Here's how to tell if you're in a toxic relationship
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- Опубликовано: 1 окт 2024
- Clinical sexologist Shannon Boodram shares how to determine whether you're in a toxic relationship - and what to do if you find yourself in one.
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You can have a toxic relationship with a family member too.
A whisper of Patricia yeah, my toxic lying family members. Controlling and bossy.
Would have been nice to cover that too
Right...
Yep.
Or with a friend.
That host is amazing. I loved her interaction and questions.
Me too
She's a true listener!!!
@@mariahash50990 Oh, do you have any alleged mistakes we need to investigate?? Let's get started!
@@mariahash50990 let's make it about you!! You seem happy and not miserable at all.
I wish this video existed before I met my narcissistic ex
Same
Same... but now we know what to look out for and can avoid all that drama and pain in the future ..
@@BH-dk7cn That's true..you live and you learn.
My thoughts exactly.. Stay strong and keep the support going..!
Bruh.
Can we talk about her curls! Oh my gosh!!!
I was also thinking about her curls!!!!! Curl envey
It so full..love
@Kir By she wears extensions. Just a blending glitch
7:00 women like Tracy are so unappreciated. She was going to tear up when receiving a compliment. Tracy deserves endless compliments for being such an amazing host in a dominantly white media.
I can’t believe at 25 years old that I didn’t realise or know the “love bombing” tactic. All my “almost” relationships have been like this and I’ve always been left hurt, upset and wounded! I was so use to “love bombing” approach that any normal guy who approached me without this style - I considered boring. Damn.. I’m staying away from men for awhile 🤷🏻♀️😂
The first part of every relationship is kinda like that though, but the issue is when the other person kinda overdoes it. Like start telling you they love you too soon and wants to practically come in and take over your life without contemplating that there are other relationships that you have to nurture with friends and family.
Girl yes. Same here. I ended up with a restraining order against one of them
@Transformation facts
@@Energypoints23 so true
Had a few like that....sigh ...SMH...should've cut it off right then and there. I know for future at least
The sheer brilliance of this woman. I adore Shannon. Because not only is she absurdly intelligent, she is kind and caring too. A combination that is essential to the kind of work she does. I love her
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Man I just love seeing Shannon talk... Just talk. She's a symbol of femininity and sophistication.
Kaz Kaffenberger This! Yes!
Shan giving Tracy that heartfelt message I felt that. Nothing like that woman empowerment!!! we only build queens up
It is certainly a blessing that the younger generation has realized what toxic is in what good relationships should be. In my generation we didn't have that and we suffered dearly with a lot of mentally Disturbed people! Keep up the good work ladies stick together and don't let these toxic people run from one good person to another.
They liked to promote toxic men to girls and women through tv and movies and music.
@sky dream
If you think you are in one. You’re probably are in one.
Take a break from the relationship and see if you feel happier without them.
Keep your head up
Yesssss!!! Even the need to be in a relationship from TV shows is an issue. If I have kids, one day I hope I can encourage them to be kids and enjoy their youth. You don't need a bf or go to feel complete
@@MsChantae no one doesn't get this
Thank you. Because I’m young but so old school I thought that love was holding on no matter what. Glad to see older generation don’t feel this way
She’s describing a relationship with a narcissist.
Melissa Misinco and changing the verbiage to try and sound original. “Love flooding.” “Reductions.” 😂😂😂
Vanessa Proctor yes! I thought her compliment at the end was a bit much.
You think the compliment is "a bit much" because you don't understand the subtext of what's really going on here. Tracy often uses her platform to elevate other women of colour and create space for them to get exposure that they may not otherwise have access to. She was one of the first people to do that for Shannon via Cityline, and has done it for many others. This is the support that is being acknowledged, from one Black Canadian woman to another.
Okay? Isn't that a toxic relationship?
@@vanessa7917 so?? She's on a TV show lol. Why is it bad that she's not saying anything new? Lots of people still don't k kw the signs. Are you guys just haters or something? I don't get it
I LOVE the fact that somebody other than me doesn't like to refer to relationships as hard work... Ive always thought, "WHY? Why does it have to be hard work?" And people always say I'm being naive or something of the sorts because I dont believe that having a successful relationship has to be difficult... Shan broke it down for em 😁
That was nice at the end where they each acknowledged and supported each other! 😄
She said something very important..." Casinos are built on this principal". This is true
Jackie Peavy so true
Facts
i dont get it, can you explain please
She is right on every point!!! I don’t think relationship is hard work at all either
Me too. Relax A LIL #King
Love how she just uplifted the host that was classy❤️ love black women way to lead by example
I feel like you have to go through toxic relationships or friendships to actually appreciate a healthy and loving relationship
Jemma C That’s a good point. I sure hope so.
