and needs a mother's love for the foundation of her entire life. No education or money replaces that and she will forever have missed out on that security of her mom and home. It will have long term effects. I speak from my experience and I also have a daughter this age that I would never do this to.
I was thinking that the mother doesnt want to deal with their children-get up early for school, feed them, homework. Let someone else do it and Mom can sleep in
Hoaky100 I am going to speak as someone who went to a boarding school, I LOVED IT. I agree that 8 yrs old is young but some families don’t have a choice. School like this help children to be more independent and prepare them for when they are older. When I first started boarding I only boarded one night a week, and I did it by choice to bond more with my friends and to have some time away from home. It may seem cruel to you but these kids get given amazing opportunities in life and it is really enjoyable experience.
I guess this is a way for some parents to get rid of their kids, and that awful woman saying 'they need to cope with it (homesickness)' they are 8 years old! I found this rather disturbing! what kind of parents leave their kids there at such a young age??
@@kitkatgaming345original7 what a rancid concept of school you have.
These comment actually offend me because I went to boarding school and it is the most fun experience I have ever had and this documentary doesn’t do it justice, it’s not that parents don’t want to have to deal with their children, some people don’t have a choice and others want the best schooling possible. I am an army kid and going to boarding school was the best thing for me, I hated all the moving around, loosing my friends every 2 yrs. Boarding school gave me the best friendships I’ll ever have, they’re life long
Omg it was so sad when April went to hug lotties mum multiple times and she just ignored her ! :-(
IKR I hated it and felt uncomfortable
Horrible 😢
It actually was tho
She hugged her I the end, I think that she just had tunnel vision for a bit after not seeing her child for a while.
@@flufflepuffle weird excuse
All I can say as an ex-boarder is DON'T DO IT! Everything this first mother said I recognise... the 'sacrifice', the tears etc are incredibly damaging for a child to witness... and your children will learn to be your protector at the expense of their own protection. The focus on mummy's emotions in this makes me so angry. Trust me, you are storing up BIG problems for the future. I still resent my mother for spending my childhood hiding my own issues as best I could in order to protect her when I was so unhappy. It's perverse: children parenting dysfunctional adults! These snivelling mothers feeling sorry for themselves should know whatever tears they cry now will be wept twice over by your adult children. And don't think for a second if they smile through it now as children that the effect in later life will be any less traumatic. Homesickness - Let's call it what it is: traumatic bereavement with no-one to comfort you except a half-trained stranger if you're lucky. Abhorrent system
It’d be interesting to see a follow up episode, how the girls thought about boarding school, what they’re doing now etc
I notice on the credits MMX year is 2010, so definitely an update is needed
that would be nice
Yess
They'd be in their 20s now!
The narrators voice makes it sound like a nature documentary 😂
WHAHAHA true 😂😅
True!
And this is what every single documentary in Britain sounds like oOoOoooOoOOh
Haha 😂😂
"Watch as the tiny humans learn to be more self sufficient. As you can see, they are slowly learning to seperate from their parents."
This makes me so sad. April is hugging someone else's mum because she can't see hers. This makes me so sad honestly...
Bording school is actually nothing like this
Alex_T_NAZ z, And how is it? (Genuinely asking)
It was weird bc she wasn’t hugging her back I mean she ended up but I guess she was really focused on her own kid. Idk I feel like I was kinda like April but now I could never and there gonna end up just as emotionaly damaged as me and I don’t want that for any kid
Add the twins into that scenario, and they were totally ignored. I like to think that I would have taken all the roommates out for a snack.
@@nazar5219 no, it really is
I think Aprils brother feels anger and rejection and has in turn rejected them subconsciously- it’s hard to articulate this as a child. I did this when my mom left to go abroad for cancer treatment. I was 8 and no one told me why she was going so when I was crying at the airport she told me not to cry and then I saw her a year later. But I never went close to her after that. I didn’t want to be left again so I ‘left her,’ but can only see it now. She died soon after that but I can see how pain of rejection and anger can cause children to turn away.
😢❤
Something similar happened to me too. When I was 5 my dad left to work abroad and returned after 3 years. After that he always felt so foreign to me, like a stranger and we barely talked. I've never got closer to him again.
No April brother understand how things work and knows how to maneuver i social situations...
Thats what you get from good board school if your mum don't gets in the way and takes you home evey weekend...
There is no resentment while he talks no whining - this kid understands... Better than most of peoples who are adults in this comment section
Absolute astute analysis. This is a pattern that will repeat in adult relationships sadly.
Much love to you for going through that terrible time
That nurse making April feel bad for telling her parents how sad she is made me soooo angry!! It's like teaching her to lie to her parents and stiffle her feelings.
Exactly. That nurse is placing the responsibility of her parents' peace of mind on an 8-year-old little girl. That's cruel.
I go to one of the most reputable boarding schools in the UK and it really is an issue. No proper safeguarding and what goes on behind closed doors can be horrific!
Right ...so what else has she got to keep secret? 🤮
I'm 16 and I don't think that my introverted self could handle a day there, even just sleeping in a room with 3 other girls all the time. And without alone time.
I'm 15 and I have 9 roommates. Trust me they're living the life😂😂 I've been in boarding school for 4 years and I still hate it
Hanna's Book Talks when you get older you have your own room so it is more private
@@kitkatgaming345original7 not all schools do that most actually dont. It's extremely hard to manage hundreds of rooms just for the teens, yet alone the expenses
At that age you are much more flexible, even as an introvert. A year goes by crazy fast like that.
Hanna's Book Talks I'm 15 in a month.. I couldn't handle that at any age 💀
Poor April that poor little thing needs to be home with her parents. There is no way I would send a young, vulnerable and defenseless 8yr old anywhere out of my care.
Lisa S Providence that’s the point, THESE KIDS NE TO LEARN NOT TO BE DEFENCELESS. they shouldn’t be defencelessas they are not 3 years old they are 8. Plus they are not even boarding full time
If I’m honest I was afraid to go to a sleepover at my friends house and she was like a block away from me😂
KitKatGaming345 Original yea and I think wut people don’t understand is that the army is going to keep moving and that can also cause problems because the they would have to go to different schools and restarting and that becomes hard on kids so I feel the boarding school is the next best option for them but there is also homeschooling
KitKatGaming345 Original yeah let’s teach an 8 yr old how to look after herself, teaching her so young isn’t good for her.
cute aldc edits ღ I mean it could help in someway but I see ur point she is very young
There's something unnatural about a parent who wouldn't do anything to have their children with them. What they're calling home sickness is actually trauma, being sent to live with strangers at 8 years old is a literal nightmare coming true. The little girl crying for her mum in the night is unbearable to watch. Hopefully she hasn't grown up to have abandonment issues.
