Melissa Boyce, you raise some really interesting points. I've never put two and two together regarding alexithymia and impending meltdowns. Sometimes they feel like they come out of nowhere and I can't verbalise WHY it's all too much, just that it is and if I’m asking for help it's because I'm desperate!
The impostor syndrome for me is more about the camouflage identity I've built over the years. Is that person real? Is it me? And when people praise me for my achievements, do I deserve it? Do they really see the real individual? It's almost as if there are two people inside of me.
I'm a primary School teacher and last year i had two Asperger kids. That's when I started studying all I could find about the topic. Since then I have recognised in myself some of the Asperger traits, so kept digging to try to understand if I could really be in the spectrum. Last week I had an online test, just out of curiosity, and I scored a high mark in it. When I told my husband he replied that if it actually was a real thing he wouldn't be surprised, since he's always found most of my behaviour "bizarre" to him, but he loves me anyway for how I am. Now I am thinking about having an official diagnosis. Ps: sorry for my bad English, that's not my native language.
Melting down as a mother is super hard. I feel so embarrassed sometimes while trying to teach my child to be calm and then I go and explode suddenly. Realizing I had suppressed all my stims and finally allowing myself to flap and avoid eye contact has lead to way less meltdowns. Standing backed to a wall is something I often do but never realized why.
I also will always sit with a wall in my back when in restaurants to overview the situation and not get suprised by sounds and lessen the amount of directions i can get informations from
Hey Erin, something every parent does is screw up.. whether it’s a meltdown that appears to not be maintaining calm, impatience, a naughty word, whatever. So if (when) you do have meltdowns just come afterward and explain it. That’s all.. if teaches our children that it’s ok to be human. If you hurt them in some way, apologize, explain that sometimes even mommy gets upset and it’s ok. Reconcile and move on. I think that’s healthy 💞
The impostor thing you said. Only recently I’ve heard of that Impostor Syndrome thing. But it’s so real for me! I have a particular problem with a friend of mine who is a psychologist, and keeps telling me I’m not on the spectrum, that I only have some traits. My psychologist however took a long time to give me a diagnosis, and of course I tell him everyday thoughts and emotions I may not voice normally or confidently to friends. The thing is, I hate touching the subject with my friend. She keeps denying the diagnosis and it’s got me fucked up. I feel so anxious now with the word “Asperger” because I just don’t know how to feel. It’s gotten so bad that yours are the only videos on the subject of autism I can watch. Otherwise I feel so anxious I literally cannot stand it. I don’t know what to do.
That's really challenging to have someone deny your experience like that. I know when I had someone do the same to me I started questioning whether I've made everything up and went down a rabbit hole of self blame. Without my partners support idk if I could of gotten out of it. I'm getting an assessment soon and I'm already worrying that I am going to somehow manipulate them into getting a diagnosis and therefore will likely struggle accepting it for awhile.
I was tankfully diagnosed at 40. I had worked with people on the spectrum since 20. I demanded an investigation into my mental health. Thankfully I had the eloquence and self-esteem to fight for my right to be me.
After 54 years, I finally know...amidst a long history full of misdiagnoses, experimental psychological drugs, therapy, EXHAUSTION and lots of shame. Now I'm dealing with the "Feels"...of relief, grief, anger, betrayal, and more relief. I'm a human being with different wiring, so now I know I'm not just "that really weird woman", anymore. Instead, it's "Hey, I'm that really weird woman, and I celebrate and revel in my weirdness!"
Wow! Really love your videos!! Thanks 👍I've been binge watching them since discovering you a few days ago.😄 I was diagnosed last week at age 45. I don't have many people I can talk to about being Autistic, so it's great when I find people like yourself on here, that I can relate to. Love your sense of humour too👍
I have suffered from impostor syndrome for years, and have been having rather a bad bout of it lately. It isn't about people not believing I'm an aspie, it is the fear that they'll realise that I am. I learned to mask as an essential survival mechanism, faced with bullying and isolation from my peers and, sadly, my parents. I keep the mask up everywhere but at home. It is draining, but it has got me through. However, I am no more than an actor, and while people I know give me the impression that they like me, they really like the part I play rather than me. I have a fear that if the mask should slip they'll reel back in horror, or feel I've lied to them, and tricked them. In fact I have had a couple of experiences where I have confided in people I though I could trust, and they have not gone well, so I don't think that fear is unreasonable. This undermines everything really. It isn't me living this life. It isn't me you talk with, or say "hi" to. It is just a false image, a fake version, a role I am consciously playing so that I can be allowed to live among the humans. Today was particularly bad. I had a promotion at work, announced to the whole team over a video meeting by our national manager. I was invited to speak, and I just mouthed the right words and smiled. I felt horrible all day. I can't bring myself to feel I deserve this recognition. I know it is not rational, but that doesn't make it feel any better.
Shut down, that's what happened to me last Thursday!!! I was headed towards a meltdown in a public place I was volunteering at and thankfully a friendly face showed up and agreed to take my place. Other people asked me what was going on and I really couldn't talk, I remember putting my hands up at one point, like you did in the video. Thankfully I live very close by so I got home to my peace and quiet quickly. I think I would have recovered but then I had someone start harassing me via phone and text so then I had a meltdown.
It's so confusing to me as to whether I have autism or not. I can't get a diagnosis with my current daily life but I can relate the everything about autism (especially in girls because I am one lol). From the sensory issues, to the OCD tendencies, special interests, to excelling mathematically, from having spectacular photographic memory, to having black and white thinking, to the mental health part of how it shows in girls, I can relate completely to all of it. Although I've been healed from most of the mental issues (like depression, suicidal thoughts, and overall low self-esteem and self-hatred) I know I still struggle with anxiety on a daily basis. The only thing that gets me to doubt that I'm autistic is that I have little to no difficulty understanding my own emotions or expressing them when I wanna express them. I also seem to easily understand the emotions of others (although I can't see their true intentions if they hide them). I've always struggled socially but I never thought it was enough to be concerned about. I didn't understand much of the social norms (I mostly do now) but I never cared to understand them and I followed them blindly growing up. I'm not sure how much of a mask I have because I mimic others without thinking about it and idk if that's because I learned so fast or something else. I seem to relate to everything except I hardly have a problem socially and emotionally. It's confusing but I wish I knew if I'm autistic or not so I can understand myself better. (Disclaimer: Of course autism is a spectrum and not all autistic people have the symptoms I listed above. It varies a lot and I only listed the common stuff among autistic people that I relate to. I know it could all be a coincidence for me to relate to them but I can't help but think I have a high chance of having autism. If I were to list all the possible symptoms of autism, as well as the and other stuff I relate to, this comment would be much longer than it already is)
I am currently at that imposter l level right now. The more I find out about autism then the more I feel that I am just trying to attach to it. But I know the truth. Autism explains most of my life.
