4 Signs You're Enabling a Toxic Person + LIVE Q&A
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- Опубликовано: 13 сен 2024
- Are you the type who believes you can love a toxic person enough to change them? You could be enabling toxic behavior and in this live stream we talk about the 4 signs you're enabling a toxic person.
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"Sometimes we spend so much time making people feel comfortable in their sin, we don't let them hit rock bottom." ooh, so true.
You can love someone, forgive them, and pray for them FROM AFAR--keep your distance.
I never understood this until now. I was taught you stay around them but it only made it worse.
What if you are married to them?
???what about staying near a BPD adult daughter with 7 year old who’s blaming,criticizing and blowing up at me…using her son to manipulate etc….can I leave??? This feels so toxic. But what about my grandson???
@@desirahharrisYes, I learned rather late in life that forgiveness doesn't mean you have to reconcile with a toxic family.🥺
Confession and forgiveness is for the purpose of reconciling the relationship. It is fruitless and unbiblical to forgive an unrepentant person. We are not to forgive unrepentant person but we are not to do revenge or treat them disrespectfully when in their company. We are to treat respectfully those who treated us disrespectfully, we give them the love and kindness they didn't give us.
I just got a divorce from my narcissist husband of 27 years. This wasn't easy. I didn't make this decision. Because there wasn't physical abuse, I asked for his grace to get me through until the kids were grown. I did get to a point of not defending, engaging, explaining, etc. There was infidelity, however I was willing to forgive and go on. I prayed for YEARS that the Lord would come into his being Because I knew that was the only hope for our marriage. It broke my heart it never happened. I finally prayed the dreaded prayer once my kids were grown that if its His will, the Lord set me free from this relationship. He did. My ex divorced me. I'm still healing. God is still good.
Hang in there, please.
I have same story. Except because I wanted to keep my family together for my grandchildren, it took 45 years to gain my freedom. My husband left when I learned boundaries. He died during the legal process. My children also estranged because of boundaries.
@@Teresa-ks3zp my heart aches for you. Good for you on gaining strength and seeing boundaries. Much grace to you!!!
@@Teresa-ks3zpThat must be hard with the kids being estranged. Looking back, do you think the kids would have respected you more had you left sooner? I see so many going through this. Staying for the sake of the kids, wondering if it was worth it.
@@t5845 I stayed because all evidence shows children from two parent homes are better off, emotionally more healthy, and more successful. I also stayed out of loyalty to the Holy covenant of marriage. There was no disrespect from my children nor any signs of trouble until my marriage fell apart. I think I became a victim of parental alienation.There was no chaos nor overt abuse in the marriage. I was loving and honored my husband. Had I ever felt they were being damaged, I would have left. They were around 50 when my marriage ended . I believe they will come to admire my commitment to their father and them. God will bless and honor my choices to live as He commands.
Finally someone who applies the truth of God's word to tough issues of life! Thank you! God bless you!!!!
Yes, she is very good👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Amen
We have fear of confrontation because we've been gaslighted and we projected upon our whole life.
YES
Spot on
Am there currently 😢
Yep
So true, old patterns of learned behavior is a process, I am 69.
You are absolutely right. Abuse should not be tolerated. The Church is wrong to criticize you. Your scripture-based ministry is saving souls. ✝
I want them to be self sufficient so that they stop asking me for things.
I want them to deal with their issues instead of taking their frustrations out on me.😮
I've struggled with codependency. I have enabled mentally & emotionally abusive behavior. Thank you for tackling this topic with such a strong Christian focus.
Yes thank you!
This has helped me so much! I have struggled with codependency my whole life. Only within the past few years I have been able to recognize this behavior in myself. Jesus is healing me. I am learning boundaries.
Same here.
Me too!
Same. I use to see situations as obstacles now I see and know they are blessings from God! Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice❤️
Thanks for sharing, Tricia. It takes tremendous courage to share such an experience. May God Bless You!!!
I’m learning as well!
Never tolerate abuse ❌❌❌
I was actually trying to like my "older" sister. Now, I love her distantly.
i have one too.. she can speak 'her truths' but, when i spoke my truth.. she has not talked to me for years... i am the horrible one.. NO, i got tired of listening to 'her' lies..and going along to appease her!!!
