Is Dating Ruined Forever?
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- Опубликовано: 29 сен 2024
- A woman on TikTok went viral after a really bad experience trying to meet people and Tim Pool had something to say about it
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imagine going out alone and trying to meet people and then everyone gives you a literal pity party for it.
because its pathetic....
@@bretfrench1228 It's pathetic people are making fun of a woman for trying to meet new people? I guess she should just already have friends then. Why doesn't she just have friends!? Then she wouldn't be so pathetic. It's just so easy, I can't believe I never thought of that.
Like, really dude?
@@bretfrench1228 going outside to be social is pathetic?
yall missunderstand my statement... but go off...
@@hexoson showing desperation is not attractive... shes dumb in the way shes going about looking for a partner, not friends.... jfc.... just because you put in work doesnt mean its effective or that you are entitled to anything...
Its salt in the wound. When you've dated with the intention of finding your person and its just dumpster fire after dumpster fire and then you go to an event and they all point out your lack of having another person and bring awareness to it, even if not intentionally harmful, it still hurts.
For people who aren't understanding, she isn't crying because she is single, she is crying because people made her feel like an outcast the entire time for not being in a relationship and having a pity party for her 🤦🏻♀️
Hasan is being nice. A lot of folks in the comments straight up lost the plot when it comes to social interaction, honestly. To preface: I myself have social anxiety- Like really, really bad agoraphobia. But the thing is, if you know that about yourself, a healthy person would not be doing what she was doing. Yeah, someone asked her to be in the front row- but is this the 38th parallel? Will she be shot if she moves to the back row even if she was breaking the rules? No. You should know what makes an untenable social situation and change it. This is not advocating ‘bootstrapping through’ the situation- this is about knowing your own limitations and having mental tools to deal with whatever you are struggling with. Everyone needs them, including and especially folks like me. If you are completely unable or unwilling to use any tools to handle your mental situation whatever it may be, the answer is not tictoc: It is therapy.
imagine going to a comedy show trying to meet someone and the entire show is about how you're single. jesus christ lmao
Then attempting to reach out to folks in your community to rally and lift you up...lookingfor support...and then being dumped into the Tim pool swamp.
Also I'd like to point out that there are no safe spaces left online because the alt right invades
... Yeah I'm sure no guys ever hit on her ever she has no options I'm sure
tbh that is peak comedy
And hasan not getting it???
As a young woman that goes places alone all the time, she definitely endured a nightmare situation. There’s nothing worse than people bringing attention to how lonely you are 😭
I get it, but it feels like she overreacted a little too much. Im not saying that shes not entitled to her reaction, but clearly shes not in a good space mentally to be crying so much over this.
She going to get hit up by so many guys now with maybe less than 10 percent of them being actually worth it.
@JardsonJean that may be the case, but a huge amount of people are unwell with things like depression and anxiety. It's a consequence of the social landscape in the first place.
@@narutouzumaki6409 yeah, i dont disagree.
@user-ci8gj4ex5o that is quite the *generous* estimate
It's a gigantic pity party where everyone on stage is telling you how brave you are for being alone to a room full of people that you're going to think think you're pathetic. I'd probably cry too. Especially if you don't really socialize well with strangers to begin with.
Not saying I’d have the confidence to do it myself, but why couldn’t she have taken that spotlight and used it to start conversations with people? Even if it was mostly couples, we all have single friends. I go to shows like this with my partner regularly and if I’d been there and she seemed open to chatting, I’d approach her to see if she wants to meet one of my single friends
@@LGrian because she was singled out from the start of the show??? some people hate attention and being singled out/stared at, i know if i was in her shoes id straight up have a breakdown and leave crying because i cant stand public attention like that, it feels humiliating, anyone with social issues would want to immideately forget that happened and not "start conversations", theyd feel like they were just made into a clown in a show to be laughed at!!!
But would you set up your phone first and hit record before you cry? Wouldn't you want to talk to a friend or family member first? Sorry im jaded but this girl is young and attractive and talking about "ill be alone forever"... Its hard for me to take it serious.
LMAO, grow some thick skin
@@CrossWindsPat maybe she literally does not have friends or good connection to family, I know it may seem weird but as someone who's struggled with isolation Ive went years with not a single friend and not wanting to speak to parents about issues, sometimes it's easier to rant online into a void than to admit something humiliating happened to you, to her it might feel like even further embarrassment
Hasan is missing the point. The issue isn't that the girl is uncomfortable being by herself. Its that she went to an event advertised as a way to meet people, and when she gets there, its basically her by herself and other people in groups/couples. And because her goal is to meet people, the feeling of being there solo is more amplified by everyone calling it out.
yes people should be comfortable alone, and enjoying their own company. but its possible to enjoy solo time and feel lonely. and more often nowadays there arent spaces for "single" people. it seems like anything you might go to outside is for coupled up people or friend groups.
take this L
She was also TOLD to sit in the front. That's... Not her fault for trusting people would show up to a commitment, and also for listening to directions
I think Hasans point is that its not healthy to think every place is like this. It seems this girl is starting to think that shes never going to be able to find the people for her, which is the mentality that will keep her from ever finding them. I agree he seems quite harsh with coming across his point though. She is understandably upset as she should be
I agree. In my experience, it's near impossible to meet people going out solo. You have to have people to meet people, and today it's super hard to break that cycle even without social anxiety
How many guys u think she stepped over to get there??
The issue is she went to a comedy show hoping that she could meet people that would come up and talk to her instead. She was singled out, told to sit by herself and then everyone pointed out how she was alone
as someone who works in theatre, this is all on the venue. the people working there should have informed her that the rest of this group booking was not showing up after they ushered her to sit in the front row by themselves. they dont know this audience member and it could have been someone who had even worse social anxiety issues. i feel really bad for this woman. this situation sucks a lot and couldve been so easily prevented...
100%. I bet the reason the venue tried to give her free stuff afterwards is bc they realized they fucked up -- but she assumed they just felt sorry for her for being alone, which made her feel even worse. Also her social anxiety caused her to take everything very personally when it wasn't really about her as an individual, and it also prevented her from standing up for herself or walking out.
I agree with the girl that was dick move from the host. like how are you going to force her to sit in the front row than let everyone sit in the back. I would have just got up and sat in the back. If not I would leave the venue.
It's so unfortunate too, she's clearly lonely, trying to lessen the feeling and just gets dumped and made fun of by everyone in the room
he didnt force her, but he did set her up by telling her to sit in the front row of a comedy show with her not knowing shes gonna get made fun of.
Getting stood up is one thing, getting stood up by an entire group is nuts.
It’s possible that the group just sat in the back, if I understand the situation correctly? Still sucks though.
@@hiiamelecktro4985 It was a singles meetup. She said everyone in the back were couples, and members of the meetup were supposed to sit in the front.
@@MalidalaI’ve done some singles events before. There a decent amount of couples that attend them for some reason
@@Malidala I see, thanks for explaining.
@@BH-wk8vd i hate it. At least no one came to a speed dating with their pair
this is like when someone says "the worst they can say is no" and, like, the absolute worst case scenario beyond "no" happens.
Okay so then the answer is to never try?
@@alexj-t2331
No!
@@ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooowlol I like your enthusiasm, I just wanted to point out that there is no real answer to this defeatist kind of thinking
Yeah, it's a very normal situation of "trying to put yourself out there", and seeing people baffled at you for even trying.
Chat started saying that she has social anxiety for this reason. She went through the experience of people saying "what are you doing here alone?" That's what anxiety can make you imagine happening.
His point does work for this situation though, even if he doesn't get the exact problem. Working on yourself gets you motivated, being motivated makes you hopeful for the future, and that hope makes you approachable to the Hasans of the world, who have no clue that anxiety exists lmao. Semi-ironically following a "grindset" got me so many new friends and dates that it's not even funny, even if I'm still anxious and forcing myself to talk to people.
literally this lol
Damn that's some next level alienation that lady experienced. And that she doesn't have a friend she can tell that to instead of posting on the Internet? Jesus it's lonely to be a person today.
if you have mental problems
@@merrickbryan85 what does being lonely have to do with mental illness, did you just learn a new word or something?
@@merrickbryan85 You are not intelligent
It's a hell of a lot easier to explain your woes into a screen where there are people who might be people but it's not like theyre people you *see.*
The comments pass the vibe check, I love how compassionate everyone is in explaining the situation
Sameeee
Hasan misses the point here. She saying it sucked to go out hoping to make friends and then something happened that made her feel even more alone.
Ya Hasan just immediately resorted to calling her a femcel and being an asshole. Love Hasan but I was so taken aback by his take
So what should he have said? Don’t self improve? She opens and ends with talking about dating and he responds to that I honestly don’t get what people are mad at?
Nah I think he gets it. This one catastrophic event shouldn’t lead to her giving up on finding someone. That’s what he’s saying. I don’t think anyone disagrees on the fact that the comedy show wasn’t a fun situation. The truth is that putting yourself out there is a great way to meet someone. But if you give up after one bad night, then you’ll miss all the shots you don’t take.
I think he was talking to chat and not her really. Chat definitely projected a lil and Hasan tried talking about self improvement with them but they were hung up on the vid.
he gets it, he just can't relate because he would not feel that way if that happened to him lol extremely leo of him tbh
I'm a little disappointed that Hasan isn't understanding this situation for the lonely girl but whatevs. She has been trying to make friends/meet a romantic interest for months if not years and has been putting herself out there by trying to socialize in public. She hasn't had success and it can be assumed that she doesn't actually have any close/meaningful friendships because she is going out of her way to try to meet people. In this context, she goes to an event that is FOR meeting people and ends up in a situation where she has been thoroughly alienated from the rest of the people there for a number of reasons (seating, comedian commentary, lack of chatting during the show) and makes no connections. I would be devastated in that situation.
This isn't just about being comfortable in solitude- many people utterly lack meaningful socialization. I'm happy with being alone, but I don't want to be alone ALL THE TIME. I have actually been going through a similar problem as the girl in the video. It is extremely challenging to make friends.
But.... He does? Did you watch beyond the 2 minute mark?
I dont mean to be the bearer of bad news but attending "events that are for meeting people" will never be how you make friends. To make real friends (at least in my mind) you have to spend a lot of time together, regularly over a long time. Meeting once a week isn't even enough. Most places most people make friends are either school, uni, or work. So if you're struggling to make friends remember that meeting new people won't ever matter if you don't spend enough time with them afterwards. And it's gonna be way easier if you have some sort of excuse to spend time together often, like a club or some other organised activity.
Is it months or years? Since you're the expert I would have figured you would know this info a lil more accurately...
@@SaIvat0re Okay, please feel free to show me to the room full of people that are interested in meeting regularly to grow closer. I've made efforts to spend more time/become closer with a number of my work friends to no avail. I would LOVE to know people that were actively interested in spending a lot of time together lmao
@@cnnr_ I watched 25 minutes of this video and after he dismissed the issue at hand (socialization at a cultural level) he focuses on critiquing the girl and giving his standard self-help advice- which I am arguing is not terribly applicable to the subject of the video. Girl was not talking about having social anxiety and being unable to go out in public and talk to people- she is DOING THAT and it isn't working. Are there areas where she could improve her approach? Yes, of course! But the problem that Hasan diagnosed is not necessarily what is being expressed.
I'm usually on board with Hasan but not sure about this one. I'm very comfortable alone. I've lived totally alone for about 10 years now with a few on and off relationships. I have no problem going to events alone, dinner, concerts, etc. Do it all the time. But that doesn't mean that there aren't moments of loneliness. I feel for this girl. I live in New Hampshire and dating is awful here. Tons of gun fetishists and generally unpleasant people, with a super old average age. My age demo is not great for dating. I consider myself very comfortable and confident and if i went to an event like this girl and was brought in front of a crowd like that it would destroy me. The dating landscape in some places, especially outside of the big cities is really rough.
try location maxxing bro
@@VODEnjoyersome people literally cannot do that “bro” some people cannot move because of their jobs. Also not everyone wants to date long distance. You’re being an asshole. I’d also bet you’re single and lonely as well
Yeah, he has a bad take on this. Poor girl, she deserved better.
What don’t you agree with him on? That she should do self help?
He's always out of touch when it comes to dating and socializing issues. Dude lives in a completely different world. And you're right, " being comfortable with being alone" has its limits, I don't know why people are refusing to accept that and continue to spout it as if we aren't social animals. Some people have had plenty of times to be alone
Hasan doesnt get it. It has nothing to do with being hot. I feel for the girl. She was actively seeking friends and maybe more, and even then she makes a negative experience.
He wasnt saying it was about whether u are ”hot” or not. He was talking about the probability of her upset nature at being unable to find a partner is inherently due to an insecurity and lack of confidence in oneself. Not that she’s alone because of her insecurity, but she’s uncomfortable with being alone due to her insecurity.
@@LeroyBickerstaff4brother, she LITERALLY was placed in a situation that made her LOOK alone to everyone. So much so that the host pointed it out and tried to console her on it, adding to the perception.
People like Hasan might now care or have the ability to view yourself in third person, but that experience is mentally harmful
this whole video is just 30 minutes of a dude not being able to exercise basic empathy towards someone, not surprised though, Hasan is definitely has the most right wing dude bro personality among all the leftist youtubers lol
@@declaringpond2276 I don't doubt that nor do I think Hasan is denying that. It's understandable to garner that type of reaction. Just pointing out the route of reaction she took (visceral sadness, frustration, and recording herself) just gives off someone not comfortable in their own skin.
@@LeroyBickerstaff4not really, you can be relatively comfortable and feel sad because of awkward situations - we are social creatures, our brains are hardwired towards it.
I don’t think the issue was solely a social anxiety issue. She may not have even initially been ashamed of being single and alone. But every moment of this interaction for her was highlighting her lonesomeness in front of a bunch of strangers.
It’s not about being single, it’s about general isolation, which Americans (and others) haven’t dealt well with and results in declining mental health. She was obviously feeling this build up for a while and this felt like a big insult of fate to end up still being sat alone and pointed out.
Yeah the Himbo doesn't get it because he's Turkish and has inbuilt friendship. My boyfriend is Tamil and the Tamilian "instant friends" thing is real. Whereas he has only made durable relationship with me as a white person, because other white people don't make friends easy. We're aloof!
@@bisiilkihe's also a narcissist(not derogatory) and extrovert, so he doesn't understand how it feels to have a lot of self awareness.
Lmao man without social anxiety doesn't understand that when you have social anxiety "being noticed" is literally the worst thing that could ever happen to you 💀
I'm not bashing on him, it just must be nice lol..
hasan thinks everyone is dying to be the center of attention for an audience when clearly this girl just wants to be the center of attention for one guy..
its fire
I have social anxiety but it’s a muscle you have to workout to function around other people, there’s a better side to it but it is very very hard and you still expend a lot more energy to do so than someone without it does
She never said she had it
Chat made that observation
@@alexj-t2331 Same here... the more you workout that muscle though the stronger it gets. But yeah, it defs takes a lot more energy
Hasan picks the worst chatters to read.
Have you seen the comments here? Most are mad at Hasan for giving the perfect reaction to this. 90% of the comments here are hating on him and ignoring the messed up thing she said about the uber driver.
I know a lot of you gen z types don't know how to talk to another person in person and Hasan was clearly right, given how triggered you all are over his words lololol.
Not saying you're one of these people lexi, : )
@@soyborne.bornmadeandundone1342Do you not see the irony in your comment?
It's twitch chat what do you expect
@@soyborne.bornmadeandundone1342 lmao at someone who uses the word "triggered" as an insult agreeing with Hasan Piker of all people, wait till you find out he's a woke, wait till Hasan finds out he has chuds agreeing with him in this video lol
@@soyborne.bornmadeandundone1342
1. Nothing is a "perfect take", Hasan was righr in recognising that a defeatist attitude worsens things, but failed to recognise that social interaction in a hyper-indivdualised society like America is inherently harder
2. The stereotype that Gen Z don't knowhow to hold conversations is false and outdated.
I can’t imagine getting over social anxiety to go meet people and constantly getting called out for bringing alone
She never once said she has social anxiety?
That poor lady was made fun of at a rough time in her life.
Well, she did go sit in the hot seat.
@@GSP-76 With the understanding that she wouldn't be sitting alone. She was misdirected and it sucked.
She also was being very unfair about her Uber driver subscribing to the “lonely cat (dog) lady” trope. Very uncool of her
Her tactics leads to reproduction.
Hashtag erroneous/misguided fear of replacement.
@@wesleystreetshe can just leave
i don’t like how he said “the reason you’re not finding anyone is because you haven’t readied yourself” like i’m sorry but this is just not correct lol. imagine being in that girls situation, being alone for so long, after 7 years of trying to find someone i would be saying the exact same things as her. it doesn’t matter whether you’re “ready” or not, because after that amount of time with no luck whatsoever, it does get incredibly discouraging, and you end up not giving a fuck when people say “the time will come when it’s right” or “you’ll find your person”, after a while it just becomes torturous to hear
You can be 100% ready but if you don't meet a good option at a time good for BOTH of you you're going to continue waiting.
I've come to realise it all just boils down to luck, I think if we were more honest with ourselves and didn't dress everything up in roses this would be the most likely answer.
also -- who the fuck is "ready"? arent relationships supposed to be about mutually bettering each other? how are you supposed to better yourself in isolation?
I feel very bad for this young woman. I'm a married guy now but I got burned a LOT when I was single. It's hard to meet people and singlehood is lonely... but you're better being single than in a miserable relationship. Gotta start with making groups of good friends.
Some girl: I was ritualistically humiliated for being single.
Hasan: Maybe you're just too insecure to handle the ritualistic humiliation, try being more confident.
Tim: You would be much better off if you were financially dependent on the husband you don't have.
:(. fuk i want to help her so bad. This shit was rough.
Fr this is one thing that I abore about hassan (and im a fan of hassan btw) . he grew up a rich kid, went to america and went to college as a rich kid. happened to be white passing and good looking enough to the point that people most likely always wanted to befriend him. he was laughing genuinely cuz he cant imagine being alone because you dont have anyone who wants to hang out. now he's a rich streamer and all these streamers hang out with each other for content.
To her and anyone going thru this. its ok to be alone if thats what you want. and its ok to want to socialize and build connections with others (friends/romantic partners). The first thing i would say is: think about things u like to do. 2nd is take chances: you will feel like that woman felt but thats ok.
my recomendation. use apps like "meetup" (there are others). find niche groups u want to join (anime, cars, gaming, etc). u can meet alot of people that way.
Also recomend volunteering at your local animal shelter, religious place (if thats your thing), public event (fairk blood drive, veterans day event etc).
It's actually crazy how Hasan is always about being socially aware and understanding others yet this situation is so crazy to him he cant even talk about it without sounding incredibly patronizing
You’re projecting he sounds fine
how do you expect that everyone is going to understand what is like to have social anxiety that have never experienced it. its okay to not to understand. and he doesnt sound patronizing.
"I don't get it, I, someone who's in front of camera eight hours a day talking to 20,000 people, would be totally fine in this situation."
is he patronizing or are you not getting his autistic line of questioning? lmao
@@xvovox-ll4epBut it's like being a rocket scientist and not understanding 2+2=4. It's obviously to anyone with a brain why she didn't like what happened to her, you shouldn't need it to be explained to you
I think part of the issue with dating is the Internet has made it so that you can always find the next better person rather than invest in someone you kinda like but might have some issues with
This👏👏👏my partner and I call it upgrade syndrome.
@@JessTheory yeah that's a good phrasing. For me I think people are after the perfect partner and rather than date someone put some time and effort to see if they can be a good partner and form a good partnership and take the risk you might not get what you're after or have to deal with a break up you just take the first flaw, say it gave you the ick, and move on. Not to mention the horror dating apps have wroght onto the dating economy.
Naw. I did this and was in a relationship for 3 years w a man who was lazy, dirty, and did not want to improve anything about himself. In his 20s, jobless, lived with his dad and didn't want to move out EVER, wanted me to clean after him and wash his asscrack for him, just..
Upgrades are sometimes necessary.
@@fatdragonite Yea doubt anyone would argue not but this is the other end of the spectrum.
@@calvinware7957
On the flip side, a lot of people have tried to invest time and energy into someone they thought they might like more later. And in doing so either realize they've made a mistake or gotten their hearts broken. So I can see both ideas about it.
Hasan has super selective empathy. He doesn't even get why this experience would be awful. Some people have never really suffered or struggled with isolation, and it's very easy to tell.
I mean more than that the social anxiety is real here and damn to not get that sb might feel humiliated by such a situation is very fortunate I suppose, but anyone who was ever shy or socially anxious would get that.
I don't think he has selective empathy but I think it's more that he genuinely doesn't understand (which must be nice) and trying to understand her point of view but ending up still not necessarily understanding that. Which is fine as long as you're being sympathetic and at least he's TRYING to understand.
I genuinely think that he really likes his alone time so he legitimately doesn't understand that feeling. People around him always joke that he notoriously never wants to leave his house, they even film the podcast inside his house for that reason
He literally said he felt for her. All that he is saying, which I as an AFAB person with massive social anxiety can still understand, is that this situation isn’t universally awful and that some people would be stoked and take advantage of the opportunity
I don’t know how everyone expects for people to automatically understand something that they’ve never experienced. Not understanding something is OK and that’s why he asked to chat.
"I wasn't always hot" *shows pic of himself still being hot but with a belly*
Add the current beard to belly Hasan and I'd do it
I think you just think he’s hot
@@alexj-t2331 nope! i think hes hot too 🥰 there are people out there that have a preference for extra meat. weirdo
@@bawnawnI’m confused, he’s just giving an example as to how he wasn’t hot by societal standards not only due to his weight but due to his grooming habits as well but that doesn’t mean someone still wouldn’t think he’s hot in all stages
Trust me as one of the gays, you are just putting on rose coloured glasses.
Don’t ever sit front row at a comedy show unless you’re built diffy. Also don’t ever sit in the front if you’re alone. You will get turned into content 🥴
that lady forced her to sit in the front
Tell me you didn't hear the part where they forced her to sit there lmao.
like it's this woman's fault....?
Every comedy does only crowd work for tik tok now, so it's understood at this point that you're there to get roasted. People shout out their relationship problems at comedy shows now to get attention from the comic. If I was asked to sit in the front, I would politely decline 😂
You could use that to ur adavntage if you know how
He doesn’t understand how painful it is, BUT his advice is valuable
Himbo Hasan just happy to get noticed KEKW
Chat, I'm hot as fuck, I have self confidence and I love how I look and dress, but I'm still socially anxious and single in my 20s. It's not about being hot or not, it's about being anxious or not. They're completely separate from each other.
I also disagree with Hasan. Having confidence doesn't mean you don't have anxiety. Not having confidence can make anxiety worse, sure, but gaining confidence doesn't mean your anxiety will go away. It's so much deeper of a thing then that.
I love being alone, I can't stand living with too many people and I need a ton of time alone. But I'm still lonely! I've always wanted friends and a partner, im confident and happy by myself but I still want other people in my life
I love Hasan but he completely missed the point that the girl was trying to make and was honestly unintentionally being mean. He doesn’t get it because he’s never dealt with social anxiety. Someone literally told her to sit up front then the entire night they made fun of her for it. The comedian themselves literally said because she sat upfront she’s automatically consented to being made fun of and being the butt end of all the jokes. They were making fun of her for being lonely and going there alone. No one was trying to be her friend or interact with her, they were humiliating her and shaming her
And then she saw a nice Uber lady and thought to herself "this is who I'm going to become" and showed that her whole world revolves around "how lonely I am" and it has become a self fulfilling prophecy for her. Hasan is making a point that she's lonely because she isn't mentally / emotionally healthy
You don’t even know what they said so how were they shaming her? Also how was he being mean? Saying things will get better?
He literally thanks chat for helping him understand.
I don’t know how people expect everyone to understand what social anxiety is like especially if they’ve never experienced it. It’s OK not to know. And this girl, if she has social anxiety, why would she sit at the front? Like I don’t know any person, who has social anxiety that wouldn’t just move to the back or leave or refuse to sit at the front.
@@hexlemorte5201 He's quite patronising in this video and didn't really understand the point of the video. He goes on a tangent about being ok with being alone which is true, but the point is she went to the show TO meet people and instead left feeling more alone because of the isolation.
I feel defeated too. I stopped trying. Which is sad.
Edit: that you guys. Your messages are uplifting ! 🙏
When you are not trying you are in the best frame of mind to meet someone, be happy alone and the rest solves itself.
It's over! There's only one way to stop the pain....Oreo man ftw
@@sharper68 Literally though. I met my fiancé literally a month after I stopped trying. I just ended a pretty crappy relationship, and I had 3 months until I was supposed to graduate college, so I stopped trying. a month later, I'm in a relationship that's better than I even knew was possible.
stopped trying.. wich is sad...
self pity some more
I completely empathize with you. I think it’s less about “trying” and more about focusing on yourself and your own happiness outside of a relationship. Because no relationship lasts even with people who have been married for decades. I think about who I’m gonna be in my 70s and I don’t see a husband or grandchildren. I see an old hippy lady living in the woods and gardening. And thinking about the possibility of that future gives me great comfort
She is right wtf I fully empathize with hrr
I think it’s correct for people to be mixed on this because I think the situation is more nuanced than what many are making it out to be. It both sucks that people brought attention to how “brave” someone was for being alone when their intention was to not be alone. However, I also think that societally we are romanticizing the idea that no one is complete if they’re alone. I think Hasan makes a good overall societal analysis, talking about how confidence is key and society is trying to break down confidence in many and gives little situations to build up confidence.
Absolutely, the 'deafitist attitude' doesn't work but it also most probably comes from experiences of being let down and being asked to bring down your standards for an partner for example when infact the issues could be way more multifaceted than just having high standards.
You can be ok being single, and ok being alone.. what's not ok is being pitied because of it... that's humiliating. Like there's something wrong with you because you're single? Like WTF?
Its pretty easy to see where that lady is coming from, I don't think Hasan fully gets it :/
If you know you know
I am not sure if he’s a closet introvert who has just had so much media exposure that his social muscle works in overtime but I believe he is at least trying to sympathize. Even if he’s not an introvert I think introverts and extroverts can learn a lot from each other and he’s probably trying to give advice as best he can
@@alexj-t2331 I think hes for sure an introvert, he notoriously doesn't like leaving his house or going anywhere. I think that makes it difficult for him to understand how/why people would feel this way, and makes him come across a little dismissive
This comment section is more pathetic than the girl... wtf cares... omg now wonder shes crying about not meeting people... poor victims wyts... you should go meet her hahahaha
I always figured if they named a whole street car desire, it meant that drive was kind of important, but who knows what rails and and current will bring. Sin is impedance and impedance is sin, complacency, is a symptom, asymptomatic to order, on the ole golden log down splash mountain.
This is a wild ride. Hasan is 100% right about the crisis of confidence being experienced around the globe and the systemic causes. We are taught to feel like crap about ourselves so that “solutions” can be sold to us. And I am a strong believer in his anyone can be a 7 concept. But it is also clear that this is 100% a blind spot for his empathy. The experience of being lonely and desperately wanting the type of social connection that Hasan describes as innate to humans and feeling unable to take actionable steps to remedy it is an incredibly difficult situation. The societal structures that support forming bonds begin to disappear and you are required to devote more and more energy trying to generate opportunities. It is like cold calling for human connection and it sucks. Yes - the answer is to remain continue growing, rest when you need to, and be persistent but that is not easy. Hasan isn’t inherently “hot” and incapable of understanding these concepts - but his regard for self has been reinforced repeatedly by those around him and the systems in which he operates. That isn’t a bad thing - but not everyone is fortunate enough to have their confidence validated in that same way
Oh - and Tim Pool is a monstrous chum bucket wearing a beanie
well put!
Idk If I'm weird or whatever but I've always thought that dating has always been ruined. Ive always believed that relationships should blossom naturally and overtime maybe dating can be a thing but to start of with this concept of potentially dating right away feels forced it's just weird and not natural, idk how to explain it but I believe that things have a flow in life and this definitely doesn't
You are absolutely right. You think Hasan being a leftist would understand that maybe the "dating market" isn't a good way to organize relationships.
it's just worsened by dating apps. i just refuse to use them. it's like browsing for romantic partners the same way you browse for produce at the store. it takes the humanity out of human interaction.
@@Axelarden agreed 100%
I agree, i feel kinda intimidated by the idea that a person that I've just met already has the idea that we're gonna be in a romantic relationship, like that's a lot of expectations for when you barely know each other. Maybe that's why it feels forced.
@@Axelardenyes! it's literally like window-shopping for people 😅
Hassan missing the point that this was a breaking point for her. It's the learned helplessness of trying and failing and trying and failing and trying and being noticed for trying and being congratulated for trying and still failing. She'll bounce back but right now in that moment wants this experience to be acknowledged.
Right on the money
Bro, the beanie is one thing but standing up on his tippie-toes had me rolling.
I feel like people need to chill and do things they like to do and that's how you'll meet people along the way.
Nah, that only works if you're a super extrovert. Nobody wants to go play boardgames and deal with dudes there for a date.
@jeffersonclippership2588 They said “meet people” not “get dates”.
The point is, do things you like doing in a place where other people are also doing that thing and you’ll have a better chance of meeting people you have things in common with and therefor have an easier time talking to. Maybe one of those people will be someone you’re interested in dating, maybe they’ll be interested in dating you, and that’s great, but the important thing is doing things with other people *without* the explicit purpose of getting a date.
@@jeffersonclippership2588there are always other hobbies
@KickinRadTopHat again, only works for super extroverts. In general, there's a catch 22 with making friends where you need to already have friends to make new ones because if you don't have friends, people will think you're weird
@@jeffersonclippership2588 ima keep it a buck man im an introvert and that either hard excuse or its a seperate issue. introversion doesnt mean youre adverse to going out in public nor does it make it harder to do so. you'd just prefer to spend time in private. i spent alot of time hold up in my room content but lonely and realized that you have to take accountability and find new hobbies or how your hobbies can meet new people. i literally went to a Tabletop Board Game night at a local game shop and met some great folks there. those resourses are there just reach out and get them. so yes PEOPLE DO WANT TO PLAY BOARD GAMES and maybe if you make a connection itll go further.
This isn't so much about being the center of attention or social anxiety as it is being embarassed of being alone and an entire event focusing on it, even if they meant no harm by it, I can relate to it, I've had similar feelings, and while people can easily blurt out "I would just use the opportunity and bla bla bla" the issue is not everyone has had the chance to face those situations and have enough experience to know how to navigate the situation.
So while this lady will learn from this experience, just unlucky that she had to go through a raid boss while still leveling up.
"It's not that bad to be alone"
No, it's not, but sometimes you just don't want to be. It's not a bad thing to walk around town, but sometimes you just wanna go for a drive
The point was, she made an effort to go out there and actually act on the advice that people usually give people in her situation all the time - which is create the circumstances to meet people - and she felt extremely defeated when it didn't turn out that way, and then people on the stage pointed that fact out towards a group of people.
She even went explained the point that it wasn't the comics, fault, it wasn't the attendees fault, it wasn't anyones fault, but she felt an overwhelming feeling of shame that her attempts feel futile. In my opinion, justifiably so. That would suck for anyone - hot, ugly, neurodivergent or normie - to be feeling lonely and then exposed to a room full of people. If one has social anxiety - that's downright traumatic.
Goddamn, I feel bad for her. I hope she continues to put herself out there and meet people, and I hope she finds her person/people.
Hasan showing some real lack of ability to meet lonely, discouraged people where they are, saying "be confident lmao there are 8 billion people you're just at L person do better" (paraphrasing ofc) is so incredibly useless. Good mental health and self confidence are unheard of by the majority of young people in America. "Defeatist attitudes" are a less sympathetic way to phrase what is essentially a common symptom of anxiety/depression. Looking after one's wellbeing can be mentally, monetarily, and socially exhausting. The survivor's bias on display is in the half assed TED talk given on how to be better from the perspective of someone who has moved past his own unique battles.
Hasan's advice is generally good, he is just really not reading the room here and meeting his audience where they are. This coming from another "survivor". I obviously still have mental scars from being an ugly, expressionless, morbidly obese outcast, but that past allows me the perspective to see that Hasan seems to have a bit of egocentric tunnel vision in this clip lol leave a like for the bitching.
"If you're depressed take a walk and drink some water!!" type shit
@@crystallakecloI mean unless you actually have a chemical imbalance that needs meds that basic advice like eating better and moving more does actually help annoyingly so
He's contributing to the toxic positivity wave. He says "get therapy" all the time, but is calling the process of coping and feeling valid in the issues you're facing to equal wallowing in it. Literally, the first part of therapy is understanding and validating yourself before working on actionable self-improvement strategies.
@@crystallakeclo the thing is that being a streamer, talking to 20k+ people whatever personal advice you're gonna give will be banal. Like saying to not give in and wallow in self-pity, unhelpful as it sounds is pretty much the best advice you can give in a position like this.
I think helpful context here is a long history of Hasan trying to keep his chat out of the incel pipeline. He tends to push back against defeatist attitudes towards relationships because that tends to be where those ideas start to take hold. The idea that things suck, you were dealt a losing hand and there is nothing you can do to change it, thats where people start to slip down those bad places. I've heard him do it a thousand times, and when pressed on it he'll usually explain that he doesn't want to add to the idea that things suck and they can't change, because that isn't helpful to anyone. I think it does make him come across as unsympathetic in some situations, but I also get why he does it. [edit: Just realized he actually brings it up in this video too, around 7:45 he talks about defeatism as the first step to becoming an incel]
I feel very isolated these days... it is really hard to meet people... but yesterday an elderly lady told me I was good looking and that was nice I guess 😅
Chat making this a gender thing is a bit weird. Like sure, the pressure on women isn't the same regarding pairing up, but there are HUGE social movement lately of women who decide to stay alone. Not being lonely, but being alone, which is absolutely different. I'm one of those alone women and I'm living my best life. I won't compromise on my alone time for some rando, they would have to be fuckin fantastical and not add to my burden for me to even consider it.
That's great for you, but others like me require human socializing and meaningful relationships. There's a difference between alone time and being alone
I’ve had a lot of social anxiety my entire life. I still deal with if I’m surrounded by large crowds or social settings where I don’t know anyone.
That said, I found that life changed when I read “all about love” by bell hooks and reframed my loneliness with isolation. It reframed my “nobody loves me or could love me” into “I’d rather have a genuine love than a self appreciating love”
I can’t speak from a woman’s perspective, but I do believe that the quiet building of self confidence truly makes life more enjoyable and that energy carries over into your love life where you realize that even if “nobody loves you” you have your own interpersonal love for comfort, which ironically draws in more people because you feel more comfortable expressing yourself which allows more people to be attracted to who you are.
I’m planning to read that! I’ve read her “Masculinity and love” and it’s incredible
The last paragraph of this comment sums up not just finding a partner, but being successful in life altogether.
@@deddeeee409ooouuu that’s been on my list! Can’t wait to get to it after my current reads!
i agree! theres a reason people say you need to love yourself before you can love others. i always thought that phrase was bullshit when i was young but now i realize it really is true. you have to be okay with being alone and you have to actually enjoy your own presence before you can be with someone else or else it wont work.
I'll be honest, a lot of you need to experience more rejection and advocate for yourselves. She literally starts by saying dating apps are trash, people she meets IRL are trash, you've already discounted people in general before meeting anything, no one will save you, you need to find love for other people and yourselves.
Since she judged the whole life of her Uber driver I think you hit the nail on the head with that one. If she sees an old lady who is passionate about her pets as being akin to a crazy cat lady then she probably projects more things onto other people too
yup she honestly sounded really judgy and jaded. modern dating is really toxic most of the time from both men and women. everyone wants the perfect partner without any of the work that comes with being in a relationship.
@@alexj-t2331 people who act like that are more insecure about themselves than they let on. putting their own loneliness onto others
I just lost sympathy when she trashed an Uber driver out of nowhere and thought it was fine to put online, it's pretty revealing. lol
also gotta mention the ''find someone WORTH MY TIME'' lol this lady is cray
nah. On Grindr there’s a lot of old men only looking for relationships that have been there for years. Once you hit a certain age a massive amount of people aren’t even willing to give you a chance to even communicate
She definitely switched up and came off self important and demeaning. Probably why she has interpersonal issues.
@@BH-wk8vdwell maybe date in your own age range?
People reveal a lot about themselves by how they treat service workers
As someone who suffers from social anxiety and spent decades single and lonely I also had many experiences like this where I would finally work up the courage to go out and socialise and try to make friends only to end up being emotionally brutalised by strangers. This girl's experience is just so familiar to me.
People underestimate how horrible they can be without being physical. That mobbing and everyone targeting and singleing one person out who came with pure good intentions on top of having to take that sacrifice of all the anxiety to come outside and to look for better oppertunities just to be met with evil people finding stuff like this pure humor is awful. Never underestimate how awful humans can be for pure humor or for no good reason.
bad takes from Hasan and the comments. insane that he just defaults to providing "self-help" advice when she's been trying to date for years. she is a victim of a broader social and cultural issue with how people, particular Americans, interact with each other in social contexts. her feelings are all that matter right now and hopefully she can recover and come out stronger. dating is rough and being bullied for being alone is NOT helping. there's no planet where she can be blamed for really anything here. this wasn't her dating, this was her being bullied by a room full of adults and then treated like a child that got a bruise on the playground after the fact. so tone deaf.
: I see teenage me in this person, but I somehow managed to get over the idea that attention is only valuable to me when it's provided in the way I want it.
Hasan's solution is the same as mine is now; the idea is to react to attention in a way that ultimately transforms it into something more ideal for you to continually deal with. That is a skill that NEEDS to be developed, because the same skill allows you to stick up for yourself in the face of people who try to abuse you or get something for nothing out of you.
This has got to be his worst take yet. I’m diagnosed with social anxiety and I do enjoy being alone. But when I do want to go out, either to see a friend or hang out with a group, or just with my family, I am always anxious. I never want to be the center of attention, and if I’m pointed out for anything about me not having a friend, or being alone, it hurts. Especially when you want to meet people. Or meet up with someone you know. It still feels lonely even if you’re with a person you love. I wish I could go out without the fear of being alone, even if it’s with someone. I understand Hasan is trying to get this woman’s feelings, but it feels so degrading. Self improvement isn’t the same for everyone. I have improved my social skills over the years, especially in asking for things.Augh sorry just word vomit. I think I’m mostly not agreeing with Hasan because I feel like he has no idea what it is for people with social anxiety.. of any kind. Or any kind of mental disorder or illness.
I love how gentle Hasan was about saying that this level of anxiety is worth working on and reducing
it is incredibly depressing that SOO many people deal with this level of anxiety. i used to deal with this level of anxiety and it was hard as FUCK to deal with
It’s true, you’ll never not need to decompress by yourself but social skills are a muscle that you have to workout, if you don’t then it never gets better
@@alexj-t2331 exactly, and he was very brave for making that point repeatedly lol
@@khbgkhamazingly I think his RUclips comments are being quite empathetic to his point of view. Some people in here are clearly just venting their own frustrations and being defeatist about the subject but overall I think he managed to make a good dialogue happen
@@alexj-t2331yeah like I 1000% get where this girl is coming from, but also Hasan isn’t wrong
“You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone”
Tim musing on hairlines past
This is definitely a more nuanced and complex issue than both sides are making it out to be. First of all the tiktok is a complete non-starter, its just one person having anxiety about their spot in the dating scene, which is something practically every person feels, and she had a uniquely targeted, unlucky experience that really irritated that sore spot. I don't really see how it says *anything.*
Second, echoing this same broken, tired sentiment of "self help" and "goal setting" is actually the reason why people are failing to become motivated. Its toxic positivity. The fact that its echoing Jordan Peterson and other sentiments should be of concern, not comfort. This is the shallow, nothing-burger philosophy a world systematically deprived of all truer meaning comes up with in place of any ACTUAL philosophy, meaning, or greater truth. I was not placed on this speck of burning rock so that I could accumulate a list of arbitrarily "favorable" qualities to the appeasement of some social norm. The truth is far more appetizing, I think, that this is your one and only life, you are surrounded by all the wonders of human culture, and the natural world. You are the universe, dreaming of itself, relieve yourself of any notion that you could commit some ultimate cosmic wrong, or somehow *fail*, and just *live*. Live and do what makes you feel holistically, authentically good, WHATEVER that is. For many it will not fit into the predetermined ideas of what is "success".
Self loathing can indeed feel comforting, which to me was the scariest part of it. I'm glad I'm out of that mindset now.
I feel like I always hear people talk about why they won’t or wouldn’t date somebody, rather than what makes them want to date someone. One flaw and someone might be off the table. Start looking for and appreciating the good in people instead of laying under the covers waiting for the bad things to come. Don’t let yourself get in the way of your happiness
The exact thing is happening to me right now. I'm thinking of asking a girl out but I found one thing I thought was off and was immediately second guessing to ask her out. Thank you for saying this, I will shoot my shot and we'll see where it will lead me.
@@neondarkcro697 good luck my brother!
Best advice in the comments section and it's sitting at the bottom with 2 upvotes.
Finding people you are comparable with off the bat it’s important such as shared politics and views of the world but being in the relationship takes upkeep, that goes for friendships too
GOLDEN COMMENT
Hate that the only way to get better at a thing is to do the thing. Disgusting
Gen love how nice Hasan can be. It’s been nice for the brain to realize like oh it’s not the worst to be a nice hermit, which has helped me be more confident in non hermit situations
Exactly! Like I enjoy going out and interacting but I much prefer when people come join me in my art cave lmao
I wish I had the ability to place myself in hermit situations like yourself. Truly would be living out the life of a non pervy Master Roshi out in the Galapagos Islands, with them chill giant tortoises.
Usually don’t watch hasan but he takes the W on this take
Same I honestly hate him lol, I don’t align at all with the left at all but some of his points were really good and made sense. Look at the people in the comments being over-sensitive saying he’s being “mean” lmao they are probably just as insecure about themselves as
Im a Hasan fan, subd obviously but let this continue to serve as a reminder that Streamers like Hasan are naturally disconnected from common peoples reality.
Its natural and no that doesnt mean he is an awful person or is as disconnected as his critics let on, nor does it discredit his political view and what he teaches his audience about politics.
He is though disconnected and this take imo is worse than his soul draining job take.
Look. Dating is difficult. Especially in the modern day. But what kinds of places is she trying to meet people? What’s going on with her that she’s been trying to find someone for so long with 0 results? Not saying there is anything wrong with her but a lot of times, you are your own biggest obstacle, and self reflection is the only way to move on.
Or maybe her standards are fucked. I don’t know. But I do feel for her.
Sometimes it's just bad luck
Let me explain what this feels like as a 30 year old, long-time single woman, with clinically diagnosed social anxiety AND confidence.
I am treated like a make a wish kid all the time. Being hyper-independent, there is nothing more fundamentally uncomfortable than receiving special attention and being pampered; but I am happy to lean into it to put the visibly stressed people around me at ease. It is unbelievably cute when a couple suddenly synchronises and go into parent mode. It’s like a glimpse into how loved and protected their children will feel.
I love my own company and think finding a person whose company I love even more is exciting. No rush. Eggs are freezable lol
Hasan seems to have an emotional blindspot with this girl and misses the point, however commenters pointing that out, then continuing being compassionate and emphatetic towards her is pretty wholesome.
Yeah man, Hasan you out of pocket for this one. I can speak from experience. Its hard for everyone right now, especially if you are lgbtq. Im a black man, gay, in shape, i'd give nyself an 8. But I live in Portland, which is 90% white. I cant even go to a bar and strike up friendships because everyone is so flakey. Im taking a trip to LA this month because I know its where im at thats the problem. When i was in Texas, my interactions were far more plentiful and engaging. Dating and relationship building is trash right now, in general.
People who choose bars to socialize because they can't socialize without alcohol are flaky?! Who would have thought?! maybe try meeting people somewhere other than a bar and you'd have better luck. Generally bars are the worst place to meet people that you actually want to spend any concentrated amount of time with. Portland is amazing in terms of art museums and outdoor recreation. Join a hiking group, become a regular at First Thursday galleries, there are plenty of queer hiking groups and artist collectives in the Portland metro area. Sincerely, a recently moved from Portland queer woman with a vibrant social life who has been single by choice over 3 years and has plenty of friends of all races. ❤
@@dangerxbadger2300 I know you mean well so I will respond respectfully. I have joined hobby and interests groups like game nights at the eagle for example. I have done speed dating, and I am a born and raised Portland resident. Not only is there a lot of passive aggressiveness in these crowds and clubs that you suggested, but unlike most people, I am not afraid to engage people. Its just not reciprocated. Also there is a stark difference from how you will be treated as a white woman then I will as a black man. I'm glad you treat all your friends well, it's just a shame that that is not the case for most gay Portland residents.
@@Lyric061791that's super fair, and I apologize if I came across as rude. Portland IS a very white city, and I also apologize for not addressing that piece either. That's probably really hard for you. And I definitely feel you on the passive aggressiveness. ❤
Hasan is great but he missed the mark on this. This was a video of a person talking about a rough social experience and feeling lonely. His rant about self improvement had zero relevance. That implies her experience and feelings are based on a flaw of her own.
It was strange
Honestly sucks to see so much hate directed towards what Hasan says when I agree with so much of it. I used to have crazy low self-esteem and high anxiety, and I understand that when you're in that position, imagining a life where you don't feel that way is impossible, it just doesn't feel like a world that you can reach. But you can! - I have! It surprises me that actually knowing and understanding yourself is *uncommon*. People get defensive and anxious because they don't even know who they really are -- maybe not in all cases, but certainly how it was for me. Once you understand yourself, what is true and what is not, the one who makes those decisions about you is no one but yourself, and so the opinions of others will be less and less important. In that way, comfort in oneself is an amazing thing. Human beings are social but don't have to be the core of your life.
Hasan trying to explain a healthy social life to twitch chatters is hilarious
im a single woman in my thirties and im very content and not looking for a partner at all.
being happy and alone with no partner is way better than being in a bad relationship.
please don't fall for the lie that someone needs someone else in order to be happy. Live your life, do what you love. if you meet someone and you want to have a relationship with them, cool, enjoy it.
normally though when im happy i meet someone and think i want a relationship and i end up not as happy as I was alone.
if you aren't a happy and whole person while alone, you will not be a happy and whole person in a relationship. the honeymoon phase wears off and then you are left feeling the same as you felt when alone.
yep, EXACTLY!
Speak the truth! ❤
THANK YOU! Upvoting so more people see this. Also in my 30’s and single and everyone in my family: my siblings, our parents, our grandparents, we were all told that what you have to do in life in get married so you can start having kids. And I watched as that concept has destroyed several generations of my family in both sides. People who were too immature, too young to be having kids starting families and ending up in bad marriages where the family is eventually split up. The emotional damage that was inflicted on me, my siblings and my cousins was awful. Almost everyone in my parent’s generation is divorced and the ones that are still together aren’t happy but won’t get divorced because they can’t afford to.
I resonate with Hasan here. Im a mentally unwell femme afab who doesn’t like being the center of attention, and for the whole video I was confused as to what her issue was with the situation. Ngl for the most part it felt like maybe it’s an issue she needs to work on, not some external factor that’s making things difficult for her to meet new people. I don’t meet the beauty standard very well, but in the end the only people worth meeting are those who don’t nitpick my appearance and want to be around me. It’s a matter of confidence and the painful reality that while most of us are very insecure, nobody wants to date someone who isn’t self confident.
You could almost be describing me and I thought exactly the same
Yes but if you never accept people at their lows then that's pretty messed up. No one's saying accept a bad relationship. I dated a SA survivor, I worked with their trauma and did my best to help them. In the end I got ab*sed. Does doesn't mean all SA survivors are going to be ab*sive because they have issues, no. Everyone deserves a chance
@@declaringpond2276 Yes ofc everyone deserves a chance, and people deserve love no matter their circumstances. However the reality is that no matter how much you love someone, it falls to the individual to choose to try and improve and actually work towards that goal. In the case of SA survivors like your ex partner, and I speak from experience as someone who’s been diagnosed with PTSD, we can turn into very ugly people if we don’t try and actually learn to cope with our trauma. Outside help is very useful but in the end it’s up to me as an individual, as well as it was for your ex partner, to hold ourselves accountable for the way we treat people around us and the way we treat ourselves.
That’s why I’m focusing the conversation on self-reflection rather than anything else. If someones been single for a long time or doesn’t have friends, doesn’t reflect on what they could be doing wrong and instead blames others to try and avoid accountability is just a bad thing to do. Nobody owes anybody (esp avoidant ppl like that) partnership
@@painless_noiz5786 I don't think that's why people are lonely. We live in a very isolating culture, especially for yt people like her. On top of her being a women, her being alone is suffocating, she probably has been okay being alone the majority of her life and now wants something different and is struggling finding relationships, and then that happened to her, a traumatic event.
Anyways, I still believe people at their lowest deserve someone to be there for them, I never believed that our trauma or mental ill ness battles had to be fought alone, we are all fighting the same fight, why do it alone?
@@painless_noiz5786 the image I've had im head is someone who's drowning, and you give them a hand. Yes there is that real possibility that the person who is drowning will only pull you down, so it's very fair to avoid helping. I however always believe in helping, I've been the person drowning, I've been at my lowest and plenty of friends were giving me a hand.
I agree with Hasan (mostly) here. I very much feel for her and her feelings are very valid, but I hope she keeps her head up. Its hard but if you are comfortable with yourself then you can always be alone. Being by yourself will be fulfilling enough, and any friends/relationships will be an added bonus on your foundation.
I have to disagree. I love being on my own, hell I could be a recluse in middle ages, but yeah as humans we are ultimately social creatures and having people in your life that you can talk to and spend time with is really important. I would say as much as I love spending time on my own and am kinda shitty about keeping a continuous contact with people due to low social needs, it's ignorant to say you can live without those. She might be fine with being by herself, but maybe she just wants to start a family or something. Not to mention being alone being a pun of a joke when you are insecure about being single in a room full of couples and people in groups is humiliating. I feel for her even tho I never had a desire for a romantic relationship.
@@duqial Hmm I see your persective. Ofcourse its impossible without any social connection at all. Im speaking from the perspective that most people have atleast family to talk to. But if you dont even have any family or anyone you trust to talk to, then thats a whole different matter for sure, and much more serious. I also very much feel for her, but agree with Hasan that she should not lose hope.
I'm perfectly fine with myself. I'm extremely aware of my imperfections, even addictive traits, but still, I'd like to have meaningful connections. Being fine and aware of what you are and not hating yourself doesn't mean you don't feel lonely, it's stupid to think that.
That's like saying you're only hungry or thirsty if you let yourself be. Human connection is so incredibly hard wired into our being, it's crazy to give someone shit for feeling lonely.
@@waterdragon1908 Please read again. My intentions were not to give her shit. Her feelings are valid ofcourse
imma be fr her situation is fucked up and I totally understand if that happened to me I wouldn't go out for a while
The lady is lonely and feels like a loser. Simple enough.
Its definitely hard to find people who are in 100% agreement on politics, but I've found for me, not prioritizing that, and as long as they aren't a zionist or dnc liberal, but just like normal liberal/progressive with an open mind.
There’s certain things you should align on like abortion because it can turn your whole lives upside down. First conversation with my bf before we started having sex is our personal stances being crystal clear on that and it’s wild to me that people don’t have that talk before it’s too late. Other things like philosophy, religion etc are case by case. However every relationship I’ve seen with people on polar opposite ends of the political spectrum don’t seem as happy as they want to project
I dunno. I get this if you’re over a certain age or don’t live in a city, but I live in a mid size “purple” city and I know so many leftist men in their mid 20s to 30s. I decided I didn’t want to date someone who wasn’t at least “left curious” way back in 2018 and that extra filter actually improved my prospects and I met my person within a year
@@LGrian For me, I am in my 30s, I don't live in a big city, but not too far from places like Philly. I only recently got back into dating after a long marriage. But it is pretty rural. I do find a lot of women who are pretty progressive/open minded/left curious nearby, I would say politics aren't their main passions, but if the subject of Israel and Palestine comes up, we are in total agreement on that, or reproductive rights, etc.
I feel like as soon as you require "aren't a Zio" (especially if you consider neutrality to be aligning with the aggressor) that field is so narrow. I am so grateful that my partner aligns with me on this issue, I don't know how we would have gone for the past 8 months.
@xBloodGarnetx I can respect your view there. However, I also see the need for nuance and understanding on how most people view the israel and palestine apartheid, and gaza genocide. As the vast majority of people aren't as well studied on it as we are in progressive spaces. It's only been in the last several months that more and more people in the West are becoming aware of how bad it is and how bad we have known it's been. If given the opportunity to approach it with nuance and facts to open-minded individuals, we can help change their minds or educate them on the situation. There is a lot of deprogramming we have to go through. I hope that made sense.
Maybe dating really is dead.... unironically, the chat seems like a giant billboard as to why. Cultural literalism and reflexive victimization really are a doozy.............
She lost me when she started shitting on that old lady like you can have social anxiety but when you let that turn into misanthropy you’re not allowed to cry about it imo at that point you’ve made it a self fufilling prophecy for yourself where everyone you meet sucks because you think they do before you talk to them
She didn’t say that she thought the lady sucked she just didn’t want to end up being alone bc she’s someone who wants a partner. She didn’t even imply that the driver lady was unhappy
@@goolumf she totally did what? She said “I’d hate to turn into her” implying that there’s something so tragic about being an old lady who loves her cats and drives Uber.
Hasan has the emotional intelligence of a boiled potato.
Idk, Tim might be onto something. I’d absolutely be willing to be a stay at home mom, and just control the home. Am currently a dude btw
She was upset because she already felt alone, and then in an attempt to find people, she was singled out (which is the opposite of what she was looking for).
Feeling distraught is absolutely warranted. However; your attitude towards a problem affects the probability for different outcomes.
Rationally, being positive and optimistic in a bad situation can only yield more positive results.
As someone who has been alone for 10 years... it's really not that bad. (I'm a guy so maybe it's a bit different)
I used to have that feeling that I should be with someone when i was younger... kinda like fomo when u see all ur friends in relationships. U think somethings wrong with u and its a part of life ur missing... But once u realize ur good on ur own (and u hear the shit ur friends in relationships have to deal with) that anxiety gradually goes away.
Maybe there isn't someone out there for you... or u might not ever meet them.
Don't let that diminish the quality of ur life
It's better to be alone than in a forced/toxic relationship. Cause once ur in it, it's a lot harder to get out than most pple think
I'm 32. Never dated a single person in my life. I'm not ugly and make decent money now. I'm not crying. Lol
It sounds like she doesn't have friends tho. She said she was looking for friends too, that's a different thing than not being comfortable being single. Maybe she isn't, but there's definitely more there in her case.
And I wouldn't say it's a gendered thing, because I'm that person who doesn't date and is comfortable with it. Maybe there's a slight difference, but I don't think it's a significant one.
i found community at church. Made so many good friends. Go to bake sales, help with the kids for vbs, and attend a support group for anxiety. If you are open to it i’d look into it! If not, maybe some volunteer groups could be helpful too?
When she started comparing herself to the old lady I stopped feeling bad for her lol
She was quite insecure at that point, but I still have compassion for her painful experience of getting out of her comfort zone to meet people.
Ole girl is angry. She's angry that she was 1)Single and 2) Spotlighted for being single. Hasan is correct tho: A confident chick in same situation reacts differently
Hasan is missing the point. I know what she means because I feel the same way. I've done the work on myself, I'm content with being single. Now that I think highly of myself, I want someone to match my standards. The woman in the video said that she meets people, but they're "trash." There's just not a lot of good options. When you're a woman with standards, it will inevitably come with some loneliness.
Thank you. Trash is the kindest way to put it.
A lot of men looking for girlfriends want a status symbol, they don't see women as human beings. People saying "lower your standards" don't realize the standards are NOT DATING PEOPLE WHO HATE US.
I have anxiety also, it's why i wouldn't be there to begin with. Especially alone, looking for friends, doesn't sound like someone with social anxiety. This chick came across as weird to me, sorry.
being single is like missing an arm now lol
Please explain
Well if you make sure that it's the left one, generally speaking, you'll actually end up all right so ya got the idea, just need to work on that moxie of yours.
The word hurts, so yeah, not having someone who can cuddle you is pretty debilitating.
@@godnotavailable2094money, company, social status, etc. a lot of things today are made for friends/couples.
And no, this is not me advocating for being co dependant, just the reality of the world that being alone is more isolating than any point in time.
Yikes. I meant in the way that she said people were responding to her in the video, not that they were equivalent or even anywhere near the same and it never would've occurred to me that anyone could take this that way.
Chatters seem confused
As someone with anxiety I get being mortified at being perceived. But she definitely needs to find a way to be happy being alone. I definitely feel she is someone who probably should find worth in herself before getting into a relationship. Going into a relationship with the kind of mentality that she is showing, a lot of times just leads to abuse and being manipulated because she does not want to be alone.
Only for leftists I feel.. sometimes I find it harder to be happy finding people with my perspective
Are you strictly monogamous or open to non-tradtional poly? The latter broadens your options significantly
At least you have perspective options that have not given up their humanity because of bad media choices, a better place to start than your conservative contemporaries.
Lol
Dating in the south it’s especially frustrating. I’ve found if I hang out in “young progressive spaces” it’s a little easier. Occasionally there’s a secret hitler tho
I'll never forget realizing I wanted more than anarchism, and when I turned to communists on reddit it was a "member's only" type deal. Some people on the left have a elitism, looking down on anyone not on their level. Ex "Oh, you DON'T poo in the woods? You give nothing back to nature you only take take take? Typical"
hasan literally does not understand this shit. goes from saying "be ok alone" to "humans biologically dislike being alone." he's never struggled socially in his life and it shows
i do think hasan needs to stop relating his physical appearance change as an example for all people. you can’t relate to women insecurity at all and i wish you just didn’t try and said that it sucks, instead of saying we just need to be confident and putting up a fight