Dear Undiagnosed Autistic Teenagers: 11 Things I Wish I Had Known
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- Опубликовано: 27 ноя 2024
- This video is a bit of a love letter to my undiagnosed autistic teen self. I’m sharing 11 things I wish I would’ve known when I was younger that would’ve helped me embrace my differences and show up more fully in the world around me.
I’m Taylor, a late diagnosed autistic mom of 2. Welcome to my channel! Here I share resources that help support the adult autistic community and our loved ones. Subscribe to the channel and connect to a beautiful community here, and if this video is helpful to you, please give it a thumbs up!
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DISCLAIMER: Taylor Heaton is not a licensed psychologist or specialist healthcare professional. Her services do not replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals. Please note that Taylor can’t take any responsibility for the results of your actions, nor any harm or damage you suffer as a result of the use, or non-use of the information available through her website, RUclips Channel, or social media accounts. Please use judgment and conduct due diligence before taking any action or implementing any plan or practice suggested or recommended by Taylor Heaton or Mom on the Spectrum. Please note that Taylor doesn't make any guarantees about the results of the information you may apply from her website, RUclips channel, and/or social media accounts. Taylor shares educational and informational resources that are intended to help you succeed in navigating life as an autistic adult. You nevertheless need to know that your outcome will be the result of your own efforts, your particular situation, and innumerable other circumstances beyond Taylor's knowledge and control. Taylor is an Amazon affiliate and may receive commissions on qualifying purchases from affiliate links. Taylor is a Flare affiliate and may receive commissions on qualifying purchases from Flare links.
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You are a beautiful person worthy of love!
#actuallyautistic #momonthespectrum #autisticadult
This hits hard. Currently seeking diagnoses and there are so many times I wish I could go back and tell myself "You aren't broken because you think and feel differently". Self-compassion is crazy difficult.
Hi! Me too! I'm currently seeking professional autism and/or sensory processing disorder diagnosis after research and self-diagnosis. I'm already professionally diagnosed with ADHD. And autism and/or sensory processing disorder just seem to fill in so many gaps in my self-understanding.
We're different and that's neutral. It comes with strengths, challenges, and so much nuance. But you're right, we're not broken. The unlearning of all the negative messages is hard. I'm in it too.
Thanks for sharing and showing up as yourself. Even a short comment like this one you posted opens the door for someone to realize they're not alone. I appreciate it!
Hiya, agreed . I was bought up without empathy/compassion & therefore basically was masking for almost 3 decades without enough knowing it in order to survive . I had no idea what self compassion is until now
@@jmaessen3531 beautiful comment
I am very sensitive to noise. Noise, especially sudden noise totally throws me off. I write books and have to find just the right quiet environment to be able to write. I will travel quite a long way to find the right place. Now this works, in the sense that if I AM in the right place, I have no trouble writing. But I've always felt sort of ridiculous about this--as if it's not really justified: "Any NORMAL person wouldn't let little noises bother them." Knowing that I'm autistic is helping me accept these limitations without beating myself up over them.
@@steveneardley7541 yup me too! Loud noises are not great but the worst for me is any repetitive noise like ticking or buzzing. People try to talk to me and it might as well be another language because I can’t process over the noise. All the sensory things are super fun. Sometimes I just laugh at myself like lol I’m sorry my socks are too loud
My autistic therapist made a really good point yesterday. She was diagnosed at 2 and told me that it really didn’t help her much, because even though she was diagnosed early, she didn’t have resources to show her how to handle it. So even though she knew her problems stemmed from autism and society, she still didn’t know how to address it.
I've been diagnosed a few times, kindergarten then end of 6th grade(12) then 14 cuz special needs school then 18 and I created a new mask each time cuz it let me know traits I needed to cover cuz I learned people target those that are different. I was so desperate to stop being targeted I masked very heavily and dissociated emotionally as much as possible to stay protected and now they are almost their own identities unfortunately. I have to change masks to make the fog lift from the memories associated with them
And that's why doctors, teachers and parents exist. A child obviously wouldn't know much all by themselves, adults are meant to teach and support them, especially when that child has special needs. The gist of dealing with problems arising from mental conditions is to simply minimize your exposure to things and events that trigger anxiety, flashbacks/relapses and processing overloads. She could have easily gotten free home schooling with an official diagnosis, for example. If she had any marketable special interests, like art, crafts and cooking, working on perfecting them for adult life is also a huge boon, not to mention a source of fun and relaxation for an ASD/ADHD brain. Finally, getting a dx asap really helps with building learning skills that will fit the child's brain. This is fundamental in surviving high school and especially college or uni. Wish I was diagnosed as a kid, and not at the point when it was already way too late to change anything, with my health and life already ruined. I also had (and still have) quite a few life-affecting comorbidities which were never treated in childhood, and it turned out that a few of them were from ASD, of all things.
lmao ya so uhhhh my parents were a huge problem they put the most pressure of me to 'be 'normal' n stop being a 'sissy'(trans) they constantly shamed me for autistic behavior as well as ABA, emotional abuse like intentionally triggering my meltdowns as punishments. Trauma that caused legit effects each of my masks cuz it has been a constant my entire life whenever I'm around my parents I mask n closet or I get abused. I almost rather be homeless or dead then once more stuck living at my mom's I experience legit fear when I go to leave my room when they're awake. Depending on my mask the fear does vary. As for doctors I was raised Mormon LDS, and a threat they use for conversion is institutionalize and propaganda based on treatments that ended 100 years ago I wouldn't even speak to a therapist till I was 16 and my private teacher forced me to cuz he was extremely concerned
@jenniferferris44 Alright.. I don't know you ofcourse...
But the way you describe your masks, is kind of the way a really good friend of mine described things.. before they got diagnosed with DID..