I went to boarding school at the age of 11, for me, I got a bit homesick but you very quickly grow out of it, you always know that your parents are there just not with you and I liked that. It also meant that the time you did spend with your parents was special. I also learnt how to be independent and how to look after myself. When I was upset it was always temporary and the teachers were specially trained to deal with it. In my opinion, children can know that their parents love them without their parents being there.
i think these army families should be expected to not have kids or lose their jobs when they have them. they're purposefully creating traumatized children by having them in an environment where the parents aren't able to be there for their kids because of their job and the kids have no stability because of the moving around. this is straight up unethical.
@@jeminatamminen I have a friend who spent her childhood moving around because her dad was in the army, She went to 7 schools before she was 12. Obviously not the ideal way to go to school but 100% better than the trauma of being abandoned by your own parents and growing up in an unnatural environment. Another friend of mine went to a boarding school where they weren't allowed to talk at the dinner table so they used hand signals when the food was being dished out. So weird!
I think there are army jobs where you don't have to move, maybe that could be the solution. You're right, if you want children you should pick them over a job.
No one care about you
@@jeminatamminenI totally agree with you. You don’t have children just for someone else to go and raise, or the non army parent should at least be able to look after the child. One of
my friends from uni came from an army family, and he was glad his parents never sent him to boarding school. constantly switching schools was difficult, but knowing that he would be going home with his sister, to his mum after the school would end, was the best feeling.
April is breaking my heart. She needs her mummy. She isn’t ready for boarding school.
Her mummy isn't ready for April to go to boarding school... She too clingy and mess up with April settling in with taking her home constantly... On top of that she cries too which gives April more reasons to be distressed...
April was fine until they took her home for first weekend...
Her brother actually explained very well how it works.
Her mum make herself center of April interest simply cause she thinks only about April being away...
And Im not saying its wrong- but the fact is she really messing her up
@morganablackwater2017 who hurt you? Really who hurt you? Every mother should feel horrible when their child leaves their care. I still get a huge hug from my mum when I come back from holidays and I'm 28.
It's normal to miss your family and if neither the child nor the parent is ready then why is she there?
She's 8.
she's 8 years old be for real @@morganablackwater2017
@Apechesh mums need to let go a bit. I think a mums greatest gift is to give their child confidence to handle these situations. My mum had me so wound up, that I could sleep overnight at friends place and often even at home would cry at the foot of her bed. I was convinced she would die when I was away. I think she loved this. I remember when I was 18 and heading overseas and she said I wouldn't cope and would be back within the month...finally dawned on me how bad she was and I never went home for many years till I was in my late 20's, married and with children, didn't live in the same country as the. Till I was nearly 40.
@@adrienneclarke3953 Sleepovers I’m all up for but boarding school is a bit harsh on such a young kid. I would at least wait till they are going to secondary school.
This breaks my heart. April is so starved for a moms touch she's trying so hard to hug the other mom.
Kayleigh Sheehy and that mom wasn't very motherly with her.
@@debbieescobar6267 She wasnt. But then April put her on a guilt trip in the car.
I also felt that
THIS! 😭
Yeah, I noticed that too...
I can't even imagine how bad that life is for the bullied ones. It's bad enough in normal school already, here you don't get a break even at night.
i didn’t even think about that! that’s would be horrible even if it was something as small as two of the roommates didn’t get along. imagine how much of a nightmare that would be...living with someone who you don’t like
Exactly why my dad refused to let my mom send me to a boarding school in Australia. There’s no safe space for those who find school a hostile environment.
Yeah… I had to live at college for a year and my roommates gave me lots of trouble. I felt unsafe mentally and emotionally.
like me who is getting bullied now going to year 10 in september i go to a normal school but still going seince year 7
WHY? I’m live in the states. I just don’t understand why put the children through that. Clearly some are so home sick. My sister and I had to go to boarding school for a year. Only because our mother was very ill. We were so home sick.
It's both fascinating and a little sad how Alex rationalized how to avoid homesickness. He thinks it's better to strain that bond rather than strengthen it with the little time they have because it would hurt less. It's definitely a mindset that would damage their mother and son relationship.
I went to boarding school at age 11 and the homesickness never really went away or got easier. I just learned to hide it well and bottle things up. Age 8 is way too young to send a child to boarding school-I don’t care what anyone says. For goodness sake, at age eight, a child is in its formative years and their brain is still developing! April should not be in boarding school-not every child is cut out for it. Far better to put the child’s needs first (you only get one childhood!) and do what’s right for them.
April is a particularly sensitive child. She will never get over this. Even at the pageant you can see the deep wound in her eyes. So cruel to act with the head and not with the heart.
Agreed. She is really not ok. Sad for her.
She will end up suffering attachment disorder
she seemd fine to me I think youre seeing things
I think she’s fine. She learned to cope, and over time, there’s nothing to cope with. It’s simply your reality and you get on with it bc it’s what you know. April would likely have been wonderful with other kids who were homesick, bc yes, she’s sensitive and change was not easy for her, but she will empathize with others and would be able to help.
She will. I’ve boarded since I was 8 and I’m now 18 and out of school. I’ve known a lot of “Aprils”. I know a lot of them to this day, and they’re all fine. When boarding school is done right, by the first term, it’s just a second home. And you can have some really wonderful experiences that you couldn’t otherwise.
More importantly, you learn a health amount of independence from a young age. Which I am personally so grateful for.
I can’t even deal with uni at the age of 19. So I can’t imagine how they feel.
Daisy Nzengo I agree it’s way too much it’s horrible far too young
I go to a military boarding school and board. I get to see my parents on the weekend and I am a bit older but one of my friends parents are in the army live in the forklands so she doesn’t see her parents and my friend lives in Hong Kong but she can’t go home cause of the virus so won’t see her parent till summer. It’s pretty hard for them but we get to call out parents, were with our friends and I’ve learnt so many skills I wouldn’t have if I didn’t go to my school and I haven’t even done my GCSE’s yet!(and I’m in my boarding house now eating ice cream and cookies that we got given so it’s not that bad but we do have to do military things)
I'm glad I'm not alone with that. So many seem so carefree at 18 going to uni, and I thought I was the weird odd one out!