I'm 34 and just realizing as of recent that I think I'm a aspie. There is so much undeniable evidence that I just wrote a 6 page paper to my dad. I have tested well into the spectrum on the AQ, RAADS-R, & Aspie-quiz. And get an even higher score on the CAT-Q. I watched most of your videos and sometimes get very emotional about how much I relate to you. At first it was enlightening, but now I'm just confused and a little depressed by it all. I'm sure I'll be getting a diagnosis and counseling. I just want to say I appreciate you‼️
hey umm sorry if its not something you don't want to talk about but how are you now? did things get better?asking because I am going through something similar rn
Okay, filtering of another kind. Warner Brothers cartoons from the 1940s are a longtime special interest of mine but, it never occurred to me that your channel name is a reference to Yosemite Sam. Awesome!
I have shutdowns more often than I thought after knowing what to look for from watching this video, I have them pretty frequently. Even just happened 2 nights ago
Thanx for sharing your thoughts. It really is helpful. I am a late diagnosed on the spectrum late sixties female. I was nicknamed Amelia Bedelia by some because I did things backwards. Took too many things literal. Anyways, keep up your channel. There's lots of us that look forward to it. And yes I have gone back to watch your other videos.
cmari604 I'm in my sixties, too. Self diagnosed. My daughter understands and validates my self diagnosis. What country do you live in? I'm in Canada. I heard that it's expensive and difficult to get a late diagnosis, but I'm thinking it might be worth it.
I'm voraciously watching all your videos, older and newer. They are so incredibly helpful to fast track some understanding about my diagnosis at 45 years old: highly masking "normal" looking autistic man, which had always everything under control, until I couldn't anymore. Which struggled so much without showing it, living a life as a replicant, that I have to recompose. Thank you so much for your videos, you have the best channel on the subject!
Burning through you videos and I recognize so much from your experiences in me. To the point I would probably be very sad if my diagnosis does not turn out to be that I am on the spectrum
and again.....I learned something new today: imposter syndrome! didn't know that this behaviour is a syndrome and not my usual low self esteem ! Thank you for teaching me so much new stuff about myself.
Thank you. I have a meeting today with a support centre and am very anxious because I am not officially diagnosed and feel like I am wasting their time. I am watching this to try and convince myself still to go
I've only known about autism for a week now and I'm certain I have autism, considering I've spent the last 8 years of my life questioning my life and why I am the way I am. Realizing I relate so much to alot of these symptoms it's kinda hard to just brush off as just another mental health issue.
Your videos help me so much. You are very pretty and look "normal" to most people. I am the same, only older. People usually just think I'm weird. Also yes I feel incredibly validated and happy with being me from learning about autism. ☺👍
Imposter syndrome has happened to me a lot when playing music live. I forget that I'm able to let go and play. One night I had such fun night and played better than ever but the next night I had a show at the same place and couldn't remember how to be confident or that I was capable of it.
I'm at the point I feel I may have autism and I may not. Maybe I just need more videos to be sure. I guess it's like a feeling of limbo not really being sure. I just really feel drawn to the subject especially masking. So when doing the autistic event how did you interact that they pointed out in how you were in a conversation? For example I part of a weekly support group and when I share my updates I always feel like how I structure my shares is weird compared to everyone else. I'll go what can I share oh I guess this, okay I guess this is relevant, and also there's this, kind of rambly and all over subject kind of way. And I'm worried about taking too long and thinking about how long I'm taking the whole time. Not to mention kind of always looking at the same person since I'm not sure where or who I should be looking at because it's so awkward. And since I've been in this group for years I feel like I should have the format for sharing down by now. The only thing that helps sometimes is if I write down what I want to share beforehand. I'm a lefty, INFP, introvert, and maybe it's just that stuff compounds so idk. I hope I'm not over sharing or too weird so I'll just leave this here.
I came across a psychologist on RUclips that specialises making videos about narcissistic behaviour. I’ve emailed them to ask if I’m a narcissist. I’m challenging myself because of my meltdowns. I’m so exhausted contemplating this confusion. Thank you for describing your meltdowns, I do become nasty trying to make the pain / pressure build up, it’s not intentionally personal but clearly would feel like it on the receiving end.
A lot of people think I'm narcissistic or just a mean or arrogant which is funny because I can barely take a compliment and I actually believe everyone is higher than me and some other stuff that make me believe I’m not. With the mean thing I’m usually only mean if people are mean to me first or they're mean to my friends. But I've learned that when people have their mind set on believing you are some type of way in their mind there's nothing you can do to make them believe otherwise and the more you try to change their mind the more they believe whatever they're believing about you. Now if someone says I'm a narcissist I'm just like “Yep I sure am.” And I move on.
I am so impressed that you started this channel so soon after your diagnosis! I was diagnosed 4 years ago and I still struggle to be open about it (occasionally impostor syndrome is an issue for me!). but i hope to become more open starting tomorrow! and maybe I'll have th guts to one day make videos about it too! (Unless I missed it, most youtube channels on autism seem to be from people who aren't american for some reason)
I find u lovely. Which is funny cause I see myself in u😄 I don't have a lot of friends cause I find it so hard to relate to people. I always say to my husband things like "I wish I could have friends that are like me" and I really mean it😋 Not in an arrogant way but I just miss that connection with people. When I watch your videos it just feels like u are on the same frequency or something. It's very rare for me to experience that.
I had a lot of trouble with imposter syndrome. I'm skilled in languages and terrible at math but my internal feelings are accurate to a common autistic experience. After a meltdown, I had an autistic friend say I was 'just wrong' and that I couldn't possibly be autistic. For years afterwards I had the words, 'just wrong' pop up in my head whenever I was at a low point or even wanted to look for an explanation. I haven't been diagnosed but my father has. He's got the same skill set but has more social issues and other outward signs. I, on the other hand, seem so practiced at the right answers to social skill questions (not the skills themselves) that I get non-autistic scores on most of the tests.
Congrats on 2k subs! And that is so funny that you thought the same way about the “yo" part lol. Autistic brains sometimes think alike! It's so nice to have others to relate to in such surprisingly specific ways sometimes! And it's an awesome channel name and cool that’s it’s your nickname. 😄 Just wanted to say that I've felt Imposter Syndrome about many things over the years (probably due to masking) and finding out about my autism has definitely been one of those areas for me, as well. The perception shift one has to go through with late diagnosis/realization is huge and takes some time to adjust to. But it’s nice to know that we’re not alone in that process. Thanks for sharing! I really enjoy your videos. 😊
My brother had a toy lion that I put glasses on and called Dr. Yugo Slavia. He took what I said and made it like it was his idea and told the entire family, but I always knew I came up with it. "I'm Dr. Yugo Slavia. I'm crazy!"
Hi there, I've suspected that I have autism since 2016, at the time I was in therapy because I suffer from depression and anxiety (which I'm doing better with) at the time the therapist point out that I couldn't tell that this person whom I thought was annoying me, was actually trying to befriend me, I google that exact notion and the first thing to come up was a detail explanation on aspergers syndrome. As I began to read it was like a light bulb moment for me and the next week I present the idea to her with my own symptoms, she dismiss it and left me feeling much worse about myself. Over time I forgot about it even though both me and my wife believed it to be true, as much as I try to let it be, I still feel very much connected to the idea that I have it. With or without a proper diagnosis of aspergers/autism I feel I can strongly relate to it and that will have to do for the time being. Your videos are very helpful, thank you!
I relate so much to you samdy sam. I had a meltdown at work about a few months ago and I hate haveing meltdowns in public because I can really lose it and what pushed me over the edge was seeing someone indangeing there dog and was trying to tell the owner that they should be on a leash because they aren't listing to well and were in the middle of the parking lot and almost got hit by a car (by the way after this I stoped working during the day at petco) and when the lady said no fuge u! I lost it I stared yelling not makeing any sense and was so angry 😤 she walked in and wanted to talk to the manager I was shaking and my manger took her compant and once she left I just fell apart I was histeral hitting my head I never wanted these people to see me that way im glad I didn't lose my job but I lost full time. N thats because I realized how much being in retail can drain me out. The thing that suckered is all I was worried about the dog and she didn't I hate that when I get luke that I can't communicate at all
I have anxiety when going to the doctor, so when I tried to tell my doctor that I thought I was autistic, I was in the process of having an anxiety attack and received pushback from him at the same time, raising my anxiety. He then brought in ANOTHER doctor, so my anxiety ratcheted up that much more and I started crying because of it. I'm a grown woman so they must have either thought I was nuts or a complete basket case, but they finally agreed to refer me to a specialist. Only thing is, I never heard back from that specialist. I still want to get a diagnosis, but that situation with my doctor was so stressful that I'm having a hard time bringing myself to ask again. Edit: He did (unsurprisingly) end up prescribing me anxiety medicine at least, lol.
I was married for 20 years.. I always struggled with certain aspects of communication especially with my wife. I lived my whole life without a diagnosis. After 20 Years working in the construction trades, and a couple of falls, I had to have neck surgery. During my recovery my wife had to get a job for the first time in 17 years. So she diagnosed me with being a dead beat and a narcissist, and a psychopath. She divorced me, and started a relationship with my younger brother. My whole life was turned upside down because I could hold a conversation without loosing track. I found out after my divorce she didn’t love me for the last 10 years. But she kept me because I had a job. I feel life is hard without real love. I probably never will see that day.
Your word 'Argy-Bargy' is an old Scottish phrase that means 'argue'. It shows your line of thinking when thinking of neurotypicals. I am the same. It's always refreshing to hear somebody say that as an autistic person they find it hard to pay attention. It challenges the stereotypes about all autistic people having attention to detail in a way that could benefit organizations that promoted this idea. My attention to detail is about becoming very absorbed in fine details on topics of my interest rather than intellectual topics such as engineering, maths, or science. My interests have no benefit to others. My nickname in school was not very pleasant. They called me 'rif-raf'. I remember the 'Samdy Sam' cartoon character from childhood. I used to watch it too.
I'm not yet diagnosed and struggling real bad with imposter syndrome. Years of masking took away my freedom to stim and engage deeply in my special interests, which I wouldn't allow myself to do as it felt too indulgent and I was deeply in denial. I grew up being bullied for being different and even being called autistic as a kid multiple times, which made me feel ashamed of what I knew to be true. My autism was blindingly obvious when I was a kid, and especially as a teenager. Puberty did a number on me lol. The only reason I wasnt diagnosed is because my mum and dad (no contact) are both undiagnosed autistic too, as is my uncle (who struggles a great deal more). I have gotten my mum to a state of acceptance that she is probably autistic too.
My family had told me my children weren't Autistic. And I just needed to discipline them more and they were just misbehaving. And while seeking information for my family I have begun to realize it's not just my children. So, after realizing its me and in waiting for my own assessment. My family has told us no you just need to be less sensitive, and not fall apart as much. People I love have said Oh everyones on the spectrum so its just life. I dont know how to really make myself not take that in and help them understand for my kiddos.
... I'm not really sure what constitutes as a full blown meltdown in ME as I really don't experience them often as some others do, and I'm not always in the state of mind to judge what's happening. When overwhelmed I tend to withdraw rather than break so to speak. I turtle, lol.
About the only part of autism that doesn't fit right for me is the sensory sensitivity. I have recently found a couple lights that make me feel ill but I am otherwise tolerant or indifferent to most of the other sensory issues I hear about. Is it possible to be the opposite? I have fallen asleep at loud bars at concerts because I found them boring. I also fall asleep at the wheel easier than average so I don't like long distance driving.
Thank you for making these videos. I am finally starting to see myself better and think I am on the spectrum. It was suggested by my therapist, but I didn't see it before. I shared one of your videos with my cousin kind of as an intro to me and the topic. I was surprised at her response, she was trying to redefine my behaviors into normalcy with me paying way to much attention to them. A strange response I thought. I however think she might be on the spectrum too, which was partly my nefarious reason to share that specific video with her. I wondered if she would see herself there too. We have so many other overlapping symptoms of illness and life trials, it seemed likely. Also I was so glad to hear you had married and have children too. I never did. The biggest regret of my life. I am too ill now for anyone to join me. Well thanks again for your help. I will be watching more. :)
Times 51 the said amount of subscribers later (Congrat for such a massive number btw) Same… I still have an imposter syndrome 5 months after the diagnosis. I guess it takes a certain amount of time 🤔
Hi I'd like to suggest and if you can face it, that you do a seperate vlog on 'shutdowns' and 'meltdowns' ? Shutdowns I've never heard of before tilll here and it is such a relief!. I just thought of them as 'anxiety/anger'. I feel the conversation is lost in the Q&A title and as they are so common and for me so shameful and upsetting (and I guess others?) I think a vlog devoted simply to them as part of the condition would be very helpfull? I literally did not have children because I was so frightened of my anger (which I now know to be meltdowns) affecting them negatively.......... I have self identified thanks to Prof Attwoods lecture 'girls and aspergers' here on RUclips last year and having discussed things with my GP I am waiting to be assessed at the age of 62!.......... I have been through the whole gamut of eating disorders, depression, bipolar and borderline personality disorder via psychiatry since my early twenties............ Sometimes wonder how I'm still here? But I am! Love your channel. Big Thank you. Hx
Meltdown in public: very humiliating eww Shutdown - yes same like you. If I can't get away.. Fight, being irritable, angry.. And it seems to then continue into freeze if I can't leave.. Catatonic - not moving, not talking much. Not able to really follow the conversation..
I have imposter syndrome all the time. I know I'm masking deep down and only do it to fit in and feel guilty and think constantly everyone knows I'm masking aka a fraud.
I have *major* imposter syndrome about, like- *everything* and it's so, so stressful, why cant I just accept them I am these things? I didnt know that imposter syndrome was the name of it before, I just knew I always felt like I was faking everything :(
I have this problem to I'm diagnosed but I was masking for so long I don't know the real me it's to the point of hating myself I can't find the real me.
Here we go another insight comment by me. I feel it not to late a diagnoses compare to female average, I have a great aunt she doesn't know it 79 never been diagnosed.
Yo Samdy Sam There are psychologist who are working. Who then get a special interest in autism. And then relise I have aspergers. Your not the only one especially female, go university study psychology, autism that's me that my childhood. This women are in early 30's late diagnoses. As it appears from birth so a clinician would say signs if Autism from 3 weeks old. But can only be diagnosed are 2 or 3 correct me if I'm wrong. So your 30 years late diagnosed if you look at it like that.
I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.Is it possible that my doctor misdiagnosed me,or having both?I feel strongly that i'm on the spectrum
Some desperately seek diagnosis some have diagnosed themselves and some have the diagnosis thrust upon them. I had a psychological battery multiple times when I was in middle school I was diagnosed with anxious avoidant disorder and told to fake it till I make it. At age 35 I realized that I possibly had a neurodevelopmental disorder because my sons IEP directors thought I had ADHD. I was worried that I had Alzheimer’s because I had horrible problems with the organization I took a sabbatical from work so I went to a neurologist who referred me to a psychologist and then they did all of the tests and determined that I probably had some ADHD but my problem was actually that I was Aspergers. I flunked my MMPI.
TLDR: I have this impostor feeling despite I went through the diagnosis process based on 3 different professionals' opinion (1 clinical psychoterapist whom I have been visiting each week for the last 8 years, 1 psychiatrist who have been managing my antianxiety and antidepressant medication for the past 3 years and an expert art therapist who was asked for a second opinion by the psychiatrist regarding my anxiety-, OCD like and depressive symptoms among other less obvious day-to-day hardships). Actually 4 because of the clinical psychologist who supposed to be an expert in diagnosing autism in adults and was recommended by the previous three. She confirmed their suspicion. I received my diagnosis this June (age 40), and since I realized that this might be true, no, definetely must be true, I kinda feel every day that despite hard professional evidence I have to confirm somehow to myself that it is indeed true and I am not a fake. (sry for my bad English, I am not a native speaker and I do not use it on a daily basis).
I can’t say that I have imposter syndrome I’ve always been the weird one. When I first started school I got shifted into speech class because I was kind of nonverbal. Then I was suddenly removed from that class and I didn’t know why but apparently I tested very well on the Stanford Benet test and they realize that I wasn’t stupid and decided toMain stream me. I like special class. It was quieter. I got teased a lot in school. I cried easily which got me teased more.About seventh grade when the hormones hit I missed 80 days of my seventh grade years I couldn’t stand to go to school I had fevers headaches everything and they took me to get it evaluated and decided it was all psychosomatic they decided I had anxious avoidant disorder and the psychiatrist told me to fake it till I make it or I would be in an institution. He said I wouldn’t like an institution. I agreed so I went back to school. I dropped out at age 16 and got married. I got my GED and return to higher education at age 24. I graduated cum laude from college with a degree in nursing. I worked as a nurse 17 years.I had to take a mental health break when my daughter was four. I was basically decompensating. I had the whole psychological battery again that’s when I got my Asperger’s diagnosis. As well as ADHD. I try the ADHD meds but they were a bad fit. I return to work and worked for another 11 years in hospice home care. I like that but the systems were getting more complex and I was having more difficulties coping because of my executive dysfunction. I retired in 2012 I still have my nursing degree and license. I do toenails for the elderly with diabetes diagnosis is so I can indulge in my picking to my hearts content. Most Of my children are adults now. They turned out pretty good I suspect they are on the spectrum.My 16-year-old is just getting evaluated she was supposed to last year but the Covid made things awkward.
Let me know if you have any questions for next time!
Yo Samdy Sam
Do you find that you life is stressful that your husband is nerotypicial?
My husband has ADHD, so not exactly neurotypical ;) That comes with its own stress through
Yo Samdy Sam Yes your right.
I didn't know that.
It's good ADHD got brought up.
Looking forward to autism and comorbidity live stream.
Melissa Boyce, you raise some really interesting points. I've never put two and two together regarding alexithymia and impending meltdowns. Sometimes they feel like they come out of nowhere and I can't verbalise WHY it's all too much, just that it is and if I’m asking for help it's because I'm desperate!
I don't know why but I can't hear you in this video.
The impostor syndrome for me is more about the camouflage identity I've built over the years. Is that person real? Is it me? And when people praise me for my achievements, do I deserve it? Do they really see the real individual? It's almost as if there are two people inside of me.
“The more I learn about autism the less I feel like an imposter.” I feel the same way Sam.
I'm a primary School teacher and last year i had two Asperger kids. That's when I started studying all I could find about the topic. Since then I have recognised in myself some of the Asperger traits, so kept digging to try to understand if I could really be in the spectrum. Last week I had an online test, just out of curiosity, and I scored a high mark in it. When I told my husband he replied that if it actually was a real thing he wouldn't be surprised, since he's always found most of my behaviour "bizarre" to him, but he loves me anyway for how I am. Now I am thinking about having an official diagnosis.
Ps: sorry for my bad English, that's not my native language.
Your English is flawless.
Be encouraged.You are great
Your English is a hell of a lot better than many native speakers. :|
Melting down as a mother is super hard. I feel so embarrassed sometimes while trying to teach my child to be calm and then I go and explode suddenly.
Realizing I had suppressed all my stims and finally allowing myself to flap and avoid eye contact has lead to way less meltdowns.
Standing backed to a wall is something I often do but never realized why.
