There were a lot of conspiracy theory sounding stuff the mom brought up. I wonder if this is something the mother brought up a lot when something negetive came up. Hearing her say "No one cares about the Holocaust" when we're just talking about why her daughter left just feels really out of left field. "0,0"
I think that she felt validated enough in her previous videos that she removed her mask a little bit more and revealed a ton of bigotry beyond just her poor parenting skills.
Obviously not. She is a hateful person who votes for conservative politicians who want to control everyone who is not like them or how they want us to be.
@@TheMentalLevelUpPodcastWell, the low thread count sheets might be part of it. Good sleep hygiene is vital to psychological health, and itchy sheets with pilled up thread are antithetical to that.
@@TheMentalLevelUpPodcast Oh I guarantee she doesn’t believe in climate change. I’m expecting her to blame vaccines, and probably electric vehicles, though.
People like her find therapists that agree with them and enable them all the time. And there are plenty of therapists that blame the victim as well as therapists that are abusive themselves. The field doesnt have good quality control. Stay careful out there.
@@janedoe6704narcs and psychopaths seek out the helping professions - teachers, police, therapists, nurses, priests, civil servants, parents, politicians, etc. - because a wolf goes where the sheep are.
In therapy I am learning; - I matter - I belong - I can - I’m not just here to survive - reparenting myself - tools to manage my triggers - my diagnosis, and with that how to build my optimal support system At home I learned: - I’m a mistake - I’m a burden - I should stay quiet - I don’t belong - I have nothing to contribute - No one wants to hear from me - I should just go away Therapy is tough. It’s hard work when you follow the treatment. It’s also expensive. In the end, therapy leaves me better than home did. It’s not fair that any of us have to go to therapy to become a well adjusted person when others don’t because their parents did their job. This woman doesn’t even realize her daughter needed therapy because she was failed by her mother in so many ways.
I can't take this woman seriously, she takes zero accountability for why her kid went no contact. Before a kid goes no contact there are years of the kid trying to kerp the relationship. It might feell like it's sudden to the parent, but it's not, and I don't buy for a second that therapy is to blame
As the adult who is doing this to a parent - This is true. I had many conversations with my dad where I explained why his passivity was causing me harm, writing in journals, or why my stepmother's actions were harmful to me. Therapy gave me the language and a path to leaving but I tried again and again to have conversations before therapy. All I heard from my dad was, "I know, I know," and then when I up and leave after therapy, all of a sudden, there's a lack of accountability or low emotional mature responses.
@@lucindabreeding Which infuriates the mother even more! It's a little bit like we said in a comment on another video by a different creator: We, the children who go no contact, mourn not only the parent we didn't have but also the parent we did have. We're still human beings! What the no contact parent doesn't realize is that for us to mentally survive this break in a fundamental relationship is that we have to consider them as being dead. We know they are alive, but each attempt to create contact is like a haunting from a ghost of the past, except this ghost is not Casper! From the parent's perspective, they don't see that. What they "see" is their teenage child being petulant, slamming their bedroom door, and refusing to come out. They don't see is the mountain of harm that they keep sweeping under the carpet at the door, making it more and more impossible for the child to open the door. It will only be once that mountain is addressed, worked through, and cleaned up that the child will then be able to choose IF they want to re-establish communication. Not before. It takes a lot to get to that point, it will take a lot to create a space for healing, and no matter if the child is a child or an adult, in the parent-child relationship, it's the parent's responsibility to create that space, not the child's.
My ex husband use to say the same thing. He tried to convince me that family matters stay in the family. He didn't want a marriage counselor to get in our business. He just didn't want someone agreeing with me.
Oh it's really hard when a spouse is aware enough of the problems that they are unwilling to get a third party involved. What did you eventually end up doing?
I married a man who said the same to me about going to couples therapy to help our marriage. Since he didn’t want to take the time to go to therapy to understand our issues, I left him and never looked back. I made the right choice and I sought therapy to help myself.
@@OneofMany-yt5slI don't think that's what the comment meant - I think they meant that Diane was coming close to, but not quite getting, the point, that toxic relationships SHOULD get ruined by therapy.
@@CarrieNicole47We think that @OneofMany was being sarcastic, which doesn't come across very well in written form. Especially without tone contexts such as emojis or other tone notations. *trying to be helpful*
This lady seems absolutely awful. So smug, so self-righteous, such a victim. She is positively triumphant in her victimhood and shows no feelings of actual loss at the estrangement. At best she is annoyed because she has lost control. Avoid people like this at all costs folks.
@@PJoanGavigandont count on it! Parents like this cause PERMANENT damage, and the kids never heal, they can only try to make up for lost time, lost income, etc. A person doesnt just shake it off and all of a sudden have a happy life when they are grown in such toxic soil
Can you imagine finally getting the strength to cut out your controlling narcissistic mother, then she creates a RUclips channel to publicize how ungrateful a child she thinks you are? Poor Haley. How narcissistic can you possibly be?
She said that in the past, families always worked out their differences. No. No! With no phone and limited written communication, it was insanely easy for people to move away from their family and simply never speak to them again, even if they only moved 5 miles away. I can absolutely see just from this video why her kids want nothing to do with her. And she overlaps "Cancel Culture" with bullying, being held accountable, and just being forced to respect boundaries. Yeah, this lady doesn't seem like the type of person most people would want to spend time with.
Cancel culture is a form of ostracization when it happens against a person which if you are trying to get all friends and family to ex-communicate them can be a form of bullying. For businesses the goal is getting everyone to stop supporting it so the business fails. Canceling someone or something is not wholly a virtous act like some people make it out to be. It depends on why you are doing it. But this woman trying to create a smear campaign against her daughter and parental estragement is just making her case worse. Most people call her out but she still thinks she is in the right...
It’s the same type of argument as “marriages were stronger in the 50s”. Oh, you mean because men could beat and rape their wives, while also stepping out and being absent fathers - since divorce w would have ostracized the woman and likely left her financially destitute? When people don’t have support systems to leave relationships that are harmful, those that are harmful will always rewrite history. I can’t stand this woman.
Military involvement, mail in brides, and immigration were acceptable ways to leave. Now, with ability for instant contact we actually have to explain going NC.
That's so interesting that you said that. Yes, now we are forced to confront the issues with boundaries because we are so "reachable" with technology these days. Phone, mail, email, social media, random websites posting all your current and previous addresses and phone numbers online. We can't get away these days and blame our low contact on the "geographical distance". Now that we have to confront, we are shamed for being confrontational and disrespectful. Such a terrible cycle to be in...
Hell, there’s the trope of faking your own death as a way to escape your family (and also crime). And you could do that once upon a time, restart your life away from your family if you wanted
I've seen her videos, and she just seems to be unable to accept that the reason for her daughters estrangement is her. She can't comprehend that her own behavior is the problem, she just does all of these mental gymnastics to try to blame anyone and everything but herself.
Something that stood out for me was the mother claiming that birthing a child is giving the child a gift that they should be grateful for. When I gave birth to my children the thought that filled my mind was that I had received the most wonderful and precious gift imaginable. Children do not owe us for giving birth to them.
I don't have children, so I don't know what that's like, but I thought something of the same: my friends act like they have received the gift when their children are born, not the other way around
It's so telling that she isn't thanking her kid for the gift of getting to raise her, she's expecting thanks for *checks notes* doing something she chose to and wanted to do for herself. The fact that she doesn't see her daughter as a gift tells you everything you need to know about why she's estranged!
Wow, she managed to throw 'industrial complex', blatant racism, and cancel culture. I'm puzzled how we went from therapy to Stalin authoritarian regime. And that last bit is wild...I can see why she's been cut out of her kids' lives.
She seems to think that she can just slap “industrial complex” on anything without any explanation and that she doesn’t have to support her assertions. Obviously trying to illicit an emotional connection to bluster her arguments. “Industrial complexes” are bad, right?
I was drop jawed like and she really doesn't know why her kid doesn't want to talk to her? "Poor me, all I ever did was say racist, homophobic, and transphobic things and now my kid won't talk to me for no reason at all!" The amount of delusion is unbelievable.
Not to mention, Nicole Kidman was forced into estrangement of her oldest children because of the cult. She has limited contact with them now... which shows they wanted their mother, but were denied by made-up nonsense their father believed.
yeah, i said thank you and goodbye after 42 years of torment. that mother never ONCE reflected on herself. My mom spent 15 minutes in therapy with me. in those 15 minutes, we were asked to name 5 flaws. she sat there for 15 minutes looking at the floor then raised her head and said "i have no flaws". and yet i could only name hundreds of my flaws and no virtues. i went no contact a year ago and even tho she puts big tantrums every couple of months i live a calm life with my kids now. do i struggle with my decision- yes i do. do i feel guilty- yes i do. would i go back to how it was- not in a million years.
@@BarbiTheCat thank you guys. i must addmit even tho i would not go back i would like to learn about the condition so much that i understand and that i can handle it without bothering me and rippiing me apart. and the more i learn the more i feel sorry for her and the damage she was inflicted so that she became like this. i would like to be in a mental state and capacity to take care of her. that is why i was watching the videos of this mom- trying to understand and see their perspective. that is why i am watching profesionals reacting- maybe i am missing something. my kids and i are the only family she has and she has no friends. i am not someone who came to the no conntact point easly. it goes against my very nature. so i would like to be able to go beyond what i feel and be rational about it all. im just not there yet and it is questinable will i ever get there... but i am learning
What I want to know is how bad her husband is since claimed she was not that political compared to him. From the few clips including him in her first video, he seemed downright scary with how much contempt and disgust he had for his daughter. I feel so bad for the daughter having to grow up with these people but I’m so glad she’s free now. I can only hope if she’s aware of their channel it’s validating she made the right decision.
Thank you so much for saying this! I thought the same exact thing. I thought she said she wasn't political? But like this whole entire video is mostly her political rants.
@@thirstonhowellthebird I don't remember; but I seen her vid a couple months ago before the reactions all popped up. See if you can find "my daughter stopped talking to me" or somewhere along those lines
My worry is that she’s more interested in the attention she’s getting and reinforcing her feelings than reconciling with her child. She comes across as someone who wants to feel justified and validated, even at the cost of the lost relationship she was lamenting earlier. Instead she should be ask “what’s my role in this?” and “will these videos further alienate my child?….sigh. There is so much I want to say about this, but RUclips has a character limit!
You caught it, too. The videos are so callous and unhelpful they almost read as satire. This channel of hers is merely her new narcissistic supply, since her daughter is no longer giving it to her...
@@ptlovelight2971Exactly. And this is going to alienate her daughter even more. I can’t think of any way more efficient at ruining a relationship than someone going on RUclips and say “YOU and SOCIETY” are the problem. My father is very much like here and these are rough to watch, and I’ve been alienated from my family for years at times, but if he aired our issues for the world to see and react to, I would be so furious! Luckily he is not and unfortunately is in poor health so I don’t think there would be a chance for the martyrdom and justification for the public to see. But still, this was a very bad move on her part.
I strongly suspect the videos about “healing” from estrangement are going to be about her being soooo strong even though it’s been soooo hard, and “look how much I’m suffering, but I’m healing, despite my daughter’s cruelty.” I guarantee it’s just going to be a place for her to feel justified and get sympathy from other crazy estranged parents in her comment section. There’s going to be no healing or moving on. Just a bunch of delusional parents licking each others’ wounds and stewing in their own self-inflicted misery. And Diane laps up all the attention.
They always do. As people do with a lot of things. The worst is 'Spare the rod, spoil the child'. With rod is meant the shepard's stick with whom the shepard guides his sheep and not hitting them. A metaphor.
@@oOIIIMIIIOo Actually that’s not in the Bible the actual verse is “Those who spare the rod hate their children, but those who love them are diligent to discipline them”
@@oOIIIMIIIOo shepherds also dont break the legs if wayward sheep. They hobble them but do not harm them. Its called "braking" not "breaking" 🤦♀️ so many preachers claim the shepherds actually break their bones 😢 they dont. They tie sticks ir tie legs so they cant walk good, but no broken bones!
Another interesting point: in her first video, she claims her daughter estranged over political differences, and she claims to "not be very political" yet in this video, it has a VERY APPARENT political tone, rife with talking points that only certain types of people with certain viewpoints would agree with. At the very least, this exposes her as a hypocrite
Actually I'm in a Democrat state and most everyone has problems with the issues she points out. Many of these issues have a safety, financial or moral concern for democrats as well. They are not exclusively a political issue or a talking point for one specific party.
I'd like to see her be the change that she wants to be in the world. Oh, wait. That's what these videos are. She wants her bad behavior to be praised, and her bad takes to be validated.
Technically since she started her own platform behind a $20 a month paywall she has decided money is more important than her daughter. She's made a choice to abandon her daughter long before her daughter chose estrangement
She cuts down therapy but wants people to come to her for advice. She says that family and connectedness helps a persons wellbeing. but I can see that she is someone where it is her way or the highway with everyone around her.
This woman is trying to fill the silence of her daughter’s estrangement with talking points. The saddest part of this is how does she know if the possibility of reconciliation is possible because she is not using the time to better understand her child. Instead she’s using it talking about statistics and raging against institutions. A pointless exercise IMO because it does nothing to repair the broken relationship. If parents approached their adult children with hearts that said “I want to be a part of your life. I want to love you and be love by you. How do we accomplish that?” It wouldn’t matter what Therapists said, what’s happening on Social Media, what Universities are doing because whether Parents choose to admit it or not, estrangement is about relationship. It’s about the relationship you have with your child, minor or adult. And how much you value that relationship, how hard you’re willing to work for it. Too many parents rely on Obligation to keep the relationships with adult children going. Instead of building a genuine relationship based on love, trust and mutual respect. That’s all any human being wants from each other. So sad. Saddest most of all for her daughter.