Strangely I think it's most probably better doing this at a younger age as it's more of an adventure and you don't think about consequences so much or have as many worries. I think starting boarding at 11 would be harder as hormones start kicking in too.
Saying that some kids are naturally more vulnerable and boarding will never be for them!
@@oliviar0451 can I ask how old you started boarding? And how old you are now?
I think it must be easier being a week boarder and still having weekends with family!
Lauren T I started when I was 11 but because my school is a Saturday school and a military school we don’t really get a lot of time off 🙂
I bawled my eyes out saying goodbye to my parents at 18 and moving into halls. Struggled for the whole first term and I was technically an adult!
😂😂😂
Oh dear u sure had a loving home growing up 🥰
I at God knows what age just started having the idea to just leave this house,the 9hrs of school is just heaven, it was nothing but just a jail where u have no other choice other then OBEY OBEY N OBEY, one can't think for themselves, no right to make their decisions for themselves, walking on eggshell 24/7, can't talk,can't have an opinion, no voice, I was looking forward to this day before even I became a teenager.
I love them to bits but hate them strong enough to leave this house with a smile on my face.
hated my first year of university for this very reason! super homesick i was crying and missing my family at 18. the difference is this was a choice i made for myself, and i had the emotional and developmental skills to understand my choices and emotions and could reason with myself. an 8 year old cannot make a choice or do any of that! they only feel the fear, abandonment and rejection and have no idea how to cope with these feelings and thereby develop either avoidant or anxious attachment styles.
I'd get mad when they so much as called my phone to ask how I was doing. I'd guve them curt, annoyyed one word answers to anythung they asked and I'd even make a point to say before hanging up, "I hate when you do this."
Yeah I remember the first few days in halls when I was 18. I was very homesick for about the first 10 days or so.
However, by the end of my first Christmas holidays as a student, I realised going home was a disruptive, boring hassle and I really relished my independence. I'm now in my mid-30s and live further from home than ever before, so visiting my family is now even more hassle.
The worst part of living away from home like that is the unwritten expectation (and often taken for granted) that you will spend the bulk of your annual leave and time out of work visiting your family. The idea of taking your own holidays or doing things for yourself just seems to be left by the roadside, it grinds you down after a while and feels oppressive. You realise there are things in life you haven't done, places you haven't been, and so on. Then your parents have the cheek to say "but that was your choice" - no it really wasn't. And they have no answer for why my sister is somehow exempt and hasn't seen them in over a year, while they reel off tales of holidays they've had in places you've never been to or heard of. You can't go because you're in your hometown visiting them. Yet again.
Please, if any of you have children of your own, don't do that to them. I've seen people in their 50s having the same problem with even older parents.
This is a way of forever severing the close bond that in most cases is naturally there between a parent and child. The kids survive - just as kids who are orphaned survive - they learn to cope by emotionally closing themselves off, by becoming emotionally self reliant. They learn a valuable lesson that they cannot rely on their parents to be there for them - because in their case that is true. Instead their friends become their family, and their parents and siblings are nice people they visit during the holidays. I'm sure the parents all feel they are doing it for the best, but what price an excellent education if the companion to it is emotional damage?
Spot on
You're spot on correct... Perfectly normal emotions are regarded as "weak" and to be brushed aside at all costs and mostly for the convenience of others - one way or another..
If you're doing something that's emotionally damaging to your child and to yourself.... maaaaaaaaaaybe you shouldn't be doing it?
Yes, the feelings say, it is wrong. I never would abandon my children for a man.
Constantly moving and having your child switch friends and never having good ones to confude in is also damaging.
To keep up with the Jones
@@FreyjaShartSquad the selfish parents should not be in that profession then, it is causing trauma and neglect for those kids
Just mayyyybbbeeeee it could be MeNtAL IlLnESs
did no one else notice how april and her brother only talked about how they missed their mum and not their dad :(
IKR
I think that, because their dad is in the militäry, they are more used to living without him. Maybe.
It’s bc the dad is away a lot they have learned to cope without him
could also be because he has the emotional range of a bloody toilet seat.
He doesn't seem super friendly or caring, so...
Those poor children are so desperate for a parents love and affection, they are following, and clinging to any mother around, just to be seen. This is so sad. It breaks my heart
I was chef at a boarding school in Australia for only 70 kids. Its just heartbreaking to see how these poor kids actually suffer. Being a small school the kids became very close to the kitchen staff and we loved them. However some of the weirdos the school hired as the students carers was pretty dodgy. The head mistress was a drunk pill popping old woman, the guy that looked after the boys was a Conspiracy theorist and the woman that looked after the girls was 60 but thought she was 20. I often wonder how those poor kids turned out. 😔
What did the 60yo do?
Same thing everywhere these days sadly, in the public schools and colleges they hire just about anyone and many of them are drunks or just completely damaged and the only reason they take the job in the schools is because they're unable to adapt outside of it because they intentionally drum it in so hard.
It's almost like a cult but take it out on all the students constantly telling them all kinds of fibs to mess up their perceptions of themselves and how life really is outside because they're bitter and messed up. I get how hard it is to adapt outside of because i haven't still at 33 but at the same time i can't go back because the amount of abusive behavior got so bad it was like each tier i went up, each year i went in it got worse primary, high school, college... year 1, 2, 3 it makes me dizzy now thinking about it and it wouldn't let me accomplish anything.
The best justice you can do is find a way to adapt outside of it because it's not going to benefit you in the long run, the whole education system needs to change to be more casual, not drumming it in hard, and not spending as much time there while providing knowledge, assistance, and opportunities to adapt to the real world that we should be putting our focus on. Nothing should be so life engaging that you struggle to adapt to or know anything else and allow such constant access to anyone,.
I'm learning to find ways to distance myself and be more casual about everything because we tell people they shouldn't get so engaged in fun activities or games but nothing else is being treated this way with a balance, your whole life is about work or school that it's crazy it's too much.
