How To Build Closer Friendships
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- Опубликовано: 10 сен 2024
- It can be hard to build close friendships as an adult - especially if you’ve moved to a new city, outgrown your current friends or are entering into a new stage in life and want to find other people who you have more in common with.
But like anything, building something strong can take time and effort - and even though it can seem overwhelming at times, as social beings we need good friends to be happy, so it’s worth it.
Part of how to make friends involves being intentional about how to be a good friend and in today’s episode of Good for Me TV, we’re going to talk about both.
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What are 3 of the qualities you appreciate in a friend?
Julia Kristina Counselling understanding, honesty and kindness not just to friends but to everyone.
@@Angryoyster I love these. So good.
I find I'm attracted to people who are kind, genuinely being themselves, and doing their best to live life to the fullest. People like a certain therapist I know of... 🤔
1. that they're not mine.
2. See #1
3. See #2
@@christopherpape4823 you don't know how much this means to me - this is honestly my intention every single day. I'd love to hear yours!
I can tell you would be a good friend. You have a very sweet and gentle spirit.
I try to be the friend I would want, but I'm far from perfect - that's for sure!
I have a dear friend that makes a " Short Story Long". I have been known to fall asleep a few times. ( OOPS)
Without bragging I am an ecxellent friend, nice lifestyle and I only get used. Maybe there is someway the nice ladies on the internet can form some sort of online help for each other.
An email everyday offering advice and kindness to each other. Just the nice ladies not the users.
@@c.9850 That's lovely! Why don't you start one out and start sending these lovely messages to your inbox and every time you're out or on the internet and you recognize a person whose heart is welling with love and you want to thank them for their kindness that touched you, or you think this person deserves a gift, I would like to gift them with love and joy and upliftment, and You say to them I have a group Or I send a gift of love and kindness through my emails, I would you love for you to be able to receive it, here is my email, would you like to give me yours?
Making friends is a great struggle for me too. Thank you for talking about it.
I think it can be hard for a lot among us but not always so easy to talk about. Really glad this connected.
I am going to watch these video for the first time and I will try to maintain
@@juliakristinamah when I feell lonely or something we need to learn how to surround ourselves with other people
There are many time when any one is feel lonely you should try to talk to them or hangout with them
I've always been the flakey friend who doesn't initiate contact as often. I feel like I've been a very self-centered asshole for a very long time. I don't have very many friends now... and it's my own damn fault. Friends aren't going to stick around if you aren't willing to put in the effort to show them they are important to you. Hard realization for me to swallow, glad I finally figured it out. Better late than never? These videos are slowly changing my life. Thank you.💓
I have some flakey friends and the weird thing is they seem to be extroverted people you'd think they'd be more proactive at connecting.
I shared this to my Facebook feed. I know very few people who don't struggle with this. One tip I learned is if you want a friend, be a friend.
Thank you for sharing me with your people! I am so honoured adsicks. And yes, I love that saying - it is SO true.
It is hard to find friends that you connect with...but SO worth it.
I totally agree on both accounts ;-)
In major cities, here are some reasons it is hard to make friends:
1) People are suspicious and defensive
2) They tend to be more transient
3) Busy lives = little time
4) Many seem to be here for the purposes of self-promotion, not personal connection
5) Habits and routines
...I could go on, but the point is it can be extremely difficult. I'm trying Meet-Up groups, I have tried years of other activities including church, and I'm very self-aware and very good with people. But it is still incredibly, unbelievably difficult.
@Joanne F
Yes, I have had that happen more times than I want to even try to count. I honestly find that people today are less able to form intimate connections, and are more socially awkward. I have no science to back that up, it's just an observation.
I hear you - and I'm sorry you've been hurt so many times -that is really hard. There are people out there who are able to be good friends - you WILL find them.
@@juliakristinamah
Thankfully I do have a few really good friends, but they live in other states. I would like some that are also more local too...🤔
@@mr.d.572 absolutely - I can understand that!
Suspicious and defensive is the main one, I assume!
For me trustworthy, genuine, wide variety of interest, not superficial, not overwhelming me with one and the same problems over and over again.
I'm happy to have found 2 really good friends. They are just like me, just human, but we can laugh about our own stupidity. We can be serious about stuff that matters and always be there to have an open hart.