She is doing what all narcissist people do when they are cut off. She is mocking her daughters need for therapy, her wasted education, her daughters desire to be a social media influencer. Her whole video was mocking and trying to minimize and insult her daughters decision to cut ties. Narcissistic revenge by mocking and smearing those who reject them is psych 101. This therapist missed it all because he doesn't label people or put them in a box. Liberal colleges throwing out the DSM manual so no one gets a diagnosis.
Perfectly said, I totally agree and had the same thoughts.... She is diverting from her own accountability with word salad, anything to avoid the actual issue. My mother is exactly the same
@@Sarah-with-an-H and she will continue to make videos to keep the flying monkeys joining her attention seeking club. Her daughter is her bait to lure others in. She is drunk on the power and attention this estrangement is offering her. She is cunning and malignant and full of vengeance for being cast aside.
"Too many parents rely on obligation with adult children to keep the relationship going. Instead of building a genuine relationship based on trust, love, and mutual respect." 🎯👏🏻💯 As an adult married to an adult child who went no contact with his parents, THIS is exactly it. And your whole comment. So much of this. And it really is the CHILD who suffers.
The ironic part of this Mom's ridiculous videos is that, whether you are estranged from your own family or not, anyone with discernment can see exactly why her daughter went No contact with her....even some estranged parents can see through her fake facade
That this woman is blaming estrangement on everything,(social media, education, cultural trends), but, not once does she blame the true culprit which is the nuclear family that the estranged child grows up in which is a wider presence in their lives than all of the other scapegoats she condescendingly goes on about. She is the "poster mom" on why adult children cut off because she stands firm on her beliefs and sketchy statistics regardless of their validity. It is impossible to have an adult conversation about feelings and work on relationships if the views of the adult child is being dismissed and their parent adamantly refuses to engage with genuine empathy, self reflection and accountability. If she has the viewership she claims, then there are many parents that believe as she does which is just as scary.
a very specific demographic that's willing to pay for access to her echo chamber where estranged parents can reassure one another they did nothing wrong
Just a reminder her support group she charges $20 a month to be part of her community. She's using her daughter's pain to make bank. It's extremely toxic to do this.
Dog whistling, virtue signalling, mistaking correlation with causation, misconstruing the meaning of data, and on and on and on it goes. Her behaviour and communication style is crazy- making and exhausting!!!
I started to feel anxious when she, near the end , apparently equates severing ties with parents to extremist ideology that leads to atrocious acts of violence. This woman doesn't seem to have a clue as to how difficult it is to sever from a parent with whom one has been extremely close. Please try to show a modicum of compassion for those who have had to set some pretty "extreme" boundaries to preserve or gain some psychological strength!
This woman is a narcissist, so she doesn’t possess empathy. Most ppl don’t actually understand what this means. Empathy is the ability to see the world someone else’s eyes, to understand their perspective even if they can’t relate to it. So when we try to explain obvious things to an emotionally absent person, it’s like speaking a completely different language. They’re like… “huh?”. So no,she doesn’t get your position and thinks you’re overreacting and her and her narc friends are victims of us.
@@kateashby3066 Thank you for responding! Empathy is not exactly compassion. One can feel compassion without empathy. I choose my words thoughtfully. I believe this woman can experience compassion. However, to allow oneself to feel compassion could very well upon up a pandora's box, so it can be just too threatening to even go there.
Would be interesting to hear what her estranged child says is the reason for cutting off her parents. This woman seems to assert it is all the fault of adult children and therapists. I'm not buying it.
Some people have figured out who the daughter is by watching Diane's videos, and following the clues she has given (apparently Diane has said she's a cosplayer, she has a tiktok, etc.). I wouldn't try to find her myself, but I know others have. From what I understand she doesn't mention her mother on her social media at all.
She’s a narcissist. They groom their child to serve their needs and disregard the child’s needs. So naturally, this mother is very selfish. Narcs also shame the child when they disappoint and their love is very conditional- only expressing it when the child makes the parent look good. This eats away at your shame and sense of self. It permanently messes with your ata Jenny style so you grow up to fear that you’ll be abandoned or emotionally unavailable. Narc parents cause all the cluster B personality disorders and other mental illnesses. What happened is this young lady (her daughter) probably went to therapy to treat her depression/anxiety/sui-cidal ideation. In doing so, they learned why they’re so messed up and that it’s moms fault (dad too). That or a good friend gave her some feedback and woke her up to “oh my god your mom sounds just like mine and my mom is a narcissist. The daughter set very firm boundaries so I think it was a therapist. We don’t naturally have boundaries, someone wiser than us has to show us how they work.
@@light6230 in Diane's viral video, she said her daughter wrote her and her husband a letter saying that, if they supported "that man" for president, the daughter wasn't going to be able to be in contact. It appears that the parents support Trump, given the preoccupation with DEI, cancel culture, and racism in this video. The daughter also mentioned an autism diagnosis and a lack of support for it as a kid.
Why does everyone have to be "likeable"? That's quite subjective. Emotions are installed in humans for a reason but being served up "likeable" stuff all the time doesn't happen in nature. As the old saying goes: "Some days you eat the bear, some days the bear eats you." Resilience and coping skills are a must in stressful situations. Thumbs up or thumbs down is not realistic in human dynamics. Adaptation to changing circumstances will keep you alive and you DON'T have to throw momma under the train just to cross the tracks. Think about that, please.
No no no, you get it all wrong! It's just a social media trend. Parents always abused their kids and they still didn't leave. It's just the social media's and therapists fault that people feel entitled to leave their toxic parents nowadays. Such a bad trend! Really!!11!1! 😮💨
The most frustrating thing is that her plea to estranged kids in the end completely ignores how hard it is to make that separation. It's not the easiest choice, it's the last resort. She seems to see it as kids dropping their parents because they're a slight inconvenience, when in reality it's a reaction to years of trying mend the relationship and hitting a wall each time.
Remember in her first video about the estrangement she claimed she wasnt political? And here she is sarcartically focusing on trans inclusion efforts on university campuses as an example of the frivolity of these spaces, and didnt waste any time disparaging DEI......
Is it just me or is this video really about her daughter going no-contact? What I'm hearing is "daughter, I now know that you went no-contact with me because of these statistics and mis-informed/disrespectful reasons. You were wrong and you should reform your thinking to match mine." It's an impressive amount of effort to put into making yourself feel better.
it’s a weirdly monitized way to make herself feel better. the videos are so prescribed, they seem to like click-bait and outrage formula videos. there’s no original ideas or nuance, it feels like she’s been given a script with [insert stock video clip here].
This is a common view of non religious "conservatives". Famous atheist Richard Dawkins now calls himself a "cultural Christian" because he doesn't like the way his country is changing due to immigration
@@Therapy2Day isn't wanting things both ways/fundamentally contradicting oneself, often in the same breath, one of the red flags of narcissistic thinking
@@oOIIIMIIIOo but Jesus still had issues with his family most of his family members, especially sisters and his brothers thought he was the black sheep of the family and thought he was a weirdo
So the book that caused her to have to look at herself… she had to put that down. Couldn’t read it. This book that allows her to blame something else, she co-signs it and uses points from the book over and over again. Must be sad to be so afraid to look at who you really are.
The book asked her to swallow her pride for the sake of her child's feelings and open her mind to someone else's POV, so she dismissed it as claptrap. It's pretty obvious to me that none of this has ever been about getting communication with someone she considers her Odd Little Disappointment back. It's about establishing a monetized echo chamber full of people sighing "poor Diane" and hopefully punishing the daughter by invading the social media environment that is usually the territory of Gen Z , and one of the daughter's preferred places of engagement with the world. My narcissist father is always about reminding me he's still out there and that I can't have a place where he won't find and follow me. It's another grasp at control. Diane's a jerk who doesn't want to stop being one, so any book telling her she needs to change is garbage in her opinion.
I saw your original reaction video. I tried to be open minded towards her, although her no contact ‘angry letter’ response to her daughter, was the first red flag. She ignored the letter like it was a child’s tantrum. When I watched this video I realised why her daughter went no contact. Imagine years of this been shoved at you. People don’t go no contact unless they are have endured enough, have not been heard and the other person can’t agree to disagree. This lady is not upset that her daughter is not contacting her. She is more upset she can’t talk at her and tell her want to do. This is all about her own ‘mum tantrum’. She can control her daughter anymore, and she can’t accept responsibility for her part. Let’s blame everything else instead.
I just couldn't stay quit seeing this woman say these things as I'm a 66 year old woman who went no contact at 26 years old when my parents abuse and toxicity started to effect my own family. I sought therapy after the cut off as I thought, as a Christian I was doing something wrong, but came to know, I did exactly the right thing! When I met and married my second husband, I saw a different kind of " abuse" and 21 months ago, after 32 years of marriage, we had to get permanent restraining orders and go no contact with my husband's very narcissistic family, after I was physically assaulted by his mother and brother and it broke my husband so badly, after trying for years to stay connected to this toxic family, he attempted suicide. Sorry, but just like women are no longer allowing men to "rule over them" and abuse them, adult children, regardless of their age, are standing up and saying, "you are still my mother and father, but you no longer have the right to dictate my life and control me anymore!"
I'm so happy for you both. I'm 61 and I'm so glad these abusive personality disorders are finally being exposed and people are walking away. There are great resources on RUclips like Dr. Les Carter, Kris Reese (Christian perspective), Dr. Ramani, etc.. We need to help people understand who these people are internally because they can kill you if you don't understand the evil driving them and get out. Please please, move forward to recoup your health and experience the joy that you both deserve.
@kellyturner6584 Firstly, congrats on getting out of these horrible situations. Secondly, I think that's a huge point that many of these parents miss, especially in homes with abuse and neglect - you are the problem. Even if they aren't the abuser, they are enabling this abuse to continue. The end result, for you, could've been your husband's suicide. And you know his family, from the sound of it, would've blamed HIM, while soaking up the condolences from his death. Now, they have to face the fact that 1. they can't control him anymore, 2. they can't control you or your family anymore, and 3. there are now people out in the world who are going to be telling people about them and who are going to side with you guys and not them. That's what happens when you fuck around and find out. Go and live your awesome lives without them!
Its the lack of introspection, the sheer lack of ability to take responsibility for anything. My partner is estranged from their mother, and they're that much healthier for it. The constant guilt trips, the explosive emotions, the threats of self harm, the only apologies only coming in the sarcastic "well, im sorry im just the worst mom ...". It was all so wearing. Just a constant emotional stone to carry. Just hearing this lady talk, you can tell shes exactly like their mom too. She's trying to put up a front like shes the reasonable one, but not one mention of a mistake she has made. She's too dense to realize that taking responsibility for literally anything is all she would need to do to open the door
For me it's the self-satisfied grin permenantly plastered across her face. She's never haf more attention ever in her life. She'd choose this kind of collective attention over her daughter's any day of the week.
This woman is a narcissist. She looks outward to cast blame on others. I doubt she possesses the ability to look inward and accept responsibility for her own actions.
"When your parents are gone, they're gone" Yes! And when my estranged dad died four years ago I could start to forgive him. I always loved him, even in my anger and hurt. The only way I could "honour my father" was to estrange him and not speak of him. I realised a few years before he died that a mutually respectful reconsiliation was never possible. He always ment well, but his problems/demons made a relationship impossible. Sometimes when they're gone, there is relief and sorrow, and love and forgiveness, not regret. My question to estranged children is : what would YOU need from your parent for a reconsiliation to be successful? What would YOU need for the relationship to be nuturing? And do you think they could (possibly with some help/therapy) do it? When I realised what I needed, I knew it would never happen. And I am still fine with that.
Cancel culture and parental estrangement are not synonyms. I don't understand why she wants to politicize this. It seems like a way to externalize her estrangement.
Her definition of healing is blaming society instead of her own actions. And yes some of those celebrities are estranged from their children for very good reason. It is harmful for children to be around a physically or emotionally abusive parent. I am so tired of the narrative that you should stay in a bad marriage for the children. From personal experience as a child in such a family, I can tell you that staying together often does the child much more harm. I would also be very surprised if people are more depressed and thus need more therapy now. The thing is there is less stigma around talking about mental illness now, so people are getting the help they need. My generation as well as the generations prior, were more apt to keep problems within the family and to themselves in general. Things were not discussed, that does not mean that issues did not exist
I think the big trend, especially for like Gen Z/Alphas, is ensuring their mental health and not staying in toxic environments, whether it's work, friendships, or relationships. Which is great and awesome, but I also feel sometimes that they forget that this a NEW trend - previous generations weren't in therapy or if they were, it was very hush hush. And the problem of course with not talking about these things is that when someone finally is like, "I'm done", it's automatically OUR fault. A spouse or a child who stands up is the problem because they're talking badly about this great parent or husband/wife, so clearly the issue is with THEM (ie us) and not the actual person who is the problem. It's even worse if there's abuse or neglect involved, as though someone WANTS to be abused or neglected, but clearly we've done something that made this wonderful person want to hurt us.
Heads up about her book - Abigail Shrier is a noted transphobe, has spoken for PragerU and also wrote a book about how TransMen aren't really men. It was terribly sourced.
