@@genovasquez8361 Thanks for asking this question. My book is about emotional invisibility which I have struggled with. However, based on certain aspects of my identity, there are time when I feel socially invisible as well.
Hello there Nneka, The algorithm somehow brought you to my feed, and you caught my attention, so I've watched and listened to a couple of your videos. I like that you strive to be authentic, that is very appealing. An idea that struck a chord with me is that I could possibly learn something from you, about the black culture, and about how you see yourself in your world. You seem to be very kind and don't have an axe to grind, but more to explore, expand, and shine, for sure! Wishing for you-- much success in all your endeavors!
I love that you brought up archetypes. Isa Rea is the “maiden” female archetype. We been seeing this character more in the millennial generation. She discovered it in her self but it has always existed; just not as much in our culture. You could also say she’s a “Manic Pixie”
Invisible black woman sounds like a good idea and also a good story of a black woman that goes through a lot of different challenges and also different types of struggles in this world and also in the lives of a black community also it will be nice if they would have story about the invisible black man that works very hard and also go through a lot of problems and struggles by dealing with stuff on a regular base like providing his wife and kids aslo being a family man working very hard at his job like a blue caller by putting food on the table also they even have a bad reputation like stereotypes my being a gangster and baby daddy or pimp aslo thug or goon like criminal being in jail or prison for getting out also if you is a a black guy that is really nice you considered as a mama's boy or playing in a knowledgeable contest with top smartest colleges going against each other by asking the right question that is a television game show and also testing your IQ level aslo Computer Nerd or very corny also a square like getting good grades or getting outstanding student of the year or being a genius making the honor roll or being on a chest team and also most black women they always say there are not enough good black man but really it is a lot of good black men that tries to better also tried to do what is really right
Thank you for your interest! Do you have any stories about how you feel or felt invisible as a Black woman (not sure if you are a Black woman)? Feel free to share if you'd like.
I feel invisible at one this one gym I go too...an I love it. As a black man when I'm busy doing something I have a hard time moving in silence because I am always noticed. I stick out like a sore thumb. Especially when I'm at work or someone trying to read a book or the Bible . I always have women interrupting my reading or interrupting me. Or if I'm at work talking to the guys I always get little interjections or unsolicited opinions. When I was working this job as lead at a call center I was always Hassel for non work related conversations. My job was to help employees utilize their resources to get sales..but I always got flagged down for personal convos that has no bearings on job. I don't care for a bunch of conversations.
Very interesting. So you enjoy feeling invisible? From what you are saying, socially, you are very seen. What do you think makes you a magnet for so much attention?
@@nnekaonyilofor i thought i commented on this before, im sorry for being so late, let rewatch your video so i can answer your question from a fresh perspective.
@@nnekaonyilofor Ok Why do i enjoy being invisible: Its weird, Like when they had block buster back in the day and their motto was say Hello to everyone who walks through the door. My life has been like that as a kid, Men and Women are just drawn to me. I dont really care for men at all, unless they have younger sisters i can have sex with. But i do have a few male friends who were persistent. I dont enjoy the attention or endless conversations or need for my time or thoughts. I work from home, its great. should of done this sooner. The only reason i actually interact with people is to get PWssy. Outside of that i have no need for mindless conversation. or problems. There are several reasons i dont care for attention, I use work as an example... I use to work for the department of education and in the title one reading department but i also would substitute classes when their was a shortage of available substitutes. Certain Women would vive for male attention because they crave male interaction. To me i dont want to interact unless it leads it sex. I had a co workers overtly and covertly make SExual advances at me. When i was in my late 30s this girl was like 23, She was like hang out with me on my lunch break, she worked in food area. I was chilling with her, in her car. She was like let suck yo D pull it out, Im like what on the parking lot we at a schoool you truipping, its the middle of the day why not just come over after work you got a car, i got a car, an i live alone. Needsless ssay she just wanted to sex stuff at work which i wasnt done for. Another lady who was like 50 made a pass at me. she would tell other people she planned to have SEX with me an she would talk about in the break room how she gonna wear my ass out. She tried to get me to come