When Your Grown Child Is Disrespectful | Try 3 Powerful Responses
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- Опубликовано: 1 июл 2024
- Are you aggravated when your grown child is disrespectful? Try 3 powerful responses that can help you to immediately apply for a better outcome with your grown child.
00:00 Intro & Summary
00:29 How To Decipher Between The Flight Or Fight Response
02:07 What Is The Power Of The Pause Button
03:31 Why You Should Consider An Apology
05:33 How To Listen To Understand
Watch and Enjoy!
Dr. Paul Jenkins
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Im done apologizing!! I don’t need to back off. She needs to respect me PERIOD!! I will not be a doormat!! I’m the parent regardless of how old they are!! I raised all 3 of them by myself. If they can’t respect that I laid down my life for them then…..I’m not doing it! I’m tired of walking on eggshells never knowing if what I say is going to trigger her!
Delia Dee, that is an option. I hope you can work it out.
Amen 🙏 this is so my story !
Grew up being taught that age is honorable whether you agree with elders or not. If lucky your children will grow to realize and appreciate your efforts and love .Meantime they may have to learn the hard way causing suffering for themselves and those close to them. Its their responsibility not yours. Excruciating to witness the misery they can create for themselves often identifying you as its source.Live a good life. Set a good example . Let them draw their own conclusions.
Best wishes to you.
What kinds of things are you fighting over?
Do you not realize that this generation of young adults are ME centered? My 28 year old son was great with
My son will be 25 years old next month. I have finally concluded my son is a bully and has no intention on changing. I have ceased all communication with him. I plan to focus on myself and let life teach him.
Life consequences can be a wonderful thing.
How do you do that I can't bring myself to do it
@Cheryl woodward It is a stand against abuse and disrespect. I will always love my son, and I raised him with love. Now that he is grown, I don't have to tolerate being mistreated. We have resumed our communication but whenever he decides to be disrespectful again I will cut him off again. Period. You will have to make this decision for yourself. Everybody has a breaking point. I reached mine.
I advocate for ceasing all contact with toxic individuals in any instance. Young people cutting off their toxic parents, and parents cutting off their toxic youth (yes, both cases can happen), it is good to set boundaries in all relationships.
Yes, I’m done too. I’m devastated, heartbroken but I will get through this. WE GET THROUGH. I’m not a doormat. I’ve even accepted the fact that I will sacrifice any future chance of grandchildren one day. No, I listen. The kid does not. Does this guy know how the millennial generation is?
Apologizing to them causes narcissistic, entitled people stomp you harder.
Do what serves you best, Mamma Joy.
Actions speak louder than words. Perhaps they feel that verbal apologies are insincere attempts to control them. If they distrust you, they will be skeptical of your attempts to make amends.
So dam true, no apology, no birthday calls from narcissist kids. Daddy's minions
💯
I have tried many approaches. My preferred approach is to remain silent then remove myself from the situation as soon as possible. At this point when someone disrespects me I feel that they don`t value the relationship so I terminate it or distance myself.
I have tried everything. No matter what I do works. I finally said I was not apologizing anymore. The more I do for them the worse it gets. Whatever I do or say is met with increased anger; insults; accusations. They want gifts just to throw them back in my face. If I don't give a gift, sparks fly. Like you, Joan, I am through. I am ignoring them. I am convinced they want a fight and I'm not giving it to them. This way I am not hurt.
Joan Elizabeth Smith, I understand that.
Totally agree!
@@peggywilsondobbs3235 we are on the same page.
Having the same issue with my nephew (18). I also decided to never ask him again to take care of even a simple task, like take out the garbage. I’m sorry but our Marxist education system since the 80’s has turned our kids into little narcissist. It will be an Act of God to disconnect them from this matrix. So I pray for that day as my only remedy
I financially support my daughter and her 3 children. I do it for my grandchildren and I’m not wealthy. However, I’m at the end of my rope. My daughter is so verbally abusive and disrespectful I’m ready to walk away from the relationship completely. I have prayed and given all I have to give.
I'm sorry you won't have the relationship you want. That is o.k. You have done what you could and you will know that you tried and gave it your everything.
None of your advice has worked for me. My daughter is 35 and will allow my 10 year old grand daughter to scream at me, speak to me any way she wants. No discipline for the way she is to me, instead of addressing this issue with her daughter. She will go and speak to her in a whisper. In another room
Well mom you seemed a little argementiv when I came home. So not true. Now I see why parents walk away from their children 😢
My mother would describe me as "verbally abusive" but I'm not. I've begged her to hear me for 3+ years and she won't . What is your daughter saying? Is there something in there that you simply will not hear? Your absolute prerogative to cut off the money though, I wish my parents had done this sooner as they wanted me to respect their distorted narratives about me in return for the money. Eventually I said nope, you either listen to me once before we all die or we cannot have a fake relationship but they prefer to give me the silent treatment forever than just hear me out for 5 minutes
My Lord, my Commander-in-Chief, instructed me in 1982, “Oppression is not My portion for you. Whenever you are feeling oppressed, know that it is not from Me because oppression is not what I have for you. So if it’s not from me, what are you to do?”
I believe that failure to stand up to bullying is failure to stand up for justice according to God’s POV.
I know exactly how you feel. I hope you get free, for your own peace of mind!! You deserve to be happy. Wait until her children grow up and start to disrespect her! She'll find out.
Doesn't work with my son. If I apologise he looks at it as a weakness and becomes even more abusive.
U are absolutely right, certain people u cannot reason with. My 26 and 20 year old is verbally abusive and have called me a b because I will not allow them to run my household according to what they want to do and they do t work or pay rent. May have to go to court to get them away from me or give up my 3 bedroom apartment and then they will have to do something with their lives. Your children dont rule you they need to responsible adults and move out instead of being free loader.
Most therapists do not understand abuse. If you try to show people how to behave, they just think they’ve won.
@@marthachabinsky3048 Basically, you cannot deal logically with illogical people nor can you treat abusive people with respect as a modeling technique, because they do not understand the concept. Respect is so foreign in abusive dysfunctional families. Emotional immaturity in adults is rampant in previous generations and current ones without good education. When I was younger, I knew many people who were raised by their grandparents and were taken to church weekly. That made a huge difference with respect issues, depending on the congregation and their community activities, of course.
There really is a generation gap. Grown children once they are married with kids of their own - you the grandparent - become another child, that this bully you didn't raise to behave this way - to tell you what to do!! Questioning for clarity they claim is starting an argument. I'm estranged, and it's been liberation! Really.
@@jogalbreath5216 totally agree with you
If your adult child is having you constantly apologize to them… That is emotional abuse
And it gives you a lot of information so you can decide how much interaction you want.
I agree.
I’ve apologized to my son for whatever he thought I said or did, and here’s the deal. He was NEVER abused, he was loved and cared for. We paid for summer camp, swim lessons and cheered him at his football games. We didn’t drink smoke or take drugs. He has PTSD from a very abusive marriage, and has made us his punching bag. I’m DONE being abused by him.
This video just hurt/shamed a lot of parents who are receiving verbal abuse from their adult children. Your advice is to apologize to people who are being verbally abusive to you? I know you meant well, as an advocate for the adult child, but who will advocate for the parent? Your advice should have included setting boundaries. I think you are a terrific counselor, but I am going to have to advocate for the parents on this one.
Good for you RR!
R R, glad you are ready to move on. Your son will experience some consequences.
Hope things are getting better. You do not deserve to be abused. 💙
Thank you@@ADayInTheLifeofLori
My daughter has been so consistently hateful to me that I have had to pretty much completely disengage - meaning, I do not interact with her unless it is about my grandson. It’s sad that it’s come to this, but I cannot continue to subject myself to her verbally abusive tendencies.
O K, I am glad you are creating some boundaries. So helpful to feel safe.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I am hoping she will get older and see things differently. You know what they say about how we become our parents. There is some truth to that! (And some funny Progressive Insurance commercials about it.)
Good. Wish I had done that. Made it clear that it's for Grandkids only
I feel exactly the same way.
Similar situation my daughter refuses to contact me and advises me l can never see my grandchildren. She got mad at me 1 day because l was babysitting my stepsons children and was jealous that she felt all the attention l had should be on her 2 children because they were blood related. The funny thing is to this day my stepsons children call me Grandma. Blood doesn't matter. It never matters to me they're family. It really breaks my heart that this jealous streak in her keeps me from having any type of relationship with my grandsons.
I think apologizing for something you didnt do wont happen. Soft parenting got me in this spot. It took a therapist to help me identify i was being abused by my kids!
I hope you are at peace now. I am glad you found a therapist to help.
