I have been involved in conflict management for 20 years and have never heard this technique described so effectively and passionately. Thank you for sharing this.
This video has been a touchstone for me in my conversations about this difficult topic for going on 6 years now. I'm so thankful that it exists, both to help me fight the good fight and because it has helped me reflect on the culture and the rhetoric I see around me in the media. Thank you, Jay.
I love that you emphasize sound racist. We don't know people's insides or intentions. Often they don't even know them themselves! We can only evaluate them through actions, and hope they do better once they know better. Of if they know better and still do it, steer clear of them. Acceptance has its limits.
Why is this video still so relevant. I just had to have this conversation with my cousin because I pointed out she made a racist argument and then she said I was mean for calling her a racist which I did not do, so I sent her this video
It's crazy how this video feels extremely relevant today but going through these comments people are saying the same thing throughout the last 10 years!
I've used this video in so many of my classrooms to spark so many conversations. This video is clear and candid conversation on the subject of race. Thank you for doing this video.
I searched 'how to call someone out for racism' your video was the ONLY one that looked remotely like what I need. Thank you so much. Very informative and helpful.
I got really upset at a family today. I adore them but they say racist things all the time and it gets so hard to ignore and it seems almost impossible to correct. This made me feel a bit better and it kind of made me feel like next time I can handle confronting them without getting as emotional.
Oh no Controlling your emotions in a confrontation really is key, especially if the other side gets emotional. It shows you're thinking clearly and not "overreacting".
Thanks for this video. Every so often I come back to it, maybe a couple of times a year. It might be better. I used to tell someone they are, or what they're saying is racist. But, if I say they're racist it also can close off any further ability to talk with that person, and what is better is to change the person. People can and do change.
This is such a good video. Straight to the point, well said and well delivered. I know it's old but I just saw it, so thank you for saying this so well.
Just some heads up, the vlogbrothers added this video to a playlist talking about racism, off of the newest video. Also, congrats on 1,000,000 views. It's a very good video and deserves that.
Yeah brother you are a true carpenter of words, because you "nailed" it (my corny play on words :o) in the "How To Tell Someone They Sound Racist" piece - when you say "Focus on what they did and not on what they are". A colleague shared your video with me and I am now a fan! Words.. mean everything, as our primary means of communicating and you apparently have the gift... Clear, concise and complete! I love it...!
THIS VIDEO IS 10 YEARS OLD?! 👀 EDIT: *finishes video* More people should see this. 👏 Especially since there are a lot more people being open about their bigotry these days.
I used this same technique when my co workers and I use to get together to find ways to smash up the discrimination at the club I work at. Everyone focused on what our employers 'were' and because I been studying racism continuously for 7 years, I focused on the actions. I told my peers that i didnt care if our employers were racist. I care about them turning black people away from our doors and we eventually focused on that. Tim Wise talks about this in his work as well. creative techniques
Hey Jay, how about when someone who is not black, makes a comment about you being unable to enjoy something because they think you are not "black enough", even though you are a person of color and they're not?
To be honest, that persons mindset is so ridiculous, it kind of invalidates itself. Even if u wanna be kind about it, since neither one meets this arbitrary criteria of "black enough", neither one are in a position to tell anybody what they can or cant enjoy.
(the smile is one of a settled, knowing unease, of knowing this evil in the hearts of people will likely persist as long as the need to denigrate and otherize The Other remains: probably for a looooong-ass time; damnation)
This is a great video and a great explanation of a thing I find myself trying to say a lot. It applies just as well to sexism too. Thank you for making it.
It is not how we 'feel' inside, it is what we DO that defines us. And if you say racist things, (or defending a racist ideology) you're DOING something that's fucked up.
Wow, I scrolled down to the comments because I wanted to ask how this could possibly get down votes but then I saw some of the negative comments.. All I can say is, illdoc1, you don't deserve down votes or negative comments for this video. This video is fantastic and more people should see it.
I disagree with the fundamental premise here. if you do something racist, you are a racist. people are defined by their actions, not their intentions or justifications. Look, I get it. People get offended when they're called racist. They should be offended, though. The solution here is for them to change their behavior, not for the rest of the world to retreat behind euphemism.
I think your idea & the premise here are actually in alignment. He's not saying people who say racist things aren't racist - I think he'd agree with you on that. He's saying that if your goal is to have an effective conversation that actually gets through to the person, it's more effective to focus on what they said rather than what they are. People are a lot more willing to listen and learn (and eventually change) when they are not feeling directly attacked. When they feel attacked & offended, they're more likely to get defensive & stop listening, which doesn't lead to the desired change. Using effective communication skills is not the same as retreating behind euphemism.