I also will always sit with a wall in my back when in restaurants to overview the situation and not get suprised by sounds and lessen the amount of directions i can get informations from
Hey Erin, something every parent does is screw up.. whether it’s a meltdown that appears to not be maintaining calm, impatience, a naughty word, whatever. So if (when) you do have meltdowns just come afterward and explain it. That’s all.. if teaches our children that it’s ok to be human. If you hurt them in some way, apologize, explain that sometimes even mommy gets upset and it’s ok. Reconcile and move on. I think that’s healthy 💞
The impostor thing you said. Only recently I’ve heard of that Impostor Syndrome thing. But it’s so real for me! I have a particular problem with a friend of mine who is a psychologist, and keeps telling me I’m not on the spectrum, that I only have some traits. My psychologist however took a long time to give me a diagnosis, and of course I tell him everyday thoughts and emotions I may not voice normally or confidently to friends.
The thing is, I hate touching the subject with my friend. She keeps denying the diagnosis and it’s got me fucked up. I feel so anxious now with the word “Asperger” because I just don’t know how to feel. It’s gotten so bad that yours are the only videos on the subject of autism I can watch. Otherwise I feel so anxious I literally cannot stand it. I don’t know what to do.
That's really challenging to have someone deny your experience like that. I know when I had someone do the same to me I started questioning whether I've made everything up and went down a rabbit hole of self blame. Without my partners support idk if I could of gotten out of it. I'm getting an assessment soon and I'm already worrying that I am going to somehow manipulate them into getting a diagnosis and therefore will likely struggle accepting it for awhile.
How many autistic adults has your psychologist friend met?
I was tankfully diagnosed at 40. I had worked with people on the spectrum since 20. I demanded an investigation into my mental health. Thankfully I had the eloquence and self-esteem to fight for my right to be me.
After 54 years, I finally know...amidst a long history full of misdiagnoses, experimental psychological drugs, therapy, EXHAUSTION and lots of shame.
Now I'm dealing with the "Feels"...of relief, grief, anger, betrayal, and more relief.
I'm a human being with different wiring, so now I know I'm not just "that really weird woman", anymore.
Instead, it's "Hey, I'm that really weird woman, and I celebrate and revel in my weirdness!"
thank you for verbalizing my thought. thank you.
Wow! Really love your videos!! Thanks 👍I've been binge watching them since discovering you a few days ago.😄 I was diagnosed last week at age 45. I don't have many people I can talk to about being Autistic, so it's great when I find people like yourself on here, that I can relate to. Love your sense of humour too👍
Thank you! Glad to have you as a viewer :)
I have suffered from impostor syndrome for years, and have been having rather a bad bout of it lately. It isn't about people not believing I'm an aspie, it is the fear that they'll realise that I am.
I learned to mask as an essential survival mechanism, faced with bullying and isolation from my peers and, sadly, my parents. I keep the mask up everywhere but at home. It is draining, but it has got me through. However, I am no more than an actor, and while people I know give me the impression that they like me, they really like the part I play rather than me.
I have a fear that if the mask should slip they'll reel back in horror, or feel I've lied to them, and tricked them. In fact I have had a couple of experiences where I have confided in people I though I could trust, and they have not gone well, so I don't think that fear is unreasonable.
This undermines everything really. It isn't me living this life. It isn't me you talk with, or say "hi" to. It is just a false image, a fake version, a role I am consciously playing so that I can be allowed to live among the humans.
Today was particularly bad. I had a promotion at work, announced to the whole team over a video meeting by our national manager. I was invited to speak, and I just mouthed the right words and smiled. I felt horrible all day. I can't bring myself to feel I deserve this recognition. I know it is not rational, but that doesn't make it feel any better.
Shut down, that's what happened to me last Thursday!!! I was headed towards a meltdown in a public place I was volunteering at and thankfully a friendly face showed up and agreed to take my place. Other people asked me what was going on and I really couldn't talk, I remember putting my hands up at one point, like you did in the video. Thankfully I live very close by so I got home to my peace and quiet quickly. I think I would have recovered but then I had someone start harassing me via phone and text so then I had a meltdown.
It's so confusing to me as to whether I have autism or not. I can't get a diagnosis with my current daily life but I can relate the everything about autism (especially in girls because I am one lol).
From the sensory issues, to the OCD tendencies, special interests, to excelling mathematically, from having spectacular photographic memory, to having black and white thinking, to the mental health part of how it shows in girls, I can relate completely to all of it.
Although I've been healed from most of the mental issues (like depression, suicidal thoughts, and overall low self-esteem and self-hatred) I know I still struggle with anxiety on a daily basis.
The only thing that gets me to doubt that I'm autistic is that I have little to no difficulty understanding my own emotions or expressing them when I wanna express them.
I also seem to easily understand the emotions of others (although I can't see their true intentions if they hide them).
I've always struggled socially but I never thought it was enough to be concerned about. I didn't understand much of the social norms (I mostly do now) but I never cared to understand them and I followed them blindly growing up.
I'm not sure how much of a mask I have because I mimic others without thinking about it and idk if that's because I learned so fast or something else.
I seem to relate to everything except I hardly have a problem socially and emotionally.
It's confusing but I wish I knew if I'm autistic or not so I can understand myself better.
(Disclaimer: Of course autism is a spectrum and not all autistic people have the symptoms I listed above.
It varies a lot and I only listed the common stuff among autistic people that I relate to.
I know it could all be a coincidence for me to relate to them but I can't help but think I have a high chance of having autism.
If I were to list all the possible symptoms of autism, as well as the and other stuff I relate to, this comment would be much longer than it already is)
I am currently at that imposter l level right now. The more I find out about autism then the more I feel that I am just trying to attach to it. But I know the truth. Autism explains most of my life.
I'm 34 and just realizing as of recent that I think I'm a aspie. There is so much undeniable evidence that I just wrote a 6 page paper to my dad. I have tested well into the spectrum on the AQ, RAADS-R, & Aspie-quiz. And get an even higher score on the CAT-Q. I watched most of your videos and sometimes get very emotional about how much I relate to you. At first it was enlightening, but now I'm just confused and a little depressed by it all. I'm sure I'll be getting a diagnosis and counseling. I just want to say I appreciate you‼️
hey umm sorry if its not something you don't want to talk about but how are you now? did things get better?asking because I am going through something similar rn
Okay, filtering of another kind. Warner Brothers cartoons from the 1940s are a longtime special interest of mine but, it never occurred to me that your channel name is a reference to Yosemite Sam. Awesome!
