I love this sentiment, and it's true - but I wish people would also say that if you're moving from being a person that does NOT love himself, moving to being a person that DOES love himself is a complex and difficult process. It's not a "snap your fingers and love yourself" kinda process.
Most gay guys are chasing the unavailable because they love the idea and not the actual person. They put this person on a pedestal Because it triggered a childhood wound and feels very familiar.
You are absolutely right! I would say this is a factor, however, that's not the case for every person. Sometimes, the wound is created in adulthood from a toxic relationship. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts!
I'll add another : mixed signals, contradictory signals. A straight male or bisexual male may tell you they want a relationship with you and detach sex from love. That is bullshit. And if you fall for that crap, the problem is you but the major problem is you fell for a predator. Also sex doesn't create a bond after a while, so players and older men do not experience the relationship the way you do. If you want to fall in love at the risk of having your heart broken, do it while young, with another young man.
That can also be true for a Gay male. A Gay man can tell you he wants a relationship when what he truly wants is sex. A persons behavior is not predicated on their sexuality, it is based on their core values and experiences.
I love emotionally unavailable men and narcissists because they reinforce my deep subconscious belief that I'm not worthy of love. So I get to hate myself and reinforce the sad old misguided narrative even more with every discard and slow fade. Masochistic I know. I'm working on it.
I attract emotionally unavailable men. And I let them in because they so often have "the look" of my type. Yes, it's not always me doing the leg work, but them making equal efforts, and so it feels legit to me because of that. And I like having the fantasy of them as close friends - and of course as sexual partners because I don't like porn at all. In fact I can't get sexually excited without the friendship, intellectual, or emotional part. This is called being I demisexual. I guess it is better or healthier than being out there looking for hot one-night stands.
I notice two things. 1) I am vers and many people are turned off by anyone who is ever submissive, even if they’re dominant 90% of the time, 2) in dating, people oddly prefer traits that have little to do with how you’d be as a BF. They want you to dress stylishly and be extremely happy and funny and talkative all of the time. Sorry! I am lost in my thoughts and tackling my to do list - you know - hold things together, which should be a turn on?
I have noticed also that I'm sexual situations is you feel versatile many don't want to see your submissive side sexually. They don't want that and a relationship won't develop as they are looking for daddy energy and daddy can't ever be submissive. Yes, y'all going to say that's not true but sadly most men like the chase a bit and will fall in love if they are looking for love that is,(or what the think is love) if your sexually a little dominant & socially just slightly dominant and never show but just a passing interest. The they come running. Some drop off as soon as the see your down for getting more involved. Luckily I'm out of this game took a great many years.
@@mackerel69very good point. I will add that there are times when they want to fulfill a daddy role in the moment bc they are lacking control somewhere else in life, but normally they are hella submissive or want to be submissive . once they get their daddy side out they are back to being baby. Unfortunately, many times in this gay world we live in if we slip that we are a smidge soft, one gets chewed up and spit back up until we toughen up, it’s even worse when you appear soft and are a hidden tiger. That’s what i’ve come to realize in these 20+ years .
I appreciate the effort behind this video. I've never dated anyone and have never enjoyed s3x with anyone. I have endured sexual trauma and narcissistic abuse and overcome diseases like 15 years of IBS and now I'm like the ugly duckling transformed. I wear Incerun and Balenciaga everyday and wear vintage perfumes and I don't care about the attention. I need to feel good about me. I need to be okay with me. I don't care about what anyone else thinks of me and I realize most people can't relate to me, but there again most people aren't walking around in Incerun and Balenciaga wearing vintage perfume. It's a vibe, but it's not everyone's vibe. And that's okay. Some of us have had to crawl through hell to get where we are today. Not everyone's going to appreciate that.
The reason is because I'm unconventionally attractive and gay/bi men want nothing more than that guy who being with them makes them feel normal and conventional. Even if they are romantically and sexually attracted to me, I don't provide them the status they are looking for.