I'm not going to get into a long argument, but please check out Cass Eris' video series on Abigail Shrier's book where she details every single source used in the book.
Calling a transman a man is not ignoring biology. It's acknowledging the social aspect of gender. The only people that need to be concerned about a person's biology is the person themselves, their doctors, and possibly their partners.
@@NoraG-gq9bybe sure to keep mocking what you dont understand. Dont EVER think or read about transgender folks at all. Maybe go ahead and call them names, too, if you ever see them in public. 🙄
It' a very difficult century to live in with the fear for future ( environment, war, loss of democracy...). I don't find it surprising that young people are in need of therapy. And if this woman is your parent it's even more understandible. She is condescending and there seems to be no love and empathy.
What every single one of these estranged parents turned influencers refuuuuuses to acknowledge is that the problematic behavior NEVER STOPS. They always speak as if it's things that have happened in the past and it's not a continuing issue that they refuse to address. And when you get to the bare bones of the issue, that refusal is the reason we cut contact. There comes a point that you just choose not to endure the hurtful behavior anymore because it's been made clear it will never stop. I'm also astounded at her completely mischaracterizing the concept of "gifts with strings attached" in the last video but this one she defines it SO clearly with her "What do you say when someone gives you a gift?" and "I'm not religious but..." bits about children owing their parents for the "gift" of life. Self awareness is what these estranged parents lack.
yep, you nailed it. it's not the past behavior, even though that was bad enough. it's the continued manipulation, lies, disrespect, that happen in real time every time you speak to them
I have already seen this video and agree with your comments. The statistics need to be more clearly defined, etc. It doesn't come across as balanced and some is hypocritical, and the tone is angry and condescending. She spent "hundreds of hours researching this" yet says in her first video that she didn't finish reading "The Rules of Estrangement" because it required "far too much contrition". So, to me, she is putting her energy into looking for a scapegoat instead of looking at herself.
@@Therapy2Daybut is she really looking for an explanation? Shr was absolutely told why she was cut off by her daughter. She doesn't like that reason so it's time to circle the wagons and repeat silly shit she heard on tv.
Diane...there is so much to be said there, but, she reveals herself in the video: "she refuses to express contrition". She'll never acknowledge the harm she did to her daughter. The daughter stays apart because the daughter isn't listened to or respected. Diane will not change. Can't be changed.
Well, people who go to therapy are able to see the toxicity of people in their lives and are empowered to make a break with them. This woman reminds me of my late mother. When I was a teenager, she used to threaten me with therapy when I wouldn't do what she wanted. It was presented to me as a punishment. She had nothing good to say about therapists. The truth is, she would never have allowed me to go to therapy, because any competent therapist would have figured out quickly that she was the problem and would probably have advised a family court to have me live with my dad.
Estranged from my parents, and now a mom myself. 1) If my child cut me off one day, I'd know that I personally failed (unless they joined a cult or something and in which case I'd be scared for their wellbeing, not resentful). That would be a me problem. 2) Parenting is a one way street. I owe my child everything. Not the other way around. If they adore me and want a lasting relationship throughout adulthood, that's a compliment, not a requirement or an expectation on my part. 3) Diane's daughter is currently 30. She is well past the age of needing her parents. What the hell Diane. At age 30 I would expect my child to have their own life and priorities. Even if her daughter were still in touch, what does she expect?
Need to add: Empathy for an abuser does not mean you still allow them access to you, just because it hurts their feelings. You can have empathy for someone, and still not desire a relationship with them. It's okay to end a relationship with someone even if that makes them feel sad. Personally, I wouldn't want a fake relationship with someone that was out of guilt or pity. Diane frankly doesn't care as long as her daughter performs a relationship to her specifications.
"Parenting is a one way street" is so amazing to hear. My mom daily says that I have double standarts. That somewhy I am allowed to express my emotions, but she's not. And she says this after throwing a tantrum and breaking something in the house, or beating me, and shouting curses, while what I do is asking her to be more polite and calm, cause rude tone makes me feel miserable. She also always says "family is a team, and when you live with someone, you have to make compromises and do the same amount of work each", and of course it applies to me as her 17 year old daughter. Ironically, that doesn't work for our dad, even though he and mom work equally much. And well, despite it being hard to remember some other examples, I can definitely say that my mom believes parenting is a relationship of two, where each of two are supposed to take and give, equally taking care of each other's emotional well-being. Though this logic doesn't work when I am supposed to notice her changes in behavior and be able to help without her asking me to, and she never really helps me with my problems, only shames for having them, so I learned to be independent. I wish I had a mom who could say "You owe me nothing, darling"
Honestly, you are a rock star for saying this 👏 This is exactly my opinion. The (adult) childrens love is a present, that you might get if you did everything right with them (not perfect, but good ENOUGH to be right). But no parent is entitled to that and no child is obligated to give it.
She is absolving herself of guilt, and then attempting to go no contact "back" by claiming she has let it go. This is a public attempt at telling her daughter "you can't fire me because i quit!"
How telling is it that she evidently views her daughter's estrangement as an attempted power grab -- and her first impulse is to make a play to stay in control herself?
I decided to go no contact with my mother last October. It was one of the most difficult decisions of my life. I grieved the loss very intensely. But it was a different kind of grief then when my father died. Because I essentially had to do it alone. You don’t get bereavement days or sympathy cards yet your feelings are just as intense. You also get all of the guilt and shame not only from society but a lot of guilt I placed on myself. Because my pattern all my life had been to take care of her, not the other way around. I was conditioned to walk on egg shells as to not set off the bomb, and try and this final straw was just so counter intuitive for what I’d done my whole entire life. I finally put my own feelings and well being before hers and it wasn’t an easy thing to do. I started going to therapy afterwards. I haven’t been influenced by my therapist to do it, we in fact talk about if/when I would like to reunite and how would I go about it. At this point I don’t wish to, but I know my therapist would support me and help me work through it and set boundaries if that was something I decided to do. Listening to this woman tell other parents to just let go and she can show them the way, is disappointing but not surprising. I’m sure all of their kids wish they could actually listen to their reasoning, honestly hear them, apologize and try to move forward with change. If my mother made any kind of step in that direction, I would definitely consider and want a relationship with her. Even knowing it’d be difficult and probably very rocky and at first. It’s what every kid wants. We craved a functional parent/child relationship our entire lives. Their kids left for a reason. It’s one of the most unnatural things to do. This parent who you are biologically conditioned to love and expect safety/comfort from, has hurt you so much to the point you feel like you have to distance yourself. There is no amount of social pressure or undue social media influence that can make someone take such an extreme without cause. This woman would rather spend an exorbitant amount of time looking for a scapegoat in all of these statistics and societal problems she perceives, rather than really listen to her daughters letter/reasonings, take it to heart, self reflect, and admit that she maybe could’ve done things better. Her ego is so much more important than her relationship with her daughter, otherwise she’d be pouring all of this effort into fixing the relationship, rather than casting the blame literally everywhere else.
I tried two other comments, but didn't post them because they were coming off too mean, or falling too deep down the rabbit-hole of this woman's tortured logical framing. I will instead just say that she is utterly exhausting here, and probably not a lot of fun to be around right now. I really wish she wasn't making these vids, for her own sake. I think she is likely ruining any chance of her daughter wanting to reconcile with her in the future, as these are arguments you should make with people in your head in the shower, not really thoughts you should be sharing for public consumption.
I think a lot of her videos trigger a pretty strong reaction in people, some of which may be intended. Appreciate you still watching and commenting, even if it may have felt like more work than you expected
@@Therapy2Day Ya, it isn't like she didn't make a couple of fair points, but her overall tone was so intentionally inflammatory and blaming that it was really hard for me to objectively give her statements the most charitable interpretation.
We all know by now that a broken clock is right twice a day. Another thought: if you throw enough things at the wall, eventually one (or two) will stick. Lastly, all lies start with a little bit of truth because the true part lends credibility to the lie.
@@thesingerintheshowerthank you. You are correct about her finding a kernel of truth to add credibility. She's reaching out to those viewers that have valid complaints about those issues and saying it cost her a relationship with her daughter. She is saying her daughter has been brainwashed by all these influences to believe her mother is a narcissist. She has never once been sorrowful for how her daughter feels.
I've watched several of her videos and I have yet to see her take accountability for absolutely anything! If I were her daughter and watched these, it would have the opposite effect of what she wants to see happen. She also doesn't take into account that we, as humans, are hardwired to want the love and approval of our parents. Going no contact is not done on a whim. People don't orphan themselves just because of some minor event or because someone told them to. It took me 63 years to finally cut contact with my abusive parent. My children are adults with their own families and we have wonderful relationships because I learned what NOT to do from my own upbringing. Sometimes when we go no contact, it's in order to continue breaking the cycle.
@SmackedyDoo you're welcome. I don't know why people don't think about that. So often we hear, "how could you treat your mother that way?" Why don't they ask the parent, how could you treat your daughter that way?
I left a comment under this video. It made me mad that she used random statistics to validate her point, without giving context or at least some sort of guidance . I mean 2/3 of how many for example. Not to mention living situation, etc. So I used her numbers and (partly) answered with this : "2/3 have been diagnosed with mental health issues" . Ah, do you recognise that by your own numbers 53 out of a 100 have seeked help for their mental health , and 2/3 out of these 53, meaning 18, have been diagnosed. So 18 out of 100 have a diagnosis. That couldn't possibly be a result of a) added stress and worry b) advanced diagnostics and c) a suppressed mental health awareness in the former generations? As a nurse I am inclined to say a,b and c. Can't tell you how many elderly I watched that would have greatly benefited from therapy. But that was heavily stigmatized (and you seriously wonder why your daughter didn't tell you about her diagnosis??? ) " Make of it what you want, but this woman is nuts.
The absolute hypocrisy of her talking about how social media is made to keep everyone angry and spread negativity when she is 100% trying to cash in on that with her whole theme here. *She* is spreading negativity, being transphobic, racist, etc. Using hatred to absolve herself and those like her of taking responsibility for their actions
It's impressive what people can justify to themselves. I can only imagine what she's like with a small child, a bruised ego, and no one else watching. Scary, really.
She says "when parents are gone, they are gone" and I say "good!". I will finally feel safe and no longer fear of them trying to reconnect with another guilt-trip or manipulation. I went no contact 3 years ago and I don't miss them. I have amazing parents-in-law who teach me how to healthy relationships. And my amazing husband. When my parents are gone, I will feel relief that there is no risk of them reaching to me ever again. PS: I think that her will definitely feel like a burden off her shoulder once this toxic woman is deep in the ground... BTW. The list of support groups for estranged parents on Facebook she showed... LOL... most of them but one or two were actually support groups for the adult estranged children! If she was not so full of herself, she would have checked that. LOL
There definitely are support groups for estranged parents on Facebook. Are there ones for adult estranged children? I'm sure there are. I am not familiar with them because it is not a place for me to be.... as estranged adult children have no business in support groups for estranged parents. Practice staying in your own lane as you preach we should.
Ridiculous how she doesn’t even mention that parents could ever consider their role in the issue of estrangement. Not even one glance in the direction of self reflection. Just deflection and external blame. Just like my mom. Go figure.
She is really terrible. Her daughters are wise to distance themselves from her. I am so sorry for them having her for a mom. You go girls. Run Away run far far away!
I would think that there isn't necessarily more anxiety and depression than before, but there's more awareness and less stigma about mental health, therefore more people seeking help, therefore more diagnosis.
I mean, the world is burning. The younger generation isn't in hardcore denial about the future like this demented lady and her cohort. The kids ate growing up with social media that their parents aren't even emotionally equipped to handle. There's a lot of real reasons why anxiety is common among the youth.
She does not want to take responsibility for what she did. Does she even know what her child thinks/feels about their childhood? She sounds like she shouldn't have had children at all.
@@Therapy2Day the intersection of her politics and her relationship with her daughter is key. She supports politically people who make laws that discriminate cause suffering. It is good and correct to remove people from your life who are fascists.
@@fighttheevilrobots3417especially when she speaks disdainfully about different "lifestyles" and shoving them down people's throats. Her daughter is part of the lgbtq+ community, according to her public social media.
@@fighttheevilrobots3417 she is a narcissist. And her wealth and profession suggests she is a capitalist. You're not getting wealthy being a fascist unless you're part of the top 1%.
As someone who became estranged before cancel culture was even a thing her reasonings give the feeling of trying to find something, anything, to blame why her child became estranged. She is refusing to take any accountability for her current situation. It is possible to have opposing political views and sill have conversations and people in your life. There is a high likelihood that someone may be unable to comprehend anything from the opposing view and not be able to continue a relationship. It typically is just another cut in the thousands that have been dealt to decide to walk away. A good thing to remember is that you can forgive someone for their prior actions but that does not mean you have to continue a relationship with them if they refuse to see any issues or change anything to have a healthy relationship. I had to rewatch the video to not just give the kneejerk reactions i was feeling. Therapy can be a stepping stone to help your path. You have to be willing to listen, digrst, and work on any issues. It isnt an end all be all. As far as family, it is important to have a village. That village does not have to include the family you were born into. Most of my friends are more like family than the family i was born into.
It took you 30min in to see how she politicized everything? I mean youre getting better but cmon. DEI was clearly her being political, dogwhistling singlingnout jewish people as people saying its ok to oppress. Shes had a mission rhis whole time. She has no good in her miserable black heart.
