The hidden power of not (always) fitting in. | Marianne Cantwell | TEDxNorwichED
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- Опубликовано: 2 апр 2017
- This talk is for those who are good at looking like they fit into their various worlds (be it industry / workplace / social group)…. but who, on the inside, secretly feel like an outsider.
Discover how this tendency can mask a real hidden strength (even if it doesn’t feel that way), see a fresh way of handling this in order to make the most of who you are… and why the traits many of us hide are precisely what we need to embrace to thrive in today’s fast-changing world.
Author of Be A Free Range Human (translated into 5 languages and featured in The Guardian, Forbes, CBS, etc), founder of Free Range Humans and business mentor with a passion for doing things in line with your personality. Marianne has helped over 10,000 people see how to create a life (and grow businesses) where they don’t have to leave their personality at the door to get paid.
Marianne lives in London, UK, but spends about half the year overseas where she loves exploring how people navigate questions of work, life (and the big ‘where do I fit anyway?!’) within different cultures.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
"You don't find your place as a liminal person, you create it." Damn! That is one of the singularly most powerful lines I've ever heard.
Shawn Ingram yes I loved it
Don't label yourself as liminal and you don't have to worry about it.
@@JaysonT1 I agree. It feels like you are the liminal person but I think that liminality is kind of human nature . I think everyone is a bit or a lot liminal
I feel like I’m weird or just not in place. Like I have no desire to be in a relationship or have friends I never bothered to maintain high school friends as I never felt like I could connect with anyone. I usually just sit up in in my room all day jamming out to music or painting. I feel socially awkward as I’ve always been shy
Shy rhymes with Fly, so go and spread your wings and gather those hidden parts of you and make beautiful things happen.
You just described me to a T. I'm also shy and super sensitive and always feel awkward if I'm standing around other people.
Me 2
Me 3
Same this is why I just have my cats and dog. I’m content alone With
"Don't find your place, create it!"- Marianne Cantwell. Thank you, I needed to hear this.
She sort of skips over how to make money at it. Seems to have all fallen into place for her. Good for her but being all I am and homeless is not a winning plan.
These words is really strong and true..if you always try to fit in some day you will realize you just torture yourself, you will got tired, until you realize the home is not outside, but inside of you
Thank you. I felt down today for feeling like an outsider and being different. I needed to hear this
Also I'm in the beginning stages of growing my visions of empowering women to take a stand for yourself and each other..don't allow people to steal your Joy and leave you in dispair. No more domestic violence, we can grow a family of fierce women, never be alone again.... inspiration and devotion will change your life...I'm asking you migi muis to join me on this journey, I have a FB account send me a friend request and I will send you more info.... will be looking for your request.. smile and smile and let your light shine across the world 🤓😱
Same here! I've always felt like no matter how hard I try, I'm always doing the wrong things to fit in even when I'm doing what my friends do. I figured the only way I will find people I'm alike with and am truly happy with, is by being my self. 😊
I always feel like an outsider too.....like I’m not from this world.....feels lonely and disconnected from everyone
The more different you're, the more unique your presence and soul is 🥰❤❤❤❤
Same here. I actually teared a bit.
Where was this when I was 18? I’m 37 and just now hearing about this. I have always been “eclectic” in my tastes, hobbies, never fitting in yet fitting in everywhere a little bit. I can’t wait to look into this concept more!
Hey, I'm 60 and I just heard about this, you're younger than me... Go for it! I know I'm going to.
INFJ here. I could not relate more. Thank you for articulating this so beautifully. I have always felt like I “kind of” fit in, but always felt on the outside. At the same time I don’t truly want to fit in. It would mean losing myself.
Intp female here, always been kind of envious ( in an admiring way- if that’s even possible ) of Enfj and extroverted, friendly, and outgoing women. I always question why I’m not more like them and able to so easily conversante with so many different people. Personally I don’t consider myself very smart either or perhaps due to the discouragement from classroom participation that I’ve had for my entire life, I was made to believe so.. Im feeling particularly lonely and exsisitneial today after seeing one of these women irl
The irony of using those personality types, is that by using them as a descriptor you've put yourself in a box.
Infj here !
If you felt that this presentation is about you, you definetely should read Barbara Sher's book, Refuse to choose. It's about a specific type of people, "Scanners" who have broad and ever changing interests unlike other people, those she call "Divers".
It's a really good book, altough a bit outdated in certain aspects. I read it and it helped a great deal to know myself better and to find my purpose.
Sounds like something good to look up on audible.... thank you:)
WTF
In the words of rock n' roll motrals - Rush - in regards to freewill....If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice.