It helped them so much, knowing that that was what they were experiencing...
So I can obviously only base this on your two reactions here... but I kinda, just wanted you to know about the existence, because could very well help....
Do with this whatever you like, anything is okay! Just couldn't ignore it for a second, sorry if this is uncomfortable to you..
@@GiggleJuice95 well that could be possible, DID tends to be caused by trauma and I did create each of my masks because I was overwhelmed by trauma however they didn't used to be so intense as it is now it first started as a list of need to remember such as social ques, personality alterations, failures and how else that I felt would be the best way to interact to fit in. I created new ways of behaving and interacting each time there was serious trauma. I'll be doing an intake on Monday with a new mental health clinic so I'll be sure to mention it as a possibility as to how I have been coping thanks ❤️🩹
The "don't smile and laugh just to make other people comfortable" one...
I am so INCREDIBLY used to masking that that thought doesn't even register properly. I can't even really imagine not putting on a performance in every single social situation. That's probably something to work on.
That phrase that the autistic tend to take the personality of the book or movie that they read last caught me off guard. It really hits hard for me, it is something I thought everybody did back then. Just trying anything to fit in I guess. I think I "successfully" masked all those teenage years, but the toll on my self-identity was high.
I was born and raised in South America, but my family is from Europe. I always thought I didn't fit in because I was from "another culture" or whatever. As an adult I moved to Europe and I was still feeling out place, then the justification was "it's because I wasn't born here". After my diagnosis, the only place I've ever felt in home is in the online autistic communities. So, thank you for creating this community where autistic people can find refuge.
You're welcome. Thank you for your comment. So glad to hear you feel at home in online autistic communities! I do too. 💓
I can really relate to that.
The biggest thing I learned since my diagnosis (at 41, 6 years ago) is that my feelings and needs are VALID. Also when others don’t understand them or even I myself don’t understand them and/or can’t explain them.
YES!
I am 41 and just been diagnosed - I think that the diagnosis has really helped me to validate my feeling and needs in a way that I have never experienced before. The challenge is unpicking all the paths that I have ended up walking down at a time when I didn't listen to my own feelings. I find myself in situations that aren't good for me, and without the right people around me.
Hi Janneke I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this compliment. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌹🌹
thanks for the video. i would add a sentence i heard recently "we are not broken neurotypicals, we are whole autistics". sorry i dont have the original source. also prioritizing creativity is very important to me.
Love this! Thanks for sharing.
I've recently decided to wear hats. Gonna buy a bunch of hats and wear them all the time. Different hat for every outfit. It's fun and also it protects me from harsh lights.
Love this!! 🧢👒🎩
I'm 18 and only just realized that I'm almost definitely autistic lol. Your videos have been super helpful as I research and learn about what autism actually is, and I've cried more than once over how much certain things make sense for me. Thanks for all the content you make!
Hi, welcome to a really cool community! And yay happy self-realization tears! Been there 😂 😭
@@jmaessen3531 me too
@@jmaessen3531 Thank you!!
You're so welcome, Hailey! I'm so glad you're here. Welcome to the community.
Same! I started suspecting about two years ago when I watched Illymation’s video “Times I Should Have Realized I Was Autistic” and thought “wait a second, I do extremely similar things and have had extremely similar experiences.” I’ve been doing a bunch of research since then, and I’m almost certain that I’m autistic. I only just started talking to my friends and family about it, and apparently multiple people have asked my sister and my best friend if I’m autistic over the years which makes me wonder why no one ever said anything to me. I still haven’t decided if I should go for a formal assessment to get confirmation. Best of luck to you on this journey!
the trusting your intuition is so important. the worst part of the whole experience is the delay in prossessing "at the moment" while also "seeing the future or the result". So my intuition gives me the answer, but I can't explain to anyone around me in the current moment, why I am "right" or why the choice is this. But fastforward in time and my gut feeling was correct and my choice was correct, but oh how many times I was pushed to make the opposite choice. Stand your ground as best you can.
Yes to all of this! So well said. Thanks for sharing.
Hi Karianne I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this compliment. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌹🌹
Good evening. I am in the uk and was diagnosed with autism at 38, and ADHD at 40. It’s been a revelation to me and I understand a lot of things in my life now. Taking things personally and literally is a big part of my life and I’ve always stimmed to some degree and never realised it. I was stimming throughout my assessment and my specialist noted this in my assessment paperwork. I am learning so much since I have been diagnosed but I feel others around me have struggled to accept this.
Thank you for this video! I have so much self-love as an adult for the first time (I was only diagnosed with autism at age 35). I was told by parents my whole life I was "being bad" and they were very embarrassed by me because I didn't behave the way they wanted their kid to. I always felt defective and they would constantly compare me to "goody goody" type girls who had perfect manners and weren't clumsy and said the wrong thing all the time like me. Being undiagnosed for most of my life has caused hardships, but I now have learned to love and accept myself.
My (autistic) best friend in high school was complaining to his mother about his social problems at school. Her answer "Oh Alan, why can't you be more like John Garcia? EVERYONE likes John Garcia." Meanwhile, John Garcia was someone my friend really hated, and I did too for that matter, because he was a total phony. Alan's mother wasn't trying to be mean, but she really couldn't have said anything worse if she'd tried.
Yes!! I love to hear this. 🎉
I just wanted to thank you Taylor for all the videos you have up on your channel. I got my autism diagnosis at 17 just on Friday after being self diagnosed for 2 or 3 years. 2 days after my professional diagnosis it already feels different, lighter and a kind of relief and freeness I didn’t know was possible. The information you share helped remind me that yes, I’m different enough to be in this community, I belong here. Even though I got professionally diagnosed a lot earlier in my life than I’m guessing a lot of people here, I still had to struggle through all but 6months of school without a diagnosis, the majority of which I didn’t know what was different about me and why people didn’t like me yet I didn’t really seem to care if they did or not. Good representation only started appearing on the internet as I started my journey figuring out why my brain works differently and you were and still are a big part of that Taylor so thank you ☺️.
