The toll of decades of forced coping and trying to be more “ normal” is exhausting and comes with compounding anxiety. One thing I’ve faced is neurotypicals not understanding why I would want a diagnosis now when I seemed to have done so well all these years. I wanna scream, “I’m not doing well. I’m tired.” They don’t see and, I think, can’t comprehend the extent of our struggle just to make it through a simple conversation and why if you interrupt my routines I nearly lose it.
Wow. I relate to this so much. Yes... so much yes. Neurotypicals have found it harder to understand why I would want a diagnosis since I've "been so successful" so far. But they don't see how hard it is to live a normal life! How much work it takes to do normal day-to-day things and how much recovery is needed afterwards. The diagnosis has definitely helped me give myself more grace and learn how live life in ways that fit my style.
Sooo well-said. Can totally relate! A light bulb went on in my mind during the Year of Covid…because I felt like I was “healing”…so much less anxiety and stress re even minimal social demands of my life. All my life I thought it was “just me”-and now, at 67 years of age I realize I am not so alone as I thought. So many thanks to one and all.
Exactly! I relate to all of this, but I've always thought it was everybody's experience! I've been diagnosed this February and I'm grateful for all the precious information you brave people are sharing with us! Diagnostic criteria can be tricky and the necessary accommodations are not so easy to figure out for a 42 yo guy
9:22 - So apparently this bit doesn't necessarily mean "isn't imaginative" (though it could) but rather "has trouble doing imaginative stuff collaboratively". That is VERY much my experience! I have a really active imagination individually, but I could never "play pretend" with other kids bc the elements they would introduce were just too chaotic - they broke the internal rules of the story and I couldn't deal with it! Likewise, I HATE that game where you go around in a circle and each person adds one sentence to the story.
Oh my god. Dude. This completely explains my play as a child. I loved imaginative play but preferred to play alone because no one wanted to play the way I did.
Yes this same thought struck me also! That I am very happy in my own imagination or lost in books because I was able to do my own world building that I only had to share with the characters already there, not chaotic people who didn't respect the boundaries of the 'verse. Picking apart the details of characters in books help me understand everybody else's neurotypicalness, it was very helpful to me because it taught me how and why neurotypical people do, think and say how they do cuz interpersonal relationships were just confusing and reading books help me suss out what was going on in reality. It's why I picked up the DSM when I was 11 years old because my understanding of the world was faulty or the world was faulty, it took plowing through anthropology, psychology metaphysics, spirituality and religion (etc) to get a grip on ppl. The world was chaotic and confusing, getting lost in books was weirdly a touchstone back to reality. It wasn't until a retired special education teacher at church took note of my quirkinesses that I pursued a late adult diagnosis. Did the game telephone irritate you also? Lol, I never understood the point of it : )
I’m autistic (diagnosed) and I never had trouble with imaginative play, even collaboratively. I actually preferred imaginative play because I was able to “escape” reality and create my own world. That’s why it’s so important to empathize that all autistic people are different and have different weaknesses, strengths and way of being.
@@beckee6282 THIS! I just got back together with a friend to start roleplaying/writing together again. I realized after some extreme anhedonia about literally every other hobbie, I remembered when I would escape into a different world and play out exciting drama that due to the collaboration bit, meant unexpected plot twists. Because real life was hardly as exciting in comparison.
Yeah, I've read this requirement as well and thought that autistic children didn't have imaginative play. I definitely had imaginative play all the time. However, there were only a couple of people I would actually share that play with.
I'm both crying and laughing while listening to you giving your own definition of autism. It's like you're describing me. I'm currently 31 years old, and have only just figured out that I could be on the spectrum. That whole diagnosis journey is still ahead of me, and it's both fascinating and terrifyingly stressful.
I'm experiencing the very same thing. I'm late diagnosed ADHD 3yrs ago, and just exactly like momonthespectrum, it was after when baby #2 became a toddler, that this past almost 3 months I'm becoming someone I don't recognize. I'm totally lost, confused and feel like an utter failure. I feel like I need a diagnosis so I can verify that I'm not going crazy. (I know I'm not). Also then, telling my parents and whoever I can trust about it, what will they think? 😢 it's a huge issue for me right now.
@@SS24ist If they know you well enough, they might not even be that surprised because they recognize a lot of traits in you that they just never associated with ADHD. It was like that when I told my parents about my autism theory. They needed some time to wrap their head around the idea, but now they fully support me. I hope you have good people around you who'll do the same. But one advice a therapist once gave me, I'd like to give to you: you're not obligated to tell anyone if you don't feel comfortable with it. Do that at your own pace. Good luck to you!
You are my newest hero. I’m an experienced psychiatrist-and I have learned so so so much to you. Thank you…I’m looking forward to your courses. Thank you Thank you Thank you
So glad I got the best treatment for my autistic son who is only 4 years old I've been using Dr Oyalo Herbal medicine and it has been really helpful,💯 his speech has improved completely
I’m here with you my friend and I’m 46. I just discovered this today. Now I’m no longer feeling like on a mission to find out why I feel so different. It’s a wowwwwww moment.
I've never heard someone say that about eye contact before but that's exactly what I do! Well actually I watch people's mouths, I worked out that it gives the impression of eye contact and I go between looking around the room and looking at their mouth when I remember I should check in or seem interested. It was amazing to me to learn that other people aren't making these conscious calculations and efforts during social interactions, no wonder I find it so exhausting. I also wont be able to hear what they're saying if I make eye contact, it feels deeply uncomfortable and my brain turns to white noise and panic.
@@RogueYogiPodcast, agreed. The bridge of their nose is my go to when I get overwhelmed with the eyes. People can tell if you're looking at your lips and it can have sexual connotations, which can make people uncomfortable so while it's more informative for discerning emotions, it's probably not a good regular choice.
Stuff like buying (and receiving) cards and gifts for people stresses me out IMMENSELY. I have a big extended family and I could never figure who should get a gift and/or card from me or not, how expensive, how often, can it be a gift card, can I request a list of gifts that are acceptable, do I have to coordinate so that I don't buy the same thing as someone else etc etc. I would inevitably get something wrong and feel bad 😞 I never realised this is an autistic trait, not me being stupid or lazy
Quite the opposite - plenty of neutotypical people would be twice as lazy and just not care if they hurt anyone. Please, please embrace you as your measure - as a NTP, it appalls me how much pain members of this community have felt measuring themselves against an NTP- standard that so few NTP people bother applying to themselves anywhere near as much as they do when they can judge others. As a group/mass, NTP are not a good standard for anyone to measure themselves by: we too frequently see our 'privilege' ( for won't of a better word) in so many aspects of life through a prism of equal parts hypocrisy and laziness. Don't let poor choices of others overly influence the new horizons you get to explore: they could too ❤❤❤
I am going through the process myself (at age 41), and today I am finally going in for my evaluation. I am kinda nervous, but at the same time a little excited to (hopefully) finally have some answers.
So glad I got the best treatment for my autistic son who is only 4 years old I've been using Dr Oyalo Herbal medicine and it has been really helpful,💯 his speech has improved completely
From a neurotypical... thank you so much for explaining all this! It has helped me better understand and validate why my husband is the way he is. I have struggled in our marriage for over 40 yrs. Hopefully, this info will also help him understand himself better. Thank you, again!
So glad I got the best treatment for my autistic son who is only 4 years old I've been using Dr Oyalo Herbal medicine and it has been really helpful,💯 his speech has improved completely
When I was a lad, my mum always used to say " Looking people in the eyes is a sign of honesty which represents you've nothing to hide " She never understood why I wasn't able to do it and ''tis true, people sometimes might be under the impression of talking to a wall 'cause my mind is daydreaming or travelling in a "parallel universe" :). My imagination is like a stream of consciousness that flows freely ,Great video and thanks for the colossal mission you've been carrying out. In those tough periods you're a beacon of light to many .
I just found your channel a few days ago through the RUclips algorithm. I never thought that I might be on the spectrum. I'm still not sure that I am. I feel that I'm not "normal" enough to be classified as neurotypical, but neither do I feel that I am "autistic enough" to classified as a person on the spectrum. I have had issues with social interaction with people all my life. When I was a kid or teenager, every friend I had abandonded me eventually except for one. One of them said outright that I was too boring of a person to be around. I never fit in with groups and have always preferred one on one social interaction. I have always spent abnormally large amounts of time alone, as social interaction wears me out. My biggest issue is that I think I have been masking for such an enormous portion of my life that I don't know which part of me is the masking behaviour and which is the real me. Masking is also what has made social interaction so draining for me. It's hard work not being yourself! But I'm wondering if non autistic people mask as well, as I don't know if I'm "autistic enough". I hope no one takes offense for my use of the term "autistic enough". It's probably just me still having this stereotypical outlook on what autism is. But I do wonder where the line is drawn between a neurotypical and an autistic person. Maybe I'm just right on the border and that's why I'm so confused. Sorry about this rambling comment. I want to thank you Tay for your channel and your videos. Keep up the good work, you are doing something really important!
I really relate to this, thanks for sharing - keep exploring. I think it's likely that the further you dig into this the more you'll look back and understand yourself and your story differently and with much more self-compassion and self-acceptance. A quote I heard on a podcast recently was: "Neurotypical people don't really go around wondering if they're autistic" which made me laugh, because, exactly. If you explore autism more fully and it doesn't feel like it's quite the right explanation for your experience that's fine, maybe something else explains your non-neurotypical experience better and will be more helpful to you for self-understanding. But if it feels like it does fit but you're just not sure you're autistic 'enough', I hope you can question that way of framing things. It's not a contest, and there's room in the autistic community for all of us :) Podcasts and getting to know other autistic people might be really helpful for realizing you really do fit into this community. A problem we run into when we realize that being autistic might be a big part of our story is ableism and also the way being neurodivergent is stereotyped and pathologized in our culture. Then there's the fact that much of the diagnosis and research is based on older models that mostly studied young boys, not girls or women, and often the literature on autism was written by parents or outsiders who saw it only as a hardship or problem and couldn't describe what it's actually like from the perspective of an autistic person for whom it's not primarily a disability but just a way of experiencing the world/an integral part of who we are. You describe a lifetime of feeling abandoned by friends and not knowing why, being misunderstood by others, feeling like you don't know who you are because of a lifetime of masking, but you're still not sure this is a big enough deal to merit you being part of the autistic community? No one is going to relate to every aspect of an autistic person's experience - one thing I did that you might find helpful was take a few self-diagnosis tests online before I pursued a formal diagnosis - those tests were eye-opening because they all indicated I was autistic (at much higher scores than the minimum required) even though I was honest in my answers about questions that I knew were asking about things commonly associated with autism that I just didn't relate to very much.
Also - yes, as I understand it, I think neurotypical people can mask to some extent as in putting on a bit of a social persona to be accepted by a certain group, etc that maybe is a bit more of a performance than their 'truest' self. But trying to fit in is different from the kind of masking I have to do - like continually trying to figure out what facial expressions are expected of me, where to look at someone when I'm talking, how to speak, and it never being natural, constantly analyzing how to be perceived well by others without it being awkward, how to keep a conversation going, constantly worrying I did something wrong, hyper analyzing every social interaction, constantly taking mental notes for the kind of things I can say to get through awkward small talk. I'm still figuring out the difference myself, but I think a lot of it is about intensity and level of focus. My nonautistic husband puts on different social personas to an extent but this is not exhausting for him like it is for me and he doesn't spend his time feeling like there's something wrong with him because he always thinks he got the social interaction 'wrong'; he can just move on with his life and keep interacting with friends, whereas I shut down and withdraw. I think an analogy to social masking is sensory experiences - neurotypical people also are affected by their sensory needs and experiences and even stim as in self-soothe through calming actions, but with autistic people a lot of sensory stuff is either dialed up or dialed down significantly compared to neurotypicals. Similarly, neurotypical people can struggle with friendship and struggle to fit in but the intensity of the struggle will vary. I always have to mask and it always takes a *lot* out of me, and it's almost always what I'm focused on in social situations, except for those rare situations when I feel fully safe and accepted and like I don't have to pretend (with some (non-neurotypical) friends and in a really relaxed environment where I'm not required to make small talk). This is just my personal experience, and I'm not an expert, just someone working through these questions myself, but I hope it's helpful!
@@monicalarose7980Thank you for your comments. I really appreciate your input. I've been wondering if it's possible to be autistic and be good at reading other peoples expressions and emotions. I find it curious that I feel like I'm good at reading other people and their emotions, but still I'm awkward in social situations. I always doubt myself and the things I say. The best way of describing how I feel is that I feel like I'm on a different wavelenght than most other people. Interaction with people rarely seems to flow naturally.
@@7Nebulae7 That's exactly how I experience it, too. Being on a different wavelength. It rarely feeling natural. I think the idea that autistic people can't read or understand other people at all is a bit of a stereotype. I think there's some research that indicates that difficulty reading expressions can be true, but that might also be due to lack of practice - if you're prone to avoid eye contact for example and are really immersed in your own internal world, it can be harder to read neurotypicals due to lack of practice reading their facial expressions. You might find reading up on the "double empathy" problem helpful - basically, the idea is that yes, autistic people can struggle to read other *neurotypical* people especially as far as how to fit in with their expectations, but it's a two way street - neurotypical people *also* are really bad at reading autistic people's nonverbal cues and ways of communicating and frequently misunderstand them. Sometimes autistic people understand neurotypicals a lot better than vice versa because there's so much social pressure to be neurotypical, which just isn't fair. Autistic people can often thrive socially if they are just around more autistic people who understand their communication style and needs. I feel like I'm decently good at reading others' emotional state for the most part. Sometimes almost too good, it feels like I can just soak in and feel what other people are experiencing almost too strongly, like a lack of boundaries between myself and them, I recently realized that being hyper empathetic is common in autism, maybe related to our sensitivity to the energy in a room, it can feel like we feel what the other person is feeling even if they have no idea we are. The disconnect then is primarily me feeling like I just can't connect with or communicate well with others how I'm feeling or like there is some extra expectation of me from neurotypicals that I can't decode or offer. Like there's almost a wall I can't get around to really connect 'naturally'. I have so much inside me that I just can't seem to make many people understand. Hypervigilance with social interaction is really common with autistic people which sounds like what you're describing - a lifetime of feeling like you couldn't fit in can make us overly obsessed with analyzing every social reaction - it can actually make us much more aware of the various social dynamics in a room than a neurotypical who is not hyperfocused on these things because they don't need to. I also think my anxiety about social interaction does sometimes distort how I read others - I find it hard to ever trust that people aren't just rejecting me or thinking badly of me when often they might be wishing they could connect better with me too but are just puzzled due to the different wavelength barrier they're sensing.
@@monicalarose7980 You have great insights Monica! I can relate to so much of what you wrote. I think part of the problem with autism is that almost all of the research on it has been so narrow, almost only done on boys/men. No wonder many women feel like they don't fit the "usual" autism mold. And as it appears as a spectrum, well that makes things even more complicated. No matter whether it's due to autism or something else, the feeling of being different/separate from other people is really hard to bear sometimes.
Hi Tay I just found your channel! Awesome! I am 62 and was diagnosed with ADHD at 12. Then it was from DSM2 I think and called hyperkinetic disorder. Zoom ahead to last year and I discovered I was on the spectrum. I have a nephew who is autistic and I began to do research to understand his condition and I found out I was reading about me! I have always felt like I was an alien even with the ADHD diagnoses and suddenly I was not alone! I have been fiercely studying and learning about ASD for the last year. Channels like yours are so important! Thank you for posting and I am excited to catch up on all of your videos! ASD has become my latest “Special interest.”
Bryan I am so happy to meet you! I love your energy. It is so cool that you found out more about yourself because you were trying to help your nephew. I love that. I had a similar experience and feel like as I was trying to understand my son, I started learning more about myself, too. And you're right, you can feel like an alien but then when you suddenly have a name to put to your experiences, it can really connect you in a way that changes your life! I've also been "fiercely studying and learning about ASD" since last summer and would say it is not my top special interest. It's fascinating to me. Currently reading "Neurotribes" by Steve Silberman and MAN it's incredible. Highly recommend. Welcome to the channel! Please let me know if you have any video topics or suggestions. Love to hear them.
So glad I got the best treatment for my autistic son who is only 4 years old I've been using Dr Oyalo Herbal medicine and it has been really helpful,💯 his speech has improved completely
Yes! In my mid-60s, female, and self-diagnosed myself with autism over a year ago. My brother is autistic, and I have a cousin who is autistic and nonverbal. I work in healthcare and have decided to not get an official diagnosis, because I would spend a lot of money to tell me what I already know. I have done a LOT of work on this myself and taken all of the online tests, which did not even put me in a gray area-I was on the far end of the points range, and yup, I are autistic, lol!! I have masked and functioned well in all of my professional life, but at a price. I now no longer have the energy or the desire to keep up most of the masking. Amazing the comments I hear from others-“You can’t be autistic, you’re fine!” Or, “If you’re autistic, then so am I! I cut out the tags in the back of my clothes, I hate phone calls, I (fill in the blank with many autistic characteristics and behaviors)….” Suddenly, the light goes off. Anyway, I now have answers to many of the struggles in my life, and so many things now make more sense. It’s freedom in a way.