Lady, I can answer your question very well: If by any means I will ever become this mean towards any of my friends, spouse or family members, I genuinely hope they have the strenght to leave me! They deserve to be loved and respected and if I don't deliver that love and respect over a long time, treating them in a bad way and trying to destroy their selfworth, they should totally leave me. I want them to strive, with or without me. Of course I don't want be left alone, but even less I want them to burn down in my presence. Just let them go. And hopefully I will learn to be a better person who's life invites them back in or at least builds better relationships with the next people.
Therapy only works if you're willing to be honest with yourself and genuinely want to grow and improve your life. I felt she was very condescending to people of color and different genders. Sorry my family is from many cultures and is multi racial. I don't see white privilege as political. I see these as issues we all need to discuss and learn about. Like many other countries if we could talk with civility about issues instead of which party we align with I think it would make more sense. As a parent of both bio and adopted children I feel I think of family very differently than she does. Family isn't blood. It's a history of trust, deep love, shared memories of helping each other through the hard times and celebrating the joy -- it's a consistent feeling of safety and respect for each person's humanity and frailties and strengths. And it just doesnt happen. It's messy and hard and you have to work at it. As a Mom of 4 grown children it means listening more intentionally a 38:2838:28 nd letting your off spring live their lives. You give advice ONLY if asked. And you ask questions and listen. I know I have learned a lot from my children and I try to be open to keep learning. Your calm voice helped me listen! I really enjoy your stream.
@@bekind758 thanks so much for watching. It seems like you've tried to be open to the different perspectives around you, and that seems to really make a difference!
So, I will note that, and this may not be thing you are personally familiar with, but she was dropping A LOT of talking points from anit-trans parent groups. "Social contagion" in particular is a huge buzz word in that community. It super, super long but Cass Eris a cognitive psychologist and RUclipsr has a thorough take down of all the many, many things wrong with Shrier's garbage book. In it, she goes into detail on all that "Gender Critical" nonsense, which the mom was spouting here. And, this is highly relevant, because, as the mental health field has become more accepting of trans identities and shifted from "curing" trans people to supporting them, anti-trans bigots and especially the anti-trans parents of trans children have become increasingly anti-mental health. I'm willing to bet that's what happened to her. Her child is some flavor of trans, they were affirmed and supported by mental health professionals, mom was a bigot, and the trans child cut her off.
I’m going to say it because it needs and deserves to be said; A common thing I’ve seen among these estranged parents is a thing someone called “the missing missing reasons.” They’ll say “my kid cut me off got no reason.” Or something like “they never told me why.” Yet if you let them talk long enough they’ll admit to being given a ‘prepared speech’ or a ‘long letter/email.’ But it is a cold day in hell if they EVER say what was in the speech or the letter/email. They’re basically victims in their version of reality.
Thank you for sharing this update video. This lady makes me irrationally angry. It's so easy for her to blame everyone BUT herself for her clear parental shortcomings. Absolutely pathetic ego stoking nonsense. "I was a great, so this is obviously therapist's fault.... yes yes." I have a feeling she will never hear from her estranged child again. This is exactly why.
I think it’s really important to point out that this woman is using aggressively transphobic language and using the work of known and virulent transphobes as evidence of her points. Abigale Shrier, for example, originated the extremely harmful and completely unsupported theory of ‘social contagion’ for trans identity. Her book ‘Irreversible Damage’ has been widely critiqued and none of her ideas are considered valid by any reputable institutions. I think it’s also really important that we consider that her child might be trans (given her clear antagonism towards trans people) and that identity might have contributed to the separation. I personally am uncomfortable using she/her pronouns for this woman’s child because we only have her word for it.
You're so right. She talks a lot about her daughter in one of her first videos: she is a cis woman, a lesbian and a cosplayer, and recently diagnosed as autistic, all things that the mother spoke of with huge ignorance, prejudice and condescendance. This woman is a bigot (and a Trumper, by the way, one of the reasons the daughter decided she could no longer talk to her).
This is where I recommend Caelan Conrad's Gender Critical video essays. Child abuse is endemic in gender critical spaces in a scary way and very controlling (which is the foundation of abuse) parenting or reactions towards their LGBT kids. Yes i said LGBT because most of them stan conversion therapy and are thinly disguised homophobes as well. This is why I'm unsurprised she kept bringing up politics because how you view children and children's autonomy is pretty staple in political ideology. It's why the save the children crowd exists, not just because children are a knee jerk emotional button but because they get anxious that children could develop thoughts outside their ideology and control. * I suggest cute pet videos if you watch Conrad's essays they are long and they're hilarious but the topic is rough.
I have a problem with the entire premise of her argument, that parental estrangement is more prevalent. She did not present any proof that this is a growing problem, nor did she manage to connect the idea that therapy is responsible for the breakdown of families. Her statistic about paternal estrangement being much more common than maternal estrangement seems to negate her point. I would not consider 6% to be an epidemic of maternal estrangement. It makes sense that in a country with a divorce rate hovering around 50% that some level of parental estrangement would exist. This problem goes back decades. She's attempting to pin estrangement on social media and universities without an iota of proof. Do I buy that there are more young people voicing their concerns to their parents, trying to use therapy speak to fix their broken relationships with their parents? I do think that might be happening. But in the past these young people would probably have been estranged either way. They would have wanted to limit the negative impact of their parents on grandchildren, they would have walked on eggshells to avoid strife. They would probably have been the young adults that felt anxiety when they saw their parent's number light up on their phone. I am a Gen Xer. I dated people with bad parents. I had friends that avoided their families. They didn't have the language to fix these relationships, and their boundaries were softer, so instead of cutting off their parents they would avoid them instead. And that is what this lady wants, she wants adult children to go back to the status quo of having soft boundaries that can be violated more easily. At least that is what it sounds like to my Gen X ears. As someone that has had great relationships with my parents and my son, I am just going to call it the way I see it, if your kid doesn't want to be around you that is probably a "you" problem.
37:14 I have thought about how I would feel if me and my daughter had the relationship me and my mother have. I would feel like a failure. I would feel like I didn't do what I needed to do for her to feel safe and loved in my presence.
As someone whos gone no contact with my father, i personally would turn the question back around. The parent needs to self reflect and figure out what theyve done wrong to turn a child so far from them. No child just does that for fun. Its severly painful. Have them think about dieing alone. No grandchildren to be around because their actions are unsafe. Is their pride more important than repentance before God and man.
A narcissistic, punitive, mentally ill adult child can actually estrange out of their own issues that they refuse to acknowledge. Everybody needs to own "their stuff" whatever it may be. Everyone......
Like we haven't thought a million times about reconnecting and of the feelings of the parent (to the detriment and sometimes at the expense of our OWN feelings!) and the answer is NO, LADY; and there are myriad of reasons. BUT, IF YOU TOOK THE LETTER YOUR DAUGHTER WROTE YOU SERIOUSLY, YOU WOULD HAVE LISTENED AND YOU WOULD HAVE KNOWN WHY
I completely agree with this woman. Therapy definitely leads to estrangement. When people don't go to therapy, they stay in the toxic relationship and allow themselves to be abused, dominated, and mistreated. Therapy helps the victim realize that they're not crazy and that they often need to go no contact with their abuser. So yes, therapy leads to estrangement. What she's leaving out is that the estrangement is a good thing - for the victim. 😂
I really appreciate how patient, considerate and even-handed your response is! I've seen a few folks respond to this video and yours is the most measured by far. I wish I had a little more of that because her over simplification and dismissive remarks really get under my skin.
I'm proud of those who are able to cut off toxic parents. My family is mixed race.. Chinese/Mexican-American. If we couldn't be controlled with money (even if that money was used to hire a pi to get something to leverage with), then we'd be manipulated with guilt. The strange part is that as a gen x, I grew up alone, not just latch key. I mean in a house alone.. from age 14, 89miles from my parents' house, because they didn't think the city was safe. I think they think it's normal because my mother was sent to live in town when she was 8, and my dad never actually had a home.. uh.. so much dysfunction.
@e.k.4508 Thanks, I had friends, lots of kids and even adults spent time at my place. It wasn't till I became a parent that I realized how messed up it was. I didn't "get out".. I just grew up and moved away. I only brought it up because it's so strange how much my parents go through to keep me in their lives when they detached first. I'm my case it was obviously physically, but if my parents can't see it, then emotionally detached parents might find it even harder to understand.
I have schizoaffective disorder. The symptoms manifested during my teens and were written off by my parents as 'teenage angst' and 'disrespect'. First of all- along with medication, 'therapy' has literally saved my life and allowed me to be a loving mother, devoted wife (of 20 years!) and valuable employee. Therapy is a gift and I'm grateful for it. When you view your children as simply an extension of yourself (as opposed to unique and autonomous beings)- accepting the need for therapy is tantamount to admitting you are flawed (essentially the human condition).
Do you agree with this mom's assessment?
There were a lot of conspiracy theory sounding stuff the mom brought up. I wonder if this is something the mother brought up a lot when something negetive came up. Hearing her say "No one cares about the Holocaust" when we're just talking about why her daughter left just feels really out of left field. "0,0"
I think that she felt validated enough in her previous videos that she removed her mask a little bit more and revealed a ton of bigotry beyond just her poor parenting skills.
No. This mom has abused her daughter. She is also a bigot and supports a fascist that wants to take away many people's rights.
I think she's doing a great job of making sure her daughter never reaches out to her again
Obviously not. She is a hateful person who votes for conservative politicians who want to control everyone who is not like them or how they want us to be.
She managed to blame half the world and still be bitter about the children.
I have never seen someone do so much work to avoid any responsibility for their relationship with their own children.
These parents really trying to show their ass all over the internet. Talk about telling on yourself.
Right! Next she'll blame:
Global warming
Red Dye #40
Lead chips
Low thread count sheets
Full fat milk
Hair extensions
One-ply toilet paper, etc! 😆 smh
@@TheMentalLevelUpPodcastWell, the low thread count sheets might be part of it. Good sleep hygiene is vital to psychological health, and itchy sheets with pilled up thread are antithetical to that.
@@TheMentalLevelUpPodcast Oh I guarantee she doesn’t believe in climate change. I’m expecting her to blame vaccines, and probably electric vehicles, though.
Actually, people go to therapy because people like her don't go to therapy
Elegantly said 🙂
Well said 👏
People like her find therapists that agree with them and enable them all the time.
And there are plenty of therapists that blame the victim as well as therapists that are abusive themselves. The field doesnt have good quality control. Stay careful out there.
Yeah, that may be the case.
@@janedoe6704narcs and psychopaths seek out the helping professions - teachers, police, therapists, nurses, priests, civil servants, parents, politicians, etc. - because a wolf goes where the sheep are.
In therapy I am learning;
- I matter
- I belong
- I can
- I’m not just here to survive
- reparenting myself
- tools to manage my triggers
- my diagnosis, and with that how to build my optimal support system
At home I learned:
- I’m a mistake
- I’m a burden
- I should stay quiet
- I don’t belong
- I have nothing to contribute
- No one wants to hear from me
- I should just go away
Therapy is tough. It’s hard work when you follow the treatment. It’s also expensive. In the end, therapy leaves me better than home did. It’s not fair that any of us have to go to therapy to become a well adjusted person when others don’t because their parents did their job. This woman doesn’t even realize her daughter needed therapy because she was failed by her mother in so many ways.
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This is a wonderful comment! I think there are a lot of us who relate.
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You're awesome. 💯👏
I can't take this woman seriously, she takes zero accountability for why her kid went no contact. Before a kid goes no contact there are years of the kid trying to kerp the relationship. It might feell like it's sudden to the parent, but it's not, and I don't buy for a second that therapy is to blame
As the adult who is doing this to a parent - This is true. I had many conversations with my dad where I explained why his passivity was causing me harm, writing in journals, or why my stepmother's actions were harmful to me. Therapy gave me the language and a path to leaving but I tried again and again to have conversations before therapy.
All I heard from my dad was, "I know, I know," and then when I up and leave after therapy, all of a sudden, there's a lack of accountability or low emotional mature responses.
@@jenniferjiang4445 ❤️
I follow her daughter on social media. Her daughter seems independent, though a bit childlike, and doesn't talk about her parents.
Exactly. She's pathologically incapable of asking the question, "What did I do wrong?"
@@lucindabreeding Which infuriates the mother even more! It's a little bit like we said in a comment on another video by a different creator: We, the children who go no contact, mourn not only the parent we didn't have but also the parent we did have. We're still human beings! What the no contact parent doesn't realize is that for us to mentally survive this break in a fundamental relationship is that we have to consider them as being dead. We know they are alive, but each attempt to create contact is like a haunting from a ghost of the past, except this ghost is not Casper!
From the parent's perspective, they don't see that. What they "see" is their teenage child being petulant, slamming their bedroom door, and refusing to come out. They don't see is the mountain of harm that they keep sweeping under the carpet at the door, making it more and more impossible for the child to open the door. It will only be once that mountain is addressed, worked through, and cleaned up that the child will then be able to choose IF they want to re-establish communication. Not before.
It takes a lot to get to that point, it will take a lot to create a space for healing, and no matter if the child is a child or an adult, in the parent-child relationship, it's the parent's responsibility to create that space, not the child's.
My ex husband use to say the same thing. He tried to convince me that family matters stay in the family. He didn't want a marriage counselor to get in our business. He just didn't want someone agreeing with me.
Oh it's really hard when a spouse is aware enough of the problems that they are unwilling to get a third party involved. What did you eventually end up doing?
@@Therapy2Day I divorced him. There was nothing else I can do. You can't fix something if you can't talk about it.
super cut and dry... 100% glad you stood your ground and divorced.