to the bathroom with her in the break room. i like why cant i just come over your house, i decline an every day she was saying some wreckless, both were black women, Another lady who i never met before was a new substitute in district she needed assistnace, so i went to class to see what was up, an check on the kids in my reading group. Lets just say she is slim older white lady with very very large breast. When she talked to me she walked on me, an invaded my personal space, i tried to back up, she moved forward an pressed her breast against my chest and arm again an she just wouldnt move, i thought to move again but i just played off so the kids couldnt tell i was uncomfortable, but its weird this lady has breast against my tricept and my chest. and she wont move an she is talking to me not really paying attention to kids. The convo was work related but everytime i went to her room it was the same stuff. So i gave her my phone number because i assume she had interest. anyway she was talking about going out some where, i dont date, i fxcks. All of these incidents came from me communication or just being cordial, just conversation nothing more, non sexual conversations leads to BS with alot of women who either A want 100% of your attention all the time or B want to sexually tease you at work all the time or C try to claim you as their lover so rumors can get passed around about you when you aint even ate the cat. its irritating and annoying. When i use to do student loan consolidation, i couldnt even read my bible with out being interrupted, Even at the commmunity center i worked at over the summer when school was out, there was lots of females who literally was vy for your attention. like lady we not fxvking im not here to entertain you. When i worked in sales for travel, i had a few older ladies who would always request my assistance as lead,, not for anything work related but because they wanted to talk to me, It was atleast three of them like that. i remebber this girl was 18 she got mad because she thought i was trying to have SEX with this older lady. I had to tell her girl why you acting jealous, you 18 and im 42, i neveer been with you, an if shelly wanted some me she is grown, people would think im taking advantage of you before they think that of her,. this little girl was mad mad that shelly kept calling me over to her desk to talk, i didnt care to talk to shellly to be quite honest. an there was Lori she would tried to get me sit down at her desk because she wanted my attention, i tell her my job isnt to sit an talk to you about trivia stuff thats non job relatied she be like im bored or im lonely come talk to me. The young girls would call me over to talk an sometimes show me a nipple or their other private parts, i had one late 20s something literally grab my thing. Every day she was like i can see your D print in them khakis, is you on hard, an she would say it infront of other folks, all these things come from me tryin to be inviisbile and not be noticed. but people never let you go unnoticed its always something. An sometimes it turns into BS. i have countless stories ofmy name goijng around, One chick was 28 and she had everyone thing i was her 42 year old husbannd, a dude tried to hit on her, an he privately took me to side to apoligize because he thought she was reaklly my wife. Another girl was flirting and someone said thats danille husband, Now the 21 one year olf who was flirting i was going to have sex with her she had natural hair abnd slim body. But she got scared went to this other danille an was like i dont want No smoke, She went to 23 year old Blood Gang dainlle who had tatts all over her body and neck afraid. she was like not me pretty danille. Then there was this slim thick chick, she use to joan on me every day. to the point people was like leave him alone. why you be messing with him everyday. it was all day everyday. her roasting me, i just ignored her young AZZ, until one day i wore some jordans an she was like thats my boyfriend, I bought him them jordans, i want my man looking good, Then after that this lesbian started talking about marriage every day because she wanted to get right with god and because i read the bible what did i think. nan she was trying to get me to come to her church, An everyday she was lookin at my different shoes and clothes an be like oh you got some style i like that. one day i was standing up an she was look me up an down like she wanted to do something. Another time i just complimented this girl on her hair she was literally like its real you want to pull it, i was taken aback she grabbed my hand an was like go ahead pull it. another situtation im sitting at my desk i let me har grow out i figure since im balding the young girls would leave me alone,,,this young married lady in her late 20s started running her fingers through my hair, i touch my head i thought something was on me an i touched her hand. i jsut didnt say nothing, she kept touching me for like 10 minutes. people started staring an ish. every day a that job it was something i mean literally every day. other jobs it be every week, which isnt much better. But outside of work its worst, i have countless stories of that job too much to type. ill just say there were situtations i didnt feel safe. so i can only imagine how you as women feel with us. Like there were days i was really worried about how u can i stop them from going to far, or end up a baby daddy, i been followed home by a 19 year old female coworker