I realized by reading your comment b4 the video
I have shutdowns more often than I thought after knowing what to look for from watching this video, I have them pretty frequently. Even just happened 2 nights ago
Thanx for sharing your thoughts. It really is helpful. I am a late diagnosed on the spectrum late sixties female. I was nicknamed
Amelia Bedelia by some because I did things backwards. Took too many things literal. Anyways, keep up your channel. There's lots of us that look forward to it. And yes I have gone back to watch your other videos.
cmari604 I'm in my sixties, too. Self diagnosed. My daughter understands and validates my self diagnosis. What country do you live in? I'm in Canada. I heard that it's expensive and difficult to get a late diagnosis, but I'm thinking it might be worth it.
I'm voraciously watching all your videos, older and newer. They are so incredibly helpful to fast track some understanding about my diagnosis at 45 years old: highly masking "normal" looking autistic man, which had always everything under control, until I couldn't anymore. Which struggled so much without showing it, living a life as a replicant, that I have to recompose. Thank you so much for your videos, you have the best channel on the subject!
Burning through you videos and I recognize so much from your experiences in me. To the point I would probably be very sad if my diagnosis does not turn out to be that I am on the spectrum
and again.....I learned something new today: imposter syndrome!
didn't know that this behaviour is a syndrome and not my usual low self esteem !
Thank you for teaching me so much new stuff about myself.
I learned about imposter syndrome about a month ago on big bang theory season 12 lol. Funny how now I keep noticing it pop up in things. 😅
Thank you. I have a meeting today with a support centre and am very anxious because I am not officially diagnosed and feel like I am wasting their time. I am watching this to try and convince myself still to go
I've only known about autism for a week now and I'm certain I have autism, considering I've spent the last 8 years of my life questioning my life and why I am the way I am. Realizing I relate so much to alot of these symptoms it's kinda hard to just brush off as just another mental health issue.
Your videos help me so much. You are very pretty and look "normal" to most people. I am the same, only older. People usually just think I'm weird. Also yes I feel incredibly validated and happy with being me from learning about autism. ☺👍
Imposter syndrome has happened to me a lot when playing music live. I forget that I'm able to let go and play. One night I had such fun night and played better than ever but the next night I had a show at the same place and couldn't remember how to be confident or that I was capable of it.
I'm at the point I feel I may have autism and I may not. Maybe I just need more videos to be sure. I guess it's like a feeling of limbo not really being sure. I just really feel drawn to the subject especially masking.
So when doing the autistic event how did you interact that they pointed out in how you were in a conversation? For example I part of a weekly support group and when I share my updates I always feel like how I structure my shares is weird compared to everyone else. I'll go what can I share oh I guess this, okay I guess this is relevant, and also there's this, kind of rambly and all over subject kind of way. And I'm worried about taking too long and thinking about how long I'm taking the whole time.
Not to mention kind of always looking at the same person since I'm not sure where or who I should be looking at because it's so awkward. And since I've been in this group for years I feel like I should have the format for sharing down by now. The only thing that helps sometimes is if I write down what I want to share beforehand.
I'm a lefty, INFP, introvert, and maybe it's just that stuff compounds so idk. I hope I'm not over sharing or too weird so I'll just leave this here.
I came across a psychologist on RUclips that specialises making videos about narcissistic behaviour. I’ve emailed them to ask if I’m a narcissist. I’m challenging myself because of my meltdowns. I’m so exhausted contemplating this confusion.
Thank you for describing your meltdowns, I do become nasty trying to make the pain / pressure build up, it’s not intentionally personal but clearly would feel like it on the receiving end.
A lot of people think I'm narcissistic or just a mean or arrogant which is funny because I can barely take a compliment and I actually believe everyone is higher than me and some other stuff that make me believe I’m not. With the mean thing I’m usually only mean if people are mean to me first or they're mean to my friends. But I've learned that when people have their mind set on believing you are some type of way in their mind there's nothing you can do to make them believe otherwise and the more you try to change their mind the more they believe whatever they're believing about you. Now if someone says I'm a narcissist I'm just like “Yep I sure am.” And I move on.
This is the video (almost a year ago now) that made me understand - for sure - that I'm autistic.
I am grateful for you.
*Impostor syndrome is created when others tell us we can’t do things or shouldn’t for some arbitrary reason.*
Someone told me I wasn't autistic.. it stopped me from even pursuing the diagnosis for two years.
You've been very helpful , Sam. You're a sweet ,wonderful, highly intelligent lady
I am so impressed that you started this channel so soon after your diagnosis! I was diagnosed 4 years ago and I still struggle to be open about it (occasionally impostor syndrome is an issue for me!). but i hope to become more open starting tomorrow! and maybe I'll have th guts to one day make videos about it too! (Unless I missed it, most youtube channels on autism seem to be from people who aren't american for some reason)
I find u lovely. Which is funny cause I see myself in u😄 I don't have a lot of friends cause I find it so hard to relate to people. I always say to my husband things like "I wish I could have friends that are like me" and I really mean it😋 Not in an arrogant way but I just miss that connection with people. When I watch your videos it just feels like u are on the same frequency or something. It's very rare for me to experience that.
Aaaahhh!! Just a month ago you were celebrating 2k and now you're at 17k! Keep up the awesome work!!
And she's doubled in 4 months!!!
Heh, I had totally missed that reference even though I did watch all the loony tunes stuff 😄 Another great video Sam Thankyou 🙏💗
I had a lot of trouble with imposter syndrome. I'm skilled in languages and terrible at math but my internal feelings are accurate to a common autistic experience. After a meltdown, I had an autistic friend say I was 'just wrong' and that I couldn't possibly be autistic. For years afterwards I had the words, 'just wrong' pop up in my head whenever I was at a low point or even wanted to look for an explanation. I haven't been diagnosed but my father has. He's got the same skill set but has more social issues and other outward signs. I, on the other hand, seem so practiced at the right answers to social skill questions (not the skills themselves) that I get non-autistic scores on most of the tests.
Congrats on 2k subs! And that is so funny that you thought the same way about the “yo" part lol. Autistic brains sometimes think alike! It's so nice to have others to relate to in such surprisingly specific ways sometimes! And it's an awesome channel name and cool that’s it’s your nickname. 😄
Just wanted to say that I've felt Imposter Syndrome about many things over the years (probably due to masking) and finding out about my autism has definitely been one of those areas for me, as well. The perception shift one has to go through with late diagnosis/realization is huge and takes some time to adjust to. But it’s nice to know that we’re not alone in that process. Thanks for sharing! I really enjoy your videos. 😊
My brother had a toy lion that I put glasses on and called Dr. Yugo Slavia. He took what I said and made it like it was his idea and told the entire family, but I always knew I came up with it. "I'm Dr. Yugo Slavia. I'm crazy!"