My advice is listen to your instincts, your gut instincts never lie. Myself I’m all about body language for a lot of people they are typically to afraid to approach me, I’ve been told on multiple occasions by many they were too afraid to approach me but as they got to know me they are glad that they did. For me have the mentality of wanting a relationship but be confident enough to know you’ll be fine with or without it and all your progress and achievements you made them all on your own and no one is needed. For me I’ve encountered lots who say they want a relationship but come to find out all they want is sex, or in some cases I’ll get fed up with a person fairly quickly and cut them off, or in most it just never works out. For a second I thought I was cursed romantically now I don’t know what to think, hopefully I meet the right person while I’m young, only time will tell I guess until then just keep tackling my goals.
Hey, thanks for sharing all that! I can tell you’ve put a lot of thought into your experiences, and honestly, I love your approach. Trusting your gut and paying attention to body language are such underrated skills in dating-it’s awesome that you’re tuned into that. That balance you mentioned-wanting a relationship but being confident on your own-is everything. It’s not easy to get there, but when you do, it’s like a magnet for the right kind of people. I hear you on the frustration when things don’t work out, especially when intentions don’t line up. But honestly, every experience, even the frustrating ones, helps you get clearer on what you want and deserve. You’ve got such a solid mindset-tackling your goals and staying open to what comes next. The right person will show up when the timing’s right, and they’re gonna love the version of you that’s already thriving. Keep doing your thing-you’re on the right path!
Money and career, how important is it? I have been on a dating app and evey guy it seems has a career: accountant, partner, manager, owns their own business, etc . . . (I'm 40 for context) They are esentially adutls (on paper). Plus a desire to travel, probably decent vacation time or PTO, and a active social life. Or at lease per the profile. I on the other hand have two weeks vacation to last me the year, average pay, and still need to get a pastport. My point is this, I have developed a fear of incompatablity based of the fact I don't measure up to a majority of these men. I feel like I would be wasting their time. To the point they would be annoyed or angery with me for daring to acknowledge/interact with them.
what about the men you're swiping left on? This isn't everybody I guarantee you. You are swiping on a particular aesthetic it seems and the common thread is that people with that aesthetic have it because of what they value. (being ambitious, being successful, being fit, being well groomed or "put together").. and all that is fine.. but if you don't value the same things and the values you have are reflected in how you live your life and what you produce or don't produce then you may be wasting their time. Are you telling the truth about what is important to you and are you noticing and offering what is important to the men you want? Seems like you want what you want but they should put aside what they want and choose you vs. you becoming someone that both honors your values and offers what the other person is looking for. unfortunately I think the advice in this video and the title are really misleading. there are valid points about being aware.. but the basics got skipped over completely..
Nonsense. You have what their career can't give them. I worked in an office, decent job, few responsibilities. I met a physician in the library, and we started a relationship. It's not a competition. You are a lover, not a rival. Financial disparities can be worked out. I promise, you don't want a social climber for a boyfriend. You'll never have a good day in that scene. Get out into the world, and start talking to men with a sense that you are important.
Another thing with careers, I hate how every profile is "I'm a blah blah blah professional male" as if having an adult job makes them special and unique. It can actually be cringe to see someone with a basic job, writing it up like they have this huge career and are very busy and important. Meanwhile, I'm like, meh, did that job 7 years ago, not that impressive. Why are you writing about it!
Thanks for the feedback. You are right, I often follow a very organic approach and while there may be a structured agenda of what I'm "suppose to be talking about," my ADHD can kick in from time to time! Something I'm working on so I appreciate your opinion on the video. :)
Love how you explain, succinct & practical. Affirming. Just went through misreading someone's friendliness. After a lifetime of romantic obsessions, I am re-wired. Once I comprehend they don't want me, I withdraw attention.
Honesty is the way to go, communicating between you and the other guy what you feel and want is better than second guessing. If after you communicate the truth to each other, you both can make a correct direction at that point moving forward.
Absolutely, honesty is key. Being upfront about what you feel and want makes everything so much clearer. It’s way better than second-guessing or leaving things up in the air. Once you’ve communicated openly, you both have a better understanding of where things stand and can make the right decisions moving forward. It’s all about being on the same page!