Same here. I have accepted everything and supported to be treated like dirt. I've been told I made my kids narcissists b/c I gave them everything! No I didn't! I was ALONE! I did not make enough to give them everything! But after 18, daddy comes back in (never paid $$$) and I've been dumped.
Oh I am agreeing with you!!! Their Dad died from a heart attack @ 55 years old. Those daughters of ours do not care one ounce about anything I have been through. I am embarrassed to admit they are the most selfish people I know.
I hear ya! I'm not apologizing for the cruel treatment I've received and did for years. When I turned 70 this year I decided I was done with it. Not what I wanted or planned when I gave birth to 3 "perfect " babies . They grew up to be opinionated , close minded,mean,judgemental,asses.
I'm not sure the apologizing is a good thing. When a parent keeps giving, all they expect is more. When you say enough, no more. We are the bad guys. I didn't spoil with toys or clothes. I kept bailing him out of life situations. Found out he stoled money from an employer. He is not my only child. Have 4 others. To be estranged by your child and hear stories that tear at your heart. I just know I raised him properly. He's an adult.
I’m so glad I came here. My 38 year old daughter is a successful business woman and I notice that the more successful she becomes, the more arrogant she becomes. Yesterday, she told me I’m not on her level regarding business so basically, I need to shut up. We haven’t spoke since. I feel guilty, sad, depressed, etc. Just for the record, my daughter was never abused or neglected. She was in private school until Jr. High and have a relationship with me and her dad (we’re divorced). Please pray for us
Will do. Keep a place for her in your heart and hopefully she will learn to respect and be kind to others.
38 years old and she thinks she has surpassed you? That statement is demeaning, cruel and deliberate. You diapered her, fed her, was there to grow her into an adult. She has a low emotional IQ, like a bratty child. Remove yourself.
How do u know she wasn't abused or neglected? Only she can say that on the other hand she shouldn't be saying things like that to you.
@@sophisticatedbeauty8334 - I’m her mother. I was there and I know she wasn’t abused or neglected. Believe me, she would have told me. She often talks about her childhood and abused and neglected is never mentioned so I’m pretty confident of that. If anything, it’s because she was given too much. I can’t remember ever spanking my daughter. She was a wonderful kid
I will be praying for you and for her whole generation. They seem to not know that even seeing judgmentally / condescendingly is not their purview. NO ONE is entitled to that.
Leave them alone and live your life! Until they see that their lack of self control towards a parent is wrong they will wreak havoc in your life as an adult who has less time to live. I am speaking only to parents who have not abandoned or actually harmed their kids. Some parents have traumatized their adult kids… if you have been a relatively good parent and keep getting kicked in your butt by your out of control adult kids.. I’m cautiously open to a better relationship but I’m putting me first from now on.
Sounds like you have this figured out and a way to move forward! Awesome.
It would seem that kids are not guaranteed to bring joy and fulfillment after all - unlike all the cultural platitudes that suggest otherwise.
@@evilds3261 are you a man or woman 🤔
@@Trixiesongzxoxo If you must know, I am a man.
🙌🙌🙌🙌
When I’m constantly being disrespected by my adult child who talks down to me and flies off the handle about small things that I say, I’m not going to apologize to her. She will just completely walk all over me if I do that. I think the problem is that she hates her life
Glam gal North, you may be on to something. We need less victim and more agent thinking.
You were too good to her.
Apologizing for something you have not done Is ridiculous ….all children today only think about themselves and their lives…a parent has born these children, clothed them, loved them, sacrificed for them, worried about them, and supported them to adulthood not only emotionally but financially. If a parent says what the adult children are doing that I don’t agree with and that causes them to terminate our relationship, then so be it. I have no regrets.
None of us are perfect.
Adult children who disrespect you or interrupt you is the worst. They feel so entitled and more intelligent than their parents.
Happens all the time, and it’s quite sad considering what we’ve done to raise them
Judy B, children seem to figure out they don't know so much once they have children of their own.
I personally think this is a generational problem with children that have been mollycoddled and subject to very nasty media that degrades the role of a parent in a child's life. Look at commercials where dad is a bozo or parents are laughably out of touch or goofy. Disrespect is hilarious to these jerks. These commercials would be poorly received in a culture where elders are treated with more respect than they probably deserve but are given anyway.
@@Bonzi_Buddy You are absolutely right. This is a silent epidemic that gets overlooked by professionals? 🇨🇦
Not true. They think they’re much better at it than your,” old fashioned ways”. Example; grandchild wants to know what a tool is. I say nail gun. I’m interrupted in my conversation. It’s a newmatic nailer. Can’t say gun. A year later they’re playing with water pistols. Can’t call them that, I asked in advance. Another 6 months their having nurf GUN fights with their other grandparents. This behavior happens consistently. I follow their boundaries but no one else needs to
I made a heartfelt apology to my grown daughter for something I did years ago that was plain wrong. Won't go into it here. My daughter took it as a sign of weakness and homed in on my guilt. She has never let up and it's impossible to be around her for any length of time. This has been going on for years. I know one thing and that is I meant a lot more to her when I had more money. She sure didn't slam me then.
Edie: A year later ---after reading comments I need to amend my post. I did NOT do anything in any physical way, to my daughter. What happened is I was arrested 24 years ago on a drug charge and that is what hurt her.
Glowgirl, let her know that you are not living in the past and don't discuss it anymore. If she starts to discuss you can choose to walk away and not respond.
You are definitely not the person in the wrong. I have two children. I’ve come to the conclusion that a parent can just do the best they can.
@@sumsymmachus9 Thank you so much for your comment.You made me feel better.
She just didn't forgive you! Forgiveness is a hard thing to do!
@@Yoyo90s I know. I pray she will someday.
I'm not apologizing for something I didn't do. Also, my adult son needs to know it's wrong to disrespect a parent.
Agreed.
AFTER READING THESE COMMENTS; I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY. TO DEAL WITH A SPOIL & NARCISSIST ADULT IS AFFECTING MY HEALTH; I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING WHAT HE'S SAYING. IT HAVEN'T HELP ME. DEFINITELY I WILL DISTANCE FROM HER & SADLY, FROM MY GRANDCHILDREN.
Sorry, hopefully as they grow they can have contact with you.
As sad as it is you may have to do that for a time. It may make her think about how she is treating you and hurting you. As you see many many parents are in the same situation. We are not alone. Gain strength from that. Sorry this is happening to you. I know it's very hard.❤
I'm so fed up regarding my 35 year old daughter. Nothing and I mean nothing makes her happy! I've tried and tried! When my parents passed away, I off her debts and helped her beyond measure. Yup, it helped but time flew and she started to still be disrespectful, and it was an act. I've houses at, babysat, and pet sat and her and my son in law are both rude and arrogant!! We had a fight, she blocked me. So I washed my hands. Sick of walking on eggshells and kissing her ass! I never disrespected my parents. I took care of them in their last 18 years on this Earth and honoured them. I raised my daughter and two son's with mistakes, and apologized for it but was NEVER abusive. I'm not putting up with her crap! I love my grandbabies and will miss them but to be honest, the way she's raising those 3, she's putting a rod in her own back. Good luck to her and shame on her for using me. Again!
linda blackmore, glad you are setting some boundaries for yourself to not be taken advantage of.
I have three kids and they can be so disrespectful at times they say things that they know it’s going to cut like a knife but I choose to love them from a far and put them on the altar and let God deal with them because I refuse to be disrespected any more !!!
That works! Hopefully they get the message.
I completely understand. My 23 year old is toxic to me and my husband. I’m done
@@nancybrown2609 I pray for you and your sons relationship. We all go through things with our kids. My kids have did a 360 and I gave them to God and he gave them back to me and we have a wonderful relationship so if he can do it for me I know he can do it for you and your husband pray for your son turn them over to God.
I told my 28 year old son, that if he continues to call
me stupid, idiot, homer moron, I will drive to his house and put my foot through his mouth. Social media has made it all to easy for todays kids, (he’s not a kid) to be disrespectful and not get a punch in the mouth for it. I think a lesson needs to be taught here.
I don't advocate violence, it doesn't solve anything. It can get you in more trouble.