I married a man who said the same to me about going to couples therapy to help our marriage.
Since he didn’t want to take the time to go to therapy to understand our issues, I left him and never looked back. I made the right choice and I sought therapy to help myself.
What about your part? You already pre assessed that you were right in whatever is going on!!!
She is right. Therapy is horrible for toxic relationships. That’s the point.
Yeah, we should just look past toxic family members' bad behavior and let them have their tantrums and controlling, manipulative way, regardless.
@@OneofMany-yt5slI don't think that's what the comment meant - I think they meant that Diane was coming close to, but not quite getting, the point, that toxic relationships SHOULD get ruined by therapy.
@@CarrieNicole47We think that @OneofMany was being sarcastic, which doesn't come across very well in written form. Especially without tone contexts such as emojis or other tone notations. *trying to be helpful*
@@PrplPoppySystem You are right! I should have used an emoji!
@@OneofMany-yt5sl is this sarcasm or enthusiasm
i hope her adult child is living her best life
There's 2 of them I think, one is a nun I guess and barely talks to her and the other is Haley
This lady seems absolutely awful. So smug, so self-righteous, such a victim. She is positively triumphant in her victimhood and shows no feelings of actual loss at the estrangement. At best she is annoyed because she has lost control. Avoid people like this at all costs folks.
@@jayemm7942 So do I!
@@PJoanGavigandont count on it! Parents like this cause PERMANENT damage, and the kids never heal, they can only try to make up for lost time, lost income, etc. A person doesnt just shake it off and all of a sudden have a happy life when they are grown in such toxic soil
Can you imagine finally getting the strength to cut out your controlling narcissistic mother, then she creates a RUclips channel to publicize how ungrateful a child she thinks you are? Poor Haley. How narcissistic can you possibly be?
I actually burst out laughing when she tried equating her kid not talking to her with the holocaust
If you understood how that connection was made, you have a better mind than I do
same! i also hate that i understand how she got to that conclusion
I found a great deal of the video was made of angry word salad, mixed with a strong political side and salted with a pinch of holiness
@@e.k.4508 Don't forget the touch of racism
If she hadn’t already spewed enough hateful garbage by that point to show her true colours, that definitely did it. She should be embarrassed 🤦🏽♀️
She said that in the past, families always worked out their differences. No. No! With no phone and limited written communication, it was insanely easy for people to move away from their family and simply never speak to them again, even if they only moved 5 miles away. I can absolutely see just from this video why her kids want nothing to do with her. And she overlaps "Cancel Culture" with bullying, being held accountable, and just being forced to respect boundaries. Yeah, this lady doesn't seem like the type of person most people would want to spend time with.
Cancel culture is a form of ostracization when it happens against a person which if you are trying to get all friends and family to ex-communicate them can be a form of bullying. For businesses the goal is getting everyone to stop supporting it so the business fails. Canceling someone or something is not wholly a virtous act like some people make it out to be. It depends on why you are doing it.
But this woman trying to create a smear campaign against her daughter and parental estragement is just making her case worse. Most people call her out but she still thinks she is in the right...
It’s the same type of argument as “marriages were stronger in the 50s”. Oh, you mean because men could beat and rape their wives, while also stepping out and being absent fathers - since divorce w would have ostracized the woman and likely left her financially destitute? When people don’t have support systems to leave relationships that are harmful, those that are harmful will always rewrite history. I can’t stand this woman.
Military involvement, mail in brides, and immigration were acceptable ways to leave. Now, with ability for instant contact we actually have to explain going NC.
That's so interesting that you said that. Yes, now we are forced to confront the issues with boundaries because we are so "reachable" with technology these days. Phone, mail, email, social media, random websites posting all your current and previous addresses and phone numbers online. We can't get away these days and blame our low contact on the "geographical distance". Now that we have to confront, we are shamed for being confrontational and disrespectful. Such a terrible cycle to be in...
Hell, there’s the trope of faking your own death as a way to escape your family (and also crime). And you could do that once upon a time, restart your life away from your family if you wanted
Phew! Talk about invalidation and excuse after excuse. Daughter, if you’re seeing this, it looks like you made the right choice
I've seen her videos, and she just seems to be unable to accept that the reason for her daughters estrangement is her. She can't comprehend that her own behavior is the problem, she just does all of these mental gymnastics to try to blame anyone and everything but herself.
So. Much. THIS.
Typical narcissist.
Something that stood out for me was the mother claiming that birthing a child is giving the child a gift that they should be grateful for. When I gave birth to my children the thought that filled my mind was that I had received the most wonderful and precious gift imaginable. Children do not owe us for giving birth to them.
I don't have children, so I don't know what that's like, but I thought something of the same: my friends act like they have received the gift when their children are born, not the other way around
Yeah none of us gave consent to be here.
Right
Is it implied that she could have terminated the pregnancy at any time, thus not allowing the child the gift of being born?
It's so telling that she isn't thanking her kid for the gift of getting to raise her, she's expecting thanks for *checks notes* doing something she chose to and wanted to do for herself. The fact that she doesn't see her daughter as a gift tells you everything you need to know about why she's estranged!
If this woman was my mother I would have had to go no contact.
Wow, she managed to throw 'industrial complex', blatant racism, and cancel culture. I'm puzzled how we went from therapy to Stalin authoritarian regime. And that last bit is wild...I can see why she's been cut out of her kids' lives.
There were a few jumps in logic there
A few😂 @@Therapy2Day
She seems to think that she can just slap “industrial complex” on anything without any explanation and that she doesn’t have to support her assertions. Obviously trying to illicit an emotional connection to bluster her arguments. “Industrial complexes” are bad, right?
I was drop jawed like and she really doesn't know why her kid doesn't want to talk to her? "Poor me, all I ever did was say racist, homophobic, and transphobic things and now my kid won't talk to me for no reason at all!" The amount of delusion is unbelievable.
Ngl, I find it hilarious that she thinks everything has an industrial complex.
3:22 I thought Tom Cruise was estranged because he’s in a cult, some of the people she’s listing are not great people
Scientologist actually aren't allowed to have communication with people outside the cult. Isolation is an important part of control.
Yeah, I don’t think religious extremism is a great benchmark for estrangement statistics 🤣
Exactly!
Not to mention, Nicole Kidman was forced into estrangement of her oldest children because of the cult. She has limited contact with them now... which shows they wanted their mother, but were denied by made-up nonsense their father believed.
not to mention that Elon musk is estranged from his TRANS child because of his views on trans people
yeah, i said thank you and goodbye after 42 years of torment. that mother never ONCE reflected on herself. My mom spent 15 minutes in therapy with me. in those 15 minutes, we were asked to name 5 flaws. she sat there for 15 minutes looking at the floor then raised her head and said "i have no flaws". and yet i could only name hundreds of my flaws and no virtues. i went no contact a year ago and even tho she puts big tantrums every couple of months i live a calm life with my kids now. do i struggle with my decision- yes i do. do i feel guilty- yes i do. would i go back to how it was- not in a million years.
I'm so proud of you!
It's not easy to break these cycles, and I'm so happy your children will have more care than your mother could ever fathom.
❤
I agree with Barbithecat 😊
You did a great step for yourself and your family. You can be proud of yourself. Keep going your path!
I am glad you found peace.
Wow, that is shocking to hear your mom couldn't name a single flaw in herself. That is highly telling. Glad you're able to find some peace.
@@BarbiTheCat thank you guys. i must addmit even tho i would not go back i would like to learn about the condition so much that i understand and that i can handle it without bothering me and rippiing me apart. and the more i learn the more i feel sorry for her and the damage she was inflicted so that she became like this. i would like to be in a mental state and capacity to take care of her. that is why i was watching the videos of this mom- trying to understand and see their perspective. that is why i am watching profesionals reacting- maybe i am missing something. my kids and i are the only family she has and she has no friends. i am not someone who came to the no conntact point easly. it goes against my very nature. so i would like to be able to go beyond what i feel and be rational about it all. im just not there yet and it is questinable will i ever get there... but i am learning
remember in her first video when she claimed "I'm not that political!" ....sure, Diane.
Yesss!! And then proceeds to go forward with the most vile, reactionary takes. Sure, Diane. You're definitely not the problem. 🙄
What I want to know is how bad her husband is since claimed she was not that political compared to him. From the few clips including him in her first video, he seemed downright scary with how much contempt and disgust he had for his daughter.
I feel so bad for the daughter having to grow up with these people but I’m so glad she’s free now. I can only hope if she’s aware of their channel it’s validating she made the right decision.
shes also "not that religious"... proceeds to quote the bible
she is not religious either, but look, a bible!
Thank you so much for saying this! I thought the same exact thing. I thought she said she wasn't political? But like this whole entire video is mostly her political rants.
Omg this further proves why her daughter went NC. The narcissism is intense.
Seriously.
Yes, she is a narcissist! She will never think that she is the problem. She always blames other people.
What is the name of her channel
@@thirstonhowellthebird I don't remember; but I seen her vid a couple months ago before the reactions all popped up. See if you can find "my daughter stopped talking to me" or somewhere along those lines
@@thirstonhowellthebird Diane's channel name is Estranged Parents. The channel profile picture is her face photo with a 🚫 sign over it
My worry is that she’s more interested in the attention she’s getting and reinforcing her feelings than reconciling with her child. She comes across as someone who wants to feel justified and validated, even at the cost of the lost relationship she was lamenting earlier. Instead she should be ask “what’s my role in this?” and “will these videos further alienate my child?….sigh.
There is so much I want to say about this, but RUclips has a character limit!
You caught it, too. The videos are so callous and unhelpful they almost read as satire. This channel of hers is merely her new narcissistic supply, since her daughter is no longer giving it to her...
@@ptlovelight2971Exactly. And this is going to alienate her daughter even more. I can’t think of any way more efficient at ruining a relationship than someone going on RUclips and say “YOU and SOCIETY” are the problem. My father is very much like here and these are rough to watch, and I’ve been alienated from my family for years at times, but if he aired our issues for the world to see and react to, I would be so furious! Luckily he is not and unfortunately is in poor health so I don’t think there would be a chance for the martyrdom and justification for the public to see. But still, this was a very bad move on her part.
I strongly suspect the videos about “healing” from estrangement are going to be about her being soooo strong even though it’s been soooo hard, and “look how much I’m suffering, but I’m healing, despite my daughter’s cruelty.”
I guarantee it’s just going to be a place for her to feel justified and get sympathy from other crazy estranged parents in her comment section. There’s going to be no healing or moving on. Just a bunch of delusional parents licking each others’ wounds and stewing in their own self-inflicted misery. And Diane laps up all the attention.
She leaves off the part of the scripture that says “…do not provoke your children to wrath…”
They always do. As people do with a lot of things. The worst is 'Spare the rod, spoil the child'. With rod is meant the shepard's stick with whom the shepard guides his sheep and not hitting them. A metaphor.
@@oOIIIMIIIOo Actually that’s not in the Bible the actual verse is “Those who spare the rod hate their children, but those who love them are diligent to discipline them”
@@oOIIIMIIIOo shepherds also dont break the legs if wayward sheep. They hobble them but do not harm them. Its called "braking" not "breaking" 🤦♀️ so many preachers claim the shepherds actually break their bones 😢 they dont. They tie sticks ir tie legs so they cant walk good, but no broken bones!
@@panchoandthemule But they go with it.
@@AliciaGuitar Yes, too many people are delusional.
Another interesting point: in her first video, she claims her daughter estranged over political differences, and she claims to "not be very political" yet in this video, it has a VERY APPARENT political tone, rife with talking points that only certain types of people with certain viewpoints would agree with. At the very least, this exposes her as a hypocrite
Actually I'm in a Democrat state and most everyone has problems with the issues she points out. Many of these issues have a safety, financial or moral concern for democrats as well.
They are not exclusively a political issue or a talking point for one specific party.
@laurieg673 yet you knew that they are Republican talking points. It screams MAGA ideation. If she's a Democrat then I'm a talking dog 🐕
@@laurieg673 Lmao moral concerns, safety, and financial concerns that everyone has? Speak for yourself, not everyone.
@@novaangle2183 I will speak for MOST everyone in my state according to what I see in the polls. If ya don't like it, move on lib.
I'd like to see her be the change that she wants to be in the world. Oh, wait. That's what these videos are. She wants her bad behavior to be praised, and her bad takes to be validated.
And Ghandi never actually said that.
Technically since she started her own platform behind a $20 a month paywall she has decided money is more important than her daughter. She's made a choice to abandon her daughter long before her daughter chose estrangement
She has not healed nor has she let go, she has no right to try and teach others
At least, it shows patterns of behavior even in the comments on her video.
She cuts down therapy but wants people to come to her for advice. She says that family and connectedness helps a persons wellbeing. but I can see that she is someone where it is her way or the highway with everyone around her.
Good point.
This woman is trying to fill the silence of her daughter’s estrangement with talking points. The saddest part of this is how does she know if the possibility of reconciliation is possible because she is not using the time to better understand her child. Instead she’s using it talking about statistics and raging against institutions. A pointless exercise IMO because it does nothing to repair the broken relationship. If parents approached their adult children with hearts that said “I want to be a part of your life. I want to love you and be love by you. How do we accomplish that?” It wouldn’t matter what Therapists said, what’s happening on Social Media, what Universities are doing because whether Parents choose to admit it or not, estrangement is about relationship. It’s about the relationship you have with your child, minor or adult. And how much you value that relationship, how hard you’re willing to work for it. Too many parents rely on Obligation to keep the relationships with adult children going. Instead of building a genuine relationship based on love, trust and mutual respect. That’s all any human being wants from each other. So sad. Saddest most of all for her daughter.