I was looking for a channel like this! Glad i found it and thank you for this advice as I want to start dating. male dating is so different than opposite sex dating.
That depends on your history of trauma. If you haven't processed and healed properly, everything will seem to good to be true which is actually a defense mechanism.
I have gone out with my share of emotionally unavailable men, one in particular was primarily for the sex. Remove sex and I couldn't deny that he bored me stiff (and not in the good way!) and he didn't seem to see the point of me, either. Thankfully, once I admitted to myself what I was doing, I was able to stop it -- with him. I still have to ask myself if it's my pattern to go for men I cannot have and then feel justified in being single for that reason.
I fell for my dearest friend. And there was a moment when something could have happened. But I knew that it would have been a mistake. We are still friends to this day. There were some bumps in the road ( my fault ). But he never stopped being friends with mr
Dr. Joe Dispenza says it best. "If you want to change your personal reality, you must change your personality. Your personality is made of of how you think, how you act, and how you feel largely driven by your emotions." Your thoughts create your emotions. Your emotions create your personality. Your Personality creates your Person Reality. Change the way you feel, and change the way you act. In other words, if you're playing the victim about other guys not being "into" you, you're simply creating, over and over, more opportunities for that very scenario to show up in your personal reality. Be ACCOUNTABLE! IT'S NEVER ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON. Stop pretending you are OK. Pretending to be OK is nothing more than your ego tricking you into avoiding doing the real work of healing and loving yourself. Instead of "doing" to get what we want, we must "Be" first. BE-DO-HAVE. Not the other way around.
Can you do a part 2? I feel like theres alot missing here. Particularly about dating "up" or trying to date out your "league" ive read most people aim at dating people more attractive than themselves. Gay men are notoriously superficial and ive noticed as a blk gay man my options were limited to a degree by things i cant control like racial stigmas. I also noticed that i was guilty of trying to date more attractive men and i would be rejected and then lots of men who were after me i would reject for being less attractive. I think advertising and porn has done damage to gay mens psyche and made us very shallow and unrealistic in our desires. Everyone is trying to date the top 1 percent so the other 99% wont entertain each other while the 1% has their pick. Research says you will ultimately end up with someone with your same level of attractiveness or ALONE.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! This is such an important topic, and you’re right-it definitely deserves a part 2. The whole idea of "dating up" or trying to date out of your "league" is something a lot of people struggle with, especially in the gay community, where looks and superficial standards can feel really amplified. I hear you about the racial stigmas you’ve faced as a Black gay man. Dating can be even harder when things you can’t control, like race, play such a big role in how you’re seen. And I think a lot of us can relate to the cycle of trying to date someone more attractive, only to reject others who might be a better match in the long run. You’re totally right that things like advertising and porn have influenced the way we view attraction, and sometimes it makes us set these unrealistic standards. It can feel like everyone’s trying to get with the top 1%, leaving the rest of us in the 99% feeling like we’re not enough. But honestly, research shows that most of us end up with someone at a similar level of attractiveness anyway, or we end up alone. I think the key is to shift the focus from just looks and start valuing other things like connection, personality, and shared values. When we do that, we’re more likely to find people who truly appreciate us for who we are. Thanks again for bringing this up-it’s a conversation worth having, and I’ll definitely dive deeper into it soon!
My situation… sigh… As a young, skinny vers/bottom gay guy, I’m in awe with confident, muscular, gym-going, bodybuilder and just simply masculine-presenting men but they’re never attracted to me… BUT! It does happen once in a blue moon. It’s VERY rare tho :) so not impossible, so there’s hope. However, I usually attract many bottoms & super effeminate guys which I don’t have any attraction to. Usually I can befriend them but it’s rare since it’s usually the “baddie” effeminate guys, which I have 0% attraction to… I assume I present masculine vibes despite me wearing shorts and converse shoes??? haha 😭
Danny is right. Every man has some great quality or more. Problem is we use the wrong comparisons of qualities we don't possess. You are mature, world wise, and cautious with your affections -- qualities to be valued.
I’m only 35 seconds and then I’m like “YES! WHY!” 😂 I’m into short white guys with facial hair and bubble Butts and thick legs. But none of them want me. But it seems any other genre does.