Sounds almost macabre
The gap year student looked like she was about to cry when talking about her experiences with boarding school
Rhianna Rajput I noticed this!!!! When she said that she’d call and ask her mum to come get her, but her she never came she was practically choking back tears
Rhianna Rajput I thought so too, she’s a big help to the kids
No matter how good of an education you receive, it'll never replace a mother's embrace.
Hiraeth_Maiden I hated my mother after she moved me in with my stepfather, so I am so great full that I was in a boarding school, it just depends on the family and the child
@@kitkatgaming345original7
I agree with some of the stuff you've commented except I LOVE my dear Parents despite the fact that they often piss me off
@@kitkatgaming345original7 that’s anecdotal you can’t take one experience and apply it to everything else
I chose to study in a boarding school myself, to avoid domestic violence and it was such a great time for me. However, I was already 13, and even though I was dreaming about leaving my home since I was 9, I don't think I would be able to adapt easily. Some of my classmates were bawling their eyes every time their mom called them, but I was so happy that no one touched me, that I never cared that no one missed me, I was free at last. This life is not for everyone, for sure, especially for an 8 year old girl. I thinks the boarding school is great for a teen that wants to get away from their parents and be independent.
So sad that you experienced childhood abuse. Hope you are coping now. I did too - physical & emotional. It colours everything you do as an adult - never trust anyone completely, ever. ❤
Yeah it’s life-saving for some people and I think the first parents were right, because my dad was in the military (abusive too) and moving around sucked. Being in boarding school would’ve made my life more stable
I was sent away to summer school and summer camp at a young age, and not same as boarding school, but it was away from my parents and I adapted easily and did not miss my parents because they argued so much and my dad abused alcohol. Neither really abused me but unfortunately my Father abused my mother sometimes, so I was just glad to get away
The anxiety these poor young girls are forced to deal with is just sad.
njo it not
It shouldn't come as a surprise if these parents will be put in a house for the elderly instead of being taken care of by their children, when they get older.
Haha too true !!!
If y'all are having kids as some sort of a retirement plan, that's kinda messed up as well. The parents could have done everything right according to the best current research we have on childhood development & still be finding themselves in a "home" anyway.
It's not a choice I personally made but I did think about it when my youngest was little because she is incredibly gifted & even though her current school is a high performing school, it just won't lead to the same opportunities that a top level boarding school would have.
I also don't expect my girls to drain their resources on my behalf. I'd much rather get with a group of friends & we each do for each other what the others can't. I like that idea so much better than the one where I pull my kids away from their own spouse & kids to take care of me. I'd much rather go for a long walk off a short pier to be completely honest. Maybe that's just me though.
👍👍👍👍👍exactly
I went to boarding lipsticks all my life and sent abroad to further my education at 20. I have very good relationship with my parents and I value them a lot. I wouldn’t put them in care homes because they sent me to boarding school. Least where I one from we don’t have such system. It depends on the country as well.
U do realise they r obviously gonna go into a home if they can't look after them self like their kids will have careers and family's of their own they wont be able to look after them if my mum got to a stage where she can't stay in her home to look after herself she will be put into a home aswell because I won't have time to be looking after her when I have my own kids and job
What’s the point of having children if your just make someone else raise them
Agree this is wrong
Idk ask the parents from Jessie
Thier not ‘making’ someone else raise them...
No because maybe you are ready having a baby and u wouldn’t know tgat u would have to move alot in the future .
No it better education
Do not do this to your children! Let them decide around 14 if they want to go or not. So cruel
To think that those who end up in some of the most influential positions in society have these terrible attachment injuries and numbing from boarding school. That's scary to think about.
makes total sense.. from this to lack of empathy and abuse in power
So basically kids are taught to swallow all their emotions ("coping") and normalize that state. No wonder so many turn to booze or drugs when they become adults...
Yes, Brits aren't that open. The Japanese aren't either. They have a forest exclusively for suicide. They call it The suicide forest.
These sorts of schools may be how we got to Prince Charles and Mr Savage, to Prince Andrew and Mr Epstein.
So April is constantly crying for her mother, the nurse comes in your going to have to stop crying because it’s unsettling for your parents (an opportunity for April’s parents to think she’s okay and carry on paying those expensive tuition fees) and then the nurse decides to limit her contact with her parents??? Side note that boy who chooses not to go home at all parental detachment at such a young age saddens me
He goes home every two or three weeks and its for good reason at bording school its not healthy for kids to see their parents every week otherwise you won't survive at boarding school. However crazy it sounds to you trying to set clear boundaries between home and boarding life is very effective and not 'parental detachment' especially because boarding school is about independence.
Thelamos Lame do children that young exactly need independence to that extent? I mean his bound to pick up the same type of independence at university without having to lose a parental bond. Also, it’s clear there’s some form of detachment there’s no desire to be in his family home he even states he would rather go to his friends family home. I understand forming clear boundaries but having strong parent child bonds is quite vital to people in the long run.
@@tianadyhr5523 I do agree with you. But boarding school caters to lots of different people and is right for some but not others. I think the boy is more trying to avoid homesickness by not not going home every week and instead every two or three weeks because he knows that it's seeing your parents that provokes homesickness. This to some people looks like something deep and phychological that the boy is experiencing but if you focus on his reasoning rather than his actions you can see that he is really just trying to have as much fun as possible. Going to friends houses, fun weekend activities etc. Also yes I think independence to some extent is vital in a childs growth its similar to university except that it starts easing the child into real world life slowly gaining new skills along the way this can be really effective for a child or as you said it could cause some trauma or detachment its really all about your childs needs and personality.
Yup...I would think these schools didn't exist any longer....except ballet schools. Even those...I know a den mother, who even though is a ballet instructor...would never advise separating the family...
We had an interesting experience with our granddaughter when she was 18 months old..her parents let her come stay at our house while they attended a work trip my son in law won. She was fine and very happy until her parents Skyped with her each day. Then she was sad and cried while on the call then she was fine again after. I desperately wanted to ask them not to call but I also recognized that it was important for them to see and talk to her.
Having a strange man not only wake you up but walk all the way into your room is so messed up to me. Major invasion of young female privacy imo
Bet you don’t have an issue if it was a woman and a boy.
@@chloeelizabeth2174
I agree with the original comment and I would absolutely be just fine with your shitty reply. I would be very much prefer a female for young children of any gender over a single man.
