Parental alienation should be a felony. The damage to children can very well be irreversible. As a target father after 6 years of protection orders against me, daughter being removed from home and placed in group and foster home, she is now with me and doing stellar. First time she has made honor roll, been involved in theatre, and attends youth group and therapy. Never give up. At the end, that is what the alienating parent wants... You to give up. No matter what it costs, no matter how they effect their children.
Yep... mother has brainwashed my son by telling him "you don't have to go to your dad's if you don't want to" or "it's your choice if you want to go to dad's or even talk to him". I just had her in court and judge nailed her with contempt for not abiding to the court order. Her response to judge was "my son is 16 and it's his choice ". Judge said no it's not, he's a minor and it's a court order. Judge even ordered ex to pay my travel expenses to court as I live 1k miles away. Justice served!
My ex and I live 1.5 miles down a road Told my lawyer that our daughter didn’t have to abide by custody and would come see me if she felt like it. I am so DONE! Done begging for an arrogant teenager daughter (who was so spoiled by her Disney dads $$-)- through begging for attention! She was groomed for court and taken to court by her dad to rat me out so he could get custody then be able to throw me out of the family home if 24 years. He can have it all. I am getting my 1/2 the $$ for the house and stuff and moving on! KARMA FOR HIS ACTIONS. And did I mention he was arrested for physical assault ! God will revenge. Forgiving is not condoning what another person has did to you, forgiving is setting a prisoner free, YOURSELF. Finding a new path for happiness❤️🌻🙏🌈
I'm so sorry you had my father's life. The courts favored my sweet talking mother EVERYTHING! he was so desperate he paid her $20.000 to not take us kids out of the state but she took the money and ran. I guarantee that all will be yours once kids leave home, and they will cut her out of everything. This law system is a backwards system. It sucks tremendously.
Guess I got my hopes up to much, just got a message from my ex telling me that the children have changed their mobile numbers so I can’t keep messaging them 😢 feeling rock bottom and have to rebuild myself again
Scott Banks keep the door open.write letters and cards even if no reply.Completely Ignore what he says.always be nice,kind.dont blame,judge or act hurt even if you are.Be above board at all times.live knowing you are doing your part and leave the rest xxxxxx
it has my heart broken being in a 'targeted parent' situation... never thought I'd loose my children like this.... by times it really gets me devastated and so tired of trying to reconnect... I just can't be busy with this everyday because it's so hard and heartbreaking for so many many reasons....
Just wandering, do you have a interest in becoming a Psychologist or some other interest along those lines. It doesn't seem like you watched this or listened to it for a similar person issue. So I'm just curious as to why one would be interested in this video. Also your words of concern are comforting to me. I went thru a LOT of grief, due to a number of things that were done to me concerning this & the people I was closest to dismissed it all. They expected me to do the same. It's NOT easy to do anything after you went thru hell & everyone chooses to completely ignore everything that you tell them about what happened. (I'm not saying I told anyone a lot. But I did at least say something. NO one even acknowledged that I said anything & they all acted like I should completely forget it & move on like it NOTHING happened. I could to that if it were something that happened to me & I couldn't change a thing about it. But this is something that need to be addressed. I see 2 things happening if EVERYTHING that is happened is known & this all is addressed. Both would be better for my Daughter. But I really want what is BEST & that is for BOTH me & my EX to work on any issues we both have related to what caused us to be where we are today. (I'd normally say what caused "This". But, no one. Not even my ex would understand what I mean when I say "This". I've been living in it 24/7 for around 3 years now. My ex gave up thinking anything about it as much as she can (Which she has probably been pretty good at doing. Not that she moved & doesn't have her sister there to reminder her, when her sister get brave enough to say anything. Because she was living thru some of the same stuff I did. That got really bad if/when she said anything about what my ex was doing. (I say got really bad. But that was probably the closest thing to what I was actually dealing with from the ex that her sister has dealt with from the ex.) I know that's a LOT. But it really hurts to think that NO one cares & it's nice to see that someone does. It would be better if someone close to me felt this way. But, it's better than nothing. Thanks!
This is my ex what he's doing it does break my heart there's been no communication there's a restraining order, but the court wrote there's communication there hasn't been he also has the children keeping secrets he won't let them talk about me. My kid has a teddy It's a blankie since birth his father is he's bullying and intimidation the children were victims of abuse It's very difficult. When I try to discipline my kids when I have them the words I hear is you don't care about your kids things like that he has them stealing from me their father has stolen from me I couldn't prove it. It's horrible I say nothing about their father in front of them he's a narcissist and extremely manipulative he hasn't been honest I rose above it I know it won't work in the end for him hes done other stuff towards me there's too much to say ,but I'm keeping a journal I'm worried about our children in all this.She nailed it when she said I'm the boss of u I've heard my ex say this my younger one is telling me his secrets unfortunately he's getting the most of the abuse poor kid 7 poor kid. It needs to cost my ex because of numerous reasons It's very tough I just want to be happy and not be walking on eggshells still I have to be very careful what I say to the children I say nothing about their father my ex ended up threatening us 3 times by the time I got a restraining order and changed my locks and lease ,but I'm stuck in shared custody only for now my poor kids need to feel safe and loved this they get from me I find their world is torn apart I've been going to counseling I think have that voice in my head his at times because of what he's telling the kids his thought process and what he thinks so much anger It's difficult I'm trying to heal ,but the poor kids in this.
This talk was incredible. I feel like you were reading a chapter from my life, I've been alienated from my daughter for almost two years and it gets worse every single day.
im not sure if your going to read this, since you posted this comment a year ago, but let me tell you this. my best friend has a father who is an alienator. it is abuse. no matter what, you must fight for her. when its extreme, its not about the parents anymore. its about saving the child from the abuse. hang in there. it will get better. all you have do do is fight, and everything will work out.
It took time to find this video about parental alienation in Canada. Good to know there was a conference on this subject in Canada. Thanks for spelling out the details of what happens after a split mariage. The children pay the biggest price and will no doubt suffer for much of their adult life. The courts need to see this for what it is and deal with this issue.
Very excellent! I’m a targeted distraught parent (mom). This was soooo helpful. Thank you so much! I will keep fighting to reconnect with my youngest 2 boys that my Narc husband has turned against me. He did this after I got a cancerous brain tumor and had to rehab, also I started studying to try to get my profession back. He routinely took kids away to various events on weekends, knowing I had to study. Often I’d come home to a dark empty 5 BR house and no idea where they were or when they’d come back. No note nothing! So terrible. He’d take them to HIS SIDE of the family in other city. So now this is all they know. They have zero interest in me, my life, hobbies or anything I do. So sad. And especially my middle son (17) is so alienated from me, he even won’t eat foods I buy for him. Even critiques how I drive. It’s like my spouse is back in the house. My Narc spouse and I are now separated and going through nasty divorce. He refuses to pay me reasonable spousal support. He knows I have almost no income as I’m getting only SSDI and the house I want to stay in is expensive. He’s purposely financially depleting me. Terribly stressful and then on my custody week I get the 2 younger boys (15,17) to stay with me, but it’s not pleasant. They only talk about violent video games, watch violent movies. It’s like the ONLY thing they wan to do is gaming. Also doing terrible in school and yes they don’t seem happy! Thank you, I’ll keep fighting for them, keep inviting them to things, although I’m just about always turned down.
This talk was excellent- very informative. And based upon years of personal experiences with the topic (and related issues) I find the info & findings here to be very accurate for the times we live in, anyway (2017). lThank you for posting this; I hope the people it can positively serve or benefit through education, validation, etc. can FIND & watch this talk. (WATCH PART 1 and PART 2) NOTE to whomever posted it: This is such an important topic- I'd like to request that you do everything possible to make sure it's easily found (and watched) whenever anyone searches the web for "parental alienation" (and related search topics) I'm not an expert but I think doing this has to do with adding way more KEY WORDS related to the topic (i.e.: Family Court Child Custody Problems., problem co parent, etc etc.) in the description of video wherever you post it- RUclips included. 😀 thanks again- I'm glad I found it. I'd just like to see a much higher view count. I've met so many alienated mothers and fathers (and children) who I'm certain would find a good deal of comfort from watching this- if for no other reason than just to be reminded p they are not alone. Parental Alienation is a crisis negatively impacting adults & children all over the world. So many people suffering due to family courts & alienation tactics. Education, as presented in these video/talks- IS CRUCIAL to put a stop to PA. Anyway, thanks again.
DR AMY BAKER I commend you on your lectures and articles posted on you tube. This is a very SERIOUS topic for many targeted parents and their children of all ages caught in high conflict divorce. The SELF REALIZATIONS and AWARENESS is critical in helping children and adult children the TRUTH and helping them reunite with their targeted parent. EXCELLENT LECTURE AND ADVICE🙏🏻👍🏼🌈☀️
STOP! "Attachment" or "abuse" makes PA "child centric;" protect PARENTAL RIGHTS because all reasonable people want kids to have two LOVING parents! Parental Alienation is KIDNAPPING, Courts pimp pseudo-science therapists for your $$$, so just ENFORCE POSSESSION ORDERS, avoiding quacks and "experts.". Dr. Baker sells amateurish pamphlets to lawyers for a "syndrome" undefined in Law and psychiatry. "Dr." EWarshak worse, promotes a 3 day "family reunification" retreats that cost $14,000 booked over a year in advance! USELESS. ENFORCE POSSESSION IRDERS!!!!
The other day I told my oldest, how was your day, how was the party you attended? His answer was, why would you want to know, and I said, I am your Dad, I always want to know about you and your brother and sister, and his answer was, but when you lived here you never cared... he is only 9....it was like I was talking to my POS ex.
I worked with a boy who is horribly alienated from his poor dad. This kid was so rude and hateful but this line alone proved how brainwashed he was... "The day I left you was the nest day of my life" Mothers word much????? Disgusting. I hope things get better for you! It took me a few years so try and hang in there xx
@@simonejade4822 Thank you so much for your kind words and support. Yes she is that disgusting and more. I will win this in the end, I am sure. Nothing beats a Fathers love.
working on a class project - lived through this and thought I was over it and I hear this and the tears are flowing and the rage is flying- my kids are in their 20's- almost 30- and the eldest and middle are back in my life, but I am out of contact with my youngest, now 23. it never leaves my thoughts or heart. my two boys back - so running at 67%
My ex used the police to contact me and said if I send any more text or phone calls I would be charged. Thank you Dr Baker for your work and contribution to helping this insidious epidemic that harms children. I'm so grateful for the enlightenment and the strategies to counter a vindictive campaign to undermine another parent's love for their child. 🙏♥️ Much love, blessings and respect to you!
I loved this video. I wish I would have seen it years ago. I haven't seen or heard from my son in 2 years and he has been alienated for 3. I would love to join you on your cause if you are looking for any takers in educating children before it is too late now that divorce rates continue to rise and more children are given a message of empowerment to make their own decisions.
We need real results to help these parents cope and have a plan to reach the children being abused. I wish the government would acknowledge this crime. They sure demand and aggressively go after the abandon parent for large child support payments...sad when the parent has lost contact with children. What do we do to get the children back. Court costs so much and many parents cant afford it. Plus the court only takes your money and doesn't help. Those criminal parents that alienated the good and suffering parent should be cut off child support.
Same. I see all these comments from like 3 years ago, but I'm just coming to terms with this now and I'm well into my 30s. It helps to know I'm not alone. I hope you're in a place where you can make it right with the parent you weren't allowed to love ❤
@@smittysmeee hugs to you. It is painful. Unfortunately my Dad passed away last year before we had a chance to resolve things. We were brainwashed and manipulated into thinking he was a deliberately absent Dad. We later found out he was threatened to not come back for us. He was too heartbroken so he just stayed away.
Dr Baker thankyou! All the traits you mention are in our grandchildren's lives and traumatising!! Our daughter, TP, has had her 9 year old daughter ask her if her older brother has had a DNA test to prove his fatherhood by AP. My goodness!! It came as a dreadful shock! There is no doubt whose DNA he would have! They have a 50/50 care agreement. All requests for counselling to date have not been agreed mutually denying the children the help they require. Fortunately they are now at a school who can instigate it without both parents consent. They have identified anxiety and behaviour changes.The damage 'these' people do is so and harmful to kids. What would this do to her son's identity? Cult is a very good description with evidence of the Stockholm Syndrome. It is very difficult to mitigate the innuendos without being denigrating and from a place of love and trust. Who knows what the long term effects might be? Keep up your wonderful work to help spread the word. Bless you.
