Narcissistic Upbringing: Why You Don't Remember Your Childhood
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- Опубликовано: 4 окт 2024
- In this video, I discuss the reasons behind memory gaps in those raised in narcissistic families. Some might have many vague memories, while others may only have a distinct few.
Learning about this will help you understand your childhood better, stop self-gaslighting, and overcome self-doubt caused by your upbringing.
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Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC, has helped 10,000s of people heal from family dysfunction and become the true self they were never allowed to be. As a family systems and self-differentiation coach, he leverages 45 years of experience to help clients permanently break free from family-of-origin dysfunction, cultivate healthy relationships, and build a strong sense of self.
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IF A NEIGHBOUR and relative bothered me [age9].. blocked mind until Fifth grade.. Yipes
I remember all the abuse. Everything else I forgot.
Are you sure that you remember all the abuse? I only remember a few "occasions" where I was abused, nothing else. I highly suspect that there were way too many traumatic events that my little brain just didn't want to remember. I remembered 3 times throughout my entire childhood and teen where my mom was nice. 3 times in total!
I ve been thinking the same.
“Remember when you had a birthday party when you were 9…with a cake..?”
“Remember when you got a ride to school that one time…remember?”
“Remember when I gave you $10…?”
👀 no.
Me too😢
Yes I’ve only realised why I panic, in exams, asked questions, people being horrible to me, is the abuse. I quite often feel the panic and sweat or everything goes misty and I can’t think straight, I feel small and helpless.
Ditto that
My mother was narcissistic and I was strong willed. The two didn’t match. Narcissistic mother’s see their daughters as a threat.
Same as narcissistic dads and their sons. I hope life worked out better for you than it has for me.
Oh yes, the same with my mother.
Not saying it's the same in your case but I've realized my parents calling me 'strong willed' actually was a gaslighting wenn i just stood up for myself as a child because I felt in my heart their behavior was unfair.
@@saskiajacobs7650. My father said, you're definitely not a poser. Took as compliment before knowledge of gaslighting.
@@existingistiresome Big hug for you, Darling💚
I remember a friend remarking "you never talk about your childhood". My reply: "there's nothing to talk about". 😢😢😢
I say the exact same thing.
Bonus points if you fix them with a cold stare and use your most serious voice to say it
(Yes, I have a background in theater; we all cope in different ways)
That's me😅
I just say "I don't want to talk about it too much. Anyways, it was a difficult complex traumatic childhood. And I cut ties with my whole family."
The same happens to me
I was living full time in my imaginary world, and these are my childhood memories. With some glimpses of reality here and there.
Yes without this imaginary world we won't be here today
My childhood was very very traumatic because of two people raising me.
I always imagined that, in broad daylight, an UFO would come to pick me up. I didn't feel this world was my world. Now I know why. This world was cruel, cold, abusive, unsafe, it was a world full of enemies and hurts.
I remember in year 9 I had to do some what's called in australia work experience. You work for free in an establishment for a week or two to gain skills for the subject you're studying. I was working at a Cafe for hospitality class. And I remember making this cinamon toast in the kitchen for customers and I was disassociating for the entire day of some imaginary world with like vin diesel coming to my rescue and I had imagined this whole story line and plot and fantasy. I remember it being 10am in the morning and all I remember is my brother picking me up at the front of the Cafe at 4pm. That's all I remember to this day I don't know where those several hours went. I thought I was mentally ill back then. But looking back on it I was molested just months before that happened and it was the beginning of the end for my development and social skills. Even my learning abilities declined. I was super smart as a child even put into the smart class but as soon as my mums partner did that to me I declined. I'm 35 today and still feel like maturity wise I'm behind everyone else. I'm still VERY intelligent. In things I'm interested in. But I couldn't do real world things like being a parent. I'm too emotionally immature I think.
Love you all survivors.
@@docbainl9504 You're not alone! Thank god for videos like this 🥰
My childhood memories have mostly been filed under "not worth remembering".
me too
I wish I could do that. I vividly remember the abuse but I cannot remember good things. There are a few things here and there but they had to be significant enough for me to remember them. My sister will say "Do you remember when..." and my answer is usually no.