I know what you mean, but the purpose of them sharing this wisdom is so you don’t have to waste your life. We can grow by learning from other people’s mistakes.
Number one tip: you’re watching this video
Layla Addow lmfaoo deadddd bc facts
Right the fact that I clicked this video made me know I'm in a toxic relationship lol
I clicked because I’m the ‘prevention is the best medicine’ type of person. Like, knowing this in advance might help me recognize the signs prior to getting in a toxic relationship.
I just like Shannon
Layla Addow not in a relationship at all, and it fell into my recommend lol
wow, just discovering a new term. love flooding! i have related to this entire conversation
it's a spin on the term love bombing from the trauma bonding community research community
Alexandria Talley Definitely my first time hearing of love flooding very informative
Alexandria Talley Cults use it too😂 I’ve been in 5 cults lol
Alexandria Talley me too!
@@VySharieff well the term love bombing came from the study of how cults operate and how to get victims out of them.... then researchers realised the same thing tactic was being used by abusers to hook victims into the relationship quickly..so ure very right...the term came about because of studying cult culture.
She is smart and at 4 min she is so accurate with how relationships should *not* be hard work! My marriage (and at one time, relationship) is not hard work and I wouldn't be happy if it was. We flow, everything just falls in to place... hard work is for people who aren't truly connecting
I needed to hear this, it is a confirmation that leaving my emotionally & mentally abusive husband was the right thing I have ever done for the sake of my child and Myself!!!
Amen! I'm praying for you
Yessssss
I met Shan in Houston, TX last year after being subbed to her channel for a few years. She is so kind, warm and open in person, so basically the real deal. I was shocked because watching her she is always very serious and cerebral! It was a pleasant surprise and made me love her even more! Just found out about this show, and I absolutely LOVE it! The host is the bomb! Much love!
Thanks for watching, Sava!
What's her RUclips Channel?
@@sillygirl_kera Shan boody
@@heavensent4362 thanks! I found it and been binge watching since lol
Finally I found someone who agrees with me. Things must happen naturally 🥰
Yess .. most people don't get it
Camille Warren some people don’t know how to be single and that’s a big problem
Some of my favourite Canadian women. 🇨🇦. Brains and beauty. 💕💕💕
Shan is speaking facccccts!!! I love what she spoke on looking at the big picture. Is this toxicity a trend in their other relationships or can this be fixed...I just love her! So well spoken and intelligent.
anything Shan I'm listening
beykaylene right!!!!
She is beautiful, love her yellow shirt and curly hair. Also, great advice!
I am loving the bright colors Shannon is serving and I love the positive energy they gave one another ..... Quick segment but so empowering on so many levels!!!
Yes, I agree with Shannon's sentiment that relationships shouldn't be considered 'hard work'. Yes, they take a great deal of effort, and sometimes more and sometimes less depending on the season that you're relationship is in, but whenever I hear people say it's 'hard work' it sounds like something that is arduous and not enjoyable at all.
By the way love addiction is unhealthy and love is all based on action. A healthy relationship is literally a partnership 100/100 yes if one is doing more then the other and LOVE BOMBING and even being controlling and manipulative then it's clearly unhealthy .
that was really nice of her to complement the host, well deserved!
My best friend is in a toxic relationship with such a controlling person. We can’t even hang out for a few hours without him calling her multiple times telling her to text him back right away when he texts her. He puts her and her career down even though she is the one taking care of him. She got him a truck and he purposely got in a car accident to “teach them a lesson” when someone was tailgating him. She moved out with him cause he wasn’t happy living rent free, then he quits his job cause he doesn’t want to have a boss to have to listen to, then guilt trips her in having a relaxing day off cause he has to work more hours since he doesn’t have a stable income. He guilt trips her in hanging out with me and enjoying her day off and puts down her job even though she is a nurse and works long hours. I can go on and on and I’ve talked to her about it but she is still with him. It’s so toxic. Sad:/
So I obviously didn't notice the signs cause my guy did all those things in the beginning and it worked cause I'm still with him 2 years 8 months. Talk about lost of self identity. Talk about how to revolve around a man 101. Talk about crying sporadically uncontrollably. Yes . I wish someone would have taught me this a long time ago.