She is doing what all narcissist people do when they are cut off. She is mocking her daughters need for therapy, her wasted education, her daughters desire to be a social media influencer. Her whole video was mocking and trying to minimize and insult her daughters decision to cut ties.
Narcissistic revenge by mocking and smearing those who reject them is psych 101.
This therapist missed it all because he doesn't label people or put them in a box.
Liberal colleges throwing out the DSM manual so no one gets a diagnosis.
Perfectly said, I totally agree and had the same thoughts.... She is diverting from her own accountability with word salad, anything to avoid the actual issue. My mother is exactly the same
She's filling her pockets with $20's though. Her videos are designed to draw other estranged parents to her website that's behind a paywall
@@Sarah-with-an-H and she will continue to make videos to keep the flying monkeys joining her attention seeking club.
Her daughter is her bait to lure others in.
She is drunk on the power and attention this estrangement is offering her.
She is cunning and malignant and full of vengeance for being cast aside.
"Too many parents rely on obligation with adult children to keep the relationship going. Instead of building a genuine relationship based on trust, love, and mutual respect." 🎯👏🏻💯
As an adult married to an adult child who went no contact with his parents, THIS is exactly it. And your whole comment. So much of this. And it really is the CHILD who suffers.
Its an immature take on the situation, she looks out and not inward
The ironic part of this Mom's ridiculous videos is that, whether you are estranged from your own family or not, anyone with discernment can see exactly why her daughter went No contact with her....even some estranged parents can see through her fake facade
Well, now I guess we know why her daughter has nothing to do with her.
Imagine if she spent this energy passion and resources in actually healing herself and the relationship? Lol Your priorities are showing 😂
Also....soooo much projection! Lol 😂
That this woman is blaming estrangement on everything,(social media, education, cultural trends), but, not once does she blame the true culprit which is the nuclear family that the estranged child grows up in which is a wider presence in their lives than all of the other scapegoats she condescendingly goes on about. She is the "poster mom" on why adult children cut off because she stands firm on her beliefs and sketchy statistics regardless of their validity. It is impossible to have an adult conversation about feelings and work on relationships if the views of the adult child is being dismissed and their parent adamantly refuses to engage with genuine empathy, self reflection and accountability. If she has the viewership she claims, then there are many parents that believe as she does which is just as scary.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Very well said.
Well isn't she a ray of sunshine...I totally get why her kid went no contact, she knows all, can't be wrong, everyone must agree with her...yikes!
I call it god complex
This woman is awful. And all her talking points sound like dog whistles for a very specific demographic.
a very specific demographic that's willing to pay for access to her echo chamber where estranged parents can reassure one another they did nothing wrong
Just a reminder her support group she charges $20 a month to be part of her community. She's using her daughter's pain to make bank. It's extremely toxic to do this.
Yes!
Dog whistling, virtue signalling, mistaking correlation with causation, misconstruing the meaning of data, and on and on and on it goes. Her behaviour and communication style is crazy- making and exhausting!!!
Definitely.
I started to feel anxious when she, near the end , apparently equates severing ties with parents to extremist ideology that leads to atrocious acts of violence. This woman doesn't seem to have a clue as to how difficult it is to sever from a parent with whom one has been extremely close. Please try to show a modicum of compassion for those who have had to set some pretty "extreme" boundaries to preserve or gain some psychological strength!
This woman is a narcissist, so she doesn’t possess empathy. Most ppl don’t actually understand what this means. Empathy is the ability to see the world someone else’s eyes, to understand their perspective even if they can’t relate to it. So when we try to explain obvious things to an emotionally absent person, it’s like speaking a completely different language. They’re like… “huh?”. So no,she doesn’t get your position and thinks you’re overreacting and her and her narc friends are victims of us.
@@kateashby3066 Thank you for responding! Empathy is not exactly compassion. One can feel compassion without empathy. I choose my words thoughtfully. I believe this woman can experience compassion. However, to allow oneself to feel compassion could very well upon up a pandora's box, so it can be just too threatening to even go there.
Would be interesting to hear what her estranged child says is the reason for cutting off her parents. This woman seems to assert it is all the fault of adult children and therapists. I'm not buying it.
The best thing her kid can do is to continue not to respond.
Some people have figured out who the daughter is by watching Diane's videos, and following the clues she has given (apparently Diane has said she's a cosplayer, she has a tiktok, etc.). I wouldn't try to find her myself, but I know others have. From what I understand she doesn't mention her mother on her social media at all.
She’s a narcissist. They groom their child to serve their needs and disregard the child’s needs. So naturally, this mother is very selfish. Narcs also shame the child when they disappoint and their love is very conditional- only expressing it when the child makes the parent look good. This eats away at your shame and sense of self. It permanently messes with your ata Jenny style so you grow up to fear that you’ll be abandoned or emotionally unavailable. Narc parents cause all the cluster B personality disorders and other mental illnesses. What happened is this young lady (her daughter) probably went to therapy to treat her depression/anxiety/sui-cidal ideation. In doing so, they learned why they’re so messed up and that it’s moms fault (dad too). That or a good friend gave her some feedback and woke her up to “oh my god your mom sounds just like mine and my mom is a narcissist. The daughter set very firm boundaries so I think it was a therapist. We don’t naturally have boundaries, someone wiser than us has to show us how they work.
@@kateashby3066 I don't agree that we don't have natural boundaries, they just discipline them away in different ways.
@@light6230 in Diane's viral video, she said her daughter wrote her and her husband a letter saying that, if they supported "that man" for president, the daughter wasn't going to be able to be in contact. It appears that the parents support Trump, given the preoccupation with DEI, cancel culture, and racism in this video.
The daughter also mentioned an autism diagnosis and a lack of support for it as a kid.
And i have been in therapy more than once. I think having a third party and reaching for help is helping yourself !
@@bekind758 absolutely agree
There is NOTHING likable about this lady. At all! 🙅🏽♀️🙅🏽♀️
Why does everyone have to be "likeable"? That's quite subjective. Emotions are installed in humans for a reason but being served up "likeable" stuff all the time doesn't happen in nature. As the old saying goes: "Some days you eat the bear, some days the bear eats you." Resilience and coping skills are a must in stressful situations. Thumbs up or thumbs down is not realistic in human dynamics. Adaptation to changing circumstances will keep you alive and you DON'T have to throw momma under the train just to cross the tracks. Think about that, please.
@@jabbermocky4520 .. And there’s still nothing likable about her.
Reading comments like these makes me think the problem is the kid most of time 😂
Just in case you didn't get around to it, look up why those celebrities are estranged from their adult children! She was very happy to skip over that.
Right! I thought she'd at least pick sympathetic celeb figures, not cultists and abusive alcoholics😂
No no no, you get it all wrong! It's just a social media trend. Parents always abused their kids and they still didn't leave. It's just the social media's and therapists fault that people feel entitled to leave their toxic parents nowadays. Such a bad trend! Really!!11!1! 😮💨
Elon is a nightmare parent. Poor Vivian.
Holy sh*t, and now we really see why her daughter went no contact! 😮
The most frustrating thing is that her plea to estranged kids in the end completely ignores how hard it is to make that separation. It's not the easiest choice, it's the last resort. She seems to see it as kids dropping their parents because they're a slight inconvenience, when in reality it's a reaction to years of trying mend the relationship and hitting a wall each time.
Exactly. It was the most painful experience of my life.
Remember in her first video about the estrangement she claimed she wasnt political? And here she is sarcartically focusing on trans inclusion efforts on university campuses as an example of the frivolity of these spaces, and didnt waste any time disparaging DEI......
The hypocrisy was astounding
Yeah, for someone that isn’t political, she sure is well versed in unhinged right wing talking points.
DEI is anything but diverse, equitable or inclusive unless you adhere to their way of thinking.
DEI is a joke.
@@laurieg673sure sweetheart. Show us on the dolly whete the DEI hurt you😂
Right off the bat, she's saying that the children are tearing families apart - completely denying the parents' roles in causing the estrangement
It's easy to see why her daughter won't speak to her anymore.
Is it just me or is this video really about her daughter going no-contact? What I'm hearing is "daughter, I now know that you went no-contact with me because of these statistics and mis-informed/disrespectful reasons. You were wrong and you should reform your thinking to match mine." It's an impressive amount of effort to put into making yourself feel better.
it’s a weirdly monitized way to make herself feel better. the videos are so prescribed, they seem to like click-bait and outrage formula videos. there’s no original ideas or nuance, it feels like she’s been given a script with [insert stock video clip here].
"Im not really a religious person".... but here, let me tell you that the Ten Commandments was the foundation of civilization.
Can't really have it both ways in my mind
This is a common view of non religious "conservatives".
Famous atheist Richard Dawkins now calls himself a "cultural Christian" because he doesn't like the way his country is changing due to immigration
Although they claim to be not religious but put out their christian points on the table there is this ooint they miss 'Jesus left his family behind'.
@@Therapy2Day isn't wanting things both ways/fundamentally contradicting oneself, often in the same breath, one of the red flags of narcissistic thinking
@@oOIIIMIIIOo but Jesus still had issues with his family most of his family members, especially sisters and his brothers thought he was the black sheep of the family and thought he was a weirdo
So the book that caused her to have to look at herself… she had to put that down. Couldn’t read it.
This book that allows her to blame something else, she co-signs it and uses points from the book over and over again.
Must be sad to be so afraid to look at who you really are.
The book asked her to swallow her pride for the sake of her child's feelings and open her mind to someone else's POV, so she dismissed it as claptrap. It's pretty obvious to me that none of this has ever been about getting communication with someone she considers her Odd Little Disappointment back. It's about establishing a monetized echo chamber full of people sighing "poor Diane" and hopefully punishing the daughter by invading the social media environment that is usually the territory of Gen Z , and one of the daughter's preferred places of engagement with the world. My narcissist father is always about reminding me he's still out there and that I can't have a place where he won't find and follow me. It's another grasp at control. Diane's a jerk who doesn't want to stop being one, so any book telling her she needs to change is garbage in her opinion.
I saw your original reaction video. I tried to be open minded towards her, although her no contact ‘angry letter’ response to her daughter, was the first red flag. She ignored the letter like it was a child’s tantrum.
When I watched this video I realised why her daughter went no contact. Imagine years of this been shoved at you.
People don’t go no contact unless they are have endured enough, have not been heard and the other person can’t agree to disagree.
This lady is not upset that her daughter is not contacting her. She is more upset she can’t talk at her and tell her want to do. This is all about her own ‘mum tantrum’. She can control her daughter anymore, and she can’t accept responsibility for her part. Let’s blame everything else instead.
@@emmaray9917 she also read her adult child’s letter in a little girls voice 👀
I just couldn't stay quit seeing this woman say these things as I'm a 66 year old woman who went no contact at 26 years old when my parents abuse and toxicity started to effect my own family. I sought therapy after the cut off as I thought, as a Christian I was doing something wrong, but came to know, I did exactly the right thing! When I met and married my second husband, I saw a different kind of " abuse" and 21 months ago, after 32 years of marriage, we had to get permanent restraining orders and go no contact with my husband's very narcissistic family, after I was physically assaulted by his mother and brother and it broke my husband so badly, after trying for years to stay connected to this toxic family, he attempted suicide.
Sorry, but just like women are no longer allowing men to "rule over them" and abuse them, adult children, regardless of their age, are standing up and saying, "you are still my mother and father, but you no longer have the right to dictate my life and control me anymore!"
Wow, it sounds like you've been through a lot. I hope there are good days and happy years in your future
@@2008-wii-remote We are finding peace and healing through therapy!!!
I'm so happy for you both. I'm 61 and I'm so glad these abusive personality disorders are finally being exposed and people are walking away.
There are great resources on RUclips like Dr. Les Carter, Kris Reese (Christian perspective), Dr. Ramani, etc..
We need to help people understand who these people are internally because they can kill you if you don't understand the evil driving them and get out.
Please please, move forward to recoup your health and experience the joy that you both deserve.
@kellyturner6584 Firstly, congrats on getting out of these horrible situations. Secondly, I think that's a huge point that many of these parents miss, especially in homes with abuse and neglect - you are the problem. Even if they aren't the abuser, they are enabling this abuse to continue. The end result, for you, could've been your husband's suicide.
And you know his family, from the sound of it, would've blamed HIM, while soaking up the condolences from his death. Now, they have to face the fact that 1. they can't control him anymore, 2. they can't control you or your family anymore, and 3. there are now people out in the world who are going to be telling people about them and who are going to side with you guys and not them.
That's what happens when you fuck around and find out. Go and live your awesome lives without them!
I am so sorry for you and your husband.i wish you all the best for being able to move foward
no wonder this lady's child went no contact.
the other sibling went no contact too
Its the lack of introspection, the sheer lack of ability to take responsibility for anything. My partner is estranged from their mother, and they're that much healthier for it. The constant guilt trips, the explosive emotions, the threats of self harm, the only apologies only coming in the sarcastic "well, im sorry im just the worst mom ...". It was all so wearing. Just a constant emotional stone to carry. Just hearing this lady talk, you can tell shes exactly like their mom too. She's trying to put up a front like shes the reasonable one, but not one mention of a mistake she has made. She's too dense to realize that taking responsibility for literally anything is all she would need to do to open the door
For me it's the self-satisfied grin permenantly plastered across her face. She's never haf more attention ever in her life. She'd choose this kind of collective attention over her daughter's any day of the week.