Heck no! I’m done. My son and his wife planned a wedding that neither me nor his brother ( during COVID. Pre vaccine, testing and quarantine required in both states and his brothers senior year). We live in the south and my eldest son and his new wife live in Alaska. Did they face time us, no. I kept giving the benefit of doubt. Sent 5000.00 as a gift. Did I get a thank you ? No. Then year and a half later my first grandson is born. My son face timed me with the new baby. It was wonderful. I got them everything they wanted off the registry that wasn’t chosen plus a few. Did anyone let me know the stuff came in the mail ? No. No thank you’s. No pics with my grandson in something I got him. Nothing. Then they move to Colorado. I just sent a couple of things since they were not in their home yet. So excited. I can’t wait to see them. Then they took a trip back to Alaska for a visit. I found out on FB. My friend told me. Then they decided she and the baby would move back since, he was going to training before deployment. I still have never met my grandson. When I bring this up, I am accused of manipulating. I have never had face time since his birth. My son, I don’t know him. I have had 3 surgeries, going into Stage 4 renal failure and not once have they asked how I feel. They have invited me to his bday party in Alaska. I can’t go. No! I now don’t want to meet my grandson who is being hung like a carrot before me. I have let go. It’s much easier to let go if a child I have never met. Done.
That is your choice. I wish you well with your health troubles and hope in the future your relationship with your son can heal.
THEIR KIDS WILL GROW AND GIVE BACK ..
I hope your health is better. Your son's bad behavior reflects on him, not you. He might wise up if you put your relationship on pause. If you continue with money and gifts he gets rewards for his disrespect.
Having children, I've learned more about myself than I have about them. If I keep an open mind, my children teach me things every day.
SDDucati, totally agree.
I say parenting is the most spiritual of experiences. I may have raised my son, but he grew me.
Yes, just listen to them.
@@reneeb9021 o need to try this response! They only want me in their life when they need me! I don’t tell them to his but it is how I feel
@@patriciaspires5450 I mean, isn't that the same reason you brought them into your life? Because you needed them? If you did not need them, then why bring them into your life at all? Why did you have them?
OK. Let me review:
1. APOLOGIZE: "Dear (42-yr-old) daughter, I apologize for deciding to help you out, when you had nowhere else to go, with a furnished room of your own, free rent, free food, free utilities, free toiletries, free use of my washer/dryer and detergent, free maid service (since you claim to have neck pain), free toiletries, free paper towels, free Kleenex, free toilet paper, use of my clothes (even my underwear, sleepwear and socks), free wifi and smart TV entertainment, and on and on.....
2. .........
I can't......
2. INSTEAD SAY: "I love you, darling, but you have 30 days to either start contributing some money for rent, utilities and groceries, start cooking for yourself, help out with housework, not let another disrespectful word pass out of your lips towards me, take responsibility for yourself OR move out. And take all your stuff I've been storing for you the past 10 years in my garage with you."
3. APOLOGIZE TO MYSELF: Dear Self, I apologize for being Bobo the Fool, being a weak parent afraid of what would become of your adult child without your diaper-changing, I mean help. Pease remember to change the locks today."
Give your daughter a time line and then enforce it. You can do this.
Can we talk I have some questions???
I mean, you can always use the Socratic Method. Ask your child questions and then ask follow-up questions to inspire critical thought and get them to assess their beliefs, assumptions, and actions so that they can determine whether they are helping them to get what they want or if they may be unknowingly undermining their own interests because they have not put much thought into why they do what they do.
I just gave my 20 year old son 90 days to find a place. And I took my key, so when he comes home, he now has to knock on the door… 😂 freedom coming soon in my home
Yes, thank you for sharing. Parents often "threaten" this, but then they don't do anything but wonder why the child won't behave. Give the consequence.
I went no contact - 5 years ago. It's working out great.
Glad you found something that words for you.
I’m the “young” adult (30). Wishing my mother would watch this video.... however I’m going to follow these tips with her next time.. and with my own kids.
You got this, Helene.
My family was loaded with this mess . They're all on the other side now. My sister was a strong button pusher. But that apology? We're talking powerful. I could sincerely apologize to her and the wall would evaporate. My mom was worn out from caring for my sick, demanding
Caring for a sick, demanding father, and an apology didn't work that well. Buy my sister the bully would cool right down for a real apology.
@@maryerb6062 thank you for sharing☺️ maybe your family will eventually get closer and closer. I often apologise to my four year old when it calls for it, and always want her to know when Ive been wrong. Its a great opportunity for her to learn that adults can do things too that are not okay, and that we are responsible for making things right when we hurt or disrespected others.
@@heleneolsenthunem307 What I meant by "the other side" means they have died. But I absolutely believe our relationships are very much better!
I too am done apologizing. But I will agree to take your advice of not speaking my mind until the adrenaline calms down. My son now 33 continues to bring up the past at every family gathering. He never has anything good to say about other people. Loves playing the victim. Loves insulting and demeaning his siblings and other family members. And recently at a dinner out for his nine-year-old son's birthday. He declared in front of everyone that when I'm old he's going to put me in a home because that's what I fear the most! Then he said payback time! I'm done tolerating this child's threats and abuse. I received absolutely nothing from him ever accept requests for money, babysitting, help with house cleaning and chores etc etc etc. But he refuses to lift a finger to ever help anyone else. He won't work and the baby mama supports him and three children. He has made remarks and veiled threats spoken as jokes about having his parents and grandparents institutionalized so he can take over their houses, land and finances. The disgusting part is it's not a joke. He's just waiting for people to die so he can spend their money. I have so much hurt and anger when I think about him that it just breaks my heart. He was my first born son and I doted on him day and night. He never had a diaper rash or even the slightest cold until he was almost one year old. The sun rose and set on him. I could have never imagined a day I would feel anything but undivided adoration towards him
Put some protections into place now.
You should just feel proud of yourself!
You did your best 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Pray for him and his happiness that’s about it!!
Blessings to you 💕
You raised him. You did your job. It's time for you now.
What you said here drives tears out of my eyes1
@@annedm684 mine too. When I hear all this things happening to parents that put their interest to the side and took care of their children instead. They gave up their life for this little person and now is pay back? When u retire pay back is a good thing. This are the humans we have now. What has help me cope thru out the years is the Bible. Otherwise I think I would had been dead. If u beliefs in GOD and look to him for answers he will answer us and give u hope and relief. He will not take care of ur problems but he will give u the tools to deal with them. U have to do the work. Because these help me understand I want to share: Matthew 6:34/ 1 Peter 5:7/ Hebrews 13:5 /Philippians 4:6,7, ( most important to know 2 Timothy 3:1-5. ) you will see that it’s not ur faul. U the good guy here. U gave it ur all.
I'm against apologizing if I haven't done anything wrong. This can backfire, especially if there's nothing to apologize for. It can be even used against you in court. Hold the truth as well as your ground.
Thank you for watching and commenting.
It should take a lot of careful reflection before you decide that you “haven’t done anything wrong.” Maybe you did not intend to do wrong, but as humans it is our very nature to do so. Each one of us has many things to apologize for every day.
@@kaybeekalshould said she shouldn’t apologize if she hasn’t done anything wrong not that she would never apologize if she does do something wrong. There’s a difference. We can’t allow disrespect.
There comes a time when you just have to go numb. I have no feelings because of so many rejections and losses. It is cruel when people do not include you in anything and even seem to revel in telling you about all the good times. I say shame on any adult child who was given everything and treated well who disses off a loving parent. It is almost as if one wants to break my heart the final time. I already have been through enough. So I say...to heck with that ! Maybe it will take a tragedy to make some people gain empathy or maybe they are just narcissists who well..better to go stone.
Brega62, Most of these kids will figure out a thing or two when they have children of their own.
My approach after years of trying? I’m done. I told him everything I’ve held in. I told him and his drama Queen girl that I’m done. I feel relief. I feel like I have saved myself from 5 more years of tears. They were in my old life. I’m starting my new life.
C R, sounds like a plan that will bring you peace and happiness.
Geez.. I think I have hit that point. Get a new life
I have done way beyond what he is talking about. When my ex-wife started will parental alienation both kids were still young and vulnerable to what she would say. I have decided that absence is the best way for me after all of the apologies and trying to buy their love. Let go let God handle this because I can't!
I am so sorry. I hope there can be a relationship in the future.
It takes two to tango. I've tried everything you've suggested, for years. It didn't make me stronger. It made me weaker. I am now at a point in my life where I stand by the truth. I am loving, caring, and giving. My grandchildren love and respect me. My daughter does not. My door will always be open to her. She knows this. No more apologies.
Sounds like you have tried to be there for her. Good luck, glad you have the grands to love.
I am over it ! My oldest and youngest daughter has been very disrespectful. My oldest went as far as fighting me. God's grace, put controll over me. I am a firm believer of respect. I never ever hear , I apologize mom. Well I wash my hands and shake the dust from underneath my feet. She grown and need to look in the mirror and be mad at herself for her life choices. I owe her nothing. She is 34 year's old. God bless her. I will continue to pray for her and wish her the best. However, "thou shall respect thou mother and thou father". Life will bring her to her knees with a lot of heart aches if she doesn't find away to control her tongue. Blessings to all. 34 year's old and loss!
I wish you well.