Kimora Johnson If it's a rollercoaster life, then it's best you cut ties sooner than later when you allow him (I'm assuming him) to take advantage of you and kill your spirit. The mind games are no joke: the gaslighting, triangulation, distraction, devaluing, rage, alienation from friends and family, etc. The co-dependency can drain you as you repeatedly try to come out of the fog of confusion. There's betrayal, deceit, mistrust, manipulation, etc. That person seeks to promise, but often not deliver. There's no interest on his part to listen, respect, or validate you, your existence, or your opinions unless it benefits him. This is a brief list of things that I encountered over 41 years of marriage until I ended it 5 months ago. So toxic that police entered the house one night to stop my son from taking his life. Toxicity from dad permeated the household. I'm hoping my message helps those on the fence trying to decide how bad is it. In my case, things only got worse as time went on. Once I left and distanced myself could I see the fuller picture of having lost my identity. I'm healing and looking forward to a new & happier life. Be strong and love yourself more. 🌈🌅
@@donnawoodford6641 yes thank you for your encouragement it means a lot. But I grew up in a abusive household so yea my self esteem wasn't the best when I met him. I would attempt suicide as a kid but it was a phase. He reminds me of my mom except we've physically fought a couple times. I never win cause hes stronger than me. But I'm not going to have children just a fish. I don't blame him just me. My finances and resources are tied up into him. I'm just going to deal with it until I get a opportunity to make a change without being homeless and looking for a therapist in the meantime. Thanks so much 💕
Mine gave me anxiety in the same timeframe.
@@DJRenee me too but I know I played a part in things falling apart too. Yesterday he put me out and told me to kick rocks, is a nice way to put it. now I'm homeless and heartbroken but I know its gonna get better soon. I d k how long it will take but I dont wanna be depressed I want to be happy. I feel so dead but I know it's part of the process. him calling me and asking me am I having fun without him. really made it worst because i almost broke down at work! its nothing fun about being homeless 10 hours from yourhometown. Or losing who u thought was your bestfriend. Like gosh he doesn't even give me a day to try to block him out he just rubs it in my face. But I'm breathing and I enjoyed my salata for lunch. And I feel more courage when I hear other women stories of how they overcame this.
Someone send this video to Regina carter. Please🙏🏿🙏🏿
Yes!
Becky Coleman 🖖🏾☺️
Like minded people are drawn to each other 🤷🏽♂️
What did Yucci ... (rapper) did to her?
@@binobino793 trust me, that is not always the case
Shan Boodram! Yes.
So basically, all in all fellas💁🏾♂️; Moral of the Story: You’ll always know when you’re in a toxic relationship, bc ya’ counter part will always remind you that she doesn’t care to comprehend self awareness & accountability in a 2-way relationship... or lack there of.
Mo Hanam I don’t think you understood the video lol
晴朗Sunny I think he’s being sarcastic
Nya B yep
It takes both people to change a toxic relationship too
Depending, for the victim of the toxic behavior the change could very simply be leaving. Just left mine, great guy but literally everything Shan said so accurate. I tried doing even more to please him just to get us to a better place but if someone is in a toxic place, just like smoking cigarettes they have to be the one to actively change
I always thought “relationships take work” meant that people have to be willing to invest energy and effort into each other. Not that one should tolerate abuse or inconsistent behaviors.
Well said...
This is so helpful when I run into her vids when she talks about toxic relationships, all narcissistic men behave this way!...
Love addiction relationships are typically romantic in nature. Codependency occurs between two people who have distorted boundaries. The codependent person focuses solely on the needs of another and their own needs become secondary.
Love floating? Isn't she talking about love bombing a term that is used when talking about being in a relationship with a narcissist or someone with narcistic tendencies? If you want to know more Google love bombing and the circle of valuing and devaluing.
Love flooding. It is the same as Love bombing.
It is not unique to narcissists.
I feel like if you have to ask...it’s probably toxic. This is a FABULOUS topic though from fabulous, beautiful, accomplished women.