You're very welcome, Imogen. Thanks for sharing some of your experience here and yes I'm so glad to hear you received a diagnosis earlier than many of us here! I hope you continue to feel more supported and validated every day. :)
@@MomontheSpectrum thank you ☺️.
I love how empowering 'responsive' is/feels; vs the term sensitive can feel negative.
It was a game changer for me
I can relate to smiling/laughing to make other people comfortable. I had the nickname of smiley throughout school because I would always smile when I was uncomfortable which was essentially all the time. People say I have major rbf today, but I refuse to fake it anymore.
It's a big change and can feel pretty uncomfortable but IMO it's so worth it! Very liberating to care less about what others think and be truer to oneself.
I really want to think more about how to trust my body more. As an obese person, I've been shamed for most of my adult life about my size so that compounds the difficulty of trusting the body.
I am so glad that I discovered this channel. My daughter has recently been diagnosed with autism at 8yrs old, but I have suspected that she was on the spectrum since a toddler. All your info is really helpful in helping me understand her better and give her tools to help her regulate. Thank you so much
You're so welcome! Glad you're here.
I stim without even noticing it. My kids at school always know when I'm stressed because I either run my fingers through my hair or flap my hands with my elbows tucked tight to my sides. I also resonate with smiling to appease others.
This is a great video, thank you Taylor! 🎉
I think my note to (younger) self piggybacks well onto many of your notes to (teenage) Taylor about staying connected to your body, trusting it, allowing ourselves to process the way we need to. I would tell my teenage self that my openness to connect with new and different people is beautiful. AND that I have the power to choose who I spend my time with and how I will spend that time with them. To take it a step further, when making this choice I can and should be PICKY.
I felt heavy pressure and a rush to follow the script my peers followed so that I would be accepted: Having a romantic or sexual partner; Having lots of friends; And going to a lot of social events. So I dated people that I could sense weren't good fits for me. But I pushed through loud queues from my body and just dealt with it because I thought I needed a partner. I've had friends that treated me in ways I didnt appreciate or who simply didnt stick around because it wasnt a good fit, even after I invested a lot of care and energy in that bond. I attended far more events than what my nervous system can tolerate from a sensory overwhelm angle.
I'd tell teenage me that I have permission to say no to events or to people. I have the right and the power to be selective with who gets the gift of my time and energy. I have the time to wait for a better fit. There is no rush. There is no need to socialize the way others around you do. *Addition: You will find your people. Trust yourself to find them. You don't need to force it with people who aren't clearly your people.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m still processing, but there is so much in here that was a balm for my own teenaged self. 💗💖
What was especially poignant was “my openness to connect with new and different people is beautiful.” 🥹 Masked or no I have always been that way, too, and I have a lot of internalized shame around it still to work through, and more acceptance and appreciation to find. Acknowledging the right and power to choose who and how to spend time with, to be discerning about that, is so important, and something I have often struggled with as someone who would often bypass my own needs to find connection, since it seemed to be a challenge often.
So well said! Thank you for putting your experiences into words here. I'm sure it will help many others who come across your comment!
Love this! I so would have loved to know this as a teen. Unfortunately, even if I had known it, it would have been difficult to put them into practice, because my family of origin would not have been accepting. Sadly, as a teen, when I just asked to see a counselor, I was denied. However, I am super excited to be coming out of masking, showing and sharing my autistic self with my adult children. In only 6 months since diagnosis, they have seen a new and improved mom, who is present, much happier, and healthier.
I'm sorry to hear about what you've been through but SO HAPPY you are making changes to be a happier, healthier version of yourself. KEEP GOING!
@@MomontheSpectrum Thanks Taylor, it wasn't easy, but I survived. I am feeling SO much better these days and it's so great to have my adult children notice. Keeping on, keeping going.
This is wonderful advice. It would have changed my life, too. I graduated in 1982. "High functioning" autism had just been just been discovered, but they didn't know girls could have it. Or that ours is different. There's so much more info out there now. I'm catching up on who I could be. Working on rescuing the little girl that got bullied and shamed into thinking she needed to go and hide herself forever. It's hard to take off the mask after 5O odd years. I can't, so I stay home most of the time, where I feel safe. CPTSD runs in my blood. It affects everything I do. So I've been watching videos and slowly healing.
I am currently 14, but I have resonated with autism since I was 10. I have discussed it with my parents, but they have no concern in getting me diagnosed with autism, as it is pricey. I nearly failed my STAAR test, (I might have I don’t know yet), but it is very difficult for me to survive at school. I cry and yell a lot when I get home from school, then get in trouble for arguing and get my devices taken away, which is the only way I feel comfort. I wish they would just understand me and bring me to see if I have autism, but here I am still wishing that they would listen to how I feel.
(I also always wear the same clothes everyday because other clothing can upset my feeling. I also eat Mac and cheese or chick-Fil-a almost everyday because other foods are “bad” and I hate it. And there are so many other reasons that I feel like I have autism.)
I am in the same boat. I think about getting diagnosed every day because I feel like I am not valid if I don't get one. I feel like I am faking it for attention even though I haven't told anyone but my parents and they couldn't care less.