Hi there, I've suspected that I have autism since 2016, at the time I was in therapy because I suffer from depression and anxiety (which I'm doing better with) at the time the therapist point out that I couldn't tell that this person whom I thought was annoying me, was actually trying to befriend me, I google that exact notion and the first thing to come up was a detail explanation on aspergers syndrome. As I began to read it was like a light bulb moment for me and the next week I present the idea to her with my own symptoms, she dismiss it and left me feeling much worse about myself. Over time I forgot about it even though both me and my wife believed it to be true, as much as I try to let it be, I still feel very much connected to the idea that I have it. With or without a proper diagnosis of aspergers/autism I feel I can strongly relate to it and that will have to do for the time being. Your videos are very helpful, thank you!
I relate so much to you samdy sam. I had a meltdown at work about a few months ago and I hate haveing meltdowns in public because I can really lose it and what pushed me over the edge was seeing someone indangeing there dog and was trying to tell the owner that they should be on a leash because they aren't listing to well and were in the middle of the parking lot and almost got hit by a car (by the way after this I stoped working during the day at petco) and when the lady said no fuge u! I lost it I stared yelling not makeing any sense and was so angry 😤 she walked in and wanted to talk to the manager I was shaking and my manger took her compant and once she left I just fell apart I was histeral hitting my head I never wanted these people to see me that way im glad I didn't lose my job but I lost full time. N thats because I realized how much being in retail can drain me out. The thing that suckered is all I was worried about the dog and she didn't I hate that when I get luke that I can't communicate at all
I agree I think its important we do communicate our needs so people understand and they don't get confused by our behaviours
I have anxiety when going to the doctor, so when I tried to tell my doctor that I thought I was autistic, I was in the process of having an anxiety attack and received pushback from him at the same time, raising my anxiety. He then brought in ANOTHER doctor, so my anxiety ratcheted up that much more and I started crying because of it. I'm a grown woman so they must have either thought I was nuts or a complete basket case, but they finally agreed to refer me to a specialist. Only thing is, I never heard back from that specialist. I still want to get a diagnosis, but that situation with my doctor was so stressful that I'm having a hard time bringing myself to ask again.
Edit: He did (unsurprisingly) end up prescribing me anxiety medicine at least, lol.
I was married for 20 years.. I always struggled with certain aspects of communication especially with my wife. I lived my whole life without a diagnosis. After 20 Years working in the construction trades, and a couple of falls, I had to have neck surgery. During my recovery my wife had to get a job for the first time in 17 years. So she diagnosed me with being a dead beat and a narcissist, and a psychopath. She divorced me, and started a relationship with my younger brother. My whole life was turned upside down because I could hold a conversation without loosing track. I found out after my divorce she didn’t love me for the last 10 years. But she kept me because I had a job. I feel life is hard without real love. I probably never will see that day.
I’m so sorry you had that happen to you. Hope you’re doing better now.
Your word 'Argy-Bargy' is an old Scottish phrase that means 'argue'. It shows your line of thinking when thinking of neurotypicals. I am the same. It's always refreshing to hear somebody say that as an autistic person they find it hard to pay attention. It challenges the stereotypes about all autistic people having attention to detail in a way that could benefit organizations that promoted this idea. My attention to detail is about becoming very absorbed in fine details on topics of my interest rather than intellectual topics such as engineering, maths, or science. My interests have no benefit to others. My nickname in school was not very pleasant. They called me 'rif-raf'. I remember the 'Samdy Sam' cartoon character from childhood. I used to watch it too.
One of Beauty's Daughters , Storytelling that Breaths Life on the Gifts within us all ...I see a Star in the making ..
I'm not yet diagnosed and struggling real bad with imposter syndrome. Years of masking took away my freedom to stim and engage deeply in my special interests, which I wouldn't allow myself to do as it felt too indulgent and I was deeply in denial. I grew up being bullied for being different and even being called autistic as a kid multiple times, which made me feel ashamed of what I knew to be true. My autism was blindingly obvious when I was a kid, and especially as a teenager. Puberty did a number on me lol. The only reason I wasnt diagnosed is because my mum and dad (no contact) are both undiagnosed autistic too, as is my uncle (who struggles a great deal more). I have gotten my mum to a state of acceptance that she is probably autistic too.
My family had told me my children weren't Autistic. And I just needed to discipline them more and they were just misbehaving. And while seeking information for my family I have begun to realize it's not just my children. So, after realizing its me and in waiting for my own assessment. My family has told us no you just need to be less sensitive, and not fall apart as much. People I love have said Oh everyones on the spectrum so its just life. I dont know how to really make myself not take that in and help them understand for my kiddos.
And yes! lol totally heard your belly grumble 🤣
... I'm not really sure what constitutes as a full blown meltdown in ME as I really don't experience them often as some others do, and I'm not always in the state of mind to judge what's happening. When overwhelmed I tend to withdraw rather than break so to speak. I turtle, lol.
About the only part of autism that doesn't fit right for me is the sensory sensitivity. I have recently found a couple lights that make me feel ill but I am otherwise tolerant or indifferent to most of the other sensory issues I hear about. Is it possible to be the opposite? I have fallen asleep at loud bars at concerts because I found them boring. I also fall asleep at the wheel easier than average so I don't like long distance driving.
Thank you for making these videos. I am finally starting to see myself better and think I am on the spectrum. It was suggested by my therapist, but I didn't see it before. I shared one of your videos with my cousin kind of as an intro to me and the topic. I was surprised at her response, she was trying to redefine my behaviors into normalcy with me paying way to much attention to them. A strange response I thought. I however think she might be on the spectrum too, which was partly my nefarious reason to share that specific video with her. I wondered if she would see herself there too. We have so many other overlapping symptoms of illness and life trials, it seemed likely. Also I was so glad to hear you had married and have children too. I never did. The biggest regret of my life. I am too ill now for anyone to join me. Well thanks again for your help. I will be watching more. :)
Times 51 the said amount of subscribers later (Congrat for such a massive number btw)
Same… I still have an imposter syndrome 5 months after the diagnosis. I guess it takes a certain amount of time 🤔
Hi I'd like to suggest and if you can face it, that you do a seperate vlog on 'shutdowns' and 'meltdowns' ? Shutdowns I've never heard of before tilll here and it is such a relief!. I just thought of them as 'anxiety/anger'. I feel the conversation is lost in the Q&A title and as they are so common and for me so shameful and upsetting (and I guess others?) I think a vlog devoted simply to them as part of the condition would be very helpfull?
I literally did not have children because I was so frightened of my anger (which I now know to be meltdowns) affecting them negatively..........
I have self identified thanks to Prof Attwoods lecture 'girls and aspergers' here on RUclips last year and having discussed things with my GP I am waiting to be assessed at the age of 62!..........