So True...shes a GREAT host
I have to say that these kind of videos only discuss narcissists who are deliberately preying on people not broken or abused people who genuinely can be unpredictable at times. As a victim of emotional abuse as a child, I go through episodes of depression during which I can get hurt at a seemingly small thing that triggers me. Sometimes as a result I am unable to control my sobs. It won't be about the small thing anymore but about the pain of decades of feeling unwanted as a child that washes over me. Not everybody who you don't understand at all times is a toxic person. Most people do not sit and plan to make the lives if their partners miserable. Yes, there are narcissists in the world and there are emotionally broken people as well whose triggers might seem as 'games' and 'attention seeking' but it's not that at all.
I fully understand what you're saying and I think that people who've not experienced this kind of brokenness are not able to understand the complexity and sensitivity of such a situation.
This popped up in my feed at the perfect time.....Look at God! He always let me know.
Yesssss
Toxic relationships are controlling so if you're in one get out of it don't go with the flow keep it moving..
You should replace the word hard work with labor. If it feels like labor I'm out
Toxic relationships it is always unstable ?
You can't make someone change if
They don't want to
It takes two . Not just
One way theirs .
This is a live demonstration of black girl magic. This segment was about Shannon and Shannon took a good chunk of her airtime to celebrate another black woman. I love this so much, and it’s so inspiring. We look SO good celebrating one another! Also these tips were so fruitful! Love love love 💛
I know girl . I started tearing up with my sensitive self . Lol
I love this. Shannon great job as usual and I always love watching Cityline.
There are toxic relationships between parents and children who grow up and the process continues. That's where we need to start before it gets to romantic relationships.
I wished I saw this before getting dumped by my military husband after 5 months of marriage in Valentine’s Day.😔 I have depression and I lost weight 🙄 I’d still let him back in if only he agrees to take therapy.
Love addiction and codependency are often confused as being the same type of relationship pattern. Yet, they are two different types of relationship/romantic distortions. ... The love addict is desperately trying to meet their need of being loved. Codependency differs in that it is related to an addiction of being needed.
Codependency comes from mentally and physically and even financially needing another person .
excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction.
Signs of codependency include:
Having difficulty making decisions in a relationship.
Having difficulty identifying your feelings.
Having difficulty communicating in a relationship.
Valuing the approval of others more than valuing yourself.
Lacking trust in yourself and having poor self-esteem.
It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual's ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.
Is that an IUD necklace
Life of Lani 😂
Yes, it is! Shannon has a RUclips where she talks about it. I would recommend that you subscribe to her, and follow her on instagram.
This sound like they are talking about my job
😂😂😂😂
i agree with ms. broodram, your host tracey is always incredible. great show, great host, thank you!
Thanks for watching, Lisa!
Just admiring the black women 🙌🏽 #smart #intelligent #theydidthat #theydidthat
This was a terrific interview
This is powerful, I like this and I like Shannon Boodram
What if I am the toxic person .. how do I stop being they person when it’s all I’m used to and all I’m used to seeing
May Menar im sorry to hear that. What makes you the toxic person?
I dont agree with the part where she said do it through social media ...social media is not a place to discuss anything you should be able to speak face to face with your friends I get it sometimes people do want to hear what you are saying when it comes to ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS but LOVE SPEAKS and not through social media not through quotes not through subliminal messages just REAL TALK ....we need to learn how to communicate again so we stop with all of these toxic relationship stop communicating via social media
She said pass nuggets in a general way
Beautiful, on point. Love how Shannon broke it down!
Toxic! I’ve dealt with that in my life. I can tell you it was one of worst things I’ve ever had to endure. Thank you and god bless...💃🏻
Man I was in such a toxic relationship and thanks to the women in my life that shared their relationships with me I was able to recognize and leave and I'm in a healthy relationship and we are so happy and I am soooo happy and I wish that all women have people like I did or like Shannon to tell them these things.
Host reminds me of Tyra Bank in looks and in personality. Her facial structure, the way she talks with her hands and moves her body, the way she enunciates... very Tyra-ish
No wonder I’ve been dating psychos,I always checked if my edges were thinning out to know if I was in a toxic relationship.
Great discussion! Then that heart to heart moment of uplifting one another. Beautiful.
If you have to ask if your in a toxic relationship, you are in a toxic relationship. God has better plans for you, he doesn’t want any one of us to struggle 🤗.