Adding to +Kira Del Mar's point I think everyone is a little bit biased in their own way. I'm about as liberal as they come but I am capable of saying stuff that is racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic etc. I know this and in the past I've caught myself out saying something I regret and I encourage my peers to point out if I'm saying anything that's bigoted or showing some bias. That's not me patting my own back that's me emphasising that everyone is flawed and fallible and like the song goes "Everyone's a little bit racist". I am somebody that's eager to learn, grow and adapt but most people are not. Most people are convinced they're right and react defensively to any suggestion that they might be bigoted in some way. That doesn't make them any less bigoted or make their actions any less harmful. It would be great if we could be honest and direct, if we could stop tip-toeing around the feelings of oppressors. Sometimes actions and bold statements are needed to make change e.g. for Black Lives Matter in response to Police Shootings. However if we're dealing with the culture shaped by the words of individuals we sometimes have to take a more subtle approach. If we can get a dialogue away from "what people are" then they might be more ready to focus on "what they did". E.g. I was just reading an old article (which linked to this video) which talked about a homophobic tweet by Alec Baldwin in 2013. His response was all about "I'm not homophobic, I've never been homophobic, I didn't mean it like that". If we had a dialogue going that distinguished between "what he did" and "what he is" then maybe he could have admitted what he said. Maybe he could have accepted what he said was wrong and grew as a person and became a better man for it. Then by showing the public that we all make mistake more people will acknowledge their mistakes and try to make amends. I know I've had conversations where if I'd focused more on "what the person did" they'd be more open and more able to grow. It would be nice if we could just say to people "You're being racist, stop being a racist" and that would be the end of it. But there are millions of people like this, millions of sensitive people with power and privilege and if their crimes are subtle the retaliation will have to be only slightly less subtle.
The Lebron piece was clever but this is awful. Specifically the analogy to theft is ridiculous and not apt. People have a RIGHT to their opinions and beliefs. They do not have a RIGHT to your wallet. So you do not treat both offenses the same. One involves an infraction of your rights, and the other does not. You may think this is hair-splitting, but it is an egregious error, with potentially very undesirable consequences.
Kirby Allen Wait a **** minute there. 'the fact that white people think that ...'? You are saying something about all white people That, my man, is RACISM!!
Kirby Allen I just saw your reply via email from noreply@youtube.com, dated "(13 hours ago)". But I don't see it here, so I'm replying to your previous message. Today, you asked me: >>> +thnidu Are you saying white people to a large extent have not caused MOST of the racism in America, HISTORICALLY? Also, I myself and white, which does not exclude me from being racist against white people. What I'm trying to emphasize is the danger of instilling this kind of entitlement of such aggressive, hurtful opinions. > What's egregious is the fact that white people think that their "opinions" are more valuable than trying to refine the vocabulary for something as important and volatile as racism.
And everyone else has a RIGHT to point out that making racist comments and judgments is harmful to society, and particularly to the people of color who have to live in a racist society. So you can say a racist opinion if you want. It's not illegal. But you better not be surprised if someone else exercised their legal right to call you out for it.
This is probably one of the best RUclips channels I have seen. MAN, this video makes me want to take it just go all "Waking Life" on it...animating it with some awesome rotoscopy
So eloquently put. THANK YOU. Not only have you made this a topic for anyone of any background to approach, you also did this with out sounding patronising. So thank you.
I've gotta tell you, I've used this video I don't know HOW many times not only to explain about to tell someone they sound racist, but just plain how to keep yourself on message in any sort of disagreement. Thank you so much.
"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly." -Martin Luther King, Jr. I would encourage you to think about this if you ever find yourself wondering whether you should or shouldn't care about racism, even if it doesn't appear to affect you directly.
Damn. Such good points. If only people had paid attention to the principles he made 7 years ago. Good stuff that doesn't only apply to race discussions.
this conversation, that conversation, the conversation, what they are conversation, what they mean conversation, conversation, conversation, conversation.
I think this is good advice in all aspects of life. People are much more likely to remain open when you tell them you didn`t like what they did as opposed to making negative comments about who they are.
the fact that you don't care about race means that you will undoubtedly be more likely to offend people. which makes this video more important to the people that come in contact with you, than you per say. and you are right, you shouldn't be the one educating others. which is why this young man here is the perfect one to handle that task.
Hey Jay Smooth, thank you for introducing me to great and real hiphop at WBAI radio. For allowing me to sit in on your radio show all those years ago. 🍻
Regardless of any distracting comments, I think your video is wonderful, and I'm going to use it in my class because it is a great / helpful / well-articulated video and a fantastic learning tool. Thank you for creating it :)
Damn it's been way too long since I watched this last. Focuses on conversations about race, but really the lessons here are applicable to almost any conflict with another human being. A+++ content still to this day.
illdoc1 man i gotta hand it to you, you have a sense knowledge that anyone can relate to even if there not very bright i v seen alot of your videos and most of them have almost a sense of poetry and truth in them that people can understand and learn from man keep up the videos and keep teaching people how to use common sense because god knows we need alot of it now
What a deeply insightful and moving comment you have bestowed upon the viewers of this video. I would like to personally congratulate you such a prolific and relevant comment. You have really added a lot to the discourse here. Thank you.
Hearing someone say something that sounds racist to you is NOT the same as someone stealing your wallet. Someone stealing your wallet is ACTUALLY affecting you. Someone saying something you think is racist ONLY affects you if you CHOOSE to let it.
This topic reminds of a situation I was dealing with who did and is by hiding so bad. On the month of November a Sunday night last year, I was driving for Lyft and took my dinner break in Arlington VA at El Pollo Rico. I parked my car and saw this Caucasian guy trying to get his keys out the car. I didn't do or say nothing to him. Moments later after I finished eating the guy came in the restaurant with his keys and I said "hey you got your keys! You found a way to get them out your car." He replied, "yes I did." I told him enjoy your dinner and good night. As I approached my car He came out talked to me and question me about where I live. I told him I live in PG (Prince George's County in Maryland) and he told me briefly about the altercations he got in to when he young and went on about PG County's educational system and public housing. Suddenly he wanted to me know about how he is cool with me and told me how many black friends he knows and asked, have I or the relatives in my family ever been PROSECUTED and CONVICTED of any crime. I stated "On that note, I got to go. Again have a good night." I didn't give him the time or day to response because he went there on race. I showed nothing but gratitude and got the opposite. I got in my car and he got to his back out of the parking space directly in front of me. He was trying to hit my car while backing out when he knew damn well that he had enough space to back out turning right. I honked my horn in time for not to hit my car. He didn't and that's when I got mad. He left though and so did I.
2/2 The "what they *did*" conversation focuses strictly on the person's words and actions, and explaining why what they *did* and what they *said* was unacceptable. This is also known as the "That thing you said was racist" conversation, and that's the conversation that you want to have. The "what they *are* conversation, on the other hand, takes things one step further and uses "what they *did*" and "what they *said*" to draw conclusion about what kind of person they *are*.
I have a question, why do certain people have the need to categorize those that are against racism as "lefties" or "progressives"? I'm genuinely curious. In a lot of places I've visited every time someone tries to offer an alternative to racism and certain remarks they are categorized as such, why?
"'I think you are a racist..'" ...THIS is the conversation we DON'T want to have." Very nice he is being so behaviorally clear about that. every day it seems that i observe a "what you are" conversation, and inevitably and instantly it devolves into the utter irrationality of fight or flight. Instead, simply "Hold people accountable for the impact of their words & actions." He makes a single important point (i.e., don't make "you" statements), which is what makes this a good video, IMO.
Once, on a message board, a person was told "That is a racist statement!" The person who said it apologized, said she didn't understand that it was racist and askd for clarity. The response was "it's not my job to educate you!" I found that frustrating. Thank you for your thoughts on how to tell someone what they said is offensive and *why*.
We need a companion video for the person who feels they've been called a racist. Like how to not immediately jiump to defensiveness, but to separate themselves from their words and judge the words, and then reintegrate what you learned into how you speak from then on. Or something.
I have to say thank you for this video... I had to tell a loved one "that thing you said was racist" and this helped keep them accountable for their actions without passing judgment on their entire character. Missing your posts!
Excellent video! One very important thing I think a lot of people need to keep in mind is that a lot of racist people don't actually realize they are racist and don't want to be racist. To them, a racist is someone who knows they are racist and celebrates that fact, making comments like "I hate...". And since they themselves don't make such obviously racist statements, they themselves cannot be racist. They don't realize that racism is often much more subtle than that, and can manifest itself in
I've referenced this video like six times in the last week! Thanks for making several conversations with and about The Problem Children sooo much better. I now refer to this as Jay Smoothing my words. Congratulations, you're a verb! :P
Ive seen this video 15 years ago and loved it. I came back to it today. The watermelon comment, is that tied to what we know watermelon symbolises or was it just random?
