Dismissive avoidant: Does my dismissive ex miss me?
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- Опубликовано: 10 сен 2024
- In this video, Coach Courtney Gatlin talks about my take on whether or not your dismissive avoidant ex misses you.
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DA may not be intentionally hurtful or selfish, but that doesn’t stop their behavior from being hurtful and damaging over time.
Basically it’s ok as long as it’s going their way. Let’s call it like it is. Self is what they care about the most
Not the most but only.
TOUCHÉ
Then why do they treat the people who love them so poorly? It IS narcissistic. It's so painful. I tried for so long to understand him, to be loving, patient, and understanding. I feel like I never knew him.
It’s one or the other. There is a difference
Me too. I loved him unconditionally he had conditions attached
DAs might care about you, but they are likely to come up with a sudden break up as soon as they feel vulnerable. At that moment, they will forget that they ever cared about you, as their survival mode will lead them to deactivate. I agree that their psychological issues don't make them evil, but when fearful their actions can be extremely hurtful. So if their ex-partners comment on DAs being selfish, cruel, aloof, etc...that's probably a description of their behaviour, not necessarily unfair criticism. DAs shouldn't be cuddled into thinking their style is just a different way of loving and shouldn't be fixed. Because unless they address their issues, they might be wonderful caring people - but will continue to be rubbish at relationships.
They are toxic
My beautiful DA called me "scattered" and treated me like a s#!+ when I broke some boundaries. So I told her that she could not call me or treat me like a "scattered s#!+". Well... you would think I called her murderer or worse. Self-righteousness was Redefined. But I still love her. No contact now for 6-weeks other than the Dear John letter I got last week. Dearly want to get back but the passage of time makes the idea of a full break less painful. Tempted to post the Dear John letter!
Do it here please, I'm really curious now
DAs simply need to get help, period. It isn't because they are broken and worthless compared to the rest, but their actions ARE very hurtful. People in relationships NEED, it isn't an option, they NEED to feel the reciprocated Love. Anything else is fake and unhealthy.
It honestly is not very caring as a human, when you go into the dating world as a DA, and have these problems. You are going to expect to much and break a lot of hearts.
Get a therapist and talk about your past and feelings if you are a DA. A relationship is a two way street.
They suck at relationship so maybe just keep them as fwb that shows up once in a while xD
I am DA trust me...We do miss you, if we truly love you, but we need time to proces it, after 2 montchs, DAs miss you as hell, think of you very often and the more space u give the more we miss.
Thanks Jack!!
You are a very kind DA with a high self awareness and be willing to work on yourself. Not every DA is as kind as you though. Have a better life! :)
This is SO good to hear off a D.A. person and thank you. It REALLY helps. To hear the reason from the other side of things. I'm starting to realise my ex of 9yrs who's just dumped me 2 wks ago is very possibly a D.A. screams it infact. All so sad as we had mostly good times. He jumped on the tiniest of excuses to end us.....
I wonder, will he and does he miss me/us/our dog/old life?.......
Thank you Jack! You give me relief. He was so cruel and mean when he ended things this week, it was like a completely different person 😞
Even when DA is missing me it doesnt change anything cause she will not reach out and doesnt want to work on themselfs and relationship cause she is not even aware about ber issues 🤷♂️. She cares only about herself and her "space"
Missing me/the relationship after **ing around several weeks (rebounding) makes the DA even more attractive. NOT.
I've been in some dark places because of this behaviour.
I don't think, they are just a little different, I think now, they are messed up to the core.
My god, I loved every nanosecond I spent with my DA. When they open up, it's just... The most beautiful person I've met in my life.
Amicably parted ways with her because something prevented us from being together. I could tell she was distraught when I made that decision. We haven't reached out to each other in ten weeks, and I'm not sure if I'll ever hear from her again. It's ok, I guess, but I haven't met anyone else since then whom I connect with on such a deep level. Tough times...
