Signs They're In Love with the Idea of You & Not the Real You
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- Опубликовано: 18 май 2024
- Have you ever felt like your partner is more in love with a version of you they've created in their mind? In this video, we break down the signs they're in love with the idea of you rather than the real you. We'll share practical relationship tips and dating advice to help you recognize if you're being idealized in your relationship. Understanding these signs can help you navigate your love life more effectively and foster healthier, more genuine connections. Whether you're new to dating or in a long-term relationship, these insights will be invaluable.
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#dating #relationship #love
Writer: Chloe Avenasa
Script Editor: Kelly Soong
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Voice Over: Brandon / @littleghostyofficialtm
Animator: Zuzia
RUclips Manager: Cindy Cheong
Please tell us what you think about the video. Did it help you? Please give us feedback on what you like and don't like so we can improve. If you have good and useful comments, we will send you the t-shirts we passionately made as a thank you to 3 fans.
You guys should Talk about the true love if It exist or not and how today relationships only last for 3 days but you guys do your job wonderfull
can you please do video about aegosexual cause not many people dont know about it and people should bring it up more plus what are the differences between asexual and aegosexual
Is pretty useful for good thing
@@Matcha_otter explanation for dumb people like me plis?
Ya'll proved that I am way too delusional
Most relationships are fantasy-based. People are interacting with the image of a person, rather than who they actually are. This is how they accept things that they don’t really like or approve of. Because the image they see is different to who the person actually is.
Excellent beginning to usually excellent videos and thank you
.It seems that no relationships are worth it to a very pragmatic practical realist😢
Maybe
Naruto Shippuden genjutsu
DELULU
@@kevintewey1157 Even if it's transactional, there can still be meaning in it. Just because a coffee shop functions via transactions, doesn't mean I don't enjoy the baristas I converse with and enjoy the things they have to say.
Online, it's magnified. Jumping to meeting in person is an important step for relationships.
Short Summary: Relationships are much better when you don’t let your “representative” lead. Be the natural quirky you. If that specific person doesn’t like it. Tough. The right person will find the authentic you beautiful and will love you till the end of the earth.
Literally every one of my relationships, and then they felt “betrayed” by *me* when they finally figured-out I was who I said I was, not who they wanted me to be, & dumped me… 🙄
Same situation here😢
Oh agreed people love the lie and hate the truth. They claim they want honesty then detest it when given to them.
Maybe be better?
@@ToniToniChopaaaIn what way?
Being honest with yourself or trying to please others?
"Better" is a subjective term here, I believe
@@ZJCitricAcidGraf.E.T. no change yourself to make you happy when others leave you
Timestamp!
-0:45 When will my reflection show...?
-1:16 Approval seeking behaviours
-1:43 Everything in common
-2:15 Whirlwind romance
-2:48 On the rebound
-3:12 Unreallistic expectations
-3:47 Denial and disappointment
-4:22 Out of the comfort zone
-5:00 Conceal, don't feel
-5:34 Empty conversations
Thank you 💙
@@liamdylan_yw8rv7 I've had too many replies and I just don't know what to say in this comment without copying another message but thank you all for the replies and likes😊 It just makes my day seeing only one reply that says "thank you"
@@noobzito2 You're welcome 😊 have a great day or night 💙
@@liamdylan_yw8rv7 😊
Gods work right here
Should've realized this early on but I was naive to think they were being real with me... if you come across hard times and they don't care to truly communicate, they push your boundaries while making you feel like you've done something wrong, and you gotta keep reminding them that your relationship isn't some romance anime where things are so smooth and carefree, just walk away. Save yourself any further heartache because trying to rationalize stuff will make it harder for you in the long run.