"I don't have all that life to live..." that's my new favorite line! :)
I really needed this. 💯❤😩 Thank you!
I love Tracey Moore 😍🤩
I love Shannon's hair!
For me I leave it up to god to bring the man of the lord for me
I wonder if having a needy man is toxic cause man he drains me.
Happy Bolden i wouldn’t personally consider it toxic, a lot of people are needy and people enjoy the fact of reassurance, it all depends on you :)
Good information
Yes I love that advice everyone right now should be listening 👂 in and taking notes 📝. What she said I one ☝️ hundred agree with
It was so quiet I got a scare when the live audience started applauding 😂
Sounds like you are talking about narcissism
At this point everyone should know their called NARCISSIST and us EMPATHS are their targets.
Ren Sational don't tolerate them. narcissists are like Little kids. #attention #seeker
@@user-bc5cf5kr4s Yes they are! I keep meeting them BACK TO BACK ... literally. At this point I just feel safe being single .... GLAD YOU'RE AWAKE ⏰ 11 11
😉💙
I needed this ❗️🙌🏾 no more toxic relationship
Being in a relationship is supposed to bring peace to both of the partners. A relationship isn’t hard unless you make it hard. Life is hard but a relationship is something that is supposed be peaceful not hard. People who complain about relationships being hard don’t need to be in one!
Great interview both ladies were amazing 👸🏾
You might have to cut them off from.their friends and family because those are the actual toxic relationships. That's what happened with my wife
I’m getting attacked on here by a RUclipsr by the name Donovan Sharpe for trying to empower young girls to not be controlled by their man and to not be in a toxic relationship. He twisted my words and flooded my comments with hate saying I’m a whore and trying to put me down. If any of you women could please go report his video or just read through the comments at the hundreds of men who think women are meant to be “owned” and should obey their partners and never stand up for themself. We need to stick together as women to know we are equal and it’s not a competition between sexes.
I think trust in a relationship is overrated. When my husband started getting frequent night calls , i would ask and he would just wave off those calls as unimportant. At a time i could take no more of his lies, i decided i deserve to know what was going on. A friend of mine referred me to this great ethical hacking team( Cyberhackingsage@gmail ) who helped clone his cellphone without having to touch the device. My husband was a cheating Narcissist and I’m glad i found out all his secrets and infidelity and how he planned on using this pandemic to get back to me. I got access to his Facebook, iMessage, GPS location , WhatsApp, Call Logs and Text Messages (both deleted and incoming ones) with a remote link to a programmed App on my phone. I’m here in Florida and able to access my husband’s phone even while he was away in Canada cheating on me........ Thanks to Cyberhackingsage, now i have enough evidence for my divorce. If you need help or that little bit of closure, i advice you get in touch with them Via Gmail ( cyberhackingsage@gmail )Or Text and WhatsApp them on +15713758467..thank me later.
I’m in a toxic relationship with myself
This was perfect! ❤️
This video gives me life ! I was so confused and hurting from a recent breakup but I feel like I can let go of the hurt & move on. Knowledge is power ✨leveling up! Thanks ladies!
What a great interviewer.
Two knowledgeable people!
This is a really good topic! I also love the flow of the conversation and the value that the guest is giving.
Wow. I loved this. I'm glad I came across this.
I loved what she said about hard work. This was some great relationship advice.
Sounds like my EX!
This sounds like a relationship with a narcissist. #Leo unstable #watersigns.
My case
This can be any sign
What if you been married for awhile..?let’s not say dating.. your already feeling toxic in marriage. Thank you for this info.😊
What if you choose toxic men over & over & over? So it’s me the pattern is with.. Jumping right on the love flooding wagon again & again. Why the world can I not recognize this sooner!?
Right
This video definitely school me
I remember when this other lady bashed Shannon on a talk show :/ I’m happy she just bounced back and kept on moving !
I personally think that it’s labeled as hard work because everyone is different. There’s no one size fits all or rulebook on how to love someone. Everyone is not raised the same so sometimes you have to figure the person out in order to grow together. It can be difficult adjusting to ways you’re not used to or teaching one another.. So I guess saying hard work is a harsh way to put it, but not everything will come naturally. It shouldn’t remain challenging forever because at some point the two of you will just flow together.
Shan giving the interviewer a much deserved compliment, I felt that. We have to uplift one another more.
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