Hayley 1627: I agree with you completely. I was stunned when I saw it was going to be a man in charge of those young girls and, yes, if the situation were reversed and they were young boys, I would say a man should be in charge. Don’t borrow trouble, particularly in this day and age - for either the girls or the housemaster.
Fr @@chloeelizabeth2174
Yes!! That man so weird 🤨
Seeing April try and hug Lotties mum was heartbreaking. Did she even know her??
That’s what got me. The poor baby was just craving some sort of maternal love and went to her friends mum (a stranger) because hers didn’t come. Heartbreaking.
Ya and she ignored everytime. Poor April.
This is horrible, I would leave my husband before I would ever leave a child
100% with you on that! Not in million years could I send my children off like this.
Same
Honestly tho
Jennifer me either
The dad is a complete idiot, ruining his whole family.
This school should have a psichologist to Help the students regards to their mental health, coping mechanisms, amoung other things. This type of professionals are importante to the childrens development.
As someone who attends a boarding school, we do get help and have weekly lessons on mental health among other things. We also have a school councillor who you can access at anytime.
Isn’t that the school nurse?
@@hannahberry5781 no. The nursing staff manage medications, illness, injury and more physiological issues. Psychologists handle mental health and coping issues among others.
like the movie said, they have to develop those coping mechanisms themselves, otherwise they will be screwed in the future, not being able to sort through their own, more complex, emotions than homesickness.
Character development, inner strength. That's the whole point. Boarding is not for everyone. I loved and enjoyed my boarding experience. We didn't have psychologists. Some boys left because it was not for them.
There are day schooling options at other independent schools in the UK.
I think boarding school is an exceptional opportunity for some children and absolutely devastating for others. You’d hope the parents would know if their children were suitable for this kind of life…
hello, i am a parent (in Tampa, FL) i can unequivocally say that i am not sure its the right decision to send my daughter to a boarding school. She is a top ranked in math in North America and this specific school (in the north east) put a serious focus on mathematics. I should also mention that i am a mathematician my self and have been her teacher since she was a small child. Also i should mention that she is 13.
@@leonardoorellano6652best bet is to ask and keep asking. Open dialogue in hoe they feel. They will tell you if the living situation is bad and many issues seem to stem from a perceived lack of care from parents by the children. If they want out, give them a mn out after a year or two. It is good you are unsure, there are people who don't care enough to really consider in the first place
I went to boarding school at the age of 5, it was an abusive 12 years that scarred me for life. Yet I understand that my parents loved me and had no idea of the real life that I had. The damage was horrid I now aged 64 find it very difficult to talk about. I was the only child the abuse became normalised and I swore never to send my children to boarding school, I never had children or got married having continued to have problems.
Many people I knew who went to boarding school never had children for the same types of reasons. It is important to talk about the experience though. Perhaps you can see a therapist through your GP.
😢 I'm sorry for the the trauma you went through.
Sounds awful, sorry for the trauma and hope you have made peace now. 5 is a baby really
I am so sorry that you went through that. I went to a religious all-girls school starting when I was 8 and the emotional and verbal abuse gave me C-PTSD. At age 13 when my grades began slipping because of the constant trauma I was wrongly diagnosed with ADHD. They quickly put me on the highest adult dose of amphetamines, which made me severely underweight and over time I became addicted to them. I also still struggle
My dad went though a similar thing and I must say his trauma affected me as well in my childhood , stay strong and remember you can always reach out for help and support 💪
It's like an rich's orphanage
yes thats it so sick.May the lord guide and protect these chidren from evil forces.
How very well said
Shelly-Ann John yes the evil forces of boarding school, get a grip love
Dom N-B lmaoo
Deprived childhood. You never went to boarding school. We're your parents too poor. I went and loved it.
so the young boy is going to grow up emotionally cold and detached. And the young girl is going to grow up with abandonment and self worth issues.
Spot on, I hope the mother reads this comment.
Yeap, my dad went to boarding school. He has lots of issues.
But at least their friendships are going to be stable because if they didnt go they would move around the country so much and having to restart your life every so years is hard
spirit-howl 786 that’s funny you say that. Rarely would your friends last through adulthood. Parents are the key ingredient not friends.
Hey, so I’m 18. I literally have just finished boarding school. Been boarding since I was 8 and have been through 2 different schools. And this just isn’t an accurate assessment of what happens. Every school may be a different experience, but honestly, even when you’re young, you get used to boarding after very little time. I remember when I first started when I was 8. A lot of kids were really homesick. By the end of the first term, everyone was just used to it. The school became a second home. We still had easy contact with our parents, and most people thrived. I was one of the few who actually struggled, but that was just because of undiagnosed autism. This system, when executed well, does produce healthy and happy kids. I’m not saying it’s better than day schools, but it’s not any worse.
I went to boarding school at nine (my brothers at six), and now, at seventy years old, I am still have issues of abandonment and rejection. Children need to be part of a secure family unit until they have grown in maturity and confidence to try being away from home. I chose to keep my son at home and attend local schools. He is now 42, a very secure, confident, consultant psychologist, married with two beautiful children of his own who will not be NOT going to boarding school! Separating a child at 6 or 9 creates huge separation anxiety that can adversely impact their future lives.
Have you heard of boarding school syndrome? I’ve been reading about it which led me here. There is a lot on. RUclips about it and you are not alone. There used to be help what ever age
This is utterly heart breaking.
My kids go to a normal school and every time parents are allowed to visit the kids during school time I’m always there no matter what. Couldn’t imagine my children being upset because of me.
“Yeah, this is a healthy environment setting them up for a better future...” shows constant crying and kids dressing up as terrorists. Ridiculous.
When I saw that part, I thought how disgusting that the teachers aren't putting a stop to the racist behaviour and the bloody dinner lady was joining in 😲
Didn't you hear what the boys said though? It was a way of covering their faces so that they wouldn't get in trouble (as easily).
I think rather than throwing the word "racist" around we can assume it all began when they were running around with a similar game but got told off, so then one of them suggested covering their faces or something, and then they probably thought like "haha, we look like the Taliban" or something.
And what makes you think kids who go to non-boarding schools wouldn't do that?
@@justahumanpassingthrough5544 uhm doesn't mean you should defend them tho-
Ur partly right but children can’t be children because they can be to tired to got out at the weekend
@@jessicamusakanya7872
Please elaborate.