@@Kepi_Kei i saw doctor saying you don't have to remember, just focus on your emotion and find the reason behind it in daily basis, other than that not remembering won't damage you or your life
Yep, same here.... can still remember with a bit of effort, but why bother?
@klowen7778
I was thinking the same 5 days ago, until I was in a normal situation speaking with someone and we talked about personal problem and suddenly I start crying I felt scared in my stomach in strange way, I knew there's something bad but I can't remember, and the feeling continued for 4 days, every time I try to remember my hole body react in fear, Now I wish I can remember.
I’ve always wondered about my lack of memories, save a handful. Not having a solid sense of self rings true.
This is the "Jerry is reading our minds again, helping us to make sense of it all and helping us heal” Button >>>>>>>>>
Boy, does this hit home. I have absolutely no memory of childhood before the age of ten. My adoptive mother was and still is a very cold woman (towards me); she even admitted that she wanted to return me to the adoption agency at four months of age, said there was "something wrong with me". And I've been the target of her disdain for 53 years and counting. Your YT videos have been such a blessing. And I'm now beginning to see myself through a more positive lens. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
Very relatable, my mother told me as adult whilst berating me for not being compliant that I changed when I was 4 years old. Ridiculous, it never ends.
@@michellesorensen7518God has trained me; ■ my mother told me that when God took me away from her at two years old, "That it was not [f]air, because I was her baby." M
I have the same lack of memories before 10!
Yes, being adopted by people who have no nurturing in them, due to whatever unresolved issues they themselves have from also not being loved in a healthy and accepting way, packs one hell of a punch. I have three older sisters, also adopted, and our parents would have given back three of us and only kept the ruthless oldest one if it was socially acceptable.
An overt father and a covert mother. Zero healthy nurturing.
I knew I would never have kids before I was even a teenager.
God has trained me since I was two ■ My mother said it was not fair, because I was her baby. M
Thank you confirming this Jerry! The only thing I remember from my childhood are looking outside of windows at school and the house of chaos wanting to run away and find a new life.
Amen to that...daydreamed about going anywhere else!
I did run away. Unfortunately I didn't get a new life; I ended up in foster care and with my narc dad. No one could be more surprised than me to see that I am still here.
I wish I remembered even less!
💯❣
Same, or nothing. Every memory is triggering, even "positive" bcs there are people or places in that memory who i dont like to see never again in life, even on picture.
Me, too!
@@FreedomAboveAll4i threw the picture’s away 🥺
My childhood memories are very sparse. Spent a lot of time in my room where it was fairly safe or out of the house if I was allowed out. My wonderful aunt (my guardian angel) used to take my brother, my cousins, and me to her family cabin. Those memories are the strongest and happiest. Other childhood memories are when I was always afraid or in 'trouble' with my narc father. Struggling with demons now at 72!
I don’t know if u believe in God. Excuse me if u don’t. But the only think that helps me is to lay my pain at His feet and tell Him I can’t do this. The calm and peace happen immediately. He cares. Possibly the only one you can trust. 🙏for your healing. I care. ❤️
Hypnotherapy will release the demons. ❤
Jesus will redeem you from struggling. Read New Testament.
Same here. I spent as much time as possible at my friends' homes, drinking in the normalcy there.
@@sandrab2589 thank god for that. I tried to have friends. I could never reciprocate by having anyone over to my house.
I have memories. But they're shadowed by the violence, embarrassment, feelings of being alone and shame. Every good memory had a catch. If I bring up something I perceived as okay to my brother, he'll tell me something bad that I forgot and vice versa
Omg, word "family" become so triggering to me lately. And word parent causing nausea and pain in stomach.
sometimes I read something like "a mother's love" etc,. my muscles tense up, and I instantly feel unsafe.
