I have to say you are consistent Harriet unlike a lot of people out here. A lot of women will be telling men not to be transphobic and are they are biphobic . Carlton watches too many films he thought when he revealed it to her she was going to say "oh my god, that was your big secret, ha ha ha, you should have told me earlier" but she just looked at him in dead silence.
I’m sorry but I don’t always see the point of these convos. I never have seen love is blind. I don’t plan on it. I think these convos whether with white or black women always degrade into some sort of apology to women. It’s deeply unfair that there is a narrative of this show that paints black men as violent and not empathizing with where violence originates from. Juxtaposing this with the image of a perfect white man whose accepted his black woman. Sometimes you try but miss the mark, Kim.
As a black bisexual woman I was surprised to find myself VERY MUCH on Diamond's side. It's a fact that society stigmatizes gay men, particularly gay black men, into hiding and performing heterosexuality/attraction to women when they dont prefer it, so I was NOT mad at her for worrying at his reveal. She still wanted to talk through it, he's been on reality TV before and just wanted his moment. He immediately started calling her a bitch, that said it all.
@ImaniJC He wouldn't have got very far on the show if he picked a white woman. They would have edited this man out. The producers clearly had an agenda from jump by inviting this clown on the show. He was gay and gay and never bi sexual to begin with.
@@shadowseer07 I dont even think it was pain and insecurity on his part, it was his complete intention the entire time to have his bisexual reveal be the catalyst to a dramatic break up and the producers only picked him for that. He came there to be messy and got what he wanted.
@ImaniJC Yep and when he was on Real Housewives previously, his only spotlight was arguing w a black woman back and forth calling each other bitches too smh
@ImaniJC he called her bitch?? Oh no,.Carlton is gay periodt, his reasons for wanting a woman were odd to say the least. His reaction seems like he had more of problem with his sexuality than anybody. Carlton needs some professional counseling to help him come to terms with who he is . Getting married to a woman is not the answer, not in his case.
Carlton was trash though. Regardless of his sexuality, he was definitely out of line with how he spoke to her. Her skepticism could have been talked through. He was not about to do that. He never should've been on the show in my opinion.
Exactly! & in all his interviews he seems to be missing that part. Nobody cares about his sexuality we care that he’s a trash ass person who seems to be ok with disrespecting women. He did the same to Kenya on RHOA
Goli yes. It's important to stay in one's lane, especially when too many people try to pretend they know more than they actually know. It can be dangerous and destructive...
Carlton’s reaction definitely showed how dangerous shows like this are. What if she was accepting and he only showed his violent tendencies after they got married?
I’m glad you’re pointing this out because Carlton’s issues weren’t his bisexuality. He’s sexist and abusive and Diamond would have been at risk of violence if they had gotten married.
Completely agree with JR Yussuf, Carlton’s first reaction was a “red flag” ... it was scary. It was violent. And his conversation with her continued to be violent. His “apology” at the reunion was also textbook for an abusive partner.
IGuessIt’sOk YungRichBaby or his boyfriends in this past have put their hands on him back. he wants his partners to feel small and he might have less chance of that with a man
I don't think diamond had a problem with him bisexual at all. I think she was just upset that he didn't disclose and tried to automatically spin it on her and make it seem like she was biphobic. I feel like the moment you start to develop romantic feelings for someone you need to be honest with them. Give them that right to decide.
Seraphina Ange du six ailes Diamond probably didn’t know what that meant. She didn’t have the benefit of the supporting context that we had around Carlton being “attracted to hearts” the way we as viewers had via the confessionals/interviews he gave producers. We got to see that in between scenes. She had none of that context. She probably assumed he meant female hearts.
I don't really get this. I'm bisexual and it's not something I think to "disclose" in a relationship because I don't think of it as being a big deal. It's not something that comes up in early dating. But my experiences have been very different. When my partners do realize I'm bi, it's never been an issue of feeling lied to or excepting me. The only issue I ran into is straight dudes thinking me being bi is the same as me wanting to have a threesome. My husband and I dated for a couple months before we randomly were talking about awkward sex encounters we've had. I told him about one that I had with a woman and he said that he didn't know I "played that side" and I was like, well I do. And that was that. It was probably about 6 months after we first started dating. It's rarely brought up in everyday conversation. Most people think I'm straight because I'm married to a man. But, I am also a white woman who grew up and dated in a liberal area. My family was Christian, but not conservative and there were many openly gay and bi kids where I went to high school.
I honestly think Carlton was pushing an ideal onto Diamond without taking into account her own feelings. You can't force people into your idea of what they should be and not expect that to backfire.
@Valerie Griffith he wanted a mother. Only a mother is going to love you unconditionally. Everyone else's love is going to come withconditions and he has to understand that and stop looking for a woman to play Mommy and accept him the way his mommy didn't
What I saw in Diamond was a woman who was taking in new information and trying to process it. I didn't feel that she was disrespectful nor do I feel she was being biphophic. He started to behave very differently immediately when they arrived in Mexico and she pointed that out which prompted the discussion, Had he continued to behave the way he had in the pods, they would probably have had a wedding like the others. He made things intense! His persona changed up completely. That had to be jarring for Diamond and she had no idea where that was coming from. Call me "daddy"? WTF? He just did too much.
It's like because he's dealing with the issues of being a bisexual black man we must ignore his attitude and aggressive tendencies. Nope. Plus Diamond was really more concerned about him not being forthcoming in the stage of the show where they were meant to completely open up, I really don't think her issues was with his bisexuality.
SherwoodAnderson he started acting differently because he was in Mexico and knew sex would be on the horizons. He flipped like a switch and intentionally made himself undesirable because he knew she wouldn’t accept it
Carlton actually claims that he “used” to be bisexual. Then he later said he was fluid. I don’t think Carlton is clear within himself about his own sexuality. I think Carlton is actually questioning his own sexuality.
He's gay! He don't like women. When he said his dad is a preacher I knew right then he struggles with his sexuality and has is trying to live a life to please his parents.
This reminds me of Dwayne Wade's son. First,he thought he was gay,and went to a gay pride parade,then he comes out and says he's NOT gay,but trans. Now he's claiming to be a girl who likes boys. He's all kinds of confused.
Yes! I was wondering why no one was mentioning this. He's making it seem like he WAS fluid, but now he's not. So they missed the opportunity for a whole different level of conversation!
I think Carlton went on REALITY TV for a check and premeditated his story line. If his partner was not in on the gag it was poor scheme on his part. and skews the conversation
The caller was good, the only thing i disagree with is non disclosure. We have to take the word "owing" an explanation out. Nobody likes to be in a position of owning anything. Disclosing isnt about owing something. its an exchange of trust , an exchange of respect. Sexuality, gender, these things are eventually going to come up especially if the relationship is progressing.Your sexuality doesnt define you but it is apart of you, shouldn't your partner know who are? Please dont allow your partner to find out in a way in which they weren't prepared, that is unfair and hurtful .If you are standing in your truth and proud to be who u are, there should be no issue with disclosing. If they cant except that then that person wasnt meant for you and that's ok too. But get it out of the way before it gets too big to deal with. If u are afraid of disclosing for safety reasons you need to get out of the situation anyway., a violent person will harm u regardless of your sexuality.
But how exactly does one person being bisexual affect the relationship? Both are still attracted to and committed to eachother. So what difference does it make?
@@sunniva3252 that's not necessarily true as the guy in the interview said some bisexuals are fluid so they move between attractions so yh it affects you because you might end up with a fluid partner that was super into you and then is more attracted to men later. but apparently that's something a straight woman should be comfortable with.
@@sunniva3252 . I said there is nothing wrong with being bi sexual at all ,the more reason to feel comfortable to disclose. It's the omission of something that is part of you that's the issue. This just doesnt pertain to just sexuality either . Kids , religion, economic standards all of these play a part in serious relationships. Both parties show know what they are getting into, this goes for ALL couples gay bi straight .I dont understand why people are so afraid of being authentic. You can share your body and space with someone but we can't have that talk ?. If it were possible would you conceal your race? Its apart of u why? Would you invest in a home without any knowledge of its integrity ? The problem is people arent talking to one another anymore. This is why there is no true intimacy or closeness anymore .You dont trust that I will have a reasonable response or that my feelings will remain intact . Why dont you feel like your partner should know what makes you , you? What's wrong with vulnerability? , You dont need the world to know but your partner does. You are walking the thin line of consent. This woman gave her consent to be in a relationship with a straight man not a fluid man ,that's the difference. When did choice become bigotry or a phobia? Are we not allowed to choose whats best for us anymore ? You take away a persons choice when you don't disclose. We can agree to disagree and that's ok too.
A lie of omission is still a lie, I date with marriage in mind. If we're in a long term committed relationship and you leave out something so personal, I'm then going to question EVERYTHING about you. Simple as that.
He didn’t tell her until after he proposed and she says yes. Imagine if he had a child and he didn’t think she needed to know until he felt comfortable telling her. That’s how I see it. Neither subject is anything to be shameful about so why not discuss a part of yourself with the person you are falling in love with?
@@shellyeditsalot If we're planning a future together, then it sure is. It shows a lack of trust, no one is asking you to come out on the first date, but if you're hiding something like that, I have to question what else you're willing to hide.
Omitting something about yourself that could very well change your partner's consent to engage in a serious relationship with you is pure deception. Taking away someone else's choice on whether or not to enter into a serious romance with you by knowingly withholding anything about yourself that is permanent and ongoing (your sexuality in this case) underscores what kind of partner you'll be in the relationship; a partner who weaves and crafts false realities and narratives for personal comfort and reverence instead of unvarnished honesty that may lead to uncomfortable moments by using omission, manipulation and possible gaslighting. I'm turned off by extreme expressions of masculinity and am very open to seriously dating a bisexual or fluid man, but even I personally would not want to be in a relationship with a person who does not allow me all the tools I need to inform my consent or lack thereof.
27:44 - wholeheartedly agree that Carlton throwing his hat was a *major* red flag. Between that move, throwing the engagement ring in the water and calling Diamond a "b****", to me, signifies that he's dealing with some unresolved anger issues that require some psychological intervention.
the issue with this conversation is that women are not allowed to have our opinions. we’re expected to just be quiet and accept what is said about access to our bodies. diamond’s problem with carlton wasn’t his sexuality, but even if it was: so what? women are allowed to reject bisexual men if they want. this caller admits that men, both bisexual and straight, feel a sense of entitlement to women’s bodies and view women as trophies that prove their masculinity. maybe a woman doesn’t want to be the trophy of a bisexual man who wants to prove his masculinity to society? why are women’s feelings being shut out of this conversation? you cannot say “men have an entitled view of women” then when women try to talk about how we feel, you tell us to shut up and do what bisexual men want. (and this comes from a bi woman.)
Because misogyny is still a profound issue regardless of a males sexuality...they also glazed right over how the high numbers of HIV among black women, due to the prevalence of HIV within the black community, contributed to the "bi-phobia" seen among us. I mean black women even with less sex partners and more use of condoms have higher risk of contracting HIV because of our male counterparts.
@@kaydenpat and that has less to do with bisexuality and more to do with Blacks having less access to healthcare Research has reviled that White Gay men, Bi men & and Men who have sex with men (meaning those who dont consider themselves Gay or Bi) engage in FAR MORE high rick behavior to catch an STI/STD than Black gay men, Bi Men and Men who have sex with men ......... And YET the rate of STIs and STDs with Black gay, bi, MSM men are higher than they are for their White counterparts
There's a lot of talk about what a bisexual person's partner deserves to know about them, and not to discount that, but it's half the story. As a bi person, why would you want to put yourself out there and be emotionally vulnerable with someone only to later find out they're biphobic AFTER investing a bunch of time in them? Carlton talked about not disclosing right away because he was scared she wouldn't give him a chance. But for me, I want to be with someone who is genuinely accepting of my identity, not someone who never would have considered me an option had they known, but later managed to... grudgingly accept it because they'd already formed an emotional connection. Trying to get with someone by hiding a huge aspect of who you are is settling in a big way. You deserve someone who loves all of you.
you still need to tell the person if you're bisexual and when they're looking to have a heterosexual relationship has nothing to do with being a phobic.stop trying to force how you feel on someone else I just tell the truth if they accept you they accept you. that's just like a male impersonating a female and they still have their male part. Stop trying to trick people and just tell the truth. There is somebody for everybody.
Jennifer McCord You’re speaking out of privilege. If he’s scared it’s because he’s experienced trauma in this particular area. Stop invalidating this man so you can get on a high horse. Diamond’s reaction when he told her literally proves him right.
@@henrysho2766 what privilege? I've experienced far worse reactions than that, which is what led me to my current attitude about it. Get it out there before you're attached enough that the other person's reaction has the potential to be devastating to you. Obviously it's different if you have a concern about your actual safety, but that wasn't the case here. The man felt comfortable confessing this to television producers and the whole country before he told the woman he was trying to marry.
I'm trying to figure out where did Diamond say she didn't want to date him because hes JUST bisexual? This man threw a whole tantrum at the big reveal and then he was talking shit to her before he revealed that he was bi. I agree on one level we can think differently when referring to bisexuality as being "incapable of monogamy" and other things, but I would like to actually want to dig a little deeper in preference before we pull out the phobia card. If Diamond were to had flipped out and threw him away when he said that, then yes biphobia. Whilst having this conversation, I am thinking about how extreme liberalism can be dangerous, because while we are trying to give freedom to one group, we are still policing others and that can still be dangerous. We have to realize that in dating that everyone had there audience. Kim have said this time and time again in many of her discussions. There are women who would love to date a bi man... we just have to find our audience and going on a show for people who identify as completely heterosexual people probably wasn't the greatest idea.
kara niakim “if she flipped out and threw him away.” How is that Biphopia? She has a right to not be interested in someone solely because of their sexuality. Who can tell another human being what their preferences should and shouldn’t be in terms of sexuality? Everyone isn’t going to embrace homosexuality, bisexuality, pan sexuality, and all of the other alternative lifestyles. Nothing is wrong with adhering to heteronormativity. Nothing is wrong with dating conservatively as many black women and men still do. A woman has every right to flip out if she doesn’t agree with someone’s bisexual lifestyle and is deceived into a relationship with one who practices such. Now, how she flips out is a different story. I don’t condone hate speech or hate crimes toward anyone. I don’t agree with condemning anyone for their choices. But I do reserve the right to get hopping mad and dip out completely if my man conceals his same sex orientation/attractions from me, not allowing me the liberty to decide for myself. I would feel so emotionally, spiritually, and to a certain degree, sexually violated if I were in her shoes.
I disagree that it's biphobic to not want to date someone who is bi -- I say this as a bi woman. I really am not into this whole thing where we call people phobic for their dating/ romantic preferences. Definitely if you don't want to be friends with someone who is bi, if you kick your kids out for being bi, if you think bi people don't deserve dignity, respect, and full access to our human rights -- THAT'S biphobia. I think it's an issue of stereotyping/ prejudice if you have assumptions about bi people in general, and I think that's something everyone can work on. But I think calling people phobic when they romantically turn us down is counterproductive, over-simplifying, and over-stating harm. Especially as most of the people who say no to bisexual people are women -- who are extra cautious for a REASON. Lesbian women are often wary of getting burned/ used by straight women (because that has happened to them) and straight women are wary of dating men who they fear never being enough for or being used by gay men who just wants the privileges of a hetero facade (which happens often enough) (ie marriage and a baby and family/ public approval). In any case, women don't have to date/ be romantically be involved with ANYONE (men either) -- people should never put pressure on others to date anyone, no matter what. Additionally, that there was no mention of HIV and how that effects the black community, especially in regards to women who date men who date other men -- it's a sensitive issue, but we have to talk about it and be real. In my opinion, there are lots of ways that we can break down stereotypes and encourage people to be more understanding and accepting of one another without going straight to telling people who they should pair up with. I'd like to see this conversation pivot away from what women should be offering, and toward what everyone should strive for. Also, I would say that not telling your partner your sexuality because they might respond negatively is a way of manipulating the relationship and your partner. If you know someone wouldn't want to be with you if they knew the truth about you, it's wrong to purposely withhold -- that relationship is nonconsensual. I get wanting to not be punished for something that is natural and true to you -- obviously -- but I would never lie to someone like that. That diminishes me, and, most importantly, that takes away their right to consent, and to understand their options fully. And it's supporting a stereotype -- that bi people are always out here trying to trick people. Don't lie about important shit like that and excuse it -- it's cowardly and manipulative, even if it comes from a place of self-defense. There are too many points raised that I agree with in this video to touch on all of them, but I especially really appreciate the conversation about masculine expectations and how poisonous they are. So good to hear this being opened up. And about the ring situation being manipulative! Ugh. I really loved hearing J.R. talk about how he feels about his own sexuality -- I feel so similarly, and it's true that representation really matters; it was so meaningful to hear someone talk about these things. We need more voices!! Amazing video Kim -- love the discussion, and we all are so lucky to get to benefit from all the hard work and care you put into your channel. This was such an illuminating, wonderful discussion and I will be thinking a lot about what I've heard. Major props to J.R. for his perspective and thoughtful insight. Thank-you!!
The only thing I’m going to push back on you sis is the HIV thing. I know MSM is a high risk group but it’s a lot of socioeconomic factors behind that. At the same time most Black women are getting HIV from straight men. Where is the push back when it comes to that?
Carlton is both NOT the best example and the PRIME example of this conversation..The approach to this convo is unsettling. Y'all [social media] can't attack women, especially Black women, then turn around and say "let's have this conversation". I am a bisexual Black woman, and the issue is far greater than "he's had sex with men", and if that's who the conversation is directed to....then I'll hush......but it's not. But again we were silenced before we could talk, and all the responses from women were indeed retaliatory. There was very little room, hell no room for understanding the women's p.o.v and in turn made Carlton (along with other bisexual men) the victim in a victimless situation. It's like don't ask for openness & understanding, then throw a tantrum because it didn't go exactly the way you wanted.
I agree Carlton wasn't a good example. He was unlikable before he disclosed being bisexual. And instead of using his opportunity to explain bisexuality and his struggles he starts throwing around the "B" word and throwing things like he is a housewife on Real Housewives of Atlanta
@@brokegirlmagic8744 He was sooooooo problematic and seems as if he just wanted to be on tv. He had no sense of security or surety. I feel it very contradicting that it's ok for him to want to be with a woman to reap the traditional benefits in what nurturing women have to offer, but he couldn't even "stay in character" long enough to reciprocate the typical alpha male characteristics that most women look for in men. The name calling and throwing things, just so catty...
Its not about curiosity, its about being OPEN and HONEST with your partner you are choosing to be married to. Its not irrelevant if its a part of your life and who you are????? I'm a bi woman and whoever I choose to marry is gonna know, first thing, waaaaay before we walk down the aisle.
What about other facets of your sexuality? Your body count? Sexual positions? Where do you draw the line between what is private and what needs to be disclosed.
@@yaiwve that's something for you and your partner to decide. each relationship will draw the lines at different places. i would personally be open with my partner about some of those things, but only if they are honest with me in return
yaiwve If you’re ashamed of what you do then don’t do it. You don’t get to pick or choose what people’s preferences are. You don’t get to choose for people because you’re afraid of rejection. Rejection is apart of life.
Totally agree. I think certain information is important to a partner. If you're bisexual that's important to tell early on. I am bisexual and I let people know right away.
That sounds all noble and brave... except for the fact that most heterosexual men have no issue with a woman being bisexual and it kind of plays into their fantasy for a threesome down the line.
Yussuf says it's biphobic for a straight woman not to want to date a bi-man. Then he turns around and says he would never date a heterosexual woman. Yussuf is a hypocrite.
Lonnie Withers the difference is his reasoning was not strictly based on the woman’s sexuality. He was considering his relations with her social network while most het women would only be hesitant bc of a bi-man’s sexuality
@@marleyvincent4405 You are making a huge assumption as to the motives and opinions of straight women who do not date bisexual men. They have just as many confounding variables affecting their decision as JR Yussuf does- but you've written it off and value his reasoning over theirs. Straight women may also have worries about friend groups but also huge worries about HIV and STD transmission rates. Statistically, MSM or bisexual men have been linked to being the bridge between homosexuality and heterosexual syphilis transmission rates and women who have sex with them have more incidence. Similar studies have been done pertaining to HIV transmission since the 90's and sleeping with an MSM is considered to be a risk factor for straight women and a significant cause of the skyrocketing HIV rates among straight black women. All of these are legitimate and exist among a myriad of reasons that do not fringe upon biphobic. And still you have not addressed the hypocrisy. You've simply attempted to justify it. You shouldn't. Even JR Yussuf admitted in the call that he understands his standpoint is hypocritical. Why can't you?
Lonnie Withers I’m not assuming anything. He didn’t say its biphobic for a straight woman not to date a bi-man. He said it’s biphobic to not date someone solely based on their sexuality. Those are the motives I’m addressing. If you feel you have valid reasons that’s your business even though it most likely could be debated. Also you’re right I am justifying it. Something can be wrong but still justified for example Killmonger in black panther or the death penalty. Doesn’t mean I co-sign, but I understand.
As a gay man it was very obvious to me from the start that he wasn’t comfortable in his sexuality. It almost seemed as if he was uncomfortable with the title “bisexual” the whole “im attracted to hearts” seemed like it was coming from a place of insecurity and internalized hate rather than acceptance of who he is. And the explosive behavior he showed..... he doesn’t need to be in a relationship whatsoever.
Men always want to take away your right to decide.. please disclose your bisexual. Please! The misogyny in men always jumps out whether they’re gay straight etc. There are women who won’t date a bi man and there are women who will.
I was going to say that! I don't think it's biphobic to not want to date bimen. If that's not your thing, that's not your thing. You shouldn't be judged for that.
@@WilliamsPinch that's an incorrect assumption. Our gender does not automatically translate into wanting to be a wife and/or mother. There's plenty of horrible mothers and selfish wives out here.
@@WilliamsPinch I agree with you. All of the women saying that women aren't *necessarily* nurturers must have missed your stating the word by NATURE. Humans are the only babies who are dependant on the mother for such a long stage in development. In primitive times, without the mother to breastfeed, the baby would've died. To say some women are horrible mothers is a given, just despite the fact that a man component of humans is HUMANITY, yet some will still inevitably be psychopaths and serial killers. Some women love to talk about societal constructs, but these are the same women who somehow haven't evolved to picking up the check or marrying a man who makes less than them. The man being a provider is also a societal construct that comes from primitive times.
Why is that problematic, though? A healthy relationship, regardless of sexuality, involves both partners being each other's nurturers. You're supposed to help each other grow into stronger people, emotionally as well as financially and spiritually.
Facts! It sounds bad but its true. And the reality is A LOT of men finally settle down to have that. Women are nurturing and do the relational maintenance in heterosexual relationships. Thats just what it is
Sexuality is relevant; and therefore, heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality is important. It is one's right to not want to date/marry someone because of their sexuality.
@@YleneP What do you mean? Its about choice! It is okay if sexuality doesn't matter to you; but it is also ok if sexually does matter to others. If a heterosexual person does not want to date a bisexual person there is absolutely nothing wrong with that choice.. Heterosexuals have the right of choice just like bisexuals or homosexuals.
@@YleneP ..., it obviously is a big deal for him or he wouldn't have put on a big show about it "I have a big secret to reveal" he made a point to highlight that fact...so yes it is relevant to disclose.
i definitely get your point but when you deep dive into that it is problematic, because that means then communities who don’t celebrate certain identities already should never celebrate them, you know? i get what you mean though, in terms of safety for the person and respecting one another’s preferences or understandings and whatnot. but like i said, a deep dive into that moral would make it sort of “immoral” for society itself. i know this comment is months old, sorry. i just wanted to say that. no need to reply lol
Carlton is performing. He was literally as camp as they come, but now he wants a relationship with a woman with all the traditional gender roles under the sun and when he didn’t get that the abuse came out. Theres à clip of him on the real housewives btw.
@Olivia Right? Also, sexuality (as well as gender) is more fluid than binary. I've known plenty of bi men who identify as gay when dating men, or bi women referring to themselves as lesbian because they prefer women, just the same as how straight cis folks seem to think that if you're bi and you date someone of the opposite gender (usually perceived cis) that somehow you stop being bi, and now you're straight. Like??? Carlton is allowed to change his identity as it suits him, if he feels comfortable doing so. Hell, I myself have fluctuated between identifying as bi, pan, and polysexual as at certain times in my life I have felt more strongly pulled to a certain label, and sometimes even all three at once. This whole "He was 'gay' on *that* show, and now he 'wants a woman' on *this* show, so he must be lying" is once again straight people falling back on the lie that "Bisexuals are deceitful", and it's getting old.
Olivia I’m not disputing his sexuality but his expression is performative. And Yh sexuality and gender expression aren’t the same but they are often tied together/ interlinked. I’m saying that he was super camp when it suited him back then and now he decided he wants a woman he wants gender roles It’s inauthentic is the point
@@cannibalisticrequiem girl you can try to analyze this shit as biphobic or wrong that everyone can clock him as never truly wanting a partner during this show but he was CLEARLY mad Diamond wasnt biphobic and wanted to work it out w him. He had to insult her until she stopped trying and we all know damn well he didnt want to find a partner there lmao. He doesn't speak for all bi men but you're a fool to not think the nigga might be more closeted than he presented for this show lmao
I'm a lesbian and I would be upset if my partner didn't disclose their sexuality. Sexuality shapes the way we view and navigate the world keeping something like this from your partner is questionable at best and if you're thinking that your partner will react negatively / is homophobic they are probably not the right person in the first place
How though? Cause I don't see how someone being bisexual would shape them enough that you NEED to know. and it's only bisexual people who need to disclose because if you're gay/lesbian or straight you're already dating the ONE gender that you like. I think people who like one gender just can't fathom or understand how people can like two. Me liking two hasn't shaped me in anyway. My upbringing has shaped me a lot more than that. So do we also need to disclose our whole life stories as well so you can know the whole picture of who we are. And in that case you should too. Disclose all your traumas and even not so traumatic things so we can truly know who you are and decide whether or not we want to stay with you.
Leslie me being a lesbian and growing up in a society that bases almost all of a womens worth on being with men has definitely shaped the way I think, the same way other identities like being black and female also shaped my experience. I assume it's the same for bisexual people and as a partner I would want to know all facettes of their personality and yes in a relationship I also talk about past traumas.
It bothers me that he was the only non-straight person on the show. I liked the show, it was entertaining but it was extremely shallow. Everyone was conventionally attractive, able-bodied and most were white. Why not have more diversity in age, body type, sexuality, race etc.? How does this show prove love is blind by hooking up a bunch of pretty faces? If they really wanted to do something interesting by having people not judge solely on looks, they would’ve gone deeper.
There were other black men and women but they weren't focused on or maybe they didn't find anyone with a big enough connection to marry but the representation was definitely problematic.
Brittany S there were like three black people and two white Latinx and none of them were particularly average. There were hardly any average looking people. They were all skinny and “picture perfect”
I disagree. There was a good mixture of diversity. I think adding ppl with disabilities and more ppl who are like bisexual would have largely detracted from the show bc they would only be getting on the show to trick someone who they know otherwise would never marry them into doing so. This is under the presumption that they would all lie about who they are like carlton did. I wouldn't marry a man who was bisexual and I wouldn't marry a man who was in a wheelchair. These are premises I'd hope were bare basics that I dint even think of when asked "what do you want in a man". The reason everyone hated Carlton is bc hes a liar and therefore a loser. Of course, while I'm not one of them, there are women out there who like bisexual men (blac Chyna is one of them), so he should have disclosed that information upfront. Yes, it matters. Everything about what makes you you matters. That's how we find the people who are right for us especially when we can't see what you look like. I once fell in love with a short, fat, probably obese Jewish guy. We met off the internet without seeing each other. Looks dont really matter as much as personality and who you are does. But you can't lie about who you are. And I say I thought there was a healthy mix of people bc there pretty much was. There were poor people like amber, there were wealthy women like Jessica, there were multiple black ppl (we just don't remember all of them bc they didn't connect to anyone and didnt find love), there was diversity amongst their politics, there were young and older people, there were unattractive people mixed with more conventionally attractive people, and then as it pertained to jobs there was everything from scientist to NBA dancer.
Green Tea right! And this conversation is ridiculous. It’s biphobic to not want to date a bisexual person, yet this “bisexual “ person chose not to date straight women 😳...what? You don’t need to disclose your sexuality with the person you plan on becoming intimate with because it’s not a big deal,l. So why are you trying to hide it and if it’s not a big deal, being that you think you’re gay, you should forget about all that and sleep with the opposite sex anyway.. you will be aight 🤦🏽♀️. Nothing but gaslighting.
This is why I'm no longer bothering with the "We're not telling anyone who to date, just to honestly examine their internalized biases" or the "Of course you can date whoever you want" disclaimers anymore, because y'all keep going out of your way to unhear/unsee it, no matter how often it's said. They even stressed that you're entitled to choice in the video. The bigger issue here is that you wanna position yourselves in the victim role by hiding behind Black womanhood, while actively stigmatizing another marginalized group. It's the same kind of intellectual laziness exuded by white women/white LGBTQ people it needs to be called out more.
@@ambernixon8240 no demographics are immune to being called to task for similar kinds of stuff...it happens all the time among all kinds of people. This conversation just happens to center around Black women's exclusionary "preferences" so now the energy is switching up...we see you lol
Right? If it was just going to be a fling or whatever, then who cares? But if you're thinking about actually marrying someone, their sexual orientation is definitely something that they should be discussing!
I'm a bisexual woman and I agree that I wouldn't owe it to anyone to disclose it, because it doesn't change the way I would feel for- or be loyal to a person. I just would not want to marry someone that I wouldn't feel safe disclosing it to, so really if I feel like I shouldn't say anything, that's already a bad sign of distrust
Tiffany Porter RIDICULOUS! the thing is, the other women were allowed to push back, have preferences, and even argue over stupid stuff . But not black women . We have to just take a man solely because he is one
What kind of preference is that though? Most bisexual men do not differ from straight men in any way other than sexuality so what's the big deal? I am a heterowoman and I can't figure out why that would be a preference lol
I am free to discriminate based on any characteristic I want when it comes to romantic relationships. Everyone is. Who someone is attracted to can turn me off. Black men who like white women turn me off. Men who like other men turn me off. I, as a black heterosexual woman, would like a black heterosexual man. I don’t owe anyone anything. Not my time, not my resources, and definitely not my body. No, you cannot guilt me into being with you.
@@cannibalisticrequiem I promise you nobody is crying! A year ago YOU didn't even know what this word meant because it didn't so please. And also I wish you'll experience that one day I would love to see how you REALLY would feel about it
@@cannibalisticrequiem Yal keep throwing around these "phobic" words, and it's starting to lose its impact. 🤷🏾♀️ Call me biphobic.cause I won't be with a bi man. Don't care. Call me Transphobic because I won't sleep with transmen. Don't care. Call me Whitephobic because I won't sleep with white men. Don't care. Call me Homophobic because I won't sleep with gays and lesbians. Don't care. Like I said, I create my boundaries for who I allow into my bed and life. On the plus side, there is more sexually fluid men for you :) congrats!!!!
So its okay to take someone's choice away? I really need some kind of clarification here. If a man has kids and doesn't disclose them and you find out and decide this is not for you what does that make you ? If a person doesn't have their finances in order and you do, and you decide you don't want to deal with someone who doesn't have their stuff together what does that make you? If this person is a convicted felon for a serious crime and you choose not to date them what does that make you? I understand sexuality is not a choice, however because you fail to disclose a very intimate part of yourself to a person you so-called love, then you therefore have no right to dictate that persons actions after they find out or if you decide to be honest. If that is the case then I'm povertyphobic, felonphobic, kidphobic, etc. What I'm trying to say is Black women should not place themselves in a situation that they don't feel comfortable and being labeled a very patronizing name is just another way we are made to feel guilt into doing something we don't want. You should not be made to feel less then because you're being pushed out of your comfort zone and not in a good way. Bi phobic to me is what the term gold digger is when black men use it on black women. Gold digger is simply a term used to make a woman lower her standards, do without, and accept less than what she deserves, because the moment she expects anything better, she's what....a gold digger. Be who you are more power to you but when you withhold certain truths about yourself to someone you love, than you're no more than a manipulator and plain selfish. It's that person's choice plain and simple and you have no right to take that from them.
@@sunniva3252 As the guy said : FLUIDITY is under the umbrella of bisexuality. He's attracted now and then hell be attracted to men later. and you're meant to stay for the ride?
@@sunniva3252 simple now, not only do i have half the population as competition but now i have the whole human population to worry about, not counting that lets say years down the road all of a sudden you're trying to figure out why your husband is not attracted to you anymore, well you find out its not your fault but that's years of your life gone. There are gay people who don't want to date Bi- people and that is their right and no one is bashing them. You cant bully someone into doing something they are not COMFORTABLE doing, some people like BDSM and some don't does that make them phobic or aware of what they want to deal with in their life?
If you can "choose" when you disclose, which you have every right to.. Then the person on the receiving end has the right to "choose" how they feel about your withholding information that (like it or not) may be a deal breaker. But everyone has the right to break up with anyone for any reason whatsoever. Tell the whole truth from the jump and you can weed out those who aren't with it.
EXACTLY..I'm listening to him like sir, if you dont have several seats with "that's my choice to disclose or not to disclose to my partner". It's also my choice to say goodbye if I'm not with it, so spare us both the opportunity of wasting time by not being honest about who you are.
liacashmere58 rewatch the video. The guy in the video, along with Kim, already gave you the answer to your question. If I had the time, all I would have to do is ask you a series of “why’s?” and you’d reveal your biphobia. Trust me, a lot of you all sound just like the racist who are more upset that you’re calling them a racist than their racist actions/words. I truly feel like you want to understand but I’m not sure what didn’t click for you after watching and actively listening to Kim’s video. 🤨
James Francis her decision seemed like more than just a “phobia”.. smh not everything is about sexuality. He lied to her and she obviously was hesitant with him because of many red flags. Him waiting to disclosing that was a red flag in itself because that is apart of getting to know someone. If it doesn’t work out then it wasn’t meant to be simple.
It is not bi-phobic to not want to date a man who has dated men. It’s a preference. Harriet is obviously worried about losing followers. This is ridiculous. Perpetuating the thought that a woman not wanting to date a man who is sleeping or has slept with men as bi-phobic is so wrong. Black women can’t catch a break. Supposed to have no expectations. Supposed to just take it all. This guy is a piece of work. Very upsetting.
putting race to the side for a sec, not wanting to date someone because their ex was a different gender and you may not trust them with monogamy is biphobic. look at it this way too: a guy doesn't want to date a girl he'd originally been interested in because her last ex was a woman or she only ever dated women and he feels he can't trust her or whatever. that is biphobic. people are just focusing on the fact that this was with a black couple. its a mess no matter the race, but this was also blown way out of proportion. he might need therapy for one with the way he pops off and from the clips ( i didn't see the whole thing) i don't think she was being biphobic, it just seemed like she was coming from a place where nonhertero people were a bit foreign to her. i don't think shes at fault for wanting to understand. its a two way street because on one side he's afraid of being automatically rejected despite only being interested in her and she may be thinking stuff like "oh what is he change his mind half way through" ( i have family that have said that mess) . in the end its a difficult situation no matter how you look at it.
@@lizzy6319 i don't think of having a preference to date straight if you're straight as being homophobic, what I do think has already been pointed out by others so its whatever. at the end of the day they wouldn't have worked with him being bi or not.
Not wanting to date bi people make you bi phobic? So is not wanting to date the same gender makes you homophobic? And does the fact that he doesn't want to date a heterosexual woman makes him hetero phobic?
Kandace Walker not wanting to date white makes you prejudice (I prefer to date other POC and exclude white people largely from my dating pool. that’s a prejudice against white people), not wanting to date bisexual is bi-phobic, not wanting to date trans is transphobic. If the only reason you don’t want to date a certain person is because of one specific trait yes that is a phobia or a prejudice Everyone is within their right to choose, however, you have to be honest about the reality of WHY you’re excluding these individuals. Personally, I have some fat phobia and prejudism tied up in my dating choices as I exclude fat and white people pretty much on the basis of them being white or fat.
SmartFashionFairy You clearly don’t know what prejudice means. Dating preferences are not prejudice unless they are based off prejudice ideas. Having a preference for people of color is not being prejudiced against white people; it is a preference. It is a prejudice if you don’t like white people altogether, inside or outside of dating/marriage.
Carlton didn't belong on the show, it's obvious at this point he needs some professional counseling. A reality dating show was not a healthy environment for someone who is not comfortable living their truth.
I 100% agree with "let people decide who they want to date" but I do not feel his intentions are rooted in dishonesty nor was he encouraging folk to do so..
Bi people are less likely to disclose their sexuality because they are more likely to be ridiculed or harmed. It has nothing to do with honesty and everything to do with boundaries, trust, and safety
As a gay black man, I have noticed SOME not all black bisexual men have a way of downplaying their same sex attraction when it’s time to “settle down”. They act as if a family is not possible in a gay relationship.
Wordsof Harmony I disagree, while this may be true at times it’s also possible that person doesn’t want their bisexuality to be a hurdle especially when they can easily pass as straight and cash in on that privilege.
Lorena La Reyna passing is deceiving. Deceit is indicative of being untrustworthy. Even if the motivations were well-intentioned or worthy of sympathy or understanding. Deceit is deceit no matter the flavor.
do you tell your partner every person you have ever been attracted to and slept with without them asking you? do you consider keeping that to yourself a deception? because that is what you are asking of bi people by demanding them to come out to you.
The important question noone is asking- was Carlton manipulating Diamond for airtime and clout and whatever the whole time? Was he being bitchy with her the whole time or did that only start at the dinner before the big reveal. He was being very cold and harsh with her, seemingly suddenly. And later he really tried to pick a fight with her. I think he was trying to push all her buttons to get her to be violent. But she is a lady so he couldn't bait her no matter how crazy he got. I think he was always planning to humiliate her.
@@lakendracollier5099 me too! He'd been so nice and fun up to that point and then suddenly he's talking to her like an exgf that he hates? Flipped really quick, maybe that's why it didnt occur to her to reject him at that time, she just couldn't believe it was happening and was trying to get back to that happy place..
She wasn’t “biphobic” at all.. we all have dating preferences. He was 100% in the wrong. I have a right to not want to be with a man who has been with men. The same way someone can choose not to be with someone due to a difference in religion, culture, political ideals, etc.. Carlton victimized himself because he’s insecure about his sexuality. That’s his problem, not hers.
brooklynbornxoxo I don’t personally agree with the idea that having a preference for straight people is acceptable as it’s often rooted in homophobia but I 100% agree that his handling of it was in the wrong. If he doesn’t want to patiently work through it with her that’s ok but also didn’t have to be be blatantly disrespectful and abusive
Lorena La Reyna just because some people are homophobic, doesn’t mean that all people who want to date straight people only are homophobic.. homophobia goes far deeper than dating politics. does the same apply for gay people who don’t date bisexuals?
@@brooklynbornxoxo People keep avoiding answering your last question and I find it funny. They don't want to police gay people or bi-men but they have no problem policing the choices women make, whether she is straight or gay.
Ecliptik i agree, but you can’t gage whether or not someone is homophobic or “biphobic” based off of the statement “I don’t date bisexual men”. The same way you can’t call a person racist if they choose to only date people of their own race
'For Harriet is a black feminist community open to all but centering on the needs and experiences of black women' *DEEP BREATH* This video ain't it. Is anyone gonna ask Diamond how she felt??? Are we concerned about her 'experience and needs' after such an ABUSIVE tumultuous event?? Nah. Instead, when Diamond opens Al Gore's internet and comes for solace to a platform that self-proclaims that it caters to black women's needs and experiences...the first video re Love is Blind is going to be focussed on bisexual black men...which happens to be the identity of her abuser. This is low-key (highkey) a diss to Diamond's intelligence and humanity.
Most people have both intentionally and inadvertently dated bisexual people during the course of their dating lives. It’s actually inevitable with the vast range of sexual orientations that exist.
that's a very good point! it's pretty funny how there's all this hysteria about the sexuality of people we like or date but we may never know of their true orientation. hell some people end up marrying them without knowing hahaha!
@6lack Cherokee Yes, ideally I would want that to be the case for everyone. I was thinking about undercovers who don't mind marrying straight people, especially to fit into the heternormative mold/image in fear of ridicule, abuse, even murder, etc or just for convenience. Sometimes fear outweighs honesty and sexual health. I think for downlows to come out, homophobia has to be eradicated. Otherwise some will try to stay hidden within heterosexual relationships.
Plus, sexuality is complicated sometimes. Some people are sexually passive or indifferent so they'll be okay with anyone provided they'll receive love and support. I can end up marrying a person that is in denial with their sexuality (many conversion therapy patients) or someone who fantasizes about the same sex without me even knowing but how am I supposed to regulate that? I can't LOL!
Crown Jewel this is what scares me.. too many stories of these dl men who use women as a beard and then say later on that they are gay.. it’s not far to get innocent people wrapped up in that! This is why a lot of us are discerning.. we face cheating from heterosexual men dealing with bisexual man would be another story
@@teniseuna But women do the same thing. I've seen women have sex with their "friends" and go home to their husbands.🙄 Using men for a skirt to have a better life is no better than what men do. Yet, it's not as stigmatized. Why is that?! She still a liar.
Sorry but i disagree. Im a straight woman and i want a straight partner. Im a black woman and i want a black partner. If an indian person only wanna date indians is that racist? No. I can want to date who i wanna date without being phonic ppl need to stop!
This was soooo good. As a bisexual woman who has dated women for years, being in a new relationship with a man recently really messed with my head. Feeling like I had to change myself to fit into his family and friend’s gender expectations has given me a lot of anxiety. The changes really are subconscious and your guest gave me some insight!
Billie Eilish Fan no, because no where did she state that she ONLY dated women or that she has NEVER dated a man before her current heterosexual relationship. She simply stated that she dated women for years. @curiouserandcuriouser I’m a heterosexual woman in a monogamous relationship and I deal with anxiety over gender roles/expectations but I could only imagine how much more pressure you are dealing with. Thank you for sharing your perspective and I hope that your journey brings you to that “right” place within yourself in your relationship.
I disagree with not disclosing your sexuality. Everyone has a RIGHT to decide who they are intimidate with. If I don't want to be with a bisexual person then why are my preferences not respected. Ppl have preferences... I can't with this idea that my rights and my preferences don't matter bc they don't agree with LGBTQ. LGBTQ have a right to be... I also have rights too... Why are my rights dismissed for the desires of others... ASK QUESTIONS PPL B4 YOU LAY DOWN WITH THEM... DON'T LAY DOWN WITH ANY AND EVERYONE... KEEP YOUR PREFERENCES... If you don't want to date ppl who LGBTQ...then you have a preference
Sunniva I have to agree. Gender preference and dating history are not the same thing and, frankly, it sounds like the kind of thing white men say about why they don't date outside of their race. Yeah, that's your choice but that doesn't mean there isn't some deep rooted bigotry you might wanna confront.
“If I don’t want to be with a bisexual person then why are my preferences not respected” If you don’t want to be with a bisexual person, think about why. People love throwing in that word “preference” as if that’s a valid argument when really people just use it to cover up their internalized phobias. Our preferences come from somewhere, we don’t just like things or dislike things just because
I think it's weird for people to expect Diamond to automatically accept and be comfortable with his bisexuality. Especially when he wasn't even confident enough to tell her when they were getting to know each other.
As a (closeted) bisexual black woman, I enjoyed this conversation SO much. So many pennies dropped listening to J. R. I’m rich !!! With knowledge !!! THANKS !!!
Strawberry Addict Strawberry Addict I am not at all in a tight situation, you know... I love my husband with all my heart, we have a beautiful family together and we’re celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary in the summer. When I say I am closeted I mean that I don’t tell people about the fact that I am bi, particularly because I never did have a relationship with a female (because the ones I could have got involved with turned out to be way too much work for me to even try) and I HATE when people tell me “oh, so you’re just bicurious, then!” (When they wouldn’t tell a virgin or someone who never had a relationship before that they can’t know if they are gay or straight until they “tried”, see what I mean?) My husband is aware of the fact that I consider myself to be bisexual. But all that means is that if we don’t work out, my next relationship may well be with a woman. But since I am married to a man now, I’m going to be straight to the rest of the world because coming out as bi would mean having to explain a lot to people and I don’t want to do that.
As far as disclosing. Yeah you do it owe it to the other person to inform them of your sexual preferences. I need to know on the first date, don’t make that decision for me when we’re a month into the relationship.
It’s not biphobic to be a straight woman not comfortable sleeping being with a bisexual person. As long as you treat them with respect, don’t contribute to stigmas and stereotypes and fight against other problems they face... isn’t that enough, why should you have to change your sexual/dating preferences just to accommodate them at your own expense? That’s not fair.
So you guys didn't watch the video, did you? You won't even explore your own biases and the roots of those biases but expect everyone to be cool with your prejudices making life more difficult for people, sure, OK. Sounds bigots being bigots to me, trite.
So a woman not wanting to date JR or Carlton because they’re bisexual is biphobic and wrong. But JR saying he is not open to dating heterosexual woman because of the things that could come with that and his ideas about them is OK? Make it make sense.
Why is it that black women have to tread lightly when it comes to the gay community! I happened to stumble across your page , but this ain’t it sis 🤦🏾♀️ seems like you didn’t wanna disagree with Yuseff! Why is this conversation so deep?? Did anyone think about Diamonds feelings ?? Is she obligated to date a gay bi man just to appease the LGBT people ?? I’m sick of the bs. I know a lot of women who would’ve got real ignorant with Carlton! But Diamond didn’t... and somehow she’s being labeled as biphobic. I would never date a “bi” man and that’s just called preference!
Im a bi black man. I agree Diamonds feelings weren’t focused on enough. Diamond was completely respectful and understanding and Carlton obviously insecure in his sexuality. I do agree someone not wanting to date a bi man is not biphobic, but the action is undoubtedly biphobic, whether people accept it or not. But then again, from your comment it seems like you’re one of those people that thinks bi men don’t exist
My question is that everyone says that someone’s sexual history shouldn’t matter but if I’m dating a cis, straight man, I would factor in his dating history into my decision of dating him so how does this differ? Also with those saying that the preference is rooted in biphobia, if we get down to it, pretty much every preference is rooted in some sort of stereotype. Now I say all that to say that I would, in theory, have no problem dating a bisexual man. Also, I feel like we didn’t get into him saying he may not date a heterosexual woman due to her friends and family but heterosexual women should be open to dating bi-men? I do acknowledge that he called it hypocritical but still
That's interesting that you have no issue with dating a bisexual man. I could never knowingly date a bisexual man. I'm a heterosexual woman that's attracted to heterosexual men only. However, live and let live.
He said he’d have a problem because he wasn’t sure how he’d be treated. Similar to a black women saying she couldn’t date a white man for fear of how she’d be treated. Is the black women racist? Of course not. The privilege goes in the opposite direction. And Herero people have privilege over Bi/LGBT people. When white people say they just aren’t attracted to black, they’re (rightly) told about their racist viewpoints. And I think saying you just can’t date men who happen to be bi (esp if you liked them before you knew they were bi) can be called biphobic. No one’s being forced to date anyone though. If you don’t want to date men just cause they happen to be bi, then don’t, but don’t be mad when people call you biphobic.
@@kweenz600 : Race isn't the same as sexuality. Race is first and sexuality is second. A black woman not dating a white person because she doesn't know how she will be treated is due to the possible racism she will get from the other side or negative speech from her own side. It doesn't make her racist. It makes her cautious of possible conflict. A bi man dating a straight woman is not the same. No one else outside of their relationship knows he is bi unless he tells them. Do you want to know that your man has had sex with other men? No. That is a turn off. That doesn't make me biphobic. It just means I am not attracted to bi men. Hetro people do not have a privilege over Bi/LGBT people. The fact remains, race will always be the #1 factor. A white gay man will have privilege over any black straight or gay person. A white gay female will have privilege over any black straight or gay person.
Worst Reviewed Gamer hold on there, we are not about to put all black women in a bag to attack them either, cause black women as a whole are attacked and hated enough
This whole conversation can be summed up in one word "consent". He took away her consent by not disclosing his sexuality to her on a DATING show. Whether she is biphobic or not you have to give people the right to choose who they want to love
Kim, like really? If straight women don't want to date bisexual men, that's it, they don't want to date bisexual men. Why do we always have to baby and cuddle black men? Good grief
This is some nonsense, biphobic should be someone who hates bisexual persons not someone who simply doesn’t want to date them. Kim, many times you said you won’t be friends with white women, does that make you a racist? You try so hard to agree with everything that eventually you contradict yourself.
For Harriet yes I do believe it exists. Me as a black woman saying I don’t want to be in a relationship with a white man doesn’t make me racist, same thing goes for a white man who doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me. But if I go on a tirade saying that ALL white men are disgusting people who fuck their sisters, then yeah I am a racist. Same thing goes for me not wanting a bisexual man. I respect their sexuality but for me personally, I don’t want a bisexual man and I do think that he should disclose it with me, as he would if he was in debt, a convict, a millionaire, or anything that will also affect our relationship.
Truth B Told exactly. I just can’t believe that there are people out there bashing women for not wanting to be with a bisexual man. Like, there’s nothing that anyone could say to me to make me change my mind about that.
nadiya danielle the problem is that WHY don’t you want to date a bisexual man? What does that change? If you’re attracted to them and they’re attracted to you, there shouldn’t be an issue, their bisexuality shouldn’t be a dealbreaker unless you’re biphobic.
But why though? Why would it matter? If I (a straight woman) am about to have sex with a bi men then how does it matter that he's also attracted to guys in that moment? I am not a guy and he clearly wants me so it seems irrelevant to me.
Lil Meow it seems irrelevant to you, but I’m talking about me. I prefer & require a heterosexual man and for a man to not disclose his sexual orientation after I have told him what I require is dishonest and disrespectful.
@@T4KE_A_BREATH How do you prefer something you can't see? Are you certain that everyman you been with has been heterosexual? That's impossible to know
As a gay black man, I didn’t realize or think that me not wanting to date a bisexual man makes me biphobic. I understand preference is a whole other conversation but I didn’t see anything wrong with not wanting to date someone who is bisexual. I wanna end this by saying that I respect ALL ppl in LGBTQ+ spectrum I just feel that like black ppl us gays are not all monolithic ppl. I’m glad I watched this video today, it’s still things I don’t quite understand but I’m willing to learn and grow every day.
I am a dark skinned woman. If I can have conversations with non-black people and with black men around colorism and racism without demonising everyone who prefers to date within their own race, or those who prefer lighter skinned women - I’m sorry bi sexual men should be able to do the same. Homophobia is a genuine issue, but people are allowed to have preferences. They are not the same thing. I can prefer tall men if I want I can prefer sis men if I want I can prefer dark skinned men if I want I can prefer men of a certain economic background if I want. I can exclude or include whoever I want if they don’t fit into the above. There is someone for everyone.
As a heterosexual women, it is within our lane to decide if we date bisexual person. All that is required is non-judgement and respect. Just as some people don't date short men. I don't date men in jobs that risk their life (i.e. police officer, fireman). I obviously respect their career and lifestyle choice, I just do not want to live with the stress. It is my choice, not phobia. 👀🤔 Bisexuals can't tell heterosexual women how to feel bout a future romantic partner or husband. They should stay and their lane, and stop judging a decision as personal as selecting a life partner. 👀💯 Everyone in a potential relationship should be honest about their sexual and romantic history. Honesty and trust are required in all romantic relationships, regardless of sexuality.
If people are using words like Love or Marriage they need to disclose EVERYTHING. It's about being honest and transparent. We have to get to a point where we stop obsessing about what others think about our Identities. We have to get comfortable in our Own skin to the point where others opinions do not matter more than Our opinions of Ourselves.
Okay I get “you dont have to disclose ur sexuality to people” but to a significant other, yes you do. Why would you want to be with someone who will not be fully accepting of who you are anyways? Its like you know that person is bad for u yet u still keep them around and dont want to disclose that information to keep them. Makes no sense
Yeah... Even as a bisexual woman myself, I'd feel like my partner can't open themselves to me or didn't trust me enough to trust me with their full identity. If the relationship is serious, of course.
It’s the responsibility of the straight person to ask if they care. It’s not the responsibility of the bisexual person to say they’re bisexual if it’s never been brought up
He's essentially promoting secrecy in relationships. If you're so secure in who you are & your sexuality then why wide it? Most hetero individuals want the same in their partners & lying by omission is absolutely wrong.
Why are people acting as if it's okay not to disclose your sexuality before getting ENGAGED? No one said you have to walk around with a sign, but if you're planning on marrying someone they should know your truth. Imagine not telling your fiancé you have kids, a huge debt, or a drug addiction? Those are things people should be allowed to decide whether or not they want to be with you.
Call me old school or bi-phobic, but as cis gendered heterosexual married man, I only want to be in a relationship with heterosexual women. What's wrong with saying I'm not interested in bi-sexual women? What happens to personal choice and agency? Choosing to be in heterosexual relationship doesn't make me a bad person? You can't force a person to be involved with all types of people. This is an example of how the concept of inclusivity becomes oppressive. To put it another way, preferring a kale salad over a romaine salad doesn't make me a bad person. If we believe in personal choice and agency in some areas we have to believe in agency and choice when it comes to relationships.
You have every right to date or not date who you want. And others have the right to point out your reasoning behind dating a person is rooted in bigoted thinking. That being said no one is owed your body.
Listen Bisexual women this is NOT about YOU. Stop comparing apple to oranges. We don’t care if straight men (which I doubt in most cases) are accepting of your sexual orientation. We are talking about BISEXUAL (BLACK) MEN. Heterosexual Black women DO NOT have to be accepting . The bullying and harassing Black women to date bisexual men is troubling and unwarranted.
What’s the reason the gay men don’t date women or lesbians don’t date men? Because they’re not attracted to them. Simple as that. They don’t need some long elaborate explanation as to why they don’t and won’t date who they don’t want to. A gay man doesn’t date women strictly because it’s a woman. If we have to have some elaborate reason as to why we don’t want to date a bisexual person then gay and lesbians have to have one for why they don’t date who they aren’t attracted to.
I wish that were true but as a lesbian the amount of time and stress dealing with men asking shit like 'whats the difference between dicks and dildos' or 'Are you sure you just haven't had sex with the right man' 'Do you just hate men?' 'When did you stop liking men?' 'What if we fucked but my girlfriend was there' the amount of times ive heard either one of these is ridiculous and annoying.
this is a bullshit take. we are born with the sexuality we have. i’m not choosing whether i’m attracted to them or not. a gay will not date a woman because he won’t be aroused and won’t enjoy sex with them. if someone never told you they were bisexual you could possibly have a very happy life together. there is a reason their sexuality will change that. what is it?
At around 22 minutes you asked the guest an excellent question. What is his response to a heterosexual woman's concern that a man is lying about being bisexual when he's really gay? Your guest said he's going to address the issue then proceeded to talk in circles, and not only did he not address the question, he went on to reveal his hypocrisy in saying that he wouldn't date a heterosexual woman. Yet he's so comfortable calling other people phobic.
Wow this was by far the best discussion on Diamond & Carlton. I learned so much! I did not know that there was a debate among the bi community on whether sexuality should be disclosed when entering into a relationship. Very insightful, and it helped me understand where Carlton was coming from a little better.
I think it’s important to discuss things like that. Coming from a bisexual woman, I disclose it immediately to partners because you’d be surprised how many biphobic men there are. I’ve been told it was disgusting for a woman to be with another woman, and of course the relationship didn’t work and I’m so glad I didn’t make a connection prior to that discussion. I do understand the stigma for males, however the only way to get rid of a stigma is to attack it head on. There are soooo many women who don’t mind dating bisexual men. That’s why I respect Kehlani so much for her going against the stigma and sticking up for her child’s father who’s bisexual. It’s an extremely important discussion to have.
What's weird about the whole thing with kehlani is that they were both bisexual, but people only cared that he was bisexual and called her sick and desperate for dating him
Y'all need to STOP making this about biphobia and all these phobias under the sun. As a bisexual woman I am on Diamonds side. This has nothing to do with him being bisexual and everything to do with him keeping something as important as his sexuality from her. Y'all just assume heterosexual women will date any and everything with a penis forgetting they have preferences too. That shit is rooted in misogyny and y'all need to check yourselves. And you're missing the bigger picture, if he can lie about his sexuality there could be a million other things hes lying about. I just believe if you come on a show where marriage was the ultimate goal you should have be ready to disclose everything BEFORE you propose
What is with people who feel like they shouldn’t have to disclose things to their partners??? People really think they shouldn’t have to their HIV status, their sexual orientation, their gender? That ish is trash 🗑
Its very crazy in my opinion and happens all the time. holding people and especially Black women, emotionally hostage. That's very egotistical and narcissistic I wish that there can be more aware of this.
sexyEros what’s next ? ... are we not going to disclose our marriage/relationship status?Are we not going to disclose if we have children? It’s really so deceptive and it’s crazy how this conversation is about being biphobic when the issue was the deception of failure to disclose and taking away a woman’s right to choose all because he fears rejection
@@msniekababy its Narcissism really. Most of these Dudes dont even have the forth thought to even comprehend something outside them selves. Its also apart of the culture we live in that has been cultivated in this country. Capitalism coupled with a patriarchal /colonial mindset. That's the best way I can summon it up. It effects everyone in different ways like a tier system. 🤔
there’s a difference in what’s relevant to a relationship and what’s not. sharing whether you an std or children will effect your partner and your relationship together. how will sexuality do the same?
Its his responsibility as her partner to give her space and allow her to accept him especially since he did not disclose from the jump. You cannot expect someone who doesnt know anything about lbgt people to just erase all their socialization and things theyve been told all their life to just be like youre bi? Great! Like thats not what the assumption is when you say nothing about it from the start!
please, transpose this rhetoric through a racial lens and lets see how it holds up. "You cannot expect someone who doesnt know anything about *black* people to just erase all their socialization and things theyve been told all their life to just be like youre *black* ? Great! Like thats not what the assumption is when you say nothing about it from the start!"
Michelle Wanha I HATE when people use the comparison. THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING. You can HIDE the fact that you’re LGBT+ and get through life just fine. You CAN’T HIDE your race. Prejudice and racism will follow you for your whole life cause you can’t hide the color of your skin. They are NOT interchangeable and this is a poor way to prove your point. Please try again.
maiya adrien your argument is valid but that’s just not how white people think , to a white person Michelles argument could be considered a strong one, things like race and sexuality can be viewed as one and the same because they aren’t oppressed, it can be considered all surface level arguments for them
He lost me, when he stated. He doesn’t disclose his sexuality 😒 That is the whole, Carlton and Diamond issue. All over again, I will never understand. Why a person is so into claiming their sexual identity. And living their true self, but won’t tell the world. Regardless of what, bisexual people think, heterosexuals aren’t going to burn you to the stake! I knew Carlton was fruity, as soon as he opened his mouth. I don’t know what? Took Diamond so long , to catch on.Let’s be real alot of these bi or fluid men, mannerisms alone, give it off.
This biphobic topic is absolutely ridiculous. Let’s be real here if I saw this guest speaker I wouldn’t look at him a quarter of a time because I’d assume he was gay up until he said otherwise. As a heterosexual woman I would not be attracted to him. Carlton played a character of his idea of a heterosexual man up until the point he came out to Diamond. Then his real feminine energy came out. Most heterosexual women would not be attracted to that. THAT IS OKAY! Can we stop pretending like there aren’t DL men? Can we stop pretending like a lot of gay men don’t have trouble identifying as gay men & use bisexuality as their saving grace? It is not heterosexual woman’s job to sacrifice her own well being, sanity, & comfort for the sake of bisexual men. It just is not. A lot of women believe that all men cheat. I think that idea carries over to bisexual men not simply because they’re bisexual. Women do not have “rise above” their values for anyone. That being said Carlton was trash from day one & apparently mentally unstable. It bothers me that the LGBT community often thinks that everyone else must pay the price of their suffering. Hearing this guy say he doesn’t owe anyone an explanation for his sexuality was troubling because he means he doesn’t owe women. I highly doubt a gay man cares if he’s bi. So what he means is society treats me differently for being bi so it’s women’s cross to bear. That is troubling.
I don't believe anyone is asking heterosexual women to change themselves to allow bisexual men into their dating/relationship pool, I think the point of the conversation is to ask people to be aware of their own unconscious bias, process it, and treat bisexual men with respect like they would give any other human. The statements about looking at JR and automatically thinking he's gay, thinking that gay men hide behind the guise of bisexuality, or even the reasoning behind why DL men exist is the reason why Kim and JR had had this conversation - they are all rooted in the biphobia that exists as a very real part of our predominant black culture and society as a whole.
viewetteer2005 This conversation wasn’t about heterosexual women beating on, disrespecting, bullying etc bi men. It was about not wanting to date them. The term biphobic is literally in place to attack people’s dating preferences because no one hates & discriminates against bi people but not gay people. In that case a person would be overall homophobic. That is problematic in itself. If I was 700 lbs & I met someone online using pictures that look like I’m 120 lbs & upon meeting me the person is no longer interested. Are they fatphobic? If I go on Christian mingle & later reveal to the person that I’m atheist & that is not where their values align. Are they atheistphobic? This argument is ridiculous. & once again something that LGBTQ (some not all) has come up with to make everyone else pay for their suffering in society.
Jenn Mcfly I agree that the conversation isn’t about violence against bisexual men, but in the scope of the situation it’s bringing to light the bias that black women (strictly in this situation) may hold against them. We hold bias and prejudice against things from our own personal experiences, upbringing, and beliefs. It is up to us to become aware of those, understand why we feel that way, and either acknowledge it or change it. Each one of the situations you presented are not preferences, they are biases. They are only preferences because somewhere along the way you learned or experienced that these people are not suitable to be considered for a relationship. People grow up in the church thinking that the person you date or marry should be a Christian by threat of the denial of heavenly riches, people grow up thinking that fat people are nasty and unhygienic and unworthy of being conserved attractive, etc. While none of it is true, we owe it to ourselves and one another to treat others without bias. The reason why DL men exist and you think JR looks gay is because of those same biases. We ask for non-black people to let us live and give us credit and show us respect, this conversation is not different. No one is saying change nor that others should pay for the suffering of one group, they’re saying be aware and give others the same consideration you go after yourself.
viewetteer2005 I think the part that you left out of my examples was the fact that they were started with lies. You tearing down Christianity when point was that a Christian was violated in their own safe space is exactly the issue. Not everybody wants to just be engaging into & having sex & relationships with any & everybody. We don’t all have to leave our values by the wayside so y’all can live in peace. That’s not my job. We are all allowed dating preferences. I don’t like feminine men. We can dive deep into the why & ive very open for that conversation but I am still not attracted to them. You’re not going guilt me into liking anything. That’s not how this works.
Jenn Mcfly The conversation Kim and JR had is not saying you don’t have a right to have a preference, it’s pulling to the forefront the problematic issues that come from it. No one is asking you to leave your values to the side, nor guilting you into changing. The point is that if we are aware of why we feel said way toward bisexual men, feminine men, Christians, fat people, what have you, we are better able to mitigate our perception of them, leading us to treat them better as complex humans outside of the label we give them so that we ourselves are comfortable, not of people trying to pin their hardships on others or point blame when that’s farthest from what bisexual men (or LGBT or fat people or Christians, etc.) are trying to do. Thanks for discussing it with me.
Get out of my face. I'm biphobic because I only like STRAIGHT MEN as a STRAIGHT WOMEN?? Then I'm also homophobic because I don't want to date a lesbian. Get someone who is actually honest to their partner not this guy speaking. Yall need to learn that if someone does not love you unconditionally then it SHOULDN't be. period.
Thank you Kim for providing the platform to start a very necessary conversation. I do, however, feel a bit conflicted about a few things that J. R. brought up. Let me first acknowledge that I know there is privilege that I am afforded as a heterosexual woman (the same for bisexual women) that is not available to bisexual men. Even still, this idea of not owing disclosure feels like it’s rooted in male privilege. It’s not lost on me the number of bisexual women in this comment feed who not only understand the importance of disclosure but also know that it is paramount when building a relationship with someone. The withholding of truth and information from women is not a new conversation. I get feeling like you shouldn’t have to disclose your sexuality to an employer, your doctor, your congregation etc. But when you’re talking about someone who you’re building an intimate connection with, that requires vulnerability. J.R. also mentioned that bisexual men are often perceived as being less masculine. Something to consider though is that, the qualities that are often associated with manhood have to do with a man’s authenticity, strength of character and his ability to stand in his truth.
Speaking to your last statement, while I do agree that those traits are points to be considered, I don't necessarily feel those are traits that are taken into consideration in today's social landscape. With many women showing that they possess those same traits, they have become more of a representation of a strong upstanding person regardless of gender. In relation to JR's expression of bisexual men being perceived as less masculine, many (if not most) of the black community relate men who possess an attraction to the same gender as being feminine as they believe the attraction to "masculinity" as being a feminine trait. Any man exhibiting a feminine trait can therefore be considered feminine as that supercedes authenticity, strength of character, and an ability to stand in their truth because they don't consider the latter to be traits of a masculine man.
Do you ask the straight people you date to disclose their entire sexual history to you? How about you express you only want to date straight people instead of assuming everyone knows that. If someone told me that on the first date I would be like “aight, this isn’t going to work” but I’m not going to be like “hello. Nice to meet you. I have dated men and women in the past.” You have the choice to date only hetero people but you don’t have the right to believe you’re entitled to someone’s sexuality unsolicited.
Lol the world has gone mad! Does preference only apply to the lgbt community? Because if a heterosexual person chooses to be in a relationship with another heterosexual person I call that preference.. aren’t the lgbt community for sexual liberation? Then why can’t the rest of the world have preferences without being called phobic! Do we all have to pander to the lgbt community whilst they pick and choose who and what is deemed offensive! Such a dangerous narrative it really is not by force.. Carlton not only was not attracted to diamond but was extremely misogynistic and disrespectful he could have never loved her.. he simply wanted woman to play the beard!
@@scorpi4814 Not really. Sounds like boring straight women whining about not being able to discriminate freely without being called bigots. You'd get mad at white folx who pull the "I'm not racist, but...", Hell you've probably gotten mad at non-black men not wanting to date black women at some point, but it's okay when you do it? Sounds like typical bigoted hypocrisy, but okay. 🤷♀️
HollowedJes but please explain the bigotry I’m so intrigued by this all.. must I be with a bisexual man by force? Does that also mean I must be fluid..?
@@cannibalisticrequiem I will discriminate everyday if I have to to protect MY SPACE, MY BODY, MY MIND and especially MY FREE WILL! Now keep being THE SHEEP that you are society did Amazing on you
I often wonder where is the line between being biphobic and someone just being insecure. I’m a gay man I don’t want to date a bisexual man cause i do feel insecure about them want a woman. Do i hate them? No. Do i think other people shouldn’t date them? No. So as am i biphobic or just like i believe (just well aware of ) insecure and not justifiably so.
Its still biphobia because its based on a stereotype about bisexual people that ignores their individual humanity (eg that they will want to jump to whatever pair of genitals they are currently craving). Being aware of your insecurity is great but let's not make it am acceptable excuse. Saying that because its based on insecurity or fear instead of hatred makes it not biphobic is like saying that a white man not wanting his daughter to date a black man because he is afraid of how violent and brutish black men are is not racist when it is. Sure that father may not hate black people, he may have many black friends etc, and his concern for his daughter safety is not about disliking black people but his fear still reduces black men to a stereotype that denies their person-hood.
I felt for Carlton being afraid to come out, because there are a lot of stigmas attached to bisexuality. That goes double if you’re a bi black man. That being said, Carlton was acting out for the cameras. He was being really rude to her before he decided to come out, almost like he wanted to find a reason to go off on her.
I would not and could never be in a relationship with a man that occasionally in the past or outright currently had relationships with other men. I don't care what titles, labels or monikers society puts on me..its an absolute NO for me..its real out there folks DISCLOSURE is a MUST!! as a registered nurse I have seen it all. It is extremely dangerous as women to approach this in a naive and kumbaya free love kind of way..🤦🏾♀️
Thank you!!! I work in the medical field too. They are trying to guilt gullible women in to being ok with it. Saying things like most of the world is bi sexual.
mskeyland85 Exactly! Our lives are at stake here..its not as simple and sweet a picture as what's being portrayed..I have had many conversations with my patients on all levels of the sexual spectrum and what's not being spoken about is diseases that are rampant..its absolutely terrifying to the point where I've been single & abstinent for over 5 years!! (I know too much and have seen way too much) It's real out there folks😣
erica simone men who sleep with men have MUCH higher rates of hiv/aids. that matters to me and other women who choose to put their health above the feelings of men.
Coconut Water thank you! This is a real health crisis among black women because of black males who sleep with males. The fact they are glossing over this to call people bi-phobic is very scary and we can’t afford this level of ignorance.
It's usually never part of these "woke" discussions, but it should be at the forefront. I work in public health. Men who have sex with men, account for 70% of all newly infected HIV cases in the U.S.
It has everything to do with prevalence rates. Men who have sex with men, have very high prevalence rates of HIV. Among black men who have sex with men, 1 in 3 are HIV positive. This means that black women who have sex with black men who have sex with men, are at substantially increased risk of getting HIV and the stats for HIV among black women, confirm this.
I understand what you mean, but the conversation isn't about what bisexual people do, its how society perceives them, no one talks about black women bodies when they talk about black men's preference
Wait, I'm biphobic because I do not want to date a bisexual man? Then, I am also homophobic for not wanting to date a lesbian. Then, I am also classist for not wanting to date a man without a job. I don't agree with this argument, but whatever.
I think that this comparison is not a good one because not wanting to date another woman is part of your sexuality not just preference. Who your partner is attracted to is different than what they are. I don't think it's fair to label everyone who prefers to date straight people as biphobic but I do think that there is something to be unpacked about why so many women feel this way. Everything else about a man could be perfect; he could be a man's man, the whole nine yards but the fact that he is attracted to other men is such a dealbreaker. I also think that regarding any other level of attraction most people will never disclose that information. Most people are not gonna go through a list of traits that they find attractive that their partner does not have because what's the point? It's just interesting and something we should be thinking about.
Communication is key in marriage and he decided to propose with a secret that tortured HIM. I believe firmly if she knew before hand and he gave her the op. to really get to know him they would have finished together. My problem with his character is he was also filmed on ATL house wives getting into it with Kenya moore where she called security. There is a pattern with this man... before you love "hearts" love yourself... make sure you're okay and understand what you feel.
Carlton was problematic and it had nothing to do with his sexuality. His personality is what is flawed. Diamond took it very well and she sought understanding. I commend her on trying to hold it together even while being attacked by the “victim” Carlton.
I'm not attracted to men that are attracted to men...🤷♀️...date who you want gay, straight bi I don't care. But straight men are what I'm attracted to...I don't think that should be a problem.
There are a lot of women in these comments that are still centering themselves in the conversation. Whether you are a bisexual woman or not- this is not about us. It’s about black bisexual men and their own experiences. C’mon y’all.
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I have to say you are consistent Harriet unlike a lot of people out here. A lot of women will be telling men not to be transphobic and are they are biphobic . Carlton watches too many films he thought when he revealed it to her she was going to say "oh my god, that was your big secret, ha ha ha, you should have told me earlier" but she just looked at him in dead silence.
Also talk about BLACK bisexual women. They do exist. 😊✌
I’m sorry but I don’t always see the point of these convos. I never have seen love is blind. I don’t plan on it. I think these convos whether with white or black women always degrade into some sort of apology to women. It’s deeply unfair that there is a narrative of this show that paints black men as violent and not empathizing with where violence originates from. Juxtaposing this with the image of a perfect white man whose accepted his black woman. Sometimes you try but miss the mark, Kim.
@@benisturning30 there is no empathy for violence
@@xhika241 Where does it suggest I am okay with violence anywhere in my comment?
As a black bisexual woman I was surprised to find myself VERY MUCH on Diamond's side. It's a fact that society stigmatizes gay men, particularly gay black men, into hiding and performing heterosexuality/attraction to women when they dont prefer it, so I was NOT mad at her for worrying at his reveal. She still wanted to talk through it, he's been on reality TV before and just wanted his moment. He immediately started calling her a bitch, that said it all.
Same. I was furious on her behalf!!!! Carlton let his own pain and insecurities take over and disrespected Diamond on every level.
@ImaniJC He wouldn't have got very far on the show if he picked a white woman. They would have edited this man out. The producers clearly had an agenda from jump by inviting this clown on the show. He was gay and gay and never bi sexual to begin with.
@@shadowseer07 I dont even think it was pain and insecurity on his part, it was his complete intention the entire time to have his bisexual reveal be the catalyst to a dramatic break up and the producers only picked him for that. He came there to be messy and got what he wanted.
@ImaniJC Yep and when he was on Real Housewives previously, his only spotlight was arguing w a black woman back and forth calling each other bitches too smh
@ImaniJC he called her bitch?? Oh no,.Carlton is gay periodt, his reasons for wanting a woman were odd to say the least. His reaction seems like he had more of problem with his sexuality than anybody. Carlton needs some professional counseling to help him come to terms with who he is . Getting married to a woman is not the answer, not in his case.
Carlton was trash though. Regardless of his sexuality, he was definitely out of line with how he spoke to her. Her skepticism could have been talked through. He was not about to do that. He never should've been on the show in my opinion.
Facts!!!
Exactly! & in all his interviews he seems to be missing that part. Nobody cares about his sexuality we care that he’s a trash ass person who seems to be ok with disrespecting women. He did the same to Kenya on RHOA
Right. He called her out her names and everything
She kept saying “I love him I just want to understand and talk it through” like she was giving him an opportunity to win her back.
You could tell she was trying to process and understand him and he kept responding like she was being a biphobe
I love that Kim acknowledges when she's not the authority on a matter. Such a good trait to have
ikr!!
Goli yes. It's important to stay in one's lane, especially when too many people try to pretend they know more than they actually know. It can be dangerous and destructive...
I wish more black women did this!
Fatimah Rahman hey Fatimah with an ‘h’ from another Fatimah with an ‘h’!
I love that about her so much!
Carlton’s reaction definitely showed how dangerous shows like this are. What if she was accepting and he only showed his violent tendencies after they got married?
I’m glad you’re pointing this out because Carlton’s issues weren’t his bisexuality. He’s sexist and abusive and Diamond would have been at risk of violence if they had gotten married.
Dooky that’s real life too and a lot of marriages. Most couples notice a change as soon as they get married
Very good point
Fact
Very true
Completely agree with JR Yussuf, Carlton’s first reaction was a “red flag” ... it was scary. It was violent. And his conversation with her continued to be violent. His “apology” at the reunion was also textbook for an abusive partner.
Seems like he’s likes dating women because they may be more “forgiving” to his violent reactions and tendencies.
IGuessIt’sOk YungRichBaby or his boyfriends in this past have put their hands on him back. he wants his partners to feel small and he might have less chance of that with a man
@@iguessitsokyungrichbaby2813 He knows a man would kick his ass
Charmaine Espeut 😂😂😂
Yup! That "grand gesture" at the end was all about fixing his image and how people saw him rather then being sorry for how he treated her.
I don't think diamond had a problem with him bisexual at all. I think she was just upset that he didn't disclose and tried to automatically spin it on her and make it seem like she was biphobic. I feel like the moment you start to develop romantic feelings for someone you need to be honest with them. Give them that right to decide.
not gonna lie if he said that he's been attracted to hearts earlier on then I think maybe she should have been a bit more prepared
I completely agree and have been saying this!!
Thank you, that’s exactly how I understood her position as well.
Seraphina Ange du six ailes Diamond probably didn’t know what that meant. She didn’t have the benefit of the supporting context that we had around Carlton being “attracted to hearts” the way we as viewers had via the confessionals/interviews he gave producers. We got to see that in between scenes. She had none of that context. She probably assumed he meant female hearts.
I don't really get this. I'm bisexual and it's not something I think to "disclose" in a relationship because I don't think of it as being a big deal. It's not something that comes up in early dating. But my experiences have been very different. When my partners do realize I'm bi, it's never been an issue of feeling lied to or excepting me. The only issue I ran into is straight dudes thinking me being bi is the same as me wanting to have a threesome.
My husband and I dated for a couple months before we randomly were talking about awkward sex encounters we've had. I told him about one that I had with a woman and he said that he didn't know I "played that side" and I was like, well I do. And that was that. It was probably about 6 months after we first started dating. It's rarely brought up in everyday conversation. Most people think I'm straight because I'm married to a man.
But, I am also a white woman who grew up and dated in a liberal area. My family was Christian, but not conservative and there were many openly gay and bi kids where I went to high school.
I honestly think Carlton was pushing an ideal onto Diamond without taking into account her own feelings. You can't force people into your idea of what they should be and not expect that to backfire.
He definitely was.
Exactly! He never gave her a chance to even think about it. He was super problematic.
I think he was so terrified of her rejecting him that he sabotaged himself
@Valerie Griffith he wanted a mother. Only a mother is going to love you unconditionally. Everyone else's love is going to come withconditions and he has to understand that and stop looking for a woman to play Mommy and accept him the way his mommy didn't
His lack of disclosure was not the only issue on the table. That man was doing some serious gaslighting
I’m a Bi man and I definitely think Carlton is dead wrong. He’s a very selfish person...
What I saw in Diamond was a woman who was taking in new information and trying to process it. I didn't feel that she was disrespectful nor do I feel she was being biphophic. He started to behave very differently immediately when they arrived in Mexico and she pointed that out which prompted the discussion, Had he continued to behave the way he had in the pods, they would probably have had a wedding like the others. He made things intense! His persona changed up completely. That had to be jarring for Diamond and she had no idea where that was coming from. Call me "daddy"? WTF? He just did too much.
He was doing the fucking most
THANK YOU OMG🙏🏾
It's like because he's dealing with the issues of being a bisexual black man we must ignore his attitude and aggressive tendencies. Nope. Plus Diamond was really more concerned about him not being forthcoming in the stage of the show where they were meant to completely open up, I really don't think her issues was with his bisexuality.
SherwoodAnderson he started acting differently because he was in Mexico and knew sex would be on the horizons. He flipped like a switch and intentionally made himself undesirable because he knew she wouldn’t accept it
I 1000000% agree!
Carlton actually claims that he “used” to be bisexual. Then he later said he was fluid. I don’t think Carlton is clear within himself about his own sexuality. I think Carlton is actually questioning his own sexuality.
He's gay! He don't like women. When he said his dad is a preacher I knew right then he struggles with his sexuality and has is trying to live a life to please his parents.
This reminds me of Dwayne Wade's son. First,he thought he was gay,and went to a gay pride parade,then he comes out and says he's NOT gay,but trans. Now he's claiming to be a girl who likes boys. He's all kinds of confused.
Yes! I was wondering why no one was mentioning this. He's making it seem like he WAS fluid, but now he's not. So they missed the opportunity for a whole different level of conversation!
I think Carlton went on REALITY TV for a check and premeditated his story line. If his partner was not in on the gag it was poor scheme on his part. and skews the conversation
I think carlton needs a shrink.
The caller was good, the only thing i disagree with is non disclosure. We have to take the word "owing" an explanation out. Nobody likes to be in a position of owning anything. Disclosing isnt about owing something. its an exchange of trust , an exchange of respect. Sexuality, gender, these things are eventually going to come up especially if the relationship is progressing.Your sexuality doesnt define you but it is apart of you, shouldn't your partner know who are? Please dont allow your partner to find out in a way in which they weren't prepared, that is unfair and hurtful .If you are standing in your truth and proud to be who u are, there should be no issue with disclosing. If they cant except that then that person wasnt meant for you and that's ok too. But get it out of the way before it gets too big to deal with. If u are afraid of disclosing for safety reasons you need to get out of the situation anyway., a violent person will harm u regardless of your sexuality.
Thank you because if they were dating a trans woman they would want to know. So plz
But how exactly does one person being bisexual affect the relationship? Both are still attracted to and committed to eachother. So what difference does it make?
@@sunniva3252 that's not necessarily true as the guy in the interview said some bisexuals are fluid so they move between attractions so yh it affects you because you might end up with a fluid partner that was super into you and then is more attracted to men later. but apparently that's something a straight woman should be comfortable with.
@@sunniva3252 . I said there is nothing wrong with being bi sexual at all ,the more reason to feel comfortable to disclose. It's the omission of something that is part of you that's the issue. This just doesnt pertain to just sexuality either . Kids , religion, economic standards all of these play a part in serious relationships. Both parties show know what they are getting into, this goes for ALL couples gay bi straight .I dont understand why people are so afraid of being authentic. You can share your body and space with someone but we can't have that talk ?. If it were possible would you conceal your race? Its apart of u why? Would you invest in a home without any knowledge of its integrity ? The problem is people arent talking to one another anymore. This is why there is no true intimacy or closeness anymore .You dont trust that I will have a reasonable response or that my feelings will remain intact . Why dont you feel like your partner should know what makes you , you? What's wrong with vulnerability? , You dont need the world to know but your partner does. You are walking the thin line of consent. This woman gave her consent to be in a relationship with a straight man not a fluid man ,that's the difference. When did choice become bigotry or a phobia? Are we not allowed to choose whats best for us anymore ? You take away a persons choice when you don't disclose. We can agree to disagree and that's ok too.
Good point @tiffany porter! Plus non disclosure is lying by omission.
A lie of omission is still a lie, I date with marriage in mind. If we're in a long term committed relationship and you leave out something so personal, I'm then going to question EVERYTHING about you. Simple as that.
He didn't lie though...
I only date with marriage in mind, so I feel you.
He didn’t tell her until after he proposed and she says yes.
Imagine if he had a child and he didn’t think she needed to know until he felt comfortable telling her. That’s how I see it.
Neither subject is anything to be shameful about so why not discuss a part of yourself with the person you are falling in love with?
@@shellyeditsalot If we're planning a future together, then it sure is. It shows a lack of trust, no one is asking you to come out on the first date, but if you're hiding something like that, I have to question what else you're willing to hide.
Omitting something about yourself that could very well change your partner's consent to engage in a serious relationship with you is pure deception. Taking away someone else's choice on whether or not to enter into a serious romance with you by knowingly withholding anything about yourself that is permanent and ongoing (your sexuality in this case) underscores what kind of partner you'll be in the relationship; a partner who weaves and crafts false realities and narratives for personal comfort and reverence instead of unvarnished honesty that may lead to uncomfortable moments by using omission, manipulation and possible gaslighting.
I'm turned off by extreme expressions of masculinity and am very open to seriously dating a bisexual or fluid man, but even I personally would not want to be in a relationship with a person who does not allow me all the tools I need to inform my consent or lack thereof.
27:44 - wholeheartedly agree that Carlton throwing his hat was a *major* red flag.
Between that move, throwing the engagement ring in the water and calling Diamond a "b****", to me, signifies that he's dealing with some unresolved anger issues that require some psychological intervention.
the issue with this conversation is that women are not allowed to have our opinions. we’re expected to just be quiet and accept what is said about access to our bodies. diamond’s problem with carlton wasn’t his sexuality, but even if it was: so what? women are allowed to reject bisexual men if they want. this caller admits that men, both bisexual and straight, feel a sense of entitlement to women’s bodies and view women as trophies that prove their masculinity. maybe a woman doesn’t want to be the trophy of a bisexual man who wants to prove his masculinity to society? why are women’s feelings being shut out of this conversation? you cannot say “men have an entitled view of women” then when women try to talk about how we feel, you tell us to shut up and do what bisexual men want. (and this comes from a bi woman.)
THANK YOU!
Exactly! A good friend of mine basically told me I'm not "woke" because I prefer strictly straight men. I don't hate or judge anyone!
Because misogyny is still a profound issue regardless of a males sexuality...they also glazed right over how the high numbers of HIV among black women, due to the prevalence of HIV within the black community, contributed to the "bi-phobia" seen among us. I mean black women even with less sex partners and more use of condoms have higher risk of contracting HIV because of our male counterparts.
Jay 👏 👏 👏 Couldn’t have said it better. Women can decide who they want to be with. Period.
@@kaydenpat and that has less to do with bisexuality and more to do with Blacks having less access to healthcare
Research has reviled that White Gay men, Bi men & and Men who have sex with men (meaning those who dont consider themselves Gay or Bi) engage in FAR MORE high rick behavior to catch an STI/STD than Black gay men, Bi Men and Men who have sex with men ......... And YET the rate of STIs and STDs with Black gay, bi, MSM men are higher than they are for their White counterparts
There's a lot of talk about what a bisexual person's partner deserves to know about them, and not to discount that, but it's half the story. As a bi person, why would you want to put yourself out there and be emotionally vulnerable with someone only to later find out they're biphobic AFTER investing a bunch of time in them? Carlton talked about not disclosing right away because he was scared she wouldn't give him a chance. But for me, I want to be with someone who is genuinely accepting of my identity, not someone who never would have considered me an option had they known, but later managed to... grudgingly accept it because they'd already formed an emotional connection. Trying to get with someone by hiding a huge aspect of who you are is settling in a big way. You deserve someone who loves all of you.
Jennifer McCord exactly. I’d rather disclose right away because if they’re not okay with it then I’m not getting hurt like I would if I waited
you still need to tell the person if you're bisexual and when they're looking to have a heterosexual relationship has nothing to do with being a phobic.stop trying to force how you feel on someone else I just tell the truth if they accept you they accept you. that's just like a male impersonating a female and they still have their male part. Stop trying to trick people and just tell the truth. There is somebody for everybody.
@@staciag1474 reading comprehension is not your strong suit, apparently. This comment is pro-disclosure. 🙄
Jennifer McCord You’re speaking out of privilege. If he’s scared it’s because he’s experienced trauma in this particular area. Stop invalidating this man so you can get on a high horse. Diamond’s reaction when he told her literally proves him right.
@@henrysho2766 what privilege? I've experienced far worse reactions than that, which is what led me to my current attitude about it. Get it out there before you're attached enough that the other person's reaction has the potential to be devastating to you. Obviously it's different if you have a concern about your actual safety, but that wasn't the case here. The man felt comfortable confessing this to television producers and the whole country before he told the woman he was trying to marry.
I'm trying to figure out where did Diamond say she didn't want to date him because hes JUST bisexual? This man threw a whole tantrum at the big reveal and then he was talking shit to her before he revealed that he was bi. I agree on one level we can think differently when referring to bisexuality as being "incapable of monogamy" and other things, but I would like to actually want to dig a little deeper in preference before we pull out the phobia card. If Diamond were to had flipped out and threw him away when he said that, then yes biphobia. Whilst having this conversation, I am thinking about how extreme liberalism can be dangerous, because while we are trying to give freedom to one group, we are still policing others and that can still be dangerous. We have to realize that in dating that everyone had there audience. Kim have said this time and time again in many of her discussions. There are women who would love to date a bi man... we just have to find our audience and going on a show for people who identify as completely heterosexual people probably wasn't the greatest idea.
kara niakim she never said she wouldn’t date him. That’s why I’m trying to figure out why people are attacking her
now when you have to use the word 'card' in any political discourse, please know that you're wrong.
kara niakim “if she flipped out and threw him away.” How is that Biphopia? She has a right to not be interested in someone solely because of their sexuality. Who can tell another human being what their preferences should and shouldn’t be in terms of sexuality? Everyone isn’t going to embrace homosexuality, bisexuality, pan sexuality, and all of the other alternative lifestyles. Nothing is wrong with adhering to heteronormativity. Nothing is wrong with dating conservatively as many black women and men still do. A woman has every right to flip out if she doesn’t agree with someone’s bisexual lifestyle and is deceived into a relationship with one who practices such. Now, how she flips out is a different story. I don’t condone hate speech or hate crimes toward anyone. I don’t agree with condemning anyone for their choices. But I do reserve the right to get hopping mad and dip out completely if my man conceals his same sex orientation/attractions from me, not allowing me the liberty to decide for myself. I would feel so emotionally, spiritually, and to a certain degree, sexually violated if I were in her shoes.
kara niakim
Very well-said.
@@Girlygirlsread I agree, I meant that as if she was to disrespect him solely because he's bi.
I disagree that it's biphobic to not want to date someone who is bi -- I say this as a bi woman. I really am not into this whole thing where we call people phobic for their dating/ romantic preferences. Definitely if you don't want to be friends with someone who is bi, if you kick your kids out for being bi, if you think bi people don't deserve dignity, respect, and full access to our human rights -- THAT'S biphobia. I think it's an issue of stereotyping/ prejudice if you have assumptions about bi people in general, and I think that's something everyone can work on. But I think calling people phobic when they romantically turn us down is counterproductive, over-simplifying, and over-stating harm. Especially as most of the people who say no to bisexual people are women -- who are extra cautious for a REASON. Lesbian women are often wary of getting burned/ used by straight women (because that has happened to them) and straight women are wary of dating men who they fear never being enough for or being used by gay men who just wants the privileges of a hetero facade (which happens often enough) (ie marriage and a baby and family/ public approval). In any case, women don't have to date/ be romantically be involved with ANYONE (men either) -- people should never put pressure on others to date anyone, no matter what.
Additionally, that there was no mention of HIV and how that effects the black community, especially in regards to women who date men who date other men -- it's a sensitive issue, but we have to talk about it and be real. In my opinion, there are lots of ways that we can break down stereotypes and encourage people to be more understanding and accepting of one another without going straight to telling people who they should pair up with. I'd like to see this conversation pivot away from what women should be offering, and toward what everyone should strive for.
Also, I would say that not telling your partner your sexuality because they might respond negatively is a way of manipulating the relationship and your partner. If you know someone wouldn't want to be with you if they knew the truth about you, it's wrong to purposely withhold -- that relationship is nonconsensual. I get wanting to not be punished for something that is natural and true to you -- obviously -- but I would never lie to someone like that. That diminishes me, and, most importantly, that takes away their right to consent, and to understand their options fully. And it's supporting a stereotype -- that bi people are always out here trying to trick people. Don't lie about important shit like that and excuse it -- it's cowardly and manipulative, even if it comes from a place of self-defense.
There are too many points raised that I agree with in this video to touch on all of them, but I especially really appreciate the conversation about masculine expectations and how poisonous they are. So good to hear this being opened up. And about the ring situation being manipulative! Ugh. I really loved hearing J.R. talk about how he feels about his own sexuality -- I feel so similarly, and it's true that representation really matters; it was so meaningful to hear someone talk about these things. We need more voices!!
Amazing video Kim -- love the discussion, and we all are so lucky to get to benefit from all the hard work and care you put into your channel. This was such an illuminating, wonderful discussion and I will be thinking a lot about what I've heard. Major props to J.R. for his perspective and thoughtful insight. Thank-you!!
That's a good point. If your hiding something to keep somebody from leaving you then that is not a consensual relationship.
I'm a bi black woman and I agree with everything you said
The only thing I’m going to push back on you sis is the HIV thing. I know MSM is a high risk group but it’s a lot of socioeconomic factors behind that. At the same time most Black women are getting HIV from straight men. Where is the push back when it comes to that?
This is such a wonderful comment. I totally agree about the manipulation part. I truly believe Carlton only went on this show for fame.
Agreed!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Carlton is both NOT the best example and the PRIME example of this conversation..The approach to this convo is unsettling. Y'all [social media] can't attack women, especially Black women, then turn around and say "let's have this conversation". I am a bisexual Black woman, and the issue is far greater than "he's had sex with men", and if that's who the conversation is directed to....then I'll hush......but it's not. But again we were silenced before we could talk, and all the responses from women were indeed retaliatory. There was very little room, hell no room for understanding the women's p.o.v and in turn made Carlton (along with other bisexual men) the victim in a victimless situation. It's like don't ask for openness & understanding, then throw a tantrum because it didn't go exactly the way you wanted.
I agree Carlton wasn't a good example. He was unlikable before he disclosed being bisexual. And instead of using his opportunity to explain bisexuality and his struggles he starts throwing around the "B" word and throwing things like he is a housewife on Real Housewives of Atlanta
@@brokegirlmagic8744 He was sooooooo problematic and seems as if he just wanted to be on tv. He had no sense of security or surety. I feel it very contradicting that it's ok for him to want to be with a woman to reap the traditional benefits in what nurturing women have to offer, but he couldn't even "stay in character" long enough to reciprocate the typical alpha male characteristics that most women look for in men. The name calling and throwing things, just so catty...
I agree 100%
Thank you.
Its not about curiosity, its about being OPEN and HONEST with your partner you are choosing to be married to. Its not irrelevant if its a part of your life and who you are????? I'm a bi woman and whoever I choose to marry is gonna know, first thing, waaaaay before we walk down the aisle.
What about other facets of your sexuality? Your body count? Sexual positions? Where do you draw the line between what is private and what needs to be disclosed.
@@yaiwve that's something for you and your partner to decide. each relationship will draw the lines at different places. i would personally be open with my partner about some of those things, but only if they are honest with me in return
yaiwve If you’re ashamed of what you do then don’t do it. You don’t get to pick or choose what people’s preferences are. You don’t get to choose for people because you’re afraid of rejection. Rejection is apart of life.
Totally agree. I think certain information is important to a partner. If you're bisexual that's important to tell early on. I am bisexual and I let people know right away.
That sounds all noble and brave... except for the fact that most heterosexual men have no issue with a woman being bisexual and it kind of plays into their fantasy for a threesome down the line.
Yussuf says it's biphobic for a straight woman not to want to date a bi-man. Then he turns around and says he would never date a heterosexual woman. Yussuf is a hypocrite.
Lonnie Withers the difference is his reasoning was not strictly based on the woman’s sexuality. He was considering his relations with her social network while most het women would only be hesitant bc of a bi-man’s sexuality
theres no such thing as heterophobia. lets start there.
Michelle Wanha definitely should’ve been my first point
@@marleyvincent4405 You are making a huge assumption as to the motives and opinions of straight women who do not date bisexual men. They have just as many confounding variables affecting their decision as JR Yussuf does- but you've written it off and value his reasoning over theirs. Straight women may also have worries about friend groups but also huge worries about HIV and STD transmission rates. Statistically, MSM or bisexual men have been linked to being the bridge between homosexuality and heterosexual syphilis transmission rates and women who have sex with them have more incidence. Similar studies have been done pertaining to HIV transmission since the 90's and sleeping with an MSM is considered to be a risk factor for straight women and a significant cause of the skyrocketing HIV rates among straight black women. All of these are legitimate and exist among a myriad of reasons that do not fringe upon biphobic.
And still you have not addressed the hypocrisy. You've simply attempted to justify it. You shouldn't. Even JR Yussuf admitted in the call that he understands his standpoint is hypocritical. Why can't you?
Lonnie Withers I’m not assuming anything. He didn’t say its biphobic for a straight woman not to date a bi-man. He said it’s biphobic to not date someone solely based on their sexuality. Those are the motives I’m addressing. If you feel you have valid reasons that’s your business even though it most likely could be debated. Also you’re right I am justifying it. Something can be wrong but still justified for example Killmonger in black panther or the death penalty. Doesn’t mean I co-sign, but I understand.
As a gay man it was very obvious to me from the start that he wasn’t comfortable in his sexuality. It almost seemed as if he was uncomfortable with the title “bisexual” the whole “im attracted to hearts” seemed like it was coming from a place of insecurity and internalized hate rather than acceptance of who he is. And the explosive behavior he showed..... he doesn’t need to be in a relationship whatsoever.
Men always want to take away your right to decide.. please disclose your bisexual. Please! The misogyny in men always jumps out whether they’re gay straight etc. There are women who won’t date a bi man and there are women who will.
I was going to say that! I don't think it's biphobic to not want to date bimen. If that's not your thing, that's not your thing. You shouldn't be judged for that.
There are women who won’t date bi women
What does misogyny have to do with bisexuality?
just1desi not disclosing your sexuality isn’t misogynistic. Straight men are liars and players too and like to be dominant as well.
Aliyah J. Many straight men are also seen as misogynistic tho...
When a person is looking for a "nurturer" in a romantic relationships, run for the hills! This person wants a parent, not a partner.
Women are by nature nurturers.
@@WilliamsPinch that's an incorrect assumption. Our gender does not automatically translate into wanting to be a wife and/or mother. There's plenty of horrible mothers and selfish wives out here.
@@WilliamsPinch I agree with you. All of the women saying that women aren't *necessarily* nurturers must have missed your stating the word by NATURE. Humans are the only babies who are dependant on the mother for such a long stage in development. In primitive times, without the mother to breastfeed, the baby would've died. To say some women are horrible mothers is a given, just despite the fact that a man component of humans is HUMANITY, yet some will still inevitably be psychopaths and serial killers. Some women love to talk about societal constructs, but these are the same women who somehow haven't evolved to picking up the check or marrying a man who makes less than them. The man being a provider is also a societal construct that comes from primitive times.
Why is that problematic, though? A healthy relationship, regardless of sexuality, involves both partners being each other's nurturers. You're supposed to help each other grow into stronger people, emotionally as well as financially and spiritually.
Facts! It sounds bad but its true. And the reality is A LOT of men finally settle down to have that. Women are nurturing and do the relational maintenance in heterosexual relationships. Thats just what it is
Sexuality is relevant; and therefore, heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality is important. It is one's right to not want to date/marry someone because of their sexuality.
Nurse-Student Possibilities why does it matter tho
@@YleneP What do you mean? Its about choice! It is okay if sexuality doesn't matter to you; but it is also ok if sexually does matter to others. If a heterosexual person does not want to date a bisexual person there is absolutely nothing wrong with that choice.. Heterosexuals have the right of choice just like bisexuals or homosexuals.
@@YleneP ..., it obviously is a big deal for him or he wouldn't have put on a big show about it "I have a big secret to reveal" he made a point to highlight that fact...so yes it is relevant to disclose.
@@YleneP It matters because your body is your temple.
Nurse-Student Possibilities but you didn’t explain why someone’s sexual history should matter oh wait internalized homophobia its ok to say it.
The moral of the story is: Go where you are celebrated
But first they have to find out where and making it clear what space that is to the public
YES!!!!! Simply said. Go where you are celebrated. The intersection of bi black men with straight black women ain’t it. lol
i definitely get your point but when you deep dive into that it is problematic, because that means then communities who don’t celebrate certain identities already should never celebrate them, you know? i get what you mean though, in terms of safety for the person and respecting one another’s preferences or understandings and whatnot. but like i said, a deep dive into that moral would make it sort of “immoral” for society itself. i know this comment is months old, sorry. i just wanted to say that. no need to reply lol
Carlton is performing.
He was literally as camp as they come, but now he wants a relationship with a woman with all the traditional gender roles under the sun and when he didn’t get that the abuse came out. Theres à clip of him on the real housewives btw.
Olivia most straight women want a masculine man.. that’s why we date straight men.. we’d date women if we wanted feminine energy. Are y’all okay?
@Olivia Right? Also, sexuality (as well as gender) is more fluid than binary. I've known plenty of bi men who identify as gay when dating men, or bi women referring to themselves as lesbian because they prefer women, just the same as how straight cis folks seem to think that if you're bi and you date someone of the opposite gender (usually perceived cis) that somehow you stop being bi, and now you're straight. Like??? Carlton is allowed to change his identity as it suits him, if he feels comfortable doing so. Hell, I myself have fluctuated between identifying as bi, pan, and polysexual as at certain times in my life I have felt more strongly pulled to a certain label, and sometimes even all three at once.
This whole "He was 'gay' on *that* show, and now he 'wants a woman' on *this* show, so he must be lying" is once again straight people falling back on the lie that "Bisexuals are deceitful", and it's getting old.
Olivia I’m not disputing his sexuality but his expression is performative. And Yh sexuality and gender expression aren’t the same but they are often tied together/ interlinked. I’m saying that he was super camp when it suited him back then and now he decided he wants a woman he wants gender roles
It’s inauthentic is the point
@@cannibalisticrequiem girl you can try to analyze this shit as biphobic or wrong that everyone can clock him as never truly wanting a partner during this show but he was CLEARLY mad Diamond wasnt biphobic and wanted to work it out w him. He had to insult her until she stopped trying and we all know damn well he didnt want to find a partner there lmao. He doesn't speak for all bi men but you're a fool to not think the nigga might be more closeted than he presented for this show lmao
Olivia honey I know know straight men that are femme and camp, but they are authentic, they don’t change it up to get want they want
I'm a lesbian and I would be upset if my partner didn't disclose their sexuality. Sexuality shapes the way we view and navigate the world keeping something like this from your partner is questionable at best and if you're thinking that your partner will react negatively / is homophobic they are probably not the right person in the first place
I agree with that. I feel like you should know who you dealing with and sexuality is a big part of the relationship
Correct.
SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
Why are people wasting time with others that do not want you. There is someone out there for you.
How though? Cause I don't see how someone being bisexual would shape them enough that you NEED to know. and it's only bisexual people who need to disclose because if you're gay/lesbian or straight you're already dating the ONE gender that you like. I think people who like one gender just can't fathom or understand how people can like two. Me liking two hasn't shaped me in anyway. My upbringing has shaped me a lot more than that. So do we also need to disclose our whole life stories as well so you can know the whole picture of who we are. And in that case you should too. Disclose all your traumas and even not so traumatic things so we can truly know who you are and decide whether or not we want to stay with you.
Leslie me being a lesbian and growing up in a society that bases almost all of a womens worth on being with men has definitely shaped the way I think, the same way other identities like being black and female also shaped my experience. I assume it's the same for bisexual people and as a partner I would want to know all facettes of their personality and yes in a relationship I also talk about past traumas.
It bothers me that he was the only non-straight person on the show. I liked the show, it was entertaining but it was extremely shallow. Everyone was conventionally attractive, able-bodied and most were white. Why not have more diversity in age, body type, sexuality, race etc.? How does this show prove love is blind by hooking up a bunch of pretty faces? If they really wanted to do something interesting by having people not judge solely on looks, they would’ve gone deeper.
Yep, also bothered me that it was the only display of a black couple too. Just disfunction way above the rest of the pairings.
There were other black men and women but they weren't focused on or maybe they didn't find anyone with a big enough connection to marry but the representation was definitely problematic.
I FULLY AGREE
Brittany S there were like three black people and two white Latinx and none of them were particularly average. There were hardly any average looking people. They were all skinny and “picture perfect”
I disagree. There was a good mixture of diversity. I think adding ppl with disabilities and more ppl who are like bisexual would have largely detracted from the show bc they would only be getting on the show to trick someone who they know otherwise would never marry them into doing so. This is under the presumption that they would all lie about who they are like carlton did. I wouldn't marry a man who was bisexual and I wouldn't marry a man who was in a wheelchair. These are premises I'd hope were bare basics that I dint even think of when asked "what do you want in a man". The reason everyone hated Carlton is bc hes a liar and therefore a loser. Of course, while I'm not one of them, there are women out there who like bisexual men (blac Chyna is one of them), so he should have disclosed that information upfront. Yes, it matters. Everything about what makes you you matters. That's how we find the people who are right for us especially when we can't see what you look like. I once fell in love with a short, fat, probably obese Jewish guy. We met off the internet without seeing each other. Looks dont really matter as much as personality and who you are does. But you can't lie about who you are. And I say I thought there was a healthy mix of people bc there pretty much was. There were poor people like amber, there were wealthy women like Jessica, there were multiple black ppl (we just don't remember all of them bc they didn't connect to anyone and didnt find love), there was diversity amongst their politics, there were young and older people, there were unattractive people mixed with more conventionally attractive people, and then as it pertained to jobs there was everything from scientist to NBA dancer.
Why is that black women must take any and everyone. Damn we can’t have choice?
A Gold right? we are the mules of society
Green Tea right! And this conversation is ridiculous. It’s biphobic to not want to date a bisexual person, yet this “bisexual “ person chose not to date straight women 😳...what? You don’t need to disclose your sexuality with the person you plan on becoming intimate with because it’s not a big deal,l. So why are you trying to hide it and if it’s not a big deal, being that you think you’re gay, you should forget about all that and sleep with the opposite sex anyway.. you will be aight 🤦🏽♀️. Nothing but gaslighting.
Amen! And then because we have preferences, just as others do, we are wrong. We already accept and put up with too much as is.
This is why I'm no longer bothering with the "We're not telling anyone who to date, just to honestly examine their internalized biases" or the "Of course you can date whoever you want" disclaimers anymore, because y'all keep going out of your way to unhear/unsee it, no matter how often it's said. They even stressed that you're entitled to choice in the video. The bigger issue here is that you wanna position yourselves in the victim role by hiding behind Black womanhood, while actively stigmatizing another marginalized group. It's the same kind of intellectual laziness exuded by white women/white LGBTQ people it needs to be called out more.
@@ambernixon8240 no demographics are immune to being called to task for similar kinds of stuff...it happens all the time among all kinds of people. This conversation just happens to center around Black women's exclusionary "preferences" so now the energy is switching up...we see you lol
Marriage is so heavy. Something that's lifelong and binding. I would want to know, it's just that simple.
hope sparks exactly. people take relationships so lightly now
Right? If it was just going to be a fling or whatever, then who cares? But if you're thinking about actually marrying someone, their sexual orientation is definitely something that they should be discussing!
Would you accept him if he did come out to you directly?
How does it affect you though?
I'm a bisexual woman and I agree that I wouldn't owe it to anyone to disclose it, because it doesn't change the way I would feel for- or be loyal to a person. I just would not want to marry someone that I wouldn't feel safe disclosing it to, so really if I feel like I shouldn't say anything, that's already a bad sign of distrust
Dang I guess black women aren’t allowed to have preference
nope.
just1desi we have to just take whatever type of man comes to us ..... idc I’m not dating a bi man ! No ! It’s not what I want
It really is becoming ridiculous.
Tiffany Porter RIDICULOUS! the thing is, the other women were allowed to push back, have preferences, and even argue over stupid stuff . But not black women . We have to just take a man solely because he is one
What kind of preference is that though? Most bisexual men do not differ from straight men in any way other than sexuality so what's the big deal? I am a heterowoman and I can't figure out why that would be a preference lol
I am free to discriminate based on any characteristic I want when it comes to romantic relationships. Everyone is. Who someone is attracted to can turn me off. Black men who like white women turn me off. Men who like other men turn me off. I, as a black heterosexual woman, would like a black heterosexual man. I don’t owe anyone anything. Not my time, not my resources, and definitely not my body. No, you cannot guilt me into being with you.
No one is "guilting" you, but if you're going to discriminate, don't cry when you're called out as biphobic. 🤷♀️
And then they wonder why WE think that there is an agenda pushing all of this! They are trying to force this into us and that's not ok!
@@cannibalisticrequiem I promise you nobody is crying! A year ago YOU didn't even know what this word meant because it didn't so please. And also I wish you'll experience that one day I would love to see how you REALLY would feel about it
@@cannibalisticrequiem Yal keep throwing around these "phobic" words, and it's starting to lose its impact. 🤷🏾♀️ Call me biphobic.cause I won't be with a bi man. Don't care. Call me Transphobic because I won't sleep with transmen. Don't care. Call me Whitephobic because I won't sleep with white men. Don't care. Call me Homophobic because I won't sleep with gays and lesbians. Don't care. Like I said, I create my boundaries for who I allow into my bed and life. On the plus side, there is more sexually fluid men for you :) congrats!!!!
sugarwaters THANK YOU!!!! FACTS!! What makes me mad is the gaslighting..
So its okay to take someone's choice away? I really need some kind of clarification here. If a man has kids and doesn't disclose them and you find out and decide this is not for you what does that make you ? If a person doesn't have their finances in order and you do, and you decide you don't want to deal with someone who doesn't have their stuff together what does that make you? If this person is a convicted felon for a serious crime and you choose not to date them what does that make you? I understand sexuality is not a choice, however because you fail to disclose a very intimate part of yourself to a person you so-called love, then you therefore have no right to dictate that persons actions after they find out or if you decide to be honest. If that is the case then I'm povertyphobic, felonphobic, kidphobic, etc. What I'm trying to say is Black women should not place themselves in a situation that they don't feel comfortable and being labeled a very patronizing name is just another way we are made to feel guilt into doing something we don't want. You should not be made to feel less then because you're being pushed out of your comfort zone and not in a good way. Bi phobic to me is what the term gold digger is when black men use it on black women. Gold digger is simply a term used to make a woman lower her standards, do without, and accept less than what she deserves, because the moment she expects anything better, she's what....a gold digger. Be who you are more power to you but when you withhold certain truths about yourself to someone you love, than you're no more than a manipulator and plain selfish. It's that person's choice plain and simple and you have no right to take that from them.
Waves Wright 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 I was waiting for this comment!! Say it louder for the people in the back!!
Agree 💯
How exactly would it affect you if your partner was bisexual? Seems no one is able to answer that question.
@@sunniva3252 As the guy said : FLUIDITY is under the umbrella of bisexuality. He's attracted now and then hell be attracted to men later. and you're meant to stay for the ride?
@@sunniva3252 simple now, not only do i have half the population as competition but now i have the whole human population to worry about, not counting that lets say years down the road all of a sudden you're trying to figure out why your husband is not attracted to you anymore, well you find out its not your fault but that's years of your life gone. There are gay people who don't want to date Bi- people and that is their right and no one is bashing them. You cant bully someone into doing something they are not COMFORTABLE doing, some people like BDSM and some don't does that make them phobic or aware of what they want to deal with in their life?
If you can "choose" when you disclose, which you have every right to.. Then the person on the receiving end has the right to "choose" how they feel about your withholding information that (like it or not) may be a deal breaker. But everyone has the right to break up with anyone for any reason whatsoever. Tell the whole truth from the jump and you can weed out those who aren't with it.
EXACTLY..I'm listening to him like sir, if you dont have several seats with "that's my choice to disclose or not to disclose to my partner". It's also my choice to say goodbye if I'm not with it, so spare us both the opportunity of wasting time by not being honest about who you are.
They weren’t withholding any information. If it’s that important to them, then straight person has to ask.
@@PikaYoshi21 , but you know it's a dealbreaker to many people, so why withhold it?
The complete lack of respect for Diamond's agency (and women's agency overall) is disturbing.
Phobia = fear. Preference is not always rooted in fear.
So you apparently didn’t listen to the video. Stay in your lane and stop trying to change the definition. It’s biphobic. Period.
liacashmere58 rewatch the video. The guy in the video, along with Kim, already gave you the answer to your question. If I had the time, all I would have to do is ask you a series of “why’s?” and you’d reveal your biphobia. Trust me, a lot of you all sound just like the racist who are more upset that you’re calling them a racist than their racist actions/words. I truly feel like you want to understand but I’m not sure what didn’t click for you after watching and actively listening to Kim’s video. 🤨
Girl im scared for the future
Like no one wants to talk about how it dangerous to have sex with gay men.
James Francis her decision seemed like more than just a “phobia”.. smh not everything is about sexuality. He lied to her and she obviously was hesitant with him because of many red flags. Him waiting to disclosing that was a red flag in itself because that is apart of getting to know someone. If it doesn’t work out then it wasn’t meant to be simple.
It is not bi-phobic to not want to date a man who has dated men. It’s a preference. Harriet is obviously worried about losing followers. This is ridiculous. Perpetuating the thought that a woman not wanting to date a man who is sleeping or has slept with men as bi-phobic is so wrong. Black women can’t catch a break. Supposed to have no expectations. Supposed to just take it all. This guy is a piece of work. Very upsetting.
Right. Seems like everyone can have a preference except us.
@@moniquek5097 preach!!!!!!!!!
Monique K and there it is
putting race to the side for a sec, not wanting to date someone because their ex was a different gender and you may not trust them with monogamy is biphobic. look at it this way too: a guy doesn't want to date a girl he'd originally been interested in because her last ex was a woman or she only ever dated women and he feels he can't trust her or whatever. that is biphobic. people are just focusing on the fact that this was with a black couple. its a mess no matter the race, but this was also blown way out of proportion. he might need therapy for one with the way he pops off and from the clips ( i didn't see the whole thing) i don't think she was being biphobic, it just seemed like she was coming from a place where nonhertero people were a bit foreign to her. i don't think shes at fault for wanting to understand. its a two way street because on one side he's afraid of being automatically rejected despite only being interested in her and she may be thinking stuff like "oh what is he change his mind half way through" ( i have family that have said that mess) . in the end its a difficult situation no matter how you look at it.
@@lizzy6319 i don't think of having a preference to date straight if you're straight as being homophobic, what I do think has already been pointed out by others so its whatever. at the end of the day they wouldn't have worked with him being bi or not.
I am so happy the caller acknowledged the hypocrisy in all this when he stated he might not want to date a heterosexual woman.....
Not wanting to date bi people make you bi phobic? So is not wanting to date the same gender makes you homophobic? And does the fact that he doesn't want to date a heterosexual woman makes him hetero phobic?
please can someone answer this.... if you don't date white men does that make you racist?
Good ass point!
Kandace Walker not wanting to date white makes you prejudice (I prefer to date other POC and exclude white people largely from my dating pool. that’s a prejudice against white people), not wanting to date bisexual is bi-phobic, not wanting to date trans is transphobic.
If the only reason you don’t want to date a certain person is because of one specific trait yes that is a phobia or a prejudice
Everyone is within their right to choose, however, you have to be honest about the reality of WHY you’re excluding these individuals. Personally, I have some fat phobia and prejudism tied up in my dating choices as I exclude fat and white people pretty much on the basis of them being white or fat.
SmartFashionFairy You clearly don’t know what prejudice means. Dating preferences are not prejudice unless they are based off prejudice ideas. Having a preference for people of color is not being prejudiced against white people; it is a preference. It is a prejudice if you don’t like white people altogether, inside or outside of dating/marriage.
Mel more prejudice people talking dear
Carlton didn't belong on the show, it's obvious at this point he needs some professional counseling. A reality dating show was not a healthy environment for someone who is not comfortable living their truth.
This J.R. was WILDIN. Man or woman you NEED to be honest.
I 100% agree with "let people decide who they want to date" but I do not feel his intentions are rooted in dishonesty nor was he encouraging folk to do so..
you dont need to put yourself in danger, your sexuality doesnt regard anyone other than yourself
Bi people are less likely to disclose their sexuality because they are more likely to be ridiculed or harmed. It has nothing to do with honesty and everything to do with boundaries, trust, and safety
As a gay black man, I have noticed SOME not all black bisexual men have a way of downplaying their same sex attraction when it’s time to “settle down”. They act as if a family is not possible in a gay relationship.
exactly!!!!
If you dont disclose to a lover of partner or future wife it is a sign of mistrust.
Wordsof Harmony I disagree, while this may be true at times it’s also possible that person doesn’t want their bisexuality to be a hurdle especially when they can easily pass as straight and cash in on that privilege.
Lorena La Reyna passing is deceiving. Deceit is indicative of being untrustworthy. Even if the motivations were well-intentioned or worthy of sympathy or understanding. Deceit is deceit no matter the flavor.
@@lorenalareyna5819 , but that's abusing a women's freedom to not be with you.
When you are not honest about your past, don’t expect to have meaningful relationships in the future.🤷🏽♀️
do you tell your partner every person you have ever been attracted to and slept with without them asking you? do you consider keeping that to yourself a deception? because that is what you are asking of bi people by demanding them to come out to you.
The important question noone is asking- was Carlton manipulating Diamond for airtime and clout and whatever the whole time? Was he being bitchy with her the whole time or did that only start at the dinner before the big reveal. He was being very cold and harsh with her, seemingly suddenly. And later he really tried to pick a fight with her. I think he was trying to push all her buttons to get her to be violent. But she is a lady so he couldn't bait her no matter how crazy he got. I think he was always planning to humiliate her.
Yes, I agree. He turned me off at the dinner. Had such an arrogant attitude. I would have walked away in that moment.
@@lakendracollier5099 me too! He'd been so nice and fun up to that point and then suddenly he's talking to her like an exgf that he hates? Flipped really quick, maybe that's why it didnt occur to her to reject him at that time, she just couldn't believe it was happening and was trying to get back to that happy place..
She wasn’t “biphobic” at all.. we all have dating preferences. He was 100% in the wrong. I have a right to not want to be with a man who has been with men. The same way someone can choose not to be with someone due to a difference in religion, culture, political ideals, etc.. Carlton victimized himself because he’s insecure about his sexuality. That’s his problem, not hers.
brooklynbornxoxo I don’t personally agree with the idea that having a preference for straight people is acceptable as it’s often rooted in homophobia but I 100% agree that his handling of it was in the wrong. If he doesn’t want to patiently work through it with her that’s ok but also didn’t have to be be blatantly disrespectful and abusive
Lorena La Reyna just because some people are homophobic, doesn’t mean that all people who want to date straight people only are homophobic.. homophobia goes far deeper than dating politics. does the same apply for gay people who don’t date bisexuals?
if your "preference" is homophobic or biphobic, that makes you homophobic or biphobic
@@brooklynbornxoxo People keep avoiding answering your last question and I find it funny. They don't want to police gay people or bi-men but they have no problem policing the choices women make, whether she is straight or gay.
Ecliptik i agree, but you can’t gage whether or not someone is homophobic or “biphobic” based off of the statement “I don’t date bisexual men”. The same way you can’t call a person racist if they choose to only date people of their own race
'For Harriet is a black feminist community open to all but centering on the needs and experiences of black women'
*DEEP BREATH*
This video ain't it.
Is anyone gonna ask Diamond how she felt??? Are we concerned about her 'experience and needs' after such an ABUSIVE tumultuous event??
Nah. Instead, when Diamond opens Al Gore's internet and comes for solace to a platform that self-proclaims that it caters to black women's needs and experiences...the first video re Love is Blind is going to be focussed on bisexual black men...which happens to be the identity of her abuser.
This is low-key (highkey) a diss to Diamond's intelligence and humanity.
Portrait of Asha ... say that!!
Valid & interesting point, very well made. Thank you for this.
Period.
Most people have both intentionally and inadvertently dated bisexual people during the course of their dating lives. It’s actually inevitable with the vast range of sexual orientations that exist.
that's a very good point! it's pretty funny how there's all this hysteria about the sexuality of people we like or date but we may never know of their true orientation. hell some people end up marrying them without knowing hahaha!
@6lack Cherokee Yes, ideally I would want that to be the case for everyone. I was thinking about undercovers who don't mind marrying straight people, especially to fit into the heternormative mold/image in fear of ridicule, abuse, even murder, etc or just for convenience. Sometimes fear outweighs honesty and sexual health. I think for downlows to come out, homophobia has to be eradicated. Otherwise some will try to stay hidden within heterosexual relationships.
Plus, sexuality is complicated sometimes. Some people are sexually passive or indifferent so they'll be okay with anyone provided they'll receive love and support. I can end up marrying a person that is in denial with their sexuality (many conversion therapy patients) or someone who fantasizes about the same sex without me even knowing but how am I supposed to regulate that? I can't LOL!
Crown Jewel this is what scares me.. too many stories of these dl men who use women as a beard and then say later on that they are gay.. it’s not far to get innocent people wrapped up in that! This is why a lot of us are discerning.. we face cheating from heterosexual men dealing with bisexual man would be another story
@@teniseuna But women do the same thing. I've seen women have sex with their "friends" and go home to their husbands.🙄 Using men for a skirt to have a better life is no better than what men do. Yet, it's not as stigmatized. Why is that?! She still a liar.
Sorry but i disagree. Im a straight woman and i want a straight partner. Im a black woman and i want a black partner. If an indian person only wanna date indians is that racist? No. I can want to date who i wanna date without being phonic ppl need to stop!
That part!
Yessss
This was soooo good. As a bisexual woman who has dated women for years, being in a new relationship with a man recently really messed with my head. Feeling like I had to change myself to fit into his family and friend’s gender expectations has given me a lot of anxiety. The changes really are subconscious and your guest gave me some insight!
Billie Eilish Fan no, because no where did she state that she ONLY dated women or that she has NEVER dated a man before her current heterosexual relationship. She simply stated that she dated women for years.
@curiouserandcuriouser I’m a heterosexual woman in a monogamous relationship and I deal with anxiety over gender roles/expectations but I could only imagine how much more pressure you are dealing with. Thank you for sharing your perspective and I hope that your journey brings you to that “right” place within yourself in your relationship.
I disagree with not disclosing your sexuality. Everyone has a RIGHT to decide who they are intimidate with. If I don't want to be with a bisexual person then why are my preferences not respected. Ppl have preferences... I can't with this idea that my rights and my preferences don't matter bc they don't agree with LGBTQ. LGBTQ have a right to be... I also have rights too... Why are my rights dismissed for the desires of others... ASK QUESTIONS PPL B4 YOU LAY DOWN WITH THEM... DON'T LAY DOWN WITH ANY AND EVERYONE... KEEP YOUR PREFERENCES... If you don't want to date ppl who LGBTQ...then you have a preference
Thank you 👏🏽 honesty has to come first and just as much as it their choice it should be yours as well
But can you explain WHY you have that "preference"? If you're both attracted to and committed to eachother, why does it matter if they're bisexual?
@Mira M well I've yet to see a single legitimate reason in this discussion.
Sunniva I have to agree. Gender preference and dating history are not the same thing and, frankly, it sounds like the kind of thing white men say about why they don't date outside of their race. Yeah, that's your choice but that doesn't mean there isn't some deep rooted bigotry you might wanna confront.
“If I don’t want to be with a bisexual person then why are my preferences not respected”
If you don’t want to be with a bisexual person, think about why. People love throwing in that word “preference” as if that’s a valid argument when really people just use it to cover up their internalized phobias. Our preferences come from somewhere, we don’t just like things or dislike things just because
I think it's weird for people to expect Diamond to automatically accept and be comfortable with his bisexuality. Especially when he wasn't even confident enough to tell her when they were getting to know each other.
As a (closeted) bisexual black woman, I enjoyed this conversation SO much. So many pennies dropped listening to J. R. I’m rich !!! With knowledge !!! THANKS !!!
girl I'm a closeted bisexual black woman. it sucks sometimes. I want to be open but most people would just shunned me.
kiki B. I know what you mean. I married a man, anyway, so for now imma be straight, I guess 😞
Strawberry Addict Strawberry Addict I am not at all in a tight situation, you know... I love my husband with all my heart, we have a beautiful family together and we’re celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary in the summer. When I say I am closeted I mean that I don’t tell people about the fact that I am bi, particularly because I never did have a relationship with a female (because the ones I could have got involved with turned out to be way too much work for me to even try) and I HATE when people tell me “oh, so you’re just bicurious, then!” (When they wouldn’t tell a virgin or someone who never had a relationship before that they can’t know if they are gay or straight until they “tried”, see what I mean?)
My husband is aware of the fact that I consider myself to be bisexual. But all that means is that if we don’t work out, my next relationship may well be with a woman. But since I am married to a man now, I’m going to be straight to the rest of the world because coming out as bi would mean having to explain a lot to people and I don’t want to do that.
Strawberry Addict thanks!
As far as disclosing. Yeah you do it owe it to the other person to inform them of your sexual preferences. I need to know on the first date, don’t make that decision for me when we’re a month into the relationship.
The straight person is responsible for asking that of their partners if it’s that important to them.
@@PikaYoshi21 😒🙄 move along with that nonsense
It’s not biphobic to be a straight woman not comfortable sleeping being with a bisexual person. As long as you treat them with respect, don’t contribute to stigmas and stereotypes and fight against other problems they face... isn’t that enough, why should you have to change your sexual/dating preferences just to accommodate them at your own expense?
That’s not fair.
i got attacked for saying the same thing and i’m pretty sure they’re gonna come for you too. 🌝
So you guys didn't watch the video, did you? You won't even explore your own biases and the roots of those biases but expect everyone to be cool with your prejudices making life more difficult for people, sure, OK. Sounds bigots being bigots to me, trite.
Olivia those are bold assumptions. I haven’t dated. I just feel how I feel
Olivia show me where i asked for your opinion 😂
@@wig99 I know. I read you comments. 👍 straight women should be entitled to their own preferences too
So a woman not wanting to date JR or Carlton because they’re bisexual is biphobic and wrong. But JR saying he is not open to dating heterosexual woman because of the things that could come with that and his ideas about them is OK? Make it make sense.
This is true, it makes no sense.
Why is it that black women have to tread lightly when it comes to the gay community! I happened to stumble across your page , but this ain’t it sis 🤦🏾♀️ seems like you didn’t wanna disagree with Yuseff! Why is this conversation so deep?? Did anyone think about Diamonds feelings ?? Is she obligated to date a gay bi man just to appease the LGBT people ?? I’m sick of the bs. I know a lot of women who would’ve got real ignorant with Carlton! But Diamond didn’t... and somehow she’s being labeled as biphobic. I would never date a “bi” man and that’s just called preference!
Im a bi black man. I agree Diamonds feelings weren’t focused on enough. Diamond was completely respectful and understanding and Carlton obviously insecure in his sexuality. I do agree someone not wanting to date a bi man is not biphobic, but the action is undoubtedly biphobic, whether people accept it or not. But then again, from your comment it seems like you’re one of those people that thinks bi men don’t exist
My question is that everyone says that someone’s sexual history shouldn’t matter but if I’m dating a cis, straight man, I would factor in his dating history into my decision of dating him so how does this differ? Also with those saying that the preference is rooted in biphobia, if we get down to it, pretty much every preference is rooted in some sort of stereotype. Now I say all that to say that I would, in theory, have no problem dating a bisexual man.
Also, I feel like we didn’t get into him saying he may not date a heterosexual woman due to her friends and family but heterosexual women should be open to dating bi-men? I do acknowledge that he called it hypocritical but still
That's interesting that you have no issue with dating a bisexual man. I could never knowingly date a bisexual man. I'm a heterosexual woman that's attracted to heterosexual men only. However, live and let live.
B JC You’re heterosexual so that makes sense. Apparently it’s biphobic to not date someone solely because they’re bi.
vannah j and why bi people not only date between them! This could be much easier!
He said he’d have a problem because he wasn’t sure how he’d be treated. Similar to a black women saying she couldn’t date a white man for fear of how she’d be treated. Is the black women racist? Of course not. The privilege goes in the opposite direction. And Herero people have privilege over Bi/LGBT people.
When white people say they just aren’t attracted to black, they’re (rightly) told about their racist viewpoints. And I think saying you just can’t date men who happen to be bi (esp if you liked them before you knew they were bi) can be called biphobic. No one’s being forced to date anyone though. If you don’t want to date men just cause they happen to be bi, then don’t, but don’t be mad when people call you biphobic.
@@kweenz600 : Race isn't the same as sexuality. Race is first and sexuality is second. A black woman not dating a white person because she doesn't know how she will be treated is due to the possible racism she will get from the other side or negative speech from her own side. It doesn't make her racist. It makes her cautious of possible conflict. A bi man dating a straight woman is not the same. No one else outside of their relationship knows he is bi unless he tells them. Do you want to know that your man has had sex with other men? No. That is a turn off. That doesn't make me biphobic. It just means I am not attracted to bi men. Hetro people do not have a privilege over Bi/LGBT people. The fact remains, race will always be the #1 factor. A white gay man will have privilege over any black straight or gay person. A white gay female will have privilege over any black straight or gay person.
So if a straight woman prefer straight men it’s biphobic...welp 🤷🏾♀️
Danielle Danielle one thing is prefering, another thing is flat out not wanting to date a man BECAUSE they are bi, that's biphobic
@@ecliptik8020 thank you. I was just gonna say that. The passive aggressive homophobia is real in black women.
Worst Reviewed Gamer hold on there, we are not about to put all black women in a bag to attack them either, cause black women as a whole are attacked and hated enough
Ecliptik your logic is just dumb. Lesbians date women because they are not attracted to men. So what’s the problem?
@@worstreviewedgamer5913 It's real in general, don't make generalizations like that
This whole conversation can be summed up in one word "consent". He took away her consent by not disclosing his sexuality to her on a DATING show. Whether she is biphobic or not you have to give people the right to choose who they want to love
Kim, like really? If straight women don't want to date bisexual men, that's it, they don't want to date bisexual men. Why do we always have to baby and cuddle black men? Good grief
This is some nonsense, biphobic should be someone who hates bisexual persons not someone who simply doesn’t want to date them. Kim, many times you said you won’t be friends with white women, does that make you a racist? You try so hard to agree with everything that eventually you contradict yourself.
Do you believe that reverse racism exists?
For Harriet what does “reverse racism” mean to you?
For Harriet yes I do believe it exists. Me as a black woman saying I don’t want to be in a relationship with a white man doesn’t make me racist, same thing goes for a white man who doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me. But if I go on a tirade saying that ALL white men are disgusting people who fuck their sisters, then yeah I am a racist. Same thing goes for me not wanting a bisexual man. I respect their sexuality but for me personally, I don’t want a bisexual man and I do think that he should disclose it with me, as he would if he was in debt, a convict, a millionaire, or anything that will also affect our relationship.
Thank you
@@ForHarriet619 I'm gonna have to unsub because this is some BS Kim. Your mindset is dangerous and unhealthy.
Guess I’m biphobic because l wouldn’t want to date a bisexual man. That’s a definite deal breaker.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to date someone who only desires to date women.
Truth B Told exactly. I just can’t believe that there are people out there bashing women for not wanting to be with a bisexual man. Like, there’s nothing that anyone could say to me to make me change my mind about that.
nadiya danielle the problem is that WHY don’t you want to date a bisexual man? What does that change? If you’re attracted to them and they’re attracted to you, there shouldn’t be an issue, their bisexuality shouldn’t be a dealbreaker unless you’re biphobic.
Maya Oppong BECAUSE I DONT WANT A DUDE WHO IS ATTRACTED TO OTHER DUDES. it’s really not that hard to understand.
Maya Oppong AND I ALREADY SAID I AM BIPHOBIC
If I’m going to be intimate with someone, I have a right to know their sexual orientation, period.
But why though? Why would it matter? If I (a straight woman) am about to have sex with a bi men then how does it matter that he's also attracted to guys in that moment? I am not a guy and he clearly wants me so it seems irrelevant to me.
Lil Meow it seems irrelevant to you, but I’m talking about me. I prefer & require a heterosexual man and for a man to not disclose his sexual orientation after I have told him what I require is dishonest and disrespectful.
@@T4KE_A_BREATH How do you prefer something you can't see? Are you certain that everyman you been with has been heterosexual? That's impossible to know
Not wanting to date a bi-sexual doesn’t make someone bi-phobic.
LOL
As a gay black man, I didn’t realize or think that me not wanting to date a bisexual man makes me biphobic. I understand preference is a whole other conversation but I didn’t see anything wrong with not wanting to date someone who is bisexual. I wanna end this by saying that I respect ALL ppl in LGBTQ+ spectrum I just feel that like black ppl us gays are not all monolithic ppl. I’m glad I watched this video today, it’s still things I don’t quite understand but I’m willing to learn and grow every day.
Not wanting to date someone just because they’re bi is inherently biphobic, no matter your sexual orientation.
I am a dark skinned woman. If I can have conversations with non-black people and with black men around colorism and racism without demonising everyone who prefers to date within their own race, or those who prefer lighter skinned women - I’m sorry bi sexual men should be able to do the same.
Homophobia is a genuine issue, but people are allowed to have preferences. They are not the same thing.
I can prefer tall men if I want
I can prefer sis men if I want
I can prefer dark skinned men if I want
I can prefer men of a certain economic background if I want.
I can exclude or include whoever I want if they don’t fit into the above.
There is someone for everyone.
"Prefer" being the operative difference between racism/homophobia and personal preference/choice.
As a heterosexual women, it is within our lane to decide if we date bisexual person. All that is required is non-judgement and respect. Just as some people don't date short men. I don't date men in jobs that risk their life (i.e. police officer, fireman). I obviously respect their career and lifestyle choice, I just do not want to live with the stress. It is my choice, not phobia. 👀🤔 Bisexuals can't tell heterosexual women how to feel bout a future romantic partner or husband. They should stay and their lane, and stop judging a decision as personal as selecting a life partner. 👀💯 Everyone in a potential relationship should be honest about their sexual and romantic history. Honesty and trust are required in all romantic relationships, regardless of sexuality.
If people are using words like Love or Marriage they need to disclose EVERYTHING. It's about being honest and transparent. We have to get to a point where we stop obsessing about what others think about our Identities. We have to get comfortable in our Own skin to the point where others opinions do not matter more than Our opinions of Ourselves.
Carlton didn’t want to talk it through with Diamond. He was actually very dismissive and already assumed that she wouldn’t accept him.
He lost me when he said that a bisexual doesn't have to disclose to someone that they are dating/ intimate with.
Exactly at that point he lost me I could not take his point serious. People like this are dangerous
Okay I get “you dont have to disclose ur sexuality to people” but to a significant other, yes you do. Why would you want to be with someone who will not be fully accepting of who you are anyways? Its like you know that person is bad for u yet u still keep them around and dont want to disclose that information to keep them. Makes no sense
Yeah... Even as a bisexual woman myself, I'd feel like my partner can't open themselves to me or didn't trust me enough to trust me with their full identity. If the relationship is serious, of course.
y’all with these hot takes are clearly straight
It’s the responsibility of the straight person to ask if they care. It’s not the responsibility of the bisexual person to say they’re bisexual if it’s never been brought up
@@diya-hn2wyUm, I'm bi and aint no way would I choose to wait as long as Carlton did. Dude is manipulate and a liar.
He's essentially promoting secrecy in relationships. If you're so secure in who you are & your sexuality then why wide it? Most hetero individuals want the same in their partners & lying by omission is absolutely wrong.
Bc he’s not secure and I wouldn’t be either in this type of world
Why are people acting as if it's okay not to disclose your sexuality before getting ENGAGED? No one said you have to walk around with a sign, but if you're planning on marrying someone they should know your truth. Imagine not telling your fiancé you have kids, a huge debt, or a drug addiction? Those are things people should be allowed to decide whether or not they want to be with you.
Call me old school or bi-phobic, but as cis gendered heterosexual married man, I only want to be in a relationship with heterosexual women. What's wrong with saying I'm not interested in bi-sexual women? What happens to personal choice and agency? Choosing to be in heterosexual relationship doesn't make me a bad person? You can't force a person to be involved with all types of people. This is an example of how the concept of inclusivity becomes oppressive. To put it another way, preferring a kale salad over a romaine salad doesn't make me a bad person. If we believe in personal choice and agency in some areas we have to believe in agency and choice when it comes to relationships.
You have every right to date or not date who you want. And others have the right to point out your reasoning behind dating a person is rooted in bigoted thinking. That being said no one is owed your body.
I will gladly call you biphobic.
Why are you calling yourself Cis?
@@09kenedy a cis gendered person is someone who identifies with the gender they were born with.
Terry Husband oh ok .. so you are referring to yourself by slang.
Listen Bisexual women this is NOT about YOU. Stop comparing apple to oranges. We don’t care if straight men (which I doubt in most cases) are accepting of your sexual orientation. We are talking about BISEXUAL (BLACK) MEN. Heterosexual Black women DO NOT have to be accepting . The bullying and harassing Black women to date bisexual men is troubling and unwarranted.
All I've seen is openly bi-sexual women agreeing with straight women and protecting their choice.
What’s the reason the gay men don’t date women or lesbians don’t date men? Because they’re not attracted to them. Simple as that. They don’t need some long elaborate explanation as to why they don’t and won’t date who they don’t want to. A gay man doesn’t date women strictly because it’s a woman. If we have to have some elaborate reason as to why we don’t want to date a bisexual person then gay and lesbians have to have one for why they don’t date who they aren’t attracted to.
I wish that were true but as a lesbian the amount of time and stress dealing with men asking shit like 'whats the difference between dicks and dildos' or 'Are you sure you just haven't had sex with the right man' 'Do you just hate men?' 'When did you stop liking men?' 'What if we fucked but my girlfriend was there' the amount of times ive heard either one of these is ridiculous and annoying.
this is a bullshit take. we are born with the sexuality we have. i’m not choosing whether i’m attracted to them or not. a gay will not date a woman because he won’t be aroused and won’t enjoy sex with them. if someone never told you they were bisexual you could possibly have a very happy life together. there is a reason their sexuality will change that. what is it?
A bisexual man and straight man are not different.
At around 22 minutes you asked the guest an excellent question. What is his response to a heterosexual woman's concern that a man is lying about being bisexual when he's really gay? Your guest said he's going to address the issue then proceeded to talk in circles, and not only did he not address the question, he went on to reveal his hypocrisy in saying that he wouldn't date a heterosexual woman. Yet he's so comfortable calling other people phobic.
Wow this was by far the best discussion on Diamond & Carlton. I learned so much! I did not know that there was a debate among the bi community on whether sexuality should be disclosed when entering into a relationship. Very insightful, and it helped me understand where Carlton was coming from a little better.
I think it’s important to discuss things like that. Coming from a bisexual woman, I disclose it immediately to partners because you’d be surprised how many biphobic men there are. I’ve been told it was disgusting for a woman to be with another woman, and of course the relationship didn’t work and I’m so glad I didn’t make a connection prior to that discussion. I do understand the stigma for males, however the only way to get rid of a stigma is to attack it head on. There are soooo many women who don’t mind dating bisexual men. That’s why I respect Kehlani so much for her going against the stigma and sticking up for her child’s father who’s bisexual. It’s an extremely important discussion to have.
What's weird about the whole thing with kehlani is that they were both bisexual, but people only cared that he was bisexual and called her sick and desperate for dating him
Rhymes Galore94 exactly and that’s why it’s so important for ppl like her to stand up and be like “uhhhh what’s the big deal?”
Y'all need to STOP making this about biphobia and all these phobias under the sun. As a bisexual woman I am on Diamonds side. This has nothing to do with him being bisexual and everything to do with him keeping something as important as his sexuality from her. Y'all just assume heterosexual women will date any and everything with a penis forgetting they have preferences too. That shit is rooted in misogyny and y'all need to check yourselves. And you're missing the bigger picture, if he can lie about his sexuality there could be a million other things hes lying about. I just believe if you come on a show where marriage was the ultimate goal you should have be ready to disclose everything BEFORE you propose
What is with people who feel like they shouldn’t have to disclose things to their partners??? People really think they shouldn’t have to their HIV status, their sexual orientation, their gender? That ish is trash 🗑
Its very crazy in my opinion and happens all the time. holding people and especially Black women, emotionally hostage. That's very egotistical and narcissistic I wish that there can be more aware of this.
sexyEros what’s next ? ... are we not going to disclose our marriage/relationship status?Are we not going to disclose if we have children? It’s really so deceptive and it’s crazy how this conversation is about being biphobic when the issue was the deception of failure to disclose and taking away a woman’s right to choose all because he fears rejection
@@msniekababy its Narcissism really. Most of these Dudes dont even have the forth thought to even comprehend something outside them selves. Its also apart of the culture we live in that has been cultivated in this country. Capitalism coupled with a patriarchal /colonial mindset. That's the best way I can summon it up. It effects everyone in different ways like a tier system. 🤔
there’s a difference in what’s relevant to a relationship and what’s not. sharing whether you an std or children will effect your partner and your relationship together. how will sexuality do the same?
The other partner is responsible for asking about the things that are important to them
Its his responsibility as her partner to give her space and allow her to accept him especially since he did not disclose from the jump. You cannot expect someone who doesnt know anything about lbgt people to just erase all their socialization and things theyve been told all their life to just be like youre bi? Great! Like thats not what the assumption is when you say nothing about it from the start!
Exactly. 100% facts.
please, transpose this rhetoric through a racial lens and lets see how it holds up.
"You cannot expect someone who doesnt know anything about *black* people to just erase all their socialization and things theyve been told all their life to just be like youre *black* ? Great! Like thats not what the assumption is when you say nothing about it from the start!"
Michelle Wanha black ppl were enslaved and white people have had 100 plus years to get it together
Michelle Wanha I HATE when people use the comparison. THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING. You can HIDE the fact that you’re LGBT+ and get through life just fine. You CAN’T HIDE your race. Prejudice and racism will follow you for your whole life cause you can’t hide the color of your skin. They are NOT interchangeable and this is a poor way to prove your point. Please try again.
maiya adrien your argument is valid but that’s just not how white people think , to a white person Michelles argument could be considered a strong one, things like race and sexuality can be viewed as one and the same because they aren’t oppressed, it can be considered all surface level arguments for them
A toxic narcissist person throws the biggest tantrum when they can't control other people's thoughts.
He lost me, when he stated. He doesn’t disclose his sexuality 😒 That is the whole, Carlton and Diamond issue. All over again, I will never understand. Why a person is so into claiming their sexual identity. And living their true self, but won’t tell the world. Regardless of what, bisexual people think, heterosexuals aren’t going to burn you to the stake! I knew Carlton was fruity, as soon as he opened his mouth. I don’t know what? Took Diamond so long , to catch on.Let’s be real alot of these bi or fluid men, mannerisms alone, give it off.
As a fellow bisexual person, I loved hearing J.R Yussuf's perspective. Being bisexual can be complicated so thank you Harriet for bring him on
This biphobic topic is absolutely ridiculous. Let’s be real here if I saw this guest speaker I wouldn’t look at him a quarter of a time because I’d assume he was gay up until he said otherwise. As a heterosexual woman I would not be attracted to him. Carlton played a character of his idea of a heterosexual man up until the point he came out to Diamond. Then his real feminine energy came out. Most heterosexual women would not be attracted to that. THAT IS OKAY! Can we stop pretending like there aren’t DL men? Can we stop pretending like a lot of gay men don’t have trouble identifying as gay men & use bisexuality as their saving grace? It is not heterosexual woman’s job to sacrifice her own well being, sanity, & comfort for the sake of bisexual men. It just is not. A lot of women believe that all men cheat. I think that idea carries over to bisexual men not simply because they’re bisexual. Women do not have “rise above” their values for anyone. That being said Carlton was trash from day one & apparently mentally unstable. It bothers me that the LGBT community often thinks that everyone else must pay the price of their suffering. Hearing this guy say he doesn’t owe anyone an explanation for his sexuality was troubling because he means he doesn’t owe women. I highly doubt a gay man cares if he’s bi. So what he means is society treats me differently for being bi so it’s women’s cross to bear. That is troubling.
I don't believe anyone is asking heterosexual women to change themselves to allow bisexual men into their dating/relationship pool, I think the point of the conversation is to ask people to be aware of their own unconscious bias, process it, and treat bisexual men with respect like they would give any other human. The statements about looking at JR and automatically thinking he's gay, thinking that gay men hide behind the guise of bisexuality, or even the reasoning behind why DL men exist is the reason why Kim and JR had had this conversation - they are all rooted in the biphobia that exists as a very real part of our predominant black culture and society as a whole.
viewetteer2005 This conversation wasn’t about heterosexual women beating on, disrespecting, bullying etc bi men. It was about not wanting to date them. The term biphobic is literally in place to attack people’s dating preferences because no one hates & discriminates against bi people but not gay people. In that case a person would be overall homophobic. That is problematic in itself. If I was 700 lbs & I met someone online using pictures that look like I’m 120 lbs & upon meeting me the person is no longer interested. Are they fatphobic? If I go on Christian mingle & later reveal to the person that I’m atheist & that is not where their values align. Are they atheistphobic? This argument is ridiculous. & once again something that LGBTQ (some not all) has come up with to make everyone else pay for their suffering in society.
Jenn Mcfly I agree that the conversation isn’t about violence against bisexual men, but in the scope of the situation it’s bringing to light the bias that black women (strictly in this situation) may hold against them. We hold bias and prejudice against things from our own personal experiences, upbringing, and beliefs. It is up to us to become aware of those, understand why we feel that way, and either acknowledge it or change it. Each one of the situations you presented are not preferences, they are biases. They are only preferences because somewhere along the way you learned or experienced that these people are not suitable to be considered for a relationship. People grow up in the church thinking that the person you date or marry should be a Christian by threat of the denial of heavenly riches, people grow up thinking that fat people are nasty and unhygienic and unworthy of being conserved attractive, etc. While none of it is true, we owe it to ourselves and one another to treat others without bias. The reason why DL men exist and you think JR looks gay is because of those same biases. We ask for non-black people to let us live and give us credit and show us respect, this conversation is not different. No one is saying change nor that others should pay for the suffering of one group, they’re saying be aware and give others the same consideration you go after yourself.
viewetteer2005 I think the part that you left out of my examples was the fact that they were started with lies. You tearing down Christianity when point was that a Christian was violated in their own safe space is exactly the issue. Not everybody wants to just be engaging into & having sex & relationships with any & everybody. We don’t all have to leave our values by the wayside so y’all can live in peace. That’s not my job. We are all allowed dating preferences. I don’t like feminine men. We can dive deep into the why & ive very open for that conversation but I am still not attracted to them. You’re not going guilt me into liking anything. That’s not how this works.
Jenn Mcfly The conversation Kim and JR had is not saying you don’t have a right to have a preference, it’s pulling to the forefront the problematic issues that come from it. No one is asking you to leave your values to the side, nor guilting you into changing. The point is that if we are aware of why we feel said way toward bisexual men, feminine men, Christians, fat people, what have you, we are better able to mitigate our perception of them, leading us to treat them better as complex humans outside of the label we give them so that we ourselves are comfortable, not of people trying to pin their hardships on others or point blame when that’s farthest from what bisexual men (or LGBT or fat people or Christians, etc.) are trying to do. Thanks for discussing it with me.
Get out of my face. I'm biphobic because I only like STRAIGHT MEN as a STRAIGHT WOMEN?? Then I'm also homophobic because I don't want to date a lesbian. Get someone who is actually honest to their partner not this guy speaking. Yall need to learn that if someone does not love you unconditionally then it SHOULDN't be. period.
Swear black women can never have a choice. It's except this or that. 😒
Thank you Kim for providing the platform to start a very necessary conversation. I do, however, feel a bit conflicted about a few things that J. R. brought up. Let me first acknowledge that I know there is privilege that I am afforded as a heterosexual woman (the same for bisexual women) that is not available to bisexual men. Even still, this idea of not owing disclosure feels like it’s rooted in male privilege. It’s not lost on me the number of bisexual women in this comment feed who not only understand the importance of disclosure but also know that it is paramount when building a relationship with someone. The withholding of truth and information from women is not a new conversation. I get feeling like you shouldn’t have to disclose your sexuality to an employer, your doctor, your congregation etc. But when you’re talking about someone who you’re building an intimate connection with, that requires vulnerability. J.R. also mentioned that bisexual men are often perceived as being less masculine. Something to consider though is that, the qualities that are often associated with manhood have to do with a man’s authenticity, strength of character and his ability to stand in his truth.
Speaking to your last statement, while I do agree that those traits are points to be considered, I don't necessarily feel those are traits that are taken into consideration in today's social landscape. With many women showing that they possess those same traits, they have become more of a representation of a strong upstanding person regardless of gender. In relation to JR's expression of bisexual men being perceived as less masculine, many (if not most) of the black community relate men who possess an attraction to the same gender as being feminine as they believe the attraction to "masculinity" as being a feminine trait. Any man exhibiting a feminine trait can therefore be considered feminine as that supercedes authenticity, strength of character, and an ability to stand in their truth because they don't consider the latter to be traits of a masculine man.
Do you ask the straight people you date to disclose their entire sexual history to you? How about you express you only want to date straight people instead of assuming everyone knows that. If someone told me that on the first date I would be like “aight, this isn’t going to work” but I’m not going to be like “hello. Nice to meet you. I have dated men and women in the past.” You have the choice to date only hetero people but you don’t have the right to believe you’re entitled to someone’s sexuality unsolicited.
Lol the world has gone mad! Does preference only apply to the lgbt community? Because if a heterosexual person chooses to be in a relationship with another heterosexual person I call that preference.. aren’t the lgbt community for sexual liberation? Then why can’t the rest of the world have preferences without being called phobic! Do we all have to pander to the lgbt community whilst they pick and choose who and what is deemed offensive! Such a dangerous narrative it really is not by force.. Carlton not only was not attracted to diamond but was extremely misogynistic and disrespectful he could have never loved her.. he simply wanted woman to play the beard!
And then they wonder why we feel like there is an actual agenda pushing all of this! That's why!
@@scorpi4814 Not really. Sounds like boring straight women whining about not being able to discriminate freely without being called bigots. You'd get mad at white folx who pull the "I'm not racist, but...", Hell you've probably gotten mad at non-black men not wanting to date black women at some point, but it's okay when you do it?
Sounds like typical bigoted hypocrisy, but okay. 🤷♀️
HollowedJes but please explain the bigotry I’m so intrigued by this all.. must I be with a bisexual man by force? Does that also mean I must be fluid..?
@@cannibalisticrequiem I will discriminate everyday if I have to to protect MY SPACE, MY BODY, MY MIND and especially MY FREE WILL! Now keep being THE SHEEP that you are society did Amazing on you
@@teniseuna No one is asking you to change your sexual identity, just to examine why you feel it necessary to judge people on theirs.
I often wonder where is the line between being biphobic and someone just being insecure. I’m a gay man I don’t want to date a bisexual man cause i do feel insecure about them want a woman. Do i hate them? No. Do i think other people shouldn’t date them? No. So as am i biphobic or just like i believe (just well aware of ) insecure and not justifiably so.
Its still biphobia because its based on a stereotype about bisexual people that ignores their individual humanity (eg that they will want to jump to whatever pair of genitals they are currently craving). Being aware of your insecurity is great but let's not make it am acceptable excuse.
Saying that because its based on insecurity or fear instead of hatred makes it not biphobic is like saying that a white man not wanting his daughter to date a black man because he is afraid of how violent and brutish black men are is not racist when it is. Sure that father may not hate black people, he may have many black friends etc, and his concern for his daughter safety is not about disliking black people but his fear still reduces black men to a stereotype that denies their person-hood.
Stefano Patton It’s biphobia that stems from insecurity
N Bucwa so what you are sayin is it might not be malicious but it’s still biphobic
Austin M understood. Something doesn’t have to stem from hatred to be biphobic
Stefano Patton nope, but whether it stems from hatred, stereotypes, or insecurities, biphobia is still biphobia
I felt for Carlton being afraid to come out, because there are a lot of stigmas attached to bisexuality. That goes double if you’re a bi black man. That being said, Carlton was acting out for the cameras. He was being really rude to her before he decided to come out, almost like he wanted to find a reason to go off on her.
I would not and could never be in a relationship with a man that occasionally in the past or outright currently had relationships with other men. I don't care what titles, labels or monikers society puts on me..its an absolute NO for me..its real out there folks DISCLOSURE is a MUST!! as a registered nurse I have seen it all. It is extremely dangerous as women to approach this in a naive and kumbaya free love kind of way..🤦🏾♀️
Thank you!!! I work in the medical field too. They are trying to guilt gullible women in to being ok with it. Saying things like most of the world is bi sexual.
mskeyland85 Exactly! Our lives are at stake here..its not as simple and sweet a picture as what's being portrayed..I have had many conversations with my patients on all levels of the sexual spectrum and what's not being spoken about is diseases that are rampant..its absolutely terrifying to the point where I've been single & abstinent for over 5 years!! (I know too much and have seen way too much) It's real out there folks😣
You could date a hetero man and he could put your life at risk. So come again
erica simone Yeah I was waiting for that response..
erica simone men who sleep with men have MUCH higher rates of hiv/aids. that matters to me and other women who choose to put their health above the feelings of men.
Thank you, Kim!!!!
Why doesn’t anyone talk about HIV transmission rates in these conversations?
Coconut Water thank you! This is a real health crisis among black women because of black males who sleep with males. The fact they are glossing over this to call people bi-phobic is very scary and we can’t afford this level of ignorance.
It's usually never part of these "woke" discussions, but it should be at the forefront. I work in public health. Men who have sex with men, account for 70% of all newly infected HIV cases in the U.S.
It has everything to do with prevalence rates. Men who have sex with men, have very high prevalence rates of HIV. Among black men who have sex with men, 1 in 3 are HIV positive. This means that black women who have sex with black men who have sex with men, are at substantially increased risk of getting HIV and the stats for HIV among black women, confirm this.
I understand what you mean, but the conversation isn't about what bisexual people do, its how society perceives them, no one talks about black women bodies when they talk about black men's preference
Black women should be given access to PrEP (HIV-preventing drug)
Wait, I'm biphobic because I do not want to date a bisexual man? Then, I am also homophobic for not wanting to date a lesbian. Then, I am also classist for not wanting to date a man without a job. I don't agree with this argument, but whatever.
I think that this comparison is not a good one because not wanting to date another woman is part of your sexuality not just preference. Who your partner is attracted to is different than what they are. I don't think it's fair to label everyone who prefers to date straight people as biphobic but I do think that there is something to be unpacked about why so many women feel this way. Everything else about a man could be perfect; he could be a man's man, the whole nine yards but the fact that he is attracted to other men is such a dealbreaker. I also think that regarding any other level of attraction most people will never disclose that information. Most people are not gonna go through a list of traits that they find attractive that their partner does not have because what's the point? It's just interesting and something we should be thinking about.
Communication is key in marriage and he decided to propose with a secret that tortured HIM. I believe firmly if she knew before hand and he gave her the op. to really get to know him they would have finished together.
My problem with his character is he was also filmed on ATL house wives getting into it with Kenya moore where she called security.
There is a pattern with this man... before you love "hearts" love yourself... make sure you're okay and understand what you feel.
Carlton was problematic and it had nothing to do with his sexuality. His personality is what is flawed. Diamond took it very well and she sought understanding. I commend her on trying to hold it together even while being attacked by the “victim” Carlton.
I'm not attracted to men that are attracted to men...🤷♀️...date who you want gay, straight bi I don't care. But straight men are what I'm attracted to...I don't think that should be a problem.
There are a lot of women in these comments that are still centering themselves in the conversation. Whether you are a bisexual woman or not- this is not about us. It’s about black bisexual men and their own experiences. C’mon y’all.
No, when they said heterosexual women are biphobic for not wanting to date bisexual men, they included black women in this conversation.
@@cu5864 You are biphobic to begin with so it doesn't matter.Get over it.
Mostly cis het women too...
You do realize her channel is geared towards black women how many men do you see commenting her videos?
This SHOULD have been about Diamond. For Harriet is supposed to be for BLACK WOMEN.