I fall in love with a guy who I’m having sex with more than a year. But not ready for a r.s and move to another country. Having a hard time to move on with these feelings I had with him ..
I'm so sorry you experienced that. I think it would be beneficial to reflect on the reasons you allowed the dynamic to continue for so long when he was not ready for a relationship. I understand love is a factor, but love can also be harmful without limitations or boundaries.
Impressive video. On line dating doesn't work for me, because relationship possibilities need to be organic, and one needs to use ALL of his senses to get an attraction started. For example, a man can be hotter than the hinges of hell physically, but he has an irritating voice, that is a turn off for me. I am an average looking man, and I know who is attracted to me, generally speaking. Now, I am older, and the pickins get slimmer. I get it.. we are about youth and vitality...oh well. I tend to go after the emotionally unavailable; call it a weakness. That works for a one night stand set up. The best set up I have had is being just friends with other gay men, and I am happy with that. Somewhere along the line, I developed self respect, so the one night stand is empty and meaningless. The surprise in all of this is there is a BIG difference between being ALONE and being lonely. Alone is a God given gift. I take care of myself these days, and that makes me very content.
Im told my career being in the military, which i love my job. I live in japan currently thanks to the opportunities given to me. Is the reason im single. The craziest thing ive heard like so because my career choice is full filing.
You could also say: You have a weirdly shaped rooster or one of those mustaches like Dick Dastardly from Wacky Race --------- Jokes aside. The video is spot on!
I’m in a bit of a pickle (no pun intended 😅): I have a friend and we’ve been friends for going on 20 years. We’ve both recently come to terms with our sexuality (that I REFUSE to call “coming out” as it suggests that one is automatically defaulted to being “straight” post birth and it’s not true) and I’d like to try to see if we could romantically. It’d definitely be a long distance thing and I respect his boundaries, but should we just keep things at the “friend” level? It’s not my intention to scare anyone away and/or ruin what we already have.
It’s great that you respect his boundaries, that’s important! I think you should try and see how he feels. Communication is key in these kind of situations, if not, you'll remain in "fantasy" which can blur the lines of reality over time.
If you've been friends with this man for two decades with no sexual interest, the most important question is what's changed? You write that you'd like to explore a romance but does he? Why did the idea of romance with this established friend crop up? As it's long distance, consider it could be the appeal of convenience -- you can claim to be in a relationship with few of the day to day demands that all couples may face. Tread carefully.
Just fall in love with yourself, so whether the partner comes or not, it wont matter
love that!
What if that's not possible? 🥺
@@JustGreggin if can't love yourself self how do you expect your partner to do it
I love this sentiment, and it's true - but I wish people would also say that if you're moving from being a person that does NOT love himself, moving to being a person that DOES love himself is a complex and difficult process. It's not a "snap your fingers and love yourself" kinda process.
Most gay guys are chasing the unavailable because they love the idea and not the actual person. They put this person on a pedestal Because it triggered a childhood wound and feels very familiar.
You are absolutely right! I would say this is a factor, however, that's not the case for every person. Sometimes, the wound is created in adulthood from a toxic relationship. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts!
Or their just attracted to an actual man, just like normal straight guys attracted to woman
I'll add another : mixed signals, contradictory signals. A straight male or bisexual male may tell you they want a relationship with you and detach sex from love. That is bullshit. And if you fall for that crap, the problem is you but the major problem is you fell for a predator.
Also sex doesn't create a bond after a while, so players and older men do not experience the relationship the way you do. If you want to fall in love at the risk of having your heart broken, do it while young, with another young man.
That can also be true for a Gay male. A Gay man can tell you he wants a relationship when what he truly wants is sex. A persons behavior is not predicated on their sexuality, it is based on their core values and experiences.
I love emotionally unavailable men and narcissists because they reinforce my deep subconscious belief that I'm not worthy of love. So I get to hate myself and reinforce the sad old misguided narrative even more with every discard and slow fade. Masochistic I know. I'm working on it.
It takes a lot of courage to admit we have a problem and then actively work on it. Give yourself more credit!
I attract emotionally unavailable men. And I let them in because they so often have "the look" of my type. Yes, it's not always me doing the leg work, but them making equal efforts, and so it feels legit to me because of that. And I like having the fantasy of them as close friends - and of course as sexual partners because I don't like porn at all. In fact I can't get sexually excited without the friendship, intellectual, or emotional part. This is called being I demisexual. I guess it is better or healthier than being out there looking for hot one-night stands.
Finally, someone for us men
Happy to be supporting the men in this community! :)
I notice two things. 1) I am vers and many people are turned off by anyone who is ever submissive, even if they’re dominant 90% of the time, 2) in dating, people oddly prefer traits that have little to do with how you’d be as a BF. They want you to dress stylishly and be extremely happy and funny and talkative all of the time. Sorry! I am lost in my thoughts and tackling my to do list - you know - hold things together, which should be a turn on?
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I'm not sure I fully understand the question
I have noticed also that I'm sexual situations is you feel versatile many don't want to see your submissive side sexually. They don't want that and a relationship won't develop as they are looking for daddy energy and daddy can't ever be submissive. Yes, y'all going to say that's not true but sadly most men like the chase a bit and will fall in love if they are looking for love that is,(or what the think is love) if your sexually a little dominant & socially just slightly dominant and never show but just a passing interest. The they come running. Some drop off as soon as the see your down for getting more involved. Luckily I'm out of this game took a great many years.
@@mackerel69very good point. I will add that there are times when they want to fulfill a daddy role in the moment bc they are lacking control
somewhere else in life, but normally they are hella submissive or want to be submissive . once they get their daddy side out they are back to being baby. Unfortunately, many times in this gay world we live in if we slip that we are a smidge soft, one gets chewed up and spit back up until we toughen up, it’s even worse when you appear soft and are a hidden tiger. That’s what i’ve come to realize in these 20+ years .
@@mackerel69I guess the joke that tops are in low supply are true! 😂
And a relationship with a straight man does not always be sexual, but one of caring and honest concerns about them.
absolutely, as a friendship.
I appreciate the effort behind this video. I've never dated anyone and have never enjoyed s3x with anyone. I have endured sexual trauma and narcissistic abuse and overcome diseases like 15 years of IBS and now I'm like the ugly duckling transformed. I wear Incerun and Balenciaga everyday and wear vintage perfumes and I don't care about the attention. I need to feel good about me. I need to be okay with me. I don't care about what anyone else thinks of me and I realize most people can't relate to me, but there again most people aren't walking around in Incerun and Balenciaga wearing vintage perfume. It's a vibe, but it's not everyone's vibe. And that's okay. Some of us have had to crawl through hell to get where we are today. Not everyone's going to appreciate that.
Thanks for sharing!
Loved to hear your sharing! Quick question:
How did you overcome IBS??
I'm 4 years in and still struggling with it.
Any suggestions?
Thank you! ❤
The reason is because I'm unconventionally attractive and gay/bi men want nothing more than that guy who being with them makes them feel normal and conventional. Even if they are romantically and sexually attracted to
me, I don't provide them the status they are looking for.
Can you explain that a little more?
In plain English, please!😂
My advice is listen to your instincts, your gut instincts never lie. Myself I’m all about body language for a lot of people they are typically to afraid to approach me, I’ve been told on multiple occasions by many they were too afraid to approach me but as they got to know me they are glad that they did. For me have the mentality of wanting a relationship but be confident enough to know you’ll be fine with or without it and all your progress and achievements you made them all on your own and no one is needed. For me I’ve encountered lots who say they want a relationship but come to find out all they want is sex, or in some cases I’ll get fed up with a person fairly quickly and cut them off, or in most it just never works out. For a second I thought I was cursed romantically now I don’t know what to think, hopefully I meet the right person while I’m young, only time will tell I guess until then just keep tackling my goals.
Hey, thanks for sharing all that! I can tell you’ve put a lot of thought into your experiences, and honestly, I love your approach. Trusting your gut and paying attention to body language are such underrated skills in dating-it’s awesome that you’re tuned into that.
That balance you mentioned-wanting a relationship but being confident on your own-is everything. It’s not easy to get there, but when you do, it’s like a magnet for the right kind of people.
I hear you on the frustration when things don’t work out, especially when intentions don’t line up. But honestly, every experience, even the frustrating ones, helps you get clearer on what you want and deserve.
You’ve got such a solid mindset-tackling your goals and staying open to what comes next. The right person will show up when the timing’s right, and they’re gonna love the version of you that’s already thriving. Keep doing your thing-you’re on the right path!
@@TheCoachDanny
Thank you
you're very welcome!
Money and career, how important is it? I have been on a dating app and evey guy it seems has a career: accountant, partner, manager, owns their own business, etc . . . (I'm 40 for context) They are esentially adutls (on paper). Plus a desire to travel, probably decent vacation time or PTO, and a active social life. Or at lease per the profile.
I on the other hand have two weeks vacation to last me the year, average pay, and still need to get a pastport.
My point is this, I have developed a fear of incompatablity based of the fact I don't measure up to a majority of these men. I feel like I would be wasting their time. To the point they would be annoyed or angery with me for daring to acknowledge/interact with them.
what about the men you're swiping left on? This isn't everybody I guarantee you. You are swiping on a particular aesthetic it seems and the common thread is that people with that aesthetic have it because of what they value. (being ambitious, being successful, being fit, being well groomed or "put together").. and all that is fine.. but if you don't value the same things and the values you have are reflected in how you live your life and what you produce or don't produce then you may be wasting their time. Are you telling the truth about what is important to you and are you noticing and offering what is important to the men you want? Seems like you want what you want but they should put aside what they want and choose you vs. you becoming someone that both honors your values and offers what the other person is looking for. unfortunately I think the advice in this video and the title are really misleading. there are valid points about being aware.. but the basics got skipped over completely..
Nonsense. You have what their career can't give them. I worked in an office, decent job, few responsibilities. I met a physician in the library, and we started a relationship. It's not a competition. You are a lover, not a rival. Financial disparities can be worked out. I promise, you don't want a social climber for a boyfriend. You'll never have a good day in that scene. Get out into the world, and start talking to men with a sense that you are important.
Wouldn't you rather have a relationship with someone who you feel enough for as you are, rather than someone you have to check off boxes for?
Another thing with careers, I hate how every profile is "I'm a blah blah blah professional male" as if having an adult job makes them special and unique. It can actually be cringe to see someone with a basic job, writing it up like they have this huge career and are very busy and important. Meanwhile, I'm like, meh, did that job 7 years ago, not that impressive. Why are you writing about it!
Thanks for the feedback. You are right, I often follow a very organic approach and while there may be a structured agenda of what I'm "suppose to be talking about," my ADHD can kick in from time to time! Something I'm working on so I appreciate your opinion on the video. :)
Love how you explain, succinct & practical. Affirming. Just went through misreading someone's friendliness. After a lifetime of romantic obsessions, I am re-wired. Once I comprehend they don't want me, I withdraw attention.
It's a tough thing to learn to read the signs - happy to help!
Honesty is the way to go, communicating between you and the other guy what you feel and want is better than second guessing. If after you communicate the truth to each other, you both can make a correct direction at that point moving forward.
Absolutely, honesty is key. Being upfront about what you feel and want makes everything so much clearer. It’s way better than second-guessing or leaving things up in the air. Once you’ve communicated openly, you both have a better understanding of where things stand and can make the right decisions moving forward. It’s all about being on the same page!
So basically, he’s actually not into you, don’t think he’s into you, only react to him when he acts decisively. Ok cool 😎
In summary, yep!
I was looking for a channel like this! Glad i found it and thank you for this advice as I want to start dating. male dating is so different than opposite sex dating.
You're very welcome! I hope you find it helpful.
If something seems to good to be true, it probably is!
That depends on your history of trauma. If you haven't processed and healed properly, everything will seem to good to be true which is actually a defense mechanism.