I have been through the whole gamut of eating disorders, depression, bipolar and borderline personality disorder via psychiatry since my early twenties............ Sometimes wonder how I'm still here? But I am!
Love your channel. Big Thank you. Hx
Don't worry about what your friends think
The wilful ignorance of others is what causes all sorts of issues with me, I get very anxious about that.
Congrats! 🎉
Meltdown in public: very humiliating eww
Shutdown - yes same like you. If I can't get away..
Fight, being irritable, angry.. And it seems to then continue
into freeze if I can't leave..
Catatonic - not moving, not talking much.
Not able to really follow the conversation..
I have imposter syndrome all the time. I know I'm masking deep down and only do it to fit in and feel guilty and think constantly everyone knows I'm masking aka a fraud.
Me: slips up and mentions I'm autistic
The guy: has a go at me for taking the mickey of 'people with autism'
Me: 👁️👄👁️
Thanks!
I have *major* imposter syndrome about, like- *everything* and it's so, so stressful, why cant I just accept them I am these things? I didnt know that imposter syndrome was the name of it before, I just knew I always felt like I was faking everything :(
I have this problem to I'm diagnosed but I was masking for so long I don't know the real me it's to the point of hating myself I can't find the real me.
I have major imposter syndrome as I am right in the middle of the suspectrum. 12-18 months until the diagnostic decision! 🤞🏾
I am totally bad about if its not interesting and my head is somewhere else.
Here we go another insight comment by me.
I feel it not to late a diagnoses compare to female average, I have a great aunt she doesn't know it 79 never been diagnosed.
When I say late diagnosis, older than 18 is considered "late" considering it is a "developmental disorder" :)
Yo Samdy Sam There are psychologist who are working.
Who then get a special interest in autism.
And then relise I have aspergers.
Your not the only one especially female, go university study psychology, autism that's me that my childhood.
This women are in early 30's late diagnoses.
As it appears from birth so a clinician would say signs if Autism from 3 weeks old.
But can only be diagnosed are 2 or 3 correct me if I'm wrong.
So your 30 years late diagnosed if you look at it like that.
Thank you
I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.Is it possible that my doctor misdiagnosed me,or having both?I feel strongly that i'm on the spectrum
Wow I just got the Yosemite thing too. lol
Lol how you reacted: Oh, 'scuse me!? 🤭👌
I'd have been like: ?Yes, can I help you? Noticed the Spanish double question marks? 😌
My first epiphany about autism came from reading "Look Me In The Eye" by John Elder Robison,
When her tummy grumbled I thought it was mine xD mine's been going crazy and I just ate.
Some desperately seek diagnosis some have diagnosed themselves and some have the diagnosis thrust upon them. I had a psychological battery multiple times when I was in middle school I was diagnosed with anxious avoidant disorder and told to fake it till I make it. At age 35 I realized that I possibly had a neurodevelopmental disorder because my sons IEP directors thought I had ADHD. I was worried that I had Alzheimer’s because I had horrible problems with the organization I took a sabbatical from work so I went to a neurologist who referred me to a psychologist and then they did all of the tests and determined that I probably had some ADHD but my problem was actually that I was Aspergers. I flunked my MMPI.
The cartoon’s name is Yosemite Sam. Although, it does sound like Yo Samdy Sam.
Yosemite is a state park in the U.S. I like your nic name! It's really cute!
TLDR: I have this impostor feeling despite I went through the diagnosis process based on 3 different professionals' opinion (1 clinical psychoterapist whom I have been visiting each week for the last 8 years, 1 psychiatrist who have been managing my antianxiety and antidepressant medication for the past 3 years and an expert art therapist who was asked for a second opinion by the psychiatrist regarding my anxiety-, OCD like and depressive symptoms among other less obvious day-to-day hardships). Actually 4 because of the clinical psychologist who supposed to be an expert in diagnosing autism in adults and was recommended by the previous three. She confirmed their suspicion. I received my diagnosis this June (age 40), and since I realized that this might be true, no, definetely must be true, I kinda feel every day that despite hard professional evidence I have to confirm somehow to myself that it is indeed true and I am not a fake. (sry for my bad English, I am not a native speaker and I do not use it on a daily basis).
Watching your vids are extremely very helpful, thankyou,... i dont need any more confirmation.
Were you a difficult child growing up?=)
Going through that syndrome too. You are just like though, definitely not in everything
One of those video I may have to watch at least a couple of times more, some things sound a little familiar!
I'm trying to see if i would be diagnosed as i have melt downs/shutdowns. But i'm wondering if straight social anxiety would be also a diagnosis?
I can’t say that I have imposter syndrome I’ve always been the weird one. When I first started school I got shifted into speech class because I was kind of nonverbal. Then I was suddenly removed from that class and I didn’t know why but apparently I tested very well on the Stanford Benet test and they realize that I wasn’t stupid and decided toMain stream me. I like special class. It was quieter. I got teased a lot in school. I cried easily which got me teased more.About seventh grade when the hormones hit I missed 80 days of my seventh grade years I couldn’t stand to go to school I had fevers headaches everything and they took me to get it evaluated and decided it was all psychosomatic they decided I had anxious avoidant disorder and the psychiatrist told me to fake it till I make it or I would be in an institution. He said I wouldn’t like an institution. I agreed so I went back to school. I dropped out at age 16 and got married. I got my GED and return to higher education at age 24. I graduated cum laude from college with a degree in nursing. I worked as a nurse 17 years.I had to take a mental health break when my daughter was four. I was basically decompensating. I had the whole psychological battery again that’s when I got my Asperger’s diagnosis. As well as ADHD. I try the ADHD meds but they were a bad fit. I return to work and worked for another 11 years in hospice home care. I like that but the systems were getting more complex and I was having more difficulties coping because of my executive dysfunction. I retired in 2012 I still have my nursing degree and license. I do toenails for the elderly with diabetes diagnosis is so I can indulge in my picking to my hearts content. Most Of my children are adults now. They turned out pretty good I suspect they are on the spectrum.My 16-year-old is just getting evaluated she was supposed to last year but the Covid made things awkward.
Yeah, definitely didn't catch the reference at all! 🤯
💖💖💖
1:40 So what is it about the way that you join conversations that they knew?
What's the retreat?
how dd you find a retreat for Asperger women?? May you give details about it? thanks
“Oh she’s not autistic,” they say, forgetting that editing is a thing.
You can't have impostor syndrome is you are an impostor.
How did your friends know?
who is sammedy sam???
👍🏻
My favorite people are neurodivergent.
maybe your friend named you samidy sam because of your rolled ankle stimming you did...comparing it to the cartoons weird leg posture
it´s very sad that you thought less of disabled persons. Even when that changed. Its sad. Sorry.