Yup, I got that book! Sadly she just passed away. I would have loved to meet her.
I was thinking exactly the same while listening to this talk! Totally agree with you and would recommend the book as well.
Thank you Marianne! I am 63 years old and have always wondered why people can't understand me and this speech did a good job of explaining it.
I also feel I'm misunderstood.
Jack of all trades, master of none, but better than being master of only one.
Do you know the song to?! =D "^-^"
I don't think that saying applies to many who are multi-talented. Many "liminal" people actually EXCEL in many things. They have talent in many areas, and they apply that talent. One of the most talented people I grew up with was a classical violinist, ballerina, and composer. She was accepted at The Juilliard School and School of American Ballet where she was able to pursue all three things at the highest level. She ultimately focused in composition for her professional career, but she was just as good a violinist and dancer as any others at that highest level. She could have had a professional career in any of the three. Meanwhile, the "one-thing" advocates--well, I know SO MANY PEOPLE who only do one thing, and they're not good at it. The reason as I see it is that talent aside, the most critical skill you must learn to cultivate if you aspire to do many things well is the ability to LEARN. Just doing a thing over and over isn't going to make you good at it; applying yourself in the right way, getting training when you need it, keeping a humble attitude and a bit of a beginner's mindset is how you can keep growing in an area and that is the skill that applies to all other areas one pursues, making it easier to learn them, too. The people I've seen do the most interesting, innovative work are multi-capable, or "liminal." One must consider that the majority of people who advocate focusing only on one thing advocate it because it was their only option; they actually can't even CONCEIVE of someone being able to be good at many things. I had someone in a job interview literally hand my resume back to me with this look of utter bafflement on her face as she said, "I just don't see how one person can do so many things." And I of course didn't say so, but I thought, "Exactly. You can't SEE it because you can't DO it."
I just want to bust nuts.
People who are extremely successful are masters of "one". Athletes, musicians, actors, painters, architects, engineers, scientists, carpenters, welders, plumbers, carpet cleaners, chefs, Baker's, sales men. All masters of one.
Mary Catherine La Mar I think you’re talking about giftedness, which is fine but hardly applicable to most people.
Before i clicked the video
“shes pretty, she looks like shes from australia”
After i clicked the video
“I have a gift”
SPREACHABG 😆
Yes! I have always felt like I can get along with most groups, but I’m always out on the fringes. I never fully feel like a member of any group. I definitely have an individualist mindset. I don’t buy into the collective hive mindset.
This is exactly me🙈 can we be friends? Lol
me too
Me tooo
Well problem with me is I don't have any desire to please anyone anymore. I can't take my unique gifts and wrap them up all pretty so someone will pay money for them. I just like to be myself. I do cool things and if people want to share in it with me they can but normally they don't and I'm not going to go out of my way to entice people to like the unique things I'm doing. We can't all be famous or entrepreneurs. Some gifted individuals end up homeless or dead, forever unknown and unappreciated. And, while this talk is very inspiring and positive, thr negatives are a real possibility and something you have to accept as a possibility if you decide to be completely yourself. Some people get lucky and some people just happen to have natural appeal but not everyone does.
Rewish your future and your brain will show you a way. If it initially seems not nice, reframe it saying it is awesome. Your brain will rewire the situation. Hear marrisa peer.
She says it this way.
Soldiers run with 40kilo backpacks while singing. They reconditioned themselves to enjoy it and they tend to.
While a celebrity living the same reality while say that will sux, so it will.
Just reframe the situation and your brain will show your way.
Rustbelt there is a red talk called the power of not giving a f#$k...its,an African American woman. Fun....have a laugh and enjoy it
I'll have to give a nod to Rustbelt's sentiment. It gets kinda frustrating when this talk, while emphasizing the ideal of making full use of your talents, seems to say nothing about the reality of convincing society to support your existence. You don't hear from the ones who didn't make it, who may have tried as hard or even harder than those who did. You can't afford to strike it out on your own when you're not already well-off enough to do so.
@@VideocaptorProductions I disagree. When you really believe that is where you belong. The Universe will open doors for you.
@@wacalvin It's egocentric to believe that the universe will "do things" in your favor based solely on your own beliefs. Unless it causes you to do things that successfully affect said universe, your feelings remain in your own heart.
I am 71 and I get to be liminal now... thank you so much!!!
Yep! Me too...
Yay!!!! :)
You may not have arrived on the Mayflower, but you still made it!!!
Dad: 'What do you want to be when you grow up?'
6yr old Me: 'Me'
Dad: 'No I mean what do you want to learn about, what do you want to do?'