She's so awful, she's making my blood pressure worse
This woman is a narcissist. She looks outward to cast blame on others. I doubt she possesses the ability to look inward and accept responsibility for her own actions.
"When your parents are gone, they're gone"
Yes! And when my estranged dad died four years ago I could start to forgive him. I always loved him, even in my anger and hurt. The only way I could "honour my father" was to estrange him and not speak of him. I realised a few years before he died that a mutually respectful reconsiliation was never possible. He always ment well, but his problems/demons made a relationship impossible.
Sometimes when they're gone, there is relief and sorrow, and love and forgiveness, not regret.
My question to estranged children is : what would YOU need from your parent for a reconsiliation to be successful? What would YOU need for the relationship to be nuturing?
And do you think they could (possibly with some help/therapy) do it?
When I realised what I needed, I knew it would never happen. And I am still fine with that.
Cancel culture and parental estrangement are not synonyms.
I don't understand why she wants to politicize this. It seems like a way to externalize her estrangement.
Her parental instincts are waaay off.
Her definition of healing is blaming society instead of her own actions. And yes some of those celebrities are estranged from their children for very good reason. It is harmful for children to be around a physically or emotionally abusive parent. I am so tired of the narrative that you should stay in a bad marriage for the children. From personal experience as a child in such a family, I can tell you that staying together often does the child much more harm. I would also be very surprised if people are more depressed and thus need more therapy now. The thing is there is less stigma around talking about mental illness now, so people are getting the help they need. My generation as well as the generations prior, were more apt to keep problems within the family and to themselves in general. Things were not discussed, that does not mean that issues did not exist
Personality disorders are finally being uncovered and understood. More people are realizing they can and need to cut ties.
Elon Musk was abusive to his daughter vivian. Hr recently was making shit up abouy hwr in a televised interview😮
I think the big trend, especially for like Gen Z/Alphas, is ensuring their mental health and not staying in toxic environments, whether it's work, friendships, or relationships. Which is great and awesome, but I also feel sometimes that they forget that this a NEW trend - previous generations weren't in therapy or if they were, it was very hush hush.
And the problem of course with not talking about these things is that when someone finally is like, "I'm done", it's automatically OUR fault. A spouse or a child who stands up is the problem because they're talking badly about this great parent or husband/wife, so clearly the issue is with THEM (ie us) and not the actual person who is the problem.
It's even worse if there's abuse or neglect involved, as though someone WANTS to be abused or neglected, but clearly we've done something that made this wonderful person want to hurt us.
I’m estranging from this woman now as well.
😂
Heads up about her book - Abigail Shrier is a noted transphobe, has spoken for PragerU and also wrote a book about how TransMen aren't really men. It was terribly sourced.
How to chromosomes work? Come on, please spare us.
I'm not going to get into a long argument, but please check out Cass Eris' video series on Abigail Shrier's book where she details every single source used in the book.
Calling a transman a man is not ignoring biology. It's acknowledging the social aspect of gender. The only people that need to be concerned about a person's biology is the person themselves, their doctors, and possibly their partners.
@@NoraG-gq9bybe sure to keep mocking what you dont understand. Dont EVER think or read about transgender folks at all. Maybe go ahead and call them names, too, if you ever see them in public. 🙄
It' a very difficult century to live in with the fear for future ( environment, war, loss of democracy...). I don't find it surprising that young people are in need of therapy.
And if this woman is your parent it's even more understandible. She is condescending and there seems to be no love and empathy.
What every single one of these estranged parents turned influencers refuuuuuses to acknowledge is that the problematic behavior NEVER STOPS. They always speak as if it's things that have happened in the past and it's not a continuing issue that they refuse to address. And when you get to the bare bones of the issue, that refusal is the reason we cut contact. There comes a point that you just choose not to endure the hurtful behavior anymore because it's been made clear it will never stop.
I'm also astounded at her completely mischaracterizing the concept of "gifts with strings attached" in the last video but this one she defines it SO clearly with her "What do you say when someone gives you a gift?" and "I'm not religious but..." bits about children owing their parents for the "gift" of life. Self awareness is what these estranged parents lack.
yep, you nailed it. it's not the past behavior, even though that was bad enough. it's the continued manipulation, lies, disrespect, that happen in real time every time you speak to them
I have already seen this video and agree with your comments. The statistics need to be more clearly defined, etc. It doesn't come across as balanced and some is hypocritical, and the tone is angry and condescending.
She spent "hundreds of hours researching this" yet says in her first video that she didn't finish reading "The Rules of Estrangement" because it required "far too much contrition". So, to me, she is putting her energy into looking for a scapegoat instead of looking at herself.
I can't fault her for looking for an explanation, but it might be helpful to look a little closer to home
@@Therapy2DayYes, I can't fault her for looking for an explanation either.
@@Therapy2Dayreally she could just read her daughter's letter again, but she doesn't believe that, so 🤷🏼♀️
@@Therapy2Daybut is she really looking for an explanation? Shr was absolutely told why she was cut off by her daughter. She doesn't like that reason so it's time to circle the wagons and repeat silly shit she heard on tv.
Diane...there is so much to be said there, but, she reveals herself in the video: "she refuses to express contrition". She'll never acknowledge the harm she did to her daughter.
The daughter stays apart because the daughter isn't listened to or respected. Diane will not change. Can't be changed.
Well, people who go to therapy are able to see the toxicity of people in their lives and are empowered to make a break with them. This woman reminds me of my late mother. When I was a teenager, she used to threaten me with therapy when I wouldn't do what she wanted. It was presented to me as a punishment. She had nothing good to say about therapists. The truth is, she would never have allowed me to go to therapy, because any competent therapist would have figured out quickly that she was the problem and would probably have advised a family court to have me live with my dad.
Estranged from my parents, and now a mom myself.
1) If my child cut me off one day, I'd know that I personally failed (unless they joined a cult or something and in which case I'd be scared for their wellbeing, not resentful). That would be a me problem.
2) Parenting is a one way street. I owe my child everything. Not the other way around. If they adore me and want a lasting relationship throughout adulthood, that's a compliment, not a requirement or an expectation on my part.
3) Diane's daughter is currently 30. She is well past the age of needing her parents. What the hell Diane. At age 30 I would expect my child to have their own life and priorities. Even if her daughter were still in touch, what does she expect?
Need to add: Empathy for an abuser does not mean you still allow them access to you, just because it hurts their feelings. You can have empathy for someone, and still not desire a relationship with them. It's okay to end a relationship with someone even if that makes them feel sad.
Personally, I wouldn't want a fake relationship with someone that was out of guilt or pity. Diane frankly doesn't care as long as her daughter performs a relationship to her specifications.
"Parenting is a one way street" is so amazing to hear. My mom daily says that I have double standarts. That somewhy I am allowed to express my emotions, but she's not. And she says this after throwing a tantrum and breaking something in the house, or beating me, and shouting curses, while what I do is asking her to be more polite and calm, cause rude tone makes me feel miserable. She also always says "family is a team, and when you live with someone, you have to make compromises and do the same amount of work each", and of course it applies to me as her 17 year old daughter. Ironically, that doesn't work for our dad, even though he and mom work equally much. And well, despite it being hard to remember some other examples, I can definitely say that my mom believes parenting is a relationship of two, where each of two are supposed to take and give, equally taking care of each other's emotional well-being. Though this logic doesn't work when I am supposed to notice her changes in behavior and be able to help without her asking me to, and she never really helps me with my problems, only shames for having them, so I learned to be independent. I wish I had a mom who could say "You owe me nothing, darling"
Honestly, you are a rock star for saying this 👏 This is exactly my opinion. The (adult) childrens love is a present, that you might get if you did everything right with them (not perfect, but good ENOUGH to be right). But no parent is entitled to that and no child is obligated to give it.
She is absolving herself of guilt, and then attempting to go no contact "back" by claiming she has let it go. This is a public attempt at telling her daughter "you can't fire me because i quit!"
How telling is it that she evidently views her daughter's estrangement as an attempted power grab -- and her first impulse is to make a play to stay in control herself?
🤣🤣🤣
I decided to go no contact with my mother last October. It was one of the most difficult decisions of my life. I grieved the loss very intensely. But it was a different kind of grief then when my father died. Because I essentially had to do it alone. You don’t get bereavement days or sympathy cards yet your feelings are just as intense. You also get all of the guilt and shame not only from society but a lot of guilt I placed on myself. Because my pattern all my life had been to take care of her, not the other way around. I was conditioned to walk on egg shells as to not set off the bomb, and try and this final straw was just so counter intuitive for what I’d done my whole entire life. I finally put my own feelings and well being before hers and it wasn’t an easy thing to do. I started going to therapy afterwards. I haven’t been influenced by my therapist to do it, we in fact talk about if/when I would like to reunite and how would I go about it. At this point I don’t wish to, but I know my therapist would support me and help me work through it and set boundaries if that was something I decided to do.
Listening to this woman tell other parents to just let go and she can show them the way, is disappointing but not surprising. I’m sure all of their kids wish they could actually listen to their reasoning, honestly hear them, apologize and try to move forward with change. If my mother made any kind of step in that direction, I would definitely consider and want a relationship with her. Even knowing it’d be difficult and probably very rocky and at first. It’s what every kid wants. We craved a functional parent/child relationship our entire lives.
Their kids left for a reason. It’s one of the most unnatural things to do. This parent who you are biologically conditioned to love and expect safety/comfort from, has hurt you so much to the point you feel like you have to distance yourself. There is no amount of social pressure or undue social media influence that can make someone take such an extreme without cause.
This woman would rather spend an exorbitant amount of time looking for a scapegoat in all of these statistics and societal problems she perceives, rather than really listen to her daughters letter/reasonings, take it to heart, self reflect, and admit that she maybe could’ve done things better. Her ego is so much more important than her relationship with her daughter, otherwise she’d be pouring all of this effort into fixing the relationship, rather than casting the blame literally everywhere else.
she put more effort into her highly produced initial video than she did her daughter.
I tried two other comments, but didn't post them because they were coming off too mean, or falling too deep down the rabbit-hole of this woman's tortured logical framing. I will instead just say that she is utterly exhausting here, and probably not a lot of fun to be around right now. I really wish she wasn't making these vids, for her own sake. I think she is likely ruining any chance of her daughter wanting to reconcile with her in the future, as these are arguments you should make with people in your head in the shower, not really thoughts you should be sharing for public consumption.
I think a lot of her videos trigger a pretty strong reaction in people, some of which may be intended. Appreciate you still watching and commenting, even if it may have felt like more work than you expected
@@Therapy2Day Ya, it isn't like she didn't make a couple of fair points, but her overall tone was so intentionally inflammatory and blaming that it was really hard for me to objectively give her statements the most charitable interpretation.
We all know by now that a broken clock is right twice a day. Another thought: if you throw enough things at the wall, eventually one (or two) will stick. Lastly, all lies start with a little bit of truth because the true part lends credibility to the lie.
@@thesingerintheshowerthank you. You are correct about her finding a kernel of truth to add credibility.
She's reaching out to those viewers that have valid complaints about those issues and saying it cost her a relationship with her daughter. She is saying her daughter has been brainwashed by all these influences to believe her mother is a narcissist.
She has never once been sorrowful for how her daughter feels.
I've watched several of her videos and I have yet to see her take accountability for absolutely anything! If I were her daughter and watched these, it would have the opposite effect of what she wants to see happen. She also doesn't take into account that we, as humans, are hardwired to want the love and approval of our parents. Going no contact is not done on a whim. People don't orphan themselves just because of some minor event or because someone told them to. It took me 63 years to finally cut contact with my abusive parent. My children are adults with their own families and we have wonderful relationships because I learned what NOT to do from my own upbringing. Sometimes when we go no contact, it's in order to continue breaking the cycle.
Thank you for this response. I needed to hear this.
"sometimes when we go no contact it's in order to continue breaking the cycle" thank you.
@SmackedyDoo you're welcome. I don't know why people don't think about that. So often we hear, "how could you treat your mother that way?" Why don't they ask the parent, how could you treat your daughter that way?
This lady brings to life all the justno subreddit posts. She's so happy to have a popular channel to ease her bruised ego.
I left a comment under this video. It made me mad that she used random statistics to validate her point, without giving context or at least some sort of guidance . I mean 2/3 of how many for example. Not to mention living situation, etc.
So I used her numbers and (partly) answered with this :
"2/3 have been diagnosed with mental health issues" . Ah, do you recognise that by your own numbers 53 out of a 100 have seeked help for their mental health , and 2/3 out of these 53, meaning 18, have been diagnosed. So 18 out of 100 have a diagnosis. That couldn't possibly be a result of a) added stress and worry b) advanced diagnostics and c) a suppressed mental health awareness in the former generations? As a nurse I am inclined to say a,b and c. Can't tell you how many elderly I watched that would have greatly benefited from therapy. But that was heavily stigmatized (and you seriously wonder why your daughter didn't tell you about her diagnosis??? ) "
Make of it what you want, but this woman is nuts.
That was a huge problem I had with the stats, that there was no context or explanation
I think you have the right approach, but 2/3 of 53 is around 35, not 18 xD
Whew I just want to hug the daughter 🥺
The absolute hypocrisy of her talking about how social media is made to keep everyone angry and spread negativity when she is 100% trying to cash in on that with her whole theme here. *She* is spreading negativity, being transphobic, racist, etc. Using hatred to absolve herself and those like her of taking responsibility for their actions
It's impressive what people can justify to themselves. I can only imagine what she's like with a small child, a bruised ego, and no one else watching. Scary, really.
