How can you tell when you're beginning to trust yourself more?
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- Опубликовано: 9 янв 2024
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I relate so heavily to the idea of my younger self stressing so hard about taking care of my older self -- really appreciate you sharing your train of thought. When I was anxious about moving once, my therapist said that a bird knows it is safe in the tree branch, not because it has inspected the tree, but because it knows that it has wings. I'm starting to understand that older me will be okay because she has strong wings... (whatever that will need to mean at the time.)
My younger self has been hurting since kindergarten
Every single stinking day was a struggle for me and my family because the universe decided to make me a complete weirdo and i'm very convinced it wanted me to not even be alive since i've had heart surgery just months after i was born
damnn i lovee that line your therapist saidd
I think as autistics we are so conditioned to not trust ourselves because we are told basically from birth that the ways we think and act are different or weird or wrong, so it takes us even longer to develop this sense of trust within ourselves. I find it really shows during times of conflict -- I'm late diagnosed autistic and when I got into a conflict soon after my diagnosis, I doubted my viewpoint and was people pleasing and just overall didn't trust my own perspective in the situation. I was recently in another conflict and noticed I was able to stand my ground knowing that my feelings and perspective was valid, and it feels so good !!! Thank you for sharing this
Why does everyone who isn't divergent always boss us around?
This is such a nice theory about the topic
Late diagnosis here as well
One on the main problems for me was that doctors(teachers, therapists etc. as well) always told me and my mother that there was something wrong with me. My mother didn’t believe what I said and invalidated my whole experience, emotions and basically my existence sometimes.
But every now and then someone suspected autism and now I’m finally omw for official diagnosis.
It has always been a struggle for me to identify my feelings though (I’m living in extremes; either the emotions make me break down completely or idgi at all)
Paired with the constant invalidation of course I’m gonna be confused about what I’m actually feeling
And it’s not even "am I feeling sad or happy" only
It’s also that I just don’t know how "trusting yourself" feels like.
With "self-love" I’ve recently found a glimpse of what that actually means and feels like.
As a kid I had "emotion cards" and they helped me so well
But they still don’t explain or give a definition for more complex feelings(like listed above and mentioned in this video)
OMG THIS!!! “30 yr old Irene will handle it” wow if I could tell myself this exact statement at 18
The. Timing. Of. This. Video. I grew up as a golden child because my younger sister has autism and ADHD (and parents who still treat her like a neurotypical child as a full package). I started the healing journey in 2019, be more authentic and set boundaries with people, so I was in a lot of turmoil because I wasn’t that understanding, tough, reliable girl anymore( inevitably, my grades in the last year also suffered, like below 2.3 something but I have two years of college prior and I graduated with honor in 3.52). Now in my 26, I want to go for master but deadass scared that maybe no school will take me in (“prestitious school” according to my father). I have been doing a lot of reframing for myself and this video is a cherry on top for me. Thank you for the insights and encouragements that I use to start my applications.
I love how nuanced your thoughts are. Getting organic insight instead of broad stroke generalizations and caricature is incredbly refreshing -- and relatable as someone who thinks, discusses, and journals about neurodivergence and other topics a lot myself.
Also on the topic of how neurodivergence intersects with capitalism I strongly suggest reading Robert Chapman's "Empire of Normality". Got it for Christmas and while I'm only 2/3rds of the way through myself it's been consistently fascinating and informative.
So far it's provided a great deep dive into the history and evolution of psychology as a scientific field as well as how it was both influenced by and in turn influenced capitalism, fascism, socialism, sexism, feminism, eugenics, racism, civil rights movements, heteronormativity, the prison industrial complex, The Cold War and secret service agencies, etc etc.
In doing so it builds a critical case against the pathology paradigm of mental health while not going as far as anti-science quackery. It acknowledges both the many valid insights of the field alongside its poorly evidenced presumptions, pitfalls, and appropriations.
A must read for any fellow neurodivergents interested in history and politics, I'd say.
I’ve been a neurotypical for 20y, because of a brain surgery I started STRUGGLING like a neurodivergent and you all can be so proud of yourself! I’m learning so much from your videos thank you 🙏 I try to dream big and take small steps. I have to remind myself I’m not weird for feeling the way I feel.
You are technically nurodivergent now too
@@ingridc0ld ☺ definitely!
I can’t imagine having to go through that experience with grace! God bless you I wish you a full recovery.
Thank you for the kind words @@Sabiz22
thank you so much for your view of autism as a dynamic, adapting orientation to the world
Hi, what part of the world do you come from?
Listening to Irene speak is medicine for my inner child.