I don't know them personally, so I can't talk to them and advise them to stop playing that way. I agree that the supervisors could've said something (and maybe they did off-screen), but maybe they measured their actions and decided it wasn't necessary.
People need to learn how to look at the circumstances.
This has to be so unhealthy for developing kids. Children need secure attachments as they grow, and I just don’t see how young kiddos sent to boarding school for years don’t develop attachment issues.
Maddie Sullivan my dad was 7 when he started boarding school because his parents divorced and he turned out fine I think it’s a sacrifice people can make so there kids can have a private education
Maddie Sullivan in my experience that’s exactly what happens. Adults who have learnt to be so independent that they don’t need anyone and then are unable to form close adult relationships.
It’s understandable why it might be perceived as a bad thing, but as someone who was exposed to boarding school as a kid (I was day some years and boarded the others) I have to say it does so much for you as a kid. The friends I made at boarding school are still my closest friends today and I’m 30 years old - they are like sisters to me. I have a very close bond with my family and spend a lot of time with them, but as a introverted child, boarding school allowed me to come out of my shell and learn how to be more independent. Obviously everyone’s case is different, but for some kids it really does do a lot of good!
I went to boarding school aged 9 (22 now) for the same reason as these girls, and developed some of the strongest most amazing bonds with my peers and matrons as well as with my family who loved and supported me even though we couldn’t be physically with each other sometimes. Also, boarding schools have longer holidays, for example over 2 months off over summer, so I had plenty of time to spend with my family in these times :)
I noticed one of the girls sucked her thumb when she went home for the weekend. Of course I don’t know if that’s something she’s been doing before, but it seems very unusual for an 8 year old to still be doing it regularly. I wonder if it’s a sign of stress-induced regression, like she’s already experiencing serious emotional stress by being away from her family and regressing to the behavior of a younger child for comfort/feeling safe.
If it feels that badly for the parent(s) and the child then it seems like a pretty good indication that it's unnatural to send your child off somewhere and that they are far too young to be separated.
I am a counsellor and I can tell you without exception CHILDREN NEED THEIR PARENTS IN ORDER TO DEVELOP HEALTHY ATTACHMENTS. The end
Hell yeah.....and a male headmaster over little girls....now thats a perfect storm. God be with those kids.
@@anonymousreviewer5035 We live......and we learn. May the Lord bless you and me both with His healing. 🙏 😊 💕
U haven’t met my parents. Lol.
Yes, send April home 🏡
Then maybe change the job - plenty of children who came out of boarding schools to prove you wrong.
saddest part is at 16:21 the poor girls literally hugging another childs mother because her own cant be bothered to look after her cba
Alice J it was because they were at work not that they couldn’t be asked to
Yes, like a baby mouse taken away from its mother having to cleave unto the only mother it can find.
yes poor little April, that made me sad.
It made me cry :-(
Even sadder at 18:30 wen the mother removes April from her while not even looking at her. ouch.
It’s all about money and prestige. All that little girl needs is her mother.
The adults at that school look so vile, no one cares about the children only about the money.The aspirational parents are a disgrace!! they don't want to be responsible for their children's education.
VenusInFurs2100 I think the perant want what’s best for their child and give it stability since they keep moving around but they are going the wrong way of dealing with it but I feel like it’s because it could be best for their child so it can have a stable future but yes children do need perants
JC yup
zena ryder yup
VenusInFurs2100 yup
I went to boarding school at 8 and hated the bullying culture. All the teachers were male, single and lived in which turned out to be very unhealthy. I recommend a book called 'boarding school syndrome by Joy Schaverein which helped me to understand a lot of the subsequent problems as an adult.
Oh that does sound like a bad environment... hope you're alright now
@@r21167 It took many years but I'm 71 now and apart from a few hangups still, mostly over it.
That is bad I went at 14 had different experience than you but I had mixed teachers male and female. I was not bullied there but was in mainstream my daughter going she 13 in September
I can't even watch this all the way through because it's so upsetting. I can't imagine sending my 8 year old to be raised by someone else. Of course they have to keep the kids busy so they put off facing the trauma of separation from their families. 😢
It’s entrapment. Abandonment. Incredibly traumatic for these children. I’m disgusted as well.
This looks so unhealthy, the whole vibe is kinda depressing
I watched it. And thought those kids are growing up too fast they need time to play and ask the iconic question that should be the biggest deal in a kids life “muuuuum after school can we go to the park with my friend and her mum” the questions kids shouldn’t have to ask their mum “when will I see you again?”
Nah! I think that this will prepare them really well for their adult life. In England specially these kids DO NOT grow up, they are used to get everything done by “mummy”
No it’s actually depressing
Rossana Evaristo there’s way too much time to learn to be an adult in adulthood, wich is most of our lives; childhood is meant to be easy and around loved ones who care for us to teach us how to take care of ourselves when they aren’t around anymore (wich is even more painful to deal with if you haven’t spent much time with them). Why rush lost and pain unnecessarily?
Also moms ‘babying’ their children while they can is natural and healthy most of the times, this environment most of the times isn’t. It’s preparing them to be successful workers for sure, but detached family members.
Thats because youre seeing mostly the negative side of it
When a child has that intense of a response to going away, it's called emotional trauma. This is crazy. Why would anyone do this to their kids when they have a choice not to.
She might not know it’s that bad. You know the school is probably downplaying and doing everything they can to keep them enrolled.
Seemed like both the parents and the kids were kind of traumatized.
I am in my mid 20s and to this day I still suffer extreme homesickness when I'm away. I have struggled with it ever since I was little. I felt so terribly for April and found myself crying when she was getting to spend valuable time back home with her mom. To see her mother nurturing her and loving her to such an intense degree was beautiful, but the beauty was accompanied by a feeling of grief. It's as if these people lose their children for weeks or months at a time, only to be reunited once again. It's a terrible cycle of highs and lows that will likely follow a child like April into adulthood. I don't want to pass judgement on these parents, but it is so frustrating to see people paying so much money to send their kids off, meanwhile both they and the kids are miserable. Why not just stay together and be a family? Those parents are missing precious time with their kids that they will never get back.