Me too
I have almost no memory of my early years, everyone I told this to found it hard to believe me. It's amazing to get some clarification
My only memories are flashbulb memories (rarely happy, mostly traumatic). Don’t remember much of daily life, I can “feel” childhood, mostly nervous feelings and shame. I must have lived my childhood feeling nervous and anxious most of the time.
You just described me exactly. What's terrifying is that I never stop feeling nervous and anxious. But yes, that's the perfect description.
My life exactly
The problem started when I started dating.
My mum and my sister gona crazy.
I am 40 now.
Still going.
I had to step out from the family.
For my own peace
Me TOO!! My mom changed became worse when I was a teen. And both mom and sister started to act crazy when I married. The guy was violent, he tortured me but mom and sister were on his side. They’re crazy.
My husband does not talk or remember his childhood. Cannot remember going to kindergarten. Only remembers riding his bike. To this day has never had a good friend. Very timid around men. I remember most of everything. It is difficult to share with him as he does not have memories, period. I feel sad for him. He hated his mother when I met him at age 16. She had a "higher" opinion of herself. Difficult to be in her company.
I can relate to you! My ex husband also said he doesn't remember most of HIS childhood! He ALSO says OR ACTS like he doesn't remember a LOT of our 23 year marriage! He has a delusional memory of it! Of course he is almost ALWAYS in HIS "delusional reality" or making it up as he moves along! He would have "rages" and then remember a totally different perception of the reality! He once told me: "I'm too real for him!" My ONLY regret is that I didn't divorce him sooner! According to him and his alcoholic/drug addict family:"I'm the "crazy one!" I did get counseling, attended Al a non for over 35 years and continue to heal on my journey. It's been over
Don’t be hard on him because of it. So many kids have lonely neglectful and abusive upbringings amd not remembering is the bodies defence for survival. 😢
I was hypnotised once and my childhood memory was the comfort of sitting on my grandfather's lap with my head on his chest. I can still smell his clothing.
Amazing, I remember the presence of my grandmother 🫂❤️🩹. I had no success with hypnosis because of aphantasia, I guess.
Grandma! She had a white leather lounge, just big enough for us together! We would watch scary movie together. She was my absolute safe space! My life hit a patch of black ice when she passed and I never recovered.
😢 ❤
I must tell you that I have complete memory of my narcissistic mother’s awful behavior…almost like I’m watching a video….I’m known in my family for remembering everything….i believe I have this skill as a reaction to being gaslighted by my mother….i refused to forget what was happening…I remember it all!
Same here. I’m just thankful I don’t remember being born!
Likewise!
I have decided to use my perfect memory in my present life and, I a positive way - loving myself and my life, like I know very well how to say and mean NO!!
So do I - all of it 100%!
I have learned to use my excellent memory when I do recearch and, in my daily life!!
Memories of my horrible families are still there and, will be there forever but, they don't hurt the same way anymore... I left my country almost 25 years ago, never to return!
They still do what they can to keep hurting me and, my most beloved people, my best friends and colleagues have been killed "for the fun of it"...with the help of their 100% evil religious "friends"
I, for my part, have learned to say and mean NO and, I've learned to love myself + enjoy my life and, will keep doing so!
As I got older, by about 10 or 11, I definitely developed the ability to remember conversations verbatim and notice every detail no matter how subtle. I also have few memories from earlier years.
I'm ex Jehovah's Witness and had a narcissist mother. I had Systemic Trauma, as this video author says.
"Why do you only remember the negative things? Don't you have any positive memories?"
No, not really. lol. I remember my mom smiled nicely and that's pretty much it.
You do not understand
How many many times have I heard this said/(oh, asked) in my family. 😕
My childhood memories are cooking and cleaning. As a adult I still occasionally have nightmares of my mother fighting with me about not cleaning the house properly and my father backing her up.
I use to clean the house when my mom and her boyfriend would fight... I hoped it would make her feel better, hoping it would get her out of the bed, she would lay there forever it seems... when she got up hoping she would notice... hoping it would make her happy!