So glad I got the best treatment for my autistic son who is only 4 years old I've been using Dr Oyalo Herbal medicine and it has been really helpful,💯 his speech has improved completely
I am 45, and was recently diagnosed with high functioning autism. I always knew I was different and didn’t learn like others. College allowed me to learn like I needed to. I could just go to class and go home and study. I lived alone for 4 years and it was what I needed. Completely quiet and by myself. As I start understanding my diagnosis, my life is starting to make sense!
Your point on imaginative play got me thinking. I'm also autistic and when I was in elementary school, I read very well but could not retain what I'd read. It didn't matter the genre; I would almost instantly forget and the homework that was required for what we read made this even harder. It was especially difficult in a group/classroom setting. I experienced intense social anxiety in that type of environment. There was an added pressure I felt to be "smart" like the others. Thankfully I had amazing teachers and other helpers in the school who took their time with me. I ended up in a reading course that was one-on-one where I did different mind exercises as well. I learn best and feel most comfortable with one-on-one learning. The biggest takeaway from this experience was the instructor telling me to picture a movie as I'm reading. Though this took some time, that changed everything for me. I have always been a very creatively imaginative person with a whole inner world and, once I was able to retain textual information, it bolstered my creativity even further. I am so grateful for the adults who believed in and helped me. Without their patience and compassion, I can't (ironally enough) picture who I would've become. Thank you for sharing your own personal journey with us.
So glad I got the best treatment for my autistic son who is only 4 years old I've been using Dr Oyalo Herbal medicine and it has been really helpful,💯 his speech has improved completely
I never considered autism for myself, but after watching “love on the spectrum” and noticing several similarities between myself and some of the individuals on the show, I became obsessed. After finding your channel, and hearing about your experiences, etc. I’m sure that I am on the spectrum. I have the start of my assessment coming up!
@pristinejoel8802 I'd be curious what herbs cure heavy metal poisoning that these injections cause to children. I've heard of cilantro mixed with other herbs, but I'd also heavily advise a whole foods plant-based diet.
So glad I got the best treatment for my autistic son who is only 4 years old I've been using Dr Oyalo Herbal medicine and it has been really helpful,💯 his speech has improved completely
I do enjoy reading fiction, particularly children's books like Harry Potter or His Dark Materials. I have to hide away in my bedroom for hours to read those; I never want to read on the train or wherever other things are going on around me. I definitely like routine and don't like changes. Unknown or crowded places make me feel anxious.
I just realized about 5 years ago that I actually don't make eye contact. My coworkers would glance over their shoulder when I was talking to them, I always thought that was weird. Finally someone asked me what I was looking at, and I realized I was looking past their face and over their shoulder when I'm talking, or look around the room. When someone is talking to me, I'm looking at their lips. It helps me concentrate on what they're saying, one reason I have a hard time on the phone I think
I consider autism as an experience. Everyone likes to debate how autism is for one person and eventually they've gotten to a point where they say "when you meet an autistic person, you have only met one person on the spectrum". I describe it as a way to experience the world and people who are on the spectrum experience it differently from people who are not neurodivergent. ✌️
I love this comment. It is called a spectrum for a reason and yes, what is true for one person may not be for another especially with so many other things that have such high percentages of comorbidity.
This is definitely true. Everyone with autism ends up with a different combination of traits at varying intensity, and since there are so many traits associated with autism, both the ones mentioned in the DSM and also the ones frequently discussed in the autistic community itself, you end up with really interesting and very different perspectives. I am a girl with autism and adhd and while I have many of the characteristics of a girl with autism specifically, there's also some I don't. Girls are actually more likely to have more sensory processing (be it hyper or hypo) related struggles compared to boys, but I don't think I really struggle with sensory stuff as much as many other autistic people. Generally it's not as distressing because I've always leaned a little more towards the hypo/sensory seeking side. I definitely have my things, light repeated touch like a swiping thumb on the skin of my hand is actually so uncomfortable it becomes physically painful, and I am sensitive to some smells, sunlight, and noise. The frequency at which I become overwhelmed by it is not super often though so it's not so bad for me. Opposed to that, one of my top two most salient autistic traits is my special interests. In this regard, girls have been shown to generally have special interests that are seen as more normal or typical, but the intensity is still very strong. I have a combination of both in this area, I have quite a few special interests probably because I have adhd, but also most of them are seen as normal or typical for a girl to be interested in. There are some that are more abnormal or niche though, like the intricacies of fish tanks or pet food.
Someone commented in here about watching people's mouths when they talk. I believe it was a Chloe? I was relying to her, but I lost it. Then continued on with basically a LOT of my journey. Oh my gosh! Same! I have always watched people's mouths when they are talking to me. I've gotten pretty good at lip reading from all the years of doing it. But I cannot look at people at all when I'm talking to them. Not even my own 34 year-old daughter. Who I would literally die for. So why can I not look her in the eyes?! I was molested when I was 6ish years old. Did I look him in the eyes at some point & that's why I can't look people in the eyes? Autism? Both? One thing that really-really upsets me is that I have seen Dr. Phil say many times that if someone doesn't look you in the eyes, that is one way to tell they are lying to you! I have always gotten so anxious when I have seen him say that. Because there is one thing I am NOT. And that is a liar! I have always been told that I'm too honest for my own good. But now, I'm learning that blurting things out is also a part of having ADHD or Autism. Not having control of my brain & the initial instinct to blurt things out. I still don't know how to differentiate between the two. I also have agoraphobia. Which has been extremely hard keeping friends. I have never felt comfortable going places that I'm unfamiliar with. Unless I'm with someone I feel safe with. Even my husband has a hard time understanding how I can be in an Arena yelling at the top of my lungs, but that I can't get myself to go, or having a very uncomfortable time going to say, a family function. Even my own family. I've always felt different & that I don't fit in. I also have a very hard time retaining anything I read. I have alllways felt so awkward & that I didn't fit in anywhere. I could never join in with crowds. I was only really comfortable with my 2 best friends. I tried so hard to be like the others so I would be accepted. But it was sooo exhausting that I spent the majority of my time with those 2 best friends. Having a hard time at my own family get togethers, I feel it's even worse with my in-laws. I want to be like everyone else & do things like everyone else. I feel so judged because I can't. I had a 'friend' during a phone conversation actually tell me after I told her that I can't go into groceries stores by myself. She yelled at me & said, "Yes you can!" I said, " No... I can't. " She yelled so loud, " YES YOU CAN. " And I yelled back just as loud trying to get her to hear me, "NO I CAN'T!" And she had the nerve many times to tell me she knows me better than anyone else. Even my husband & daughter. I just so badly wanted to laugh so hard & say, " You only know what I LET you know about me. " Maybe if I trusted her more, I would have confided more about things I really feel. Then, I now realize that my mom has a very hard time accepting the fact that I could actually have any of these things! Just recently I was trying to have a conversation with her about the different things in my life, what I've lived with, & learning these new things about myself. Even bringing up being molested! When I first told her about being molested, all she could say was, " Why didn't you tell me!? Why didn't you tell your sisters!? " I don't frigging knowwww! I was 6ish years old! Maybe the boy threatened me. Maybe he bribed me. IDK! And now, just a week ago, all she can say to me when I'm trying to actually have a conversation with her about all the things I've lived with, the things I'm learning about myself, etc, she said, " Can we talk about something else? I'm sorry! But it is very depressing! " Ok. Thanks mother. I get it now. The ONE person in my life, besides my daughter, that I SHOULD be able to feel safe with, to confide in with my deepest darkest fears, I can't trust with my own feelings!? I now know I can never ever try to have any type of conversation with her about me & my life again. I am just depressing to her! I am so unbelievably heartbroken. I really don't even know what to do with my emotions about it. She had told me years ago after not talking to her for, I think 3 years, that I just need to let things go & move on. Well I'm sorry mom! Try living with this your entire F'n life! She tries to talk me out of believing that what I'm feeling is realistic. Because she says she also has some of the things I have. Insinuating that because SHE can work & stand up at a podium in front of coworkers, when she has anxiety about it beforehand, but she does it, that I should be able to do things like that too! That because SHE can get herself to go into Walmart by herself, I should be able to, too! My husband just recently went to Nashville for a week with his mom. While talking to my mom about that, she says, " you 'should have' gone, too." I said, " I can't get myself to go on a plane. " And she said, " Ooooh, *insert my name here*. " I said, "Mom! That is parrrt of it!" That is part of how my brain functions! And she doesn't want to hear it, or accept it. I don't know. Then I tell her how I'm feeling & she tells me not to think of her like that!?! She doesn't like going out to the street to get their garbage can because she doesn't want any of her neighbors to approach her. Ok, so she does get it 'somewhat'? But I just want to scream at her & say, "WELL I'M NOT YOU! I DON'T HAVE THE ABILITY TO DO WHAT YOU CAN! " She told one of my sisters & I years ago while we were there visiting her, "I don't want you kids(4) to have any unsaid feelings when I'm gone." Well, what am I to do with that now? She doesn't want to hear any of my feelings. I'm so sorry for the extent of this post. But I really do not have ANYONE not a single person that I can express my feelings to. Not even my husband, who I believe has ADHD/Autism also. He told me a few years ago that 90% of what I say to him, he has no interest in. 😭 And then my daughter, who was just recently diagnosed with ADHD, PTSD, ASD, PDA... her brain is CONSTANTLY go,go,go. She has a hard time staying focused, hence, unable to really hear what I'm saying. But to me, I feel like she's totally uninterested. 😢 Like Taylor says, " if you've met one ASD person, you've met ONE ASD person." Not one of us are the same! If you took the time to read all of this, I then you from the bottom of my heart. Truly.
So I just turned 28 and only found out like 3 weeks ago that when people say that they make eye contact when talking to others they actually mean direct eye contact. I always thought that was an exaggeration. I usually look at their mouth, cheeks, neck, ears, hair, hands. Basically anything but their eyes. I thought that was normal.
I had this same eye-opening realization pretty soon after I realized I was on the spectrum. I look at people's cheekbones! I even fooled myself. I thought I looked people in the eye but after I intentionally tried it after realizing I was on the spectrum, I was pretty shocked at how uncomfortable it is. I can't hear anything being said when I do it.
I remember years ago someone who was talking to me and it felt like they was giving me even more eye contact than was normal for even a neurotypical person. It felt more like they were staring at me whilst talking to me. I had no idea at the time what i was doing but when people used to look me in the eye too much i would begin to stim by picking a mole on the back of my neck (eventually this mole became very inflamed and had to be removed because my doctor thought it could turn cancerous). I distinctly remember this specific conversation because the person (who was a very blunt person) asked if i had nits. I now realise most people probably also noticed this stim i used to do when talking to people and that most people probably just werent rude enough to ask why i was always scratching and picking when i spoke to people
I first started trying to find out more about autism because a friend has two autistic children. The first time I saw one of your videos, I realized that I am probably autistic too. Thank you so much for what you are doing!
Thankyou so much for your videos! Just had my daughter's assessment today. I was worried as a late diagnosed mum. But your videos helped me feel calm before the appointment and it went really well, we were listened to. Such a relief.
Hi Taylor! Thank you so much for your channel and for sharing all of the amazing information that you have. I am 26 and just now realizing that I am so sure based on what I am now researching that I am on the autism spectrum. It has definitely brought me to tears multiple times as I realize that my whole life, all these things that I thought were my major flaws and shortcomings were simply due to me being autistic. So thank you again for this amazing work you are doing!
So glad I got the best treatment for my autistic son who is only 4 years old I've been using Dr Oyalo Herbal medicine and it has been really helpful,💯 his speech has improved completely
Just wanted to mention (probably repeating myself) that your content is tremendously valuable to your subscribers. I frequently share your videos with my neurotypical partner and it helps us as a couple, as well as me individually. *All* my gratitude. ☺️
So glad I got the best treatment for my autistic son who is only 4 years old I've been using Dr Oyalo Herbal medicine and it has been really helpful,💯 his speech has improved completely
Hypersensitivity to smells, lights, temperature, and sounds have cost me jobs, school and even relationships. Literally walked off a job because it was too air conditioned in the building and the restroom “freshener” overwhelmed my workstation (situated 12’ feet from the restroom door). I can hardly tolerate being in the car with my husband because we argue over AC/heat temperature and noise of the blower or different music tastes/stereo volume. Of course I’m to blame for being the problem!
I lost a job for following the rules. I wish I was kidding. My boss thought I was too rigid. Fired for following the rules! I feel like everyone else is crazy and I'm the only sane one sometimes.
@@AshleyWilliams-xq7ljyikes I have this issue lol. I've gotten a bit better with being "corrected" as I've gotten older in regards to rigidity with rules, but I'm sure thats not the case for everyone, and some bosses just suck and will fire you if it happens once or twice that you are "too rigid".
Thank you for explaining this. I was diagnosed with Asperger's first then reassessed in 2013 after DSM 5 was published, and given an ASD diagnosis. I never fully understood the DSM criteria, but now thanks to this video I feel like I have a good understanding of the DSM 5 criteria.
Super helpful video. A book I've found really helpful (the first that got me really thinking seriously about being autistic) is called On the Spectrum: Autism, Faith, and the Gifts of Neurodiversity by Daniel Bowman. One (of many) things I really appreciate about this resource is that he helps articulate a non-pathologizing definition of autism that doesn't define it by "deficits' but by a unique way of experiencing the world (he also shares a hilarious example of describing neurotypical people with the kind of pathologizing/dehumanizing/deficit-focused language commonly used for autistic people). Your opening definition of autism felt like it shared that approach as well, of describing an experience instead of seeing it as a disorder, which I really struggle with. I understand that it's important to understand how the DSM-5 defines it because that diagnosis is often how autistic people will get needed support, but I also just really hate the way it just completely frames being autistic as a deficit (by definition, the DSM-5 suggests you can't be autistic unless you're experiencing it as a "clinically significant' hardship) and it completely neglects the tremendous contributions autistic people give to the world because of, not despite, their unique wiring.
This video (and your remade/reformatted chart video) have been life-changing for me. I relate to your experiences and stories so much!! Especially about the social “templates” that I’m constantly running.
I didn't realize I had so many repetitive behaviors. I knew I had extreme problems adjusting to new circumstances and changes, even when I knew the changes were good and I was excited about them. It's almost like consciously I was happy about them, but, unconsciously, my nervous system acted like it was the end of the world. If the changes involved an increase in social interaction and noise, it made things very bad for me. However, sometimes the changes were good and I had no problem. I just moved to a new place that was super quiet where I was at the end of the building away from most other apartments. It was such a better environment than my old place that I haven't had any issues after moving there.
I’m the same, I’ve always had a good imagination and will sometimes get lost in a book world but only if it’s fantasy based because those worlds always felt more real to me than the one I live in (like I could belong there when I never felt like I belonged here, if that makes sense) but hypothetical questions no thanks 😂I don’t understand the point of them! Or if a question is ambiguous at all, I don’t know what’s being asked or how I am supposed to respond; it needs to be logical and have a clear point!
@@sarahtrew9331 omg yeeess!! Logical and clear. And I get the book thing. I read literally all the time. I read so much that if I got in trouble, my mom would make me pack up all my books and I wasn’t allowed to read. The irony lol. Sadly, I’m not into reading that much after I got in my 20s, which makes me sad. It’s harder to find a good book these days.
14:45 - Let's not gloss over this point. This is such a profound realization - at least to me. I've known my whole life that something was different about me. Every one knew something was up when I was a kid, but it was a different time. DSM5 wasn't a thing, Aspergers wasn't nearly as well understood as it would later become, and Autism meant something very different than it generally does today. When I was a kid, Autism meant dabilitatingly Autistic. The word conjured images of young mute children screaming uncontrollably, hitting their heads on the wall, themselves, biting caregivers, and generally spending a life in an institution or otherwise spend their days as societal rejects. I've been struggling a lot more recently in my life though, having just turned 40. If you could observe my behaviors as a kid vs. now, at least in context of autistic traits, I would present much more clearly as being autistic now than I would then. And you just said something that really gave me a good answer as to the "why" part of that statement. Ultimately, my life changed. I can't afford the luxury of casual masking the way I used to because I no longer have the time nor energy for it. I have a family that needs my care, time, and attention. I have a home that needs regular upkeep, I have things that take priority over my own personal creature comforts of whatever I perceive as my mental limitations. I'm not dismissing any of these, because the number of meltdowns I've experienced in the last couple years has been off the rails for me. I just couldn't figure out why this was happening. I barely try and mask anymore. I just roll the autistic dice and whatever comes out of my brain and subsequently my mouth is what I'm going with. That doesn't mean I don't care about what's being said, I just don't hide my autistic traits nearly as much as I used to. I have a motor tic that gets looks sometimes, I get visibly stressed out when there's too much going on around me, my sensitivity to lights (especially fluorescent lights), random electronic noises, just the world around me. I get home now and it's noise canceling headphones as much as I can get away with, and I immediately fall into my routine as soon as I can. I kept asking myself, "Does autism get worse with age?" and now it just seems I'm simply struggling with my day to day life to mask. I'm okay with that though. I just wish I could balance my work life out a bit better so that I'm not in a constant state of stress that swings me hard between burnout and meltdowns. My meltdowns have gotten worse, going from mostly emotional to physical, and I instinctively start hitting myself in the head. Nothing about it feels good as far as what I know it looks like goes. It scares the hell out of people around me, which in turn makes me more stressed out. I feel like not letting it play out though is worse for me personally, so I don't restrain it like I used to. Thank you MotS for your channel, these videos, and being open to sharing your experiences. I'm a guy on the spectrum, and I can tell there's some key differences between the way you experience you're autism to the way I experience mine, but the similarities are just... I don't know how to say it, there's something comforting knowing I'm not alone. My autism was periodically misdiagnosed as depression - this was usually after a meltdown, or during a prolonged period of burnout. I can see how these things can cause mixed signals though, so I don't blame the therapists at the time for misdiagnosing them, again, autism wasn't this thing we recognize it as now. Knowing your boys have a mother that understands autism on such a deep personal level gives me so much hope for the future of children with autism moving forward. It's been a long hard road for people on the spectrum, because we've never had an answer for what causes us to struggle the way we do, and I'm looking forward to how much better we can make the world for people like us when we have the knowledge, tools, and compassion that's needed to bring the best out of each of us. God bless you and thank you for all that you do!
