Gilmore Girls Gets Therapized - Rory and Dean I Love You
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- Опубликовано: 9 июн 2024
- We are back with another Gilmore Girls! Let's talk about Rory and Dean and the big "I love you" debacle. What should you do when you don't get back the answer you think you will? Is saying "I love you" a big deal? We will unpack it all in this video!
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00:00 I love you
01:30 Gilmore Girls clip
04:00 You can’t plan out the conversation
07:00 Allow the other person time
09:00 I love you clip
10:00 Love is a risk
#gilmoregirls #mendedlight #jonathandecker
“He can’t stay, he’s got vampires and demons to kill.” and you’re so right
I was The-Day-I-Watched-This-Mended-Light-Episode years old when I realized that Dean from Gilmore Girls is also Sam from Supernatural. To be fair, I’ve only watched one full episode of Supernatural…but I still feel like a whomp-whomp is in order. 😅
I don’t love the way Dean reacts to the initial “I love you” moment but I do LOVE the “I love you, you idiot!” scene. So iconic.
Right starting his decent into manipulation rather than communication
@@sarahnelson8836 such a good way to put it!
It makes sense that Rory wasn't ready to say "I Love You" to Dean, since they were only teenagers, and it was her first major relationship.
I also think she was deeply hurt by her father not being there for her but instead hurting her mum on multiple occasions. I think why she mentioned her dad when she was with Dean was because she wanted to say something like “my father said this to my mother, but it seemed to mean nothing. He left anyways and I want to be sure to really mean it, cause I have seen how much hurt it can cause. I want it to be honest and to say it when I am ready, when I just associate love with it and not majorly pain”
Dean didn’t let her finish and just assumes she is scared of getting pregnant too soon.
I love that Rory learns a valid lesson with it and in the 6 season she tells Logan that she loves him and says to him that he doesn’t need to reply anything right now. She shares her experiences and how it threw her off guard. He then doesn’t say anything back but kisses her passionately. I think in one scene (maybe the same) he tells her that he said it to multiple girls without meaning it but that with her it is differently.
GIIIIRLL UR EVERYWHERE (nice pfp)
My first boyfriend (I was 20) also said it to me after 3 month. I couldn't say it back because I didn't feel it. I just hugged him, whicht to me meant something like "sorry", but he interpreted it as "I love you too, but I can't say it now" (we talked about this before, too, and that I want to be slow with such things). But after 6 month nothing changed, I didn't love him, I instead didn't want to be with him anymore and I broke up. I should have done this earlier, but I thought it just needs time. But I just didn't listen to myself. I wonder if he afterwards had problems with girls not saying it back ...
With my boyfriend now it took me/us 2 years, but still everything is fine, 8th year now. :D
I also think it WASN’T Dean’s, so he’s more experienced than she is in this area. It might make sense that he’s ready to move a little faster than she is.
This was also the start of Dean being manipulative and gaslighty
I'm a little surprised (though it's a matter of opinion) that you don't see Dean as being an asshole in the first scene (and honestly, even the second - he angrily jumped to conclusions). I'm not calling him abusive, and yes he's a teenager, but it's beyond emotionally insecure and, if I were Rory, I'd be worried about ever saying anything again even just slightly wrong that irritates him and then feeling like I'm at fault. And this does happen in the show. As sweet as he can be, Dean as a short fuse. He's the kind of person everyone else needs to walk on eggshells around.
"He can't stay. He has vampires and demons to kill" WAIT HAS JONO WATCHED SUPERNATURAL?!?! If he did a supernatural gets therapized video, the entire internet would lose its mind
One series at a time, though also Supernatural Season 1 is probably a good "break" from GG if Jono needs to mix it up some.
There is not enough therapy in the world for those boys.
@@katietoole8345 🤣 you're not wrong
I think that's a wonderful idea!
Supernatural is basically "Daddy Issues: The Show"
When my husband first said I love you, I pretty much said I wasn't there yet but I asked him how be defined love and it turned out that I defined love differently than him so we actually felt the same way about each other we were just calling it different things. A month or two later, he said it for the second time and this time I said it back. And I knew I meant it. Now we've been married 5 years and have a son and we are still definitely in love.
I love this!
So great!
If you’re only in season 1, I can’t wait to hear about what you think later on in the series lol
Especially season 6 episode 13 🍸🖼️😤🗣️🙂💥😰😂🤣🤯😱😮💨
Yesssssssss 🎉 I am soooooo looking forward to his reactions 😍
"I think we've officially reinstated Friday Night Dinner."
😂
I watched it all again a few months ago and thought, I wonder what Jono would say about that scene?
I actually want it to be a Cinema Therapy ep, though. The scene is crafted really well, and seeing the 3 generations cope with family stress is really interesting.
Tbh, at that time, I 100% was taught by media that when you say 'I love you', your partner has to say it back immediately or you're a loser. I actually think Rory later down the line in season 5 or 6 having a healthy conversation about it was the first time I ever had media tell me otherwise. And since no one in real life was telling me, I had no other frame of reference or clue it wasn't a given to expect the person to say it back. As if everyone is supposed to go at the same speed.
YES!! I know the episode you’re talking about. I immediately thought of it when Jonathan was describung the healthy way to say “I love you,” because that’s EXACTLY how Rory does it later on. She models a healthy ILY and even references her bad experience having been on the receiving end.