Please speak with your school counselor about this, don't worry about anything. They may help you get a reference for official diagnosis. Trust me, if it is already affecting your life at 14, it will ruin it by the time you reach adulthood (and god forbid teenage depression and s*icidal thoughts). You must know what exactly is going on with you, how to cope with it properly, and having an official dx will help you get accommodations at college and work. And a hearty legal talk with your abusive family will go a long way, too. I get it that you don't want to scare or offend them, but it is about _your_ life, not theirs. You have to learn to stand up for yourself and self-advocate. And your parents MUST understand how you brain works, lest they continue to mentally maim you. Also, ASD _never_ comes alone. You might have serious enough comorbidities that you don't quite suspect yet, but sooner or later they will remind you of themselves. Also don't forget that it is often much harder for females to get properly diagnosed because healthcare is filled to the brim with inane morons who should be taking meds themselves. If you also have ADHD, it tends to mask ASD a lot in kids, especially in girls.
@@kaylanek1Same, like I understand that a lot of people in the autism community are fine with people self-diagnosing, but I never feel like I’m allowed to say that I have autism.
Literally same. My parents don't take me seriously at all, and every time I mention autism they get mad. I guess I'll have to wait until I'm an adult and can get a diagnosis myself. Super frustrating, though.
Bless your heart! Please know that you are worth getting the attention you need. I hope you can find a doctor or counselor who can advocate for you.
I eat Chik-fil-A nearly every day because it has the right taste and texture.
Hang in there…you are worth it!
when i was raised in the 80s & 90s, & by whom i was raised, the only option was conformity (despite goth & grunge, those are just different ways to conform.)
so being different made me feel bad & it stressed me so much to try to be like others, especially when i couldn't figure out how. i spend a bit of time looking @ memories i had forgotten until now, & framing them in an autistic context & i time travel & tell myself it's ok to be different, it's not your fault at all, & things do get better & giving past me a hug while we cry together.
I was classified as “gifted” in elementary school, but they didn’t pick up on the ADHD or autism…instead I was told that I needed to work harder on my organizational skills and quit being so sensitive. The good part was that I got to do a lot of independent work, which was quite helpful.
I am now 53 and only self-diagnosed but your videos have made my life make sense! My “food jags” where I eat the same thing every day for months, my craving for alone time, picking at my skin even when I know I shouldn’t, sitting in my car in the driveway when I get home from work having trouble going in the house…so many times I thought I was weird and lazy and hopeless! I am so grateful to have found you on RUclips because now I can tell my teenage self that it wasn’t my fault. We just didn’t know.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that you're basically describing me. I was diagnosed with ADHD last year and with autism yesterday, and I am 34.
Whatever your path ahead looks like, I hope you find a way to better relax in your own skin, and to love yourself for being the wonderful person you are. It can be a struggle, and it will probably always be. I wish you the best. ❤
Self diagnosis isn’t valid
Wish my parents and others told me this and were more supportive and understanding , thank you for this video 💛
So true on everything! I wasn't diagnosed until 40 years old....I love everything you said!
I only have two comments on your video here. 1. If you hadn't gone through EVERYTHING you went through as a teenager; you wouldn't be who you are today. 2. With your video points in mind, attend one of your High School Reunion GT's, then do a video about the experience. I'd love to know what happened.
This video makes me cry every time i watch, I'm quoting it for a project in english, thank you so much for providing and speaking up about your experience!!!!!
We really need to learn about neurodivergence a little in school, if i had known what autism even was i would have at least considered it way earlier
Absolutely!
Super helpful, thanks for sharing! I loved the one with ‚revisiting conversations after they happened‘, this made me love when I realised how much I do that all the time, but basically all your things fitted to me like a tee (is that how the expression goes?) :)
I believe the expression is “fitted me to a T” but I have no idea why!! 😂😂😂
Hahaha :D@@MomontheSpectrum
Thanks so much for this! I recently self-diagnosed at age 31. Your experience and points that you mention relate to me overtly and clearly. You're helping a lot of people with your channel and it's greatly appreciated :)
It was crazy when you metioned it feeling like you're a floating head. I relate so much I'm always escaping to my head, it feels like a pile of thoughts to sort through or something.
36, just finally diagnosed adhd last year and deciding whether I want to get assessed for autism or not. I always knew my brain worked differently, the adhd diagnosis literally fits like a glove and medication has made such a difference. Every autism self assessment online fits like a glove. I do understand myself better but for some reason I'm hesitant to get the assessment done, something about knowing for sure feels scary to me because I'm genuinely positive that I do have autism. I used to hide as a kid when overwhelmed, meltdowns, slight chances turned my world upside down, extreme people pleaser, sensory issues, pacing, avoiding eye contact at all costs, my whole life has been one big mask, way too trusting, very sensitive and reactive, sound sensitivites, live in anxiety and uncertainty, an extremely active thought life but so hard to get my thoughts out into sentences, writing is much easier for me, and so much more. Ended up in addiction ages 14-24, a lot of risk taking and naivety led to a lot of horrible things happening in thay time period. Pulled it together after, did great in college, still always felt "wrong", like everyone else is going downstream and im just swimming upstream. When i look st my life so far, everything that i could never understand nor express makes sense when i consider having both adhd and autism. I dont know why I'm so hesitant to get assessed. If anyone else struggled with that i'd appreciate hearing your story
I wish I could go back in time and tell teenage me, "You're not shy." Has anyone else had people tell you, "You know, I used to be shy, too, but then one day, I decided I wasn't going to be shy anymore and I wasn't." 😡 I heard that from people again and again as a teenager. And I lost count of how many times I woke up in the morning and "decided" not to "be shy anymore," but then I'd walk into the school building and I always felt myself sort of shrink back inside and it never worked. I know now that the noise or maybe the sheer volume of people or maybe the lights or possibly all three at once would overwhelm my brain and I simply couldn't be the bubbly, talkative person everyone wanted me to be. Shyness can be overcome and often is (that's the impression I got anyway). And I was called shy so many times I didn't even think to question it. I don't know, I just want to tell teenage me to quit waiting around to be magically delivered from my non-existent shyness and focus on all the more effective and powerful ways I CAN communicate in the world. (My writing comes to mind).
