Am I The A**hole 6 - SimplyPodLogical #75
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- Опубликовано: 28 июл 2024
- On this episode of SimplyPodLogical, Cristine and Ben look at posts on the popular subreddit r/amitheasshole and discuss skipping grades, gifted kids, old people at weddings, wearing shorts around your mom, and do you know what toppings your partner gets on a burrito?
0:00 - Hey what’s up holo everyone
1:11 - Ben is back
1:37 - Am I the asshole for buying my boyfriend “materialistic” gifts?
6:49 - Am I the asshole for not letting my daughter skip a grade?
11:32 - Did Ben skip a grade?
15:50 - Who was a "gifted" student?
21:12 - Am I the asshole for not wanting my fiancé’s 98-year old grandmother at our wedding?
26:12 - Should you get wasted at your own wedding?
27:56 - Am I the asshole for not trying my coworkers “vegan” birthday cake?
33:02 - Am I the asshole for not wanting to sit at the kid’s table?
39:13 - What kind of conversation can you have with a 6-year old?
42:25 - Am I the asshole for not adding toppings to a burrito for my partner?
49:20 - Does Cristine know what toppings Ben likes?
52:06 - Am I the asshole for telling someone my friend’s parents bought her her house?
58:42 - Am I the asshole for wanting to walk into my first home without my wife?
1:03:07 - Am I the asshole for not wanting my husband to wear shorts around his mom?
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The parent who didn't let their child skip ahead did an update where they had a big family meeting about it and Jonah basically went I don't care she should be in my year, so Emma managed to skip forwards in the end ☺️
THANK you from saving me the search lol
It still sad that parents decided to hold daughter back just to not hurt fragile masculinity of their son.
I bet they would not be that considerate if it was vice versa - smarter son and not so smart daugher
I actually love that the mum thought about the family has a whole and put her kids sibling relationship before being a pushy mum.
@@Katielovegood44 she only thought that bc of the comments she was getting on the post. They already had made up their minds that the daughter wasn't going to skip ahead.
@@maryblack2140 well the son is also a child....so fragile masculinity probably isn't the right phrase. I think more along the lines of sibling rivalry, or the feels of inadequacy most young people experience when it comes to school.
So I got into a heated discussion with my father, and at one point he said: "Listen little girl..." to basically imply I am young and naive. I replied that I definitely am no longer a "little girl" and he vehemently disagreed lol. For the record I am 35, have been together with my husband for fifteen years, married for twelve, and we live on our own. Some people/family will just never see you as an adult, no matter what age you are lol 😆🤷🏼♀️
This! It's just not worth wasting your time trying to convince them lol.
Lmao okay I am 27 years old and I can see this as my future
I’m 34 and have no kids, nor do I want to have any, my mother won’t see me as an adult unless I have kids. Well well 😂 I’ll be the only retired child in the future!
@@billyjean3118 Good grief, that's crazy lol. I get why having kids SOUNDS good on paper as far as making you an adult, but when you think about it, shouldn't a parent want their child to reach some level of "adulthood" before they're having kids themselves? It's all just ridiculousness haha! I was particularly peeved at my dad about this because I had just lost a 20 week pregnancy not even a month before the argument, as well as eight pregnancies lost prior to that as well. Me not grown at this point? No sir, I think not. Geez lol.
maybe I'm shady as shit, but I would bring that up at every turn. Like "oh, you want me to pick up something for you? Well, maybe you should do it yourself because you can't trust a little girl like me to handle it." You don't get to infantilize me just because you're my parent. You may have changed my diapers but I could soon be changing yours.
We hired someone to help my grandmother at my wedding. Her aid helped her get food, to the bathroom, and drove her home when she was ready. It was the best thing because my mom got to focus on having fun instead of worrying about grandma.
Exactly. Plans can be made. Besides I have noticed at most wedding receptions, the older guests leave pretty early after dinner and speeches and then the younger guests party on until late hours. I would chuck this bird if I were the guy honestly.
I think Ben's experience with that teacher is a perfect lesson about how people in power aren't always meant to be there.
I think it says more about how teachers are overworked and expected to do things they aren’t prepared/want to do. If all of the sudden your boss expected you to teach a ton of kids new higher level material as well as dealing with families and kids who are upset they didn’t get in you’d probably be burnt out. Most teacher get off work and have to still do more work unpaid like preparing lesson plans and grading
as a teaching student this makes me so sad/mad/etc all the time. They're just not really in it to help the kids no matter what they say if they act like that!!
Or that the structure of power systems sometimes places power over other people into the hands of people not equipped to appropriately manage that power. Not everything is a moral failure, especially when you talk about low-level authorities like teachers or service workers.
What you’re essentially saying is that an overworked cashier at a liquor store is proof some people shouldn’t be given positions of power just because they refused to even look at someone’s ID. Maybe the cashier isn’t the problem here lol
As someone who ended up in the same grade as my older sister due my advancement and her flunking algebra, it literally made no difference in terms our school life. We had different friends and social circles. Even when we had the same homeroom, we barely paid each other any mind.
If my mum had tried to stop me moving up, I'd have been sooo mad. (my sister maintains - lovingly - that she was not embarrassed by my being there. But rather *I* should be embarrassed for being such a nerd)
Haha, that's a very sisterly thing to do: make fun of you for being smart 😆😆 love that.
What does someone gain from moving up in a grade?
@@jayjayjayjay1067 More of a challenge, usually. Certain people just learn at an accelerated pace and do well when presented with more challenging coursework. Sometimes just enrichment isn’t enough if you aren’t able to use your maximum potential because it isn’t stimulating enough. I’m certainly not speaking for everyone, just my experience as a former Canadian high School kid.
@@jessien5463 yes! Boredom is the great enemy of gifted kids because they'll stop putting in any effort and start to flunk.
for being such a nerd 😂 i think she secretly enjoyed having you around (but several feet away) more 😂💕
In the future I'd love if you linked the AITA threads so we can read through some other responses
I agree!!
yeah but for the time being if you google that exact title it pops up
@@londonmellow I googled and one title didn't pop up :( but @Simply yesss links would be awesome
@@JessiKicksAss let me know which one u tried I might be able to find it for you
@@londonmellow oooo I was just curious to see the comments so IF you could I couldn't find the last story the one about the wofe not wanting husband wearing shorts in front of his mom
on the inherited house post: if i recall correctly there was a really good comment on that post abt how people typically hear “inheritance” and just think “free stuff” forgetting that someone had to die for it
I inherited my mom's house so I have a really cushy downtown apartment. My mom died way too early after three months of awful lung cancer. The idea that I'm lucky... I would rather be homeless and have my mom back.
Reminds me of the post where the OP (a bank teller) put their foot in their mouth when they saw someone cashing $50,000 check and said "wish I had one of those," only for the customer to reply "It's a life insurance check, I'd rather have the person"
When my dad passed my techer told me I no longer had to do any homework and to only complete the mandatory assignments i needed to graduate (but i got generous extensions on all of them). A guy in my class over heard her without knowing the context and came up to me after, telling me how unfair it was and what he had to do to get the same perks....
And you usually still have to pay out the ass for it bc of taxes and usually repairs and things.