As a therapist who left an abusive relationship three years ago, this was beautifully done. Thank you. ❤
This went 2 ways for me. I was diagnosed borderline later in life but earlier in life i attracted people who loved yhe idea of me because I was mirroring them unconsciously and disassociation during any upsets made me seem docile. I seemed perfect. Too good to be true. Because I was.And then they would only point out any little fault and my fear of abandonment would kick in. And then the rollercoaster would begin. 😢 I thought i was a narcissist for a while i thought i was a monster. But i wasnt doing any of the manipulating and i didnt hoover people or lie about how i would behave. I just had no healthy boundaries. I spent a long time single and in therapy. And i joined a recovery group to hear other struggles qnd i didnt feel so alone.
I can relate to this so much!!! Thank you for sharing this helped me to feel less alone and gave me so much hope!
I also can relate.
I'm sorry to hear that. BPD is a very tough to live with. I encourage you to keep going at it in therapy, and hopefully one day you'll be able to feel close to others without completely losing yourself to them. BPD is the result of an adverse childhood experience, and so due to brain plasticity, you can overcome it and transform your brain overtime if you push 💪 it takes a long time, atleast 8 years. You can go into remission much sooner than that, which means your symptoms will be minimal enough to not constitute you for a diagnosis. However you'll still feel that empty suffering inside so this is a sign to continue therapy. ✨️
This made me realize how much I’m loosing my real self for someone that is probably not wanting anything serious with me.. Thank you Psych2Go for always being there to help people out when they don’t understand their feelings or just don’t understand themselves in general. Have a great day !
Reality is better than our fantasy if we'll add a mutual understanding and curiosity. Genuine connection it's better than false imagination.👍
And also at times watch out for the narcissistic tendencies.. like heavily.
Coz if you see those types, run as quick as you can.
What are those narcissistic tendencies? And what is exactly a narcissistic person?
This seems to happen every time and then I thought I finally met someone who liked me for me until I realized he was actually worse. He was feigning interest. They either don’t care at all to really know you or they’re manipulating you to believe they do so you’ll do what they want. Love is a game and I’m too tired to play anymore.
This video may have made me realise I may not actually like a crush from my class,but just the image of him,which is bad,because I left him an annonymous love note and possibly given him hopes and dreams
I finally stopped that a couple years ago with a female friend of mine. Feel waaaaaay better about our relationship now.
Psych2go truly loves real people. This is how I understand Your commitment in doing such high-value videos. Your warm voices are for certain a very strong catalyser in the efficiency of the connection You create with Your audience. But the true strenght of Yours is probably that You really value people. Keep it up and Thanks a lot.
The problem is, they love what you do, not who you are.
That's why I always encourage people at work to always do slightly more than the bare minimum and be semi dependable because the moment people find out about what you can do, it's all over.
in a steady 11 year relationship, and I was the one disillusioned
started young at 19, and everything was a bubble..
i can tell you this, it's full of disappointment and compromise.. as an immature mind, i struggled ( and still struggling some days) to accept who my partner really is. and this video helped me name some of my struggles.. in fairness with my partner, he was upfront and real at the very start.. i learned a lot and still learning.. but we did come a long way, and constantly growing together.. we still continue to choose each other..
When they were laying in bed together and one of them started talking about spiders and the other got nervous really hit a note with me...😂🤣😂
This video is so insightful! It really made me think about the importance of genuine connection and understanding in relationships. It's crucial to be loved for who we truly are, not just an idealized version of ourselves. Thank you for sharing these signs and tips on recognizing authentic love.
As a chubby autistic female goth in glasses with a geeky and artsy streak; dear god, did I ever need this video! I mean, there's just so much stereotypes out there based on my hobbies, music taste and appearance, man. People just somehow tend to automatically forget that I'm still human under it all, so it DEFINITELY wouldn't be out of the question in my case that someone might actually be into a version of me that doesn't even exist. Like, I always worry that whoever is ACTUALLY interested in me might actually be interested in a stereotypical version of me, not who I really am (not like I hide that at all, people often just tend to ignore my actual personality in favor of just putting me in a box and calling it a day). It's nice to know what red flags to look for that they're reducing me to a false idea of how the community around one of the facets of my personality must be, though (for example; not all gamers are hyper-violent ticking time bombs, not all anime fans are p*rverts because SFW anime actually exist, not all goths are k*nksters, not all fat women are desperate, not all autistic people are stupid, not all artists are secret p*rverts, etc).