Wow SueAnne your last sentence here is especially powerful. This is a great one to add to the list. So glad you shared!
@@MomontheSpectrum 😊
Holy cow YES! I'm reflecting on school and so many settings that just exhausted my nervous system. Maybe I'm not shy after all, hm.
And I agree, your last sentence is phenomenal. Thank you!
I also have found writing is a much more effective way for me to communicate. And it comes naturally since I need to write notes to fully process incoming information anyway! So, pen to paper is just my optimal route, all around.
I enjoy talking one on one with folks but tone may never be a strength of mine. I'll work on it and also try to balance that work with an acceptance that it's not going to come naturally for me. So maybe I just won't put too much energy towards that mask anymore.
Yeah, "shy" is a label that got applied to me or that I applied to myself, even though it clearly didn't quite fit. I actually open up to people easily and talk almost too much...IF I'm comfortable! But I would never ever initiate that while, say, on public transportation, and I really don't care for trying to get to know people at clubs or cocktail parties. Likewise, I never had a problem with performing or public speaking...because I'd practiced what I was going to do a hundred times already, so I knew I could do it.
I think I started to question this when I read 'Quiet', which defined introversion vs. extroversion NOT in terms of "do you want to talk to people?" but instead "does social interaction drain or replenish your energy?" Now it annoys me when people describe themselves as being introverted sometimes and extroverted other times... because no, that's how you might LOOK from the outside, but your base personality/energy regulation system doesn't change like that!
The "deciding not to be shy" probably applies to people for whom the "shyness" comes from a social anxiety where a general lack of confidence is the problem. But if that's not really the limiting factor, gaining confidence only goes so far in terms of allowing you to engage in ALL social settings. I've actually noticed that NT people on average seem to have more in-the-moment social anxiety than me. I think I just don't have the bandwidth to talk AND worry about the fine details of how I'm coming across at the same time. I might freak out about the latter AFTERWARD, though!
Oh tes. That book "Shy" by Susan Cain is the best. Thanks for the reminder! I oughta pick that up again. 👏🏻 I know I'll get so much out of it this next round since I'm more educated now on my neurodivergence. Thanks for sharing your reflections!
Wow, everything here resonates so hard. I remember once in high school after reading scarlett letter my teacher pulled me aside to say that the paper i wrote was clearly plagiarized and i should admit up to it. It wasnt. I just inadvertently adopted the style of Hawthorne when writing the essay so she didn't feel any highschool student would write with that level of odd formality.
Thank you thank you!! Self diagnosed in the last year. This video was great and I was in tears listening. I cannot tell you how much finding you channel has helped me. ❤❤❤
You are so welcome! I'm so glad the videos have been helpful to you. So glad you're a part of the community here.
I pretty much have to self diagnose, no place around me does that for adults. They all say you have to travel 2 hours from here, I can't do that. But, all I've seen/read about autism lines up for me. It would have been great to know when I was younger why I acted as I did, and why I felt those ways and as to why I was so different from everyone else.
If you can’t get a real diagnosis, don’t call yourself autistic.
I want to tell you thank you so much you have open my eyes to being neurodivergent diagnosed with ADHD and OCD and I’m almost 100% sure I am autistic from watching your journey and other’s! Bless you for your courage and support!
❤❤ My 16 year old just had her last diagnostic meeting/ testing today. We're only awaiting the results. Videos like yours helped me push to officially do this. Thank you.
You are so helpful. Thank you for you.
You are so welcome!
I can't tell you how much your videos are helping me right now...I've lived 31 years thinking that there was something fundamentally wrong with me because I had to learn how to "act normal" instead of just being naturally like everyone else, it's honestly changing my entire outlook of myself and giving me the ability to stop blaming myself for being different...I don't only now have the drive to be more compassionate towards myself, it's actually my responsibility to be because I'm deserving of it
Same exact thing going on here - age 31 just recently self-diagnosed after I had that big "ah-ha" moment. These videos are helpful for sure. Now it's a matter of integrating this knowledge about ourselves moving forward, and giving ourselves some extra slack as we go. :)
@@shmalex32 agreed! Being self-diagnosed as well (because apparently to doctors they figure since we've lived this long without a proper diagnosis it means we don't need the help that kids/young adults who DON'T learn how to mask do) finding these sorts of videos by people who are actually neurodivergent with tips&tricks to dealing with things that I once felt were unfortunate quirks of mine has really turned my opinion of myself on its head! Learning about non-suicidal self injury, autistic burnout and meltdowns, as well as how important healthy stimming and special interests can be has really made the 🧩 click into place and given me such a measure of validation that it's honestly impossible to put into words ☺️
Just recommended you to my autistic best friend. We've known each other since 6th grade
Aww ☺️ Autistic besties are the best :)
Thank you so much for this video and your channel in general, Taylor. Your work helps me to understand and support my autistic loved ones on a deeper level. It's also helped me have more compassion for myself as a person with ADHD and C-PTSD.
Im so glad! Thanks so much for your comment
Thank you for all of this.
You're welcome.
Taylor, I want to tell you thst you have been absolutely instrumental in giving me the confidence to insist on getting an evaluation. I finally got a diagnosis this past Thursday at 34. Your descriptions hit home every time in a way that no one else has ever come close to. In many ways, my experience seems to mirror yours (although I'm a guy lol). Without your videos I would never have found the confidence to stop letting (well meaning) doctors and therapists convince me I was neruotypical. It always sat wrong with me, but who was I to judge when they were supposed to know better?
Thank you for being you, and for sharing yourself with the rest of us. ❤
You’re so welcome. Thank you very much for taking the time to share this with me, including your diagnostic news! Sending you lots of compassion and good vibes as you process this as I know it comes with a lot of thoughts and feelings. So glad you’re part of the community.
