Sassy Vent about expectations and political correctness ♥ Get ready with me
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- Опубликовано: 8 июн 2022
- Hey heeeey! I had to get this off my chest. Thank you for listening :) I'll vent about increasing responsibilities, political correctness, one child family, tips on mom networking as I get ready. Cheers
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Hey heeeey! I had to get this off my chest. Thank you for listening :) I'll vent about increasing responsibilities, political correctness, one child family, tips on mom networking as I get ready. Cheers
Products I used and love
Foundation/tinted moisturizer amzn.to/3zyBdM5
Concealer amzn.to/3QbICXp
Eyebrow pencil amzn.to/3NKbWCU
Powder amzn.to/3zv40Ba
Eye pencil amzn.to/3QeZBrG
Elf shadow matte pallet amzn.to/39d14hO
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Contour stick amzn.to/3O7yk8G
Bun maker for curls amzn.to/3QeaIkI
Love you!!!🥰🥰🥰❤️❤️❤️
I missed this side of you.
Love this!!
I'm going to put you in my rosary and ask God's graces of peace and ease come to you. No expectations. Just that you be comfortable in your skin. I find it helps to put a limit on your energy expenditure. Allow yourself to have a limit on what you can do each day. If it's only dishes and caring for your family then that's it for that day. I ask God to schedule big tasks for me now instead of trying to plan a day to do them myself. He's like a personal assistant to me and it's made a world of difference in my life. I no longer beat myself up for not getting something done. I just tell God I need a day to do such and such and then do my normal activities. Without fail automatically a day shows up and I enjoy doing that task I was stressed about. God is the best! 🥰
You must ignore any harassment you feel coming toward you. We are all experiencing the same spiritual warfare. I give you permission to ignore it! Be free and happy! 😁
Hi Maria! I completely understand you and agree with you about the world being too pc lately, sometimes I'm tired of this bs too. So thank you for saying that! Just wanted to say that I've been following you for a long time and I appreciate you for being you, at the end of the day we're all just humans with flaws and all and that's totally ok. Sending positive vibes and love from Italy ❤️
No children, 1 child, lots of children.
No ones business.
I can still remember a year or so after having no.1 being told "you'd better get a move on for no.2". I decided brutal honesty was the way to go and replied "we are trying but it seems we might need a little help in that department". The embarrassed face was not what I was hoping for in response, but hopeful it will make the person think twice before asking the question again.
It is no one's business Maria ❤️
I mean I'd have gone for "you'd better get started on minding your own business" but I hope your way worked. 😀
On the other end of the spectrum when you have several kids "don't you know what causes that?!" is a common question. And a great answer is "Sure do! And we're obviously really good at it!" 🤣
As a women I relate to this immensely, the societal expectations put on us is unrealistic. If we don't act a certain way then people get mad, life gets easier when you do what makes you happy, instead of doing what makes others happy. You're beautiful, inspiring, and so real. We appreciate you!
I don’t think she saying that it’s because she’s a woman that she feels pressured by men to be this way. I’m guessing she’s talking about the younger generation that’s triggered by everything.
this feels like being on facetime with a friend. go off girl we all need it
that and weekends away with friends, partners or parents can help, if not get friends who are responsible to be with your kids; even a half day to ourselves I found could be enough ❤️🩹
As an only child, I appreciated having pets in the household that helped teach me boundaries (like how a cat will hiss to establish that they’re not comfortable in the situation). My parents didn’t really want any other children and were then able to pour all their love/attention into me. If you don’t want more children, then don’t have more! Sometimes it really can be that simple.
This makes me feel so proud. I remember a few years back I was watching one of your random favorites videos, and you kept apologizing for the smallest things. It felt like you were walking on eggshells. I've been waiting for the moment when you can let loose and say "i don't care" confidently! I'm loving this
Same same I’m loving her progress 👑
Well said! ❤️❤️
Agreed and I feel like I’ve come to the same mental state as her too. Lol. I’m 37 and yes, the bullshit radar is on point.
You've given sooo much to the world through your loving, nurturing videos - for years now. I want to be able to say something profoundly comforting to you after watching this but the only thing I can think to say is I am so there with you! Having to 'sensor' oneself can definitely make one a 'quieter' person as one would rather say nothing at all than be less than authentic. It's as if 'intent' doesn't matter any more...just the grammar and the spelling!
As to more children - or not having more children - while people may mean well, only you know if it is right for you. My daughter has chosen not to have any children. People offer their opinions but she knows it is right for her. You know what is right for you. The 'Only Child' often thrives precisely because they are the only child.
While you are out there offering everyone comfort - and love, please remember to take care of you! You are a treasure!
as a gen z who is hyper sensitive to everyone’s feelings, I have to agree. it’s exhausting, and it’s gotten to a point where everything we say has to be micro managed and carefully constructed. I think at the end of the day, as long as your intentions are good and you’re respectful, it should be enough. I appreciate your honesty and being open about how hard it is as a creator having to constantly walk on eggshells. Maria, you are a bright light in this crazy world, and none of us are perfect, but everyone can see how beautiful you are, inside and out. thank you for all you do for us and everyone you care about. take care of yourself 💜
I remember thinking/feeling like this when I hit my mid-thirties. You’re coming into your full self and learning how to not only express that, but what you allow in (or don’t allow in anymore.)
I can understand that having so many eyes (and opinions) on you, that could feel suffocating. Which makes knowing who you are and what your limits and tolerances are even more important.
You’re on the right path…discovering YOU…the adult, mature YOU. Do what feels right for you.
It's sweet hearing how empathetic and caring Mila is. That's exactly how I think of Maria. I think Maria has great empathy and that's a huge force for why her videos are so wonderful. I feel like she imagines the perspective of the listener or imaginary counterpart of a role play. You can feel a sense of connection and care through the video, and that's why her work is so special and uplifting ❤
I think the “tolerance for bullshit” continues to decrease as we age. We start to figure out who we are and how we want to live our lives. I think it is lovely part of growing old.
THIS
👍🏼
YES! My bullshit tolerance is currently zero. I'm 49.
@@kittychik7328 I'm 38 and mines is 0 also.
True
I'm double your age, and one of the wonderful things about aging is that the older you get, the less you care about what anybody thinks about you. It's a blessing. Because the more time goes on, the more you see how little other people's opinions about you matter. I am very happy to be myself without masking my responses. That said, I am absolutely aware of how I treat others; kindness and empathy is at the core of all my relationships. That to me is what matters. And the more I am myself, the more positive the responses are from others. You, Maria, are currently living a life that is under a microscope, and you also have roles as wife, mother and content provider that you have taken on that place major demands on you. As we age, we tend to move more into who we are and the more we grow into ourselves, the more it becomes critical to be our most authentic self, outside of societal expectations. At some point you will look at what was put on you and what you took on, and you'll simply tell it to off off. And it's glorious, trust me.
I'm 55 and a woman. I will second everything you said, but will also add that the invisibility of being over 50 that so many women fear is actually an emancipation.
55 here too.
I'm 57, and I'm here to say that you are SO right. I have always moved through the world saying what I felt needed to be said. My saying is, "Speak your truth with as much dispassion and compassion as will allow it to be heard. If it's not going to be heard until you get passionate and merciless, that's on the listener, not you."
65 next week. Well said!!!
Well said!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
" I owe everyone everything " hit really close. It's a nameless feeling that I have and you just nailed it. And it's exhausting, just exhausting.
“I feel like I owe everybody everything “ hit me hard. That’s how I feel 99% of the time too. The truth is, we are all trying our hardest and we are all doing our best. We are all enough. You do you Maria and be true to yourself ❤️❤️❤️
As a social worker I’d recognize your feelings as compassion fatigue and I feelllll you!
Kids don’t always need siblings. I grew up with a brother who bullied me constantly. I probably would have been better off being an only child. Obviously Mila would be an amazing big sister, but if your instincts say your family is complete, it’s very fair to listen to yourself. She will have lots of capacity for showing love to other kids through friendships and cousins etc x
I get what you’re saying. I think....in all honesty, the more aware a person becomes about the world around them, the heavier the load on your shoulders. There’s a lot to be concerned about in the world right now, and a lot to be emotional about. It’s exhausting. You’re not alone.
I will say this” once you get to the point of not caring about anyones opionions or feelings its so liberating & like a weight has been lifted & you will tell yourself why didnt i do this sooner, once i got there i never went back!”
“JUST REMEMBER YOUR DAMNED IF YOU DO AND DAMNED IF YOU DONT!”
Life is short live it the way you want 💗☮️
You know people are too easily offended when even someone as kind as Maria has had enough of it.
"Maria being sick of your nonsense in a soothing soft spoken voice."
Actually Maria is way sassier than you think.
@@TJDious please 😂😂😂
Hahaha, this is just an “speech” to get more supporters. She just stopped uploading videos and she closed her IG because she “thought” that people would be sooo angry with her because of her nationality when the Russia invasion against Ukraine started.
Remember she’s the same who told people that she doesn’t vote because that’s trash.
@@TJDious LMFAO
I totally get the bs and I'm over it. I've adopted the term, "IDGAF." My tolerance level is quick and responsive, I'm not concerned if I hurt anyone's feelings when I choose to speak up for myself. I'm not bending over anymore. Not to take away from my kindness, I'm sincerely a passionate and loving person. I always mean well and I am human, I'm aware of my flaws. I'm just so over being nice in a world that's not nice to me. As far as kids go, you're a wonderful mother. Not wanting to have more is perfectly ok. It's just a common question that gets asked so don't take it to heart. Your daughter is what you needed to provide your life balance. You're learning as she is and that's an adventure in itself. I had two cause I wanted two, and that's my balance. I thought about a 3rd but after careful consideration, I knew the 2 I had was just what I needed. My dudes are 24 and 22...I'm 53 and we're ok. Whatever decisions you make for you and your family will be the right ones.
You hit the nail on the head in every single aspect! Worrying about people's feelings....woman, speak on it! Vent away! We love you and we feel you. ❤❤❤
I love seeing your more human side Maria. I don’t expect you to be perfectly kind and soft all the time. You’re a full human being, and especially as a woman it’s important to recognise that since you have so much emotional and organisational responsibility.
Way to keep it real Maria. You have been a constant in my life for so long and I'm so appreciative for everything you've done for me and the ASMR community at large. But I'm now almost 30 and seeing you this stressed makes me wanna say "if your online presence is a drain on your lifeforce, you gotta give it a break". We all love you so much here and will welcome you with open arms regardless of how frequent your videos are posted. You're a great mother and wife and just becuase you've reached the level of success you have, doesn't mean you really owe us a damn thing.
Agreed! She doesn't owe us a damn thing. We are lucky that she shares her art of ASMR with us.
This 👏
Yup💗👍🏼😁
Well said!
👏👏👏🙌🙌
4:35 dealt with this as a child and teen because both of my parents' houses were chaos - mentally and emotionally abusive. I pretty much shut down to avoid upsetting anyone. Then when i finally moved out I was burnt out but could actually breathe for the first time.
It’s so refreshing to hear someone speaking so frankly and honestly about things. We often diminish what we’re feeling or don’t talk about what bothers us so it’s so good to listen to someone actually saying what they think 💚
I’m only a few minutes in but it takes a load off my back to see that you too struggle with these things. I was beginning to think you were some kind of superhuman that I could never aspire to be like. I feel like most of your audience just wants you to be happy! You provide us with so much stability and help us through so much I hope we can be here for you when you need it!
Woman are taught to eat s*&t politely with a knife and fork and that is such bs. Being a mom and a wife and a daughter and an influencer is so overwhelming. I'm glad you have SOME self time and we are always here to listen and empathize. Thank you for speaking your truth.
You go girl. Eat food with your bare hands like our caveman ancestors intended 🙌
I wouldn't call Maria an influencer ? she's an asmr creator I don't think they're the same
@@Rubiecat she influences me to relax and cultivate better sleep and mental clarity.
Not true.
Everything you said, I felt!! Especially the more children part. I'm 39 now and don't have any no do I plan on having any and boy oh boy do people like to give me their opinion on it. Fortunately the bonus of getting older is naturally not caring what others think of you 😀
My husband and I tried for years with IVF. No kids. I am 39 and everyone still wants us to have them. I wish people would keep their opinions to themselves about it. I actually love my life.
@@jerryskeepero good on you 👍. People are just to f*cking noisy. I mean what's it to them if you want to have kids or not?
You're that old? I'm 38 and I don't give a rat's 🐀🍑 what people think of me.
Same! I just turned 34 and have never wanted children, still don’t. I don’t understand why people care so much when my life choices have zero impact on them 🤷♀️
I appreciate you sharing these feelings and worries. I feel the same way, I’m a mom and wife with a 5 and 3 year old and I so often feel that who I am and what I want takes the backseat. I’m so grateful and love my family more than anything but that feeling of falling short for yourself is a daily challenge. It’s helpful to hear that someone I look up to and admire feels the same way I do. You really are an inspiring person Maria. Thank you for sharing yourself with us ♥️
“People are searching for things to be offended by, and then won’t let it go.” I’ve known so many in my life who did that to themselves and they were the most draining friendships to keep up with. I’ve since then distanced myself. Why look for ways to be mad or sad when there are plenty of opportunities to find good things?
oh god i'm trying to distance myself from a friend like that right now. i've never had fights with friends because i don''t really seek conflict but with this friend i've had SO MANY fights in the span of like, three years that i've known them. they just get offended at everything and have a very rude attitude to begin with, i don't know why but it suddenly hit me and i can't just see the positives in them anymore but i don't know how to cut ties with them! i feel like i'm walking on eggshells every time i talk to them but they keep saying how much i mean to them etc so i feel bad at the thought of not talking to them anymore but i'm so tired and drained ://
iam literally torn between being scared of loneliness and cutting ties with all my friends at the same time. i cant even make my bff happy anymore cause no matter what i do, its not enough. i kno that is not about me, its the dissatisfaction that she has with her own life, but it comes to a point that she want to take it on me and maaan im not there at all. somehow im also tired of being the bigger person and literally let that friendship die.
It should be about kindness, not getting everything correct. It's really snowballed into something vicious.
Oh yes! Those words!!! ✨ My thoughts!!!
Thank you for being so real! It is definitely difficult to navigate all the obstacles and expectations. You always have it so together and do everything to such perfection. I feel the same way and I’m sure don’t even touch the level of perfection you achieve in a day. My point is, I see you and your doing awesome! And thank you for the work you do. Love your content. Also love to see the real side of things.
Maria !! I love you. You shouldn't feel like a bad person for talking about how you feel. You're allowed to not want to fit into expectations. It's totally normal to feel tired and fed up with it all. I think you're doing wonderfully and I hope you get some time to truly unwind and be yourself soon.
You nailed it. "People are searching for things to be offended by, then they won't let it go." Happy people don't sit on social media yelling at content creators, or getting mad at them for things they say or do, because it's not what that viewer would say or do.
You do you, Maria. And if people don't like it, eff them. Hope you have a wonderful weekend.
PS. Many of us were happy after just one child. My mother was also an only child, and my best friend is an only child. Some people love having lots of kids, and want huge families. Some of us just don't need that. Don't feel guilty for not wanting more children.
R there even happy people any more..?!! Just wondering 🙌
@@yvonneshanson1525 I am! 😁
I started a garden last year (2021) for the first time, and I can not tell you how much it has relaxed me. I'd rather be in my yard with my garden, hummingbirds birds, and bumble bees, than pretty much anywhere else.
I try to tell my friends to start a garden. They have a glossed over look on their face, when I try to explain how excited I am about a certain tomato variety I'm growing this year. No one cares. 😅
I had to come to youtube to find my gardening people who "get it". I had found Maria years ago, when dealing with high anxiety. I don't experience ASMR, but some videos I do find relax me.
So I was delighted when Maria made a garden video, and the look on her face and gleam in her eyes when she posted that first gardening vlog. I knew she was feeling just as I do about trying to grow her own food. I highly recommend it. 😁
Nothing wrong with having one child!
I agree about the "people are searching for things to be offended by, then they won't let it go". My country (Czech Rep.) used to be pretty relaxed about this, but it is beginning here as well. Let us hope that common sense prevails.
As for kids, that is one area that should be exclusively decided only by parties involved. I personally have two, and have no regrets, especially when I see their wonderful relationship, but I would never give unwanted advice about kids :o)
Can you give an example of a thing people look for to intentionally get offended by?
Most of the time being angry doesn't mean you are being hateful, it means you love yourself and others enough to get upset at mistreatment and injustice.
You mention content creators which a lot of people dedicate time and money to support. There's nothing wrong with getting upset at them (depending on context of course, but Maria mentioned "political correctness") because contect creators aren't above anyone else.
You are definitely not a bad person. And I truly believe that most people arent, but a lot of people assume that most are. When it comes to saying the "right thing" I think it would be so much more helpful that if someone said something "incorrect" people approached each other with empathy and education as opposed to purely embracing anger and creating a "gotcha!" moment. Being a black girl, people have said some weird, and dangerous, things to me thoughout my whole life. But when I remember that most people are truly good at heart and approach them with a sense of empathy with an effort to create understanding, it can be so much more productive. Unfortunately, it requires additional emotional labor on my behalf, but it can be worth it when we are on a level of mutual understanding.
Can you multiply yourself please. We need more people like you in this world.
👏👏👏
You stole the words right out of me and said it all well. Totally agree.
That extra emotional labor is unfair. This is why ppl need to try harder with regards to what they say.
@@Levi-2000 I feel you, but I think this is a misunderstanding of the idea that we are not owed emotional labor from people we hurt. But, when we are not the ones being attacked we can take the time to assume good faith when we see a mistake. For example, as a trans person it's understandable if I just don't have the energy to fight transphobia. But we a white person, when I see anti Black racism, I can call that in relative safety and try to educate in good faith. Racism etc are baked into our society. It's only going to get better if we help each other out, at least the ones willing to learn.
I totally feel you, Maria. I'm 37 and learned to stop caring what others think of my life choices a good number of years ago. The key is to be confident in the decisions you have made. No one can argue with that attitude. Oh, they'll try but you'll let their criticism roll over you like water off a duck's back. Stay humble but know who you are and love that girl.
You do you, darlin'. You're fabulous! 🤩
Maria these are my favorite videos you do! I’ve been feeling the exact same way and it was cathartic to hear you talk about it. It felt like we were two friends chatting. I’m glad you finally said the things that have been on your chest. Can’t wait to hear about the meditation! 💜✌️💜 sending you lots of love peace and happiness
Maria this is the most connected I’ve ever felt to you! The weight of others expectations is simply not yours to carry - and it’s wonderful to watch you release yourself from some of that! You are so loved for exactly who you unapologetically are ❤️
As a child free married woman the pressure to have kids is unreal. We are constantly asked about it like it's an expectation of us. Sometimes I also wonder if its the right thing to do but that's because others make me feel that way. We just have to do what makes us happy in the end and ignore everyone else's idea of perfect.
exactly same place where you are, all that talk just makes me think like there is seriously something wrong with me. I may want a kid someday, but the constant talk is driving me far far away then that.
We are made to reproduce
having kids is a trap, if you don't want them, please don't be pressured
@@NE0Nwhip I know how difficult it is to raise kids and I know that life is not for me. My sister is 21 years younger than me and seeing my mum struggle every day has definitely put me off! I'm 30 now and married 11 years. Luckily the "when are you having kids?" has started to wear off after all these years, but we do still get the odd one or two who will ask.
THIS. I have 3 stepsons. Got married during COVID. Don't really want a baby right now because we want to travel and whatnot. Everyday someone asks me why I am not pregnant.
I really feel like I’m connecting with you in this video on a deeper level than ever before. You are opening up and freeing yourself of all these things just by acknowledging them, and by speaking about them so others like myself (31) don’t feel so isolated when they too feel all the things you are explaining. I know 2 women that have proudly said no I’m 1 and done with kids 😂 I don’t have any myself. We’re so surrounded by what life should be that we’ve lost so much of what is natural and what feels good in life, so the more we shed these expectations, the easier we can elevate our consciousness and live happier, more serene lives 💜 thank you for this video Maria xxx
Maria I think it's really good for you to say these things out loud. The expectations women have to shoulder are just outrageous and I do see people feeling much more emboldened coming after women online when they feel we've failed them. You've always been such a kind, warm, loving presence online but you don't owe anyone perfection, and in a way it's important for you to be showing yourself for the whole complex person you are because it's not good for women to be seen as these passive and infinite sources of emotional fulfilment for others. Yes we should all be kind and tolerant of one another also, but that goes both ways and it's always been so clear that you're a good person and people really could stand to extend a little grace. I'm sorry for the stress that's brought you here to say all this but I am very glad you've said it. You're so very loved and appreciated 💗💗💗
As a fellow mom you are 100% right. It’s like swimming constant laps in a pool without being able to get out or even come up for air. I can’t imagine what you have to go through being an online presence as well. Do what you have to do to release that pressure girl!! Love you!!
Everything you said is SPOT ON! Exactly how I've been feeling lately. I am about to turn 36 so I think it definitely has something to do with the age and like you said being OVER the bullshit! Lovely and refreshing to see you being able to express your real feelings and emotions with us! Thank you for everything you do. You're a beautiful person inside and out ❤❤❤
Maria, you’re amazing and I relate to so much of what you’re saying about being a mother. Please know how much peace and serenity you’ve brought to so many people. You have an amazing gift and calming energy, I am so glad I found your videos two years ago. Be you, girl!
I relate to a lot of what you said. The burden of meeting people's expectations is so much ESPECIALLY when they've come to rely on you so much that you always meeting their expectations is yet another expectation. People get so entitled to use your time and resources that when you say you can't do they get mad at you like you're doing something to them by not being at their service constantly. Early this year I got very, very sick. I almost died and there was a chance I'd be permanently disabled. Luckily that didn't happen and I'm recovering well, but I still had people hitting me up favors like "oh, you're all better right? Well can you drive me the airport this thursday?" I had to put my foot down and say "the time for me doing you favors is passed. This is my time of need now."
I also relate to people expecting you to tiptoe around their fragile sensibilities. My family and a lot of people I work with are very Republican and they sucked into this hysteria of seeing conspiracies behind everything. I can't even talk about my own lived experience without someone flipping out and acting all persecuted because my life is different from theirs and my view of the world doesn't match what Tucker Carlson says or whatever. People seriously think you're HURTING them by not agreeing with them, or that you're part of some grand global conspiracy because you don't parrot the exact same things they believe!
I'm at a point in my life where I really don't have a lot of time and energy to sacrifice for other people. It's all taken up by my recovery. I've learned a lot about what I can reasonably expect from people and I've had to redraw my personal boundaries according. My new golden rule has become "don't take criticism from people you would not take advice from, and don't let people take what is not freely given."
You're a remarkable person, Maria, I'm sure you'll always make the best decisions for yourself and prevail in the end!
i’m an only child and it wasn’t until adulthood when I would tell people, and they would say “aw i’m sorry”… you don’t need to be sorry! i have a great life and had a great childhood. i’m very caring too, so i work for a nonprofit. people really act like it’s some sort of tragic backstory 🙄
Yeah and people seem to think being an only child means you'll be socially awkward or lonely. Us only children just chillin 😂I know incredibly caring people that have siblings and are only children.
Lol. It truly doesn't matter.
People always talk about the upsides of siblings but never the downsides. I have two older sisters and I love them , but at times it was really difficult , constantly knowing they had "more important" things going on than me.
Don’t worry Maria, we’re “one and done” too! I couldn’t cope with the anxiety of having one, let alone adding another😂 My girl has always been enough, in a way that I’ve never needed to justify. Just like you.💗
Omg, Maria, I am right there with you, girl!! it was like watching a video of myself baring my own private worries and stressors! As a mom with a million other people and things I am responsible for and of, I frequently find myself overwhelmed and frazzled. Which makes me more irritable when I don't want to be. Which then makes me feel guilty, and like I am failing miserably at being everything for everybody. I know exactly what you're talking about, and I can offer you this small piece of wisdom that my now 98-year-old grandmother gave me whenever I felt like I was letting down other people's expectations of me. She'd tell me "Honey, what other people think about you, is none of your business. You lose yourself when you become preoccupied with what everyone else wants, instead of living the only life that will ever be your own. That means being accountable to yourself above all others."
As a queer non binary person, I’ve never been offended by anything Maria has said in her videos. I think she whole heartedly comes from a good loving place. There’s bigger issues going on in the world that are really bad and Maria’s just trying to bring peace
That's what she is saying here, she is tired of watching what she says to not offend anyone! People need to stop worrying about if what someone says is offensive and they need to brush it off and be an adult and move on with their day and not act like a crybabies! I'm glad I don't get offended for the things that have been said to me or for the things I hear! If someone says something I don't like, I ignore it and move along! I have adult things to do that no one else will do for me and so I don't have time to care what other say.or do! I've said this even as a teenager and young adult, I don't care what anyone thinks of me because they don't support me and feed me nor my children or pay my bills. I don't have to time to care what someone says or thinks about me! If everyone could have this mind set, we'd all get along better!
Same and I totally agree with you. You can tell she actually tries to inform herself and to be sensitive because she cares. The logged on LGBTQ+ community can be bonkers at times lol, there is just too much going on to please every single person. I can just imagine someone from the twitter or tumblr ace community messaging her because they think some minute detial of one of her videos is aphobic haha
I get the frustration around political correctness, and think that being understanding and open to the fact that we're *all* learning (and that no one gets it completely "right") goes a long way. I also think that while it may take a bit more effort for us to be thoughtful about another person's identity or culture or experience, the person on the other side of that is going through a similar effort when people don't treat them with respect or are dismissive of who they are. Life is learning, life is growth, and I think when we allow ourselves to be open and listen and learn from people who are different from us, we're all the better for it.
Thank you for having a sane and grounded reply about this. As long as you're learning and growing from your experiences, that's what matters. Nobody is perfect, and yes, people will get offended and hurt by things you say; that's just a fact of life! But just because you may not immediately be aware of the harm behind what you've said/done doesn't mean you can dismiss other's pain. Life is a shared experience and we're all here to learn with each other.
This is exactly what I wanted to express! Love this
I hear you, Maria. Talking to anyone is like a game of minesweeper. As Dr. Seuss said, "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " ❤️
Yes! This is perfect 🥰
Omg I know exactly what you are saying! It’s like you are talking my mind! I’ve really connected with you here! I feel recognised! I’m 36 & it’s a huge responsibility. Ive been having lots of bullying recently & it’s been so draining! I can’t please everyone & that’s ok. People judging me for my choices & opinions etc. They judge me personally when they don’t know me, judge my mental health & DV. I can’t say anything without getting hate, when others seem to say what they like & get no hate. I spoke out on my social media today about peoples expectations of me because of people judging me, expecting me to change & they have to tell me how disappointed they are in me & that they can’t support me anymore. It’s like I need to justify everything. It’s kind of in my channel names, I’ve always been true to myself & beliefs. People take me wrong, I can’t say anything without being called “nasty” & “rude“ just because I’m honest. They expect us to never develop ourselves etc. Some artists have bullied me & twisted things to suit their narrative which I’ve noticed some “fans” do. I get my lashes lifted & tinted. Brows laminated & tinted. I only do eyeliner at the corners now too but I’m terrible at wings so I never do then. Omg I have that exact palette & contour stick. I have 2 kids, boy & girl, I definitely don’t want more but I can’t anyway. You are an inspiration Maria & I wish I could be friends with you some day! You & Emma were the reasons I started my channel 3.5 years ago! 💗
Thank you for sharing Maria. I completely relate. I'm so exhausted all the time. Relationships with people are constantly stressed because peoples opinions and everything are more important than life long relationships. Having to live with work expectations, money expectations, appearance expectations, keeping the home, doing the budget, doing chores, taking care of pets, taking care of kids, and other things we experience, it's just so much. I'm grateful that my boyfriend is understanding about how much gets put on women and he tries. But there are just some things he can't take on, and shouldn't have to. And thin in ever spare moment I have, I feel shamed for not spending it on one person or another, and then when I spend it to relax, it's an onslaught of bickering in social media and things. I feel like I live stressed all the time despite also trying to be a positive person. I feel like I've cried more in the last year just because of it than in the last 5. I think we get to this age where part of us doesn't care, but another part of us knows there's still some things we have to meet if we hope to have certain things in our lives.
My mom got asked by EVERYONE if/when she was having another baby. She didn't want to but people kept going on about it.. ugh. She never gave in and 28 years later she's still very happy about that. So just listen to yourself. There's nothing wrong with you. You'll be happier for it.
Oh.. and my dad never had to answer the same question. People LOVE putting pressure on women.
She said don’t think she’s a bad person as if we all don’t feel this way. THANK YOU MARIA!! I feel like this a lot. I’m so glad I’m not alone!!
Me too 🤗
4 minutes in and you’ve put the biggest smile on my face. I feel like this is such a relatable video for so many people. Thank you for this it was very needed tonight.
👋 from Perth, Australia 😊
This hearts my heart. You are such a wonderful woman, who has helped millions with so much, by giving us good rest and some peace of mind. You would think people would show gratitude by respecting your opinions and lifestyle.
I hope those that have watched this, will think twice before voicing their views and opinions on you.
*tight warm hugs.
You may not see this, but just in case you do-it’s not much consolation coming from just one viewer like me, but I’m sorry to hear about all the pressure you’re facing. As someone whose watched you for years, I promise I have and will never put expectations on you for how you should act/portray yourself. So many of us love you for exactly who you are. I’m sorry so many insecure people expect you to be everything to them and that’s unfair. You’ve brought so much de-stressing and happiness to my life just by being you in your vids. So truly, thank you!
Well said!
“Everybody wants another child” do they thought? Its not because they have them that they wanted it. Most people unfortunately don’t think things through as much as you do, it’s an incredible strength! Mila really has incredible parents❤️ Keep doing your own thing! Your daughter will only benefit from it.
I always thought you were one of the most amazing people out in the public sphere...and now I just plain LOVE YOU for saying all this out loud! Thanks, Maria, you are amazing. Forget expectations, those who are worth worrying about will love and accept all parts of you.
I wasn’t going to watch this video tonight because I was totally ready to fall asleep, but I’m so glad I clicked on it. I actually cried myself to sleep last night because of feelings of guilt for not wanting to have a second child. I did not enjoy being pregnant (which is also something society makes woman feel guilty about. Like we’re supposed to be giddy and glowing through our whole pregnancy!). I had a very traumatic c-section and horrible recovery which I have no desire to go through again. And I am just 100% happy and content with my baby boy. I was an only child and did not feel like I missed out on not having a sibling. Anyway…hearing you say what you did about having only one child made me feel much better and validated, so thank you for your honesty ❤️
Hey Maria, I literally never comment on videos even after watching you for nearly a decade now, but I just wanted to leave one here because a lot of what you said resonates with me quite deeply.
So, first off, even though it's against my better judgment to mention this in a RUclips comment, a little over half a year ago I came to accept that I'm trans, and it basically took my entire world and turned it upside down. It's been exhausting for almost the opposite reasons that you're exhausted; I have to be careful about who I show my real self to, how and when I present myself, not to mention how my life has been affected with the increase of anti-trans sentiment in the United States, and it's just so, so emotionally taxing because of that. From what I could gather in your video, you have a really solid support network (which I also do, thankfully), but one other thing that I've learned to do is just to completely block out anyone who antagonizes you, especially on social media. The block button is there for a reason, and you should absolutely use it more often, even if it might be tremendously different for you because of your several million followers. Sometimes you have to be your own rock to lean on. This too shall pass, and I just know that things will get better for you in the near future, so just keep on keeping on. I believe in you.
Another commenter talked about people approaching situations where people say the "wrong thing" with empathy and understanding rather than anger and vengeance, and I really wish more people did that. Sometimes people use my old name, or forget that I go by she/her now, and I always just brush it off. It's a learning process, and it's usually easy to tell when something is done as an accident rather than with malicious intent. When you took down your video I was legitimately terrified that it was for something much, much worse compared to what it ended up being, and there was no way for you to even know about that in the first place. I think everyone needs a social media detox these days; I haven't been on Facebook or Instagram or Snapchat in several years and my life has been significantly better because of it.
I also just wanted to say thank you, if you've somehow read this through the massive sea of comments. Your videos have done so much for me, as they have so many others, and I've been so excited to be able to go back through them and view them in a new light (I can actually follow your makeup tutorials instead of just listening to them now, and I never thought I'd ever do that).
I love your realness! That’s why I love this channel so much. I totally feel you about being responsible for everyone and everything. It’s exhausting. I always tell myself “I’m not responsible for other peoples triggers and emotions”. But I can’t imagine how it is to be on a huge platform with people always speculating. You’re amazing in all the ways ❤️
Maria, you’ve brought so much joy, peace, and comfort to literally millions in a very dark and disconnected moment. I can only imagine how careful you have to be in order to reach the diverse audience you do, but your tact and discernment are extraordinary. Your followers are not all the same as you, we don’t carry the exact same beliefs or practices, but we have discovered in your work a creator of warmth and generosity in a time where outrage and rejection is the order of the day. My prayer for you is that the love and goodness you put out returns to you tenfold.
I hear you and I relate to and feel the strain of trying to please others too. Our culture makes women feel as if they need to live life to do things for others. In reality, it’s okay to set boundaries with people when you don’t have the mental energy to help them, there will always be somebody mad at something you do but it’s on them to deal with that anger and they’re probably projecting anyway. It’s so wonderful to see you vent and tell it like it is, you be you we love gentle Maria and sassy Maria and all the in between. Love you so much!
Hearing you talk about Mila makes me think about my little girl! She’s also extremely bright and quick witted! You announced your pregnancy as mine was beginning so your pregnancy and parenting videos have helped me so much! I’ve been watching you for 4 years now and am just so grateful for your positive but honest attitude. I too feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. So many blessings for you and your wonderful family!
I’ve been watching you for 9 years and I will always support you no matter what! You’re an incredibly talented and sweet human! You’ve brought me and so many others immense comfort over the years 🥰 I hope you take time to attend to your own needs and wants because you deserve that! 💜 And you’re absolutely gorgeous by the way! I’m also in my 30’s and there can be so much ridiculous pressure when it comes to appearances and lifestyle choices - please don’t let those arbitrary standards get to you! 💕 You just keep being the queen that you are 👑 God bless you Maria, you’re amazing and don’t forget that! 🤗
you’ve been there for me so much Maria! I want to be there for you too!Thanks for allowing us to be there for you and being vulnerable and I hope you allow yourself to feel all the feelings to need to! You are amazing! Thanks for all that you do!
Maria!! I'm so glad someone with a platform said it- they've gone too far and they're looking for it. And I will always stand behind you. I've been watching your channel for 8 years and I know you're not a bad person. You can always vent to us. We ❤️ you!! 😊
💜💜💜 love these videos! I can relate so much to everything you’re saying, as a mom of four. We become what other people need versus who we truly want to be. We get lost in everyone else’s agenda. It’s so very hard. We have to be intentional about taking time for ourselves, but more than that, we need to slowly learn to let go of expectations and allow authenticity to shine through. How else can we be free? Love you Maria!
i'm having a bad day (week, month...) and there's something really therapeutic about listening to you vent about your frustrations. as someone who's followed you for a long time, i was imagining we were two old friends having a chit chat over a cup of tea and venting about our problems. thank you for sharing with us ❤
It is so refreshing to see how far you have come. You are amazing, Maria. I remember when you used to apologize for everything...and you have grown so much, since then. I am 55 years old, and it took me a long time to stop caring what others think. So to see you, much younger and already comfortable being yourself and venting. Don't be afraid about other's opinions of you, because in the end, it is YOUR life
I have watch gentle whispers for years! You have been the only thing that could help me sleep..
But this video while it doesn’t help me sleep, (and it’s 2:43 am and I was going back to my towel rolling video to calm down lol… ) is the greatest most real video I have seen.. I know how you feel on so many points and so greatful you said what u needed to cause I think a lot of us do.. I hope life gets less stressful for u and you believe more in yourself and don’t worry about what anyone else says.. fuck’em.. thank you for the years of helping me and many others to find some calmness!! U are you, and that’s all you can and should be.. I never write comment but felt like I should.. thanks again for sharing with us.. I’m truly greatful to u!
I think “everybody wants another child,” is a reflection of the culture/ppl you’ve surrounded yourself with. I’m 32 & child free and everyone around me wants zero kids, and I didn’t seek childfree people out intentionally. It’s just where I tend to land cuz of who I am/my lifestyle. You are around a lot of moms/parents by comparison.
I 100% agree, Maria! Just know that so many of us appreciate everything you do. You’re a great mom, wife and a great person. ♥️♥️
Probably one of my favorite videos girl! Raw, real, relatable, sassy, spot on! One thousand percent correct. The weight can be enormous. Sending love and hugs. Good for you ..right there with you 💚
I can relate to nearly everything you said and I imagine most people would too! Let it out girl. So refreshing to see someone be authentic and let out their true thoughts. Thank you for sharing. Can’t wait to see the meditation video. Sending love your way xxx
You were the first ever ASMRtist I had the good fortune of watching, and you continue to remain my favorite person, not just because of your ASMR skills but also for that beautiful and honest humanity you exude. This facet of yours that you showed us just makes me love you more, Maria! Keep doing you! You are more than just the attributes the world imposes on yourself, more than the attributes you may have taken upon yourself!!
Masha please never apologize for venting! We follow this page to listen to you and see what you’re up to etc. Sometimes when i watch your videos like this, it feels like I’m on FaceTime with a good friend. It’s comforting. Stuff like this shows us you’re just as human as we are. It’s much appreciated. All you can do is your best- hang in there ! Xoxo
OMGG Finally!! This is the most honest, relatable, human thing I've seen online. I feel you 100%, on my own scale ofcourse. But you are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. THANK YOU!! "I am tired Of caring about other people's feelings" Absolutely. I am too an only child, I am fine.
Maria, this a great video! I can relate to it so much! I am 40, only one child, and I am overwhelmed by the requirement to be a mom, a wife, an employee, a daughter for my aging parents, a friend for everybody, a member of the community - and not to forget that ideally always be good and kind goes with it. Thank you for putting your thoughts out!
Also, as a mom who has one child and doesn't want anymore, I always feel something is wrong with me. Everytime you speak about it, I feel so much better. I am so tired of people asking me about it and so tired of the judgement from others like I am doing something horrible to my child.
Your child is receiving your undivided love and attention. They will have close bonds with their friends, so don’t you worry about trying to provide a playmate for them.
@@misscleo378 Thank you.❤
Same… my husband and I have a 1 yo son and everybody’s hurrying us to have a second one it’s tiring
There are pros and cons whether you have one, two, or ten kids. Even with the best of intentions we're all going to fail as parents sometimes and other times we'll be the best parents ever. Let's be real, we're all just making it up as we go 🤣
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As I too have grown older, I have found my tolerance for "manure" decreasing. I have also struggled with expectations, both from others and myself. You are not alone in your feelings. And as far as your videos go, I look at every single one of them as a gift to the ASMR community -- not to be expected or demanded, but as a wonderful surprise when they do come.
You are exactly who you need to be, and I appreciate everything you do. I wish you peace, and be kind to yourself.
This honesty is exactly what I needed. Thank you for being real and venting how you feel. Everything you spoke about hit so close to home.
I gotta be honest, when I see "political correctness" I am like oh no what's this gonna be, please don't let Maria reveal she's secretly a right wing nutcase or something. Thank god that's not it at all. Love you Maria, and I'm sorry you're feeling exhausted by the pressure! I can't imagine being so in the public eye while also having family responsibilities and it seems like you are so thoughtful about that balance. I've never heard you say anything offensive and I watch your videos religiously. Sometimes when people complain "people are too sensitive" they really mean "why can't I say racist sexist homophobic shit without any pushback?" but I know that's not what you're saying at all. If people are offended by you, I guess maybe some people really are too sensitive. You are clearly such a gentle and empathetic soul, just like it sounds like your daughter has become. She doesn't need a sibling to learn to be nurturing with you as an example❤️
Maria, what you are describing is the "mental load" and its so unfairly heaped upon women, especially mothers. I feel you so much in this video. I too am frustrated with it all on top of the expectation that you need to always say the right things at all times and its completely unfair.
Yes this is what it is called in academic feminism, however labelling everything we go through makes us pathologize things that don't need to be pathologized. We can label this mental load, but please remember that this is an academic term not meant to be applied outside of academia.
@@queengoblin And we're back to what and when one can and cannot say... She has used the term in a right way, even outside academic environment, as the mental (over)load of women IS a real problem and thus, it's not just something theoretical to be analysed in academia.
@@queengoblin you’re literally doing the thing we’re all annoyed by...
@@Madelope no. Speak for yourself. This did not annoy me! I'm not easily offended! Not even when I was a teenager.
@@onenationundergod8 what? Your reply makes zero sense...?
No one is perfect. People who are genuinely kind and caring will apologize when/if they say something hurtful or offensive without realizing, and likewise the people who actually care about apologies and people bettering themselves will accept (or maybe not!) and then move on. The people who hang onto negativity, bullying, and who can’t stand someone they don’t even know having a different opinion online... it will never matter WHAT you do to those people, they will always find something to complain about. Because the issue isn’t (entirely, at least) with anyone else, it’s what they’re projecting onto the world. They want to see bad things and imperfections, so they will. That’s not your or anyone else’s issue to fix, and it’s perfectly fine to set boundaries for whose opinions you will even hear out.
I’m saying this as someone who has struggled extremely with this myself, on a much smaller level than yours but still related to a following online. I can’t imagine what it’d be like to have such a huge following as you do, but I hope you can allow yourself to take breaks from social media (deleting apps have been such a blessing for me personally honestly) whenever you need to and that you can feel the love from all of us who are so appreciative and helped by the wonderful content you create. All the best your way, Maria ❤
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Your videos have brought so much peace to my life and I just wanted to thank you. I've spent my whole life questioning the expectations and demands put on women and I'm lucky to have found a way to throw a lot of that out and re-learn who I really am. It's possible. Don't give up. Thank you for sharing your own struggles with this.
This video is so refreshing and relatable. I have been following you since 2014. I needed a distraction and something calming to watch after my mum passed away and you hit the spot. I love all your videos and although I don’t know you, you seem such a kind hearted, honest , genuine person so never change for anyone and never apologise for your opinions and thoughts xxx
OMG, I feel like my best friend just needed to let it out and I'm here for it! ❤️ Also, I don't have children but I know this for sure... seeing my mom happy as a child would have made all the difference in the world. Your happiness matters! Your happiness is so so important!! ❤️
I watch your videos as a mom of 3 I can’t even believe u care as much as you do! Keep doing YOU and don’t care as much because you are a beautiful wonderful person who has touched Millions! Plus a great mom TO ONE and that is enough! Thank you for all that you do
You are awesome... I have anxiety and I stumbled across your videos in 2014... you have provided so much comfort and relief to me and I know MANY others!! You do YOU and know that the right people will always have your back and give you the grace to have a full range of human expression. 💖👊🏻 Thank you for sharing your talents and helping SO many people (and me)!! 😊
I remember thinking/feeling like this when I hit my mid-thirties. You’re coming into your full self and learning how to not only express that, but what you allow in (or don’t allow in anymore.)
I can understand that having so many eyes (and opinions) on you, that could feel suffocating. Which makes knowing who you are and what your limits and tolerances are even more important.
You’re on the right path…discovering YOU…the adult, mature YOU. Do what feels right for you and don’t worry (too much) about others. You’ll never have 100% approval - no matter what, so let it go and be free!
I feel, in 5 years, you'll be like "enough is enough: I'm done" and that's when true authenticity comes into play... whatever that means for you personally 💓 Or perhaps, you're already there! Which is great ☺️
I'm 39... and life is different than it was 5-10 years ago. And I'm happy about it.
And omg, your baby girl can love many other children, lol. That's probably her mission in the world.. doesn't mean she needs a sibling 🙃
Good luck and blessings in your journey 💫
Just got off work and the best surprise ever was this upload. Needed this type of video today❤️ thank you for always being real with us, Maria
Hey Maria, I’ve been watching you since some years now and you are actually the only youtuber I keep watching regularly. I fell you natural, honest, deep, kind and realistic. Your content is not about luxury or pretending something you’re not, you are sooo real and this is amazing. I’m over eight years in your channel and I respect you so much! Keep sharing yourself truly and everything finds it place.
Regards from Brazil.
Omg! I can totally relate to everything you said in this video. I felt like I was watching myself 😩 I don’t care what anyone says or thinks bc girl you ARE amazing!!! I absolutely love this channel & your asmr, been following you for 8 years now and I can tell you’re such a good and loving person. Don’t let the internet bullies get you down ♥️
What is it that you want to speak about that you feel is being suppressed by political correctness?
I’m curious too, just for the sake of wanting my own opinion on it (not publicly, just for myself) But I suppose telling us what it is would just contradict what she wants, which is peace and not to be on a pedestal 🤔 I hope she feels like she could be open about it one day though, depending on what it is and if it matters for her to speak out.
Maria doesnt want to speak on politics, its just that viewers get super up in arms about tiny details they see in the background of her videos and such. She had to re-edit the video where she showed her YT feed bc people were very upset at some vaguely problematic stuff that YT was recommending. That probably has her frustrated, but i know all youtubers receive massive amounts of abuse from keyboard warriors, and it sounds like she gets a ton that we dont see. She's been getting harassed online her whole YT career.
She was taking about everyone being offended about everything and looking for things to be offensive which is all politicized and is part of political correctness!
Pretty much everything in the internet world these days is taboo if it's not 100% far leftist doctrine
That’s what’s getting to me. If it bothers her, there must be something she wants to say that will offend people. I wonder if she’s thought about why it would, or she just can’t put herself in their shoes?
Oh Maria I feel you! I know I’m only one person, but I deeply appreciate the effort you put into all your content and I consider it to be a wonderful gift you go out of your way to give us, as they say on tip jars “Not expected but always appreciated.” 💙
I greatly appreciate this video, I’ve been watching your videos for years and it’s such a blunt and honest video, speaking your mind is great on you and I’m proud to see you grow! This past year has been harsh on self esteem for so many people
Thank YOU for sharing - it’s exhausting, the expectations, and the this and that! I loved your honesty and emotion “not just a mom but a community mom” so refreshing - thank YOU - you are so funny and this is so real and make up tips too 🙏😂🥰
I think you're feelings are very valid. I hope that people back off, you have a right to your opinions and your feelings - that is what makes you unique and special and makes you the person you are. You seem like such a genuine kind soul and we are so lucky to be able to see and experience your creativity and work. I look forward to Mondays because I am always stoked to see your ASMR and what the your creative mind has come up with to share with the world. I am so grateful for you.