@@nnekaonyilofor What makes me a magnet, Now i think its my energy level from practicing chi gung, my high sex drive which exudes out of me, an perhaps my spiritual abilities, i think women can initutively feel certain things about me that arouses them and them makes them feel comfortable safe horny But in the pass i thought it was because i had six pack abs, which now i have dad bod and a gut, i thought it was because i had curly wavy hair, which i still do if i let the sides grow out but im bald as eagle on the top. a few years ago a 20 year walked up on me at the mail box because i was staring at her breast, she had body suit on an her breast were hugmongous so i looked for a time but when i was focusing on my mail she literally walked up on me was like let me come to your apartment. i said how old r u, she said 20 i said im 44, i started walking away she grab by the arm an push back up against the mail box an lean against with her breast. alls i did was look at her, i didnt say ish, she said she like my lips an do eat out and some more stuff, but i dont think its just the lips, i use to think because im articulate and i have great conversation which has led many of women at work and school when to become emotionally invested. I have had women actually get emotional over me an have only met me a few days ago at work. Like they be turning red in the face because another girl wants me or something. i go too many stories like that, I use think it was because of my conversation and personality. But sometimes i just be quiet and dont say nothing. When i was in my 20s there was this pretty girl at the job all the guhys was trying to hit on her including my oartner who was old head, was just trying to have sex with his 35 year old sister because she had her tubes tied, Precious was like 18, an drop dead gorgeous, I didnt really pay her attention one day i was standing next to her looking at the schedules and sales coversion ratio an she was asking can someone tell me what this means, i told her to take the two numbers an divide them an thats your conversion rate and walked out, that was the only thing i ever said to her, the next day she was standing up at her desk staring at me, she was just staring, I am 5ft8 i was skinny then but i wasnt the best looking guy there and i wasnt tallest or even have muscles, she kept staring at me, this prettt boy and another guy kept trying to compete for attention an they started mean mugging me because she kept staring at me, eventualy i was like whats up. She lit up like christmas tree, after that she was like im going to sit next to you. man i got so much hate from dudes then, To be honest to this day i never knew why she chose me but i did friendzone her, she tried to get to have sex with me an even called me out infront of my home boy who was 30, but i wanted to have sex with his older sister who wasnt fertile and already had 5 kids, plus when i was young had a certain type i wanted not the pretty girls, i got them a dime a dozen i was going for average looking chicks with big breast or big booty, thats all i wanted, but ts always the prettiest ones who would approach me, grope me and try to talk to me. i digress, to me attention is okay if it happens once an while but she wasnt the only one there. Its like you dont get rest or a break you always got to be ready an when your not working all the girls at the job looking for your attention. its cool sometimes but 24/7 it gets overwhelming an new girls come to job an just fall in with everyone else. i grew my hair out, i dont cut my beard, i wear bummy clothes its cuts down on sme of the attentuion but those who already was feeling on orientation or saw me at my intervieww see me as the guy who came to work in blazer with the stacey adams and slacks. i would say its probably a combination of things, it also depends on where im at. at this GYM i am at. i barely get attention, i can only name two times something weird happen, one time when i met my physical trainer this lady was twerking on the training fence off area an kept staring in my direction, it was scary lkike is she finna jump ober here. my phyiscal trainer is young white girl. she was even looking with her eyes bright like whats going on, she said i guess she does that to everybody maybe. She kept grabbing the fence like she was finna clmb over to where we were it made me feel uncomfortable because we are clothes off but the bar fence is only like 4 feet high. Another time i was sitting down and this lady asked me was i going to use this machine that was far from me, she is a regular an i always go to the same treadmill every day so why she thought i would use the one i see her use all the time was weird, plus i had my head down looking at my phone getting my music togeter i had my pods in my ear an she literally scared the dog crap out of me when she grabbed my tricep an started talkng. i had to take my headphone out ear to makeout what she saying. But these things are the only things that happen in a six month period. People dnt bother me there i can go work out and get out. Well there are some guys who talk to me there, but i usually cut it short with them im not trying to have fullfledge convo. im here for two hours and out.