I had to listen a couple of times to the conclusion to get my brain to wrap around the words. I’m diagnosed adhd, but pretty positive it’s both. One of my doctors does agree, but diagnosis is so expensive. I feel I actually fit all of the criteria probably to some strong degree and my abilities hit challenge as soon as school began as a child. I feel i only mask well on the phone for my job most days, or for very short periods, such as a job interview. My life is heavily impacted, though, and the world feels so painful and overwhelming all the time that I’m struggling to hold down a job. I have managed to skate by barely so far, but after hitting burn out I’m sure all the facade is falling apart. Your videos are very helpful, For example I’d never heard of Fawn response, but I’d say freeze and fawn are my most common. Rarely end up allowed to escape, after all.
Oof. You saying that you noticed when you had your second child hit so hard. That is exactly what has happened to me. I have been recognising all the signs over the last few years by studying my behaviors and activations (I am 35 now, and have thought I was ASD for 10ish years). Now that my son is 2.5 and daughter nearly 5 I have found myself completely overwhelmed by all the things I had to work hard to overcome before. It has truly brought to light everything, and has finally spurred me to seek a medical diagnosis. Great videos
Oh my god ! You have just saved my life. Thank you. I just said yesterday “ I think I’m grieving my 5 year old as a baby “ Like I don’t play with her as much because I can’t do what she wants in play as it causes my so much distress, that I’ve slowly over time distanced myself from her, so she’s gone through life full of love then me slowly backing away sort of thing, to me seriously considering giving her up for adoption for a bout a year. She is a wonderful child and I just love her to bits and want her to have a mother that can give her all her needs met. but I want to say with all my heart T❤H❤A❤N❤K ❤Y❤O❤U❤ ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
This was fabulous - really accessible and totally authentic, but equally intelligent and 'mature' in its focus. I'm neurotypical and a junkie of communicating theory/practice, as well as having a dear friend who is grappling with, like you, realizing what he may well have been masking all his life. Your videos are helping me connect and support that as well as I want *without* impugning his journey, both with their content/info, and as a tool we can use as a focus rather than making that focus him. And, just to avoid any doubt, I'm impressed/awed by your skill and delivery as a human, not as a NTP/non-NTP: you're just plain fantastic, by every measure ❤❤❤
I so APPRECIATED your explanation of Autism. Recently, my daughter thought that her niece is on the Spectrum. As I was explaining some of her traits….I began to think how MY DAUGHTER did many of them! That sent me down the rabbit hole! I NOW think that she IS Autistic and I may be! She however, becomes very angry when I suggest this 😮 Thanks for the description!
Everything you’re saying is yes yes!! Masking for me comes easy but it’s exhausting. I know I meet at least three of the criteria. Thank you for this video and I am a new subscriber. I just completed my part 2 of my asd testing. Thanks for making them clear.
I am having such a hard time with my doc. :(. I booked my most recent appointment specifically to discuss my concerns that I have ASD and ADHD that has gone untreated all this time. I had the expectation she'd use her insight into health to ask me questions to help. All she said was: I don't treat conditions, I treat symptoms. Then she gave me two websites to go to, nut sure what they are yet. I'm newly visualy impaired on top of everything else, I just feel so unseen.
Ouch, that sucks. The way that neurodivergent people are treated is just shameful. I've been stuck doing most of my own mental health treatment for decades because nobody can decide what is going on with me and in some cases, there isn't even an available diagnosis that covers it. I've had just about all the possible ASD misdiagnoses, and the place where I seem to fit is just this gaping hole that they needed to add so that they could keep the number of ASD diagnoses to their pre-conceived notion of how common it should be. I'd urge you to keep trying to find somebody that's actually competent, as this sort of neurodevelopmental condition can have far-reaching consequences that aren't easily identified.
She's doing it right! Not to worry! Even if you ARE autistic you have specific symptoms: you yourself aren't autism. Does that make sense? She's there to help you with what's causing you trouble--not with autism. Does that make sense? She has a disagreeable personality and you seem very sensitive, so it's just a personality clash, but she understood what you said. People aren't their diagnosis, and people who try to diagnose themselves online miss out on a range of possibilities. It's a doctor's job to look at the symptoms--not the disorder. A bad doctor looks at the disorder. A good doctor looks at the symptoms. Since most doctors do it for the money and are disagreeable people they're the worst communicators, but that doctor actually had your back more than you have yours. Sometimes it's autism; sometimes it's thyroid cancer. It's essentially their job to make sure you're right in your self assessment so that the CORRECT treatment is offered as often as possible. She had your back
@@bufficliff8978 I was able to see her in person today, that went much better. I think we are both not the best to over the phone for appointments. She is screening for thyroid issues, full, bloodwork, etc. requisition. I am the main one advocating for my health, I was the one who pushed for PTSD assessment, which is what I needed, the last time I did not advocate for myself, and decided to let the doctor do the doctoring, I found out with severe pneumonia and almost died. This was within the past year, as a result, I have a lot of anxiety that I think a lot of people would have in my situation. I am pretty sensitive, but working really hard at thickening up my skin. My approach I’m stating my concerns has worked well with excellent doctors in the past, it just doesn’t go as smoothly with my current duck when we are both doing it on the phone.
@@bufficliff8978this is a completely nonsensical thing to say though. if autism is what's causing these traits or "symptoms", you're just using semantics to get around the fact that you're technically treating someone for autism. you're treating them for complications caused by autism.
Thank you for your video. I just ended a relationship with someone on the spectrum who wasn't out about it when we met and it took me figuring it out for them to admit it. The hardest thing for me was putting in work to try and understand them through videos and reading and becoming aware of their needs, however I never felt like they did even a tiny bit to understand mine. While perhaps this is due to the autism, it's really hard for someone who isn't neurodivergent to put in time to try and learn and connect to be a better partner and have the relationship in this way be so one-sided. We didn't end due to this and it had nothing to do with neurodivergence, but it was something hard to realize that I was working to understand to the best I could his needs and wants and how his personal brain worked, but he was unable to do that in any capacity for me. That makes growth and connection very hard.
I love your voice and how professional and educated you sound. Also you have a natural beauty and glow about you that just keeps me totally honed in. The cuts were a bit much, it was very distracting for me. This is great information and I love how you were able to explain it more clearly without dragging it out.
I want to be diagnosed so badly. At age 50 I’m falling apart. I’m tired. My brain wants to shut down. I cannot function. I want to quit my job. I’m a cashier and I can’t do it anymore. I’m tired of talking to people. I force myself to talk to people. Force eye contact and then I feel like I squint and then my eyes hurt afterward. My job really won’t move me out of this position either despite me begging because I have all the codes memorized and can scan groceries super fast.
You're so welcome! Thanks for taking the time to watch and comment. Please let me know if there are any additional resources I can share that may be helpful to you.
Wow, the “unable to cope ever since multiple streams of information demanding my attention 24/7 started coming my way” really hit home. I actually don’t think I’m autistic, but I don’t believe I’m NT either. I am currently trying to figure out if being HSP can explain the things I’m experiencing.
I am beginning to see that I am possibly autistic and my son as well. Most of the things you talked about in this video relate so much. Never been diagnosed. I am also adhd so many things. I work with kids whom have special needs as a secondary teacher assistant. Also I’m working on getting my RBT. So I feel that everything I have been experiencing in my life till now all makes sense. It’s crazy.
I have not had an official diagnosis, but I have been able to relate to videos like yours and others who have. Growing up through the 80's and 90's a phrase I used probably around age 3 or 4 was "I can't know how". I was always 'shy' - growing up the middle child between sisters, I didn't really have to speak-up. I would flap my hands when excited or anxious. I was always picked last for sports. I always struggle with eye contact, to the point my head tends to be turned or I end up standing beside someone to better hear what's being said. I tend to feel 'overloaded' at work sometimes as I'm normally in a room with 2 large laser printers, a smaller envelope printer and a paper cutter that is like a big shear. I realize maybe if I have a stim, it's related to touching my beard, but I've also done the 'drumming on a table'. I tend to overthink a lot. I talk to myself quite a bit - usually in the form of what I should have said during a conversation or maybe what a future conversation could be. I tend to have a mostly neutral expression, but my tone of voice changes based on my emotional state at the time. My part-time job as a rural mail carrier, I will always keep the mail for my next stop in my right hand, saving a few seconds for when I do stop, while my left hand steers, but also realizing it helps keep my focus on where I'm going as I may have a form of ADD or ADHD. I've always felt like an outsider.
When I first heard of autism, I immediately thought "that's me!" because of my inability to look people in the eye, especially when meeting them for the first time and when "fast dancing"
I'm an Autistic mum who is waiting for an official Autistim/adhd assessment. Plus there's a huge chance I have Dyspraxia 😮 I have 4 Autistic children, I have been in therapy and I'm the one who has to ask for a assessment for myself 😢 With miy brain and mouth sometimes they disconnect and I am 'not there' or the erong thing comes out of my mind🥺 I have tried to be 'normal' for decades...I have been 'masking' without knowing it. My daughter points out that I am repetitive on a daily basis and I didn't know it. I ws called a daydreamer and I now understand that more. Thank you so much for this video as it helps me, my family and others too🥰
And I think you just helped me self-diagnose. I need to share this! I told my psychiatrist two sessions ago about my bf's pending professional diagnosis and shared how I was thinking I might be Autistic too and she. read. me. the. DSM-V criteria. Only without the nuance that you interject in this video (hence the spectrum vs. black/white autistic/not autistic view of what masking can be. Hint: a LOT of things). She left me once again doubting myself and I cried after the call. It feels like such a betrayal.
I strongly believe that I am on the autism spectrum but yet to get a formal diagnosis of autism 😕❣️ I started the process for getting evaluation done, so wish me luck 🤞❣️
Overall great and insightful video that provides a lot of value to the community. Keep up the good work please! Biggest problem though (not just this video but in general) is lack of differential diagnosis mainly between adult ADHD and autism. I have ADHD and work with people with autism without ADHD so I can easily detect the difference. I’m also a counsellor and can see the overlap with mood disorders also. High accuracy diagnosis is complex, multilayered and difficult. Assessment sometimes needs to happen year after year, using different types of methods, just to get consistent confirmation. Individual research, introspection/self-observation and self-reporting definitely help, as it’s another source of independent information.
I love these videos cause even if I don't relate I know that with others I do. I am recently realizing I have autism and it explains my entire life I'm just different and always will be and now I'm happy that I know why
I have had friends distance themselves when I actually trusted them enough to unmask with them, that is kind of sad, because it seems like they want me to be someway that I am not for them
Thank you so much for this and all your videos. I am currently seeking a diagnosis and was wondering what the actual characteristics are that they use to determine ASD. I am self diagnosed, but i have had people who know about ASD HSP ask me if ive been tested. They have special understanding that others do not. My family thinks im nuts for even suggesting it. All your videos resonate with me and i KNOW I've been masking and stimming my whole life. I work in sales and hate every minute of it, but i know it keeps me from being a hermit. I want a diagnosis so that I can help you spread the word on how delicate a subject this is. ❤😊
every aspect of this discussion mirrors my lifelong experience of existence. Nobody in my life except my family would ever accept that I'm on the autism spectrum. My dad is autistic, but the rest of us aren't! I've floated the idea past others in my life and the idea was shot down hard, instantly. I guess it's easier to believe that I just cry and shut down at parties and don't know how to hold a conversation and am extremely good at specific things and extremely bad at social communication because i'm petulant and moody and enjoy ruining other people's days for attention. i've developed a cold and unfriendly outer shell because other people don't like me and they're boring and stressful to me. i guess that gives ample ammunition to the people who are close to me to assert that i'm just mean-spirited.
I'm 69 (male) and get SO annoyed that autism is viewed by most as a childhood disorder. So... what happens to those children? Do they simply "grow out of it?" I appreciated your saying that sometimes, due to limited social interaction in early childhood, our coping abilities are not "taxed" sufficiently to show issues with autism. That was me. My mother (whom I suspect as being autistic herself) utterly despised children (including me) and the "chaos" they created. I was not permitted friends or playmates. In school, I had no social skills whatever and that was when my autistic qualities began to show. I could not grasp the idea that other people were "real". They were just "things" that clogged up my environment. I spoke oddly, too loudly, and often inappropriately. Boundaries were a totally foreign concept. I had my deep (and very peculiar) interests, and those were all I wanted to do. I'm still that way, today. Don't have friends, don't want them, don't want social activity, stay in my peculiar interests and have no tolerance for change. I've been masking all my life and living with a tremendous level of stress trying to "fit in." I can't imagine what it would have been like to have known about autism back then and how it affected me. Wow... Thank you for what you do.
Repetitive Movements... I have a formal diagnosis and was trying to think of any I might have, thinking I only had one. Then you said you are always clicking your teeth and that made me realize I was clicking my teeth. Which is constant, and I never even considered it as a symptom of anything.
@@ThaMyndRichPodcast I brought this up with my best friend shortly after watching this video. Apparently I have far more stemming ticks than I thought. The singing is the only one that seems to bother her any. I get stuck on one verse or chorus of a song and I'm either singing or humming it over and over, even during conversation. She said it wouldn't be so bad if I just sang the whole song. lol
As far as hypothetical questions goes - i don't mind hypotheticals. As long as the hypothetical is based in something real. So i guess for me, i'll get lost in my own thoughts where i'll put out all these possible scenarios, but it takes me hours or days or week (or years in some cases) to build out the scenario in my head and connect everything. So i guess its not so much hypothetical as trying to connect dots that i cannot currently see the connection. I LOVE finding connections between concepts. The Medici Effect is fun book because it gives examples of people in seemingly disparate or disconnected fields helping to solve problems.
For the comprehensive document you wrote for your assessment about why you felt you had autism, do you recommend writing bullet points/keeping it as brief as possible or are actual stories/experiences written out better? I'm having a hard time knowing what would be best for the assessor and what would be best to thoroughly explain everything because I'm not going to be able to recall everything during the assessment. Thank you in advance. Your channel has been so incredibly helpful for me and a direct answer to many prayers, spoken and unspoken.
Go into detail as much as you can. Especially if you're old enough that you don't have videos and a lot of people that you can ask that knew you at the time. I got kind of screwed over because the only people I could point to that knew me long enough are likely also autistic and the diagnosing psychologist seemed really fixated on DSM III criteria without much awareness of what it's actually like to be autistic. He then concluded that he didn't see the autism, but suggested that the most autistic non-autism diagnosis was likely it, even though it is itself almost always a misdiagnosis and is itself likely also autism. We all deserved better than that POS DSM 5.
ASD's and ADD'd have so much to offer. The one thing to help all facets of both is something Us brains are naturally more deprived of, than Most, the 4th state of consciousness, thoughtless awareness meditation. One simple approach to get into this state of meditation for Those of Us with busy and pragmatic, practical minds is to not put too much attention on the thoughtless part (the still-mind) at first it, but just focus on the still-body first, and get comfortable with that first. So practice sitting down comfortably for 5 min twice a day, don't worry about the mental side for the first weeks, that will come with time automatically with becoming physically calm, and still so long as You set the stage for mental calmness too at least by just attempting to sit as calmly and 'quietly' as possible. Don't be hard on Yourself, it's not something We are used to doing, so, like writing with One's non-dominant hand, it's going to be messy at first, despite it being a very natural and healthful thing to do as a Human Being. Imagine a much simpler time in Human history when once we had food and shelter sorted out for the day We could just sit under a shady tree and enjoy the beauty and grounding effect of nature. Achieving this tiny physical task will give Us confidence, confidence that We have the ability to control this one thing in Our lives. (This alone helps reduce anger and violent outburst issues but I wont go too much into the benifits as there are literally more than the size of this whole comment already. After a few days or weeks of sitting in presence, in the present moment, just Being aware, calm and relaxed, spine straight and eyes closed but neither of those two things forced, gentle slow breathing, and not thinking of or distracted by anything, especially thoughts of past or future but, being present in the 'now moment'; subtle transformation begins. The mind starts to become Our servant, not Our master. It eventually realizes it cant trick You into getting up or distract You from having Your 5 minitus of calm sitting and calm mind. You become the master at that stage. Having said that, We mustn't be too fanatical about anything either, so as mind initially begins to settle, what is more important to Us becames clearer, and great ideas and things We should take care of as a priority for Us, became clear, and so I found it handy to have a pen and paper handy in the beginning to write these important realizations down at first, so they wouldn't continue to be a distraction to mind, so I could come back to calm, and finish the last few minutes of sitting calmly, knowing I could take care of these things later, after My time to just Be (and not do) for a change. The benifits of this are profound, and continue to grow with daily returning to 5 minutes of sitting and being present aware thoughtless; in meditation. It improves all the main areas of One's Being, mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. Balance in a those areas becomes more the natural state automatically, ie without effort. Medical studies confirm, 4th state of consciousnes with EEG, improves all autonomic, and parasympathetic, systems. For Us it removes some of the burden by realizing what thoughts are important and what are not, and how to be more naturally confident and comfortable with Our True Self too. I havent found any other single practice that has as much of a wide and diverse range of profound improvement than this. I wish Us All the very best!