6yr old Me: 'Everything'
Dad: 'No, you can't do that, you have to pick something'
6 yr old Me: 'Why?'
Dad: *walks away in disgust
That is so sad, im sorry and i feel the same....
@@krike13 condowo ei
Fitting income might
Same😀 I wanted to learn everything
But here I am struggling to pass
😂😂😂
I wanted to be pear on a willow tree.
Thank you. As a storyteller, I loved watching your talk. Your sincerity and honesty came through. So good to see how you're growing in wisdom and insight. And as always, you come into my life just when I need to hear from you.
Wow...this just helped me out of my own mindtrap today.
Same here! I just learned the word "mindtrap", thanks for that!
"We watch what we desire to be but aren't allowed to be and the one thing a society doesn't allow us to be is liminal."
Oh wow, I had a very similar experience. My school career counsellor took me aside and said I couldn't be a jack of all trades and master of none. I was offended, but also accepted the advice. You don't really have a choice as you get funnelled into the working world. I have finally broken free, wish I had done a long, long time ago.
Marina Pacheco Many of my teachers were the same way. My philosophy is to know as much about many different things as possible then find ways of mixing disciplines and creative problem solve in a way no specialized person would think of. Nothing innovative ever happened without thinking outside the box. School trains us to be good followers, and simultaneously quashes our ability to think independently. Good for you for finding your own way :)
A Serious Lollygagger what fields have you applied that too? I like to do the same. I later realize Steve Jobs called it recombinant mashups
Marina Pachec
UGH GOD. SAME. And yet I’m way too passionate about too many different things to ever give up on any of them.
This is exactly the reason why I've never been to a university. Hasn't had much of an impact on my success, either. Having had 6 jobs that normally require a masters degree without ever getting fired works as a somewhat example. Knowing a little bit something about just about everything gives en edge formal education can never provide.
I loved your talk Marianne and I love the word Liminal, it is rolling round my head in a delightful way. I am so happy I listened to you today and wish you all the very best going forward. I remember the first time I started learning about The Renaissance as a child (I was pretty nerdy as well!) and felt so much empathy for the exploration, the ideas, the multi disciplines, in fact the liminality of it all and your talk today reminds of that feeling. We can still live in a renaissance age if we choose too. Much Love x
This one made me teary, I've been feeling very lost cause of my liminal persona and this is just what I needed to hear,,, thank youuuuu
Thank you, Marianne! I've been following your work since 2011. You make a difference, and you're an inspiration. Thank you for being you and for SHARING you.
Great message. Made me want to cry.
Wow, I felt like this was personally directed at me. I've always felt like an inbetween person. A lot of interests that appear to have nothing in common and average at all of them. I never knew there was a word for that, so thank you! I've recently been falling apart in an attempt to 'choose' a carreer, but after some other TED talks I realized that I just need to start somewhere and pursue all my hobbies, I now have faith I will be able to combine them at some point. Thank you! It's good to know that I'm not alone :)
I never fit in 100% anywhere but I always fit in 50% everywhere. This talk hit home for me
I'm 1:30 into this talk, and I'm already thinking, I love this lady! She has such a fun smile and great way of expressing herself.
She's one of the greats - I've spent a big chunk of the past 18 months rediscovering myself, and owe a good deal of the guidance I've received to Marianne. I'm not yet where I need to be, but at least have a renewed sense of what's "okay", etc. Thanks Marianne.
This is a wonderful TED talk. I only hoped I saw this sooner, as growing up I was always expected to only fit into a single mold. This inspires me to break free of that mold. Thank you!
Your talk was absolutely on point! I've been trying to decide "what i want to be when I grow up" (I'm over 50) while having fun with different hobbies and small adventures using my various God-given talents.
Now I can stop worrying/wondering and live my life as I was created. LIMINAL!
Thank you for this talk. It gives me courages to live on
It's been a while since I read "Free Range Humans," but this is a good reminder of why I liked it so much. Great talk.
I was told in my FACE that I don't fit in, many times.
The problem with society is we demonize people who are different rather than embracing and appreciating one's uniqueness.
Literally since I realized to stop trying to fit in and to stop making myself feel uncomfortably popular in highschool I realized how dead everyone else really is. There is no passion in their lives and love for nature or the world and universe, they just be and never want to question or philosophy. All they do is small talk and gossip about things that don’t matter rather then contributing to conversations that are actually interesting, they are close minded and stuck in their group identity antic that they’ve had drummed in their brains since they were little. I’ve always felt alone and unique since I was a baby, I always would have moments of being at parties and looking at everyone in front of me and realizing “why am I here and what do these people really mean or offer for me? And why don’t I ever belong”. I’ve also always been disliked by other women for being myself and looking the way that I do and outcasted since I’ve been in middle school from most girls because I’m almost always seen as a threat or they misjudge me before they actually have a conversation. I used to feel lonely but now I realize they’re the ones that are trapped.