A black man that's considered a nice guy is somebody that has good morals and also respect his parents bye doing good things and also like stuff like science fiction and fascinated with science and also computers being a bookworm reading a lot of books and study also love things like action figures and have a full collection or Comic-Con where they dress up like they favorite superhero or favorite character from a video game called also from a movie a avatar or coming up with a new software on the computer love to study about new different types of things
I'll be honest with you, I believe you should traverse the entertaining aspect of this highly nuanced subject matter. Hear me out. I believe your target audience would be way more receptive to your message if you place this female archetype in a protagonist role. Women are way more sympathetic and empathetic to characters that are reflective of them and may contain some or a majority of their own character traits. I think in a fictional book form, you could still address a lot of the subject matter you want to explore and shed light on, while drawing not only from your target audience but also reaching a larger portion of readers that may find value in your work as well. I truly believe that was part of Isa Rea's formula for success. She first established an audience, (myself included) that was drawn to the humorous aspect of her "awkward black girl" archetype and then she gave you a tour into the goings on in her world. I say that to say, she probably wanted to shed light on the experiences (perhaps her own) of that archetype of woman. But because that wasn't her initial focus, her initial focus was the humorous aspects of what took place in her characters life. By focusing on the comedic aspect of her awkward black girl, she was able to gain a following or men and women alike that gravitated to her work for different reasons. Some because her character was relatable and mimicked a lot of their own personal circumstances, others like myself because it was funny. My point being, the bigger the pond, the more fish you have a chance to catch. Sometimes by being so hyper focused can actually stymie your primary objective. In my humble opinion of course.
Based on this vid, I'm not sure what the Invisible Black Woman is. Is it being ignored because of your personality? Is it being ignored because of your physical appearance? Is it being ignored because of how you communicate? Is it being ignored because of .... fill in the blank. Is it everything? 🤔
Very fair question here. I realized that I never gave a solid definition of the Invisible Black Woman. My definition and the way I describe it in my book has to do with internal/emotional invisibility. Studies have been done about the way in which Black women are invisible at work and society at large, however, my book examines the way this plays out internally through how we see (or do not see) ourselves, our value, our self-worth, etc. Thank you for posing these questions and stay tuned as I will be unpacking this more.
@@nnekaonyilofor interesting your perspective on the conceptualization of ones ego indentifiyng the internalization of self invisibility in lieu of the societal ignorance of the black womans person hood. Do you theorize that the self indentification of invisibility is due to adverse life experiences which cause you to develop insecurities or phobias and /or dobuts of your being, to the point of creating lower self esteem, This being the reason why your self imposed visage of your personality, voice, essence and thoughts and emotions are suppressed by your ego self??? An how does this delved into the paradigm of you being self aware of your existence and state of being, or is that something you repress or ignore too? How does ones psyche invoke the the invisibility of one ownself? if i read you right? meaning outside of cultural and societial social constructs igroring you, how is you can ignore your self and not see you?
@@genovasquez8361 Yes! You nailed it with the last sentence. I believe that many women, Black women in this case, do not see themselves. This can translate to low self esteem and a host of other negative emotions. Oftentimes these emotions are suppressed and/or not visible to the person experiencing them. This is what I call emotional invisibility. I believe that a person can be emotionally invisible to others and/or themselves.
@@nnekaonyilofor hmmm well this is new concept I have not even considered..I guess I'm far to arrogant to grasp the ideological viewpoint of nirvana In the Buddhist since of the denial of self. Extinguishing of one soul which is the route of who you are in your essence is the totality of Nirvana. Because they believe if there is no self then there can be suffering. But to me the ignoring of oneself is inaccessible because if you think, then you have awareness. I cannot even imagine how one can ignore their own existence or awareness. I understand it ideologically of one having some sort of low self-esteem but I would just see that as not invisibility but more so as thinking that you are less than others or you don't measure up but even in that that's still requires a certain amount of self-awareness. Through the soul has recognition of our emotional self, are appetite, and our desires, but theological viewpoint of the extinguishing of one cell like a flame going out is believed to where you truly achieve perfection oneness and Bliss I eat a state of Nirvana. What sort of triggers could cause one to see themselves as invisible in the world. And how is the dichotomy between being not seen by others and not being seen by you or oneself relate?
@@genovasquez8361 I always appreciate your thoughtfulness and your questions. The best way that I can explain this is not being self-aware and/or having a shadow self/side that one is not aware of. The shadow self is a topic from the field of psychology.
I can relate. I have been invisible for my whole life.
Thank you for your comment. Can you say more about why you have felt invisible for your entire life?