It took some years but it's worthwhile to put effort in a steady friendship.
Thanks for sharing this Marianne - and I agree with those qualities and really value them too. So good that you held out for the right people and found them!
You’re so right . as a single woman, I was very upset when a lot of the men in my family passed away, so I wanted to make some male friends and my therapist suggested meet up. now I go to a lot of meet up activities mainly karaoke.
I listen to the blues I go to open mic night and I go to Comedy. I also took a comedy class in stand up . I have been doing it for about a year and a half. I have a lot of male friends now. I am much happier now. than I was before and only that first karaoke song was difficult. Plus there’s something to do almost every night of the week! Thank you for your advice I love the sound of your voice . It is very pleasant. 😊❤️👍🏼🌈
Great great great great
Thanks!
Good job!!
1.Meet new people in community and share interest
2.Show interest in people
3.Going to events and workshops to find similar ppl
4.Having do nothing friends
5.Strike up conversation with ppl
6. Let yourself be open to new experience
7. Try new things
8. Be patient
9. Not worry about much fitting in ( be yourself)
10. Be comfortable - Did it feel good or not
11. Donot take it personally
I'm recently disabled and my body abled friendships have just gone away because I'm not fun anymore. I'm extremely lonely and confused that I've become so disposable.
Sorry to hear that. To add to the saying "Want to find out who your friends are? Ask them a favor." I would add, wait until you are going through a hard time. It is a shame they don't come around just because you can't do many of the physical things they can. To be the devil's advocate. maybe they just don't know what to do or that you will appreciate their company. Reach out to them, but if they always make excuses then better to not waste too much time and energy on them. I fell on hard times once and my circle of "friends" went from a few dozen to about 2. It is depressing but there is still time to find out their true colors.
Ow ow ow, that hurts to much! so much. I am so sorry you're going through that.
Know that you are NOT disposable - whatever it is that they have going on, it has nothing to do with your value, worth and loveability as a human.
I cared for a quad and he made friends by hiring people he liked.
@@amarieinthepm I actually liked into sliding scale counseling today so I believe that will really help. Thank you for sharing your experience! Xx
@@juliakristinamah thank you. It's a real shocker when family and friends go away but my outlook needs to be about the new friends I'll make and the counseling im going to start soon. :)
Get out of my head Julia!!!!! I just moved to a small town a few days ago. I’m a small business owner so I went to the chamber of commerce today. From there I met people who invited me to other things like the the Rotary club. They also let me know of other people
I should meet and connect with. I was also thinking about taking a cooking class at the local community college. 😆
Ahhhhh Trevor!! I love this so much. And I love that we are so on the same page ;-)
Very insightful. I am a senior lady and no one is friendly. I live on Vancouver Island. Everyone seems to be so fussy about friendship.
It can be tough, can't it? I try to be the friend I want, but also watch my expectations of others - that seems to help.
try to be friendly and you will find friendly people who will like you
Thank you for this video!! Trying to make friends can be hard especially when you are working on improving your mental health. I feel more ready to be open to friendships and start small. I love your videos! You have a great ability to connect with people. The way you give advice with personal experience and psychology is extremely helpful. You make me feel more empowered and give me tools to be a happier me. 😊 Before this, I was having a really hard time thinking making meaningful friendships just wasn't something I am capable of doing right now.
My problem is I want friends who are on the same mature level, or spiritual level. We are not compatible with everyone.
"If you struggle to make friends as an adult you are NOT alone"
Uhhh.... I am alone, that's why I'm here LOL!
I think she meant not alone in the sense that there are many people who wish they had more friends
I got the joke! Lol! I watched it like do I want friends...
I shared this with a friend of mine. Neither of us were taught how to have a healthy relationship of any kind. I have been sharing other videos from your channel with her, too. I think that we are learning together. Your videos and really helping me.
I'm so blessed. I have a group of friends that I have been close and connected with since I have been 2. I'm 61. As an adult, have not found the same connections. I have good acquaintances as an adult, but not the same level of friendship. I moved to a city where people are so transient. Miss my hometown.