Thank you for validating this part of trauma for some us
This sounds silly, but as a small child I remember fanaticising about my ‘true’ parents who were aliens from another planet and trying to communicate telepathically that I was ready to leave earth!
Fast forward a few years and the entire church visited a boy’s orphanage. I enthusiastically said, ‘This place is great, what do you have to do to live here?’ Covert narcissist mother was horrified.
oh my goodness! Me too! I always imagined that one day, in broad daylight, an ufo would come to pick me up, my "real parents" were among them.
@@SerenaHe-z3k 😀😃
Got chills reading this. I once had a passing but viscerally powerful feeling that my narcissistic parents had been installed in my life and that my actual parents, were on the other side and waiting for me to go home.
Yes, actually I’ve been thinking to myself lately about my childhood and how I hardly remember any of it except the traumas. And I’m fully aware now how horrible my childhood was. And, boy, am I angry and full of rage at my abusers.
I remember very little but I do remember some traumatic memories.
I have a sense of the house I lived in from 5-9.
I have to separate splices of memories from what I have been told.
I just have a lot of empty past. This makes sense.
Jesus Loves U
My fiancé has all these stories about her childhood… memories, birthdays, trips. I had very few… to the point where I was concerned I had the beginnings of Alzheimer’s (I’m 30 🤦🏻). Why couldn’t I remember anything? I remember certain trips yeah but almost nothing pops out at me (at least positively).
This right here though? This makes sense… thank you
i cant remember half my life, just memories of constant fighting and yelling matches everyday when i got home from school. I actually got tested for Alzheimer's for this exact reason. The doctors kept asking me "why" i wanted the test. Thanks for mentioning this. I've never met or heard anyone discuss this almost complete lack of memories from 5-25 yrs old
Can’t remember it if it didn’t happen lol. My therapist really lit a bulb in when she said that.
It’s totally normal for a difficult/different childhood. We are just unconsciously protecting ourselves. :)
It feels so awkward around friend hangouts where people get on a topic talking about things relating to their childhood and nearly the whole group has something they can contribute to the story relating to their childhood and their fond memories of similar situations. Meanwhile, you'll be sat there just trying to recall anything at all you can bring up to be a part of the conversation and feeling so weird about the fact that you can't really remember anything significant to share that won't be a bad toxic memory that'll bring the whole mood down. The more you try to remember the more you realize there's less you can actually remember.
My husband remembers even being 2 because he had to be on guard all the time. Never knowing what his mom would do to him.
Coz we were told lie after lie by our narc parents , gas lit, and blocked out painful events to survive - it comes back when you have children- memories are in the DNA and after a while its triggered
Yes, I got some memory back after having a child.
Yep. We actually store trauma in our bodies!! Yoga can free it up and release it
My mother told me that I was "spirited." A counselor said that my father crushed me.
My mother was always saying to me “ I just want you to be perfect”
Aw!! I felt that!! My step-dad killed my spirit. I think that’s the worst damage a person can do to another.
Title sure got my attention! Omg 😱 it’s true!!! I can’t recall most of my childhood! I think I blocked out a lot of trauma from survival. You always have opened my mind up to other aspects of narcissist abuse nobody else on RUclips has! My sense of self was trashed growing up. I suppressed a lot and remembered things later on and processed them finally.
Fantastic video! I can relate 100%. Took me to age 56 in 2019 to figure it all out, but I missed this topic and the family scapegoat and other family dynamic topics you cover because I was so focused on the narc BF and 2 abusive husbands in my life! You broadened my scope and I am still learning and it helps! You are masterful! Appreciated 🤗
It's amazing how we learn so much that we were not alone!
@@LimitlessThinker agree! 👍 as a woman abused I knew I was lucky it wasn’t physical like so many others abused by husbands, and I was just confused by all that manipulation and insults and other awful behavior of my ex hubby until I figured it out some 14 years after the divorce! Glad I did though as it’s been very valuable! Now I am learning about my father’s narcissist damages! And the family enmeshment of my evil siblings. It’s tough.
