How to Write a Good First Line
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- Опубликовано: 31 май 2024
- I could write opening sentences all day. They’re what get me excited to begin a new story, both as a writer and as a reader. Journey with me through a sea of over forty first lines, each of which opened my eyes to the possibilities and promises an author can convey with a dusting of words.
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Introduction (0:00)
Questions (1:15)
Characters (4:52)
Imagery (7:18)
Theme (9:54)
Combinations (11:43)
Opening with Dialogue (13:11)
Genre Considerations (13:53)
Final Thoughts (15:32)
Hi there, viewers! You can read an adapted text version of this video on Medium. medium.com/@quotidianwriter/how-to-write-a-good-first-line-9bfef4399b9d
Your video is awe-inspiring! With your permission, I would like to use your quote from the anonymous Creative Writing Professor, "Write a first line that makes you want to learn more."
@@andrewklebahn8792 Thank you for your kind words! That quote actually came from professor and author Lee Martin, if you'd like to credit him. He has a wonderful writing blog, too, and a book about the writing craft. :)
Diane Callahan - Quotidian Writer thank you 😊 I will assign proper credit to him👍
Ms. Diane (I'm from the South) lol. Do you believe that the last line of a book should also be discussed in a future video? Thanks for your advice 👍
Home had been bombed.
Is that good?
"When I say "Anyone can be a hero", it's not inspirational, it's a warning."
I like that!
That’s a new way of looking at that phrase.
I want! To know! More!
love it.
Amazing first line.
I'm still in love with:
"Mr and Mrs Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much."
Same 😂
oohh
Harry potter
"The man in black fled across the desert, and Gunslinger followed". Shame the rest of the nowel is Meh
@@tedarcher9120 yes
“Look, I didn’t want to be a half-blood”
Ahh so many childhood memories
The percy jackson books are one of my favorite book series
Immediately when she started talking about j comic first lines, I though about the Percy Jackson series
Yeah
The Percy Jackson series is amazing
Ahhh yesss percy jackson fans unite
I know this might be very rude but Why do you like percy Jackson. It talks about GREEK MYTHOLOGY. I can NOT be madder at Rick Riordan. I mean Rick Riordan WHY?????😡😡😡😡 And JK Rowling, thank you 🤩🤩🤩
One trick I discovered is to look at your first draft and imagine that each line could be the first line. Once you know where the story is going, sometimes the perfect first line will jump out at you after the fact. You might not have given it any thought at the time.
ReedRock I agree 👍
This works with poetry today. I did this with one of my published poems. I used a line as my opening line, that was a few lines down in the 1st draft.
Yeeeees! That is definitely what I did!
Someone pointed out to me that the most interesting line of my first 200 words was buried in the middle of a paragraph. Revision followed. Fortunately, I love line-level editing. Probably too much. 😂
Then writing become a cliches or string of one liners
Margret Atwood about red riding hood:
"it was dark inside the wolf."
I really like the first line of Last Wish by Andrzej Sapkowski (the Witcher saga):
"Later it was said he arrived from the North, from the Gate of Sailors."
It's about how people would tell stories about the time he visited the city, which means it's the first and introductory line both to in-book listeners to the story as well to our real-world readers. Pretty smart. (Unfortunately I don't have access to the English version, or the Polish, original one that I originally read so I translated it back from German translation I have at home).
I just had that Masterclass advert in the middle of this video
That hooked me and still it hasent let go
I GOT THAT ADVERTISEMENT JUST NOW SHSHHSHS
@@Kasiarzynka No problem, in the polish version its the same context ^^ even shorter: "Mówią, że przyszedł z Północy, od Bramy Żeglarzy" something like that
“When they threw him off the tower, I almost didn’t flinch.”
What do you think?
Ooh, that's a good one! I'm curious to know the narrator's relationship with the person being thrown off, and why they wouldn't flinch at such violence. "I barely flinched" might be another way to phrase it. Keep writing! :)
Thanks!
Seconding Sarah's comment, and strongly hoping that your original is what you want to convey. I would be so much more intrigued by that!
That's amazing
I know. I'm late. But I just saw this. I love the meter: (When I) THREW him OFF the TOWer, (I) ALmost DIDn't FLINCH. I also like "almost didn't" because it feels like the speaker is struggling with how s/he felt..."I flinched....well, I almost didn't." It also seems a little local color-ish similar to how Southerners might say "mighta could." That's a stretch, but nevertheless, it's a genuine way to express how the speaker flinched. Your sentence immediately makes me wonder if the speaker didn't like the guy who was thrown, or if the speaker was desensitized to violence. Maybe the speaker was expected to show no outward signs of emotion. Well done.
"A curious thing happened on the way to hell." (The first line of my current manuscript.)
I love it
I want to read this story!
I'm gonna need an update and some more information, stat
Did that curious thing happen to the character or did they observe it? If they're going to hell and the curious thing happened to them, then maybe "a curious thing happened to me on my way to hell." That sets up the premise and tells something about the character.
Why the h word?? But other than that its good mostly
"I was a good person, I swear."
My first line:
The house didn't want me inside it, that much was obvious.
Yes!!!
I'd read it.
I would leave out "inside it."
@@williamdennehy9653 😎 simple, clean, an improvement. I like it
I would just say "the house didn't want me in it." Telling the reader that it's obvious without context creates distance from the intriguing question that the first part of the line sets up.
"There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it." ("Voyage fo the Dawn Treader" by C.S.Lewis) Absolutely love this one!
Written by a man who hated his own name (or so I've read). Clive Staples Lewis. :-)
@@YTEdy" I started going by 'Jack' when I was a child. Never liked the name 'Clive.'" CSL :)
Oh, I just loved the Narnia series.
my fav
@@YTEdy i can see why
“He was fully clothed, that's what stood out for me.”
"What was perhaps the strangest thing about him was the fact that he was fully clothed."
How does that sound? This isn't a correction, by the way. I thought I would try re-writing some comments for practice!
I love it 😊❤@@pinkclogs
“An old book in new hands is something to truly fear, because it’s like pairing the past with the future,it’s only weakness is the short gap in between, the present.”
I think I have three favorite first lines as of now (all from short stories)
“Robin distinctly remembered not being handcuffed to the wall when he went to bed last night.”
“If only it wasn’t five-thousand light years away, maybe it would be easy.”
“Every year since he was eight, Larry had heard the story of his late great grandfather Darius and the treehouse that saved his life.”
Those are all great first lines, especially for short stories! Keep writing. :)
"It had never occurred to me what a spectacle they'd make of her body. "
I noticed reading many lines in the comments that I'm hard to please...
but you sure got my anticipation with that, holy hell!
Omggg I’ve been reading first lines in the comment...BUT THIS is right down my alley .... tell me more !!
I'm a bit scared, but want to know more
This has just the right amount of intrigue, potential horror, and questions raised. Well done! I’d love to find out more about this, you’ve captured my interest!
That sounds very macabre
“I don’t know how long I’ve been in this mile long library, but I certainly know how many books I have read”
Yee haw here you go
One of my absolutely favorite first lines ever is from a poem, or book of poems specifically:
„I have my mother's mouth and my father's eyes; on my face they are still together“
- Teaching My Mother How To Give Birth by Warsan Shire
I read that and it completely and utterly drew me in. Every time I read it, it makes me excited with how good it is. How much it tells and how poetic it sounds. Really, beautiful imagery.
I'm a newbie to writing and I'm drowning in unorganized, hyper-sensationalized information at the moment. I'm _super_ appreciative of your well-crafted, organized video on this topic. I actually took notes. I'll definitely be diving into the rest of your videos. thanks!
That is me to a tee. I know you posted this two years ago but if you or others drawn here need advice, here's mine: watch or read these advice pieces multiple times, find ones that focus on process more than "do this don't do that", write a lot, read a lot and the how to's will take on more meaning the more practice you have. I've watched the same 10+ videos over and over as I write, committing the concepts to memory and associating them with my writing. Last piece if advice: take all writing advice with a grain of salt. If it works use it. If it doesn't shelve it.
@@vallonskyles1906 Absolutely!! Writing is unique for every single person so don't be afraid to do something noone has done before and don't be afraid to be as complex or abstract as you want!! It doesn't always have to make sense, so to speak, but practicing those techniques or processes or going deep about some seemingly unimportant part of a scene is a fun way to explore what your mind can intricately build!
"Peter's ribs snapped with a sickening CRACK."
"Peter had mixed feelings about vomiting."
"Lila knew she had been dead for too long."
These three opening lines have to be the best ones I've written
I do think the first one is a bit generic, but the other two are great!
I'd go with the third. It sparks interest and mystery.
The first two are nowhere near as good as the third.
Write a first line that makes you want to know more.
1. Questions
- oddities
- conflict
- events
- characters
- moments
2. Character
- names
- oddities
- voice
- secondary characters
- drama
- humor
- pov
3. Imagery
- setting
- items
- style of description
4. Theme
- universal truths
- brilliantly worded truths
Shoving ingredients into your first line doesn't necessarily make it better. But it's fun to experiment.
"There were dragons when I was a boy." - Cressida Cowell, How to Train Your Dragon
I've been scrolling through the comments hoping someone would mention How to Train Your Dragon!!
That is such an amazing line for the series, but I also want to spotlight the first sentence in the first chapter of the first book. "Long ago, on the wild and windy isle of Berk, a smallish Viking with a longish name stood up to his ankles in snow."
I absolutely love both openers.
Wait, there is BOOKS?!
@@Kasiarzynka Yep. There’s twelve of them and they’re really good
@@SheegogProductions "You are as Beautiful as the day I've lost you"
Who said that and what moment?!🤔😂😁
@@voices4oppressed Stoick the Vast says it to Valka about halfway through the second movie. (Not in the books at all.) ruclips.net/video/13MFPoNIRaw/видео.html
"I stared at the drawer; the blades seduced my wrists"
my opening line for a short story on abuse and trauma
The first line of my current story: "You’d think in a world full of monsters everyone would be afraid."
High fantasy story. If you ask me I think it quickly convays some very important things: This is a very dangerous world, this world defies expectations/many characters defy those expectations, the POV character wants you to question things.
"That we’d cower and hide and run. Some do, but not everyone can stand idly by. There are few that stand up and face the dangers of the world head-on for the sake of those who can’t. Many call us brave. I thought I was."
If you add in the rest of the opening paragraph I think it describes everything else you need to know about the main character's personality, morality, outsiders opinion of him, and his flaws.
He can't stand by because he knows right from wrong. He wants to protect those who can't protect themselves. People think he's brave and heroic. He isn't so sure of his bravery anymore, but its clear at one point he agreed that he was brave and heroic.
"Nothing could have possibly made me brave enough to handle the sight of my best friend lying in a pool of his own blood his left leg blown off, his right broken in three places, and too many other injuries to count. Terror filled my body and froze me solid. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t think. I wanted to run away. I wanted to run to him, but I could only look upon the consequences of my failure as a friend and as a Ranger."
and the rest sets up the current story.
I love how you analyzed your own opening! It sounds like you have a classic hero and a strong first scene.
Sounds good. Well done.
sounds grreat give me a holler when you´re done. sounds like a great classic high fantasy to me (and that is my turf. and truth be told there is lots of classic high fantasy but only few that got me past the first thirty pages. means okay i bought the book already but still somewhat disappointing. )
WOW
i want to read this. what is it called and where can i find it?
“Falling in love is a lot like falling out of a tree: thrilling when you take off but crippling when it ends.”
WAIT THAT IS SO GOOD
Not really lol. Why is falling out of a tree thrilling??
"We aren’t born equal, I’m the perfect example"
That’s mine
Nice
Got me questioning, “is he unequal for better or worse?”
Great line. This could work in a story or in politics. I'd recommend the story.
you can do better
That's fire.
It reminds me of a line from Vedamalady, from Mars Volta: "I am free of equity."
i love how pride and prejudice’s first line conveys both the satirical tone and the themes of marriage, social class, and meddling. such a great book!
"I tasted the season of aged skin"
That's the first line, In my upcoming poem called 'years after I buried you" that is being published in print in Conceit magazine this winter
Very nice.
Beautiful! I'll be sure to check it out!
where can i read this?
"A clinking sound rings through the classroom, as one of the students throws yet another pencil at the ghost sitting at one of the desks."
Thinking of the first line got me more tangible results than countless hours of worldbuilding. Exciting.
I'd like to know more about the desk: the desk on the front row, the desk in the darkest corner of Mrs. McGillicuty's third grade class room or the desk next to mine.
It was a bright and sunny day when I typed this comment.
Bright and sunny when I read it.
Tis the day of Wednesday, December 19, A bright and sunny day when a man of unknown origin, typed this comment
Lmfao cool
Sorry dude it was a dark and rainy night and the clock on my phone said it was almost the witching hour when I read your comment.
That's it. Where can I buy it?
"The five girls were lead into a room which looked like it hadn’t been used for many years, at least not by humans"
I am actually really proud of this one. Thank you so much for this video! I was planning to begin with a dialogue but, changed it. I love your videos!
ooh good one, i like it, its very intriguing
@@munjarez1721 thanks😊
@@nurgulisazade21 is it just a random opening you came up with or is it an opening line to some of your work?
@@munjarez1721 it’s an opening line for the second part of my book
@@nurgulisazade21 whats it about?
Exceptional.
I'm not quite a writer, but I did use this silly little opening for a short story once:
'There are as many ways to kill a cat as it has lives.'
I'm guilty of subbing on one video, but this should be an exception.
That's a killer first line. Even as a cat lover, I'd have to read on. Thank you for watching! :)
Are you a quality writer yet?
god i would love to read the whole thing
SEND US THE WHOLE STORY.
Where can I read this?
"Should we eat bugs?" That's the one from mine
This is the only one I like 😂
That's interesting!
This is a beautiful video!
My first line is, “When the Mother made you, she placed a lyre in the sky to sing a legacy for all eternity.”
It’s a YA fantasy centering around the theme of being a legend.
My name is Cullen Karacosh this week.
Oooh, now that's an enticing first line. A unique name, too.
what book is it?
"It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen."
-1984, by George Orwell
i saw this video too.
I don't see how this line makes us ask questions. I don't sense anything off about this.
@@megaultradamn that means the message of the book is beyond your capacity. Don’t worry about it
@@gatorhoy0420 I've read it years ago and understood it. But that first line doesn't strike me as odd. Maybe I missed some of the British vernacular/ cultural implications. You gatekeeping information does nothing to improve people's understanding of this important work.
@@megaultradamn how am I gatekeeping? It’s something you don’t get.
The point of the line is about the experience of accepting a narrative that you KNOW isn’t real, but believing it for survival.