In regards to the inherited home vs parents purchasing a home, something that wasn't taken in to consideration is the mental status of the person who inherited the home. She/he lost their parents. They are dealing with grief, stress of the estate and a whole slew of other emotions as well I am sure (I just lost my mum and am running a whole up and down of emotions). I feel the friend was quite the a**hole to bring up the inheritance issue in a public place. I am a very even tempered person but just listening to this story gave me a huge surge of emotions and I would have definitely snapped back and possibly even walked out of the store and left.
That is exactly what I was thinking. Her friend sounds like an insensitive A-hole & not like a friend at all.
Right?! What a weird thing to a) bring up in front of a stranger and b) double down on and get mad about! I would absolutely question my friendship with this type of person!
I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. 🤍
100%. unless there is some serious context missing, i honestly can't understand why anyone in the friendship group would think these two were on a 50/50 footing on behaviour. (so sorry to hear about your mum)
Yeah the friend should understand why the person told the store guy why she said she bought it. And I totally understand why they snapped they are probably hurt and confused
I agree
Cristine: "I don't care about my birthday"
Also Cristine: *Releases a special nail polish IN HONOR of her birthday* 💅
i thought that too 😆
Her birthday gift is holo taco sales 😂
she did mention she's like to get nail polish lol
makes sense: she'd rather plan and launch a nail polish than a party.
It's a gift for us, not her
The colleague who teases the vegan is almost certainly an older woman who thinks the poster is just being silly (evidenced by calling it a phase, something older people often say to younger adults about stylistic/lifestyle choices). She’s incredibly immature, and it’s sweet that Cristine assumes that means she’s young, but she’s definitely not.
Agreed. Also her name is Bea. 😅
@@serenity8739 oh yeah! The most obvious evidence!!!! 🤪
I was about to comment the same! 99,9% sure that her colleague is older than her.
I immediately thought of one of those older women who thinks she makes the best roast or meatballs or something and hates you if you don’t wanna try it for any reason
@Megan L yup! I’ve had so many older relatives ask me essentially “how is it a meal without meat” and I just roll my eyes and keep moving. I’m not a vegetarian, I just try to keep my meat intake very low. And still, it makes them visibly uncomfortable. Beyond annoying
My friend once specially baked a "gluten free" option for someone at the office, but didn't realise the oats had gluten, people make mistakes and you have to be protective of your own dietary choices. Fortunately this person realised it had gluten in it and didn't eat it, and my friend just apologised for not bringing them something they could share - they thanked them for trying - and that was the end of it - no big deal!!!
@Halloween All Year Round exactly, and it goes further in that the nature of their mocking historically gives them good reason to believe there's a possibility of deliberate contamination with non-vegan products.
Dude I felt so stupid one year, I made my favorite Christmas cookies for the whole class. One of my classmates was vegan, so I looked up substitutes for the eggs, the butter, the milk, everything so that I could make the cookies that everyone could enjoy.
But my dumbass forgot that they’re called “sour cream softies” and I forgot it was dairy, so I went to all the trouble of substituting everything else and then put a ton of sour cream in it 😭
@@corneliastreet3559 What a wholesome mistake ohmygosh (;A; )
In the kid's table story, the aunt totally wanted a free babysitter.
In the vegan story, some people are complete jerks when someone has a dietary preference.
Exactly, her "generations" explanation was complete bs because the older sister and her husband were still allowed to be at the "adult" table. 🙄
Rip to Ben because Cristine is getting him plain tacos, while Ben is getting her tea with all the works lol.
Why would a childless 22 year old have to sit at a table with children whose parents are present? So she becomes a babysitter because she’s responsible enough not to have children? I literally hate families with these dynamics. She could have left the quiche, but she was definitely in her rights to leave and ignore her family until they apologized.
It was a male... But yes, I totally agree
@@heatherbonelli oh. My bad. But the gender literally changes nothing.
I will say my dad thought this was the aumts covert way of getting him to chaperone the kids without feeling like he was being used as a babysitter but my dad said the way to really make the aunt not want him to ever sit at the kids table again would be he acts fine with it them subtly makes the kids act bad so she wouldn't want that to happen again.
@@elenakalliste you are so right, it changes nothing. Auntie is the ahole regardless,whether the 22 yr old was male, female, or anything in between.
Nah if I left a baking dish at a family event I would never see it again lol family is notorious for taking cookware
That skipping the grade one annoyed me. I heard "let me protect my sons feelings and hinder my daughters education" hits home for me cuz mothers tend to coddle the boys in the family who "aren't as smart" as the daughters
Even if the lady refusing the cake was rude, the boss shouldn’t of interjected and said she could of gave it a try because the lady that made the cake should of been PROFESSIONAL enough to say ok, remove the cake and keep it moving
Fun fact:
In Poland it's traditional for the newlyweds to do a tour of the room at the reception and have at least a small conversation - and a shot of vodka - with every one of their guests. Since you typically have 150-200 guests or even more with bigger weddings, having real vodka would black you out completely, so the young couple have their own bottle...which is filled with water.
Lol! 🤫
@@duod7847 what does that translate to?
@@elenakalliste it means "you won't drink with ME?", it's said with the emphasis on the person asking, like you could refuse someone else but you can't refuse that person who's asking. I'm not really a drinking person and that mentality in our country is really annoying after hearing that saying thousands of times... Some people just can't understand how someone doesn't want to drink (mostly older generations).
@@sylwiasylphie8639 interesting. That sounds well intentioned, but man could that go in the wrong direction!!!!
@@elenakalliste yes, exactly, it's funny and even cute in some situations, but it can also be super annoying and even scary when a ton of drunk people starts angrily saying it to you when you refuse.
With the burrito, I think op probably assumed that "pulled pork" was just a pre-set burrito that already had toppings and you simply chose the meat
Yeah, it would be weird for a food chain not to have standard toppings included in a burrito.
well it says in the post at the end that it comes with rice and beans as well
Yes! Exactly what I was thinking
Most Mexican food places (in the U.S. at least) will have “specialty” burritos that come with lots of stuff inside of them. However, that’s not the standard burrito. Most standard burritos are beans, rice, and meat. So if I were to go to the burrito place down the street from me and asked for a pulled pork burrito, that’s how it would come. Pork, beans, and rice. However, if I wanted a burrito with more stuff in it, I would ask for that specific burrito (super, California, special, etc) and specify which meat I want. So I think he wanted one of the other types of burritos, but with pulled pork as the meat option.
I think he’s more upset that she doesn’t know his food preferences because that’s a way that he communicates his affection, so it’s more of a miscommunication thing. Because imo after 2 months you shouldn’t be expected to know exactly what your partner likes to eat 😅
I can't totally put my finger on why, but if my friend told me that story about her husband needing a moment to himself in "his" new house, I would honestly start being pretty worried about her. It feels like the first step in an abusive dynamic - like he's the one with all the control and power. IDK, maybe that's an over reaction, but it feels really icky
Yes, it's his and not theirs. That doesn't start a good story.
Notice how he mentioned the fact that he paid the house with financial help from his family. And technically no contribution from his wife. He's clearly implying that the house is his and not theirs.
I don’t know, maybe that’s reading a bit _too_ much into it. Lots of people have their own weird rituals, and the guy just wanted to have *thirty seconds* alone in a new house. Whatever! 🤷♀️ Now, if it was like a day alone without his wife, then yes that would have been weird. But as it is, I honestly think everyone is overreacting to that story.