They only seem like they are getting better at being away from home because they learned their emotional needs are not going to be met :(
seeing little April and her mom hurt over being separated was so painful, i kept thinking DIVORCE THAT MAN AND TAKE THE CHILDREN
My brother went to boarding school from age 8-11 he was so miserable but we were living in Aden so he needed schooling... He even had to fly out to see us alone. He said much later to his wife he never felt part of the family again. My parents realised he was so unhappy and pulled him out. The rest of us younger ones never had that trauma to deal with.
This made me feel really uncomfortable. I know it's just a school but sending kids at this age is way too young. Teen years yes I can understand but at eight years old you'll be missing so much of your child's life. What's the point of having children if you don't want to be the one raising them?
I started boarding at 8 and, whilst it’s young, it’s much easier starting young than it is boarding for the first time as a teenager. You get loads of support from matrons and dames (pastoral workers) where as at 13 you’ve got so much else going on in life. Also, a common misconception is that it breaks a bond with your family. I’m 26 now and am really independent but I’m closer to my mum than anyone. :)
maybaby13x yeh I went to boarding school when I was 8 too and I honestly think my bond with my mum is stronger than it would be if I stayed at home
What!! That's not how it is. I raised my kids!!
maybaby13x I think it depends. I know a few people who aren’t close with their parents even though they went to boarding at 10 or something and others are.
@@maybaby13x I agree. I went to boarding school,I sent my two daughters to boarding and they loved it. I agree boarding school is not for everyone but people seem to demonize boarding school as if it were some prison. Done properly it's a good place to thrive. I think the kids struggling should be allowed to at least ring the parents.
it's defiantly a British child if they're exited about strictly starting.
Honestly most British children prefer the amazing world of gumball or Tenn Titans go I should know I am British after all.
Tommy Barton i’m british and strictly beats both of those
@@tommybarton6087 nah I always used to I only ever watched Cbeebies or CBBC and im pretty sure gumball was only on CN, but I see where your coming from.
This is the quickest reply I have ever got yay😇🙂😊😃
Was looking for this comment 😂
'If we could pop them a pill every night to take away their home sickness, we would'
I know this was said as a metaphor.. but it really speaks volumes to me about how these people see boarding school. It's brutal and these little children need their parents and to feel safe.
I've got into further into this doc now and those poor little girls crying beause they cant see their parents is so fucked. What is more important than your kids?!
@@laurenjwolf Sadly people look down on their own kids and minors are second class citizens and slaves, the whole of humanity goes through this messed up social "phase" and the end result is the fucked societies you see around you not until we're humanised at birth and stay that way will anything be ok.
It also struck me that 2 of 3 parents couldn't make it because of work... maybe I'm judging and a workplace is not a playing ground but I cannot understand how those mums/dads couldn't make it to be away from work for some hours... there was a time limit anyway, they weren't allowed to stay the whole day.
Glad I wasn't the only one who thought the wording there was awful.
@@dorottyahavasi5723 Lottie's family lived clase to the school. Maybe the others lived further away so even though there was a time limit on the visit they would have to factor in the travel time to and from school. Also not everyone has the kind of job you can take time off whenever you want.
I grew up in a Military home... We moved house constantly, changed schools more times than I can count, but, not once was it suggested we be boarded!!!... Those experiences of constantly meeting new people, being in new surroundings and learning new languages really set us up for the 'Real World'... To this day, I still love to travel the world, as do my own children (I say children, but they are all grown now)... I can't imagine ever being separated from my children when they were growing up!!!
Navy daugther here. I absolutely agree. We moved mid-school year constantly. So what? We all speak three languages, got university degrees, love to travel, and remain a close-knit family.
@@luciamorenovelo8345 LOVE THIS!!!... Absolutely love your reply sweetheart!!! Thank you!!!... Best wishes to you and your family, from mine!!! ♥️♥️♥️♥️🐶
Same! My dad was a Marine and my parents never even THOUGHT about sending us away, they wouldn’t have had children if that was the case. All the changes, new experiences and moves were something we dealt with as a family. Sending a child away for that long makes me wonder why people have children if they don’t want to see them grow up ?
Love how no one mentions that they miss dad😂
Cuz clearly it's the dad that wants to send them away, not the mom
They were all from army families with Dads in the army, so their dad's are probably absent often.
And the mum has not the right to say anything about it? What is this, the 30s?
E Star 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒹𝒶𝒹 𝒾𝓈 𝒶𝓌𝒶𝓎 𝒶𝓁𝑜𝓉 𝒷𝑒𝒸𝒶𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓎'𝓇𝑒 𝒾𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒶𝓇𝓂𝓎, 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓎'𝓇𝑒 𝓊𝓈𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝒾𝓉
@@sugarrainbow1168 how did you type like that
'I don't know why I get so upset!'
'It'd be wrong if you didn't!' - Dad, visibly not upset
Cerpuj Films No, dad is conditioned to hiding his true feelings and emotions. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t care.
It definitely seems like he is trying to avoid answering emotional questions and only jumps in to try to make his wife feel better.
@@katherineanderson5667 correct, and he's most likely a military man, they don't show emotion generally until behind closed doors.
@@katherineanderson5667: Agreed, "not visibly upset" is not necessarily "visibly not upset".
I think that Lottie’s Mum didn’t think things through - if she took April with her and Lottie, she should have asked the twins as well
Yeah, it wasn't very nice!
They might not have been given permission by the school or their parents.
I didn’t like Lottie’s mom
I have two girls who are adults now and I cannot fathom just sending them away for someone else to raise. I just cannot wrap my mind around why parents would choose this option. I know they have their reasons but it seems cruel in a sense. Kids need their parents, especially an 8 year old girl they need their Mom. To me this is heartbreaking. It seems traumatizing to be with your parents for 8 years and then just sent away.
Exactly... I just don't get WHY parents do this?! At such a young age of the children???
I kinda get it with the military family. Kids also need a stable social life changing schools is really really hard on kids. Its a hard thing to balance. I do think when it clearly didn't work they should have pulled her out.
Boarding school is clearly not right for April
Ur sooo right on that
They need a group of child psychiatrists, psychologists, and therapists. These children also need to have time to just be children, especially the younger ones. Also children pretending to be taliban and that guy doing nothing about it is unbelievably unacceptable.
I totally agree! The school nurse and boarding master mean well, but they don’t have the expertise necessary to be of any substantial help.
I agree, they have just finished the end of early childhood starting middle childhood. They need to be normal children in their family .