Sounds like you're learning parenting.
Those things do not work if your children are closed minded. I tried everything and it does not work. The best way is the learn to love yourself and stop the abuse. Everybody talks about child abuse, but lately it is a lot of parents abuse-Children abusing parents. When my husband died, I stop being a woman to be full time mother. I did everything I could to give them love and a good life. They were my life. Now they think they are better than I am, and treat me like garbage. I think we should raise children the way they were raised in the 40's and 50's.
Elena Virella, I am sorry that your children are not respectful. You did the best you could and hopefully they will realize what they have.
I can write a book on this and I have 7 adult children. I am currently getting ready to go home after staying with my my 35 year old daughter for 2 months to "help her" with her new twins. I don't understand the mental and emotional abuse towards me. Nor do I understand with this generation that anything you say that they don't like YOU are being disrespectful to THEM. Went through a similar situation earlier this year with my 31 year old daughter. But that daughter has profusely apologized for a few months but is mad at me again for breathing. I'm so confused. Just could never view or treat my mom in the manner that I have endured in recent years. Best of luck to you all and I hope you feel loved.
Thanks for your support of others in our community.
This is exactly what's happening to me as father of 30+ sons who don't even work and I support them financially. I decided to walk away to live my own life. I have nothing to apologize for.
I feel for your kids.
@@alasshewasthehighwaywoman8886 I don't know what you mean
I've have learned to apologize and know that it's not connected to my being wrong, it helps my son feel respected and heard (Listen to Understand), took awhile bc the disrespect rattles me so. We also try to step back when things get too heated so both gain calm and respect. Literally, step back, walk away even. Thanks for your videos, they've really helped me!
KAT, you are welcome.
But why should parents apologize for their disrespectful kids? Ill apologise when I need to.
I believe that society and policies have devalued the respect that children should have some regard for by virtue of the fact that you brought them into the world. Maybe this is why they are angry now that I ponder this😂
@@kjonesnewyork1 I've been told a hundred times how much I'm hated for bringing him into this world...how selfish of me it was.
Considering the state of the world now, I almost understand
dont apolagize lolol wtf hahhahahahah
My daughter makes me cry weekly. She is so indifferent to how she makes others feel.
Jada Perez, I'm sorry. You might consider a membership to our site to help you learn some resilience. go.liveonpurposecentral.com.
Ok wow I’m not the only one. Starting to realize this.
My first step is finally sinking in. I’m not the only mother in the world in this heartbreaking situation.
Disrespect started at 11 yrs old. He is 35 now.
I really am heartbroken as a single mother and my only child.
Depressed beyond belief.
But I know I need to let this go and just live my life.
Way easier said than done.
Signed heart broken mom 😢
But I’ll get there. 😊
I'm sorry, @toniclark3238. You are not alone and that IS sad.
Exactly. You are definitely not alone!
I feel for you. My 34 year old daughter has been abusive since she was 15. She does live with a chronic mental illness, but so do I. I’m a single mother and she is my only child. She truly believes I terrorize her and abused her as a child. She claims I have caused her to have brain damage and can go to court and sue me for damages. She has memories that just aren’t true and large chucks of memories missing important facts.
We had an extensive conversation, that ended being text messages on how she has fantasied since childhood hood of killing me. I sought mental health treatment early on for her because I could see what was going on…major mental illness runs on both sides of her family. She’s been convinced she was a normal, moody teenager and I got a thrill out of seeking medical care for her. Raising her nearly killed me.
I spent 2 years crying after she cut me off the first time. Racked my brain trying to figure out where I went wrong. Ended up on short term disability for mental health treatment - twice. I’m done. I can’t have her insanity in my life. I’m determined I’m going to live the best life I can.
I’m still very grateful I was given the opportunity to be a mother, dispute how hard it was. Being a mother made want to be the best version of myself I could.
I am glad I am not the only one that has been a single parent, that has set the son up well, supported him at sport and school on my own , mortgaged my house so he could build a house of his own, only for him to meet a girl that has completely turned him against me. He will lie so he hasn't got to see me. I have cried an ocean of tears.. now I am numb.. I have no feelings... my family was my world .. not sure why I am here now
Hey confused parents watching this! I’m an adult son in his 50’s who has been accused of being disrespectful for decades. I’m offering you my personal perspective and would like honest feedback.
I have been constantly criticized, judged and nagged about everything I say or do my entire life. If I hear a criticism or judgment I think is unfair or coming from an uninformed viewpoint I naturally want to speak in my defense. Guess what? Before I can even get 10 words out of my mouth both of my parents will fly into a rage screaming that I am disrespectful for trying to speak up on my own defense. Now they are raging and yelling and screaming at me - and they think I am being disrespectful and that I have just started a fight with them and they are now fully within their rights to have a toxic fit of rage for the next 10-20 minutes. Then they commence to list every grudge they have against me from the last 30 or 40 years. It’s awful and abusive and sometimes my mom can’t help herself and still tries to hit me.
So, do you all think that me offering my own perspective in response to an unsolicited criticism is “disrespectful”?
No, I do not. People should be able to talk together and respect what the other person is saying.
So sad, children should be able to talk the disrespect comes in when they think they are always right and need control over the parent. Kind of like how your parents wanted weird control over you 😢
I’ve done everything possible, and I cry everyday, my heart is broken.
I'm so sorry. Look for other ways to have positive relationships.
I hear ya there. My Son ceased all communication with me and considers me a dispicable human being and I don't know why? Maybe because I moved to a different province to get away from his Dad's crap. I don't know. He is a grown man with a child of his own. I am learning very slowly that no matter what I do and try he isn't interested in me or any relationship. I send him texts but they fall on deaf ears. So I am out with hopes someday he will reach out to me. But I am not holding out for it anymore. I have other children who have not bailed on me and care very much for me so they are my priority now. 😢I have cried so many tears. It still hurts so badly. It if he doesn't care, why should I? It sucks something awful, I know that for sure.
Parents of Estranged Adult children on FB, been a huge help
This is great advice. I have actually been this way with my daughter all her life in hopes that she’d become a happy and healthy adult. Now I am the villain and I continue to do these things but her response is now to completely ignore me. I truly don’t know where to go from here. In her eyes I’m the villain.
I'm so sorry. Give her some space and then try again to establish some communication.
Keep good records of ALLthe communication and contact you have with your daughter. Who reached out to whom. How and why the outreach happened, and what transpired. Completely ignoring a loved one is called “ghosting” and is a common abusive, controlling behavior of many narcissists. But, it doesn’t matter if we label a person or not, what does matter is how we’re treated. More experts in this field are Dr Ramani, Dr. GEO. SIMON, Dr. Les Carter, & Lisa Romano. To fit the profile of narcissist there are clear patterns of behavior. It’s all very interesting even if it’s not a clear fit. There are grandiose narcissists, and covert / vulnerable narcissists. I know both. A few ppl actually, & each has a different style of discarding me. Don’t kiss-up, walk on eggshells, or be too giving to ppl who disrespect U. It only makes it worse. Detached love is the key. Take care. ❤🌸💔🌷❤️🩹🌸💔
All three of my children, are college grads, good humans, doing great. My oldest son is a complete narcissist, and it has rubbed off on his younger brother. They have both told me that they don't need me anymore, and they're grown men. I thought about, and I decided they don't need me anymore, and that was my job as a parent, a job well done
Good for you, I bet they change their minds later on.
My 24yr. Is poisoning my 17 mind w/ false childhood memories. Then when I the parent provide the evidence of truth. They go to an old argument. Get a restraining order and go on with your life. You will be at peace.
Yeh, that"s not the point though, being adults you'd hope they'd want you not coldly assess "I dont need you" like you're a resource to be plundered.
Toxic people Toxic relatives Toxic colleagues Toxic bosses Toxic kids neighbours they are everywhere
Lily Swan, yep, seek out the positive and make those your core.
I’ve done all three and enough is enough!! I’m taking myself out of the situation. They don’t listen to understand. I’m not kissing none of their tails to talk to me. However, I won’t keep dealing with the disrespect…
We do have a choice who we surround ourselves with.
Anyone still disrespecting their parents is NOT grown.
If I THOUGHT of disrespecting my dad he would not hesitate to slap the taste out of mouth.
And as I looked around the floor to pick up my face, I would be apologizing for my out of line behavior.
You should not be giving advice to anyone.
Thank you for watching and commenting.
Mannnn sometimes you have to say well "fudge" you too even if it is your own children. When is enough ENOUGH!?
Will always love them and I'll always keep them in prayers but we also have feelings and to hear your child speak to you a certain way kills your spirit.
Every person gets to decide that. Sometimes it is a break and sometimes it is final.