Whats VERY annoying to me are people who insist you MUST relive all the trauma to everyone who are curious to listen. I say its MY life and I will do with it what I want ..
right - never open up to curious people but try to do it with really empathic close people because it is astounding what can come back in presense of loving friends.
@@ChiefHerzensCoach NO. See you are one of those who insist your way is the only way. And it's NOT your life. It's MY life and if I am not comfortable putting all the nasty stuff on display to "Do Gooders" then it's wrong for me - NOT AMAZING. Id NEVER want friends to know what I had forced on me. Reliving abuse isn't therapeutic for me - just making me live thru it again!
@@EricNorthman-h2f it is not about ALL but however - you live your bitterness and keep yourself distanced from friends - your live, your decisions. right. but sad.
@@ChiefHerzensCoach Stop thinking you are the end all for everyone - you're not
@@EricNorthman-h2fSorry that one has no common sense. You're right, Its Your life. It's no ones business. . Going through Chronic trauma is overwhelming. Ignorant people have no boundaries. May God bless you. Proud of you for standing your ground.
Up until 2020, I only had memories of the cruel things my mother said to my siblings. I knew she had been cruel to me but I couldn’t remember what it was. Towards the end of 2020, memories came flooding back, like it was time for them to come out. I had no control over it. They would just pop up into my consciousness unrelated to the thought before. I simply do not know how I survived my childhood.
It's a specific type of grief that is so strong. Knowing those positive moments of what should've been the golden years is shadowed over memories of abuse.
Wow, I can't remember much of my childghood.
For the life of me, I have no happy memories of my family of origin. The memories I do have, revolve around my loving paternal grandparents.
same for me, if it wasnt for my loving maternal grandparents I would have no happy memories
I grew up with my poor mother constantly telling me "Your father doesn't love you. And even if he did, he wouldn't know how to show it!" I was so stunned in my early 20s to realise she was the problem. Covert narc. And Borderline as well I'm pretty sure. Everything was always my fault, including who my father was 😮 Unbelievable.
I don’t know you but that makes me really mad for you!!! How dare your mother!!! How fricking wrong to say that to a kid.
That upset me.
I was the 5th and final adopted child of Two co-dependent narcissist's. One was a malignant and the other covert.They first adopted my older brother and sister .who are biologically brother and sister. Then they adopted my two younger sisters. who are biologically sisters same mom but one white dad one black dad. and were infants at the time of adoption..they adopted another boy then named bobby, but he :didnt work out" and they made him a ward of the court. Then they adopted me. I was 5 yrs old at the time, the middle kid. Jerry Wise i have been so lost in this world for 50 of my 55 years and until i discovered you and a few others I had no idea even where to begin to find healing and understanding and hopefully eventually, peace. They raised me until i was 15 years old and made me a ward of the court. To this day i still am the scapegoat and my youngest black sister took the role after they sent me away. i feel like i am literally a case study on this topic and offer myself and my life experiences to you . Please reach out to me . And God Bless You for all the people you are helping every day by sharing your knowledge and wisdoms on here!
O i remember my childhood😢 just very very few happy memories. And many more bad ones. 😢
I was always my mother's main target. She was a covert narcissist.
I thought I was going crazy because I don't remember. Much of my childhood.just a few bad things
Connecting the feelings to the memories has really helped me to heal my wounded, abandoned, scared inner child.
I had spotty child memories, but completely blank age 19-23 before moving out, since that was when I was ripped away from my golden child status to the scapegoat from my dad. I had journaled what happened and I recently found it, and I was absolutely shocked at the insanely traumatic things that I wrote! No wonder I forgot about it!
As I've been helping myself, little child or 19 year old memories pop up that are ready to be healed, about once a week. It's been a wild experience slowly healing from everything of my past
I can't really remember anything before nine years old. I started a friendship with a girl that moved in the neighborhood. I spent most of my time at her house. Those are my memories.
Oh, so this is a part of growing up in a narcissistic household. I had attributed it to this, but had never actually heard anyone talk about it. Thanks for making this video.