I have known about my Visual and auditory learning disabilities my whole life but just found out that I have autism when I was tested back in January and also April for other disabilities. I have had major problems with my family and especially my twin sister who believes that I was brain washed and that I'm faking everything that I have been going through. I have said the last three year's that I wished everyone would have to live in my flesh and not be able to get out for a year, to be stuck in my body...struggling to find my way through each new thing, trying not to complain or ask for help because no one has time to explain what I should already know how to do. If I could have one wish it would be a fix my memory card in my brain so I wouldn't be a burden to everyone. I feel like I can't figure out how to get my brain to see where it needs to be so I don't show that I'm struggling. It actually amazing watching these videos because I've seen and heard where people are saying that they thought this one person on a vlog had a tattoo on their right arm but it was showing that it was on the left side of the screen/ their left arm as it is backwards. Well I believe...I not sure if this is really happening but it seems like it and I have not been able to figure it out..but in my brain I think I'm doing the same things with things around me and it moves and I feel like it really happens when I am reading anything. I get super exhausted from reading into one paragraph I'm asleep sitting up. The phones have actually helped me out so much with my spelling and where ii need to put my words. I still pass out from reading like I just had a glass of wine, it puts me to sleep I need and want to fix that because I always want to go to college and to get a better job. This brings me back to the beginning...that my family and twin sisters don't understand at all and I have gotten yelled at pushed and bullied from what the don't understand. And some of my friends got very upset with me about me telling them that I had autism and thats why I have struggled learning anything. I tried to tell them I had trouble with lifestyle skill and learning how to manage work, that i would get it if afterwards after doing something a lot of times but the harder it was the harder something might be the longer it would take me to learn how to do. Because my twin sister was never in a classroom with me or at work with me she never saw how hard everything was or how I might get treated by other employees or by a boss. I tried so hard to work harder and faster and I was so stressed out and upset that people would pick on me. Some of the employees I worked with were nice and would tell me i was way to nice for my own good because people were taking advantage of me and I was getting into trouble for what they did. I just want to be a team player and work together but they say I'm weird and don't want to be with me. Or they tell me "They can't put their finger on what's wrong with me". I'm also falling asleep very quickly the type this. It always makes my so tired to try to text or read. I don't know what to do to help myself. I just want to do better!!! Oh my sense of smell is so so strong and I know that this is weird but I can smell a snake when it's close by me and different foods i haven't eaten before come across are very strong but still taste amazing. I/ we..my mom and I had covid this past March and I got the covid pretty bad and it messed up my taste bud's but its coming back slowly and from time to time I lose my taste bud's again. Very strange! My ears are very sensitive to loud noises so I don't like going to loud churches. It actually hurts me in different ways and I realize that I have masked keeping my reactions to my self from loud noises. I don't want to have a problem or reactions to loud noises so I really have not liked concerts. I want to like concerts but it hurts me I think in different ways and I don't like to be touched either. I'm very sensitive to heat too. Extreme cold weather is super painful as well as heat. My mom said that I would scream in the summer because I was so hot. I would have heat rash so bad and it would make me cry and cranky. I found out that if I was ever cold I cold warm up my body if I curled up on my right side my internal temperature would warm me up. When I was born my mother said I came out shaking really hard like someone was shaking me. She said that I was doing the same thing while I was in the womb and that my twin sister was never moving i moved all the time, to much. It worried my mother how much I was moving. I would what that was about but I guess it slowly stopped and I still seemed to have a problem sitting still. I remember being worried that I would to in trouble if I got up in class after my first year in kindergarten, yes I had to repeat kindergarten because of my teacher putting me in the middle room behind a curtain for the whole year...I didn't learn a thing that year. My first teacher was so mean that the teacher aide was even afraid of her. The first kindergarten teacher was fired for abuse on me and she never taught in any other schoo ever againand she went back to California . She told me I would never graduate from high school and I would never be anything in life. The way she talked to me was so scary for a 5 year old. I really hope she never taught in any school ever again. I just wonder if I would be better off if I had of been in the same class with my twin sister, she would have seen how much trouble I had in school. I wish I knew how to get my family to care and watch the videos like yours so they would understand how everyone is different from each other with disabilities and with each one person is different it doesn't mean that I am faking my troubles . If I could snap my fingers or just awake up tomorrow morning with no more troubles that woul make me so happy to not struggle anymore would be so awesome and freedom of what I call my hell of living in a blacked out black jar, I can see out but no one can see in to see what I am going through.
I drive my husband nuts because I don’t look at him when he’s talking to me so I can hear better.. especially if I’m upset. I never knew it was a thing. I’ve never told anyone that either.
Difficulty understanding facial expressions, integrating into conversations, overdevelopment of ideas where the conversation has moved past that concept. I find I like animation, probably because the animator has simplified and ‘typified’ the facial expressions, making them easier to understand.
9:30 I'm learning I'm autistic but it's interesting how everyone is different. I'm am artist and love doing things by imagination. I think I could envision characters, but it wasn't the same as other kids or other kids couldn't imagine anything.
Analyzing the evolution of Autism throughout the various DSM versions is a real deep dive. DSM-II _mentions_ autism under schizophrenia. DSM-III introduced the Autism diagnosis, but none of the Autistic RUclipsrs would qualify. Just communicating in sentences disqualifies you! (I have a pile of diagnoses from 1980, and all of them are now part of ASD.) DSM-III-R widened the diagnosis, but until DSM-IV and Asperger's Syndrome, most of us couldn't be diagnosed with anything useful. Now with DSM-V a lot of behaviours and symptoms got rolled together. ASD is a wide net now and one of the reasons for this is to simplify support services and organizations. There's a lot of politics in the DSM as well. When I was on the board of Autism Ontario North-East the DSM-V was coming out and it was very frustrating to have differing support needs all lumped into a single umbrella. But that's a whole thing I could rant about for ages.
Thank you, this channel is gold. According to diagnostic criteria I'm a female autistic, despite I'm a biological male. But gender role and gender expectations never applied to me.
I think it’s great that you are able to step outside of gender norms. I have seen that that can be an isolating experience. Sending support and encouragement your way!
I wrote my previous comment before watching the whole video. Now I am already halfway through and I have goosebumps! What will happen by the end of the video? Seriously, are you my female twin! 😂
I was told when I brought up the subject of autism with a therapist that I was definitely not autistic because she could tell by looking at me that I was not autistic because she said that all autistic people have a certain look about them. (This was probably about 5 years ago).
The struggle with imagination was super interesting to me. I tend to love fantasy and hypothetical scenarios, but I have the hardest time improvising in conversation. Games that involve asking people questions about themselves are nightmare fuel for me (i.e. Never have I Ever, or similar). I try so hard to think of something appropriate but since the script is too ambiguous, I just draw a huge blank. I could never understand how other people seemed to do that sort of stuff so effortlessly. This is what prevents me from writing books too --I can do world building ad-nauseum, but realistic character dialogue seems impossible.
I also want to ask if autistic people tend to be rule followers? And get upset when others don’t follow rules? Like speed limits. Or doing what supposed to at work but they don’t. Leash laws but people don’t follow it, etc. I just want people to follow the rules and get bent out of shape when they don’t. I cry. I need something soft to hold onto. It upsets my world.
Hi Tay, thanks for posting this. Maybe my autistic traits didn't allowed me to finish to listen your video, because it has literally no pauses in the audio, so my mind overwhelmed :( I wish this can't bother me but I went of energy.
You and I are roughly the same age but I was never diagnosed. I'm currently seeking an assessment but it might be a while until I get an answer. That said thanks to this video I now know that I meet a lot of the DSM V criteria.
I have been doing a lot of shutdowns where I couldn't function also I found a silicone shark tooth from willows toys that I'm using now to help me I'm born male but don't feel like I am either one gender
As far as not liking fiction and it being difficult to picture what characters look like, do you have Aphantasia? (“a phenomenon in which people are unable to visualize imagery. While most people are able to conjure an image of a scene or face in their minds, people with aphantasia cannot.”)
I’m trying to figure out how we can ever tell the difference for my son. He has a adhd (combined type) and anxiety diagnoses. He is also sensory seeking and sensory avoiding (in different areas and at different times/contexts). Those 3 things/diagnoses account for all or most of his symptoms, but definitely seems like some of them could fall under ASD. Which I totally get there is overlap, but it makes it all feel so confusing. He just turned 5. His diagnoses were by a psychologist who specializes in adhd, so not just a ped. I want to make sure I understand him and can support him as best as possible!
And I have adhd (husband too) and sooo related to some of this, but it was all things that 100 overlap with adhd. So… that with the added anxiety is likely what’s happening with my son, but… idk. I just want to support my baby the best I can. ♥️
I so get that feeling of wanting to understand all the things to give your kiddos the best! It sounds like you're already doing a lot to support him. The more I learn about labels like autism and ADHD, the more I realize that the MAIN thing is just having tools and resources to support the people we love. It doesn't necessarily have to be called autism or anything else for that matter, but if you can listen to/look for the needs this person has and go about getting them support in a patient and kind way, that will go a long way, no matter what you call it!
I don't know about the imagination thing, some of The autistic people I've met are incredibly active d&d players. Guess that's just how we are all a little bit different, fascinating.
I knew a severely autistic child who could build enormously complex cities in Sim City in a matter of hours. I played the game a couple of times and my cities always burned to the ground. I could never figure out the necessary economics to make a city sprawl... and the kid just kept building. What he couldn't do was to eat his lunch without making a mess and he had half a dozen emotional meltdowns a day. Between the two of us I am still, by far, the more lucky and happy person.
@@schmetterling4477 My 9-year-old makes a mess when he eats, hell so do I, but his emotional challenges have gotten so much better for him now that the adults in his life are actually helping. I hope that other kid got some help.
@@catalystcomet I hope so, too. He was trying so hard to break out of his brain. His "meltdowns" were simply the sounds of a person who was locked up in his own mind, rattling an invisible cage inside a concrete prison. I sincerely hope he managed to make a large enough hole in his walls, eventually, to see the light. Best wishes for your kid and all the people who love him.
"Visual fascination with lights or movement" not me following the little indicator thingy for seconds on my clock with my eyes for already minutes while she says that 😭
Great video, thank you! ❤ The criteria required by the DSM are outdated and, at best, only describe one particular way Autism can be expressed, based on the fact that the psychiatrists who created them only saw white middle- or upper class boys whose parents were frustrated by their children. Furthermore, the assessment is most often performed by psychiatrists or psychologists who are themselves non-autistic, so they often rely on cultural stereotypes of the condition. DSM does not take into consideration that most autistic people learn to mask, and that we are not empathy-lacking robots with monotone voices, photographic memory and only technical special interests or sauvant abilities. Also, they see it only as a handicap, so they only grant the diagnosis to people who don't function, not considering that some of us appear to function, but suffer silently, struggling with constant fatigue etc. We need Autism research carried out by autistic people! I recommend also listening to videos by Temple Grandin, Bernadette Grandjean, Devon Price or Fern Brady for a picture of how differently Autism can manifest in different individuals.
Well, I guess I will be spending more time going through that new DSM 5 [and can compare to the DSM 4, too] since I never paid close attention to autistic spectrum disorder, because I didn't think I knew anyone that fit that description, ha!
This is the first time I have ever heard another human say I can't hear what someone is saying if I'm looking them in the eyes. I thought that was just me!
Alot of my tendencies i think were bullied out of me early on (so my instinct is to suppress it or ignore it). I makes me :( sometimes thinking about what my teen years could have been...
So I scored really high on the autism tests you linked to in another video. But how do I know if I'm on the spectrum or I'm just an interovert with ADHD and some quirks? That's where I'm stuck. I can so relate to everything you say, but I think everyone around me would say I'm not on the spectrum without asking me any questions. My mom said that exact thing to me when my doctor diagnosed me with ADHD.
My diagnosis is PDD- NOS 😃💕 At 4 years old I were diagnosed with an Global- Delay, way before the diagnostic criteria changed in 2013=) xo Even though I've always had an Intellectual disability.. Once I started High school I knew there was information missing as there were many things, that didn't add up to an Learning- disability such as magnified, intense all so- consuming emotions 💗 My inability to pick up on the social conventions and..... Rules, everybody else would so easily slip into those things didn't add up
@@Emanu2018 yes a majority of people are aware I'm Autistic now, as I have a Facebook account but to my friends/family only once a month, I post about the Autistic experience and.. How I am and have always being Autistic ☺️ I have a rather happy and comfortable life. I have a rigid daily routine that keeps my grounded and stable in my everyday life 😘♡♡ I have friends and I work at a Australian Disability Enterprise..... I've never being happier and more content then where I am, in my life right now 🥰😃 xo I've had supports with my disability in the last couple of years. I've had Occupational Therapy to help me in.. My independent living- skills and, to help me in my emotions. Introception that is called in being able to identify what you feel in your body and what it is signalling to me and, it's helped me tones in my ability.. To regulate my emotions : )😘 xox I'm in my late 20's and what helped me best as a child was, speech and Occupational Therapy and even in this day and age still occupational therapy..... Is one of the best resources for adults as it covers many different areas in supporting us and in helping; us to live our best quality lives not trying to fix us.. Honouring who we are and working alongside that in helping us as Autistic adults overcome any obstacles we may have and, they help us best in our future going forward too=) ..... I am a very happy and thriving young Autistic adult 🥰, I hope this gives you comfort, said with love, respect and kindness 😘❤ xoxox
Recently discovered that my 7 year old (who I suspect has ASD) is aphantasic. Aphantasia is the inability to visualise. She remembers things by telling herself what they look like not visualising them.
I read a lot of fiction when I was younger (got out of reading in general because internet these days) and I can't work out what anyone looks like or what is actually happening, I just went with it and skimmed over descriptive scenes as they were meaningless to me (don't really do poetry for the same reason). In the last couple of years I learned about aphantasia and figure that was why as before that I didn't understand that for other people they actually see a whole movie going on inside their head. Don't know how much of the poetry thing is the aphantasia and how much is autism as a big part of poetry is the hidden meanings inside things and I just don't get it. With what you said about physical contact I love hugs and contact with people and have to remind myself that not everyone likes that and have to ask first (I will otherwise be what you typically think of as a NT toddler that when they meet someone they like they are in with the big hug and don't want to let go, even more so if it is a situation that I am a bit uncomfortable - I turn them into my security blanket).
The toll of decades of forced coping and trying to be more “ normal” is exhausting and comes with compounding anxiety. One thing I’ve faced is neurotypicals not understanding why I would want a diagnosis now when I seemed to have done so well all these years. I wanna scream, “I’m not doing well. I’m tired.” They don’t see and, I think, can’t comprehend the extent of our struggle just to make it through a simple conversation and why if you interrupt my routines I nearly lose it.
Wow. I relate to this so much. Yes... so much yes. Neurotypicals have found it harder to understand why I would want a diagnosis since I've "been so successful" so far. But they don't see how hard it is to live a normal life! How much work it takes to do normal day-to-day things and how much recovery is needed afterwards. The diagnosis has definitely helped me give myself more grace and learn how live life in ways that fit my style.
Sooo well-said. Can totally relate! A light bulb went on in my mind during the Year of Covid…because I felt like I was “healing”…so much less anxiety and stress re even minimal social demands of my life. All my life I thought it was “just me”-and now, at 67 years of age I realize I am not so alone as I thought. So many thanks to one and all.
@@patriciagarrity8220 So many great realizations here! Thanks for sharing.
Exactly! I relate to all of this, but I've always thought it was everybody's experience! I've been diagnosed this February and I'm grateful for all the precious information you brave people are sharing with us! Diagnostic criteria can be tricky and the necessary accommodations are not so easy to figure out for a 42 yo guy
I hear this! Looking for a diagnosis now.
9:22 - So apparently this bit doesn't necessarily mean "isn't imaginative" (though it could) but rather "has trouble doing imaginative stuff collaboratively". That is VERY much my experience! I have a really active imagination individually, but I could never "play pretend" with other kids bc the elements they would introduce were just too chaotic - they broke the internal rules of the story and I couldn't deal with it! Likewise, I HATE that game where you go around in a circle and each person adds one sentence to the story.
Oh my god. Dude. This completely explains my play as a child. I loved imaginative play but preferred to play alone because no one wanted to play the way I did.