I can already love you for the first sentence (:
2 videos at the same time? Yes please!
I wouldn't have suffered so much, if I had found this video before........
Damn I really found this video right after me and my fiance of 4 years split up... I'm really in a lot of pain and I hope that more people find this before it's too late
I have experienced this,both as a “spectator” and First person
In the first case ,there was this guy i messaged with for like three weeks (not even a single date face by face) ,he confessed to me that he wanted something serious and didnt wanna lose me.
Its totally valid to want a long lasting relationship,but the best part ab knowin someone Is takin time to discover quirks,good and bad💁🏻 with no rush
In the second context, i used to like a guy for quite some time : i put him on a pedestal because i liked the idea of him behind the rose-tinted glasses:turns out he was a narcissist
In short,take your time with somebody and dont idolize them, they are people just like u🙏🏻
It's a sign that I always loved the idea not the person 💕 thanks for making me aware
Faster then the speed of light!
I found this video just in time, thank you so much!
I was going though a transition period in my life and thought I was ready for a relationship... The girl I started going out with was great, but I found myself pining for her affection. Looking back at it, I was idealizing her and not getting to know her. She turned me down after a couple dates, which hurt. But it was probably better for her.
The timing goes crazy
First here thank you for your knowledge 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
That’s why there is more to attraction than looks alone. It’s not enough to look good, people have to have a good synchronized personality.
Often it's all too easy to put a crush up on a pedestal, but the person on that pedestal will never be the same as that person. The sad reality is that there are several different versions of each of us, and what you may be in love with is the version of this person you see. They are not always the person you see at work, or school, or the store, but they have a life beyond that. That is why it's important to vet the person in the early stages of a relationship, rather than assuming that your idea of them is just the way they are.
The most painful wound imaginable is loving someone authentically only to discover that they merely love the thought of who you could be.
Oh, man! Videos like this always make me conflicted. It's like I can't decide if I truly like the person whether for who they really are or the idea of them.
I went though this with my wife. She didn’t actually like who I was. She said I was the same person as when we was dating. I asked her “Did you not like me when I was dating” She said “I did but I thought you would change with time? I believe I have grown but she had this image of who I should be.
Are the two of you still together? How are things going?
Men want women to stay the same as when they met them. Women want men to change from when they met them.
It’s biological.
Timestamps:
0:45 When will my reflection show?
1:15 Approval Seeking Behaviors
1:45 Everything in Common
2:14 Whirlwind Romance
2:47 On the Rebound
3:13 Unrealistic Expectations
3:46 Denial and Disappointment
4:22 Out of the Comfort Zone
5:00 Conceal, Don’t Feel
5:35 Empty Conversations
That galaxy pattern was perfect for the topic cuz like the night sky relationships are chaotic but beautiful
It was my question in 12 years old when I learn about love and partners
I didn't think some one actually make a video about this subject and around it
Thank you
shes in love with the concept
As if we’re all just how she imagined
Geometry dash
we’re in love we just don’t know yet
Tell me how I'm supposed to see the magic
This is true for all types of relationships. In my experience, people tend to hate the reality of me, but love the idea of me.
This is why I'm just myself and don't worry what they think: they're irrational anyhow.
Thank you Psych2Go. I needed this 😌
This helps thx 😊❤❤
This fantasy-like thinking whether it be you or your partner(s) in a relationship could seriously debilitate your life in the long-term due to the consequences. Don't get caught up in the trap of trying to please their wants and needs, otherwise it'll cost you more than your feelings and mental health. Your vibe attracts your tribe, don't try to force an idea on people!
Nope, I am getting rid of a user now, I was doing a lot for this person with her doing anything for me. Ironically this video came out at the right time for me.
Could you make a list for the other way around? Signs YOU'RE in love with the idea of THEM.
Just reverse what was mentioned as if you’re the other person.
I did fantasize my relationship a bit, but my ex did even more. He fell in love with the idea of what we could be as a couple and more than once he said I was "perfect" even though I clearly am not and I whenever I said I wasn't he would not listen. Me being asexual just sent things downhill even more. At last I ended the relationship.
SO REAL.
She's in love with the concept
We bouta lose our hearts with this one 🗣️💥
But no really good advice 🤟🏼
Falling in love with the idea of someone isn't just setting yourself up for very potentiel heartbreak and putting expectations on them that they can never live up to - it's dangerous. You don't see their bad sides, and dependant on how bad they are, you can end up being manipulated and/or worse.
This happened to me and its basically infatuation. Its sad when it happens but it does if we're not careful. It burns us or them out given which is loving the other by the idea. I pray everyone doesn't go through this or gets out 🙏
This guy older than my dad is a friend of mine who has a crush on me and is in love with the idea of me and not me, this just makes things clearer.
2 videos already today?!
The fifth point "On The Rebound" is SOOOOOOO important, i avidly preach this statment and i feel like a lot of people don't get it or understand and always agree that know completely what I'm talking about yet they really dont.
Can you develop on what you mean by that? Sounds interesting
Yay, I was here under 1 hour.
I was tricked into believing I could be myself with the gf, but at the end, the person rejected me. It was manipulation and my own fear of loss. A recipe for disaster
You should always be yourself. If they don’t like you for you then you are better off in the long run. But self reflect as well to see if anything can be improved
You can never be yourself with a possible partner. That’s the number one rule of love, you have to lie.
You can never be “yourself” around women, dude. You need to be who they want, ie, attractive, wealthy, protective, dangerous. Yourself, the nice guy, will always fail.
I been getting late notifications for the past minutes
I’m in my 40s. I’m convinced that every woman I’ve been involved with has never loved me, but loved the idea of me. I just keep meeting broken woman after broken woman. The chances of me dying alone grow day by day.
I was able to help my new gf out of a bad relationship with her ex, who was not respectful to her or her boundaries, constantly pressuring her to send pictures of herself to him. We’ve been together online for 2 weeks, and it’s going so well. I encourage her when she feels like she messes everything up, or talks too much or whatever. But in reality, she’s everything I could want, besides not living super close. But that’s not a big issue. I truly love her, and she loves me. It’s so amazing when it’s true love!
The animation is cute i love it
We’re purposely preserving the fantasy of it that we both know about instead of embracing it bc we’re not allowed to embrace it 🤷🏼♀️
This did help me realize that I had to have a change in how I viewed those I thought I could be friends with. At the end of the day, I had to be a better friend to myself hense why I don't really pursue romance much. I lost interest in it and I have issues that I'm still working on.
what might be equivalent signs in a long distance/online relationship?
I will have to be prepared for this if I plan to be more actively into dating 🤔
interesting perspective 👀
I once misunderstood friendship for love on accident but my friend forgave me. The one I ended up with a relationship with was my NSFW artist when we were just talking about things in general and eventually she felt conflicted that she can't be that for me and how I was the only bright light in her dark world and I accepted her feelings and she was so happy. We're doing great
The first sentence is the one that I feel like I will come across in life. I’m in this stage and we’re not that close so I could misinterpret his actions and don’t recognize it, which is not good. I’m distancing myself to him because it’s becoming an unhealthy.
My ex-partner was in love with the idea of a deep connection. She set high expectations that I could not fulfill and that is also why the connection didn't hold up. It also did feel too good to be true from the start and she was playing someone she wasn't in the beginning.
I had a girlfriend of 4 years. We trauma bonded and thought we were going to get married. We were definitely ignoring some red flags in the relationship and this is exactly what we said to each other and why why broke it off. We loved the idea of each other. The comfort, the safety, the memories. In reality we had very different values so it wouldn’t have worked out too well
Which values did you have that were different which caused you to end your relationship?
(This information would be very helpful for me. Thank you ❤)
this happened to me in all of my relationships. It's almost funny when they tell me how they like some things about me or that they miss me for x reasons and it feels like they're talking about a different person
This is interesting because my ex said this to me when we broke up and it seems like we both were in love with the idea of each other but not actually each other. I also mentioned it as well that I felt we had both seen the perfect person we wanted to see, but were disappointed when we realized each other wasn't what the other thought they were.
Loving the idea of someone doesn't that happens when u like someone u dont know well yet whatever u saw is quite mesmerizing
Thats called infatuation. It’s an illusion. You like your idea of someone, not who they actually are in objectivity
As a person asexual and aromantic, and never interested on any dating or relationships, this video is out of my mind ! 😂😂😂
Peace ✌️ !
Its honestly very hard to be my ACTUAL self around people when i suddenly start overthinking if im doing the right thing to please them(famiky,friends,loved one's, etc).
I really love who do work really make right
Before when my husband was my boyfriend, he was narcissistic, and after years of mental abuse, man made rules of religion and people pleasing I was a shell of my former self. I took a lot off of him. When I had my nervous breakdown and near suicide in late 2020, I had to ask God to show me who I was. I became the fiery woman I used to be. My now husband came back, and it took him a long time to get back in my graces. He had went to counseling and saw a lot of his errors. We're married now, and while we still have our days, we are working out fine so far.
I'm not in love with anyone. Likely to be single forever, but the vdo is helpful so that I can be careful if someday I meet someone.
I'm 30 years old, only been on one date in my entire life. Not from lack of effort. Was on 5 dating apps for years, paying for all of them, messaging people every day (actually decent messages mentioning something about their profile or a shared interest or whatever). I went to meetup groups and speed dating things in my town.
At this point the idea of "someone that loves and accepts me" sounds like the biggest load of BS. I'm not the kind of person that is loveable and I don't know what more I can do to improve myself to make that possible.
My ex was definitely like this. She had just gotten over her ex, and barely knew me. She lost interest a couple weeks in. My only mistake was falling in love so easily in the first place. Never again.
I think pushing yourself to do something uncomfortable is good in a relationship. Especially if it’s something that your partner enjoys too. If you don’t like it then tell them that, but not trying anything new at all isn’t very helpful.
It's more delicate than that imo, depending on how that person really is and how they are guided/persuaded
Some people have certain way of doing things as it helps them make sense of it, while some others are more comfortable with winging things
Timestamps
1). When will my reflection show 0:45
2). Approval seeking behaviours 1:15
3). Everything in common 1:42
4). Whirlwind romance 2:13
5). On the rebound 2:47
6). Unrealistic expectations 3:10
7). Denial and disappointment 3:45
8). Out of the comfort zone 4:21
9). Conceal, don't feel 4:59
10). Empty conversations 5:33
Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. Sorry this is so late. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
My man would never
good for you
The directness of this got me 💀
@@ElPaume1 it’s a joke 💀💀 I said it in the heat of the moment cuz the video had just released but I didn’t get time to explain myself lmfao
@@stupidlyxander That's what my cousin's ex said last year 💀, but really though. I know. It was obvious from the way it was said. Usually, people elaborate further on these
@@ElPaume1 LMAOOO?? Ok I’m glad it was obvious atleast, on a real note the first three signs applied to me so I’m a little worried 💀 but it’s our half year anniversary today so I’m not worried about it too much
I was originally believing this until my crush pinned me against the wall and now I have no idea what to do 😭
Yes “they” claim me and this person would be great at communicating with one another. But, it’s more like this video. We don’t talk much 😵💫 yet we like one another. Not sure what to do..?
Can y'all do a video on how to cope with feeling jealous?
I think I realized I loved the idea of my last boyfriend because out of the blue, he started to quiz me about facts about himself. I couldn't answer some of them. I was rather confused and disturbed about it. His point was that I had him on a pedestal and didn't actually see him. I argued that I accepted him and all his flaws, that they didn't matter to me. I was confused on why he would reject someone that loved him as deeply as I did. All I wanted from him was to tell me that he wanted me to always be at his side and it never happened.
The next one, obviously I serve some fantasy of his. I'm not as happy and time is just passing by.
Could you do a video about that feeling of butterflies in your stomach? My bf told me that he doesn't understand what I mean when I say that. Apparently he's never felt that when talking to a girl and I just can't wrap my head around the thought of someone never knowing that feeling when talking to someone they like.
Independent man.
Either he's never been in love or does feel it but doesn't describe it as 'butterflies'
@@olavivans.3573 I think he confuses it with being turned on tbh lol
It might just be a comfort thing. I used to get butterflies with people but then I realized it was with people I felt like I had to prove something to. With my current bf I don’t have butterflies but that’s because I just feel safe and comfortable with him. Being with him at the end of the day is like walking into a lavender field
@@olavivans.3573 Tbh I think he confuses butterflies with being turned-on :/
I think I was in love with the idea of him.Its so problematic like I had crush on a guy I saw 2 weeks ago and we were both strangers to each other,i find him good looking and thats the main reason I had a crush.Anyways I started creating scenarios about him and I got attached to the version of him I have created.I know there is no chance for us to being together and I am sure that he don't feel the same way because I am not pretty.Now I am suffering, I want to stop thinking about him every time, I can't even concentrate on my studies and daily life activities.
If your fantasy scenario actually happened it wouldn't be how you imagined it, and it would probably end the infatuation. Fantasies are always best left that way.
And just like that, what i thought i knew about love disappeared. I didn't know there was a difference between love and the idea of love, but it does explain a lot lol. Now the real question is how do you love someone without losing yourself in the thought of them? How do you love correctly when your view is so clouded by butterflies and the image of a perfect life together?
All of these setting boundaries or detecting signs are useless when you meet a good liar, a perfect actor and a histrionic narcissist person. You would only see who they are after they get what they want from you. And their laugh is always so crazy and insincere.
“I wish i could find a guy like you”
My first relationship ended because of this. I was constantly having to suppress what i liked because they thought it was weird. As soon as i was who they wanted me to be we broke up. Saying they didn't want to accidentally cheat. It's funny now but man it hurt at the time. One of my friends i couldn't hangout with because they didn't like her. Always talked bad about her wanting me to join them. When we broke up i went right back to my friend. I didn't realize it was a bad relationship till we broke up lol. All the sudden my mental state was so much better. I stopped hanging out with friends just in case i got a call from them it was so bad.
I’m autistic. Most people leave when I start to have issues or “need” them.
Men have to be a solid rock rolling away all the time. Stoic. Never towards. Prove me wrong.
As I watch this video I think of my friend who is now in a 3rd relationship back to back pretty much without any time to collect thoughts. 1st with a girl who has been really toxic to him, 2nd a girl with epilepsy problems (I advised him to talk about their needs and not just ghost one another and it led to a break up the same day), and now a 3rd girl that I would call mentally insane, from what I heard she just started a new school because of the graduation. She is pretty much on the edge of being kicked out because she photoshopped her teacher into doing some nasty things (I don't want to believe that it is true but she has some problems at home so it could be that). My friend also has his fair share of issues like an abusive alcoholic father, and a good grandma that he has to live with because of his father he actually is a she and has the mind of a he. I really don't want to be the bad guy by recommending a breakup and I feel like it is a never-ending cycle of finding someone as broken inside and just for the feel of love. It kind of makes me sad but in the end, I feel that it is a journey to find what you need in a romantic partner that's why I don't interrupt them for now...
Yeah...
the idea of you yeah the movie is really good
A reference to the recently released movie "the idea of you"??!! ❤❤❤❤
He’s in love with the idea of me 😒
How do you know?
My reflexes are getting out of hand...
Hey that's my mother!
I know I love her