@@MomontheSpectrum Thank you for the encouragement, I certainly have a whirlwind raging in my head!
This is so helpful, you’re putting words to the things that have been difficult but so hard to articulate. Thank you!
You're so welcome!
I'm undiagnosed 17 year old girl. I never even thought of having autism, reason being is because I'm very good at "masking" what I actually feel or want to do. I've labeled myself more of a follower due to not being able to act in certain situations. I'm might just be paranoid and hyperficated on the topic but I've been going through all the times I felt out of place as a child. I finally just last night brought the idea to my mom through a journel me and her right and am so freaked out she'll think I'm being stupid or just want an excuse for being "lazy"(overstimulated) most of the time.
That was beautiful, brilliant, and kind. Holy crap I was checking the boxes!!!! ✔️✔️✔️
Taylor, I love that you made a video on this topic. Bless you
Thanks Gloria! Glad the video topic speaks to you. :) I appreciate the feedback and am always looking for suggestions for future content!
Hi Gloria I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this compliment. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌹🌹
Not a teen anymore, but thanks for this video, anyway! ❤
Taylor thank you for another helpful video! I really resonate with how you talk about the mind and body connection. I feel like it is so helpful to pay attention to how my body is reacting because a lot of times it is more honest than my brain who often likes to hide from true feelings in order to people please! I feel like this info would have helped me a lot as a teenager.
Also, friends! I wish I knew that there were other autistic people who I could be friends with who would get me. I feel like I forced a lot of friendships with people I did not really connect with.
So glad it was helpful to you! I have another video over the mind/body connection if you're interested: ruclips.net/video/FLkdvqZDMkE/видео.html
#8: lecture notes, I scribbled furiously so I was hearing/writing absorbing.
I’m 16 and I took a test to see if I’m autistic a few months ago. I get the results this week
Sending lots of positive vibes your way!
I've been there, i am 18 and I was diagnosed at 16 and 8 months ! It was a surprising and unexpected diagnosis but if you get it or not you will likely learn a lot about how you work and this could be life-changing for the better :)
I got diagnosed
@@SweetEvaporationSLAY
I think about this a lot. I'd tell my younger self to lean into doing what I like more and on top of that, trades are fine and you don't NEED college. I'm 29 and still have not found a job that I can stick with for one reason or another. I feel like had I leaned into my art practice more or allowed myself to deep dive into a subject and stuck with it, I might have a cumulative amount of skills in a defined area vs all my surface level diverse knowledge. Unfortunately in our world, employers like stick-to-itiveness. But I also 100% believe that job-hopping is fine for the most part because it means that you are listening to yourself about what is right and wrong for you as an individual. So yeah, I wish I had stuck with some of my special interest and gotten as much out of them as I could before I had the burden of being an adult.
This is exactly what I needed to hear, thank you 🤍!
Hi Tay , I just donated to your BARG and downloaded it. Thank you! I have a recommendation for your PODCAST section. I am listening to one called "the Other Autism" by Kirsten Hovet and its really great!
Awesome! Thank you for the suggestion. If you would email it to submissions@momonthespectrum.life, I'd appreciate it! That's the best way for me to keep track of everything.
Everything you said fit me but Tigger from Winnie the pooh helped me early on embrace my individuality so I stopped copying everyone else and let myself just be me no matter how many times I was called weird even by family. "Bouncy bouncy bouncy bouncy fun fun fun fun fun.. one of the most wonderful thing about tiggers is I'm the only one." That literally became my anthem and while I know I still need therapy I feel like that was one of the most helpful things for me to this day.
Hi Tanya 😂 I hope my comment didn't🎉 sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this compliment. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌹🌹
watching it right now
I just remembered how crushed I would feel when my mom or dad would point out that I was really talkative or too excited in any way (hindsight, as a self diagnosed mom now myself, tells me we were all ND so I feel less resentful about these things knowing my parents were overstimulated and unaware)
I think I started to shut down little by little and just learn to talk to them only when I knew they were in “a good mood” but idk at what age I adapted to that.
I tested my Autosomal DNA and the results confirmed my intuition about who my original Aspie ancestor was, so this have given me further evidence t trust in my own personal intuition, and ignore others who would dismiss it.
I'm 22 and I'm currently seeking diagnosis for a couple of things including autism. I've been watching so many videos like this and understanding autism in women and it's honestly been so amazing to finally find women that struggle with the same things I am and to know I'm not crazy, overly sensitive etc. I've been diagnosed with severe anxiety, depression and dyslexia but I've always felt like there is something more to it as I've tried pretty much all the treatment options and I still struggle in day to day living. Thank you for sharing this video and all your other videos because it's helped me so much to pursue a diagnosis and understand myself better 🫶🏻😊
You're so welcome. Thank you for sharing your experience! Glad you're here.
Hi Taylor 😮
I am now 60 and was diagnosed by a Clinical Psychologist here in New Zealand in 2006 with Aspergers Syndrome.
Hell I still smash my self up over it.
So many crap things that go with it.
Take care 🙂 💕 my friend.
Craig
Hi Craig! Thanks for your comment.
"quit searching for why im different"
This is beautiful! Thanks Taylor!
This is great! I'll probably watch again and take some more thorough notes as I'm trying to figure out some things. The "What do you want?" question is difficult for me to answer. I'm trying to figure out how to break that down into smaller chunks.
It's a journey for sure. :)
“I thought everyone had anxiety and I just wasn’t good at managing it”
This is exactly why it took me until this year (age 33!) to finally figure out that I have autism. I thought I was just worse at life than everyone else.
This. 😅
Thank you so much for this video. My daughter will be assessed for maybe being on the spectrum. I will share this video with her, but for myself this has been very informative ❤️❤️.
