if it's not something that keeps me alive, I won't even go outside unless it's to do something for or meet up with someone else :( edit: making your house/room the cleanest it's ever been because someone's coming over :')
Yeah we dont get the same satisfaction thats felt after making someone else happy After feeling usefull to others Doing things for yourself You often dont see the point There’s no compliments no noticing by others
I learned a trick a while back (that I had kind of always known but didn't realize) to wear shoes when I have things to do around the house. No shoes feels like I have nothing to do. Feels like relaxing. Shoes feels like doing tasks. Maybe that's somewhat helpful?
That's a good idea. I'll have to come up with something else as I always wear my slippers in the house, but I'm sure the concept can be adapted! Thank you
It’s true , and along those lines even dressing like for the gym , pull your hair back - put on music and get with it - set a timer and pretend you have an important guest due in an hour and challenge yourself to see what you can accomplish!😊
My executive dysfunction is to the point that I sometimes wonder if I'll ever be able to be an independent adult living on my own when I can barely micro-manage the small tasks in a day. I hope I can get something out of this video.
@@allymcb2005 this is what I've been thinking. The work day didn't really look like a work day to me. I know it's some work creating these videos but it can't compare with working in a factory where I (with adhd) have to stay focused for 8h a day, not having the time to sit down, for 5 or 6 days a week. Two shifts. The only way for me to unwind is to be left alone, being in nature, music, a little exercise or a hike and meditation. That's still my best option to recharge more quickly and im not as annoyed and bitchy so it keeps me more positive.
I vividly remember having this exact thought for the first time at around 6 years old. I love the way she explains in the beginning how executive dysfunction correlates to mental health and made me realize nothing is really wrong with me, I just operate differently than others and I just have to learn how to work with it
Here are some timestamps, and my notes for those interested: 11:00 -description of sandwich technique 20:38 -building sandwich elements 24:48 -description of potato days and elements 27:30 -example week This technique revolves around dedicating each day to one purpose, or one type of task, to avoid overwhelm and burnout. A sandwich day: -bread (morning): write down what to do that day, including the little things that pop into your head. Note: don't give in to anxiety about the rest of the day and divert to soothing behaviours. As you manage your days better the anxiety will fade. -meat (day): do what you decided to do. Note: don't push yourself to do more than you planned if you have left over energy. The point is to NOT be exhausted all the time! -cheese (day): unwind until bedtime. Note: stop and go to bed on time. Now that you are building your unwinding time into your day, you shouldn't have the same need to push off bedtime to soothe yourself. -bread (night): get good sleep! A potato day: This is a day which does not have a specific purpose so you do whatever you like. Potato elements are things that you enjoy doing that are not necessarily relaxing (those would be cheese). How to Use: - identify your main task buckets (work, house chores, relationships, etc). These will be the types of sandwich days. - identify meat cheese and potato elements: what tasks are associated with that sandwich, what you can do to unwind, and fun things to do for you. - lay out our week with sandwich and potato days, identifying what type of sandwich (or main task) you will be tackling that day.
You're a star, thank you so much! This helps so much, now I won't have to miss out on using and understanding this technique. Otherwise, executive dysfunction would have prevented me (and others, I suspect) from listening to the entire long video
This is exactly what I needed. I have been spiralling into depression with constant comparison between who I was during high-school (the gifted girl) to who I am now, knowing that I can and SHOULD be able to do better. This video is a step towards self-acceptance, thank you.
I think you may be the first person who has articulated my experience with Executive Dysfunction. It has taken a great deal of anxiety to even perform my stressful job reasonable well. One of the problems is that when the overwhelm goes on for years, or in my case, decades, you can eventually get blown out and steamrolled, and the anxiety gives way to an exhausted, dangerous apathy. I'm renewing my efforts to search for ways to manage my Executive Dysfunction, even though I'm exhausted.
Yesss! I feel the same way about her video on Autism vs adhd #1 intro. Omg I cried of relief hearing someone articulate what I've been trying to explain to my family so that they stop calling me rude, argumentative etc. I wish they would just understand.
I hate this, but this is exactly what I have right now and I’m even turning to the Internet and other places is overwhelming. I don’t trust any more anyone anymore. I don’t trust myself and I’m just when I take my ADD meds I’m a little bit excited but pretty much long-term apathetic. I mean there’s no way out of this except a miracle and it’s not like I was like this early on it’s gotten so much worse and I really hate it. I just want to say that I really hate it it’s really like a nightmare you can’t wake up from it’s like it’s like being inside your body paralyzed and no one can see that you’re paralyzed and they’re talking to you and they’re asking why you don’t move and you don’t even know either. I’m just tired of it I wish I wish we could all pray together and have this break free because honestly I don’t even know how to when I try to tackle it there’s so much trauma now and I don’t even know that it’s trauma. I don’t want anyone to tell me how to fix it because that just add stress.
@@lynnbilbrey8823 plot template. I can’t wait to see this because for the past two or three years aside from apathy in depresssion, I’ve been wondering if you could get injected with a sense that things would be OK and no one will expect or demand anything from you and that you’d have energy and you wouldn’t be non-functional so often and unpredictably but there be a template for doing things when faced with a choice Arabi pick one and both is OK or like you know something outside of yourself that will tell you what to do you know like I
My executive dysfunction is so bad that I sat down and started designing a game to help me manage it, and I went ahead and started developing it as a full blown game where you set goals and unlock more story and funny characters as you accomplish things IRL. It's called Rival Goals and I hope it can be as helpful for others as it will be for me! Those mobile apps for game-ifying life are just never enough for me so I'm making something way more enticing.
That’s awesome!! I love that and will check it out!! Sometimes our neurodivergence allows for different creative opportunities and I’ve noticed too that my struggles sometimes end up with me creating something which is actually helpful and meaningful. So good on you!!
What helped me with mine 1. Understand Executive Disfunction 2. Write lists. One with everything important I want to work on and another with important things I need to get done (writing all these down helps reduce anxiety and stress and prevents forgetting about it. Also these can be continuously be added to as you think of things) 3. Chose 1 thing from the list of things you want to do and find a way to incorporate that into your week. For me I started with working out. At first I did an intense workout challenge but eventually that failed. Then I lowered the barrier to entry. I aimed to do some kind of exercise 3 times a week. Stretching for 3 min or 1 hr walk counted. Once that becomes easy I added to the difficulty but the key to actually starting is making it as nonthreatening as possible. 4. For the important things I need to get done I would order the list by priority then chose the most important one and break it down into steps. Example: Need to go to the doctor. Step 1 look up phone number Step 2 call doctor and make the appointment Step 3 make a list of what to bring up at the appointment. When it was really bad I would treat myself after each step. If i finish step 1 I can watch 1 RUclips video. I would also go to the library to plan or work on things. Alternatively use a timer and tell yourself to work on the task for 5 min at a time. Whatever breaks the task at hand small enough to make it not threatening. 5. As you get better with starting and finishing or working towards goals you can add more work. But if you can at the start, be easy on yourself. Do 3-10% of what your ideal version of yourself would be doing. I wasn't super stoked with the slow small progress, but my anxiety and stress went down by 80% because at least I was doing something. I don't feel out of control anymore and after a while of actually working on myself I found some direction in my life. 5. You will fall off the wagon. You will mess up good streaks. Don't spend your energy getting mad at yourself for it. See if there's something you can learn about yourself from it and learn to jump back on the wagon quicker and faster. This was key for me. Additional things that helped me: *Tracking my daily habits and if i worked on productive things. Also habit stacking (example:practicing Spanish while my pasta is cooking), verbally telling myself I did a good job when I completed a task, treating myself after completing a step, and celebrating small wins
This is wonderful 😊 it's so funny in retrospect but this is an approach that really works! Break things into smaller and smaller steps until it's manageable. I find myself doing this more and more too.
U basically described what I figured out for myself as well. Now at then end of this year I can actually say I've made progress in myself after years of feeling stuck. As I saw myself getting more familiar with the small starts, I was better able to take on more ajd more
This comment is so close to how I do things too, it’s uncanny. Especially breaking things down and down until it’s like, oh, all I have to do is go into this other room, that’s easy… And for me, every single day gets a new to-do list, with any items carried over but new priorities and notes and of course, dopamine-fueling check boxes.
Thank you for talking about the ways that high-strung people with ADHD use anxiety to motivate ourselves. When I was younger, I looked like a model student - because I was driven to succeed by the crushing terror I felt about the thought of not living up to expectations. From the outside, my life looked so together, but I have never been more miserable. It's a great reminder of why looking neurotypical should not be a measure of a neurodivergent person's success or "functioning", because the times when I've looked the most neurotypical have been the times when I've suffered the most profoundly. I have never hated life more than when I was a straight-A student. I'll gladly take my low-stress life with a mediocre job and mediocre grades, thanks.
No you don't. I'm autistic and my job sucks. The pressure that comes with success is high, but success means more resources, which means more help. Shitty job means you're neuorodivergant and poor
I’m a “night owl” all my life. My best time is afternoon/evening. It’s why I worked nights for 25 years. I simply could not function in the mornings I never became functional until late mornings & early afternoon. This applied no matter what hours I worked. I couldn’t be on time for a daytime job to save me. Even when I allowed hours. I still get up 3.5 hours before a early morning appointments. Some of the things she said resonated & I will see if they help.
This video at first made me cry, then relief. Thank you for validation. The cost of doing.. anything... the anxiety, the low self-worth.. The struggle!! I am not yet diagnosed. 40 y o..... my life went by while I was waiting for it to start.
Yes. Exactly. My life went by while I was waiting for it to start. I completely relate. I'm 46. I've watched so many people pass me by on the climb upward while I continually fought to stay on the ladder - to simply be willing to put in the effort to try to stay on the ladder. It's still one day and one moment at a time.
I haven't been able to maintain anything- I used to have 5 different planners for all areas of my life. I used to be able to maintain school, a job, have a clean home (never got the thriving relationships part) but I can't do it anymore. I've tried to go back to having my life together but it leads to burnout and meltdowns. When I try to tell my therapist about this, she always says "Does this mean you're not going to try then?" and no- I'm not saying that! I'm saying I struggle to maintain all areas of life I'm expected to, and actually need maintained so I function well. When I was extremely anxious I used to have everything together, never skipped a clean my home day, laundry or budget planning. In fact, everyone used to ask me how I manage! I'm trying to get work, and start studying again but I can't maintain my home then simultaneously I dislike a messy home. But I don't know how to manage it all. The only time I remember to wash my dishes or clean up after myself is when I'm forced to go to bed cause I can't keep my eyes open. I don't function well, and no one see's how much I struggle with things I'm expected to do. I force myself to clean and then the next day I'm fucking crying and depressed. I live life in this shit cycle, and I want ways to manage without it being that I'm forced to do it all. I want to learn coding but I'm afraid my brain is going to fail me, and I won't focus. I'm going to try this method and see how it goes.
@@heedmydemands yes I appreciate my therapist a lot. We’ve finished now but she helped me a lot. She made me realise I don’t need to function how I was before or do what I see others doing. Just find my own way- so that’s what I’m trying to do now. I think she was asking me if I have the desire to try at all, I’ve been reading unmasking autism and making space for my specific needs. It’s been helpful, it’s hard however to let go of trying to control everything so much and just doing what I can. I think I am noticing the space between masked me and unmasked me.
@@heedmydemands thanks I actually gave it a go! And found I didn’t like it the more I learnt about it. With unmasking and allowing myself to be separate I realised I was just picking random jobs, and not what I want.
One issue I always seem to run into with organizational systems is the planning out a week in advance. I can make the plan, but inevitably my day-to-day emotional/brain experience conflicts with it in that I may have one day designated for productive tasks but my brain is fully fogged, or a day meant for chilling and my brain wants to do all the productive tasks. Obviously, one might say "just be flexible and allow yourself to swap days around on the fly" or something - I have OCD too though which makes it difficult to allow myself to do that. And it's also difficult to even notice in the moment that I might need to swap. But even without that, if I am flexible then how do I not become *too* flexible? I feel like I'd start with small changes that grow and grow until eventually I'm not doing anything I need to do anymore.
Potato days can be super helpful instead of strictly set "rest" days imo.. bc you can still be productive during the potato day, it's just out of your own will instead of the "I have to" feeling. But I do understand, some days your brain will just refuse to work with you and you'll be forced to stop doing your tasks. I personally don't have OCD and I don't know your specific symptoms, so I'm not sure how to cater to that, but I wanna point out that you deserve to rest when you need it. Yes, life can't just be put on hold, but your wellbeing is so much more important than any chore. Maybe try to set "rules" around letting yourself take it easy or taking a potato, so you don't end up feeling bad about resting? Like planning a rule that if you feel like shit, then you have to take a potato day, only do things that you are capable of and want to do. Not sure if that made any sense to you like it did in my head. I also strongly suggest trying to work with ur ocd in therapy if that's possible in ur current situation. I'm rooting for you!
I go thru this EXACT same dilemma although I don’t know if it’s OCD i think it’s just plain GAD for me I get triggered all the time and go down a self deprecating rabbit hole when I don’t stick to my plans 100% the way I planned or write it down especially when I fail at it multiple times in a short time frame. I’ve been living this absolute HELL since my early 20s 😭😭😭
Yep I hope someone can help us with this’ll I’ve been trying books counselors medication’s for years and now that I’m not working and I’m not in school. It’s even worse it’s actually like torture and there’s no hope for me except in God and I’m just gonna ask if we can all of these pray for
It’s also hard because our brains and behaviors and questions drive others crazy too and yeah I feel like we need others to be able to work and be engaged but after working with others or for them I just don’t wanna deal with that whole driving them crazy it’s sad because you feel like after a while the depth of your relationships you’re working your everything is slowly cut off because you’re overwhelmed and discouraged by all the trials of working in teams, working with others doing government things trying to understand asking for others health not asking for help obsessively organizing letting it all go being misunderstood. It just gets a point where you have so little to hope for like all the doors are close because you try them all how do you say I want to get out of this place I’m taking so many antidepressants and stuff for years since I’ve had a job for years why I cared. I keep on a plane to school and dropping out before the classes start because I’ve had enough bad experiences. Mind you I went to Ivy League school called interprofessional schools like masters in English Lit, MD, some Psycjology programs, sorry I’m dictating because I’m exhausted so if spelling or punctuation is wrong, that’s why but basically, how it just gets soft at the part where you had to handle mass amounts of information and a similar death and meanwhile, the jobs you can do without graduate school are so unstructured, and require networking and constant monitoring of things, and setting your own prices, and being a business person all skills that were the worst and hardest for someone and even if the subject matter is great without the guide or the confidence or are you just having easier to be like when you’re in school when you’re plugged into some thing you could do and do well and got accolades and helped people I don’t know I just it’s not even that I feel useless. It’s not about me being sad or feeling even it’s just it’s more than that. It just is I’m so angry and so tired and I used to pray about that I’m even getting sad and angry at the type of God I believe in now that I’m done with myself and therapist in school and parents and everyone now I’m just I can’t be angry at it but I’m sad and desperate and screaming at the Lord, the universe, the unknown I don’t even know my thing every day is just to watch Iran a year ago, but something happened to my back at least physical movements and then when I’m depressed, I can’t do it but I need to take stimulants or antidepressants, but just some aspect of movement if I can run and do yoga in one day, I almost feel like a normal person for a couple hours, but then there’s never any time to do those other things without guidance. It’s like I’ve got a bit of an emotional calibration may be a bit of a focusing groundedness, but there is anxiety about choice will I be able to sustain things while I care and it’s not even anxiety that you can say for sure is that it’s just what I sense and no one guiding me through it so it’s just like it’s like I’m falling through thin air there is nothing and there’s everything and nothing happens and I can’t just flip a coin Joker style like I used to or used to just say do some thing apply to this job or do that one. I can’t now I don’t know why I just can’t like there’s so much wrong and just doing it like that but I can’t and I can’t just dismantle my thoughts under it I know they’re fear-based but I just like there’s no desire I feel like a fraud like I randomly pick something and then fell out and it’s not just sabotage and I’ve been desperate for people to help me since Covid now Anthem still hasn’t health and so I’ve taken relief and kind of giving up now just like I live in my parents I live day-to-day I can barely cook at barely go to the grocery store. If I can walk for a couple hours the day is over and then I go to my bed and I sit and I try to solve this and watch RUclips for hours and sleep at 2 AM and get up at 10 or 11 and tell myself it’ll be different tomorrow or one day it’s gonna be different because I’ve tried to make it different and hopefully then I can join some of the rest of society, even the few like my boyfriend or family that I used to join. I can hopefully maybe someday there’s a hope there’s some modicum of intentionality or one of the rare cases where something is planned and happens especially if it involves another human being. All of a sudden I have life but this is how often so rarely I just I don’t want to say poor me but I’m really angry about this I really I want it to be easier for us. I don’t know what to do. I am really tired of doing this alone. I’m not in the facility with hands on steps and I’m tired of looking at messages of information like a weed analysis of information and steps, and things, and pathology is a normal season the past and the present in the future in all of this and self-awareness in my head and not knowing what to do who do listen to what’s up how to do it any of that anymore I’m tired of it. It’s like the worst kind of scary attention and there’s no getting away. Did you know not even so much of my sleep I listen to RUclips when I sleep and I can’t sleep without it and I am I’m begging the divine to have mercy on us. Something to have mercy on us. I am at a loss I’m just like I’m gonna be straight up honest I think they did mine that I have an end in my life but that’s because I’m not proactive enough about anything sometimes I think I don’t even know why I think him that I’m not ending my life and I don’t really want to end it but it’s like I’ve kind of made a deal that something needs to change like this is this is not OK every day for the rest of your life. This is not OK and I I don’t want this. I don’t want it every day for the rest of my life and I do want life and I like it somewhere in my being when I’m strike on and there’s hope I love it more than anyone, but I don’t want to continue like this I just I don’t even know why am saying all this but I just want to send a quick prayer if there’s possible for us to set us free that will be set free. Somehow we will be set free from wrestling with a terrible awful demon.
I did 3 years of trauma therapy before finding out my parents hid from me that I was born with ADHD. When I found out about it, I realized after how well-adjusted I was; I had many coping strategies, understood boundary setting, practiced self-compassion (to an extent, bullying myself was how I managed to do normal tasks), created lists, and was very comfortable with being vulnerable and socializing. Once I discovered ADHD and began to centre my needs around myself, everything actually got much harder because I stopped bullying myself to do basic things 😭😭😭😭😭😭 my memory is worse, I'm spelling more things incorrectly, and now object permanence is stronger than its ever been!!! I have been laid off for over a year, healed a lot from not having to mask, and am about to start a new full-time remote job soon (v grateful they value mental wellbeing and neurodiversity). Currently in the stage of figuring out strategies to create work-life separation and get a gist of what trade-offs I'd have to make to show up at my job. Excited and scared at the same time
@@nanasabiauh I really feel you. My psychiatrist tells me we have to get the depression sorted before even thinking about investigating adhd and it's really getting me down. I feel like I will never be healthy enough to get help. The depression, I believe, is because of the executive dysfunction but he thinks it's the other way around. And because I have had depressive episodes since childhood it's hard to say what's what. It sucks 🙃 Let's hope for a better 2024! 🌟
@bigbadleche what remote job do you have? My partner is struggling with adhd + autism + a terrible home environment and I want to help. I would give anything to help them feel better or lessen stressors such as financial stress (credit card debt).
This is so true. I had narcissistic parents and they didn't help me at all as a child or as a young adult. I'm now a mother of a child with autism and I can't tell you how hard all of it is. Balancing my son's needs, my own and my spouse's. I feel like this last decade, my life has fallen apart and unmanageable....
I’m so glad to hear that. I’m praying for you because I have such a hard time with this. Just living with myself like I just I feel like I’m not even alive and that I’m in some sort of sleeping nightmare I can’t imagine but I’m so grateful that you’re doing it and will continue praying for you.
4:12 My therapist said that's called a cognitive distortion, and you're very much right, a belief can severly limit how much you can actually do by how you see yourself.
Any techniques you can share on how to "correct" the distortion? I realize that this is something that plagues my husband, and thank you for the term that I can now do research on
@@rubyb7252Not sure if this will help but I came up with this method during therapy, which is inspired by CBT. I call it the “Why Method” where you continue to ask yourself why you feel and think certain things enough times until you get to the root cause. Over time, you’ll notice you come to the same few core beliefs, which you can then deconstruct. The most common cause comes from low-self esteem during childhood from a parent who was toxic or abusive/neglectful in some way.
Not everyone has good parents. Experiencing child abuse/neglect is higher amongst neurodiverse people. Imagine having no support or help in childhood. Instead being abused/neglected plus neurodiverse. Then dumped into adulthood without any skills plus being ASD and cptsd. If you have good parents, you're already leaps and bounds ahead of those who did not. Traumatized autism is just now starting to be talked about. All ages. So many adults 18 to 100 coming to these realizations thanks to psychology starting to leave the dark ages. Unreal how much we struggle while healthcare stays stuck in the past. At least in the US.
When you said we tend to get all our things done at once, I had a sudden realization. This may also be a reason as to why even after getting things done we still feel like nothing is done. Yes it's also cause we see all the things to do, but because we are used to plowing through all our to dos when we DO have the energy, if we still have things to do it feels like a failure. Then add how we worry about not having energy later, it's like realizing "Oh I failed to finish, so now all of these things will still need to be done and I won't have the energy to do them."
I've been in the Self Help community for YEARS. They are always saying, go out into nature or do something you enjoy (mine is/was playing guitar & singing) or go be with friends (what friends?! Lol) they always claim that you will feel better! I NEVER did. I noticed it took SO much precious energy to do what they suggested for NO results! So I realized, why bother. I'd rather conserve my energy. Now I understand why.
This made me cry. You explained the nightmare of my sadness more precisely than anyone ever has. More perfectly than I could even explain to myself. Thank you for your eloquent explanation
Hey I bought your sandwich pdf! I was doing something similar-- but I love your visual and analogy. I was procrastinating all day and therefore finishing my 'meat' right before bed. Then I'd stay up too late watching tv-- and not get enough rest. Basically, I had no time for 'cheese' or 'the bottom bread'. Now I see relaxation activities and bedtime routines are essential... everyday. Nice job!
This is so awesome to hear! I’ve been there too staying up late to “unwind” but then waking up way late the next day, which messes with your “meat” of the day. Hope it helps!
@@thethoughtspot222 This is what I found to be absolutely terrible as a SAHM with unrecognized autism (most likely--I'm strongly self-suspecting). I would have to be "on" all day with my children, then I'd be so done in that it took even longer to get them to bed because I would dissociate/lose my focus from tiredness. Then I would feel like I had to spend time with my husband, so I wouldn't get alone time until past my bedtime. And I couldn't sleep in the next day, because I'd need to be up with my children. Plus, I developed anxiety around giving myself my own time at the end of the day, because my husband would get angry that I was staying up way too late.
One of my greatest fears, is that this could lead me into homelessness. I'm a traumatic brain injury survivor. The accident happened when I was a teenager. Now that I'm in my mid-40's, I know I'm getting more forgetful every day. Trust me, I'm trying to keep my head up, but I would be lying if I said that this doesn't bother me greatly. I love my family and I am so thankful to have them in my life! Personally, I'm less than zero. I'm going to keep trying... Take care everyone
@@htspencer9084 Thank you kindly. I totally agree with you. One issue is that I have to find a new doctor/psychiatrist soon. The doctor I was seeing retired. After many years of trial and error, I'm on 3 medications that keep me as stable as I can be. There is only one month of medicine left before I run out. I really liked my last doctor, and he offered a discount for uninsured patients. I know it does not make any sense for a grown man to feel this way, but I just feel overwhelmed. I don't even know where to start. It's hard enough just keeping my job and feeding myself. Hopefully there is a somebody that can help people like myself navigate these type of thing's I can get in touch with. Wishing you all the best, and thanks again for the information.🙂
Finally…not only a video that describes the executive dysfunction experience so perfectly but also a video that provides tips that have so far ACTUALLY been working as i try to implement them😭 my last two weeks haven’t been perfect but i am really experiencing a change using the sandwich methods
Ahhh yes! I realized a big part of my depression in high school was not being able to get my work done. It made me dread waking up everyday and living cuz I had to face the consequences of not doing my work.
I am 53 years old and I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I’ve had hope, dreams or anything to look forward to at all. I have PTSD from childhood abuse which carried over into adulthood. I didn’t know executive dysfunction even exists. My ADHD is off the charts. I haven’t worked a regular job since 2010, the year I got sober. Because unless I was high I couldn’t do everything I needed to do. When I looked like I was thriving it was because I was self medicating to be able to function in society. Now that I know I’m not the most worthless person in the world it has changed my whole mindset. Now I know why I couldn’t figure out what to do. Now I know why I would stay in bed for months because I beat myself up any time I was awake. Thank you so much for this video. This makes me feel understood for the first time in my life. ❤
OMG, i feel this so hard. not diagnosed until my late 40's, struggling as an attorney, where I have to make seemingly endless decisions in free form free fall....
This is helping me realize the problem I have that I still don't really know how to fix. I'm in college rn. My schedule is I wake up, go to class, then get back to my dorm starving around 3:00 since my classes go through lunchtime. I'm exhausted and hungry at that point, so I get food and start watching youtube. I always have piles of homework to do, but once I start watching something, I don't stop. I eat slowly, then eventually move from one video to the next until it's 5-6:00. At that point I'm tired and want to lay down, but to not be "lazy", I continue sitting at my desk watching videos because I'm too tired to work. Or I'll start playing games to keep myself “busy” so I don't feel like I'm wasting time. Then it comes to 8 or 9:00 and I try to start some homework. I eventually convince myself that I'm too tired and will wake up in the morning to do it. Every morning I snooze alarms because I'm so tired and then didn't get any work done. It's a repeating cycle that all stems from not being able to get started on work after I eat. I just don't really know how to fix it.. The only time I'm really able to get work done is when I'm around friends and we're all working together at the same time, but they’re often not available to study after class. This was a really long explanation, but thanks to anyone who took the time to read. If you have any suggestions of ways I could try and work on fixing these issues, please let me know!
It might be a late answear, bc i just found this video, but maybe find someone else, like beside this group of people you are studying occasionally. Or create a group yourself, talk to your school/uni supervisors to create a post on their platfor (where they update students abt ivents, clubs etc) and ask them abt a class where you could meet and do your homework. But also it may be that you don't really need people aroun you, but a place where you can stay focused on your work is like cafeteria or library. I was able to work on my homework from a hallway where we had tables where you can sit and check some informations, but I used it as my open office 😅 There are people who are walking around and my brain was like I'm so cool, let everyone see what I'm doing - judgment of others, that I imagined in my head, really helped me to do my work good AND fast. Library was too demanding for my brain (I need to make some noises from time to time), it was so quiet I thought my head would explode And I don't know why, but cafes didn't work for me either, maybe because in a hallway there was students who were talking about lectures and everything and it motivated me, but people who go to cafes are more into meeting someone to relax and chat sbout their personal stuff and I willy-nilly was distracted by others. Long story short, maybe you don't need a group of people to work on your homework with but a place that motivates you. You just have to find what suits you best. Or you can switch places every few hours. That might wor too. Good luck💪
@@ЕлизаветаАртемчук-ш1д thank you so much for your reply! Today is actually my first day of my second year in college coincidentally. This year I have a roommate for the first time and she’s really studious and has a much stricter schedule. Having her working near me helped a ton yesterday when I was getting my schedule figured out so I think this year is going to go a lot smoother having her around to help keep me focused. I’ll definitely try your suggestion of working somewhere around more people but not a library or coffee shop though! That’s a really good idea :)
I was a high school English teacher for 23 years. I could usually stick to daily and weekly plans but following my quarterly plans were out of the question! I chalked it up to responding to the changing needs of my students but admin and other teachers put so much pressure on me to STICK TO THE PLAN and I always felt so guilty and inept. In the end, I was one of the most well-liked and effective English teachers in the school.
This is not something I usually write about, and no one has to read it. Since I will talk about my situation and people get mad at these kinds of thing for some reason. So. I personally struggle with executive dysfunction to an extreme in which I cannot even take care of myself. For example, the maximum I drink of water per day is a cup. I do not get up from bed and end up just using the phone all day, since I wake up until I go to sleep (which is like, 12PM to 7AM). I eat only because I live with my parents and my mother cooks for me and makes me eat. And they do all of the house chores. I can't even bathe that often, so if I do it's because my parents remind me and make me do so, like, once in some weeks or even months. It's needless to say I have a ton of mental health issues and struggle with physical health as well. I isolate from people almost all the time and I live in a somewhat chaotic environment from which I cannot get out, since I almost never get out of the house. The thing is, I only recently got out from a terrible mental state of very intense DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) and I am just now getting away from some of the trauma sources. It's like a cycle that I cannot break. I am very glad someone is making a video to help with this. As it is not as simple as not being able to do things, but has many underlying issues that people do not take in count. So, if someone who thinks this way read it. Yes, it is indeed destroying my life and many other people's. Please do not think people with executive dysfunction are lazy or they do not want to do things. It's not that way at all and they might be struggling with a lot of stuff as well.
Having ADHD and trying to organize your day is like trying to overcome your anxiety via exposure therapy. It works most of the time, but it needs to be consistent and god damn it is hard.
I always had a disgusting, rotten refrigerator filled with ancient matter. I used to beat myself up about it all the time, getting frustrated at the spiral of doom. Then I realized that the downward spiral of the fridge begins when I forget what is in there and how long those things have been there. My solution was to buy two glass doored bar refrigerators and stack them on top of each other. It looks pretty good and I can see inside the fridge every time I pass it. This subtle change has allowed me to be free from fridge chaos for over six months so far! That little bit of extra mental prompting was all I needed.
I don't eat much so I just put literally all my food in the fridge and ripped off the doors on the cabinets so I would have more space for displaying my gundams
This really opened my eyes. I used to be the high strung person and everything HAD to be perfect or I was a failure. I was this way for most of my life. Living in that much anxiety and stress has wrecked my body. I am now learning to find balance and giving myself the space to rest. I'm learning perfect is an illusion. I wobble between that sudden burst to do things and no motivation because I feel the brick wall in front of me for the tasks I need to do. Thanks for this video!
Great explanation there. Everything related to EF is so foggy for me, I agree it’s probably the biggest issue to address since it influences SO MANY aspects of our lives.
So glad you added "-most kids" to that statement at the beginning. I was that kid. "Most kids" have parents and teachers that help them. I didn't have either. I got told I was lazty, I was stupid, I "could do so much more if I just applied myself..." But my parents were also neurodivergent. Extremely so. I _was_ smart, and I was mostly expected to handle things on my own. I had pretty much zero support through school. The school assumed I was failing _despite_ help, except that help didn't exist. And I had no way of knowing that my homelife was so much different from successful kids.
I understand the sandwich days, i just can't figure out how to fit any potato days into my week without things getting out of control. Maybe it's easier for people who freelance or have a lot of flexibility in their schedule, but that's not me. Monday through Friday are all work days. I get up between 5:45 and 6:00, depending on whether or not I hit snooze, start the coffee, use the bathroom and change into my yoga clothes, take my pills with a yogurt cup, pour the coffee, do 20 minutes of yoga, drink the coffee, pack my lunch bag, and put that and my backpack by the door. This takes about an hour. Then take a shower, get dressed, do my hair and makeup, and brush my teeth - which takes about half an hour. I leave for work at 7:30 in the morning and get home 10 hours later. I have about half an hour to chill before I start making dinner. (I wish cooking was something that i enjoyed, but it's not. I've found ways to make it quicker, and less work, but it's always a chore.) Then I eat with my partner (who gets home around 7), and he washes up while I unwind for a bit. At 8:30 I start my bedtime routine, which involves getting everything ready that I need for the next day - clothes set out, bag packed, lunch prepared and in containers in the fridge (lunch bag on the counter so I don't forget about it), coffee prepped (so I just have to press a button in the morning), pills set out, etc. It also involves things like filling the humidifier water tank and making sure the floor is clear so our robot vacuum won't get stuck anywhere. And, of course, getting into my PJs, washing my face, and brushing my teeth. On a good day, I'm in bed early enough to read for a little bit before I fall asleep. I don't have energy on weekdays to do at-home chores, though I will sometimes do a bit of grocery shopping on the way home from work (which means I have to start making dinner right away). Saturday and Sunday are the only days we have to clean our home, run the bulk of our errands, and hang out with friends and family. I sometimes try to squeeze all of this into a single day so I can have one totally lazy, no obligations day. But it always ends up being a mistake because I completely exhaust myself on the do-everything day and then mentally beat myself up for taking the day off - or I don't do everything in that one day and then get totally overwhelmed when I have double the stuff to deal with the next weekend. I can't even figure out how to work in one "potato day" a week, let alone two!
It seems like you’re spending an hour every night cooking - 5 hours of your week! - and all the other chores are getting pushed to the weekend. You could definitely work with this and free up a weekend day.
Yeah! I was wondering this too! This template was extremely helpful but she only had 3 days of work, most people don’t have 4 days for the extra stuff.
Same here 😭😭😭😭 this has been such a big issue for me, not being able to fit in those extra days. It’s such a good technique though, I wonder if theres a way to make it work somehow.
Have you considered making one of your weekend days a true “potato” day (which might include hanging out with friends and family) while making another day of your weekend an “errand” sandwich day that includes all cleaning, errands, and maybe hanging out with friends and family if you have plans? I think one thing i resonated with in the video is that she said potato activities can be things that take up your energy, so for me i consider hanging with friends and my partner + doing my hobbies (which can still be rather intense) to be “potato” activities even though they are not necessarily relaxing?
I finally understand why I feel so exhausted. It does take me so much energy to get things done. It's like the duck- looks perfectly calm and collected on the surface, but below the surface the feet are paddling like hell. And no one understands - my husband doesn't get it and honestly I believe HE has ADD too.
Thankyou. Your videos have been so helpful for me. Like someone who can really explain exactly how I feel and how I experience life when I’ve never been able to do so myself. I’m in my 40s now and have been told there’s a year long wait for a appt and diagnosis of high functioning asd for adults. And coming out of a serious meltdown your vids are helping me to get back to living.❤❤
Oh, I'm so happy to have found your lovely channel on my path to getting an autism assessment :) You have such a warm vibe and I can't wait to follow your journey on here
I didn’t know how much I needed to hear this. Thank you, Irene, for getting to know yourself and then sharing that with the community. I’m a 36 y/o cis woman diagnosed w ADHD at 20, dropped out of college at 24, but only now getting focused treatment… turns out I’m also high masking ASD and have PMDD which comes with a host of physical and mental symptoms: rage, suicidal ideation, fatigue, migraines, chills, depression, hopelessness, and renders my adhd meds ineffective for 10 days. Tracking the PMDD has revealed I have 4 days per 28 day cycle when I enjoy less turbulent days. I share this for any person who may have hormones playing a part in their executive dysfunction as well. I’ve color coded my calendars based on my anticipated capacity throughout the cycle and while it is hard to see the number of potentially tough days ahead, I have found that when I accomplish anything on one of those days - or I am just kind to my self - I get to think “ok. Today wasn’t horrible and was actually more ok than I expected.” Still in the phase of reducing shame and guilt about my reality. It’s seeming to be the most worthwhile work. I hope this can help someone who has been searching for answers. Lastly - my ASD diagnoses has come from self screening on embrace-autism.com (it is free, and this is not an Ad) at the recommendation of my therapist after seeing her for several months who specializes in treating autism/ADHD. For anyone who is waiting to be assessed or doesn’t have the funds to have an assessment; these screenings have really helped. I’ve taken them multiple times and discuss what I find with my therapist.
i think i probably struggle with executive dysfunction, your description of it really resonates with my experience these past few years. i am 18 now and it’s been around 4 years since i’ve truly started struggling getting things done. this happens especially with school: idk how else to describe it but i cannot physically being myself to get stuff done, study for tests, even if it’s easy and technically requires little time. the anxiety and panic of a project being due/test being in 4 hours used to help, but now it feels like i’ve just given up on myself. not even that last minute stress motivates me to start very important tasks anymore. it’s honestly resulted in me feeling absolute shit about myself, soon i’ll be studying in uni and i just cannot imagine a future where i won’t be an absolute failure at anything i do. i often feel like i’m making it up, since i don’t necessarily resonate with adhd or autism, it feels like im just lying to myself and everyone else and i should just get up and do my job. i just can’t tho
i feel you. my first year of college went something like that and hell, i still come back to this feeling sometimes. i don't know you or what you're doing in life, but please don't think of yourself as shit. you're probably not :D acknowledge the fact that you think of yourself that way because its just been so long since you were able to get something done just how you wanted to get this done. I'm trying to say that you're not bad, stupid, unable to do things, or whatevers bothering you and you will be able to prove it to yourself once you let yourself be. What helped me was understanding that there's no bad or good people, there are people, who are able to do bad or good (or in-between) things. So yeah, maybe my year was bad. Maybe i felt like a complete disappointment, good for nothing, like a waste of space. It was pretty bad. But it doesn't mean that i'm a bad person myself, so that doesn't mean i should give up on myself. Once at a time, little by little, its great if i get something done, even i get a C for it, its better than if i keep running away from tasks or hiding at home and making things worse for my future self. Gotta take the L now and continue struggling but trying to do stuff cause there is a brighter day for myself that i can make with my own hands. Sorry if its had to understand what i wrote or it wasn't necessary or if i was all over the place. Your comment just spoke to me so i thought i should say something. I hope thing get better for you my bro
@@siv929 thank you for your reply, I truly appreciate it :) i’m sorry to hear you’ve been through something similar, but i’m very happy to hear it’s gotten somewhat better. i should probably think more about what you said, that it’s not me who’s a bad person. very often i just feel like there’s something intrinsically wrong with myself and it feels like it’s not even worth it to keep betting on myself. ig i should really rethink all that. also i think i get pretty impatient trying to take it one step at a time and embrace the little successes i achieve, it feels like it will never get better/not fast enough and by the time it will, i will have wasted away my life. i really need to try to gather all my strengths and keep trying, ty for the encouragement
Same here 🤝🏻 I'm neither autistic nor have ADHD, it's not even THAT bad, my life still isn't like complete piece of whatever, I can do something sometimes... but this "something" is so not enough and I keep wasting and wasting my life, even now, when it's the most responsible moment of them all...
@@Sha-1 i totally get that, hopefully we'll find the way to slowly get better and make that 'something' bigger and bigger. something i try to remember is that just being alive, existing is enough and not a waste. i'm proud of us for fighting through it even tho it feels like we're not going forward. i'm cheering you on!
about the last part, it could be due to your age too so it can get better with time! it could be other things too but the point is that the way you feel is completely valid you can still use the tips, you aren't making things up, brains are really complicated sometimes
Wow, I’m 43, recently diagnosed with ADHD and you articulated the challenges of executive dysfunction SO well and helped me understand it better than I ever have. Thank you.
I'm a licensed therapist who works with neurodiverse clients, and I really love this video and will share it with my clients as a lovely resource for finding another potential strategy for helping manage their day!
quite possibly the most helpful tool I can change to make sense for my life and week. Might make Fridays a potato sandwich day! Trying to learn to treat myself life a friend so that I have more motivation to show up to do those things I struggle to do- I am somebody I love too, so I'm tricking myself into doing 'favors' for future me.
17:10 The sandwich metaphore is sooo good! Your sandwich doesn't need too much meat. "Productivity doesn't have to equil pain!" "A task doesn't have to be something you loathe, a task can be something you genuinely want to do, and therefore you can enjoy doing a task." "Integrate the cheese of the day into the day." (Self sooth throughout the day so you can go to sleep easier.) Have potato days. Unscheduled days when you can do ANYTHING. "You can enjoy doing things outside of expectations. Taking expectations away from your day could return the power to your desire to do things, to live life."
I think I understand the metaphor. Bread: The structure of the sandwich AKA morning and night routines. Meat: The bulk of the sandwich AKA the day's tasks and activities. Cheese: The treat and soul-satisfying part of the sandwich AKA soothing, unwinding, relaxing, interesting activities.
I cried as you listed all the things i struggle with every day... Everything you've described has hit home for me... Thank you for your time guidance and all the information... ADHD has been the defining factor in my entire life and I i didn't even know until a year ago I had it at 30 years old...
I'm a neurotypical, I'm not diagnosed with ADHD or autism, but I'm diagnosed with OCD, depression, anxiety, chronic bad sleep habits & Hypothyroidism. I've been struggling so much with this issue you put everything into words. I didn't even know that it had a name & a diagnosis. I thought I was just being insufficient & lazy and kept blaming myself. But unfortunately this issue isn't being discussed much outside ADHD/Autism spaces. I'm going to integrate this technique, I really hope it works for me.
@@nanasabiaAnd this point idk, man 😂🥲 I think I'm a neurotypical for the most part, but my autistic husband is actively more outgoing than I am😅 We all just struggling out here I think, and any useful technique is welcomed at this point 😅
The difficulty with this template is that for people who work a job in which they are on someone else's schedule, 5+ days a week are ALL work days. It's a great video though. I'd have to adapt the technique somewhat to my ADHD so I don't get bored and feel too regimented by it. Always a struggle with any routine or practice. :/
I’m just sick of adjusting. By adjusting we will never be free and healthy. I feel a deep need to live according to the way my brain works and everything being just a desperate attempt to force a lifestyle upon myself that I’m will never fit into.
I felt like you were reading my thoughts in this video. I’ve never been diagnosed with ADHD but I’m sure I have it. I’ve done research and it describes me to a T. The cycle of Executive Dysfunction, anxiety and depression are crippling. I’m 32 and still feel like I need someone to tell me exactly what to do. I get overwhelmed just writing down all I need to do and then like you said watching the hours tick by because I don’t know where to start and feel frozen. I also feel like this stems from being an all or nothing type of person. If I know or think I won’t have the time or energy to complete a task, it’s impossible for me to want to start it. It’s extremely hard for me to celebrate progress when I can’t complete it. It feels almost like I’m a perfectionist but super lazy but I know now it’s not laziness. It just feels like I know how to do something but don’t have the right tools to do it or like I have a car with no gas. Lol thank you for this video. It really made me feel like I’m not alone. It’s easy to feel like you’re the only one in the world struggling with these exact things. You didn’t have to be vulnerable and spend time and energy on this video but you did and I’m incredibly thankful! I will be subscribing and watching more videos. Thank you!!
I just ran across executive dysfunction and I’m almost 100% that’s what I have. This is the first video I’ve seen that seems like it will actually help! I cannot wait to try the sandwich. Thanks for sharing!
I’ve never heard the cycle of staying in bed, dreading the tasks that need to be done to the point I can’t muster the energy to get up, the gratitude when the day passes, etc… My situation is complicated by being a benign brain tumor survivor. The surgery and radiation treatment kicked my coping skills out from under me. Im 62 so my coping was self-taught, neurodivergence wasn’t understood when I was a child. Thank you
Thank you for doing this video. I've only begun digging into what has been "wrong" with me for years. I've always felt like I was different and lazy but doing research into ADHD, I feel I have had this my whole life. I have been treated for anxiety, depression and panic attacks. I've always struggled with cleaning my house, grocery shopping and paying bills, you name it, I had difficult doing it. I constantly feel mentally and physically exhausted from even the smallest task. I usually end up in tears because I get so overwhelmed with even the most basic task. I have found that decluttering my house when I moved, by throwing a lot away, I have an easier time cleaning my house and staying organized; something I have always struggled with. I struggle daily with even starting a task, and usually end up exhausted just from hyping myself up just to do that task and don't end up doing it from overthinking it.
It sucks, and it’s hard to explain to everyone you meet when I kinda don’t know what’s going on with me myself, just that i’m always tired and overwhelmed. Knowing others live like this too gives me a bit of hope
What a lovely video! I was searching around, trying to find some coaching videos because my step daughter has ADHD. Not coaching necessarily for her, but coaching for me as her parent. I love your sandwich idea because I have been thinking of creating some visualizations to help keep her on track, or to accomplish tasks. I really like how you talked about not piling everything onto your plate, but delegating all the things you need to do and when, including rest and doing nothing at all. This actually made me reflect on myself, too. I have never formally been diagnosed with ADHD but I feel like there’s always been something there. The part where you were talking about being high functioning, but having extreme anxiety to go with it…that is textbook me. This was the first video of yours I’ve watched and I’m hooked. Thank you for creating this kind of content. ❤
I don’t even know what to say but listening to the beginning of this made me cry and every single word you said was exactly my life. Thank you for doing this. It helps me understand a little more -and feel less bad about my life even though I still feel frustrated and like I’m failing at it.
I think you're definitely onto something here. I'm autistic and have always had difficulty with executive function. Unfortunately, a couple of years ago, I hit my head and broke my orbital. It left me with a traumatic brain injury and my executive function has been out the window completely since the injury. I even quit my job that I loved a few months after my injury. I have 3 kids to take care of, including a toddler. It's been HARD.
I wanted so badly for this video to work for me… but I work full time (5 days a week) so I have no ability to stick with hobbies if I take two potato days because doing “what I want” is always a shiny, new thing and not the hobbies I’ve tried to maintain for years… Having a job straight up doesn’t work for people who struggle with executive dysfunction.
This is so much more than chores. Even those are some nice easy things we can do and we do obsessively, but when it comes to knowing yourself having cold schedules plans commitment, fear of working with others mood motivation basically sometimes it feels like I have Alzheimer’s and it’s scary like I don’t even exist.
This has to be one of the most helpful, insightful and vital discussions of ND conditions on RUclips. I connect with this so much. Now, try suffering all this AND chronic fatigue. Anyone out there that is in this situation surely understands just how bloody hopeless one can feel. You're not alone.
Yes, I have all this and endometriosis. Causes random and chronic pain that never goes away and extreme fatigue days. It's totally exhausting for a neurological person. I feel like I have no chance
I want you to know that this video gave me a little hope as I'm getting out of a really difficult depression episode over my executive dysfunction. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.
Just bought all three of your guided workbooks/planners and I’m feeling hopeful about my life for the first time in almost 3 years. You are so intelligent and validating 💜 thank you so much!
I’m yet another former gifted kid who had her ADHD ignored. I’ve come to realize I’m likely on the spectrum as well. I am okay at work, but I struggle to care for myself. Things like exercise, getting up on time, cooking meals, cleaning, and I have the overwhelm with clutter that just paralyzes me and keeps me from dealing with it. And the inner monologue is only self criticism about why can I just do these things why am I being useless. Plus my god the addictive nature of our phones and the apps is just making it 100x worse.
As an early bird, mornings are the best because I actually have the energy to do tasks, I have my coffee and meds, etc. It's the afternoon when I crash that I struggle. My cope right now is just to wake up suuuper early because it seems to prolong my productive part of the day.
Your introduction was the story of my childhood and young adult life. I was diagnosed with a learning disability as a kid and had accommodations to help, but once I got to college I really struggled to get my school work done and keep up with my health. I ended up in deep depression, not being able to keep a job and ended up hospitalized twice. After multiple different diagnosis and and treatments, I finally got diagnosed with ADHD at 33. Started Adderall and my life greatly improved! A big part was also seeing the struggles I had with executive function not as a moral failure. I spend so much time mentality beating myself up because I just couldn't do what I needed to do, and even what I wanted to do. Its still a struggle even with the right medication but I have such better tools and mindset to not fall into crippling depression.
Helen Keller: born blind & deaf yet accomplished much. She said, “So much remains for me to make use of, t’would seem ungrateful to yearn for what I do not have.” Thinking of her words became a turning point for me to accept what I had lost.
Apologies in advance, long read ahead... Due to my dyslexia, I completely swore off the comment section eons ago as a 90s kid. But I'm compelled to jump in and share my feelings regardless of what my anxiety is telling me. When you started speaking, similar to others, you were somehow telling my life story as If you've walked every day in my shoes, I've never felt so immediately understood, connected, and at home instantaneously. It's remarkable how you speak your truth and mine simultaneously. It's as if you're talking directly to me and seemingly so many others. So, thank you. Thank you for seeing my raw truth and beautiful light as the Ying and Yang they are, my equivalent eternal cross to bear. For once, I have to stop to thank the algorithm gods specifically because the recent days that have passed have been darker than I care to admit. As cliché as it sounds, you are exactly who… saying what… exactly when and I'm incredibly thankful. After a quick glance in your comment section, my intuition about the kind of person you Are is spot on. You are an angel on earth. I'm not sure if you truly grasp the extent of how much of a lifesaver you really are. I immediately subscribed and left a comment, something I rarely do, honestly if ever. Headed straight to Etsy so I can be prepared with the guiding hand as you walk me through it. Quite frankly, you had me hooked even before you got to the meat and completely addicted to the potatoes. Let me wrap it up because I know the internet isn't fond of long-winded sentiments. However, I had to express my gratitude for the gift presented to me today by the algorithm gods. Lastly, to anyone who made it this far, firstly, thank you. Secondly, for those feeling less than (as Bey🐝 it) feeling themself, know that you're a bold, brave, and beautiful. That trouble that doesn't last always...and most importantly… I love you just the way you are. Keep swimming, you've got this! I apologize for my lengthy expression, but you truly are a lifesaver. The world needs more people like you. Keep slaying, Queen! Nothing But Love 💕 ~Q~ 💕
I feel like crying. You just described my life. I never knew this is what was wrong with me. It's such a relief to hear someone talk about this, recognize it and know there is help.
(heads up, strongly worded self-degradation in this comment) Learning the word “executive dysfunction” helped me to word so many issues I struggled my whole life with. Previously I would feel like a sack of shit when trying to do anything. I always had to procrastinate by making a plan. And that plan was always way too grandiose and downright delusional. And when I actually had to follow the plan, I was so absent-minded that I couldn’t do one bit of it properly, and too lazy to stick to it. But once I could frame it with executive dysfunction, I could recognise my shortcomings as well as my accomplishments. I am not that great working without a plan, as it stresses me out. But if I absolutely have to, I can gather together structure and organisation when thrown into a hectic environment, even if it’s very taxing. I am useful part of a team when formatting plans as I have a keen eye for details, but because of my executive dysfunction I usually need someone to double-check my work so I don’t get lost in those details. The shared plan should probably feel too vague for my own liking, but that’s something I need to deal with privately. I can get so much done when I’m hyper focused, but because of my ADHD and executive dysfunction, I have a hard time starting to work. I get easily distracted and lost in the details, so I need specific methods to reinforce my executive functions. If I have clear goals and work in a group, it is pretty clear I am everything but lazy. If I use the corrent methods, it’s clear my focus can be extremely sharp, and I can juggle huge amounts of connected details and complexity when analysing cituations. I just have excutive dysfunction as one of my neurodivergent traits. And it is extremely important that I address it.
Honestly it's so helpful to hear someone say this because it's like your describing my life and Im very grateful it's very validating and it's really nice to hear that other people struggle with it.
Thank you very much for this precious video. It helped me understand and forgive myself for my executive disfunction. I am 50 years old and recently diagnosed with aspernger.I will follow your advices ❤
Wow, that... I feel so understood, thank you. I've never heard someone speak my daily thoughts and feelings so accurately. I had chronic gastritis and IBS as a result of pushing myself during my burst phase so to speak. I think I'll try this out, it sounds worth a shot.
Thank you for your sandwich method, I will put it into action! I noticed, when thinking about and running into using your method, when starting out it feels like it still seems overwhelming and just making a list every week will trigger the ED big time, it'd be hard to maintain it in the beginning when just sitting in front of an empty page will seem overwhelming. So what I'd recommend in the beginning is, being active in the morning, doing something, whatever it is, just be active, DIY, read, or whatever, if the mornings are the hardest to even get started. And like you said if you don't start off active you won't be active the whole day. And instead of a to do list, what works for me is a "done list". Having a list where you write down all the ideas, tasks and whatever you'd usually have on a to do list, just write it down on a "remember" list, but not the term that seems like an order "To do" as in you have to do it, just things to remember but no pressure. Most important though is the "done list" at the end of the day. Whatever seemd like the most difficult task, or many tasks, can get a star when ticking it off. Even if it's just something "simple" like brushing teeth, if that's hard to do, it can earn a star. So at the end of the day, you can have many things on your done list, that most people would probably consider not a task at all, but for us it's hard to do and we can be proud about having done something that's not easy for us, the smallest things. I now call it the "dedd list" = despite executive dysfunction done list. So, even if you'd usually think you didn't manage to do anything all day, if getting out of bed is hard to do, that can be on the done list and in the end of the day, you can feel good about yourself for seeing all the things you did do even if they felt so hard despite being the simplest thing for most people. Because it's never about the task, it's about what it means, how hard it is and how much anxiety it might have caused and about us having had the courage and drive to do it anyway, even if it's just washing up one plate. Shift from the pressure of "to do" to the relieving feeling of "have done" and this way the tasks we're able to do will get bigger every day so that sooner or later, the brushing teeth part isn't on the done list anymore because it's a habit and bigger things can go on that list. We've got to understand that the micro habit thing just has to be dissected into even smaller peaces sometimes, like Nano Habits, when dealing with ED. What helps me, instead of seeing the whole overwhelming mountain of tasks and I have to do it step by step, understanding that everyday it'll double. Even if you start walking with an ants length, if you double it every day, it will one day become an elephants length, exponentially. But it's important to start out with the ant and logically knowing, believing and trusting, if it doubles every day it doesn't matter how small it starts. It can only become bigger over time! That helped me from seeing only the big pile and the overwhelm to trusting that it'll be all doable one day!
As time goes on, I struggle with Executive dysfunction and burnout so much more. On top of that, I used to WANT to get things done, I would go out of my way to try something new even though it stressed me a lot lot. I don't know what's going on.
this video and your channel in general is so helpful for me. i love seeing these videos because it feels like you have similar life experiences to mine and just kind of get it. you explained how i myself experience executive dysfunction and i also liked how you reminded us to remove the concept of a bias on tasks in general bc they don’t have to be bad. also how you helped us understand that we often see tasks as super daunting because we with executive dysfunction tend to let things pile up and then have a LOT to do so then tasks seem super difficult but they don’t have to be at all
i think this is definitely going to be really really really helpful as this is something i’ve struggled with for years every since i was a child. super high expectations and negative associations as well as some other factors really enhances the situation entirely and thinking about it now i think this manifests in a lot of different areas of my life
i also just didn’t have a set schedule so i kind of just did whatever whenever. was pretty inefficient and i had always craved one but didnt really have the energy and this was because i only looked at ones a neurotypical person would use
i think this will be the first of one of these schedule videos that i’ll actually be able to do im really hopeful. i usually don’t get my hopes up so hopefully it ends up working out. will come back in a month and update
I’m ten minutes into the video and I am still procrastinating eating the food in the microwave. However, I did vacuum my apartment and empty and refill the dishwasher. I never paused the video but because of these distractions I had to listen the first five minutes multiple times, so it has actually been like 20 minutes I put that food in the microwave. All this procrastination happened because I suspected the food was still too hot to eat. I don’t think lazy or messy people start cleaning their home to avoid the miniscule discomfort of having to sit and wait your food to cool down.
Thank you for articulating patterns I have legitimately never recognized. I thought mornings were just hard and yucky - on my days off I easily spend an hour lying in bed, distracting myself with my phone or my cat, and when I eventually get up I feel bad for wasting precious daylight/time. I honestly never thought of it as soothing behaviour - I figured it was simply putting off the day at large - but that makes a lot of sense. I am absolutely victim to nearly all of these habits but having someone say it so simply is a little mind-boggling. Especially not wasting energy I still have - that one is going to be a struggle, but I know is an important thing for me to work on. My main question is, if we follow the system, are we really supposed to do *only* work things with a whole day? Most of us work five days a week. I currently have two jobs, and work six days. Dedicating an entire day to only work/work-related tasks means I only have one day each week to tend to my other "meats." Is this the intention of the sandwich system? I'm sure it can be different for everyone, so maybe I just need to adjust it to fit my needs. Though, at this point, I'm pretty sure that I've been burnt out for possibly years so being fully productive even once a week is probably more than I've been accomplishing.
🥺😲 I had no idea I could relate to a video in this way! It makes things a lot clearer… And it makes me feel less alone. 😭 Again, thank you 🙏🏼 so much for these videos! ❤️
never heard of this concept of executive dysfunction and I see myself in it 1:1, suddenly over the course of your video I had so much more selflove and reason for my own actions and the failed actions of my live while you also provided a little solution how to handle it better, while I still don't know exactly what ED is I'll walk down the path to learn myself better, thank you for beeing the starting point of that journey!
You just taught me within 30 minutes that what I have been struggling with my whole life is a real thing with a name. I recently got my ADHD diagnosis at 23 years old, and I finally am beginning to understand why I couldn’t get things done like others around me, or why I have emotional meltdowns every week. Just discovered your channel and I’m such a fan. Thanks for all of the work that you do. 🤟🏻
irene ! this video made me feel so seen. once again thank you for ur work, ure truly paving a way for nd folk to better understand, love and accept themselves xxxx
The video I didn’t know I needed. I was high functioning until I wasn’t. It’s like I started the race of adulthood sprinting and now I’m panting on the sideline while all the ones who paced themselves keep making progress. Glad to know there are others who have struggled with this feeling and made it back into the race 💛
very very honestly, thank you ; literally everything you said in this video was so incredibly relatable for me and i feel that's the first i genuinely feel that from a productivity video. I'm very interested by the sandwich method and will try it out!
Having a name for what i am experiencing really alleviated a lot of self hate that came from the inability to take action on even the most basic stuff. Patience and self forgiveness are important tools. Your brain isn't normal and that's okay. The tools are not one step away.
Am I the only one that can do things for others (shop, make apts ect) but it's such a fight to do it for myself?
Alot of us are like that. I have a friend who is the same and we often used to clean each others houses for this very reason.
That’s literally me, what???
if it's not something that keeps me alive, I won't even go outside unless it's to do something for or meet up with someone else :(
edit: making your house/room the cleanest it's ever been because someone's coming over :')
Yeah we dont get the same satisfaction thats felt after making someone else happy
After feeling usefull to others
Doing things for yourself
You often dont see the point
There’s no compliments no noticing by others
Me too 😂
feeling guilty while unwinding after an "unproductive" day is soo real
I can go to bed at like 11pm and realize that I had not sat down for more than like 30 seconds all day, I feel guilty after too long.
Hella true tho.
I struggle with this so profoundly
I learned a trick a while back (that I had kind of always known but didn't realize) to wear shoes when I have things to do around the house. No shoes feels like I have nothing to do. Feels like relaxing. Shoes feels like doing tasks. Maybe that's somewhat helpful?
Love this one 👍
That's a good idea. I'll have to come up with something else as I always wear my slippers in the house, but I'm sure the concept can be adapted! Thank you
@@kouranko maybe get the slippers with the hard bottoms they might feel more like shoes
Yes great idea
It’s true , and along those lines even dressing like for the gym , pull your hair back - put on music and get with it - set a timer and pretend you have an important guest due in an hour and challenge yourself to see what you can accomplish!😊
My executive dysfunction is to the point that I sometimes wonder if I'll ever be able to be an independent adult living on my own when I can barely micro-manage the small tasks in a day. I hope I can get something out of this video.
You only work 3 days a week? This doesn't work in the real world with a 50 hour week plus commute time, volunteering and potentially children.
@@allymcb2005 this is what I've been thinking. The work day didn't really look like a work day to me. I know it's some work creating these videos but it can't compare with working in a factory where I (with adhd) have to stay focused for 8h a day, not having the time to sit down, for 5 or 6 days a week. Two shifts. The only way for me to unwind is to be left alone, being in nature, music, a little exercise or a hike and meditation. That's still my best option to recharge more quickly and im not as annoyed and bitchy so it keeps me more positive.
This is how I totally feel and I'm 32 😂
I vividly remember having this exact thought for the first time at around 6 years old. I love the way she explains in the beginning how executive dysfunction correlates to mental health and made me realize nothing is really wrong with me, I just operate differently than others and I just have to learn how to work with it
Fr 😭 I’m just like “how can you even function in the real world when you can’t even do something as simple as this?”
Here are some timestamps, and my notes for those interested:
11:00 -description of sandwich technique
20:38 -building sandwich elements
24:48 -description of potato days and elements
27:30 -example week
This technique revolves around dedicating each day to one purpose, or one type of task, to avoid overwhelm and burnout.
A sandwich day:
-bread (morning): write down what to do that day, including the little things that pop into your head. Note: don't give in to anxiety about the rest of the day and divert to soothing behaviours. As you manage your days better the anxiety will fade.
-meat (day): do what you decided to do. Note: don't push yourself to do more than you planned if you have left over energy. The point is to NOT be exhausted all the time!
-cheese (day): unwind until bedtime. Note: stop and go to bed on time. Now that you are building your unwinding time into your day, you shouldn't have the same need to push off bedtime to soothe yourself.
-bread (night): get good sleep!
A potato day:
This is a day which does not have a specific purpose so you do whatever you like. Potato elements are things that you enjoy doing that are not necessarily relaxing (those would be cheese).
How to Use:
- identify your main task buckets (work, house chores, relationships, etc). These will be the types of sandwich days.
- identify meat cheese and potato elements: what tasks are associated with that sandwich, what you can do to unwind, and fun things to do for you.
- lay out our week with sandwich and potato days, identifying what type of sandwich (or main task) you will be tackling that day.
Thanks for the summary. Helpful.
Thank you. There was no way I was sitting through a 30 minute video with executive dysfunction... about executive dysfunction.
You're a star, thank you so much! This helps so much, now I won't have to miss out on using and understanding this technique. Otherwise, executive dysfunction would have prevented me (and others, I suspect) from listening to the entire long video
you are amazing
Thank you
This is exactly what I needed. I have been spiralling into depression with constant comparison between who I was during high-school (the gifted girl) to who I am now, knowing that I can and SHOULD be able to do better. This video is a step towards self-acceptance, thank you.
Same
I am in the EXACT same situation rn. Constantly reminiscing about my high school days.. procrastinating and spiraling into depression.
Same, gifted ambitious art kid now a burnt out adult that has to pull out of their lifelong art job and can't get myself to draw or paint anything 😔
Sounds like we are in good company!
I pray to be better in every way but I just feel broken, hopeless in a way......
I noticed so quickly that I had lost something. The schedules and assignments kept us on track. We have to schedule and assign us now.
I think you may be the first person who has articulated my experience with Executive Dysfunction. It has taken a great deal of anxiety to even perform my stressful job reasonable well. One of the problems is that when the overwhelm goes on for years, or in my case, decades, you can eventually get blown out and steamrolled, and the anxiety gives way to an exhausted, dangerous apathy. I'm renewing my efforts to search for ways to manage my Executive Dysfunction, even though I'm exhausted.
Yesss! I feel the same way about her video on Autism vs adhd #1 intro. Omg I cried of relief hearing someone articulate what I've been trying to explain to my family so that they stop calling me rude, argumentative etc. I wish they would just understand.
I will so be buying this! I seriously didn’t know I needed this template and it fits my needs like a glove
Me too!!
I hate this, but this is exactly what I have right now and I’m even turning to the Internet and other places is overwhelming. I don’t trust any more anyone anymore. I don’t trust myself and I’m just when I take my ADD meds I’m a little bit excited but pretty much long-term apathetic. I mean there’s no way out of this except a miracle and it’s not like I was like this early on it’s gotten so much worse and I really hate it. I just want to say that I really hate it it’s really like a nightmare you can’t wake up from it’s like it’s like being inside your body paralyzed and no one can see that you’re paralyzed and they’re talking to you and they’re asking why you don’t move and you don’t even know either. I’m just tired of it I wish I wish we could all pray together and have this break free because honestly I don’t even know how to when I try to tackle it there’s so much trauma now and I don’t even know that it’s trauma. I don’t want anyone to tell me how to fix it because that just add stress.
@@lynnbilbrey8823 plot template. I can’t wait to see this because for the past two or three years aside from apathy in depresssion, I’ve been wondering if you could get injected with a sense that things would be OK and no one will expect or demand anything from you and that you’d have energy and you wouldn’t be non-functional so often and unpredictably but there be a template for doing things when faced with a choice Arabi pick one and both is OK or like you know something outside of yourself that will tell you what to do you know like I
My executive dysfunction is so bad that I sat down and started designing a game to help me manage it, and I went ahead and started developing it as a full blown game where you set goals and unlock more story and funny characters as you accomplish things IRL. It's called Rival Goals and I hope it can be as helpful for others as it will be for me! Those mobile apps for game-ifying life are just never enough for me so I'm making something way more enticing.
That’s awesome!! I love that and will check it out!! Sometimes our neurodivergence allows for different creative opportunities and I’ve noticed too that my struggles sometimes end up with me creating something which is actually helpful and meaningful. So good on you!!
İs it on play I couldn't find it
@@hiiragi426 It's on Steam.
I found it on Steam, looks super cute and fun!
Bro galazy brained this problem
What helped me with mine
1. Understand Executive Disfunction
2. Write lists. One with everything important I want to work on and another with important things I need to get done (writing all these down helps reduce anxiety and stress and prevents forgetting about it. Also these can be continuously be added to as you think of things)
3. Chose 1 thing from the list of things you want to do and find a way to incorporate that into your week. For me I started with working out. At first I did an intense workout challenge but eventually that failed. Then I lowered the barrier to entry. I aimed to do some kind of exercise 3 times a week. Stretching for 3 min or 1 hr walk counted. Once that becomes easy I added to the difficulty but the key to actually starting is making it as nonthreatening as possible.
4. For the important things I need to get done I would order the list by priority then chose the most important one and break it down into steps. Example: Need to go to the doctor. Step 1 look up phone number Step 2 call doctor and make the appointment Step 3 make a list of what to bring up at the appointment. When it was really bad I would treat myself after each step. If i finish step 1 I can watch 1 RUclips video. I would also go to the library to plan or work on things. Alternatively use a timer and tell yourself to work on the task for 5 min at a time. Whatever breaks the task at hand small enough to make it not threatening.
5. As you get better with starting and finishing or working towards goals you can add more work. But if you can at the start, be easy on yourself. Do 3-10% of what your ideal version of yourself would be doing. I wasn't super stoked with the slow small progress, but my anxiety and stress went down by 80% because at least I was doing something. I don't feel out of control anymore and after a while of actually working on myself I found some direction in my life.
5. You will fall off the wagon. You will mess up good streaks. Don't spend your energy getting mad at yourself for it. See if there's something you can learn about yourself from it and learn to jump back on the wagon quicker and faster. This was key for me.
Additional things that helped me:
*Tracking my daily habits and if i worked on productive things.
Also habit stacking (example:practicing Spanish while my pasta is cooking), verbally telling myself I did a good job when I completed a task, treating myself after completing a step, and celebrating small wins
Part of my frontal lobe brain damage has left me often being unable to see what takes priority over something else. 🥺
This is wonderful 😊 it's so funny in retrospect but this is an approach that really works! Break things into smaller and smaller steps until it's manageable. I find myself doing this more and more too.
i screenshotted this!
U basically described what I figured out for myself as well. Now at then end of this year I can actually say I've made progress in myself after years of feeling stuck. As I saw myself getting more familiar with the small starts, I was better able to take on more ajd more
This comment is so close to how I do things too, it’s uncanny. Especially breaking things down and down until it’s like, oh, all I have to do is go into this other room, that’s easy… And for me, every single day gets a new to-do list, with any items carried over but new priorities and notes and of course, dopamine-fueling check boxes.
Thank you for talking about the ways that high-strung people with ADHD use anxiety to motivate ourselves. When I was younger, I looked like a model student - because I was driven to succeed by the crushing terror I felt about the thought of not living up to expectations. From the outside, my life looked so together, but I have never been more miserable.
It's a great reminder of why looking neurotypical should not be a measure of a neurodivergent person's success or "functioning", because the times when I've looked the most neurotypical have been the times when I've suffered the most profoundly. I have never hated life more than when I was a straight-A student. I'll gladly take my low-stress life with a mediocre job and mediocre grades, thanks.
MY LIFE!! I was told nothing was wrong with me because I got 100% on all my school things despite struggling so much :(
No you don't. I'm autistic and my job sucks. The pressure that comes with success is high, but success means more resources, which means more help. Shitty job means you're neuorodivergant and poor
So much....
Love this...task done doesn't have to be perfect ❤
As a neurotypical I can indeed confirm that we struggling out here 😅🥲
I’m a “night owl” all my life. My best time is afternoon/evening. It’s why I worked nights for 25 years. I simply could not function in the mornings I never became functional until late mornings & early afternoon. This applied no matter what hours I worked. I couldn’t be on time for a daytime job to save me. Even when I allowed hours. I still get up 3.5 hours before a early morning appointments.
Some of the things she said resonated & I will see if they help.
Look up sleep phenotypes. Everuone is hard wired to to eotjer sleepcand wake up
This video at first made me cry, then relief. Thank you for validation. The cost of doing.. anything... the anxiety, the low self-worth.. The struggle!! I am not yet diagnosed. 40 y o..... my life went by while I was waiting for it to start.
Waiting for it to start...
I felt that
@@alfaisaac024 😌✨️ nothing is as it seems.
@@emilyeah the way I've often put it is running and clawing my way back into my own life. Just to feel normal
@@alfaisaac024 well put. EXACTLY
Yes. Exactly. My life went by while I was waiting for it to start. I completely relate. I'm 46. I've watched so many people pass me by on the climb upward while I continually fought to stay on the ladder - to simply be willing to put in the effort to try to stay on the ladder. It's still one day and one moment at a time.
I haven't been able to maintain anything- I used to have 5 different planners for all areas of my life. I used to be able to maintain school, a job, have a clean home (never got the thriving relationships part) but I can't do it anymore. I've tried to go back to having my life together but it leads to burnout and meltdowns. When I try to tell my therapist about this, she always says "Does this mean you're not going to try then?" and no- I'm not saying that! I'm saying I struggle to maintain all areas of life I'm expected to, and actually need maintained so I function well. When I was extremely anxious I used to have everything together, never skipped a clean my home day, laundry or budget planning. In fact, everyone used to ask me how I manage! I'm trying to get work, and start studying again but I can't maintain my home then simultaneously I dislike a messy home. But I don't know how to manage it all. The only time I remember to wash my dishes or clean up after myself is when I'm forced to go to bed cause I can't keep my eyes open.
I don't function well, and no one see's how much I struggle with things I'm expected to do. I force myself to clean and then the next day I'm fucking crying and depressed. I live life in this shit cycle, and I want ways to manage without it being that I'm forced to do it all. I want to learn coding but I'm afraid my brain is going to fail me, and I won't focus. I'm going to try this method and see how it goes.
💜
Coding is awesome, u will like it I bet
Are you liking your therapist?
@@heedmydemands yes I appreciate my therapist a lot. We’ve finished now but she helped me a lot. She made me realise I don’t need to function how I was before or do what I see others doing. Just find my own way- so that’s what I’m trying to do now. I think she was asking me if I have the desire to try at all, I’ve been reading unmasking autism and making space for my specific needs. It’s been helpful, it’s hard however to let go of trying to control everything so much and just doing what I can. I think I am noticing the space between masked me and unmasked me.
@@heedmydemands thanks I actually gave it a go! And found I didn’t like it the more I learnt about it. With unmasking and allowing myself to be separate I realised I was just picking random jobs, and not what I want.
I relate. 'Depressed but weirdly relieved that the day is over'. One of those days today, thanks for this video!
One issue I always seem to run into with organizational systems is the planning out a week in advance. I can make the plan, but inevitably my day-to-day emotional/brain experience conflicts with it in that I may have one day designated for productive tasks but my brain is fully fogged, or a day meant for chilling and my brain wants to do all the productive tasks. Obviously, one might say "just be flexible and allow yourself to swap days around on the fly" or something - I have OCD too though which makes it difficult to allow myself to do that. And it's also difficult to even notice in the moment that I might need to swap. But even without that, if I am flexible then how do I not become *too* flexible? I feel like I'd start with small changes that grow and grow until eventually I'm not doing anything I need to do anymore.
Potato days can be super helpful instead of strictly set "rest" days imo.. bc you can still be productive during the potato day, it's just out of your own will instead of the "I have to" feeling. But I do understand, some days your brain will just refuse to work with you and you'll be forced to stop doing your tasks. I personally don't have OCD and I don't know your specific symptoms, so I'm not sure how to cater to that, but I wanna point out that you deserve to rest when you need it. Yes, life can't just be put on hold, but your wellbeing is so much more important than any chore. Maybe try to set "rules" around letting yourself take it easy or taking a potato, so you don't end up feeling bad about resting? Like planning a rule that if you feel like shit, then you have to take a potato day, only do things that you are capable of and want to do. Not sure if that made any sense to you like it did in my head. I also strongly suggest trying to work with ur ocd in therapy if that's possible in ur current situation.
I'm rooting for you!
I go thru this EXACT same dilemma although I don’t know if it’s OCD i think it’s just plain GAD for me I get triggered all the time and go down a self deprecating rabbit hole when I don’t stick to my plans 100% the way I planned or write it down especially when I fail at it multiple times in a short time frame. I’ve been living this absolute HELL since my early 20s 😭😭😭
I have the exact same problem.. still no solution
Yep I hope someone can help us with this’ll
I’ve been trying books counselors medication’s for years and now that I’m not working and I’m not in school. It’s even worse it’s actually like torture and there’s no hope for me except in God and I’m just gonna ask if we can all of these pray for
It’s also hard because our brains and behaviors and questions drive others crazy too and yeah I feel like we need others to be able to work and be engaged but after working with others or for them I just don’t wanna deal with that whole driving them crazy it’s sad because you feel like after a while the depth of your relationships you’re working your everything is slowly cut off because you’re overwhelmed and discouraged by all the trials of working in teams, working with others doing government things trying to understand asking for others health not asking for help obsessively organizing letting it all go being misunderstood. It just gets a point where you have so little to hope for like all the doors are close because you try them all how do you say I want to get out of this place I’m taking so many antidepressants and stuff for years since I’ve had a job for years why I cared. I keep on a plane to school and dropping out before the classes start because I’ve had enough bad experiences. Mind you I went to Ivy League school called interprofessional schools like masters in English Lit, MD, some Psycjology programs, sorry I’m dictating because I’m exhausted so if spelling or punctuation is wrong, that’s why but basically, how it just gets soft at the part where you had to handle mass amounts of information and a similar death and meanwhile, the jobs you can do without graduate school are so unstructured, and require networking and constant monitoring of things, and setting your own prices, and being a business person all skills that were the worst and hardest for someone and even if the subject matter is great without the guide or the confidence or are you just having easier to be like when you’re in school when you’re plugged into some thing you could do and do well and got accolades and helped people I don’t know I just it’s not even that I feel useless. It’s not about me being sad or feeling even it’s just it’s more than that. It just is I’m so angry and so tired and I used to pray about that I’m even getting sad and angry at the type of God I believe in now that I’m done with myself and therapist in school and parents and everyone now I’m just I can’t be angry at it but I’m sad and desperate and screaming at the Lord, the universe, the unknown I don’t even know my thing every day is just to watch Iran a year ago, but something happened to my back at least physical movements and then when I’m depressed, I can’t do it but I need to take stimulants or antidepressants, but just some aspect of movement if I can run and do yoga in one day, I almost feel like a normal person for a couple hours, but then there’s never any time to do those other things without guidance. It’s like I’ve got a bit of an emotional calibration may be a bit of a focusing groundedness, but there is anxiety about choice will I be able to sustain things while I care and it’s not even anxiety that you can say for sure is that it’s just what I sense and no one guiding me through it so it’s just like it’s like I’m falling through thin air there is nothing and there’s everything and nothing happens and I can’t just flip a coin Joker style like I used to or used to just say do some thing apply to this job or do that one. I can’t now I don’t know why I just can’t like there’s so much wrong and just doing it like that but I can’t and I can’t just dismantle my thoughts under it I know they’re fear-based but I just like there’s no desire I feel like a fraud like I randomly pick something and then fell out and it’s not just sabotage and I’ve been desperate for people to help me since Covid now Anthem still hasn’t health and so I’ve taken relief and kind of giving up now just like I live in my parents I live day-to-day I can barely cook at barely go to the grocery store. If I can walk for a couple hours the day is over and then I go to my bed and I sit and I try to solve this and watch RUclips for hours and sleep at 2 AM and get up at 10 or 11 and tell myself it’ll be different tomorrow or one day it’s gonna be different because I’ve tried to make it different and hopefully then I can join some of the rest of society, even the few like my boyfriend or family that I used to join. I can hopefully maybe someday there’s a hope there’s some modicum of intentionality or one of the rare cases where something is planned and happens especially if it involves another human being. All of a sudden I have life but this is how often so rarely I just I don’t want to say poor me but I’m really angry about this I really I want it to be easier for us. I don’t know what to do. I am really tired of doing this alone. I’m not in the facility with hands on steps and I’m tired of looking at messages of information like a weed analysis of information and steps, and things, and pathology is a normal season the past and the present in the future in all of this and self-awareness in my head and not knowing what to do who do listen to what’s up how to do it any of that anymore I’m tired of it. It’s like the worst kind of scary attention and there’s no getting away. Did you know not even so much of my sleep I listen to RUclips when I sleep and I can’t sleep without it and I am I’m begging the divine to have mercy on us. Something to have mercy on us. I am at a loss I’m just like I’m gonna be straight up honest I think they did mine that I have an end in my life but that’s because I’m not proactive enough about anything sometimes I think I don’t even know why I think him that I’m not ending my life and I don’t really want to end it but it’s like I’ve kind of made a deal that something needs to change like this is this is not OK every day for the rest of your life. This is not OK and I I don’t want this. I don’t want it every day for the rest of my life and I do want life and I like it somewhere in my being when I’m strike on and there’s hope I love it more than anyone, but I don’t want to continue like this I just I don’t even know why am saying all this but I just want to send a quick prayer if there’s possible for us to set us free that will be set free. Somehow we will be set free from wrestling with a terrible awful demon.
I did 3 years of trauma therapy before finding out my parents hid from me that I was born with ADHD. When I found out about it, I realized after how well-adjusted I was; I had many coping strategies, understood boundary setting, practiced self-compassion (to an extent, bullying myself was how I managed to do normal tasks), created lists, and was very comfortable with being vulnerable and socializing. Once I discovered ADHD and began to centre my needs around myself, everything actually got much harder because I stopped bullying myself to do basic things 😭😭😭😭😭😭 my memory is worse, I'm spelling more things incorrectly, and now object permanence is stronger than its ever been!!! I have been laid off for over a year, healed a lot from not having to mask, and am about to start a new full-time remote job soon (v grateful they value mental wellbeing and neurodiversity). Currently in the stage of figuring out strategies to create work-life separation and get a gist of what trade-offs I'd have to make to show up at my job. Excited and scared at the same time
All the very best for ur future ❤
@@nanasabiauh I really feel you. My psychiatrist tells me we have to get the depression sorted before even thinking about investigating adhd and it's really getting me down. I feel like I will never be healthy enough to get help. The depression, I believe, is because of the executive dysfunction but he thinks it's the other way around. And because I have had depressive episodes since childhood it's hard to say what's what. It sucks 🙃 Let's hope for a better 2024! 🌟
@bigbadleche what remote job do you have? My partner is struggling with adhd + autism + a terrible home environment and I want to help. I would give anything to help them feel better or lessen stressors such as financial stress (credit card debt).
This is so true. I had narcissistic parents and they didn't help me at all as a child or as a young adult. I'm now a mother of a child with autism and I can't tell you how hard all of it is. Balancing my son's needs, my own and my spouse's. I feel like this last decade, my life has fallen apart and unmanageable....
Update: doing much better! Lol
@@TeaLaRee yay! Glad to hear it!
I’m so glad to hear that. I’m praying for you because I have such a hard time with this. Just living with myself like I just I feel like I’m not even alive and that I’m in some sort of sleeping nightmare I can’t imagine but I’m so grateful that you’re doing it and will continue praying for you.
@@TeaLaRee how did you do it?
@@m.l.7558 I started taking better care of myself. My diet, sleep and not pushing so much.
4:12
My therapist said that's called a cognitive distortion, and you're very much right, a belief can severly limit how much you can actually do by how you see yourself.
Any techniques you can share on how to "correct" the distortion? I realize that this is something that plagues my husband, and thank you for the term that I can now do research on
@@rubyb7252becoming aware and naming the distortion helps. You can then reframe the thought into a more helpful one.
@@rubyb7252Not sure if this will help but I came up with this method during therapy, which is inspired by CBT. I call it the “Why Method” where you continue to ask yourself why you feel and think certain things enough times until you get to the root cause. Over time, you’ll notice you come to the same few core beliefs, which you can then deconstruct. The most common cause comes from low-self esteem during childhood from a parent who was toxic or abusive/neglectful in some way.
Not everyone has good parents. Experiencing child abuse/neglect is higher amongst neurodiverse people. Imagine having no support or help in childhood. Instead being abused/neglected plus neurodiverse. Then dumped into adulthood without any skills plus being ASD and cptsd. If you have good parents, you're already leaps and bounds ahead of those who did not. Traumatized autism is just now starting to be talked about. All ages. So many adults 18 to 100 coming to these realizations thanks to psychology starting to leave the dark ages. Unreal how much we struggle while healthcare stays stuck in the past. At least in the US.
When you said we tend to get all our things done at once, I had a sudden realization. This may also be a reason as to why even after getting things done we still feel like nothing is done. Yes it's also cause we see all the things to do, but because we are used to plowing through all our to dos when we DO have the energy, if we still have things to do it feels like a failure. Then add how we worry about not having energy later, it's like realizing "Oh I failed to finish, so now all of these things will still need to be done and I won't have the energy to do them."
This is absolutely spot on!
I've been in the Self Help community for YEARS. They are always saying, go out into nature or do something you enjoy (mine is/was playing guitar & singing) or go be with friends (what friends?! Lol) they always claim that you will feel better!
I NEVER did. I noticed it took SO much precious energy to do what they suggested for NO results! So I realized, why bother. I'd rather conserve my energy.
Now I understand why.
Yeeeeees.
You're making me realize that I think this way as well!
This made me cry. You explained the nightmare of my sadness more precisely than anyone ever has. More perfectly than I could even explain to myself. Thank you for your eloquent explanation
You’re not alone. Keep swimming, you got this!!💕
Hey I bought your sandwich pdf! I was doing something similar-- but I love your visual and analogy. I was procrastinating all day and therefore finishing my 'meat' right before bed. Then I'd stay up too late watching tv-- and not get enough rest. Basically, I had no time for 'cheese' or 'the bottom bread'. Now I see relaxation activities and bedtime routines are essential... everyday. Nice job!
This is so awesome to hear! I’ve been there too staying up late to “unwind” but then waking up way late the next day, which messes with your “meat” of the day. Hope it helps!
SAME. I've paused this video three times already for the past 4 days.
@@thethoughtspot222 This is what I found to be absolutely terrible as a SAHM with unrecognized autism (most likely--I'm strongly self-suspecting). I would have to be "on" all day with my children, then I'd be so done in that it took even longer to get them to bed because I would dissociate/lose my focus from tiredness. Then I would feel like I had to spend time with my husband, so I wouldn't get alone time until past my bedtime. And I couldn't sleep in the next day, because I'd need to be up with my children. Plus, I developed anxiety around giving myself my own time at the end of the day, because my husband would get angry that I was staying up way too late.
One of my greatest fears, is that this could lead me into homelessness. I'm a traumatic brain injury survivor. The accident happened when I was a teenager. Now that I'm in my mid-40's, I know I'm getting more forgetful every day. Trust me, I'm trying to keep my head up, but I would be lying if I said that this doesn't bother me greatly. I love my family and I am so thankful to have them in my life! Personally, I'm less than zero. I'm going to keep trying...
Take care everyone
If you're not already being seen by a Neurologist, please try to be seen by one!
Hope things get better with you!
@@htspencer9084 Thank you kindly. I totally agree with you. One issue is that I have to find a new doctor/psychiatrist soon. The doctor I was seeing retired. After many years of trial and error, I'm on 3 medications that keep me as stable as I can be. There is only one month of medicine left before I run out. I really liked my last doctor, and he offered a discount for uninsured patients. I know it does not make any sense for a grown man to feel this way, but I just feel overwhelmed. I don't even know where to start. It's hard enough just keeping my job and feeding myself. Hopefully there is a somebody that can help people like myself navigate these type of thing's I can get in touch with. Wishing you all the best, and thanks again for the information.🙂
Find a job where you direct people where to go
Doesn’t seem to require much memory
Finally…not only a video that describes the executive dysfunction experience so perfectly but also a video that provides tips that have so far ACTUALLY been working as i try to implement them😭 my last two weeks haven’t been perfect but i am really experiencing a change using the sandwich methods
This is the most underrated executive dysfunction video on RUclips. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Ahhh yes! I realized a big part of my depression in high school was not being able to get my work done. It made me dread waking up everyday and living cuz I had to face the consequences of not doing my work.
I am 53 years old and I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I’ve had hope, dreams or anything to look forward to at all. I have PTSD from childhood abuse which carried over into adulthood. I didn’t know executive dysfunction even exists. My ADHD is off the charts. I haven’t worked a regular job since 2010, the year I got sober. Because unless I was high I couldn’t do everything I needed to do. When I looked like I was thriving it was because I was self medicating to be able to function in society. Now that I know I’m not the most worthless person in the world it has changed my whole mindset. Now I know why I couldn’t figure out what to do. Now I know why I would stay in bed for months because I beat myself up any time I was awake. Thank you so much for this video. This makes me feel understood for the first time in my life. ❤
OMG, i feel this so hard. not diagnosed until my late 40's, struggling as an attorney, where I have to make seemingly endless decisions in free form free fall....
This is helping me realize the problem I have that I still don't really know how to fix. I'm in college rn. My schedule is I wake up, go to class, then get back to my dorm starving around 3:00 since my classes go through lunchtime.
I'm exhausted and hungry at that point, so I get food and start watching youtube. I always have piles of homework to do, but once I start watching something, I don't stop. I eat slowly, then eventually move from one video to the next until it's 5-6:00.
At that point I'm tired and want to lay down, but to not be "lazy", I continue sitting at my desk watching videos because I'm too tired to work. Or I'll start playing games to keep myself “busy” so I don't feel like I'm wasting time.
Then it comes to 8 or 9:00 and I try to start some homework. I eventually convince myself that I'm too tired and will wake up in the morning to do it. Every morning I snooze alarms because I'm so tired and then didn't get any work done.
It's a repeating cycle that all stems from not being able to get started on work after I eat. I just don't really know how to fix it.. The only time I'm really able to get work done is when I'm around friends and we're all working together at the same time, but they’re often not available to study after class.
This was a really long explanation, but thanks to anyone who took the time to read. If you have any suggestions of ways I could try and work on fixing these issues, please let me know!
It might be a late answear, bc i just found this video, but maybe find someone else, like beside this group of people you are studying occasionally. Or create a group yourself, talk to your school/uni supervisors to create a post on their platfor (where they update students abt ivents, clubs etc) and ask them abt a class where you could meet and do your homework.
But also it may be that you don't really need people aroun you, but a place where you can stay focused on your work is like cafeteria or library. I was able to work on my homework from a hallway where we had tables where you can sit and check some informations, but I used it as my open office 😅 There are people who are walking around and my brain was like I'm so cool, let everyone see what I'm doing - judgment of others, that I imagined in my head, really helped me to do my work good AND fast. Library was too demanding for my brain (I need to make some noises from time to time), it was so quiet I thought my head would explode And I don't know why, but cafes didn't work for me either, maybe because in a hallway there was students who were talking about lectures and everything and it motivated me, but people who go to cafes are more into meeting someone to relax and chat sbout their personal stuff and I willy-nilly was distracted by others.
Long story short, maybe you don't need a group of people to work on your homework with but a place that motivates you. You just have to find what suits you best. Or you can switch places every few hours. That might wor too. Good luck💪
@@ЕлизаветаАртемчук-ш1д thank you so much for your reply! Today is actually my first day of my second year in college coincidentally. This year I have a roommate for the first time and she’s really studious and has a much stricter schedule. Having her working near me helped a ton yesterday when I was getting my schedule figured out so I think this year is going to go a lot smoother having her around to help keep me focused. I’ll definitely try your suggestion of working somewhere around more people but not a library or coffee shop though! That’s a really good idea :)
“At the end of the day you feel depressed but weirdly relieved that the day is over.”
That one really hits home for me.
I was a high school English teacher for 23 years. I could usually stick to daily and weekly plans but following my quarterly plans were out of the question! I chalked it up to responding to the changing needs of my students but admin and other teachers put so much pressure on me to STICK TO THE PLAN and I always felt so guilty and inept. In the end, I was one of the most well-liked and effective English teachers in the school.
This is not something I usually write about, and no one has to read it. Since I will talk about my situation and people get mad at these kinds of thing for some reason.
So.
I personally struggle with executive dysfunction to an extreme in which I cannot even take care of myself.
For example, the maximum I drink of water per day is a cup. I do not get up from bed and end up just using the phone all day, since I wake up until I go to sleep (which is like, 12PM to 7AM). I eat only because I live with my parents and my mother cooks for me and makes me eat. And they do all of the house chores. I can't even bathe that often, so if I do it's because my parents remind me and make me do so, like, once in some weeks or even months. It's needless to say I have a ton of mental health issues and struggle with physical health as well. I isolate from people almost all the time and I live in a somewhat chaotic environment from which I cannot get out, since I almost never get out of the house.
The thing is, I only recently got out from a terrible mental state of very intense DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) and I am just now getting away from some of the trauma sources.
It's like a cycle that I cannot break.
I am very glad someone is making a video to help with this. As it is not as simple as not being able to do things, but has many underlying issues that people do not take in count.
So, if someone who thinks this way read it. Yes, it is indeed destroying my life and many other people's. Please do not think people with executive dysfunction are lazy or they do not want to do things.
It's not that way at all and they might be struggling with a lot of stuff as well.
Having ADHD and trying to organize your day is like trying to overcome your anxiety via exposure therapy. It works most of the time, but it needs to be consistent and god damn it is hard.
I always had a disgusting, rotten refrigerator filled with ancient matter.
I used to beat myself up about it all the time, getting frustrated at the spiral of doom.
Then I realized that the downward spiral of the fridge begins when I forget what is in there and how long those things have been there.
My solution was to buy two glass doored bar refrigerators and stack them on top of each other. It looks pretty good and I can see inside the fridge every time I pass it.
This subtle change has allowed me to be free from fridge chaos for over six months so far!
That little bit of extra mental prompting was all I needed.
I don't eat much so I just put literally all my food in the fridge and ripped off the doors on the cabinets so I would have more space for displaying my gundams
Nice! I label the dates on leftovers, etc. with painter's tape and a Sharpie. I'll use the marker right on the container if it's glass.
This really opened my eyes. I used to be the high strung person and everything HAD to be perfect or I was a failure. I was this way for most of my life. Living in that much anxiety and stress has wrecked my body. I am now learning to find balance and giving myself the space to rest. I'm learning perfect is an illusion. I wobble between that sudden burst to do things and no motivation because I feel the brick wall in front of me for the tasks I need to do.
Thanks for this video!
Watching this while being frustrated that I can’t get my brain going. How very ADHD of me. :)
I can't believe I got this information for free. Thank you so much for making this video and explaining this so clearly.
Great explanation there. Everything related to EF is so foggy for me, I agree it’s probably the biggest issue to address since it influences SO MANY aspects of our lives.
So glad you added "-most kids" to that statement at the beginning. I was that kid. "Most kids" have parents and teachers that help them. I didn't have either. I got told I was lazty, I was stupid, I "could do so much more if I just applied myself..." But my parents were also neurodivergent. Extremely so. I _was_ smart, and I was mostly expected to handle things on my own. I had pretty much zero support through school. The school assumed I was failing _despite_ help, except that help didn't exist. And I had no way of knowing that my homelife was so much different from successful kids.
I understand the sandwich days, i just can't figure out how to fit any potato days into my week without things getting out of control. Maybe it's easier for people who freelance or have a lot of flexibility in their schedule, but that's not me.
Monday through Friday are all work days. I get up between 5:45 and 6:00, depending on whether or not I hit snooze, start the coffee, use the bathroom and change into my yoga clothes, take my pills with a yogurt cup, pour the coffee, do 20 minutes of yoga, drink the coffee, pack my lunch bag, and put that and my backpack by the door. This takes about an hour. Then take a shower, get dressed, do my hair and makeup, and brush my teeth - which takes about half an hour.
I leave for work at 7:30 in the morning and get home 10 hours later. I have about half an hour to chill before I start making dinner. (I wish cooking was something that i enjoyed, but it's not. I've found ways to make it quicker, and less work, but it's always a chore.) Then I eat with my partner (who gets home around 7), and he washes up while I unwind for a bit.
At 8:30 I start my bedtime routine, which involves getting everything ready that I need for the next day - clothes set out, bag packed, lunch prepared and in containers in the fridge (lunch bag on the counter so I don't forget about it), coffee prepped (so I just have to press a button in the morning), pills set out, etc. It also involves things like filling the humidifier water tank and making sure the floor is clear so our robot vacuum won't get stuck anywhere. And, of course, getting into my PJs, washing my face, and brushing my teeth. On a good day, I'm in bed early enough to read for a little bit before I fall asleep. I don't have energy on weekdays to do at-home chores, though I will sometimes do a bit of grocery shopping on the way home from work (which means I have to start making dinner right away).
Saturday and Sunday are the only days we have to clean our home, run the bulk of our errands, and hang out with friends and family. I sometimes try to squeeze all of this into a single day so I can have one totally lazy, no obligations day. But it always ends up being a mistake because I completely exhaust myself on the do-everything day and then mentally beat myself up for taking the day off - or I don't do everything in that one day and then get totally overwhelmed when I have double the stuff to deal with the next weekend.
I can't even figure out how to work in one "potato day" a week, let alone two!
It seems like you’re spending an hour every night cooking - 5 hours of your week! - and all the other chores are getting pushed to the weekend. You could definitely work with this and free up a weekend day.
Yeah! I was wondering this too! This template was extremely helpful but she only had 3 days of work, most people don’t have 4 days for the extra stuff.
Same here 😭😭😭😭 this has been such a big issue for me, not being able to fit in those extra days. It’s such a good technique though, I wonder if theres a way to make it work somehow.
Have you considered making one of your weekend days a true “potato” day (which might include hanging out with friends and family) while making another day of your weekend an “errand” sandwich day that includes all cleaning, errands, and maybe hanging out with friends and family if you have plans? I think one thing i resonated with in the video is that she said potato activities can be things that take up your energy, so for me i consider hanging with friends and my partner + doing my hobbies (which can still be rather intense) to be “potato” activities even though they are not necessarily relaxing?
If you can do all that stuff every day where is your executive dysfunction?
I finally understand why I feel so exhausted. It does take me so much energy to get things done. It's like the duck- looks perfectly calm and collected on the surface, but below the surface the feet are paddling like hell. And no one understands - my husband doesn't get it and honestly I believe HE has ADD too.
Thankyou. Your videos have been so helpful for me. Like someone who can really explain exactly how I feel and how I experience life when I’ve never been able to do so myself. I’m in my 40s now and have been told there’s a year long wait for a appt and diagnosis of high functioning asd for adults. And coming out of a serious meltdown your vids are helping me to get back to living.❤❤
Oh, I'm so happy to have found your lovely channel on my path to getting an autism assessment :) You have such a warm vibe and I can't wait to follow your journey on here
Good luck! Keep us updated!
I cried within minutes of clicking on this video. I’ve never heard anyone describe the struggle of executive dysfunction so articulately. Thank you
I didn’t know how much I needed to hear this. Thank you, Irene, for getting to know yourself and then sharing that with the community.
I’m a 36 y/o cis woman diagnosed w ADHD at 20, dropped out of college at 24, but only now getting focused treatment… turns out I’m also high masking ASD and have PMDD which comes with a host of physical and mental symptoms: rage, suicidal ideation, fatigue, migraines, chills, depression, hopelessness, and renders my adhd meds ineffective for 10 days.
Tracking the PMDD has revealed I have 4 days per 28 day cycle when I enjoy less turbulent days.
I share this for any person who may have hormones playing a part in their executive dysfunction as well. I’ve color coded my calendars based on my anticipated capacity throughout the cycle and while it is hard to see the number of potentially tough days ahead, I have found that when I accomplish anything on one of those days - or I am just kind to my self - I get to think “ok. Today wasn’t horrible and was actually more ok than I expected.”
Still in the phase of reducing shame and guilt about my reality. It’s seeming to be the most worthwhile work. I hope this can help someone who has been searching for answers.
Lastly - my ASD diagnoses has come from self screening on embrace-autism.com (it is free, and this is not an Ad) at the recommendation of my therapist after seeing her for several months who specializes in treating autism/ADHD. For anyone who is waiting to be assessed or doesn’t have the funds to have an assessment; these screenings have really helped. I’ve taken them multiple times and discuss what I find with my therapist.
Thank you for sharing, I also have adhd and PMDD and I’ve self studied a lot and now I enjoy helping others but it is still a struggle some days.
i think i probably struggle with executive dysfunction, your description of it really resonates with my experience these past few years. i am 18 now and it’s been around 4 years since i’ve truly started struggling getting things done. this happens especially with school: idk how else to describe it but i cannot physically being myself to get stuff done, study for tests, even if it’s easy and technically requires little time. the anxiety and panic of a project being due/test being in 4 hours used to help, but now it feels like i’ve just given up on myself. not even that last minute stress motivates me to start very important tasks anymore. it’s honestly resulted in me feeling absolute shit about myself, soon i’ll be studying in uni and i just cannot imagine a future where i won’t be an absolute failure at anything i do.
i often feel like i’m making it up, since i don’t necessarily resonate with adhd or autism, it feels like im just lying to myself and everyone else and i should just get up and do my job. i just can’t tho
i feel you. my first year of college went something like that and hell, i still come back to this feeling sometimes. i don't know you or what you're doing in life, but please don't think of yourself as shit. you're probably not :D acknowledge the fact that you think of yourself that way because its just been so long since you were able to get something done just how you wanted to get this done. I'm trying to say that you're not bad, stupid, unable to do things, or whatevers bothering you and you will be able to prove it to yourself once you let yourself be. What helped me was understanding that there's no bad or good people, there are people, who are able to do bad or good (or in-between) things. So yeah, maybe my year was bad. Maybe i felt like a complete disappointment, good for nothing, like a waste of space. It was pretty bad. But it doesn't mean that i'm a bad person myself, so that doesn't mean i should give up on myself. Once at a time, little by little, its great if i get something done, even i get a C for it, its better than if i keep running away from tasks or hiding at home and making things worse for my future self. Gotta take the L now and continue struggling but trying to do stuff cause there is a brighter day for myself that i can make with my own hands.
Sorry if its had to understand what i wrote or it wasn't necessary or if i was all over the place. Your comment just spoke to me so i thought i should say something.
I hope thing get better for you my bro
@@siv929 thank you for your reply, I truly appreciate it :) i’m sorry to hear you’ve been through something similar, but i’m very happy to hear it’s gotten somewhat better. i should probably think more about what you said, that it’s not me who’s a bad person. very often i just feel like there’s something intrinsically wrong with myself and it feels like it’s not even worth it to keep betting on myself. ig i should really rethink all that.
also i think i get pretty impatient trying to take it one step at a time and embrace the little successes i achieve, it feels like it will never get better/not fast enough and by the time it will, i will have wasted away my life. i really need to try to gather all my strengths and keep trying, ty for the encouragement
Same here 🤝🏻 I'm neither autistic nor have ADHD, it's not even THAT bad, my life still isn't like complete piece of whatever, I can do something sometimes... but this "something" is so not enough and I keep wasting and wasting my life, even now, when it's the most responsible moment of them all...
@@Sha-1 i totally get that, hopefully we'll find the way to slowly get better and make that 'something' bigger and bigger. something i try to remember is that just being alive, existing is enough and not a waste. i'm proud of us for fighting through it even tho it feels like we're not going forward. i'm cheering you on!
about the last part, it could be due to your age too so it can get better with time! it could be other things too but the point is that the way you feel is completely valid you can still use the tips, you aren't making things up, brains are really complicated sometimes
Wow, I’m 43, recently diagnosed with ADHD and you articulated the challenges of executive dysfunction SO well and helped me understand it better than I ever have. Thank you.
I'm a licensed therapist who works with neurodiverse clients, and I really love this video and will share it with my clients as a lovely resource for finding another potential strategy for helping manage their day!
quite possibly the most helpful tool I can change to make sense for my life and week. Might make Fridays a potato sandwich day! Trying to learn to treat myself life a friend so that I have more motivation to show up to do those things I struggle to do- I am somebody I love too, so I'm tricking myself into doing 'favors' for future me.
17:10 The sandwich metaphore is sooo good!
Your sandwich doesn't need too much meat. "Productivity doesn't have to equil pain!"
"A task doesn't have to be something you loathe, a task can be something you genuinely want to do, and therefore you can enjoy doing a task."
"Integrate the cheese of the day into the day." (Self sooth throughout the day so you can go to sleep easier.)
Have potato days. Unscheduled days when you can do ANYTHING. "You can enjoy doing things outside of expectations. Taking expectations away from your day could return the power to your desire to do things, to live life."
I’m a vegetarian, there’s a metaphor in there for me somewhere😂
I think I understand the metaphor.
Bread: The structure of the sandwich AKA morning and night routines.
Meat: The bulk of the sandwich AKA the day's tasks and activities.
Cheese: The treat and soul-satisfying part of the sandwich AKA soothing, unwinding, relaxing, interesting activities.
I cried as you listed all the things i struggle with every day... Everything you've described has hit home for me... Thank you for your time guidance and all the information... ADHD has been the defining factor in my entire life and I i didn't even know until a year ago I had it at 30 years old...
I'm a neurotypical, I'm not diagnosed with ADHD or autism, but I'm diagnosed with OCD, depression, anxiety, chronic bad sleep habits & Hypothyroidism.
I've been struggling so much with this issue you put everything into words.
I didn't even know that it had a name & a diagnosis.
I thought I was just being insufficient & lazy and kept blaming myself.
But unfortunately this issue isn't being discussed much outside ADHD/Autism spaces.
I'm going to integrate this technique, I really hope it works for me.
hey! just so you know, OCD, depression and anxiety are also part of the neurodivergent spectrum ☺🌈
@@chiara.cattaneo
I honestly didn't know that. I thought it only referred to ADHD / Autism spectrum.. Thank you for your comment 💛
@@gem2148 It was at first but these days the term has expanded to include most mental health diagnoses. As they are all nuro-divergence.
@@chiara.cattaneooh interesting to know!
@@nanasabiaAnd this point idk, man 😂🥲 I think I'm a neurotypical for the most part, but my autistic husband is actively more outgoing than I am😅
We all just struggling out here I think, and any useful technique is welcomed at this point 😅
Tze technique part starts at 12:00 if anyone else was wondering 😅
just wanna say ur presence is rly calming
The difficulty with this template is that for people who work a job in which they are on someone else's schedule, 5+ days a week are ALL work days. It's a great video though. I'd have to adapt the technique somewhat to my ADHD so I don't get bored and feel too regimented by it. Always a struggle with any routine or practice. :/
Omg I hate doing the same thing everyday I love spontaneity
but I know the responsibilities of life require a routine
intro was insanely empathetic
this kind of empathy and vulnerability builds community
I’m just sick of adjusting. By adjusting we will never be free and healthy. I feel a deep need to live according to the way my brain works and everything being just a desperate attempt to force a lifestyle upon myself that I’m will never fit into.
I felt like you were reading my thoughts in this video. I’ve never been diagnosed with ADHD but I’m sure I have it. I’ve done research and it describes me to a T. The cycle of Executive Dysfunction, anxiety and depression are crippling. I’m 32 and still feel like I need someone to tell me exactly what to do. I get overwhelmed just writing down all I need to do and then like you said watching the hours tick by because I don’t know where to start and feel frozen. I also feel like this stems from being an all or nothing type of person. If I know or think I won’t have the time or energy to complete a task, it’s impossible for me to want to start it. It’s extremely hard for me to celebrate progress when I can’t complete it. It feels almost like I’m a perfectionist but super lazy but I know now it’s not laziness. It just feels like I know how to do something but don’t have the right tools to do it or like I have a car with no gas. Lol thank you for this video. It really made me feel like I’m not alone. It’s easy to feel like you’re the only one in the world struggling with these exact things. You didn’t have to be vulnerable and spend time and energy on this video but you did and I’m incredibly thankful! I will be subscribing and watching more videos. Thank you!!
I just ran across executive dysfunction and I’m almost 100% that’s what I have. This is the first video I’ve seen that seems like it will actually help! I cannot wait to try the sandwich. Thanks for sharing!
I’ve never heard the cycle of staying in bed, dreading the tasks that need to be done to the point I can’t muster the energy to get up, the gratitude when the day passes, etc…
My situation is complicated by being a benign brain tumor survivor. The surgery and radiation treatment kicked my coping skills out from under me.
Im 62 so my coping was self-taught, neurodivergence wasn’t understood when I was a child.
Thank you
45 years old and highly disorganised in most aspects of my life, I find myself craving a parent who can help me sort things out.
Me too!
Thank you for doing this video. I've only begun digging into what has been "wrong" with me for years. I've always felt like I was different and lazy but doing research into ADHD, I feel I have had this my whole life. I have been treated for anxiety, depression and panic attacks. I've always struggled with cleaning my house, grocery shopping and paying bills, you name it, I had difficult doing it. I constantly feel mentally and physically exhausted from even the smallest task. I usually end up in tears because I get so overwhelmed with even the most basic task. I have found that decluttering my house when I moved, by throwing a lot away, I have an easier time cleaning my house and staying organized; something I have always struggled with. I struggle daily with even starting a task, and usually end up exhausted just from hyping myself up just to do that task and don't end up doing it from overthinking it.
I relate to everything you said so so much. Glad I’m not alone. I wish there was an easy fix for this.
Thank you for typing this out. I'm very much the same and then some. 🫂 ❤
It sucks, and it’s hard to explain to everyone you meet when I kinda don’t know what’s going on with me myself, just that i’m always tired and overwhelmed. Knowing others live like this too gives me a bit of hope
What a lovely video! I was searching around, trying to find some coaching videos because my step daughter has ADHD. Not coaching necessarily for her, but coaching for me as her parent. I love your sandwich idea because I have been thinking of creating some visualizations to help keep her on track, or to accomplish tasks. I really like how you talked about not piling everything onto your plate, but delegating all the things you need to do and when, including rest and doing nothing at all. This actually made me reflect on myself, too. I have never formally been diagnosed with ADHD but I feel like there’s always been something there. The part where you were talking about being high functioning, but having extreme anxiety to go with it…that is textbook me. This was the first video of yours I’ve watched and I’m hooked. Thank you for creating this kind of content. ❤
I don’t even know what to say but listening to the beginning of this made me cry and every single word you said was exactly my life. Thank you for doing this. It helps me understand a little more -and feel less bad about my life even though I still feel frustrated and like I’m failing at it.
I think you're definitely onto something here. I'm autistic and have always had difficulty with executive function. Unfortunately, a couple of years ago, I hit my head and broke my orbital. It left me with a traumatic brain injury and my executive function has been out the window completely since the injury. I even quit my job that I loved a few months after my injury. I have 3 kids to take care of, including a toddler. It's been HARD.
Stay strong. God has you👊🏽🙏🏽❤️
I wanted so badly for this video to work for me… but I work full time (5 days a week) so I have no ability to stick with hobbies if I take two potato days because doing “what I want” is always a shiny, new thing and not the hobbies I’ve tried to maintain for years… Having a job straight up doesn’t work for people who struggle with executive dysfunction.
This is so much more than chores. Even those are some nice easy things we can do and we do obsessively, but when it comes to knowing yourself having cold schedules plans commitment, fear of working with others mood motivation basically sometimes it feels like I have Alzheimer’s and it’s scary like I don’t even exist.
This hits so close to home. I'm in tears as I listen to this.
😮❤🎉omgosh! You are putting words and giving me language to explain my life! I'm an RN and 55! Who knew?! Wow thank you! Your such a help to many ❤
This has to be one of the most helpful, insightful and vital discussions of ND conditions on RUclips. I connect with this so much. Now, try suffering all this AND chronic fatigue. Anyone out there that is in this situation surely understands just how bloody hopeless one can feel. You're not alone.
Yes, I have all this and endometriosis. Causes random and chronic pain that never goes away and extreme fatigue days. It's totally exhausting for a neurological person. I feel like I have no chance
I want you to know that this video gave me a little hope as I'm getting out of a really difficult depression episode over my executive dysfunction. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.
The problems are very healing to talk about. Thinking about solutions makes my skin crawl.
Just bought all three of your guided workbooks/planners and I’m feeling hopeful about my life for the first time in almost 3 years. You are so intelligent and validating 💜 thank you so much!
I’m yet another former gifted kid who had her ADHD ignored. I’ve come to realize I’m likely on the spectrum as well. I am okay at work, but I struggle to care for myself. Things like exercise, getting up on time, cooking meals, cleaning, and I have the overwhelm with clutter that just paralyzes me and keeps me from dealing with it. And the inner monologue is only self criticism about why can I just do these things why am I being useless. Plus my god the addictive nature of our phones and the apps is just making it 100x worse.
As an early bird, mornings are the best because I actually have the energy to do tasks, I have my coffee and meds, etc. It's the afternoon when I crash that I struggle. My cope right now is just to wake up suuuper early because it seems to prolong my productive part of the day.
Me too I have to get more done in the morning
Your introduction was the story of my childhood and young adult life. I was diagnosed with a learning disability as a kid and had accommodations to help, but once I got to college I really struggled to get my school work done and keep up with my health.
I ended up in deep depression, not being able to keep a job and ended up hospitalized twice.
After multiple different diagnosis and and treatments, I finally got diagnosed with ADHD at 33. Started Adderall and my life greatly improved!
A big part was also seeing the struggles I had with executive function not as a moral failure. I spend so much time mentality beating myself up because I just couldn't do what I needed to do, and even what I wanted to do.
Its still a struggle even with the right medication but I have such better tools and mindset to not fall into crippling depression.
My fellow ND friend and I call that anxiety stasis "blobbing." When ya just can't get unstuck from your damn bed.
Thank you for speaking to this 💜
Helen Keller: born blind & deaf yet accomplished much. She said, “So much remains for me to make use of, t’would seem ungrateful to yearn for what I do not have.” Thinking of her words became a turning point for me to accept what I had lost.
Apologies in advance, long read ahead...
Due to my dyslexia, I completely swore off the comment section eons ago as a 90s kid. But I'm compelled to jump in and share my feelings regardless of what my anxiety is telling me. When you started speaking, similar to others, you were somehow telling my life story as If you've walked every day in my shoes, I've never felt so immediately understood, connected, and at home instantaneously. It's remarkable how you speak your truth and mine simultaneously. It's as if you're talking directly to me and seemingly so many others. So, thank you. Thank you for seeing my raw truth and beautiful light as the Ying and Yang they are, my equivalent eternal cross to bear.
For once, I have to stop to thank the algorithm gods specifically because the recent days that have passed have been darker than I care to admit. As cliché as it sounds, you are exactly who… saying what… exactly when and I'm incredibly thankful.
After a quick glance in your comment section, my intuition about the kind of person you Are is spot on. You are an angel on earth. I'm not sure if you truly grasp the extent of how much of a lifesaver you really are. I immediately subscribed and left a comment, something I rarely do, honestly if ever. Headed straight to Etsy so I can be prepared with the guiding hand as you walk me through it. Quite frankly, you had me hooked even before you got to the meat and completely addicted to the potatoes.
Let me wrap it up because I know the internet isn't fond of long-winded sentiments. However, I had to express my gratitude for the gift presented to me today by the algorithm gods. Lastly, to anyone who made it this far, firstly, thank you. Secondly, for those feeling less than (as Bey🐝 it) feeling themself, know that you're a bold, brave, and beautiful. That trouble that doesn't last always...and most importantly… I love you just the way you are. Keep swimming, you've got this!
I apologize for my lengthy expression, but you truly are a lifesaver. The world needs more people like you. Keep slaying, Queen!
Nothing But Love
💕 ~Q~ 💕
I feel like crying. You just described my life. I never knew this is what was wrong with me. It's such a relief to hear someone talk about this, recognize it and know there is help.
(heads up, strongly worded self-degradation in this comment) Learning the word “executive dysfunction” helped me to word so many issues I struggled my whole life with.
Previously I would feel like a sack of shit when trying to do anything. I always had to procrastinate by making a plan. And that plan was always way too grandiose and downright delusional. And when I actually had to follow the plan, I was so absent-minded that I couldn’t do one bit of it properly, and too lazy to stick to it.
But once I could frame it with executive dysfunction, I could recognise my shortcomings as well as my accomplishments.
I am not that great working without a plan, as it stresses me out. But if I absolutely have to, I can gather together structure and organisation when thrown into a hectic environment, even if it’s very taxing.
I am useful part of a team when formatting plans as I have a keen eye for details, but because of my executive dysfunction I usually need someone to double-check my work so I don’t get lost in those details. The shared plan should probably feel too vague for my own liking, but that’s something I need to deal with privately.
I can get so much done when I’m hyper focused, but because of my ADHD and executive dysfunction, I have a hard time starting to work. I get easily distracted and lost in the details, so I need specific methods to reinforce my executive functions.
If I have clear goals and work in a group, it is pretty clear I am everything but lazy. If I use the corrent methods, it’s clear my focus can be extremely sharp, and I can juggle huge amounts of connected details and complexity when analysing cituations.
I just have excutive dysfunction as one of my neurodivergent traits. And it is extremely important that I address it.
Honestly it's so helpful to hear someone say this because it's like your describing my life and Im very grateful it's very validating and it's really nice to hear that other people struggle with it.
Thank you very much for this precious video. It helped me understand and forgive myself for my executive disfunction. I am 50 years old and recently diagnosed with aspernger.I will follow your advices ❤
Wow, that... I feel so understood, thank you. I've never heard someone speak my daily thoughts and feelings so accurately. I had chronic gastritis and IBS as a result of pushing myself during my burst phase so to speak. I think I'll try this out, it sounds worth a shot.
Thank you for your sandwich method, I will put it into action! I noticed, when thinking about and running into using your method, when starting out it feels like it still seems overwhelming and just making a list every week will trigger the ED big time, it'd be hard to maintain it in the beginning when just sitting in front of an empty page will seem overwhelming. So what I'd recommend in the beginning is, being active in the morning, doing something, whatever it is, just be active, DIY, read, or whatever, if the mornings are the hardest to even get started. And like you said if you don't start off active you won't be active the whole day. And instead of a to do list, what works for me is a "done list". Having a list where you write down all the ideas, tasks and whatever you'd usually have on a to do list, just write it down on a "remember" list, but not the term that seems like an order "To do" as in you have to do it, just things to remember but no pressure. Most important though is the "done list" at the end of the day. Whatever seemd like the most difficult task, or many tasks, can get a star when ticking it off. Even if it's just something "simple" like brushing teeth, if that's hard to do, it can earn a star. So at the end of the day, you can have many things on your done list, that most people would probably consider not a task at all, but for us it's hard to do and we can be proud about having done something that's not easy for us, the smallest things. I now call it the "dedd list" = despite executive dysfunction done list. So, even if you'd usually think you didn't manage to do anything all day, if getting out of bed is hard to do, that can be on the done list and in the end of the day, you can feel good about yourself for seeing all the things you did do even if they felt so hard despite being the simplest thing for most people. Because it's never about the task, it's about what it means, how hard it is and how much anxiety it might have caused and about us having had the courage and drive to do it anyway, even if it's just washing up one plate. Shift from the pressure of "to do" to the relieving feeling of "have done" and this way the tasks we're able to do will get bigger every day so that sooner or later, the brushing teeth part isn't on the done list anymore because it's a habit and bigger things can go on that list. We've got to understand that the micro habit thing just has to be dissected into even smaller peaces sometimes, like Nano Habits, when dealing with ED. What helps me, instead of seeing the whole overwhelming mountain of tasks and I have to do it step by step, understanding that everyday it'll double. Even if you start walking with an ants length, if you double it every day, it will one day become an elephants length, exponentially. But it's important to start out with the ant and logically knowing, believing and trusting, if it doubles every day it doesn't matter how small it starts. It can only become bigger over time! That helped me from seeing only the big pile and the overwhelm to trusting that it'll be all doable one day!
This is so helpful! Thank you for your comment. I am fully implementing a dedd list.
@@44muggins44 I'm glad it helped/ will help! We're all in this together. 😊 Good luck ❤️
As time goes on, I struggle with Executive dysfunction and burnout so much more. On top of that, I used to WANT to get things done, I would go out of my way to try something new even though it stressed me a lot lot. I don't know what's going on.
this video and your channel in general is so helpful for me. i love seeing these videos because it feels like you have similar life experiences to mine and just kind of get it. you explained how i myself experience executive dysfunction and i also liked how you reminded us to remove the concept of a bias on tasks in general bc they don’t have to be bad. also how you helped us understand that we often see tasks as super daunting because we with executive dysfunction tend to let things pile up and then have a LOT to do so then tasks seem super difficult but they don’t have to be at all
i think this is definitely going to be really really really helpful as this is something i’ve struggled with for years every since i was a child. super high expectations and negative associations as well as some other factors really enhances the situation entirely and thinking about it now i think this manifests in a lot of different areas of my life
i also just didn’t have a set schedule so i kind of just did whatever whenever. was pretty inefficient and i had always craved one but didnt really have the energy and this was because i only looked at ones a neurotypical person would use
i think this will be the first of one of these schedule videos that i’ll actually be able to do im really hopeful. i usually don’t get my hopes up so hopefully it ends up working out. will come back in a month and update
@@menjii yeah I think I have a pretty inefficient system with the lack of a schedule too
literally watching this video at 4 am, 8 hours before an important deadline
I’m ten minutes into the video and I am still procrastinating eating the food in the microwave. However, I did vacuum my apartment and empty and refill the dishwasher.
I never paused the video but because of these distractions I had to listen the first five minutes multiple times, so it has actually been like 20 minutes I put that food in the microwave. All this procrastination happened because I suspected the food was still too hot to eat.
I don’t think lazy or messy people start cleaning their home to avoid the miniscule discomfort of having to sit and wait your food to cool down.
Thank you for articulating patterns I have legitimately never recognized. I thought mornings were just hard and yucky - on my days off I easily spend an hour lying in bed, distracting myself with my phone or my cat, and when I eventually get up I feel bad for wasting precious daylight/time. I honestly never thought of it as soothing behaviour - I figured it was simply putting off the day at large - but that makes a lot of sense. I am absolutely victim to nearly all of these habits but having someone say it so simply is a little mind-boggling. Especially not wasting energy I still have - that one is going to be a struggle, but I know is an important thing for me to work on.
My main question is, if we follow the system, are we really supposed to do *only* work things with a whole day? Most of us work five days a week. I currently have two jobs, and work six days. Dedicating an entire day to only work/work-related tasks means I only have one day each week to tend to my other "meats." Is this the intention of the sandwich system? I'm sure it can be different for everyone, so maybe I just need to adjust it to fit my needs. Though, at this point, I'm pretty sure that I've been burnt out for possibly years so being fully productive even once a week is probably more than I've been accomplishing.
🥺😲 I had no idea I could relate to a video in this way! It makes things a lot clearer… And it makes me feel less alone. 😭 Again, thank you 🙏🏼 so much for these videos! ❤️
Same here
never heard of this concept of executive dysfunction and I see myself in it 1:1, suddenly over the course of your video I had so much more selflove and reason for my own actions and the failed actions of my live
while you also provided a little solution how to handle it better, while I still don't know exactly what ED is I'll walk down the path to learn myself better, thank you for beeing the starting point of that journey!
Thank you so much
You just taught me within 30 minutes that what I have been struggling with my whole life is a real thing with a name. I recently got my ADHD diagnosis at 23 years old, and I finally am beginning to understand why I couldn’t get things done like others around me, or why I have emotional meltdowns every week. Just discovered your channel and I’m such a fan. Thanks for all of the work that you do. 🤟🏻
irene ! this video made me feel so seen. once again thank you for ur work, ure truly paving a way for nd folk to better understand, love and accept themselves xxxx
The video I didn’t know I needed. I was high functioning until I wasn’t. It’s like I started the race of adulthood sprinting and now I’m panting on the sideline while all the ones who paced themselves keep making progress. Glad to know there are others who have struggled with this feeling and made it back into the race 💛
very very honestly, thank you ; literally everything you said in this video was so incredibly relatable for me and i feel that's the first i genuinely feel that from a productivity video. I'm very interested by the sandwich method and will try it out!
Having a name for what i am experiencing really alleviated a lot of self hate that came from the inability to take action on even the most basic stuff. Patience and self forgiveness are important tools. Your brain isn't normal and that's okay. The tools are not one step away.