It’s very hard to look back on my childhood. Like embarrassing just to think about and yet, none of it was my doing.
Very interesting!I can remember zero before 7 years old
🤯😳 this is me! I’ve always wondered why I can’t remember much about my childhood at home. I have vague memories of school, camp, etc., but not home life.
I remember lots but I was the oldest of six so had to take a lot of responsibility. I am constantly being told that my memories are not true, until I could recall details, minute details which I kept to myself for fear of being told they were also wrong.
Gaslighting is garbage. Just be an adult and take responsibility for your shitty behavior, Mom and Dad. My old man liked to say "That's just your opinion." "That's not how it happened." "You're not remembering correctly." "That didn't happen." Bringing anything up to my mom results in unintelligible screaming, every single time. Boy howdy, I sure got tired of being called a liar when I KNEW what was going on because I suffered through it.
Hang in there and hold on to the truth. You know what happened. You know what you experienced, and all of it was wrong and unfair to you and your siblings.
OMG; I am so glad you made this video. I thought it was just me. I didn't realize that others also experienced childhood amnesia, I never even tried to talk to anybody about it. What memories I do have aren't ones I want to remember anyway, so I have no desire whatsoever to get my missing childhood memories back. But; Thank You for letting me know it's dysfunctionally normal and I'm not alone.
My mother is a narcissist with BPD. I remember being in the crib before I was even 2 years old. I have a LOT of memories, good and bad. Yet my short term isn't good.
I was at my friends mothers funeral. I sat and listened to all the happy times they had as a family when my friend was a child. The happy holidays etc. It then came to me that I did not have any kind of memory like these. My narcissistic 87 year old mother is still alive. I am 66 and she still controls. I am so aware of what she does however, being aware and keeping distance you often without realising 'get manipulated and find slip back'. Never trust them and the older they get the worse they get.
I remember being terrified of beatings.
The problem is that i remember a lott from my childhood.
I hate it,remembering al the abuse from my mother
I have almost total amnesia of my childhood.
There were such wild events, I remember events that happened before I was two. It's easier to remember, if you are later in foster care, and the people in your household change, etc. The weird thing, is if I was two, how reliable are those memories, but many are vivid. Not paying back-rent, and buying a car instead, is a memory that's hard to forget, even as a child you know that dont seem right. And you get 58+ years to roll that memory over in your head. And my father was in the navy, and kept fathering children all over the world. Never met any of them, but the drama was never ending, with new baby-mommies calling, and visiting and knocking at the door. I know several siblings by name, never met them, so, I know there are at least five I have never met, but the mothers came knocking. (5 mothers, 4 countries). Which makes me think, there must have been much more.
It really WAS so unreal to realize you were different.
*this is horrifying. This is true. This is horrifyingly true. This is truly horrifying. All of those moments somehow invisible a partially invisible. But we were still there. We made it through. How can we reconnect?*
This is the first mention of this. I am one of those adults with poor childhood recollection. My husband remembers almost everything!
I feel as if I remember everything, far too much! Dang near everything it seems almost.
Same. I remember everything. This is another reason narcissists hate us. We always remember and never forget and they never remember and always forget all the crap they want to deny they did to us.
oh i remember my childhood , starting at about the age of 8 my father started calling me a big failure at things i would do. instead of helping me like a good man would do, it was just another way of demeaning me.
I can’t remember my childhood.
I only remember when I was 5, the day I realized my bio alcoholic father wasn’t coming back. (Divorce). Looking out the window feeling all melancholy. I also remember the one time I got laryngitis when my “mother” kept acting like I was lying about it just to get attention. I vaguely remember thinking “why would she think that?”
I remember a bit about the time I spent at my grandparents with my cousins. Prob age 6-8 or so. (That was prob the best time of my life. The grands were good people). And when I was 8 she married the narc. I remember fragments of that but it seemed to only come back to me as I worked on the abuse recovery stuff.
I remember the fights and the beatings- but I can’t even form a picture in my mind of mum and dad during my childhood other than that.