In what capacity are you invisible
@@genovasquez8361 Thanks for asking this question. My book is about emotional invisibility which I have struggled with. However, based on certain aspects of my identity, there are time when I feel socially invisible as well.
@@nnekaonyilofor How is emotional invisibility different from social invisibility????
Are they equally bad, or is one worst than other?
Hello there Nneka,
The algorithm somehow brought you to my feed, and you caught my attention, so I've watched and listened to a couple of your videos. I like that you strive to be authentic, that is very appealing. An idea that struck a chord with me is that I could possibly learn something from you, about the black culture, and about how you see yourself in your world. You seem to be very kind and don't have an axe to grind, but more to explore, expand, and shine, for sure! Wishing for you-- much success in all your endeavors!
I love that you brought up archetypes. Isa Rea is the “maiden” female archetype. We been seeing this character more in the millennial generation. She discovered it in her self but it has always existed; just not as much in our culture. You could also say she’s a “Manic Pixie”
Definitely a “quirky” trope.
Invisible black woman sounds like a good idea and also a good story of a black woman that goes through a lot of different challenges and also different types of struggles in this world and also in the lives of a black community also it will be nice if they would have story about the invisible black man that works very hard and also go through a lot of problems and struggles by dealing with stuff on a regular base like providing his wife and kids aslo being a family man working very hard at his job like a blue caller by putting food on the table also they even have a bad reputation like stereotypes my being a gangster and baby daddy or pimp aslo thug or goon like criminal being in jail or prison for getting out also if you is a a black guy that is really nice you considered as a mama's boy or playing in a knowledgeable contest with top smartest colleges going against each other by asking the right question that is a television game show and also testing your IQ level aslo Computer Nerd or very corny also a square like getting good grades or getting outstanding student of the year or being a genius making the honor roll or being on a chest team and also most black women they always say there are not enough good black man but really it is a lot of good black men that tries to better also tried to do what is really right
I love this topic! Please keep it going! I would love to engage.
Thank you for your interest! Do you have any stories about how you feel or felt invisible as a Black woman (not sure if you are a Black woman)? Feel free to share if you'd like.
Yes interesting
I feel invisible at one this one gym I go too...an I love it.
As a black man when I'm busy doing something I have a hard time moving in silence because I am always noticed. I stick out like a sore thumb. Especially when I'm at work or someone trying to read a book or the Bible .
I always have women interrupting my reading or interrupting me. Or if I'm at work talking to the guys I always get little interjections or unsolicited opinions. When I was working this job as lead at a call center I was always Hassel for non work related conversations. My job was to help employees utilize their resources to get sales..but I always got flagged down for personal convos that has no bearings on job.
I don't care for a bunch of conversations.
Very interesting. So you enjoy feeling invisible? From what you are saying, socially, you are very seen. What do you think makes you a magnet for so much attention?
@@nnekaonyilofor i thought i commented on this before, im sorry for being so late, let rewatch your video so i can answer your question from a fresh perspective.
@@nnekaonyilofor
Ok Why do i enjoy being invisible: Its weird, Like when they had block buster back in the day and their motto was say Hello to everyone who walks through the door. My life has been like that as a kid, Men and Women are just drawn to me. I dont really care for men at all, unless they have younger sisters i can have sex with. But i do have a few male friends who were persistent.
I dont enjoy the attention or endless conversations or need for my time or thoughts.
I work from home, its great. should of done this sooner. The only reason i actually interact with people is to get PWssy. Outside of that i have no need for mindless conversation. or problems. There are several reasons i dont care for attention, I use work as an example...
I use to work for the department of education and in the title one reading department but i also would substitute classes when their was a shortage of available substitutes. Certain Women would vive for male attention because they crave male interaction. To me i dont want to interact unless it leads it sex. I had a co workers overtly and covertly make SExual advances at me.