This Ted Talk hit the nail on the head with describing how I feel about fitting into one group or any group, I look the part but don’t necessarily feel it.
OH MY GOD IT HAS A NAME!!!! I couldn't relate more.
So interesting that someone has already posted about having a similar experience. It seems to feed into this idea that life is about having one major passion or talent or 'thing' - well, maybe for some it's actually about alchemy. Sooooo glad this video is out for people to see!
Thank you Marianne. That was great. Exactly what I feel inside and have been needing to hear and see reflected somewhere on the outside. Your breakdown, that conflict of believing inside what you were not doing on the outside, that is very resonant for me and a major block even before I get started and I have really, realy good ideas and sound knowledge and experience but its like we're infected with the mindset of specialisation and serving 'the system', according to beliefs which have been fed into us as if they were our own but they absolutely are not but function to make us feel shame and fear deeply, that will not be cared for, will not survive and do not deserve to expect or get these things from 'the system', which is itself only an idea we have been forced to believe which ignores our true nature and true power, our liminalism, which can create anything at any time if we believe and act on it. Ironically, you deployed a specialist approach to the development of you liminalism and that is why you became identified in that way and had fully identified with it until your realised it was not what you really were. Fascinating!
Thank's Marianne, as someone who chastises himself every day for a lack of single focus, yet knows himself well enough to understand there is no one thing for me, your example helps immensely. Outward success does not necessarily reflect how we feel inside, worth referencing here Amy Cuddy and her insight on Imposter syndrome (she also did a cracking Ted talk).
Loved this 💕 I completely relate!!
thank you a lot! and I really mean a lot - for a long time I thought that I was the problem but as I get to know myself better I see all the beautiful gifts I was given, the unlimited potential inside me and all the great ideas waiting for me to discover them
This was so insightful. I really really needed to hear these words. Thank you for encouraging others on their journey x
Thank you. Liminal has been my favorite word since I first heard it in lecture at university, and I never could figure out why (besides the obvious poetry). I've been searching for a "purpose" lately and this talk helped me feel like I should be expanding my scope instead of narrowing it. After all, narrowing hasn't worked so far! This was exactly what I needed.
Thank you so much for being brave enough to share this. So much complacency today.
Thanks for great talk. You light up as you talk about those things :)
Liminal sounds like me. I constantly feel that I am behind in "my field", because I am interested in many different topics and want to learn a lot outside of my career path. You give me hope that this way of being might lead to innovation, since life is not competition in one field anyway.
What you said about liminality and being interested in many things, reminded me what David Allen once said. He was never a specialist in one thing, but he was very happy to work with different people and start over new fields often, but anyway helping them with productivity.
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted in a profoundly sick society." -Jiddu Krishnamurti
Great talk Marianne, Thank you.
Excellent talk! She is a fantastic speaker!
This is one of the best ted talks I've ever listened to! It really spoke to me on so many levels. Thank you Marianne!
I loveeeee this! I've always been a generalist in my photo career. AND, I feel like my actual hidden power is being an inspirer. Which crosses all genres of career paths that I've taken: Tutor, teacher, mentor, camp counselor, photographer, online entrepreneur.. All of those don't quite have one thing in common (generalist!) but I do carry a spark of inspiration that I pass on to everyone I talk with.
I love this talk, Marianne Cantwell! You crushed it!
I too identify with inspiring others and being a driving force. Too get everyone together to problem solve or think tank things.
This is absolutely awesome. LOVE IT.
This is my life! Glad I found this talk.
Thank you so much Marianne! this might be my favourite tedtalk.
Such a powerful speech
You helped me accept myself more
Just beautiful
Powerful message!
Been looking for the word that best described me for 52 years.
Bingo!❤❤❤
5:44 We watch what we are desired to be but aren't allowed to be. This line hit hard, damn....
I relate to what she said about growing up in a world where our parents, the media and the world telling us that we need to fit into one category and only be good at one thing. It reminds me of being conditioned to believe we aren’t enough. We’re all already enough, but we have to rewire our brains. It’s not about reaching one goal, or that one day when we’re finally “happy” but it’s more about the journey and all the learning and growing experiences we have on the way. Finding our passions, what makes our soul light up.