Loved this topic! You look lovely by the way, take care Taylor!
Aww thank you Whitney!
Hi Mason I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this compliment. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌹🌹
I've been diagnosed a few times, kindergarten then end of 6th grade(12) then 14 cuz special needs school then 18 and I created a new mask each time cuz it let me know traits I needed to cover cuz I learned people target those that are different.
I mask heavily and focus on protecting myself from my emotions each time sl people cant hurt me so ez which causes dissociating unfortunately that has caused developmental issues like delay/haulted. Fully unmasked I act and behave nearly identical to how I did when I was 12 even the fog over those memories lift, but then I get a fog over my current memories of this mask, this specific mask I created so that I could effectively pass as a Neuronormative woman cuz I wanted to stop living in the closet cuz it was too painful and I needed a therapist to believe I was mentally capable of making my own choices cuz there is 0 chance me unmasked would have been allowed simply cuz of stigma of how obvious that I was not functionally in any way an adult I had a hell of a lot of help creating this mask after finally convincing my far smarter and functional autistic friends to help me. They even consider me a child 😢 getting their help was hard. But this mask is broken cuz trauma SA and CA. I'm not able to fix or repair it cuz I don't feel safe where I'm at to even remove it and fully become the unmasked child that holds the memories I need to access
How about: "Your long-term memory is really good, but this comes at the expense of short-term memory. Understand that this is normal."
Thanks for sharing this one!
i struggle badly with no.4 and i just cant seem to say no or set them
I love Nedra Tawaab's work on instagram. She also has a book over boundaries. She's the best!
@@MomontheSpectrum ty i will go have a look
I’m a teenager and I’m soon to get an assessment so this is really helpful. I’ve been called sensitive so often and at some level that is true- I am more sensitive to stuff than a lot of nt people. But that’s not inherently a bad thing.
I’m also way more of a visual learner!!
I’ve definitely learned early on to slap a smile on my face even when I don’t want to because it felt rude if I didn’t , I still struggle to not automatically smile around people even if I don’t feel like it. I definitely do better if someone else writes down info or gives me handouts of the info they want me to know, I like the tips Dan from the Aspie World gave like voice recording info with iPad or take snapshots of slides with phone, can help in other scenarios besides school where you’re getting a lot of info thrown at you. In regards to stimming I get X-rays and CT’s a lot and I had to early on learn how to lay still even if I wanted to cross my ankles or stimming. Any tips?
Wow. 😢 Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Have you done any videos on the difference between sensory processing disorder and autism in adult women?
I was recommended by my counselor to read a book on sensory processing disorder. And I resonate with almost all of the symptoms. Also recently I was asked by a younger autistic woman if I’m sure I’m not autistic. And then a friend of ours who is a psychiatrist said he thinks I’m autistic just by observing me. I was told I do not have ADHD when my counselor did a test. And she did not think I was autistic. I am just this week trying to learn everything I can. I am 42
Thank you
I'm also trying to differentiate between the different aspects of neurotypical behavior in my 40s. My nephew was diagnosed with several aspects of neurotypical behavior but the biggest was auditory processing delay and I related SO much to it. Best wishes on your discovery journey!
Thanks for this.
You're welcome!
Hi. Thank you so much for making these, it has helped me a lot. I love your videos.
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I wish I could tell my teenage self SO MANY THINGS.
What else would you add?
Thanks!
I’m starting to suspect that my 14 year old has ASD. She’s been diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia, but I’ve always felt that there’s something “more” to it. I’m treated like an overprotective hypochondriac mom when I mention this to doctors, because she’s so good at masking, and they say, she’s just immature, or just quiet. I can’t get her tested because it’s extremely pricey and none of the providers in my area will work with our insurance. So I’m reading books, checking out videos (like this one) and will try to get her as much help as I can without the diagnosis.
Some of what you talked about makes a lot of sense and I wished of known that but alas I didn’t know that, so I had to use what few options I had at that time. You call actions when one is stressed masking behavior, I would have callit Feigning it
I got cut off, Feigning to me is I have only one option either entertain multiple bullies or get beat up that’s way life was back then to avoid winding up in the hospital or worse. You do what you have to do to survive. Me completely avoiding weird not possible even back then I knew i was not like the other children, I made peace with that and moved on. As a positive note i hope things have changed but you need students and staff to be those agents of change.
Thank you, really helpful. I'm a female, diagnosed AS aged 48.
(I prefer to leave off the D, as it usually represents 'Disorder' tho I just thought it can stand for Difference.. But why should we even be called 'different' when NTs aren't, although they are different to us...just because there are more of them.) Anyway, I was diagnosed Asperger, for which I chose to say "I am an Aspie", plus "mild adhd".
Yes indeed, I also wish my teen seif had known these things. The teachers at upper school (UK equivalent to high school) used to ask me what was the matter, they knew I was bright but I struggled and under-achieved - and was bullied, by NT girls. Life has been a shambles really, & chronic health issues, injuries that won't heal, I'm realising partly from long-term dissociation & 'sympathetic dominance' (sympathetic nervous system constantly on alert, so parasympathetic, "rest & digest", not able to function. Not married, no kids, no career, cptsd & codependent carer of another cptsd, lovely artist guy but alcoholic... Yes to the people pleasing compulsion, such an annoying hard to shift behaviour.