Yes this same thought struck me also! That I am very happy in my own imagination or lost in books because I was able to do my own world building that I only had to share with the characters already there, not chaotic people who didn't respect the boundaries of the 'verse. Picking apart the details of characters in books help me understand everybody else's neurotypicalness, it was very helpful to me because it taught me how and why neurotypical people do, think and say how they do cuz interpersonal relationships were just confusing and reading books help me suss out what was going on in reality.
It's why I picked up the DSM when I was 11 years old because my understanding of the world was faulty or the world was faulty, it took plowing through anthropology, psychology metaphysics, spirituality and religion (etc) to get a grip on ppl. The world was chaotic and confusing, getting lost in books was weirdly a touchstone back to reality.
It wasn't until a retired special education teacher at church took note of my quirkinesses that I pursued a late adult diagnosis.
Did the game telephone irritate you also? Lol, I never understood the point of it : )
I’m autistic (diagnosed) and I never had trouble with imaginative play, even collaboratively. I actually preferred imaginative play because I was able to “escape” reality and create my own world. That’s why it’s so important to empathize that all autistic people are different and have different weaknesses, strengths and way of being.
@@beckee6282 THIS! I just got back together with a friend to start roleplaying/writing together again. I realized after some extreme anhedonia about literally every other hobbie, I remembered when I would escape into a different world and play out exciting drama that due to the collaboration bit, meant unexpected plot twists. Because real life was hardly as exciting in comparison.
Yeah, I've read this requirement as well and thought that autistic children didn't have imaginative play. I definitely had imaginative play all the time. However, there were only a couple of people I would actually share that play with.
I'm both crying and laughing while listening to you giving your own definition of autism. It's like you're describing me.
I'm currently 31 years old, and have only just figured out that I could be on the spectrum. That whole diagnosis journey is still ahead of me, and it's both fascinating and terrifyingly stressful.
I'm experiencing the very same thing. I'm late diagnosed ADHD 3yrs ago, and just exactly like momonthespectrum, it was after when baby #2 became a toddler, that this past almost 3 months I'm becoming someone I don't recognize. I'm totally lost, confused and feel like an utter failure. I feel like I need a diagnosis so I can verify that I'm not going crazy. (I know I'm not). Also then, telling my parents and whoever I can trust about it, what will they think? 😢 it's a huge issue for me right now.
@@SS24ist If they know you well enough, they might not even be that surprised because they recognize a lot of traits in you that they just never associated with ADHD. It was like that when I told my parents about my autism theory. They needed some time to wrap their head around the idea, but now they fully support me.
I hope you have good people around you who'll do the same. But one advice a therapist once gave me, I'd like to give to you: you're not obligated to tell anyone if you don't feel comfortable with it. Do that at your own pace.
Good luck to you!
You are my newest hero.
I’m an experienced psychiatrist-and I have learned so so so much to you.
Thank you…I’m looking forward to your courses.
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
So glad I got the best treatment for my autistic son who is only 4 years old I've been using Dr Oyalo Herbal medicine and it has been really helpful,💯 his speech has improved completely
I’m here with you my friend and I’m 46. I just discovered this today. Now I’m no longer feeling like on a mission to find out why I feel so different. It’s a wowwwwww moment.
I’m autistic and love imagination, it’s my escape from a world I don’t belong in.
Me too
I've never heard someone say that about eye contact before but that's exactly what I do! Well actually I watch people's mouths, I worked out that it gives the impression of eye contact and I go between looking around the room and looking at their mouth when I remember I should check in or seem interested. It was amazing to me to learn that other people aren't making these conscious calculations and efforts during social interactions, no wonder I find it so exhausting. I also wont be able to hear what they're saying if I make eye contact, it feels deeply uncomfortable and my brain turns to white noise and panic.
@Chloe Christodoulou try looking at their nose-or the inside tip of their eyebrow if they’re very close! #strategies!!
@@RogueYogiPodcastyes!! I use this, or glasses if they are wearing them. It’s less noticeable than looking lower on the face
Lol the words go in one ear and out of the other, looking at the mouth helps
@@RogueYogiPodcast, agreed. The bridge of their nose is my go to when I get overwhelmed with the eyes. People can tell if you're looking at your lips and it can have sexual connotations, which can make people uncomfortable so while it's more informative for discerning emotions, it's probably not a good regular choice.
@@tori6056 genius!!! It’s like having a 360 wraparound eyebrow to look at lol!!!
Stuff like buying (and receiving) cards and gifts for people stresses me out IMMENSELY. I have a big extended family and I could never figure who should get a gift and/or card from me or not, how expensive, how often, can it be a gift card, can I request a list of gifts that are acceptable, do I have to coordinate so that I don't buy the same thing as someone else etc etc. I would inevitably get something wrong and feel bad 😞 I never realised this is an autistic trait, not me being stupid or lazy
Quite the opposite - plenty of neutotypical people would be twice as lazy and just not care if they hurt anyone. Please, please embrace you as your measure - as a NTP, it appalls me how much pain members of this community have felt measuring themselves against an NTP- standard that so few NTP people bother applying to themselves anywhere near as much as they do when they can judge others. As a group/mass, NTP are not a good standard for anyone to measure themselves by: we too frequently see our 'privilege' ( for won't of a better word) in so many aspects of life through a prism of equal parts hypocrisy and laziness. Don't let poor choices of others overly influence the new horizons you get to explore: they could too ❤❤❤
I am going through the process myself (at age 41), and today I am finally going in for my evaluation. I am kinda nervous, but at the same time a little excited to (hopefully) finally have some answers.
Good luck!
I’m 39 and totally understand! Much love and light!
So glad I got the best treatment for my autistic son who is only 4 years old I've been using Dr Oyalo Herbal medicine and it has been really helpful,💯 his speech has improved completely
From a neurotypical... thank you so much for explaining all this! It has helped me better understand and validate why my husband is the way he is. I have struggled in our marriage for over 40 yrs. Hopefully, this info will also help him understand himself better. Thank you, again!
So glad I got the best treatment for my autistic son who is only 4 years old I've been using Dr Oyalo Herbal medicine and it has been really helpful,💯 his speech has improved completely
When I was a lad, my mum always used to say " Looking people in the eyes is a sign of honesty which represents you've nothing to hide " She never understood why I wasn't able to do it and ''tis true, people sometimes might be under the impression of talking to a wall 'cause my mind is daydreaming or travelling in a "parallel universe" :). My imagination is like a stream of consciousness that flows freely ,Great video and thanks for the colossal mission you've been carrying out. In those tough periods you're a beacon of light to many .
Thanks so much for this comment! It made me smile. I appreciate you taking the time to share this.
@@MomontheSpectrum My pleasure :)
That's totally me lol
Funny enough, most people make more eye contact when they're lying. They think it makes them seem more honest lol.
I just found your channel a few days ago through the RUclips algorithm. I never thought that I might be on the spectrum. I'm still not sure that I am. I feel that I'm not "normal" enough to be classified as neurotypical, but neither do I feel that I am "autistic enough" to classified as a person on the spectrum.
I have had issues with social interaction with people all my life. When I was a kid or teenager, every friend I had abandonded me eventually except for one. One of them said outright that I was too boring of a person to be around. I never fit in with groups and have always preferred one on one social interaction. I have always spent abnormally large amounts of time alone, as social interaction wears me out.
My biggest issue is that I think I have been masking for such an enormous portion of my life that I don't know which part of me is the masking behaviour and which is the real me. Masking is also what has made social interaction so draining for me. It's hard work not being yourself! But I'm wondering if non autistic people mask as well, as I don't know if I'm "autistic enough".
I hope no one takes offense for my use of the term "autistic enough". It's probably just me still having this stereotypical outlook on what autism is. But I do wonder where the line is drawn between a neurotypical and an autistic person. Maybe I'm just right on the border and that's why I'm so confused.
Sorry about this rambling comment. I want to thank you Tay for your channel and your videos. Keep up the good work, you are doing something really important!
I really relate to this, thanks for sharing - keep exploring. I think it's likely that the further you dig into this the more you'll look back and understand yourself and your story differently and with much more self-compassion and self-acceptance. A quote I heard on a podcast recently was: "Neurotypical people don't really go around wondering if they're autistic" which made me laugh, because, exactly. If you explore autism more fully and it doesn't feel like it's quite the right explanation for your experience that's fine, maybe something else explains your non-neurotypical experience better and will be more helpful to you for self-understanding. But if it feels like it does fit but you're just not sure you're autistic 'enough', I hope you can question that way of framing things. It's not a contest, and there's room in the autistic community for all of us :) Podcasts and getting to know other autistic people might be really helpful for realizing you really do fit into this community. A problem we run into when we realize that being autistic might be a big part of our story is ableism and also the way being neurodivergent is stereotyped and pathologized in our culture. Then there's the fact that much of the diagnosis and research is based on older models that mostly studied young boys, not girls or women, and often the literature on autism was written by parents or outsiders who saw it only as a hardship or problem and couldn't describe what it's actually like from the perspective of an autistic person for whom it's not primarily a disability but just a way of experiencing the world/an integral part of who we are. You describe a lifetime of feeling abandoned by friends and not knowing why, being misunderstood by others, feeling like you don't know who you are because of a lifetime of masking, but you're still not sure this is a big enough deal to merit you being part of the autistic community? No one is going to relate to every aspect of an autistic person's experience - one thing I did that you might find helpful was take a few self-diagnosis tests online before I pursued a formal diagnosis - those tests were eye-opening because they all indicated I was autistic (at much higher scores than the minimum required) even though I was honest in my answers about questions that I knew were asking about things commonly associated with autism that I just didn't relate to very much.
Also - yes, as I understand it, I think neurotypical people can mask to some extent as in putting on a bit of a social persona to be accepted by a certain group, etc that maybe is a bit more of a performance than their 'truest' self. But trying to fit in is different from the kind of masking I have to do - like continually trying to figure out what facial expressions are expected of me, where to look at someone when I'm talking, how to speak, and it never being natural, constantly analyzing how to be perceived well by others without it being awkward, how to keep a conversation going, constantly worrying I did something wrong, hyper analyzing every social interaction, constantly taking mental notes for the kind of things I can say to get through awkward small talk. I'm still figuring out the difference myself, but I think a lot of it is about intensity and level of focus. My nonautistic husband puts on different social personas to an extent but this is not exhausting for him like it is for me and he doesn't spend his time feeling like there's something wrong with him because he always thinks he got the social interaction 'wrong'; he can just move on with his life and keep interacting with friends, whereas I shut down and withdraw. I think an analogy to social masking is sensory experiences - neurotypical people also are affected by their sensory needs and experiences and even stim as in self-soothe through calming actions, but with autistic people a lot of sensory stuff is either dialed up or dialed down significantly compared to neurotypicals. Similarly, neurotypical people can struggle with friendship and struggle to fit in but the intensity of the struggle will vary. I always have to mask and it always takes a *lot* out of me, and it's almost always what I'm focused on in social situations, except for those rare situations when I feel fully safe and accepted and like I don't have to pretend (with some (non-neurotypical) friends and in a really relaxed environment where I'm not required to make small talk). This is just my personal experience, and I'm not an expert, just someone working through these questions myself, but I hope it's helpful!
@@monicalarose7980Thank you for your comments. I really appreciate your input.
I've been wondering if it's possible to be autistic and be good at reading other peoples expressions and emotions. I find it curious that I feel like I'm good at reading other people and their emotions, but still I'm awkward in social situations. I always doubt myself and the things I say. The best way of describing how I feel is that I feel like I'm on a different wavelenght than most other people. Interaction with people rarely seems to flow naturally.
@@7Nebulae7 That's exactly how I experience it, too. Being on a different wavelength. It rarely feeling natural. I think the idea that autistic people can't read or understand other people at all is a bit of a stereotype. I think there's some research that indicates that difficulty reading expressions can be true, but that might also be due to lack of practice - if you're prone to avoid eye contact for example and are really immersed in your own internal world, it can be harder to read neurotypicals due to lack of practice reading their facial expressions. You might find reading up on the "double empathy" problem helpful - basically, the idea is that yes, autistic people can struggle to read other *neurotypical* people especially as far as how to fit in with their expectations, but it's a two way street - neurotypical people *also* are really bad at reading autistic people's nonverbal cues and ways of communicating and frequently misunderstand them. Sometimes autistic people understand neurotypicals a lot better than vice versa because there's so much social pressure to be neurotypical, which just isn't fair. Autistic people can often thrive socially if they are just around more autistic people who understand their communication style and needs. I feel like I'm decently good at reading others' emotional state for the most part. Sometimes almost too good, it feels like I can just soak in and feel what other people are experiencing almost too strongly, like a lack of boundaries between myself and them, I recently realized that being hyper empathetic is common in autism, maybe related to our sensitivity to the energy in a room, it can feel like we feel what the other person is feeling even if they have no idea we are. The disconnect then is primarily me feeling like I just can't connect with or communicate well with others how I'm feeling or like there is some extra expectation of me from neurotypicals that I can't decode or offer. Like there's almost a wall I can't get around to really connect 'naturally'. I have so much inside me that I just can't seem to make many people understand. Hypervigilance with social interaction is really common with autistic people which sounds like what you're describing - a lifetime of feeling like you couldn't fit in can make us overly obsessed with analyzing every social reaction - it can actually make us much more aware of the various social dynamics in a room than a neurotypical who is not hyperfocused on these things because they don't need to. I also think my anxiety about social interaction does sometimes distort how I read others - I find it hard to ever trust that people aren't just rejecting me or thinking badly of me when often they might be wishing they could connect better with me too but are just puzzled due to the different wavelength barrier they're sensing.
@@monicalarose7980 You have great insights Monica! I can relate to so much of what you wrote.
I think part of the problem with autism is that almost all of the research on it has been so narrow, almost only done on boys/men. No wonder many women feel like they don't fit the "usual" autism mold. And as it appears as a spectrum, well that makes things even more complicated.
No matter whether it's due to autism or something else, the feeling of being different/separate from other people is really hard to bear sometimes.
Hi Tay I just found your channel! Awesome! I am 62 and was diagnosed with ADHD at 12. Then it was from DSM2 I think and called hyperkinetic disorder. Zoom ahead to last year and I discovered I was on the spectrum. I have a nephew who is autistic and I began to do research to understand his condition and I found out I was reading about me! I have always felt like I was an alien even with the ADHD diagnoses and suddenly I was not alone! I have been fiercely studying and learning about ASD for the last year. Channels like yours are so important! Thank you for posting and I am excited to catch up on all of your videos! ASD has become my latest “Special interest.”
Bryan I am so happy to meet you! I love your energy. It is so cool that you found out more about yourself because you were trying to help your nephew. I love that. I had a similar experience and feel like as I was trying to understand my son, I started learning more about myself, too. And you're right, you can feel like an alien but then when you suddenly have a name to put to your experiences, it can really connect you in a way that changes your life! I've also been "fiercely studying and learning about ASD" since last summer and would say it is not my top special interest. It's fascinating to me. Currently reading "Neurotribes" by Steve Silberman and MAN it's incredible. Highly recommend. Welcome to the channel! Please let me know if you have any video topics or suggestions. Love to hear them.
So glad I got the best treatment for my autistic son who is only 4 years old I've been using Dr Oyalo Herbal medicine and it has been really helpful,💯 his speech has improved completely
Yes! In my mid-60s, female, and self-diagnosed myself with autism over a year ago. My brother is autistic, and I have a cousin who is autistic and nonverbal. I work in healthcare and have decided to not get an official diagnosis, because I would spend a lot of money to tell me what I already know. I have done a LOT of work on this myself and taken all of the online tests, which did not even put me in a gray area-I was on the far end of the points range, and yup, I are autistic, lol!! I have masked and functioned well in all of my professional life, but at a price. I now no longer have the energy or the desire to keep up most of the masking. Amazing the comments I hear from others-“You can’t be autistic, you’re fine!” Or, “If you’re autistic, then so am I! I cut out the tags in the back of my clothes, I hate phone calls, I (fill in the blank with many autistic characteristics and behaviors)….” Suddenly, the light goes off. Anyway, I now have answers to many of the struggles in my life, and so many things now make more sense. It’s freedom in a way.
So glad I got the best treatment for my autistic son who is only 4 years old I've been using Dr Oyalo Herbal medicine and it has been really helpful,💯 his speech has improved completely
I am 45, and was recently diagnosed with high functioning autism. I always knew I was different and didn’t learn like others. College allowed me to learn like I needed to. I could just go to class and go home and study. I lived alone for 4 years and it was what I needed. Completely quiet and by myself.
As I start understanding my diagnosis, my life is starting to make sense!
Your point on imaginative play got me thinking. I'm also autistic and when I was in elementary school, I read very well but could not retain what I'd read. It didn't matter the genre; I would almost instantly forget and the homework that was required for what we read made this even harder. It was especially difficult in a group/classroom setting. I experienced intense social anxiety in that type of environment. There was an added pressure I felt to be "smart" like the others. Thankfully I had amazing teachers and other helpers in the school who took their time with me. I ended up in a reading course that was one-on-one where I did different mind exercises as well. I learn best and feel most comfortable with one-on-one learning. The biggest takeaway from this experience was the instructor telling me to picture a movie as I'm reading. Though this took some time, that changed everything for me. I have always been a very creatively imaginative person with a whole inner world and, once I was able to retain textual information, it bolstered my creativity even further. I am so grateful for the adults who believed in and helped me. Without their patience and compassion, I can't (ironally enough) picture who I would've become. Thank you for sharing your own personal journey with us.