Boarding school shouldn't be allowed under 11years
Many of their dads are in the military. The children are pretending to be Taliban to express the anger and hurt they are supressing by identifying with the enemy of their fathers. I suspect the teacher fully understands this and appreciated that to clamp down on it would only intensify the hurt and sense of betrayal that these kids are feeling inside.
67 years ago, age 12, I I was the only British boy in a boarding school with about 100 German boys and the war not long over. You might have expected I would be bullied unmercifully. Quite the opposite. Lots of boys befriended me. I realized some years later that was for the same reason that I became more German than the Germans and greeted my parents adult British friends with a smart heel click and a Germanic nod of the head. It was a way of expressing my feelings about being sent away from family and friends.
I have to add that I loved the school and had a fantastic time there. The boys and the teachers gave me so much of the warmth and love and freedom that I didn't get from my parents.
@@katel7309 )
This is so sad!!
It's sick how they control and block contact. to hear them tell a child she can't call home because it would make her mom sad, is so manipulative.
Knowing how damaging the physiological effects are for a child to experience pro-long separation from their family. I have no idea why anyone would choose to inflict this trauma on their child.
As someone with autism I'm glad my parents didn't send me to boarding school. It sounds like a nightmare and very exhausting to always have to be around people. Even after school you're forced to do special activities with other kids and share a room with 3 others. I wonder what boarding schools do to aid special needs children.
Exactly my situation even in school camps for a few days it was difficult to deal with
I am autistic and I remember that as a child, my dream was to go to some sort of boarding school (that basically doesn't exist here in Italy). I loved the time spent at summer camps, away from my loud, aggressive, and super spoiled younger brothers. I loved the day being organized, no time left unscheduled. I even liked the forced socialization, given that left by myself I've always struggled making friends. I still think that if I didn't had to deal with my dysfunctional family growing up, I could have flourished. I was diagnosed at 39, when my life ultimately fell apart.
I was disturbed by the noise level in the dining room. Awful!
@sisterbluebird68 oh yes, I forgot about that!! Oh, what a memory! And the smell, too..
But I had lunch at school every day in a huge canteen as well, so I I probably took it as a normal part of life, not knowing I was autistic, and was a little desensitized. The summer camp one was probably even way smaller and quieter. For my entire childhood, I really wished to have the "summer camp" experience all year long . And food at home was awful, anyway..
Prob ridicule them
i went to boarding school when i was 8 so i was watching this to see how others found it... then i realized one of the little girls they’re playing netball against is me !!!
Issy C-W omg thats so cute
That's pretty awesome! Did you stay in boarding school for all of your schooling?
CerddWen only until I was 11, moved to day school after that :)
And what was it like for you, being away from your family? Would you recommend it for other children? Or only those who want to go and who settle in well?
@@kathy1310 it was strange being away from my mum and dad but I didn't really get homesick, mostly because I was in a room with 4 other girls and my brother was at the same school in the boy's house. I wanted to go to boarding school to be with my friend who had to go because of her mum's work, and I'm sure my parents appreciated it since they'd just had a baby! It was fun and I made really good memories as well as learning a lot about life and self-sufficiency really young. I'd recommend it for kids who want to go, I think there's no point forcing your children into boarding if they don't want to -- they will probably end up having a bad time. The food was awful though!!!!
8 year old girl: i miss my mummy
counselor: try not to think about her
.....what??
😑 this type of people are worst.
Someone is in pain and try to open up but this type just pull them down. ☹️
Jovanna, I think she intended for the little girl not to think about her Mum, so she wouldn’t miss her.
Unfortunately, it’s probably the best advice to give a child who is homesick.
You have to refocus your thoughts.
How on earth is this a counselor?
Distraction and compassion is the best way to cope with homesick kids.. I should know I went to boarding school from 10-16yrs.. the matrons/boarding staff were brilliant with me they were firm but compassionate and it worked with me... it’s not a nice experience leaving and being away from your family but it does get easier and it becomes part of ur life.. I do think younger than 10yrs is too young personally.. but with the right supportive people for child and parent it can be done successfully 😊 Also as hard as it is to leave your child the best way is to do it quickly... drop them off kiss cuddle and leave. The longer you linger the harder leaving will be for everyone.
I cried for a week after my family left me in my college dorm room when I was 16. I can't imagine how it must be for these kids.
These poor children, learning how to cope without their parents at such a young age.
😢
Children need their parents
Jesus Christ I don't EVER want my child to "get used" to not seeing me until she has to, AT EIGHTEEN BLOODY YEARS OF AGE NOT EIGHT!!!
Elaine Pavek my words 😂 I mean this isn’t life anymore for them. Is like “yeah my parents won’t me anymore so they sent me here” I mean I can swear this little girl will hate them for this shit when she gets older
Exactly!!
DONT TAKE GODS NAME IN VAIN.....
@@hestersue5563 Or what?
Everyone has a different life experience. Boarding at 8 sounds hard for people who never had to do it whereas it sounds ok for those that did. And guess what, just because you didn't board doesn't mean your parents were anymore loving than those whose parents made them board.
"If we could pop them a pill we would"
Wow. Real nice.
Home sick meds. Chill.
Haha
Shia 🤣
IKR what even
Yeah - like, if we could prescribe medication to stop children having feelings that are inconvenient to us, we would.
I am currently reading, "Sad Little Men" by Richard Beard which led me to search this genre of videos. He discusses Boarding School Syndrome. Well worth reading into. Young children adapt BUT is not a good adaptation. They go through a period of grief and come out the other side changed and traumatised.
The reason I am reading this book is I am reading about the damaged leaders of the UK Gov and see where boarding school fits in this damage. These men have been broken. Are stuck emotionally at age 7/8. they are certainly not fit to be leaders.
100 upticks. This is why boarding schools exist - to break attachment. It’s seen as easier to adjust to the Machiavellian nature of powerful positions. Toxic society starts with these future broken leaders.
Very interesting connection !!
I started boarding at 7 and did so for 11 years, I'm at uni now struggling with mental health
@@jamesfloreat7464 Be well James. I pray that this will not be the defining point of your life but you will find healing and peace. It’s not right that you went through that and I hope you find healing. Take your time and heal
♡james♡
Forcing kids to detach from their mothers in order to cope at such a young age. This was painful to watch.