Your need to look inside, if this troubles you, is not my gatekeeping.
“Every town has its monster.”
This is interesting!
And every village has that one girl who lacks nothing.
It gives me the vibes of crime or something along the lines of child @bu$€
"Cyrus Hollow was an irregular man. He'd had blood on his hands since the age of seventeen, not that he minded."
Here's the start to a novel that's been swirling around my head for a while.
Kinda edgy but it sets the mood of the history. I would read that!
"Cyrus Hollow had blood on his hands since the age of seventeen, not that he minded." The phrase "was an irregular man" detracts from an otherwise great opening line.
@@themaninsideyourdreams.882 Thanks! I plan on writing the novel when I have a bit more experience in novel writing. I'm working on my first novel at the moment, (Which has turned out to be more complex then I initially thought) but, I'm glad to hear that someone would read my writing!
I hope not literally on his hands lol
@@ravenID429 It's a metaphor
Her last words to her husband, “Live for me.” were wasted, because he, in fact, did not.
OOOh the twist at the end is very good
Omg, now I want to read the story
OOF
"Rain poared in sheets across the glistening tiles of the roof, but the rain falling from her blade was crimson."
I love it....The twist at the end is a chefs kiss😋
oooooooohhhhh
Why in the actual holy mother of Jesus do you not have more veiws. This, this low veiw count is a sin and should be treated as if someone has been murderd! You're videos are so calm and informative, and unlike everybody else in this now officially damned community, you use the visual aspect of videos! The visuals of your videos are so wonderfully put together and your quality is so nice. GYYYYAHAAGH! why are you not hailed as a writing video God by this point?
Haha, thank you for the high compliment! I love your enthusiasm. Every new video brings more and more viewers, slowly but surely. ;)
Diane Callahan this comment wins Lol I can only strive to have such high praise hahah Jkn🙌😫😂😂😂awesome VID THO!!
View count is not a function of quality. :)
It is, however, a direct function of marketing, connections, coin, computer skills, resources/personnel, and other such things... again... none of which are truly related to a quality product.
Believe me... I know.
I think "Why in the actual holy mother of Jesus" is a good first line 😂
I'm a big believer in "first lines". I give every book I think to read the "first line test". If it doesn't grab me, I put it back on the shelf. In a sense, I do the same with videos, and Miss Callahan's passes the test, big time. I was fascinated by it; I wish that I knew how to do it!
"He felt the burning touch of ice on his shoulder, and realised that he had lost."
That's an awesome one! It makes me think there's some kind of magical tournament going on. I'd almost want to know the protagonist's name instead of it being "he."
Diane Callahan Thanks for the advice, the line is now changed accordingly :D your videos are extremely helpful by the way, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed watching all of them :)
Diane Callahan sorry to disagree i personally (just my taste) would be more curious by the "he" than the name. Cause immediately I'd go "who is he?" that's the question right there. Just to me the original line was perfect. To eric. Can you give me a holler when you're done? I don't know what your stories about but it sounds interesting
Not gonna lie. One of my favorite opening lines will forever be ''in a hole in the ground, There lived a hobbit''. Idk if its nostalgia, or if it's actually as good as I think it is. But damn it if it hasn't been stuck on my mind for a while.
Was it a nasty, dirty, wet hole full of worms?
Please critique and state which genre you think this is :
"My first experience with murder was when Mya Stan attempted to kill me with a kiss."
Haha! I love that the sentence has a twist at the end; that's hard to achieve. Well done! At first, I thought it could be contemporary young adult fiction with a romance leaning. Upon further thought, I'm going to go with a humorous spy novel because of the "first experience with murder" part. There's something very James Bond about it. The girl's somewhat ordinary-sounding name is what leads me in the contemporary direction rather than fantasy, although I don't yet know if she literally or figuratively tried to kill him with a kiss. I mean, she could have magic powers that enable her to give poisonous smooches... What's the actual genre?
Diane Callahan That's a really good guess, as the plot does contain a bit of breaking in, and puzzles being solved. Thank you so much for the response! The genre for this book is dystopian and I was wondering, do you think the opening line would still work for this kind of book? I don't won't ruin the book but I guess I could state that this book is about a group of fugitives who plan revenge on the people who wronged them in this dystopian world and Mya Stan's attempt at a kiss is the inciting incident due to the context and politics of the act in that particular society, if that makes sense. I can't explain any farther as I don't want to spoil it nor risk the idea being stolen. I hope that you will still be able to answer the above question, thank once again for your help, please respond!
It depends on the intended tone of the story. Right now, I'd interpret it as having a wryly humorous tone, which may or may not be what you're going for. However, if the second line conveys a more serious tone that matches the revenge plot and dystopian vibe, then that would work for me. As a reader, I just need a little further guidance about how to interpret that first line within the context of the story, which is something that second sentence could provide.
Young Adult, Romance.
I loved it ❤️❤️❣️❤️❣️❣️❤️
This video was immensely helpful!! I’m writing a story about two girls who fall in love and I’m starting from the perspective of the girl named Victoria who isn’t an afraid to say what she thinks. My first line was originally “Victoria was speechless” (upon seeing the other girl for the first time) but now after seeing this I thought about who she is as a character and I updated it to “Possibly for the first time in her life, Victoria was speechless.” It think that works much better so thank you!
Haha, that does reveal more about her character and shows why her being speechless is a remarkable event. Sounds like a cute story! :)
My first line is ‘some of us do not fear death, but rather complete comfort in the thought of no longer existing.’
"Our deeds have no graveyard but Time." Started my second novel with that.
Thanks for the great videos.
"The town was in flames." - Blood of Elves, Book 1 of the Witcher series.
I liked this one because it sets the tone and raises questions.
"It was Hugo Jones' first day in this world. Sadly, it was also his last."
It's my own. What do you think?
That opening does make me curious to know more! I'm wondering if it implies he died at birth, or if he's a created being that dies some other way. Unless it's not a death at all? Maybe you could clarify what you mean by his "first day in this world."
Diane Callahan you can think of him as Abbott and Costello from the movie Arrival.
Perfect! I immediately want to read more
Strikes me as a political science-fiction story.
Nailed it.
"I'm pretty much f***ed" - The Martian
" Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again ", one of the amazing opening lines from Daphne Du Maurier's gothic novel Rebecca. . .
Whatever you do, keep making more videos please..
That one was on my list of quotes that I cut from my original script! I didn't want to encourage anyone to open with dream sequences, even though _Rebecca_ is a different case. The reader knows the character is describing a dream, instead of being “tricked” into believing the events are really happening. "Manderley" is such a mysterious place name; it evokes all sorts of questions.
Thank you for watching! :)
MY FRIEND DID A DRAMATIC READING ON THAT ONCE! She never placed, but it was terrifying. Very good story.
Personally I've always loved the first line from Percy Jackson and The Lightning Thief. "Look, I didn't want to be a half-blood." Perhaps I'm alone on this but I love it.
That's one of my favorite lines too. I think it perfectly explains both the fictional story and the real-life parallels with the mental health themes. No one asks to have dyslexia or ADHD. No one asks to have autism of savant syndrome. There are interesting upsides to some mental disorders, but you would never ask for them.
I completely agree. Although the way Sea of Monsters starts is not only perfect to me, but pretty much presents the shift in tone and overall change in attitude for Percy.
''My nightmare started like this.''
me too
@Orianna Zeiss: Keeper Of The Quill @Battle Angel
I agree! They're both very good and hooking
That line followed by the next few hooked my fourth grade self so much that I became a reader. Percy Jackson is still my fav riots book series to this day😊
"It was a fact of life in Times Bay, Michigan that everyone eventually goes missing."
There's something almost funny about that sentence, and it definitely hooks me! Add in a comma between the city name and state (Times Bay, Michigan). I'm curious how "everyone" could go missing, but I still like the general tone and sense of mystery. Keep writing!
@@QuotidianWriter Thanks! It's actually for a comic I'm working on right now. A urban(?) fantasy inspired by fairy tales.
I would take out the comma and Michigan. Read it without them and it moves quicker. The comma and Michigan add a pause right when you are delivering the curiosity. Read it as, "It was a fact of life in Times Bay that everyone eventually goes missing." It gets right to the hook without taking an unnecessary pause. The fact that it is in Michigan can be covered anywhere else. Just my 2 cents' worth.
I agree with the other commenter but other than that that’s a really good line!
@@patrickoneill8707 I would somewhat disagree. I think the addition of Michigan adds a sense of realistic banality to the place name that is then subverted by the next clause, which is a particularly powerful tool in writing impactful lines.
“I had never thought of myself as a moron.”
"Coriolanus released the fistful of cabbage into the pot of boiling water and swore that one day it would never pass his lips again," the opening line of Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. It sets up the main character and his impoverished state (because he has to eat cabbage stew and he hates it), the theme of rising up (he swore it would never pass his lips again), the setting of the scene to follow (the kitchen), and it sets it apart from the other Hunger Games novels by setting it in the Third-Person instead of the First-Person.
"There ought be better days, though, perhaps not"
- Opening line to a philosophical perspective text I have written.
"The lullaby that once gave her comfort, now haunted Annabelle."
Are you talking about Annabelle doll from Conjuring franchise ?
I think it's fantastic. Personally, I would remove Annabelle's name from the first sentence. There is already a sense of mystery - why would it haunt her, what's the lullaby, etc. - and I think you can add to that mystery by completely removing any sense of the character's importance; a name is a powerful thing, and I think that, here at least, you would be better served not using it at all.
"Its comforting to know that despite everything happening in the world, cats will still steal your food given the chance"
"Elijah had always thought that by now he would have more figured out. Instead there was only two things he knew: tomorrow he will be legally an adult, and a llama has stolen his hat."
"There are some things all teenagers go through that they hate: edgy phases, poor life decisions, embarrassing crushes, and the overwhelming urge to rip into the flesh of their classmates and devour them peice by piece- wait... No, that's only Bucky."
Those are a few I have used in the past for writings I never used.
Please tell me more!
@@armellebiampamba4257
1) a line from an old writing assignment that i actually only remember the first line to
2) a story about a fantasy land where teens are given superpower (and magic tattoos) from the gods. The mc is a boy who is the son of a merchant and is about to be granted all the powers of the God of trickery and gets hunted down by the king
3) a splice of life story about a boy with a curse that turns him into a ravenous hungry monster that will eat anything and anyone living in a foster home with other cursed kids
@@Kora-Kat709 i really love the third one! It just invites me so effortlessly into your story! If you ever continue it please tell me!
I love them!
"As long as Alice was asleep by 12 a.m she wouldn't be murdered."
That's my first line :)
That sounds so intriguing. What's the story about? Aside of the obviously implied, lol.
Nice one.
It's good, but maybe change 12 am to midnight. That way, it isn't as much as a mouthful.
'As long as Alice was asleep by midnight, she wouldn't be murdered.'
"To ensure her continued existence, all Alice had to do was fall asleep by midnight."
How does that sound? I really like your premise!
@@pinkclogs that’s actually the perfect amount of funny and cryptic?? I love it!
"The worst kinds of Psychopaths aren't mass murderers." First sentence of my story
"Where's your costume, Wednesday?"
"I'm a homicidal maniac; we look like everyone else."
From my published books:
"I wouldn't be caught dead in Jersey." --Merry Friggin' Christmas: An Edgy Christmas Comedy. (The following lines: "That's what I used to say. And then I was. Twice.")
"Lali loves to spin." --When the Wood Is Dry: An Edgy Catholic Thriller. This one rounds out with a last line: "And Lali remembered, even when she was just a little girl, how she had always loved to spin."
I love writing first lines. The first novel I attempted (and never finished), Son of a Madman, began with the obvious but apt, "His father was a madman." I always liked that one.
My favorite is the one from A Prayer for Owen Meany. I was glad to see you included it.
Her voice is so calming. Wouldn't mind listening to an audiobook with her voice
I actually thought this was a first line.
I just re-wrote my opening line again after re-watching this video. I'm going for Character, Setting, and provoking questions. Hopefully it also highlights the apparent strangeness of the setting and character, a hint at one of the themes, provides a bit of imagery, and overall makes readers interested in learning more.
"The maintenance elevator lifted Davis to the top of his world, a thousand metres above the ocean - it was the upper limit of The Bridge which he called home."
"it's been almost a year since josephine bakir went missing."
this is the first line in the first book of this children's series i'm working on, and i literally love it sm and i'm so proud of myself for coming up with it
Name pls leave name we people would love to google your book so leave name...
@@abantimukherjee9745 it's called incident t.y.i.t, it's not anywhere yet but i'm glad you're interested :)
"The past is a foreign country: they do things differently there." (L P Hartley)
“A flower may not always follow the direction of the sun, sometimes, it can grow and bloom more beautifully when it has known the absence of light.”
:’)
An essay or something? Not good.
very good.
@@schmebulockjizz it is a bit so so. I don't really know what the book would even be about. I understand it's probably metaphor but there's no context for it. It's not a bad line, just not standalone
I like it! It reminds me of an inspirational quote. I would suggest adding a semicolon between "sun" and "sometimes". What story did you have in mind for it?
"Hit her again -- and use more force this time."
"He always wanted to visit the Amazon," she murmured, flicking her cigarette after him as he fell to his death.
"Dying isn't hard. Waking up the next day...well... that's the kicker."
I like all of those! Violence and death are sure to make me read on. It's interesting that they all seem to be dialogue (although the last could be within the narrative). A lot of writing advice articles dissuade against opening with dialogue, but I will fight for it until my last breath.
My first line:
Check-in was not for another hour, yet the casual stroll through the airport brought a new meaning to the walk of shame.
Oooh, I'm intrigued! I'm wondering who's strolling through the airport and how it adds a new meaning to the walk of shame.
@@QuotidianWriter OMG! Thank you so much! As I've been editing and reediting, I believe my fictional novel is going to be a sensation.
"Today might be the worst day I ever had, which probably doesn't say much, since I don't remember all my others"
sooooooo........ what do you think?
I love that! The use of mystery intrigues me! Is it implying there was an accident? What was the character implying? It's a great line!
I like it! The first one here that actually really intrigued me
Cool. Wanna know what happens next
Nice, but (putting on my critiquer's hat) the word "all" is probably not the best choice. All, as a qualifier, says that you remember some, maybe even 99%, but not every last one. May I suggest the word "any," which says that you only can only remember this day.
@@ScottyDMcom thank you! I appreciate the constructive criticism 😁
"I was not sorry when my brother died" - Tsitsi Dangarembga, Nervous Conditions
“When I first got the letter I thought it was sent from hell, a closer look revealed it was from Heavendale,” translation of the opening in a Swedish mystery novel that ruined the mystery for me.
In that moment the Quotidian Writer spoke to us, we, the flock holding our collective breath, brains wretched with raging struggle, each desperately needing a healthy injection of her wisdom, could finally exhale again with her thoughtful guidance soothing our aches, remedying our pains.
I'm writing a novel and it's all about my own life story, I know in 21st century no one would believe in what happened to me but for me it can be a great novel
I was gonna write two of my favorites, but one of them was already in the video! :D
"The building was on fire and it wasn't my fault" - Blood Rites, Jim Butcher
The second one is
"It is important, when killing a nun, to ensure that you bring an army of sufficient size." - Red Sister by Mark Lawrence.
i have read Mark Lawrence too! The prince of thorns, gosh i love this book!!!
"In the dark, muddy, gloomy streets of London laid a man, only he was no human, not anymore." this is the opening of one of my storys that I'm trying to write
@R Bray That is better thank you so much. I'm new to writing OC storys. I'm a fanfiction writer and just getting into OC story's I'm also a pantser writer as well.
my first line:
"Two severed heads were thrown onto the table, and they weren’t human."
Seriously i love it
WHAT ARE THEY? WHAT ARE THEY?
Nice.
Damnnn💘
I like the beginning, but I think maybe you could improve the second part by showing HOW its inhuman. Because it feels like you're trying to do an ominous/scary opening but it's blunted by how vague it is. "Weren't human" can be anything from demons to werewolves to a literal chicken. So maybe try describing it. Like "two crimson severed heads were thrown face up onto the table. Scaled flesh affixed in a permanent gnared grimace, four sunken black eyes bore holes into the ceiling, baring yellowed fangs the sky as if in a final silent curse to God himself."
Idk, you get where I'm going for right? If someone alerted you that you're being followed, I doubt it would be very relieving or helpful to hear "but it's not by a pigeon." You'd want to know what it is exactly. A stalker, a tiger, an ant, toilet paper on shoe? Unless you're doing like a mystery/thriller it's prob better for the reader to have objects described in the positive. Red, scaly, creepy black eyes, and in serious need of a dental appointment is a lot easer to picture than "everything but human."
The first line of my sci-fi thriller:
The longest night of Dr. Melinda Atwood’s life began with a blinking red light-a call she did not want to answer.
First line of my middle-grades novella:
We're a pretty normal family--at least I thought we were.
"there is a thin line between being good and being stupid. And I, often walked past it, everyday"
Dammmn there are so many great lines here.
Mine is also work in progress, hope it gives off the tone I want.
"he sunk into the ground, unable to remember how he'd spent his last day, nor how he was supposed to live his first."
When I was eight years old, my father sternly told me to never again go into the basement and I listened and, for a very long time, did as he said. That is, until last night.
If you've got time, I'd love to get your help making it better.
That's a great opener! There's a strong sense of voice and intrigue. I would definitely keep reading. The "sternly told" feels like telling when it could be showing. To avoid that, you could put the father's warning in dialogue. You could also separate the "I listened" part to avoid an extra "and": When I was eight years old, my father told me, "*Never* go into that damn basement again." I listened and, for a very long time, did as he said. That is, until last night.
Keep writing! :)
@@QuotidianWriter Thanks! The "sternly told" phrase didn't feel quite right. It created an itch in my brain. When I came back to it a few weeks later I realized it was telling. I think your correction hits the target really well.
"Dreams are more real than reality itself, the Oracle told me."
The Pavilion of Blue Dreams.
'Friday was the day I completely lost my mind, and it was the best thing that could have happened to me.'
"It was the rainy season and nighttime obliged."
Really happy i found your channel, been hard finding good writing advice that is also fun to watch!
“The King’s Guard stood shoulder to shoulder, squinting against the darkness for a wolf - only this wolf’s teeth were one, and his pelt, steel.”
That’s mine. I’ve just started my manuscript that I’ve planned for months and this was the hardest part. Never written a whole manuscript before either so wish me luck!
That first sentence gives a clear indication of the fantasy genre, a strong image, and a sense of the goals/conflict. Nicely done! I'm wondering what you mean by "only this wolf's teeth were one," but I'm intrigued by a pelt of steel. Best of luck, and keep writing! :)
Diane Callahan Thanks for the feedback! The teeth being one is supposed to point towards a sword of some kind, with the pelt being armor. Loving your videos so far
“The building was on fire, and it wasn’t my fault.”
Admittedly, it is from the middle of a series, so anyone reading this line should know roughly what they are getting into, but it is still a strong opening. It sets the scene, the building is on fire, the story is first person (the series as a whole is, but it reminds the reader what person the story is set in), and it leads the reader to be curious how the building came to be on fire if the POV character didn’t do it.
"Power is a drug, and Andreas could see a withdrawal symptom creeping into his bedroom with a 9mm Barretta."
Ooooh this is amazing!
Dude...my kind ofstory
"By the time that it was all over, Ray knew that whatever he had with Val was doomed from the start."
...what do you think?
I love the intrigue surrounding "whatever he had with Val," since it hints at the complicated nature of their relationship. The part I'm not sure about is the opening clause, since the "it" sounds vague and distracts from the next part. You could potentially trim it down to "Ray had known that whatever he'd had with Val was doomed from the start."
I thought about that, then I purposefully used the word 'it' because they themselves don't know how to describe what they had. And I wanted to imply that it was really ALL OVER, no second chance for them. So I doomed the story right off the first line just as whatever they had was doomed from the get-go.
I personally feel it invalidates further exploration instead of encouraging it. The implication being that the story will revolve around trying to get you invested in something it just told you will be meaningless by the time you finish.
Though i have a hard time deciding which one, my first line would be somthing like this:
"The last thing he wanted was to hurt someone"
"arrival by train turned out to be delayed due to train trouble"
He didn't have a good salary, but what he lacked in money he tried to make up for by showing a kind-hearted soul"
I was going to put in the first line of a novel I was working on, but it didn't seem enticing at all. But I am so glad that I found your video, and it has encouraged me to put more thought into it.
Personally, I liked the first line of my short story, which came from a writing prompt from reddit:
“Tales tell of a blacksmith at the top of the mountain. He knows the future, but says nothing. He only makes you what you need.”
That's a wonderful opening! I love the fairytale tone and how it builds intrigue with each sentence. Nicely done. :)
Ooooh this is lovely! I wasn’t going to comment at first, but if you tweak it a bit so it becomes: ‘he only makes what he knows you will need’ it would become a lot more mysterious, perhaps pointing to sci-fi or YA as a genre!
Sometimes it is best to write your opening line when your story is finished. That's what I mostly do.
I freaked out when you used the first line from The Phantom Tollbooth as an example! It's one of my favorite books! It's masterfully written. So much so, that I knew it as soon as you read the first line. :P
Mine: "The car was slick, black, and low, every angle oozing testosterone and speed. He was dressed to match, in a black suit that shimmered when he moved."
Nice video. Here's mine:
"The van with bullet-proof tires and tinted black windows bore the words "Tri-State Cable Services" on its side, and it sat parked under a bridge out in the country with no power lines for miles."
I like the level of detail and how the bullet-proof tires and the Cable Services contradict each other to create the sense that something is wrong with this picture. That's a good use of showing rather than telling. I'd guess the story fits in the thriller genre. Admittedly, I did have to read the sentence twice to let it fully soak in, so I'm wondering if you could somehow shorten the part after the "and."
The first sentence in mine,
“The flames climbed the sides of the mountains, as the enemy held no remorse in there eyes.”
This is not the final one but only a test. Here are some other first line ideas for the same book
“I never knew much about the kingdom that shaped our people, for I never knew the silver gates before they attacked.”
“No one saw the day coming when Agrin would burn under the eye that held no remorse.”
"I sometimes think my life comes down to an infinity of bathroom sinks"
"The smog hung over the battlefield akin to a morbid blanket, caressing the bodies of the dead and the dying."
Been a while since I wrote that piece, if I'm honest. I've been struggling to push out another piece I'm proud of, but I am still fairly pleased with that opening line.
Effectively chilling.
@@rhondahoward8025 thank you so much! I appreciate you taking the time to leave your thoughts on it. It's been hard to find people interested in what I write. This just made my day!
@@evilangel5498 Honestly, I'm in dire need of a beta reader for my own stuff. I write fanfiction and while I'm not terrible (I like to think I have good grammar and punctuation skills at the bare minimum along with spelling), I'm not as good as I could be either.
@@rhondahoward8025 a second pair of eyes to look over our writing is always useful. I got involved in fanfiction a while back while trying to get over a block, but I've become stuck again on mine. But whenever I did write, I usually had someone look it over to see what they thought.
@@evilangel5498 I can already tell you what I struggle in. For one, melodrama. I feel like I resort to having characters cry whenever there's supposed to be an emotional scene far too much. That and it's really hard to describe crying in a meaningful way except my repeated uses of "voice cracks", "lip wobbling", a "lump in the throat" and tears dripping from eyes.
Eric sat at the terminal he was never supposed to sit at and opened the door, he was never supposed to walk through
Just today I'd been messing around with opening lines and it made me think of this video immediately. I've rewatched it so many times - I love how your videos are formatted and opening lines are one of my favourite topics in writing.
And of course, couldn't leave a comment without dropping in a first sentence of my own:
"Ironic, I guess, for Ezekiel to drown."
”today is the day I make my decision” my own first line!
Two siblings stood face to face, the time between their lives was only a few minutes but it had been years since they had seen each other. The stench of burnt flesh and piss clung to the air between them. The younger couldn’t believe what 13 years had done to his elder brother.
I know this is more than one line but I personally feel both of these lines need to always be together to get the full effect.
"I'm standing inches deep in water, wondering how I wasn’t woken up by the explosion."
My favourite first line that i have ever written was 'For as long as Arthur could remember, he waant allowed to talk about his family.'
P.s. i loved how informative this was