Wait, normal people don't picture a movie in their head while reading? How boring that must be!
@@mikafoxx2717 TL;DR I read levels above my grade, but couldn't retain what I had just read. Reading coach helped strengthen this area for me. Yay!
So glad I got the best treatment for my autistic son who is only 4 years old I've been using Dr Oyalo Herbal medicine and it has been really helpful,💯 his speech has improved completely
I never considered autism for myself, but after watching “love on the spectrum” and noticing several similarities between myself and some of the individuals on the show, I became obsessed. After finding your channel, and hearing about your experiences, etc. I’m sure that I am on the spectrum. I have the start of my assessment coming up!
Thanks for your comment! Glad you’re here.
@pristinejoel8802 I'd be curious what herbs cure heavy metal poisoning that these injections cause to children. I've heard of cilantro mixed with other herbs, but I'd also heavily advise a whole foods plant-based diet.
So glad I got the best treatment for my autistic son who is only 4 years old I've been using Dr Oyalo Herbal medicine and it has been really helpful,💯 his speech has improved completely
I do enjoy reading fiction, particularly children's books like Harry Potter or His Dark Materials. I have to hide away in my bedroom for hours to read those; I never want to read on the train or wherever other things are going on around me.
I definitely like routine and don't like changes. Unknown or crowded places make me feel anxious.
I just realized about 5 years ago that I actually don't make eye contact. My coworkers would glance over their shoulder when I was talking to them, I always thought that was weird. Finally someone asked me what I was looking at, and I realized I was looking past their face and over their shoulder when I'm talking, or look around the room. When someone is talking to me, I'm looking at their lips. It helps me concentrate on what they're saying, one reason I have a hard time on the phone I think
I consider autism as an experience. Everyone likes to debate how autism is for one person and eventually they've gotten to a point where they say "when you meet an autistic person, you have only met one person on the spectrum".
I describe it as a way to experience the world and people who are on the spectrum experience it differently from people who are not neurodivergent. ✌️
I love this comment. It is called a spectrum for a reason and yes, what is true for one person may not be for another especially with so many other things that have such high percentages of comorbidity.
This is definitely true. Everyone with autism ends up with a different combination of traits at varying intensity, and since there are so many traits associated with autism, both the ones mentioned in the DSM and also the ones frequently discussed in the autistic community itself, you end up with really interesting and very different perspectives. I am a girl with autism and adhd and while I have many of the characteristics of a girl with autism specifically, there's also some I don't. Girls are actually more likely to have more sensory processing (be it hyper or hypo) related struggles compared to boys, but I don't think I really struggle with sensory stuff as much as many other autistic people. Generally it's not as distressing because I've always leaned a little more towards the hypo/sensory seeking side. I definitely have my things, light repeated touch like a swiping thumb on the skin of my hand is actually so uncomfortable it becomes physically painful, and I am sensitive to some smells, sunlight, and noise. The frequency at which I become overwhelmed by it is not super often though so it's not so bad for me. Opposed to that, one of my top two most salient autistic traits is my special interests. In this regard, girls have been shown to generally have special interests that are seen as more normal or typical, but the intensity is still very strong. I have a combination of both in this area, I have quite a few special interests probably because I have adhd, but also most of them are seen as normal or typical for a girl to be interested in. There are some that are more abnormal or niche though, like the intricacies of fish tanks or pet food.
Someone commented in here about watching people's mouths when they talk. I believe it was a Chloe? I was relying to her, but I lost it.
Then continued on with basically a LOT of my journey.
Oh my gosh! Same! I have always watched people's mouths when they are talking to me. I've gotten pretty good at lip reading from all the years of doing it. But I cannot look at people at all when I'm talking to them. Not even my own 34 year-old daughter. Who I would literally die for. So why can I not look her in the eyes?! I was molested when I was 6ish years old. Did I look him in the eyes at some point & that's why I can't look people in the eyes? Autism? Both? One thing that really-really upsets me is that I have seen Dr. Phil say many times that if someone doesn't look you in the eyes, that is one way to tell they are lying to you! I have always gotten so anxious when I have seen him say that. Because there is one thing I am NOT. And that is a liar! I have always been told that I'm too honest for my own good. But now, I'm learning that blurting things out is also a part of having ADHD or Autism. Not having control of my brain & the initial instinct to blurt things out. I still don't know how to differentiate between the two. I also have agoraphobia. Which has been extremely hard keeping friends. I have never felt comfortable going places that I'm unfamiliar with. Unless I'm with someone I feel safe with. Even my husband has a hard time understanding how I can be in an Arena yelling at the top of my lungs, but that I can't get myself to go, or having a very uncomfortable time going to say, a family function. Even my own family. I've always felt different & that I don't fit in. I also have a very hard time retaining anything I read. I have alllways felt so awkward & that I didn't fit in anywhere. I could never join in with crowds. I was only really comfortable with my 2 best friends. I tried so hard to be like the others so I would be accepted. But it was sooo exhausting that I spent the majority of my time with those 2 best friends.
Having a hard time at my own family get togethers, I feel it's even worse with my in-laws. I want to be like everyone else & do things like everyone else. I feel so judged because I can't. I had a 'friend' during a phone conversation actually tell me after I told her that I can't go into groceries stores by myself. She yelled at me & said, "Yes you can!" I said, " No... I can't. " She yelled so loud, " YES YOU CAN. " And I yelled back just as loud trying to get her to hear me, "NO I CAN'T!" And she had the nerve many times to tell me she knows me better than anyone else. Even my husband & daughter. I just so badly wanted to laugh so hard & say, " You only know what I LET you know about me. " Maybe if I trusted her more, I would have confided more about things I really feel.
Then, I now realize that my mom has a very hard time accepting the fact that I could actually have any of these things! Just recently I was trying to have a conversation with her about the different things in my life, what I've lived with, & learning these new things about myself. Even bringing up being molested! When I first told her about being molested, all she could say was, " Why didn't you tell me!? Why didn't you tell your sisters!? " I don't frigging knowwww! I was 6ish years old! Maybe the boy threatened me. Maybe he bribed me. IDK! And now, just a week ago, all she can say to me when I'm trying to actually have a conversation with her about all the things I've lived with, the things I'm learning about myself, etc, she said, " Can we talk about something else? I'm sorry! But it is very depressing! " Ok. Thanks mother. I get it now. The ONE person in my life, besides my daughter, that I SHOULD be able to feel safe with, to confide in with my deepest darkest fears, I can't trust with my own feelings!? I now know I can never ever try to have any type of conversation with her about me & my life again. I am just depressing to her! I am so unbelievably heartbroken. I really don't even know what to do with my emotions about it. She had told me years ago after not talking to her for, I think 3 years, that I just need to let things go & move on. Well I'm sorry mom! Try living with this your entire F'n life! She tries to talk me out of believing that what I'm feeling is realistic. Because she says she also has some of the things I have. Insinuating that because SHE can work & stand up at a podium in front of coworkers, when she has anxiety about it beforehand, but she does it, that I should be able to do things like that too! That because SHE can get herself to go into Walmart by herself, I should be able to, too! My husband just recently went to Nashville for a week with his mom. While talking to my mom about that, she says, " you 'should have' gone, too." I said, " I can't get myself to go on a plane. " And she said, " Ooooh, *insert my name here*. " I said,
"Mom! That is parrrt of it!" That is part of how my brain functions! And she doesn't want to hear it, or accept it. I don't know. Then I tell her how I'm feeling & she tells me not to think of her like that!?! She doesn't like going out to the street to get their garbage can because she doesn't want any of her neighbors to approach her. Ok, so she does get it 'somewhat'? But I just want to scream at her & say, "WELL I'M NOT YOU! I DON'T HAVE THE ABILITY TO DO WHAT YOU CAN! "
She told one of my sisters & I years ago while we were there visiting her, "I don't want you kids(4) to have any unsaid feelings when I'm gone." Well, what am I to do with that now? She doesn't want to hear any of my feelings.
I'm so sorry for the extent of this post. But I really do not have ANYONE not a single person that I can express my feelings to. Not even my husband, who I believe has ADHD/Autism also. He told me a few years ago that 90% of what I say to him, he has no interest in. 😭
And then my daughter, who was just recently diagnosed with ADHD, PTSD, ASD, PDA... her brain is CONSTANTLY go,go,go. She has a hard time staying focused, hence, unable to really hear what I'm saying. But to me, I feel like she's totally uninterested. 😢
Like Taylor says, " if you've met one ASD person, you've met ONE ASD person." Not one of us are the same!
If you took the time to read all of this, I then you from the bottom of my heart. Truly.
Thank you for sharing. I am curious.. Have you tried counseling?
So I just turned 28 and only found out like 3 weeks ago that when people say that they make eye contact when talking to others they actually mean direct eye contact. I always thought that was an exaggeration. I usually look at their mouth, cheeks, neck, ears, hair, hands. Basically anything but their eyes. I thought that was normal.
I had this same eye-opening realization pretty soon after I realized I was on the spectrum. I look at people's cheekbones! I even fooled myself. I thought I looked people in the eye but after I intentionally tried it after realizing I was on the spectrum, I was pretty shocked at how uncomfortable it is. I can't hear anything being said when I do it.
I remember years ago someone who was talking to me and it felt like they was giving me even more eye contact than was normal for even a neurotypical person. It felt more like they were staring at me whilst talking to me. I had no idea at the time what i was doing but when people used to look me in the eye too much i would begin to stim by picking a mole on the back of my neck (eventually this mole became very inflamed and had to be removed because my doctor thought it could turn cancerous). I distinctly remember this specific conversation because the person (who was a very blunt person) asked if i had nits. I now realise most people probably also noticed this stim i used to do when talking to people and that most people probably just werent rude enough to ask why i was always scratching and picking when i spoke to people
I have stims I do when people are giving me eye contact as well. It’s so uncomfortable!
Same
I first started trying to find out more about autism because a friend has two autistic children. The first time I saw one of your videos, I realized that I am probably autistic too. Thank you so much for what you are doing!
Thankyou so much for your videos! Just had my daughter's assessment today. I was worried as a late diagnosed mum. But your videos helped me feel calm before the appointment and it went really well, we were listened to. Such a relief.
So happy for you ❤❤❤
Hi Taylor! Thank you so much for your channel and for sharing all of the amazing information that you have. I am 26 and just now realizing that I am so sure based on what I am now researching that I am on the autism spectrum. It has definitely brought me to tears multiple times as I realize that my whole life, all these things that I thought were my major flaws and shortcomings were simply due to me being autistic. So thank you again for this amazing work you are doing!
you're very welcome! Thank you for sharing this with me and welcome to the community.
So glad I got the best treatment for my autistic son who is only 4 years old I've been using Dr Oyalo Herbal medicine and it has been really helpful,💯 his speech has improved completely
This is my black hole right now and it all makes so much sense. My life makes more sense, Thank You. ❤
Just wanted to mention (probably repeating myself) that your content is tremendously valuable to your subscribers. I frequently share your videos with my neurotypical partner and it helps us as a couple, as well as me individually. *All* my gratitude. ☺️
So glad I got the best treatment for my autistic son who is only 4 years old I've been using Dr Oyalo Herbal medicine and it has been really helpful,💯 his speech has improved completely
I have 3 grandkids, 2 now in high school, who are on the spectrum. Your definition was so helpful. Thank you so much.
Hypersensitivity to smells, lights, temperature, and sounds have cost me jobs, school and even relationships.
Literally walked off a job because it was too air conditioned in the building and the restroom “freshener” overwhelmed my workstation (situated 12’ feet from the restroom door). I can hardly tolerate being in the car with my husband because we argue over AC/heat temperature and noise of the blower or different music tastes/stereo volume. Of course I’m to blame for being the problem!
I lost a job for following the rules. I wish I was kidding. My boss thought I was too rigid. Fired for following the rules! I feel like everyone else is crazy and I'm the only sane one sometimes.
@@AshleyWilliams-xq7ljyikes I have this issue lol. I've gotten a bit better with being "corrected" as I've gotten older in regards to rigidity with rules, but I'm sure thats not the case for everyone, and some bosses just suck and will fire you if it happens once or twice that you are "too rigid".
Thank you for explaining this. I was diagnosed with Asperger's first then reassessed in 2013 after DSM 5 was published, and given an ASD diagnosis. I never fully understood the DSM criteria, but now thanks to this video I feel like I have a good understanding of the DSM 5 criteria.
Super helpful video. A book I've found really helpful (the first that got me really thinking seriously about being autistic) is called On the Spectrum: Autism, Faith, and the Gifts of Neurodiversity by Daniel Bowman. One (of many) things I really appreciate about this resource is that he helps articulate a non-pathologizing definition of autism that doesn't define it by "deficits' but by a unique way of experiencing the world (he also shares a hilarious example of describing neurotypical people with the kind of pathologizing/dehumanizing/deficit-focused language commonly used for autistic people). Your opening definition of autism felt like it shared that approach as well, of describing an experience instead of seeing it as a disorder, which I really struggle with. I understand that it's important to understand how the DSM-5 defines it because that diagnosis is often how autistic people will get needed support, but I also just really hate the way it just completely frames being autistic as a deficit (by definition, the DSM-5 suggests you can't be autistic unless you're experiencing it as a "clinically significant' hardship) and it completely neglects the tremendous contributions autistic people give to the world because of, not despite, their unique wiring.
This video (and your remade/reformatted chart video) have been life-changing for me. I relate to your experiences and stories so much!! Especially about the social “templates” that I’m constantly running.
I didn't realize I had so many repetitive behaviors. I knew I had extreme problems adjusting to new circumstances and changes, even when I knew the changes were good and I was excited about them. It's almost like consciously I was happy about them, but, unconsciously, my nervous system acted like it was the end of the world. If the changes involved an increase in social interaction and noise, it made things very bad for me. However, sometimes the changes were good and I had no problem. I just moved to a new place that was super quiet where I was at the end of the building away from most other apartments. It was such a better environment than my old place that I haven't had any issues after moving there.
I’m good with my imagination, but I’m not good with hypothetical questions. I always say, I would have to be in the moment to make a decision.
Same!!
I’m the same, I’ve always had a good imagination and will sometimes get lost in a book world but only if it’s fantasy based because those worlds always felt more real to me than the one I live in (like I could belong there when I never felt like I belonged here, if that makes sense) but hypothetical questions no thanks 😂I don’t understand the point of them! Or if a question is ambiguous at all, I don’t know what’s being asked or how I am supposed to respond; it needs to be logical and have a clear point!
@@sarahtrew9331 omg yeeess!! Logical and clear. And I get the book thing. I read literally all the time. I read so much that if I got in trouble, my mom would make me pack up all my books and I wasn’t allowed to read. The irony lol. Sadly, I’m not into reading that much after I got in my 20s, which makes me sad. It’s harder to find a good book these days.
Yup
14:45 - Let's not gloss over this point. This is such a profound realization - at least to me. I've known my whole life that something was different about me. Every one knew something was up when I was a kid, but it was a different time. DSM5 wasn't a thing, Aspergers wasn't nearly as well understood as it would later become, and Autism meant something very different than it generally does today. When I was a kid, Autism meant dabilitatingly Autistic. The word conjured images of young mute children screaming uncontrollably, hitting their heads on the wall, themselves, biting caregivers, and generally spending a life in an institution or otherwise spend their days as societal rejects.
I've been struggling a lot more recently in my life though, having just turned 40. If you could observe my behaviors as a kid vs. now, at least in context of autistic traits, I would present much more clearly as being autistic now than I would then. And you just said something that really gave me a good answer as to the "why" part of that statement. Ultimately, my life changed. I can't afford the luxury of casual masking the way I used to because I no longer have the time nor energy for it. I have a family that needs my care, time, and attention. I have a home that needs regular upkeep, I have things that take priority over my own personal creature comforts of whatever I perceive as my mental limitations. I'm not dismissing any of these, because the number of meltdowns I've experienced in the last couple years has been off the rails for me. I just couldn't figure out why this was happening.
I barely try and mask anymore. I just roll the autistic dice and whatever comes out of my brain and subsequently my mouth is what I'm going with. That doesn't mean I don't care about what's being said, I just don't hide my autistic traits nearly as much as I used to. I have a motor tic that gets looks sometimes, I get visibly stressed out when there's too much going on around me, my sensitivity to lights (especially fluorescent lights), random electronic noises, just the world around me. I get home now and it's noise canceling headphones as much as I can get away with, and I immediately fall into my routine as soon as I can.
I kept asking myself, "Does autism get worse with age?" and now it just seems I'm simply struggling with my day to day life to mask. I'm okay with that though. I just wish I could balance my work life out a bit better so that I'm not in a constant state of stress that swings me hard between burnout and meltdowns. My meltdowns have gotten worse, going from mostly emotional to physical, and I instinctively start hitting myself in the head. Nothing about it feels good as far as what I know it looks like goes. It scares the hell out of people around me, which in turn makes me more stressed out. I feel like not letting it play out though is worse for me personally, so I don't restrain it like I used to.
Thank you MotS for your channel, these videos, and being open to sharing your experiences. I'm a guy on the spectrum, and I can tell there's some key differences between the way you experience you're autism to the way I experience mine, but the similarities are just... I don't know how to say it, there's something comforting knowing I'm not alone. My autism was periodically misdiagnosed as depression - this was usually after a meltdown, or during a prolonged period of burnout. I can see how these things can cause mixed signals though, so I don't blame the therapists at the time for misdiagnosing them, again, autism wasn't this thing we recognize it as now. Knowing your boys have a mother that understands autism on such a deep personal level gives me so much hope for the future of children with autism moving forward. It's been a long hard road for people on the spectrum, because we've never had an answer for what causes us to struggle the way we do, and I'm looking forward to how much better we can make the world for people like us when we have the knowledge, tools, and compassion that's needed to bring the best out of each of us. God bless you and thank you for all that you do!
I had to listen a couple of times to the conclusion to get my brain to wrap around the words. I’m diagnosed adhd, but pretty positive it’s both. One of my doctors does agree, but diagnosis is so expensive. I feel I actually fit all of the criteria probably to some strong degree and my abilities hit challenge as soon as school began as a child.
I feel i only mask well on the phone for my job most days, or for very short periods, such as a job interview. My life is heavily impacted, though, and the world feels so painful and overwhelming all the time that I’m struggling to hold down a job. I have managed to skate by barely so far, but after hitting burn out I’m sure all the facade is falling apart. Your videos are very helpful, For example I’d never heard of Fawn response, but I’d say freeze and fawn are my most common. Rarely end up allowed to escape, after all.
Oof. You saying that you noticed when you had your second child hit so hard.
That is exactly what has happened to me. I have been recognising all the signs over the last few years by studying my behaviors and activations (I am 35 now, and have thought I was ASD for 10ish years).
Now that my son is 2.5 and daughter nearly 5 I have found myself completely overwhelmed by all the things I had to work hard to overcome before. It has truly brought to light everything, and has finally spurred me to seek a medical diagnosis.
Great videos
Oh my god !
You have just saved my life.
Thank you.
I just said yesterday “ I think I’m grieving my 5 year old as a baby “
Like I don’t play with her as much because I can’t do what she wants in play as it causes my so much distress, that I’ve slowly over time distanced myself from her, so she’s gone through life full of love then me slowly backing away sort of thing, to me seriously considering giving her up for adoption for a bout a year.
She is a wonderful child and I just love her to bits and want her to have a mother that can give her all her needs met.
but I want to say with all my heart
T❤H❤A❤N❤K ❤Y❤O❤U❤
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
This was fabulous - really accessible and totally authentic, but equally intelligent and 'mature' in its focus. I'm neurotypical and a junkie of communicating theory/practice, as well as having a dear friend who is grappling with, like you, realizing what he may well have been masking all his life. Your videos are helping me connect and support that as well as I want *without* impugning his journey, both with their content/info, and as a tool we can use as a focus rather than making that focus him.
And, just to avoid any doubt, I'm impressed/awed by your skill and delivery as a human, not as a NTP/non-NTP: you're just plain fantastic, by every measure ❤❤❤
I so APPRECIATED your explanation of Autism. Recently, my daughter thought that her niece is on the Spectrum. As I was explaining some of her traits….I began to think how MY DAUGHTER did many of them! That sent me down the rabbit hole! I NOW think that she IS Autistic and I may be! She however, becomes very angry when I suggest this 😮 Thanks for the description!
Everything you’re saying is yes yes!! Masking for me comes easy but it’s exhausting. I know I meet at least three of the criteria. Thank you for this video and I am a new subscriber. I just completed my part 2 of my asd testing. Thanks for making them clear.
I am having such a hard time with my doc. :(. I booked my most recent appointment specifically to discuss my concerns that I have ASD and ADHD that has gone untreated all this time. I had the expectation she'd use her insight into health to ask me questions to help. All she said was: I don't treat conditions, I treat symptoms. Then she gave me two websites to go to, nut sure what they are yet. I'm newly visualy impaired on top of everything else, I just feel so unseen.
Ouch, that sucks. The way that neurodivergent people are treated is just shameful. I've been stuck doing most of my own mental health treatment for decades because nobody can decide what is going on with me and in some cases, there isn't even an available diagnosis that covers it. I've had just about all the possible ASD misdiagnoses, and the place where I seem to fit is just this gaping hole that they needed to add so that they could keep the number of ASD diagnoses to their pre-conceived notion of how common it should be.
I'd urge you to keep trying to find somebody that's actually competent, as this sort of neurodevelopmental condition can have far-reaching consequences that aren't easily identified.
She's doing it right! Not to worry!
Even if you ARE autistic you have specific symptoms: you yourself aren't autism. Does that make sense?
She's there to help you with what's causing you trouble--not with autism. Does that make sense?
She has a disagreeable personality and you seem very sensitive, so it's just a personality clash, but she understood what you said.
People aren't their diagnosis, and people who try to diagnose themselves online miss out on a range of possibilities.
It's a doctor's job to look at the symptoms--not the disorder. A bad doctor looks at the disorder. A good doctor looks at the symptoms.
Since most doctors do it for the money and are disagreeable people they're the worst communicators, but that doctor actually had your back more than you have yours.
Sometimes it's autism; sometimes it's thyroid cancer. It's essentially their job to make sure you're right in your self assessment so that the CORRECT treatment is offered as often as possible.
She had your back
@@bufficliff8978 I was able to see her in person today, that went much better. I think we are both not the best to over the phone for appointments. She is screening for thyroid issues, full, bloodwork, etc. requisition. I am the main one advocating for my health, I was the one who pushed for PTSD assessment, which is what I needed, the last time I did not advocate for myself, and decided to let the doctor do the doctoring, I found out with severe pneumonia and almost died. This was within the past year, as a result, I have a lot of anxiety that I think a lot of people would have in my situation. I am pretty sensitive, but working really hard at thickening up my skin. My approach I’m stating my concerns has worked well with excellent doctors in the past, it just doesn’t go as smoothly with my current duck when we are both doing it on the phone.
I have both conditions
@@bufficliff8978this is a completely nonsensical thing to say though. if autism is what's causing these traits or "symptoms", you're just using semantics to get around the fact that you're technically treating someone for autism. you're treating them for complications caused by autism.
Yes we would absolutely love to hear how the definition has changed over time! Thank you so much, would love to see that video
Thank you for your video. I just ended a relationship with someone on the spectrum who wasn't out about it when we met and it took me figuring it out for them to admit it. The hardest thing for me was putting in work to try and understand them through videos and reading and becoming aware of their needs, however I never felt like they did even a tiny bit to understand mine. While perhaps this is due to the autism, it's really hard for someone who isn't neurodivergent to put in time to try and learn and connect to be a better partner and have the relationship in this way be so one-sided. We didn't end due to this and it had nothing to do with neurodivergence, but it was something hard to realize that I was working to understand to the best I could his needs and wants and how his personal brain worked, but he was unable to do that in any capacity for me. That makes growth and connection very hard.
I love your voice and how professional and educated you sound. Also you have a natural beauty and glow about you that just keeps me totally honed in. The cuts were a bit much, it was very distracting for me. This is great information and I love how you were able to explain it more clearly without dragging it out.
I want to be diagnosed so badly. At age 50 I’m falling apart. I’m tired. My brain wants to shut down. I cannot function. I want to quit my job. I’m a cashier and I can’t do it anymore. I’m tired of talking to people. I force myself to talk to people. Force eye contact and then I feel like I squint and then my eyes hurt afterward. My job really won’t move me out of this position either despite me begging because I have all the codes memorized and can scan groceries super fast.
I'm going thru my diagnosis process now and this video is super helpful for me.... Thank u so much! 🤗
You're so welcome! Thanks for taking the time to watch and comment. Please let me know if there are any additional resources I can share that may be helpful to you.
Wow, the “unable to cope ever since multiple streams of information demanding my attention 24/7 started coming my way” really hit home.
I actually don’t think I’m autistic, but I don’t believe I’m NT either. I am currently trying to figure out if being HSP can explain the things I’m experiencing.
I am beginning to see that I am possibly autistic and my son as well. Most of the things you talked about in this video relate so much.
Never been diagnosed. I am also adhd so many things.
I work with kids whom have special needs as a secondary teacher assistant. Also I’m working on getting my RBT. So I feel that everything I have been experiencing in my life till now all makes sense. It’s crazy.
I absolutely relate to your experience of feeling suddenly challenged once your second kiddo started talking. That’s been my experience exactly.
I have not had an official diagnosis, but I have been able to relate to videos like yours and others who have. Growing up through the 80's and 90's a phrase I used probably around age 3 or 4 was "I can't know how". I was always 'shy' - growing up the middle child between sisters, I didn't really have to speak-up. I would flap my hands when excited or anxious. I was always picked last for sports. I always struggle with eye contact, to the point my head tends to be turned or I end up standing beside someone to better hear what's being said. I tend to feel 'overloaded' at work sometimes as I'm normally in a room with 2 large laser printers, a smaller envelope printer and a paper cutter that is like a big shear. I realize maybe if I have a stim, it's related to touching my beard, but I've also done the 'drumming on a table'. I tend to overthink a lot. I talk to myself quite a bit - usually in the form of what I should have said during a conversation or maybe what a future conversation could be. I tend to have a mostly neutral expression, but my tone of voice changes based on my emotional state at the time. My part-time job as a rural mail carrier, I will always keep the mail for my next stop in my right hand, saving a few seconds for when I do stop, while my left hand steers, but also realizing it helps keep my focus on where I'm going as I may have a form of ADD or ADHD. I've always felt like an outsider.
Thank you! Got diagnosed last year at 45
Hey Jared! Thanks for sharing. Welcome to the channel. Please let me know if you have any suggestions for topics you'd like to see covered.
When I first heard of autism, I immediately thought "that's me!" because of my inability to look people in the eye, especially when meeting them for the first time and when "fast dancing"
Glad to have found your page recently. I'm 46 and still learning about myself.
I'm an Autistic mum who is waiting for an official Autistim/adhd assessment. Plus there's a huge chance I have Dyspraxia 😮 I have 4 Autistic children, I have been in therapy and I'm the one who has to ask for a assessment for myself 😢
With miy brain and mouth sometimes they disconnect and I am 'not there' or the erong thing comes out of my mind🥺 I have tried to be 'normal' for decades...I have been 'masking' without knowing it. My daughter points out that I am repetitive on a daily basis and I didn't know it. I ws called a daydreamer and I now understand that more.
Thank you so much for this video as it helps me, my family and others too🥰
so glad it is helpful to you! Thanks for your comment.
And I think you just helped me self-diagnose. I need to share this! I told my psychiatrist two sessions ago about my bf's pending professional diagnosis and shared how I was thinking I might be Autistic too and she. read. me. the. DSM-V criteria. Only without the nuance that you interject in this video (hence the spectrum vs. black/white autistic/not autistic view of what masking can be. Hint: a LOT of things). She left me once again doubting myself and I cried after the call. It feels like such a betrayal.
I strongly believe that I am on the autism spectrum but yet to get a formal diagnosis of autism 😕❣️ I started the process for getting evaluation done, so wish me luck 🤞❣️
Ok, it’s been 3 months since your comment! Did you get your diagnosis?! How’d it go? What was it like?
Overall great and insightful video that provides a lot of value to the community. Keep up the good work please!
Biggest problem though (not just this video but in general) is lack of differential diagnosis mainly between adult ADHD and autism. I have ADHD and work with people with autism without ADHD so I can easily detect the difference. I’m also a counsellor and can see the overlap with mood disorders also.
High accuracy diagnosis is complex, multilayered and difficult. Assessment sometimes needs to happen year after year, using different types of methods, just to get consistent confirmation.
Individual research, introspection/self-observation and self-reporting definitely help, as it’s another source of independent information.
Thank you for this video. While you were reading, I could find myself saying yes to the different criteria mentioned.
Excellent and important stuff - you bring it to the point. Thank you thousand, Carlo
I love these videos cause even if I don't relate I know that with others I do. I am recently realizing I have autism and it explains my entire life I'm just different and always will be and now I'm happy that I know why
I have had friends distance themselves when I actually trusted them enough to unmask with them, that is kind of sad, because it seems like they want me to be someway that I am not for them
Thank you so much for this and all your videos. I am currently seeking a diagnosis and was wondering what the actual characteristics are that they use to determine ASD. I am self diagnosed, but i have had people who know about ASD HSP ask me if ive been tested. They have special understanding that others do not. My family thinks im nuts for even suggesting it. All your videos resonate with me and i KNOW I've been masking and stimming my whole life. I work in sales and hate every minute of it, but i know it keeps me from being a hermit. I want a diagnosis so that I can help you spread the word on how delicate a subject this is. ❤😊
every aspect of this discussion mirrors my lifelong experience of existence. Nobody in my life except my family would ever accept that I'm on the autism spectrum. My dad is autistic, but the rest of us aren't! I've floated the idea past others in my life and the idea was shot down hard, instantly. I guess it's easier to believe that I just cry and shut down at parties and don't know how to hold a conversation and am extremely good at specific things and extremely bad at social communication because i'm petulant and moody and enjoy ruining other people's days for attention. i've developed a cold and unfriendly outer shell because other people don't like me and they're boring and stressful to me. i guess that gives ample ammunition to the people who are close to me to assert that i'm just mean-spirited.
I'm 69 (male) and get SO annoyed that autism is viewed by most as a childhood disorder. So... what happens to those children? Do they simply "grow out of it?" I appreciated your saying that sometimes, due to limited social interaction in early childhood, our coping abilities are not "taxed" sufficiently to show issues with autism. That was me. My mother (whom I suspect as being autistic herself) utterly despised children (including me) and the "chaos" they created. I was not permitted friends or playmates. In school, I had no social skills whatever and that was when my autistic qualities began to show. I could not grasp the idea that other people were "real". They were just "things" that clogged up my environment. I spoke oddly, too loudly, and often inappropriately. Boundaries were a totally foreign concept. I had my deep (and very peculiar) interests, and those were all I wanted to do. I'm still that way, today. Don't have friends, don't want them, don't want social activity, stay in my peculiar interests and have no tolerance for change. I've been masking all my life and living with a tremendous level of stress trying to "fit in." I can't imagine what it would have been like to have known about autism back then and how it affected me. Wow... Thank you for what you do.
Repetitive Movements... I have a formal diagnosis and was trying to think of any I might have, thinking I only had one. Then you said you are always clicking your teeth and that made me realize I was clicking my teeth. Which is constant, and I never even considered it as a symptom of anything.
I’ve been doing this as well since I was child and never understood why.
@@ThaMyndRichPodcast I brought this up with my best friend shortly after watching this video. Apparently I have far more stemming ticks than I thought. The singing is the only one that seems to bother her any. I get stuck on one verse or chorus of a song and I'm either singing or humming it over and over, even during conversation. She said it wouldn't be so bad if I just sang the whole song. lol
Your definition was spot on and a fantastic summation.
Thank you Jared! It just flowed out of me. :)
As far as hypothetical questions goes - i don't mind hypotheticals. As long as the hypothetical is based in something real. So i guess for me, i'll get lost in my own thoughts where i'll put out all these possible scenarios, but it takes me hours or days or week (or years in some cases) to build out the scenario in my head and connect everything.
So i guess its not so much hypothetical as trying to connect dots that i cannot currently see the connection. I LOVE finding connections between concepts. The Medici Effect is fun book because it gives examples of people in seemingly disparate or disconnected fields helping to solve problems.
For the comprehensive document you wrote for your assessment about why you felt you had autism, do you recommend writing bullet points/keeping it as brief as possible or are actual stories/experiences written out better? I'm having a hard time knowing what would be best for the assessor and what would be best to thoroughly explain everything because I'm not going to be able to recall everything during the assessment. Thank you in advance. Your channel has been so incredibly helpful for me and a direct answer to many prayers, spoken and unspoken.
Go into detail as much as you can. Especially if you're old enough that you don't have videos and a lot of people that you can ask that knew you at the time.
I got kind of screwed over because the only people I could point to that knew me long enough are likely also autistic and the diagnosing psychologist seemed really fixated on DSM III criteria without much awareness of what it's actually like to be autistic. He then concluded that he didn't see the autism, but suggested that the most autistic non-autism diagnosis was likely it, even though it is itself almost always a misdiagnosis and is itself likely also autism.
We all deserved better than that POS DSM 5.
ASD's and ADD'd have so much to offer. The one thing to help all facets of both is something Us brains are naturally more deprived of, than Most, the 4th state of consciousness, thoughtless awareness meditation.
One simple approach to get into this state of meditation for Those of Us with busy and pragmatic, practical minds is to not put too much attention on the thoughtless part (the still-mind) at first it, but just focus on the still-body first, and get comfortable with that first.
So practice sitting down comfortably for 5 min twice a day, don't worry about the mental side for the first weeks, that will come with time automatically with becoming physically calm, and still so long as You set the stage for mental calmness too at least by just attempting to sit as calmly and 'quietly' as possible.
Don't be hard on Yourself, it's not something We are used to doing, so, like writing with One's non-dominant hand, it's going to be messy at first, despite it being a very natural and healthful thing to do as a Human Being.
Imagine a much simpler time in Human history when once we had food and shelter sorted out for the day We could just sit under a shady tree and enjoy the beauty and grounding effect of nature.