Well done Marianne! I am most definitely Liminal, and thanks to you, your first video and your Free Range Humans book, I am a Free Range Freedomist and I strongly encourage my daughter to learn the same for herself! This was a great talk! Cheers
Excellent! I've really gotten choked up by listening to this. Many people are limminal and sometimes they just dont fit in molds and patterns in the society. By listening to this I underestood a little about me. Brilliant ideas!Thank you for sharing!
Thank you I really needed to listen to this.
Wow..I always felt stuck at my job and never was satisfied until I felt my role was complete. Studying screenwriting, feeling like I was on top of the world at a point. I never really fit in with any one group, but naturally be relatable and hold conversations intellectually in depth was my strong-suit. I feel I'm a natural born leader , the one thing we can do as "generalist" is create our own island/ universe to realize our true strengths and it's place in a world that embodies innovation.
Marianne, very nice talk. I've always considered myself quite liminal due to the fact that I never stayed with that one thing after being successful at it or not. I always got back on the boat and went on another journey. Right now, I'm launching a new business and at the very same time thinking of what my exit strategy will look like. Nevertheless, I've always been hard on myself for not staying on that island. But, I like the way you put it when you spoke about that other author. Had she stopped at "Coyote Ugly" she may have never had those other experiences and successes she came upon later in life. Thank you.
I see you are a fellow vampire as well
the liminal state is a spiritual "sacred" space -See mircea eliade
Thankyou 🌸 you spoke to my heart
How interesting! Marianne makes total sense coming from two distinct cultures in learning the art of bridging. And she was talking about borders three years ago!
Thanks ma'am.... really appreciate your all.... great one.....tears in my eyes ,Now
So thankful for this talk. 🙌🏼
Thank you Marianne!
Wow! Full resonance. Thank you 💓
Spot on !!
Thanks Marianne !
Amazing...I always felt the same---and now my daughter feels the same but with no shame..and she is getting incredible
Thank You! I grew up in a society where 'doe maar normaal, dan doe je al gek genoeg' was the general M.O.. I never did really fit in, despite trying for years. So happy to learn now there's a word for it! 🙏❤️⭐️
Not the subject matter I'd have expected from you but inspiring and wonderful as ever. The Liminal personality speaks to me (and doubtless many, many other misfits!) and you express so much of what I feel all of the time; never quite fitting in and failing to make a real success out of being such a generalist. What a wonderful debut on Tedx - more please!
Jeez I needed to hear this. Thanks so much!
Excellent Talk!
Simple, cathartic and inspirational! NIRVANA!
Amazing speaker
Thank you
SOOOOOOO lovely! thank you!!!
Thank you so much
This is life-changer. Thank you so!
It s a little bit more than that though
Thank you, I am one of those too - no one thing in particular, and I used to envy those who knew just what they would be i.e. doctor, secretary or what have you. I even had a dream about this sort of thing a few years ago now where I am looking around to find which group of people I should join, but could not find one, until eventually it dawns on me, in the dream, that I didn't have to belong to any one in particular and a feeling of lightness and joy goes through me and I wake up.
Loved it! Thanks soooooo much!
So relevant, thank you.
Thank you, Marianne. Is am really really happy to see your video.
My God, your talk is so great!!!
The audience is so quite I feel bad for her everytime she laughed a little to herself and no one laughed with her...
I think they were captivated by her words 😊
The sound from the audience is turned off to eliminate ambient sound.
Sophia D makes sense regarding limialism.
Amazing talk. honest and from the heart ,Thank you for sharing and being an inspiration to all.
thank you
Great talk!
Thank you so much. It is okay not to fit in, exactly.
Brilliant! thank you!
Great speech
This is confirmation!!!! I've already been having the self talk about creating.💖.
The breakdown part is so real like it happens to me a lot when my life starts to look up. So good to know I'm not alone.
Amazing speaker, beautiful speech! A fellow ENFP. :)
amazing speech!!!
Brilliant!
wow so beautifully said. Gonna try and bridge the gap between neuro and something compassionate/empathetic. I'm really feelin it now. Thank you so much.
I loved your talk and congratulations!! I am glad you are "back" with new insights and you are SO inspiring, I've been following you for a long time and have done the Free Range Humans course, quit my 9 to 5 (of almost 27 years!!), just completed the Careershifters Launch Pad course and am really going to get my blog rolling. Profitable, find out "problems" to help me help others. Then after all that, if it works or not we'll see where I go next! Thank you for continuing what you do, but also pivoting and not settling into one thing or idea! I am looking forward to hearing what is next for you, cheers!
This is groundbreaking!
Sh’s so damn right! God bless her
This is absolutely my favorite TED talk so far. It resonates w everything I couldn't articulate to myself. I feel like I found my voice now. Amazing. Thank you for defining its ok to be liminal!!😁😁