As a kid I was bullied and beaten up by others some of whom I thought were friends. So all through life I have had a hard time making friends. Thank you Julia for this great advice. I have just started a new relationship and it is amazing how that pushes back all the fear. I am going to open myself up and believe in myself. Thank you, your channel is fantastic
TY for the great info! I just said this last week - "no man is an island" - lol. Introvert & tomboy all my life, now finding it extremely difficult (at 48) to find good friends - women or men. Life begins outside of your comfort zone, right?
Absolutely Amy. They are out there - and it can take some searching to find them, but they are out there. Sending you all the love!
The third case scenario rings most true for me- of being at a certain developmental point in need of some uplifting friends.
Also I am 30, and distant from most of my friends.
uplifting friends are the BEST! Often, we attract people who are similar to us, so finding those uplifting friends becomes a whole lot easier when WE are those uplifting friends ;-)
Your channel is helpful in so many ways! I find that maintaining friendships is also hard because work and family life can keep you so busy. But those were great ideas on how to connect with people.
Can you do a video on outgrowing friends from high school/ college and how to deal with it. There is a lot of guilt knowing there is no longer a connection.
This gives me so much more hope. I’m almost 23, and I had a girl group at the beginning of high school, but my friendships kind of died down and over time. Making friends in college has been hard, and I do think I could have made more of an effort. But it’s never too late, and I’m ready to put myself out there more so I can live my best life!
Hi Julia, I look forward to your videos and can't wait to watch when I see my notification. I always learn something each time. Happy Friday 💕
This! So kind of you Siera - and totally made my day.
What is difficult is maintaining a positive attitude about yourself,, rebuilding yourself and trying to establish new friendships . Either people's words don't match their actions. Feel like I"m going through a "purge" of people that don't serve my best interests. (dignity, mental wellbeing)
Hi Julia, it's Alicia commenting on your video on friendships. As I watched your video, I struggle with making new friends, but I still enjoy what you go into detail about your personal story.
Hi Julia! This is amazing and solid advice. Thank you. I plan to share this with a friends who is struggling to fit in at their workplace. My advice is, Never let someone steal you Inner Shining light, and You be You.
I think they will enjoy this video. You Rock! 🙌🏼
I found once I finished work, I had no friends, all my friendships were work related or child related through the childrens sports or activities. I found an online group of ladies around my age and we meet every week for coffee. We are a diverse range of personalities, but we all have had the same trouble finding and meeting friends our age. Its been two and half years since we met up and they have been wonderful support for me personally, as I struggled with domestic abuse and escaping.
Really good
omg i was feeling down about my friendship situation and totally about to give up and be sad but you motivated me to keep going thanks Julia
Because I my past-I find it impossible to not conform to others expectations. I’m sure they are as much my expectations for myself as to conform to fit in a group. It’s too hard to risk relationship and not trade that out for authenticity.
I go to a Psych Social Rehab program and that's where I have made most of my friends. I have made a few also from being in groups that are related to other clubhouses in the general area. I'm not good at social interactions but I've gotten better. I really enjoy going to my clubhouse and representing them in meetings and outings. I have made friends that way and I've also grown a lot of self confidence.
Thank you, Julia!
Your mom group sounds fun and like a great support system.
I still have a group of mom friends, even though our kids have all gone different directions in life, we are still close.
But friends do go through changes. I lost my husband and one of my friends wasn't sure she could still have me in her life because I would now be a single mom. Recently another friend was diagnosed with cancer. Our priorities shift and change in these situations. I really wanted some new friends. I love to dance and joined a dancing group. Thinking about your words- I just feel good about myself there and feel confident to talk to people before and after the group. other experiments (with committees) didn't feel as successful, because I don't feel as good about myself around those people. Important to think about. Thank you for the pointers!
Thanks for sharing this Kathryn - and yeah, friendships do change. You know that saying - Friends come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
Whenever any of my friendships has drifted apart or ended I remember this saying and allow it all to be okay and trust that it's happening exactly how it's supposed to.
Another good video. Looking forward to the follow up. I always feel insecure when I’m the one making the most effort in a relationship. I try not to take it personally but sometimes I think, “why should I care more than they care?”
Why is that bad if you make more of an effort than them? As long as you know they like and value you... some people just aren't big initiators. It's different, though, if you feel like you make all the effort in all of the areas of the relationship - that's not cool.
People are totally selfish. It gets very tiring always making the effort. What has happened to humanity?
Thank you Julia, your content is always better the 2nd and 3rd time around or more! One of your biggest fans 🙏❤️
Dale Carnegie wrote a book called How to Win Friends. A very helpful book. I read it every year because it has such good stories.
It has helped me to always plant a seed for good in someone’s thought, to say the first good thing or curious thought that comes into mind without hesitating. I believe the angels tell me what to say. It surprises me. “Did I just say that?” Lol. But it always elicits a warm response. I call it friendship batting practice.
Although I really feel bad with alot of myself and what has happened and what's happening with my life, but I can say I do have a few friends that are all worthy of all my struggles and toughness to go through the world....
Not to mention they are the people I used to be so freaggin' annoyed with in the past! But right now we're so darn close with each other :)
Wow.. good for you!!👍👍😊😊
You have helped me so much. Your really good at what you do. Thanks
All great wisdom on finding friends! I am pretty good at meeting people or making friends, but seems I can’t keep them for long. I’m trying to look at patterns... things I’ve done in past friendships to sabotage the relationship.
That's really mature and insightful of you April. Don't be too hard on yourself though - it can take time to find the good ones that we connect well with and last.
Great video. Meet up groups are good. I would like to say making friends with coworkers is really something to be cautious about because if there is a falling out you will have to deal with that all day everyday at work. Just my opinion
That is true. Studies also show that if you have a "best work friend" you are more likely to be satisfied with your job and enjoy going to work more! But yes, if things go funky, it can make it awkward.
rsn sol Also, platonic work friends of the opposite sex, an affair can ignite
@@MrMkayultra . Yes , great point to make. And it often does ignite because for one reason we spend 8,10,12 hours at work and 2 with our spouse. The first rocky bump in the road at home and suddenly the greener grass is right there easily available and the illusion that the platonic co worker is the " one who really cares and gets me" begins to become a huge problem.
Since my friend told me about you, I have told so many people about you. You are fantastic. Thank you
Thank you so much! This is very helpful!😀
Really glad it connected Angie ;-) ❤
Gm -I was referred to your channel by my therapist and I am so absolutely happy that I found you. I listen to you while at work and so many things that you say resonate with me. In this particular video with resonated with me was not putting my expectations on others. I have learned that if you don’t have a high expectation, the disappointment is far less. I’m also learning to put myself out there a little bit more and getting to know others and being more open to letting them see who I really am. I just wanted to say hello and thank you for your content and I have subscribed to your channel I hope you have an amazing rest of your week.
Ooo thank you for this Julia, this is something I really needed. I've been struggling to find people I connect with for several years now. I really need to work on that whole "just put yourself out there without expectations" thing. Just last week I was walking through a local park alone and I happened to see someone I probably could've connected with - but I let my social anxiety get the best of me and I didn't start up a conversation. I've been kicking myself about that ever since. It can be hard to know how to start up a conversation with a stranger though. Anyway, hopefully I'll learn to get beyond that. Thanks for a helpful video!
Chris, can I ask you to not be mean to the person who wants your friendship most - YOU? So you didn't initiate that time - it's okay - it likely wasn't meant to be. Maybe next time, or maybe the time after that. It'll happen when it's supposed to. Be kind to yourself - you deserve that kindness as much as anyone.
@@juliakristinamah thank you Julia, you're the best.😊🤗 I'll try :)
You need to find out what makes you PASSIONATE. (no exclamation mark). Honour your spirit. THEN - go find it! And the other people involved in that. Go from there. Some of them will piss you off. Others will be like you - or have that level of enthusiasm. It's a GREAT start. You are following your spirit! BRILLIANT! Honour your spirit. It is your RIGHT.
Anyways, thank you as always Julia - for telling us about your stories and giving us those psychological tips. Your videos always help me one way or another, in this case I get to know what I'm doing is working and the right way. Thank you :D!!
(And yes, I also did what you did, and it really works, here's my few life-long but super besties with me!!!)
SO good for you!
I thank you so much for this video. I can relate. I've had friends come in and out of my life for different reasons. I find it hard to make friends in my age. And I'm doing my best to finde new friends.
Thank you, Julia. I really appreciate you and your choices.
Grateful to have you here Mark.
I already feel better after watching this video. I was taking down notes to remind myself of these tips. Thanks for sharing ❤️
THANK YOU JULIA 😊 💓! YOUR THE BEST!!
Love that your talking about this, I struggle with finding friends! But I'm still trying 😊 love your videos girl@
THANKS for this topic!!!! Im 38, happily married and have 8 wonderful kids. I’m a teacher (just got told I’ll be fired at the end of the school year. I had no idea that was coming) and no time for friends or activities but I still really really miss not having any friends.
Claire Conway awww, thanks! I don’t know if I “deserve” all that but I know I just got a hug from you;) thanks for taking the time and thought to reply. Wishing you all the best in life💐
I just started watching these videos a couple days ago. I really appreciate the wisdom and motivation you provide. This helps me a lot.Thanks Julia.
I am a bit picky and know I have a bit of a wall at times. I can come off as an extrovert and have people, men and women, ask for my number and want to get together...but I rarely want to. I can connect to almost anyone, short term.
Given my past and being burned, giving too much and attracting narcissist types, I am very cautious.
Hugely, most people I don’t feel can relate to much of what I’m going through. Daily routines, relationships, holidays are so different due to some unorthodox realms and a child with health needs that require I stay at home. Additionally I became a grandmother early, and have family with various mental health issues, where I’ve had to intervene for the children. Having other losses along the way...and I find, while I can open up to people I’ve know a while & my counselor, it’s edited and I often cut myself off and ask how they are doing after I worry I’ve shared too much sad stuff.
I am a master of the happy face in most situations. I appear like an extrovert in most social situations, despite anxiety...but I recover best alone. For survival, I learned to attend to others, make them feel good, make them laugh and smile. It’s taken a long time to try to get out of that, and connect to my authentic core. I only desire true, authentic people, who I can be real with...people who don’t buy into many of the false narratives spoon fed to us by society, family, religion.
When there is a deep connection it feels like nothing else...and when there is huge disconnection, it is lonelier than any of my alone moments.
SO needed to hear this! But what’s happening in my case is the friendships I have had over the years suddenly drop off. If it’s me, I’m not aware, and am open to hearing about them. It’s TOTALLY making me weird and feel VERY disconnected, tired, anxious, even depressed. I’m set to become an empty nester and was divorced a few years ago. Though I have a good time with my BF he’s got lots going on in his life and works a ton. I also need more balance- it’s not healthy to be attached to him only. The other issue is not having work. I’ve felt SO stuck for years! Even trying many things. Feeling quite dejected even though I’m upbeat as a person
We connect really nicely Julia Kristina. You are such a sunshine! :)
Dear Babs, I don't think that's always true. My limited need for other people makes my life easier and happier. I think that's a lucky situation to be in. Jean Paul Sartre is my homeboy.
lol. We don't need many, but 1 or 2 quality ones will do the trick ;-)
Thank you so much, for this video . I been living in my head and I had to get out of it , thank God I was not alone on that feeling. But hearing you speaking on issue affecting my ability, I was force to make changes. Again thank you ONE MILLION>>>
Awh that’s such an awesome story 💖!
Thats Great. I feel the same way. I just turned 28 TODAY So Im Glad its not too late to Find My Tribe
You are sooooo good at what you are doing. And i appreciate your energy you are putting in doing it. You are very clear at explaining things so fluent. Loved hearing you. I have heard many over this topic. However, the way you explained it is appreciative.
You are wonderful. Keep it up 😍👍
Really helpful video. Would you be able to make more content on relationships, connection, rejection, social anxiety etc. It seems that people are the most valuable part of one's life but living in a big city it is increasingly more difficult to develop relationships. If you were able to recommend any books on the subject this would be great too. Thank you.
Can you elaborate a bit more? If you could suggest a few titles for videos so I can understand a bit more of what you want to see that would be super helpful!
@@juliakristinamah Thank you for replying to my comment. If you could perhaps make some videos on making friends and connecting with people when suffering to social anxiety, avoidant personality disorder, low self-esteem or struggling with childhood trauma, fear of rejection or abandonment etc. that often make creating relationships with and trusting people this much more difficult. Also if you were able to give some more in-depth insight into how people connect, i.e. why people choose to be friends with some but not others, even though seemingly they can still like or have sympathy for both (which is often the case in, for example, work environment). If you could please give some suggestions on how to be more approachable and yet avoid appearing needy - I’ve noticed that people who are very friendly some times make others feel uncomfortable. Also since we now live in a digital era it's increasingly more and more difficult to actually even meet people since so much can be done online, e.g. courses, classes etc. - if you had any suggestions on how to even meet people, especially when you live in a big city where not only do people not talk to one another but even look each other in the eye (where I live we call it 'urban solitude'). It would be great to have a better insight into the mechanics of human relationships on a deeper level as the info online is often rudimentary and unless one is willing to read scientific journals or psychology textbooks it’s not that easy to find any useful information. I realise that the above are not video titles per se and you have already touched on some of it in this video but I suppose that a lot of the things mentioned can really be grouped and combined, and relate to one another. Also I often hear from people who appear to have friends that they feel lonely in spite of that, and have known some who would often say that they cannot survive alone and so they’d rather have anyone rather than no one, which implies that to have meaningful relationships you don’t just need any people in your life but the right kind so if you had any thoughts on that I would be really interested to hear them. Thank you for any consideration given to the above.
@@unapologeticallymj thanks for this! I'll see about putting something together. I could also do an FB live in my Good for Me FB group - are you part of that group?
@@juliakristinamah No I'm not, I'm not very fond of Facebook but I might check it out. These are just some ideas that I particularly find interesting and haven't really found much useful info on so just wanted to pass these on.
@@unapologeticallymj This sounds just like my struggle! It's definitely a pain in the neck because in my case, we move around every three years (military). So yes, I keep putting myself out there, and get so discouraged when things don't take quickly because of the short amount of time we have at each duty station and all the insecurities (which you listed ie. rejection,.suspicion, childhood trauma) rear their ugly little heads. So much to say, yes I feel exactly how you feel. *hugs*
I am finding it easy to make friends for the first time in my life at age 58. Just all of my interests are in groups. All closed now, because of the Virus, but we stay together in Zoom meetings. I have met people all over the world this way. People I would never have met any other way. I have seen shy people blossom in online meetings because you can just listen at first, and gradually get your feet wet. I bet some of these people will go to face to face meetings when we can be together in person again. I go to meditation meetings. Yoga classes. Stoicism discussions. 2 photography clubs. They can be found on Facebook, and many other forums. I sure miss Aikido, but we won’t be able to have a full contact class for a long while. What do you like doing? Julia is right.
wow, what a wonderful video. Thank you for your enthusiasm and advice :)
That part about not fitting in resonates well with me. I've heard some people say they recognize me as someone who "marches to the beat of his own drum." In fact, it reminds me of something I've seen on a bumper sticker. "You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same."
Belonging is about being who I am!!
I really enjoyed this massage, I got a lot out of it. Thank you so much
Than you. Good stuff.
Honesty. Empathy. Humor.
T.hanx for your straight talking and informative communication
I love people. And I really, really like to learn about people. But I prefer to have deep, meaningful conversations. A lot of the people I meet seems to be self-obsorbed and shallow.
How is shallon conversation? Maybe virtual reality can help with that lol
@@kolacao8134 I'm not understanding what you are saying.
What if you "want" to push people away?
Thank you for this!! I'm so glad that I gave it a try 💕
I'm in awe of this content. I read a book with a similar theme, and it was truly awe-inspiring. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Leo Flint
Julia you are so nice. Refreshing to listen to you. You are a nice kind person. I live in Nanaimo. Not friendly here.
I needed to hear this
I really really enjoyed this video!! I found myself in a lot of things that you said and I'm definitely trying your tips!
I like to hear your personal stories.
Thanks Carol! One of my most pivotal ones is coming in the next video. Stay tuned!
Listen. Reflect. Comment.
"Thank you." 👍😀
Yasss!!
Thank you for a great talk on a very difficult topic.
I love this video so much! Thank you!!!
Being divorced at 55 and trying to make new friends outside of the married group is extremely difficult. Most women my age are married. One friend I connected with moved away and the friend I met at church tells me I should go to a different church. Not my idea of a friend. If someone is really a friend they don’t try to change you.
First of all the "friend" who told u to go to a different church isn't a friend . Second , stay where you are and belive in the power of God ,not power of ur friend . Ask and u shall receive . Stop asking ur friends what u should do , ask God. 🙂. Also, this might be the best time for u to start meditating ,trust me u won't regret this .
I live in Victoria. It’s very cliquey here too. I’ve never made friends easily, as I’m quite reserved and have trust issues. Also, I’ve been betrayed by quite a few people. So, I tend not to have many close friends. And, really, I can’t be bothered maintaining friendships, only to be betrayed later. Hmmm...food for thought. 😁
Absolutely NOT! NEVER be friends with coworkers! They are coworkers for a reason and it leads to being unprofessional!
Thank you for this video.
Really glad it connected Prugne.
I love your story
What do you recommend if someone is in a position where they are in a supervisory role and can not fraternize with their employees? Even though they are great people.
And you hate that you can't show love to them, or have a laugh with them, or get to know them, or have long conversations with them? What is it that you feel you want to do, you would love to do but you have to hold it?
How does it look if you were fraternizing with these great people? (with nothing to worry about)
Thanks #Canuck VanCity: best yrs of my life
Yasss!!
Thank you, my ego does get in the way. Iam going to reconnect with some people I may have pushed away.
Great video Julia! I feel like my “group” sizes are limited to 3, including myself. I’m more introverted and a lot better at close individual friendships than group settings. But I’ve always craved the strong belonging from being in a group. Is this a problem of self-acceptance of my natural tendencies, or one where I should strive to put myself “out there” to form a group?
Hi Jessica. I know your comment is addressed to Julia, I read it and I wish I can give something helpful. I think you should honor the nature of who you are and choose the best settings that best fulfill your friendship needs. Like Julia said in the video, what matters is that when you're with your friends and that after you're done hanging out for the evening or whatever period of time, is that you feel good about yourself and they feel good about themselves too. 🙂 And you could check with yourself, is my soul craving for a "group" connection? (And I'm just scared to do it, because it feels uncomfortable, and out of my comfort zone?) Or am I really positioned in the right space to receive all that I need to receive in a friendship in that 1 to 1 setting?
You're so cute and I'm so proud of you for going out to make friends. I'd like to do something similar but I'm currently having issues with abusive individuals in the building, so I need to get rid of them first (boundaries!).
I'd LOVE to do something similar. I'm happy for you. You deserve it!
Can't wait to get on with my life. I'm willing to work hard at this.
PS good thing you mentioned the tit-for-that dynamic, it's useful - I will keep your advice in mind (note to self: monitor emotions, if something or someone doesn't feel right; RETREAT!)
I've had an a-ha moment. And what you've said still applies to me but in a different area of life.
PPS your support is invaluable and tailored to my needs, thanks a bunch!
And yes, don't take it personally when things don't work out. Be mature about it. Ppl have a right to say no. It's up to us to be a good friend to ourselves.
Be comfortable alone first, and then connect with others. It happens effortlessly when we know ourselves, are kind to ourselves and feel deserving.
Working on feeling worthy is key. Then it's a matter of knowing what we like and head out and do our thing in a suitable environment and connect with those we are genuinely compatible with.
For me, the main issue is breaking free from an abusive situation. So that's a matter of boundaries, self respect and determination.
Great video. Thankyou
Thank you 🦋
I wonder if I'll ever have genuine friends. It always turned out me being the indispensable helper and if I needed something I was suddenly weird and nasty....
Great video! Thanks.
Hi I'm new I think I found your channel searching about passive aggressive people pleasers and how to deal with them 😌
Can you make more video on this topic plz
I got several shirts that I wear the Ave a statement on it that says DOGS because people suck
Thank u for making this video ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Thank you,
Hi Julia! Love your videos! When you shared you mommy group story my heart lit up, because 1. Im happy you finally discovered your tribe ❤ and 2. I so long for that type of support in my life! I'm curious, say if I find that great friend at work how you define the relationship with them outside of work? How do you make that transition? 🤔
Do you feel like you could ask them to go to an event outside of work? Sometimes having a neutral place to go can be a great starting point! I often start with "If you're free, do you want to check out______ this weekend?" That way, if they're not interested in hanging out outside of work, you've given them an out without things getting awkward - they can just say they're not free. And, if they're really not free, but do want to build something outside of work time, they'll likely say something like "but let's make a plan to do something another time."
I hope that helps!
Thank you for the tip, will try that first! 😊