When i was in my late 30s this girl was like 23, She was like hang out with me on my lunch break, she worked in food area. I was chilling with her, in her car. She was like let suck yo D pull it out, Im like what on the parking lot we at a schoool you truipping, its the middle of the day why not just come over after work you got a car, i got a car, an i live alone. Needsless ssay she just wanted to sex stuff at work which i wasnt done for. Another lady who was like 50 made a pass at me. she would tell other people she planned to have SEX with me an she would talk about in the break room how she gonna wear my ass out. She tried to get me to come to the bathroom with her in the break room. i like why cant i just come over your house, i decline an every day she was saying some wreckless, both were black women, Another lady who i never met before was a new substitute in district she needed assistnace, so i went to class to see what was up, an check on the kids in my reading group. Lets just say she is slim older white lady with very very large breast. When she talked to me she walked on me, an invaded my personal space, i tried to back up, she moved forward an pressed her breast against my chest and arm again an she just wouldnt move, i thought to move again but i just played off so the kids couldnt tell i was uncomfortable, but its weird this lady has breast against my tricept and my chest. and she wont move an she is talking to me not really paying attention to kids. The convo was work related but everytime i went to her room it was the same stuff. So i gave her my phone number because i assume she had interest. anyway she was talking about going out some where, i dont date, i fxcks.
All of these incidents came from me communication or just being cordial, just conversation nothing more, non sexual conversations leads to BS with alot of women who either A want 100% of your attention all the time or B want to sexually tease you at work all the time or C try to claim you as their lover so rumors can get passed around about you when you aint even ate the cat.
its irritating and annoying. When i use to do student loan consolidation, i couldnt even read my bible with out being interrupted, Even at the commmunity center i worked at over the summer when school was out, there was lots of females who literally was vy for your attention. like lady we not fxvking im not here to entertain you. When i worked in sales for travel, i had a few older ladies who would always request my assistance as lead,, not for anything work related but because they wanted to talk to me, It was atleast three of them like that. i remebber this girl was 18 she got mad because she thought i was trying to have SEX with this older lady. I had to tell her girl why you acting jealous, you 18 and im 42, i neveer been with you, an if shelly wanted some me she is grown, people would think im taking advantage of you before they think that of her,. this little girl was mad mad that shelly kept calling me over to her desk to talk, i didnt care to talk to shellly to be quite honest. an there was Lori she would tried to get me sit down at her desk because she wanted my attention, i tell her my job isnt to sit an talk to you about trivia stuff thats non job relatied she be like im bored or im lonely come talk to me. The young girls would call me over to talk an sometimes show me a nipple or their other private parts, i had one late 20s something literally grab my thing. Every day she was like i can see your D print in them khakis, is you on hard, an she would say it infront of other folks,
all these things come from me tryin to be inviisbile and not be noticed. but people never let you go unnoticed its always something. An sometimes it turns into BS. i have countless stories ofmy name goijng around, One chick was 28 and she had everyone thing i was her 42 year old husbannd, a dude tried to hit on her, an he privately took me to side to apoligize because he thought she was reaklly my wife. Another girl was flirting and someone said thats danille husband, Now the 21 one year olf who was flirting i was going to have sex with her she had natural hair abnd slim body. But she got scared went to this other danille an was like i dont want No smoke, She went to 23 year old Blood Gang dainlle who had tatts all over her body and neck afraid. she was like not me pretty danille. Then there was this slim thick chick, she use to joan on me every day. to the point people was like leave him alone. why you be messing with him everyday. it was all day everyday. her roasting me, i just ignored her young AZZ, until one day i wore some jordans an she was like thats my boyfriend, I bought him them jordans, i want my man looking good, Then after that this lesbian started talking about marriage every day because she wanted to get right with god and because i read the bible what did i think. nan she was trying to get me to come to her church, An everyday she was lookin at my different shoes and clothes an be like oh you got some style i like that. one day i was standing up an she was look me up an down like she wanted to do something. Another time i just complimented this girl on her hair she was literally like its real you want to pull it, i was taken aback she grabbed my hand an was like go ahead pull it. another situtation im sitting at my desk i let me har grow out i figure since im balding the young girls would leave me alone,,,this young married lady in her late 20s started running her fingers through my hair, i touch my head i thought something was on me an i touched her hand. i jsut didnt say nothing, she kept touching me for like 10 minutes. people started staring an ish. every day a that job it was something i mean literally every day. other jobs it be every week, which isnt much better.