"Focus on the part that matters: ' I don't care what you are. I care about what you did.' " I'm finding this video is very helpful today, but also have some further questions for Jay and/or anyone who might have some advice. I've been struggling with how to deal with a situation at work. A few days ago, a chatty (white) coworker stated that her adult son sent her a "hilarious" video from a Halloween party, which showed him and his group of friends, all very drunk, and opening up some "gag gifts". She said Halloween gag gifts are a tradition and that this year's "gifts" were "Doo-rags". She said in the video they all "tried and struggled to put them on" and that her son drunkenly asked, "How the hell do they wear these?" She kept cracking up and trying to explain how funny it was. I am also white, but it was clear to me that what she was saying was offensive at best and downright racist at worst. 2 of my coworkers that were present are Black men. They eyed each other and me. And right after she said her son had asked, "How the hell do they put these on?"), one guy said to her, "Don't look at me...I don't wear doo-rags...what are you looking at me for?" He was clearly offended and justifiably so, imo. As a white person, I started to explain to the woman that what she was saying and what her son and his friends were doing sounded a little racist. I will add details of what happened next, later But to make a long story short, the woman began to cry and say she really wasn't racist... it was just funny b/c they were drunk and couldn't put them on...yadayadayada... I found myself consoling her and saying, I know you're a good person, BUT...etc.. don't you see how what your saying sounds and what your son and his friends did as a joke would be offensive? She didn't get it and said, "so is my 11 y/o granddaughter racist when she struggles to at with chopsticks and says, "How do they eat with these things?"??? I said of course not necessarily, but you can understand that it's not only Asian people (or whomever she was referring to when she said "They") eat with chopsticks. She was angry at that point. Meanwhile, the 2 guys were being professional and not saying anything out loud but both were clearly bothered. I'd like to know 2 things. As someone who works closely with all 3 people, daily. I feel the need to continue to be cordial with the white woman, but I feel that by interacting with her cordially, I am sort of betraying my coworkers and also myself. But I'm more concerned about my Black friends and coworkers feeling hurt that I am not shunning her completely. Anyway, thanks for any feedback or advice!
They recently did a fascinating study. They took shows like "Scrubs" where all the blacks & whites are supposed to be friends. Then they showed episodes of these shows to people who had never seen them. At the same time, they digitally removed random black & white characters. Amazingly, subjects of this experiment, when they watched the show, could STILL DETERMINE the race of the removed character, due to how other acted toward him. In other words, we treat people differently based on race.
Jay is speaking on the basic principles of critical thinking:logic, fallacies, and rhetoric. Something that used to be taught in high schools and isnt now, which is why we have such a misguided populace getting angry over stuff that is nothing more than some rhetorical emotionally charged nonsense, or people arguing against things that are in their best interest- like healthcare.
I could not agree more. We aren't defined by our thoughts. We're defined by our actions and words. Nobody ever went to jail for THINKING he might rob a bank.
![MISSING: SLIM SHADY [Expanded Mourner’s Edition Trailer]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/xh8qgHrOO1g/mqdefault.jpg)
This is never going to stop being relevant. One of the best rhetorical lessons you'll ever see.
Hopefully it'll stop being relevant eventually
Saw that video when it was first out, 15 years ago. It is still relevant, and actually way more important and relevant than ever.
I have been involved in conflict management for 20 years and have never heard this technique described so effectively and passionately. Thank you for sharing this.
This video has been a touchstone for me in my conversations about this difficult topic for going on 6 years now. I'm so thankful that it exists, both to help me fight the good fight and because it has helped me reflect on the culture and the rhetoric I see around me in the media. Thank you, Jay.
I love that you emphasize sound racist. We don't know people's insides or intentions. Often they don't even know them themselves! We can only evaluate them through actions, and hope they do better once they know better. Of if they know better and still do it, steer clear of them. Acceptance has its limits.
We need this more than ever, Jay, thank you.
7 years after you comment, even more.
Why is this video still so relevant. I just had to have this conversation with my cousin because I pointed out she made a racist argument and then she said I was mean for calling her a racist which I did not do, so I sent her this video
This video will be relevant as long as we Humans continue to be Racist, which, unfortunately, will be a long time...
It's crazy how this video feels extremely relevant today but going through these comments people are saying the same thing throughout the last 10 years!
I've used this video in so many of my classrooms to spark so many conversations. This video is clear and candid conversation on the subject of race. Thank you for doing this video.
first saw this almost 10 years ago, and this 3 minute video changed the way I approach all kinds of political conflicts. thank you so much.
I searched 'how to call someone out for racism' your video was the ONLY one that looked remotely like what I need. Thank you so much. Very informative and helpful.
I got really upset at a family today. I adore them but they say racist things all the time and it gets so hard to ignore and it seems almost impossible to correct. This made me feel a bit better and it kind of made me feel like next time I can handle confronting them without getting as emotional.
Oh no Controlling your emotions in a confrontation really is key, especially if the other side gets emotional. It shows you're thinking clearly and not "overreacting".
You are over reacting
"How's that racist"-Old White Proverb
"Cause at least one person who has ever existed anywhere in the universe says it is."-New Black Proverb
The words fit so nicely with the beat. It's almost spoken word rap. Awesome.
You sir, are a rare breed of genius. Thank-you.
The example about the robber at the end was really cool.
It made me appreciate the video that much more
I've shown people this video at least 20 times since this election. Thank you, Jay. This is helping people be better activists.
Thanks for this video. Every so often I come back to it, maybe a couple
of times a year. It might be better. I used to tell someone they are, or what
they're saying is racist. But, if I say they're racist it also can close off any
further ability to talk with that person, and what is better is to change the
person. People can and do change.
This is such a good video. Straight to the point, well said and well delivered. I know it's old but I just saw it, so thank you for saying this so well.
Just some heads up, the vlogbrothers added this video to a playlist talking about racism, off of the newest video. Also, congrats on 1,000,000 views. It's a very good video and deserves that.
Yeah brother you are a true carpenter of words, because you "nailed" it (my corny play on words :o) in the "How To Tell Someone They Sound Racist" piece - when you say "Focus on what they did and not on what they are". A colleague shared your video with me and I am now a fan! Words.. mean everything, as our primary means of communicating and you apparently have the gift... Clear, concise and complete! I love it...!
"When you handle it that way, you're actually letting him off easy". Think about this message yall.
I have to watch this again because I couldn't get past how sexy this dude's voice is....geez
@Valerie O'Brien I'm 38 years old but yes, sometimes I do need supervision 😩
Good way to approach any hard topic. Thank you for the video.
THIS VIDEO IS 10 YEARS OLD?! 👀
EDIT: *finishes video*
More people should see this. 👏
Especially since there are a lot more people being open about their bigotry these days.
"Rhetorical Bermuda Triangle"
I need to write that down somewhere, that's a good line.
I used this same technique when my co workers and I use to get together to find ways to smash up the discrimination at the club I work at. Everyone focused on what our employers 'were' and because I been studying racism continuously for 7 years, I focused on the actions. I told my peers that i didnt care if our employers were racist. I care about them turning black people away from our doors and we eventually focused on that. Tim Wise talks about this in his work as well. creative techniques
This is how I need to deal with my neighbor and my sister. Thanks.
Beautifully, wonderfully, perfectly explained. Thank you.
12 years later and this video is still super relevant.
Excellent addressing of rhetorical methods in good, simply-to-understand terms. I'm glad I ran across this video, and plan on sharing it around.
Hey Jay, how about when someone who is not black, makes a comment about you being unable to enjoy something because they think you are not "black enough", even though you are a person of color and they're not?
To be honest, that persons mindset is so ridiculous, it kind of invalidates itself.
Even if u wanna be kind about it, since neither one meets this arbitrary criteria of "black enough", neither one are in a position to tell anybody what they can or cant enjoy.
Damn. That's such a good explanation.
I'm watching this video in 2015. I'm also watching this video in 2016 as well. (Smiling)
(the smile is one of a settled, knowing unease, of knowing this evil in the hearts of people will likely persist as long as the need to denigrate and otherize The Other remains: probably for a looooong-ass time; damnation)
She's got a lot of damn nerve telling him he's passing. Wearing your hair "natural" does not make you Super Black. "Sistah Girl" please.
Concise, useful, eloquent, to the point. Bravo sir, bravo.
Still relevant, and not just to race. Thank you Jay
This is freaking beautiful.
This is a great video and a great explanation of a thing I find myself trying to say a lot. It applies just as well to sexism too. Thank you for making it.
Can’t believe this only has 1.2m views, honestly. Clear, concise, to the point. Thanks for the great video! Hope more people venture here!!!
Thanks for making this video. RUclips gives regular people lots of power. Great to see some using it...
Brilliantly put.
Excellent advice. Thank you!
This is so good.
It is not how we 'feel' inside, it is what we DO that defines us. And if you say racist things, (or defending a racist ideology) you're DOING something that's fucked up.
I love this. Not only is it good advice for confronting racism, but also for confronting any other form of bigotry.
SPOT ON... FOCUS PEOPLE
I think everyone is a little prejudiced, so we all have to keep our judgments in check.
Omg im here after 12 yrs
2020, covid-19 , trump losses election
Thank you so much for posting this. There need to be more videos like this. I love the wallet analogy , brilliant!
This video is a jewel and is more and more relevant with each year that passes. It actually pinpoints something deep about human beings...
Yes it pinpoints the pathetic victimhood complexes of black people and the pathetic envy of those victimhood complexes like this pale fool.
2:11 CRACKS ME UP
also good for dealing with transphobia too whoa
Just Blame it on hiphop.LMBO
This video should be sent immediately to Joe Rogan.
Wow, I scrolled down to the comments because I wanted to ask how this could possibly get down votes but then I saw some of the negative comments.. All I can say is, illdoc1, you don't deserve down votes or negative comments for this video. This video is fantastic and more people should see it.
I disagree with the fundamental premise here. if you do something racist, you are a racist. people are defined by their actions, not their intentions or justifications. Look, I get it. People get offended when they're called racist. They should be offended, though. The solution here is for them to change their behavior, not for the rest of the world to retreat behind euphemism.
I think your idea & the premise here are actually in alignment. He's not saying people who say racist things aren't racist - I think he'd agree with you on that. He's saying that if your goal is to have an effective conversation that actually gets through to the person, it's more effective to focus on what they said rather than what they are. People are a lot more willing to listen and learn (and eventually change) when they are not feeling directly attacked. When they feel attacked & offended, they're more likely to get defensive & stop listening, which doesn't lead to the desired change. Using effective communication skills is not the same as retreating behind euphemism.
Adding to +Kira Del Mar's point I think everyone is a little bit biased in their own way. I'm about as liberal as they come but I am capable of saying stuff that is racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic etc. I know this and in the past I've caught myself out saying something I regret and I encourage my peers to point out if I'm saying anything that's bigoted or showing some bias. That's not me patting my own back that's me emphasising that everyone is flawed and fallible and like the song goes "Everyone's a little bit racist".
I am somebody that's eager to learn, grow and adapt but most people are not. Most people are convinced they're right and react defensively to any suggestion that they might be bigoted in some way. That doesn't make them any less bigoted or make their actions any less harmful. It would be great if we could be honest and direct, if we could stop tip-toeing around the feelings of oppressors. Sometimes actions and bold statements are needed to make change e.g. for Black Lives Matter in response to Police Shootings.
However if we're dealing with the culture shaped by the words of individuals we sometimes have to take a more subtle approach. If we can get a dialogue away from "what people are" then they might be more ready to focus on "what they did". E.g. I was just reading an old article (which linked to this video) which talked about a homophobic tweet by Alec Baldwin in 2013. His response was all about "I'm not homophobic, I've never been homophobic, I didn't mean it like that". If we had a dialogue going that distinguished between "what he did" and "what he is" then maybe he could have admitted what he said. Maybe he could have accepted what he said was wrong and grew as a person and became a better man for it.
Then by showing the public that we all make mistake more people will acknowledge their mistakes and try to make amends. I know I've had conversations where if I'd focused more on "what the person did" they'd be more open and more able to grow. It would be nice if we could just say to people "You're being racist, stop being a racist" and that would be the end of it. But there are millions of people like this, millions of sensitive people with power and privilege and if their crimes are subtle the retaliation will have to be only slightly less subtle.
Kira Del Mar - Exactly.
What to say when someone says you sound racist.
So ?
The Lebron piece was clever but this is awful. Specifically the analogy to theft is ridiculous and not apt. People have a RIGHT to their opinions and beliefs. They do not have a RIGHT to your wallet. So you do not treat both offenses the same. One involves an infraction of your rights, and the other does not. You may think this is hair-splitting, but it is an egregious error, with potentially very undesirable consequences.
dude, its called a hyperbole.
They have a legal right to their opinions. They do not have a moral right to talk racist.
Kirby Allen
Wait a **** minute there. 'the fact that white people think that ...'? You are saying something about all white people That, my man, is RACISM!!
Kirby Allen
I just saw your reply via email from noreply@youtube.com, dated "(13 hours ago)". But I don't see it here, so I'm replying to your previous message.
Today, you asked me:
>>> +thnidu Are you saying white people to a large extent have not caused MOST of the racism in America, HISTORICALLY? Also, I myself and white, which does not exclude me from being racist against white people. What I'm trying to emphasize is the danger of instilling this kind of entitlement of such aggressive, hurtful opinions. > What's egregious is the fact that white people think that their "opinions" are more valuable than trying to refine the vocabulary for something as important and volatile as racism.
And everyone else has a RIGHT to point out that making racist comments and judgments is harmful to society, and particularly to the people of color who have to live in a racist society.
So you can say a racist opinion if you want. It's not illegal. But you better not be surprised if someone else exercised their legal right to call you out for it.
I wholeheartedly agree. This is the most eloquent approach I have ever heard. Kudos to you for being incredibly intelligent and articulate.
Jay, what you did with this post is put things in perspective for all to understand. What you are is a genius. Thanks.
This is probably one of the best RUclips channels I have seen.
MAN, this video makes me want to take it just go all "Waking Life" on it...animating it with some awesome rotoscopy
So eloquently put. THANK YOU. Not only have you made this a topic for anyone of any background to approach, you also did this with out sounding patronising. So thank you.
I've gotta tell you, I've used this video I don't know HOW many times not only to explain about to tell someone they sound racist, but just plain how to keep yourself on message in any sort of disagreement. Thank you so much.
"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly." -Martin Luther King, Jr. I would encourage you to think about this if you ever find yourself wondering whether you should or shouldn't care about racism, even if it doesn't appear to affect you directly.
Damn. Such good points. If only people had paid attention to the principles he made 7 years ago. Good stuff that doesn't only apply to race discussions.
this conversation, that conversation, the conversation, what they are conversation, what they mean conversation, conversation, conversation, conversation.
12 years later, I still gotta link to this video from time to time.
I think this is good advice in all aspects of life. People are much more likely to remain open when you tell them you didn`t like what they did as opposed to making negative comments about who they are.
the fact that you don't care about race means that you will undoubtedly be more likely to offend people. which makes this video more important to the people that come in contact with you, than you per say. and you are right, you shouldn't be the one educating others. which is why this young man here is the perfect one to handle that task.
Hey Jay Smooth, thank you for introducing me to great and real hiphop at WBAI radio. For allowing me to sit in on your radio show all those years ago. 🍻
Regardless of any distracting comments, I think your video is wonderful, and I'm going to use it in my class because it is a great / helpful / well-articulated video and a fantastic learning tool. Thank you for creating it :)
Damn it's been way too long since I watched this last. Focuses on conversations about race, but really the lessons here are applicable to almost any conflict with another human being. A+++ content still to this day.
illdoc1 man i gotta hand it to you, you have a sense knowledge that anyone can relate to even if there not very bright i v seen alot of your videos and most of them have almost a sense of poetry and truth in them that people can understand and learn from man keep up the videos and keep teaching people how to use common sense because god knows we need alot of it now
What a deeply insightful and moving comment you have bestowed upon the viewers of this video. I would like to personally congratulate you such a prolific and relevant comment. You have really added a lot to the discourse here. Thank you.
damn this video is 12 years old and just as relevant as ever. king.
Hearing someone say something that sounds racist to you is NOT the same as someone stealing your wallet. Someone stealing your wallet is ACTUALLY affecting you. Someone saying something you think is racist ONLY affects you if you CHOOSE to let it.
This topic reminds of a situation I was dealing with who did and is by hiding so bad.
On the month of November a Sunday night last year, I was driving for Lyft and took my dinner break in Arlington VA at El Pollo Rico. I parked my car and saw this Caucasian guy trying to get his keys out the car. I didn't do or say nothing to him. Moments later after I finished eating the guy came in the restaurant with his keys and I said "hey you got your keys! You found a way to get them out your car." He replied, "yes I did." I told him enjoy your dinner and good night. As I approached my car He came out talked to me and question me about where I live. I told him I live in PG (Prince George's County in Maryland) and he told me briefly about the altercations he got in to when he young and went on about PG County's educational system and public housing. Suddenly he wanted to me know about how he is cool with me and told me how many black friends he knows and asked, have I or the relatives in my family ever been PROSECUTED and CONVICTED of any crime. I stated "On that note, I got to go. Again have a good night." I didn't give him the time or day to response because he went there on race. I showed nothing but gratitude and got the opposite. I got in my car and he got to his back out of the parking space directly in front of me. He was trying to hit my car while backing out when he knew damn well that he had enough space to back out turning right. I honked my horn in time for not to hit my car. He didn't and that's when I got mad. He left though and so did I.
Focus on the stolen purse as the matter itself, very inspiring. Thank you so much Jay, wish you safe and healthy.
Surprisingly applies to a wide range of conversations.
Great one, illdoc1! That a great point and a great underlying idea.
2/2
The "what they *did*" conversation focuses strictly on the person's words and actions, and explaining why what they *did* and what they *said* was unacceptable. This is also known as the "That thing you said was racist" conversation, and that's the conversation that you want to have. The "what they *are* conversation, on the other hand, takes things one step further and uses "what they *did*" and "what they *said*" to draw conclusion about what kind of person they *are*.
With THE VERDICT having been announced just today, this is a good post to be able to refer back to. Thanks, Jay!
I have a question, why do certain people have the need to categorize those that are against racism as "lefties" or "progressives"? I'm genuinely curious. In a lot of places I've visited every time someone tries to offer an alternative to racism and certain remarks they are categorized as such, why?
"'I think you are a racist..'" ...THIS is the conversation we DON'T want to have." Very nice he is being so behaviorally clear about that.
every day it seems that i observe a "what you are" conversation, and inevitably and instantly it devolves into the utter irrationality of fight or flight.
Instead, simply "Hold people accountable for the impact of their words & actions." He makes a single important point (i.e., don't make "you" statements), which is what makes this a good video, IMO.
This logic can be applied to almost everything in life. "I don't care about what you are, I care about what you did"
Hey bro my psych professor showed this video in our lecture class of 300 people. We all laughed so hard! good job and keep it up bro.
Once, on a message board, a person was told "That is a racist statement!" The person who said it apologized, said she didn't understand that it was racist and askd for clarity. The response was "it's not my job to educate you!" I found that frustrating. Thank you for your thoughts on how to tell someone what they said is offensive and *why*.
We need a companion video for the person who feels they've been called a racist. Like how to not immediately jiump to defensiveness, but to separate themselves from their words and judge the words, and then reintegrate what you learned into how you speak from then on. Or something.
I have to say thank you for this video... I had to tell a loved one "that thing you said was racist" and this helped keep them accountable for their actions without passing judgment on their entire character. Missing your posts!
How about focusing on holding ourselves accountable? We LOVE to point out someone else's racism.
Bravo. Always good to see sanity in this forum. And talking about racism in the USA nowadays is just what we all need.
Excellent video! One very important thing I think a lot of people need to keep in mind is that a lot of racist people don't actually realize they are racist and don't want to be racist. To them, a racist is someone who knows they are racist and celebrates that fact, making comments like "I hate...". And since they themselves don't make such obviously racist statements, they themselves cannot be racist. They don't realize that racism is often much more subtle than that, and can manifest itself in
The first rule is that you shouldn't be afraid to tell them.
I've referenced this video like six times in the last week! Thanks for making several conversations with and about The Problem Children sooo much better. I now refer to this as Jay Smoothing my words. Congratulations, you're a verb! :P
Ive seen this video 15 years ago and loved it. I came back to it today. The watermelon comment, is that tied to what we know watermelon symbolises or was it just random?
"Focus on the part that matters: ' I don't care what you are. I care about what you did.' "
I'm finding this video is very helpful today, but also have some further questions for Jay and/or anyone who might have some advice. I've been struggling with how to deal with a situation at work. A few days ago, a chatty (white) coworker stated that her adult son sent her a "hilarious" video from a Halloween party, which showed him and his group of friends, all very drunk, and opening up some "gag gifts". She said Halloween gag gifts are a tradition and that this year's "gifts" were "Doo-rags". She said in the video they all "tried and struggled to put them on" and that her son drunkenly asked, "How the hell do they wear these?" She kept cracking up and trying to explain how funny it was. I am also white, but it was clear to me that what she was saying was offensive at best and downright racist at worst. 2 of my coworkers that were present are Black men. They eyed each other and me. And right after she said her son had asked, "How the hell do they put these on?"), one guy said to her, "Don't look at me...I don't wear doo-rags...what are you looking at me for?" He was clearly offended and justifiably so, imo.
As a white person, I started to explain to the woman that what she was saying and what her son and his friends were doing sounded a little racist.
I will add details of what happened next, later But to make a long story short, the woman began to cry and say she really wasn't racist... it was just funny b/c they were drunk and couldn't put them on...yadayadayada... I found myself consoling her and saying, I know you're a good person, BUT...etc.. don't you see how what your saying sounds and what your son and his friends did as a joke would be offensive? She didn't get it and said, "so is my 11 y/o granddaughter racist when she struggles to at with chopsticks and says, "How do they eat with these things?"???
I said of course not necessarily, but you can understand that it's not only Asian people (or whomever she was referring to when she said "They") eat with chopsticks. She was angry at that point. Meanwhile, the 2 guys were being professional and not saying anything out loud but both were clearly bothered.
I'd like to know 2 things. As someone who works closely with all 3 people, daily. I feel the need to continue to be cordial with the white woman, but I feel that by interacting with her cordially, I am sort of betraying my coworkers and also myself. But I'm more concerned about my Black friends and coworkers feeling hurt that I am not shunning her completely.
Anyway, thanks for any feedback or advice!
Excellent distinction, a really important one to make. My grad course TA actually quoted your video to us!
People must be held accountable in all respects - that's a big problem in our country - accountability and personal responsibility.
They recently did a fascinating study. They took shows like "Scrubs" where all the blacks & whites are supposed to be friends. Then they showed episodes of these shows to people who had never seen them. At the same time, they digitally removed random black & white characters. Amazingly, subjects of this experiment, when they watched the show, could STILL DETERMINE the race of the removed character, due to how other acted toward him. In other words, we treat people differently based on race.
Jay is speaking on the basic principles of critical thinking:logic, fallacies, and rhetoric. Something that used to be taught in high schools and isnt now, which is why we have such a misguided populace getting angry over stuff that is nothing more than some rhetorical emotionally charged nonsense, or people arguing against things that are in their best interest- like healthcare.
I could not agree more.
We aren't defined by our thoughts. We're defined by our actions and words. Nobody ever went to jail for THINKING he might rob a bank.