I have gone out with my share of emotionally unavailable men, one in particular was primarily for the sex. Remove sex and I couldn't deny that he bored me stiff (and not in the good way!) and he didn't seem to see the point of me, either. Thankfully, once I admitted to myself what I was doing, I was able to stop it -- with him. I still have to ask myself if it's my pattern to go for men I cannot have and then feel justified in being single for that reason.
It's painful to admit to ourselves, but sometimes we have to get to know ourselves better.
Something I've learned, that I wish young men of any orientation could understand: there is no such thing as casual sex.
I love this sentence! Mind explaining wha you mean by that so others can understand?
You are wise beyond your years.
That's very kind of you. I've just experienced a lot of life in my 36 years. :)
I fell for my dearest friend. And there was a moment when something could have happened. But I knew that it would have been a mistake. We are still friends to this day. There were some bumps in the road ( my fault ). But he never stopped being friends with mr
That's great! I'm so happy to hear you're still friends. :)
Your a Smart Guy . It’s always a pleasure Listening to you.
Thanks, I appreciate that!
Dr. Joe Dispenza says it best. "If you want to change your personal reality, you must change your personality. Your personality is made of of how you think, how you act, and how you feel largely driven by your emotions." Your thoughts create your emotions. Your emotions create your personality. Your Personality creates your Person Reality. Change the way you feel, and change the way you act. In other words, if you're playing the victim about other guys not being "into" you, you're simply creating, over and over, more opportunities for that very scenario to show up in your personal reality. Be ACCOUNTABLE! IT'S NEVER ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON. Stop pretending you are OK. Pretending to be OK is nothing more than your ego tricking you into avoiding doing the real work of healing and loving yourself. Instead of "doing" to get what we want, we must "Be" first. BE-DO-HAVE. Not the other way around.
Thanks for sharing!
Can you do a part 2? I feel like theres alot missing here. Particularly about dating "up" or trying to date out your "league" ive read most people aim at dating people more attractive than themselves. Gay men are notoriously superficial and ive noticed as a blk gay man my options were limited to a degree by things i cant control like racial stigmas. I also noticed that i was guilty of trying to date more attractive men and i would be rejected and then lots of men who were after me i would reject for being less attractive. I think advertising and porn has done damage to gay mens psyche and made us very shallow and unrealistic in our desires. Everyone is trying to date the top 1 percent so the other 99% wont entertain each other while the 1% has their pick. Research says you will ultimately end up with someone with your same level of attractiveness or ALONE.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! This is such an important topic, and you’re right-it definitely deserves a part 2. The whole idea of "dating up" or trying to date out of your "league" is something a lot of people struggle with, especially in the gay community, where looks and superficial standards can feel really amplified.
I hear you about the racial stigmas you’ve faced as a Black gay man. Dating can be even harder when things you can’t control, like race, play such a big role in how you’re seen. And I think a lot of us can relate to the cycle of trying to date someone more attractive, only to reject others who might be a better match in the long run.
You’re totally right that things like advertising and porn have influenced the way we view attraction, and sometimes it makes us set these unrealistic standards. It can feel like everyone’s trying to get with the top 1%, leaving the rest of us in the 99% feeling like we’re not enough. But honestly, research shows that most of us end up with someone at a similar level of attractiveness anyway, or we end up alone.
I think the key is to shift the focus from just looks and start valuing other things like connection, personality, and shared values. When we do that, we’re more likely to find people who truly appreciate us for who we are.
Thanks again for bringing this up-it’s a conversation worth having, and I’ll definitely dive deeper into it soon!
No one has ever liked me
Why do you think that is?
@@TheCoachDanny no comes up to me i haven't had a crush since middle school guys just don't find me attractive
spot on!
Thanks!
Why am I always into the type of person who is not into me?
That might require a deeper dive. I would recommend booking a 1:1 sessions! You can find the info in my bio
My situation… sigh… As a young, skinny vers/bottom gay guy, I’m in awe with confident, muscular, gym-going, bodybuilder and just simply masculine-presenting men but they’re never attracted to me…
BUT! It does happen once in a blue moon. It’s VERY rare tho :) so not impossible, so there’s hope.