My toxic mom doesn’t accept any boundaries, she if offended by everything. So many times I practiced my speech but every time I start she is such a good master to twist my every single word so I end up apologizing or she won’t talk to me for a months. After one of these situations she left and staying offended for 5 years now.
Let her be miserable in her own skin. You're an amazing human being ❤
If there's a lie that you're believing, there's a truth you're not receiving! 💥❤
Tell me more…
@@brendaraeable I was quoting what Kris said. You must figure out the lies you've been agreeing with in order to replace them with the truth so God can heal it.
Waiting for the kids to grow up wasted yrs of my life n theirs. We are are damaged and spend our adult life healing from
The past. Either way it is a trade off.
I've been married to a narc and was miserable. Church people said I was to submit to him as it was Biblical . I then went to a Christian counselor and she said the rest of the verse was as the husband submits to the Lord. Thank you Chris for not sugar coating what narcs do and how we as Christians, need to heal from their abuse. I love your use of scriptures with what you advise. Thank you for helping so many people deal with this evil.
I have an adult daughter with borderline personality disorder. She has messed her life very badly time after time ,and I felt reponsible to help because of the grandchildren. Until I became so exhausted I had to move to an other part of Finland to recovet emotinaly . I thank God that I found this ministry.
Me too
My sister would say I divided our family because I chose to finally confront and walk away from my family of origin. She twisted scripture to fit her and my dad’s behavior. But there was no fruit in keeping with repentance. That’s where the clarity must come from.
stay away from them. stop the torture.
Going through a similar situation with my sister right now. Pray you have God's peace at this time 🙌
@@debraisola9037ignore block and be happy ! These people are sent from satan no lie!
Worth listening to the whole video especially if you have big problems with family or friends.
1. You stay silent which equals agreement with the toxic behavior.
2. You struggle with your own boundaries and the boundaries of other people. You don't let people carry their own load.
3. You give to others to get something out of it. This is a manipulation and also a sign of "codependency".
4. You are being abused physically OR mentally/emotionally. This is evil, destructive behavior that you are choosing to participate in. Stop trusting the abuser. Get away from the abuser. (A dominant personality is not necessarily abusive)
Thank you!
This is exactly what I am doing and thought I should remain silent and not stand up for myself. That only makes the abuse worse! He is unfaithful, mentally/emotional, angry and a hypocrite! I do not care for anymore and have no mercy for him.
Great video topic. I remember when my mom was so mean to me at times. And I never reacted. I decided to kill her with kindness hoping that if I’m nice she will stop. So the meaner she was the nicer I was. And it was like she saw what I was trying to do and wanted to keep pushing me until she got a reaction. She went out her way to hurt me. Said some really hurtful things and I just took it. She broke my heart. A women who abandoned me as a child and we reconnected when I was a young adult and moved in with her. Very bad mistake. We’ve been estranged now for over 10 years.
This is just my story in brief. I have been estranged with mine for 5 months now.
@@onyinyechi1145 🙏🏾
This is the way I was too. I have been estranged for 2 years.
Keep going Chris… You are spot on… Too often we don’t confront the issues… And we end up hurt twice as bad
Sorry you had to walk thru that!! God does give us "spiritual family" to fill the voids in our HEARTS... May He truely bless you with Loving Healthy "Spiritual Momma's".... He loves you SOOO MUCH☝️👍📖👑
Listening from San Diego, CA. New to Kris and she is saving me mentally and giving me the freedom to focus on Christ. Thank you and blessing
Most simply want a healthy relationship... nothing more... just honesty, loyalty & compassion... not self-serving, manipulative or deceitful cheating, unfaithful ongoing actions
You're not tearing families apart, you're helping broken people from already torn apart families that are being held together with various forms of manipulation and toxic deceit. Thanks for all of you help!
Kris, I really appreciate your ministry so much. Thanks for addressing these important psychological issues that churches don’t speak on as much but it’s such an important aspect of understanding Scripture more accurately. Your contents have been soooo helpful, especially for someone who grew up without these resources and had a skewed understanding of biblical love as enabling bad behaviors.