Same
Jesus you could not put it better
also not only we will grow and will be able to handle the future better, but it often isn't as hard as we imagine it
Interestingly, growing up I thought that, as an adult, things would finally be easier. I was trained early to contribute to the household (e.g. cleaning, running errands, what to do if I am ill) so I thought I had these adulting skills figured out, way more than my peers... It was kinda true, but in hindsight all the time I was TOLD what to do and when, and the done tasks were controlled.
As a young adult I started struggling, initially I thought I was not trying hard enough, but then a ton of bricks hit me when I realized I may know what to do but I am often -NOT ABLE- to do what I know.
So the "worrying for future me" in my case started in my late 20's when I moved out from home and got hit by the ton of bricks.
I have autism
I no longer have it
Thank you so much for this video!!! I've honestly hit a point in my life where i was starting to question if i am still Autistic (i know it's not something that can simply go away but please hear me out) because recently I've noticed I'm not reacting to the world and people the same way i used to. I'm not having the same ruminating thoughts, need to stim, massive anxiety and insecurity, etc. I've been able to carry on conversations with ease and comfort, and react to changes a whole lot better than i used to, i feel more comfortable in my own skin, my hypersensitivity is down, etc. However i still think in the non neurotypical way i always have, still often don't get jokes, can still get overwhelmed by chaos, etc. But it's not effecting me as deeply as it used to. Nothing has changed with meds or diet or anything. I've simply hit a new level in my meditation and been able to practice surrender. I didn't really think it did much the few times i did it but just before the new year it was like a switch flipped. Suddenly i can manage my workload without shutting down or panicing, I feel consistently happy and at peace. My confidence is up and I'm getting things done, I'm not stuck so much in my feelings and anxieties. I feel so much better!!! My coworker even noticed, he said "has something changed? You're glowing." Part of it may be finally getting a diagnosis that there's been something wrong with my physical brain for at least 3 years that's been progressively hampering my ability to think clearly and function daily. I'll tell you, finding out its not me, it's my brain really helped throw out a lot of negative self talk.
But the end results are everything you've described here! This is what my life has become and omg its so freeing!!! Thank you for helping me understand, it's not that i suddenly stopped being Autistic, but that I'm finally learning how to trust myself, my intuition, staying in the moment, and surrendering. Thank you so very much for this video. It really resonates with me 💜💜💜
This really hits home for me. My lack of trust in myself is crippling and holding me back in everything right now. My first therapy session to tackle this issue is coming up next month and I am so anxious to finally get to repair this part of me❤
I’m happy that you’re trusting yourself more. That’s a sign of wisdom. I can relate to a lot of the things you said, especially the one about younger me worrying for future me and needing to believe that things have to happen in a way that it easier for future me or else “how is future me gonna cope?”😅.
I think that us as teens think the future, probably, won’t happen or that it won’t be different because we’re never cognizant of a transition from toddler to tweenie to teen, we think it’s all just one phase and we worry only for what seems drastically different like our 20s and 30s. But, the truth is that, the only constant is change. And like you said, I’m glad I’m able to appreciate being at peace more. Life always has its challenges, but I still love appreciating being at peace when that is what the moment calls for.
I just love hanging out with you, you’re so engaging and loving and thoughtful and caring and beautiful. I hope your back pain alleviates at some point 💛.
This was eye-opening. The way you explain helps a lot. It makes sense to me. I have autism, adhd and tourette syndrome. All realized later in life. I'm currently 26.
I resonated so much with your story and looking back on your younger self. Along with the relationship arguments. My thought process is similar.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Trust and acceptance is a big thing for me and only now I'm learning from it.
Video suggestion: Autism in the workplace.
It's nearing Autism Awareness Month this April. I would love to have a 15-20 minute video about what issues Autistics may be struggling with on a daily basis at work, and how neurotypicals could help them feel more safe and comfortable to be their authentic selves so we can let the mask down a little more often or even remove it completely.
I've hit a point where I'm refusing to mask, cause i feel totally safe where i work, and apparentlytrust myself, but i don't feel accepted or welcomed as much in team dynamics, which is uncomfortable. Having a video to share when that months newsletter comes out could really help raise awareness and help make the workplace more inclusive and psychologically safe for fellow Autistics. Is that something you'd be interested in doing or willing to collaborate on? 😃
Thank you for your content. There is no one I've found who understands the high functioning/masking mindset better. You've really reflected on so many of these patterns down to a very surgical articulation. I find myself in constant hindsight of myself reflecting on your points and they're always inciteful.
Wow, Irene! I am blown away by your wisdom. I admire your amazing mind so much. I wish I would have known half of what you know when I was your age. It has taken me so much more time, pain, and permanent damage to my health to come to many of these realizations. And I'm still not even where you are.
I'm not aure if you ever considered a career as a therapist or life coach (or even a member of clergy or some spiritual community), but you'd be absolutely amazing at any of those! I am in awe of your wisdom. Thank you for sharing it with us!
this came at a perfect time. i’m struggling with this a lot and i have no idea where to start. idk how to accept myself.
You seem so authentic and loving 😊 i like that
Just at the right time. Thank you 🙏 I realised I trusted more when I was younger, and try to find back to that trust now. Life has thrown hardship at me, but I am confident I can repair the damage, also by remembering who I was before the mess.
19:42 This quote. It’s hard to get out of the machine mindset, I think being able to recognize when you are getting better is an amazing tip
The idea of “I don’t have to go through this now, because that’s a job for future me” hit me so hard.
Your mind is a blessing for us all, thank you for sharing your thoughts
Hey, I'm from Brazil and I wanna thank you for your videos. I also wanna share that I'm in a really hard time right now and I don't have a diagnose, but I like to take your advices and experiences as another person who struggles with a bunch of the same things...
Anyways, I'm not practicing any of those topics. I just feeling like shit right now and I still had to eat, shower and work this week. I'm still crying everytime I allow myself to feel, cause I feel miserable even though I don't have enough arguments to prove that.
But listening to you made me feel a little bit better... Thank you again
I have to say.... I'm not even autistic and your videos have helped me so much. Like I just want you to know this. Thank you
You are always an interesting woman love you're videos i was never able to trust myself don't like change never trusted change you are a very good speaker
I am not experiencing all of these, but I am developing in a couple of areas which makes me happy! baby steps,
Beautifully said, thank you for sharing! This articulates the process of regaining self-confidence and trust very well.
This is exactly what I needed to hear today.
this video could not have come at a better time, the younger self thing is a really big deal because i naturally just want to protect myself from hurt because pain is scary and overwhelming, so trying to plan for the future and make sure i’m ready is/was a really big part of my every day life. i saw a quote that said “stop borrowing grief from the future to feel now.” i try to remind myself of that when i’m spiralling but at the same time i worry that i’m just suppressing my anxiety instead of actually dealing with it head on. it’s a very weird line to walk mentally as i want to be more in the moment and live my life as it comes, but still my brain wants to prepare me for the future by limiting the past feelings i’ll have to deal with in therapy. our brains are so awesome but so complex. i can’t help but be proud of myself and all of you for recognising the patterns of thought that can sometimes hinder us and work towards living happier and more authentic lives.
How do you always post at the perfect time ❤ thank you for this
Your video reached me at the exact moment i needed it. Ive been freaking out about a medical evaluation...yeah got warned 4 workdays before the appointment. Im getting that "ruined week" feeling but im trying to keep my cool.
i really appreciate the searching of indications of growth
it's kind of easy to forget to do that when we're really conscious of wanting to improve or at least maintain our current aliveness.
i hope u have a nice day
ty for doing the all (inner, outer) work that you do and sharing that with us.
Thank you for your content. I can't believe how wise you are. You make these wonderful observations about yourself and the world around you and I find it so relatable and helpful. I love how you're always so full of practical advice too in things that nobody else ever talks about. I'm older than you but learning so much. You should consider writing a book ❤
Having a 9-5 job is unthinkable for me. I can only work about 3 days before ruminating kicks in, because of the mask culture.
15:37 this in specific is knida funny for me because I live in south America and my country has been going through a hear wave for the past few months
Thank you Irene for this encouraging message .
One on the main problems for me was that doctors(teachers, therapists etc. as well) always told me and my mother that there was something wrong with me. My mother didn’t believe what I said and invalidated my whole experience, emotions and basically my existence sometimes.
It has always been a struggle for me to identify my feelings (I’m living in extremes; either the emotions make me break down completely or idgi at all)
Paired with the constant invalidation of my parents (and basically everyone around me) of course I’m gonna be confused about what I’m actually feeling
And it’s not even "am I feeling sad or happy" only
It’s also that I just don’t know how "trusting yourself" feels like.
With "self-love" I’ve recently found a glimpse of what that actually means and feels like.
As a kid I had "emotion cards" and they helped me so well
But they still don’t explain or give a definition for more complex feelings(like listed above and mentioned in this video)
Every now and then someone(mostly doctors, therapists and teachers) suspected autism and now I’m finally omw for official diagnosis
This was such a nice video to decompress with and self-reflect
Thank you !
thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and story with us. i trust your words so much, you've helped me a lot
Awesome video!!!
i love your videos so much you make me feel safe and seen
This was so helpful! Such incredible wisdom, thank you. It's gonna be a long journey.
Thank you, Irene, this was really uplifting and encouraging. Discovering I'm autistic last year at age 55, after a soul-deep burnout that caught me by surprise, has given me new perspective on what I've always felt were my deficiencies, all the ways I struggle in the world. Knowing now that my brain is beautifully different, that I'm not actually a failure at life, has really helped grow my self-trust lately.
It was really nice having it reflected back at me here, though. I'm still a kindergartener at all this- unmasking, understanding social differences, sensory demands, self-regulation, etc. Your content has been very helpful and enlightening along the way; thank you again.
fantastic video, thank you for sharing this insight !!
favourite vid of yours irene you really spoke to my inner child with this❣️
Makeup on point!
The all thing of younger selves/older selves... I didn't even think of it. As you said, we're in this hellish capitalistic society that is always working 24/7 and the slightest failure makes us feel like we're the ones being wrong but. We. just. need. time. And a lot of things. But the idea that me at 23 being unable to do that and that doesn't mean I won't be able to do that and that in the future - somehow it helped me. Thank you so much!
Thank you for another inspiring video
This video was so nice to listen to and something i needed to hear. I’m trying to change things about myself and my life and many times that rigid mindset makes it seem like change is just supposed to “turn on.” But it’s a process and it feels good to notice these aspects you pointed out and realize that everything doesn’t have to be one way or the other. I would add another way to tell that we’re trusting ourselves more is when other people point out our change or development. I’m lucky to have a partner who i communicate with regularly about change, growth, and struggles, and it’s been another level of development for me to hear on a random day “you know you’re doing really well”
I just love you, girl! You are amazingly good at talking in the “real” -ist way! You are my favorite RUclips -er! You have a way of relating that is comforting and calming and something I need! Thank you!
Gorgeous video ♥️
ive been thinking like this but as a kid id reassure myself to keep going cuz i knew an older version of me will be in a position to understand all this i just didnt know itd come to autism at 21
I was just think of this my last appt with my therapist and for awhile of just how I don’t trust myself and allow myself to do my thing and talk freely, feel freely, and just let be. I just feel unnerved around my own self ig like it was around another I didn’t trust or respect. I’m really trying and I want to trust myself and let myself live and have what I feel I deserve and want in life as can be. This video felt very invalidating rn and so did these comments
You seem like you've had some epihanys... I have to say some of these things have come to me too (how others "drop" things without resolution especially!) - and a little later than you. Thank you for sharing ♥️ they've really valuable insights
I grew up in an abusive household and my parents didn't want me to change and grow and it was horrible tbh. I'm the scapegoat of the family. They don't know who I am at all, but put me in a role I don't belong in. They don't want to change themselves. Change is hard, and makes me feel anxious but I crave it, because I want to grow so bad and want to be authentic. I want to not be like my parents bad, and I want to break the cycle.
💕🥰🙏thank you.🌸
When I was younger I thought I could take care of myself as an adult. Turns out I was wrong. I am on disability. But like you said, Irene, it is primarily important to take care of your current life.
I always want to immediately talk with people if I am in conflict with someone.
How can I trust in myself again when I do not think that I have ever had any trust in mysef in the first place? 😕 No matter what I did I was never "good enough" and even if my older (NT) sister behaved worse than I did, well that was OK.
I do not really think about the future because time does not exist to me (unless I am looking direcly at a clock 😂). Seriously, my time blindness is so bad I just dont think about time that is not literally now because it just doesnt exist.
I'm not diagnosed but I will tell you that last point. I can't allow you access to me if I don't have resolution and I have specifically and respectfully stated what I need and I don't receive it.
Hi :) I was wondering if you have any autism friendly date suggestions? I have ADHD and my husband is autistic. We don’t go on dates much because we want very different things - he struggles with being in public but I like being out of the house with him. Any suggestions would be really helpful (or if you know where to find suggestions please let me know!!) :) x
To embrace your deviance
Is to welcome isolation
To conquer isolation
Is to become independent
RICHARD
Lots of gems in here, have to rewatch 🤓 being excited and grateful for change but then actually struggling hard in the process and aftermath...me too 🖐I so appreciate your candor about experiencing chronic pain: it's been bringing my attention to similar experiences but perhaps not to a great extent (even though I'm not sure about this - alexythimia?) Wishing you great health and well-being Irene🙏