Also, I 100% blame movies like The Holiday (as adorable as it still is in my memory) and *especially* He’s Just Not That Into You for spreading the Immediate And Equal Reciprocarion Is A Must message.
The latter movie literally tells viewers that if someone doesn’t want to have s_x with you yet, they’re “not that into you.” I don’t know if that’s somehow meant to be tongue-in-cheek (considering the “narrator” of the section titles is implied to be the bartender who has a change of heart when Maggie Gyllenhaal schools *him* about love), the “Not!” part definitely wasn’t clear enough to me at the time (yes, I was raised by the 90s 😅).
"Tristan is such a doofus." That's the polite way of saying it.
But in all seriousness, I can definitely sympathize with both Dean and Rory in the initial exchange. I imagine it's tough to try being open and honest with someone, expressing your true feelings, to then be faced with the possibility that the other person doesn't feel the same way. And then Rory not fully understanding what "I love you" means. If they communicated, they could have gotten through this with less pain, but of course, they were only sixteen at the time, so it went the way it did.
And "because I love you, you idiot" is one of my favorite moments from the show.
The biggest problem is that people don't know how to communicate.
@@doesitmatterwhoiam8838 "The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place." George Bernard Shaw
I think my issue with Dean was how he reacted after she explained kind of what/how she was thinking. Rory (the character) is about 4yrs younger than I am, and when this episode aired, I remember being irked. When I was in high school, I had dated guys like Dean. They will do or say whatever to get the girl to do/say what they want ("If you love me..."). So, for Dean, he thought that by buying/building a car for Rory, he deserved an "I love you" from her. Then when she said she wasn't ready for that, and tried to explain why, he seemed to insult her intelligence ("You don't get pregnant by saying 'i love you '") and broke up with her.
I mean, I get it, he's a teenager and teenagers don't have full control of their emotions yet, but I remember being really annoyed with him and thinking, "Dude, zip it! Don't let him pressure you, Rory!" lol. When she finally realized she loved him, she didn't hesitate to tell him, but I don't remember Dean apologizing for being a jerk and breaking up with her for not saying it right away. Again, teenager, not always thinking, but it still bothered me. lol.
Honestly the fact Dean dumps her for not being ready to say, “I love you” is shitty, but I can almost excuse it because he’s a teenager. It’s Lorelai later lecturing her about it that I can’t get behind
Refresh my memory, when does Lorelei lecture her?
She broke up with him, he didn't dump her
He doesn't dump her, they just have a fight and SHE starts completely ignoring him, and she assumes that they broke up and she says that they broke up. So she kinda broke up with him without even telling him directly 👀
@@katherynsalmeron115
I don’t think it’s exactly clear in the show about who dumps who, but considering how Dean reacted I think it’s safe to assume he broke up with her.
@@dxenkids1041 Lorelai confronted Dean at Doose’s to lash at him for what he did to Rory, then he tells her what happened. Then Lorelai had a change of heart because she thought she had taught Rory to have a fear of commitment. Her intentions were good, her approach just wasn’t.
I would love it if you compared this scene to the first I love you scene between Rory and Logan.
My now-husband and I were together 9 months without saying ILY (we had reasons). Our friends were shocked when they found out and conspired with us separately to get us to say it to each other after a party. We were walking home, passing a gas station, when he turned to me shyly. I said "NO NOT HERE." We walked another block to the docks, counted to 3 and said "I love you" for the first time, at the same time. :)
The "friends conspiring" is just like Beatrice and Benedick in "Much Ado About Nothing". I love it
That's cute!
It took me and my boyfriend 2 years. 😂
We are now in the 8th year and I don't plan to leave him anytime. (We have a house together and work on it already 5 years.)
@@MsVorpalBlade That was my thought exactly.
This is really cute
There's a Supernatural fan theory that Dean in Gilmore Girls is actually Sam from Supernatural who left and took his brothers name so he could have a simpler life. Theres also an easter egg in an episode on Supernatural that Dean and Sam get transported to "our world" and are on the CW studio lot on a tour tram, and they pass where Gimore Girls was filmed and Sam gives this weird look like he recognizes it
😮
YES AND THEN HE JUMPS OUT OF THE TRAM AND HIGHTAILS IT OUT OF THERE ITS SO FUNNY
@sarahhandberg5185 Its such a great easter egg. 😂
@@sean_mccadden it truly is
the episode is 'The French Mistake' 6:15 One of my top 10 favorites lol
I’ve got a fun “I love you” swing-and-a-miss story. I was in college and newly dating my now-husband, like maybe three weeks at that point. We were hanging out with a mutual friend and drinking, just a little, and I got a tiny bit tipsy. Our friend left and he was leaving too. We hugged, he looked down at me tenderly (according to him, I was being silly and cute), and he kissed my forehead and said I love you. I smiled and said, “I’m not sure I’m in a place to say it back right now, but thank you!” He chuckled (I know now that’s his nervous/uncomfortable laugh, whoops) and said good night.
It actually took a massive, potentially relationship-ending fight and subsequent reconciliation for me to realize I did love him and wanted to still be with him. Coming up on 8 years and two kids with another on the way, living our best life while navigating the inevitable ups and downs that come our way ❤️ Still very grateful I chose him and he chose me, and we keep choosing each other every day.