She says "when parents are gone, they are gone" and I say "good!". I will finally feel safe and no longer fear of them trying to reconnect with another guilt-trip or manipulation. I went no contact 3 years ago and I don't miss them. I have amazing parents-in-law who teach me how to healthy relationships. And my amazing husband. When my parents are gone, I will feel relief that there is no risk of them reaching to me ever again. PS: I think that her will definitely feel like a burden off her shoulder once this toxic woman is deep in the ground...
BTW. The list of support groups for estranged parents on Facebook she showed... LOL... most of them but one or two were actually support groups for the adult estranged children! If she was not so full of herself, she would have checked that. LOL
There definitely are support groups for estranged parents on Facebook. Are there ones for adult estranged children? I'm sure there are. I am not familiar with them because it is not a place for me to be.... as estranged adult children have no business in support groups for estranged parents. Practice staying in your own lane as you preach we should.
Ridiculous how she doesn’t even mention that parents could ever consider their role in the issue of estrangement. Not even one glance in the direction of self reflection. Just deflection and external blame.
Just like my mom. Go figure.
She is really terrible. Her daughters are wise to distance themselves from her. I am so sorry for them having her for a mom. You go girls. Run Away run far far away!
In the past they also recommended trepaning for headaches, should we still do that? lol
Just gotta let the brain breathe some fresh air sometimes 😬
This makes soooooo much sense! 😂
I would think that there isn't necessarily more anxiety and depression than before, but there's more awareness and less stigma about mental health, therefore more people seeking help, therefore more diagnosis.
I mean, the world is burning. The younger generation isn't in hardcore denial about the future like this demented lady and her cohort. The kids ate growing up with social media that their parents aren't even emotionally equipped to handle. There's a lot of real reasons why anxiety is common among the youth.
when she mentioned Gandhi and “being the change you wish to see”, i instantly cracked up saying “tf do you think we’re doing, lady?”😂😂
She does not want to take responsibility for what she did. Does she even know what her child thinks/feels about their childhood? She sounds like she shouldn't have had children at all.
It does seem like a lot of looking at "culture" as the culprit in these estrangements
@@Therapy2Day the intersection of her politics and her relationship with her daughter is key. She supports politically people who make laws that discriminate cause suffering.
It is good and correct to remove people from your life who are fascists.
@@fighttheevilrobots3417
I’m a conservative and I have done my best to raise my children differently than my liberal abusive parents
@@fighttheevilrobots3417especially when she speaks disdainfully about different "lifestyles" and shoving them down people's throats. Her daughter is part of the lgbtq+ community, according to her public social media.
@@fighttheevilrobots3417 she is a narcissist. And her wealth and profession suggests she is a capitalist. You're not getting wealthy being a fascist unless you're part of the top 1%.
As someone who became estranged before cancel culture was even a thing her reasonings give the feeling of trying to find something, anything, to blame why her child became estranged. She is refusing to take any accountability for her current situation.
It is possible to have opposing political views and sill have conversations and people in your life. There is a high likelihood that someone may be unable to comprehend anything from the opposing view and not be able to continue a relationship. It typically is just another cut in the thousands that have been dealt to decide to walk away.
A good thing to remember is that you can forgive someone for their prior actions but that does not mean you have to continue a relationship with them if they refuse to see any issues or change anything to have a healthy relationship.
I had to rewatch the video to not just give the kneejerk reactions i was feeling. Therapy can be a stepping stone to help your path. You have to be willing to listen, digrst, and work on any issues. It isnt an end all be all.
As far as family, it is important to have a village. That village does not have to include the family you were born into. Most of my friends are more like family than the family i was born into.
It took you 30min in to see how she politicized everything? I mean youre getting better but cmon. DEI was clearly her being political, dogwhistling singlingnout jewish people as people saying its ok to oppress. Shes had a mission rhis whole time. She has no good in her miserable black heart.
Lady, I can answer your question very well: If by any means I will ever become this mean towards any of my friends, spouse or family members, I genuinely hope they have the strenght to leave me! They deserve to be loved and respected and if I don't deliver that love and respect over a long time, treating them in a bad way and trying to destroy their selfworth, they should totally leave me. I want them to strive, with or without me. Of course I don't want be left alone, but even less I want them to burn down in my presence. Just let them go. And hopefully I will learn to be a better person who's life invites them back in or at least builds better relationships with the next people.
Therapy only works if you're willing to be honest with yourself and genuinely want to grow and improve your life. I felt she was very condescending to people of color and different genders. Sorry my family is from many cultures and is multi racial. I don't see white privilege as political. I see these as issues we all need to discuss and learn about. Like many other countries if we could talk with civility about issues instead of which party we align with I think it would make more sense. As a parent of both bio and adopted children I feel I think of family very differently than she does. Family isn't blood. It's a history of trust, deep love, shared memories of helping each other through the hard times and celebrating the joy -- it's a consistent feeling of safety and respect for each person's humanity and frailties and strengths. And it just doesnt happen. It's messy and hard and you have to work at it. As a Mom of 4 grown children it means listening more intentionally a 38:28 38:28 nd letting your off spring live their lives. You give advice ONLY if asked. And you ask questions and listen. I know I have learned a lot from my children and I try to be open to keep learning. Your calm voice helped me listen! I really enjoy your stream.
@@bekind758 thanks so much for watching. It seems like you've tried to be open to the different perspectives around you, and that seems to really make a difference!
So, I will note that, and this may not be thing you are personally familiar with, but she was dropping A LOT of talking points from anit-trans parent groups. "Social contagion" in particular is a huge buzz word in that community. It super, super long but Cass Eris a cognitive psychologist and RUclipsr has a thorough take down of all the many, many things wrong with Shrier's garbage book. In it, she goes into detail on all that "Gender Critical" nonsense, which the mom was spouting here.
And, this is highly relevant, because, as the mental health field has become more accepting of trans identities and shifted from "curing" trans people to supporting them, anti-trans bigots and especially the anti-trans parents of trans children have become increasingly anti-mental health.
I'm willing to bet that's what happened to her. Her child is some flavor of trans, they were affirmed and supported by mental health professionals, mom was a bigot, and the trans child cut her off.
I’m going to say it because it needs and deserves to be said;
A common thing I’ve seen among these estranged parents is a thing someone called “the missing missing reasons.” They’ll say “my kid cut me off got no reason.” Or something like “they never told me why.” Yet if you let them talk long enough they’ll admit to being given a ‘prepared speech’ or a ‘long letter/email.’ But it is a cold day in hell if they EVER say what was in the speech or the letter/email. They’re basically victims in their version of reality.
I'm not, in any way, able to diagnose this woman, but I sure wouldn't want her as my parent! Ugh!!!!
I can appreciate that sentiment
Thank you for sharing this update video.
This lady makes me irrationally angry.
It's so easy for her to blame everyone BUT herself for her clear parental shortcomings.
Absolutely pathetic ego stoking nonsense.
"I was a great, so this is obviously therapist's fault.... yes yes."
I have a feeling she will never hear from her estranged child again.
This is exactly why.
I think it’s really important to point out that this woman is using aggressively transphobic language and using the work of known and virulent transphobes as evidence of her points.
Abigale Shrier, for example, originated the extremely harmful and completely unsupported theory of ‘social contagion’ for trans identity. Her book ‘Irreversible Damage’ has been widely critiqued and none of her ideas are considered valid by any reputable institutions.
I think it’s also really important that we consider that her child might be trans (given her clear antagonism towards trans people) and that identity might have contributed to the separation. I personally am uncomfortable using she/her pronouns for this woman’s child because we only have her word for it.
You're so right. She talks a lot about her daughter in one of her first videos: she is a cis woman, a lesbian and a cosplayer, and recently diagnosed as autistic, all things that the mother spoke of with huge ignorance, prejudice and condescendance. This woman is a bigot (and a Trumper, by the way, one of the reasons the daughter decided she could no longer talk to her).
This is where I recommend Caelan Conrad's Gender Critical video essays. Child abuse is endemic in gender critical spaces in a scary way and very controlling (which is the foundation of abuse) parenting or reactions towards their LGBT kids. Yes i said LGBT because most of them stan conversion therapy and are thinly disguised homophobes as well.
This is why I'm unsurprised she kept bringing up politics because how you view children and children's autonomy is pretty staple in political ideology. It's why the save the children crowd exists, not just because children are a knee jerk emotional button but because they get anxious that children could develop thoughts outside their ideology and control.
* I suggest cute pet videos if you watch Conrad's essays they are long and they're hilarious but the topic is rough.
I would go no contact with her simply because of her hairstyle.
😂😅🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 thank you for making me laugh
For real 😂
dang it! There's coffee all over my computer screen 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
She's going to read this and think she's been right the whole time😂
She's got it all figured out; none of it is her fault. I guess she's combating sadness and anger with a feeling of superiority.
I have a problem with the entire premise of her argument, that parental estrangement is more prevalent. She did not present any proof that this is a growing problem, nor did she manage to connect the idea that therapy is responsible for the breakdown of families. Her statistic about paternal estrangement being much more common than maternal estrangement seems to negate her point. I would not consider 6% to be an epidemic of maternal estrangement. It makes sense that in a country with a divorce rate hovering around 50% that some level of parental estrangement would exist. This problem goes back decades. She's attempting to pin estrangement on social media and universities without an iota of proof. Do I buy that there are more young people voicing their concerns to their parents, trying to use therapy speak to fix their broken relationships with their parents? I do think that might be happening. But in the past these young people would probably have been estranged either way. They would have wanted to limit the negative impact of their parents on grandchildren, they would have walked on eggshells to avoid strife. They would probably have been the young adults that felt anxiety when they saw their parent's number light up on their phone. I am a Gen Xer. I dated people with bad parents. I had friends that avoided their families. They didn't have the language to fix these relationships, and their boundaries were softer, so instead of cutting off their parents they would avoid them instead. And that is what this lady wants, she wants adult children to go back to the status quo of having soft boundaries that can be violated more easily. At least that is what it sounds like to my Gen X ears. As someone that has had great relationships with my parents and my son, I am just going to call it the way I see it, if your kid doesn't want to be around you that is probably a "you" problem.
37:14 I have thought about how I would feel if me and my daughter had the relationship me and my mother have. I would feel like a failure. I would feel like I didn't do what I needed to do for her to feel safe and loved in my presence.
As someone whos gone no contact with my father, i personally would turn the question back around. The parent needs to self reflect and figure out what theyve done wrong to turn a child so far from them. No child just does that for fun. Its severly painful. Have them think about dieing alone. No grandchildren to be around because their actions are unsafe. Is their pride more important than repentance before God and man.
A narcissistic, punitive, mentally ill adult child can actually estrange out of their own issues that they refuse to acknowledge. Everybody needs to own "their stuff" whatever it may be. Everyone......
Like we haven't thought a million times about reconnecting and of the feelings of the parent (to the detriment and sometimes at the expense of our OWN feelings!) and the answer is NO, LADY; and there are myriad of reasons. BUT, IF YOU TOOK THE LETTER YOUR DAUGHTER WROTE YOU SERIOUSLY, YOU WOULD HAVE LISTENED AND YOU WOULD HAVE KNOWN WHY
I completely agree with this woman. Therapy definitely leads to estrangement. When people don't go to therapy, they stay in the toxic relationship and allow themselves to be abused, dominated, and mistreated. Therapy helps the victim realize that they're not crazy and that they often need to go no contact with their abuser. So yes, therapy leads to estrangement. What she's leaving out is that the estrangement is a good thing - for the victim. 😂
I think this video may lend some insight as to why her daughter estranged her. She's angry and judgemental.
I really appreciate how patient, considerate and even-handed your response is! I've seen a few folks respond to this video and yours is the most measured by far. I wish I had a little more of that because her over simplification and dismissive remarks really get under my skin.
I'm proud of those who are able to cut off toxic parents. My family is mixed race.. Chinese/Mexican-American. If we couldn't be controlled with money (even if that money was used to hire a pi to get something to leverage with), then we'd be manipulated with guilt. The strange part is that as a gen x, I grew up alone, not just latch key. I mean in a house alone.. from age 14, 89miles from my parents' house, because they didn't think the city was safe. I think they think it's normal because my mother was sent to live in town when she was 8, and my dad never actually had a home.. uh.. so much dysfunction.
That sounds like a tough childhood! Did you have any friends? Perhaps not before you could get out of this situation?
@e.k.4508 Thanks, I had friends, lots of kids and even adults spent time at my place. It wasn't till I became a parent that I realized how messed up it was. I didn't "get out".. I just grew up and moved away. I only brought it up because it's so strange how much my parents go through to keep me in their lives when they detached first. I'm my case it was obviously physically, but if my parents can't see it, then emotionally detached parents might find it even harder to understand.
I have schizoaffective disorder. The symptoms manifested during my teens and were written off by my parents as 'teenage angst' and 'disrespect'. First of all- along with medication, 'therapy' has literally saved my life and allowed me to be a loving mother, devoted wife (of 20 years!) and valuable employee. Therapy is a gift and I'm grateful for it. When you view your children as simply an extension of yourself (as opposed to unique and autonomous beings)- accepting the need for therapy is tantamount to admitting you are flawed (essentially the human condition).
"Narcissistic" is a descriptor. NPD is a diagnosis.