But outside of work its worst, i have countless stories of that job too much to type. ill just say there were situtations i didnt feel safe. so i can only imagine how you as women feel with us. Like there were days i was really worried about how u can i stop them from going to far, or end up a baby daddy, i been followed home by a 19 year old female coworker
@@nnekaonyilofor What makes me a magnet, Now i think its my energy level from practicing chi gung, my high sex drive which exudes out of me, an perhaps my spiritual abilities, i think women can initutively feel certain things about me that arouses them and them makes them feel
comfortable
safe
horny
But in the pass i thought it was because i had six pack abs, which now i have dad bod and a gut, i thought it was because i had curly wavy hair, which i still do if i let the sides grow out but im bald as eagle on the top. a few years ago a 20 year walked up on me at the mail box because i was staring at her breast, she had body suit on an her breast were hugmongous so i looked for a time but when i was focusing on my mail she literally walked up on me was like let me come to your apartment. i said how old r u, she said 20 i said im 44, i started walking away she grab by the arm an push back up against the mail box an lean against with her breast. alls i did was look at her, i didnt say ish, she said she like my lips an do eat out and some more stuff, but i dont think its just the lips,
i use to think because im articulate and i have great conversation which has led many of women at work and school when to become emotionally invested. I have had women actually get emotional over me an have only met me a few days ago at work. Like they be turning red in the face because another girl wants me or something. i go too many stories like that, I use think it was because of my conversation and personality. But sometimes i just be quiet and dont say nothing.
When i was in my 20s there was this pretty girl at the job all the guhys was trying to hit on her including my oartner who was old head, was just trying to have sex with his 35 year old sister because she had her tubes tied, Precious was like 18, an drop dead gorgeous, I didnt really pay her attention one day i was standing next to her looking at the schedules and sales coversion ratio an she was asking can someone tell me what this means, i told her to take the two numbers an divide them an thats your conversion rate and walked out, that was the only thing i ever said to her, the next day she was standing up at her desk staring at me, she was just staring,
I am 5ft8 i was skinny then but i wasnt the best looking guy there and i wasnt tallest or even have muscles, she kept staring at me, this prettt boy and another guy kept trying to compete for attention an they started mean mugging me because she kept staring at me, eventualy i was like whats up. She lit up like christmas tree, after that she was like im going to sit next to you. man i got so much hate from dudes then,
To be honest to this day i never knew why she chose me but i did friendzone her, she tried to get to have sex with me an even called me out infront of my home boy who was 30, but i wanted to have sex with his older sister who wasnt fertile and already had 5 kids, plus when i was young had a certain type i wanted not the pretty girls, i got them a dime a dozen i was going for average looking chicks with big breast or big booty, thats all i wanted, but ts always the prettiest ones who would approach me, grope me and try to talk to me.
i digress, to me attention is okay if it happens once an while but she wasnt the only one there. Its like you dont get rest or a break you always got to be ready an when your not working all the girls at the job looking for your attention. its cool sometimes but 24/7 it gets overwhelming an new girls come to job an just fall in with everyone else.
i grew my hair out, i dont cut my beard, i wear bummy clothes its cuts down on sme of the attentuion but those who already was feeling on orientation or saw me at my intervieww see me as the guy who came to work in blazer with the stacey adams and slacks.
i would say its probably a combination of things, it also depends on where im at. at this GYM i am at. i barely get attention, i can only name two times something weird happen, one time when i met my physical trainer this lady was twerking on the training fence off area an kept staring in my direction, it was scary lkike is she finna jump ober here. my phyiscal trainer is young white girl. she was even looking with her eyes bright like whats going on, she said i guess she does that to everybody maybe. She kept grabbing the fence like she was finna clmb over to where we were it made me feel uncomfortable because we are clothes off but the bar fence is only like 4 feet high. Another time i was sitting down and this lady asked me was i going to use this machine that was far from me, she is a regular an i always go to the same treadmill every day so why she thought i would use the one i see her use all the time was weird, plus i had my head down looking at my phone getting my music togeter i had my pods in my ear an she literally scared the dog crap out of me when she grabbed my tricep an started talkng. i had to take my headphone out ear to makeout what she saying. But these things are the only things that happen in a six month period. People dnt bother me there i can go work out and get out. Well there are some guys who talk to me there, but i usually cut it short with them im not trying to have fullfledge convo. im here for two hours and out.