I am 75 years old, and the only time I ever had someone berate me with vicious hateful speech to my face was when my 18 told me I was useless, had no clue and that he hated me. I told me I knew that wasn't true, that I knew he loved me, that it was OK to be mad at me, and that I forgave him. I did this because my sister left on a trip after a spat with our mom, was killed, and my mother never forgave herself that they never had an opportunity to make things right.
Good for you. Take the long term approach and keep calm. Well done. 18 year old often say things they don't mean and speak out of anger.
...I don't think that was the right thing to do. For someone to say "I forgive you " when they are already pissed at you for something you did... Is extremely aggravating.
Lying about an apology doesn’t make it any better. It still makes you a bad guy.
Not sure what you mean about lying. Thanks for watching.
My wife and I have been there for our son his whole life, and bailed him out of several situations with the law. I finally realized after 37 years, he is a disrespectful and hatful person. My Son was the kid other parents didn't want their kids hanging with, because he was a bad influence. I didn't see that until the last 6 months. He was sick at a very early age, and still suffers with his health, it's the reason we put up with it for so long, very sad!
I hope you son can make the decisions he needs to so he can turn things around.
Sounds like abusive parenting that did too much.
When your Son is sick at an early age of 7, and you think he won't live long, your heart takes over from there. You might never understand till it happens to you. He struggles with his health to this day. Sounds like you could never understand that. @@1Whipperin
My daughter got mad and said why don't you go home, so I said okay goodbye. I got in my car and left. Let her think about it and it was not me that apologized, she apologized.
Thank you for sharing. Glad you worked it out.
I thought I was the only one going through this, I have been blaming myself for the way I am treated , ( like I deserve it because I am not the perfect mother ) . WOW, I HOPE I CAN HANG IN THERE
Diane Todd, we are here for you. Hang in there.
Good lord you’re the opposite of my parents, trust me that fact that you even question whether you’re a good parent or not PROVES that YOU ARE in the moral high ground.
Diane Todd: No one deserves the vindictiveness experienced from their child who would hold you forever on contempt..It is a though they are saying " You owe me after failing as a parent".
You owe it to yourself to disengage.Do not defend or explain or argue.Resist resentment or any urge to revenge to keep yourself intact.
Best wishes to you.
No way I will apologize to my son unless I did something wrong. I will send him to his room to think about his behavior then if he doesn’t change, I will take away his privileges.
Your choice.
This video is talking about when children become adult that aren't at home as dependents.
My Daughter just turned 20 last week and I think she hates me😥 she has been disrespecting me started when she was 17yrs old but thought she will grow out of it. She's verbally abusive and mean.
She moved away for college and I missed her like hell and now that she's home for Christmas my heart was filled with happiness to see my only child home but as usual her nasty behavior never changed she will do anything to be hurtful towards me and I gave her the best childhood. Its Christmas eve and just to hurt me she left with a friend and said she will return after Christmas. I looked forward to having the best Christmas with her but boy she hurt me so bad I can't take it anymore I just have to let her be although I'm a mother and will always love her but it hurts when your child hates you.
Diva me, next time let her know what your expectations are when she comes home, that she will be there for Christmas morning, etc. If that doesn't work for her, let her know she can make other plans.
Several people have posted comments recognizing how their adult children were or are overindulged and catered to. There are also comments from people who have worked hard to be good parents and now that kids are adults, they do not offer respect in return.
I’m in different situation. I am an adult child and work desperately to be respectful. In the background, however, is a history of constant criticism, physical abuse, and lack of physical and emotional boundaries. Parent does not take ownership of any of her past behavior. I checked into this video with ongoing question of “am I the problem”?
Unfortunately, I can’t give parent the gift of not being triggered by insensitive words. I have so much unexpressed anger from years of emotional and physical abuse. Moved closer to be helpful to her. Likely the greatest kindness would be to disappear. Don’t know how to resolve the level of internal rage that I try to ignore.
It might be good to get some counseling and resolve the anger in you.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV agreed!
I am so sorry you had to deal with this 😞 you should never have to try for a parents love!! Mom hugs your way 😊 I wish you were my daughter!
The power of asking for forgiveness is underrated in my opinion and it does not mean that you are admitting fault but that maybe there was some hurtful things between you and another
Kat C, Thank you for commenting.
What am I apologizing FOR if I’m not in the wrong?
Forgiveness is not for the other person. It's for you. It frees you from carrying all the hatred around. It does not excuse or condone the other persons actions. It doesn't mean you forget what they did...forgiveness means you live your life in peace and in the present. After all unforgivness doesn't effect anyone negativity but you.
Just a thought...whose at fault or who apologizes isn't what's really important...repairing the relationship with your child is what really matters.
I’ve tried all this and it’s just gotten worse. When I walk away she looks at that like a win and gets more indignant. Walking away or apologizing when I’m not wrong seems counterintuitive as hell.
Sounds like there might be more than disrespect going on here.
A slap in the mouth will get the response that is needed. Make them think twice before doing it again.
Have you tried the Socratic Method? Ask them questions about their feelings and viewpoints and then ask follow-up questions to help them develop critical thinking and evaluate the validity and tenability of their assumptions. The goal is for your kids to grow into independent adults, not for you to control them and order them around like slaves.
So there should be even some financial penalties or the sort on top of apologies from this father? You leave us parents with no choice but waiting to be abused to death!@@LiveOnPurposeTV
I'm going to do these 3 powerful responses to my adult child via text. Since my phone calls go unanswered. I added" I love you. I'm here for you if you need anything."
I will keep you all posted.
**Update** It worked along with my prayer too! My child responded back to me 2hrs later. Thanks. Now we can being the healing process 😌
Solly Dolly, I am so sorry. I hope you can find another place to live.
We raised 5 sons. One is entitled, manipulative, and has two of his brothers trapped and supporting him and his wife and kids. Two are actually adults and able to assume responsibility for themselves. I don't feel apologizing is a valid method to explore with my victimizing son. I just need him to step up to the plate like a real man and attempt to support his own family.
Really looking for some good advice and I get apologize to them. No way
Your choice. I hope you find something that works for you, let us know when you do.
Let me give you an advice. Live your truth. Let them figure it out on their own. Be polite and firm.
Fight or flight, yes, very helpful. Apologize, for their bad behavior, never.
Glad it was a little helpful for you, Kathleen.
I disagree with your recommendation #2..
Apologizing, in order to keep the peace brings unaccountability.. Todays society is full of entitled children.. as adults we must be good listeners and have the ability to agree to disagree. One cannot be so affraid to lose our relationship with our children that at times they use these skills to manipulate us parents; thus the society of children still living in parents basements.
I love my children; I can listen, reason and work on differences...but I draw the line in taking blame for an unhealthy relationship.
Do what feels right to you.
Yes, you can be right in your own mind and miserable or keep the peace. Keeping the peace is always a better choice for everyone.
Thank you, I practise the pause … it irritates some people though…. When I say that I’m sorry, they don’t accept it…
Annette Macintosh, you only control the giving of the apologizing, not the receiving. Stay where you are in control.
What I'm going through personally is that there's a difference between emotional dumping and venting. I've been emotionally dumped on for many years (which is only a one-way conversation). It sucks the life out of you as a parent, is emotionally taxing and very stressful. I have mental health issues on top of that. I'm just now learning that I need to have clear boundaries so I can take care of myself and my sanity. Sometimes it IS the other person who needs to take responsibility and the advice of those who care about them to get help from a professional. Therapists have been emotionally dumped on, but they have the resources to help people strategically overcome that so they're able to have better relationships in the future.
Sounds like you are working the right direction.
My grown kids would think twice before being disrespectful to me . I raised them old school and they know better then to even raise their voices at me PERIOD.
delia lopez, that is awesome.
Yeah , fortunately or UNFORTUNATELY,
During an Alcoholic BLACKOUT, my young adult grandson Threatened To MURDER US ALL
( my husband , my son and myself ) with his hand gun in his hand ...
After the police came and took him to jail for a nice long weekend , he was let out , when it was time to go to court , due to Covid , overcrowded prisons ,
ALL CHARGES WERE DROPPED .....
Guess Who RULES Our Home Sweet Home NOW ? ............
When the cops were called and came into his TRASHED AREA OF THE HOUSE and took him away , after he got out of jail he Blamed ME For Allowing the police to come into HIS SPACE WITHOUT A SEARCH WARRANT...
So exactly what part should I be apologizing for????? And exactly what part should I be listening to ?????
ALL THAT IS OVER FOR ME .......
I had to leave my own home and go live with my daughter .....
ALL IT WOULD TAKE is for THAT LITTLE PIECE OF DUNG to Not Get HIS WAY , DRINK AND FINISH THE JOB HE ALREADY STARTED ..... NO THANKS ...................
Definitely , teach them how to treat you .....
He Will NEVER Have Access to me again ......
Glad you are doing what you need to do to be safe. He isn't in a frame of mind to be listening to others.
1. Its bad parenting
2. Its the friends(hard to spot)
3. Its bad sleep routines
4. Its extreme dietary habits
5. Its unprocessed trauma (they need to see a psychologist)
6. You are the parent. Take control of the problem and solve it. If you cant then do your best. If you cant do the time, dont do the crime.
Shaboor, and don't stick around and be a punching bag.
Once your child turns 18 you are legally no longer responsible for them. You help them out of the kindness of your heart, they are NOT entitled to anything you do for them at all.
That is true.
I was supposed to take care of my grand child yesterday. When I went out to the garage, my car would not start. The battery was dead. I immediately called my DIL and apologized. My son called me up and berated me: I had ruined his day, his wife’s day, and interrupted my husband’s day, because he came home to see if he could fix it. I had to call AAA & it was towed to my son’s auto shop! Could I have predicted the dead battery? Should I have gone out earlier to make sure my car started, when it does every other day? Today, I called him. He would not accept my call, texted back that he is not available for the rest of the day. Why am I the bad guy?
I do not know. That seems a little unreasonable. They should have called for an uber to get you where you wanted to be.
My husband and I apologize all the time with our sons. They apologize to us in return, however, when we receive an apology there is always forgiveness but with one of my sons doesn't forgive and holds on to negative feelings. It's heart breaking.
I hope your son can forgive eventually and your family can become more bonded.
Pray, and give him time. Life has a way of growing people up.
Disengage (absolutely no support-no, food, shelter, money…) for a year to start. That’s a real pause.
That could get their attention.
Wow! After reading the replies to your video, most people are needing a miracle. Imagine a world without electronics and you’d probably have more respectful children.
I watched this for insight into handling a twelve yer old and I feel it will work so will apply it. Thank you for the tips.
Rhonda Meyer, good luck! Let us know how it goes
Apologizing for something you haven't done is actually poor character. It means you are not standing up for your belief system. We can't have a good relationship with anyone if we or they have a lack of character.
Some people desperately want to have a relationship with their children and who is perfect?
wtf is word character even mean?
I am a quiet Borderline and have PTSD. I have learned in heated situations to say
forgive me I need to go for a walk. Than I get in may car drive to a safe place and
than get out my expensive audio recorder. First I time stamp it date and time. Than
I say what I am upset about.. Than I listen to it. Than I can hear it clearly. Than I
go back with a new vision of the conflict. I have decided how to paraphrase the
upset in a calm refined demeanor. Saves my relationships.
I like it, push the pause button. Come back when you are ready.
The pause, listening to understand....yes. Apologizing while someone is mistreating you? Seriously?
I think he has in mind ignoring the misbehaviour and by apologizing he means expressing some compassion for simply not having the best connection to your child.
Stacie Gulizia, most people know what they are doing and it takes them back a bit.
I’m taking a long pause! I have to for my own health in every way right now.
Pauses can be powerful for both parties, my best to you.
I am always apologizing and asking forgiveness...my grown kids use that against me..now they see me as weak and have zero respect and are not appreciative.
Jaydee Cee, I hope you can let them know what you expect from them.
My child disowned me over 30 yes ago I cry everyday knowing I will die alone I’ve tried so many times they just don’t want a mom
Am sorry. I hope you find joy and peace by joining either a faith group or any type of other get together where you meet good friends
I know your pain. 😥😥
I am sorry.
So sorry I fear the same thing.
I was disowned by my parents, but I had a work colleague, which was really lovely lady. I told her that she is like my second mum, who cares about how I feel. After some time I moved to a different country (twenty ears ago now), but we are still in touch and her emails end with "thinking of you, love, your second mum". So my thought is, that if your biological child doesn't want a mom, some other person might be very grateful to have you as a mum they didn't have. And biological or not, there will be someone who cares about you and will stand by your bed, holding your hand, to make sure, that you are not alone.
I also think that the apology has to be very specific, like "I am sorry that you feel that way", so they know it is compassionate sorry and not for wrongdoing.
I C, I have a video on how to say your sorry. It might be helpful for you.
I am not apologising either.did apologise for what said. Daughter hasn't
I am now being hated blamed for something I haven't done. But daughter will not listen, understand, so have walked away. I've been a good single parent, grand parent. Was told nothing I do is ever good enough. So if that is the case, don't have me then
Simple.
scoobs smiles, you comes to that point when you have done everything you are capable of.
Caribbean parents are wrong and dont apologize. This has hurt me growing up knowing that my mom accused me wrongfully, embarrassed me or took out her frustrations on me and never apologized. I will learn to pause and dont kick into fight or flight with my kids
Yes, you have the power to change how you do things.
My 50 year old son has been disrespectful to me recently. I discovered he had unforgiveness toward me for my divorcing his father 22years ago. I asked him to forgive me. We are communicating on a superficial level now. I am still wounded by his words. Our blowup happened in person and I feel it will have to be resolved in person. He has said we will work it out and I agree. I raised my son well and he is almost a millionaire. He credits me as the reason he has been successful. That plays into why his disrespect is so painful. I will keep these suggestions in mind when we meet again. We live in the same state, not the same town.
Jane Gambino, I hope you get to meet soon.
Good luck. None of the techniques never worked for me, even after trying them over & over.
You should only apologize if you caused the divorce and your ex husband wasn't the cause of it.
If he or she is being straight up disrespectful or mean to me personally, I will say what needs to be said and then not let the abuse continue. I then disengage.
Glad you disengage. Stay in your lane where you have control.
A battle of wills with adult children who are angry and disrespect you will NEVER result in healing love.
Moms and dads: you do the healing work YOU need to do NOW. Own your OWN issues, heal, and THEN you'll have a chance to affect your relationships with your kids.
Yep: it's YOU who must change if you want better relationships with your kids. Hard to hear I know. Because you don't know what I mean. Go to therapy.
Anita Bonita, Thank you for commenting.
I tell my 35yo son that I'm still waiting for the so-called adolescent stage. I'm ever so grateful that I stumbled on these responses early enough in my parenting that I didn't experience the tough years conventional 'wisdom' tells us to expect. As a result of using these responses, my son an I haven't lost the connectedness in our relationship. I learned that, "Do to others as you would have them do to you" applies to young children as well. Afterall, the only difference between our children and adults is only that children have small bodies. Treat them like you want to be treated.
Bathos, thank you for the reminder.
I also agree with you, to treat the kids of all ages with respect and treat them how you want to be treated. Just parents need to be careful to not to mention this at school, as the school might accuse you of being a bad parent.
@@ic7804 Then you could accuse the school of being a bad school for setting an unhealthy precedent. "Treat others the way you want to be treated" should be as basic as "sharing is caring."
@@evilds3261 Oh no, many schools are too corrupt. They can crate fake proofs and together with badly corrupt CAFCASS, they can take children away from their parents.
I apologized . I’ve taken the high road . They just get more hateful and controlling.
That gives you the information you need to decide what you want to do next. Put up with it or make some changes.
It's another great tool for all of us. Children are young adults who need good guidance and lots of patience but they know who loves them and listening to their concerns and fears. It's hard when they have peers that can cloud their judgment too.
Agreed.
My understanding husband sent me two of your videos and I couldn't be more grateful to him! Thank you for your efforts on behalf of others...What a worthy vocation.
Wow, thank you! Please share with any others who would benefit, Dawn.
Hello. How can we listen when nothing is ever said or done. Of course this son isn’t so young. He is 28 and has decided to let another ruin our relationship. We never had an issue then boom! Sorry no apology. I don’t have time to play games with people who use their baby as a carrot. I have stopped trying to co tact them. Too many lies. Two weeks into his wife being back to Alaska my son starts sounding like his self. However I recognized he had his own life and wished him well. I know I’m not misunderstanding his change as he told me he was feeling a bit paranoid because, his friends were making consults. It’s sad but, no I’m done. He will have to walk this path alone.
Anna, that is your choice and I hope things work out for you.
Wow! This is just what I needed to hear at the perfect time. I always learn so much from you! Thank you, I can’t wait to put your techniques to use.
Patricia Owen, honored to be on your team.
Good luck. Hope you have an adult child that wil respect you after the pop psychology techniques mentioned in this video.
I’ve apologized in the past and nothing works. I’m over it! It’s been going on for 15 years and I’m tired of walking on eggshells.
It sounds like you have enough history to decide how you want to live. Good luck!
Sadly deeply sad...I have been in a doormat state for 36 yrs with my malicious narcissistic daughter and now my 7 yr grandchild is going from defending me to defending her.
She lovebombs my grandchild after she abuses my grandchild. So my grandchild is now trauma- bonded to my daughter.
No father in my grandchilds life.
She is vicious and lashes out. Tells horrific lies. No man stays with her.
She is deceptive. She gets away with criminal acts.
But I know God Almighty is watching and one day she will answer to him.
At this point my husband who is not her father has given her thousands of dollars, his time, his wife's time away from him (me). He even got a home big enough for my daughter and grandchild so I could help care for my grandchild.
That lasted 4 months for her. As she drinks and does her share of drugs.
Which intensifies the horror of her.
I pray for her and my grandchild hearts, minds and souls to be protected from this evil she allows.
I pray God do whatever it takes to stop her from the emotional and subtle physical abuse she puts my grandchild through.
I must make a decision now whether to shake the dust from my feet and wake away from my grandchild (who I see daily for since his birth) I grow weary now of her beginning to turn my grandchild against me.
Thank you for reading.
I can barely bare it.
The only reason I see my grandchild daily is because as she tells me to my face I am a convenience to her for childcare.
My husband is furious at this point.
He understands that my grandchild is suffering so he puts up with me allowing her abuse but I think he is coming to the end of his rope. He had not interacted with my daughter for 2 yr now.
The whole thing is wearing me out.
Maybe you can try a "temporary" cease fire, meaning let her know that you are going to take "x" amount of time and not have contact. It could be 30, 60, 90 days, whatever you want and just see what a difference it makes for you. Let her know what you will be in contact when the time is up and under what conditions it is o.k. for her to contact you, (serious injury, illness of the grandchild, etc.) but that you won't be giving her any support in terms of money or watching your grandchild during that time. See what it feels like and then decide if you want to have contact.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV
Deeply grateful for your reply.
I shared it with my husband.
He told me that I was not dealing with someone who would understand your suggestion and that he knew she would tell my grandchild I didn't want to see him anymore, simply ti hurt him and make him turn away from me. She has done things like that if I run 5 minutes late to pick him up.
My husband said my daughter would take a no contact as a solid parting of the ways.
She gets harsh if I am late to pick up my grandchild much less take time away.
I was considering going back into my profession one day a week and tell her on that particular day of the week she will have provide childcare.
Even this will probably be a nightmare for me.
My brother who has beat 4th stage colon cancer was visiting our state for an unexpected death in his wife's family an hour away and requested I come see him after funeral because we have not seen one another in 2 yrs.and they were leaving soon after funeral.
When I told my daughter I wanted to visit with my brother and said I would bring my grandchild along, she told me no my grandchild could not go and got indignant and accused me of shunning my responsibility if I went to see my brother.
Mind you an my brother, her uncle who has been very good to my daughter her whole life.
She is just awful.
I can not at this point take any time away from my grandchild.
My husband agrees.
We are having a very bad time with our 22 year old married daughter. I sure do appreciate your advice! She is soooo ungrateful and we are VERY stirred up right now. 😐😐 it’s very hard to cool down. I feel like the child right now. I am not there yet: with the apology…ugh. 😔
Prayers to you, I understand. 🙏❤
@@ms.heart3371 🤗 Thank you 🌺🌸
You do not need to apologize to an abuser.
In about 10 years she will mature enough to appreciate the parents she was born to. Meanwhile be patient, lots of sincere “I love you” and keep your distance.
@@penhaazul288 very good advice…thank you 🌼💕
My son has slept on my couch for 2 years. He is a alcoholic and is angry. For my mental health I put him out. He didn’t respond at all. The apology angered him more. I am done! He is also 28 years old.
Bruce Harrison, I wish you the best.
Never let any children disturb your peace. Period. Parents have a life to live too. And taking abuse from our children is not part of the deal.
For some parents, they still yearn for the contact and haven't come to the conclusion you have. We all have a journey to travel.
This is great advice. Our daughter lost her husband 3 years ago and has complicated grief. We haven’t seen our grandsons in 7 months and our therapist said almost the exact thing you did. Hurt people hurt people is my mantra.
K Vogel, I hope you can have contact again soon.
You reap what you sow.
Should've been a better parent that inspires respect. 🤷🏽
But it's not like you'll recognize that, you think you can do no wrong, and just can't recognize that's exactly how you got where you are.
I wish you well.
Apologizing equals weakness... it makes sense when they are little. but when they are older they don't have the capacity to see that as compassion they see it as weakness. i would 100% rather sit them down and ask what is wrong and have a long conversation . This doctor makes me wonder how his children are. I want to know how their kids treat them. he looks like a basic white family that their kids talk back to because they have never been disciplined. As a parent, you need to maintain your position at home very clear. Of course there is some situations where you need to apologize, you need to be conscious of the mistakes you make too.
Ezequiel Martinez, My children are all grown and three are married and starting their own families. We have fun together and they do not talk back. Just had a family reunion and it was great.
We are here because it is the 100th million resource we are trying to find outside of therapy, etc. apologize? Honey we’ve done that - we’ve done everything Honestly, I’ve apologized and kept my distance with my stepdaughter only to learn that is the #1 ZERO right thing to do. She is an entitled, spoiled, arrogant, condescending girl. Those are what our family therapist said, not my words. Because my words? I’m exhausted…oh, and her mother influenced her to record our therapy sessions and she also listened to them. Now, Dr Live On Purpose, how do I apologize to them for that? Not to mention the 1 year of complete hell they have put me through!
Sounds like you have done your diligence in getting information. Now you have the information and you get to decide what to do with it.
To say "forgive me" is a powerful tool. It really disarms your lived ones. Thank you for this great message.
You are so welcome, Sabrina.
Forgiveness could be powerful if your child is not the Devil!
I TRIED OFFERING THERAPY, TOGETHER, SEPARATELY, I ASKED TO SIT DOWN ACROSS THE TABLE AND TALK/LISTEN.
I PLANNED RO APOLOGIZE FOR WHATEVER I SAID OR DID THAT HURT HIM SO MUCH. HE SAT DOWN W ME X 10 MIN OR SO. I TOOK OUT A PAPER AND PEN. ( THIS INTIMIDATED HIM. I HAD TO GET RID OF IT.) ( I NEEDED TO TAKE[ NOTES AS COULDN'T REMEMBER EVERYTHING.) I THOUGHT MY NOTES WOULD HELP ME DO RESEARCH IF NECESSARY SO U COULD FIGURE OUT WHAT WAS UP AND OR WORK ON IT ALL WITH (MY) THERAPIST. HE WAS PARANOID!!! HUNG CAMERAS ALL AROUND THE HOME. ANY CONVERSATIONS W HIM HE WOULD PUT PHONE ON RECORD AND THEN EDIT MESSAGES TO 'HIS NARRATIVE' AND PLAY BACK TO DADS FAMILY AND TO INLAWS AND WIFE. ALL GEARED AT SLANDERING MOM. NEXT, DADS FAMILY ICED ME OUT AFTER 40 YRS IF AMICABLE KINDNESS BETWEEN BOTH FAMILIES.
BOTTOM LINE. I RAISED DADS SON. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED SO NOW I GET THE BOOT. BUH BYE! 1ST SIGN WAS HIGH SCHL GRAD. DAD BROUGHT HIM TO MY HOME AND TOLD HIM GO GET YOUR THINGS, YOU'RE MOVING IN W ME! "SURPRISE" NO HEADS UP OR ?? . FINE, OK. HE WAS 18 BUT A KIND DISCUSSION WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE. INSTEAD ALL GEARED AT CAUSING ME PAIN.
I HAD JUST BURIED MY DAD UN 89 THEN MOM IN 91.AIN GRAD IN 99. BUT MY BRO ABANDONED ME AFTER MOMS DEATH. LEFT ME WITH THE ALL THE ESTATE BUSINESS WHILE HE CASHED IN ON INHEIRITANCE WHILE TRYING 5O CHEAT ME OUT OF MINE. I CARED FOR OUR MOM THRU HER DEATH NOT HIM. BY 1999 AND AFTER THE CRASH ( STOCK MARKET,) I KNEW 8 WAS GOING TO NEED TO SELL MY HOME ( INHEIRITED, FREE AND CLEAR) AS I HAD LATE STAGE OSTEOARTHRITIS AND OTHER DISABILITIES
MY HEALTH WAS FAILING I KNEW I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO INVEST ANY INHEIRITANCE. WOULD NEED APPLY DOR DISABILITY. LIVE IN FUNDS AND ULTIMATELY CASH OUT AND RETIRE EARLY TAKE DISABILITY ( SSI).
MY SONS NEW WIFE A FEW YRS LATER I QUICKLY LEARNED WAS LOOKING FOR A SUGAR DADDY TO SUPPORT HER COMFORTABLY AND..... HER MOM AND DAD... LATER. AS THEY LOST IT ALL IN THE Cash ( OR SO THEY SAY) ALL IN THE BANK. SO, NOW, THEY PLAY A LOT. CASINOS, RENO, THE INDIAN CASINOS, LOS VEGAS AND DRINKING TOO.
ODDLY WHEN I ASKED WHAT HE WAS ANGRY ABOUT HE REPLIED ( AFTER MUCH THOUGHT) "YOU YELLED AT ME WHEN I WAS A KID".1ST TIME IN 40 YRS IVE EVER HEARD THIS. I REPLIED, " YUP! ME AND 50 MILLION OTHER MOMS .
I MAY GAVE 4AISED MY VOICE 5 TIMES, IF THAT, IN HIS WHOLE LIFE
EACH TIME WAS WELL DESERVED.I GIVE 3 CHANCES. THEN, BOTH BARRELS COME OUT AND YOU BETTER DUCK AND COVER!!!! USUALLY THIS WAS ABOUT DOING CHORES VS DOING VIDEO GAMES. CONSOLE GOT RIPPED FROM THE WALL AND THE G. D. CHORES GOT DONE!!!!!!!... AFTER A TIME OUT!!!!!
MI RAISED HIM ALONE THO DAD LIVED 8 MIN AWAY. HE DID NO PARENTING
NOPE! HE PLAYED PLAYMATE TO OUR SON, NOT FATHER. SO I HAD AN ETERNAL 15 YR OLD TO DEAL WITH, ( DAD), AND MY SON THRU HIS CHILDHOOD/HIGH SCHOOL YRS.
DAD WOULD UNDERMINE MY DISCIPLINARY RULES AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY.
TEACH MY SON TO DEFY ME AND BEHAVE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVELY. ((THIS WAS (DADS) ANGER, MAYBE, WITH ( HIS ) MOTHER.... BEING ACTED OUT ON ME THRU MY SON). WHAT KIND OF SICK SOB IS THAT!!! DAD AND INLAWS ALL ALCOHOLICS. DAD TURNED MY SON INTO ONE TOO. AND MY SON IS ALSO A POT HEAD!! STARTED IN JR HIGH. I NEVER REALIZED HOW OFTEN HE WAS DOING IT TIL HE DECIDED TO GROW IT AT THEIR NEW RURALLY LOCATED HOME. THATS WHEN I STARTED SEEING THE PARANOIA. THIS WAS ALSO SHORTLY AFTER THEIR MOVE FROM THEIR 1ST HOME ABOUT 12 MILES AWAY FROM DADS HOME. BUT AFTER THE MOVE NEAR DAD EVERYTHING WENT TO HELL IN A HANDBASKET!!
THEY HAD AGREED TO LET ME STAY AT THEIR HOME TIL MY DISABILITY CLAIM WAS APPROVED. I WAS GIVEN BAD INFO BY SOC SEC. I PASSED IT ON TO D IN LAW
NEXT THING SHE IS ACCUSING ME OF TRYING TO MOVE IN ON THEM. NOPE! NOT THE CASE. I PROMISED THEM
$13,000 FOR REIMBURSMNT PLUS I PROVIDED FOOD X 1.5 YRS. I WAS MAKING ARRANGEMENTS TO LEAVE TO A WOMEN'S SHELTER SINCE MY LOVING D-IN-LAW JUST HAD A BUG IN HER BONNET ABOUT SOMETHING. ( I DO NOT THINK IT WAS (ALL) ABOUT ME, HOWEVER. SOMETHING ELSE WAS GOING ON BUT THEY DID NOT WANT ME TO KNOW ABOUT IT (?¿) SOOOO,. NEXT THING I REMEMBER SHE WAS UTTERING THE 'D' WORD TOY SON... ' DIVORCE, ' TO THUS DAY I DO NOT KNOW WHATS UP I Haven't SPOKEN TO THEM SINCE 2017
NOT EVEN A CALL SINCE COVID... NOPE!! MY KAISER THERAPIST KEEPS TELLING ME I SHD NOT ABANDON HIM. THAT HE NEEDS TO GO THROUGH THIS. I HAD FORGOTTEN SOME OF MY COLLEGE PSYCH COURSES ON HUMAN DEVELOPMENT BUT SOME IS COMING BACK.. OUR KIDS NEED TO SPREAD WINGS AND FLY AWAY
NEED TO KNOW THEY CAN SURVIVE ON THEIR OWN.
THESE ARE HEALTHY KIDS. 5JE 9 ES WHO ARE 4EAFY TO LEAVE . ITS THE ONES WHO STAY HOME WE SHD WORRY ABOUT... SO ALL YOU PARENTS BEATING YOURSELVES UP... LET YOUR KIDS GO. AND YES, THIS IS NOW (YOU) TIME !!!
YOU DID YOU PARENTAL DUTY. NOW YOU TOO CAN GO SPREAD YOUR WINGS. GO TRAVEL, OR MEET A NEW FRIENDS, 5AKE A CLASS, JOIN A SOCIAL GROUP, TAKE BALLROOM DANCING OR ???¿
WHEN YOUR KIDS CALL AND WANT TO SEE YOU. SAY "OH WAIT"! "LET ME CHK MY CALENDAR TO SEE IF I HAVE RM TO FIT YOU IN MY BUSY DAY!! LOLOL😅 THEY JUST WONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY!!
YES, THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND THEM ANYMORE!!!
WE HAVE LIVES TOO!! OH YEAH, AND WE RENTED OUT THEIR OLD BEDROOMS TOO!! ... APRON STRINGS CUT!! SNIP SNIP.
OH, BTW, WHEN I MOVED INTO THE TRAILER ON THEIR ACRE OF LAND. MY SON TOLD ME HE WOULD STORE ALL MY WORLDLY POSSESSIONS FOR WHEN I GOT INTO MY OWN PLACE. NEXT THING I KNEW HE WAS APPRAISING MY THINGS ON E BAY AND CRAIGS LIST, ETC. BASICALLY TWLLING ME I GAVE POSSESSION OF YOUR STUFF AND SOMEONE TOLD HIM THAT OL THING OF POSSESSION BEING 9/10THS THE LAW.
HOWEVER, I HAVE WITNESSES TO THE CONVERSATION. 8 MEAN PEOPLE I TOLD ABOUT THE CONVERSATION IMMEDIATELY AND WITHIN DAYS OF IT OCCURRING. THIS WAS BACK IN 2016-17. I OFFERED HIM $13,000 TO REIMBURSE FOR MY STAY WITH THEM
HALF MY DISABILITY SETTLEMENT. I WAS BASICALLY PAYING FOR THE TRAILER BUT I TOLD THEM NO, YOU OWN IT. I RENTED IT ON YOUR LAND. DUE TO MY DISABILITY I COULD NOT 3MPTY THE TRAILER AS 8 HAD TO GO TO A WIMENS SHELTER THEN A NURSING HOME OF ALL THINGS TO RECOVER FROM MY SURGERY. RHEN TO ANOTHER TEMP HOME X 1 YR B4😢 LANDING AN APT. BUT BY RHEN, AFTER MY ( L) KNEE SURGERY, MY SAME SIDE, HIP WENT OUT AND I AM NOW WAITING FOR HIP REPLACMNT SURGERY. NOW, W COVID FEARS, I MUST GO HOME AFTER SURGERY WITHIN 2 DAYS AND NEED SOMEONE TO STAY W/ ME X 2 WEEKS POST OP. POSS LONGER DEPENDING IN OUTCOME. M6 SIN HASN'T GOT A CLUE ANY OF THIS IS GOING ON. AND MY MD, MY PAIN DOC TOLD ME A FEW TES AGO THAT SHE HAD A CHAT W MY D UN LAW ABOUT MY CASE. JUST A CPL WEEKS AFTER I ADVISED MY KP HEALTH PLAN NOT TO DIVULGE AN OF MY MEDICAL INFO TO EITHER MY SON OR D IN LAW. . SHE DID IT AnYWAY!
I AM INSENSED!!!
HOW IS THIS LEGAL!!?!?!?
I FORBADE HER FROM BRINGING THEM INTO THIS AND HAD EVEN REPORTED ABUSE AND HAVE A POLICE RECORD OF SUCH BACK B4 I LEFT THEIR HOME. MY SON WAS ESCALATING. I BELIEVE HES SUFFERING WITH DEPRESSION) ANXIETY AND BRAIN DAMAGE FROM ALL THE POT AND ALCOHOLISM .
MY MD BRINGING THEM INTO THIS, SHD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED..