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Thank you! You have verbalized the INFP at the deep level. It is self-affirming for an increased confidence, which we really need to have the impetus to be positively impacting the world for a better and peaceful place to live in.
Do any of you INFP’s relate to this.. Do you sometimes find it hard to write comments or txts because you realise you’ve written a novel and would be embarrassed to click send, and then spend ages editing the comment or txt but find it difficult because you’re incapable of not writing everything in exact details. I’m in a family WhatsApp group with my partners family, and the amount of times I’ve found it excruciating holding back on the content of my messages. They all seem to be making jokes and talking about meaningless things, that I’d be embarrassed to put anything intelligent on there through fear of them thinking I was weird.
Sarah Yes I was sending someone directions to pre order my Uber. They were going to copy and paste what so sent to them. I had to make sure to not confuse my Uber with all the details I put. I tried to make it shorter and it was about 5 mins to write three sentences on which two turns to take. lol People tell me I ramble or to get straight to the point. I want to give them context so they fully understand my opinion.
Basically as an INFP I have simply learned to ignore those who can't understand me. I don't expect people to understand me. While that can be isolating at times, it is the strength that I move from. IF my path is solitary, so be it. I would rather be my real self and walk alone than conform to those ideas that would destroy who I am. The turbulent personality I think I worked through when I was younger. It has morphed into knowing and faith. It was kind of like walking through fire.
I've gone through a similar development, although yours sounds like it was a bit more extreme than mine. Over time, I've come to realize that I just don't have a lot of similarities with the people around me, which made it more and more difficult for me to authentically socialize. Even if my path is that of a loner, it's not like I can not walk it, right? (I mean I could but that's not really an option - you get what I mean xD) eventually you can have lots of authentic fun and happiness that way though *gives cookie and infp high five* :D
Beautiful. Couldn't have expressed it any better. My journey has been very similar, I feel authentically me now and my faith has gotten deeper as well. Lots of trials and obstacles to get here, but well worth the journey! 💖
@@growth9163 one of the ways for emotional strength is the P stands for Perceptive - this means that the INFP's ability to sort it all out well is like a navigation system that helps to keep them on the good path, emotionally too. Knowing that what is on the outside of a person is not necessarily the same as what is on the inside of a person - being able to distinguish a truth from a lie - and knowing the difference between safety and a threat are all very important things to know and navigate. Much the same is the difference between the foolish one who drinks poison but thinks that he will not get sick - and a wise person who realized when to keep silent. Some things must be experienced to know the full meaning- yes - but it MUST BE - done safely and securely so as not to create harm to oneself or to others. Here is where the P - Perceptive - has the edge that awareness gives over those lacking such awareness. It is developed over a lifetime. Namaste.
I cried many times over frustration of not being able to give a logical reason to people and developed this tendency to avoid people who are very good at logical reasoning and crushing your opinion. I don't know how other INFPs can deal with these kinda people.
I tried developing my Te. For example learning as much as I can in history politics and science. And coupling it with my ability to understand peoples emotions. This will increase your ability to explain your reasoning. Or you can try changing the subject.
I can put things into a logical perspective. I don't engage in expressing my opinion with someone that loves nothing more to prove why others are wrong, especially in topics of opinion (there are factual topics and all the feelings in the world won't change facts). Part of it is discernment of who to express your opinion too and who to have a detached, shallow conversation with, where you validate their opinion but don't actually express yours. Big too, people you have to do that with are not friend material. But that doesn't mean you don't need to interact with them, esp if they are family, coworkers, or acquaintances that you need to maintain because they belong to a group you also belong too (church, hobby club, friend of your friend, ECT).
Also for some of my deeper held beliefs that are more likely to be picked apart by someone that's insensitive, overly literal about the world and too obtuse to know when to let live, I have developed and refined ways to explain myself. Use of an anecdote or something similar that you have thought of ahead of time can greatly help. Aim the anecdote at being able to explain yourself towards that person that is more literal. Typically you want to avoid trying to convert them to your way of thinking, your goal is to just explain why you think that way and how it's okay to be different. Also this would only be necessary in places where you have to explain yourself. People that are going to be little you for expressing your ideas aren't people you should be expressing your ideas to. if it's on the internet don't fall into the trap of trying to defend yourself to trolls, they only want to get a rise out of you they don't actually care whether your idea is correct or not. if you're in a conversation with somebody you care about and they're belittling you or you're meeting a lot of incredulity or resistance to your idea change the topic to something else. realize that just because something's very important to you or make sense to you it doesn't mean that it will make any sense at all to another person. As you mature this can help create a lot more harmony in your life, and you'll get better at knowing who you can trust and who you can't with some of your inner thoughts. 🙂
As INFP’s the greatest gift we can give to ourselves is self validation. I have been able to do this just this year (2020) and for the first time ever I can truly say that I absolutely love who I am and my emotional depth. I still care what people think of me but it doesn’t consume me so much anymore. I know who I am and I know my worth and that is all that really matters. Honour your strengths and validate yourself!
as an INFP with dominant Extroverted Intuition but totaly focused on Introverted Feeling, i can say that INFP scan people instantly thats our "GIFT" sometimes it can be realy hard to stay reserved especialy in crowded places like mals central-stations etc. i learned to be reserved but not out-of-place kinda mind state, that helps me to relax and let go....i can reserv my energy and be productive like every INFP for 3-4 hours MAX. :))) LoL
Absolutely validation, acknowledgement, affirmation. Being belittled, ignored, or dismissed is what is most painful as an INFP, when people don't seem to take the time to try to understand.
Agree - because if someone misunderstands me but is still trying to listen, that still feels resolvable. If someone judges or assumes where I'm coming from and doesn't bother to listen, that is not only immediately frustrating, but I can see they are coming from a different values framework so there is practically no point in me trying to get them to understand. Typically, people who see things logically, or ask for evidence wear me out make me feel invalidated because they can't see the subtleties or possibilities until they can see proof - and I can't provide it. To me, unseen trajectories or connection of some things feel very clear even if I seem to have very little or scattered practical information. I find it frustrating to wait for something to become visible in the world for them to understand where I'm coming from. I love it when people are on the same wavelength enough to understand the verbal jumps.
why would they try to understand you, they dont have to they have thier own problems and shit going on in thier life. if u want them to understand its your job to comunicate that
Reading belittling facial expressions, tones or body language is frustrating even annoying , lacks authenticity. a lack of authenticity makes an INFP want to just stop.
Marginalized and dismissed. Yes. That is the worst feeling. Not the sense of being misunderstood, but more wondering just how much of my thought process I have to go back through in order for a person to understand, how I arrived at a certain conclusion. Some people aren't interested in how you process certain things. They're only interested in mocking you and telling you indirectly through body language, intonation and / or facial expressions that there is something wrong with you.
INFPs sometimes use mirroring as a sort of armor to remain safe in unsafe situations with untrustworthy persons. This showstopper is sometimes effective but not always. Sometimes INFPs are used by non INFPs as a mirroring device as in projection, as well. Both of these factors can cause INFPs to distance themselves from others to avoid disturbing behaviors from aggressive people. "To thine own self be true" can be instant sanity for INFPs in these circumstances.
@@kimd3451 recognition is appreciated, thank you. I have found personal power in the boundary of taking control of such mirroring. If you are brave a narcissist can be made to stop projecting their garbage onto you, but there is a risk of creating a greater conflict by telling them to stop. I have been abandoned by a narcissist and then gaslit for refusing to play the mindgames. So be very clear with yourself before allowing a confrontation. Clear about the risks. Some narcissists may try some very dirty tricks, so be prepared. Your best defence is a solid and reliable self esteem. Recommended reading, The 6 pillars of self esteem.
It hurts really bad when is with someone you trust and care, when you are getting along and suddenly it's not interested in you anymore and just ignores you
listening at 48:49 and wondering if other infps watching also feel far more in tune with lyrics when listening to music then other people? I find the first thing I hear in a song is the words, the lyrics. I listen to the story and really connect with it. Yet so many people barely consider the lyrics or story to a song
Yes yes. 50% of why music is so important to me is because of the lyrics. I enjoy storytelling and lyrics I can personally relate to for a situation in my life. I can't play nor write music, but I'll be lost if I didn't have my collection. Something about melodies and words together does more than static words on page could do sometimes. Other times, the melody and chords alone can still stir very deep, connective feelings in me. The other 50% of why I cherish music is for "superficial" reasons? - such as a bass-heavy beat, instrumentation that reminds me of a certain description (like a electropop song would lead me to think of "bubbly soda"), a chugging guitar, etc. Anyway, any and all of those examples tend to evoke, again, connective feelings...
Yeah! You're so right! I don't mind not being understood. In fact, I kindda like that... But being dismissed, is like being denied your own existence, you know.
I feel like if someone completely understood me, I'd want to date them lol. It couldn't have been easy for them to get to know me that well. Also, misunderstanding is also an issue for us because people assume we are more judgmental than a lot of us actually are. People who do not know me well often accuse me of thinking negatively about something they did or said. -INFP
I get you soooo hard. My friends always seemed to think I was picking them apart and trying to set them up for some kind of embarrassment. It's just that we see through the facades they present. It's scary for people who can't "read minds" to have the realization that we basically can "read minds." What they don't realize is that our understanding is why we love them so much.
Yes! I have TJ friends who must be naturally judgmental so when I make a neutral observation, usually for conversation points, without judgement they assume the worst negative intent of my comment. It puts me on the defensive and trying to explain. Despite what this video says, simply being misunderstood by the majority personality types is a problem in daily life. I don’t need to be validated because I am confident and mature and self actualized at this point. I just want my simple conversation to be understood.
As an INFP I don't necessarily feel misunderstood, I just feel like most people don't have the depth to think about or consider the things I find myself pondering. Usually this give me the upper hand in my design career and it helps people feel "touched" when I am able to articulate something they couldn't put into words. If my words go over someones head, I don't feel offended - I just know they aren't very deep.
“It’s being marginalized and dismissed, not being misunderstood. That is the problem for an INFP.” Yes and no. I think you’re on to something here, for sure. But I still would like to be understood in some aspects. It would definitely ease a lot of anxiety if people would atleast listen to my points and be open minded, yes. All I truly want is to be accepted. That’s it. To hear my point of view, why I think that way, and someone be like, “yes, that makes sense.” You don’t have to agree with me, just hear me out. I say this statement a lot. So many people are quick to hear something they don’t agree with it and dismiss it because their beliefs are different. You are right though when you say we don’t want to be fully understood. There would be no individuality if I thought someone understood all of me. It would seem as though my privacy and my personal way of doing things would go out the window. I’m a person who values individuality, privacy, mystery, and authenticity, so I would not like to be fully understood. It does depend on what the thing is though.
Yes this. It was nice to hear in this podcast people discussing the different meanings of "being understood". There's a difference between cognitively understanding what makes someone tick and accepting their perspective (simply on the principle of being a good listener). Weirdly, I don't want 100% understanding or agreement, and I seldom believe the latter when I encounter it. One of the only ways for me to see whether someone 'gets it' is through what they write or create, independent of any direct discussions between us. Even then there can be something disappointing about finding very-specific solidarity, and it's a matter of time before I look for greener pastures.
When i found out I am an INFP, it was a huge relief for me. It means to me, I am not an alien, and someone understands me completely. Since then I've met an other INFP in person, and it was such an uplifting feeling to recognise each other. Being understood for me doesn't mean, loosing my authenticity or my mysterious side,but it is an amazing feeling... Also, being called 'mysterious' always bothered me. It makes me feel, like I'm keeping information back only to look like a mysterious person in other peoples eyes, or it is just something what i do to wake up their interest. Which is far away from the truth actually, because i like it when there is NO spotlight on me, but when there is a real connection with someone, i am actually an open book for them, and i am happy to spend hours to (over)explain myself, to make sure they've got me right , even though in this case it's not necessary 😄🙏1
Sometimes we express ideas or thoughts in a very peculiar manner. I think that most of us are aware of how different we perceive the world and being truthful to our values make us feel kind "misunderstood". We live in a society that is so superficial and so egoistic and being authentic and sensitive to what is really happening its a rare thing to find. Someone said that when we feel something it's like a compass tool to know what is really it's going on in you and others. We can see that, if we and others are really happy and we care so much about them and the world too. It's kinda a bliss and a burden. That's why we are called "The healers" ❤️😊
“Just like your mother you’re unfailingly kind ... a trait people never fail to undervalue, I’m afraid.” Dumbledore in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Wow! I just realised that I am an INFP yesterday and I started researching about it. I don't know how you did it... I've never feel understood by anyone in my life like this apart from my mom.
So true, all my life I’ve been misunderstood and felt like I was an outcast. After listening to these videos about infp I realised that I wasn’t really alone in this. Everything I’ve heard was so on point.
Really appreciated your more in depth look at the infp. Just like you guys said, as an infp myself, I felt and thought alot during your talk and wanted to share my take but only found myself feeling so much that I didn't know where would be the "ideal" place to share. But before I finish the podcast, I decided to just share this one area: I think the reason why an infp has a hard time articulating themselves is because they have already thought through so many angles and layers that it's both redundant and petty to explain all the points knowing that people won't get it anyway (they may even find our logic strange on the surface) even though we know deep down that our reasons are very valid only if others can analyze the way we do.
exactly. Theres just just so many things you want to say..sometimes things within things. .I think thats why I appreciate " stream of conciousness " narrative in a book... therse just so many things going on in your mind related to that particular subject and often you pick up the least related or relevant example when trying to explain your pov..sometimes to person who does not understand you. . it may seem like an out of the blue example..
shaheen Ma Man I am just like "People! Why is it so hard to *stop* judging from YOUR point of view ... and instead jump into MY skin and judge from this point of view?" Most times I am sure they just talk to me to validate themselves and actually do *not really* want to talk to me. So I am sitting there, listening, saying what I am supposed to say and leave without actually saying anything. And when I try to actually talk it's like most people just go into defensive-mode, putting a wall in front of me (made of want-to-be-sophisticated "arguments") and yes...I just go back to listening to the sermons they tell themselves to keep on going. And think "It's okay. But please stop acting like you are not doing this for yourself only."
I've actually learned how to communicate my feelings in a more logical way cause I spent 10 yrs trying to explain them to an ISTJ ... and still try. I do want SOMEONE to understand me fully, doesn't have to be the world... koo if it is.... but I want mostly is for others to let me try to understand them.
Sprouting Spirit yes, I think that is why I don't speak very much... sometimes, in disagreements, I can already predict a high chance that they won't be convinced tk thino differently with words... so I just don't waste my energy.
Willi Schwabe I don't think it's true that all conversation is that severely selfish. But I have noticed that there are a lot of people like that. I tried doing the same thing and it works if you are truly speaking just for yourself (or you wouldn't be bothered by there reaction). But I found that I do not wish to broadcast myself as much as everyone else, I'm a quality or quantity kind of guy with my words. And I'm starting to accept that about myself and that I don't speak as much as other people and I require more alone time.
When you were talking about INFPs knowing they will never be fully understood but that we need to believe our thoughts and feelings are validated, you hit the nail on the head. I know I’m very different from most people, and I don’t expect people to understand 100%, but I do expect mutual respect and consideration of one another. I feel INFPs are often cast out socially for being different, and it’s very hurtful when I feel I am open to another persons perspective but they aren’t open to mine.
I'm crying as I write this, since I recognize unmistakeably that this description engulfs everything about who I am, all the intangible traits I've carried in my soul throughout my entire life which led me to think something must be wrong with me. So much so that I'm honestly blown away that this is even considered a personality at all; I just figured I was defective! I would love to have others like this around me, I've never knowingly met another infp and I've lived 37 years having never truly felt truly "understood" by anyone around me, not even by my husband of 17 years. I've always been told "stop letting it bother you" or "get over it" and my heart trampled more times than I care to remember, and I've grown into adulthood believing I must have some disordered thinking that causes me to care deeply about things that would never affect me otherwise; like maybe I was masochistic because I bring unnecessary emotional pain upon myself. Or that no matter how much I try to be more extroverted and lead a conversation, my natural inclination is to listen to others, and regardless of how much I enjoy the interaction, I'm often ultimately labelled "standoffish" or "quiet" and I feel invisible until someone wants to vent. There's a bittersweet catharsis in finding out not only are the qualities I've always in myself that I've always been at war with myself over are COMPLETELY NORMAL, but there ARE others like me and maybe I'm not such a freak after all.
No your not a freak, except that we are only human and humans are both good and bad and everything in between. I’m no longer bothered what people think of me, yes it’s frustrating sometimes that you can’t voice your innermost feelings, or have others relate to you better and with understanding. Love to you. Stay strong. X
When I took the official Myers Briggs test, the description of my personality brought me to tears. It felt like I had been touched by God for a moment. Most people never get us, but love everything we create and share with the world.
This is the most positive view I have ever come across of INFPS. The 1st voices I've ever heard talk about authenticity or introverted feeling being something we have MASTERED. Then exploration expressed as connections and patterns we don't always know how to explain. This is all dead on information.
As an INFP, I was always a good writer. The military taught me that my feelings didn't matter. It taught me, people very different than me, are doing all sorts of things in this world. Trying to fix the world, and making people think it's their idea, that's the real goal. I basically feel like a cartoon character living among people. I have seen the darkness. Not my own, but ours. Without one, there cannot be the other. Destruction brings connection and creation; elements combining to create something with different physical properties. I try to understand it.
@@blksheep176 I've spent the last few years learning astrology. RUclips saturn in scorpio. Saturn rules time and lessons. It brings delay and lessons. Scorpio is fixed water. It wants to explore the phisical. It wants to explore death and birth. Saturn in scorpio represents lessons in destruction and loss. It would find a home in war. Now, non of that is even getting into houses and rising signs. I see gears on a clock. I am rulled by saturn and mercury. Logic and hard lessons. Astrology was the first personality tests. But, could be mapped, planed, and predictable, based on patterns in the sky. It seems we still play by the energies of the sky. How much control we have over them, I do not know. But, it helps to know they exist..
@@TatteredToys I’m ruled by the moon I’m erratic and cyclical. Old man Saturn is old Saint Nick some say Saturn is satan because as you said Saturn rules time and everything is devoured by it. Look into Saturn moon matrix. It’s really interesting there is a storm that looks like an eye looking at earth.
@@blksheep176 my brother has his moon in the 4th. I have uranus and neptune in my 4th. I will look into moon and saturn conjunctions. Thank you. I think of saturn as January. If we did everything right, we survives winter, and we can survive until the spring, and we can plan for next year. It's lessions. Lessons that if not learned, will leave a person low on food, wood, and hope to make it another season. A hard year might not turn into another. A well thought year, will go into the next without issue. And will be perpetual if the lessons are passed on and remembered.
INFP here... things that come into my mind while listening: integrity, looking for patterns/ reasons why. gaining understanding through moving forward/ being present even in difficult times. unafraid of painful/confusing concepts (death/loss) ...alchemizing these things/concepts into something less scary and more worthwhile/ growth promoting. everything is subjective. there is no hard and fast "right" or "wrong"...the intention matters a lot. deeply craving to be understood as much as i care to understand others/ things. feeling lonely/ alone because i do not feel others wish to go deeply with me or want to understand me. Feeling pedantic when trying to make myself understood. i have given up for the most part on trying to get others to understand me. I have accepted that others serve as a mirror in many ways for me. Aspects of myself that i see in them. I do not know if i am "separate" from others, i feel deep down that we are one, but i also feel far away from many in this physical dimension.
meow meow I do feel you. Great way of expressing the essence of yourself. Understanding is crucial only for the logical mind which cannot go fully in the realms of the heart. We really Are ONE on the Heart’s
Omg YES YES YES YES and it's actually both of those things. Even my family doesn't get me, basically scoff at my reasoning and decisions. Everyone assumes I am stupid, when its actually quite the opposite. It's impossible to explain even a small decision because it's literally tied up in 40 years and thousands of nuances of feeling/observation/e xperience. During conversation, I tend to answer slowly and I either cut it off awkwardly short, I ramble, or most commonly I pause so long to process my thoughts before I speak, so then somebody else just starts talking. I get cut off consistently, public and privately. Eventually I just recluse. This is why we feel misunderstood. Invalidated is probably a better word. Got to the self harm part. It almost makes me feel less horrible about it, that it's a part of my brain function. I'm not in that dark space anymore, but still the scars dont fade.
Also, do any other infps here feel like they analyse and ask questions way more then other people? I feel concious of it sometimes. I ask questions about fine details of what someone is saying or ask people why they chose certain words in some matter of discourse and I do this often. I'm also studying statement analysis so it might be to do with that...
Yes, I question constantly. 👍 but I think our types typically struggle with the battle between, “is this right or do I just feel that it’s right?” I think we know what’s true, instinctively, but we have to prove it to ourselves.
This is definitely on the point, feeling marginalized and dismissed makes us feel disregarded and not considered. This might be why we're often quite quiet and reserved. We know that something isn't right, but we don't necessarily have the words to express ourselves and would need time to go into that feeling and understand it. But when in a social situation or a meeting, we can't explore what we've internalizing fast enough. Not to mention past defeats of being disregarded when we've expressed our feeling which make us more hesitant to try again which can also lead to undervaluing ourselves and even anxiety disorders or depression. At least that's my experience so far. Thanks for this podcast! It was so well articulated and informative! As an INFP, thank you for this insight, it seems to be aligning with what I feel! ;)
I think you guys nailed it once again. As an INFP being marginalized and dismissed is the worst. Especially if the other person is loud and obnoxious or overbearing in their response. It feels so shitty that I would rather it stop as soon as possible than push through and attempt to explain myself, which of course feels daunting in the first place. But, I would much rather have the other person hear me out and misunderstand me in the end. Being misunderstood might frustrate me a bit but at least I wouldn't leave the conversation feeling like crap and wanting to avoid them in the future.
Maybe it is just the wrong person to talk to. I startes the try to sort people into groups like - what can I talk about with this person and what should I avoid?" Especially family members that you can not so easily "just abandon". And hope this might help build better relationships - focusing on strengths instead of the problems. But it still gives me tough times. But it is still better than getting dragged down into a spiral of misunderstanding and explaining and misundetstanding and expl...and-so-on
Types who WON'T let me speak my mind or do anything to make me feel dismissed like talking over me get the death stare and more often than not, I yell at who tf ever it is so I can finish cuz I'm done being judged without being heard.
Yes, Loud and obnoxious and overbearing. I've got a family "rich" in these types. I agree with Willi Schwabe. There are some people who are neither wired with the proper "receptors" to hear/understand anything beyond the superficial, nor in possession of manners. .....If they only knew that Intuition is not a disability, but rather a "superpower"! (albeit, a quite one) ;)
hisgalval ... I have learned to say inside myself, “It’s ok if you don’t understand me... I do. And, unfortunately, you’re missing out.” Smile, and walk away. I will always be my own greatest friend! 🌷
Joel, the darkness part is spot on. I listen to a bunch of true crime as I am very aware that we are all one moment away from being the "evil" one. I went through a growth, maturing that took me into (almost like trying on a personality) places that mirrored my close friends and family. I'm serious when I say, I've been a murderer, suicidal, narcicisst, hopeless addict, mentally I'll homeless person. I also experience the flip side, massive joy, happiness, contentment. I've matured enough to be the observer vs. getting caught up and going to deep and falling into horrendous self judgement. I am still learning how to be in the world...jobs are hard because I have to be in it to know if it's a fit. A resume that looks like a shot gun ...I give myself permission to walk away if it's not feeling right. I've learned this the hard way. Thanks for the thoughtful podcast! Very much appreciated!
Yes. The issue is about being marginalized and dismissed. And I do agree that people, in general, never fail to underestimate INFPs. And yes, your words are perfect: "you can see how bad, how dark your heart can go if you let it." And it shocks and frightens. Not to the point, for me, of doing physical self-harm, however, to self-harm in the sense of knowing that if someone assigns me evil or dark intent which I know is possible and I may be guilty of on some deep level, so I avoid that interaction, avoid that person rather than resolving the conflict and helping the other person understand where I am coming from. And that sets me at the intersection of the wide and long roads of Marginalized Hwy and Not Good Enough Roadway. If an INFP lives with or works daily with someone who constantly marginalizes, dismisses, or questions their intent, negative, insecure, and self-doubt can rule inner contemplation. Such unnatural thought pathways make getting everything in alignment to understand the INFP's own passion is very, very difficult. For an INFP, trusting the inner voice and carefully choosing relationships with people who can be trusted and are good for the INFP is critical.
yeah in school every single day a thinker allways challenged me no matter what it was too my purple pink hair or why i have 4 spray cans in my bag im a guy btw and with my first relationship because i tried being with an istp im an infp and we had too LDR after and istp cannot and i mean CANNOT LDR long distance relationship so after we couldnt understand eachother anymore i started slicing myself and it was a dark time
This describes my experience so perfectly, I was in tears of relief throughout the episode! the validation of my reality was very healing, thanks so much ❤️
I can relate to this and had something that happened quite recently where I had a perspective that was completely alien to my family. My birthday was coming up and I was excited about what I had planned for it and my sister announced in front of all my family that she was going to do a thanksgiving style dinner at her house for it. My initial reaction was disappointment because the decision had been taken out of my hands what I could do to celebrate my birthday and I wasn’t actually asked what I would like to do. It actually made me feel unimportant. To the rest of my family this didn’t make sense. I guess for me it comes down to motive, if someone was doing something FOR me because they genuinely thought I would like it EVEN if they didn’t pick something I would like I would be so grateful for the thought put into it BUT if someone is doing something because it’s something THEY would like and that is their motivation it’s different. My sister started out by talking about how she wanted to do a thanksgiving meal and she thought my birthday was a good time to do it. I don’t know if this will even make sense or if I will come across as rude and unappreciative to the masses but I’m trying to show a real life scenario where INFP perspective can be misunderstood as the reason I felt strongly about this is because I would want everyone to feel like their birthday is FOR them and that that is the one day where they get to choose what they do and that birthdays are about making people feel special for one day.
Yes, and I’d be willing to bet that that family member (maybe a majority of your family members) are ES-something. My whole family is ES and they don’t get me at all. I’ve been marginalized and consequently misunderstood by them forever. It’s almost impossible to explain why their ideas for your birthday aren’t desirable to you because to them they’re great! They actually asked me this year as I turn 60. My idea of a great time was a painting party (our house). So I’m really happy with that! 😁. Hope it works out well for you eventually...fellow INFP
The Delta I’m 60 not 90! Anyway, being dismissed all those years has been painful. So kudos to you for discovering at 18 what makes you tick, your better off than I was at your age because all this time I thought something about me was inherently flawed. I’m not flawed; I’m unique!
@@amypetra5021 I am 40 and have only just found myself. I have spent my entire adult life a heroin addict due to feeling isolated and abandoned as a kid. I am 8 yrs clean soon and what a weight has been lifted off my shoulders since discovering myself. My life experience has been colourful but it has demonstrated just how resourceful and resilient i can be. Pleased to meet a fellow INFP.
marc klita yes, I feel as an infp we have an almost end reserve or tolerance for adversity. Congratulations on your sobriety; not an easy trip for sure! But as an infp I feel we don’t give ourselves credit when credit is due and we don’t give ourselves grace either. So give yourself a big hug!
Marginalization, I finally have an answer. I've been struggling with why I always start to hate my job and it comes down to that. Being dismissed when you bring forward issues and problems is so infuriating, like you said it comes right from the core a staple of what we as infps are built on and to be so lightly brushed aside is like a slap in the face.
I’m an INFP as well as a writer (since age 3) and listening to this makes me want to write a story. Everything you say about us makes it seem as though we have super powers, lol. Seriously, the longer I listen the more I want to create an INFP character and throughout the story everyone assumes she has superpowers until the end it’s revealed she’s highly keen to other people’s emotional well-being / status and prognosis that she can instantly detect slighted or malicious intentions. Also *side note* because of this highly keen focus we INFP have, we are often mistaken to have autism. In some cases we do but in a variety of cases we function on a different emotional well being (sometimes, as you both mentioned, we seem cold altogether which is a common trait for autism) that we generally seem autistic when really we are weighing and configuring your emotions in order to mirror (understand) or completely deconstruct them. Great video though, I am 22 and for the first time in my life I finally understand myself as a person. I now know why my relationships went south, it wasn’t that I wasn’t being heard / understood it’s that I always felt like my emotions and emotional awareness was invalidated or completely dismissed. Just a quick story: my most recent ex always had issues deciding where to eat. I compromised by giving options and he would decide. One day I wanted something specific and he didn’t want that. Instead of him compromising for my specific taste, he ridiculed me for not considering his taste. I asked him well if you want something specific why am I the only who has to sacrifice mine? He went on to tell me that him being indecisive was fine because I was always willing to bend. I left him that same day, been single and prospering since. Now I eat wherever the fuck I want and even try new places x) (which is growth for me because INFP’s have trouble with change / something unfamiliar)
Yes and i have noticed i remember every conversation i had with others while they ask the same damn convo questions again and again and in the end claim that they forget every convo they have with others , idk why but one thing when i was younger ppl in my school would come to me for advice with tears in their eyes i am an infp and 18
Fellow INFP here and I was tested for autism too when I was little! Thanks to your comment, I understand where you're coming from now - it definitely must have been because of how complex our emotional inputs and outputs are. I know I'm a year late but well done for escaping a toxic relationship! I sympathise with your struggles of sacrificing things for others too, by being introspective of their feelings and wanting them to be happy until you reflect and finally realise that you're not happy. I hope you are able to find someone who returns the same amount of love as you give them! I wish you all the best for your writing too - an INFP main character sounds so awesome!
INFP as well. I have gone through phases of drawing, painting, music and writing. Seems to me that a lot INFPs do well with language and the written word
@@infinitedurr You're totally right. I'm an INFP and it's easy for me to learn new languages by myself, I make my own paintings/drawings and I have this passion for art in general. I don't care if people judge my work, as long as it brings me satisfaction then it's all that matters. ❤️😊
This is so inspirational. I'm an INFP and I'd like to see what's something that you're really proud of that you made/wrote/painted (ofc if youre willing to share).
As an INFP, there's kind of this weird thing going on inside me. I don't want people to understand how I'm feeling always because it is so intense that I would rather not expose people to that pain or have them understand it. I may try to at times, maybe tell my family about how I feel, but I think there is a kind of complexity to the feelings where they can't be expressed. But, that's not everything. It's more like I feel two things at once, part of me wants to say everything that is going on because it does feel lonely that not a soul knows what's going on in me. However, the other part of me feels closed off, because I see that many people have their own problems to handle, I don't want to dump more worry on them! It even can feel wrong for me to do so. Also, If they knew about some things I was dealing with, I wonder if they would tell me their worries so I could help them? I don't know, since it depends on the person, so you have to gauge that. Of course, I have found times where it has been necessary to speak about my inner conflicts for people to relate to me, when I'm trying to help them. Just not being fully known works better for me, so if i'm feeling lonely I will just write some music or something and it's all good. :)
sorry it took 2 years for someone to respond to ur comment but it was long overdue. i feel exactly what you’re saying, you sound like me to a T. sometimes i don’t know the words to express how i feel but i know how i feel yk? and it’s frustrating because i wish i was able to express my feelings better when i finally have the chance to, because it’s rare that i do. i feel like being alone is healing and damaging at the sametime and i often worry about finding the right career path because i want to do something that resonates with my personality but also pays good😭 man what a time to be a INFP
Yes, I play guitar or paint/drawing. The intensity of our emotions are so strong and the sensitivity for the human suffering its so overwhelming that it's hard sometimes to be present in the real world. I think that in many ways we bring conciousness to the world because we see behind the curtains and we're really preoccupied with the well-being of humanity and nature. The only thing is that the way society want us to be its not compatible with the way we feel because we can see/feel perfectly that this society is mentally ill. We are the healers :) and this emotional deep profound understanding can be a burden or a gift but we always have the option to choose accordingly of what is best/positive. Ps - I love cats too 😍😊😄❤️
The beauty within these comments is the validation returned too me as a infp , you guys allowing the many of us to validate themselves through community thanks for the video its a rough infp life but its a extraordinary one
INFP here and you hit the nail on the head with the need to be validated. That is exactly what I have spent my life looking for and not finding validation in my external environment makes me feel like I want to isolate and live in my internal world.
Damn... This is definitely me. Edit to elaborate: The being driven by what feels right, but questioning myself on it because it's not "a real reason"... The feeling of being marginalized and invalidated, but also wanting to not completely be understood because I would feel less individualized... The visceral reactions to my own dark sides that scares me... The thoughts that behind every "bad" action is truly just that person trying to find the something that's missing in their life (like love)... The self punishment I'm often drawn to whenever I go into a negative state (no matter if it started with me being mad at someone, it always ends up with me being mad at myself for even being mad at that other person and believing I'm not worthy of being here)... Having a deep desire to make a real impact in the world but not knowing how, or being afraid to follow my passion in exchange for the stable that I've convinced myself it's more realistic even though it doesn't feel right (that loud voice saying "why are you doing this" and then loosing my productivity... It all hits home so much.. it's kind of validating to see so much of the things I feel are wrong about me, because it doesn't seem to be how others think, feel, react, being laid out all together. Makes me feel like maybe I'm not as crazy as I think I am... And maybe I just haven't come to accept these things that make me different, becoming unbalanced, letting that 10 year old and 3 year old drive the car. Thank you so much for putting this all together in this podcast. 💜
I dont know, sometimes I need to be understood by loved ones and people I love but I love having the mystery of being hard to understand from strangers lol. I dont like just anyone being able to know me ;) And I always find it funny when people DO think they know me LOL
This is really good. I think there is a lack in the Myers Briggs community about the mature INFP. I have, in my 40s, what I consider a gift that I can see what a decision is going to make people feel. And not just people like me, but others. It has proved so valuable to me!
I am sort of live commenting, but the validation thing is so important. So at work, I am so happy to have people who validate me and just know that i will know things! I also got good, through mentoring, of backward proving. So I start with the thing, but I can (or my boss can) find logical reasons to show to other types to prove my point.
Also, I think this is what makes me excellent at customer service, especially with angry people. I can turn it, usually be being really honest which others don’t do. So if they are frustrated with a process, I totally acknowledge the frustration because it is frustrating. But when I was younger it was so much harder because I hadn’t learned yet that other people were different than I was!
Also I find that in my theatre training I learned that the obstacles are the characters enemy is the actors friend. So I think of my Te is my obstacle, but also my friend. So I can get things done, but I have to make it my passion. If I can’t, I can’t do it. But I can set up systems if it is the thing that feels right. How can I enable the person who is replacing me in something to be successful?
Hi, I've tested as INFP and I want to respond to your question about feeling misunderstood. As an example, I literally just started the genius-style assessment, and the first question is: "My friends say that I am..." either "easy to read or get to know" or "somewhat private and difficult to read." My gut reaction to this question is: How can I speak subjectively on my friends' behalf on what they think about me? On second thought, I feel like people think I'm easy to read, but they don't actually understand me. So, I still feel misunderstood.
I appreciate your insights and that you admitted that you’re looking at this from an outside perspective but INFPs are misunderstood. Massively. And it is a big problem for them. But some of it is their own fault. This is not just about being understood as a person but the way people perceive and judge them. Now that you mention it, I probably am being marginalized and ignored but so many people search me out for advice when they can’t understand emotions they’re going through. And they say, “yes, that’s exactly what I feel. I knew you’d understand!” So I don’t feel dismissed on the greater scale. I do feel horribly and intensely frustrated by the reaction I get when I “mirror” or reveal someone’s dark, selfish side or motivation. Like you said, we map our own dark sides so well that we don’t understand how it’s healthy to dismiss it and we didn’t ask to be able to see past all the fog people put out to see to their core but when they can’t handle it they turn around and hate you or think you’re evil for even suggesting this darkness that is theirs. And they say “you’re way off!” “You’re projecting your own mind, you’re too much in your own mind anyway to know me.” Which is extremely unfair. If my calling in life is to reveal the “soul” to people who are factual and not in touch with feelings and they backlash and can’t accept it, that’s a serious problem. people really resent an INFP for being able to see their true soul. However, when people accept it it’s the best feeling! And they feel grateful that you brought them to a core realization. But this whole process is so emotionally draining that we go away to recharge and shut people off for a while. And then we get so misunderstood doing that! Like, how could we face hell with someone and pull them up and then disappear. We must be ultimately heartless. And it’s not true. We just need space to recharge so we can come back and battle again. Plus, we need to make sure our own emotional struggle isn’t toppled by our selflessness or sensitivity in the world of emotions. I avoid dark people like the plague!, but I don’t reveal myself to most people. I think it’s taken for granted that because I seem (as an INFP) to have superpowers over my own emotions that I don’t ever have intense feelings or that I don’t need support if I’m dealing with them. If I did release my full feelings people go, “wow! I don’t think I ever knew her. I thought she was so tame and serene and intellectual. I can’t help her, she’s so intense and deep that I’d go out of my mind if I had her mind.” So I only truly open up to people who are strong enough, open minded enough and discreet enough to handle it. For everyone else, I might absolutely adore them but I don’t open up because I sense they’re close-minded or cold, or fragile, or simple. So I let them think I’m more like them, and they don’t think they misunderstand me, but I know they do. I do really appreciate how you stressed the importance of exploring. Not only to get a touch-base on my intuition but to strengthen it. I feel a great internal struggle to understand the difference between my emotions and my intuition, whether I’m coming at something out of primal intuition or primal feelings. Feelings can sway that trust in the raw instinct that we govern our life by. I don’t accept or find comfort in facts, scientific or logical method, or even outside perspectives as far as motivation. I know they’re out there but my gut feeling shows me what’s real. If I can’t trust it then I stagnate and that’s a worse Achilles heel than logistics/logistical efficiency. But when I can confirm my intuition is right I build confidence, my passion can get behind it and I can come alive even just on the inside and no one else is aware of it let alone understand it.
Thanks for sharing. I feel the same way. I am quite happy to stay on the surface with most people. But love it, if I find someone who can handle the intensity of my thought process. Nice to know I am not the only one to feel this way and somehow makes me think I am not weird, just typical of my personality type, which most people can't resonate with.
Not marginalized and dismissed , praised or worshipped I don't want people coming at me all crazy for my knowledge what I have found was never for the world . It was for me it's something I'm reluctant to share with everyone bc I feel it's not my place to do so. As a INFP who is a 26 year old who found out who he is truly a amazing experience but I wouldn't change anything with this powerful new ability
I an INFP and this describes me EXACTLY! It is kinda scary, I quit my job to become and artist and a writer, i wanted so badly to work as hard as I can when working but not only did I have no passion for my job, the people I worked with were horrible to me and my coworkers and we were worked to the bone. I just couldn't handle it anymore, I would rather be a homeless artist than anything else.
You're right, it's difficult for us to explain how we know what we know. Partly because we DO base Life on FEELING. You can tell me something and if I'm not feeling the feeling behind your words, it's not that I don't believe you, it's that I won't allow myself to believe it until I can research it and the feeling lines up. Feeling is Gods Language. Feeling is the Universe's language. Putting feelings into words is not easy. But what you're also describing is INFP's who are Clairccognizant. And we are invalidated because so many of us have extreme intuition and are Empaths and have been told our entire lives that we don't know what we're talking, about, where is the proof, stop overthinking it. After a childhood and adult life of this, you conform. Until you stop.
It's always interesting when non-INFP's try to explain what the INFP does using a Ti explanation. Fi represents clarity, and it is instant. It is the withholding of judgement and willingness to wait to come to a conclusion, that is where the power of observation comes from. I assure you that no INFP actually sets out to map out their own or anyone else's emotions; we are not actually focused on those things, but rather on simply analyzing the world around us. We live entirely in an intellectual and theoretical frame of mind. Our high sense of morality and depth of emotional awareness is a side effect of Fi clarity. Also Fi is why we are lazy.
As an older INFP, I just don’t care if people understand me. And it’s not being callous, It’s just that I have acceptance and confidence in who I am and how I operate so other people’s understanding is superfluous.. I understand it and their understanding (or validation) would add nothing to the equation. I totally resonated with the discussion of recognizing the dark parts of our hearts. It is the one thing that brings me pain and I struggle to accept that part of me because it’s impossible for me to deny it.
I’m an older INFP as well, I’ve excepted who and what I am, which for me is being human . There’s always been dark and light, good and bad , the choice has always been our path to follow our vision of who we are. Love xx
I am literally weeping around 25 mins into the conversation and I can't stop. Yes... the invalidation is great. We are seen as inferior, because we can't, don't and won't argue about what we are standing for. I am realising that I simply won't manage tolerating my feelings being invalidated anymore. It's about respect.
I'm an INFP. I never really understood within myself why I go so much on what feels right to me. It is extremely comforting to hear this podcast really validate that I'm not crazy because I can't logically express my reasons for what I do. I have people in my life who care about me, and they continually devalue my process.
I feel misunderstood but I don't even understand myself most times because I am eclectic with my personality and adapt to others personalities like a chamelion lol. But I believe I have a few set values and traits which a lot of people don't know / understand about me.
@@esrath2212 Yes .. I have an infj bestfriend and it does feel like infj. Being an infp, trying being as humble as i could be, hannah you should retake some personality test or try to have more knowledge about this.
Oh my goodness! I loved this. Every time I take Meyers Briggs test I am either INFP or ENFP but in my heart I felt more like an INFP. It wasn’t until this podcast that I FINALLY felt understood as an INFP. I literally sobbed at parts. From discussing the nuances and intricacies in emotions to business and following my passions and even the parts about self harm (which started as a child and carried into adulthood). I’ve often said i used to do physical harm to ease the intensity of the emotions I felt. Thank you for putting so much thought into this.
Thank you Martina for sharing your experience. Glad you are able to resonate with INFP and all the parts of you that show up as that type. Be kind to yourself. Hope to see you around the PH online community. :-)
You've nailed it. It isn't about being misunderstood, it's about our motivations, process, and wisdoms being marginalized and dismissed because it can't be weighed or put into data. It's taken me into my 40's to accept that this is the world I live in. It is disheartening, and I'm endlessly disappointed by my fellow humans.
Thanks for sharing another great podcast!! As an INFJ I really admire INFPs. The way they can go so deep into their own emotions is something I don't know how to do, but I definitely enjoy the art that can come out of it. I feel sad that some INFP (and ISFP) musicians pass away sooner than they should, like recently with Dolores O'Riordan. What they give us is so important and I don't know if they always realize it. I guess my Fe would like to protect Fi.
6 лет назад+2
Seth Marchese yes! I have noticed that dynamic with Te/Ti too, it's like Te wants to protect knowledge (Ti). Both can make great teams I think. ;)
Hi Pamela ! I don't know if you will see this comment since it is a year later, but I am an INFP and I admire INFJs for their immersive empathic ability. I really resonate with the mirroring thing "this is how I would feel if i were in your place" and therefore projecting of my own emotions on the situation, but I am fascinated by the power of just plain feeling the other's emotions. Very interesting topic to say the least.
I feel most people are not really interested in understanding me or else they assume they understand me before really taking the time to understand me. That’s what bothers me
guys, you got this down pat. I'm only halfway through but its a huge weight off my shoulders to finally put words to whats been happening to me for so long. My family scoffs and ignores most of what I say because I don't know how to quantify or define my reasoning well. When I'm making sense of anything in general, I learn about the specifics and all the technical bits and then I nail down a frame around those things and understand it as a whole. Eventually there's a huge frame with everything I know inside it and I can only draw vaguely from reliable feelings associated with the inside of that frame. I can see answers so clearly but can never explain it to others well so no one takes me seriously. Its been bringing me down so hard. Even trying to explain to people why they should listen to me ends up in frustration since I can't even explain that well enough for them. Anyways, thank you for recording this it really helps us out.
It's not about being misunderstood, it's being un-understood. In other words, you're not getting me wrong, you're just not getting me at all. Thus follows marginalization and dismissing.
10:00 Yes! What helped me the most as an INFP was studying Archetypes. I really love Carl Jung's in depth research and understanding of the archetypes, and the importance of understanding them.
One thing I struggle with in everyday social situations is watching how often other people are controlled by their emotions without thinking about how or why they say things. As someone who is really self-conscious, I find it really easy to read when someone maybe didn't have a good day or are going through something personally or even just why they are how they are and they unknowingly off load it onto others around them, they broadcast it through their conversation and body language, but it baffles me that my friends or others around them dont pick up on it.
LOL - the comments here are fantastic! Rather than writing my typical INFP novel-length comment, I’ll just say, Jung understands the intuitive type and western world all-too well when he says, “America is extroverted as hell. The introvert has no place.”
So much of what you are saying resonates but I don’t know that I’ve ever worried that I’m misunderstood. As an introvert I pretty much avoid situations where I have to explain myself. I just do what I do and let the pudding be the proof of what I know.
I think I’m an INFP. Feeling misunderstood is to me having a hard time articulating how one thinks and feels. I have gotten really good at that from writing a ton of essays in college and debating in Socratic circles. Surprisingly, getting into internet arguments on social media is a good practice too. When you can clearly articulate your viewpoint feeling misunderstood is much less of an issue.
I'M INFP. Being minunderstood is for us a way to say why we do not need to explore the world (and stay in safe zone). Because our inside is more intresting and better.
Thank you for the validation - as an INFP (I'm 99% sure anyway) who was raised in a dysfunctional home (ACE score of 8) I struggled terribly with total invalidation from a parent. Emotions too extreme. Perspective or opinion, wrong. I felt like a total alien and it's taken me decades to figure all of this out and to realise that actually I am not faulty. Until I was almost 40 I believed I was fundamentally flawed. The parent in question and I don't speak now as once I had my own son it all became very clear and me standing up for myself, my truth and my son caused such an apparent trauma that I've severed ties more or less completely. I've paused your podcast at 26 minutes to write this but may return. I'm thrilled by all the MBTI info that I'm absorbing. Love it! Ad Astra 🌟 Edited: I may be an ENFP it seems but the same applies!
In my experiences i have been marginalized, dismissed, invalidated and misunderstood as the norm.... even by my self.. misunderstood.. by strangers and loved ones alike... in my experiences my words, my giving, my silence, efforts, listening whatever....is somehow misunderstood, assigning ill will to any thing coming from me. I try to say what i mean and not make promises i cant keep. These words are misunderstood and people assign bad intent because I am clear about where i am. when they break promises, when they accuse me of thinking i dont do anything wrong or i am accused of playing victim !! Kick the weak one ... INFP takes a kicking until they DON'T🔥🙏🏼⚡💖
As an infp I must say from my experience that sometimes just the fact that the pain of others aren’t acknowledge makes me feel that it is my duty to share their pain. The problem with it is that in most cases, our own pain never gets acknowledged which makes us feel like no one can understand us the way we understand them.
I have never felt so empowered, appreciated and validated in my life! This podcast makes me feel like I have crazy super powers that could change the world if only I could harness them properly. Such a sigh of relief to have something to clarify my often complex and overwhelming thoughts and feelings. Thank you for diving into our realm 💜
Any other infps started listening as soon as Antonia said, "forget that shit, we're talking about your brain wiring"? Thank you guys for doing the research y'all do!!!
Semi-disagree. I think the not being validated still stems from being misunderstood. I get pretty consistent responses from people that I "just need to have proof of everything" or a lot of other assumptions about choices I made when the opposite is true, but people won't take the time to understand my motives or the possibility that I'm, you know, intelligent. So I agree that we feel very invalidated but I also really feel we're misunderstood just as much as an INFJ is, just in a different way. I think INFJs are misunderstood on a more personal level, like one-on-one interactions, while INFPs are misunderstood by the crowd more. I'm INFP and I feel like I'm always trying to say nothing so that people will have less to misunderstand, but they just have a bigger gap to completely jump in and misinterpret? INFPs are also great at putting on this kind of mask to avoid negative judgment (if we're going to be misunderstood, we might as well be putting on a whole different mask because then what they're misunderstanding is the mask we've put on, not us, which feels more empowering...) But I constantly see someone testing as INFP and everyone going, "they must be INFJ or ENFP because they're putting dreams into action/being decisive/speaking in public/seem strong...?" Sorry, but what the hell? Like no one succeeding in front of people can possibly be an INFP? It's infuriating. One example of this was Steven Colbert testing as INFP, another is Daenarys Targaryean. S.C. must be ENFP because he's in some public position and D.T. must be INFJ because she's making plans/utilizing strength. WHAT. THE. HELL. INFPs are just as capable of putting plans together when we need to-- and do you not see her avoiding these most of the time? But then she's like "I've had enough. My way now." She let people walk all over her until she was like "F this, I'm just as capable and I'll prove it to you." Because INFPs lack motivation until there's reason enough to do something, and questioning our strength or ability will usually kick us into gear... I am just definitely feeling like even a lot of the INFP stuff out there is really missing what's actually going on. Like, INFPs are actually quite flagrant and don't tend to tolerate much IMO. I think we do when we're immature but then we see how everyone benefits from this except us so we just start kindly but vehementy saying no, but without actually being verbal. I actually feel I'm trying to be non-judgemental and noble when I do this, and see little gain from giving my power away by always explaining or trying to prove I did not have negative motive. The actions show that but since we don't hang around explaining it to people who probably won't understand (which is why we're leaving), our actions get totally misunderstood. I find almost constantly that people attach the total opposite of why I did something to my action as fact without asking me. Also, while 37% of my angst is being vented here, I'll add that INFP seem to get much less understanding about why we reacted a certain way than almost any other personality (pardon me if I'm wrong). When we make choices, there's this expectation for us to apologize or change-- where it seems other personalities get wayyy more leniency to act in a way that's not widely accepted or understood. And I'm just beyond tired of feeling like I have to explain myself or apologize for doing what I feel is best for myself when I need to employ it. When it's me, people are going "Why did you have to do that? Couldn't you just have not done anything?" When it's some other personality, I hear "we all have our way of doing things." OK. Trying not to lose it, here, because literally everything I do is completely misinterpreted and is seen as some sort of a problem, even though to me it's the absolute least problematic for my own sanity and good intent for everybody. But I can't just do what you think is normal because it'll make you feel better. The sacrifice they want me to make....:/ P.S. Birdy has got to be INFP... "Don't assume I will follow, and drop all my morals so you can look good for the crowd."
I totally agree with the double standard for us in our behavior. I sense it too. And it’s not fair. But, I don’t resent it as much as you since I accept greater responsibility for myself. You can’t expect people who are driven by cold facts and proven method, scientifical or logical, to intuitively “get” ethics and morals and feelings like we do. And we’re expected to be sensitive to other people’s feelings where they don’t have as much or any in return. But it would be nice if they could try...maybe it’s just our calling in life to be more conscious of the emotional world and do what we can to reveal it to other types that go through life with no clue.
Omg I'm crying thank you so much for this. I'm struggling so much and every word u said is true, I'm do singled out and misunderstood and I've been unfairly labled in my career. I now kno I'm not alone thank you!!
Very helpful discussion, at 55 I am a newcomer into working out what INFP-hood entails. From childhood onwards there has been so much I had almost stopped trying to understand which is finally making sense.
I'm infp myself, and one of the hardest things I'm dealing with my whole life is that people think I'm selfish. That's because I'm really really bad at explaining things and the only way I usually can explain is to tell my experience, but it always came out like I only want to talk about me, and no-one sees my point, that actually is to help others.. and that hurts me really bad, because I give all my energy into helping others and animals and our planet in general and like 99% of thing I do is to help everywhere I can, but I feel like if I'll try to explain that that would really make me selfish.. It's like I put all my energy to be better person, but nobody sees it, even though I always helps them.. *I'm sorry if there's any misspells or mistakes, I'm still learning english..* *And sorry for how long this comment is, I just realize this might be the first time I tell someone, so I wrote it just like it was in my mind if that make sense*
You don't need to apologize if you have any misspells or mistakes, nor how long a comment is! Mine has been three times as long! And You're English is great! I'm sorry to hear that the people around you go unnoticed of your efforts. It truly is hard to explain how you feel because conveying this 'feeling' to words is really hard. There are no straight facts nor an absolute 'right' way to do so, and so when people can't grasp that, it'd be really hard. I hate being misunderstood so much, or rather, misrepresented. My intentions were good, and what I did was intended good, but the other person saw it as bad, or took out parts that seemed bad to them. And then I would have to explain. Being selfish is one of something I really want to avoid, and it constantly haunts me. I relate to you. And trying to explain is not selfish, it's just clearing up misunderstanding. Sure, to some, it might seem cocky, and therefore they ignore you. (A person in my life does this and it's very annoying.) It's unfortunate that you talking about how you feel about things is seen as selfish, because it's not. How you feel is important. Your feelings matters. And so don't think that you're selfish.
When someone I give my love, like, someone I really appreciate just doesn't feel the same appreciation in the same level as me, I just suffer... because of the thought that even loving that much as I do, the other person sooner or later would left me apart, without knowing how much it matters to me he/she will simply left me alone again passed some time. The worst part is that it isn't something fake that I'm speculating, happens to me a lot and I can only try to pass it but I simply can't stop feeling so betrayed even if technically is not a betrayal and soon afterwards foolish for idealisticly thinking the other person really cared about me as much as I did, I wan't to know if I'm not the only one that feels like this very often
I cannot thank you two enough for all your insights and efforts. This is truly the most nuanced and encouraging discussion of INFP I have ever heard. This is fantastic work.
18:30 - 19:30 An amazing way to put the 'misunderstood' feeling. It's really a desire to be unconditionally accepted for the deep, explicit emotions experienced by INFP's alike - even if we (or anyone for that matter) can never be fully 100% understood at least we can agree upon personal reality and how each and every one is valid. And while realities can be relatable, they are individually unique and vary in intensity.
Since Ive reached out to the mbti community, I, for the first time in my life, might actually believe that I am not fundamentally broken, no matter how many people laugh at my jokes, or call me wise. I have reached out to my son who is in his early twenties, who is one of the kindest, funniest, original thinkers on the planet- to tell him "no, you are not broken. we are not broken. its how we are built. No matter how we feel or what "they" say..what we can bring to the table matters. You may all ways be late to everything.. yes, but no one thinks like you do.. no one. That is not an accident I just know that in my bones. You will be great. Your'e an infp. its a thing." Its the advice that I wish someone would have given me at 22. Oh the things i could have done! My boy will live fully. fingers crossed...
Very good podcast !! Very interesting to see other types "Getting" the INFP :D You have mentioned nothing about the immense capability of INFP's gut feeling to know things beforehand. My intuition tells me things about things before they happen. I sometimes dream about things before they happen. This happens to INFJ's and ENFP's also. It's something you can't explain but your gut feeling knows. I think our "gut neural system" is more linked to global consciousness more than we know and Fi is more connected to that than other functions. Sometimes I look at a person's picture and can start talking about how they are based on the things that picture tells me at an unconscious level. Names, numbers, the emotion behind someone saying a place, person's name, can also send me valuable data. I just know things from very limited data sometimes and people don't understand that and I have numerous friends who to this day after proving them numerous times that I can know things without too much data, and yet they still doubt this ability. They are "hey, lets go there". I'm like "no." And the only reason that I can explain my "no" is that "the nature of this moment tells me to refuse to go that place" and sometimes when we reach that place and it's unsatisfactory to all of us I say "see, that's why I said "no"". And they start laughing thinking it was just a coincidence :)
You are absolutely correct on the thought that we are marginalized and dismissed! When dealing with people that don’t know anything about personality types it is so disheartening to have people say that I take things to personal. I’m too emotional. So we INFP’s just don’t talk as much around people we don’t know. One of the best quotes I ever read about myself personally is: I don’t know what its like To not have Deep emotions, even when I feel Nothing, I feel it completely. a. r. asher
Someone completely understand me doesn’t feel like I’m not an individual, it would feel like someone taking pictures of me using the bathroom. That’s my personal space, I’ve evaluated and ordered all of my views and experiences and it’s artwork not drafted yet. I do want to be validated when I do bring it out, especially verbally because I’m not great at it, so describing my feelings to someone is an anxiety inducing experience because I know I’m not good at it but other people put so much value in it.
Every. Single. Thing. Resonated SO deeply. Marginalization, self-punishment, passion, art, intent, alignment, disregarding passion when pursuing it is my only true desire, etc. Ugh! I feel so relieved to hear all this!
I am an infp and i would say i agree i feel dismissed most time. when i have to stand up to somthing that i think will affect people negatively, most of the time people will view my stance on something as a slippery slope argument because I can't articulate properly how I know this is going to negatively affect people.
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Thank you! You have verbalized the INFP at the deep level. It is self-affirming for an increased confidence, which we really need to have the impetus to be positively impacting the world for a better and peaceful place to live in.
INFP here and good job on the rope analogy
Personality Hacker Podcast what number podcast is tHis? Please answer
@@kyle_mutti #55 - here's the link: personalityhacker.com/podcast-episode-0055-infp-personality-type-advice/
Do any of you INFP’s relate to this..
Do you sometimes find it hard to write comments or txts because you realise you’ve written a novel and would be embarrassed to click send, and then spend ages editing the comment or txt but find it difficult because you’re incapable of not writing everything in exact details.
I’m in a family WhatsApp group with my partners family, and the amount of times I’ve found it excruciating holding back on the content of my messages.
They all seem to be making jokes and talking about meaningless things, that I’d be embarrassed to put anything intelligent on there through fear of them thinking I was weird.
It happens all the time
Oh my god!!! That’s soooo me!!! I’M NOT ALONE!!!!!
I’m an Asian, and this dames goes to my family what app group too ..damn
Sarah OMFGGGG LITERALLY ME with my comment just then. I cut so much out of it 😂😂😂
Sarah Yes I was sending someone directions to pre order my Uber. They were going to copy and paste what so sent to them. I had to make sure to not confuse my Uber with all the details I put. I tried to make it shorter and it was about 5 mins to write three sentences on which two turns to take. lol People tell me I ramble or to get straight to the point. I want to give them context so they fully understand my opinion.
Basically as an INFP I have simply learned to ignore those who can't understand me. I don't expect people to understand me. While that can be isolating at times, it is the strength that I move from. IF my path is solitary, so be it. I would rather be my real self and walk alone than conform to those ideas that would destroy who I am.
The turbulent personality I think I worked through when I was younger. It has morphed into knowing and faith. It was kind of like walking through fire.
K S // Your personal story inspires me. Seriously. Im really encouraged by it. Thanks - Fellow INFP
K S
Your words are so true.
I've gone through a similar development, although yours sounds like it was a bit more extreme than mine. Over time, I've come to realize that I just don't have a lot of similarities with the people around me, which made it more and more difficult for me to authentically socialize. Even if my path is that of a loner, it's not like I can not walk it, right? (I mean I could but that's not really an option - you get what I mean xD)
eventually you can have lots of authentic fun and happiness that way though *gives cookie and infp high five* :D
Beautiful. Couldn't have expressed it any better. My journey has been very similar, I feel authentically me now and my faith has gotten deeper as well. Lots of trials and obstacles to get here, but well worth the journey! 💖
dude, im an infp too.. what we need is not ppl understand us, but validated our action
I believe INFPs can have an emotional strength that is absolutely unstoppable
AAA High Score completely agree ❤️🔥
@@kobron1559 me too💖
How?
I agree, I call it the Punk (P), sort of a cognitive type of bodyguard that keeps INFPs safe.
@@growth9163 one of the ways for emotional strength is the P stands for Perceptive - this means that the INFP's ability to sort it all out well is like a navigation system that helps to keep them on the good path, emotionally too. Knowing that what is on the outside of a person is not necessarily the same as what is on the inside of a person - being able to distinguish a truth from a lie - and knowing the difference between safety and a threat are all very important things to know and navigate. Much the same is the difference between the foolish one who drinks poison but thinks that he will not get sick - and a wise person who realized when to keep silent. Some things must be experienced to know the full meaning- yes - but it MUST BE - done safely and securely so as not to create harm to oneself or to others. Here is where the P - Perceptive - has the edge that awareness gives over those lacking such awareness. It is developed over a lifetime. Namaste.
I cried many times over frustration of not being able to give a logical reason to people and developed this tendency to avoid people who are very good at logical reasoning and crushing your opinion. I don't know how other INFPs can deal with these kinda people.
I tried developing my Te. For example learning as much as I can in history politics and science. And coupling it with my ability to understand peoples emotions. This will increase your ability to explain your reasoning.
Or you can try changing the subject.
I can put things into a logical perspective. I don't engage in expressing my opinion with someone that loves nothing more to prove why others are wrong, especially in topics of opinion (there are factual topics and all the feelings in the world won't change facts). Part of it is discernment of who to express your opinion too and who to have a detached, shallow conversation with, where you validate their opinion but don't actually express yours. Big too, people you have to do that with are not friend material. But that doesn't mean you don't need to interact with them, esp if they are family, coworkers, or acquaintances that you need to maintain because they belong to a group you also belong too (church, hobby club, friend of your friend, ECT).
Also for some of my deeper held beliefs that are more likely to be picked apart by someone that's insensitive, overly literal about the world and too obtuse to know when to let live, I have developed and refined ways to explain myself. Use of an anecdote or something similar that you have thought of ahead of time can greatly help. Aim the anecdote at being able to explain yourself towards that person that is more literal. Typically you want to avoid trying to convert them to your way of thinking, your goal is to just explain why you think that way and how it's okay to be different. Also this would only be necessary in places where you have to explain yourself. People that are going to be little you for expressing your ideas aren't people you should be expressing your ideas to. if it's on the internet don't fall into the trap of trying to defend yourself to trolls, they only want to get a rise out of you they don't actually care whether your idea is correct or not. if you're in a conversation with somebody you care about and they're belittling you or you're meeting a lot of incredulity or resistance to your idea change the topic to something else. realize that just because something's very important to you or make sense to you it doesn't mean that it will make any sense at all to another person. As you mature this can help create a lot more harmony in your life, and you'll get better at knowing who you can trust and who you can't with some of your inner thoughts. 🙂
@@jessicaolson490 that's a great advice for younger INFP!
Sophie Jung don’t waste your precious breath on them X
As INFP’s the greatest gift we can give to ourselves is self validation. I have been able to do this just this year (2020) and for the first time ever I can truly say that I absolutely love who I am and my emotional depth. I still care what people think of me but it doesn’t consume me so much anymore. I know who I am and I know my worth and that is all that really matters. Honour your strengths and validate yourself!
as an INFP with dominant Extroverted Intuition but totaly focused on Introverted Feeling, i can say that INFP scan people instantly thats our "GIFT" sometimes it can be realy hard to stay reserved especialy in crowded places like mals central-stations etc. i learned to be reserved but not out-of-place kinda mind state, that helps me to relax and let go....i can reserv my energy and be productive like every INFP for 3-4 hours MAX. :))) LoL
That’s what I struggle with the most and really need to work on
@@bestvideos4ever1you mean to say we are good at reading people? And knowing how someone truly is even if however they try to showcase themselves?
Absolutely validation, acknowledgement, affirmation. Being belittled, ignored, or dismissed is what is most painful as an INFP, when people don't seem to take the time to try to understand.
yes..being dismissed and ignored is horrible. lack of closure is horrible. If you hate me, at least have the decency to let me know and say goodbye.
Agree - because if someone misunderstands me but is still trying to listen, that still feels resolvable. If someone judges or assumes where I'm coming from and doesn't bother to listen, that is not only immediately frustrating, but I can see they are coming from a different values framework so there is practically no point in me trying to get them to understand. Typically, people who see things logically, or ask for evidence wear me out make me feel invalidated because they can't see the subtleties or possibilities until they can see proof - and I can't provide it. To me, unseen trajectories or connection of some things feel very clear even if I seem to have very little or scattered practical information. I find it frustrating to wait for something to become visible in the world for them to understand where I'm coming from. I love it when people are on the same wavelength enough to understand the verbal jumps.
why would they try to understand you, they dont have to they have thier own problems and shit going on in thier life. if u want them to understand its your job to comunicate that
@@samblaze3223 They won't Understand because they can't
Reading belittling facial expressions, tones or body language is frustrating even annoying , lacks authenticity. a lack of authenticity makes an INFP want to just stop.
"How do you know?" "I DON'T KNOW" -- so relatable!
And always end up saying just Trust Me pleasee
Or "I JUST know".
Marginalized and dismissed. Yes. That is the worst feeling. Not the sense of being misunderstood, but more wondering just how much of my thought process I have to go back through in order for a person to understand, how I arrived at a certain conclusion. Some people aren't interested in how you process certain things. They're only interested in mocking you and telling you indirectly through body language, intonation and / or facial expressions that there is something wrong with you.
Dorothy Bennington 100% accurate
INFPs sometimes use mirroring as a sort of armor to remain safe in unsafe situations with untrustworthy persons. This showstopper is sometimes effective but not always. Sometimes INFPs are used by non INFPs as a mirroring device as in projection, as well. Both of these factors can cause INFPs to distance themselves from others to avoid disturbing behaviors from aggressive people. "To thine own self be true" can be instant sanity for INFPs in these circumstances.
Yes
@@kimd3451 recognition is appreciated, thank you. I have found personal power in the boundary of taking control of such mirroring. If you are brave a narcissist can be made to stop projecting their garbage onto you, but there is a risk of creating a greater conflict by telling them to stop. I have been abandoned by a narcissist and then gaslit for refusing to play the mindgames. So be very clear with yourself before allowing a confrontation. Clear about the risks. Some narcissists may try some very dirty tricks, so be prepared. Your best defence is a solid and reliable self esteem. Recommended reading, The 6 pillars of self esteem.
It hurts really bad when is with someone you trust and care, when you are getting along and suddenly it's not interested in you anymore and just ignores you
listening at 48:49 and wondering if other infps watching also feel far more in tune with lyrics when listening to music then other people? I find the first thing I hear in a song is the words, the lyrics. I listen to the story and really connect with it. Yet so many people barely consider the lyrics or story to a song
Absolutely
Yep
You're absolutely spot on! It's so easy to get moved by songs and stories as an INFP.
Yes yes. 50% of why music is so important to me is because of the lyrics. I enjoy storytelling and lyrics I can personally relate to for a situation in my life. I can't play nor write music, but I'll be lost if I didn't have my collection. Something about melodies and words together does more than static words on page could do sometimes.
Other times, the melody and chords alone can still stir very deep, connective feelings in me.
The other 50% of why I cherish music is for "superficial" reasons? - such as a bass-heavy beat, instrumentation that reminds me of a certain description (like a electropop song would lead me to think of "bubbly soda"), a chugging guitar, etc. Anyway, any and all of those examples tend to evoke, again, connective feelings...
Whenever I really like a song, I look up the lyrics and it usually makes the song 2x better.
Yeah! You're so right!
I don't mind not being understood. In fact, I kindda like that... But being dismissed, is like being denied your own existence, you know.
As an INFP my existence does not have any 3rd party liabilities. I invite whoever would dismiss to dismiss.
I feel like if someone completely understood me, I'd want to date them lol. It couldn't have been easy for them to get to know me that well. Also, misunderstanding is also an issue for us because people assume we are more judgmental than a lot of us actually are. People who do not know me well often accuse me of thinking negatively about something they did or said. -INFP
Yes I've been in this situation a couple of times, some people just assume I judge them for what they do or say, but I actually dont do tf anything.
I get you soooo hard. My friends always seemed to think I was picking them apart and trying to set them up for some kind of embarrassment. It's just that we see through the facades they present. It's scary for people who can't "read minds" to have the realization that we basically can "read minds." What they don't realize is that our understanding is why we love them so much.
Yes! I have TJ friends who must be naturally judgmental so when I make a neutral observation, usually for conversation points, without judgement they assume the worst negative intent of my comment. It puts me on the defensive and trying to explain. Despite what this video says, simply being misunderstood by the majority personality types is a problem in daily life. I don’t need to be validated because I am confident and mature and self actualized at this point. I just want my simple conversation to be understood.
As an INFP I don't necessarily feel misunderstood, I just feel like most people don't have the depth to think about or consider the things I find myself pondering. Usually this give me the upper hand in my design career and it helps people feel "touched" when I am able to articulate something they couldn't put into words. If my words go over someones head, I don't feel offended - I just know they aren't very deep.
Real shit I needed to hear this one
❤❤❤❤ exactly my way too. it's contemplate not being understood because I am not superficial, I'm deep. Not everyone is forced to
I described to a friend the other day that I feel like a deep soul in the shallow end of the pool. I crave more depth and a lot less small talk
Good way to put it.
Totally. Me too
“It’s being marginalized and dismissed, not being misunderstood. That is the problem for an INFP.” Yes and no. I think you’re on to something here, for sure. But I still would like to be understood in some aspects. It would definitely ease a lot of anxiety if people would atleast listen to my points and be open minded, yes. All I truly want is to be accepted. That’s it. To hear my point of view, why I think that way, and someone be like, “yes, that makes sense.” You don’t have to agree with me, just hear me out. I say this statement a lot. So many people are quick to hear something they don’t agree with it and dismiss it because their beliefs are different. You are right though when you say we don’t want to be fully understood. There would be no individuality if I thought someone understood all of me. It would seem as though my privacy and my personal way of doing things would go out the window. I’m a person who values individuality, privacy, mystery, and authenticity, so I would not like to be fully understood. It does depend on what the thing is though.
Yes this. It was nice to hear in this podcast people discussing the different meanings of "being understood". There's a difference between cognitively understanding what makes someone tick and accepting their perspective (simply on the principle of being a good listener). Weirdly, I don't want 100% understanding or agreement, and I seldom believe the latter when I encounter it.
One of the only ways for me to see whether someone 'gets it' is through what they write or create, independent of any direct discussions between us. Even then there can be something disappointing about finding very-specific solidarity, and it's a matter of time before I look for greener pastures.
When i found out I am an INFP, it was a huge relief for me. It means to me, I am not an alien, and someone understands me completely. Since then I've met an other INFP in person, and it was such an uplifting feeling to recognise each other. Being understood for me doesn't mean, loosing my authenticity or my mysterious side,but it is an amazing feeling... Also, being called 'mysterious' always bothered me. It makes me feel, like I'm keeping information back only to look like a mysterious person in other peoples eyes, or it is just something what i do to wake up their interest. Which is far away from the truth actually, because i like it when there is NO spotlight on me, but when there is a real connection with someone, i am actually an open book for them, and i am happy to spend hours to (over)explain myself, to make sure they've got me right , even though in this case it's not necessary 😄🙏1
I completly agree
Sometimes we express ideas or thoughts in a very peculiar manner. I think that most of us are aware of how different we perceive the world and being truthful to our values make us feel kind "misunderstood". We live in a society that is so superficial and so egoistic and being authentic and sensitive to what is really happening its a rare thing to find. Someone said that when we feel something it's like a compass tool to know what is really it's going on in you and others. We can see that, if we and others are really happy and we care so much about them and the world too. It's kinda a bliss and a burden. That's why we are called "The healers" ❤️😊
“Just like your mother you’re unfailingly kind ... a trait people never fail to undervalue, I’m afraid.” Dumbledore in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Wow! I just realised that I am an INFP yesterday and I started researching about it. I don't know how you did it... I've never feel understood by anyone in my life like this apart from my mom.
You’re lucky that your mom gets you. My mom tries but she doesn’t understand at all
So true, all my life I’ve been misunderstood and felt like I was an outcast. After listening to these videos about infp I realised that I wasn’t really alone in this. Everything I’ve heard was so on point.
I'll be real, they understand me more than my mum.
Really appreciated your more in depth look at the infp. Just like you guys said, as an infp myself, I felt and thought alot during your talk and wanted to share my take but only found myself feeling so much that I didn't know where would be the "ideal" place to share. But before I finish the podcast, I decided to just share this one area: I think the reason why an infp has a hard time articulating themselves is because they have already thought through so many angles and layers that it's both redundant and petty to explain all the points knowing that people won't get it anyway (they may even find our logic strange on the surface) even though we know deep down that our reasons are very valid only if others can analyze the way we do.
exactly.
Theres just just so many things you want to say..sometimes things within things. .I think thats why I appreciate " stream of conciousness " narrative in a book...
therse just so many things going on in your mind related to that particular subject and often you pick up the least related or relevant example when trying to explain your pov..sometimes to person who does not understand you. . it may seem like an out of the blue example..
shaheen Ma
Man I am just like "People! Why is it so hard to *stop* judging from YOUR point of view ... and instead jump into MY skin and judge from this point of view?"
Most times I am sure they just talk to me to validate themselves and actually do *not really* want to talk to me.
So I am sitting there, listening, saying what I am supposed to say and leave without actually saying anything.
And when I try to actually talk it's like most people just go into defensive-mode, putting a wall in front of me (made of want-to-be-sophisticated "arguments") and yes...I just go back to listening to the sermons they tell themselves to keep on going.
And think "It's okay. But please stop acting like you are not doing this for yourself only."
I've actually learned how to communicate my feelings in a more logical way cause I spent 10 yrs trying to explain them to an ISTJ ... and still try. I do want SOMEONE to understand me fully, doesn't have to be the world... koo if it is.... but I want mostly is for others to let me try to understand them.
Sprouting Spirit yes, I think that is why I don't speak very much... sometimes, in disagreements, I can already predict a high chance that they won't be convinced tk thino differently with words... so I just don't waste my energy.
Willi Schwabe I don't think it's true that all conversation is that severely selfish. But I have noticed that there are a lot of people like that. I tried doing the same thing and it works if you are truly speaking just for yourself (or you wouldn't be bothered by there reaction). But I found that I do not wish to broadcast myself as much as everyone else, I'm a quality or quantity kind of guy with my words. And I'm starting to accept that about myself and that I don't speak as much as other people and I require more alone time.
When you were talking about INFPs knowing they will never be fully understood but that we need to believe our thoughts and feelings are validated, you hit the nail on the head. I know I’m very different from most people, and I don’t expect people to understand 100%, but I do expect mutual respect and consideration of one another. I feel INFPs are often cast out socially for being different, and it’s very hurtful when I feel I am open to another persons perspective but they aren’t open to mine.
YES exactly. People really take the piss with our generous spirit. We can’t at d being taken for granted even it’s a feeling about it
I'm crying as I write this, since I recognize unmistakeably that this description engulfs everything about who I am, all the intangible traits I've carried in my soul throughout my entire life which led me to think something must be wrong with me. So much so that I'm honestly blown away that this is even considered a personality at all; I just figured I was defective! I would love to have others like this around me, I've never knowingly met another infp and I've lived 37 years having never truly felt truly "understood" by anyone around me, not even by my husband of 17 years. I've always been told "stop letting it bother you" or "get over it" and my heart trampled more times than I care to remember, and I've grown into adulthood believing I must have some disordered thinking that causes me to care deeply about things that would never affect me otherwise; like maybe I was masochistic because I bring unnecessary emotional pain upon myself. Or that no matter how much I try to be more extroverted and lead a conversation, my natural inclination is to listen to others, and regardless of how much I enjoy the interaction, I'm often ultimately labelled "standoffish" or "quiet" and I feel invisible until someone wants to vent. There's a bittersweet catharsis in finding out not only are the qualities I've always in myself that I've always been at war with myself over are COMPLETELY NORMAL, but there ARE others like me and maybe I'm not such a freak after all.
No your not a freak, except that we are only human and humans are both good and bad and everything in between. I’m no longer bothered what people think of me, yes it’s frustrating sometimes that you can’t voice your innermost feelings, or have others relate to you better and with understanding. Love to you. Stay strong. X
When I took the official Myers Briggs test, the description of my personality brought me to tears. It felt like I had been touched by God for a moment. Most people never get us, but love everything we create and share with the world.
Thank you for sharing your heart
Wow! I could have written this comment myself. Listening to this podcast has been incredibly validating...
Dito
This is the most positive view I have ever come across of INFPS. The 1st voices I've ever heard talk about authenticity or introverted feeling being something we have MASTERED. Then exploration expressed as connections and patterns we don't always know how to explain. This is all dead on information.
Not just human emotions; sometimes it’s literally feeling everything , as it is, as I would be.
-infp
As an INFP, I was always a good writer. The military taught me that my feelings didn't matter. It taught me, people very different than me, are doing all sorts of things in this world. Trying to fix the world, and making people think it's their idea, that's the real goal.
I basically feel like a cartoon character living among people. I have seen the darkness. Not my own, but ours. Without one, there cannot be the other. Destruction brings connection and creation; elements combining to create something with different physical properties. I try to understand it.
Yup, pretty much exactly this, you're just a person living among people and almost everything around you seems fake.
If you wrote about these experiences, I would read it. That may help us both.
@@blksheep176 I've spent the last few years learning astrology. RUclips saturn in scorpio. Saturn rules time and lessons. It brings delay and lessons. Scorpio is fixed water. It wants to explore the phisical. It wants to explore death and birth.
Saturn in scorpio represents lessons in destruction and loss. It would find a home in war.
Now, non of that is even getting into houses and rising signs. I see gears on a clock.
I am rulled by saturn and mercury. Logic and hard lessons.
Astrology was the first personality tests. But, could be mapped, planed, and predictable, based on patterns in the sky.
It seems we still play by the energies of the sky. How much control we have over them, I do not know. But, it helps to know they exist..
@@TatteredToys I’m ruled by the moon I’m erratic and cyclical. Old man Saturn is old Saint Nick some say Saturn is satan because as you said Saturn rules time and everything is devoured by it. Look into Saturn moon matrix. It’s really interesting there is a storm that looks like an eye looking at earth.
@@blksheep176 my brother has his moon in the 4th. I have uranus and neptune in my 4th.
I will look into moon and saturn conjunctions. Thank you.
I think of saturn as January. If we did everything right, we survives winter, and we can survive until the spring, and we can plan for next year.
It's lessions. Lessons that if not learned, will leave a person low on food, wood, and hope to make it another season. A hard year might not turn into another.
A well thought year, will go into the next without issue. And will be perpetual if the lessons are passed on and remembered.
INFP here... things that come into my mind while listening: integrity, looking for patterns/ reasons why. gaining understanding through moving forward/ being present even in difficult times. unafraid of painful/confusing concepts (death/loss) ...alchemizing these things/concepts into something less scary and more worthwhile/ growth promoting. everything is subjective. there is no hard and fast "right" or "wrong"...the intention matters a lot. deeply craving to be understood as much as i care to understand others/ things. feeling lonely/ alone because i do not feel others wish to go deeply with me or want to understand me. Feeling pedantic when trying to make myself understood. i have given up for the most part on trying to get others to understand me. I have accepted that others serve as a mirror in many ways for me. Aspects of myself that i see in them. I do not know if i am "separate" from others, i feel deep down that we are one, but i also feel far away from many in this physical dimension.
meow meow I do feel you. Great way of expressing the essence of yourself. Understanding is crucial only for the logical mind which cannot go fully in the realms of the heart. We really Are ONE on the Heart’s
... level. You know deep down also you’re never alone...Just feel it!
Dumbfounded with how accurate your comment is!
meow meow I can relate to every word you say ❤️
Omg YES YES YES YES and it's actually both of those things. Even my family doesn't get me, basically scoff at my reasoning and decisions. Everyone assumes I am stupid, when its actually quite the opposite. It's impossible to explain even a small decision because it's literally tied up in 40 years and thousands of nuances of feeling/observation/e xperience. During conversation, I tend to answer slowly and I either cut it off awkwardly short, I ramble, or most commonly I pause so long to process my thoughts before I speak, so then somebody else just starts talking. I get cut off consistently, public and privately. Eventually I just recluse. This is why we feel misunderstood. Invalidated is probably a better word.
Got to the self harm part. It almost makes me feel less horrible about it, that it's a part of my brain function. I'm not in that dark space anymore, but still the scars dont fade.
I connect with everything you wrote. As hard as the road has been, I love being an INFP.
I can relate 100% to that. Bothers me so much but never realized it's becoz of my personality type..
Also, do any other infps here feel like they analyse and ask questions way more then other people? I feel concious of it sometimes. I ask questions about fine details of what someone is saying or ask people why they chose certain words in some matter of discourse and I do this often. I'm also studying statement analysis so it might be to do with that...
Yes, I question constantly. 👍 but I think our types typically struggle with the battle between, “is this right or do I just feel that it’s right?” I think we know what’s true, instinctively, but we have to prove it to ourselves.
Yes I relate
Lol I do karate but was told by my original instructor he would no longer teach me because I ask too many questions
Way more than the average on asking the difficult questions lol
Definitely a thing. I like to understand intentions and why people perceive things the way they do.
This is definitely on the point, feeling marginalized and dismissed makes us feel disregarded and not considered. This might be why we're often quite quiet and reserved. We know that something isn't right, but we don't necessarily have the words to express ourselves and would need time to go into that feeling and understand it. But when in a social situation or a meeting, we can't explore what we've internalizing fast enough. Not to mention past defeats of being disregarded when we've expressed our feeling which make us more hesitant to try again which can also lead to undervaluing ourselves and even anxiety disorders or depression. At least that's my experience so far. Thanks for this podcast! It was so well articulated and informative! As an INFP, thank you for this insight, it seems to be aligning with what I feel! ;)
Absolutely! The same!
OMG this !
Yes, very much agreed!!
I think you guys nailed it once again. As an INFP being marginalized and dismissed is the worst. Especially if the other person is loud and obnoxious or overbearing in their response. It feels so shitty that I would rather it stop as soon as possible than push through and attempt to explain myself, which of course feels daunting in the first place. But, I would much rather have the other person hear me out and misunderstand me in the end. Being misunderstood might frustrate me a bit but at least I wouldn't leave the conversation feeling like crap and wanting to avoid them in the future.
Maybe it is just the wrong person to talk to.
I startes the try to sort people into groups like - what can I talk about with this person and what should I avoid?"
Especially family members that you can not so easily "just abandon".
And hope this might help build better relationships - focusing on strengths instead of the problems.
But it still gives me tough times. But it is still better than getting dragged down into a spiral of misunderstanding and explaining and misundetstanding and expl...and-so-on
Types who WON'T let me speak my mind or do anything to make me feel dismissed like talking over me get the death stare and more often than not, I yell at who tf ever it is so I can finish cuz I'm done being judged without being heard.
Yes, Loud and obnoxious and overbearing. I've got a family "rich" in these types. I agree with Willi Schwabe. There are some people who are neither wired with the proper "receptors" to hear/understand anything beyond the superficial, nor in possession of manners. .....If they only knew that Intuition is not a disability, but rather a "superpower"! (albeit, a quite one) ;)
hisgalval truths
hisgalval ... I have learned to say inside myself, “It’s ok if you don’t understand me... I do. And, unfortunately, you’re missing out.” Smile, and walk away.
I will always be my own greatest friend! 🌷
Joel, the darkness part is spot on. I listen to a bunch of true crime as I am very aware that we are all one moment away from being the "evil" one. I went through a growth, maturing that took me into (almost like trying on a personality) places that mirrored my close friends and family. I'm serious when I say, I've been a murderer, suicidal, narcicisst, hopeless addict, mentally I'll homeless person. I also experience the flip side, massive joy, happiness, contentment. I've matured enough to be the observer vs. getting caught up and going to deep and falling into horrendous self judgement. I am still learning how to be in the world...jobs are hard because I have to be in it to know if it's a fit. A resume that looks like a shot gun ...I give myself permission to walk away if it's not feeling right. I've learned this the hard way. Thanks for the thoughtful podcast! Very much appreciated!
Yes. The issue is about being marginalized and dismissed. And I do agree that people, in general, never fail to underestimate INFPs. And yes, your words are perfect: "you can see how bad, how dark your heart can go if you let it." And it shocks and frightens. Not to the point, for me, of doing physical self-harm, however, to self-harm in the sense of knowing that if someone assigns me evil or dark intent which I know is possible and I may be guilty of on some deep level, so I avoid that interaction, avoid that person rather than resolving the conflict and helping the other person understand where I am coming from. And that sets me at the intersection of the wide and long roads of Marginalized Hwy and Not Good Enough Roadway. If an INFP lives with or works daily with someone who constantly marginalizes, dismisses, or questions their intent, negative, insecure, and self-doubt can rule inner contemplation. Such unnatural thought pathways make getting everything in alignment to understand the INFP's own passion is very, very difficult. For an INFP, trusting the inner voice and carefully choosing relationships with people who can be trusted and are good for the INFP is critical.
yeah in school every single day a thinker allways challenged me no matter what it was too my purple pink hair or why i have 4 spray cans in my bag im a guy btw and with my first relationship because i tried being with an istp im an infp and we had too LDR after and istp cannot and i mean CANNOT LDR long distance relationship so after we couldnt understand eachother anymore i started slicing myself and it was a dark time
This describes my experience so perfectly, I was in tears of relief throughout the episode! the validation of my reality was very healing, thanks so much ❤️
I can relate to this and had something that happened quite recently where I had a perspective that was completely alien to my family. My birthday was coming up and I was excited about what I had planned for it and my sister announced in front of all my family that she was going to do a thanksgiving style dinner at her house for it. My initial reaction was disappointment because the decision had been taken out of my hands what I could do to celebrate my birthday and I wasn’t actually asked what I would like to do. It actually made me feel unimportant. To the rest of my family this didn’t make sense.
I guess for me it comes down to motive, if someone was doing something FOR me because they genuinely thought I would like it EVEN if they didn’t pick something I would like I would be so grateful for the thought put into it BUT if someone is doing something because it’s something THEY would like and that is their motivation it’s different. My sister started out by talking about how she wanted to do a thanksgiving meal and she thought my birthday was a good time to do it. I don’t know if this will even make sense or if I will come across as rude and unappreciative to the masses but I’m trying to show a real life scenario where INFP perspective can be misunderstood as the reason I felt strongly about this is because I would want everyone to feel like their birthday is FOR them and that that is the one day where they get to choose what they do and that birthdays are about making people feel special for one day.
Yes, and I’d be willing to bet that that family member (maybe a majority of your family members) are ES-something. My whole family is ES and they don’t get me at all. I’ve been marginalized and consequently misunderstood by them forever. It’s almost impossible to explain why their ideas for your birthday aren’t desirable to you because to them they’re great! They actually asked me this year as I turn 60. My idea of a great time was a painting party (our house). So I’m really happy with that! 😁. Hope it works out well for you eventually...fellow INFP
The Delta I’m 60 not 90! Anyway, being dismissed all those years has been painful. So kudos to you for discovering at 18 what makes you tick, your better off than I was at your age because all this time I thought something about me was inherently flawed. I’m not flawed; I’m unique!
Other's motives are so important for me to analyze.
@@amypetra5021 I am 40 and have only just found myself. I have spent my entire adult life a heroin addict due to feeling isolated and abandoned as a kid. I am 8 yrs clean soon and what a weight has been lifted off my shoulders since discovering myself. My life experience has been colourful but it has demonstrated just how resourceful and resilient i can be. Pleased to meet a fellow INFP.
marc klita yes, I feel as an infp we have an almost end reserve or tolerance for adversity. Congratulations on your sobriety; not an easy trip for sure! But as an infp I feel we don’t give ourselves credit when credit is due and we don’t give ourselves grace either. So give yourself a big hug!
Marginalization, I finally have an answer. I've been struggling with why I always start to hate my job and it comes down to that. Being dismissed when you bring forward issues and problems is so infuriating, like you said it comes right from the core a staple of what we as infps are built on and to be so lightly brushed aside is like a slap in the face.
im probably the only infp that's listening to this podcast but not listening to anything cuz im dreaming in my own world, doing my own work hahahaha
We're like balloons let loose to explore with no anchor.
I had to rewind a couple times. Seems like it is in line with INFP to drift off.
Daydreamer big time!
🤣🤣🤣 dreaming as well, and then forcing myself to focus again ahah
I am doing that too . Hhh . Listening and not listening and doing other stuff at same time
I am constantly being dismissed by people especially my family and I was constantly seeking validation from my siblings
I’m an INFP as well as a writer (since age 3) and listening to this makes me want to write a story. Everything you say about us makes it seem as though we have super powers, lol. Seriously, the longer I listen the more I want to create an INFP character and throughout the story everyone assumes she has superpowers until the end it’s revealed she’s highly keen to other people’s emotional well-being / status and prognosis that she can instantly detect slighted or malicious intentions.
Also *side note* because of this highly keen focus we INFP have, we are often mistaken to have autism. In some cases we do but in a variety of cases we function on a different emotional well being (sometimes, as you both mentioned, we seem cold altogether which is a common trait for autism) that we generally seem autistic when really we are weighing and configuring your emotions in order to mirror (understand) or completely deconstruct them.
Great video though, I am 22 and for the first time in my life I finally understand myself as a person. I now know why my relationships went south, it wasn’t that I wasn’t being heard / understood it’s that I always felt like my emotions and emotional awareness was invalidated or completely dismissed. Just a quick story: my most recent ex always had issues deciding where to eat. I compromised by giving options and he would decide. One day I wanted something specific and he didn’t want that. Instead of him compromising for my specific taste, he ridiculed me for not considering his taste. I asked him well if you want something specific why am I the only who has to sacrifice mine? He went on to tell me that him being indecisive was fine because I was always willing to bend.
I left him that same day, been single and prospering since. Now I eat wherever the fuck I want and even try new places x) (which is growth for me because INFP’s have trouble with change / something unfamiliar)
Yes and i have noticed i remember every conversation i had with others while they ask the same damn convo questions again and again and in the end claim that they forget every convo they have with others , idk why but one thing when i was younger ppl in my school would come to me for advice with tears in their eyes i am an infp and 18
Fellow INFP here and I was tested for autism too when I was little! Thanks to your comment, I understand where you're coming from now - it definitely must have been because of how complex our emotional inputs and outputs are.
I know I'm a year late but well done for escaping a toxic relationship! I sympathise with your struggles of sacrificing things for others too, by being introspective of their feelings and wanting them to be happy until you reflect and finally realise that you're not happy. I hope you are able to find someone who returns the same amount of love as you give them!
I wish you all the best for your writing too - an INFP main character sounds so awesome!
Being able to catch if your projecting your feelings on to others is important
I'm infp, I cannot paint or draw. So I write instead. And even if I try no one seems interested in anything I do.
Me either
Does it bring you emotional satisfaction (good or bad)? If so, that's all that really matters.
INFP as well. I have gone through phases of drawing, painting, music and writing. Seems to me that a lot INFPs do well with language and the written word
@@infinitedurr You're totally right. I'm an INFP and it's easy for me to learn new languages by myself, I make my own paintings/drawings and I have this passion for art in general. I don't care if people judge my work, as long as it brings me satisfaction then it's all that matters. ❤️😊
This is so inspirational. I'm an INFP and I'd like to see what's something that you're really proud of that you made/wrote/painted (ofc if youre willing to share).
As an INFP, there's kind of this weird thing going on inside me. I don't want people to understand how I'm feeling always because it is so intense that I would rather not expose people to that pain or have them understand it. I may try to at times, maybe tell my family about how I feel, but I think there is a kind of complexity to the feelings where they can't be expressed. But, that's not everything. It's more like I feel two things at once, part of me wants to say everything that is going on because it does feel lonely that not a soul knows what's going on in me. However, the other part of me feels closed off, because I see that many people have their own problems to handle, I don't want to dump more worry on them! It even can feel wrong for me to do so. Also, If they knew about some things I was dealing with, I wonder if they would tell me their worries so I could help them? I don't know, since it depends on the person, so you have to gauge that. Of course, I have found times where it has been necessary to speak about my inner conflicts for people to relate to me, when I'm trying to help them. Just not being fully known works better for me, so if i'm feeling lonely I will just write some music or something and it's all good. :)
sorry it took 2 years for someone to respond to ur comment but it was long overdue. i feel exactly what you’re saying, you sound like me to a T. sometimes i don’t know the words to express how i feel but i know how i feel yk? and it’s frustrating because i wish i was able to express my feelings better when i finally have the chance to, because it’s rare that i do. i feel like being alone is healing and damaging at the sametime and i often worry about finding the right career path because i want to do something that resonates with my personality but also pays good😭 man what a time to be a INFP
Yess
Yes, I play guitar or paint/drawing. The intensity of our emotions are so strong and the sensitivity for the human suffering its so overwhelming that it's hard sometimes to be present in the real world. I think that in many ways we bring conciousness to the world because we see behind the curtains and we're really preoccupied with the well-being of humanity and nature. The only thing is that the way society want us to be its not compatible with the way we feel because we can see/feel perfectly that this society is mentally ill. We are the healers :) and this emotional deep profound understanding can be a burden or a gift but we always have the option to choose accordingly of what is best/positive. Ps - I love cats too 😍😊😄❤️
*pauses the cure playing in the background*
Or the Smiths
I almost felt a little attacked at that part lolz
The beauty within these comments is the validation returned too me as a infp , you guys allowing the many of us to validate themselves through community
thanks for the video its a rough infp life but its a extraordinary one
INFP here and you hit the nail on the head with the need to be validated. That is exactly what I have spent my life looking for and not finding validation in my external environment makes me feel like I want to isolate and live in my internal world.
Damn... This is definitely me.
Edit to elaborate:
The being driven by what feels right, but questioning myself on it because it's not "a real reason"...
The feeling of being marginalized and invalidated, but also wanting to not completely be understood because I would feel less individualized...
The visceral reactions to my own dark sides that scares me...
The thoughts that behind every "bad" action is truly just that person trying to find the something that's missing in their life (like love)...
The self punishment I'm often drawn to whenever I go into a negative state (no matter if it started with me being mad at someone, it always ends up with me being mad at myself for even being mad at that other person and believing I'm not worthy of being here)...
Having a deep desire to make a real impact in the world but not knowing how, or being afraid to follow my passion in exchange for the stable that I've convinced myself it's more realistic even though it doesn't feel right (that loud voice saying "why are you doing this" and then loosing my productivity...
It all hits home so much.. it's kind of validating to see so much of the things I feel are wrong about me, because it doesn't seem to be how others think, feel, react, being laid out all together. Makes me feel like maybe I'm not as crazy as I think I am... And maybe I just haven't come to accept these things that make me different, becoming unbalanced, letting that 10 year old and 3 year old drive the car.
Thank you so much for putting this all together in this podcast. 💜
I dont know, sometimes I need to be understood by loved ones and people I love but I love having the mystery of being hard to understand from strangers lol. I dont like just anyone being able to know me ;)
And I always find it funny when people DO think they know me LOL
Yeah, im understand you, or not , but I feel the same
haha yep
Same for me. I totally agree with this!
This is exactly how I feel.
Exactly how I feel
This is really good. I think there is a lack in the Myers Briggs community about the mature INFP. I have, in my 40s, what I consider a gift that I can see what a decision is going to make people feel. And not just people like me, but others. It has proved so valuable to me!
I am sort of live commenting, but the validation thing is so important. So at work, I am so happy to have people who validate me and just know that i will know things! I also got good, through mentoring, of backward proving. So I start with the thing, but I can (or my boss can) find logical reasons to show to other types to prove my point.
Also, I think this is what makes me excellent at customer service, especially with angry people. I can turn it, usually be being really honest which others don’t do. So if they are frustrated with a process, I totally acknowledge the frustration because it is frustrating. But when I was younger it was so much harder because I hadn’t learned yet that other people were different than I was!
Also I find that in my theatre training I learned that the obstacles are the characters enemy is the actors friend. So I think of my Te is my obstacle, but also my friend. So I can get things done, but I have to make it my passion. If I can’t, I can’t do it. But I can set up systems if it is the thing that feels right. How can I enable the person who is replacing me in something to be successful?
This is one of the most heartening things I’ve heard in a while...my INFP self feels validated 😊
Hi, I've tested as INFP and I want to respond to your question about feeling misunderstood. As an example, I literally just started the genius-style assessment, and the first question is: "My friends say that I am..." either "easy to read or get to know" or "somewhat private and difficult to read." My gut reaction to this question is: How can I speak subjectively on my friends' behalf on what they think about me? On second thought, I feel like people think I'm easy to read, but they don't actually understand me. So, I still feel misunderstood.
It feels like having to constantly prove yourself without making any progress because people come and go in my experience
I appreciate your insights and that you admitted that you’re looking at this from an outside perspective but INFPs are misunderstood. Massively. And it is a big problem for them. But some of it is their own fault. This is not just about being understood as a person but the way people perceive and judge them. Now that you mention it, I probably am being marginalized and ignored but so many people search me out for advice when they can’t understand emotions they’re going through. And they say, “yes, that’s exactly what I feel. I knew you’d understand!” So I don’t feel dismissed on the greater scale.
I do feel horribly and intensely frustrated by the reaction I get when I “mirror” or reveal someone’s dark, selfish side or motivation. Like you said, we map our own dark sides so well that we don’t understand how it’s healthy to dismiss it and we didn’t ask to be able to see past all the fog people put out to see to their core but when they can’t handle it they turn around and hate you or think you’re evil for even suggesting this darkness that is theirs. And they say “you’re way off!” “You’re projecting your own mind, you’re too much in your own mind anyway to know me.” Which is extremely unfair. If my calling in life is to reveal the “soul” to people who are factual and not in touch with feelings and they backlash and can’t accept it, that’s a serious problem. people really resent an INFP for being able to see their true soul. However, when people accept it it’s the best feeling! And they feel grateful that you brought them to a core realization. But this whole process is so emotionally draining that we go away to recharge and shut people off for a while. And then we get so misunderstood doing that! Like, how could we face hell with someone and pull them up and then disappear. We must be ultimately heartless. And it’s not true. We just need space to recharge so we can come back and battle again. Plus, we need to make sure our own emotional struggle isn’t toppled by our selflessness or sensitivity in the world of emotions.
I avoid dark people like the plague!, but I don’t reveal myself to most people. I think it’s taken for granted that because I seem (as an INFP) to have superpowers over my own emotions that I don’t ever have intense feelings or that I don’t need support if I’m dealing with them. If I did release my full feelings people go, “wow! I don’t think I ever knew her. I thought she was so tame and serene and intellectual. I can’t help her, she’s so intense and deep that I’d go out of my mind if I had her mind.” So I only truly open up to people who are strong enough, open minded enough and discreet enough to handle it. For everyone else, I might absolutely adore them but I don’t open up because I sense they’re close-minded or cold, or fragile, or simple. So I let them think I’m more like them, and they don’t think they misunderstand me, but I know they do.
I do really appreciate how you stressed the importance of exploring. Not only to get a touch-base on my intuition but to strengthen it. I feel a great internal struggle to understand the difference between my emotions and my intuition, whether I’m coming at something out of primal intuition or primal feelings. Feelings can sway that trust in the raw instinct that we govern our life by. I don’t accept or find comfort in facts, scientific or logical method, or even outside perspectives as far as motivation. I know they’re out there but my gut feeling shows me what’s real. If I can’t trust it then I stagnate and that’s a worse Achilles heel than logistics/logistical efficiency. But when I can confirm my intuition is right I build confidence, my passion can get behind it and I can come alive even just on the inside and no one else is aware of it let alone understand it.
Thanks for sharing. I feel the same way. I am quite happy to stay on the surface with most people. But love it, if I find someone who can handle the intensity of my thought process. Nice to know I am not the only one to feel this way and somehow makes me think I am not weird, just typical of my personality type, which most people can't resonate with.
Not marginalized and dismissed , praised or worshipped I don't want people coming at me all crazy for my knowledge what I have found was never for the world . It was for me it's something I'm reluctant to share with everyone bc I feel it's not my place to do so. As a INFP who is a 26 year old who found out who he is truly a amazing experience but I wouldn't change anything with this powerful new ability
I an INFP and this describes me EXACTLY! It is kinda scary, I quit my job to become and artist and a writer, i wanted so badly to work as hard as I can when working but not only did I have no passion for my job, the people I worked with were horrible to me and my coworkers and we were worked to the bone. I just couldn't handle it anymore, I would rather be a homeless artist than anything else.
Hipster Squirrel you’ll make it!
I’m glad that I’m misunderstood. It keeps the bad people away.
You're right, it's difficult for us to explain how we know what we know. Partly because we DO base Life on FEELING. You can tell me something and if I'm not feeling the feeling behind your words, it's not that I don't believe you, it's that I won't allow myself to believe it until I can research it and the feeling lines up. Feeling is Gods Language. Feeling is the Universe's language. Putting feelings into words is not easy. But what you're also describing is INFP's who are Clairccognizant. And we are invalidated because so many of us have extreme intuition and are Empaths and have been told our entire lives that we don't know what we're talking, about, where is the proof, stop overthinking it. After a childhood and adult life of this, you conform. Until you stop.
It's always interesting when non-INFP's try to explain what the INFP does using a Ti explanation. Fi represents clarity, and it is instant. It is the withholding of judgement and willingness to wait to come to a conclusion, that is where the power of observation comes from. I assure you that no INFP actually sets out to map out their own or anyone else's emotions; we are not actually focused on those things, but rather on simply analyzing the world around us. We live entirely in an intellectual and theoretical frame of mind. Our high sense of morality and depth of emotional awareness is a side effect of Fi clarity. Also Fi is why we are lazy.
As an older INFP, I just don’t care if people understand me. And it’s not being callous, It’s just that I have acceptance and confidence in who I am and how I operate so other people’s understanding is superfluous.. I understand it and their understanding (or validation) would add nothing to the equation.
I totally resonated with the discussion of recognizing the dark parts of our hearts. It is the one thing that brings me pain and I struggle to accept that part of me because it’s impossible for me to deny it.
I’m an older INFP as well, I’ve excepted who and what I am, which for me is being human . There’s always been dark and light, good and bad , the choice has always been our path to follow our vision of who we are. Love xx
I don't think I've ever really been that concerned with being understood but far too much concerned with being liked
I am literally weeping around 25 mins into the conversation and I can't stop. Yes... the invalidation is great. We are seen as inferior, because we can't, don't and won't argue about what we are standing for. I am realising that I simply won't manage tolerating my feelings being invalidated anymore. It's about respect.
@@_D5thSeraphimInfinitySix. Thanks
I'm an INFP. I never really understood within myself why I go so much on what feels right to me. It is extremely comforting to hear this podcast really validate that I'm not crazy because I can't logically express my reasons for what I do. I have people in my life who care about me, and they continually devalue my process.
I feel misunderstood but I don't even understand myself most times because I am eclectic with my personality and adapt to others personalities like a chamelion lol. But I believe I have a few set values and traits which a lot of people don't know / understand about me.
Sounds a bit infj to me..
@@esrath2212 Yes ..
I have an infj bestfriend and it does feel like infj.
Being an infp, trying being as humble as i could be, hannah you should retake some personality test or try to have more knowledge about this.
Oh my goodness! I loved this. Every time I take Meyers Briggs test I am either INFP or ENFP but in my heart I felt more like an INFP. It wasn’t until this podcast that I FINALLY felt understood as an INFP. I literally sobbed at parts. From discussing the nuances and intricacies in emotions to business and following my passions and even the parts about self harm (which started as a child and carried into adulthood). I’ve often said i used to do physical harm to ease the intensity of the emotions I felt. Thank you for putting so much thought into this.
Thank you Martina for sharing your experience. Glad you are able to resonate with INFP and all the parts of you that show up as that type. Be kind to yourself. Hope to see you around the PH online community. :-)
Martina Muir px
You've nailed it. It isn't about being misunderstood, it's about our motivations, process, and wisdoms being marginalized and dismissed because it can't be weighed or put into data. It's taken me into my 40's to accept that this is the world I live in. It is disheartening, and I'm endlessly disappointed by my fellow humans.
Me too
Thanks for sharing another great podcast!! As an INFJ I really admire INFPs. The way they can go so deep into their own emotions is something I don't know how to do, but I definitely enjoy the art that can come out of it. I feel sad that some INFP (and ISFP) musicians pass away sooner than they should, like recently with Dolores O'Riordan. What they give us is so important and I don't know if they always realize it. I guess my Fe would like to protect Fi.
Seth Marchese yes! I have noticed that dynamic with Te/Ti too, it's like Te wants to protect knowledge (Ti). Both can make great teams I think. ;)
Hi Pamela ! I don't know if you will see this comment since it is a year later, but I am an INFP and I admire INFJs for their immersive empathic ability. I really resonate with the mirroring thing "this is how I would feel if i were in your place" and therefore projecting of my own emotions on the situation, but I am fascinated by the power of just plain feeling the other's emotions. Very interesting topic to say the least.
I feel most people are not really interested in understanding me or else they assume they understand me before really taking the time to understand me. That’s what bothers me
Tertia Smit perfect explanation 💯
guys, you got this down pat. I'm only halfway through but its a huge weight off my shoulders to finally put words to whats been happening to me for so long. My family scoffs and ignores most of what I say because I don't know how to quantify or define my reasoning well. When I'm making sense of anything in general, I learn about the specifics and all the technical bits and then I nail down a frame around those things and understand it as a whole. Eventually there's a huge frame with everything I know inside it and I can only draw vaguely from reliable feelings associated with the inside of that frame. I can see answers so clearly but can never explain it to others well so no one takes me seriously. Its been bringing me down so hard. Even trying to explain to people why they should listen to me ends up in frustration since I can't even explain that well enough for them. Anyways, thank you for recording this it really helps us out.
It's not about being misunderstood, it's being un-understood. In other words, you're not getting me wrong, you're just not getting me at all. Thus follows marginalization and dismissing.
This. THIS hits home for me. Thank you❤
10:00 Yes! What helped me the most as an INFP was studying Archetypes. I really love Carl Jung's in depth research and understanding of the archetypes, and the importance of understanding them.
One thing I struggle with in everyday social situations is watching how often other people are controlled by their emotions without thinking about how or why they say things. As someone who is really self-conscious, I find it really easy to read when someone maybe didn't have a good day or are going through something personally or even just why they are how they are and they unknowingly off load it onto others around them, they broadcast it through their conversation and body language, but it baffles me that my friends or others around them dont pick up on it.
I'm so late but I relate to this as well
LOL - the comments here are fantastic! Rather than writing my typical INFP novel-length comment, I’ll just say, Jung understands the intuitive type and western world all-too well when he says, “America is extroverted as hell. The introvert has no place.”
So much of what you are saying resonates but I don’t know that I’ve ever worried that I’m misunderstood. As an introvert I pretty much avoid situations where I have to explain myself. I just do what I do and let the pudding be the proof of what I know.
The need to feel validated is so important!
I think I’m an INFP. Feeling misunderstood is to me having a hard time articulating how one thinks and feels. I have gotten really good at that from writing a ton of essays in college and debating in Socratic circles. Surprisingly, getting into internet arguments on social media is a good practice too. When you can clearly articulate your viewpoint feeling misunderstood is much less of an issue.
Very true. Being able to articulate would.
I'M INFP. Being minunderstood is for us a way to say why we do not need to explore the world (and stay in safe zone). Because our inside is more intresting and better.
Thank you for the validation - as an INFP (I'm 99% sure anyway) who was raised in a dysfunctional home (ACE score of 8) I struggled terribly with total invalidation from a parent. Emotions too extreme. Perspective or opinion, wrong. I felt like a total alien and it's taken me decades to figure all of this out and to realise that actually I am not faulty. Until I was almost 40 I believed I was fundamentally flawed. The parent in question and I don't speak now as once I had my own son it all became very clear and me standing up for myself, my truth and my son caused such an apparent trauma that I've severed ties more or less completely. I've paused your podcast at 26 minutes to write this but may return. I'm thrilled by all the MBTI info that I'm absorbing. Love it! Ad Astra 🌟 Edited: I may be an ENFP it seems but the same applies!
Wow. Thought I Was An INFJ. Now I Can See I'm An INFP.
Everyone thinks theyre infj
In my experiences i have been marginalized, dismissed, invalidated and misunderstood as the norm.... even by my self.. misunderstood.. by strangers and loved ones alike... in my experiences my words, my giving, my silence, efforts, listening whatever....is somehow misunderstood, assigning ill will to any thing coming from me. I try to say what i mean and not make promises i cant keep. These words are misunderstood and people assign bad intent because I am clear about where i am. when they break promises, when they accuse me of thinking i dont do anything wrong or i am accused of playing victim !! Kick the weak one ... INFP takes a kicking until they DON'T🔥🙏🏼⚡💖
As an infp I must say from my experience that sometimes just the fact that the pain of others aren’t acknowledge makes me feel that it is my duty to share their pain. The problem with it is that in most cases, our own pain never gets acknowledged which makes us feel like no one can understand us the way we understand them.
this gave me goosebumps.. couldn’t be more accurate 😭
This was gold for me as an INFP! Thank you!! ❤
When you said “validate” I said, YESSSS!!!!
I’m an INFP, thanks for this. I’ve struggled as a young person. Everything made sense once I realised there are others out there like me.
I have never felt so empowered, appreciated and validated in my life! This podcast makes me feel like I have crazy super powers that could change the world if only I could harness them properly. Such a sigh of relief to have something to clarify my often complex and overwhelming thoughts and feelings. Thank you for diving into our realm 💜
Any other infps started listening as soon as Antonia said, "forget that shit, we're talking about your brain wiring"?
Thank you guys for doing the research y'all do!!!
Semi-disagree. I think the not being validated still stems from being misunderstood. I get pretty consistent responses from people that I "just need to have proof of everything" or a lot of other assumptions about choices I made when the opposite is true, but people won't take the time to understand my motives or the possibility that I'm, you know, intelligent. So I agree that we feel very invalidated but I also really feel we're misunderstood just as much as an INFJ is, just in a different way. I think INFJs are misunderstood on a more personal level, like one-on-one interactions, while INFPs are misunderstood by the crowd more. I'm INFP and I feel like I'm always trying to say nothing so that people will have less to misunderstand, but they just have a bigger gap to completely jump in and misinterpret? INFPs are also great at putting on this kind of mask to avoid negative judgment (if we're going to be misunderstood, we might as well be putting on a whole different mask because then what they're misunderstanding is the mask we've put on, not us, which feels more empowering...) But I constantly see someone testing as INFP and everyone going, "they must be INFJ or ENFP because they're putting dreams into action/being decisive/speaking in public/seem strong...?" Sorry, but what the hell? Like no one succeeding in front of people can possibly be an INFP? It's infuriating. One example of this was Steven Colbert testing as INFP, another is Daenarys Targaryean. S.C. must be ENFP because he's in some public position and D.T. must be INFJ because she's making plans/utilizing strength. WHAT. THE. HELL. INFPs are just as capable of putting plans together when we need to-- and do you not see her avoiding these most of the time? But then she's like "I've had enough. My way now." She let people walk all over her until she was like "F this, I'm just as capable and I'll prove it to you." Because INFPs lack motivation until there's reason enough to do something, and questioning our strength or ability will usually kick us into gear... I am just definitely feeling like even a lot of the INFP stuff out there is really missing what's actually going on. Like, INFPs are actually quite flagrant and don't tend to tolerate much IMO. I think we do when we're immature but then we see how everyone benefits from this except us so we just start kindly but vehementy saying no, but without actually being verbal. I actually feel I'm trying to be non-judgemental and noble when I do this, and see little gain from giving my power away by always explaining or trying to prove I did not have negative motive. The actions show that but since we don't hang around explaining it to people who probably won't understand (which is why we're leaving), our actions get totally misunderstood. I find almost constantly that people attach the total opposite of why I did something to my action as fact without asking me. Also, while 37% of my angst is being vented here, I'll add that INFP seem to get much less understanding about why we reacted a certain way than almost any other personality (pardon me if I'm wrong). When we make choices, there's this expectation for us to apologize or change-- where it seems other personalities get wayyy more leniency to act in a way that's not widely accepted or understood. And I'm just beyond tired of feeling like I have to explain myself or apologize for doing what I feel is best for myself when I need to employ it. When it's me, people are going "Why did you have to do that? Couldn't you just have not done anything?" When it's some other personality, I hear "we all have our way of doing things." OK. Trying not to lose it, here, because literally everything I do is completely misinterpreted and is seen as some sort of a problem, even though to me it's the absolute least problematic for my own sanity and good intent for everybody. But I can't just do what you think is normal because it'll make you feel better. The sacrifice they want me to make....:/
P.S. Birdy has got to be INFP... "Don't assume I will follow, and drop all my morals so you can look good for the crowd."
I totally agree with the double standard for us in our behavior. I sense it too. And it’s not fair. But, I don’t resent it as much as you since I accept greater responsibility for myself. You can’t expect people who are driven by cold facts and proven method, scientifical or logical, to intuitively “get” ethics and morals and feelings like we do. And we’re expected to be sensitive to other people’s feelings where they don’t have as much or any in return. But it would be nice if they could try...maybe it’s just our calling in life to be more conscious of the emotional world and do what we can to reveal it to other types that go through life with no clue.
Yup.
We know nearly everything you don’t say, yet feel. We know and carry your pain as deeply as if it’s our own, but mine is mine and mine alone.
Omg I'm crying thank you so much for this. I'm struggling so much and every word u said is true, I'm do singled out and misunderstood and I've been unfairly labled in my career. I now kno I'm not alone thank you!!
Never in my 35 years on this rock have I felt so simultaneously understood and called out.
Very helpful discussion, at 55 I am a newcomer into working out what INFP-hood entails. From childhood onwards there has been so much I had almost stopped trying to understand which is finally making sense.
As an INFP, this podcast may have just made me feel the most seen and understood I ever have
I'm infp myself, and one of the hardest things I'm dealing with my whole life is that people think I'm selfish. That's because I'm really really bad at explaining things and the only way I usually can explain is to tell my experience, but it always came out like I only want to talk about me, and no-one sees my point, that actually is to help others.. and that hurts me really bad, because I give all my energy into helping others and animals and our planet in general and like 99% of thing I do is to help everywhere I can, but I feel like if I'll try to explain that that would really make me selfish..
It's like I put all my energy to be better person, but nobody sees it, even though I always helps them..
*I'm sorry if there's any misspells or mistakes, I'm still learning english..*
*And sorry for how long this comment is, I just realize this might be the first time I tell someone, so I wrote it just like it was in my mind if that make sense*
You don't need to apologize if you have any misspells or mistakes, nor how long a comment is! Mine has been three times as long! And You're English is great! I'm sorry to hear that the people around you go unnoticed of your efforts. It truly is hard to explain how you feel because conveying this 'feeling' to words is really hard. There are no straight facts nor an absolute 'right' way to do so, and so when people can't grasp that, it'd be really hard. I hate being misunderstood so much, or rather, misrepresented. My intentions were good, and what I did was intended good, but the other person saw it as bad, or took out parts that seemed bad to them. And then I would have to explain. Being selfish is one of something I really want to avoid, and it constantly haunts me. I relate to you.
And trying to explain is not selfish, it's just clearing up misunderstanding. Sure, to some, it might seem cocky, and therefore they ignore you. (A person in my life does this and it's very annoying.) It's unfortunate that you talking about how you feel about things is seen as selfish, because it's not. How you feel is important. Your feelings matters. And so don't think that you're selfish.
When she made the statement about the ancient pottery, I was shooketh I tell ya!!!
When someone I give my love, like, someone I really appreciate just doesn't feel the same appreciation in the same level as me, I just suffer... because of the thought that even loving that much as I do, the other person sooner or later would left me apart, without knowing how much it matters to me he/she will simply left me alone again passed some time. The worst part is that it isn't something fake that I'm speculating, happens to me a lot and I can only try to pass it but I simply can't stop feeling so betrayed even if technically is not a betrayal and soon afterwards foolish for idealisticly thinking the other person really cared about me as much as I did, I wan't to know if I'm not the only one that feels like this very often
I cannot thank you two enough for all your insights and efforts. This is truly the most nuanced and encouraging discussion of INFP I have ever heard. This is fantastic work.
18:30 - 19:30 An amazing way to put the 'misunderstood' feeling. It's really a desire to be unconditionally accepted for the deep, explicit emotions experienced by INFP's alike - even if we (or anyone for that matter) can never be fully 100% understood at least we can agree upon personal reality and how each and every one is valid. And while realities can be relatable, they are individually unique and vary in intensity.
I feel like this is why most people i am close to in my life are ‘NF’ people, they usually accept me and my thought process as it is!
Since Ive reached out to the mbti community, I, for the first time in my life, might actually believe that I am not fundamentally broken, no matter how many people laugh at my jokes, or call me wise. I have reached out to my son who is in his early twenties, who is one of the kindest, funniest, original thinkers on the planet- to tell him "no, you are not broken. we are not broken. its how we are built. No matter how we feel or what "they" say..what we can bring to the table matters. You may all ways be late to everything.. yes, but no one thinks like you do.. no one. That is not an accident I just know that in my bones. You will be great. Your'e an infp. its a thing." Its the advice that I wish someone would have given me at 22. Oh the things i could have done! My boy will live fully. fingers crossed...
You got it. Everything said was what I try to articulate and continually fail.
Fi is the most mysterious function. It’s spirit and soul
Very good podcast !! Very interesting to see other types "Getting" the INFP :D
You have mentioned nothing about the immense capability of INFP's gut feeling to know things beforehand. My intuition tells me things about things before they happen. I sometimes dream about things before they happen. This happens to INFJ's and ENFP's also.
It's something you can't explain but your gut feeling knows. I think our "gut neural system" is more linked to global consciousness more than we know and Fi is more connected to that than other functions. Sometimes I look at a person's picture and can start talking about how they are based on the things that picture tells me at an unconscious level.
Names, numbers, the emotion behind someone saying a place, person's name, can also send me valuable data.
I just know things from very limited data sometimes and people don't understand that and I have numerous friends who to this day after proving them numerous times that I can know things without too much data, and yet they still doubt this ability.
They are "hey, lets go there". I'm like "no."
And the only reason that I can explain my "no" is that "the nature of this moment tells me to refuse to go that place" and sometimes when we reach that place and it's unsatisfactory to all of us I say "see, that's why I said "no"". And they start laughing thinking it was just a coincidence :)
You are absolutely correct on the thought that we are marginalized and dismissed! When dealing with people that don’t know anything about personality types it is so disheartening to have people say that I take things to personal. I’m too emotional. So we INFP’s just don’t talk as much around people we don’t know.
One of the best quotes I ever read about myself personally is:
I don’t know
what its like
To not have
Deep emotions,
even when I feel
Nothing, I
feel it completely.
a. r. asher
Someone completely understand me doesn’t feel like I’m not an individual, it would feel like someone taking pictures of me using the bathroom. That’s my personal space, I’ve evaluated and ordered all of my views and experiences and it’s artwork not drafted yet. I do want to be validated when I do bring it out, especially verbally because I’m not great at it, so describing my feelings to someone is an anxiety inducing experience because I know I’m not good at it but other people put so much value in it.
Every. Single. Thing. Resonated SO deeply. Marginalization, self-punishment, passion, art, intent, alignment, disregarding passion when pursuing it is my only true desire, etc.
Ugh! I feel so relieved to hear all this!
I am an infp and i would say i agree i feel dismissed most time. when i have to stand up to somthing that i think will affect people negatively, most of the time people will view my stance on something as a slippery slope argument because I can't articulate properly how I know this is going to negatively affect people.