Aww that's beautiful🥰 My first love and I had a very similar story. He was all in. I was scared till he almost walked away. We had to have the massive fight too for me to admit I loved him and did want to be in a relationship. Mind you I was 16😂 We got married and divorced quickly but he's a great guy and we both have our own families now. His wife is awesome. I'm so happy it worked out for you two and you are happily in love🖤 Also forehead kisses are the cutest!
I told my husband I loved him after a few weeks of dating and he wasn't ready to say it back for a few months and now we've been very happily married for 10 years with 3 kids
I totally understand why rory didn't say i love you back to dean i really didn't like how dean reacted this was one of the reasons I started not liking him he's so immature
I think it's less about the 'script' and more about the 'ego'. The ego is desperate to be loved, where ego-less love does not care if it gets it back. So his ego was wounded, and he lashed out (makes sense, he's young!). The older we get, hopefully the less ego driven we all become. 🙂
Probably both. The ego created the script, and then got p.o.ed when it wasn't followed. Plus, he felt like an idiot, another ego issue.
I've not had a problem with the "I love you's", but recently my teenager had an extremely toxic break-up with their best friend (since 3rd grade). We had many long conversations throughout the past year leading up to the last fight about how each of them were projecting their personal expectations on to the other and when they didn't respond as expected, or wanted, the feelings of frustration were fuelling the fights. I was extremely happy when my kid took the initiative to stand up for herself with her friend and clearly outline the boundaries she needed her friend to respect and when that need wasn't met, she made an appointment with her school therapist to work out her feelings. She ended up feeling better for a while and then when the sadness and regret starting piling up again (because the kids still have to see each other at school) she made a follow up appointment wth the therapist. So while I would love to be the person that magically could make it all better for my kid, I think this is much more fulfilling, because my kid is figuring out how to take ownership of her life and her needs, physical, mental and emotional. I think that means that I've been doing my job as a mom effectively!
I don't know your kid but I am also very proud of them. I broke up with a toxic best friend as well (shortly after highschool) and hearing her drawing boundaries and making a psychology appointment rather than exploding and bubbling up, it really is mature! You can be proudnof yourself as well. Seems like with your support she steadily got through it. From my family just came "oh but aren't there two sides of the story?" Or "then just dont be friends". You seem like a sweet and caring mama ❤
Great job mom, great job kiddo. ❤
Way to "teach her how to fish." She's lucky to have you! She sounds like a pretty cool kid.
As former foster child, "I love you" was knee jerk response to "I love you" because I had heard it from so many people that I knew didn't really mean, that I decided it was like "Have a nice day" from a cashier. So, my first boyfriend tells me that he loves me, and say it back, and I tell my therapist and he got his panties in a bunch about it. I said to him, "I know when people say they love you they don't mean it, I'm not stupid."
my first boyfriend said it to me like the minute after we got together (this was in high school) and I thought to myself "no you don't" lol, but I think I automatically said it back to him. I felt similar to how you did about that phrase, and it wasn't til I saw this scene that I realized some people actually wait to say it until they really feel it.
This was in middle school, a boy in my orchestra class came up to me and while I thought we were just friends, he came up and told me he had something to say. He told me he loved me and asked if I loved him too, I didn’t know what to say but didn’t want to seem scared or reject him, so I whispered to him and said “a little bit” 😂 and he whispered back saying “Yayy”. After that I swear I’ve never saw him again, I think it was summer break and I didn’t have a phone and neither did he, so I never saw him ever again 😂🥲
AWWWW! The “Yayy”!!! That is so freaking adorable! 😊
I think an aspect of the show which is under-discussed (is that possible in the GG fandom!?) is the relationship between Lane and Mrs. Kim and the one between Emily and Lorelai. Very similar dynamics that come from such different origins and result in such different outcomes.
Similar outcomes in a way!
I'm very passionate about Gilmore Girls so I just have to say that it's their three month anniversary not four.
I came here to see if someone had already said this!
... that makes this so much worse. WTF Dean! Three months?! Three?! You are acting like this after three months! They dont even get to spend that much time together what with different schools and her having to travel to and from school plus the friday night dinners.
I once told a girl I loved her. Her response was, "I must be cursed to only love someone who doesn't love me back and to be loved by people I am unable to love in return." The whole situation was similar to 300 days of summer. Hurt like hell, but it changed my life.
I am nearly 26 years old, and I have never been in love. I have also never said "I love you" to anyone, not even my family. When I do say it, it will be a really big deal for me. I have, however lost people for different reasons. And for a long time, nearly nine years, I suppressed all emotions, because I was too scared of getting hurt again. I wasn't able to handle the pain and developed unhealthy coping patterns like self-harm, because I was not able to express the emptiness and desperation, the pain and the guilt I was feeling. But God found me. And he saved me. After becoming a christian, I learned to feel again and got to know myself anew. A lot has changed in those past couple of years. I feel emotions deeply now and embrace them. I have close relationships with my found family and I am on good terms with my birth family and I even am close with some of them. God has healed me so much and helped me to grow. I don't expect people to stay in my life, but that doesn't stop me from caring about them deeply anymore and I enjoy it while they are there. Yes, my impulse to emotional pain is still self-harm, but I don't go through with it anymore and I turn to God instead of listening to my impulses. They may never go away, but after not crying at all for many years, I now cry almost every day, and it is a much better release for my emotions. I have become much softer than I used to be, and I am very happy about that. It is a miracle to me. And maybe, I will even be able to fall in love one day. After all, my happiness and fulfillment does not rely on other people anymore.
One of my biggest difficulties is that I cannot tell people I love that I love them because I am aromantic and if I do tell them, they think I am in love with them. I just love them as friends, but if I say that I love them, then I have to explain that it is not romantically and it is a pain of conversation to have. But I wish I could tell my friends that I love them instead of having to make an effort not to say it.
In the O.C. happens something similar when Marissa said "I love you" to Ryan, he replied "Thank you", and then she goes "you're welcome". It was all very awkward and funny at the same time.
I still can't believe this is at 4 months! Who raised this guy to have these expectations, react this way, and think that at four months into a highschool relationship you should be getting a partner a vehicle!
Dean shouldn't have expected her to say it back. I was upset that he got upset at that. But I understand he was a teen, not thinking things through.
I said, "I love you" to a boyfriend once and he was not ready. I just said, "You don't have to say it back. I didn't say it to get you to say it back." And then we moved on with the previous discussion. He did say it relatively shortly after that, and I always wondered if he said it just because he felt like he had to (not me pressuring him, but himself pressuring him). Love is so complicated. It made me not want to say it first ever again. People take that stuff so seriously and have different opinions and perspectives on what it even means.
I agree but him getting all angry about it was invasive. Standing up, leaving rory alone in a JUNKYARD was irresponsible. Not because he was a boy but because she learned in that moment that when things get tough, he bails (as later demonstrated in the series). No wonder lorelais motherheart was triggered. Sure her confronting Dean wasn't mature but also understandable. She was expecting the worst. And they had a good relationship before. That rory was drawing back means she can't communicate but she was also protecting her boundaries after HE funked up.
@@not-a-ghost2206Dean did not let Rory alone in a JUNKYARD (in the safest place on earth) he clearly says "let's go" and had time to break up with her, but I think your point is correct, people always said Rory was afraid of Dean, like physically and that's not true at all (she had said a lot of times how she felt secure around him) but you're right and she did get traumatized by this interaction and later on she was constantly afraid of him dumping her. But she been traumatized by this was not intentional nor invasive, they were in a relationship, and this kind of interactions are very common (you can see it in the comments and like the video says it is part of been vulnerable) the trauma comes from Rorys own immaturity, her lack of tools to process it (she is a teen). Dean was not manipulating her, he just ended the relationship, she had the right to not say she loved him back and Dean had the right to not want be with someone that didn't love him back, it is painfull and immature to break up but they both were immature teenagers. It was not manipulation because Dean didn't pressure her neither look for her until she started giving big signals of wanting to talk to him. It was not Dean plan to force her to say "I love you" he was also hurt and could had been traumatized as well. Your comments and the original one made me think that Rory could have been lying when she said "I love you" then she would had been the manipulative one, because from her side would be intention, saying it only to keep Dean by her side, I don't think that is truth because it never occurred to me, like the video says it was clear that she loved Dean. But later on she did tell a lot of lies so Dean didn’t dump her and I hadn't consider that it could be trauma involved.
Love all your videos! Would love to see Anne with an E (netflix) get therapised. It's an interesting depiction of CPTSD / maladaptive coping mechanisms along with so many other themes.
I LOVE that you're really doing the whole show! There's so much more to come! ❤
You should react to Everwood. It's a show entirely about grief. A mother dies and her husband moved the kids to the middle of nowhere and the famiyl struggles to reconnect while overcoming the pain of her loss.
My boyfriend told me he loved me when were celebrating our first month together. I was just like Rory, so surprised and so nervious but he wasn't like Dean. He told me he knew I wasn't there yet, that he knew it was too soon but he wanted to tell me because he has never felt like that in his life and he was so happy and so in love that he just wanted to share it with me. He never got angry or upset, he said he will wait for me and thank god he did. Because it took me 6 months to say it but it felt so great! ❤ Now, a few years later we are going to celebrate our 2nd anniversary as a happy married couple 🥰
In my first real relationship (well, that's debatable tbh) I wasn't the first to say it, but he thought I was... I don't remember the context, but I said that "I love it" about something, which in Norwegian does sound similar to "I love you" (it = det, you = deg). He turned to me with an ecstatic grin and said "I love you too!". I was 16 and very far from being able to stand up for myself or point out misunderstandings, so... even though I really didn't love him, I chose to go along with it 😅 From that day on we regularly said "I love you", and it was never true from my side, but I thought I was kinder to him and his feelings by just playing along 🙈 I've always been grateful we didn't last more than half a year 😅
I couldn’t say I love you to my husband the first time he said it (we were in high school at the time) but it was because of how painfully shy I was back then, not because I didn’t want to say it. I told him that was the reason i couldn’t say it so we came up with another saying that we knew meant “I love you” without having to actually say the words. Watching this scene was sooo hard the first time around because I felt like Rory also wanted to say it but just couldn’t and Dean’s reaction to that was painful. I wanted to smack both of them upside the head with a newspaper by the end of it all
My high school boyfriend was amazing and knew me astonishingly well. He was the same age Dean is here. When he told me he loved me, he also said "I don't want you to say it back because I know that's not where you're at. I just want you to know how I feel."
I never had this happen and it wasn't said back.
Well, when I was expecting it.
But one of my partners is a non binary, aromantic person. They feel love differently. I knew this when I told them, I do love them. They even encouraged me that I can say it.
They like it when I say it. They even love me back, just in another capacity.
Saying I love you to someone, is a very fragile moment, cause they can realise they do not love you back, and can get your heart broken. But I also had people saying it and cheating on me.
I put more trust n what their meaning behind it is, and their actions than just those 3 little words
I never warmed back up to Dean after this.
Dean was such a great boyfriend learning experience. I met my husband on our first day of University. We were friends a year before he asked me out. I love yous took a little while, he waited for me to say it first because he didn't want to put any pressure on me, but I already knew he was ready to say it after a few weeks. I was dealing with a lot at the time so I appreciated the hold off. But I'm really confident we both knew well beforehand that we were in love. We just took things slow. I don't ever say I love you if I don't truly mean it. People get taken away so easily for so many reasons so it's important to say it when you feel it is right. We've been together 22 years.
Terrible blocking in the school scene, Alan would be pissed off, "I come here and I see you with him." Actually, you didn’t. They were hidden round a corner in an outdoor archway corridor. You couldn't see that far in from the car😂
🤣 I was thinking the same thing!
The first time I ever said I love you to my current husband, I panicked and changed it to, "I lo---llama you." His first gift he gave me was a llama plushie, and he still doesn't let me forget it after almost six years of marriage so far haha.
i am on my hands and knees BEGGING you to therapize supernatural! So much trauma, low self esteem, and family conflict- really a goldmine for this series!
❤
I was the person who didn't say I love you back.
Quick background: I grew up Mormon, so I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16, and even then, my parents were clear that I couldn't date anyone exclusively, and certainly not a "non-member." Well, I fell for one of my non-Mormon friends anyway, and he fell for me. For 4+ years (8th grade through the summer before my senior year), we were practically a couple but without the label or even a kiss. :(
The first time he used "the L word" was when we were passing notes back and forth in class. And I FREAKED out. I was not ready for that, I'd been told all my life that teens didn't know what they were talking about when they said "I love you," and I was also processing some traumatic memories at the time which made the mere idea of romance or intimacy completely terrifying to me.
And he understood that. So he responded with nothing but support and empathy. He just wanted to tell me how he felt. And later that year (honestly, maybe like a month later, haha, I don't remember) I finally said it back. Since he knew how big of a deal that was for me, he was over the moon happy.
We didn't end up together and we don't even talk anymore, but I have to give him credit where credit was due. He was so kind and gentle and... well, loving.
Please do “Lucifer (the TV show) gets therapized”
I don't like when people say I love you and expect it back, the fact that you're ready to say it, doesn't mean the other person is
I love that you're watching Gilmore Girls
My (now fiancé) and I started going out when we were in high school and he told me he loved me over AIM. 🙃 He regrets it to this day and wishes he'd told me first in person, but I also wish I could have been brave like Rory and not responded right away. I didn't feel the same way just then and needed more time to figure it out. Instead, my people-pleasing tendencies kicked in (a trauma response that I'm in therapy for) and I was scared, so I typed out "I love you too."
Everything worked out alright, but I'd love to go back in time and tell myself that I was allowed to have space to sort out my feelings.
When I was 17 my first boyfriend said 'I love you' after only 2 MONTHS!! and I also said 'thank you' back
It's also funny to me how the person planning and mentally getting ready to say 'I love you' until they're ready and think It's right get mad/upset when the other person isn't when they get that just thrown upon them
When my husband and I got together it was after a relationship had ended for me that really did my head in. I had been so heartbroken and confused. He surprised me with the I love you and I had to think about it before I could say it back. Same with the proposal actually lol. He always gave me the space and time I needed to process things ❤❤❤
After just a few weeks my (first) boyfriend said during a phone chat that he “thought he was falling in love with me”. What? I had NEVER dated before and he was a widower. I told him that I was surprised and not sure of my feelings. I then called my mom, “I don’t know what to do”. I had never loved romantically before. I even called my former counselor trying to gain some perspective. Looking back now, 15 years married, I don’t understand love. And not in a co-dependent, I give all of myself, relationship with an emotionally distant man-child who just needed a mother figure.
Excited to see you covering Gilmore girls, can’t wait to hear you discuss why i am still f’ed up and attracted to abusers who abandon me (aka the trauma of being a Rory/Jess fan).
Even more traumatic the way they saved his character in the reboot and made him into some kind of hero…. So now we pine for him even more 😢🤦🏼♀️ seriously i hope you do an HOURS LONG deep dive on how traumatic and damaging it was for a generation of women to think Jess Mariano was the perfect boyfriend.
I’m convinced women and girls who are fans of Logan are masochists who enjoy being cheated on…. But let’s focus on Jess for now! Since he has a lot more fans and has f’ed up a larger generation of women my age!
"Because I love you. You idiot."
One of my favorite lines ever.
This is perfect, I've recently started re-watching the Gilmore Girls and have been watching tons of analysis videos on them so you hit the nail right on the head for me 😊
Lololo I love how you reference the male actors’ other works as if they’re alternate universes they hang out in 😂
Supernatural needs to get therapized now. Would love to see your take on some scenes.
I’ve been married 8 years and sometimes I don’t say I love you back. My spouse knows that I still love them anyway.
It is hard, when you guess, they love you, but never say it with words, and they neglet you, because they supposed to be busy, but, they are nice, when they finally have some free time... then you keep wondering, if they only want to goof around, or you had to be more understanding and patient, because their parents were not doing a great job showing them, they can be weak and sad, but still get love... and there is a part of you, that alway keep whispering to you, they never loved you, just used you and what you want would not be so hard for them, and maybe they have twice the free time, than they are telling you, but they are rather be alone, then spend it with you, because that would mean a meaningfull commeted realtionship, and every healthy attachmentstyle would see, they are just goofing around.
Yes loving these!!!!!! Social worker here so always good to find other analyzing my favorite shows since I can’t just watch a show without putting on my social worker cap lol!
Um, Chad Michael Murray was never in the Princess Diaries. He was in A Cinderella Story, Freaky Friday, and One Tree Hill, but NOT Princess Diaries.
Eric Von Detten was in Princess Diaries.
I have to keep reminding myself that you’re in season one and only talking season one and I have to think of only season one Dean and Rory. 😂 😅
Before my boyfriend and I were in a relationship, we had been dating for 6 months and he still hadn’t asked me to be his girlfriend. I knew that I loved him so I took the leap myself and said “I am in love with you and I want to be exclusive. Will you go out with me?” And he said he needed to think about it. He spent a week and a half thinking about it and I spiraled SUPER hard. I’ve learned in the time since then that he knew he loved me too but he wasn’t sure on himself being ready for that commitment. I am still not the best at not just whisking him along through relationship milestones but I’m slowly getting better at stopping and having conversations about next steps. He’s not a spontaneous person 😅 but he is logical and loyal and what he says he means. Especially I love you.
Dean doesnt break up with Rory , Rory breaks up with dean, avoids him and refuses to talk about what happened between them. Lorelei finds out when confronting Dean about him dumping her daughter when Dean spills the beans about what happened that night
True, but him yelling at her when she wouldn’t say “I love you” back precipitated all of it. If someone reacted like that to me when I was already feeling out of my depth, I wouldn’t want to speak to them either (especially if I was only 16)
@@Oceansongster he didn't yell at her
Dean is simply being 16 years old - I find it much harder to believe that a 16 year old plans an evening like this than him being this hurt due to immaturity.
I could be wrong but I feel like in the late 90’s some 16 yo boys did do stuff like this, because it was more common to marry your high school sweetheart right after graduation right up until this time. I think Dean was one of those boys, as evidenced by the fact that he got married right after high school 😂
First time I told my future husband I loved him, he responded, "You are crazy, aren't you."
Several weeks later, we are napping and snuggling when he starts feeling crowded. More asleep than awake he says, "Not that I don't love you, but could you scoot over?" He falls back asleep, but I am suddenly wide awake trying to figure out if that meant he loves me too or that he doesn't....
Since we are at 29 years together, I'm guessing he does.😊
You have a very kind and compassionate approach to this episode.
I do have to disagree about Dean, though, and the way he treats Rory in both scenes. First, while I do realize the adolescent brain can be very intense (mine absolutely was) and that it’s natural for a sixteen-year-old to catastrophize things, none of that excuses the level of disrespect Dean showed to Rory.
It’s admirable to look for the good or the understandable in someone’s actions. And I always appreciate when someone acknowledges their own biases, and their own less-than-proud moments.
But I don’t think Rory/Dean is a case where the Both Sides Are Right principle can apply.
Rory is also a teenager, and look how she behaves. Look how hard she tries to de-escalate the situation. There’s a whole TED Talk I could go into about what a classic example this scene is of girls’ *expected* behavior vs. guys’ “understandable” behavior. To me, Dean is being borderline abusive in these scenes.
He *says* “I love you,” but the minute Rory shows her own vulnerability and tells him she’s struggling, he shames and gaslights her. She’s literally *begging* him to consider her perspective, and he keeps shaming her.
And because of this, Rory saying “I love you” in the second scene doesn’t feel like a triumph to me. It feels like she’s just gone from trying to fend off a guy (Tristan) who’s literally harassing her and ignoring her clear “No” statements, to begging her angry ex-boyfriend (again) to let her speak for herself.
It feels like a possessive ex-boyfriend getting mad because some other guy is holding his ex-girlfriend’s books and he doesn’t care what the explanation is because he drove all the way to surprise her and she didn’t immediately see him and run into his arms.
It feels like Rory is so afraid of having failed her first romantic relationship that she just tells Dean what he wants to hear.
I think Dean should’ve had a heart-to-heart scene with his own parents about what saying “I Love You” means (i.e. is it love or idealization?), with some very stern words about how to respect other people’s boundaries.
AAAHHH!!! I can't wait to see your reaction to Luke and Jess!!!
Excellent, yes I have said I love you and not got it back in return... and it hurts so badly.
Still we have to put ourselves out there in the hopes someone will love us back. Again don't judge the writing in the breakdowns, this is dramedy in the early internets where something consequential has to be in the 47+ minutes, and GG is full of these tidbits.
I think we also have in some of these episodes the different types of love such as Sookie and Jackson (teenage love grown up), Christopher and Lorelai (teenage love rebuffed), Lorelai and Max (mature love engaged and rebuffed) all these play out as different types of love at different ages and maturities.
For its time it was quite the experience to be a watcher of all these folks stories.
My current bf told me he loved me first, and it happened faster than expected, but I wasnt ready to say it right then and he respected that. Been together almost 2 years and I've never been happier ❤️
My first boyfriend when we were seniors in high school said "I love you" and I was caught off guard. I thought about it and maybe the next day I said something like, "Remember what you said to me yesterday? I haven't been in a relationship before, and I'm young, but I think what we have is the closest to love I've been!" And then I remember him backtracking LOL. I did not end up with him.
All the references of supernatural and the movies from that time, *chef’s kiss*
My boyfriend and i were on our fourth date and he told me he loved me. He said it just after we had watched a movie together and were kissing on his sofa lol. As soon as he said those three words, i was completely taken aback. I felt like he didnt know me well enough to truly love me, and i worried that because i am his first girlfriend, first kiss etc. that he was idealising me, and didnt really love the 'true' me. In that moment i didnt love him yet, but not wanting a big awkward silence and unsure of what to do or say next, i said 'i love you too'. I immediately realised my mistake of saying i love you when i wasnt quite there yet. So i asked him if he really loves me. He didnt really answer and i said that i am 90% sure that i love him. He asked how i could get to 100% and i simply responded 'time.' I said i love you a couple weeks after that when i was completely sure! And talking to him months into our relationship said that he loved me since our second date lol. We've been together for nearly 3 years now and he is the love of my life. But the point is people fall in love at different speeds! And we are not always going to be on the same emotional wavelength as our partner, but taking the time to understand their perspective and feelings is essential to a longlasting relationship :)
I said to a guy in high school that I loved him and he pretended to be in a relationship with me for three days because he thought that was what I wanted. Years later when we found each other on facebook, he wrote in his blog that I was the first person who told him that she loved him and said nothing to me. Then found himself a girlfriend just when I was about to visit him in another country (the plane and train tickets were bought and I lost money to change them). Then he approached me again but I blocked him when I sensed that there was going to be more damage. I'm not talking to him anymore and I'm not telling anyone that I love him. It brings me only trouble.
I had similar situation, but I was a person who didn’t say I love you back. I’ve loved him, but I was so shocked about it because I didn’t realise he could loves me. And. I was scare to admit I love him even to myself. As a result of that we split. I still can’t believe it’s happened. I had feelings for him for 10 years. But things like this happens even if you are not 16, but 34.
My 1st bf said “I Love You” after 2 months of dating; we were cuddling on the couch at his place & I went stiff & silent when he said it, he to expected me to say it back & I had to explain why I wasn’t ready to say it. He was very upset when he said he understood-I said it to him when we hit 4 months, but only cause I felt pressured to say it. I ended things with him after 7 months of being with him. My fiancée asked me to marry him after 7 months of being together & I almost went through with it (got the license & almost to a judge) but I said “No” (by this point I’ve been through enough relationships (romantic & platonic) to realize red flags (or at least some of them) & I asked him this yr only leap day 2024 in participation on the old Irish tradition & cause after a yr & 1/2 of being with him, I knew for sure that I wanted him to be stuck with me lol!
I said it first to my current partner of 5+ years, 2 months into the relationship, and immediately followed it up with "i dont want you to say it back, i know its too soon for you. But i had to get it out and i wont say it again until youre ready to say it back." Took him 6 more months to say it lol
I don't think Dean broke up with her. They never showed the actual moment of break-up. She said, "We broke up... we just broke up." So, I always thought that when he dropped her off, she just assumed they were broke up and he assumed she was breaking up since she didn't say she loved him back. Neither one talked to each other about it. Even in the grocery store, when Lorelei confronts him (S1EE20), he didn't say he broke up with her... he just said, "I told her I loved her and she just sits there..." As someone who ran from "I love you" a few times... that was my take on the situation between them.
I remember in college there was this guy that I liked and I thought it would be best to just send him a message and let him know. In High School, I was hurt a lot worse by pining after a guy for two years when he wasn’t even remotely interested in me. The guy I messaged texted me back and said he really only saw us as acquaintances. It hurt, but way less than the high school experience, I think because I felt less stupid and hadn’t invested as much emotional energy at that point in time.
You mentioned Jared being on Supernatural and was curious if you had made any reaction videos to that show? Gilmore Girls is my all time favorite but I also love Supernatural, Sons of Anarchy and The Haunting of Hill House and would really love to see your reactions and hear your thoughts on aspects of these shows!❤
My husband told me that he loves me only 2 weeks into our relationship, though to be fair, we were friends first so it's not like he didn't know me enough. It was while we were dancing at a very loud party, so he whispered it in my ear. I was surprised but instinctively I embraced him and we kissed. He said it a few more times after that, with the same response from me, before asking me how I feel, to which I replied that I feel the same but am not ready to actually say the words yet. I was ready by the time of our 1 month anniversary and the rest is history.
There is a similar scene in the movie Brooklyn where the characters are older and it plays out beutifully
I told so many times ILVY to someone I had a 'thing' going on for years, and there like a million times when I didn't got an answer. Probably I should have realized of a couple of things at that moment, but I didn't and it only increased my time throughout time. Anyway, this person and I are no longer an issue and that's because thousands of things happened between us, mostly because of me... But I wish for this person nothing but good stuff, a good life, love, happiness and joy.
Yaaaayyy more Gilmore Girls 😍 I said "I love you" to my first boyfriend many months before he did. I was faster than him in any aspect of the relationship, always wating for him to catch up, always living in crumbs. After three years I broke up with him because I didn't know whether he'd ever catch up... (Back then I wanted marriage and children but he wasn't even ready to move in together) 😅
The day I realized that we do not punish a lion for killing a gazelle to feed its baby why would I punish myself for my humanity that I had to survive. I am just a human doing my best all of me is human not all can be healthy it’s about seeing the things I used to survive thanking them loving them and letting them go.
He is not demanding ennyting he only wanting it really bad and he do say "I am taking you home" he understad the right thing to do is accepting what she says he only which her to feel and say it back.
Technically...the I love you has always been returned for me. However, I did have a guy in college say it, take off for a month back to Texas for Christmas break, then text me two weeks before classes started to tell me he was breaking up with me and getting back together with his ex-girlfriend back home. He was keeping me on the hook till he knew what she wanted.
I wrote an anonymous love letter to someone, and when I finally got the courage to tell them it was me, all I got back was "I know". Nothing else. Not a thank you for your feelings, not even a "I'm sorry I don't feel the same., but it was nice for the letter" NOTHING. Just, "I know". So I said "Oh", and left. Now I just feel stupid, but I was a young 19 year old and felt crushed.
I'd love Jono's take on One Tree Hill
Yes, please more Gilmore girls 🫶🏻
I told my partner I love him after we'd been dating for a few months. He wasn't quite there yet, but he thanked me and said he's not sure yet, no drama. Honestly I wasn't expecting him to say it back right then and there anyways, as I know I move fast emotionally, and also knew he had some bad experiences and wasn't ready to commit to anything. It took some more months before he trusted his feelings enough to tell me he loved me too, and I didn't say it again until then since I didn't want to add any pressure. We've been together for over 6 years now and things are great, but we've gone against the script in many other ways too, so never quite know what the logical next step would be 😄
In 8th grade I dated a boy who I had an extreme crush on for a YEAR before we even dated. He would write me 3 notes a day at school and call me on the phone as soon as we got home. He was my first kiss and it *literally* made me weak in the legs. He said he loved me and for a while I said it back, but then I told him I felt like we were too young and I didn’t want to say it anymore. I don’t remember how he reacted but I remember feeling relieved so I think he was understanding.
After 2 months I broke up with him because I didn’t understand the love and emotion he was giving me because I’d had one boyfriend before who basically ignored me lol AND my parents were emotionally and physically abusive to each other and were at that exact time going through a separation. His parents were, to my knowledge, happily still married. After I broke up with him I immediately regretted it. I got a second chance later that school year but he broke up with me in the end. I continued to like him for another few years until it finally faded. We stayed friends though and would grab lunch in college from time to time and he was my business accountant for awhile hahaha
Once you finish Gilmore Girls, I’d like to suggest a 90s show called 7th Heaven. I think you’d love it! And from a therapist’s standpoint it’d be interesting to see how often you agree/disagree with Reverend Camden when he counsels folks. The season 2 episode 3 of 7th Heaven, which I believe is titled “I Love You” has a similar storyline to this, but with a completely different take. It also has other side stories all dealing in one way or another with the power you wield when saying or with holding I live yous from people.
I was the first to say I love you to my now husband. We weren't teenagers though, but in our twenties. I was met by dead silence. Awkward... Then we kind of pretended that didn't happen. I had caught him hugely by surprise and he came around a few weeks later and said he felt the same. Been together 17 years, married for 13, so we did something right.
The first time someone said 'I love you' to me,
my reaction was 'what do you want?'
I was actually on the Rory side of things. My girlfriend was definitely disappointed I couldn't say it back right away, but accepted that I needed to say it on my own terms. It was a tense period, but we made it through and we're married now. Probably helped that we were (somewhat) adults when this happened
IS NO ONE GONNA ADDRESS THE "BUTTCRACK CHEAP" EXPLANATION??? COMEDY GOLD
"I love you, you idiot" sounds like how I'd confess to someone
It's so confusing rewatching GG after watching SPN because Jared plays Dean, but then plays a character whose brother is named Dean, and now it's weird hearing Jared being called Dean again... my brain is like "That's not Dean, it's Sam"
I've done the "thank you" 🤭
I told a guy I was really close with years ago that I loved him and he said “yeah I kind of figured” 😂😂😂😂
Lol. Wow.
I wish you'd addressed how she probably couldn't immediately say I love you because of how stoic her mom is. She hasn't seen people say I love you to each other... Andddd instead only seen a mother be strong and not be that vulnerable with anyone (her humor becomes a huge hindrance as the show progresses). I was ready to say I love you because my family never said it and I was dying for it. Rory had a mother always say it to her and kinda bring her up as if their love is all that was needed
Oh man, I swung and struck out HARD in college. I was dating a guy who had started out as a friend. He was a little younger than me and I was his first girlfriend. He started getting busy with classes and I said something like, "it's okay, I feel you're worth waiting for." Apparently, that scared him spitless, because he broke up with me shortly thereafter. Happily married now, but yeah, relationships come with risks and sometimes those risks don't pan out. 😅