Say that again! I'm not responsible. He's an adult now & CHOOSES to make bad decisions. I've set my boundaries. He's used EVERY manipulation tactic imaginable. God has been speaking deep into my heart about this. He literally said, 'He's mine to handle now.' Thank you Jesus. I'm absolutely looking for respect, a loving relationship, & for him to be able to stand FIRMLY on his own. That is ALL!
do more than set boundaries; go no contact.
Yes!! I just found this and it’s amazing 🙏been enabling an addict for 6 years now through relapse after relapse. Enabling is killing him and me. Going no contact- god help me 🙏
FEEDING ADDICTIONS IS UNGODLY. BUT LOOKING AFTER THE POOR IN CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND THEIR CONTROL AND THERE IS NO WORK . YES YOU FEED YOU GIVE YOU HELP
Well said
For me it comes down to whether these Narcassists should be in our lives. Pray until you hear from God before you do this. Really think about them and what your past is with them. Do not make decisions based in emotions, especially guilt
Abraham had to separate from Lot to stop strife.
For me, I've had to remind myself how I've invited and enabled behaviours. I have created this world and whilst no one deserves it, I can change it (I hope) the moments I forget I have invited and enabled are the darkest
Hi. Debbie from TN, read read read Dutch Sheets book, How to Pray for a Lost Loved One or (those with strongholds in their life) and Intercessory Prayer. It will take u to a new level of faith to see these strong holds broken. My precious husband passed in Dec 2018 and I started dating late in 2020 and wham!!! Toxic so I had to break it off. I cried out to God and he delivered me. Now I am using the principal's in this book to pray for many different people. Thank you for these videos so freeing.
Mine died a year before yours and I too got into toxic relationships. I am a work of God in progress. I thank you for this message and I will look for that book. Thanks
Thank you Debbie for the info. I am from East Tennessee but live in Cali now. God bless. 🙏
Watched several of these videos this morning and learned a lot!!! Dealing with a toxic Father in law and step mom. They insist on inviting my husband's ex wife to their house for Christmas with us being there. His kids are in their late 20s so not young anymore but we don't want to celebrate with her. She is crazy and is manipulative and did so much to us over the years. I don't want to go now. I told my husband we need to put our foot down or this will keep happening. I told him they don't even invite my children to their house but they will invite your ex. Great way to start a new year!
stay away from them completely; make your own christmas events.
Yes…I wouldn’t go if she’s invited…invite them to your house where you can draw the line!
OMG- no way should you have to go to that! Hope your husband is setting the boundaries and protecting you 🙏
The has church has done a fabulous job of creating generations of codependent women
I've definitely been enabling an ex for 14 years believing that 1 Corinthians 13 as the basis to "help" my love for this person. I now understand that I've been keeping Gods correction for unbiblical behavior. "When our heavenly Father corrects us, it's for our own good in order to be a blessings to others, and never to cause us harm,"
I have been silently abused through my son by my daughter-in-law for 10 years. This month I have not heard from my son bc of her wanting me out of my son's life. She probably gave him an autumatum or she'll take half of their possessions of 10 year marriage. I have been nothing but kind and now no contact. I've not be able to be in their lives since January 2013. I don't know if I want to cry or be happy I'm free trying to stay in my son's life. He has told me she hard to live with and controlling. This is a hard day for me and I ask God to help relieve pain from my heart. I know I need to let go. God bless...
I am so sorry you have an evil daughter in law.
While in school for Social Work, a professor told me, "You can give someone all the tools in the world, but they are the only ones, who can change." In otherwords, even with everything given to them to change, they have to want to change and are the only ones that can do this. You can not do it for them.
I’m on social security disability because of my health. Growing up in a church family, my parents always taught me to give back where I can. I’m able to volunteer, so I volunteer with my church in the special needs child environment. I participate in a small bible study group at my church. I can’t drive, even though my family and friends refuse to accept my cash for gas money, I get gift cards to Quiktrip etc and give them those- leaving them in an envelope in their car. Sometimes I donate toys and books to my classroom. I’ve learned with toxic friends and family cut ties. It’s hard but I’m finding peace.
On a separate topic, if you are disabled, you can receive your complete healing. Psalm 103:3 God promises to heal all your diseases. This is a promise you can take to the bank, if you will believe God's promises to you.
Not loving but it is sure difficult not to. There is certainly a difference between love and tolerating. For the most part when we enable, we are actually pleasing ourselves and not being willing to endure the hurt we feel when we see the other person having to pay the consequences for their irresponsible behavior and possibly learn an invaluable lesson. Lord help us to do what is right and what is truly loving.
my whole life.. since i was a kid...i am 62...done with people...the stuff i have gone thru...i no longer can tolerate... unhealthy people, events .....just to burnt out
Thank you... encouragement I so need involving 2 adult kids. Continueing to let go, step back, and let God...HE is bigger ...so painful but with my eyes on HIM even my pain diminishes somewhat😊
I just recently found you! I love your platform! This is exactly what I needed to hear. God Bless You Kris! I am now subscribed. I know you've probably heard this before, but I feel the Holy Spirit guided me to you. Please keep up the good work!
Kris, Thank you for all your sharing about dealing with toxic people. It is like God's response to my prayer. I need help to deal with toxic people before my grudges against them grow more and more. And it is his timing to make your podcasts "popped out" on my phone 🙏
Love your sharing and comforting to know that I am not alone❤
AMEN 🙏
God I love this woman 🙏🏽♥️
She is literally god sent 🙏
Hello! I am new. Thank you so much for all your teachings. I am learning so much. I wish I would have known those things earlier in my life
God showed me that my helping isn't always helpful 😮. What an eye opener. Thanks Kris.
Honor parents but never tolerate their abuse. ✅✅✅
So true about “giving to get”! I totally was trying to have adult female friendships to fill the void of my “mother wound”. The Lord finally revealed this in me just recently! Praise Him! I’ve repented of seeking what I needed in other ways than allowing Jesus to fully satisfy me and heal me!
I have watched many of your you tubes. Thank you so much for teaching me about the narcissist. I didn't realize that evil spirits had hold of them.
I learned a lot, especially about boundaries. That I cross them if the other one isn't willing to listen.
I tend to attract toxic relationships and I am tired of this.
I hear you. I am the same way. Not to mention that my parents were pretty toxic. I am tired too. Hang in there
I’m in the same boat too, i feel like that’s all I attract and parents have been that way too
Me too. I don't think my parents were toxic? I was pretty much having fun and being a good kid. Good grades. I think its society. Its lust and polygamy crap and I'm bi sexual so that means I can sleep with two at same time. I will get tired of you even if you are perfect for me now.. eventually.. and u don't make enough money yet I voted for socialist. . Or you won't get the vaccine and I don't care its 98% survivable..
Same
i am done . .attracking.. perverted sick minded old men... who, think they have the right to talk their smutty garbage... just told another one . i will no longer tolerate their smut chats.. degrading. (even tho, this last one has health issues, that i have gone out of my way to help....but, when sick.. his vulgar comments towards me... make me want to puke!) disgusting sexual comments... so uncalled for!
This is the best! This is exactly the personal accountability and wisdom with narc I search for. So tired of hearing narc bashing and poor narc survivor talk. We are overcommers in Christ!
LORD, what is it that I need from toxic friends and family that I’m enabling? Thank you Kris. New sub.
What's so difficult is discerning when a person is capable or not. One of my siblings used drugs and alcohol as a teen and early 20s. This sibling now lives with my aging parents and has them conviced that he/she can't be alone so they take turns going out but never get to go out together or go anywhere together with their grandchildren. It's really causing my parents' health to decline. I'm working on building strength around boundaries so I don't become manipulated into helping this sibling after my parents pass away.
it's so hard when you have a former/current drug addict sibling and seeing the damage they do to parents... I'm the oldest of 5 kids and the middle child , my brother just got released from prison after serving 2 years for drug related offenses. The roller coaster of manipulation he put our mom on is just unbelievable. She does so much for him out of guilt
You should share these teachings with your parents. They are not responsible to pick up the pieces for your sibling. Again, responsibility of your sibling is their own. Your parents health is declining bcuz they are essentially, not intentionally, playing God in your siblings life, when God is super available for your sibling directly if they so choose. Why wait til your parents are dead when they can be helped now. Boundaries with family is real and tough, but it is necessary for all involved. Your sibling can be free from bondage as well, if they choose to, but that opportunity to get better will never present itself as long as everyone tries to keep them comfortable. God Bless you all.
Thanks Kris for obeying God's calling,you are helping us alot
I walked away from someone. He is on his way to a rock bottom. And I was convicted that God knows best... and I do not.
Hi Kris I'm new here and I'm watching from Suriname, a small country next to Brazil. You're such a blessing. I know that the Lord Jesus Christ guided me here. I needed this. I'm in a struggle still but God will work it out for me.
I need to focus on the Lord. It hurts a lot . I did not know at first but the past few years Ive been able to recognize this.
I'll keep on praying. You're helping me a lot. May the Lord protect you and keep using you to help others.❤
I finally gave my narc mother to the Lord. For many yrs I wasn't ready for her to die yet.
But when she started to purposely self sabotage and go against everything healthy for her and everything her doctors have told her over many yrs, she finally gave me silent treatment.
I'm enjoying every minute of this "break".
Thanks alot for your videos, they've really helped guide me in the healing process of grieving the loss of my toxic family... something ive learned on my own over the past couple years is that NOT EVERYONE deserves to be close to you even your own family or parents, is it sad and painful absolutely, but i have the paint brush now and now I get a chance to paint my picture with the ones who i love and who love me genuinely the same. Praying for everyone who deals with similar circumstances or situations! This video is on point!!
You have helped me so much, not only understanding my own toxic triat but my husbands as well. I dont want to give up on my marriage but i can now see my side of the situation. Its so important to be able to see yourself.
Thank you for your service to humanity. Your content is a blessing, insightful, personal responsibility, balanced, rich, from the heart. 🙏
Listen to you all the time, my family is a heart ache to me , I love them but half to stay away. It's going to be hard. Please pray other doors will open. GOD BLESS. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Prov 22:24 “..with a furious man, thou shalt not go..”
I find inviting a loved one for a meal is great because you can ensure that they are eating AND you get to spend time together to build the relationship ❤ plus, if they are spending time in a loving environment instead of in the environment where the addiction is happening.
It's a better use of all the resources of both parties.
Thank you for showing and sharing how beautifully relevant God’s Word is to every area of life.
Been married to my narcissist husband for 25 years. Did not know he was narcissist but kbew he was abusive, hoped he would change, prayed and stayed because my grandchildren love him and I think he lives them in his own way. Still with him praying that God set me free. I am getting educated and seeking wisdom and direction from God,
Wow, thank you so much sister, am so grateful for what you are doing here!
Divinely blessed spiritual classes , may the power of Heaven protect you forever, may the glittering light of Heaven surround well , prayers .
My mom abused me mentally , emotionally and financially . Since I was 18. Finally in my 50s I cut her off before I even watched this . I wish I had watched this years ago I would have removed her from my life a long time ago . Crazy manipulative mom
Praise God for you telling the truth!!I have realized the majority of the church denies our soul and only emphasizes the spirit man..we do not wrestle against flesh and blood!!
Thank you for using the Word Of God !!! I need this .
From Midland City Al.
I am getting so many answers as to “why…”. Unfortunately, I let my toxic marriage to go on for 12 years… kids were poisoned, my relationships were poisoned. All because I decided to play god in someone’s life😢
Thank you lord 🙏for allowing me to hear this teaching , I been in my 2 marriage for 7 years , but it has been very toxic manipulation, I been feeling stuck , we both came together very broken , but I been to counseling and seeking after Gods heart , but he is not seeking help , he has to boys 17 and 26 , there is no discipline, and I just cnt do this anymore , it is tearing me apart , I need Gods wisdom guidance , 🙏
Biblical and accurate!! REFRESHING 🌟
Thank you so much for your „lesson“, got it! Had a cleaning talk to the person I struggled with. YESSSSSSS
Thank you, been looking for bliblical councel on these topics. I appreciate it so much!
Thanks Kris.....you have great videos 🇿🇦 with God's grace, I've learned to quickly move on. Some people just don't take responsibility and want to make the other person feel bad, because they play victim or are just toxic, or just will not admit the problem. I will pray for you....but move....on‼️
Your teachings are awesome 👌🏼🙏🏻✝️
💯 agree,i do have 3 grew up son's, they work school holiday,I does not tolerate laziness,not all is married,but not staying in my 🏠, youngest son had major issues at his daily job,and has been retrenchment,he was pulled my heart strings,so I took him in at my house,but he knows my rules,he had spare key , but I am used to stay alone, 😔 so I accidentally locked main door from inside, my house rules is you can not enter or sleep over in my house when you are intoxicated,so I had unlocked the door when he knocked,and I smell alcohol 🥶,so has to tell him to leave my house....and he left,he asked me to still give him second chance to stay at my place,,,,I been persist him to leave
I'm listening attentively from Hong Kong. Its 4am, June 30th. You really make this topic crystal clear. Thank you very much. Blessings and love, Asha
I give thinking I will get their love and compassion next time. It never happens
I so love ghis and I so agree,. Its in people's suffering that we allow for God to step in. Bec during my years of suffering, i was forced to really seek God and then i found him. So that now, in my moments of not so much suffering, I still remember who he is and still try to find time for him and remember his words. I have also been enlightened by this podcast regarding people who are manipulators and who thinks they are god and stepping up for myself and setting boundaries to be Biblical. Cant find that in catholicism
Some people can't handle the truth keep talking the truth thank you
👍🏼 Thank You!
All this is so true for me and my toxic husband we ALL have work to do
Glad you are here ❤
We can't change them... We can pray ...God can!
New! Love your teachings! Very sound truth. Thanks
I have a daughter-in-law who is isolating my son, and does not trust me. I’m so glad I have Christ in my life I wouldn’t make it. I appreciate your show.
I am watching from Tennessee.
Kris, I am so glad you are giving clarity in your videos. This is so needed for all of us! It will bring healing and healthy relationships. Thank you!!
I now need to ask God what ìs it I'm looking for in this toxic person. Wow something to really think about.
Kris
I am so sad today.
It just doesn't stop.
Even though I left 20 years ago.
I'm so tired of being set up.
You are making alot of sense, I live with two toxic people and one that is my 45 year old daughter that she has been living on the streets. Keep up the good work.
Your teachings have helped me tremendously! Thank you! Self reflect ing on myself. Empowered me to read the Bible again and go to church
I am new and from concord California. Somehow I stumbled on you and your titles caught my eyes. I do certainly need to learn from your messages and learn to implement them with my family. Karen manuel
Thank you for this podcast.
Iv never heard of any narcissist who has gotten better,they will fake anything that resembles them getting better,its like a wild animal that seems very friendly but you've got to remember it's a wild animal and can turn at anytime
I was blessed and comforted by your teaching today. I have so much love for my family and they have left me heart broken. I've been setting better boundaries but I really need to let go of a lot of these relationships because they really are toxic.
Tough Love balanced with tender love 💯
I needed this. Letting ppl go is so hard for me! But I am getting better at it... I'm new here, and I just love your teaching. You give some real eye openers. I follow you on Instagram as well! Thank you for doing what the Lord called you to do.
A couple of years ago I tried to talk with my working 28 year old son who was living with me at the time, I was paying for everything. He was supposed to be putting himself through school online. I asked him to help me with household expenses because I was unable to keep working. He cut me off mid sentence and said a flat no. He said he couldn't afford it. Then he was having very expensive electronics delivered. I told him that I would not be able to retire and continue to live where we were with out his help. Again I got a flat no and walked away. I was able to find a simple little apartment nearby that I could afford for myself. I told him I was going to move and he needs to find his own place. He did very fast. And he cut off all cut off all contact with not only me but my entire family.
Thanks Kriss. I really need this talk right now to put boundaries on a new friend who I have discovered is slothful and lazy and leans on others to support him.
I love your honesty. We need this truth. Some of us have made bad decisions and we need help getting out The church wasn’t there for me during my horrible years of marriage. No one walked me through my hurt.
From wisconsin.
Been watching more often