Yes I felt that way too Im in a relationship with someone like this and that's exactly what it seems like
I’m sorry if you disagree but you have no clue what state or country for that fact this couple lives in. They could live in a state/country or have a prenup where their property isn’t shared/split. I think if any person grew up dreaming of owning a house and they eventually bought one years into their marriage always living in the marriage with that split property mindset they might want to truly take in that moment. Now I do agree with simply and ben, he got the keys without her why not just go sit in the house then, that’s a little odd.
I would’ve assumed the pulled pork burrito was a ”standard” burrito. Like a bigmac for example.
SAME lol. I don't order Mexican food ever, so I would be just as clueless as the person in the reddit story. Even the Starbucks menu stresses me out, I would rather buy a premade Starbucks drink at the grocery store instead of reading the giant menu.
I eat A LOT of Mexican food (It’s my fave), and usually it’s like a Subway counter, so you choose your meat/protein and then you choose all of your toppings to go with the rest :)
I eat a lot of Mexican food, and I’m Mexican and there are the standard ingredients for a burrito (meat, beans, rice, salsa) and many people like it plain like that. Order the super burrito if you want all the extras.
exactly xD
Same
As the younger sibling of a brother who is extremely academically talented and in high school I was... less than great... I would be gutted if my sibling wasn't able to skip the grade they did and progress due to me. They are now doing fantastically in university, and even I am at university doing pretty well. Things pan out!
but maybe her grades would have been worse if she would skip one whole year
also it's not just a short decision they would have been in the same class for years and even if she isn't a asshole about it maybe the classmates are. She could feel uncomfortable too being the youngest one always, I've seen that with my friend who skipped a year. Also you are not holding her back since she will still go to 8th grade
This is intersting! In my experience people who jumped classes usually did good acedemically but had social problems, they had people making fun of them (at younger ages) and they generally didnt fit in (for example when everyone celebrated an age related thing - like a sweet sixteen party, they would be outsiders)
@@tzipihausvater2066 I think if that was their reasoning for saying no then it would make more sense and be a more acceptable answer to the child. Rather than saying we didnt want to hurt your brother with your success.
@@xxspamixx yeah exactly! At the beggining i thought it was going to be about social problems but when it turned to the brother thing i was very confused
My brother is smarter than me and I had to re do a grade and we were in a really small school so every other year we would be in the same classroom it never bothered me so the reasoning is super weird to me
I really think Simply and Beyn understated how appalling that “friend’s” behavior was to tell a complete stranger that OP’s independent homeownership isn’t as valid as her own because both OP’s parents died.
My dad died a month ago, so this one just hit me deeply. Like. That friend would no longer be in my life after that that'd just so needlessly cruel and insensitive. I got a ring from him. I'm just imagining if someone complimented it (and the chances of me telling a stranger I got it from my dad are slim I'd probably just say a thank you) and one of my friends was like "oh she didn't buy that she got it from her dead father, /I/ bought this ring here" like wtf lmao
I had a friend very much like that one in the story. She was constantly tearing down every accomplishment of mine, because she only had her parents essentially give her her successes.
fr even if there wasnt an inherited house involved, in what world is it normal behaviour to give a total stranger information about someone elses personal problems? Imagine if you're with a friend cashing out at a convenience store or something, and your friend just randomly interjects with "oh btw their parents just died" like? them inheriting a house doesn't suddenly make that behaviour normal or acceptable
For the grandma one, I think it depends on the grandma herself. I know there are older people who are still able and willing to party and who wouldn't bring the mood down. But I've also had a friend who had her great-grandma at her reception. She was the matriarch of the family, and what she says goes, even if it wasn't her wedding/party. My friend ended up not having the reception she wanted because the great-grandma didn't like the music she wanted to play, didn't like the games she wanted to play, and refused to be around "drunken fools" and said no one should be drinking. Everyone in the family bowed down and did what she wanted, which actually did ruin the reception.
Yeah, I agree. If that bride is only excluding the grandmother because of her age, then that’s wrong and she is the asshole but if the grandmother is that type of matriarch who has full say over everything and the bride knows the grandmother will try to control everything, then I can see her point.
That's so sad 😢
As a former “gifted” kid, I can proudly say it destroyed the rest of my studying and my work ethic because I never had to try until late high school and didn’t know how to study and I still hate working on anything that I don’t get right away. I will say that I enjoyed it while I was in it during elementary school (especially when we all found out our program name MG stood for “mentally gifted”) because we did fun activities and it gave me a god complex
Interesting perspective. I never had to try until college, where I realized I was just a small fish in a big pond.
if u were in the normal classes u still wouldn’t have studied though… so was it the gifted programs fault? I just think schools in general for ALL students should better teach how to study
Same here, I just finished high school this year and I've considered "gifted" by specialists for most of my school life. I couldn't fit in socially until i was 14 due to my academic advancement. It was really hard for me on a macro level and on a micro level. As I'm entering collage this year the academic pressure and the perfectionism that stuck with me ruined my loved for learning while in high school. This is following me into my next phase of education. I wouldn't say gifted programs are better for the kids long term. I think integrated learning is the optimal way to build a class, but they require more resources and time. But that's just my takeaway, thank you for presenting this perspective @Kaitlyn Rainville 😊
also pretty much every gifted kid is just a special needs student that the school decided was “smart” i hav multiple learning disabilities and i share a few with my brother but he was deemed gifted while i was just put in the mainstream bc i didn’t hav any official diagnosis so i just had to go through not understanding anything, being told i was a “helpless student” and dealing with asshole classmates, the gifted program hurts pretty much everyone, many gifted students go through clear signs of mental disorders after they leave the classes that don’t get addressed bc their whole life they were just told they were gifted and couldn’t possibly hav these disorders bc of the stigma and stereotypes around them, i get high grades in almost all of my classes but that doesn’t mean im not disabled
@@seaofbees783 I was the "gifted" one of me and my sister, and yes, I agree with everything you're saying. We both had learning issues, and we DEFINITELY both had emotional issues, but mine presented as compulsively studying, so no one noticed. I ended up at a prestigious university, and it was true for so many people there. We had too many students try to kill themselves, and no resources to really help.
To answer Ben's question on why parents push so hard to get their kids into classes that might be above them...because randomized studies have shown that when you tell teachers "these are the smart kids" they are treated that way and the gap between them and the other kids grows. Teachers are human, and often overworked. When they have low expectations of non gifted kids, they don't always challenge them.
As a teacher for low-ses students, I hugely dislike gifted programs and advanced classes (especially for elementary and middle school kids). Unless there is something very obviously ‘special’ about a student, putting kids into gifted programs separates them into groups and makes others around them think they’re better than others even when they necessarily aren’t. Teachers start pushing advanced students harder than others, which is incredibly unfair. And turns out most gifted kids as they grow into high school and college become anxious wrecks and get a huge wake up call that they can’t just coast through school when they start to do bad in their classes. All kids are smart in their own way, we need to help all of them flourish.
@@LesleyMtz28 Yep, also add to that neurodivergence which is much less often detected in women. I thought I was stupid until I got to college, there were only two teachers before then who ever thought I had potential. Turns out I just had really bad undiagnosed ADHD. Graduated pre-med now doing TB research at Harvard before heading to med school.
@@LesleyMtz28 I agree with you, but I wonder how many more students would fail in a gifted program. Reminds me of "No Child Left Behind" when teachers were encouraged to pass students regardless of performance. Makes me think gifted programs are really a way to ensure more students pass with less effort.
@@LesleyMtz28 I was a "gifted kid" in school. I was reading chapter books in kindergarten and working ahead in the math book in first grade, so they stuck me in second grade math and put me in the gifted program. Probably because of enrichment I received at home, not because of any innate gifted-ness, but I also refused to skip a grade when they offered it because I was shy and liked the friends I had made in my grade. I really enjoyed gifted classes and being a year ahead in math, and never really hit that gifted kid burnout point. We had a lot of opportunities in a small group setting that more kids should probably get. I know that I could be an exception and not the rule, but gifted class was a positive experience for me, and most of my friends weren't in gifted and it didn't seem super other-ing at my school, at least. I'm not sure if I should have been given that experience ahead of other students, so I do see your point. It didn't negatively impact me, but a similar experience could have benefited my friends who didn't score as high on a somewhat meaningless metric.
Yess thiss!! It's called The Pygmalion effect and our expectations from students/ our children ( which teachers form on the basis of Gender, Caste, economical class or the fact that those students are in gifted prog) have an direct impact on their grades and skills. ^_^ Students who are thought to be better..and challenged/allowed to participate in those things which makes the better. Sorry if I am unclear. :)
I feel bad for Grandma in the wedding story, the poster already said she told her she can’t go to the reception? So even if the couple fight it out and the groom wins, now the grandmother has to attend knowing that the bride didn’t think she should be there.
She’s a grown woman, she has been to parties and been around people who drink before. His grandma is def gonna kick it soon, let her be at her grandson’s birthday
Getting a burrito with toppings I didnt like is literally so much worse than getting no toppings. Just sayin'...
It was a no win situation.
Get the wrong topping and it's "why would you put *** on a burrito?".
Just say what you want.
yes this is so true. I have a strict religious dietary requirement and once a colleague thought they were being nice by adding some meat to my dish. I had to bin the entire thing. also, the poster sounds so ungrateful tho when the GF was just doing him a favour
I may be reading way too much into this but if they've only been in an official relationship for two-ish months and this is what he chose to argue about, there must be something more than a burrito that's bothering him lol
@@rachelmccormack-mcaleer6668 that’s definitely the vibe I got too. He even kind of hints at that when he says knowing her order is how he shows he cares. He’s feeling like she’s not putting in effort into their relationship. It’s probably a feeling that had been building up. It’s probably just a case of different love languages and poor communication on expectations
Dietary stuff annoys me so much. I have insulin resistance and like most of the time I avoid cakes and sweets because the sugar is incredibly bad for me. I have had interactions with people where I politely declined what they had made because I couldn't eat them. One time someone got so annoyed she complained to the whole group about how I was being rude. Someone even asked me why and when I said I shouldn't be having sugar they said "well really none of us should be having sugar". It was only when I said "I am pre-diabetic" that everyone shut up. I have also had people lecture me (who know I have this condition) about how sugar free diets are unsustainable after I have refused cake.
Even if someone doesn't have a specific condition, just leave them alone and let them live. I shouldn't have to explain my medical history at every single event I go to.
People really expect a whole explanation. That's why I don't make friendships at work anymore. The expectations to explain everything you do becomes almost a necessity. I just mind my business and do my job while being amicable.
The boyfriend getting mad about birthday gifts just really didn't want to buy gifts for the girlfriend he wanted to get out of it. He thinks she made him obligated to buy her gifts. I know break up is not always the answer but maybe they should figure out the issues through counseling.
I think the bigger issue was how adamantly he seemed to not want to get her a gift, make one, or even spend time with his girlfriend (?!) on her birthday??? That’s a major red flag. He doesn’t want a gift cause he doesn’t want to be forced to spend time with the woman he is dating??
Not to mention him throwing the word “manipulative “ on her sounds a bit like him trying to make her feel terrible for having good intentions and showing her love, a bit pot/kettle of him and imo a red flag.
@@corneliastreet3559 He just really hates his girlfriend for no reason and his tone screams "Abusive"!!!
I feel like Ben doesn’t really care about his birthday meaning that he has no expectations, but I do think he likes the sentiment of getting a gift?
It sounds like he just wants it to be acknowledged. Like maybe eating out and getting dessert. Just SOMETHING. That’s how I feel about it.
Yeah like me. I don't care whether or not I get a gift, but I'd be a little sad if my mum didn't make me a cake (even though I'm an adult) as has been tradition for years, because it would feel like she didn't care about me, not really because of the cake, if that makes sense. Her too. She doesn't care about gifts, but I always make sure to buy or make her something (even just something small) so she has at least one thing to open on her birthday, and I know it makes her quietly really happy that someone bothered despite her saying she doesn't care, like Ben might feel I think.
I agree. I don't have any specific expectations, but I want my partner to at least acknowledge it, whether with a little nicer dinner or dessert, or a small gift, or just something that shows he was thinking of me a little extra that day, but I don't want anything crazy or fancy or extravagant
I don’t give a shit about my birthday. I hate big fuss and definitely do not sing to me! So awkward. My husband is the same way. But, we will go out to dinner or have take out at home and I’ll decorate a bit with candles or something. To make it cozy. And we’ll watch series or a movie while having dinner.
During covid last year we both wanted something fun so I actually decorated our balcony with balloons and i put music and we had a BBQ for 2. But it looked like it could be a family party. My bday is coming up and we’re going out to dinner on the day, and to the movie next week (would have gone regardless).
As for gifts; neither of us care. And it’s never a surprise either. I’ll tell him hey there’s 2 things I’ve been meaning to get, pick 1 and that’s my gift. Hubby the same. I got him a book that he told me he wanted.
I agree, I don't like getting anything but I just really want someone to like tell me happy birthday first thing in the morning when someone wakes up, idk just shows they care
For the guy who wanted to spend the first moments in the house-it’s a giant red flag. The huge red flag that he’s not calling it “their” house. He clearly doesn’t respect his partner.
TL;DR of this episode:
Cristine: Lets play DEVILS ADVOCATE
Ben: ..lets not?
Ok but the first story about the gifts, isn't gift giving is a love language?? I personally go out of my way to buy nice gifts for my partner because I love giving, I don't think it's materialistic? She even said that spending her birthday with him just to be together for a nice day would be enough for her, same for me. It's not because you love giving to people in your life that you expect getting something back in my opinion. Anyway it's true that the story lack very important details!
I wonder what their finances are like, maybe he cant afford to buy her something and feels embarrassed. not an excuse to be a jerk, but could explain the reaction
@@nectarina3891 I think it can be a possibility but it wouldn't make total sense either since she specified that just having a nice day with him with no gift would be enough for her birthday. I tend to think he just doesn't want to "bother" doing something nice for her. Or he have a real underlying problem with birthdays in general due to past experiences?
@@marypuppet110 Some people express guilt that way. Like he might know he can't reciprocate. He's lashing out at the nearest available target
@@recoil53 ohh that's true. And that's kinda sad to think about :(
@@marypuppet110 Yeah, but they (he particularly) are young, guys don't always express themselves well even if they know why they are acting the way they are, and it might be his first real relationship.
So maybe a time where he learns.
My family doesn’t have a “kids” table because the “kids” are all different ages, we have teenagers, small children, preteens, and literal babies so we just sit where we can and very table usually had at least one “kid” at it.
Same here! And depending on the age of the kids, sometimes the parents would just sit with their kids.
The grandma one made my blood boil. My grandma wasn’t able to visit our wedding for many reasons (health, long distance etc), but we’d obviously love to see her. Now she’s gone because of coronavirus, and I’m still gutted that she wasn’t there on our special day.
I have been vegetarian for over 10 years and my aunt knowing what that means told me that the sauce she made didn’t have meat in it. It did so I don’t eat at her house anymore
Samee my grandmother gave me soup and told me it had no meat and was just veggies. I found chicken bits in it. I don't eat anything she prepares ever since. People are just so awful sometimes.
Crazy to me how some people are willing to lose trust and respect from their family members just because they don"t agree about something that doesnt affect them
My grandmother did this too but it was less obvious because I’m vegan and the dairy and eggs are easier to camouflage in cakes and whatnot.
That's extremely disrespectful.
@@katya3805 imagine thinking that your grandmother has to change her cooking just because YOU no longer eat meat. If you want something without meat, make it yourself, it’s as simple as that. That’s why it’s called a LIFESTYLE, because it’s YOUR life that’s changing, not hers.
"You guys got any Pokémon cards?" 😆😆 Ben being so out-of-touch makes me feel so much better about myself.
Lol my son likes pokemon cards. He doesn't as much anymore but when he was like 7 or 8 he did. He's 10 now
Pokemon cards are constantly sold out in stores now a days so I think he's aware.
Honestly for the kids table one, I have an aunt like that and after a while we realized the kid table was actually the better choice because that meant we didn’t have to sit at the same table with that aunt and her other crazy table rules.
Yeah honestly agree, those "adults" all sound like bitches anyway. Not worth keeping as company. Guess I'm a 31-year-old child since I've got no children lol. Tbh I'd have likely reacted the same way and stormed off when I was in my early 20s too lol
I mean I can't have kids, so by their reasoning I should still be sitting at the kids' table at 42 years old? F that.
@@Noodle797 yea that mentality is crazy, I have family members in their 60s who never had children, are they expected to be sat at the kids table I doubt it. And 22 is so young if this person planned on having 1 or 12 kids it’s quite likely they still would not have any yet at 22.
"So I said fuck it and took my quiche back..." 🤣 Damn right, I would like to raise a glass to this young man. Those people don't deserve your quiche.
The house one where husband wanted few seconds blew my mind, my mother is a stay at home mom and my parents have bought three houses together and each of them are on both of their names, in fact my mother's name is before my father's. Isn't that how it's usually done? Couples (specially married couples) owning stuff together regardless of who paid? Such a red flag.
It was also a red flag that he mentioned that she's a model. Kind of sounds like she's just a pretty girl to him and he doesn't see her as his equal 😏
Wow for the one who wants to go into his home on his own is just wow. Technically my first home was “mine” as I qualified and my husband didn’t - but he was my husband! Therefore it’s still his first home too as it’s 50/50. (Actually really just 100% both of ours). Sure maybe there were moments I sat in wonder at my first house by myself, but I would never make my husband cater to me and keep him out of that special first moment of going into the house. If anything those moments I sat by myself I always sought him out because we’re a team and got there together!
And it sounds like he didn't even include her when he picked out the house, as he said he was taking her to show it to her.
@@susan2120 yeah that's not a good start for a marriage at all. he's treating her like a disposable girlfriend
The fact that he like kept track of how much money his wife has saved/earned and used this as evidence why he wasn't the asshole suggests he is keeping score... and keeping score in a marriage isn't my idea of a good relationship... Like sure you have to know what the other makes to make financial decisions but it feels like he is lording his money over her.
I just bought my first home at 23, I am not married and am not in a relationship. I lived with my mother up until I bought my home. When I first got my keys my mother and brother who lives with me came with me to my home and came in with me. Honestly I enjoy that I have family to share these moments with, but I also know that I enjoy moments of silence and alone time which I didn’t get for the first few days of owning my home. Even when I first walked in I was bombarded with questions about how I felt and what it was like. I really just wanted a moment to take it all in and I was unable to have that initial moment. I will never get that moment back solely because I was unable to express how I truly felt in fear of offending my family.
Same. Me and my husband got our house in January 2021 and we shared the moment as we entered the house. We were so happy. Didn’t even think of entering the house by myself just because its title bore my name. 🤷🏻♀️
The story about the kids table was so interesting to me because I have been sitting at the adult table since I was like 10. I had always been one of those kids who just preferred the company of adults, I was curious about things most kids weren’t like politics and I wanted to know all the family gossip. Also I was young but still 6+ years older than all my younger cousins so they seemed too young to hang with. My mom just said as long as you use adult table manners you can sit next to me AND NO ONE CARED. Sooo like the fact that this woman is the same age as me and is paying bills, which I’m not I’m still at home, and lives on her own and isn’t seem as an adult is annoying. I think the aunt just doesn’t like her
ALSO what about the brother, because he brother is 21 was he also at the kids table or no? Bc if not then the aunt is sexist and sucks even more lmao
I’m at the opposite end, I’m the same age as my cousins first child- so the youngest cousin of 10, and I think I might have avoided the kid table simply bc it would just have been me and my 2nd cousin, but even still, the whole kid table concept is just weird. I’d rather have my kids form relationships with my extended family rather than hide them away in the corner lol.
I’m the opposite of you! On one side of my family, I’m 15 years apart from my oldest cousin. I love sitting at the kid table… It honestly might be because most of my life I sat at the adult table as the only kid, but now I’m super close with my cousins. I couldn’t imagine it any other way. Typically though, there is only a kid’s table at large family get togethers. We all sit together for a random dinner here and there.
OP is actually male, they got it mixed up, but it's still sucky that they made him sit at the kids table
some people tried put me aropund 12 at kid table and I was like your kid or you pay me.
From the comment about there being 8 adults/8 children is seems like OP (who's a guy by the way) and his brother were at the kids table, but their slightly older sister and her husband were at the adult table because they had kids. So, not sexist, but it still really sucks.
Breakdown of table setting
Adults: Grandma, grandpa, dad, stepmum, aunt, uncle, OP's sister (25), sister's husband (29)
Kids: OP (22), OP's brother (21), cousins (20, 15), step-siblings (9, 6), sister's 2 kids (unknown ages, but at least 6)
I think the burrito wasn’t just pulled pork because the bf said “would they opt to just get a meat and rice/bean burrito for them without any sauce or anything” so I’m assuming what the gf got did have some sort of carb at least but he was expecting toppings like maybe sour cream, peppers, etc. He definitely is the a hole
++
I wouldn’t be so quick to say he’s an /asshole/ necessarily. The poster made it clear he uses remembering her likes and food orders as a way to show his affection, so he probably expects that reciprocated as a sign of her affection towards him. He probably thinks: “she must not care enough to remember”
What they need to do is communicate. He needs to explain why he behaved irrationally, she needs to communicate that those were unrealistic expectations to have only two months into a relationship, and he can explain that that is how he shows affection (which OP seems to understand). Then she can tell him something like “I appreciate it when you do that for me, and now that I know it’s important to you I will make more of an effort to notice your preferences in the future, but I am not perfect. Here are the other things I do to show affection that you might not notice.”
regarding wife vs shorts- it's really odd that she's offended by something between her partner's attire and his mom's presence..but like offended..for them? or what? like, its pretty casual to run downstairs in your sleepwear around your parents. if they were pressuring her to change HER comfort level, it'd be different, but it's about them and between them and he pretty predictably was feeling weird about her insistence in the issue..non issue lol
I agree it's wrong but I also feel like it stems in a really weirdly "traditional" family dynamic growing up, where the OP probably wasn't allowed to wear shorts or anything remotely revealing around her family, so now she finds it weird that her husband does it. Basically, her family were creeps growing up, probably making it into a sexual thing, so now she thinks showing your thighs to your family is inherently sexual and therefore inappropriate.
@@thespankmyfrank oh I could absolutely see that being the case! But it's the inability to communicate this with her partner without condemning him and being upset that this doesnt resonate as an issue with him and his family. That's not fair, maybe difficult for her, but not fair to him either. I'm sure they'd have loved to just have her join them for breakfast that day rather than feeling this divide
I accidentally clicked on this but I’m not complaining
same!
Vegan Cake: She bullied her too much and eroded the trust!
Maybe she was trying to make right and make a real effort but if that were the case wouldn't she know the ingredients?
Agreed, if the person could show what she used or the recipe and seemed to actually understand the definition of "vegan", then I'd consider it. If it were a friend who I trusted that said they made something vegan for me, I'd eat it. To have a breakdown because of it is weird af though LOL
Building trust takes way more time than just one gesture. I can appreciate that that could maybe possibly have been the case but regardless of the posters reasoning for being vegan, that is too big of a risk to take with someone who has proven time and time again that they disregard their autonomy.
Also, if she "went out of her way" to make it vegan, how does she not know the ingredients? It seems like manipulation or childish behavior IMO
On the Vegan Cake I genuinely am, picturing Bea as like a 45 year old woman who thinks she's being cute teasing her coworker about being vegan, but clearly looks down on the choice and so even if she genuinely was trying to be nice and make the cake Vegan for her clearly did not bother taking it seriously. When you are vegan for long enough there are many animal products that can genuinely just make you ill from consuming them so it's very similar to having food intolerances, and absolutely someone should not feel bad for declining even if she really was trying to 'be nice' because she didn't treat it seriously
Why did I get major Dwight vibes when Ben said "trick question - I like both" ahah
Ben - "I can picture this type of person..."
Zyler just walks in front of camera lol
I knew it ;)
We had AP classes and eventually ended up getting dual enrollment classes. Then there was a pressure to have an associates at the same time as your high school graduation. Our valedictorian got his associates degree at our high school graduation! Dual enrollment is a great thing in contrast to AP classes but now there’s the added pressure of starting college prior to high school graduation.
I feel that. I started college in my sophomore year of high school with concurrent enrollment and had about a year and a half worth of credits by the time I graduated. It is a never ending competition.
If you did well and aced your high school classes and qualified for concurrent enrollment, you were still pressure to make perfect grades in your college classes. That is a lot of pressure for teenagers.
I did both dual enrollment and AP at my school. I personally loved the dual enrollment classes more because I had a guarantee of a college credit if I got a passing grade, whereas AP gives you credit if you get a 3 and above on the test (I did end up getting good scores on the AP test). I think I graduated high school with two years of college done which was so cool. I love dual enrollment
On the one hand I've seen what pressure did to kids in HS.
OTOH with the cost of college now, it's not a terrible thing to have.
AP classes are such a scam honestly
yeah my school had dual enrollment too. two options: the local community college that you take just one class if you wanted to start college credits for free. lower gpa and test scores required. but there was an option to go to the local university. you had to be a full time student and basically leave high school behind. our valedictorian was basically a college kid and we never even saw him after sophomore year bc he was full time college student. it was. so weird. but he was getting valuable education for FREE!!! it’s an amazing program, but it definitely pushes you to feel even more stressed. on top of my 4 AP classes i was taking a college class in person and it was so stressful, even tho i’m thankful i got to basically skip my freshmen year in university for free and on the governments dollar lmao. but now i’m a stressed and burnt out biomed student bc i overworked myself in highschool to get ahead. it ended up not doing much since i failed a few classes last year due to the pandemic turning my life upside down. wish i told myself to calm down and not stress so much, things will fall into place. you don’t have to race to finish school. just enjoy life.
Most people opt for child-free weddings to avoid having kids underfoot, running around and being rambunctious, and getting in the way of pictures and videos of important moments (e.g.: kids running onto the dance floor during the first dance or interrupting toasts) as well as to allow parents of young children to enjoy the party without having to keep tabs on their children.
An elderly person may have similar care needs, but they’re typically not running around, shouting, crying the way kids do. The 98 y/o grandma is an adult and should be allowed to attend her grandson’s adult-only wedding.
The vegan one makes me so made.
I worked with a vegetarian at my old job. One day I was making rice krispie treats and asked him if he ate marshmallows because some people have issues with them. He said he doesn’t but not to worry about it. He also said I could use fluff instead of marshmallows since it’s vegan. I did and like them with fluff way better. Plus they were easier to make. Different perspectives can be helpful.
A-that was so nice of you! B-as a veg of many years, I had no idea that fluff was veg, thank you for that!
In the birthday cake story, the word you're looking for is narcissist, lol, they are so self absorbed and certain their opinion is always correct, they will argue with anyone who dares disagree with them. You should never give them an inch, because they will never give you one.
That inherited house AITA hits close to home. My partner and I live in a home that he could pay for because he lost his mother and was the sole inheritor because his sibling passed away at 17 leaving him an only child to be raised by a single mum. A few people get bitter about him having no mortgage but then my clap back is 'are you willing to have a dead family for no mortgage?'. Would you really wish to be in his position? And it is awkward explaining our position, because people do ask wondering how we ended up with the home, what we do for a living, etc. And you can tell they wonder 'how can you afford this?'. My partner is uncomfortable of this sudden shift of circumstance as well, and 'dead parents' is usually not a a good way to answer those questions. Especially when meeting the neighbours.
As someone with lots of anxiety, listening to Simply’s podcasts while I try to sleep has been extremely helpful :)
Same :) they’re really nice to listen to and they’re well spoken
omg me too, i love their voices, its so calming
I literally sleep to these and rewatch the things I missed
"Gifted & Talented" ( as it's called in the states) has pros and cons. Ideally, you should scale teaching material to the level each child needs. Realistically, with the way public education is set up, that isn't always feasible. However, being in GT myself and knowing many others that were, it puts a lot of your self worth into performing for others academically and being smart. Personally, I've had to undo a lot of that thinking as an adult for my own happiness.
Gifted programmes should only be for kids who actually have the special need, not rich parents gaming the system
I wasn't allowed in gifted and talented because my mother did not like the methods of the lead teacher. My husband (poor growing up was removed from the same program because exactly what you said...a rich parent complained they were left out. The other kid got his spot, because the school knew his parents didn't have the time to complain.
This is exactly what I was thinking. Technically "gifted students" are SPED students. So people with the actual "gifted" needs, deserve to go to those classes or schools, rather than just someone getting in because their parent has enough money.
@@jillianmeyer1355 I went to school in the US and "gifted students" and special education students were completely different. Also, the gifted program didn't cost money, the kids who had better grades just went to some extra classes and did extra projects. The special education students were taught the same material as the "regular" students, but just in slightly different ways according to whether they needed it or not.
Richer students tend to be in gifted programs because their parents have better resources, not because you pay to be in them. It's still totally unfair because students who are housing insecure, food insecure or have other outside issues are going to do worse in school due to those factors.
@@fkhan2006 also Christine also just mentioned Kumon which is a factor as well.
After a year and a half of working from home all alone all day, I LOVE podcasts that dive into Reddit. I’m always dying to hear other peoples’ thoughts on these. Thank you both for keeping me company each week while I work and research my thesis. ❤️
ben being surprised people want to drink at their wedding is so cute lmao 😭 he’s so innocent hahaha
As a "gifted" kid, I agree with that parent given the context I have. Skipping a grade is difficult socially (especially in middle school GOOD GOD) and there are better ways to socialize kids in mixed age groups than the rigid school enviornment. I get that she's grumpy, but one day she'll be 25 and probably realize that graudating high shcool at 17 wouldn't have made much of a difference aside from making it so she can't go out and do things that peers can do because she's a year younger.
For the burrito story, why do they live together if they’ve only dated for two months?
Forreal. 2 months? And the dude is already tearing you a new hole over a misunderstanding about a burrito? Girl, RUN 🏃🏼♀️ GTFO of that toxicity
I think a lot of them are recent. And I know with covid a lot of people quarentined tigrther and moved in together quickly. I mean I wouldn't do it. But maybe ?
I thought the same. Also you love him in two months like why??? Sounds terrible
not letting my daughter skip a grade:
The high school i went was really small and there were 4 sets of twins in my grade and one of the twins sets didnt want to be in the same class so they were put in different classes... so if there's a problem of being in the same rooms all day, the parents can request separating them
It's his mom. She's seen him in his underwear for many years. She is family and it shows comfort. I think most people would feel comfortable doing this around their immediate family, if they do that. The woman will need to adapt to her boyfriend/husband. Just because she's uncomfortable, doesn't mean he has to change, when it's a dynamic that doesn't involve her (between him and his mother).
Right?? It’s not like the mom is coming in the room and the poster is feeling uncomfortable being in her sleepwear around the mom…. Her husband left the room to help his mom with something. If he’s comfortable with that, that’s his own decision.
Yeah, her reaction is unreasonable. It's irrational that "being raised conservatively" would mean that her husband, well removed from her presence, would "need" to be fully dressed around his mother, who's seen every square inch of him and is comfortable with him being in "shorts". I would recommend that the poster seek therapy (honestly, shouldn't everyone) because there's clearly a lot of baggage she's holding onto from her childhood that is not serving her well. I've met people before (feels like most people, these days) who cannot have a discussion about anything... their fallback position is always "well it makes me uncomfortable (even though it literally does not affect me), so it's wrong".
@@ninaasf-ck She may need therapy, or probably even just practice and coaching about being in relationship. I wonder if she's young, and this is the first time she's been exposed to a boyfriend that does this? It's a big growing up moment for her, I guess, seeing that other people's families may function differently? I agree with you, some folks just think if it makes them uncomfortable, it must be wrong, instead of exploring that idea, that there are multiple ways to live life.
I don't think she would react the same way if it were his father for instance. But maybe with not immediate family I can kinda understand.
Seems very controlling though
Also, it's probably not even underwear because she kept writing "shorts" and then specified that he should wear "pants/jeans" instead, which at least leads me to believe that it's more likely he was wearing gym shorts to bed- that's really not that odd.
Isn't the purpose of bachelor and Bachelorette parties to get drunk? I don't really understand the purpose of having an exorbitantly expensive party just to get blackout drunk and probably ruin your dress and embarass yourself and not remember it. If the bride and groom wanted to party together they could've had a join bachelor/Bachelorette party or honeymoon
It has the overlay of "your last day as a free man/woman". Which is how the strippers traditionally come in.
Then people added the limos and such. Maybe after watching too many movies.
I wanna drink at my wedding. To each their own. 🤷🏻♀️
It would especially suck if they had to leave for a honeymoon the next day hungover
@@dietcocacola3377 The Bachelor/Bachlorette party are before the wedding - days or weeks before.
Them talking about their parents being involved in their school education while my parents would forget to even pick me up from school 😭
😢
I'm sorry 💔
I'm all for birthdays. Not in a material and gift way just it's a day to do what u want. You choose your fav food, go somewhere you wanna go, treat yourself without guilt.
I finally got my husband to embrace birthdays and his last two have been during lockdowns lol 😂😂🙈🙈
Agreed. I'm not a gift person either, but a birthday is a celebration of life.
For the bride situation with the grandma, I think the solution would be to ask family to help out. I know it's a personal situation for the couple but I think it's not fair to assume all old people are going to bring down the mood. I had a 99 year old Irish cousin who drank moonshine everyday and danced a jig or too and he was certainly the life of the party.
I thought the same, but I know not every family is as party centered as mine lol. My grandmother is in her 80s, and while she can’t dance anymore, I can guarantee if you want the family tea you go find her and her sister lmao. They’ll drop truth bombs about everyone in attendance.
I’ve been on a couple of weddings and I agree with Ben, I don’t think it’s even possible to get wasted being a bride/groom because you’re always involved with something or talk to people or otherwise is the center of attention
I've been with my boyfriend for 10 years, and he STILL always manages to screw up an order even if I send him with it written down in specific detail.
I send pictures to my hubby if he has to go the supermarket and he still can't find it, ask 20 questions about one thing and bring something not even close, but i love him
@@FruitsandflowersBeaumont Sounds familiar. Mine just doesn't bother to read the labels on things, he doesn't pay attention to details like that.
This podcast is the best thing of taco Tuesday lol
Next main channel video: Sending Christine and Ben to different stores to order each other what they think they would want from the restaurant! 😂😂😂 please do it!
Parents also need to take in account emotional maturity when kids skipping grades - may not seem a lot now but could end up in a situation where they are a 16 year old senior with 18 year peers - this is why my mom didn’t let me skip grades
Ben YOU DESERVE TO BE CELEBRATED ON YOUR BIRTHDAY
I feel like some people genuinely think the other person is in the wrong when they are blatantly wrong. Post it on the internet and think they did something 🤣🤣🤣
I totally agree with Cristine’s stand on the gifted program. I was in gifted and it was so detrimental to my mental health. The pressure to always be smart is not a good thing young minds. I would often beat myself up or feel stupid if I didn’t get a high grade like the rest of my gifted friends or scared to ask for clarification on something I didn’t understand because I didn’t want to look dumb. The kids who weren’t in gifted also hated us and made fun of us because the teachers put us up on a pedestal (which probably made them feel less than and is why they acted out). Now I’m high school and the fact that I was in gifted in middle school doesn’t mean shit because now it’s just about going to AP classes and getting credits for college.
The burrito one is like asking your spouse for a cheeseburger from five guys and getting mad when all you get is a burger patty and cheese on a bun and getting mad that it didn't have ketchup, mustard, pickles, lettuce, tomato, and onion.
You guys have helped to fill the void of warm, sweet, funny, smart, loving couple vibes left by Jenna and Julien. I dont say that to compare you, just to let you know Im happy youre both here and your community loves you
I live in the U.S.A and I remember in grade school I was excelling in all areas except math. No matter how many times someone explained something I couldn’t understand because the numbers would get mixed up on the page. Eventually I got put in a room with a volunteer for 1 hour a day to “further my math skills”. Instead I stared at a map of the states and memorized it. I had a lot of potential as a child but because my dyscalculia went unnoticed for years I was always casted aside. The American school system does not care about furthering children’s knowledge, they care about test scores and graduation rates. It wasn’t until my last year of high school that a teacher set up a meeting with my counselor and parents and advocated for me. She was telling them this is why I was struggling and it was such a validating feeling, but it shouldn’t have taken 12 years of schooling for someone to help me! I am now excelling in college because I am finally given the resources I need with other subjects and the extra tutoring in math. If I was the mom I would let Emma take advantage of every resource and opportunity given to her. And also help Jonah who maybe has unnoticed needs that need to be met.
Same in Germany. I feel you and I am very sorry about what happened to you. In Germany, when you don't 'fit' into the old school system you get stuck at some point.
I'm only about a year or so younger than you guys, and we definitely had a gifted program. Here in California until about 10 years ago it was called the GATE program (Gifted And Talented Education). Talk about symbolism...
As an Ontario teacher I can confirm that gifted classes still exist but sometimes gifted students are placed in “regular classrooms” and just given the extensions and side projects to challenge them. I personally like this approach better because it helps lessen the divide with the “gifted” label which was definitely a social issue when I was growing up in the 90s/2000s.
I shared classes with my sister when we were in 7/8th grade, just because the school was really small. The main issue is getting compared alot by your teachers and friends. Sometimes it was fine but it got difficult if we were mad at each other cause we couldn't talk to our friends about it because we all knew eachother. If you don't have a great relationship with your siblings, it's tricky having a lot of mutual friends cause you don't want them involved in family drama .
Ah yessss I love the AITA takes! Thank you mom and dad 😍
without meaning to undermine this excellent podcast, ben + cat interaction is my favourite part
Having been mostly in “gifted” classes throughout my education and then one “normal” class in high school, the only difference I noticed between the two was the pace at which stuff was taught and the subject was definitely kept a little simpler. There definitely was a classism thing going on too though looking back at the classmates I had in all of my honors courses compared to the normal one.
As a "poor kid" in a really nice area (relative to others who lived in the same district), I completely agree. All of the kids in AP classes came from the wealthiest of families. As a kid, I had to manage pestering my parents and getting all of the paperwork processed and paid for because they were clueless at the time.
I can’t explain how PUMPED I GET FOR THESE EPISODES YES 🎉
Cristine picture the “colleague” as a 16 year old, I pictured her as a 60 year old…
I recently got married and I can’t imagine getting hammered AT the wedding. Me and my husband were so tired afterwards we just high fived and went to bed. Also, the old people are essential for a wedding, they’re the ones that’ll dance!
My 70+ Grandma was at our wedding, she was probably the oldest person there & although I barely knew her (always lived in other states), my memory
of her is out there on the dance floor rocking out to Motley Crue & Guns & Roses (it was the 80's).
Not going to lie... If it were me, and my 'friend' pulled that crap in an appliance store in front of someone after I had just lost both my parents, I would ONE-HUNDRED PERCENT have said something along the lines of "Got me there. Though, if I had the choice, I would have chosen to keep both my parents over inheriting a house, so between the two of us, I'd say I had to pay the highest price of all. Do you feel better about yourself now?" And I would have never spoken to that awful human ever again.
Funny you talk about sitting at the kids table...
I was at a family event not long ago. I sat with the adults (I'm 26, female), the discussion then turned to them being extremely racist and homophobic.
So I quickly left that table and happily sat with the kids. They were all actually well behaved when I gave them attention and had conversations about their interests. Acting way more mature than the adults 🙄
Talking to kids-- it's been awhile, but generally you let them control the conversation. If they want to talk, they talk. You don't need to prompt them. They'll ask questions. They're usually curious but not judgemental, so conversations can be very interesting.
Lol in regards to French immersion vs. non-french programs, my school straight up discriminated against the "English" kids. Less opportunities overall even being offered, while the French students got to go on an all expense paid week long trip to Quebec City and preference for extra outside of school activities like sports and summer jobs. It caused a lot of bitterness among the English students and a LOT of entitlement energy from the French students that I would say still divides and defines most our alumni even today. So many of the French graduates were extremely privileged and acted stuck up and entitled about even having to share basic spaces with "English kids". It was the grossest dynamic in hindsight, similar to the way jocks are shown as preferred in American movies, that's how our french program was.
As someone who had ADHD, my parents killed themselves trying to get me to do my work and take school seriously. It was no lack of effort on there end. Even at 12, kids need to want to do well for themselves - no amount of parent involvement can make a difference in some situations
I went into the gifted program in grade 7 when I moved back to Ontario, and I have some Mixed Feelings about it, haha. On the one hand, I really enjoyed the classes, and I think being able to be in more advanced classes made my high school experience way better, since I ended up going to a school that had a specific gifted program. On the other hand, I ended up being diagnosed with ADHD in my late 20's, and I think that a big part of why it was never caught when I was younger despite it being super obvious in retrospect was because of the way the gifted program was structured. In many ways the focus on abstract thinking and higher level of engaging work is a way better academic structure for ADHD (10+ years past high school, most of my classmates ended up being neurodivergent in some way). However, it ends up being held over your head, both from the school and from parents/friends/etc., whenever you do have trouble with something. There's a big overall thought of 'if you're academically gifted but you're struggling with this other thing, it must be because you're just not trying hard enough, since if you put it a tiny bit of effort you would probably succeed'. It ends up giving a 'concrete' reason for people to brush off genuine struggles that students are having as a purposeful personal failing, rather than a reason to investigate if there might be something else going on.
People don't really understand that gifted doesn't mean gifted in everything in every way.
I was going to listen to this tomorrow when I’m doing my work, but I needed a pick-me-up from a bad day.
I love watching your streams, podcasts, and videos! Thank you for keeping me sane during this pandemic. 😂
I hope your day got better 💖
Cristine saying “whack off” almost made me spit out my tea. 🤣
I'll say it once again: i love these kind of reddit eps from you guys! your commentary is just the best
I was just sitting here typing away at work, totally forgetting it was Tuesday until I saw the notification. This is gonna make my morning 🙌🏼💜
With the kids table thing, I think there's also the connotation is that the person is a women. The idea that women need to get married/have kids as like, a rite of passage into adulthood is a thing with the older gen.
Edit: op was a male so it doesn't apply here but I still stand by my point that women are expected to get married/have kids before they're treated as "real adults" a lot.
Not arguing with your point, but the poster was male
@@haleighboese9276 @melowl 98 oh, then yeah, that doesn't apply here, sorry 😭. I kinda just put things on and listen to them, so I wasn't really reading it.
Last story: That mom more than likely pushed him out of her vagina/changed his diapers for how many years? There should always be boundaries in every relationship, but the fact that she’s upset he’s wearing shorts around his own mom seems like a her issue if she thinks that would invite something inappropriate...
A lot of boxer shorts have those dick access holes in them (for peeing I guess?). I can see how wearing those around your mom could seem inappropriate. If you switch the roles and think about it being a grown woman hanging out with her dad in her underwear, it makes more sense I guess. Not taking sides btw, I think think that redditor might not have been as unreasonable as it first sounds.
@@glittery_cucumber I surely would hope a father would not have inappropriate thoughts or actions towards his daughter even if she was only wearing underwear (that’s equivalent to wearing a bikini). So I personally don’t think the “if roles were reversed” applies here.
I laughed so much at the burrito one, that ending 😂