So, grateful for the diagnosis, and the info I've learned since, and for this channel.. I'm now 53 & doing what I can to repair myself and health, & to create a happy vibrant life, hard not to feel grief & regret, important to remember life happens for us to grow & evolve & keep moving forwards, in self acceptance, self love, caring less & less what others think, figuring out our talents and developing our skills, and finding our true Tribe & our place in this beautiful World.. 🙏 💖 🌟
Thank you 🙏 ❤🫂
Can you make a video about being misunderstood as a autistic person cause I have
A thought I got from number 5
When I started looking in to autism and it’s symptoms I though I didn’t relate to what other people said about masking and that maybe I just didn’t
And Then I remember the Time my mom told me that when I was in kindergarten I wiggled my toes in my shoes so I wouldn’t stim if front of my classmates and teacher
Yeah
Leaving a comment for the algorithm
OoOoOo thanks, Charlotte! 👾
+momonthespectrum *Being an autist struggling with social and emotional development arrested at mid-infancy (per an ’üpothēsē by Steven E. Gutstein Ph.D.), I wouldn't have recognized an older me as one to whom I should pay attention:*
01:24 *(A) Not too sensitive:* I had near-neurotypical hearing, sight and touch, but olfactory hyposensitivity; my taste was also compromised by olfactory hyposensitivity.
02:21 *(B) Bodily disconnect:* Unlike the autistic who struggle with dissociation, I'm conscious all the time, consistently with Temple Grandin Ph.D.
03:37 *(C) No feigning:* Having legalist and perfectionist complexes, I'm _brutally_ honest to the best o' my ability, given the facts whereof I'm aware.
04:15 *(D) Awareness of boundaries:* Being physically insensitive to others' boundaries, I actually had to _write a protocol._
05:18 *(E) OK for solitude:* _This_ is my default as a socially and emotionally underdeveloped person.
05:53 *(F) Stimming:* I've mixed thoughts hereon.
07:01 *(G) Stress as nondefault:* I've triggers for panic, but not anxiety.
07:51 *(H) Visual aids and written instructions:* I instinctively think o' the whole in terms o' the parts. At WalgreensⓇ East Brentwood (CA, USA), I even assembled an accessibility device that defeated a shop staff.
08:35 *(I) Time to process:* I've a tendency to act on the first activity on a chain even before the complete chain is heard. Grief is an unfelt to me.
09:22 *(J) Embrace differences:* I'm a natural as an audio engineer, instinctively optimize for _recording_ rather than front-of-house.
10:12 *(K) Trust of intuition:* I _have_ no intuition, only sensing.
Hi today i tried to tell my mom i think i may be on the spectrum. i was really nervous to tell her, because she is a bit of an interesting mother. So i started a year plus ago trying to figure out why i do the things i do, and how i work. I eventually took an autusim online test well a lot of them... and every single test told me i am highly likely to be on the spectrum. So i was so surprised, because my mother would always tell me autism is people with serious disabilities. So when i started looking into autism i was so shocked how i related to a lot of the "symptoms". It finally struck me a few weeks ago that i actually may be part of the spectrum because everything especially the masking, stimming, gaslighting, and socializing parts started to make a lot of sense. So today i tried telling her (was so nervous) and she told me there is no way i could have autusim because i look and act normal. But the truth is i copy her body language all the time and everybody always tells me that. I have always struggled socially since i was small but they always said it was shyness. So now i am feeling hurt of what she said but i kind of expected it. But i still believe I'm on the spectrum. I'm 16 now so i want to try and make an appointment as soon as I'm 18 to do a full assessment.
Thank you you're amazing 😘🥰🥰❤💙💜 xoxox
You are so welcome
💖
At 8:10 you mention being a "visual learner". The learning styles theory has been mostly debunked. However, an autistic cousin did respond well to written instructions in the classroom.
Where do you recommend somone go to get diagnosed with ASD in southern California? Thinking of getting my teen daughter and myself tested
very professional ❤done
I just got in trouble for being to sensitive...
This is not a good different way this is instead a disrupt brain communication bad way. My eeg was showing multiple out of synch brain waves and communication patern. This was preventing me to have a good posture because the cerebellum needs the right visual and auditory input to know where I am in space. My back is now straigten than ever and I dont have sensory chutdown now. The sensory traits are disrupting so many important fundamental mechanism for our survival.
As someone who has a really "strange" stim, i know it is really difficult not to mask it. From when i was a child until now i have this stim whenever i feel even the slightest emotion like enthousiasm, interest, anxiety, even when i am just thinking something, where my hands get really tense and my fingers move like spiders. I don't know how to explain it but if anyone wants to see it, the channel "autism family" has shown it many times. It is exactly like that, i do it every day, it happens automatically and no one has seen it since my childhood because as soon as i realised it is "weird", i hid it. If anyone knows what i am talking about you probably hide it too and feel like if someone saw it they would think you are insane and something is really wrong with you. It is just another of the many reasons why i get tired emotionally and mentaly quicker than neurotypicals when i am outside my house, i think this stim just helps me regulate and process.
P.S. How crazy is that i had no idea i had autism since very recently, and i spent 26 years wandering why i do this weird hand thing and no one else has the need to do it! I honestly was curious if other people have it and hide it too haha. Also, whenever i saw a movie in which a person was being watched by a stalker or somehting, or someone had put cameras in their home, i used to think that if someone did that to me i would be so embarassed because they would see me stimming and think i am insane! 😂
I know exactly what you mean by spider fingers!! 🕷️
Where were you 50 years ago? (:
I'm 45 and I was raised by my grandmother who was born in 1920. She whipped me whenever I stimmed until I suppressed it.
Today I remember I used to not like crafting with pipe cleaners in nursery and reception as I was worried we weren't using them for their intended purpose and thought our teacher would get wrong for letting us use them for other than cleaning pipes but never told anyone as i was so scared in case anyone found out 🥲😅. Apparently this is autism. I'm currently awaiting asd assessment after having 12 weeks of formulation and an initial assessment. Very high traits. Who knew. As always thanks for you videos. They help me a lot
hahaha yessss this does sound pretty autistic to me LOL! Thanks for sharing
Hi Alternate I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this compliment. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌹🌹