The Golden Rule of Parenting | Mel Robbins

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  • Опубликовано: 4 сен 2018
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    Parenting styles vary and I don’t claim to own the book on perfect parenting, but I often get asked how I parent three very individual kids. I met up with millennial entrepreneur and investor Gerard Adams in my home and he asked me about my principles on parenting.
    I feel strongly that my kids are not meant to be carbon copies of me and Chris. They have their own thoughts, feelings, and goals. Our job isn’t to tell them what decisions to make-our job is to teach them HOW to make decisions.
    One thing I know is this: no matter how great a job you think you’re doing with your kids, something will happen in their lives-whether it’s something you say or do, or something else that happens in their environment-that will mess them up. You can’t control how they internalize all the things in their lives, so let go of the worry that you have to be perfect and just be the best parent you can.
    What you can do, however, is give your kids the tools to think critically, ask "why?" and question expectations, so that when they become adults, they have the skills to think long-term and make best choices.
    What's one piece of parenting advice you love?
    This is a clip from my episode of Leaders Create Leaders with the incredible Gerard Adams. Find the whole thing here: • How To Beat Your Anxie...
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Комментарии • 227

  • @carris3ringcircus390
    @carris3ringcircus390 5 лет назад +87

    YES! I've always said "I'm not just raising kids...im raising soon to be adults"

  • @jamessamy
    @jamessamy 5 лет назад +20

    Thank you Mel Robbins for the message. True parenting is not easy because two kids will never be same. Grateful to be here watching your videos

    • @melrobbins
      @melrobbins  5 лет назад +2

      Thanks for watching, Don!

  • @wolfferoni
    @wolfferoni 5 лет назад +38

    Every parent should be taught this. I feel like this should sort of be common sense but it isn't. Growing up in an abusive, authoritarian household, I wish there were more parents like Mel. Sometimes parents think they know best and maybe they control their kids' lives because they're worried about their futures but they often times don't realise how it can stunt their child's growth and ability to be an independent, well-functioning adult.

    • @heatherlaurenRN
      @heatherlaurenRN 3 года назад

      Yes, I like her authoritative style much better too. Authoritarian is unrealistic and makes children feel like they can’t be themselves, in my opinion.

  • @Ness83
    @Ness83 3 года назад +39

    As a parent I have always seen my role as one of guidance, support & imparting tools they can use to manage life. My husband & I made a very concise decision way back when to always parent consciously and for us it has worked. We treat our children with respect just because they are little humans does not mean they are less deserving. We apologies, we have open communication, we provide an opportunity for them to help us determine appropriate consequences. We teach them through our treatment of them. Mum & Dad are human we make mistakes & when we do we are accountable. Our kids therefore understand mistakes happen & that's okay, we need to find a solution & apologies for our part in a situation. We teach our children to have voice & not be affriad to use it no matter who is on the receiving end, the only caveat is, it must always be done with kindness & respect.

    • @kayc.8283
      @kayc.8283 3 года назад +2

      All people deserve parents like this ♥️

    • @ericam3543
      @ericam3543 3 года назад +1

      I believe and practice the same.

    • @theblissfulparent
      @theblissfulparent 2 года назад +1

      Beautiful philosophy!

  • @loriogrady6738
    @loriogrady6738 5 лет назад +7

    Even though I don't have kids myself, I still took a lot from this. Firstly, from one of your 31 sessions, I took note of you saying that as adults we need to parent ourselves. For me, everything in this video is what I should expect and encourage in myself when I parent myself. Next, I do need to acknowledge that I didn't get this all the time as a kid - and let that go and now parent myself. Finally, I'm an Auntie that is actively involved with young nephews, I can model and use this behavior when engaging with them. So tons Mel! Thanks again. You are such a clear and direct source of wisdom!

  • @malinkata1984
    @malinkata1984 5 лет назад +19

    I wish I had parents like that. Had to learn (still learning) how to do life mainly by myself. So grateful for the good teachers I had at school and university (actually I'm blessed of having a chance of education). But is till not enough. Noone would ever care for you as much as good parents would. And this emptiness is haunting my life.

  • @amyjkr
    @amyjkr 5 лет назад +6

    It’s more difficult as a parent to encourage kids to think, challenge the status quo, and decide what is right. It’s one thing I believe to have succeeded at in my parenting journey, along side many mistakes.
    It requires trust in the kid, trust in the way you’ve raised them and what you’ve modeled to them, and also the strength to watch them make wrong, painful, or impulsive decisions, without bailing them out or rescuing them.
    So many times I’ve been proud of my kids when they rebel against the norm, question their peers, and stick up to others that violate their beliefs. It’s really cool to watch.

  • @jeniferjohnson374
    @jeniferjohnson374 3 года назад +36

    I’ve said all of this to my own parents and husband and they don’t care. You are so correct

    • @jeniferjohnson374
      @jeniferjohnson374 3 года назад

      @Ronnie Quest sharing info with ppl especially when it comes to how they treat you or your children shouldn’t get on their nerves. If it does then they shouldn’t have had kids or they have an ego problem that outweighs their love for their children. No one is perfect including parents, but they should care more about how they’re making their kids feel rather than their egoic pursuits.

    • @lenoreriley4871
      @lenoreriley4871 3 года назад

      I hear you Jenifer!!! It is really hard when you have polar opposite views on parenting with your husband! (Especially if you are fighting against your own upbringing too!!) I highly recommend doing Mel's Take Control of your Life on audio book!! It helped me heaps! Also apply the cause and effect thing to your parents and husband, lol. Rather than just telling them what you think. Actions speak louder than words so treat them with respect but explain how them disregarding you and undermining your parenting makes you feel, and how difficult it makes to have that cause and effect take place which is the really important aspect of learning life!!

    • @lenoreriley4871
      @lenoreriley4871 3 года назад

      @Ronnie Quest just want to let you know that I think that response was rather harsh! Have you never had conflict with your parents or in-laws attempting to take over your parenting?? Oh my goodness have I!! I lived that crap for 4 years and it almost killed me. (Unfortuantely literally) being told daily that you are doing it wrong or that they know better, is demoralising and exhausting and stressful! And as adults we SHOULD be able to verbally communicate our needs and desires with other adults and have them respond with grace and respect. It often doesn't happen though. So don't be an online troll who desires to strip others down without knowing the whole story. And be aware of your own buttons being pressed. (As mine was by your comment! Lol - just so you know!)

    • @lenoreriley4871
      @lenoreriley4871 3 года назад +1

      And just as a note, as a mother you have the right to dictate how you parent your kids. Not your parents. Their dad does too though so finding common ground with him is really important. I limit the contact my kids have with certain of their grandparents, because they refuse to respect my views. My kids are old enough now to hold their own, but the younger ones I am still super careful with. I loathe the emotional manipulation that is often applied from the older gen...

    • @jeniferjohnson374
      @jeniferjohnson374 3 года назад

      @@lenoreriley4871 same here

  • @kfuentezz
    @kfuentezz 5 лет назад +70

    This is great. Please make more videos on parenting

    • @corimeadows5063
      @corimeadows5063 5 лет назад

      Katherine Fuentes - Find Dr. Shefali Tsabary.

    • @meganc3090
      @meganc3090 3 года назад

      Yes please!

    • @theblissfulparent
      @theblissfulparent 2 года назад

      You can visit our channel for great interviews with parenting experts on peaceful parenting

  • @luda3398
    @luda3398 3 года назад +53

    My two favorite rules are, you're raising a future adult not just a child and dont let your kids do anything that makes you dislike them.

  • @expatmom5516
    @expatmom5516 3 года назад +13

    mom of 3, continuously learning parenting

  • @Jay-ec9po
    @Jay-ec9po 5 лет назад +4

    Parents have a tremendous impact on their kids' character, beliefs and attitudes! It's good to be more mindful about everything we do and there's always a better way to get your point across rather than just being pushy 👍☺

  • @ST-rm3bz
    @ST-rm3bz 3 года назад +25

    My mother never hit me, but she oppressed me so violently out of her own fears that I could never function confidently in life. Think about that, parents, before you treat your kids “my way or the highway” heavy handed style.

  • @emilycenatiempo4917
    @emilycenatiempo4917 5 лет назад +9

    Cause and effect parenting something to think about. My oldest is 9 and we both need this.

  • @mary-janechambers3596
    @mary-janechambers3596 3 года назад +1

    Good word! Teaching them to be adults to be able to live on their own. We cannot control our children to make them into our image.

  • @MelissaLearns
    @MelissaLearns 2 года назад +1

    I wish my parents were like this! Amazing. I hope I am like this when I am a parent one day!

  • @HeronCoyote1234
    @HeronCoyote1234 4 года назад +2

    When my brother and I were about 14/15 yrs old, our parents gave us the “because I said so” answer. We weren’t going to accept that anymore. We explained that we were old enough that we deserved a real answer, not the cop out answer. It worked.
    Now that I’m a stepmom to a 17 yr old, I know the “because I said so” either means I don’t have a legit reason, or the reason is too long or complicated to get into with her.

  • @crbaade
    @crbaade 3 года назад +82

    My cousin Holly put it the best...
    “when you become a parent, you stop being the picture and become the frame” 😉

    • @myson04
      @myson04 3 года назад +2

      Great example of how to put it. I'm going to use this saying lol

    • @theblissfulparent
      @theblissfulparent 2 года назад

      That's beautiful! I love it

  • @LuisaH2022
    @LuisaH2022 5 лет назад +4

    First 10 seconds and I already loved her idea. She is one of the very few honest youtubers.

  • @godblesssainyo5077
    @godblesssainyo5077 2 года назад

    growing up I know that my parents are not the best in terms of parenting and communication. we're leaving in the same house for 18 years and I barely know them. but as older sister i want to gain more knowledge about parenting for me to teach and guide my siblings. it is the least i can do to help my siblings not just live in a house, i want them to have a place to call home

  • @fastpitchmermaid4550
    @fastpitchmermaid4550 Год назад

    Teaching them cause and effect, or to really think about the consequences is huge

  • @Jennywhite10
    @Jennywhite10 5 лет назад

    Yes!! The principles you shared are the basis of my coaching with parents. Well said! I just finished your book, amazing, as all of your content is! I would absolutely love to sit down with you, grab a drink and bs over many things, get your opinions and gain a better understanding of how I can better coach my families, especially those who are struggling with children with behavioral disorders. They deserve my best and I feel as though I have so much more to offer! You are an inspiration! Thanks for your time! -Jenny

  • @louisea6109
    @louisea6109 3 года назад +11

    Guidning * responsibility * treat ureself like u treat ure best friend * the coin has two sides * respect * cause and effect * listen * love 🍃

  • @boholifevitality
    @boholifevitality 5 лет назад +22

    You are absolutely right!!!!!
    Please preach this to Greek/European families because they are so dysfunctional that they see the normal as wrong. My Greek background we are brought up to grow up quickly as children and then when we become adults they try to hold onto us and keep us home forever ☹️

    • @gimmetheacoountplix
      @gimmetheacoountplix 5 лет назад +4

      That sounds messed up. But now that "we" are adults we have to take a different approach with our kids. That is what I want to do anyway, what happened to me and how my parents raised me, well that is history now.
      In my opinion, every generation gets a little bit better. But we still have to make the effort to improve even more. And I am positive that any kids I migth raise are going to have some issues with me in the end aswell. Since we are not perfect, and neither will their kids be and so on.
      Best of luck!

    • @wolfferoni
      @wolfferoni 5 лет назад +3

      This isn't just with Greek/ European families, these types of parents exist everywhere. Asian tiger parenting for example. Authoritarian parents aren't good in general. But yes, as gimmethecoountplix said, since we've experienced it, we need to make the future generation better. Some parents think their kids should experience what they did, even if it wasn't positive, but I very much disagree.

    • @kidzinamerica2008
      @kidzinamerica2008 3 года назад +1

      @@gimmetheacoountplix agreed, the baby boomers were generally a generation of narcissists who messed up their kids. Kids these days are finally getting the right idea about community and what’s truly important.

    • @santhigia9136
      @santhigia9136 3 года назад

      @@kidzinamerica2008 boom!!!!

  • @kaceyleighton2899
    @kaceyleighton2899 3 года назад

    I don't have kids (for many reasons) but I do enjoy watching videos like this. I love the idea of a little one running around but the way you explained parenthood is exactly why it hasn't happened.

  • @thelauralindachannel1149
    @thelauralindachannel1149 5 лет назад +2

    Thank You!❤

  • @augustoliver2779
    @augustoliver2779 3 года назад +1

    Mel, I really enjoy your videos. I’m glad RUclips puts them on my feed from time to time.

  • @AfricancoolChic
    @AfricancoolChic 3 года назад +16

    I love the "would you rather?' It's giving them a choice and a chance to think about cause and effect.

    • @Logica87
      @Logica87 3 года назад

      Of course that's better than "do that, because I say so" - despite I'm really curious about what would have happened, if the kid decided to go playing now and risks to be unprepared. Would she let her kid just do that and guide the whole process to let her kid learn by trying, even if it's an important case like that ...? Would be ideal, but hard for the parents to just see that happen ^^

  • @Bobcato8
    @Bobcato8 3 года назад

    This has been my thinking in parenting and today this happened to show up in my RUclips feed. Glad that I have been right. I have a 16 yr old.

  • @artemisrain
    @artemisrain 5 лет назад +104

    I would add to "You don't own your kids", "Your kids don't owe you anything". It makes me cringe when I hear that people chose to have kids so that they will take care of them when they get old and so they're not lonely. Like, sure, that'd be nice, but you owe your child their freedom as an adult. They are not chained to you for life because you raised them as an insurance policy for yourself. It's the biggest responsibility. You should be there for them. They are not obligated to be there for you. Especially while they're still developing as children and teenagers. I think a lot of people create their children for selfish reasons and to take from them.

    • @wolfferoni
      @wolfferoni 5 лет назад +23

      Oh god, this. This is in a similar vein to parents telling their kids to have kids so that they can have grandkids. I don't want kids and my mum won't stop telling me that I have to give her grandkids and that it's selfish not to, as well as the typical "who's going to look after you when you're old?". Uh, me? I'm going to look after myself or go to a home or something, not expect my children to do that. They never asked to be born and I agree, it's very selfish to have kids in order to make your own life better.

    • @artemisrain
      @artemisrain 5 лет назад +7

      It's really nice to hear that someone else feels the same way that I do. :)

    • @michaeltheunissen609
      @michaeltheunissen609 5 лет назад +16

      Give your children roots and wings - that simple! I am my daughters plan B. If life throws a curveball, they have a roof over their head. True Love is wanting the best for their future, regardless whether I am in it.

    • @4bidden1
      @4bidden1 3 года назад +7

      Making sure our genes are passed on is hard wired in all of us..some just convince themselves otherwise

    • @queen_saurus
      @queen_saurus 2 года назад

      Agreeeeeeee!

  • @marlboroughsounds9710
    @marlboroughsounds9710 4 года назад +2

    How refreshing to see this video...absolutely agree. Thank you for sharing

  • @Russianlanguage
    @Russianlanguage 5 лет назад

    So true! Thank you😊

  • @Havanah2006
    @Havanah2006 3 года назад +2

    I needed to hear this. My 15yr & 17yr olds are driving both my husband and I insane!!!

  • @lisajane4330
    @lisajane4330 5 лет назад

    Wow I love this advice! Wish every parent could see it.

  • @ElisangelaSantos-yv4qt
    @ElisangelaSantos-yv4qt 5 лет назад

    Gratitude for this video!

  • @iamsammichelle
    @iamsammichelle 5 лет назад

    AMEN MEL!!! Well said! xx

  • @mykaizenlife
    @mykaizenlife 5 лет назад

    Love it so much ! Thanks mell !

  • @marynguyen6417
    @marynguyen6417 3 года назад

    I m glad i ve done exactly as what you have said!

  • @patodaful
    @patodaful 3 года назад +1

    In an ideal world this is the perfect way to raise your kids. Too bad not all is perfect though, having a son who as a teenager was totally not interested in books and learning made it sometimes hard to let him see how important that is. He did it all the hard way - managed to find a job with the AirForce and is now at 31 yrs willing to learn again. Through everything we have always encouraged him. We all want the same - happy, well balanced independent children/grown ups 🤗

  • @mariabanholzer5960
    @mariabanholzer5960 Год назад

    Thank you Mel!

  • @tsich3226
    @tsich3226 5 лет назад

    Wonderful video!!! ❤

  • @SarahLizDoan
    @SarahLizDoan 3 года назад

    Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Just thank you! Amen!!!

  • @joshuagharis9017
    @joshuagharis9017 4 года назад +1

    I really love your insight

  • @maryannmckinney4592
    @maryannmckinney4592 3 года назад

    Great video, Mel! Really opened my eyes!!

  • @richardabbe799
    @richardabbe799 3 года назад

    Thanks for sharing!

  • @MichelleCoxPhotography
    @MichelleCoxPhotography 5 лет назад +2

    I really like this style of parenting... And yes, write a book! :)

  • @FlipperTurtle
    @FlipperTurtle 5 лет назад

    Wow, awesome!

  • @fabiolachiminazzo4847
    @fabiolachiminazzo4847 5 лет назад +13

    #askmel So what if she had said I prefer not to do my applications? Or I prefer not to go to college? Would you just accept it and go? That is so hard, I feel terrible when I impose things to my kids, I'm always confused on where and when to let them decide.

    • @carolynshane295
      @carolynshane295 5 лет назад +6

      I hope she sees this and answers! Great question.

    • @alsinvag8194
      @alsinvag8194 5 лет назад +6

      yes! I have the same question! Because both my kids have responded in that way before. Then they are making an unwise decision that will have long-term consequences and it's difficult to sit back and let that happen.

    • @wetry5877
      @wetry5877 5 лет назад +2

      Or when they say.. "I wanna rob banks"

    • @jenniferthom4066
      @jenniferthom4066 4 года назад +1

      This is where we as parents have to ....Realize....the choices begin right there..maybe some parents feel the next best step after high school is college- the COLD HARD TRUTH is..our kids will need to decide that..where we guide them is..if not college..if not tech school..then the next step is their plan to support themselves financially upon graduation. So, getting a full time job or a job that can cover rent, utilities, food, clothing& toiletries, maybe vehicle & insurance. Sitting down & putting that plan on paper & beginning the process. At this point they will get the message of having to be an adult right after high school graduation- letting them know that living at home will not be an option. A hard part of parenting is being able to deal with allowing our kids to make these choices & if/when mistakes are made - almost always a valuable life lesson is learned- they cannot blame parents for forcing schooling or not choosing better for them- they end up taking responsibility for their actions. They also will be able to take credit for working hard to support themselves & acheive their goals- spoken from experience of having raised a( now 23 year old )totally independant daughter ..& raising a 12 year old son.

  • @axeemx
    @axeemx 5 лет назад

    Hi Mel. You are super cool with your innovative, practical ideas.

  • @eadruna
    @eadruna 5 лет назад

    I definitely will buy if you publish parenting book. So glad I found out your video last week and almost done watching all of your videos.

    • @corimeadows5063
      @corimeadows5063 5 лет назад

      Treavallix The book is written. Find Dr. Shefali Tsabary.

  • @ingridkent7562
    @ingridkent7562 5 лет назад

    Such wise perspective

  • @muffinpaste
    @muffinpaste 3 года назад +3

    my #1 rule would probably be that you could and should tell me anything and I will not be mad at you. If your grades are falling, I will help. If something is wrong, I will comfort you. Just don’t lie to me because i will not be able to help

  • @melissarhone486
    @melissarhone486 3 года назад

    Brilliant great advice

  • @hristinavaseva2632
    @hristinavaseva2632 5 лет назад +1

    I don’t have kids but I still think all of your videos are important! 🙂💋

  • @fairypotmama2146
    @fairypotmama2146 3 года назад

    OMG 😃 so helpful.. love you Mel Robbins. You are right up there with Oprah and Dr. Phil in my book. 🌹🌻🌺5.4.3.2.1.💞

  • @ruthy2027
    @ruthy2027 Год назад

    Wise words as usual Mel x

  • @tusharkakade2737
    @tusharkakade2737 5 лет назад +1

    Ma'am you are really inspiring. I dont have a job i felt like i can't do anything.but you have changed my perspective totally. If i could get your contact details i would like to discuss with you more.

  • @jenniferpadilla9845
    @jenniferpadilla9845 5 лет назад

    Very true,!!!!

  • @magsholden5830
    @magsholden5830 5 лет назад

    Mel thankyou
    Lol amazing

  • @dianepetrunti5913
    @dianepetrunti5913 5 лет назад +1

    This was great I am a cause and effect parent style my soon to be ex is a do as I say and because I said so. So in essence I have always had a better relationship still do because they respect me

  • @rebeccaoprea9917
    @rebeccaoprea9917 3 года назад

    Children are a gift we have to steward . They are not our, we are just entrusted with their care .

  • @pasierose6294
    @pasierose6294 5 лет назад +1

    Where were you 10 years ago 🤪glad I found you great topics ty

  • @excellentchoices
    @excellentchoices 3 года назад

    Excellent question!!!! 👍👍
    Would you rather have this or this ?
    Thank you Mel !!!!

  • @leafm1181
    @leafm1181 5 лет назад

    very good more of this please

    • @corimeadows5063
      @corimeadows5063 5 лет назад

      J M The book is written. Find Dr. Shefali Tsabary.

  • @zainabfarooq9468
    @zainabfarooq9468 3 года назад +1

    Sometimes you really have to explain the future to your kids or even youncer siblings.
    My brother was a lazy ass and wasnt doing good at college due to his lazyness. He wanted to go uni, he got accepted. And i didnt let him go university, i did exacly what this woman did. Explain cause and affect. I said you have to work go out and work. Your lazy and your only going to fail at university becuase you csnt be bothered studying etc and if you cant do it then work. Hes now 24 ownes his houses, thank God, has money saved. And says to me i need to work harder and smarter. He also said am greaful i was pushed by family to make the right decision. Very proud of him definatly.

  • @BrotherTree1
    @BrotherTree1 5 лет назад +19

    "Because I said so". I've heard that way too many times and it's always pissed me off, even from strangers to their own kids. So stupid and counterproductive in my opinion. Discussions aren't a one way street, even if it's with a child. We have to listen to everyones feelings and opinions to work towards peaceful, health-encouraging and productive, solutions and a certain freedom of choice to maximise learning experiences. Otherwise, to me, it's discrimination of one of the most unhealthy and toxic kinds.

  • @jhancykollapalli1556
    @jhancykollapalli1556 3 года назад

    Gud advice Mam

  • @NVNCBL7
    @NVNCBL7 3 года назад +84

    Respectfully, this video was full of Contradictions (ex. you’re not the Authority but they have to follow your rules “it’s my house”)! I’m the proud father of two, soon to be, College Graduates in the Midwest...Yes I’ve raised them to be free thinkers and question things, however, I’ve taught them ‘Deference’ and the world is not going to stand still and explain everything to them...the thought of that is Entitlement!

    • @lisajohnson6296
      @lisajohnson6296 3 года назад +9

      I was just going to write the same thing about the numerous contradictions and then I saw your response and you stated it perfectly. And congratulations to your college grads!

    • @isabelramudo
      @isabelramudo 3 года назад +5

      Like you say, this is full of contradictions... your role as a parent would to share your views but ultimately make their own decisions and be available regardless of the consequences, that is what unconditional love and “not owning your children” means to me, so I’m afraid this conversation doesn’t make a lot of sense

    • @kristalcampbell3650
      @kristalcampbell3650 3 года назад +4

      I agree the world isn't going to explain everything to them. I think that's why questioning is so important. If the default is to defer to authority (and we set up our kids' defaults by how we expect them to engage with us) then when they're adults and an authority is pushing them in directions that they're not comfortable with or simply don't work for them, they mightn't speak up.
      The way I see the contradiction in not being the authority but also have non-negotiable rules is that im not an authoritarian who is going to lord things over my child but I am their guardian and its my job to guard their well-being and that includes things they don't want to do sometimes.
      The other thing about the world not explaining things to you is that when you've had explanations drilled into you as a kid you learn why certain things are done so you increase their ability to reason on their own. Don't get me wrong its ANNOYING because they'll question EVERYTHING and its like " do we really have to debate this? Just do it" but I find i repeat myself a lot less if I explain why. For example we take our shoes off in the house and it annoys my son. I never explained why we do it and he'd "forget" to take them off all the time. Then at school they learned about how germs spread by putting glitter on the floor outside and letting the kids walk through it tracking it all over the place.
      He brought glitter (germs) into the house that day after school and we discussed it and he's never done it again. Im not perfect though I have days where I lose it and im like just do what I told you but I try not to let that be my default.

    • @fluffymajestic4589
      @fluffymajestic4589 3 года назад +3

      Completely agree. Parenting is not a job or a philosophy. It’s a relationship. Kids are not metrics, and you don’t get to measure yourself by how well they have achieved a certain metric that you have in mind. The woman in this video does not seem to grasp that.

    • @myrtlebeachsara
      @myrtlebeachsara 3 года назад

      Congrats on the kids graduating, very exciting and sounds like they have parents that set them up to be successful! Good job!

  • @Willow76ny
    @Willow76ny 5 лет назад

    I just discovered your channel and I have a question for you- what are your thoughts on the old parenting reasoning of "because I said so" as an answer to a child's question of how come? Thank you.

    • @jenniferthom4066
      @jenniferthom4066 4 года назад

      When a child asks "how come?" Or.."why" - an explanation would be due if it is because they truly do not understand- when "why" is asked in regards to having to do something...it is because you, the parent, has asked something of them.

  • @chouaibsid9599
    @chouaibsid9599 5 лет назад +2

    So good video!!
    From the first comment !!
    Please! !put Arab translation *there is a thowsonds of people waiting you and can't know what you say*
    Thanks 😉😊😊

  • @Be4tric3
    @Be4tric3 5 лет назад

    Yeeeeees! Exactely

  • @analozada9475
    @analozada9475 3 года назад

    This...🙌🔥💯👏

  • @ContainedFire
    @ContainedFire 5 лет назад +3

    By the time your child is a teen, it is too late to "parent" them. You can only watch out for them and provide a safety net when they stumble or fall. The real parenting happens from birth to maybe 10-11. If you're lucky and did things right when the child was young, hopefully your teen will allow you to be their "consultant" but the actual parenting days are over. I am not speaking as parent, but as a former child and teen who remembers vividly how I saw my parents and adults in my life at that time.

    • @jenniferthom4066
      @jenniferthom4066 4 года назад

      If not a parent, then to speak to the role of parenting might not be valid-

  • @CreateCleverKids
    @CreateCleverKids 3 года назад

    Some good ideas.

  • @karaht9741
    @karaht9741 3 года назад

    Love watching Your RUclips advice Mel. So different to my usual Oprah/gabby Bernstein advice 😇

    • @karaht9741
      @karaht9741 3 года назад

      I’ve found that a good parent is one how practices and follows this beautiful advice

  • @eolauryn4
    @eolauryn4 3 года назад

    Interesting content anyone know Where did she get that blouse ?

  • @medlar8084
    @medlar8084 5 лет назад

    Agreed

  • @Vitobandito434
    @Vitobandito434 3 года назад +1

    My daughter would have continued the negotiation -- "okay, so what if I just go see my friends and then do the college applications later on?' knowing full well that her offer would've been rejected. She would have modified her position a dozen times. Then once we came up with an agreement, she'd renegotiate. This would've gone on until I flung myself from a window. This type of parenting is great and I've adhered to it. But it takes a lot of time, energy, and patience. Often parents resort to a more authoritarian position or they just give in to their child's demands.

    • @levarhiggs3174
      @levarhiggs3174 3 года назад

      Spot on. Strong-willed children will go to great lengths to exhaust you and disregard your “guidance”, and don’t let it be multiple siblings at one time. Gotta know when to hold ‘em. Know when to fold ‘em.

  • @fatimaekramian7464
    @fatimaekramian7464 Год назад

    would someone please tell me what the last sentence means? I cannot get it right

  • @Muslimah1987
    @Muslimah1987 5 лет назад

    Talk about taking the words out of my mouth. I've only half raised my baby sister but this is exactly the approach I fell into and she blossomed as a result - at least until the rest of our (hideously fucked up Muslim) family intervened and ruined my hard work. But I still believe some seeds remain firmly planted and hold out hope that all isn't yet lost.

  • @PFlow007
    @PFlow007 3 года назад +6

    After 5 kids... it gets a little old every expert telling us thatbthey have the golden rule.... Im so brilliant... Your kids watch everyth8ng including "know it all" atitudes...