My ex remarried right away but it was over in 6 months. He then married again. She was given my exact nightgown and an engagement ring he had tried to give me . He said he would take my children away. She was their mother. She was 21 yrs his junior. He was 43. Hd his money. Had wealth and bought every attorney i had. I didn’t see my children until 94 and 95. My children as adults dont see me yet and hate me. My oldest was abused by him and the more i fought to have him held accountable the more they hated me.
OMG. This same thing happened to me. My oldest two adult children see their father and stepmother and I've been shut out for almost 10 years. No explanation. Just shut out. My youngest adult child is still close to me. He was very young when we divorced and I was able to raise him in a healthier lifestyle even though we had, gulp, joint custody.
Sharon Taylor amen x stay detatched.you can’t ‘win’,go no contact if poss.strategise.dint get worn out.look into personality disorder support groups or /and alanon.they suffer from a sickness.
This breaks my heart too. After picking up my grandson for 3 years, after finally finding out he existed when he was 8 months old, my son was told to pick him up for visitation. We drove the 8 hours. It’s far. My son stepped in the yard and the mother’s boyfriend bellowed out, ‘You’re Tresspassing’. He was pacing back and forth in the door, his face was all red. I flagged down a policeman. They said they couldn’t do anything. It was a civil matter. All we could do was leave. My son got a restraining order about a week later. For what? A bunch of lies with no proof of any of it. Now it’s been 6 months. I miss our little guy so much! She broke every court order. The judge didn’t care. My son kept every order and now has a restraining order. No contact. No FaceTime. She said my son was delusional and told the little one to say things that got him in trouble, just stuff out of the blue. She’s a narcissist and she was supposed to drive here to pick him up. All I can figure is she didn’t want to drive here anymore. She abandoned my son without telling him she was pregnant, gave him her grandparent’s last name, but for some reason showed up on the divorce date. She was never served because he didn’t know where she was. She told the then judge that there was no child of the marriage twice. He put her under oath and she admitted it. She just went off and had my son’s child and got him a new father. She also abandoned her older son who lived with his aunt, she had previously lost custody to. Truly heartbreaking. My son is working on things. No lawyer. They didn’t help at all. Small town. Thanks for letting me vent.
Excellent talk! She is bang on with my experience of the double standard and court. My child's mother demanded regular phone access, and I did my best to accommodate that even when camping in remote areas with spotty cell coverage. When it was my turn to have telephone access she would often not answer the phone, or simply say there would be no call without providing any reason. The mother uses court to always try to get her way by threatening to reduce my parenting time to that of a visitor. Despite having 50/50 shared parenting and joint custody, my rights to determine my daughter's educational and religious upbringing are non-existent. It's always the mother's way or the highway. I attempted to serve her court documents that she knew were coming, and she evaded service and then made allegations to the police that I was stalking her. I sold my house at a loss to get away from her false police allegations because it was too close to her condo, and spent a year's salary on a lawyer to keep custody. She had 3 custody trial dates and she ended up cancelling the last trial date because her case had no merit. The courts let her get trial dates without meeting basic "change of circumstances" criteria. It's all a money making scam for lawyers, and narcissistic psychopaths take advantage of the gender bias in the courts. I almost had a heart attack with all the financial and emotional stress. No one cares, and the drama just continues. I can't have a serious relationship with anyone as my child's mother ramps up the drama. Now I just focus on my relationship with my daughter, and am trying to make sure she doesn't end up like her mother and repeat the cycle. Men cannot win in court and end all the harassment and abuse that their child's mother perpetrates because the court doesn't care about the drama a woman causes even though it drastically affects the child.
@@jetlast9106 My daughter's mother has spent the last few years convincing our daughter to live with her full-time. She buys her almost anything she wants and enrolls her in activities to ingratiate herself. As a result of that and her manipulation, our daughter chose to live with her full-time. Now the ex has minimized my access, and refuses to agree to regular parenting time. She also ignores whatever aspect of our existing orders she wants to whenever she feels like it. She does however want child support. It's the same treatment I've been getting for the last 10 years; being lied to, ignored, and manipulated. No doubt I will be back in court this year. It's hard to not feel resigned since I fought so hard to remain a real parent despite my ex's efforts, and it all seems as if it was for nothing at this point.
My daughter just turned 16 when everything changed upside down. Do think it worth to go to the court to enforce a court order or accept situation.? I have to power and money to continue court litigation. I had very very closed relationship with daughter a month ago. Now she doesn't want to see me . Not even calling me dad anymore. Not coming for weekends. Keep saying this mantra "I don't want you, I don't have to" .
@@jetlast9106 I talked to a lawyer about going to court to have my parenting order enforced and he basically discouraged me from doing so. My daughter is 15, and similar to you, things changed between us quite rapidly. I've heard similar things from Dads who are not single parents, that daughters tend to get irrational and highly emotional at this age. The lawyer essentially said I could spend > 30K to extend my order a year or so, but at this age the courts are reluctant to, and cannot force a child to comply with an order even if it's known to be in their best interests. Courts provide due process, not justice and they don't prosecute perjury. My experience has not been positive, but of course it's never overtly gender biased. It just "happens" that fathers normally get the short end of the stick. For now I am trying to swallow the lack of respect and consideration I am shown by both my daughter and her mother. I have been told by my sisters to be patient and loving, and my daughter will eventually come to her senses and see things as they are, or at least be willing and able to see them from my viewpoint. As the saying goes "If you love someone set them free and if they come back to you they are yours, otherwise they never were". ruclips.net/video/LSGl3d4KOMk/видео.html
Thank you so much Dr Baker for all this invaluable information. I've only just realised why my daughter used to say 'I don't feel safe' when she was about 4 or 5. It stuck with me since. It was so disconcerting to hear from such a young child; it made me feel so worried about her and it filled me with self doubt about my role as a mother. Thank you so much for the advice on how to respond to the alienated children's behaviour. I would like to understand more about talking to the alienator in front of the children, it sounds like a very effective strategy but I would find it very difficult to do.
Remember the saying, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Your kid will realize the truth one day. Just love them and be there for them in whatever capacity the child will allow. Remember that the feelings the child is showing are the alienators feelings, not the child's.
I'm in the same boat 9 years now my friend, keep your faith,, in fact I'll tell you to strengthen your faith so you can be a man when the prodigal son returns, and not an emotional wreck, believe me I know its hard, stay strong
Brother you and me both... I have nightmares I had a mental and emotional breakdown. Lost my job and everything just knowing my child is with an unstable mother. I have been dealing with this for almost a year and a half and my trial is April and I cant.....
Knowledge is power. And after hearing this woman speak on this subject, I feel armed and empowered. My will to fight for my daughters has been rekindled. God bless this woman. I’m coming girls. Daddy is coming for you
I'm grateful for this being here for me. I'm more grateful that I still have time to fix it. I have to say I couldn't even fathom doing this to my seven year old. But it all makes perfect sense with what I'm seeing. I was so confused for so long and felt helpless. Thank you so much for this post. It's giving me tools to fight back peacefully without causing more harm. I'm stepping out on faith quitting my 3rd shift job and standing up for my daughter whom I love dearly and would never harm. Pray for me.
WOW!!! Thank you so very much helping me analyze and process the last six years of my life. Not only have I allowed myself to be alienated by inaction ("the high road") but helped perpetuate the narrative with reinforcing, reactionary behaviours you mentioned. This one friggin' video has opened my eyes and mind in a away I can never show enough gratitude and appreciation for. From the depths of what heart and soul I have left, Thank you so figgin' much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to hug you so tight you poop yourself. Thank you.
Great lecture on PAS. Very informative. Thank you for posting this. This information needs to get out there. I witnessed four beautiful, amazing kids (my step-kids) get alienated from their father (my now ex-husband) over a period of 12 years. They are all adults now. Seeing this video blows my mind because it is so spot on. It is unbelievable how almost everything she says is something I witnessed/witness. An example ... the other day one of these adult kids (who no longer speaks to his father and barely speaks to me) said to me “my mom NEVER spoke badly about Kevin (his Dad) or you. She was the most loving, kind Mom in the world. I said to him (he is now 29), I’m happy to hear that, I hope you remember your Dad and I as being kind and loving and not speaking badly about your mom either (knowing that was something we could be proud of, we did not sink to that level), there was an awkward pause, no answer, so I pushed it (first time I have ever talked to him about any of this). I said, do you remember me or your Dad speaking bad about your mom? He said ... “no”... and he had a look on his face of confusion, kind of like ... he just realized we were not the awful monsters she claimed we were. Then he proceeded to say ... “my Mom did not and does not tell me how to think or what to say to you guys, I think for myself, I always have.” Which was strange because I had not mentioned that I thought she influenced him. All I said was I was happy to hear she has not spoken badly about us. I had never talked bad about his mom. I remember one time he was going on a trip with us when he was a senior in high school. We were going to a pro football game and he wanted to go so badly that it gave him the courage to stand up to his mom and tell her he was going to spend a day and a half with us (how terrible right??). She sent him about 50 texts and called probably 10 times in the hour it took us to leave her house where we picked him up and get on the plane when he had to shut his phone off. We could hear her screaming on the phone, at one point he was crying and said he could not go and showed me his phone. She had texted him saying “If you go with them, that tells me you don’t love me and I will put all of your clothes and belongings in garbage bags outside for you to pick up and don’t bother ever coming in this house again.” Just horrible messages to him. I remember this being one of the only times he shared with us about her abuse. We knew some things because of the custody evaluations we had gone through and friends telling us different things etc. But this was one of the only times they actually showed or told us what was going on. I remember sitting there and just listening to him and consoling him and telling him that his mom loves him and she is hurting and telling him every possible thing I could think of that made him feel loved by his mom and to help him not be mad at her or upset with her. I did not chime in and say your mom is a horrible human being, anything like that (all things I would have loved to spill out...sigh) I always felt like if I were to say anything truthful about their mom to them that that would be hurting them. That was just my gut, I did not know the psychology behind that and that it actually does hurt children. That’s just what I felt in my gut. It blew my mind to hear him recently say that his mom had never spoken a bad word about us. But it confirmed everything that I have learned about PAS. These children are brainwashed. They believe mom was all good and they believe their dad was all bad. I keep in contact with them and drip love on them. But they are distant from me. They are distant from my daughter, they are half sister as well. We are an extension of him. This is very sad for my daughter. But amazing how she can see through the actions of their mother without me having to say a single word. She is a healthy young lady and it took her one encounter with their mother around them to make her see the whole picture. The picture they are blinded to. They have nothing to do with their dad. It’s very sad because he was not a bad father. We had a child together and got a divorce when she was eight. We have been able to coparent just fine, we have never gone to court over visitation, we have always agreed. We can go to a game and sit next to each other and be friendly and encourage the other parent and we show our child that she needs to respect the other parent and love the other parent. We don’t undermine each other. It’s completely different from how the other four kids grew up. It’s really sad. In the 12 years I was with him when the children were under age 18, we spent nine of those years with an attorney on retainer and in the middle of court proceedings. We went through two full custody evaluations. We are divorced today because of the stress this put on our finances and on our marriage. Both custody evaluations granted custody of decision making to my ex, they gave us joint custody only because my ex felt it was best for the children to see their mother. Otherwise, I believe we could have gotten it where she had very little time with the children. That’s how terrible the Custody Evaluators found her to be. They found her to be narcissistic, borderline personality disorder, sociopathic, histrionic. To make it even worse she managed to find a husband who was just about as bad as she was. From the day he came into their lives she forced the kids to call him dad. I’ll never forget the first time we met him, it was at a basketball game. The two boys, who are twins, were sitting in his lap. They were 10 years old. They did not know this guy hardly at all and it looked very weird for them to be sitting in a grown man’s lap at 10 years old. They had not sat in their dad’s lap for a few years now. They had outgrown that. Whenever they were in public around both sets of parents they would not speak to us. We never asked them about it or made them feel uncomfortable because we knew they got in trouble if they showed us attention. We tried to make it easy on them so that they didn’t have to endure her wrath. One of the girls at one point told us that her mom had held her on the floor by the neck where she couldn’t breathe making her tell her that she did not love us more than her and that she would not call me mom. I never asked the kids to call me mom, I respected the fact that she was there mom. I wanted them to have a loving mother. I always told them that they have a wonderful mom and that they can call me whatever they want and I’m just happy to be able to be another person in their life that loves them. I knew that they would be tortured if they ever showed any allegiance or affection to me. This subject is one that I feel very passionately about. I am in my last semester of getting my masters degree in psychology and this is a field that I would like to get into. I would like to help parents and children who are targeted or alienated. Thank you for this video. One last thing, one of the boys, the only one of the four who is in a relationship right now, has been in a four year relationship with a woman who reminds me exactly of his mother. I forsee him being a targeted parent some time in the future. I pray he is not, I pray he sees the light before that time. But when you said that in your video, that stuck out in my head for him.
I am a victim of parental alienation and it's hard I suffer depression and thoughts of suicide due to this and being cheated out of raising my children. So many memories lost that can't be replaced.
I understand your pain but please don’t let it destroy you, Through a lot of therapy I’ve found a way of using my pain to help other people less fortunate than myself.What is the hardest is that unless you’ve lived through this no one really understands so please reach out to someone whose shared this experience
Thank you so much for sharing this. The alienating behaviors are what my ex-husband and his wife used on our children. As of now I have been estranged from my oldest, a daughter for 14 years. She just had my first grandchild who is going to be 8 months old and I have yet to see the child even though we live in the same area. Unfortunately I can see that Parental Alienation behavior patterns can extend to the next generation in a family and the hatefulness within my child just seems to keep growing with new in laws and family members added to the equation. My ex did try his best to erase me out of our children's lives and it feels as if he has been rather successful. My whole family has been erased as well. So this new grandchild (who has a congenital heart defect), and my new son-in-law have never met me or my family. We were not invited to her wedding, and now my grandchild is going to grow up without even knowing his maternal grandmother or my family. My ex continues to bad mouth me to everyone that he and his wife can. My daughter used to drink alot I think to deal with the situation. I am so sad and beginning to think that this will never end and my poor grandchild, daughter, and myself will pay the price for my ex-husbands hatred. I have even had a heart attack at age 47 with the stress of all this with my first two children. I remarried and had another son and I was sure to make sure that I did run down his father to him. I wanted my son to decide for himself what kind of father he has. He is so much better adjusted because of the fact that we supported his relationship with his dad as opposed to wrecking it!
I'm really glad I found this, I commented on the first part too. Just the fact that someone cared enough to study this means a lot to me. As a kid I felt like nobody cared, nobody would listen, and it especially didn't matter what life-long effects this would have. It's all spot on. Erasing someone's presence from the home, first names used, limiting communication, making it "normal" that 1 parent is never around and feels super strange the rare times they are. I feel like I rebuilt a sense of self from scratch as an adult - and had a lot of cosmetic procedures.
When it’s the therapist who is the alienating person...most of her patients have cut off communication with their moms! It’s been 8 years. My daughter and I had a super close relationship until she was 26. Devastating for my daughter as well as me. She grieved the loss of her mom and cried buckets as her counselor made her think it was for her own good.
I think that this talk was incredible, except for the advice of electronically contacting children once a week. Perhaps that will work in some situations, but I think that most adult children are in such a bitter place they will view this as harassment. I think that it sends a covert message that the alienated parent is not respecting their current feelings or their boundaries. My sons are in their mid-30s, and occasional, tactful messages have kept us at least in some sort of contact. But to me--and also indicated to me by them--the constant weekly barrage of emails would be akin to me getting emotional and 'pulling out the bank statement to prove that they saved for college', an example that the Dr. gives about emotions that drive wedges. Weekly emails are too much of a reminder, too often, and even if the emails are 'neutral', they trigger deep pain in both child and parent--every time. Even Dr. Baker's own research indicates that adult children do not reunite with their alienated parent over constant communication, they do it for a variety of reasons, but that is not one she mentions. If they don't want to talk to us, I believe we need to respect that. Other than that issue, it is quite clear how much she gets this syndrome. Wonderful speech.
I would email my child every single day if it wasn't for restraining order for the next 3 years, thanks to the alienating mother. Nevertheless, I keep writing letters and saving them, one day I will see a window of opportunity.
cory k Good point. We didn’t have alienation for years after our divorce, but my ex suddenly started calling our son, then in 3rd grade, every single night while we were doing the dinner, bath, and homework routine. It was so disruptive and emotional for my son (and me.) It made it difficult to settle in to our new situation, but he would not stop, or limit time. If we weren’t hone, or if I missed the call for some reason, he accused me of blocking contact and threatened legal action. I felt terrorized (he was abusive) and I’m certain that my son picked up on that.
@@user-bd4bo4tb8u Excessive communication is how alienation can start. It did with my son on holiday with me, and was followed when we returned home with 'you don't have to go to your dad's if you don't want to', teaching him that his wishes and feelings were paramount'! Which parent holds to that? Amy did not advise pestering the child, when either the court forbids it or the child reacts badly. Her standard was an email or something once a week. My son is very alienated right now, and may not even read a message for a week or two, and then he suddenly does. He has told me I am not his father, but he has not told me never to contact him. There are differing levels of consciousness, and when he has sufficient space, he can resort to his demonized father, so long as he does not show affection. Amy's advice not to give up is good. show love, without making extra problems for the child.
as the kid- i agree with this. even though the kid’s wishes are not their own- they don’t know that. to deny it is to deny their reality, they are already likely experiencing intense gaslighting from the alienating parent. your kid feels violated when you don’t respect their wishes- regardless of their basis in reality. the feeling of un safety will not go away. the best thing my mom did was finally give me the space i was requesting. even though it wasn’t my thoughts, i genuinely felt scared and unsafe- down to the core. just see your child as an individual. they’ll figure out what thoughts are theirs eventually. not saying never reach out, but consistently contacting them when they request you don’t isn’t doing them or your relationship any good.
I have been fighting to be with son in Family Court for 10 years. His dad is vicious in Court. He tries to destroy me in the most cruel and dishonest ways. It's devastating.
33:30 it almost does not matter WHAT you day rather it is HOW U R with your alienated child--open-positive-value and give them options, choices, chances to express opinions and preferences -that will acknowledge their independent identity and encourage them to regain and assume that enmeshed identity -they should FEEL safe, comfortable and valued around you -what they are lacking from alienator!
My dear father allowed my older sisters boyfriend to live with us. 20 yr difference between my sibling and I. My dear mother and father were trying to help the boyfriend out.... I was 1 year old. That was the start of the hostile takeover. At 16, I was kidnapped by my sister and now husband.... my parents thought I wanted to go live with them. I thought my parents didn’t want me. I am now going to be 60 yrs young and it still causes a lot of unpleasant feelings. Thank GOD, my mom stood up to her older daughter about what happened and then that daughter betrayed her in the last days of her life. My mother was so exhausted, she just gave up and let go. Soon after, my sister tried to move in on my life that was 3,000 miles away. I divorced her. It needed to be done for my state of mind and for my children and grandchildren. This kind of very sick behavior happens more then we can imagine. I did escape the hostage situation by calling my father at 4am on a Sunday morning. My father showed up and everyone acted like it was all ok....?! It wasn’t and still isn’t. I feel like I need to do something to let these two sick individuals be accountable even if they will never admit they were wrong. These people alienated me from many family members. I have been able to connect with family and have a healthy relationship with them. Unfortunately my dad never knew the truth. I believe my sibling held something over his head... he always acted like he owed her something and would say to me, you’re the strong one, always remember that. I am so thankful our son has never brought his children around his aunt and uncle. He gets it and keeps a safe distance. Very thankful.... for by Gods grace I got a way out when my husband, son and I moved many miles away from the poisonous people.
This has been the description of what my nex and his wife have been doing to my children. Worse, the PCDM makes things a lot worse, such as not letting me approach my OWN children in public!!! Or suggest that my kids call me “mom C” (C from my first name) when I complained that they all refer to me by my first name. And they call the stepmother “mom”. And she does exactly what you described. Being involved in school, extra-curricular activities.
Tina Barbour this is what I’m facing right now. Blocked from my son’s cell, instagram, email. I have to call the house phone while the alienator listens in and cuts into the conversation. So incredibly devastated.
I'm dealing with severe parental alienitation.i do not hate my children.i know it's the other person doing what there doing to them.children are innocent.im saddened my kids are going through this.i wish everyone knew about parental alianitation.its sickening kids have to go through the abuse and the loving parent too
I lost my son to alienation when he was kidnapped at age 8, and despite becoming an adult and us finding each other, he's been so indoctrinated against me, I've lost all hope.
My EX is a narcissist- pure evil. His last way of controlling me is through my teenage daughter. He just never stops and keeps taking me back to court to try and remove all my custody days. Unbelievable!
Absolutely. My ex was like a religious cult leader. He’s manipulated my kids - so sad how he has f-d with their minds, joy, peace, future relationships. He vilifies me no matter what I do, still, 20 years of this Evil. It’s Devastating. Hard for others to comprehend- I’m so embarrassed- I avoid everyone because I can’t explain it even when I do- sometimes people seem skeptical, unless they’ve experienced it. So now I’m more isolated.
My two daughters have cut me out of their lives. My youngest 31 yrs hasn’t spoken to me in the past 4yrs. My ex husband was the alienating parent and was physically abusive. I finally fled the house with my 3 young children at the time and had a very tough time trying to protect them and myself from him. He was extremely wealthy and obviously my children’s life style was affected by the change. He eventually cut off all ties with his kids. The irony is that even though I raised my kids, did everything I could for them, put them through school, I was accused by my daughters of stealing (he wasn’t even paying child support !). Anyway, my second daughter who was very fond of her father and “hated” me , stopped all contact with me. She xeroxed on her father’s request, my legal papers for my divorce, she removed all the photos of us together to substitute them with her father’s new girlfriend. I am still baffled and so hurt. I tried so hard but after being repeatedly insulted, gave up. My eldest daughter too, has been very ambivalent towards. me. If I want to be on her good side that means that I have to give in on whatever she wants. Now she’s 35 and I am done with this emotional blackmail. I miss my daughters terribly but I cannot be treated with such contempt and verbal abuse. I have always been their target. They never talk about their father who has abandoned them and who was the abusive parent. Thank you for this video.
There's a bit at the end where Amy talks about critical thinking skills...That was the first topic of my degree. I taught this to my son from the age of three. We discussed Descartes' epistemology and metaphysics (although we didn't use those terms!). He sat in on lectures on Kant and WIttgenstein when he was 8 (am i guilty of child-cruelty?!)... It all counted for nought when he was faced with "Yeah, go and see your dad - stay with him. Of course you wont see any of us ever again [mothers side of the family]. "
PAS is the most evil, painful thing to go through. I have not seen nor talked to my son in over ten years. People kept saying "Don't worry he's a teen", "he has friends and is busy", don't give up... blah blah. Well, now I've been told by a therapist to embrace acceptance. :(
Sorry to hear the ten years. I had to bury and forget about my children after 10 years to get on with my life. After the last Judge cut the money tree down 13 years later the oldest son comes looking for the money. He was Angry, Mad, Upset, Violent and about to call the Police on him I was able to start answering his questions. He is not the same son I knew 15 years ago and he tells me the stories of the other children and how they turned out. I don't care to see them as mental illness has set in and the system will have to support them.
@@laurakelly4579 Not many people ask me about my children. Once they find out the Courts were involved the questions are answered. This one son keeps in contact more all the time but cannot tell the others about meeting their Dad. It's terrible to raise a family only to be discarded for money.
@@larrylorimer3065 The courts need to be aware and actually CARE about P.A.S. I don't know what state you are from but I'm in Central NY and the court I went to didn't care how far I had come along, what good I was doing, they didn't care nor give me a chance.
I appreciated the information and it was so spot on. Is it possible there is a condensed version from Dr. Baker with this information? Although I cannot see how, I thought it was worth asking. Many thanks again.
I bought a new computer...he told our 15 year old daughter to take the disc for the operating system and bring them to him. I saw her with them...she said "Dad wants these"...I said "They are mine...you can not take them". She still would not allow me to have them. I had to call the police and have them explain that a Dad should not tell his minor child or anyone to take things that belong to another adult. They told her what was honest and true. She was still angry at me for now letting her do what "Dad says".
Going on 13 years -- still in court -- many PTE's, counselors and GAL's....Exactly what my ex has done -- told my kid how "proud" mom was that she stood up against me and said she "didn't want to go with me for my court ordered parenting time". At the same time, let's NOT forget about the enablers of this horrific "crime" (yes, I'll call it a crime). The judges, GAL's (Guardian Ad Litems), PTE's (Parenting time expeditors) and PC's (Parenting consultants). In my personal case, the GAL assigned to the case would NOT hold mom responsible for her actions, and when mom and I finally agreed to a almost 50-50 court schedule where I got the majority of the summer and 3 of 4 weekends a month and most time off of school for school breaks -- my attorney told the court. Just wait, something else will pop up before summer. And, guess what? Something else popped up (more accusations against me that I have proven false) so I missed ALL summer with my kid not even seeing her. Then GAL assigned because, of course, the judge can not make a decision if his life depended on it, so he was waiting for the GAL to do her investigation and report and go off of her recommendations. After being ordered to do "reunification therapy" (which is not covered by insurance), and going through that for a while, the therapist picked, shortly into it, told us that she can NOT work with "mom" and advised her to not come back anymore -- mom was the issue and the therapist that was supposed to hold her accountable (per the judge) was no longer working on the case, however, mom still had about 98% of the time as I had "every other weekend from Friday night at 6pm to Sunday night at 6pm and every Monday from 230pm-530pm (3 hours)". HOW are you supposed to get "reunification" with your kid with a schedule like that -- schedule the GAL made. GAL does NOT understand P/A -- nor does she want to learn, from what I can see. She feels the kid's "social life" is more important (school activities, friends, etc.) than it is to spend time with dad at his house (oh, it should be noted, mom moved over 50 miles away, taking kid further from me, and the court allowed it). Going back to court soon -- so we'll see. Anyone have similar stories, and how did you work through it? Anyone have positive results? Negative results? Once my court case is done and my kids is 18 (won't be done before then, I'm sure, UNLESS the judge gets some balls and the court gets some courage and holds mom accountable for her heinous crimes), I plan on taking this to my state legislature and helping draft legislation for DEFAULT SHARED PARENTING PRESUMPTION in ALL divorces and non-married child custody cases (unless abuse is PROVEN, and NOT JUST ALLEGED).
Its been more than a ten thousand mile journey in search for my children. I am a father who never had a chance to be a father by immediate protection orders at birth of my twin sons. I miss my daughter and my twin sons daily and by the hour for years from two families. I have been erased as a father by alienating parents instructing courts even without due process. The family courts delay or denied relief and remedies. For two years no contact has been allowed freely with any of my children by either alienating parents or families. I seek help daily to be free from deception and fraud inflicted by the court officials, state agencies, alienating parents, civil rights violations, voidable orders, etc... Still separated from my children without relief causes irreversible lifelasting damage to both the targeted parent as myself, and my children that are missing. A change or call to action needs to help children and parents from this abuse. Why are Congress members, Governors, Senators, Legislatures, and Lawyers not helping children and families from alienation and fraud schemes in our nation's court systems?
My mother would blow up if I mentioned my father. After a weekend with him, I was under the spotlight, questioned for hours. She believed that she was getting ran down, when her name wasn't mentioned. It was an orfull situation. My father thought I had a choice and stopped having anything to do with me. I was just too damaged to fix it before he died.
Mine was from my son's step mom who couldn't have children... Took presents back and said he could play with it when he visits, wanted to be called Mom, day after they married, changed his last name without me knowing, had son spy and keep secrets. My son is so mad at me all the time. He only talks to me on holidays. She has intertwined herself in his life so much, he couldn't get away if he wanted... She is the worst type of control freak there is
Yes they are not allowed to talk about me and I am the other household not mama. In fact when my ex found out that my daughter called me mama she was made fun of and called her a baby even though we both referred to my ex as mommy. I am not an alienator. Pathetic.
I am in Australia and am a targeted parent. At a macro level, we talk about some Aboriginal indigenous Australians as the 'stolen generation' because when Europeans settlers arrived here, Aboriginal children were removed from their families through government policies. A multi-generational tragedy affecting all Australians directly or indirectly 100+ years later and only now being recognised as wrong impacting many areas of our society. It is not an uncommon failing of human cultural evolution and seen in the history of many countries and cultures. At a more micro and family unit level, I see unfortunate patterns of negative human behaviour, where some parents believe because of their own experiences, values and fears, that building walls rather than bridges is beneficial for their children. One form of wall building, being parental alienation is damaging future adults, mothers and fathers. These now children are the next 'stolen generation'. Their identity and sense of self is stolen by a parent in what can only be described as the worst form of child abuse, because it is perpetrated by their most trusted mentor and because they have been denied their right to choose both parents and hence all of themselves. Every child, has a birth right to have a relationship with both paternal parents so that they are given an optimal adult fostered chance of knowing truly thy self. Why? Simple. To have their right to peace. Is it not everybody's and especially children's absolute right for that chance for peace….here….while living….now…..on earth? Thank you Amy for the research and the work and for being a heretic heard. A difficult and hard path of criticism you have chosen but worthy of many salvations. A crumb given and found is worth the universe for one child. For your kids - Be safe, Be loving, Be available.
If one parent is completely intent on alienating the other parent, aside from the help of a competent , very brave and willing court appointed social worker/therapist and a judge, there is NOTHING the targeted parent will be able to do. Communication to the kid(s) goes on deaf ears, custody battles end up no where . The alienated parent is mentally ill but in way that can be hidden from the public and the courts. This causes tremendous pain and many alienators get away with spending the best years of their kids lives with them- even though they are making their future more challenging and problematic. Targeted parents suffer tremendously. Most judges and therapist are too spineless to enforce custody arrangements and fighting against alienation. Many of these people create family reports that minimize or deny alienation even when they admit to targeted parent that alienation is occurring.
Listening to this is fucking terrifying because it is so on point with what I am dealing with with my children and their mother. These types of behaviors have been going on for years. Either by their mother or the ways that they have treated me. They don’t even call me DAD anymore they just address me by my first name.
My daughter wants me to beg and grovel much more. She is trying to take my son away, to "protect him...' My son is caught as I feel him being pulled away, he is scornful and demands I apologize (or else?) An apology is a moving target, serial outrage over relatively insignificant things purported by her father and stepmother's smears for years. I've admitted to some failures, now I can't defend myself anymore. I'm crushed, I thought we had a conflict, she wrote a letter referencing a lifetime of putting up with me, her weekend Mom.
My ex has told my child that I have mental health issues. He tells everyone that he talks to and says it right in front of my child. Now he is making allegations to MCF and told me that would support him to get sole custody. They believe him and this really bothers me. Yes he eclipsed me I’m the beginning but I stood my ground it had been a fight for 8 years and it’s getting exhausting.
I have been through this, me and me 5 brothers and sisters. I never even saw any pictures of my dad. And somehow my mother and her family would alter our last name by calling us this imaginary last name.
That right there. The one thing that an alienating parent can't be is empathetic to their child. While putting forward their platform that it is the best interest of the child. If we had just and proper judicial systems, it would be the alienating parent who would stand the greatest risk of losing their child. But that would require family courts that actually know how to perform their function properly. I could ask an obvious question here. Ever notice that rich people, even rather well-off people, never lose their children in this way? I'm sure the reason isn't that they're perfectly saint-like parents. It's because of those high priced lawyers. Who would actually call out an alienator.
Son has gone no contact due to alienating father with low self-esteem who feels better about himself targeting me with lies. His father has told him he was abused as a child, an absolute lie. Son is over 40 and has encouraged his new wife to deliver verbal abuse to me too when I text kind messages. I have little hope, my son does not know who he is. I choose to get on with my life. If he comes to his senses and reconnects - I'll be delighted. Their narc tendencies will not steal my joy. Praying for him.
My son was taken 3 years ago and now that he’s 18 his dad is still keeping him away from me and his maternal family unless they go against their own mother. What can I do?
If you don't have a restraining order, just keep on contacting! Send greeting cards, short letters, and often! See the blog of Karen Woodall, she has a topic on example how to write a letter to an alienated child.
You need to take this to lawyers, judges, and Ministry of Child and Family Services or whatever name applies to child welfare in each state! There ia such an incredulous lack of knowledge in this area by the very people meant to intervene!
I am being erased and the playbook is in full on just as u say. I have to use our dogs blog to share with our kids. They are not punished as much for watching the dog blog
Parental Alienation is real and I believe it should be a crime. I hope 🤞 one we as a society take parental alienation seriously. It’s too late for me but we can change and be better for future generations
I wish someone could clear this up for me , I get very little time with my son that when we are together after 2 weeks it's like we are both nervous about being together it's an awful feeling but after our visit I would tell my son who's now a 13 year old that all I ask is he respond to my text messages I even tell him I dont bombard you with them but I do tell him at night I love you , goodnight and he swears up and down that he will but he wont do it and it drives me fkn crazy , what is it about ? He used to text me back I love you too ! Not anymore its heartbreaking!
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Parental alienation should be a felony. The damage to children can very well be irreversible. As a target father after 6 years of protection orders against me, daughter being removed from home and placed in group and foster home, she is now with me and doing stellar. First time she has made honor roll, been involved in theatre, and attends youth group and therapy. Never give up. At the end, that is what the alienating parent wants... You to give up. No matter what it costs, no matter how they effect their children.
Where are you at?
The courts should be disbanded because of there ruining the country
I disowned them from the family period
Yep... mother has brainwashed my son by telling him "you don't have to go to your dad's if you don't want to" or "it's your choice if you want to go to dad's or even talk to him". I just had her in court and judge nailed her with contempt for not abiding to the court order. Her response to judge was "my son is 16 and it's his choice ". Judge said no it's not, he's a minor and it's a court order. Judge even ordered ex to pay my travel expenses to court as I live 1k miles away. Justice served!
Alienators need to serve jail time
My ex and I live 1.5 miles down a road
Told my lawyer that our daughter didn’t have to abide by custody and would come see me if she felt like it. I am so DONE! Done begging for an arrogant teenager daughter (who was so spoiled by her Disney dads $$-)- through begging for attention! She was groomed for court and taken to court by her dad to rat me out so he could get custody then be able to throw me out of the family home if 24 years. He can have it all. I am getting my 1/2 the $$ for the house and stuff and moving on! KARMA FOR HIS ACTIONS. And did I mention he was arrested for physical assault ! God will revenge. Forgiving is not condoning what another person has did to you, forgiving is setting a prisoner free, YOURSELF.
Finding a new path for happiness❤️🌻🙏🌈
I'm so sorry you had my father's life. The courts favored my sweet talking mother EVERYTHING! he was so desperate he paid her $20.000 to not take us kids out of the state but she took the money and ran. I guarantee that all will be yours once kids leave home, and they will cut her out of everything. This law system is a backwards system. It sucks tremendously.
It's the judge we need to blame for this not the parent.THE JUDGES GIVES POWER FOR JUSTICE CANADA OR OTHERS TO AFFECT UR estates.
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No one knows this pain till your there I live it everyday 5 yrs now
Nothing describes the pain. For me it was as if my child had died. Gut wrenching agony
aline simon it’s absolutely devastating!
14 years for me. I am dead inside. Trying to let go, but so shattered I'm not sure if I can.
@@jenniferdonnelly4949 i feel i am buried alive , 7 yeras
Jennifer Donnelly look into support groups.alanon saved my life.it teaches detatchment.leaving the door open.finding hope xxx look online 🧡
Just sent a text to my children after over two years. Thank you for helping me get the courage to do this
Guess I got my hopes up to much, just got a message from my ex telling me that the children have changed their mobile numbers so I can’t keep messaging them 😢 feeling rock bottom and have to rebuild myself again
Scott Banks keep the door open.write letters and cards even if no reply.Completely Ignore what he says.always be nice,kind.dont blame,judge or act hurt even if you are.Be above board at all times.live knowing you are doing your part and leave the rest xxxxxx
Scott Banks I would not believe that person. 😢
Should of just rang them. Got to be bold. Your ex probably monitors their texts, manipulative people do that.
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This breaks my heart, how mentally and emotionally abusive and manipulative people can be :(
it has my heart broken being in a 'targeted parent' situation... never thought I'd loose my children like this.... by times it really gets me devastated and so tired of trying to reconnect... I just can't be busy with this everyday because it's so hard and heartbreaking for so many many reasons....
Just wandering, do you have a interest in becoming a Psychologist or some other interest along those lines. It doesn't seem like you watched this or listened to it for a similar person issue. So I'm just curious as to why one would be interested in this video.
Also your words of concern are comforting to me. I went thru a LOT of grief, due to a number of things that were done to me concerning this & the people I was closest to dismissed it all. They expected me to do the same. It's NOT easy to do anything after you went thru hell & everyone chooses to completely ignore everything that you tell them about what happened. (I'm not saying I told anyone a lot. But I did at least say something. NO one even acknowledged that I said anything & they all acted like I should completely forget it & move on like it NOTHING happened. I could to that if it were something that happened to me & I couldn't change a thing about it. But this is something that need to be addressed. I see 2 things happening if EVERYTHING that is happened is known & this all is addressed. Both would be better for my Daughter. But I really want what is BEST & that is for BOTH me & my EX to work on any issues we both have related to what caused us to be where we are today. (I'd normally say what caused "This". But, no one. Not even my ex would understand what I mean when I say "This". I've been living in it 24/7 for around 3 years now. My ex gave up thinking anything about it as much as she can (Which she has probably been pretty good at doing. Not that she moved & doesn't have her sister there to reminder her, when her sister get brave enough to say anything. Because she was living thru some of the same stuff I did. That got really bad if/when she said anything about what my ex was doing. (I say got really bad. But that was probably the closest thing to what I was actually dealing with from the ex that her sister has dealt with from the ex.)
I know that's a LOT. But it really hurts to think that NO one cares & it's nice to see that someone does. It would be better if someone close to me felt this way. But, it's better than nothing. Thanks!
Very. This happening as we speak with my seven year old daughter.
This is my ex what he's doing it does break my heart there's been no communication there's a restraining order, but the court wrote there's communication there hasn't been he also has the children keeping secrets he won't let them talk about me. My kid has a teddy It's a blankie since birth his father is he's bullying and intimidation the children were victims of abuse It's very difficult. When I try to discipline my kids when I have them the words I hear is you don't care about your kids things like that he has them stealing from me their father has stolen from me I couldn't prove it. It's horrible I say nothing about their father in front of them he's a narcissist and extremely manipulative he hasn't been honest I rose above it I know it won't work in the end for him hes done other stuff towards me there's too much to say ,but I'm keeping a journal I'm worried about our children in all this.She nailed it when she said I'm the boss of u I've heard my ex say this my younger one is telling me his secrets unfortunately he's getting the most of the abuse poor kid 7 poor kid. It needs to cost my ex because of numerous reasons It's very tough I just want to be happy and not be walking on eggshells still I have to be very careful what I say to the children I say nothing about their father my ex ended up threatening us 3 times by the time I got a restraining order and changed my locks and lease ,but I'm stuck in shared custody only for now my poor kids need to feel safe and loved this they get from me I find their world is torn apart I've been going to counseling I think have that voice in my head his at times because of what he's telling the kids his thought process and what he thinks so much anger It's difficult I'm trying to heal ,but the poor kids in this.
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This talk was incredible. I feel like you were reading a chapter from my life, I've been alienated from my daughter for almost two years and it gets worse every single day.
Same here. But God will see us through and bring justice.
M-K King .... yes, Spirit sees people through but sometimes not do so much on the justice thing.
Yep, I know exactly how that feels. Its been 2 years this month for me.😞 BUT, I'm hopeful that my/our day will come.✌
The justice system is broken! ButGod is your avenger. They will reap what they sow!
im not sure if your going to read this, since you posted this comment a year ago, but let me tell you this. my best friend has a father who is an alienator. it is abuse. no matter what, you must fight for her. when its extreme, its not about the parents anymore. its about saving the child from the abuse. hang in there. it will get better. all you have do do is fight, and everything will work out.
This video saved me from making a devastating mistake (or at the least, making a bad situation worse) with my alienated teenagers. God bless you.
ruclips.net/video/ezBJ3954mKw/видео.html
It took time to find this video about parental alienation in Canada. Good to know there was a conference on this subject in Canada. Thanks for spelling out the details of what happens after a split mariage. The children pay the biggest price and will no doubt suffer for much of their adult life. The courts need to see this for what it is and deal with this issue.
So true the children pay the biggest price. Have witnessed it, sadly.
Very excellent! I’m a targeted distraught parent (mom). This was soooo helpful. Thank you so much! I will keep fighting to reconnect with my youngest 2 boys that my Narc husband has turned against me. He did this after I got a cancerous brain tumor and had to rehab, also I started studying to try to get my profession back. He routinely took kids away to various events on weekends, knowing I had to study. Often I’d come home to a dark empty 5 BR house and no idea where they were or when they’d come back. No note nothing! So terrible. He’d take them to HIS SIDE of the family in other city. So now this is all they know. They have zero interest in me, my life, hobbies or anything I do. So sad. And especially my middle son (17) is so alienated from me, he even won’t eat foods I buy for him. Even critiques how I drive. It’s like my spouse is back in the house. My Narc spouse and I are now separated and going through nasty divorce. He refuses to pay me reasonable spousal support. He knows I have almost no income as I’m getting only SSDI and the house I want to stay in is expensive. He’s purposely financially depleting me. Terribly stressful and then on my custody week I get the 2 younger boys (15,17) to stay with me, but it’s not pleasant. They only talk about violent video games, watch violent movies. It’s like the ONLY thing they wan to do is gaming. Also doing terrible in school and yes they don’t seem happy!
Thank you, I’ll keep fighting for them, keep inviting them to things, although I’m just about always turned down.
It's the judges or magistrate that causes you to be affected ok.put a claim on them
This talk was excellent- very informative. And based upon years of personal experiences with the topic (and related issues) I find the info & findings here to be very accurate for the times we live in, anyway (2017). lThank you for posting this; I hope the people it can positively serve or benefit through education, validation, etc. can FIND & watch this talk. (WATCH PART 1 and PART 2) NOTE to whomever posted it: This is such an important topic- I'd like to request that you do everything possible to make sure it's easily found (and watched) whenever anyone searches the web for "parental alienation" (and related search topics) I'm not an expert but I think doing this has to do with adding way more KEY WORDS related to the topic (i.e.: Family Court Child Custody Problems., problem co parent, etc etc.) in the description of video wherever you post it- RUclips included. 😀 thanks again- I'm glad I found it. I'd just like to see a much higher view count. I've met so many alienated mothers and fathers (and children) who I'm certain would find a good deal of comfort from watching this- if for no other reason than just to be reminded p they are not alone. Parental Alienation is a crisis negatively impacting adults & children all over the world. So many people suffering due to family courts & alienation tactics. Education, as presented in these video/talks- IS CRUCIAL to put a stop to PA. Anyway, thanks again.
DR AMY BAKER I commend you on your lectures and articles posted on you tube. This is a very SERIOUS topic for many targeted parents and their children of all ages caught in high conflict divorce. The SELF REALIZATIONS and AWARENESS is critical in helping children and adult children the TRUTH and helping them reunite with their targeted parent.
EXCELLENT LECTURE AND ADVICE🙏🏻👍🏼🌈☀️
STOP! "Attachment" or "abuse" makes PA "child centric;" protect PARENTAL RIGHTS because all reasonable people want kids to have two LOVING parents! Parental Alienation is KIDNAPPING, Courts pimp pseudo-science therapists for your $$$, so just ENFORCE POSSESSION ORDERS, avoiding quacks and "experts.". Dr. Baker sells amateurish pamphlets to lawyers for a "syndrome" undefined in Law and psychiatry. "Dr." EWarshak worse, promotes a 3 day "family reunification" retreats that cost $14,000 booked over a year in advance! USELESS. ENFORCE POSSESSION IRDERS!!!!
The other day I told my oldest, how was your day, how was the party you attended? His answer was, why would you want to know, and I said, I am your Dad, I always want to know about you and your brother and sister, and his answer was, but when you lived here you never cared... he is only 9....it was like I was talking to my POS ex.
I worked with a boy who is horribly alienated from his poor dad. This kid was so rude and hateful but this line alone proved how brainwashed he was...
"The day I left you was the nest day of my life"
Mothers word much????? Disgusting.
I hope things get better for you! It took me a few years so try and hang in there xx
@@simonejade4822 Thank you so much for your kind words and support. Yes she is that disgusting and more. I will win this in the end, I am sure. Nothing beats a Fathers love.
working on a class project - lived through this and thought I was over it and I hear this and the tears are flowing and the rage is flying- my kids are in their 20's- almost 30- and the eldest and middle are back in my life, but I am out of contact with my youngest, now 23. it never leaves my thoughts or heart. my two boys back - so running at 67%
My ex used the police to contact me and said if I send any more text or phone calls I would be charged. Thank you Dr Baker for your work and contribution to helping this insidious epidemic that harms children. I'm so grateful for the enlightenment and the strategies to counter a vindictive campaign to undermine another parent's love for their child. 🙏♥️ Much love, blessings and respect to you!
The police came to mine last Sunday and said the same, even if there was no justifiable reason🤣it's like they all follow the same code of practice
I loved this video. I wish I would have seen it years ago. I haven't seen or heard from my son in 2 years and he has been alienated for 3. I would love to join you on your cause if you are looking for any takers in educating children before it is too late now that divorce rates continue to rise and more children are given a message of empowerment to make their own decisions.
We need real results to help these parents cope and have a plan to reach the children being abused. I wish the government would acknowledge this crime. They sure demand and aggressively go after the abandon parent for large child support payments...sad when the parent has lost contact with children. What do we do to get the children back.
Court costs so much and many parents cant afford it. Plus the court only takes your money and doesn't help. Those criminal parents that alienated the good and suffering parent should be cut off child support.
I needed to hear this. I was a victim of parental alienation growing up.
Same. I see all these comments from like 3 years ago, but I'm just coming to terms with this now and I'm well into my 30s. It helps to know I'm not alone. I hope you're in a place where you can make it right with the parent you weren't allowed to love ❤
@@smittysmeee hugs to you. It is painful. Unfortunately my Dad passed away last year before we had a chance to resolve things. We were brainwashed and manipulated into thinking he was a deliberately absent Dad. We later found out he was threatened to not come back for us. He was too heartbroken so he just stayed away.
Dr Baker thankyou! All the traits you mention are in our grandchildren's lives and traumatising!! Our daughter, TP, has had her 9 year old daughter ask her if her older brother has had a DNA test to prove his fatherhood by AP. My goodness!! It came as a dreadful shock! There is no doubt whose DNA he would have! They have a 50/50 care agreement. All requests for counselling to date have not been agreed mutually denying the children the help they require. Fortunately they are now at a school who can instigate it without both parents consent. They have identified anxiety and behaviour changes.The damage 'these' people do is so and harmful to kids. What would this do to her son's identity? Cult is a very good description with evidence of the Stockholm Syndrome. It is very difficult to mitigate the innuendos without being denigrating and from a place of love and trust. Who knows what the long term effects might be? Keep up your wonderful work to help spread the word. Bless you.
I live it 10 years now....the pain doesn't go away!
I'm going to do everything I can to spread the word about this. Great idea in going to schools. Thank you, very informative
Rhonda Brown Definitely! The third party intervention is an excellent idea. They have no idea who to believe. It’s a torturous situation for everyone.
Thank you for sharing. More light needs to be shined on this.
My ex remarried right away but it was over in 6 months. He then married again. She was given my exact nightgown and an engagement ring he had tried to give me . He said he would take my children away. She was their mother. She was 21 yrs his junior. He was 43. Hd his money. Had wealth and bought every attorney i had. I didn’t see my children until 94 and 95. My children as adults dont see me yet and hate me. My oldest was abused by him and the more i fought to have him held accountable the more they hated me.
OMG. This same thing happened to me. My oldest two adult children see their father and stepmother and I've been shut out for almost 10 years. No explanation. Just shut out. My youngest adult child is still close to me. He was very young when we divorced and I was able to raise him in a healthier lifestyle even though we had, gulp, joint custody.
@@becajaz Me too.. its been 10 years of vile hell.
Sharon Taylor amen x stay detatched.you can’t ‘win’,go no contact if poss.strategise.dint get worn out.look into personality disorder support groups or /and alanon.they suffer from a sickness.
This breaks my heart too. After picking up my grandson for 3 years, after finally finding out he existed when he was 8 months old, my son was told to pick him up for visitation. We drove the 8 hours. It’s far. My son stepped in the yard and the mother’s boyfriend bellowed out, ‘You’re Tresspassing’. He was pacing back and forth in the door, his face was all red. I flagged down a policeman. They said they couldn’t do anything. It was a civil matter. All we could do was leave. My son got a restraining order about a week later. For what? A bunch of lies with no proof of any of it. Now it’s been 6 months. I miss our little guy so much!
She broke every court order. The judge didn’t care. My son kept every order and now has a restraining order. No contact. No FaceTime. She said my son was delusional and told the little one to say things that got him in trouble, just stuff out of the blue. She’s a narcissist and she was supposed to drive here to pick him up. All I can figure is she didn’t want to drive here anymore.
She abandoned my son without telling him she was pregnant, gave him her grandparent’s last name, but for some reason showed up on the divorce date. She was never served because he didn’t know where she was. She told the then judge that there was no child of the marriage twice. He put her under oath and she admitted it. She just went off and had my son’s child and got him a new father. She also abandoned her older son who lived with his aunt, she had previously lost custody to. Truly heartbreaking. My son is working on things. No lawyer. They didn’t help at all. Small town. Thanks for letting me vent.
Excellent talk! She is bang on with my experience of the double standard and court. My child's mother demanded regular phone access, and I did my best to accommodate that even when camping in remote areas with spotty cell coverage. When it was my turn to have telephone access she would often not answer the phone, or simply say there would be no call without providing any reason. The mother uses court to always try to get her way by threatening to reduce my parenting time to that of a visitor. Despite having 50/50 shared parenting and joint custody, my rights to determine my daughter's educational and religious upbringing are non-existent. It's always the mother's way or the highway. I attempted to serve her court documents that she knew were coming, and she evaded service and then made allegations to the police that I was stalking her. I sold my house at a loss to get away from her false police allegations because it was too close to her condo, and spent a year's salary on a lawyer to keep custody. She had 3 custody trial dates and she ended up cancelling the last trial date because her case had no merit. The courts let her get trial dates without meeting basic "change of circumstances" criteria. It's all a money making scam for lawyers, and narcissistic psychopaths take advantage of the gender bias in the courts. I almost had a heart attack with all the financial and emotional stress. No one cares, and the drama just continues. I can't have a serious relationship with anyone as my child's mother ramps up the drama. Now I just focus on my relationship with my daughter, and am trying to make sure she doesn't end up like her mother and repeat the cycle. Men cannot win in court and end all the harassment and abuse that their child's mother perpetrates because the court doesn't care about the drama a woman causes even though it drastically affects the child.
Thank you for your advice! Man has no rights in this system. What is your situation now?
@@jetlast9106 My daughter's mother has spent the last few years convincing our daughter to live with her full-time. She buys her almost anything she wants and enrolls her in activities to ingratiate herself. As a result of that and her manipulation, our daughter chose to live with her full-time. Now the ex has minimized my access, and refuses to agree to regular parenting time. She also ignores whatever aspect of our existing orders she wants to whenever she feels like it. She does however want child support. It's the same treatment I've been getting for the last 10 years; being lied to, ignored, and manipulated. No doubt I will be back in court this year. It's hard to not feel resigned since I fought so hard to remain a real parent despite my ex's efforts, and it all seems as if it was for nothing at this point.
My daughter just turned 16 when everything changed upside down. Do think it worth to go to the court to enforce a court order or accept situation.? I have to power and money to continue court litigation.
I had very very closed relationship with daughter a month ago. Now she doesn't want to see me . Not even calling me dad anymore. Not coming for weekends. Keep saying this mantra "I don't want you, I don't have to" .
@@jetlast9106 I talked to a lawyer about going to court to have my parenting order enforced and he basically discouraged me from doing so. My daughter is 15, and similar to you, things changed between us quite rapidly. I've heard similar things from Dads who are not single parents, that daughters tend to get irrational and highly emotional at this age. The lawyer essentially said I could spend > 30K to extend my order a year or so, but at this age the courts are reluctant to, and cannot force a child to comply with an order even if it's known to be in their best interests.
Courts provide due process, not justice and they don't prosecute perjury. My experience has not been positive, but of course it's never overtly gender biased. It just "happens" that fathers normally get the short end of the stick.
For now I am trying to swallow the lack of respect and consideration I am shown by both my daughter and her mother. I have been told by my sisters to be patient and loving, and my daughter will eventually come to her senses and see things as they are, or at least be willing and able to see them from my viewpoint.
As the saying goes "If you love someone set them free and if they come back to you they are yours, otherwise they never were". ruclips.net/video/LSGl3d4KOMk/видео.html
@@larryhengen7232 thank you so much! Very sad...no land for man..
Thank you, Dr Amy Baker for coming to the UK and the EAPAP Conference at the end of August 2018. You are MUCH appreciated.
Thank you so much Dr Baker for all this invaluable information. I've only just realised why my daughter used to say 'I don't feel safe' when she was about 4 or 5. It stuck with me since. It was so disconcerting to hear from such a young child; it made me feel so worried about her and it filled me with self doubt about my role as a mother. Thank you so much for the advice on how to respond to the alienated children's behaviour. I would like to understand more about talking to the alienator in front of the children, it sounds like a very effective strategy but I would find it very difficult to do.
I need help so bad all i do think of and worry about my son
Remember the saying, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Your kid will realize the truth one day. Just love them and be there for them in whatever capacity the child will allow. Remember that the feelings the child is showing are the alienators feelings, not the child's.
I'm in the same boat 9 years now my friend, keep your faith,, in fact I'll tell you to strengthen your faith so you can be a man when the prodigal son returns, and not an emotional wreck, believe me I know its hard, stay strong
Me too but with my sweet 9 yr old daughter. I miss her so much and she lives right in my house.
Brother you and me both... I have nightmares I had a mental and emotional breakdown. Lost my job and everything just knowing my child is with an unstable mother. I have been dealing with this for almost a year and a half and my trial is April and I cant.....
The more you get to know about PAS the more you understand, know your enemy
Knowledge is power. And after hearing this woman speak on this subject, I feel armed and empowered. My will to fight for my daughters has been rekindled. God bless this woman. I’m coming girls. Daddy is coming for you
I feel the same brother.
Thank you for your excellent work! Many RUclipsrs are referring parents to this video and your resources.
I'm grateful for this being here for me. I'm more grateful that I still have time to fix it. I have to say I couldn't even fathom doing this to my seven year old. But it all makes perfect sense with what I'm seeing. I was so confused for so long and felt helpless. Thank you so much for this post. It's giving me tools to fight back peacefully without causing more harm. I'm stepping out on faith quitting my 3rd shift job and standing up for my daughter whom I love dearly and would never harm. Pray for me.
WOW!!! Thank you so very much helping me analyze and process the last six years of my life. Not only have I allowed myself to be alienated by inaction ("the high road") but helped perpetuate the narrative with reinforcing, reactionary behaviours you mentioned. This one friggin' video has opened my eyes and mind in a away I can never show enough gratitude and appreciation for. From the depths of what heart and soul I have left, Thank you so figgin' much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to hug you so tight you poop yourself. Thank you.
Alienated Dad here for the last 8 years so far. The courts in Canada allow, support, and cater to the alienating parent.
Beyond grateful for these videos... It's a godsend to hear the experts, professionals, researchers...
Great lecture on PAS. Very informative. Thank you for posting this. This information needs to get out there. I witnessed four beautiful, amazing kids (my step-kids) get alienated from their father (my now ex-husband) over a period of 12 years. They are all adults now. Seeing this video blows my mind because it is so spot on. It is unbelievable how almost everything she says is something I witnessed/witness. An example ... the other day one of these adult kids (who no longer speaks to his father and barely speaks to me) said to me “my mom NEVER spoke badly about Kevin (his Dad) or you. She was the most loving, kind Mom in the world. I said to him (he is now 29), I’m happy to hear that, I hope you remember your Dad and I as being kind and loving and not speaking badly about your mom either (knowing that was something we could be proud of, we did not sink to that level), there was an awkward pause, no answer, so I pushed it (first time I have ever talked to him about any of this). I said, do you remember me or your Dad speaking bad about your mom? He said ... “no”... and he had a look on his face of confusion, kind of like ... he just realized we were not the awful monsters she claimed we were. Then he proceeded to say ... “my Mom did not and does not tell me how to think or what to say to you guys, I think for myself, I always have.” Which was strange because I had not mentioned that I thought she influenced him. All I said was I was happy to hear she has not spoken badly about us. I had never talked bad about his mom. I remember one time he was going on a trip with us when he was a senior in high school. We were going to a pro football game and he wanted to go so badly that it gave him the courage to stand up to his mom and tell her he was going to spend a day and a half with us (how terrible right??). She sent him about 50 texts and called probably 10 times in the hour it took us to leave her house where we picked him up and get on the plane when he had to shut his phone off. We could hear her screaming on the phone, at one point he was crying and said he could not go and showed me his phone. She had texted him saying “If you go with them, that tells me you don’t love me and I will put all of your clothes and belongings in garbage bags outside for you to pick up and don’t bother ever coming in this house again.” Just horrible messages to him. I remember this being one of the only times he shared with us about her abuse. We knew some things because of the custody evaluations we had gone through and friends telling us different things etc. But this was one of the only times they actually showed or told us what was going on. I remember sitting there and just listening to him and consoling him and telling him that his mom loves him and she is hurting and telling him every possible thing I could think of that made him feel loved by his mom and to help him not be mad at her or upset with her. I did not chime in and say your mom is a horrible human being, anything like that (all things I would have loved to spill out...sigh) I always felt like if I were to say anything truthful about their mom to them that that would be hurting them. That was just my gut, I did not know the psychology behind that and that it actually does hurt children. That’s just what I felt in my gut. It blew my mind to hear him recently say that his mom had never spoken a bad word about us. But it confirmed everything that I have learned about PAS. These children are brainwashed. They believe mom was all good and they believe their dad was all bad. I keep in contact with them and drip love on them. But they are distant from me. They are distant from my daughter, they are half sister as well. We are an extension of him. This is very sad for my daughter. But amazing how she can see through the actions of their mother without me having to say a single word. She is a healthy young lady and it took her one encounter with their mother around them to make her see the whole picture. The picture they are blinded to. They have nothing to do with their dad. It’s very sad because he was not a bad father. We had a child together and got a divorce when she was eight. We have been able to coparent just fine, we have never gone to court over visitation, we have always agreed. We can go to a game and sit next to each other and be friendly and encourage the other parent and we show our child that she needs to respect the other parent and love the other parent. We don’t undermine each other. It’s completely different from how the other four kids grew up. It’s really sad. In the 12 years I was with him when the children were under age 18, we spent nine of those years with an attorney on retainer and in the middle of court proceedings. We went through two full custody evaluations. We are divorced today because of the stress this put on our finances and on our marriage. Both custody evaluations granted custody of decision making to my ex, they gave us joint custody only because my ex felt it was best for the children to see their mother. Otherwise, I believe we could have gotten it where she had very little time with the children. That’s how terrible the Custody Evaluators found her to be. They found her to be narcissistic, borderline personality disorder, sociopathic, histrionic. To make it even worse she managed to find a husband who was just about as bad as she was. From the day he came into their lives she forced the kids to call him dad. I’ll never forget the first time we met him, it was at a basketball game. The two boys, who are twins, were sitting in his lap. They were 10 years old. They did not know this guy hardly at all and it looked very weird for them to be sitting in a grown man’s lap at 10 years old. They had not sat in their dad’s lap for a few years now. They had outgrown that. Whenever they were in public around both sets of parents they would not speak to us. We never asked them about it or made them feel uncomfortable because we knew they got in trouble if they showed us attention. We tried to make it easy on them so that they didn’t have to endure her wrath. One of the girls at one point told us that her mom had held her on the floor by the neck where she couldn’t breathe making her tell her that she did not love us more than her and that she would not call me mom. I never asked the kids to call me mom, I respected the fact that she was there mom. I wanted them to have a loving mother. I always told them that they have a wonderful mom and that they can call me whatever they want and I’m just happy to be able to be another person in their life that loves them. I knew that they would be tortured if they ever showed any allegiance or affection to me. This subject is one that I feel very passionately about. I am in my last semester of getting my masters degree in psychology and this is a field that I would like to get into. I would like to help parents and children who are targeted or alienated. Thank you for this video. One last thing, one of the boys, the only one of the four who is in a relationship right now, has been in a four year relationship with a woman who reminds me exactly of his mother. I forsee him being a targeted parent some time in the future. I pray he is not, I pray he sees the light before that time. But when you said that in your video, that stuck out in my head for him.
I am a victim of parental alienation and it's hard I suffer depression and thoughts of suicide due to this and being cheated out of raising my children. So many memories lost that can't be replaced.
Me too. 3 attempts.
I understand your pain but please don’t let it destroy you, Through a lot of therapy I’ve found a way of using my pain to help other people less fortunate than myself.What is the hardest is that unless you’ve lived through this no one really understands so please reach out to someone whose shared this experience
Hang there my friend I hope you ok.
The pain is incredible
Thank you so much for sharing this. The alienating behaviors are what my ex-husband and his wife used on our children. As of now I have been estranged from my oldest, a daughter for 14 years. She just had my first grandchild who is going to be 8 months old and I have yet to see the child even though we live in the same area. Unfortunately I can see that Parental Alienation behavior patterns can extend to the next generation in a family and the hatefulness within my child just seems to keep growing with new in laws and family members added to the equation. My ex did try his best to erase me out of our children's lives and it feels as if he has been rather successful. My whole family has been erased as well. So this new grandchild (who has a congenital heart defect), and my new son-in-law have never met me or my family. We were not invited to her wedding, and now my grandchild is going to grow up without even knowing his maternal grandmother or my family. My ex continues to bad mouth me to everyone that he and his wife can. My daughter used to drink alot I think to deal with the situation. I am so sad and beginning to think that this will never end and my poor grandchild, daughter, and myself will pay the price for my ex-husbands hatred. I have even had a heart attack at age 47 with the stress of all this with my first two children.
I remarried and had another son and I was sure to make sure that I did run down his father to him. I wanted my son to decide for himself what kind of father he has. He is so much better adjusted because of the fact that we supported his relationship with his dad as opposed to wrecking it!
I'm really glad I found this, I commented on the first part too. Just the fact that someone cared enough to study this means a lot to me. As a kid I felt like nobody cared, nobody would listen, and it especially didn't matter what life-long effects this would have. It's all spot on. Erasing someone's presence from the home, first names used, limiting communication, making it "normal" that 1 parent is never around and feels super strange the rare times they are. I feel like I rebuilt a sense of self from scratch as an adult - and had a lot of cosmetic procedures.
Yes put a claim on the judges they're the cults that affects your estates
Oh my god they do almost all of the above. The step monster is a big part of the problem
Liberation ditto!! What’s wrong with these people! Demons! 👿
My daughter's have one too. "All pigs eventually go to slaughter".
I believe my ' Stepmother ran the show, but the father allowed it!
When it’s the therapist who is the alienating person...most of her patients have cut off communication with their moms! It’s been 8 years. My daughter and I had a super close relationship until she was 26. Devastating for my daughter as well as me. She grieved the loss of her mom and cried buckets as her counselor made her think it was for her own good.
I think that this talk was incredible, except for the advice of electronically contacting children once a week. Perhaps that will work in some situations, but I think that most adult children are in such a bitter place they will view this as harassment. I think that it sends a covert message that the alienated parent is not respecting their current feelings or their boundaries. My sons are in their mid-30s, and occasional, tactful messages have kept us at least in some sort of contact. But to me--and also indicated to me by them--the constant weekly barrage of emails would be akin to me getting emotional and 'pulling out the bank statement to prove that they saved for college', an example that the Dr. gives about emotions that drive wedges. Weekly emails are too much of a reminder, too often, and even if the emails are 'neutral', they trigger deep pain in both child and parent--every time. Even Dr. Baker's own research indicates that adult children do not reunite with their alienated parent over constant communication, they do it for a variety of reasons, but that is not one she mentions. If they don't want to talk to us, I believe we need to respect that. Other than that issue, it is quite clear how much she gets this syndrome. Wonderful speech.
I would email my child every single day if it wasn't for restraining order for the next 3 years, thanks to the alienating mother. Nevertheless, I keep writing letters and saving them, one day I will see a window of opportunity.
cory k Good point. We didn’t have alienation for years after our divorce, but my ex suddenly started calling our son, then in 3rd grade, every single night while we were doing the dinner, bath, and homework routine. It was so disruptive and emotional for my son (and me.) It made it difficult to settle in to our new situation, but he would not stop, or limit time. If we weren’t hone, or if I missed the call for some reason, he accused me of blocking contact and threatened legal action. I felt terrorized (he was abusive) and I’m certain that my son picked up on that.
@@user-bd4bo4tb8u Excessive communication is how alienation can start. It did with my son on holiday with me, and was followed when we returned home with 'you don't have to go to your dad's if you don't want to', teaching him that his wishes and feelings were paramount'! Which parent holds to that? Amy did not advise pestering the child, when either the court forbids it or the child reacts badly. Her standard was an email or something once a week. My son is very alienated right now, and may not even read a message for a week or two, and then he suddenly does. He has told me I am not his father, but he has not told me never to contact him. There are differing levels of consciousness, and when he has sufficient space, he can resort to his demonized father, so long as he does not show affection. Amy's advice not to give up is good. show love, without making extra problems for the child.
as the kid- i agree with this. even though the kid’s wishes are not their own- they don’t know that. to deny it is to deny their reality, they are already likely experiencing intense gaslighting from the alienating parent. your kid feels violated when you don’t respect their wishes- regardless of their basis in reality. the feeling of un safety will not go away. the best thing my mom did was finally give me the space i was requesting. even though it wasn’t my thoughts, i genuinely felt scared and unsafe- down to the core. just see your child as an individual. they’ll figure out what thoughts are theirs eventually. not saying never reach out, but consistently contacting them when they request you don’t isn’t doing them or your relationship any good.
I have been fighting to be with son in Family Court for 10 years. His dad is vicious in Court. He tries to destroy me in the most cruel and dishonest ways. It's devastating.
All DHS, judges and lawyers need to see this!!
THIS HELPED SOOO MUCH THANK YOU -ALIENATED CHILD
What a wonderful message! This is helping me a lot. Thanks SO MUCH.
Yes this was so helpful Chanel Simpson was my daughter, But sadly never connected again .Ever one lost !
This is awesome. Thank you so much for posting this.
33:30 it almost does not matter WHAT you day rather it is HOW U R with your alienated child--open-positive-value and give them options, choices, chances to express opinions and preferences -that will acknowledge their independent identity and encourage them to regain and assume that enmeshed identity -they should FEEL safe, comfortable and valued around you -what they are lacking from alienator!
Thank you so much for the much needed Hope.
My dear father allowed my older sisters boyfriend to live with us. 20 yr difference between my sibling and I. My dear mother and father were trying to help the boyfriend out.... I was 1 year old. That was the start of the hostile takeover. At 16, I was kidnapped by my sister and now husband.... my parents thought I wanted to go live with them. I thought my parents didn’t want me. I am now going to be 60 yrs young and it still causes a lot of unpleasant feelings. Thank GOD, my mom stood up to her older daughter about what happened and then that daughter betrayed her in the last days of her life. My mother was so exhausted, she just gave up and let go. Soon after, my sister tried to move in on my life that was 3,000 miles away. I divorced her. It needed to be done for my state of mind and for my children and grandchildren. This kind of very sick behavior happens more then we can imagine. I did escape the hostage situation by calling my father at 4am on a Sunday morning. My father showed up and everyone acted like it was all ok....?! It wasn’t and still isn’t. I feel like I need to do something to let these two sick individuals be accountable even if they will never admit they were wrong. These people alienated me from many family members. I have been able to connect with family and have a healthy relationship with them. Unfortunately my dad never knew the truth. I believe my sibling held something over his head... he always acted like he owed her something and would say to me, you’re the strong one, always remember that. I am so thankful our son has never brought his children around his aunt and uncle. He gets it and keeps a safe distance. Very thankful.... for by Gods grace I got a way out when my husband, son and I moved many miles away from the poisonous people.
My 10 yr old was told that if he crys because he misses me he will get yelled at and not be aloud to play on his ipad.
This has been the description of what my nex and his wife have been doing to my children. Worse, the PCDM makes things a lot worse, such as not letting me approach my OWN children in public!!! Or suggest that my kids call me “mom C” (C from my first name) when I complained that they all refer to me by my first name. And they call the stepmother “mom”. And she does exactly what you described. Being involved in school, extra-curricular activities.
i love everything about this
~ recovered alienated child
What happens when they block all social media and their phone? Keep sending messages and calling from random phone numbers?
Tina Barbour this is what I’m facing right now. Blocked from my son’s cell, instagram, email. I have to call the house phone while the alienator listens in and cuts into the conversation. So incredibly devastated.
My kids are only 4 and 6 years old and have had to deal with alot of this TRUTH..for the last almost 4 years. MY GOD>.............
My son put all of his photos of me away. Broke my heart.
Hang in there. I'm right here with you.
I'm dealing with severe parental alienitation.i do not hate my children.i know it's the other person doing what there doing to them.children are innocent.im saddened my kids are going through this.i wish everyone knew about parental alianitation.its sickening kids have to go through the abuse and the loving parent too
I lost my son to alienation when he was kidnapped at age 8, and despite becoming an adult and us finding each other, he's been so indoctrinated against me, I've lost all hope.
Theres grooming these kids. I was told by a counselor in 94 that my children were groomed.
They are brainwashed....
6 alientators disliked this video.
14 now, scary
@@lelawxs27 16 and counting.
Exactly...who could dislike this video except one. I wish I had found this 10 years ago.
@@michaelbarber5651 I wish I knew about narcissists and parental alienation a long time ago As well. It's all so evil
My EX is a narcissist- pure evil. His last way of controlling me is through my teenage daughter. He just never stops and keeps taking me back to court to try and remove all my custody days. Unbelievable!
Absolutely. My ex was like a religious cult leader. He’s manipulated my kids - so sad how he has f-d with their minds, joy, peace, future relationships. He vilifies me no matter what I do, still, 20 years of this Evil. It’s Devastating. Hard for others to comprehend- I’m so embarrassed- I avoid everyone because I can’t explain it even when I do- sometimes people seem skeptical, unless they’ve experienced it. So now I’m more isolated.
thank you so much for your work
My two daughters have cut me out of their lives. My youngest 31 yrs hasn’t spoken to me in the past 4yrs. My ex husband was the alienating parent and was physically abusive. I finally fled the house with my 3 young children at the time and had a very tough time trying to protect them and myself from him. He was extremely wealthy and obviously my children’s life style was affected by the change. He eventually cut off all ties with his kids. The irony is that even though I raised my kids, did everything I could for them, put them through school, I was accused by my daughters of stealing (he wasn’t even paying child support !). Anyway, my second daughter who was very fond of her father and “hated” me , stopped all contact with me. She xeroxed on her father’s request, my legal papers for my divorce, she removed all the photos of us together to substitute them with her father’s new girlfriend. I am still baffled and so hurt. I tried so hard but after being repeatedly insulted, gave up. My eldest daughter too, has been very ambivalent towards. me. If I want to be on her good side that means that I have to give in on whatever she wants. Now she’s 35 and I am done with this emotional blackmail. I miss my daughters terribly but I cannot be treated with such contempt and verbal abuse. I have always been their target. They never talk about their father who has abandoned them and who was the abusive parent. Thank you for this video.
Keep up the amazing work!!!!!
There's a bit at the end where Amy talks about critical thinking skills...That was the first topic of my degree. I taught this to my son from the age of three. We discussed Descartes' epistemology and metaphysics (although we didn't use those terms!). He sat in on lectures on Kant and WIttgenstein when he was 8 (am i guilty of child-cruelty?!)... It all counted for nought when he was faced with "Yeah, go and see your dad - stay with him. Of course you wont see any of us ever again [mothers side of the family]. "
36:48 alienating parents get away with it. :(
Not the parent it's the JUDGE magistrate
PAS is the most evil, painful thing to go through. I have not seen nor talked to my son in over ten years. People kept saying "Don't worry he's a teen", "he has friends and is busy", don't give up... blah blah. Well, now I've been told by a therapist to embrace acceptance. :(
Sorry to hear the ten years. I had to bury and forget about my children after 10 years to get on with my life. After the last Judge cut the money tree down 13 years later the oldest son comes looking for the money. He was Angry, Mad, Upset, Violent and about to call the Police on him I was able to start answering his questions. He is not the same son I knew 15 years ago and he tells me the stories of the other children and how they turned out. I don't care to see them as mental illness has set in and the system will have to support them.
@@larrylorimer3065 Now when people ask if I had a son I reply that he died. I wrote him off. I don't want to even know about him anymore.
@@laurakelly4579 Not many people ask me about my children. Once they find out the Courts were involved the questions are answered. This one son keeps in contact more all the time but cannot tell the others about meeting their Dad. It's terrible to raise a family only to be discarded for money.
@@larrylorimer3065 P.A.S. is so hard and heartbreaking. I'm sorry for everyone who goes through this evil thing.
@@larrylorimer3065 The courts need to be aware and actually CARE about P.A.S. I don't know what state you are from but I'm in Central NY and the court I went to didn't care how far I had come along, what good I was doing, they didn't care nor give me a chance.
Brilliant video.
Great lecture, I learned a lot and appreciate the speaker. I kinda like her style
I appreciated the information and it was so spot on. Is it possible there is a condensed version from Dr. Baker with this information? Although I cannot see how, I thought it was worth asking. Many thanks again.
I bought a new computer...he told our 15 year old daughter to take the disc for the operating system and bring them to him. I saw her with them...she said "Dad wants these"...I said "They are mine...you can not take them". She still would not allow me to have them. I had to call the police and have them explain that a Dad should not tell his minor child or anyone to take things that belong to another adult. They told her what was honest and true. She was still angry at me for now letting her do what "Dad says".
Going on 13 years -- still in court -- many PTE's, counselors and GAL's....Exactly what my ex has done -- told my kid how "proud" mom was that she stood up against me and said she "didn't want to go with me for my court ordered parenting time".
At the same time, let's NOT forget about the enablers of this horrific "crime" (yes, I'll call it a crime). The judges, GAL's (Guardian Ad Litems), PTE's (Parenting time expeditors) and PC's (Parenting consultants).
In my personal case, the GAL assigned to the case would NOT hold mom responsible for her actions, and when mom and I finally agreed to a almost 50-50 court schedule where I got the majority of the summer and 3 of 4 weekends a month and most time off of school for school breaks -- my attorney told the court. Just wait, something else will pop up before summer. And, guess what? Something else popped up (more accusations against me that I have proven false) so I missed ALL summer with my kid not even seeing her. Then GAL assigned because, of course, the judge can not make a decision if his life depended on it, so he was waiting for the GAL to do her investigation and report and go off of her recommendations.
After being ordered to do "reunification therapy" (which is not covered by insurance), and going through that for a while, the therapist picked, shortly into it, told us that she can NOT work with "mom" and advised her to not come back anymore -- mom was the issue and the therapist that was supposed to hold her accountable (per the judge) was no longer working on the case, however, mom still had about 98% of the time as I had "every other weekend from Friday night at 6pm to Sunday night at 6pm and every Monday from 230pm-530pm (3 hours)". HOW are you supposed to get "reunification" with your kid with a schedule like that -- schedule the GAL made.
GAL does NOT understand P/A -- nor does she want to learn, from what I can see. She feels the kid's "social life" is more important (school activities, friends, etc.) than it is to spend time with dad at his house (oh, it should be noted, mom moved over 50 miles away, taking kid further from me, and the court allowed it).
Going back to court soon -- so we'll see.
Anyone have similar stories, and how did you work through it? Anyone have positive results? Negative results?
Once my court case is done and my kids is 18 (won't be done before then, I'm sure, UNLESS the judge gets some balls and the court gets some courage and holds mom accountable for her heinous crimes), I plan on taking this to my state legislature and helping draft legislation for DEFAULT SHARED PARENTING PRESUMPTION in ALL divorces and non-married child custody cases (unless abuse is PROVEN, and NOT JUST ALLEGED).
Its been more than a ten thousand mile journey in search for my children. I am a father who never had a chance to be a father by immediate protection orders at birth of my twin sons. I miss my daughter and my twin sons daily and by the hour for years from two families. I have been erased as a father by alienating parents instructing courts even without due process. The family courts delay or denied relief and remedies. For two years no contact has been allowed freely with any of my children by either alienating parents or families. I seek help daily to be free from deception and fraud inflicted by the court officials, state agencies, alienating parents, civil rights violations, voidable orders, etc... Still separated from my children without relief causes irreversible lifelasting damage to both the targeted parent as myself, and my children that are missing. A change or call to action needs to help children and parents from this abuse. Why are Congress members, Governors, Senators, Legislatures, and Lawyers not helping children and families from alienation and fraud schemes in our nation's court systems?
Thank you
My mother would blow up if I mentioned my father. After a weekend with him, I was under the spotlight, questioned for hours. She believed that she was getting ran down, when her name wasn't mentioned. It was an orfull situation. My father thought I had a choice and stopped having anything to do with me. I was just too damaged to fix it before he died.
Great video....
Mine was from my son's step mom who couldn't have children... Took presents back and said he could play with it when he visits, wanted to be called Mom, day after they married, changed his last name without me knowing, had son spy and keep secrets. My son is so mad at me all the time. He only talks to me on holidays. She has intertwined herself in his life so much, he couldn't get away if he wanted... She is the worst type of control freak there is
Yes they are not allowed to talk about me and I am the other household not mama. In fact when my ex found out that my daughter called me mama she was made fun of and called her a baby even though we both referred to my ex as mommy. I am not an alienator. Pathetic.
I am in Australia and am a targeted parent. At a macro level, we talk about some Aboriginal indigenous Australians as the 'stolen generation' because when Europeans settlers arrived here, Aboriginal children were removed from their families through government policies. A multi-generational tragedy affecting all Australians directly or indirectly 100+ years later and only now being recognised as wrong impacting many areas of our society. It is not an uncommon failing of human cultural evolution and seen in the history of many countries and cultures.
At a more micro and family unit level, I see unfortunate patterns of negative human behaviour, where some parents believe because of their own experiences, values and fears, that building walls rather than bridges is beneficial for their children. One form of wall building, being parental alienation is damaging future adults, mothers and fathers. These now children are the next 'stolen generation'. Their identity and sense of self is stolen by a parent in what can only be described as the worst form of child abuse, because it is perpetrated by their most trusted mentor and because they have been denied their right to choose both parents and hence all of themselves.
Every child, has a birth right to have a relationship with both paternal parents so that they are given an optimal adult fostered chance of knowing truly thy self. Why? Simple. To have their right to peace. Is it not everybody's and especially children's absolute right for that chance for peace….here….while living….now…..on earth?
Thank you Amy for the research and the work and for being a heretic heard. A difficult and hard path of criticism you have chosen but worthy of many salvations. A crumb given and found is worth the universe for one child. For your kids - Be safe, Be loving, Be available.
If one parent is completely intent on alienating the other parent, aside from the help of a competent , very brave and willing court appointed social worker/therapist and a judge, there is NOTHING the targeted parent will be able to do.
Communication to the kid(s) goes on deaf ears, custody battles end up no where . The alienated parent is mentally ill but in way that can be hidden from the public and the courts. This causes tremendous pain and many alienators get away with spending the best years of their kids lives with them- even though they are making their future more challenging and problematic. Targeted parents suffer tremendously.
Most judges and therapist are too spineless to enforce custody arrangements and fighting against alienation. Many of these people create family reports that minimize or deny alienation even when they admit to targeted parent that alienation is occurring.
Yes get this info in the schools...seminars like this.
Listening to this is fucking terrifying because it is so on point with what I am dealing with with my children and their mother. These types of behaviors have been going on for years. Either by their mother or the ways that they have treated me. They don’t even call me DAD anymore they just address me by my first name.
Guys the cult is the JUDGE they're the one who orders it.put a lien on them or claim for harm..its the magistrates
My daughter wants me to beg and grovel much more. She is trying to take my son away, to "protect him...' My son is caught as I feel him being pulled away, he is scornful and demands I apologize (or else?) An apology is a moving target, serial outrage over relatively insignificant things purported by her father and stepmother's smears for years. I've admitted to some failures, now I can't defend myself anymore. I'm crushed, I thought we had a conflict, she wrote a letter referencing a lifetime of putting up with me, her weekend Mom.
My ex has told my child that I have mental health issues. He tells everyone that he talks to and says it right in front of my child. Now he is making allegations to MCF and told me that would support him to get sole custody. They believe him and this really bothers me. Yes he eclipsed me I’m the beginning but I stood my ground it had been a fight for 8 years and it’s getting exhausting.
I have been through this, me and me 5 brothers and sisters. I never even saw any pictures of my dad. And somehow my mother and her family would alter our last name by calling us this imaginary last name.
That right there. The one thing that an alienating parent can't be is empathetic to their child. While putting forward their platform that it is the best interest of the child.
If we had just and proper judicial systems, it would be the alienating parent who would stand the greatest risk of losing their child. But that would require family courts that actually know how to perform their function properly.
I could ask an obvious question here. Ever notice that rich people, even rather well-off people, never lose their children in this way? I'm sure the reason isn't that they're perfectly saint-like parents. It's because of those high priced lawyers. Who would actually call out an alienator.
I am committed to end parental alienation.
Where can we get copy of "Beyond the High Road?"
Son has gone no contact due to alienating father with low self-esteem who feels better about himself targeting me with lies. His father has told him he was abused as a child, an absolute lie. Son is over 40 and has encouraged his new wife to deliver verbal abuse to me too when I text kind messages. I have little hope, my son does not know who he is. I choose to get on with my life. If he comes to his senses and reconnects - I'll be delighted. Their narc tendencies will not steal my joy. Praying for him.
I know what the kids are going threw because their dad did it to me. I still have him in my head.
No!!! I take that back! It’s around 26 minutes in. THAT IS EXACTLY THE SITUATION THAT CAN CAUSE NIGHTMARES.
Amd what is happening here
My son was taken 3 years ago and now that he’s 18 his dad is still keeping him away from me and his maternal family unless they go against their own mother. What can I do?
If you don't have a restraining order, just keep on contacting! Send greeting cards, short letters, and often! See the blog of Karen Woodall, she has a topic on example how to write a letter to an alienated child.
You need to take this to lawyers, judges, and Ministry of Child and Family Services or whatever name applies to child welfare in each state! There ia such an incredulous lack of knowledge in this area by the very people meant to intervene!
I am being erased and the playbook is in full on just as u say. I have to use our dogs blog to share with our kids. They are not punished as much for watching the dog blog
You just described my relationships witj my kids ...it makes me sad to see how sick they are
Parental Alienation is real and I believe it should be a crime. I hope 🤞 one we as a society take parental alienation seriously. It’s too late for me but we can change and be better for future generations
My POS ex even removed all photos from us together and now has only photos where she and the kids are together or her POS parents...
What were the conversations like talking to the Alienator ? They clearly have a reason for doing what they are doing.
2 years of not having seen my son. He is 4 now.
I wish someone could clear this up for me , I get very little time with my son that when we are together after 2 weeks it's like we are both nervous about being together it's an awful feeling but after our visit I would tell my son who's now a 13 year old that all I ask is he respond to my text messages I even tell him I dont bombard you with them but I do tell him at night I love you , goodnight and he swears up and down that he will but he wont do it and it drives me fkn crazy , what is it about ? He used to text me back I love you too ! Not anymore its heartbreaking!
Amazing
YES!!!! Education