However, I usually attract many bottoms & super effeminate guys which I don’t have any attraction to. Usually I can befriend them but it’s rare since it’s usually the “baddie” effeminate guys, which I have 0% attraction to…
I assume I present masculine vibes despite me wearing shorts and converse shoes??? haha 😭
I don't think shorts and converse are super feminine! It's just a style choice. ;)
In my experience, a subtle approach doesn't work either. It's possible I only have bad experiences, though.
I think it depends on your personality and the type of flirting you are comfortable with
Its usually because im too dark and crispy. Now im old, black, jaded, and bitter.😢
I'm sure there are still VERY lovely qualities about you. :)
@TheCoachDanny Thank you Coach Danny.
Danny is right. Every man has some great quality or more. Problem is we use the wrong comparisons of qualities we don't possess. You are mature, world wise, and cautious with your affections -- qualities to be valued.
I’m only 35 seconds and then I’m like “YES! WHY!” 😂
I’m into short white guys with facial hair and bubble Butts and thick legs. But none of them want me. But it seems any other genre does.
Reach out to me, I think we need to have a conversation regarding your preferences and expectations when it comes to dating. :)
I’m caught in this zone since ever
What zone?
That’s my that’s my current status right now with the guy at work
What are you doing to navigate the situation?
@@TheCoachDanny I was in denial
I fall in love with a guy who I’m having sex with more than a year. But not ready for a r.s and move to another country. Having a hard time to move on with these feelings I had with him ..
I'm so sorry you experienced that. I think it would be beneficial to reflect on the reasons you allowed the dynamic to continue for so long when he was not ready for a relationship. I understand love is a factor, but love can also be harmful without limitations or boundaries.
Impressive video. On line dating doesn't work for me, because relationship possibilities need to be organic, and one needs to use ALL of his senses to get an attraction started. For example, a man can be hotter than the hinges of hell physically, but he has an irritating voice, that is a turn off for me. I am an average looking man, and I know who is attracted to me, generally speaking. Now, I am older, and the pickins get slimmer. I get it.. we are about youth and vitality...oh well. I tend to go after the emotionally unavailable; call it a weakness. That works for a one night stand set up. The best set up I have had is being just friends with other gay men, and I am happy with that. Somewhere along the line, I developed self respect, so the one night stand is empty and meaningless. The surprise in all of this is there is a BIG difference between being ALONE and being lonely. Alone is a God given gift. I take care of myself these days, and that makes me very content.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and for your kind words. :)
Im told my career being in the military, which i love my job. I live in japan currently thanks to the opportunities given to me.
Is the reason im single. The craziest thing ive heard like so because my career choice is full filing.
As long as you are doing what makes you happy. :)
You could also say: You have a weirdly shaped rooster or one of those mustaches like Dick Dastardly from Wacky Race
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Jokes aside. The video is spot on!
glad you enjoyed it!
I think it’s just because I’m ugly lol
Beauty is subjective. Calling yourself ugly isn't helping your self-esteem
He is straight... so...
yeah, that is DEFINITELY a sign
@@TheCoachDannyyes. The STOP sign!
I’m in a bit of a pickle (no pun intended 😅): I have a friend and we’ve been friends for going on 20 years. We’ve both recently come to terms with our sexuality (that I REFUSE to call “coming out” as it suggests that one is automatically defaulted to being “straight” post birth and it’s not true) and I’d like to try to see if we could romantically. It’d definitely be a long distance thing and I respect his boundaries, but should we just keep things at the “friend” level? It’s not my intention to scare anyone away and/or ruin what we already have.
It’s great that you respect his boundaries, that’s important! I think you should try and see how he feels. Communication is key in these kind of situations, if not, you'll remain in "fantasy" which can blur the lines of reality over time.
If you've been friends with this man for two decades with no sexual interest, the most important question is what's changed? You write that you'd like to explore a romance but does he? Why did the idea of romance with this established friend crop up? As it's long distance, consider it could be the appeal of convenience -- you can claim to be in a relationship with few of the day to day demands that all couples may face. Tread carefully.