A black man that's considered a nice guy is somebody that has good morals and also respect his parents bye doing good things and also like stuff like science fiction and fascinated with science and also computers being a bookworm reading a lot of books and study also love things like action figures and have a full collection or Comic-Con where they dress up like they favorite superhero or favorite character from a video game called also from a movie a avatar or coming up with a new software on the computer love to study about new different types of things
I'll be honest with you, I believe you should traverse the entertaining aspect of this highly nuanced subject matter. Hear me out. I believe your target audience would be way more receptive to your message if you place this female archetype in a protagonist role. Women are way more sympathetic and empathetic to characters that are reflective of them and may contain some or a majority of their own character traits. I think in a fictional book form, you could still address a lot of the subject matter you want to explore and shed light on, while drawing not only from your target audience but also reaching a larger portion of readers that may find value in your work as well. I truly believe that was part of Isa Rea's formula for success. She first established an audience, (myself included) that was drawn to the humorous aspect of her "awkward black girl" archetype and then she gave you a tour into the goings on in her world. I say that to say, she probably wanted to shed light on the experiences (perhaps her own) of that archetype of woman. But because that wasn't her initial focus, her initial focus was the humorous aspects of what took place in her characters life. By focusing on the comedic aspect of her awkward black girl, she was able to gain a following or men and women alike that gravitated to her work for different reasons. Some because her character was relatable and mimicked a lot of their own personal circumstances, others like myself because it was funny. My point being, the bigger the pond, the more fish you have a chance to catch. Sometimes by being so hyper focused can actually stymie your primary objective. In my humble opinion of course.
Based on this vid, I'm not sure what the Invisible Black Woman is. Is it being ignored because of your personality? Is it being ignored because of your physical appearance? Is it being ignored because of how you communicate? Is it being ignored because of .... fill in the blank. Is it everything? 🤔
Very fair question here. I realized that I never gave a solid definition of the Invisible Black Woman. My definition and the way I describe it in my book has to do with internal/emotional invisibility. Studies have been done about the way in which Black women are invisible at work and society at large, however, my book examines the way this plays out internally through how we see (or do not see) ourselves, our value, our self-worth, etc. Thank you for posing these questions and stay tuned as I will be unpacking this more.
@@nnekaonyilofor interesting your perspective on the conceptualization of ones ego indentifiyng the internalization of self invisibility in lieu of the societal ignorance of the black womans person hood. Do you theorize that the self indentification of invisibility is due to adverse life experiences which cause you to develop insecurities or phobias and /or dobuts of your being, to the point of creating lower self esteem, This being the reason why your self imposed visage of your personality, voice, essence and thoughts and emotions are suppressed by your ego self??? An how does this delved into the paradigm of you being self aware of your existence and state of being, or is that something you repress or ignore too? How does ones psyche invoke the the invisibility of one ownself? if i read you right? meaning outside of cultural and societial social constructs igroring you, how is you can ignore your self and not see you?
@@genovasquez8361 Yes! You nailed it with the last sentence. I believe that many women, Black women in this case, do not see themselves. This can translate to low self esteem and a host of other negative emotions. Oftentimes these emotions are suppressed and/or not visible to the person experiencing them. This is what I call emotional invisibility. I believe that a person can be emotionally invisible to others and/or themselves.
@@nnekaonyilofor hmmm well this is new concept I have not even considered..I guess I'm far to arrogant to grasp the ideological viewpoint of nirvana In the Buddhist since of the denial of self. Extinguishing of one soul which is the route of who you are in your essence is the totality of Nirvana. Because they believe if there is no self then there can be suffering. But to me the ignoring of oneself is inaccessible because if you think, then you have awareness. I cannot even imagine how one can ignore their own existence or awareness. I understand it ideologically of one having some sort of low self-esteem but I would just see that as not invisibility but more so as thinking that you are less than others or you don't measure up but even in that that's still requires a certain amount of self-awareness. Through the soul has recognition of our emotional self, are appetite, and our desires, but theological viewpoint of the extinguishing of one cell like a flame going out is believed to where you truly achieve perfection oneness and Bliss I eat a state of Nirvana.
What sort of triggers could cause one to see themselves as invisible in the world. And how is the dichotomy between being not seen by others and not being seen by you or oneself relate?
@@genovasquez8361 I always appreciate your thoughtfulness and your questions. The best way that I can explain this is not being self-aware and/or having a shadow self/side that one is not aware of. The shadow self is a topic from the field of psychology.