Alienated Parents: Keep Communicating Despite Rejection From Your Alienated Child
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- Опубликовано: 13 сен 2024
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In this Episode of "The Insider"
Alienated Child Ryan Thomas shares why it is so important to continue to communicate despite being rejected over and over.
Hi, my name is Ryan Thomas and I’m a child of parental alienation. I began speaking out after I reconnected with my Dad after decades of rejection, in hopes it could help other families.
My goal is to use my real-life experiences to help parents understand how their children think after parental alienation, and what they can say and do to rebuild the relationship - even in the most extreme cases.
I’m grateful that I’ve had the opportunity to work with rejected and alienated parents in over 25 countries, helping to create breakthroughs and reunifications. It’s an amazing experience to play a role in the rebuilding of a loving parent-child relationship that has been needlessly torn apart.
I hope this video provides new insights, new perspectives, and hope that reconnecting is possible, no matter how difficult the situation or how long it’s been.
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#parentalalienation #narcissist #custody
It's mother's day the only day I get a chance to tell my son I love him. I have no way of communicating with my son AT ALL! My son was parentally abducted at age 7. He is 17 now. 😢 Please pray for Syd my son lost in darkness. Ty Ryan, you have nailed the sinner to the cross. My child is totally in prison. WOW! 🤔
I hope the courts change custody laws, and punishes parental alienators.
The anguish a parent suffers over being abused this way is undescribable. I just keep reaching out to my estranged adult son with his wife trying to "prove" I don't care. Each time I reach out to him and he doesn't reply it's like I've slashed myself with a sword but I do it anyway. I can never stop. I love my son.
That’s exactly how I feel. Love my son, but absolute silence.
I daughter told me recently that she does not want to hear from me again, and that I should see a psychiatrist. Recently she has been returning my letters and gifts (rarely my checks or cash). Should I stop communicating with my daughter 100%. My current wife thinks so.
As a alienated mom I appreciate this video so much.
So so much. Me too. It has helped incredibly ❤
At the end of the day it's important to remember the parent who is alienating their child from the other parent does not love the child. They care more about their objective than the welfare of their own child. They care more about revenge than they care about their child's self-esteem. They are abusers who only care about themselves. Nine times out of ten a parent who alienates their child from the other parent is personality disordered.
Eddie Knows I think this is exactly what I go thru....
Eddie Knows this is also where a narcissistic personality disorder is a factor. My ex husband and the dad to our 14 year old son has not been "diagnosed" but I see all the red flags. The dad has always seemed to want to keep our son to himself or to his parents. I wish I had known about this alienation concept sooner.
Eddie Knows I raised my son until he was 16, always making sure he saw his dad as much as possible. I became chronically ill when he was 10, I was bedridden and racked with guilt about not being able to do the things I wanted to as a mother. I always thought my son and I were close but when he was 15 he got involved with drugs and went to live with his dad at 16 and his dad then put him in an inpatient treatment facility for a year and a half and cut me out of my son’s life. His Dad always wanted full custody of him since he was 2. Going through courts and countless psychiatric evaluations, I was always awarded custody. His dad, stepmother, and therapist convinced him he never really had a mother and probably never would. They also diagnosed my son with borderline personality disorder. He’s now convinced that I abused him during his entire childhood, and that couldn’t be further from the truth. He even thinks his younger brothers are being abused because they call him when they get in trouble (they’ve never even been spanked in their life!), made possible and encouraged by my overt narcissist husband (my son still talks to him occasionally). My son doesn’t want anything to do with me and I’m absolutely heartbroken. I love and miss him so much. I will never give up on him, but how does one go about convincing their child they weren’t abused and neither are their siblings without be accused of not taking accountability for it? I’m so lost!
Dream Weaver oh my god,my situation is so similar.....keep the line of communication open......my understanding is it’s like brain washing and recovery is possible......keep the door open,never criticise the alienator.stay positive.dont show the pain.Try to provide fun for that child...or be positive.....don’t contact the alienators,wrote loving letters,loving birthday cards etc...keep trying,but not desperate!!!! Keep the door open,they will remember the truth.your child needs na or AA, Hun...GET to nar anon or alanon...look up on you tube...it will give you the strength and the skills .... I promise xxx its a life line xxxx best wishes...your not alone xxxx
You are right! Borderline ex in my case.
I have two teenage daughters who are my world. But their father has a serious personality disorder, and he always told me he would crush me (for leaving the abusive relationship).
It's taken him 10 years, but he has finally alienated me. The girls don't want me anymore.
I have spent the past nine months with a crushed heart. I don't believe God wants this for me. They are 14 and 16. They know what they're doing, and I just can't do it any longer.
I wish them peace.
I’m praying for you I know how this feels my 12 year old daughter refusing reunification
Letting go is NOT giving up! I hope all of you alienated parents realize this and don't beat yourself up over your choice to "let go". Letting go is obviously the dreaded last step after you've tried absolutely everything with no success. There does come a point where you have to realistically weight the benefit of trying to remain in your child's life against the reality that just by trying to remain in your child's life, you're assisting the alienating parent in their quest and making your child's situation worse. It's a sick, twisted, double-edged sword. Your parental instinct is to fight for your kids no matter what, but the more you fight back, the worse their environment becomes due to the alienating parent.
Letting go isn't giving up. It's giving space and time and peace to a child that can't understand the chaos. It's giving yourself a bit of a chance to make yourself the best version you can be for when your child hopefully comes back to you. No one knows your situation but you. If your heart, mind, and gut instincts are telling you to "give up", you need to stop thinking of giving up and start considering letting go instead. I haven't given up on my daughter, although it's been 20 years since I've had her in my life. I had to let go about 10 years ago to save myself and to move on with life. I have no regrets. It's not like I even had a choice. I'm here and ready for if/when she comes back. If I had given up instead of letting go, I wouldn't even have a chance. Now, I'll be able to show her how I am a survivor and how she is a survivor, and hopefully we'll have a chance to bond again.
Ohhh Love, your words just rang so hard and true in my heart.
This, I fear will end up being the second son I have lost to this horrific form of abuse. I hate more than anything thinking of it that way (lost), that is how it has felt for 3 1/2 years. The pain has started to literally feel like it is killing me, actually killing my physical body. Thank you for sharing truly. I am making changes, I deserve to LIVE! Much Love and Abundance to you and yours.
Ryan! I got my kids back by following your advice! I didn’t do it entirely right, and it still worked. How do I thank you?! I can’t thank you enough.
Can you please share what steps you took?! I’m so happy to hear this good news. It’s very encouraging
Yes please please share! ❤so happy for you… I’ve had no hope for so long. This is finally encouraging
What did you do? Steps you took?
😢"My Heart Cries for you
Sighs for you
Dies for you
And
My arms long for you...please come back to me"
This is EXACTLY how I feel.
But you know what? I've made that known to my teen daughters. I do not believe God wants me to beg, they are 14 and 16.
😢😢😢
@@laurielewis6746 my girls are 12/14 and my ex has complete control I’m only allowed to write letters to them and he has to read them before giving them to them
Agreed. Thank you, Ryan. I’m going to give the narcissist hell of a fight because they only keep shooting themselves in their foot with all their lies because the truth is starting to come out to light.
Same here. The underdog is coming up. Its all coming out in the wash. I am just waiting for my light !!
@@angie_7701 I wish you all the best, Angie!
@@angie_7701 Same in my case, I am the grandmother who had a tight and loving relationship until the marriage ended and the lies began and looks like it is all coming back to bite the aggressor; I've lost ALL respect for the mother now.
Ask big from god. Put a curse to destroy the narc with cancer. That is what they deserve
Thank you. I used to write letters to my daughter every month and she never wrote me back. I suggested to her mother that I can get our daughter a cell phone. Her mother reluctantly agreed and from then on, the lines of communication were open. She went from being the "oblivious" child to a "hostage". She's not afraid to question things now. My daughter has realized that I'm not such a bad guy after all. She texted me yesterday and she wants to spend the weekend with me. Thanks for your videos, Ryan. Keep up the good work.
Happy for you
That's awesome!
That's Beautiful Man. See, Kids Ain't Dumb. You Jus Gotta Keep Fighting. Never Give Up On Your Kids Man. God Don't Like Ugly. It'll Eventually Backfire On Them. Trust Me
Congrats! Happy for anyone who comes out a winner! I tried this tactic myself and unfortunately my kids mother blocked me from their phones. Trying to deal with that now.
I wish my daughter could watch this with an open mind. I would hope it could help her discover that she is not alone in her feelings, and that maybe her father is a good man who is full of love for her.
Has your not solittlegirl anymore ever come back? My first posts were almost 7 yes ago
@@rossdavidson6387 Sadly, no. It's been 20 years now. To top it off, my younger brother is now going through the exact same thing. His ex just fired the "silver bullet" 2 days ago, filing a no-contact order against him for physical abuse that never happened. I'm hoping the times have changed and that he won't suffer like so many others. How is your situation?
My little girl is 21 now no longer living with my x the spider, but the brainwashing was so expertly done it has made no difference. My x now hijacked my son from the bus stop last week over the usual concocted lies that can't be immediately disproven and I haven't seen him since. She's now vying for title lV-D full custody, which once you look it up you'll realize there's funding attached to award ONE parent,always the custodial or parent that has the greatest percentage of time. Sickening bro. Hang tough
@@rossdavidson6387 sorry to hear it man. I'm well aware of the Title IV-D scheme, and how it is used to incentivize states for collecting child support AND child support arrears. Pathetic.
I’m an alienated mom. I stand with you in your journey. My heart breaks that you are going through the same pain. Hugs, friend! You are a GOOD father!!!
No pressure. Once they are in the same room or on the phone, just talk to them. Tell them you love them. Tell them you’re not going away regardless of their reactions. And then focus on them - how their day was. What do they need or want from you. Acknowledge that your time together must be really hard on them because it isn’t like it was when their parents were together. Maybe they have ideas of their own about how to make it easier. Make the time theirs, not yours. And never - ever - berate them for having bad (or false) perceptions of you. That isn’t their fault. They don’t need to know how you feel about the other parent, only how you feel about them. And hold tight; it’s a rough ride. Good luck to all of the alienated parents out there.
I needed to see this video today - my daughter is the oblivious child.
Every bad thing that's wrong with my daughter, is my fault - and she believes it. Somehow even terrible weather will be my fault - she's conditioned to think
Mom = bad........end of.
It's souls destroying, heartbreaking and hopeless.
Thank you for sharing this - this is a turning point in my life.
Am grieving for you
Hello Ryan, I am so happy you made this particular video. I am going through it. I am a mother. My son is a hostage child. I still hug him even when he doesn't hug me back. I still attend his events even if he cannot openly be happy to see me. My family think I should give up, but I refuse, and this video just confirmed my drive to continue. Thank You Thank You. May God Bless you for this. Many charge a lot of money for these things.
Never give up!
noonoo691 u
Update because I didn't give up, my relationship with my son is being restored
Ti D This is wonderful! And a beacon of hope for the rest of us!
Amen
Yes.......love you with all my heart ,My oldest daughter.
Don’t ever give up trying to have a relationship with your children if they alienated you there is some kind of hurt inside of them and you always have to make yourself available to listen even if you can’t make it right just listen
As a father this is impactful.
Thank you for this testimony.
You're so welcome!
Thank you! I'm headed to my daughter's basketball game today, even though she doesn't want me there.
Absolutely
How’s it going? Is it better?
@@marcusavila2961 Yes! I never gave up and my relationship with my daughters has never been better. They're more grown up now and can see through their Mother's BS. I would also call my ex out instantly when she pulled out her alienation tricks, it made her spin out of control. Fight for your kids, they'll see it and eventually come around.
@@Finnerski I love it! Kids see through it all. I’m glad things have turned to the better for you and your daughter. 🙏🏼
This is so timely. Great message.
I continue to write my alienated daughter. I know she reads my text and she MUST know things are twisted. Never giving up on her, one daughter is good with me, the other must follow, God willing!
For adult children….when as a parent give a simple letter of how as a parent that is alienated feel….tell them you will never stop loving them but as you hang in the wings hopefully waiting to one day reconnect but can’t stay in this feeling of hopelessness. Sometimes for our mental health…we have to step away and live our life. I wonder for me the parent that was always there for both of them when raising them seems to mean nothing.
I’ve lost both my children after a 10 year battle with a pathogenic (alienating) parent. I have chosen a cartoon series to teach others what my children and I went through over the years. What happened with lawyers and court appearances. What my ex said and did to alienate my children. Inside perspective from her ex fiancé (now my friend) included in a mix of humor whenever possible just to ease the pain of it all. Thank you for teaching people the other side!! The triangulation concept is REAL!!
Can I contact you at all? I like how your handling it.
In my case the alienation started with my ex-husband, but then he began living with a middle-aged women who never had children, but really wanted them. She jumped in as his accomplice and aided him with the alienation. She was extremely manipulative and managed to convince my children that I had abused them when they were little, which is absolutely not true. Then this woman broke up with my ex-husband and even though my kids moved out, she continued to contact them and lure them back into her home. Any time my daughter had a conflict with kids at school, this woman would jump in and convince my daughter that she was the only person who loved her. In the end, this woman succeeded in alienating my daughter from both her parents, her aunts and uncles, and her grandmother. She was able to do this even though my daughter was 16 and had already lived with a tight knit family her entire life. I feel as if she is living like a hostage in this woman's home. She is spoiled with possession and smothered with this woman's "love" and messages of manipulation. She also is given too many freedoms that she would not normally have as a teenager. The few times my daughter meets with me she sends me a google map to some obscure location to meet. She is obviously hiding our meetings and yet, even though I have a home for her, she will not leave and come home. How do I get through to my daughter? It seems to me that she is brainwashed. This woman has a large group of people around her reinforcing her message. She also has a history of alcohol and drug abuse. I'm very concerned for my daughter.
Since your child is a minor, I would see what juvenile court resources are available and I also would seek criminal charges against this woman. She is not a blood relative. She has no legal rights to your child. I would not tell my child what you are doing and if your daughter aggressively confronts you I would tell her it is an adult matter and refuse to discuss it with her. Empathizes with your daughter but do not discuss it with her. Let her know she is getting false facts from a person YOU do not trust, but that is all you can tell her. Then, be as happy and as non-materialistic as you can around your child. Let her know love is not in things. Then, give it time. As maturity creeps in, your daughter will most likely wizen up and go where the happiness and love are shown most. XOXO
Laima Vince of my goodness do you mean M.......... A.............!? Lol.
@@truthseeker4431
I pray for God to intervene greatly in your situation.
This situation is incredibly hard to navigate. Thank you, Ryan, for providing resources. You are a lifeline. When you think you are up against a brick wall with no hope, it is the greatest gift to find out that you're not.
You nailed it. Hard to navigate!
Love your videos!!!
I send voicemail and text messages for the past 14 years to our Son. Even though Dad has Alienated our Son from me and at 21 our Son still lives with Dad. I don't care. I'll never give up on our Son... 💗😇😘👍
I'm sorry, but he's a grown man. Don't embarrass yourself.
@@laurielewis6746 that’s not very nice thing to say .
@@laurielewis6746 maybe you are an alienating troll. Not nice at all.
From Australia , Very encouraging - in my case, the three children (my grandchildren) have not been allowed to speak to me for over three years;/, their mother falsley accused their father of sexuall misbehaviour and domestic violence - and he is imprisoned. I want to get those children out of that toxic environment and give them some hope andknow I still love them.
good points, I will continue to communicate with my daughter. Thank you so much for this Ryan
My ex destroyed 185 mailings (about 60 per kid for my 3 kids for well over a year). They are “hostage children” . These videos are incredible. Thank you!
Perfect Storm: Alienated for years from my daughter - Pray for her daily ( I love you TT). Family court/process was an emotional and financial wreck; albeit visitation was court ordered, ultimately unenforceable and financially improbable. Invested all I had emotionally, financially and professionally during family court to reunite with her. Dumbfounded and shocked during family court; As what seemed to be the majority of time was spent calculating new monthly CS$, and not reuniting with my daughter. When the smoke cleared, my monthly CS$, plus penalty interest on fabricated arrears, plus insurance Exceeded the 2017 mean gross income per capita here in the U.S.. What was the result you ask? The Perfect Storm as this was unsustainable despite best intentions... Emotionally - thankful for parental alienation support groups/friends/family during this time, cannot imagine anyone going thru this alone and my heartfelt prayers to you if you are. Financially - I'm currently insolvent. Professionally - was terminated from a career of 11 years that I truly loved, for failure to make a sales quota during this same time period. While I hesitated for weeks to actually share my experience with other alienated Dads because of Shame; My intention is to give other alienated Dad's a heads up to the Perfect Storm you may headed towards while attempting to reunite with your alienated child - Prepare Cautiously!. If I could do this again would I change anything? The answer is No. My daughter was/is/and always will be the most important person in my life, and I will never Stop trying to be in her life. So mote it be.
We divorced when my son was 2 and my daughter was 7, after this very tough period I met a great gal and remarried a couple years later. Neither of us had ever heard of parental alienation, yet we knew something "wasn't quite right" but had no idea what to do - all the while they were being alienated. We enjoyed a fairly good relationship with both kids until my daughter went off to college and shortly thereafter my son was alienated from me by his mom as soon as his sister was not around - from 15 to 21 has been hell. He essentially shut down from me as to any "real" conversation and is always angry & gloomy with me, he kept up with visitation, however since graduating from high school, per the J&D my share of the house came due and yet the mom did not want to pay me my share and filed a false affidavit of purchase. I won the court case easily - as soon as we showed she filed the false affidavit of purchase, but the fallout was horrible: My daughter was away from me for about a year and she did come back, but now has been programmed with false claims I hit her four times as she was growing up (I NEVER did any such thing) and my son has totally disowned me and shut off all communication - he blasted into me that I "made his mom cry" (this was after she realized her lie was being discovered and the judge threatened her with prison) and my son has not spoken to me, or returned messages in almost 3 years. My mother and wife gave me well intentioned but ultimately bad advice: telling me "he is an adult and should know better" and to "wait for him to come to me" which I stupidly followed for about 2 years, and now it seems he has completely disowned me as family. This hole in my heart just is wrong, I never stopped loving him and am trying to connect with him again, but bridges are just not there, and he is still living with his lying mom. Hurting.
Amen, and thank you for the agreement in prayer. I do trust and believe God has it in His hands.
I love my kids dearly and I will continue to try to contact them daily!❤️
You're a champion geezer RT. Thank you so much for your work here - it's tough to fully express how much hope and encouragement your vids offer. There's a lot of darkness and despair abound for us 'targetted' folk, and you are a shining example of how - with perseverance and belief - it can all change around ...eventually.
Keep it going amigo, and thanks again! x
My 'hostage' child is the one that came back first after 11 years, he is 32 now.. But the hurt is holding him back to be happy.. Hardly ever smile and doesn't contact me on his own. I have 2 grandchildren
that i enjoy.. but for me, my Son is the one that matters most..he still is in a Prison..but with my Love and understanding, we will get through it.. Step by step.. Slowly..
THANK YOU! from the targeted mom. i am alienated from my son who is 16 years old. this is exactly what i'm going through .... i will never give up on him. i don't blame him not one single bit. i just had some videos transferred to DVD. OMG ... whenever i'm on the computer, if i can't watch him because i have to do work, i can at least hear his sweet lovable self! i cant wait for him to see the DVD'S.
My son is.16 have not. Had a mother.son relationship since he was 8. Heart broken.
Were you able to get any other things off of like a video cameras an old cell phones and Citi Cards in SD cards etc.? That’s where most of my memories are that have vanished
What kind of person would dislike this video???
Jimmy Sauter, the ones doing the alienation
Why does he not have millions of views???
Because people give up and move on and that's the easiest thing to do. I want to make a impact in the lives of my children that's why I am here.
I am learning a lot from Ryan.
because its a hardly heard of topic and most people dont care unless it happens to them MGTOW RUSH.. to the detriment of Humanity. its important to raise awareness about parental alienation because the phenomenon is mega common, but public general knowledge of its existence, is almost zero, as is International Parental Child Abduction which is an other scourge that happens to tens of thousands of kids each year
MGTOW RUSH I was wondering the same
I am one who has subscribed. A dad who has been estranged from his children 13 years. Just getting in touch with them now.
James Smith hang in there. I’m at 5 years. I’m still trying.
Thanks Ryan as i just had this dilemma as to what to do when my son was brainwashed to say he doesnt want me to message him, but he told me the opposite when the other parent was not present... i will keep support and send him messages to him every day.. he doesnt respond but as you say, its not his fault, and his feelings deep down is that he needs the love and concern and to know both his parents are there for him...
You can't say a grown up child can't help it. That they are a victim. It's 2 way.
This has been the most fulfilling and productive and therapeutic lifeline an alienated parent can receive.
Thank you so much for doing this series. My story is similar to most everyone's in the comments. Perhaps a slight difference is that out of my own grief during the early part of the divorce process I did lash out at her. She was only 12 and my ex-husband who is a narcissist introduced her to the new Supply before we were divorced. I know because of her fear and her desire not to lose him apart as a part of her life she was ripe for the picking. Slowly over the past 7 years he has accomplished his unspoken desire which is to continue to hurt me through our daughter. The mistress/wife seems to have taken my place and my daughter's life even though she lives with me and I provide everything for her. His measly child support amounts to about $120 per month! The money doesn't matter I'm a professional woman and I can definitely take care of the both of us financially but how do I navigate this? I continue to pray I continue to try to control my tongue. I have always stood my ground and that whenever she comes to me with Miss information I am going to correct her. That of course is interpreted as me talking bad about her father but under no circumstances will I ever let her believe a lie. I hold on to the hope that one day when she finally does realize what's going on at least she will not have a broken heart thinking that I also lied to her. It's been 7 years and I grow weary. After prayer and fasting and seeking God's advice and guidance I had the strength to go to her Anil before her and apologize. I told her that I was sorry for every word spoken and every deed done on my part that may have broken her spirit. I didn't expect or ask for anything in return from her and I just got up and left. I just felt a burden to get that off of my chest and at least on my end to wipe the Slate clean.
Narcissists are demonic I'm fighting in the spirit Realm and also trying to remain calm in the natural but this is really, really hard. Any advice will be greatly appreciated
I have just ended the relationship with my daughter. She’s 23 and I sent her money for Valentine’s Day and go no thank you, nothing. She agreed to face time with me, but promises made, promises unbroken. I’m done. 16+ years of this and it is too difficult for me. Every time there was a text, it ended up in disaster for me.
This is the most important video from your channel. I cannot tell you how valuable this video is.
As an alienated mother from my son appreciate your videos ❤ 🙏
I've been alienated from my daughter by her father for 11 years. My daughter is 19 now, we share the same birthday. I see her 5 times a year, only on holidays, when my sister orchestrates gatherings. My daughter is very close to my sister, but my sister & I have personal issues & she does not help encourage my daughter to have a relationship with me, instead, my sister hinders me, undermines me as a mother & has used my daughter to hurt me. My sister goes on trips with her & doesn't want me to know. When my ex first alienated me & moved with my daughter, I did not know where they lived for a year, however, my sister knew, & did not tell me. She said, in order to still be involved with my daughter, she had to go along with it.
Every year, my sister throws a birthday party for us, as well as other family members who have have birthdays in the same month. We all celebrate our birthdays on one day, usually at my father's house. My father is abusive & disrespectful towards me & undermines me as a her mother in front of her & I'm tired of seeing my daughter only on these occasions & only with these people I no longer talk to. Not only did my ex abuse & alienate me from her life, but my sister & my father, have taken up where he left off for the last 11 years. My sister is very controlling, she enjoys that my daughter only will see me when my sister has family gatherings. I feel like in order to see my daughter, I can only do so on the terms of other people who disrespect me & derail me. I'm being sabotaged & feel like I'm being hi-jacked from my daughter & the only access I have to her is only through my sister, who has a personal dislike for me for most of my life. My daughter does not want to see or talk to me outside of these occasions. I did not attend our birthday party this past June. I did text my daughter, telling her that I want to take her out to dinner & celebrate our birthday together, but she does not respond. Outside of these 5 family gatherings a year, she doesn't speak or see me & she still lives with her father 5 minutes away from where I live. I'm in such a tight delicate spot. I don't know what to do. I do text her & tell her I love her & that I'm always here for her, but she never answers. I'm trying to change these patterns of contact with her under these negative conditions.i have no clue how I should proceed.
D D 😢😭
I am so glad I stumbled across your videos...I honestly was ready to throw in the towel and just give up but your message Renewed that purpose within me. Thank you
Hey Barry Reaves were you able to resolve the situation somewhat yet? I'm in the middle of the legal stuff and it's been going on for 3 weeks or so
@@ofon2000 no still working through the process
@@Barryreaves04 Alright well, I don't know if you believe in God, but I'll pray for you man.
@@ofon2000 prayer always helps
@@Barryreaves04 Amen! Hit this spot up to let us know how it's going in the future man...it may not seem it, but people care about you even if they don't know ya. God bless sir!
Here is the other side of the story. After 22 years of trying , being crippled emotionally and faced rejection from both of my children who have also suffered at the hands of an expert Alientor , I have given up . Nothing I have said or done has made any difference to the entrenched Alienation . By all means try with your children , be patient , understand it's not their fault but when do they then become complicit ? At what stage in their lives do you say they have to accept some degree of responsibility for their actions. My children are now 35 years old and 32 years old successful in their careers . They appear oblivious to what has happened to them .
Don't give up, Ian. Read the story of Joseph, as it is the best of stories.
He KNEW that his brothers WERE complicit in his alienation from his father.
Yet he had more compassion for them than they had hatred for him.
He even focused on his plot to break through their bravado and bring them to acknowledging what they did rather than just reuniting with his family.
Glory be to God. I have submitted to Him. By the way I have already had one of my kids get right out of the alienation. He is safe from it now, sitting on my shoulders as I type this and we go everywhere together and usually have a lot of fun.
The other two are still far from knowing that degree of freedom, but we are working on it.
I think Joseph took 50 years or more to achieve his goal, while only God knows how long it actually was.
Thank you! I am a PA child too, and alienated mother now. Staying hopeful and optimistic because videos like this.
THIS IS A SERIES OF VIDEOS THAT OFFERS HOPE FOR TARGETED PARENTS AND ALIENATED CHILDREN CAUGHT IN THESE DYNAMICS. PRESENTED FROM THE ALIENATED CHILDS PERSPECTIVE.
EXCELLENT AND SHOULD BE WATCHED BY BOTH TARGETED PARENTS AS WELL AS ALIENATED CHILDREN AS A HELPFUL INSIGHT TO OVERCOME THESE VERY DESTRUCTIVE DYNAMICS
GREAT JOB RYAN 😃❤️👍🏼
I just can't keep trying. The rejection is too much. I have PTSD. His partner poisoned him. Haven't let me see my grandchildren.... Brutal. Ideally keep contacting. But I can't
Thank you so much for this. I am currently going through what feels like really pervasive alienation. This was great advice. Despite the spin that may be attributed to my efforts to reach out and contact, I will continue. I hope to have a chance to enjoy shared custody when this is over and be nothing but a stable, loving, supportive force in my girls lives. Regardless, I will allways be there.
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. Its so hard to know what to do when your child hasn't spoken to you for years. Just having this clear directive that it matters to the adult child that you remember them and that you love them no matter what...knowing that this is really important...it helps keep me from from feeling so helpless. Keep sharing!
Not only did my ex alienate my 8 out of 9 children from me after the divorce, he also kidnapped them took them out of state with no way to contact them for 15 years!!! I went through the courts, called the FBI for missing children, and searched for them for years! Now they are all grown and continue to be alienated as adults. I thought that once they were grown, they would find me and we would be re-united. Three did reconnect and we are beginning the healing process. But the others want nothing to do with me. It is most painful during the holidays when families get together. And they don’t want to see me as they still believe the lies. Your insight gives me the courage to keep trying even though they are all grown. It breaks my heart each day. But I will never give up.
Thank you Ryan. I have been the victim for many many years and I have been wrestling with how long I can sustain the total lack of acknowledgement of my love and efforts to be my children's Dad. A job I cherished and one that was ripped away from me...
Ure not alone John…we can do this. Stay the course
I'm so happy to hear this. I help fathers re-connecting with their daughters after long periods of absence and some of them, are dealing with alienation too. I always tell them exactly this, that the kids in spite of all, want to love both but need to agree, and feel safe with the alienator. They just don't have a choice but feel pain. And many kids really do know, that something is wrong. Dads need to stay there, stay present and show that they care.
Thank you. This is a great video that I listen to on repeat. I need to know that my efforts are not wasted. I have an oblivious child and a hostage child. They are now adults and although we had joint custody, I was never able to reach them nor receive any parenting time. I ran out of money to fight it legally and the court-approved reunification therapist only helped the estrangement more. She literally told the ex she thought she diagnosed me with certain behaviors. She spoke with me for 15 minutes and spent the rest of the 3 therapy sessions in a room alone with my children. She then went on to cancel all of my appointments and no longer responded to my calls or emails to ask her what is happening. I was also the one paying for the sessions. That betrayal truly drove me into another round of depression. I’m back and stronger. But don’t hope in anyone else as Ryan says. We must continue to communicate and to engage in any way we can. Hoping for a different outcome one day with all alienated parents.
I agree, keep sending emails, texts or letters even if no response.
She is 37 yrs old. 4 years ago she sent him a postcard telling him to cease all communication, that she does not open his letters, then he spent almost 4 yrs sending postcards. He has written the most beautiful letters of love, empathy, pride in her achievements, support, seeking to understand. nothing but a big black hole. He finally stopped. Less may be more. She will contact him if and when she is ready and figures it out. Hopefully before he dies.
Thank you for doing this Ryan!!
Not giving up. Text her every day no matter what. Her dad and his regime still trying to totally alienate her. Now she has minors counsel because judge is so confused. Her dad is a cop and always 10 steps ahead of me to make her think I'm a bad parent, though I raised her. Almost 5 years after separation. 27 years married. Now she's 13 and thinks she's in charge of when she sees me. I can tell his words are coming out of her mouth, not hers.
You are such a light Ryan, keep it up! Much Love to you!!
This is exactly what my daughters doing to me I’m petrified!
Nothing can be done when other parent takes credit for whatever is sent.
Thank you Ryan. God bless you! Let them know they should not give up. Kids needs their dads! Kids need their moms!
In A
CANCEL FATHER CULTURE,
You bring tears of Hope to so many 🙏🧔 and not just to Dad's but the children that don't even know it👨👦
True...but, I AM MY SON'S MOTHER. MEN have gone through what I am convinced am going through. His Dad badmouthed me to him and neighbors! His Dad is on HOSPICE. He has weeks to live. I'm caring for him despite the alienation. My son is adamant that he doesn't want to live with me because I am somehow defective! God, it is agony! He's 15. He's very troubled and angry.
@@robinberry4957 how’s it now?
It's so sad I cry alot
God bless you, Ryan!
You have helped me so much Ryan. I am not alienated from my own children, but from my nieces and nephews....and I will continue to just show love even though it is rejected!
This video has helped validate what I thought I knew! Thank you so very much!
For a while, I left it alone. I didn’t want to make it bad for my child. But somewhat recently, I was told by his brother that he wanted a relationship still but couldn’t express it to me because he was alway being monitored. I began to reach out again. The more I deepened our relationship the worse it got for him at home. The last I spoke to him, he was whispering over the phone, begging me to stop asking the parent about him. He was then called by them and he whispers “I have to go” and next thing I’m getting a call from the parent saying they are in the hospital. I have been flagged by the hospital to not speak to me and I have no idea what is going on.
Something I don't hear anyone talking about is when an alienated child is coerced into accusing their alienated parent of criminal things that they never did. The child knows their parent never did these things to them, but they still told the story to the police and child protective services that the alienating parent wanted them to say. I understand that this doesn't happen to every targeted parent, but it happens to many of us. I was actually arrested for something that never happened and my son was taken away from me for 6 months, 2 weeks before Christmas. I just got him back 3 weeks ago after the Crown attorney came to the conclusion that he had no case and withdrew the charges. I wish someone would cover that perspective of this dynamic because it is devastating
I know this was from 5 years ago, but NEEDED to hear this today. Thank you. ❤️
I will not give up on my baby. This will pass and she will have too make up her mind who she believes either way I will always be here for her no matter what.
Love your ,video its very true ,my brother, has t seen his kids for 12 ,years and go's look for them and soo sad ,found day she s brainwashed them ,he kids are everything to him ,he needs help God bless you
22:46 as a child all you know is that one parent is gone and those in front of you are feeding and clothing and roofing you and essential to your survival .. but in the real world a parent can become sick and or unable to provide for their biological children .. that that mean they lose their right to remain a parent ? .... is the love between the child and parent for sale .. or have a dollar sign on it .. in these situation in todays culture of smaller families community is really missing .. that used to hold these situations together .
Amen
Wow, I'm now 40 yrs old and I finally have a name for what was done to me. Thank you. Maybe I can get closer to some closure. But the human species will never have my trust.
Thank you SO much for your channel, Ryan! You’ve helped and encouraged me so much as a targeted parent ❤
Dear Ryan thanks for your nice video. I have done to to my kids they got never alienated. No matter how hard the other side tried.
This was exacly what i needed to hear right now! Thank you so much that you did this video ❤️
Thanks Ryan - this is exactly what I need right now - my 16 year old is refusing to talk to me more and more. My son is the first type of child - he believes everything to the extent that he thinks his mother's beliefs about me (which are very subtly skillfully communicated to him) are his own. I don't know how to counter that when he thinks his disappointment, hatred etc for me are his own. I cannot thank you enough Ryan.
forever do you need help to win your child back into your life
forever whatzapp this number for help
forever +2348144358180
@@sarahlove9830 Yes I do - or relationship is hanging on by a thread at the moment. I would love to purchase Ryan's course but it is financially beyond me at the moment.
Stay Strong💪 I will never give up I love my kids. God bless everyone that is going thru this, you are not alone, find support and keep fighting.
I really needed this today so glad it came up on my suggested, will keep putting in the effort with my kids despite the lack of feedback and treatment of their dad and his family towards me
Thanks for all the advice and insight...it is just what I needed to hear...I had no idea there was a name to the way I was being treated....
My daughter is now legal aged here in Canada and I’m tired of him controlling her social media !😡
Thank u Ryan. This video was HUGE for me right now and I’ve passed it on to others who are also hurting 💕👌
This is so helpful and true. I instinctively knew this and even though it was hard at times, I kept it up. So important!
Really helped open my eyes. My child is trapped in Pakistan. The entire family took him and is holding him there. He wants to become a doctor but he needs to come to States as the medical schools there are at best inferior. He is an exceptional student and is not allowed to write to me or email me. He's 17 but they have completely controlled him. At least here you have given me a great deal of encouragement as I feel my efforts are for nothing.
Excellent content
Thank you for your advice and for giving us hope.
This is so sad and helpful.
I'll never stop calling despite them blocking me I leave messages and tell them everything I feel they should know like what it's like growing older, the meaning of life stuff like that.
do not stalk and harass adults who don't want contact with you, whether you share dna or not.
Well I just sent my daughter a text another one due to this I sent her the video to 33 I haven’t seen her since 2000 l
Have never met my five grandchildren
Thank you! I am in the middle of this now with my ex and our 4 & 8 year old.
Message your "child" yes. However, experts are telling me once they are an adult and not a child, continuing to do this is a waste of time.
agreed, to a point. It is vital to define a very clear definition of "parental alienation" of minor children versus cases where adult children of abusive or enmeshed family systems go "no contact" for their own safety and sanity. Without that very clear distinction there is no hope of justice for anyone
❤️✝️🤘God with us all going through this “Parental Alienation”
Thankyou I really needed to hear this
Thank you from the very bottom of my heart - you are an Angel to do this.
My "child" is 41 and I've got two grandchildren I hardly ever see. I only see my family for 3 hours a YEAR, with a card and a gift. "MOTHERS DAY" Why?????? She has already told me I'm not her Mother. My Birthday, and the one that hurts the most is Christmas day when I am left on my own as I have been for several years. But I have never forgotten their Birthdays and Christmas. Is it worth it, she is an adult now.
Ann Harrison +2348144358180
Ryan,
I am a firefighter in CO. I was the most involved parent that I knew...I coached every sport and volunteered at every school function and boy scouts, girl scouts, etc. When we decided to Divorce, my ex has become someone I dont know....She has made me out to be soooo horrible, violent etc, all of which im not, but she has stood by that story and the court has taken all decision making from me, and I get one visit supervised per week, and due to the Alienation, my daughter specifically which is 15, has stated she doesnt mind the supervised visitation. I also get 3 phone calls a week, but I went from everyday, to basically being a paycheck....I feel very lost!
All you can do is the time. Sorry. I'm hoping you will be grateful you are getting the little bit you are getting. Many of us do not even get that. Sorry again. Time passes... in about a year she will be 18 and maybe things will be better if you hang in there.
Thank you!!! You saved my sanity. I do not know how to express my gratitude, I was in such stress to decide what should I do? Should I stop trying? My daughter is 36 and her husband never liked me, he has, as I learned very possessive personally. He decided to cut me off and alienate my daughter from me. My daughter and I were always very close. Now I lost her and my new born granddaughter. The pain and stress is enormous. I am so thankful to find your blog. I am going to order your book immediately. Thank you. Keep doing what you are doing.
You are so welcome, and we always encourage parents to keep trying. We have worked with parents who have been alienated for decades and created breakthroughs, so there is always hope. If you explore my website ryanthomasspeaks.com, you'll see a number of resources there, as well as testimonials, which I think you will find helpful.
Thank you Ryan. I know you are making a difference.
My teenagers made up falsehoods for their father to the courts during our divorce. Later, when they were abandoned by their father I went to the home looking for the younger siblings. I discovered my X had ghosted with the younger kids but the two oldest were left behind. They called police on me and had me arrested for a fake burglary. They showed up for my first appearance and asked for me not to be released saying I was dangerous. Later they vandalized my home, cut off all contact with me, made up more lies about me and tried to get protection orders against me, etc. Now... years have passed and they have moved far away severing any possibility of contact. My last communications with every one of my children has been for them individually, they never want to see or speak to me again. One of my kids wrote a horrible response to me in a Facebook message that I am a drug-dealer, crazy, beat his father and him, am a thief, a pathological liar, etc. I have even discovered my children have returned to visit my city and even my neighborhood to see old friends from time to time but never contact me. Before my divorce I was a full time mother. I was very devoted and very traditional. As I see other parents I can say in confidence... I was a very good parent, and person. This has been incredibly horrible. No words can describe the pain. My question: By pursuing my adult children am I doing this in a creepy, stalking, negative way? If I hire a PI to gain addresses and send small notes / cards / etc. am I opening myself to a lot more rejection, pain, etc. that will only be perceived as a sick attempt to infiltrate their lives? Where would I even begin?
It would be best for you to pursue your own safety and sanity. It doesn't sound safe to contact them at all. It is also vital to define a very clear definition of "parental alienation" of minor children versus adult children of unhealthy family systems going "no contact" for their own safety and sanity. Without that very clear distinction there is no hope of justice or safety for anyone
Thank you for this❤
When his 14 yr old daughter comes to visit she sometimes will not speak to him. She will go to her room lock herself in there and not answer anyone. She will sometimes cry and just demand to go back with her alienated mother. Even if her father cries and begs her she will sit on the bed and show no empathy or emotion towards him. This has happened twice on his court mandated visits. She is so upset that he has taken her home to her mothers. He doesn’t want her to feel as though she is being forced or that her feelings and what she wants don’t matter. Even though he knows she is being manipulated by her mom. She texts her constantly while she’s there. Should he do this or should he try to make heAlso he had to buy her a new wardrobe of clothing for his house because the mother took all of her clothing when she moved. She then refused to send her with any clothing when she came for overnight visits. After school last visit her mom brought her to his house and while he was in the shower the daughter loaded up all the things he had given her in a large duffel bag and took off with them. When he discovered what had happened he asked her why and she told him that her mom bought her those clothes...? He was so puzzled. He told her daddy got you those clothes so you could have them here. She said no my mom got me the clothes.
Please any insight you can give on approaching this in a bennificial and positive way.
Thank you please respond here or on lilredchikee30@ gmail. Com