Achieving this tiny physical task will give Us confidence, confidence that We have the ability to control this one thing in Our lives. (This alone helps reduce anger and violent outburst issues but I wont go too much into the benifits as there are literally more than the size of this whole comment already.
After a few days or weeks of sitting in presence, in the present moment, just Being aware, calm and relaxed, spine straight and eyes closed but neither of those two things forced, gentle slow breathing, and not thinking of or distracted by anything, especially thoughts of past or future but, being present in the 'now moment'; subtle transformation begins.
The mind starts to become Our servant, not Our master.
It eventually realizes it cant trick You into getting up or distract You from having Your 5 minitus of calm sitting and calm mind.
You become the master at that stage.
Having said that, We mustn't be too fanatical about anything either, so as mind initially begins to settle, what is more important to Us becames clearer, and great ideas and things We should take care of as a priority for Us, became clear, and so I found it handy to have a pen and paper handy in the beginning to write these important realizations down at first, so they wouldn't continue to be a distraction to mind, so I could come back to calm, and finish the last few minutes of sitting calmly, knowing I could take care of these things later, after My time to just Be (and not do) for a change.
The benifits of this are profound, and continue to grow with daily returning to 5 minutes of sitting and being present aware thoughtless; in meditation.
It improves all the main areas of One's Being, mental, emotional, physical and spiritual.
Balance in a those areas becomes more the natural state automatically, ie without effort.
Medical studies confirm, 4th state of consciousnes with EEG, improves all autonomic, and parasympathetic, systems.
For Us it removes some of the burden by realizing what thoughts are important and what are not, and how to be more naturally confident and comfortable with Our True Self too.
I havent found any other single practice that has as much of a wide and diverse range of profound improvement than this.
I wish Us All the very best!
I have known about my Visual and auditory learning disabilities my whole life but just found out that I have autism when I was tested back in January and also April for other disabilities. I have had major problems with my family and especially my twin sister who believes that I was brain washed and that I'm faking everything that I have been going through. I have said the last three year's that I wished everyone would have to live in my flesh and not be able to get out for a year, to be stuck in my body...struggling to find my way through each new thing, trying not to complain or ask for help because no one has time to explain what I should already know how to do. If I could have one wish it would be a fix my memory card in my brain so I wouldn't be a burden to everyone.
I feel like I can't figure out how to get my brain to see where it needs to be so I don't show that I'm struggling.
It actually amazing watching these videos because I've seen and heard where people are saying that they thought this one person on a vlog had a tattoo on their right arm but it was showing that it was on the left side of the screen/ their left arm as it is backwards. Well I believe...I not sure if this is really happening but it seems like it and I have not been able to figure it out..but in my brain I think I'm doing the same things with things around me and it moves and I feel like it really happens when I am reading anything. I get super exhausted from reading into one paragraph I'm asleep sitting up. The phones have actually helped me out so much with my spelling and where ii need to put my words. I still pass out from reading like I just had a glass of wine, it puts me to sleep I need and want to fix that because I always want to go to college and to get a better job. This brings me back to the beginning...that my family and twin sisters don't understand at all and I have gotten yelled at pushed and bullied from what the don't understand. And some of my friends got very upset with me about me telling them that I had autism and thats why I have struggled learning anything. I tried to tell them I had trouble with lifestyle skill and learning how to manage work, that i would get it if afterwards after doing something a lot of times but the harder it was the harder something might be the longer it would take me to learn how to do. Because my twin sister was never in a classroom with me or at work with me she never saw how hard everything was or how I might get treated by other employees or by a boss. I tried so hard to work harder and faster and I was so stressed out and upset that people would pick on me. Some of the employees I worked with were nice and would tell me i was way to nice for my own good because people were taking advantage of me and I was getting into trouble for what they did. I just want to be a team player and work together but they say I'm weird and don't want to be with me. Or they tell me "They can't put their finger on what's wrong with me". I'm also falling asleep very quickly the type this. It always makes my so tired to try to text or read. I don't know what to do to help myself. I just want to do better!!!
Oh my sense of smell is so so strong and I know that this is weird but I can smell a snake when it's close by me and different foods i haven't eaten before come across are very strong but still taste amazing. I/ we..my mom and I had covid this past March and I got the covid pretty bad and it messed up my taste bud's but its coming back slowly and from time to time I lose my taste bud's again. Very strange! My ears are very sensitive to loud noises so I don't like going to loud churches. It actually hurts me in different ways and I realize that I have masked keeping my reactions to my self from loud noises. I don't want to have a problem or reactions to loud noises so I really have not liked concerts. I want to like concerts but it hurts me I think in different ways and I don't like to be touched either. I'm very sensitive to heat too. Extreme cold weather is super painful as well as heat. My mom said that I would scream in the summer because I was so hot. I would have heat rash so bad and it would make me cry and cranky. I found out that if I was ever cold I cold warm up my body if I curled up on my right side my internal temperature would warm me up. When I was born my mother said I came out shaking really hard like someone was shaking me. She said that I was doing the same thing while I was in the womb and that my twin sister was never moving i moved all the time, to much. It worried my mother how much I was moving. I would what that was about but I guess it slowly stopped and I still seemed to have a problem sitting still. I remember being worried that I would to in trouble if I got up in class after my first year in kindergarten, yes I had to repeat kindergarten because of my teacher putting me in the middle room behind a curtain for the whole year...I didn't learn a thing that year. My first teacher was so mean that the teacher aide was even afraid of her. The first kindergarten teacher was fired for abuse on me and she never taught in any other schoo ever againand she went back to California . She told me I would never graduate from high school and I would never be anything in life. The way she talked to me was so scary for a 5 year old. I really hope she never taught in any school ever again. I just wonder if I would be better off if I had of been in the same class with my twin sister, she would have seen how much trouble I had in school.
I wish I knew how to get my family to care and watch the videos like yours so they would understand how everyone is different from each other with disabilities and with each one person is different it doesn't mean that I am faking my troubles . If I could snap my fingers or just awake up tomorrow morning with no more troubles that woul make me so happy to not struggle anymore would be so awesome and freedom of what I call my hell of living in a blacked out black jar, I can see out but no one can see in to see what I am going through.
I drive my husband nuts because I don’t look at him when he’s talking to me so I can hear better.. especially if I’m upset. I never knew it was a thing. I’ve never told anyone that either.
Difficulty understanding facial expressions, integrating into conversations, overdevelopment of ideas where the conversation has moved past that concept.
I find I like animation, probably because the animator has simplified and ‘typified’ the facial expressions, making them easier to understand.
Thank you so much for making this video! Both the more theoretical information as well as your experiences are very valuable to me.
When the social demand exceeds… I forget the full line but that was my lightbulb moment!
I’m learning that if you’re consistently the one guy in a large group that does something you might be worth a look.
9:30
I'm learning I'm autistic but it's interesting how everyone is different. I'm am artist and love doing things by imagination. I think I could envision characters, but it wasn't the same as other kids or other kids couldn't imagine anything.
Analyzing the evolution of Autism throughout the various DSM versions is a real deep dive.
DSM-II _mentions_ autism under schizophrenia. DSM-III introduced the Autism diagnosis, but none of the Autistic RUclipsrs would qualify. Just communicating in sentences disqualifies you! (I have a pile of diagnoses from 1980, and all of them are now part of ASD.)
DSM-III-R widened the diagnosis, but until DSM-IV and Asperger's Syndrome, most of us couldn't be diagnosed with anything useful.
Now with DSM-V a lot of behaviours and symptoms got rolled together. ASD is a wide net now and one of the reasons for this is to simplify support services and organizations. There's a lot of politics in the DSM as well.
When I was on the board of Autism Ontario North-East the DSM-V was coming out and it was very frustrating to have differing support needs all lumped into a single umbrella. But that's a whole thing I could rant about for ages.
Thank you, this channel is gold. According to diagnostic criteria I'm a female autistic, despite I'm a biological male. But gender role and gender expectations never applied to me.
I think it’s great that you are able to step outside of gender norms. I have seen that that can be an isolating experience. Sending support and encouragement your way!
@@MomontheSpectrum You're so kind, thank you, I really appreciate your support.
@@passaggioalivello That's what I'm here for!
I wrote my previous comment before watching the whole video. Now I am already halfway through and I have goosebumps! What will happen by the end of the video? Seriously, are you my female twin! 😂
I was told when I brought up the subject of autism with a therapist that I was definitely not autistic because she could tell by looking at me that I was not autistic because she said that all autistic people have a certain look about them. (This was probably about 5 years ago).
Seek out a psychiatrist
Ignorant person, find a different therapist.
OMG!
The struggle with imagination was super interesting to me. I tend to love fantasy and hypothetical scenarios, but I have the hardest time improvising in conversation. Games that involve asking people questions about themselves are nightmare fuel for me (i.e. Never have I Ever, or similar). I try so hard to think of something appropriate but since the script is too ambiguous, I just draw a huge blank. I could never understand how other people seemed to do that sort of stuff so effortlessly. This is what prevents me from writing books too --I can do world building ad-nauseum, but realistic character dialogue seems impossible.
I also want to ask if autistic people tend to be rule followers? And get upset when others don’t follow rules? Like speed limits. Or doing what supposed to at work but they don’t. Leash laws but people don’t follow it, etc. I just want people to follow the rules and get bent out of shape when they don’t. I cry. I need something soft to hold onto. It upsets my world.
Hi Tay, thanks for posting this.
Maybe my autistic traits didn't allowed me to finish to listen your video, because it has literally no pauses in the audio, so my mind overwhelmed :(
I wish this can't bother me but I went of energy.
I was diagnosed in 1998 (age 3), so they were using DSM 3 or 4. Sounds like a lot has changed since 1998.
Yes! A whole lot.
You and I are roughly the same age but I was never diagnosed. I'm currently seeking an assessment but it might be a while until I get an answer. That said thanks to this video I now know that I meet a lot of the DSM V criteria.
I have been doing a lot of shutdowns where I couldn't function also I found a silicone shark tooth from willows toys that I'm using now to help me I'm born male but don't feel like I am either one gender
As far as not liking fiction and it being difficult to picture what characters look like, do you have Aphantasia? (“a phenomenon in which people are unable to visualize imagery. While most people are able to conjure an image of a scene or face in their minds, people with aphantasia cannot.”)
this was so incredibly clear, thank you!
I’m trying to figure out how we can ever tell the difference for my son. He has a adhd (combined type) and anxiety diagnoses. He is also sensory seeking and sensory avoiding (in different areas and at different times/contexts). Those 3 things/diagnoses account for all or most of his symptoms, but definitely seems like some of them could fall under ASD. Which I totally get there is overlap, but it makes it all feel so confusing.
He just turned 5. His diagnoses were by a psychologist who specializes in adhd, so not just a ped.
I want to make sure I understand him and can support him as best as possible!
And I have adhd (husband too) and sooo related to some of this, but it was all things that 100 overlap with adhd. So… that with the added anxiety is likely what’s happening with my son, but… idk. I just want to support my baby the best I can. ♥️
I so get that feeling of wanting to understand all the things to give your kiddos the best! It sounds like you're already doing a lot to support him. The more I learn about labels like autism and ADHD, the more I realize that the MAIN thing is just having tools and resources to support the people we love. It doesn't necessarily have to be called autism or anything else for that matter, but if you can listen to/look for the needs this person has and go about getting them support in a patient and kind way, that will go a long way, no matter what you call it!
I don't know about the imagination thing, some of The autistic people I've met are incredibly active d&d players. Guess that's just how we are all a little bit different, fascinating.
I knew a severely autistic child who could build enormously complex cities in Sim City in a matter of hours. I played the game a couple of times and my cities always burned to the ground. I could never figure out the necessary economics to make a city sprawl... and the kid just kept building. What he couldn't do was to eat his lunch without making a mess and he had half a dozen emotional meltdowns a day. Between the two of us I am still, by far, the more lucky and happy person.
@@schmetterling4477 My 9-year-old makes a mess when he eats, hell so do I, but his emotional challenges have gotten so much better for him now that the adults in his life are actually helping. I hope that other kid got some help.
@@catalystcomet I hope so, too. He was trying so hard to break out of his brain. His "meltdowns" were simply the sounds of a person who was locked up in his own mind, rattling an invisible cage inside a concrete prison. I sincerely hope he managed to make a large enough hole in his walls, eventually, to see the light. Best wishes for your kid and all the people who love him.
"Visual fascination with lights or movement" not me following the little indicator thingy for seconds on my clock with my eyes for already minutes while she says that 😭
Great video, thank you! ❤ The criteria required by the DSM are outdated and, at best, only describe one particular way Autism can be expressed, based on the fact that the psychiatrists who created them only saw white middle- or upper class boys whose parents were frustrated by their children. Furthermore, the assessment is most often performed by psychiatrists or psychologists who are themselves non-autistic, so they often rely on cultural stereotypes of the condition. DSM does not take into consideration that most autistic people learn to mask, and that we are not empathy-lacking robots with monotone voices, photographic memory and only technical special interests or sauvant abilities. Also, they see it only as a handicap, so they only grant the diagnosis to people who don't function, not considering that some of us appear to function, but suffer silently, struggling with constant fatigue etc. We need Autism research carried out by autistic people! I recommend also listening to videos by Temple Grandin, Bernadette Grandjean, Devon Price or Fern Brady for a picture of how differently Autism can manifest in different individuals.
Well, I guess I will be spending more time going through that new DSM 5 [and can compare to the DSM 4, too] since I never paid close attention to autistic spectrum disorder, because I didn't think I knew anyone that fit that description, ha!
This is the first time I have ever heard another human say I can't hear what someone is saying if I'm looking them in the eyes. I thought that was just me!
OMG…this video is making me see why my adult child with autism thinks I might be too!!! Just wish I had insurance right now to get an assessment!!!
Alot of my tendencies i think were bullied out of me early on (so my instinct is to suppress it or ignore it). I makes me :( sometimes thinking about what my teen years could have been...
So I scored really high on the autism tests you linked to in another video. But how do I know if I'm on the spectrum or I'm just an interovert with ADHD and some quirks? That's where I'm stuck. I can so relate to everything you say, but I think everyone around me would say I'm not on the spectrum without asking me any questions. My mom said that exact thing to me when my doctor diagnosed me with ADHD.
I love shiny rocks! So hard to walk by and leave it be
And if I bring it home, I'll stare it down till all my thoughts disappear
i take issue with the phrase „normal activities“ … tho i can get behind what you mean. thx for trying so hard to find a better definition
My diagnosis is PDD- NOS 😃💕 At 4 years old I were diagnosed with an Global- Delay, way before the diagnostic criteria changed in 2013=) xo Even though I've always had an Intellectual disability..
Once I started High school I knew there was information missing as there were many things, that didn't add up to an Learning- disability such as magnified, intense all so- consuming emotions 💗 My inability to pick up on the social conventions and.....
Rules, everybody else would so easily slip into those things didn't add up
did people know you are autistic now? how do you deal with that how is your life now please i have a son lots worried
@@Emanu2018 yes a majority of people are aware I'm Autistic now, as I have a Facebook account but to my friends/family only once a month, I post about the Autistic experience and..
How I am and have always being Autistic ☺️ I have a rather happy and comfortable life. I have a rigid daily routine that keeps my grounded and stable in my everyday life 😘♡♡ I have friends and I work at a Australian Disability Enterprise.....
I've never being happier and more content then where I am, in my life right now 🥰😃 xo I've had supports with my disability in the last couple of years. I've had Occupational Therapy to help me in..
My independent living- skills and, to help me in my emotions. Introception that is called in being able to identify what you feel in your body and what it is signalling to me and, it's helped me tones in my ability..
To regulate my emotions : )😘 xox I'm in my late 20's and what helped me best as a child was, speech and Occupational Therapy and even in this day and age still occupational therapy.....
Is one of the best resources for adults as it covers many different areas in supporting us and in helping; us to live our best quality lives not trying to fix us..
Honouring who we are and working alongside that in helping us as Autistic adults overcome any obstacles we may have and, they help us best in our future going forward too=) .....
I am a very happy and thriving young Autistic adult 🥰, I hope this gives you comfort, said with love, respect and kindness 😘❤ xoxox
@@staceyruwoldt9158 you are sweet so my son can live independently please can i have your face book account?
Recently discovered that my 7 year old (who I suspect has ASD) is aphantasic. Aphantasia is the inability to visualise. She remembers things by telling herself what they look like not visualising them.
I read a lot of fiction when I was younger (got out of reading in general because internet these days) and I can't work out what anyone looks like or what is actually happening, I just went with it and skimmed over descriptive scenes as they were meaningless to me (don't really do poetry for the same reason). In the last couple of years I learned about aphantasia and figure that was why as before that I didn't understand that for other people they actually see a whole movie going on inside their head.
Don't know how much of the poetry thing is the aphantasia and how much is autism as a big part of poetry is the hidden meanings inside things and I just don't get it.
With what you said about physical contact I love hugs and contact with people and have to remind myself that not everyone likes that and have to ask first (I will otherwise be what you typically think of as a NT toddler that when they meet someone they like they are in with the big hug and don't want to let go, even more so if it is a situation that I am a bit uncomfortable - I turn them into my security blanket).