Thank God my grandparents took me away for a lot of the time- it’s THAT I remember.
Not only do I remember select things about my childhood but I also remember select things in my present moment. I remember doing the tissue drill in Anatomy and Physiology where I got the weird one when nobody else did.. I had a difficult time with the normal ones..
I watched an episode of New Amsterdam when they were talking about how we can also make stuff up to what we wanted it to be like.. My siblings have a total different outlook on our childhood..
I don't remember my childhood at all and at 64 I just don't care, I embrace it now and go on with my life.
Yes, I find that I can't remember most of my childhood and teen years through all the screaming and neglect. My marriage was similar. I have very few memories of the entire decade, but I sure remember what the walls looked like. Every day was exactly the same. I used to consider myself as having a good memory, but this last decade obliterated so much from my mind that about all I can remember are song lyrics. It's comforting to know that memory gaps are 'normal' for traumatized people, but it's also infuriating that people suffer through trauma at all.
I purchased the Pete Walker book a couple weeks ago. It's bigger than I thought it would be, but that means it's just chock-full of information that'll help me understand myself better. Currently working through "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk. Thank you for your book recommendations, Jerry.
High five to all you survivors. We're getting through it. We're making it! Thanks, Jerry!
I read books a lot to escape and painted with paint by number . I only remember trama parts of childhood. I hid and ran away a lot at the age of 4 years old . I thought these can't be my parents. My father often had rage fits and came after me . Someone said to me you never mentioned your parents , "I said I never will" Thank you for the video ❤
Thank you Mr. Wise for this video & the book suggestion.
Glad it was helpful!
i remember it sucked. i remember how fun it was when i finally had access to the internet and could have a pure outlet of expression free from criticsm.
I have few memories before 10 years old. Some things have come back, though they tend to be flashbacks more than anything else.
Spot on, Jerry! You are becoming better and better and better at describing these complex circumstances with clarity. It's really impressive.
Thank you kindly!
I don't have any childhood memories except for a few bad instances that happened. It makes sense. My dad was a narcissist
Because everything is dusted with a residue of evil. But God loved her enough to give her someone to work out her refinement on so she could go to heaven. Oh the praise she received for being such a godly woman.
You are not alone. Thankfully mine didn't use religion; but, she came out smelling of roses to the entire family. I'm not considered worth the ground I walk on! I think we are among the norm for victims of narcissists, especially the narcissistic mothers!
My mother as well. If this demon gets to go to heaven after what she's done and the lives she ruined because she wouldn't help herself, then I don't want to go. My life has been hell on earth because of her. I can't imagine an eternity with someone who knew what she was doing at home and then acted totally different in public. Get off the cross, mama, we need the wood.
I just turned 65, and I can remember my childhood better than I can remember 10 minutes ago. I almost wish I couldn't. I thought things were bad back then. I was wrong. Seriously wrong. Things may not have been absolutely perfect, but they were a million times better than they are now.
Yeah, I feel this…
I have maybe 3 memories of before I was 7 or 8.
Having a narcissistic mother and abusive alcoholic step-dad is enough to make anyone borderline. It’s exactly what causes it.
My parents died four years apart just after I had turned eighteen.
I am a music aficionado and realized I have no recollection of the popular music of those years.
I remember the worst times. Nothing more or less.
I'm in trauma therapy and I can't remember half of my childhood, but I remember the abuse.
Laura, I have been there. Good that you are in therapy. Journaling, Neurofeedback and nature have done wonders for my soul in this journey.
In my journey, I have had both a psychologist and a licensed clinical social worker. There is a difference. Some also use a LPC. They all bring different skills to the table. Whatever works for you....
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Asked my mother what I was like as a child, on two separate occasions her answer was "I don't remember" Nothing at all??!
My Dad and step Mum on the other hand can tell stories of what I was like and they only had me on me on holidays.
Dissociation. Dissociative Identity Defense as a therapist used to say. It's tough to remember but worse not to remember abuse.
Or worse, I remember everything in detail.
OMG! I thought I was the only one. Try as I might, and I’ve tried, I draw a blank. 😢
When I did EMDR and started successfully reparenting myself, a lot of childhood memories came flooding in. Some good, many bad; all the good were events outside of my home, away from my family.
I have clear memories of things from baby to about 5. Then hardly anything and it's like watching not being involved. Most memories of my mother are only when other people are there too. Not her alone. The irony is that I have a phographic memory. It was picked up at school.
I always wondered why I couldn't remember only bits of childhood. Now I'm old and spend a lot of time thinking I pieced most of it together and it's horrible. I wish I hadn't remembered
That is also my question, why I can't remember my childhood.
Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge with us. This video explained why I have large memory lapses of my childhood and teen years. My sister suffers from this as well.
I have very few memories of my childhood. The ones I remember are of being forgotten at school, being ignored, getting a hiding and a very few of playing or staying in my room.
I remember trying to do the exercises suggested by a self help book; and couldn’t recall enough of my child to continue. My sisters also have no early childhood memories. I don’t want to recall any either.
Funny thing is, when it comes to gaslighting situations, I know it all. Every single bit. I could tell you everything in sequence in detail.
I just wish I had NO memory at all of my childhood. But, it is what it is. I can go back pretty far in my memory. Of course I can’t remember everything. But, I remember the good and the ugly.
I had total loss of childhood memories. It took a lot of counselings to find some of those memories. It surprises me when i remember something that i totally didn't realize was real.
I did lose 2 years of complete memory. A major trauma, on top of all other truama, shut my brain down. My psychiatrist told the military that i should never be hypnotized to recall the 2 years. She said, If she is coping well enough with the trauma she remembers, why introduce a trauma her brain shut down completely? I agree.
I have very few memories of my early childhood and particularly have only a handful of memories of my father.
My memories of childhood have faded with age. I do remember a lot of things but there are huge chunks missing. When I left home for college, my sense of self was so poorly developed that I struggled to even order food in a restaurant. It took many years to learn who I was and my own likes and dislikes
Excellent video, thank you! I never knew there was ANY amnesia in my life until some years ago when i discovered that i had "DID" and eventually realized that early childhood was missing entirely and portions or entire years even through high school. (Further, as long as i was still with an abuser, the dissociation/amnesia continued as an adult because they activated it through trauma.)
After getting away to safety, memories began surfacing.
During the past year, when i created an art journal which undid a lot of religious traumas, major memories going back to about the age of two years old began surfacing here and there. Just this week, what could be one of the most significant memories ever, came up.
Some recovered memories even have beautiful elements and i'm SO happy to have them. And those that are painful, well, they are still part of my life and now i'm strong enough to know the truth and have more than a life of "swiss cheese" or full of missing time.
Here's to our healing & happiness!✴
I remember so much. Just a picture and feeling memory until I wash three but from then on, the only memories that are vague are my parents arguing. I was a little left on my own, and developed a level of independence. I never heard one of my parents try to make me feel bad about the other, but the trauma fades if you find things unrelated to trauma. If you bathe yourself in memories of things you cannot change ( the past is a fixed point, that nothing can change it) you’ll never let those things go. Trauma, including sexual, is not your fault please don’t let it own you. Nothing but responsibility owns me, and I that’s all me, no one else defines that.
Yes, I would totally agree: our brain is amazing in protecting us from trauma and unbearable suffering and our brain is amazing in waiting for an appropriate time for us to process, recognize and heal from what happened.
Thanks ☺
I don't remember much before I was 12 years old. The only way I remember stuff is when I see old photos, but not the details.
I remember physical and mental abuse , I remember watching my father beat my mother , I remember constantly hearing that's the best you can do or that wasn't good enough , I do remember some good times but they were few and far between ! I'm sure the good times were disguised as gifts of control but I was to young to know that game ... I'm 48 now and learning a lot through therapy . I've almost made it a year with no contact other then minor interaction only cause my brother got married but even then very little was said it was more evil eyes from both narcissistic parents . This to shall pass