  • @boycieism
    @boycieism 3 года назад +1

    Yes they need to be able to make decisions when they get to the right age, but you teach them to make decisions by making decisions for them when they’re young and letting them understand why you made the choices for them that you did, so that they can do it later. Too many people want to be giving kids options when they are small, they need to understand that you’re the boss and take care of them, you’re not there to be their friends.

  • @johannabelie5664
    @johannabelie5664 3 года назад +1

    I'm from Ukraine. I was convinced, than only my Ukrainian specialists are able to find a problem and solve it. But...dear Mel, you are AMAZING! So simple, so useful. thanks for help, really.

  • @kristinlee5255
    @kristinlee5255 5 лет назад

    💯❤️

  • @Two_But_Not_Two
    @Two_But_Not_Two 3 года назад +8

    "A child is a delicately spinning top, and it doesn't take much to send it off its course".

  • @angelagardener1234
    @angelagardener1234 3 года назад

    It's disappointing that people still are needing parenting from others, however if they haven't had good parenting role models then that fine to learn the skills that align positively with the language with the values then they have learnt something very valuable.

  • @paigez7680
    @paigez7680 4 года назад +4

    I'm not even a parent and I'm watching this lol

  • @allison9995
    @allison9995 3 года назад +1

    Where is this interview taking place! Look at all those windows and sunlight!!

    • @sab-ali
      @sab-ali 3 года назад

      All I'm thinking.

  • @365dailyhustle8
    @365dailyhustle8 5 лет назад +2

    I love that - not raising kids-we’re launching future adults.

  • @Torsdagskvallsmys
    @Torsdagskvallsmys 2 года назад

    my parents has never said i love you to me, but they have said that i am their property alot of times and they ruind my childhood.

  • @robertdimitrelis5567
    @robertdimitrelis5567 3 года назад

    The golden standard=Mel Robbins

  • @Geenine44
    @Geenine44 5 лет назад +1

    Raised my daughter the same way but somehow she missed the boat on parents are people too. So she must be entitled.

  • @mansourceesay704
    @mansourceesay704 3 года назад

    Wow

  • @komperstomper6301
    @komperstomper6301 3 года назад +14

    thought she was gonna tell us something we didn't know.

    • @keegangold9765
      @keegangold9765 3 года назад

      Most parents don’t know this.

    • @komperstomper6301
      @komperstomper6301 3 года назад

      @@keegangold9765 ...I would have thought that this was common sense, ie, bring your children along and don't dictate too much, give them the same freedoms you had, of course we all fall down and shout sometimes but in the main most parents do this imo. I stand by my original comment.

    • @keegangold9765
      @keegangold9765 3 года назад

      @@komperstomper6301 the same freedoms "we" had? Who's "we"? Not me. And that's my point. One person's experience is not the same as another's. As a child, my parents were authoritarians. I believe this is true of most people's childhoods. It sounds to me like you were lucky (although oddly angry?). But anyways, I'm really glad that your parents treated you like a human, rather than something to be controlled. I, too, am treating my children as humans and am really excited about it and grateful talks like this exists for those of us who didn't have those freedoms you discussed. "We" is not the standard American experience.

  • @sairarashid5800
    @sairarashid5800 5 лет назад +1

    can't blame my parents for not raising me like me. but I sure can raise kids this way one day :)

  • @shureedawn7931
    @shureedawn7931 9 месяцев назад

    What are the consequences for kids (10 year old) who don't abide by the rules of the house? If you don't ground your kids?

  • @isabelramudo
    @isabelramudo 3 года назад +9

    Sounds rather authoritarian to me in terms of parenting styles, full of contradictions

    • @heatherlaurenRN
      @heatherlaurenRN 3 года назад

      It’s authoritative. There are similarities but generally is a bit easier going in terms of rules. That’s how my parents raised me and it was perfect for me. Not good for my sister though so parenting style really should come down to what works best for that kid.

  • @SS-hv7bo
    @SS-hv7bo 5 лет назад

    I wish.

  • @kuzotoothpaste2223
    @kuzotoothpaste2223 5 лет назад

    🌟🌟

  • @nono-mk7jg
    @nono-mk7jg 3 года назад +5

    college is a waste of time and money

    • @eminemilly
      @eminemilly 3 года назад

      Yeah idk if she let her daughter choose between a trade, stay home/work from home home, something else or just college