I know how you feels, it helps to better understand yourself, moving on is alot easier when you're a secure and not anxiously attached. Find yourself a securely attached partner, your life will be a ZILLION times better.
Go on then, pick up the phone! You only live once.
I can relate. I just picked up the phone and called him. We are back in contact. I hope it all works out for you. Sending you good thoughts. 🙏🏽
Any updates?
Any update?
It’s sad to consider how little communication tweaks could have made everything easier and smoother. If both parties feel safe, I think this dynamic can work.
I know of a man who can manifest your ex partner back and restore back your broken relationship easily__
He brought back my husband after 7 years of separation and brought us together in peace within 3 days and settle my marital challenges easily
His name is Dr Miracle Gabe,he can also help you out__
''Whts'' App '' Him __
+2348029822204
Wow, that is exactly what I needed from my avoidant ex. I needed him to say how much space he needed instead of just leave me wondering when he was finally gonna contact me...so what did I do, I started chasing and doing a majority of the work to keep the relationship going which led to me being irritable whenever we spent time together. Which led to him pushing me away even more...I wish I saw this before we broke up. :(
There is still hope for you guys. Not all break ups are forever. If your heart tells you to work it out, do so. Give him a little space to sort his feelings and thoughts out. He will call you. Or just call him and talk through it. Life is too short to play games with your own heart. If you truly love this him, give it a shot.
Omg 100% same
They don't give a definitive answer about anything. Mine said I'll hear from him in 6months, 2 or 5 years. I didn't argue or anything. I let him be. Just keep in mind that you need to put yourself first.
10000% same! Omg I went crazy the way how nonchalant he was.
DAs make your unsure if they are DA or a Narc. Your anxious attachment style probs stems from empathy so you think they are a DA. Either way. They will drive you insane. Like for real. The best thing to do as hard as it is...understand your attachment style and learn to let tf go. Don't chase. Just don't. By not chasing and learning about yourself will work in your Favour. The only way through it is THROUGH IT. You got this. It's time babies.
Wish i knew prior and didnt bother.. That honeymoon was my glimmer of hope.
I'm a recovered AP and I suggested to my DA that he was one and he instantly pulled away. We'll see how that goes. My daughter is a DA and I told her and she's embracing it. She even vowed to never get married or have kids. So I wonder if it's so scary for a DA to be in a relationship, then why don't they all choose to be single??
These are DISORDERS, not lifestyle choices.
The DA is anxious at her/ his core and the Anxious is also dismissive deep down.
I know of a man who can manifest your ex partner back and restore back your broken relationship easily__
He brought back my husband after 7 years of separation and brought us together in peace within 3 days and settle my marital challenges easily
His name is Dr Miracle Gabe,he can also help you out__
''Whts'' App '' Him __
+2348029822204
The correct answer is no, they don’t. They don’t have the same emotions we do, or feel them as intensely. You might cross their mind but they do not miss you. They can disappear without a second thought.
Agreed
Exactly! DA's arent nasty people. My ex is a DA as she dumped me out of the blue, a week after saying she loved me. Obviously, i was heartbroken and Obviously, i did a bit of chasing. But i believe she DID love me and although we aint in contact, at the moment, i believe she still cares.
The more i learn about DA's....The more i feel desperately sorry for my ex. She chucked away a fantastic,loving relationship. I wrote and told her that i still want her in my life in whatever way and to contact me when shes in a better place.
This is the hardest thing I have dealt with. I hope he still cares.
😒
Updates?
@@billyb4790 he no longer is part of my life.
I’m a dismissive avoidant and I think you have described me perfectly. You have given me some great tips. Keep the videos coming. Thank you bro 👍🏾
You got it!
It’s been three weeks since the breakup with my DA. He will completely shut down after and argument. I have been studying the behavior of a DA other past year to be able to better know how to handle our attachment styles. I know for sure I have a anxious style. Which is a match made in dysfunctional heaven lol. However I am officially starting No Contact today wish me luck.
Updates?
Any updates on this?
He'll come back. Guys are like that lol
@@silviam.9224 I thought was I replying to you see my comment below
I was a really patient partner. Gave her plenty of space and never was cligny. I was therenwith her when we were together. Gave lots of love. We did have a lot of arguments (misunderstandings) in the end. She just disconnected and left me.
How are the DAs capable of moving so fast like moving in or marrying people they barely know?
avoiding emotions and vulnerability. We were 1 month into the relationship and he was talking about moving together and so on. Projections and love bombing, honeymoon phase
@@alexandrachirila1917 omg same experience
@@alexandrachirila1917 yeah mine was saying i made her want to have more kids. she was talking about us resting and relaxing in old age. they blur the lines between reality and fantasy. That's why they don't really love YOU. They love the projection they've created of you. It's sad and then when you become human as we all are, you aren't worth s***. I'm sorry. It's very tough. I'm over two weeks no contact and it's very difficult to realize what just happened to all of us
He miss me and I miss him after all this time What to do but go on with life
Go on then, pick up the phone! You only live once.
❤️
I LOVE the direct comment to the DA. It's EXACTLY what I needed when it happened to me. He wouldn't end it, he just so I ended it for him.
The irony is I am a fearful avoidant. I LOVE space. It's probably why I liked him in the first place!
Lol. Free trial version.....I like that. Good analogy my man
I'm extremely missing my DA so much. We've been in a relationship for 9 years and now i haven't heard anything from him for 45days. It's killing me. I don't even know if he still wants us to be together. He started showing DA symptoms since 2019 but i have been ignoring since i thought it was my fault everytime.
Same. What happened with you two after? I'm only on week 4 of no contact, he GHOSTED me just 2 days ago. We've been together for 2 years and was GOOD for the most part, it's heartbreaking, gut-wrenching, and mind-blowing how he can just "suddenly" ghost me. How he can come from TELLING me he wants to marry me and couldn't imagine a life without me AND THEN two weeks later, after some persistent...arguments.. him doing shady things...suddenly self-sabotaging..and avoiding to confront the issue I raised properly - - LED to him telling me that "I think maybe I may have fallen out of...." UM LIKE HUH WHAT...where did that come from! our relationship was good for the most part..like for real. I talked with him about our personalities....attachment styles..tendencies...and it leads to this.. It's so crazy..
I'm trying to focus on healing and "accept" that should he ever reach other.. eventually...that I'll be ready.
@@Juju-tw7we how are you?
@@sharramarieinocencio4863 I’ve been wiped out everywhere social media etc. haven’t heard from
him for 2 months. What about you
@@Juju-tw7we haven't heard anything from him for 3 months already except last feb 12, he greeted me a happy birthday and wished me well. But since we know that DAs communicate their feelings indirectly, based on my assessment on his text message, he is breaking up with me. I'm not 100% sure about this but I have set my mind that i need to heal from him and and that i need to focus on myself. Forgiveness isn't something we give only when someone offers an apology. What if he would never do that?
From now on, i will treat confusion or indirect messages as No. Communication is a bare minimum in relationships. And if he doesn't communicate, i don't think we still need to work things out.
@@sharramarieinocencio4863 Mine is an FA actually. He blocked me everywhere and never gave an explanation or goodbye. After 2 good years. I’m trying to recover from the deep long-lasting damage
Man! Did anyone’s DA ex come back? I’m missing my man so much but doing my best to give him the space he left me for after 4 years together. This is tough... was hoping for some positive news 😕
I know of a man who can manifest your ex partner back and restore back your broken relationship easily__
He brought back my husband after 7 years of separation and brought us together in peace within 3 days and settle my marital challenges easily
His name is Dr Miracle Gabe,he can also help you out__
''Whts'' App '' Him __
+2348029822204
Hi. Any updates on this? I'm currently going through the same thing right now. I'm extremely missing my DA so much. We've been in a relationship for 9 years and now i haven't heard anything from him for 45days. It's killing me. I don't even know if he's still want us to be together. He started showing DA symptoms since 2019 but i have been ignoring since i thought it was my fault everytime.
My DA boyfriend of 9 months texted “I need a break” a month ago and I texted “okay I understand.” After 30 days of no contact, I texted “did you mean a break up? I was worried about you but didn’t want to bother you. Hope you’re doing okay.” Nothing and that was two days ago…
What do I do? Just let go? We were discussing me moving in and having kids together 🤷🏻♀️
Any updates?
@@sukiarts I ended up waiting five days and he never responded, so I sent him a text saying I didn't think it was cool how this ended, but how I would like to text for closure and to exchange belongings. He said when he was free. We met up and he was super cold and didn't speak a word.
Two months later, I decided to move cross-country to be closer to my family. A week after I made my decision (4 months after he and I broke up), I ran into my ex's brother and sister-in-law. They said their whole family was confused and my ex had not spoken to anyone about why we had broken up.
They must have mentioned something to him because two weeks later, right as I was about to move he reached out questioning where we went wrong. He wanted to meet for dinner so I did go.
He basically just sat there the whole time telling me he made the biggest mistake of his life, and he has no idea why he did this, the grass is not greener, etc. He said he has done this in relationships past as well but this was the worst case. I reminded him of what I had told him about dismissive avoidance.
I'm glad we met up because I did see he regretted it, but I didn't see him seeking out therapy or ways to help himself or change. I went forward with my move. I still love the guy and have not moved on, but refuse to put myself through that again without tangible action on his part.
@@sarahstevenson8155 I'm sorry to hear that. Thanks for taking the time to share your update.
He literally self-sabotaged the relationship and was feeling shame and guilt until someone called him out on his behavior. But still not making improvements or seeking professional help after all this time feels very immature of him.
Hope you can heal from this wound, and he wakes up to not circle around breaking people's hearts.
@@sarahstevenson8155That’s horrible sorry, that really is dismissive avoidant behavior.
I really believe it’s a form of mental illness.😕
So you have to expect this to happen again. And decide if you are fine with it or not if it does happen regularly. I really believe it’s a brain issue.
Hi Coach Court, you know I appreciate your content, has helped me a lot in recent months, I just noticed when I was with a particular "avoidant" he'd search (monkey-branch perhaps is the term) for someone to fill his emotional and physical needs when I was away at work, school, hanging out with friends, etc. I didn't look for anyone while he was at work or when he had his kids, but he said he "couldn't stand to be alone or he'd feel lonely," that double-standard took it's toll after the break-up. I went NC, strict NC, but he'd keep popping up then filling a 'void' with others, texted him months ago it couldn't continue like this ... I tried to be empathetic, esp this year, after two years of these DA games but had to call it.
What's evil is she ghosted me one day after 4 years together she won't say any thi g
Excellent content
Oh wow you rock man! Cheers from Paris
Hey coach my ex is a dismissive avoidant and he ghost me about month in a half ago, i text him yesterday he seemed so sad and scared he also had a panic issues cause of alot of problems in his life he told me he think of talk with a therapist but he didn't, i feel little sad cause he never mentioned me or apologized or anything i feel like i was the only one how was struggling with our break up, should i give him space? What should i do
Let him go dear, he’s not gonna do the work, trust me.
Also, the relationship you had is gone, will never be the same, and if you take another chance do you really think he’s going to be accountable about all his wrongdoings and your suffering? He will never be able to do the job.
Every day that passes means the trust is more broken for you. Even if you don’t notice it.
Let him go for good and heal.
My dismissive avoiding the one I love was molested by her female babysitter babysitter at the age of 7 and later on raped at the age of 15 by a male friend. And has very controlling domineering holocauterParents who are in the church ministry for themselves. So she has a lot of conflicting emotions within herself because she's a round Christian philosophy but she was not protected in that way. So when we became close and eventually a couple and 2020 when we finally hit the point of true intimacy she ran we got back together the following year and when we hit the same point again she ranAnd during that time my spiritual growth has been immense and I have been learning all the things I need to know toBe an effective partner for her because she is the one for me I too have my own reasons for being anxiousFrom my own childhood.
Going on a month and a half of no contact with my DA ex she blocked me on everything and only reached out to me to bitch and beg for an item back that I didn’t even know I had. This item cost less than 15$ they’ve gone so far as to block me from even their Spotify account. This sucks because they are aware I are about them and live them but they don’t care about me or love me anymore. I want to give up, but I can’t get my heart to let go.
Any update?
Is 3 months too long for NC with a DA? She broke up with me
My DA asked me "How are you holding up?" after a month of no contact. (I broke up with him. We are in LDR for 3 years. Relationship is quite good, have all the ups and down. But lately I know that we both hurt each other alot. But I do miss him and if he is willing I wanna work things out) what's hard is that he is a Stoic.
I replied and he just replied back "Okay. Sounds good. Same2" what does that even mean coach?
Help plssss. 😭 I'M an AP by the way.
MariaElsa Gestoso it means he cares for you and was just checking in. Why didn’t you keep the conversation going?
@@IamCoachCourt omg! You did reply!! Thank youuu.
I'm afraid he's just checking on me so that he won't feel guilty in some ways? But I really wanted to say sorry for saying some harsh words when I was in pain. I didn't mean it.
Awww thank you for replying. This means a lot coach. I've been binge watching your videosss. 😭😭
MariaElsa Gestoso If you need to reach out to apologize so that you can find closure and be able to forgive yourself, I would encourage it!
Thank you for watching my videos Elsa! ❤️
Another great video. Thank you Coach Court! 👍🏽
Well I'm blocked everywhere after 7 years together I hope so she told me that she wasn't happy and wants me to be happy and to let her go :(
Gogeta05 that’s horrible for you. I hope that everything works out. I’m in same position and best advice that I’ve had is to start to concentrate on myself by exercising and self care and love. Also recommend The Dating Guys videos, he’s very good too. Don’t try to date again too early either as your heart won’t be in it.. love to you.
We broke up two months ago and I went no contact
Yesterday he (my DA ex) send me a meme
I didnt reply, but I dont know what to do.
The meme was something funny about our age gap.
Need some coaching?!
@@IamCoachCourt I do!!!
Don't talk to this person. They selfish
Did you want to get back with him? Any update?
Needed to hear this 🙌🏾🖤
Thanks for being a member. Don't forget to email me for the weekly coaching zoom!
This was incredibly helpful. Thank you!
🥰 thank you! You’re very welcome
We've been dating for 9 months. He's dismissive avoidant and he broke up with me 5 weeks ago. We've been in contact during these 5 weeks. I've finally started no contact period 4 days ago 😅 Do you think NC could still work or I should've done it right after the break up?
Do not stop NC. It will help YOU to heal, focus on yourself, love yourself.
His actions speaks more than words, and the hard part is you cannot get true validation from him, that’s you! You must validate and decide when it’s time to leave for good.
NC is the key for YOU. forget about him, don’t give him more power upon you
After dating for 9 years I had enough. But I miss him terribly! We broke up for a year. He was introduced to someone 2 months later and had an 8 month relationship. She broke up with him
I called him a year later. We have been seeing each other. But I have to call him. He does n not reach out to me unless I call or text him first which in that case he always makes time to see me. when I asked him if he wanted to try to get back together he said he didn't know yet, he needs more time to think about it and be with me before he makes that decision. When we are together I keep it light and no pressure and we laugh and have fun I don't understand why he won't reach out to me and it makes me feel like I am chasing him all the time. if he didn't want to see me I feel he could make many excuses when I asked but he always seems to make the time to get together like once a week at this point. Should I keep reaching out to him? Friends have said to wait and let him reach out to me but I feel like he might not reach out
You deserve someone who will put in effort equally. Love should be easy, we dont HAVE TO suffer.
I was in a relationship with DA for ten years. Unfortunately he was also neglectful narcissist. We had an argument and discarded me five months ago. He would only see me once per two weeks .I learned to respect myself!
Thank you. I needed this
🙏🏾🙏🏾
is it normal that i am secure and i was able to identify that he was avoidant after 2 to 3 weeks.. i didn't have to wait for 90 days to find out..
You've got great discernment!
@@IamCoachCourt oh thank you Lord. to think he was improving every week with showing up and communicating but those days was just too exhausting for me. I do love him but I told him I can't go on coz of self respect. He still not responding my decision but just seen zone for a week. He never agreed and disagreed of the break up. weird and still checks my social media and stories.
@@sheLL0811 that’s pretty common. They tend to go emotionally numb
@@IamCoachCourt oh okay. i'll just leave him alone.
She is 17 years younger and has daddy issues . She had a crush on me since we first met 6 years ago. But our relationship was platonic She always thought i am a womaniser . We came together finally in january . She fell in love with me and started to talk about marriage.I had never had such a chemistry before. And she never felt like this before . I know that. She was insecure . I pushed her away . Made her cry . She broke up with me .I apologised . She was very cold with me and refused to change her mind .She said "u broke my heart, i never expected u would do this to me ". I went no contact . She knows i like tough girls . And she is really tough.
Shall i continue with NC or shall i pursue her since she has trust - daddy issues ?
These are labeled as narcissist
Its the 3rd time he ghosts me, out of nowhere again!
I know of a man who can manifest your ex partner back and restore back your broken relationship easily__
He brought back my husband after 7 years of separation and brought us together in peace within 3 days and settle my marital challenges easily
His name is Dr Miracle Gabe,he can also help you out__
''Whts'' App '' Him __
+2348029822204
Does it mean anything significant if my ex keeps activating and deactivating his page? I’ve been in no contact for 13 days and he blocked me on the 13th day for no reason, we weren’t even following each other
I know of a man who can manifest your ex partner back and restore back your broken relationship easily__
He brought back my husband after 7 years of separation and brought us together in peace within 3 days and settle my marital challenges easily
His name is Dr Miracle Gabe,he can also help you out__
''Whts'' App '' Him __
+2348029822204
That will never happen :)))
Hello coach! I really and desperately need coaching from you!!
Send me an email.. Courtney@fruitfulseedz.com
@@IamCoachCourt thank you so much for replying!
Brilliant! Thanks
I know of a man who can manifest your ex partner back and restore back your broken relationship easily__
He brought back my husband after 7 years of separation and brought us together in peace within 3 days and settle my marital challenges easily
His name is Dr Miracle Gabe,he can also help you out__
''Whts'' App '' Him __
+2348029822204
I don't miss my DA ex however it is there birthday soon, do I send a card? I don't want them to think I'm interested though
Any update?
@@silviam.9224 Oh, I did send the card, he text be thanks from a random number (to save face), I then got a email 6 months later to see how I was doing which I ignored.
Is there a way to contact you?
www.fruitfulseedz.com
I wish my husband could listen that video smh
Forward it haha
It might seems difficult trust me she can help you get whatever your heart desires
I know of a man who can manifest your ex partner back and restore back your broken relationship easily__
He brought back my husband after 7 years of separation and brought us together in peace within 3 days and settle my marital challenges easily
His name is Dr Miracle Gabe,he can also help you out__
''Whts'' App '' Him __
Is a DA a narcissist ?
no
but if they leave do not contact them if they love you theyll come back
Kind of though, since they focus on themselves wayy more and have lower empathy than the average Person.